For the 5th of @crash-that-helicopter-week Tommy's Coma Dream. Part 1 (I hope to finish all parts by Thursday). Part 2 , Part 3 and Part 4.
Tommy wakes up alone in a bed that isn't his. The room has the curtains drawn, and as he gets up, there's a bell ringing in his head, it’s telling him that something is wrong, but also familiar. Next to the headboard, on a nightstand, is a wedding ring and a teacup. Tommy ignores it. He goes to what appears to be the bathroom.
"What?" He exclaims as he looks at himself in the mirror.
It's his reflection, but his face looks a little different, younger. Softer expression lines, less gray hair. He needs a shave, and his hair is a little longer too. Tommy is so confused.
He wanders, still confused, until he reaches the living room, and it's like being hit by a scene from the past. He recognizes this place, but it's been years. Tommy is in Abby's mother's place. The last time he was here, at least, he and Abby had come to visit Patricia for dinner. Shortly after, he would end their engagement, and a few months later he learned that Abby had moved there after discovering Patricia's diagnosis. Remembering now, he thinks he should have recognized the signs.
Tommy hesitantly begins to walk around the place. Everything seems so quiet and lonely. Like a haunted house, he thinks.
"Hello? Abby?" Tommy tries, fearing to get an answer.
He doesn't believe he's going to see her, or at least he hopes not. He's been avoiding facing those years for a long time, when he thought he could build his whole life on a lie, and Tommy knows that Abby paid for it. Just like Buck, indirectly.
The apartment remains silent as if he were the only living being there. When he turns to one of the shelves, Tommy freezes. His heart must have stopped for a second. Decorating the shelves are a series of framed photos of him and Abby. Some from when they started dating, others from their engagement, photos that Tommy hadn't seen in years... And then two that he had never seen and that he could swear never existed: him and Abby at their wedding. The ceremony that never happened.
"What the fuck?!" Tommy practically shouts again.
He doesn't have much time to sink into this thought, or consider whether he's trapped in one of his nightmares, because a phone starts ringing somewhere. Tommy takes a while to locate it, but then finds it inside a backpack, the same one he's used for years to carry things to work.
"Hello?" He answers without knowing what to expect.
"Tommy! Are you on your way? Have you stopped by that bakery near your house, the one with the chocolate and orange muffins? Could you bring some lemon ones too?" Someone speaks without pausing.
Tommy breathes with relief, he recognizes this voice.
"Chimney?"
"Yeah, it's me, your buddy. You were supposed to bring breakfast today, but you're running late."
"Today?" Tommy realizes he still doesn't know 'when' today is.
He looks at his phone.
"This doesn't make sense." Tommy blurts out. On the screen, the date is April 7, 2019.
"Not at all!" Howie agrees. "You're the most punctual person I know! Not even when she— Never mind. So, are you arriving?"
"No." Tommy replies automatically. "Where?"
"At the station? The 118? Where you've worked for almost 15 years?" Howie seems part annoyed and part worried. "Is everything alright, Tommy?"
"I..." Tommy breathes. Maybe it's all a dream, but how to get out of it? Maybe he just has to act accordingly, as we do in some of them. "I won't be able to go to the bakery. I'm not feeling well, actually."
"Are you sick?" Chimney sounds incredulous, but the note of concern that was there before becomes more present now.
"Yeah." He doesn't sound very confident.
Tommy knows he's not a convincing liar, which is ironic, he thinks, since he's kept a lie about himself for more than half his life, but it would be worse if he tried to do a fake mouth static now.
There's no way he's going to show up at the 118 in 2019. Evan started there in 2017. And as much as Tommy wants to see him, he fears not knowing what to do when he finds him there, in Tommy's old house, when the two would have nothing in common except the same ex (if they even still have that in common).
Chimney doesn't seem quite sure what to do after Tommy says he's just going to rest and then go to the doctor if he needs to. In the end, he accepts Tommy's flimsy excuses and hangs up.
*
Almost an half an hour passes, and Tommy remains on the couch, looking at the phone and seeing what he can find out. He sees the record of conversations with Abby. The last message they exchanged was a sort of "I hope you're happy." "Me too." He searches for her name on Facebook and discovers that she's traveling through Europe. This happened in real life, right? But why did he wake up here of all places?
Suddenly, his search is interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the door.
Tommy apprehensively opens it and raises his eyebrows when he sees Hen on the other side.
"Hen?" He says, surprised.
"Good morning?" She says and does not wait for an invitation. She enters the room carrying a shopping bag.
"Chimney was worried, he asked me to keep an eye on you. It's my day off, but I need to be home in 30 minutes or Karen will kill me. So what's wrong?"
She says all this, but doesn't seem angry, just straight to the point. Hen finally stops, leaving the bags on the kitchen counter, and then looks Tommy up and down.
"You seem fine." She points out. "But a little off. What happened? Nightmares? Insomnia? We already told you that staying in this place isn't going to do you any good."
"Yeah, right." Tommy says slowly, then notices the opening. "Why do I live here?"
Hen looks at him again, one eyebrow raised.
"I don't know." She replies, but she seems hesitant before adding. "We told you to move on and move out."
Well that tracks, Tommy thinks, because Hen and Chimney seem like their friends, the kind who are aware of his life. Can he ask?
"I woke up today and there are things I don't quite remember." He says, sounding honest, which he is. "Could you help me?"
"Have you been drinking?" Hen asks, glancing behind him, quickly scanning for any sign of bottles or anything else suspicious. Not so much to his surprise, there are a few scattered on the floor.
"No." Tommy raises his hands, then sounds almost desperate. "I'm just confused, ok?"
Hen thinks about it, but decides to give him what he asked for.
"Your mother-in-law died and Abby," Hen considers what to say next, "well, she wanted to find herself, so she went traveling the world and you're getting divorced, right?"
"Right." He agrees, because what kind of dream is this?
But honest, Tommy can't even be surprised by this. If they had gone through with the marriage, it probably wouldn't have lasted. He was at his breaking point in 2017.
"And I never asked for a transfer after Bobby became captain?"
Hen's eyes widen.
"Not that I know of." She seems offended by the prospect of him hiding this. "Sal, on the other hand, went to the 126. At least before he comes back."
"Wait." An alarm goes off in Tommy's head. "Sal went back to the 118?"
"Sal is our Captain, Tommy. He took over after Bobby Nash died. After the plane crash, remember?"
"And Evan Buckley?" Tommy asks abruptly. An urgency growing in his chest. Because the shock of knowing Bobby is dead can't be separated from the image Tommy has of Buck breaking down alone in an empty hallway.
"Who?" Hen frowns.
Tommy stares at her. Evan moved to LA before 2019. They should at least know him.
"The--" Tommy stumbles over his words, he has to describe who Evan was years ago. "The new guy? Buck?"
"Eddie Diaz is the new guy." Hen informs him, without getting what is bothering him.
And then it hits him. Sal left in 2015, two years before Evan started at the 118... He didn't replace Sal, he replaced Tommy. The next hire would only be two years later, when Eddie joined the team.
"He must have gone to another Station," Tommy says to himself. And his face must be making a weird expression.
Because it's all weird. He didn't want to meet Evan in this dream, but now that he doesn't know where he is, where he's gone, and if he's okay, Tommy feels like he's starting to panic for the first time since he woke up here. Bobby was important to Evan, Tommy knows that. What would happen to him without the 118? Without Bobby?
For a moment it's like the lights flicker. He hears a high-pitched sound. He was cold before. He remembers... He can almost feel it again... His balance falters. And then a distant "Tommy!" seems to want to reach him unsuccessfully. Evan.
Tommy leans on the counter and for a moment he feels like he's going to fall. It was as if his body had a different weight; he could almost feel his body from seven years in the future.
"Tommy, you're really not okay." Hen now looks worried. "Do you want a ride to the hospital?"
"No, no. I'll be fine." Tommy says without being sure of it
One thing became clear to him. Tommy needs to know if Evan is okay, if he's happy in this reality. Maybe it doesn't make any difference, but hearing about him, or his absence, seems to have been the only real thing to affect Tommy here.
Before Hen leaves, he decides to test the waters. He needs to know a little more about this version of himself, to know who he can count on.
"Hen? Do you know I'm gay?" Tommy says bluntly.
Hen looks at him as if Tommy had said something in another language. And then she smiles at him, but there's understanding in her gaze.
"I had my suspicions." She says. "But you never said anything like that before."
"I'm not out."
"No." She seems to sympathize with him. "Actually, you still wear your wedding ring. You don't talk about it much."
Tommy nods. He found a version of himself that was buried deeper in the closet and in denial than Tommy ever wanted to be.
"But you don't need to make an announcement," Hen says. "It's not always easy, and I remember how it was when Gerrard was there. Is that what's been bothering you?"
"Kind of," Tommy lies. "But I'll be okay."
Hen then goes to Tommy, puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes.
"You will."
*
After Hen leaves, Tommy spends some time going after information, then calling some people he knows in the department and at Dispatch, which is how Tommy discovers that Maddie doesn't work there. It takes a while, but he manages to get some information. Evan Buckley was assigned to the 144 after leaving the Academy, but he didn't complete his probationary year. Apparently, he was fired. After that, Tommy didn't find much else.
But then Tommy gets another clue. It turns out Maddie is in town. Not as Maddie Han, but as Maddie Buckley. She works as a nurse. Tommy finds some news about Maddie, but other than that, she seems to be doing well.
Tommy was about to go to the hospital to talk to Maddie in person when he realized the easier way out. Evan doesn't have Facebook, but he does have Instagram. Tommy has never been much into social media, but Evan is the opposite. He passes through some other Evan Buckleys and finally finds his Evan. He still uses the nickname he got at the Academy, but his account is different. "Buck," and his Instagram is basically a thirsty trap. There he is, the "Buck 1.0" he'd vaguely heard of. The person Evan was before he had the first "most transformative relationship” of his life with Abby. Which Tommy suspects never happened here. To Tommy's surprise, even though it's not June, Evan's bio has a little flag and a description that includes the words "bi and proud." So this Evan must have discovered himself earlier. Jealousy rises in Tommy's stomach.
Maybe there's another man, who didn't ruin his chance with Evan because he felt insecure, or because he was afraid of having his heart broken and then made sure it did happen like an idiot.
From the posts, Tommy also finds out that Evan is working in some bars and clubs, sometimes as a bartender and sometimes as a DJ, which seems like something new for Evan's catalog of professions.
Like a good stalker, Tommy Kinard already knows where to find this version of Evan Buckley tonight. From the photos he looks fine, but Tommy needs to be sure. That’s all.
He gets up to leave and hesitates for a moment, and then the lights start flickering again. He was in the middle of the water, he remembers... He managed to get out, but he was so tired... and bleeding... His head starts to ache again.
"Tommy! Don't leave me, ok? Stay!" The voice is familiar.It's so desperate!
Someone will break. Something has already broken…
When Tommy comes back to himself, it's as if nothing happened. He's not wet or bleeding. He doesn't feel his lungs choking. But one word still echoes in his head with desperate longing.
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When approaching this storyline, Ferrigno Jr. looked to one of last year’s most memorable television episodes. The Last of Us Season 1 Episode 3 was a masterpiece of an hour, and it profoundly impacted the actor and his approach to the closing moments of 9-1-1 Season 7 Episode 4. “I saw that, and I was blown away,” Ferrigno Jr. says of The Last of Us episode. “Because it had nothing to do with them, it was two souls connecting, and so many analogies ran through my head. He’s learning to walk, but it’s this love. Chad Lowe, who directed the episode, brought that up, and he said it was a smart decision for me to do... It’s time just to be a tender, vulnerable guy. And I was working on Tommy, connecting with Buck in a real moment, similar to Nick Offerman in The Last of Us. And honestly, it was beautiful...” — Lou Ferrigno Jr. Talks Return to 9-1-1, Tommy’s Past & New Romance
↳ for @26-cats-in-a-trenchcoat 🐱🧥💕
I don't have the spoons to make this pretty so I'm bullet pointing this 😅😅😅 may elaborate someday but you know how that goes...
anyway, in trying to be succinct i somehow did the opposite, so this is to be continued...🤦
shortly after starting at Harbor, Tommy joins a gym
he's toying with the idea of signing up for a dating app or two--he doesn't know if he's ready yet, but he should probably have a few photos for his profile for when he is ready
One day, after his workout, he takes an embarrassing amount of selfies in the mirror in front of the free-weights--he can't seem to get any he likes (maybe because he has no idea what other guys are attracted to)
He notices--in the reflection of the mirror--somebody watching him and the guy is hot. When their eyes meet, the guy smiles and ducks his head.
Tommy's heart pounds as he watches the guy get up from the leg extension machine and walk over to him
"Sorry," the guy says, "I couldn't help but notice"--he gestures towards Tommy's phone in his hand--"do you want me to take some for you?"
Tommy blushes. "Was my need for help that obvious?"
The guy smiles and shrugs. "I don't think anybody else was looking at you. Not that they wouldn't! I mean, you're, you know--" he gestures at Tommy
Tommy doesn't know and he wishes he would elaborate, but he never does.
"I'm Evan, by the way," he says as he holds his hand out for Tommy's phone.
"Tommy," is all he says as he hands over his phone.
Evan tells Tommy where to stand and how to pose and Tommy feels on display and he doesn't hate it--not when it's Evan looking at him.
When Evan makes a frustrated noise as he takes another photo, Tommy feels shame flood his veins. "Not good?"
Evan puts his hand on Tommy's arm. "No, you're perfect, Tommy, it's the camera--what is this, the first iPhone?
Tommy laughs. "You're not far off."
Evan shakes his head. "Here, let me take them on mine instead and I'll send them to you."
Tommy's helpless to say anything but "okay"
Evan compliments Tommy's body as he moves Tommy into the poses he wants him in and he takes 5 photos that meet his approval
He shows Tommy and Tommy agrees they're much better than any he took on his own.
Evan asks for his number and Tommy's brain goes offline for a few seconds until he realizes. "Oh, right, for the photos."
Evan sends him the photos and says, "well, you have my number now if you ever want to work out together."
"Yeah, you too."
"See you around, Tommy."
Tommy saves Evan's number in his phone
A few days later, Buck is looking at Tommy's photos in his phone. Should he delete them? Would Tommy want him to? Is it weird if he keeps them? For body inspiration of course
He texts Tommy and just asks: I didn't get a chance to ask you about your gym routine...maybe next time? Is it cool if I keep your pics for inspiration?
[cue Tommy's brain melting out of his ears. inspiration??]
Tommy texts back, yeah that's cool
Buck sends him a thumbs up and a thanks, man and saves his favorite one as Tommy's contact
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buck/tommy, 3.2k, explicit, cock warming and body worship
Tommy's a really interesting guy. He flies helicopters and he reads old mystery novels in bed and trashy sci-fi when he's lounging on the couch. He has hobbies that range from karaoke trivia to Muay Thai via painting. He likes old cars and he has a pet fish called R.J. MacReady, and a peace lily called Noodles. Once Buck had the references explained to him, he'd insisted they watched both films immediately. Because he is interested.
He's interested in Tommy as a person, is what he's saying. Once he met Abby, and figured out how to want things other than sex, he's always been interested in the people he's dated. Sure, Buck likes sex a lot, likes the thrum of attraction that he felt when he looked at Abby or Ali or Taylor or Natalia, likes the tension that comes from wanting and being wanted. But he was interested in them, too. Their jobs, their hobbies, their thoughts, their pasts, their hopes. And it's the same with Tommy. Buck wasn't kidding, when he sat there with sweaty palms and a nice shirt and the wrong coffee order and the sun in his eyes, and told Tommy that he wanted to change how little they knew about each other.
There’s that reality where Tommy helped save Chimney and Bobby didn’t get infected by the virus, so everyone survived and it was a fresh start for Buck and Tommy to try again; early in Season 9, we saw them building a more solid relationship—being honest with each other and communicating—and midway through that season, they decided to move in together. Now, in Season 10, they’re ready to propose to one another, just waiting for the right moment, which, in their case, doesn't come easily, but eventually does... and the season will end with a wedding.
tagged by @ambernotember, thank you love! i am open-tagging anyone who has something to share.
here's a little more of this
There's a spot on the bolt of his jaw where Tommy's stubble grows in silver. He has it scattered throughout (including in his chest hair, which made Buck feel fucking feral the first time he noticed it), but that one spot, about the size of the top joint of Buck's index finger, is perfectly silver without a single dark hair in sight. Buck likes to press a kiss to it as they part. He's not sure if Tommy knows why, but he always looks suitably charmed by it. He wants to know when the grays started popping up. Wants to know how long he'll have to wait for Tommy to have more salt than pepper in his beard, on his head, in his chest.
Tommy's hand moves slowly, fingertips skimming up and down the length of Buck's spine. The touch makes him shiver pleasurably and Tommy quirks a smile at him that says it didn't go unnoticed. Buck can feel himself flushing a little, manages to scoot ever so slightly closer, wanting the space between them to evaporate, wanting the touch to continue.
Tommy keeps his nails short and neat. One time, Buck showed up early and got to witness Tommy using a pocket knife to clean underneath them.
"I was working in the garage earlier," Tommy had said, apparently misinterpreting the way Buck was watching as anything other than complete fascination. "Oil's a bitch."
Buck thinks he managed not to make a weird gurgling noise, but he definitely made one in his heart. There was something about the easy, practiced movement, the absolute certainty. Because that's another thing. Buck might be a little obsessed with Tommy's body, but he's definitely completely obsessed with the way he uses his body. And yeah, yeah, in the obvious was of course, but also just — Tommy likes to fidget with things, so Buck has a lot of opportunities to watch those big hands in motion.
Buck sometimes finds himself drifting, dwelling on the agile movement of those thick fingers, jolts back to reality thinking about the way Tommy flips a pen before he uses it. He'd bet actual money that Tommy doesn't even realize he does it — that it's just an old, old habit. He wants to learn all those old habits.
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does anyone remember the "buck leaves a series of unhinged voicemails" fic i wrote for crash that helicopter week? yeah, me neither. anyway, it's finished now!
all three chapters available here, 5.4k total, rated t to be on the safe side
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for all the trolls that keep following the bucktommy tag religiously, I present you with a collection of non-AI, non-photoshopped, amazing gifs for your personal enjoyment! (*)
(*) because, deep down, you do ship them, don't you? that's why you can't stop following the tag. it's ok, I understand. Tommy really is that great.
no, not your spumoni @myspumoni - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook
