Shua(g)

That was the reason why you were now sitting at your office’s desk surrounded by piles of books. In attempts to find a flaw, a loophole. Anything to at least delay his fate.

Being a mediator between the magical and the mundane came with certain perks. One was, and you’re sure Joshua knew about this, the ability to temporarily remove any curse or gift within the walls of your workshop. So he would not have to worry about choking on petals or sweating stardust for the time being.

You close the fifth useless book as you massage your temples and let your head rest against the back of your chair. This was proving to be more difficult than you expected. Joshua, who until now was sitting silently at the other end of your desk, shifts on his seat.

“No luck?” He crosses his legs, trying to find a comfortable position. Something that would mask his nervousness. Of course, he fails.

“Fairies have been doing this for a while,” you gesture towards the multiple books. “Every time someone finds something wrong with their contracts they modify them and get better.”

“How did you even manage to get in this situation?” You lean forward, chin resting against one of your hands while the other moves the book in front of you to the side. “I thought your town had a strict no contact policy.”

“They do,” Joshua’s face gets adorned with a gentle smile as he absentmindedly dusts the cover of one of the many books on your desk before picking it up. “Even you, despite being completely human, get the silent treatment from everyone.”

“Oh?” You sit back up slowly. Eyebrows raised at his statement. “Does this somehow have something to do with me?”

It was certainly no news to you that his whole town was not allowed to interact with you. Or at least, no interactions that surpassed the threshold of necessity. You knew and made a point of limiting your visits. To keep the town dwellers less anxious.

Joshua coughs and almost drops the book he was holding. He shifts in his seat once again as his mouth twists in the way it always does when he’s thinking. You wonder if he’s thinking of a believable lie.

“Every month,” He sets the book down and finally looks at you. “You send the apothecary a package. Medicine, ointments, magical herbs that only grow in your garden.”

The jarring sound of his chair sliding against the floor as he gets up doesn’t distract you from noticing the way his hands shake and form fists. He breaks eye contact and looks at the floor.

“You do it every month and yet…” Joshua attempts to take deep breaths. “Tell me when was the last time someone actually talked to you or thanked you for it...”

You open your mouth to make a rebuttal but he stops you.

“Other than me.”

“Joshua,” You get up and walk towards him. Holding his hands when you’re close enough and resting against your desk. He looks at you, sadness and irritation swimming in his eyes.

“I don’t do it for recognition or to have them be indebted to me. It’s just my duty as the mediator, it’s okay if they don’t want to get involved with me.”

You try to give him a reassuring smile, thumbs tracing small circles against his hands. In all honesty, you can see why he’s mad. You used to get irritated at the whole situation in the beginning too. Sure it was your job to provide the surrounding towns with your wisdom and products but having most of them blatantly ignore you despite all of it… It hurt.

Eventually, you got used to it. The joy of being able to help them is bigger than the pain of being ignored. Besides, not all of them act as if you don’t exist. A few people here and there still talk with you or give you small thank you gifts. One of them being Joshua himself. It might not happen often but it does.

“First of all,” Seungkwan pushed the plate of food to the side. His elbows propped on the table and hands holding his chin. “Promise you won’t get mad.”

Just when you were about to reply, a few knocks on your door interrupted you. The flash of panic in Seungkwan and Seokmin faces made you raise an eyebrow. “You don’t have to open the door-”

But it was too late. In front of you stood Kwon Soonyoung with a bouquet of roses. The same Kwon Soonyoung you’ve been trying to avoid for weeks after you kissed him at a party. A party where you had been too intoxicated to even walk back to your own apartment. The only reason you had managed to avoid Soonyoung thus far was because you had different schedules. And he didn’t know where you lived.

He didn’t know where you lived. Yet there he was, flowers in hand and smiling at you. So of course you did what any rational person would. You slammed the door closed and turned back towards your two friends.

“You told him where to find me?!”

You were not screaming but your tone still made them flinch. As Seokmin was trying to calm you down, you could see Seungkwan crawling under the table. To put some distance between him and you. Soonyoung’s voice called your name from the other side of the door and suddenly everything was just too much.

A glare was all it took for both of your friends to nod and make their exit, leaving your door open and allowing for a confused Soonyoung to peek through. You let yourself fall onto your couch once again. 

“Come in.” You said as one of your arms flew up to shield your eyes and you took a couple of deep breaths. The realization of being alone with Soonyoung had your heart picking up its speed.

“Are you okay? Should I leave?” Soonyoung’s voice was soft and unsure. So different from his usual boisterous demeanor that it made you peek at him from under your arm. He had placed the roses on your table and his smile had been replaced by a small pout.

You sighed and sat up properly before tapping the seat next to you. Soonyoung made his way to you, biting his lip while taking hesitant steps. A small laugh escaped your mouth. He was being so cautious but a part of you was grateful. Whether he did it to avoid being kicked out or because he noticed you were stressed you still appreciated his thoughtfulness.

A few minutes passed without either of you speaking. You could see Soonyoung fidgeting with his fingers in the corner of your eye.

“I’m sorry… for avoiding you and all.”

Soonyoung’s head snapped up with the sound of your voice. His hopeful eyes made you feel the blood rushing to your face and you looked away. However, he remained silent, waiting for you to keep talking.

“I just…” you rubbed the back of your neck with an unsure hand. “I just didn’t know…”

Soonyoung grabbed your free hand slowly, as if expecting you to pull away. So when you didn’t he couldn’t help but smile. His thumb started to gently trace lines over your knuckles. “Do you regret it?”

“You mean kissing you? No! I just… once I realized I did it I wasn’t sure of what to do.”

You could feel Soonyoung shifting in his seat. Aligning his body towards you. When you looked up at him, he was still smiling. “Well, for starters, you could have not ran away and almost get yourself killed by tripping on the stairs.”

The blush on your face deepened and you weren’t sure if you wanted to laugh or push him to stop teasing you. You tried to pull your hand away to cover your face but Soonyoung held onto it. Seeing your reaction, he let out a hearty laugh.

“You know I actually had forgotten about that part.”

Soonyoung placed his hand on your cheek when you tried to look away again. His contagious smile has you smiling back at him despite your embarrassment. You only notice how close to you he is until your noses bump against each other.

“So,” Soonyoung stops for a second, gaze dropping to look at your lips. “Would you run away if I kiss you now?”

The faint sound of a laugh that is too familiar reaches him. It makes his insides twist, his palms sweat. He uses all his self control to not run, to not seek for it. The last time he heard that laugh was in the middle of a summer too long ago. A faint breeze sweeping through the half open window and a mess of entangled limbs on the bed. Despite the high temperature Mingyu felt comfortable. Closed eyes and lips against skin, your skin. He remembers mumbling something about forever. The word ‘love’ heavy on his lips. He didn’t say it but thinks you understand anyway. If the way you laughed and hold him closer is any indication of.

It’s not summer anymore. The faint traces of winter fading with each passing day to give way for spring. New beginnings blooming like the flowers at the park he visits way too often. It’s not summer.

He finds you anyway, easy smiles and hair shorter than what he remembered, leaning against the kitchen counter. Mingyu stands in the doorway. He waits until you notice, until you start walking towards him after giving Jeonghan a quick parting hug. You stand in front of him and Mingyu feels like the years haven’t passed at all. He feels just like he did at the beginning of that summer. The butterflies in his stomach. The way you look at him. The pang in his chest telling him this is no coincidence, that him being there is a consequence of all the pulls on the strings fate is so fond of.

Mingyu feels like laughing, crying, and screaming all at once. Part of him wants to hold you, entangle your fingers with his hair and kiss you senseless. Another side of him wants to see you crying, to break you the same way he broke when you left him without a word in the middle of a night too hot for him to notice your body was not there anymore. But Mingyu reminds himself that it’s not summer.

So you two talk. Like two old friends, you and Mingyu catch up on each other’s lives. You tell him about your job, complain about your coworkers and the amount of overtime you always end up having. He tells you about the three months he lived with Minghao and all the times he coerced Mingyu into being a model for his designs. With every change of topic Mingyu finds it harder to keep his feelings at bay. He wants to ask about that night. Ask about the thoughts running through your head before you left. Whether you cried yourself to sleep the following weeks just like he did. Most of all, Mingyu wants to ask if you ever loved him.

However, it’s still too early for heavy topics and unresolved feelings. And so, Mingyu lets you slip between his fingers when you get too carried away in a conversation with Junhui after he comes and shows you a picture of his friend’s new cat.

After a couple of hours mingling around, Mingyu makes his way to the backyard. It’s when he lets out a heavy sigh while looking at the stars that you find him. The distant echoes of music and conversations almost make him miss the way you say his name. He doesn’t turn around, doesn’t tear his gaze away from the cloudless sky.

“The weather is really nice.”

Mingyu lets out a small laugh at your comment. The air around him feels heavy. Questions and promises forming a lump in his throat. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you’re also looking at the sky. Before he has the chance to say anything, you speak again.

“Remember that night at the beginning of summer?”

You don’t need to elaborate for Mingyu to know. Nostalgia hits his heart like an unrelenting wave, memories foaming up inside him. Of course he remembers.

He remembers a party, loud music and sweaty bodies. The bitter taste of alcohol on his tongue and the scent of your hair lingering around him. Mingyu had only known you for a few weeks and yet he was so enamoured with you. He wanted to hold you close, memorize the texture of your body and the sound of your voice. He wished to be the one you longed for when you were apart, to be the one that made you laugh. The night you’re referring to was the night he finally gathered the courage to hold your hand and pull you into a kiss under the moonlight.

A faint breeze caresses his cheeks. The ghost of entangled limbs and lips against skin make Mingyu feel dizzy. His gaze, heavy with traces of the past, drops to the ground. “How could I forget?”

“You asked me out that night and I was so scared,” your voice is something barely above a whisper. It feels like the times when you used to whisper insecurities against Mingyu’s chest. Tone coated with a specific type of uncertainty. Mingyu looks at you, he wants to hug you but he also wants to hear what you have to say. Your hands fidget with the hem of your shirt. “...but I still said yes.”

“That day too,” you stop for a second and take a deep breath. “I was scared, so I left.”

“Scared of what?”

You look at Mingyu and give him a weak smile. “Love.”

And with that Mingyu understands. He understands your thought process, the doubts and fears that might have crossed your mind that day. All the years he spent wondering why and he never considered that possibility. The reason you left without a word was not because you didn’t love him, but because you loved him too much.

He holds your hand carefully, afraid that you would pull away at any moment. You don’t. Instead, you go a step further and entangle your fingers with his. Mingyu is nervous, his heart pounding loudly against his chest. He doesn’t fully know what to make out of the whole situation. He knows, however, that he is willing to try again if you let him.

“What about now?” He takes a step closer. Mingyu observes every detail about you, the arch of your lips, the slight shake of your breath. “Are you still scared?”

You nod and Mingyu feels his insides collapse. His chest feels hollow and he can notice his eyes watering so he closes them. He doesn’t see the way you bite your lip or the resolve in your eyes. He’s about to turn away when you pull him towards you. Your familiar warmth reaches every inch in his body.

“But I still want to try again.”

Jihoon is the first one to enter. He shoots you a quick glare before making his way through the room with ease. You almost stop him to apologize but an arm wrapping around your shoulders keeps you in place.

“What took you so long, did you fall asleep?” Jeonghan’s teasing tone makes you huff a second time. His face is just an outline but you’re sure he’s smiling. You poke at the general direction of his ribs and he steps away. You don’t get to taste your victory over the trickster before another silhouette steps in between you.

“Stop it Jeonghan, not everyone is like you.”

You bite your lip, the threat of a laugh in the back of your throat. Seungcheol shakes his head slightly. It only happened once, is what you make out of a mumbling Jeonghan as he walks away. The whisper of your name brings your attention back to Seungcheol.

“Are the others back yet?”

You relay all new information, which is not much, to Seungcheol. After all, the nights have been rather peaceful since you entered the seemingly deserted town. Aside from the cute dog you and Vernon found that morning, there wouldn’t be any news until Soonyoung’s team comes back to your makeshift base.

Seungcheol sighs while one of his hands pushes his messy hair backwards. You know he’s on edge. It’s why he sent Soonyoung’s team out that night too. The town is too quiet, too empty. Sometimes no news is also bad news.

It’s only after Seungcheol relieves you from your watch that you wonder about the remaining member of the team. A hand around your wrist pulls you softly and guides you around. You follow in silence.

The light of Seokmin’s flashlight blinds you for a second. He apologizes when he sees you frown as your eyes try to adjust to the environment. You brush it off.

“How did everything go?”

Seokmin looks at you with an unreadable expression. His backpack is on the ground and he seems to be holding something in his hands. He takes half a step towards you. The warm light gives his skin a glowing look and you can’t help the way your heart jumps in your ribcage.

You raise a questioning eyebrow at him when he tells you to close your eyes. When you ask why, he doesn’t tell. Instead, he gives you a smile in what you think is his best attempt at being reassuring. A couple of minutes where you try to read his expression go by. Seokmin chuckles.

“Come on, close your eyes,” he whines and pouts at you in a dramatic way. This time both of you laugh. When you look at Seokmin again his face is closer and you can almost feel his breathing fanning your face. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you.” And you do. So you comply with his request and close your eyes.

The sound of a wrapper being torn open is all you can hear before you feel something mildly hard push against your lips. The smell of chocolate fills your nose and you take a small step back. You open your eyes again to find Seokmin standing in the middle of the room, hand stretched out and a piece of chocolate between his fingers.

“Surprise?”

His surprised expression almost makes you let out a big laugh before remembering that the others are sleeping in the next room. So you settle with gently slapping Seokmin’s forearm. He fakes a hurt expression before smiling back at you.

“Where did you even find that?” You take the chocolate he’s offering you and pop it into your mouth without hesitation. The piece is a bit melted from Seokmin’s hold but you don’t care. Seokmin sits on the floor as he breaks another piece from the chocolate bar and eats it.

When you sit next to him he tells you about how he and the team found a worn down convenience store on their way back. He tells you how Seungcheol told everyone to keep their distance until they could return with the full group. How he snuck into the store anyway and grabbed the first thing he could find.

“You need to be careful,” the words are a mixture of worry and chocolate. Nonetheless, Seokmin understands what you’re trying to say. He scoots closer to you and pokes at the frown on your face.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

You lost track. Avoiding to count was difficult at first but it’s your only source of relief. If you counted, the situation would be unbearable.

Not that it’s bearable right now. You think as your chin rests on your hand. The buzz of your phone almost goes unnoticed. You prefer to ignore it anyway. The contents of the message already floating in your mind. Excuses. Seems like it’s all you get nowadays.

The snowy landscape fills you with memories. Nostalgia claws at your throat. You wash it down with a sip of cheap wine.

___

Jun’s hand feels warm on your own. He runs and laughs in front of you as you try your best to pull him back. The floor is slippery and dangerous. He laughs once again when you voice your thoughts. Runs even faster.

You two collapse on the snow after a few minutes. Jun covers his face as he gasps for breath. You would have never imagined to be hanging around with someone like Wen Junhui. Being neighbors meant that you got to listen to every complaint, every temper tantrum, every prank.

The 11 year old on the snow next to you is annoying at best. Rowdy and careless. Somehow you also find him eye catching, endearing.

Your mom had showed disapproval when you first asked her to go out to play with him. She conceded anyway, persuaded by his mother. Perhaps, being friends will make him be more mature, it’s what his mother had said. It didn’t. You kept playing with him anyway.

___

The soft bass of your favorite song thumps inside your ribcage as you sit in the living room of an unknown house. Your mind feels like a cloud. The couch dips next to you and an arm wraps around your bare shoulders. Your eyes open to a smiley Jun.

“Are you okay?” He screams against your ear and you have to pull away a bit. He’s 17 now but still as loud as when you first met him. His carefree laugh can be heard over the music. Or so you think. Maybe you’re just so used to hear him laugh.

Before you can answer his question someone else speaks. Voice almost as loud as Jun’s. You try to pay attention to Soonyoung’s drunk babble. You almost manage to make out whatever he’s trying to say, until your concentration is interrupted by Jun’s thumb drawing small circles on your shoulder. 

A shiver runs through your spine as Jun whispers the words let’s go into your ear. Your mind is no longer a cloud, not when his hand grounds you as he takes you upstairs.

He kisses you with your back pressed against the wall. Mouth needy and hands on your hips. It’s not your first kiss but it somehow feels different, new. Your own hands grasp at his hair when Jun’s mouth travels down your neck.

His hands awake a series of pants and repressed moans. They make him impatient. You bite him playfully when his lips travel back to your own. A mischievous smirk playing on his handsome features as he guides you to the bed.

He’s still too rowdy and careless, but you don’t mind.

___

The days after your high school graduation are bittersweet to say the least. Especially as you had learned a few weeks back that you and Jun were attending separate universities. Even more so because his was a good 4 hours away from your place.

Admittedly, you cried when you learned about it. Both in front of him and by yourself. You two have been together for so long that thinking about one of you leaving made you feel empty. 

“Let’s always be together,” is what Jun tells you on the last day as you both lay down on the bed, your bed, holding hands. He finished packing a few hours ago. You have been talking about everything and nothing since then. The topic of your relationship avoided until that moment.

You wonder if it’s possible. The fear of your relationship eroding with distance and time the only thing on your mind. Unsure eyes meet with bright ones. Jun kisses you softly and holds you close. None of you say anything else.

He leaves that same evening. You fall asleep by yourself to memories of snow and the warmth of his hand.

___

You pick up your phone hurriedly the second time it rings. Jun’s annoyance meets you on the other side. Apologies for missing his first call start to flow through your lips like water. He sighs and tells you it’s okay.

The conversation is the same as always. Playing catching up feels boring after the first 100 times. You endure it just because it’s him.

After 30 minutes you notice he sounds tired. He tells you it’s midterms week and you feel guilty for taking his study time away from him. You tell him as much and he laughs, denies it right away. Somehow, it sounds different than before.

You start to wonder if this is okay. If things are working.

“I’m visiting again next weekend.”

Your heart jumps and you almost fall from your chair. Afterall, the last time he was able to visit was almost two months ago. You voice fake suspicion and he laughs. Gets loud when he tries to convince you he’s telling the truth. For a moment he sounds like the Junhui you know.

“...so, will you wait for me?”

Jun tells you he loves you before he hangs up. Those simple words are enough to dissipate any of your doubts.

___

The first thing Jun does after getting out of the car is to kiss you. His mother makes a comment about how he didn’t even say hi. Jun looks at her with a playful eyes before he runs to hug her.

You walk behind them when they head to the house. Listening to their conversation with a faint smile on your lips.

That night, you and Jun talk about everything and nothing. Focus on each other’s presence and share spontaneous kisses. You’re at peace. Limbs tangled and bodies too close, product of his small bed.

When your eyes feel too heavy and sleep demands your full attention, you whisper for Jun to take you with him. You don’t hear his answer but feel the soft press of his lips against your forehead.

___

Sometimes you visit Jun without previous notice. Book a hotel room near his apartment and call him over when he least expects it. It’s fun and makes for a good surprise.

Or it did.

Lately, your surprise trips have been met with nothing but disappointment and a million apologies. It seems that if it’s not an exam then it’s a project, or a promise to his friends.

When he does come, he usually leaves early in the morning. So early It leaves you to wonder if he was actually there or if your mind is just playing tricks with you.You try not to cry when it happens.

However, cancelled plans and excuses seem to not be enough to deter you from trying. You still plan your impromptu trips to see him. Still book a room at the same hotel. You don’t know if you do it in hopes he actually comes. In hopes of seeing the Junhui you love.

___

You rub your eyes, the clock that reads 7:26 am. The bottle of wine is now as empty as the room. As the first rays of sunrise hit your face, you feel nothing.

Perhaps Jun doesn’t remember that afternoon. Maybe he doesn’t remember when he, albeit carelessly like everything he does, whispered those words. That day feels so distant in your mind you’re not even sure you remember correctly. Nonetheless, his voice repeats itself over, and over, and over.

Let’s always be together.

Although you didn’t reply to him back then, you still feel the same. As you close the curtains to block the sunlight you whisper your answer to yourself.

“I’ll wait forever.”

"What do you mean?" Curiosity makes your voice sound higher than usual. You turn around properly, cross your legs and raise an eyebrow at him.

Mingyu seems at a loss. It makes you wonder if he thinks you're just feigning innocence for whatever it is he's confronting you for. You make a conscious effort to not tilt your head just in case. Try to remember what you could have done to warrant the intervention. Nothing comes to mind.

"You know what I mean," his stance shifts. There's something different in his step as he approaches you. Caution. You frown, when was he ever cautious around you?

You stand up abruptly and he stops, wide eyes and hands in front of him. It's then when you notice a few runes scribbled in his palms. For protection, you scoff at the voice.

"What are those for, uh? What do you need protection from?"

You're desperate, try to ignore the voice telling you they're to protect him from you. Mingyu closes his hands and looks to the side without answering. You take a step forward and something inside you breaks as Mingyu steps back.

He's scared of you.

"No… not you…" your voice is barely a whisper but you're sure he heard it. He stands up straight, eyes looking everywhere but at you.

"I need you to stop," he repeats. The resolve from before is evidently absent. His behavior reminds you of a trapped animal and you start to wonder what in the hell happened to him.

"Stop what?" You barely manage not to scream in frustration. Mingyu bites his lip and inhales loudly.

"The-" his voice cracks and he sighs. "The chaos, the destruction." One of his hands reaches his face, rubs his eyes. "I know it's you… they told me."

You don't ask who he means, you know perfectly well he's talking about the elders of his village.

"What did they tell you?" The question is unnecessary but you feel the need to confirm it anyway. You hang onto the last bit of hope. Maybe they didn't tell him everything, maybe they spared the details this time.

"Everything," his hand covers his eyes as he lets out a deep breath. "The reason why you live here, why you never go into town," he looks at you with a sorrowful expression. You can feel the tears starting to fall but you don't move.

You can feel Joshua’s stare as you sit down on the veranda. He doesn’t sit with you. Instead, he stands next to you, gaze focused on the trees at the end of the property. The pain in your chest doesn’t go away when you try to wash it down with the water.

“How are you?” To your surprise, you voice sounds completely normal. Joshua turns around, finally looks at you in the eye after what felt like hours (you know that it had only been a few minutes but that doesn’t make it easier).

“I’ve been fine… I ran out of books yesterday…”

Your mind goes to the endless amount of bags sitting at your apartment. Every single one of them filled with books you bought for him. Books you haven’t had the courage to deliver. You hum in response and take another sip of water. The air feels heavy around you and, even though your try to think of something to say, nothing comes to mind. So you decide to just stare at him, at his caramel hair and deep eyes.

He doesn’t say anything either. Opts for walking towards you and raising one of his hands before stopping midway. You feel the ghost of fingers threading through your hair, a memory. You know why he stopped, even though you wish he hadn’t.

“Why?” You voice is barely a whisper but Joshua still manages to hear you. Your fingers clench around the glass of water and, for a second, you fear it’s going to break. “Why don’t you just… leave?”

Joshua gives you another soft smile and this time you can actually see the hurt in his eyes. He takes a step back slowly, without looking away. “You already know…”

You stand up abruptly and bite your lip while trying to decide what to do. Joshua doesn’t move, keeps looking at you with the same sad smile. So you make your decision and walk towards the house. The unshed tears make your vision blurry but you manage to get back to the kitchen and put the glass in the counter before bursting into sobs. You know Joshua can hear you, you’re not particularly trying to suppress your crying. Yet, he doesn’t come.

His gaze shifts away only after Jeonghan slaps him playfully on the shoulder and tells him he's staring. He thinks about denying it, but the knowing look on his friend's face tells him it's not going to work anyway. So he decides to look at you again, not caring about the teasing he's probably going to get.

You're now a few steps closer to him, laughing your heart away and trying to shove one of your friends to the side. Chan can feel his heart skip and the way his lips start to curve up in a smile (can hear Hansol complaining about him not paying attention in the background too, but he doesn't really care.)

For a second he feels courageous. Bold enough to walk up to you and ask for your name. Perhaps, even bold enough to ask you to join him and his friends for a while. He pictures you taken aback and blushing softly before nodding. In his mind, he goes as far as taking your hand in his to guide you back towards his friends. His fingers twitch and his legs move, getting ready to get up.

He doesn't, courage going away as fast as it came, and you walk away still smiling. Later that day Jeonghan gives him the same knowing look and it annoys him. It reminds him of the picture of you in his head and the imaginary warmth of your hand. He gets mad at himself again, for letting you slip away so easily. Vows to himself that if he was to ever see you again, he will definitely get your name this time.

But time goes by and there are no traces of you.

.

He's on his way to school when he sees your face again. You're smiling almost the same way you were when he last saw you but this time is different. This time you're not with your friends, this time his heart doesn't skip a beat but writhes in pain instead.

And he thinks this isn't right, because the black and white of the missing poster doesn't suit your features at all. You were far more beautiful. He does get your name this time, repeats it in his head over and over. He goes back to that day and tries to imagine you telling him your name yourself but he can't. After all, he never got to hear your voice.