star

Have you been sent by an outside source to sabotage the Glee club by rupturing all of our eardrums, therefore rendering useless the considerable asset of Raph and I both being pitch perfect? You’re on like a twelve right now and it would be GREAT if we could turn that down to a three, kid. Nobody is going to vote for a screamer as queen. 

There is no such thing as being pitch perfect as a teenager. If there was, I’d be it already. So are you in for the jackets or what? 

Of duhsies, my daddy will totes donate whatever we need! Bankrolling a Glee club is perf press for the store. And no offense, but last time I checked a superintendent isn’t Beyonce, so it’s not that cool. I have a waay better idea than sparkly jackets. What New Directions really needs are complete makeovers designed and sponsored by yours truly. 

OMG, perfect! I was thinking we could get matching shoes too. You know how a bunch of basketball teams do that? We could do that. Can your uncle decide when there’ll be snow days? I think not. I hope you’re not expecting me to get one when I look perfect already. I think the one who needs it the most is Mr. Schue.

Wait, did I miss them passing out some kind of welcome package? Because that’s so not fair, I don’t want to be behind before we’ve even started! I know I can catch up super quickly but I shouldn’t have to, we should all be kept in the loop equally. Even if you were the captain! Which no offense, I’m not sure I could vote for someone who doesn’t support our jackets being made of glitter. I wasn’t planning on running my own campaign to be in charge until next year once we’d gotten our bearings and given one of the older kids a chance to lead first, but if it’s premature leadership or a life without glitter, I know which road I’m going to choose!

Not yet. But I feel like since my uncle is the superintendent, I should be the one to put these packages together. I would take suggestions but whatever I do is going to be perfect. Glitter is too small and gets all over the place. Do you really want it getting on your hands every single time you take the jacket on and off? We all know that these older kids shouldn’t be in charge, especially the ones from the football team. When was the last time they won something? 

Wow, I love that. I want the jackets to be made out of those mermaid sequins that change colors. Those are so cool. And if you’re gonna be captain, I want to be president. Or chancellor. 

Finally! Someone that agrees with me. What colors should said sequins be? They probably cost a little bit more but it’ll be worth it in the end. What do you want to be chancellor of? 

I’m fine with acting like a team, I’m not fine with acting like a bunch of losers. Personally, I’d prefer to leave high school without my virginity, and there’s no way I’m going to get a hot girlfriend if I’m stuck wearing a bedazzled jacket. But if that’s your prerogative, you do you. Wow. You really just get less and less cool with each thing you say, huh? The next thing you’re about to win is the trophy for McKinley’s most obnoxious twink. Might be some tough competition between you and Berry, though. I’d love to watch you two fight Hunger Games style. You put my name anywhere on a list like that, and I’ll beat your ass, Muskovitz, I swear to God. 

I’m sorry, what club did you think you were joining? Glee club isn’t known for being cool. It’s a trademark like how the football team has their varsity jackets and the Cheerios have their... whatever jackets you’d call that. I’m sorry is this a popularity contest? Because it is, I’m sure I’d win. Puh-lease. as if I’m scared of you trying to beat me up. But I will give you a hundred bucks just to shut up about it and accept it. 

I think if we’re picking captains already then I’m definitely nominating myself as co-captain. I definitely have as much, if not more money than you. Plus I’m cuter. Which I’m p sure makes me a triple threat.

You’re the only person fit enough to be my co-captain. I would be open to that idea if your father is okay with donating money as well. Not that this is a competition, Sugs, but if it is, I also have ties to the superintendent. And I came up with the idea for the sparkly jackets. What’s gonna be your ideas?

Yeah, I’m with you on the no glitter on the matching jackets, dude. Or better yet, how about we just don’t get matching jackets at all, because if we do that, there’s no damn way they’re not just going to end up as slushie targets. I mean, I’m all for you getting one, I need to practice my aim anyway, but you’re going to be alone there, kid. 

If we want to win, we have to act like a team. I am not going to accept being a loser. If you don’t like it, that’s alright. You don’t have to like it since you won’t be paying for them. Were you the winner of your lip-syncing battle at your summer camp three years in a row? I think not. I know what’s best. What size do you wear? I’ll put you down.