Someday

Look I am at the circus! The show was great, I’ve seen loads of clowns, Ballons and popcorn, even tho the clowns were holding chain saws….kinda concerning. But the best part was Dumbo and his mom, splashing water to the viewers, I got sooo wet.

Okay so I am a huge fan of the CSD, love the reasoning and the parade…but there is one thing I do NOT agree with: Fetishes on pride

Let’s all remember what the CSD is for…rights for people in the LGBTQIA+ Community that are being downgraded or not seen equal because of their gender or sexuality. Which is great, a big demonstration for the right reasons, equality. And even tho these are the reasons CSD stands for, everytime hundreds of fetishes are seen on the parade like BDSM, PetPlay and ABDL. And that’s something that doesn’t belong there at all, they don’t have disadvantages because of their fetish, they don’t have any issues because of their fetish. But since they are a minority, they take this day to join millions of people, trying to be recognised and earning respect for something that doesn’t need it. And it makes people uncomfortable like me! I don’t wanna see you walking in fetish clothes on the street, no thanks to puppy masks, rubber, latex or diapers, and no pacifiers as well! You don’t need any recognition, you need to keep this at home. There are people on those streets! And it doesn’t matter that you like it, wear it at home or on a fetish party! Or if you needdd to do it, wear it under normal clothes!

Zoooooooooo :)

Dinos are so cooolllll :3

I have run out of pictures ideas, but I found this old one, my first little picture ever :)

Yesterday, something happened to me that I never thought would happen.

My mother and I visited MS Wissenschaft, an exhibition about the medicine of the future. The ship travels from Berlin to Vienna over the course of several weeks. The exhibition itself was really interesting.

After we left the ship, we sat down in the shade a few meters away. Nearby, there was a mother sitting with her daughter. Suddenly, one of the crew members threw a cigarette into the river. The woman completely lost her temper. She started shouting at him, insulting him, and didn’t stop for several minutes.

My mother and I decided to leave because no one wants to listen to that. As we walked past her, my mother calmly said that she understood why the woman was upset, because throwing a cigarette into the river was careless, but that there was no need to scream like that.

Apparently, that struck a nerve.

The woman became even angrier. She started loudly complaining about my mother, but after only a few seconds, she found a new target: me.

I struggle with binge eating disorder, which has caused me to become severely overweight. I also have a lot of anxiety around other people.

She insulted me relentlessly. She told my mother that she should “clean up her own doorstep first” and asked how she could let her daughter “end up like that.” Those words hurt more than I can describe.

She also claimed that the government wastes taxpayers’ money on people like me. At that point, I started crying.

We tried to walk away. As we did, I turned around and shouted back, “I have an eating disorder. How is that my fault?”

She didn’t care. Instead, she became even louder, saying that I was even worse because I was using mental illness as an excuse.

We kept walking. I was crying, and my mother kept telling me that none of this was my fault.

But how are you supposed to believe that? How are you supposed to ignore words like those? How are you not supposed to wonder whether there might be some truth in what someone is saying about you?

I asked my mother to call the police. She told me she would if the woman approached us again.

We continued toward the parking lot. By coincidence, the woman and her daughter were walking in the same direction. When we took the escalator down, she immediately started shouting again. At the bottom, she made one last comment before finally walking away.

Looking back, I wish we had called the police.

People like her will probably keep doing this. They will continue insulting, judging, and spreading hate. Just because some eating disorders cause people to gain weight instead of lose it, many people assume they aren’t real illnesses, but simply the result of laziness or a lack of self-control.

And that hurts.

…being alone at night stuck in my room with nothing to do

…going on dates without being fully comfy with the person I am seeing.

…going to music festivals where everything is super loud.

….being told that I am a bad person for being unordinary.

……being told that I am to young for something.

…knowing that people who desperatly want something from you, do not trust you

…being betrayed/lied/hurt

There are many things that I hate about myself. My body, my large….yk what I mean, and sometimes even my personality. Being a little makes these things especially hard, since you are kinda required to be and look fragile, which I don’t…I always thought that I couldn’t be a little, that I couldnt be in little space, but someone proved me wrong.

Three days ago, I lost one of my closest friends. He was someone I could always trust and look up to, even when I felt horrible. We both had the same interests, like age regression, medicine and cozy days in the winter. Our friendship lastet for over two years, and was ended in just three weeks, because of one person: his stupid girlfriend. They got together in December, had a break uo and got back together three days ago. His girlfriend Emily, faked having anorexia, depression and suizid problems. I knew that from the moment they met, and told him a week after them dating. He listened to my opinion, and agreed with the issues I had spotted in her story, because of that he broke up with her. She messaged him constantly, saying she was sorry and that she wasn’t faking it. And because I was worried, I texted her, without permission of my friend. I thought, if she would really try to end her life, I would be responsible as well because they broke up with the hints I gave my friends. I texted her for a two days, and was clear that she really just was a faker. Well three days ago, I got the message from by friend, that I betrayed him because I texted her…even tho I cared for her….some things are just not meant to be. 

Now, he will be a parent as 17 year old with a 14 year old girlfriend, which told stories of her being abused sexually by multiple male friends of her. And still she wants to have sex and be spicy, which doesn’t make sense.