Santa, I wish I had Boy Problems
There is just something in the air during the holiday season that makes me desperate for a man. Usually, I dread Christmas family reunions because of the aunts who give unsolicited comments about my weight, but now I dread it even more because I can guarantee you that the night wouldnāt end without at least one aunt or grandma asking if I have a boyfriend yet. It was fine at first, really, because a bunch of my cousins were cruising solo as wellābut that was two years ago. Iām now twenty-one years old, and Iām the only grandchild who hasnāt brought home a plus one during the holidays.
And itās not just during family dinners that my lack of a love life feels painfully obvious. It follows me into my daily scrolls, my group chats, and the stories my friends casually tellāconstant reminders that everyone else seems to be collecting romantic experiences while Iām left imagining what any of it even feels like.
At least once a day, I see a passive-aggressive repost on TikTok from my friend referencing the boy who wronged her. Then they tell me about their annoying talking stages, the failed dates theyāve been to, and the bases theyāve almost stupidly crossed. But, as empathetic as I consider myself to be, I genuinely canāt comprehend what those mightāve felt like. I mean, how can I? Iāve never had a smidge of romantic interaction in the last twenty-one years.
You see, growing up, I was never really the type that boys at school showed interest ināIāve never been asked out during recess, I wasnāt passed anonymous notes during classes, and no boy has ever asked to sit beside me during first Friday masses so we could hold hands during Our Father (I was from a Catholic school).Ā
Over the last few years, Iāve been trying to convince myself that I was okay being the chronically single friend. I lie and tell people that Iām just not really looking for a relationship, when in truth, I am on my hands and knees every night, praying that I finally (organically) meet the one. While my friends post about their relationship issues, Iām out here posting about yearning for one in the first place.
So Santa, if youāre seeing this, can you please give me boy problems this Christmas?













