Getting pinned to the wall by a beautiful girl named centrifugal force
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@mycrystallizedheart
Getting pinned to the wall by a beautiful girl named centrifugal force

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Does anyone know what to do about the temperature and also the prices
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

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ages 0-7: slowly gain sentience
ages 7-12: be an ‘old soul’
ages 12-16: allow the darkness to consume you
ages 16-19: be a kid for the first time ever
ages 19-30: develop dad lore
ages 30-35: court a beautiful lady
ages 35-40: get married, start a family
ages 40-55: promise to clean out the gutters and never do it again
ages 55-60: allow the darkness to consume you once more
ages 60-75: swinger cruises with your beautiful wife
ages 75-86: be an eccentric grandfather
age 86: mysteriously disappear
SOOOO hard to talk about body issues with teens because it’s like “how your body looks doesn’t matter well I mean it may matter to society/others but it SHOULDN’T matter to them so it shouldn’t matter to you but I realize that right now it does matter to you because it affects how others/society treats you and it’s hard to just convince yourself that doesn’t matter”
Trying to explain almost anything to teens is hard because they’re in a period where what people think of you forms basically your entire life experience.
“Who cares if nobody likes what you wear! The worst that can happen is that you’re laughed at and talked about and excluded from social activities and never have a date to the dance and don’t have friends to support you during one of the most turbulent times of your life and don’t have the social practice necessary to transition into adulthood and are perceived by others to be worthless :) stay true to yourself! <3”
"If they're judging you for that, you need better friends! I mean, I realize they're not really 'friends', they're just people you're forced to spend 8 hours a day with..."
“it’s because they’re always on that damn phone” -scientist studying the declining birthrate
I think a lot of people are pro-life because they know they would have been aborted, that is secretly their motivation and not actually a misguided interpretation of Christian theology or a belief that life begins at conception. They’re say shit like “What if your mom aborted you?” like, okay I wouldn’t be here, that really wasn’t on the table because my parents really wanted me and was on fertility treatments to try to have me. Would your mom have aborted you? Is that what this is all about, you wouldn’t have been born if your mother wasn’t coerced/forced to carry you to term and give birth to you so you feel like everyone else should be forced to give birth to their annoying baby?
things not to say when someone tells you they’re having a baby, from a transgender autistic guy named Algernon who has experienced a lot of trial and error:
Why? I know this is the question you want to ask. You are not allowed to ask it. I’m not sure why it’s frowned upon but you can’t.
You should name it after me. Not funny. No one laughs. A selfish statement that takes the attention off the pregnant party and shifts it to you. This joke is a flop, save it for the next pet they get.
Is it mine? It’s not mine. I have no testicles. If there is a possibility it is yours, they’ll tell you. Probably. No one wants an interrogation in this moment.

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me, staring down ao3: ok i’m desperate for fic about this pairing but like… how desperate
You’re not desperate until you’re staring at fanfiction.net
Your not desperate till you’re staring down live journal.
You’re not desperate until you’re staring at a blank document
i don't support all women's rights & wrongs some of you are terfs
exactly
A three-circle venn-diagram where the circles are "sex workers", "the furry community", and "people working in morgues". I don't know what the overlap parts are.
Fourth circle needed: IT workers
You say that with such confidence that I am compelled to trust your vision. Personally I have no idea where this is going.
i'd say the overlap between "sex workers" and "people who work in morgues" is probably "seeing naked strangers a lot"
"professional handling of bodies of strangers"?
Putting my neck out for you folks here
one of my favorite lines from harrow the ninth is “love is a revenant” which comes from ianthe tridentarius of all people, who only TWO PAGES earlier also says “your fist is so big and my butthole is so small”
LIKES TO CHARGE REBLOGS TO CAST
you people aren't CASTING

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Gideon the Ninth naming system notes appreciation post
Not just characters who are dog-coded, but characters who are a specific type of dog-coded. Join me for a moment:
Working Dog-Coded: Give me a job and a purpose, then reward me with affection and I will follow you to the end of time, space and beyond.
Guardian Breed-Coded: I'm not a big fan of people and don't need many friends. I just need one person, or a small tight-knit group, to protect and that will fulfill me until the end of my days.
Terrier-Coded: I get us into a lot of problematic situations, talk a bunch of shit and often take on people who are a lot bigger than me. But, that's okay because I know you've always got my back.
Mutt-Coded: I'm not really sure who I am and don't have the greatest sense of self, but if you give me support and space to figure it out, I'll be loyal to you until my last breath.
Shelter-Dog Coded: This isn't where I thought I'd end up. I've been through it. My past might be complicated, but I'm trying, and you're giving me the chance I so desperately need to go at life one more time.
These are just the first ones that came to mind, and characteristics overlap here and there. Feel free to add your own!
Couch Potato-Coded: In your presence I find complete comfort and because of you, I will always be safe. Maybe I could have been something different, something greater, but your protection has allowed me a life of comfort.
Service Dog-Coded: I will be with you every step of the way and help you out when needed. Our bond goes beyond one of comfort, because you need me as I need you and I love you.
Stray-Coded: Even surrounded by people, I am alone and scared. So many times have I been hurt and I do not know if you will be kind or cruel, but I want it to be kindness so badly. Please do not punish my hope.
Toy Breed-Coded: My boundaries are not taken seriously and I learned that only being aggressive gets me my way. I cannot advocate for myself gently, but if you listen anyway, I will follow you everywhere.
Herding Dog-Coded: Not being on the move makes me uneasy, and I do not like splitting up. If you try to leave, I will make you stay, even if I have to scare and hurt you in the process. I’m sorry, but it is the only way I know.
Rescue Dog-Coded: They think I am difficult because sometimes I am scared or get angry, but I know you are safe. I just need some time, and maybe I will always need some time. But I have not doubted you, and I pray you never give me a reason to.
Sight-Hound Coded: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!