Eilidh

Thinking about changing my username so I don’t have to post eggs all the time

Show some commitment

Haven’t seen much poetry or whiskey from you so I don’t think this is your place to talk

Some girl in my class was talking about McDonald’s shamrock shakes and this yeehaw dude in cowboy boots said they suck and then he looked me in the eyes and said “what you’re gonna do is go to Arby’s, and get yourself a mint chocolate chip shake.” And he said it with such authority and certainty that I did so as soon as I got in my car

so many useless bastard moron men talk about how they’re scared of getting screwed over by gold diggers… what they mean is they’re afraid they’ll buy a girl a mcchicken and she decides not to fuck them. this is true facts

Dudes with $16 in their bank account be like… what if she’s using me for my money :(

how come you only become aware of how tipsy you are in bathrooms

bears have absolutely no right to be as cute as they are. i want to hug them and pet them. big fluffy dogs, supersized

science: bear will kill you human & monkey brain in unison: hehe fluffyyy

primates are such assholes

it’s so fucked up when you see something you KNOW is a portal to somewhere but you can’t figure out how to activate it. this is the most frustrating feeling that plagues modern man.

I’ve seen this post easily 12 times now and EVERY TIME it’s just a different cat looking at a different door. 

I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE THE GRAPES

wish my brain was into kinky stuff like producing serotonin and dopamine

the pros of reading ao3 fics in public is that their layout is so clean and simple that people would think you’re reading some academic researches when you’re in fact reading a 50k fic. the cons is that you need to control your face all the fucking time

An additional feature: the layout is clean and simple BUT anyone familiar with AO3 will immediately recognize it. Pro or con? You decide.

If they know it enough to recognize it on sight, they probably aren’t going to be judging me about it.

ok but imagine peter not caring about his secret identity anymore and not making any effort to conceal it yet absolutely no one finds out he’s spiderman. peter wears the suit under his pants and a jacket but literally no one notices. he only gets a ‘cool shirt dude’ from a student he doesnt know. he does the iconic spiderman shooting-webs-from-his-hands pose in every single picture. no one says a word. he enters the classroom through the window. just as him, not spiderman. the classroom is on the second floor. no one cares.

Sounds like college

“man that peter guy really likes spider man, i hope he gets to meet him someday”

I literally heard that in his voice

My sister just walked into my room, grunted “oil” and promptly collapsed on the floor

Fuck she got possessed by america

i can’t stop thinking about that tweet about the guy who tried to stop his cat from pushing his door open and accidentally trained him to push 50lbs instead

this is completely unconnected to the meme, I just really like Despacito.

Treat spiders the way you want to be treated

Killed without hesitation

Why would I inflate a spider

I will beat you with a fucking rock

isnt it weird that we cant ride any other animals except horses. like if horses weren’t a thing humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. like riding animals just wouldn’t really be a thing. we should probably be more grateful to horses

elephants

blocked

camels

extra blocked

donkeys

ultra blocked

that dick

… followed