my life with mental and chronic illnesses

What is your current hyperfixation (if you have one)?

What was your longest hyperfixation?

What was your most intense hyperfixation?

Do you take meds?

How has adhd affected your relationships?

How has it affected your learning experience?

When were you first diagnosed?

What event “clicked” when you found out you had adhd?

What are things that are easy to focus on for you?

What was/is your hardest class in school? Easiest?

When did you find out about rejection sensitive dysphoria?

How do you deal with boring or repetitive tasks?

Have you ever crashed and not been able to do anything? If so, what caused the crash?

suicide should not be labeled as “selfish”. people who commit suicide are in incredible pain and think there’s only one way out. that pain is unimaginable if you’ve never experienced it. think about what drove the victim to do it, not just what you think about it

not all suicidal people will self harm or commit suicide. many struggle to live everyday, but continue on. this doesn’t mean that their struggle isn’t as important as those who are actively life threatening

self harm is not an indicator of suicidal thoughts all the time. many people who self harm do it for a release from the pain, not to die. this doesn’t mean their struggle is less important because they aren’t actively suicidal. but it’s also important to keep an eye on them because the release from pain can turn deadly very quickly, and they may become suicidal over time

suicidal people don’t think about dying all the time. they can have moments of happiness, anger, love, compassion, and any other emotion. they can also still be suicidal when they’re not in immediate danger.

speaking of moods, if a suicidal person suddenly is very calm, it’s best to check on them. they may have come to terms with a plan to commit suicide and need help. yes, it can be just a good mood, but it can be life saving to check in on them

being suicidal is not attention seeking. people who are suicidal need help and attention, yes, but they aren’t feeling this way to get it.

suicidal people may not be suicidal because they want the pain to stop. they may feel like people are better off without them, that no one will miss them, they’re tired of reliving trauma, or they just can’t imagine a future with them in it

many suicidal people who make it past their expected death don’t know how to continue on in life. if someone has spent the last few years thinking they won’t make it past a certain age, becoming an adult or getting older and having new challenges can be very difficult to handle because they didn’t plan for it. this is why having a therapist or counselor even once they’re out of the direct suicidal thoughts is important

having someone to cry to and call when you need help is one of the most effective suicide preventers. if a suicidal person thinks they can come to you, please be there for them, it may just save their life

suicidal people may be living for things you don’t see as important, like tv show or waiting for a new book to come out. don’t shame people for what’s keeping them alive, it’s better than nothing

that’s just the beginning of stuff to know about suicidal people and suicide in general. please call a hotline or text a service if you are in crisis. from personal experience as someone who’s been suicidal, i know how hard it is to pick up that phone, but i promise you someone is there to help

hotlines —

for example:

realizing an application requires something not immediately accessible like a letter of recommendation.

finding the rubric for an assignment (it was buried under a pile of paper) and seeing that apparently there’s a whole powerpoint presentation component of your project grade. 

Me, nervously: Well… I’ve been trying to treat myself like a nervous cat…

therapist, stifling a goodnatured laugh: Oh? can you explain that to me?

Me: Well… if you have a nervous cat, the first thing you do is make sure their environment is safe and remove stressors… and you make sure they have enough food and water and places to hide… and you provide some enrichment in case they need to work out energy…

Therapist: And how are you applying that to yourself?

Me: Um. If I feel anxious, I’ll see if I need to back out of any sites or conversations, enforce my boundaries… check my environment for flashing lights or painful noises… make sure I’m hydrated and have eaten… and work on a hobby

-Waking up and having your first thought be about your special interest

-That feeling you get when you make your special interest both your icon and the backgrounds on your computer/phone

-Being unable to concentrate on work unless you incorporate your special interest to some extent

-Pushing your special interest into everything you do in some way, even if subliminally

-Breaking through executive dysfunction only to create things related to the special interest

-Breaking through social anxiety only when the special interest is mentioned

-Loud, automatic, and uncontrollable reactions when the special interest is mentioned that others perceive as anger, even though you are actually extremely excited because your love for it hit you all at once

-Constantly rambling about your special interest even when you know you’re annoying everyone

-Fearing talking about or drawing things related to the special interest because you don’t want people to think you’re obsessed

-Literally having your special interest on your mind 24/7. 

-Becoming stupidly frustrated when someone knows more about your special interest than you do, even if it’s the creator

-That SPARK you feel when you discover a new special interest. It’s never a slowburn attraction, but more like an instant click. You just know

-Getting called obsessive or addicted by everyone

-”It’s just a phase!”

-Being made fun of for liking your special interest

-Hiding your special interest from your friends and family so they don’t make fun of you or judge you

-Having to hear allistic people refer to their hobby as their “special interest”

-Hearing ADHD peeps talk about their hyperfixations and feeling a sense of solidarity

-Changing special interests as often as once a week, or as rarely as once a year, if ever

-Remembering an old special interest you had, so you look it up again thinking “I’m over it so there’s no harm in looking at it now”, only to have it become your special interest again

-Being able to count the amount of times you’ve gone through a particular special interest, as well as knowing when they occurred. 

-Hating yourself during every second when your special interest becomes something embarrassing or bad, yet you can’t stop yourself from obsessing.

-Having more than one special interest so you try and mash them into one thing

-Having multiple special interests at once, but one is clearly more powerful than the others

-Secondary special interests that will pop up for a few days before leaving again

That overwhelming need to make everything you see and hear and do relate to your interest in some way

The inability to think about/listen to/watch/play anything else, even when you’d like to

How much you long to talk about it with all of your heart but you know better, you know your friends and family are sick of it or will be soon if you aren’t careful

Actually losing friends entirely because they moved on and you didn’t, or you moved on and they didn’t, or you both found a new thing in different directions

Loving your interest so much it hurts but being completely incapable of expressing that love in a way that makes sense

I adore all of my special interests and I wouldn’t trade them for anything! But whenever I find a new one, I go through a lot of difficult stuff along with all the good stuff before I settle into it, and I just kind of wondered if anyone else did too.

Edit: if you reblog this just to call me dramatic, you suck. Everyone else reblogging this is awesome though.

Pure-o ocd stands for “purely obsessional obsessive compulsive disorder”

It was originally named this by the pure-o community because it doesn’t appear to have outward compulsions that people associate with other forms of ocd, such as hand washing, symmetrical touching, checking, etc.

However, health care professionals don’t use this term because they believe it to be misleading. While you may not see the compulsions, compulsions are still there! Most of them however are mental compulsions or are hidden. Some involve reassurance seeking (which can be obsessively checking the internet to find relief), rumination, avoidance, etc.

People with pure-o experience the exact same treatment as someone with other forms of ocd- because it’s the exact same illness! It just manifests differently in each person.

This is important to know, because while people use the term to find each other online, health care professionals don’t use it and may not know what your talking about if you’re calling what you’re experiencing pure-o

It’s also important to realize there is no distinction in the way you heal from ocd and pure o. ocd is ocd.

Hello! I’ll try to explain as best as I can! I will be covering the terms: Special Interest, Hyperfixation, and Hyperfocus in this! #longpost

Additionally, I will be discussing their mutual use in Autistic and ADHD circles, and talk about whether or not any of the terms are exclusive to one or the other.

Special Interest (SI): 

Definition: 

To have a deep, intense, passionate and incredibly focused/narrowed interest in a certain area of study, subject, topic or thing - to the exclusion of other interests. This interest is something that exists for the long-term, most often lasting for multiple months, years, or even you’re entire life! Less commonly they’ll last a couple weeks, but that’s just as valid as others! 

More Info.: 

“Special interest” defines the interest, and the degree of our involvement/commitment to it! 

SI’s are usually very studious-oriented, and I don’t mean this as in they’re academic, but as in we want to learn everything there is to know about them! We’ll research and gather information for hours upon hours just for the enjoyment doing so brings! 

SI’s are also typically sensual experiences as well - positive ones! They overwhelm our senses with joy and happiness, fill us with such enthusiastic and heart-wrenching emotion! We Autistic folk often have SI-related stims!

Allistics might look down upon our passion for our SI because it is something inconsequential to them, like ladybugs, but we love it anyway!

Analogy:

@autisticliving shares a very good analogy for special interests, comparing having one “to being in love - it’s what your mind drifts to when there’s nothing else to occupy it, it’s the only thing you want to talk about, it’s the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning and it’s the last thing you think of before you fall asleep.” 

Exclusivity: 

Debatable*. But to be safe, it would be wise to assume that it/the term is Autistic-exclusive! If you are neither Autistic or ADHD you definitely should not use the term!

*Some people think it should be exclusive due to the historical-presence of the term predominantly in Autistic communities, and others believe it to be experienced by both Autistic and ADHD people - Autism and ADHD are “sister” developmental disabilities/disorders, and there is a lot of overlap. Overall, though, ‘special interest’ is most commonly used in Autistic-circles!

Hyperfixation:

Definition:

“An umbrella term to describe special interests, hyperfocuses, perseverations and other intense ‘obsessions’ in those with developmental, learning or mental disabilities.” coined by @deathbecoming

More Info.:

With some believing that special interests are Autistic-exclusive, @deathbecoming wanted to prevent the appropriation of the term and instead created one that could be used by allistic neurodivergent people to describe their experiences similar to special interests, etc..

Analogy:

N/A

Exclusivity:

Created only for use by those who are developmentally, intellectually, and/or mentally disabled.

Note:

Though it wasn’t the original intent, the term “hyperfixation” has kind of evolved specifically into a verb for the act/subject of ‘hyperfocus,” which has then led many to believe that it is ADHD-exclusive – this is not the case!

Speaking of!

Hyperfocus

Definition: 

To focus intensely on something for a short-term period of time without break to the exclusion of all other things — This is to the point that you won’t process what’s going on around you, adhere to your bodily functions/needs (sleep, hunger, using the restroom), homework/tasks, your hobbies/interests, etc..

More Info.:

One of the reasons why Hyperfocus is often attributed as ADHD-exclusive is due to its unpredictability — You may not always have control or awareness over what you’re hyperfocusing on, or even that you are, it can just happen.

Analogy:

@actuallyadhd has a good analogy for the unpredictability of hyperfocusing, sharing that “You can hyperfocus on something that you’re especially interested in, but you can also hyperfocus on stuff you aren’t especially interested in. That’s how you can end up playing a video game for five hours without realizing how much time has gone by and wonder why you even were playing the game to begin with since it’s not your favorite.” 

Exclusivity:

Neurodivergent people only! Both ADHD and Autistic people can definitely use this term, and it is most predominantly used in those circles! While Neurotypical people can experience a similar thing to hyperfocus, it is most often called “Being in The Zone” or “Getting Into the Flow” and isn’t the same thing.

TL;DR:

Special Interest: 

Used most in Autistic circles, in reference to Autistic people 

Describes the type of interest (very intense, passionate, and narrow) 

Describes our commitment to it (long-term commitment, ranging from months to lifelong, to the exclusion of other interests)

Hyperfixation:

Used only by those who with mental, learning, or developmental disabilities

“An umbrella term to describe special interests, hyperfocuses, perseverations and other intense ‘obsessions’”

Coined by @deathbecoming

Hyperfocus:

Used by anyone who is Neurodivergent, most often seen in Autistic/ADHD circles

To focus intensely to the exclusion of all other things (includes bodily functions/needs, processing of the world around you, etc.)

A short-term commitment, typically lasting under 10 hours and not always by choice

Verdict:

As you’re ADHD you can definitely use the terms Hyperfixation and Hyperfocus! If, after reading this, you think the term Special Interest applies to you, you can use it as well! Just be aware that some people may disagree with your use of it!

Note: Additionally, I think it is good to tell you that ADHD cannot be “minor” or “severe” — You’re either ADHD or you’re not! It may be more difficult or easier for someone to manage how their ADHD symptoms positively or negatively impact their life,  but that is a different thing!

This “Scale of Functionally” (in comparison to Neurotypicals) doesn’t truly exist, and believing that it does is actually quite problematic and harmful. It is often weaponized — Used to invalidate and discredit the experiences of other ADHD people, make one seem “better” or “lesser” (more/less Neurotypical) then the other, decide who isn’t or is “truly worthy” or resources, etc..

I do not say this to insult or hurt you, though! As you are just now discovering that you’re ADHD it is only logical that you would not be aware of all the little intricacies like this. I do not blame you!

hyperfocus - verb. the opposite of unfocused; it’s, like, 10000% focus one one thing, completely shutting out everything else. You could do / discuss ____ for hours and hours and hours without pause for food or water. ADHD-typical term, but can also be experienced by those w OCD or ASD.