Don't Swim Against The Waves; Cause Them.

I feel more open to spill my feelings on here than I ever have directly to your face.  Which is a shame, but so be it.  I never had the balls to say everything I ever wanted in front of you.

You and I are stuck, face to face on a crumbling bridge.  Either we can both escape, or one of us will be left behind.  And I’d rather just step off the edge than survive alone.  But you don’t seem to see it that way.  You see it as if I’m ready to leave you behind just because someone outstretched their hand to me.  Our hardheadedness has caused such a split that I feel like I don’t even deserve to look you in the face.  You bring up what I’ve done wrong.  You tell me I’m liable to fuck up again.  

I know your trust in me is slim, but you just don’t understand my point of things.  And I realized not too long ago that we don’t see things on the same wavelength.  What happened to “I’ll be okay”?  Or “We’ll get through it”?  It feels like those words were wasted to correct my tears.  I don’t want to stand in front of you anymore if you truly believe that I’m in the wrong for something I can’t control.  My choice wasn’t great, I know that, but I want my shot, I want to see what happens.  At this point, I’ve jumped off the cliff without telling anyone, and it all depends if you want to follow, or watch me hit the bottom.  

Just know, if you do, I’ll forgive you.  I’ll understand why,  It’ll just be painful.  I don’t know what the impact will be like.  I don’t know what will happen to me, but I do know there will be nobody to help me.  

I never wanted to give you up in this situation.  I never wanted to step away.  But every day we crush our skulls together in defiance, makes me wonder if the bloodshed is really worth it.  I feel more unwanted with every step, like a mistake you made.  Because I won’t adhere to what the perfect “girlfriend” is.  I’m sorry my hearts big enough to share...but it’s also big enough to break.