The Guitar and its Boy

trigger warnings. ;; death, sexuality, alcohol.

suicide squad; starter sentences.

“We’re bad guys, it’s what we do.”

“I’m bored. Play with me!”

“You got all dressed up for me?”

“Booga-booga-booga!”

“That is just a whole lot of pretty and a whole lot of crazy.”

“She thought she was curing him, but she was falling in love.”

“What is this? Cheerleading tryouts?”

“Bring the car around. We’re going for a drive.”

“You got a boyfriend?”

“Gentleman, ladies: what if Superman had decided to fly down, rip off the roof of the White House, and grab the president right out of the Oval Office. Who would'a stopped him?”

“If they get caught, we throw ‘em under the bus.”

“Don’t make me shoot you.”

“My job is to keep you alive until you die. You understand that?”

“Please don’t touch me, please don’t touch me…”

“It’s taken me some time, but I finally have them. The worst of the worst.”

“Talk about a workplace romance gone wrong.”

“Love your perfume. What is that, the stench of death?”

“Ooh, you’re cute! You want me? I’m all yours.”

“You wanna see something? YOU WANNA SEE SOMETHING?”

“Come on, Puddin’. Do it!”

“I’ll accept the consequences.”

“You might want to keep your mouth shut.”

“I love this guy. He’s so intense!”

“Blah blah blah blah blah blah. All of that chit chat’s gonna get you hurt.”

“Let’s do something fun.”

“Everyone’s has a weakness, and a weakness can be leverage.”

“In a world of monsters, this is the only way to protect the country.”

“I don’t know what they told you, but I’m a hitman, not a fireman, I don’t save people!”

“If this man shoots me, I want you to kill him and I want you to go clear my browser history.”

“You don’t kill as many people as I’ve killed and still sleep like a kitten, but feel shit like love.”

“I want to build a team of some very dangerous people, who I think can do some good.”

“This is the deal: You disobey me, you die. You try to escape, you die.You irritate or vex me… and guess what? You die.”

“Here’s to honor among thieves.”

“I’m known for being quite vexing, I’m just forewarning you…”

“Oh, I’m not gonna kill you… I’m just gonna hurt you really, really bad.”

“Would you die for me?”

“Would you live for me?”

“You might wanna work on your team motivation thing.”

“I live for these moments with you.”

“Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you people?”

“Don’t forget: we’re the bad guys.”

“I love this guy!”

”Goodness is something chosen.”

”How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip-oil?”

”I am everyone’s friend, except to my enemies.”

”I see what is right and approve, but I do what is wrong.”

”I was calm on the outside, but thinking all the time.”

”I’ll give you just ten seconds to wipe that stupid grin off of your face.”

”Is it better for a man to have chosen evil than to have good imposed upon him?”

”It is as inhuman to be totally good as it is to be totally evil.”

”It may be horrible to be goоd. And when I say that to you I realize how self-contradictory that sounds.”

”It’s funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.”

”Senseless violence is a prerogative of youth, which has much energy but little talent for the constructive.”

”The important thing is moral choice. Evil has to exist along with good, in order that moral choice may operate. Life is sustained by the grinding opposition of moral entities.”

”There comes a time, however, when violence is seen as juvenile and boring.”

”To devastate is easier and more spectacular than to create.”

”Tomorrow is all like sweet flowers and the turning vonny earth and the stars and the old Luna up there.”

”We can destroy what we have written, but we cannot unwrite it.”

”Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?”

”Where do I come into all of this? Am I just some animal or dog?”

”You were not put on this Earth just to get in touch with God.”

“you should not laugh.”

“you should not forget about your problems.”

“the world is not funny.”

“i have no idea what’s going on over there.”

“what are they fighting about?”

“i can’t wrap my mind around exactly why i’m here.”

“you wanna be happy, well, get in line.”

“i love the idea of you.”

“that wasn’t clever, just mean.”

“do not give those dumb fucks any credit.”

“honesty’s for the birds, baby.”

“why is there a little boy living alone down the lane?”

“am i the only one concerned for this little boy?”

“if you’re writing honestly, that’s art.”

“that’s textbook pandering.”

“that’s a scarecrow, thought it was a human woman, sorry.”

“i hope you’re feeling me subtextually.”

“the boots i’m wearing cost three grand.”

“you don’t know what land you’re in.”

“they’re lying and manipulating you.”

“you deserve better.”

“thank you, weird man. bye.”

“culture’s over, everybody, we lost.”

“how dare they think them fucking around is worthy of your attention?”

“yeah, ‘whoo’ that sadness out.”

“if you want love, lower your expectations a lot.”

“if he’s got a thing for feet, say, fuck it, sweep me off them.”

“you might think your dick’s a gift, but i promise, it’s not.”

“but deep down we know we don’t deserve it.”

“we all deserve love, even on the days we aren’t our best.”

“original doesn’t mean good.”

“why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise?”

“touché, bitch.”

“i have to clean it up because you’ll only mess it up more if you do.”

“flaming hot cheetos are not for pussies.”

“they’re not sponsoring me, i’m just trying to get them to.”

“do not stick with me through thick.”

“if i stop entertaining you, kick me to the curb.”

“man, if only i was anybody else at all.”

“i went through a pretty rough breakup recently.”

“it’s over.”

“we shouldn’t fight to stay together just to fight again.”

“eat a dick.”

if you don’t like this dick sitch, eat a dick, bitch.”

“i try to speak to you but you don’t listen.”

“honestly, are you fucking five?”

“i’m saying how i’m feeling and you’re saying ‘eat a dick’ over and over again, does that seem mature to you?”

“i’m hurt and i’m trying to hide it.”

“i thought we had a future together.”

“i didn’t think you’d cry for me.”

“i thought you were lashing out in anger but now i see you’re scared.”

“maybe we can work this out and not break up.”

“you think three lousy tears offsets three years of shit?”

“you’re not what i need, hon; lick this clit then leave, son.”

“can i say my shit?”

“i’ve got lots of shit to say.”

“i can’t fit my hand inside a pringle can.”

“you think you can, i know you can’t.”

“irony can be so painful.”

“dude, you should’ve warned me.”

“half the shit inside my burrito spilled out.”

“i wouldn’t have got the _______ if i knew it wouldn’t fit.”

“truth is, my biggest problem’s you.”

“i wanna please you but i wanna stay true to myself.”

“a part of me loves you, a part of me hates you.”

“i don’t think that i can handle this right now.”

“if you hated it, that’s fair.”

“on a scale of one to zero, are you happy?”

“i really wanna try to get happy.”

“i wouldn’t even want it if i got it.”

“oh god, my dad was right.”

LIKE THIS FOR A STARTER

Why is there a conga line of pain following me?

Fear not! For every problem there is a solution, and that solution’s name is gauze.

That was the worst excuse of comedy to have ever fallen out of my mouth.

The combination of my incompetence and the general fun i’m having is way to much.

Got cocky. Got cockier than a twelve foot long dildo.

Don’t do the thing! Oh, she did the thing alright.

Stare in my eyes and what did you see? A cunt with no personality.

Today I learned that cereal can open doors.

“Overcome the test of love.” Ai'ight.

Did they just advertise fighting furries or did I read that wrong?

Where am I- Oh my god I didn’t think that could happen.

Why is water my mortal enemy?

Oh. My. God. It’s fucking magical.

I saw a future where you were dead and I was slightly happy.

I’m going to watch you decend into anarchy.

That’s fucking amazing. It’s everything I wanted and more.