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June 14, 1920 Letters to Milena by Franz Kafka First published : 1952

-s s19p1 -kaemusings

-he finally made his way downstairs -not quite settled in his hotel room, but after his flight he went straight to a meeting and wanted some space for a little wind down. -partly he needed some room to soothe himself on his flower sending move. -he didn’t regret it and it was actually in line to what he was doing in life these days -being more in the moment -being bold in other areas, not just business -and he always added the caveat ‘when it makes sense’, and he had already been through his self dialogue that it did. -also ‘saying what you mean’ was also something he had learned from past relationships and wanted to put more in routine practice -and so far, letting the chips fall where they may, inclusive of who stayed and who didn’t, worked for him. -so with that last thought he decided to drop it -he didn’t think they’d see each other while out here -but wanted to plant a seed for when they were both in the city just in case -and if it was no case, that was going to be fine too. -so he went through his phone, scrolling to decide where he’d go visit tomorrow, when something compelled him to look up. -and when he did he saw her. -he let his eyes track her facial expression, making note how seemingly more carefree she seemed -then he laid his eyes down her frame, realizing he hadn’t quite grasped her full self as he could now from further away. -he was hoping he wasn’t visible to her -the last thing he wanted was for her to think he was stalking her -especially after writing too much on that card and reminding her that he knew where she stayed. -once he saw her turn the corner away from him, he moved and found a more discrete corner to chill in -deciding right then that he wasn’t going to mess with her during this trip -unless she came to find him herself.

-s s19p1 -kaemusings

-between the hustle and bustle to get to the hotel, along with her nap, she actually forgot that flying in had its own hiccups along the way -everything she took in stride as she was just happy to have the destination almost near -but the flight out of her hometown was delayed by hours unexpectedly. -luckily she had planned an earlier flight with the thought of her first day being a throwaway day for rest and adjustment anyway. -but it was there that she met her now flower admirer -she knew he was flirting with her while they waited to board -and she may have been flirting back she didn’t know -or rather she didn’t restrict herself as she would’ve in the past -they shared an appetizer and beer and details of their trips, the reason behind them along with a few other life shares that feel easy to do with strangers when you’re delved in the moment. -she may have shared where she was staying, and as she snapped out of her memory to go back to the card, she realized she must have done exactly that. -the card continued on ‘…i hope these flowers find you well. -i didn’t know what room your were staying in but had them delivered to the front desk’ -that gave her a bit of relief after she wondered if she shared too much ‘…but i needed you to know how much of an impression you made on me’, -she scrunched her face at that part, wondering at what point could she have done that? -then still reading, ‘…it’s no pressure and i want you to enjoy your trip, but i’m in room 205 if you need me and hopefully you saved my number when we exchanged earlier. -anyway, take care and hope to talk to you again’ -she then looked at the small paragraph on the card as a whole -then looked off to the side -and wondered wtf was going on actually? -it wasn’t the words or even the expression that threw her. -actually most of the men she came across or at least kept around, were somewhat brooding but wordy and emotional once they let it out. -it was the suddenness of it maybe that she would not have expected. -also she didn’t know how she felt about being or starting a relationship -and actually, before she let herself take that thought further, she decided that she didn’t have to -that this was just a sweet gesture of flowers and she could enjoy it as that -she would be aware but for that moment, she found the vase included the box and set the roses in water to be waiting for her when she returned.

Hermann Hesse, Demian, (1919)

June 13, 1926 Journals of Anais Nin 1923-1927 [volume 3]