Mahalala's inhuman mess

People who buy a book, read the book, and then go out and buy another book are people I admire because I buy 12 books at once and 11 of them usually sit there unread for years.

she’s beauty she’s grace she’s in love with aliens and space

i think the top one is a cat and the bottom one is a pig

Because of their barking, dogs would never get past the initial set up of a knock knock joke.

Being abused can seriously affect your ability to distinguish between “not obviously pleased” and “obviously displeased” because abusers go from Neutral to Hostile for absolutely no discernible reason, and eventually you start worrying that everyone is going to be like that and you start feeling this urge to make absolutely sure that the people you actually care about aren’t mad or upset, because to you, “there’s no evidence that they’re not angry” is the same as “there’s evidence that they are angry”

!!! this thing! this thing right here!

Dogs are great because they could rip you apart and eat you but they don’t because they want belly rubs instead

WebMD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer

If I had a time machine, I’d go to a thrift store in 2056 and buy some reasonably priced clothes from my own generation.

“significant” other? oh yeah? let’s see those p-values

Video: Meet Baby Dory From Pixar’s ‘Finding Dory’