Mutant Dating Problems

Okay first off I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this dude, you don’t deserve to be treated like that or talked to like that, there’s nothing wrong with you and  I fucking hate the whole “it’s the devil talking” line of ‘reasoning’ for people being gay, it’s just so obviously fucking stupid and I really wanna punch your mom for saying that to you. Second off: Call Xavier’s school, call right now, pack everything you can carry or absolutely need or want and go to a friends house for the night (or tell whoever answers your phone call that it’s an emergency and you want to be picked up as soon as possible). Xavier’s will send a team no questions asked and pick you up and bring you to the school where you can learn how to use your mutant abilities (and embrace your awesomness as a mutant) surrounded by other mutants who are just like you, and you’ll be accepted without a doubt for your sexuality too since like at least 60% of the school populace is also queer as hell. Seriously man you do not have to live like this, I promise you you’ll be safe here (minus the occasional explosion that destroys the school, universe merging, multi-dimensional crisis, sentinel attack, government attack, general government fuck-up,Jean Grey/Phoenix event, wicked crazy party (because drunk kids with mutant abilities causes a whole lot of destruction and hilarity), random non-Xavier’s mutant group attacks, and random accidental power flare-ups from fellow students….), and not just safe but accepted. And if your parents show up or demand ta speak with you or something Professor X will stop them or mediate a meeting or whatever makes you feel safest (he can even get you legally emancipated from your parents so they have no legal control over you). Just trust me friend there’s nothing wrong with you and your parents shouldn’t be saying shit like that because there’s nothing wrong with being gay or with being a mutant, your parents are quite simply just wrong. So come on up and enroll at Xavier’s, you won’t regret it, and I promise you that you’ll find people who support and love you here. 

Okay so I have two pieces of advice, one is legit and one is more joking but still advice nonetheless. So first up my real advice is to tell people that they are making you uncomfortable when the hit on you or flirt with you (by the way as a fellow ace I feel you on this so hard), I know it sounds basic and stupid but non-shitty people will usually apologize and back off if you ask them too. And if they weren’t intentionally flirting with you they’ll probably still apologize and back off (again if they aren’t total dick-waffles). Maybe even explain why it makes you so uncomfortable (if it’s a safe space for you to be able to and the other person isn’t a shitty ace-phobe or something) because understanding why is makes you uncomfortable will help a lot of people adjust their behavior better cause otherwise they might sometimes think you just hate them or something and then they can turn into angry asshole and stuff or if they’re your friend you could end up messing up your friendship by accident. ( Alternate kinda funny suggestion: Get a shirt or a button or something that says something along the lines of “Flirt with me and I’ll set you on fire” or alternatively if you like puns “I know I’m foxy but keep your flirting to yourself or get flamed” and they could be in the ace flag colors or something). For my kinda joke advice it’s kind of a follow-up to my real advice. Basically if someone turns into a dickhole because you asked them to stop flirting with you and they somehow took offense to it: Set. Them. On. FIRE!! Like maybe not fatally or super badly, like maybe just their jacket so they can take it off or something like that (I dunno how accurate your powers are but if you can just burn their eyebrows off without really damaging their face I highly recommend it cause it’s funny as hell) because if someone is being so much of a fuckwad and you warned them and were nice about it first they deserve a little pay-back in my opinion.

 #youareliteralfirefox #Iwannamakeawindowsjokesobad #mutantAceandproud #hopepeoplearen’tdickholestoya #goodluckfoxyfriend #mutantdatingpuns #oratleastkindamutantdatingpuns

Wow……What a total dick-waffle triple dipped in fuckwad…….Sorry man I’m with your friend Tommy here. A guy like that deserves the highest amount of inconvenience that can be done to him. I suggest moving everything in his apartment two inches to the left so he runs into shit all the time and then once he adjusts to it move it all back (maybe move it two inches to the right after he adjusts again just for good measure). May I suggest alcoholic ice cream floats for comfort and a getting-tipsy delivery system, they’re really good (especially with cake flavored vodka). I’m sorry that that happened to you though, it’s total bullshit that people think we’re diseased or broken or something, like yeah we didn’t choose it but most of us (at least most of the mutants I know) if given the choice would choose ta stay mutants because it’s part of who we are. How dare dick-waffle guy suggest that our abilities and attributes are “symptoms of a disease”, how dare he presume to think it’s some kind of a compliment or some source of “ally points” to say that he “doesn’t blame us” for being mutants. Seriously bro, let Tommy wreck his place and THEN get tipsy and cuddle.

Heya friend, I can definitely see how this is a tough situation for ya. I can understand Soundwaves issue with humans and I can see why she’s understandably angry at humans, but if she is your true friend then I don’t think she’ll judge you or hate you for who you love. If this normal human girl who is so amazing and whom you love so much makes you happy and loves you just as much as you love her then Soundwave as your friend should support it. I’m not saying it’ll be easy or without problems. When someone (or a group of someones) hurts you really badly it can be hard to let your hatred go (and I’m not saying Soundwave should just let it go like it’s super easy and like she doesn’t have a serious reason for her hatred and bitterness) but when it comes down to it I think it’s important to see the bright spots among the dark and fucked up especially when it comes to people because it’s such a wide and varied group and not all of them are evil (this is not always true for all groups within humanity obviously. Like mutant haters and homophobes and such hate-group types are straight up assholes with no exception of course). You can even use this as an opportunity to show Soundwave that not all humans are evil or out ta hurt Mutants (and their cats….which is royally fucked up by the way….I’d fuck up anyone who hurt a kitty or any other animal because that’s without a doubt sick and wrong and evil). Maybe invite Soundwave to meet your girlfriend, let her see how happy you are together, how happy your girl makes you, how in love you are, tell her that her friendship means the world to you and you really want her to like the woman you love because she means the world to you too, and maybe it’ll help Soundwave see that this girl isn’t a threat to her or to you. Oh and maybe before the whole meeting thing you should talk to Soundwave about it, chances are she’ll be happy that you’re happy even if it is with a human girl. (Besides considering Soundwave has sent us an ask I’m pretty sure she understands how hard dating can be for mutants so I’m betting on her being understanding of the situation.)

Dude! That is hilarious! And don’t worry, though we are mainly a dating-based story/problem blog we do not mind hearing about your general wacky mutant shenanigans too! I sincerely hope your dream comes true my friend, the Avengers are pretty awesome and they’d be even more awesome with you on the team I’m sure. Besides it can’t be that hard ta get in, they let Hawkeye in after all (Clint if you’re reading this I promise this is a joke, we love you and you know it. *signs out “You’re seriously awesome dude!” in sign language*). By the way it sounds like we totally woulda been friends in kindergarten, cause I was known for causing trouble and giving “weird” answers myself! (Apparently Vampire Superhero was not a valid career choice….well jokes on you Mr. A, I’m a superhero in training and I have fangs, pale skin, and I avoid sunlight so I’m basically a vampire superhero, suck it!) #awesomemutantkids #futureAvenger #weloveHawkeye #you’reawesomefriend #weknowyou’llmaketheteam #andwe’llbuyyourmerch 

Okay as a plus size person who is also a mutant with obvious physical mutations I will join you in the inevitable vomiting that follows thinking about these creeps. Ugh they bug the fuck outta me. Like listen weirdo there’s nothing wrong with kinks and stuff but mutation is not a kink, and it’s creepy and dehumanizing when you treat us as a kink. Same with being fat, like yes I get it, we’re insanely attractive and awesome but if you only like us for our weight it makes us wanna punch you. There’s a person inside this chubby mutant body and you’d best learn ta respect that shiz or get the fuck outta here. Like how many times do we have ta be on like Tinder and get a message from someone that’s like “Hey I saw in your bio that you’re a mutant….that’s so fucking hot!! I’m a normal guy but oh my god I fucking love banging mutie chicks! They’re absolute freaks in bed! Way better than a normal human chick!” or “Oh my god I love your rolls and your chub! Just let me feed you or cover you in icing and lick it off! God I love fat girls!” and if it’s both I instantly block and then vomit. Stop fetishizing our existence people, it is not a good way to get a date or even an easy fuck, it;s just creepy and uncomfortable and might earn you a punch in the throat. #fuckoffwithyourfetishizing #we’repeople #fabulousgorgeouspeople #butpeopleokay #stopfetishizingmutants2k18 #stopfetishizingfatpeople2k18 #juststopfetishizingpeopleingeneral2k18 

Hey everyone, we got tagged by @localmutantlesbian in this mutant ask thing so here we go (as always Z will be using bolded font and Vex will use italics and if we’re both saying it it’ll be both bolded and in italics, just so ya know who’s who in our answers if ya don’t wanna read our names every time). Here we go!

1. What’s your codename/mutant name?

Z: I can’t decide honestly, I’ve considered something simple like “Shifter” and crazy shit like “Dragon Queen” but they’ve all been shot down so far either by me or by Prof.X or one of the other Profs or my friends for being lame

V: This is a question I hate because I totally would’ve gone with like “Multiple Girl” but Multiple Man has that and they won’t let me pick something in a dead or nerd language (even though I think it’d be super cool) so I also don’t have one. We don;t go into the field much yet though so it doesn’t really matter yet.

2. Age?

Z: 19 going on 20, birthday is in May

V: Same except my birthday is in June

3. Gender and pronouns?

Z: Genderfluid with a current lean towards nonbinary so they/them or she/her or he/him all work for me, I don’t really care

V: Genderqueer, They/Them or She/Her please

4. What is your mutation(s)?

Z: Shapeshifting and mild hydrokinesis and is ADHD a mutation? Cause I swear it gives me superpowers

V: Creating multiples of myself and enhanced strength, speed, and senses. And yeah ADHD should definitely count as a power.

5. Are you a member of any mutant group (X-Men, The Mutant Underground, The Brotherhood of Mutants, Morlocks, etc)?

Z: X-Men in training at Xavier's (But I have friends in The Brotherhood)

V: Ditto

6. Got any physical mutations?

Z: Yeah, although mine are mostly by choice seeing as I’m a shapeshifter. I’m fond of my claws and fangs and tails and scales and horns and freaky eyes for everyday use

V: Nope, not really.

7. When did your powers manifest?

Z: Around 13

V: 12 and a half

8. What is your favourite thing about your powers?

Z: Everything. I love my powers, I love that I can be anything and do anything if I put my mind to it. It makes me who I am honestly, I don’t know who I’d be without my powers. Hell I’d probably have killed myself if my powers hadn’t manifested when they did I hated myself so much back then. Of course being at Xavier’s and meeting V and my other friends helped too. But yeah I love my powers and how they make me feel.

V: Ditto honestly, my powers help me learn so much and so much faster than I used to be able to, the focus I gain from my clones alone is a life saver when I have to do anything I find boring (which is a lot because Inattentive ADHD sucks royally). The enhanced senses and stuff are pretty awesome too, nothing better than losing your favorite pen under a couch and being able to lift the couch over your head ta get it back. I wouldn’t trade my powers for anything in the world.

9. Biggest pet peeve related to being a mutant?

Z: Assholes being assholes to us, assholes who only approve of human-passing mutants who think we should be grateful they even tolerate that much, not being able to find good shapeshifter friendly clothing that still looks cool and comes in plus sizes, and uppity fuckwad mutants who judge others on powers or looks or anything else because god dammit we need to stick together and support each other. I could go on because I have a lot but I won’t or this’ll take forever.

V: The asshole issues that Z pointed out but also when my powers go outta control cause I lose my cool or something and I have ta calm down ta find control again and it’s really hard, or when I sneeze cause of allergies and I accidentally sneeze a clone out...it’s embarrassing. Also accidentally hurting people with my enhanced strength....I hate that too

10. Ever been to space or another dimension?

Z: Yeah by accident.....it involved tequila....lots of tequila....

V: Nope

11. Do you wear a costume (BE HONEST)

Z: Sorta? I have ta make a lot of my own clothes cause of my physical mutations and shapeshifting so sometimes they come out looking very costumey and I am fond of leather which doesn’t help. I guess my battle gear counts? Loose black cargo pants (need all the pockets for gadgets and snacks cause shapeshifting requires a fuckton of calories and effort), black tank top (lightweight body armor actually but designed ta look like a tank top), arm warmers (again armor, they cover from my wrists to halfway up my upper arm, they’re also black). black leather fingerless gloves, combat boots (with knives hidden in the toes, also black except I change the laces all the time cause I like making them funky colors and designs), and a black leather weapons belt that holds at least one stun gun, two daggers/medium sized knives, and in some cases a sword because I like it. All of it’s like....well for lack of a better term...enchanted ta survive my shifts (including into dragon form) so it doesn’t rip or tear or anything. Apparently when I shift it kinda just disappears into a pocket dimension and then reappears on me when I shift back...I dunno how it works, ask Scarlet Witch she hooked me up. And by the way the weapons are because sometimes if I’m too drained ta shift I gotta go hand-to hand.

V: Yeah kinda, it’s my battle gear too. Navy cargo pants (I keep extra snacks for Z), black t-shirt, black wrist guards, black boots with purple laces and skulls and stuff painted on them, purple weapons belt holding a stun gun, throwing knives (like a frick ton, I also store more in my pants), more knives of varying sizes, smoke bombs (great for sneak attacks, just throw to confuse enemy and then attack from all sides with clones. I have flash bombs too), and a couple different versions of brass knuckles, and then I wear opaque black sunglasses too because I like them. Oh and yes my shirt is body armor like Z’s is of course, and my boots are steel toe.

12. Are you a minority in another way (race, gender, disability, etc)?

Z: Genderfluid Panromantic Demisexual who’s got mad depression, anxiety, ADHD, and fainting spells and I’m Polyamorous

V: Genderqueer, Queer in general, demisexual and polyamorous also with severe anxiety as well as dsycalculia and ADHD 

13. Coolest power you’ve seen?

Z: I love Storm’s powers, but Scarlet Witch is pretty cool too

V: I concur with Storm but I’m also fond of Z’s powers cause watching your friend turn into a dragion is really cool

14. Favourite mutant artist?

Z: Dunno

V: Ditto

15. How would your friends describe you?

Z: Loud, proud, queer as fuck, angry, musical, a water baby, a literal and metaphorical dragon, bad influence, pun queen, kind of insane, kinky, and V’s shoulder devil/inner crazy bitch. 

V: Quiet, secretly vindictive, punk af, dorky, wordy, easily distracted, helpful, accidental group therapist, mom friend, and Z’s conscience/shoulder angel. 

16. Enhanced/powered person you most want to meet?

Z: Deadpool, I always miss him when he visits and it sucks

V: Spiderman......I just think he seem really cool

17. Feelings about mutant registration?

Z: No, just no. That’s how they end up rounding us up and killing us all. If it’s an operation run by us mutants ourselves as a way to work together and support each other and offer aid to mutants and help mutant youth who’ve been kicked out of their homes and stuff like that then sure. But not some government list of us all, fuck no.

V: Yeah ditto on that.

18. #MutantandProud or #WeWantACure?

Z&V: #MutantandProud

Z&V: Again unless it’s something regulated by mutants for mutants, no. Because it should be a mutants choice whether or not they want their powers because some people get royally screwed and end up with powers they hate because they are dangerous or something like that. It shouldn’t be something the government or anyone else can decide, it should always be the mutants individual choice. 

19. How did you choose your codename?

Z: Don’t have one yet but when I do choose it’ll probably be like...by throwing darts at a bunch of names I like or a coin flip or something

V: Don’t have one yet, I’ll tell you how I chose it when I figure one out.

20. OPTIONAL: what caused your powers to manifest?

Z: Got mad, grew talons and fangs and scales cause I was reading about mythological creatures earlier, was not pretty. It happened when I was alone though so that was a plus. (I was mad because of a text from my boyfriend at the time). The hydrokinesis thing I figured out after I got to Xavier’s...was outside in the courtyard....got catcalled by some asshole student....wished I could dump water on his head....fountain water flew up and over and dumped gallons on his head....it was awesome.

V: I sneezed at the dinner table and three clones shot out of me....the strength and speed stuff I figured out at school in gym class when suddenly I was kicking ass at track and field after always sucking at it my whole life....The senses I figured out when I could hear waaaayyyyy too much noise everywhere and everything smelled waaayyy too strong and suddenly I could see without my glasses (yeah I used ta have and need glasses, I don’t anymore but if I did they’d be cats-eye style like a vintage librarian because reasons). 

Tagging: We’re not really sure who ta tag so if you wanna do it then feel free ta do it and tag us!

(And thank you again to @localmutantlesbian for tagging us! We loved doing this!)

~Mod Z

~Mod Vex

We’ve actually had someone with a similar problem on this blog before so I have some generic advice on this. First piece of advice: Maybe wear gloves in your dates along with some other body-covering clothes? (Ask Rogue where she gets her stuff if you’re a student here at Xaviers cause she is an absolute godsend when it comes ta getting clothes that both make you feel fabulous and keep you from dangerous skin contact). Second piece of advice: For the sexytimes I kniw it sounds kinda lame but condoms can really help as well as keeping most of your clothing on while doin it (I know it’s pretty lame advice but it’s pretty much all I got). And of course we have lots of mutants here with similar abilities who might be able ta help you find a way ta control your abilities, Rogue for instance is a serious font of knowledge on this kinda stuff and the Professor could probably help a lot too. I’m sorry man, I wish there was more I could do ta help. But I (and my other mod friend) wish you luck getting lucky and finding love!

Hey guys, here’s our little reintroduction to all of you.

Alright I’m up first: Sup I’m the mod formerly known as Xeran and is now known as Z. I’m a shapeshifter capable of becoming anything with enough practice (other mutants, humans, animals, fantasy creatures, etc) and I’m also capable of smaller things like changing my hair and nail color or giving myself gills or wings. I’m pretty fond of my dragon form and when I’m in my humanoid form I tend ta have fangs, claws, wings, freaky eyes, scales, tails, and even horns because I’m all about lettin my freak flag fly (and by freak flag I mean my mutant attributes because I refuse ta believe that being myself is wrong or shameful). I also have mild hydrokinesis. I’m panromantic and demisexual as well as being polyamorous and genderfluid. My most common gender is a nebulous in-between state that is best described with a shrug and a vague wiggly hand gesture or with vaguely 90′s/80′s butch gay punk. Basically I’m a loud and proud queer sarcastic plus size mutant dorkwad in a jean vest and crop top who is always down ta kick the ass of anyone who bullies or belittles others because I just do not have time for bigots and dickheads in my life. Oh and since our pronouns don’t ever really come up on here anyways I don;t really give a fuck what pronouns you use for me at all.

Okay I’m up now then. I’m Vex, you can call me Vex or V or whatever. I create clones of myself that can act independently of me and when I reabsorb them I also absorb everything they learned and saw so that I know it too which is cool, I commonly use it to learn new languages faster and easier which is why I know many languages including sign language, elvish and various dead languages. I also have enhanced speed, strength, and senses. I have a short purple and blue mohawk that I normally wear in spikes just in case my hair is important to you. I’m genderqueer and queer in general along with being poly and demisexual like my friend Z above me. I’m probably the more level-headed of the two of us and my rage tends to be more verbal than physical (unlike my dragony friend up there). I’m very very ADHD (So am I, forgot ta say that~Z) which is both a blessing and a curse. As for pronouns I’m partial to they/them and she/her but as Z said above our pronouns don’t come up on this blog much anyways.

Alrighty guys that’s the end of our little reintroduction to you all.

Again we just wanna say that we love you all and we are so thankful that you love this blog as much as we do and we can’t wait ta see what crazy shit appears in our inbox next!

Alright so when it comes to worrying about alternate universes screwing with your head in your current universe my main piece of advice is honestly ta try ta think of it like an episode of a tv show. Lemme explain: What I mean by thinking of it as a tv show is try thinking of it as something entirely separate from your real life while still realizing that it can effect your real life and that it’s okay relate and understand it in regards to your life. Like ya know how you relate ta characters in tv shows and you relate to what they go through and you compare it to your real life and you think about what you would do and say if you were in the same situations as them and you wonder what advice you’d give them and things like that? Well alternate universes (and of course alternate yous in those universes) are a lot like that, alternate you is a lot like a character in a tv show who reminds you of yourself because even though it’s you it’s not the you that you know, so you’re similar but not the same and therefore the decisions that alternate you makes are not exactly the same decisions that you’d make and their life is not your life. So what I’s saying is it’s not bad ta think about what your alternate selves did and felt and said and all that but you have ta distance yourself from it and look at all of it as if it was a character that you really relate to and see yourself in rather than another version of yourself. Also try talking to this person that you have feelings for about all this stuff and maybe it’ll all be a bit easier together. Hope this helps you bro. 

Holy fuck guys this blog has 100 posts on it now (well a hundred and one technically now..)!!!!! We’d just like ta say thank you to all of you who follow us and submit your stuff ta us and legit help us keep this blog running, we know we’ve had some majorly long periods where we were inactive and we know that it totally sucks when we do that but the fact that you guys (all 190 of you) stuck it out and stayed with us means a lot to us (and a special thank you to all of you who followers who consistently like our posts, some of you like them as soon as they go up and we are always impressed when you do that and it’s always really awesome, if you’re one of these people just know that we notice you and we love when your usernames pop across our activity feed). We love all of you so much and are so grateful that you like our blog as much as you do and we cannot wait ta see the crazy stuff you guys send us!! And on that note send us new stuff guys!! We are always in need of new stories!! 

Love from,

~Mods