Thought Wall

All and all, I want to thank you, because you inspire me to grow into a better person - and whoever that person may be, I’ll make sure that he is nothing like the self-entitled, irresponsible, unempathetic, bitter, humanity hating lot, that you represent. Some of you may feel hurt of what I just wrote - some of you might even think that I’m *insert your favourite slur here*. But in the end, you can blame youselves for that, for I am - at least partially - your creation.

In some sense, Satan can be seen as a symbol for man. We are the ones, who trample nations; we are are the ones, who make kingdoms fall one by one. We are the ones, who fall for temptations of our own making. Our daughters fall for our sons; our sons fall for our daughters. We are serpent-like deceivers to masses who stand in awe. And, some day, we may ascend to the Heaven - above the stars of God.

Dear fat acceptance people: be proud of what you are and do expect to be treated as equal, but please, don’t close your eyes to the fact, that being medically overweight is still a serious health issue. The truth still doesn’t need your approval, and it’s delusional to dismiss truth just so you could feel good about yourself.

And if they do, what kind of thoughts and feelings arise from it?

1. Nobody owns you shit. 2. Handle your own shit. 3. If someone does something good for you, it's a blessing.

“If you can’t tell a difference between a contract made by two consenting, adult, human individuals, and zoophilia, the I suggest, that you don’t get a pet.”

Okay, so maybe (most likely) the ancient Mycenean civilisation was not brought down by some huge ontological revelation, but the curious notion remains. What if the world does not end in a nuclear war, nor in a cosmic catastrope, nor by some religious apocalypse. What if the world ends through madness? 

- Unknown

I revel in the idea of becoming the best version of me that I can be, so I'd rather focus on that. By becoming the best me - I figure - I will also (hopefully) attract the woman that's best for me. I also realise, that the best way to create attraction, is to actively trying to create it. So, while I improve myself in general, I also try to improve my social skills with the ladies as well - one baby step at at a time, since I'm not socially that aggressive. Hopefully this will pay of some day and I'll become worthy for "her" (whoever she may be). "But Murhasuu", i hear some of you asking, "when do you know you've become the best version of you?" Well, who knows? Maybe tomorrow; maybe in a hundred years - but it's still a better thing to do than being a bitter woman hater, crying in a corner.

As a student of art theory, questions of beauty are somewhat of an interest to me. I see beauty as an human concept, which often is in the eyes of the beholder, but does there exist such thing as standard for beauty? Some artists (i.e. Le Corbusier, da Vinci and Dali) have used golden ratio as a proportioning tool for their art, believing this particular proportion to be aesthetically pleasing. Adolf Zeising saw golden ratio as a universal law, which can be observed everywhere in nature, suggesting, that perhaps all formative strive for proportional beauty and completeness in nature. Some studies seem to suggest, that humans are instinctively more attracted/drawn to symmetrical features (i.e. we seem to find symmetrical faces the most attractive). For me these type of things suggest, that maybe there are some rules for (both nature's and human) beauty, that can be considered universal. Standards of human beauty, however, have varied through human history and throughout cultures (and they still do). For example, until the 20th century foot binding was a common practice of upper class women in Chinese culture; in some parts of Mauritania and Nigeria girls and soon-to-be-brides are force-fed in order to become fat (because apparently being fat  symbolizes good life and wealth); in many renaissance paintings, women where often more or less voluptous (i.e. The Birth of Venus by Botticelli); Kayan Lahwi women (Burma) wear  brass coils, that give an expression of an elongated neck, which is considered both a part of tradition, and a standard for beauty. These examples brings me to a point, which seems to be common in modern (especially western) world: Our standard of human beauty is mostly constructed. What I mean by this, is that in modern world  human beauty has become an idea - an idea that needs to sell as much stuff as possible. People (and especially women) are being bombarded by the idea of "beauty", filtered through various marketing forces. For many people, commercial beauty is unachievable - and, surprisingly often, it even seems to be downright impossible. Nevertheless commercials and advertisements promise beauty from lotion bottles, hair products, makeups and many other beauty products - and if everything else fails, there's always plastic surgeons table for those, who are willing to bring in the big bucks. The later can also be used to get the "ideal" body if any amount of gym or other fitness products simple won't cut it (or maybe you are unable to hit the gym to begin with). I think, that people need to realize, that modern commercial beauty is nothing but one of many beauty standards (with an ultimate goal which is to make money), and that ultimately everyone is free to have their own idea of what is beautiful and what is not; thus beauty has as many varieties as there are people. Many individual ideals may be more or less alike; others may be more exotic and obscure. However, there is no reason, why these ideals (as long as individuals subscribing to the ideal do so willingly) cannot co-exist without ridiculing or condemning one another, for what we see as beautiful, is a matter of taste - and that is something that simply cannot be (or at least should not be) forced upon your fellow man.

First, I must say, that I'm not a Christian, Muslim, or any other deity worshipping person; nor do I worship "the Devil" or any other evils of this world. In this text, I merely choose to speak in a language, which any God - or Devil - fearing person might understand. You, worshippers of God, tend to personify your master as "good", "righteous", "loving", "merciful", "kind", and so fort; likewise, you deem His adversary - the Devil - as "evil", "devious", "lying", "malicious", "manipulative", "tempting", etc. That's what I often see you do: you outsource these attributes to personified powers, that you - more or less - have no control over. When God fails to save people from natural catastrophes, he "works in mysterious ways"; when something exceptionally good or righteous happens, it is "a God's miracle"; when something exceptionally atrocious, evil, and awful happens, it is "the work of the Devil". You deem extreme acts of good and evil as the work of God or the Devil working through people: this is what I often hear you say. Maybe it's true: maybe God and Devil have always been there. Watching, waiting, holding their breaths. But they are no puppeteers, people. They don't make things happen - it doesn't work that way. They merely set the stage and watch us play our part: just like God gives us the freedom of choise, so does the Devil. We are merely children in their playground. So if anything in this world goes astray, the fault is in you, and from you it needs to be sought. Likewise, all the good also comes from you, and from you it also needs to be sought. 

A few days ago I had a dream. It began in a market hall (those who don't know, it's like a market place, but put into in-door environment). This market hall had two floors - the first one serving as the actual market place, and the second one as a balcony, that circles the whole market hall. I was fooling around on the second floor balcony like a kid would, even though I'm actually a grown man. My child like actions caught me in trouble - while I was hanging off the edge of the balcony, a managed to drop something (don't know exactly what) through one sealing of one booth, which happened to be made out of one huge glass panel. The panel shattered completely, covering the booth and all it's goods in shards of glass. The owner of the booth - a middle aged woman selling berries, vegetables, mushrooms and other natural goods - came forth and declared, with a disappointed face, that I should pay for what I have done, and that we should change some information for insurances and such. My income is below average, so naturally this turn of events disturbed me, but never the less, I braced myself for everything that was to come. But then, suddenly, I was in a spruce forest. The weather was cloudy, but otherwise, it was a warm summer day. I started running in the forest - feeling free from all the worries of everyday life. Then out of nowhere, a friend of mine joined me on my run. He asked me: "But what about the whole breaking-the-glass-ceiling -thing?" "Who cares?", I replied, "We never exchanged information, so how I'm even supposed to find her? Or how is she going to find me?" Knowing very well, that I could find the booth lady simply by going back to her booth - but I choose not to, because secretly I was too worried about my financial well-being. After running for a while, I came to a small lake. I felt like swimming across it, so I took off all my clothes and started swimming. I had swam about 20 meter, when I suddenly felt a pull on my leg - it was a human hand, forcing me to stop swimming. My force-full interceptor was a rough-looking middle aged man. He was very fit and strong for his age. The water was shallow enough to only reach my chest, so I stood up, facing the man's stern expression. When he saw, that wasn't going anywhere, he said: "Come back to the shore. I need to talk with you." As I followed the man, I noticed that someone else was already waiting for us on the shore made out of solid bedrock - it was the booth lady. To my confusion, there was another person besides the booth lady: my mother. When we go the the shore, the stern-looking man asked me to sit down - and then, he started to talk. The mans voice was fire and brimstone: he spoke ill of me and my generation, which "lacks empathy and doesn't care about anyone or anything". He also spoke ill of my mother for "raising such a disrespectful son", which, in turn, made me very angry. This man basically knew nothing about me, my family, or my upbringing, and yet, he spoke to me as if I was the worst scum of the Earth. Finally my anger got the best of me and I shouted: "I do care! I try to pull my weight in this world, but sometimes it's very hard or even impossible! I try not to cause harm to anyone or my environment - I respect people and my surroundings by leaving them alone!" At that moment, the man's complexion changed. He became calm, and I could see his face turning from anger to compassion - a hint of sadness gleamed from his eyes. Then he started to speak again. It turned out, that the man was the booth lady's husband, and that they are farmers and hunter-gatherers, which is their main source of income. Then he - the hunter - gave a heart-warmed speech about how he had seen people's increasing greed and selfishness slowly destroying the earth, and it's natural riches. To him, people were nothing but self-serving greed on wheels - a true cancer upon this celestial body we call planet Earth. I found the hunter's word true, but somewhat naive - nihilistic even - so I said to him: "Most people are rather well informed about these things nowadays. They try to reduce wasteful behavior and actions that are bad for the Earth." The hunter slowly shaked his head, and then he replied: "Don't you see: the world is full of people like you, who try to do good by not doing bad things. But how many of them actually do anything good?" This is when the dream ended. That very moment of my awakening was rather a revealing one. The dream culminated into one idea which spoke to me on a personal level: every action - even inaction - has a consequence. I realized, that I've become one of those people the hunter talked about: mostly a passive non-destroyer who thinks, that it's enough simply not to do bad things. I've also done some good things, but now I wonder, how much more good could I possibly do?