When I see shirtless male joggers I want to hit them with my car

i’m like a clown that no one hired or pays

proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

“nobody wants to work anymore” yeah because everyone wants to kill themselves

hey no worries lol that just hurt my feelings forever

i think avoiding everything is going to save me for real this time

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

having a body made of meat sucks ass

kill dorothy fuck the lion marry the tin man and i dont care about the other one

Had a dream that markiplier was struck by lightning and imbued with electrical abilities. People were encouraging him to use his powers for good but he just went back to playing videogames. All the videos were about three minutes long because as soon as he got jumpscared there'd be a brilliant blue flash and he'd fry his computer.