this is marliz

Welp, it’s been two weeks I guess since we graduated, I don’t know what to feel. Even if the school year’s done, I still feel so tired, especially with what’s happening to me and my health. 

-Most of the literary text that was written teaches us different events that happened in the past. Through this, we are able to learn how to empathize with other people so we could understand what was happening there. It helps us to connect and understand other people more, and it helps us to develop our different characters as well.

It happened back in 2018 when one of the most important person in my life passed away. My aunt or my father’s sister took care of us since I was born. We are very close and she is like our second mother already, she does her best to make us feel loved, cared, and protected. When I started my year in high school, of course it was tough but every morning before going to school especially if it’s our exams, she would always say, “Pinagpray ko na kayo kagabi, kaya niyo yan.” And that would help us feel motivated to take the exams. When we go home after school, she would always ask how our day went and she would always notice if there’s something wrong. Since our parents are always busy at work, for me, she knows me better than them. She knows all my personal problems and sometimes without even asking she would know already that there’s something wrong. To make me feel better, she would buy some of my favorite food and would wait for me to open up, she never pushes me to open up when I’m not ready, she would just be there to accompany me until I become okay. She supported me too when I wanted to try joining the VLIVE for my favorite K-pop girl group. She lend me some money to be able to join it and told me not to mention it to my parents, I did not expect as well that after joining one of the members would notice me. I saw how happy she is for me that time and I don’t know how to thank her enough. When we have some misunderstandings, she would always apologize afterwards even if it’s my fault sometimes. I know before that I am an immature person and a prideful one that’s why saying sorry is not really my habit even if I’m really sorry for what I’ve done. It was Summer in 2018 when she decided to go back to the province in Cagayan, after how many years of staying here with us, her other siblings convinced her to go there to rest because that time, her asthma is getting worst. I don’t know why I have that feeling that I don’t want her to go but, I thought it would be better for her to rest for a while. She promised that she will go back on December that year to celebrate Christmas with us, and I’m really looking forward for it. September came, it was 2am in the morning, it was the exam’s day. My mother waked us up, crying. I asked her what’s wrong and that’s when they told us that our aunt passed away. When I heard that, I did not cry immediately, I don’t know what to react. It’s like, you’re wishing that everything was just a dream. When my father repeated it and told us that we are going to their province to attend her funeral, that’s when I lost it. The person who knows me more than anyone else, the person who made me feel loved, cared, and protected, the person who supported me in everything that I do, is gone. I remembered her promise and I can’t stop crying that time. I went to school feeling lost, I don’t know how I finished taking my exams because all I wanted is to go to our province and hope that everything is just a prank and she’s just waiting for us to go there to visit her. When we finally travelled from Manila going to Cagayan, I am still hoping that it’s not real, that she’s still alive. But, when we got there and saw people outside the house wearing white and a tarpaulin with her name hanging outside the house, I immediately went in and saw her coffin, she’s really gone. I’m lost at words that time that I do not have the energy to greet our other relatives, in my mind that time all I wish is for her to wake up and I’ll do everything I can to pay her back from all the love, sacrifices, and kindness she gave us. When the day of her burial came, I did not have the energy to accompany them because I had a blister under my foot that makes me struggle to walk. Before going back to Manila, that’s when it sink in that she’s really gone, she will never come back and celebrate Christmas with us. The only hope I have is the Resurrection day when Jesus Christ comes back. 

This is actually true. Some may say it’s better to keep something than to voice it out so it can not give you great damage in the end but, for me, it’s better to voice something out rather than keeping it so you would know what to do about after getting the result. If you did not try voicing it out you might regret it in the end. We do not know what it can bring us and the only way to find it out is to free yourself from negative thoughts first and take the risk. The outcome may be positive or negative, at least, you got the chance to voice your feelings out. Keeping something as well can break you more especially if it’s something that is making you sad or pre occupied. Questions may keep popping in your mind because you don’t want to risk voicing that thought out, feeling afraid that you might ruin some relationship because of it. But, you don’t want to ruin yourself right? Sometimes those certain thoughts you’re keeping in yourself could save you. So, it’s better to take the risk than losing than chance to be able to say it. 

I rarely fall in love or I rarely experience falling in love and when I do it becomes one of my weakness. Well, before, I only know love because of course my parents will do their best to make me and my brother feel loved everyday, since the day we were born. When I started hearing from my friends this word, I thought to myself that being in love is ridiculous and the love I receive from my parents and the people around me is already enough. Well, everything started to turn upside down when I, myself, become this word called LOVE its next victim. At first I am happy, that certain person makes me happy and made me feel things I never felt before. That person lives far away from where I am right now so it is impossible for us to meet or to plan a meet up whenever we want to. I already tried conditioning myself that whenever I make decision especially if its about love, the brain should be the one making decisions and I should not let my emotions take over. Well, things started to change when I confessed. My friends actually convinced me to do that instead of keeping that for a long time, I kept it for a year not wanting to ruin the friendship we have. Making the long story short, we’re not talking anymore today. It’s not just because it is not reciprocated but it is for the best because I realized as well that studying is the first priority especially if I want to go to med school. It hurts for a couple of months and it made me resent that word ‘love’. I’m still healing today and I’m building another wall to protect my heart from falling again. I am conditioning myself that I should focus on my future and my goals and not with that feeling again. I also remembered that even if we feel unloved, even if the love we have to that certain person is not reciprocated, we should always remember that we have someone who will love us unconditionally aside from our family and that is God. Love is really powerful because it can make us a better person or it can ruin us if we do not know how to handle that feeling. But, God is always there and He will never make us feel unloved and He will never ever leave us. :)

This story is much different than the first one, for me, this is one of the type of love that can really affect us no matter who we are or even if we get older someday. The love we have and we receive from our mothers is really different from the love we receive from other people. It never dies and it will always be there. Even if we feed ourselves with unending angsty stories or familiar stories that the character loses their mothers or fathers, it’s still different when it finally happened to us in real life. It’s different because the person who is with you since the day you were born, who took care of you for years, who supported you and loved you unconditionally is gone and of course it hurts a lot knowing that you cannot bring them back to life on your own. So, let us appreciate our mothers, not just them but our fathers too while they are still here with us, let us shower them the love and care because when the time comes that they will leave us here, we might regret not giving them the love they deserve and we might also regret not giving or paying attention to them like we are taking them for granted.

The author mentioned how most of the teenagers today fall in love easily and how ridiculous it is to act weird whenever your crush or the person you like is around. Just like the author, most of us promised that we will never be like those teenagers and we will always use our minds in making decisions than our hearts. Funny that it’s really easy to say things than to act on it because the author felt the same thing the weird teenagers she said feel but, when it happened to her and when she found out that this guy is already taken, yes, it broke her heart but she did not let that painful feeling to take over her and just move on with her life saying it’s too early for her to fall in love. :)