Ashley

Strap in, everyone, looks like it’s gonna be a wild ride

watch sexy bae near your home here!

a girl i know told me how a guy she knows once moved out from his parents, ate nothing but fries and meatballs for HALF A YEAR, and got scurvy. imagine the doctor’s face when this guy shows up with like his gums bleeding and the doc has to fucking say DUDE…. THATS SCURVY…. in this day and age

this is turning into a “how a person i know got scurvy” thread and im so here for this, please share your scurvy stories if you have any

the other day someone posted pics from the reddit page r/zerocarbs where these fools only ate meat and 0 vegetables or fruits and all the posts were about various symptoms of scurvy. i died when one literally read ‘i don’t want to start the vitamin C debate again but’

THE VITAMIN C DEBATE

im sorry he what now

If they’re really scanning pornography based on fleshtones furries will inevitably survive the Horny Purge like roaches in a Nuclear Clamity

I’m full of garlic bread and homosexual thoughts

As of December 18th I will only be full of garlic bread

Customers who get angry when I read them their total cost are so compelling to me. Take charge of your narrative, Janice. Be the hero of your own story. You are the one who is purchasing $113.67 worth of adult zen coloring books, Janice. It’s not me you hate, Janice. It’s not me.

“The prices have gone up...” well ya when you buy 3 cases of candy

A little louder

men moaning is basically the hottest thing a guy can do besides give you neck kisses

lets not forget when they whisper ugh fuck under their breath

or when they write me a check for $100,000

Okay, but for real—I’m a librarian and I get shit like this all the fucking time and I have to be so polite about it, like “Well, actually, that theory has been largely been debunked and is not supported by the scientific community, so perhaps it might be easier in terms of fulfilling the parameters of the assignment if you were to take the opposite stance for your paper?” when really I just want to scream for twenty minutes like Jake Peralta with a guitar. 

I don’t need the added dust in the eye this mornin, but maybe some of you do.