Chastity & FLR Adventures

I am horny, sexual and very demanding.

I need your service.

I need your worship.

I need your unquestionable devotion.

But I will also never take it all for granted.

And be there through storms of your mind.

All you have to do is to let me know about those storms hovering over

Check out therapistaid.com. There’s worksheets there that you can download for free.

Of course it would be a lot more beneficial if you have a therapist to help you through it but not everyone has access to one.

It’s a free site where you can have free downloads of worksheets on many things.

If there’s something there that you think would be helpful, print it out and complete the worksheet on your own.

https://psychologytools.com/

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/

https://www.actmindfully.com.au/free_resources_worksheets,_handouts_and_book_chapters

https://www.anxietybc.com/

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

By Mistress Kylie,

This post contains all of the ideas I have been able to come up with or find on the internet for female-dominant, male-submissive scenes…

You’ll probably notice that a lot of the ideas are designed for use over many days and are associated with orgasm control. This theme emerged over time because orgasm control is so effective at heightening male desire. We use this list in a very simple framework when setting up scenes. First she picks one or more of the ideas below (either by hand or randomly) and makes rules and tasks out of them. Then, after a few days of suffering through them and pushing me to peak sensitivity, the frequency of rules and tasks increases (over a weekend, for example) and she adapts punishments from the list (or comes up with them on her own) to achieve a good, intense session.

So anyway, I hope you enjoy them and they inspire ideas of your own! Please note, though, that we haven’t tried all of them. Some of them may not be practical.

1) Hold Pennies Against the Wall

This task is very hard: have him hold pennies against the wall using only his fingertips — one penny per finger. Depending on how you position his arms, this can be easy or extremely difficult. Arms spread wide apart forces him to get his face very close to the wall and will tire his arms quickly. Same with his hands being very high up.

For every penny that drops, punish him. Keep the punishments severe enough that he really fears dropping a penny.

You can also make him hold a penny against the wall using his erect cock. This will force him to keep himself hard.

2) Controlled Orgasms

Rules that control his orgasms are the most effective and psychologically impactful rules you can impose. These rules also become good excuses for torment and punishment. The mix of wanting to orgasm and facing big punishments feels very exciting.

Ideas for Normal Situations

He has to earn orgasms –> After you have had five orgasms, he gets one. –> He chooses to undergo a punishment or humiliation in order to flip a coin. Heads grants him an orgasm. Tails gets him another punishment or humiliation –> He earns points toward his next orgasm by acting the role of the “perfect slave.” These can only be earned by doing things for you without being asked, and acting the part perfectly. 20 points per orgasm.

He must ask permission prior to orgasm.

He is allowed to orgasm, but doing so carries an automatic set of punishments or humiliations.

Every time he orgasms, he owes you a favor.

You pretend to believe that he will take any opportunity to have an orgasm, and go to great lengths to prevent it (chastity belt, lots of restraints, careful supervision).

After every orgasm, he must collect his semen and do something embarrassing with it.

Come up with a “training regimen” to teach him to resist orgasm. He wears a chastity belt until he can resist your best efforts to get him to come while you reach two or three orgasms.

He is forbidden to clean up his own semen if it lands on him.

He gets a very short window every day to bring himself to orgasm while you watch. The chastity belt goes back on at the end whether he succeeds or not.

He gets a set limit of orgasms per week, which he can trade like currency. (His limit could be one. Or one every two weeks. Just because he can trade doesn’t mean he needs a lot of them.)

When a Slave’s Been Bad

Instead of a promised orgasm, he has to edge instead and thank you at the end as if he had an orgasm.

Lengthen the time he has to wear the chastity belt.

Treat pre-cum as orgasms for punishment purposes.

Warn him about a severe punishment if he orgasms, then tie him down and ride him until he does.

During the time when he is permitted to orgasm, position his body so that he can’t prevent himself from coming on himself.–>Make him put his knees on the wall behind him so that his cock points toward his face

If you are on top and he comes, keep going. The sensory overload is really overpowering. Even though it feels great, it’s a good “mean” thing to do to him.

Punishment Ideas

Remember that if your slave just had an orgasm without permission, he’s less in the mood than he was before. So instead of a regular punishment, pick one that is more severe, and execute it after he’s back in the mood (possibly the next day).

Make him write out a coupon for a certain number of days spent in a chastity belt. Spend it whenever you like. If he picks a number that is lower than what you picked, make him choose again and double his next result. (You can choose to have him give you a number of orgasms instead of a number of days.)

If he comes inside of you, sit on his chest while his semen drains out of you. Tie him up until it dries.

Chain a heavy weight to his chastity belt for a while, giving him something he either has to drag by his balls or deal with as he does other tasks for you.

3) Edging

Edging is the practice of bringing someone very close to the point of orgasm and then baking off. It’s usually done repeatedly, which both increases sexual need and results in the closest thing to multiple orgasms for a man. You can force your Slave to edge himself a few times to increase his sexual need. Or, you can do it to him and punish him if he orgasms. This will force him to resist orgasm.

4) Must Volunteer Information

This is similar to the “Must Not Lie” rule, but forces him to give you extra details whenever he’s answering a question. It can be very useful, because he has to actively think about what other secrets he can divulge. Use it to force him to keep you aware of the things he’s thinking about.

Ideas for Normal Situations

He must tell you when he’s horny

He must go into detail about what he wants sexually and why

Whenever he’s asked a question, he has to answer it, and then say “Also…” and add more details.

He must try to help you come up with more effective punishments, more humiliating tasks, and tell you how he might try to get out of obeying you

When a Slave’s Been Bad

Since you can’t read his mind, there’s no way to know if he’s holding something back. Rely on punishments if you find out that he didn’t tell you something.

Punishment Ideas

This is a rule that focuses on helplessness and humiliation. It’s also oral, since he has to tell you things. If you catch him leaving something out, punish him accordingly.

Make him write out several punishments and rank them according to desirability. Pick one or more for him to go through.

Make him tell you the most humiliating punishment he can think of. If he disobeys again, he has to go through with it.

Take away his right to speak for a while. Use a ball gag or tape if necessary.

Tell him to apologize. Don’t accept his apology until he recommends a good physical punishment or humiliation for you to employ.

5) Must Keep Legs Spread

Here is a very simple rule that is designed to keep things awkward for him and emphasize that his cock and balls belong to you. Usually the rule is that his legs can’t touch his cock or balls while you are in the room. Tell him that you want to see his balls hanging down.

Ideas for Normal Situations

He must keep his legs spread whenever you are within reach of his genitals

He must spread his legs on command

When a Slave’s Been Bad

He must keep his legs spread at all times, just in case.

Tie his legs up by the knees and spread them out. Then tease him by doing things to him that would make him want to close his legs

Punishment Ideas

Breaking this rule is all about not giving you access to his cock and balls, or about him not putting them on display for you. Punish him accordingly.

Tie his ankles to his wrists. Then tie his elbows to his knees. Last, pull his cock and balls behind his legs and tie his legs together so that they are trapped down by his butt. Now he gets to keep his legs closed, but you have full access to the genitals. Torture them for a while until he becomes more compliant.

Since he won’t put his genitals on display on his own, take away all his clothes and tie him up in a full-body rope harness. That way he can stay on display for you until you get tired of him.

6) Must Obey

Make it unconditional that he has to obey you, or anyone you specify, and punish him if he doesn’t do it promptly or well. This is one of those rules that you’ll talk about a lot, bringing it up to him to remind him that he doesn’t have a choice (or that you’ll punish him severely) if he doesn’t obey.

Ideas for Normal Situations

Have him acknowledge every command with “yes ma’am,” “yes, mistress,” or similar.

Give him a time limit to obey. For example, he might get punished for not jumping to do what you say within three seconds.

If he’s being forced to obey someone else, have him ask that person to give you an evaluation of how well he did.

Test him by giving him a list of things to do while you are away. Demand proof that he did them.

Come up with a word you can use to tell him that you are giving him an order while he’s in public so that others aren’t aware that you’re giving him a command to obey.

When a Slave’s Been Bad

Dramatically increase the number of things he has to do so that he’s kept very busy

Use toys, locks, and complicated tasks to make obeying very hard, such as –> Blindfolding him, then telling him to get a specific item that can only be identified by sight –> Chaining up his hands and then giving him something to type (with his tongue?) –> Give him an enema, and tell him he can’t release it until a task is done.

Give him tedious tasks, like writing out a sentence fifty times.

Punishment Ideas

Failure to obey you should carry the harshest punishments. The point of this game is to use punishments to force him to obey you. Therefore, the punishments have to be intense enough that doing humiliating and painful tasks is less miserable than going through with the punishments. Generally, you want to pick very painful or very humiliating punishments for this kind of error. Try to get him to call out in pain several times. He’s got a safe-word if you go too far.

Chain him up so he is completely immobile, then leave him like that for a while, maybe periodically torturing him.

Take away a sense or a privilege for a long time, such as use of his hands for 24 hours.

Add a couple extra rules to his list of rules

Make him pick a few punishments he would rather not be forced to undergo and then draw one randomly

Add a few days of slavery to his sentence

7) Must Become Hard

With this rule, the slave must force himself to become hard. This usually carries a time-limit, or is just a way for you to keep his hands on his cock, constantly fumbling with it. This has more to do with him having to make himself hard with you watching than it does with him getting hard. He is putting himself on display. Keep that in mind and see if you can think of ways to change things up.

Consider making him exaggerate the process so that it’s extra disruptive. Some ideas are to have him stretch out his cock, or use both hands, or kneel until it’s done.

This rule can be fun if he can’t use his hands to make himself hard. He’ll be left humping you or the furniture to comply.

Ideas for Normal Situations

When Mistress enters the room, slave has a certain amount of time to make himself hard.

On a schedule, such as once every three hours, slave has to make himself hard and present his cock for your inspection. If it’s not hard enough, or if it offends you in any way, he can be punished.

When seeing something arbitrary, such as a high heel, he has to become hard –> You might say, “You like skirts so much? Well, you’re going to show it!” And have him make himself hard every time he sees one on TV.

Upon hearing an arbitrary word, such as “songbird,” he has to make himself hard.

When a Slave’s Been Bad

Instead of just making himself hard once, he has to become hard, become soft, and become hard again –> Add a time-limit to complete this task to make it harder.

Make it more uncomfortable for him by keeping him from freeing his cock from his clothes or adjusting it while it’s getting hard.

Forbid him to use his hands to make himself hard or simply tie his hands out of reach of his cock. This will make it much tougher, but still possible.

Make him stay hard for five minutes before he can let go of his cock or stop stimulating it.

Punishment Ideas

If he fails to become hard for you in time (or if he forgets), change the rule so that he isn’t allowed to become hard for a day. See if you can catch him breaking that rule and slap a chastity belt on him.

The next time he has to be hard on command, put him in a lot of pain by slapping at his balls with a ruler or squeezing them (or similar) while he is trying to get hard.

Make him get hard without physical contact on his cock of any kind. (This might be very difficult.) Tie him up to be sure that he can’t move, of course.

8) Must Use Specific Names

This is a rule in every slave contract: that he must refer to you by a name of your choice. You can extend this to involve other women or other people. Common examples are:

Ma’am

Mistress

My Lady

Goddess

Madam

Ideas for Normal Situations

He isn’t allowed to use your name.

He has to answer “yes, <special name>” whenever you give a command

Must call other men and women “sir” or “ma’am,” even if he knows their names.

Must be sure to state your special name before asking any question

When a Slave’s Been Bad

Once again, this rule is so common that it’s almost always in a contract. I can’t think of tougher ways to implement it.

Punishment Ideas

This rule is a vocal one, so punishments can involve the mouth or speech. But don’t let that stop you from popping him in the testicles for forgetting to say your name before a question. Just be sure to catch him every time.

Make him wear a ball gag for thirty minutes every time he forgets

Tape his mouth shut when he forgets

Make him eat or drink something (like alcohol?) every time he messes up.

Place a clothes pin on his tongue for a while

Make him hold something with his mouth

9) Must Kiss

Slave must kiss some part of Mistress under some conditions. Type of kiss, duration, and number of kisses are up to you. You could, for example, make him practice kissing until he gets it exactly right.

Body Parts to Kiss

Vagina

Ass

Feet

Hand

Mouth

Ideas for Normal Situations

You can assign different body parts to kiss under different situations. If he forgets or gets one wrong, he gets punished. For example –> He must kiss a chosen body part when you enter the room –> He must kiss your clitoris after you orgasm –> When Waking –> Before Bed –> While showering, he must constantly kiss your vagina –> When seeing something arbitrary, such as a high heel –> Upon hearing an arbitrary word, such as “songbird.”

When a Slave’s Been Bad

He must practice kissing the chosen body part. The more disobedient he has been, the longer he has to practice.

Instead of a simple kiss, you can make a complicated series of kisses that he has to get right every time.

You can put a blindfold on him before he kisses. If he misses the spot, he gets punished.

Punishment Ideas

Kissing is an oral act, so you might want punishments to involve the mouth. Here are some ideas.

Leave him in a ball gag for a period of time for every mistake he makes with this rule.

Force him to wear bright red lipstick and gloss (make his lips kissable) to remind him what his duty is.

Take away the use of his hands (using ropes or chains) and let him use his mouth as hands for a while. When he has had enough, give him a test to see if he has learned his lesson.

10) Must Wear Collar and/or Cuffs

You require your slave to wear a collar, wrist cuffs, or ankle cuffs, or any combination both as a symbol that you own him and so that you can quickly restrain him at any time.

Since the collar and cuffs can’t be ignored, it will force him to remember the situation he’s in. You might want to avoid making him wear a collar while he sleeps, but that is the only one you need to be careful about. Cuffs while sleeping are just fine.

Ideas for Normal Situations

When he gets up or gets home from work, he must lock a collar and cuffs on himself. Only you can unlock them.

He has to lock chains that hang freely from his collar and/or cuffs.

He has to sleep with wrist and/or leg cuffs on.

He has to lock himself to the bed when he goes to sleep.

He has to lock something embarrassing to his collar.

When a Slave’s Been Bad

Not only does he have to lock cuffs on himself when he gets home, he has to lock his wrists together and his ankles together. You unlock him when you get home or by telling him where the key is by phone.

He must lock something very heavy to his ankle cuff. Like a locked bag of bricks, or a suitcase full of heavy items.

Make him lock himself to the toilet or to some other immovable object by running a chain behind it.

Punishment Ideas

Usually, the punishment comes from him unlocking the cuffs ahead of schedule. Sometimes this is necessary for safety or for other reasons (like a friend comes by), but you can still punish him for it. Simple restraint is perfect for that.

Run a rope or chain over a beam in the roof and raise his wrists as high as possible, maybe even making him stand on his toes. Tie it off so that he has to stand like that. Torture as desired. He won’t be able to stop you.

Before he goes to bed, make him wear short chains that either link his wrists, his ankles, or link a wrist to an ankle. You can also lock his wrists to a bondage belt.

Tie him in the frogtie and the chicken-wing tie at the same time. Torture him, make him walk on his knees and elbows, or just leave him stuck on the ground for a while.

Tie him spread-eagled on the bed. Use your imagination after that.

11) Flexibility, Strength, and Weight

I’ve combined three rules into one here. You can force him to reach (or maintain) a specific weight, achieve a certain degree of flexibility, or force him to gain strength. All of these require a test after a long period of time to see if he meets the goal. Failure needs to have a significant-enough punishment that it will push him to exercise and stretch for so many days to try to reach the goal.

It also gives you a convenient way to punish him in a way that will hurt for a long time. You can force him to do 100 situps, for example, and his ab muscles will ache for days. However, this can interfere with other games where you are pushing his body to its limits.

Ideas for Normal Situations

He has to lose a certain number of pounds by a certain date.

He has to become flexible enough to perform yoga moves of your choosing

He must become strong enough to hold something heavy for a period of time

When a Slave’s Been Bad

Force him to exercise in a tedious and very challenging way, such as crawling to every room in the house fifty times.

Force him to exercise until he is too exhausted to stop you from overpowering him

Punishment Ideas

These rules require him to exercise so often and for so long that you need to have punishments that will motivate him to work through the pain and boringness of exercise over a period of weeks. Pick punishments that make him pale, or that are worse than the exercise itself.

Add a period of slavery for every pound he fails to lose by the deadline, maybe a week per pound.

Put together a list of extreme hard labor that he must do if he fails to make his goal. Make him do the work naked, in chains, or while wearing uncomfortable toys like a large butt-plug.

12) May Not Flinch

Slave is punished for flinching. Pulling away counts as resistance, just like saying “no.” You have free reign over the slave’s body. You can even make him act like he is happy when you touch him. But he can never show you the disrespect of moving away when you want to touch him.

Ideas for Normal Situations

Once he realizes what you’re reaching for, he must try hard to put that body part in your easy reach, either by moving closer, removing clothes, or assuming an agreed-upon position (like putting his hands behind his head).

When a Slave’s Been Bad

Add a line in your notes or itinerary to try to get him to flinch a certain number of times each day. Once he passes the test, this rule can be dropped. But be convincing!

Tie his hands behind his back, and tie those ropes around his balls. Then try to get him to flinch. If he moves, he will yank on his balls. Train him to hold very still by trying to get him to flinch.

Add extra physical punishments or humiliation if you catch him flinching. (Two punishments instead of one, etc.)

Punishment Ideas

Tie his hands and legs very securely so that he can’t flinch. Then give him several reasons to flinch while he’s unable to. That way, he can tell the difference between when it is appropriate to flinch and when it isn’t.

Tie or wrap his hands (which are primarily used to protect body parts) in very awkward orientations so that they are not only useless, but uncomfortable or awkward. For example, tape his thumbs together and secure them to the back of his collar with a short rope.

13) May not Say a certain word

This is both a teasing rule and a very serious one. Consider these two situations:

He is not allowed to say “no” to anyone.

He is not allowed to say the word “is.”

In the first example, you make it clear that he’s expected to do whatever anyone asks. This is a straight-forward and common rule.

In the second example, you pick a common word and wait for him to forget the rule, giving you frequent opportunities to punish him.

Ideas for Normal Situations

He may not use the word “no.”

He may not use personal pronouns (me, my, our) and instead has to substitute “the slave” for them.

He may not speak unless addressed by someone (asked a question, etc.)

You force him to use an embarrassing word for his cock.

When a Slave’s Been Bad

He has a limit of words (or sentences) that he can say, after which he must be absolutely silent. (If you have a hard time keeping track, just count the number of times he starts talking.

He may only speak while wearing a gag or with something held in his mouth.

Punishment Ideas

This is simple: if he speaks out of turn, focus on oral punishments. Bad tastes, gags, extremely hot foods, and so on.

Gag him for a while, possibly sacrificing a meal.

Make him hold something in his mouth. (Your freshly-worn panties, a jalapeno, or a piece of soap.

Make him conduct a complicated task with his mouth (such as sorting the sex toys, sorting your panties by color, and so on.

Chastity…

If Your husband has asked You lock him in chastity, You may think he is asking you to do some sexually perverted, kinky, thing that You don’t understand and don’t want to understand because it is sick and perverted. The fact is, he is not sick and perverted, he just wants to have fun, sexually.

There was a time in Your marriage when sex was fun and exciting for You, too. Wasn’t there? He just wants to get that back again. He is not asking You to do anything that is difficult, or perverted. He is asking You to play a game with him. A sexual game in which You control when and how he has sex. That’s all. So give it a chance. You may be surprised at how much fun You, Yourself, can have

Chastity is an amazing fetish. Most people think it’s some kind of punishment or chore, but it isn’t. The feelings you receive from abstaining from orgasm are just sublime. Guys feel aroused right up until the point where they orgasm, then everything is reset to zero after orgasm they’re no longer turned on and in order to become even remotely aroused they have to wait again for the feelings to kick in.

Well, what if they didn’t orgasm. What if they didn’t masturbate every evening? What if they abstained from orgasms altogether? Would the feelings of arousal increase and increase? Yes. Yes they would. Which is why chastity is an immensely popular fetish.

Chastity popularity

It is such an intimate act to show trust in his partner for a man to hand over the key to his “crown jewels“ and to allow him to be locked up, to await “HER” pleasure. It is quite surprising that so many people have dabbled with the man wearing a chastity device, and they are the second most often bought sex toys after vibrators.

Chastity - A Joint Decision

For chastity to work well it has to be a joint decision. If you’re both eager to try chastity then the belt or device you choose should also appeal to your wife. It’s no good you buying an expensive belt and she hates the sight of it.

Some women find the transparency of the CB-6000, CB-6000s or the Curve nicely displays the enslaved penis, many would-be keyholders like the quality and hygiene of a stainless steel device. Other women like the thought of the traditional Florentine style belts believing they are more secure.

Others initially prefer to go for something like the Stallion Guard as a low cost device to experiment with before deciding on a more secure belt or cage. There are keyholders who like to allow and see the penis fully erect whilst it’s encased, belts and devices most suited to this concept, known as “penile negation”, include the Samurai and Caterpillar cock cages from Mr S. Neither of these 2 devices can be considered long term wear, however, they’re an ideal purchase as an additional chastity device to your collection, and allow your keyholder the opportunity to employ different techniques of teasing.

Some keyholders love these devices because they relish the sight of a fully erect, straining cock unable to escape.

Chastity and Masturbation

All men, given the ability, masturbate and way more often than most women think they do. This is something that is difficult for him to control and even more difficult to part with. Young men have an abundance of testosterone so masturbation doesn’t seem to interfere with their pursuit of young women.

However, as men grow older masturbating usually translates into the husband ignoring his wife for at least a couple days. Chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and works in many ways; it changes his mood, demeanor and libido. Most importantly it changes his desire to please you. It is not the goal for him to do the cooking or the cleaning or the laundry but you will find that it will happen, not routinely but it will happen because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases he will divert that energy towards pleasing you.

Your being the source of his sexual pleasure will change his feelings, he will adore you, love you in a way that you desire and he will be eager to please you because you are, as I said, the source of his release. He will find, over time, he is happier and that will be because you’re happier. He will love the emotional boost the two of you share.

This isn’t as kinky as it sounds

If your sex life to date has been restricted to intercourse and perhaps mutual masturbation, chastity play can sound like something pretty weird. It isn’t. Nothing has to change about how you make love; what changes is when. The partner who wears the chastity belt has given the partner who has the “key” the ability to decide when sex can take place. Since most chastity devices effectively prevent masturbation, it means one partner gives the other control of all orgasms. This can be a great deal of fun for both people.

Chastity play allows you to take sex out of the bedroom in a subtle way that only the two of you will know. For example, if a woman has her male partner locked up, they can agree on “rules” he should follow, such as “he must always stand when she enters the room.” If when they are out with friends he forgets, she can smile and hold some fingers up and he will know he stays locked up that many more days until he can get release.

If you don’t think this is incredibly hot to both partners, just try it! You won’t believe how exciting a dull relationship can become overnight. Take a few minutes and use your imagination. Fun, huh?

Chastity Devices

Chastity devices have been used throughout the ages in order to prevent sexual intercourse. Classically, chastity has been forced upon someone using a belt type mechanic, but in recent times, more concealable and localized devices are able to be used in order to prevent the ability to touch and interact with sexual organs. In addition to the modern interpretation of how to perform chastity, a sexual fetish has developed. Individuals now enjoy the prospect of being locked up and unable to perform sexual activities unless the other person who’s chastised them allows it.

Chastity and Confinement for Men

Chastity for men is the most common form, with blocks of specially formed plastic being placed around the penis with a small lock attached for keeping it closed. Some male chastity devices make it impossible or highly painful to experience an erection, aiding the experience of being denied sexual pleasure. One major element of chastity is the understanding that eventually, the device will be removed. The sexual fetish is undesirable if the wearer believes that they will never be allowed to experience an orgasm again. As expected, chastity is an exchange of a power dynamic, with one person assuming the role of being in charge and the other being submissive and completely subject to the will of the other person.

Chastity for couples

Male chastity is not just for men, nor is it just for women who want to control their men. Male chastity is for couples! Both the submissive male and his partner stand to gain from incorporating male chastity into the relationship. The relationship as a whole stands a great deal to gain as well.

Taking control of one small aspect of your relationship - The sex. By utilizing a chastity device, you are taking the first step toward controlling your partner. He may or may not be keen on the idea. If this is your idea, you may have to incorporate a little tease and denial to get what you want….it will work.

If you can both agree to give male chastity a chance, then be realistic about it. Start out slow and easy. Don’t plan on more than a month or even a week for a trial period. Remember, this is just a trial period. If you don’t like it, don’t get any enjoyment from it, don’t see how it can improve your relationship, then you can always quit.

Couple chastity

If you’re in a committed relationship, but you want to really turn up the heat in your sex play, then chastity could be the answer for you. Many couples engage in chastity as a means of getting back the desire they felt in the early days of their relationship, when they couldn’t wait to have sex, and it lasted for hours not minutes. A time when they were always on each other’s mind.

Chastity is also a choice for many couples when the man has been unfaithful, or has been caught masturbating to internet porn. He may choose chastity as a way to demonstrate his commitment, reassure his partner, and enhance their relationship. This is a precious pledge for any man, and the thought of this alone can be incredibly arousing for both partners.

There is no doubt about it, chastity play results in superior sexual satisfaction! Trying to earn a release, the bottom will be much more attentive to his partner’s needs. Without being distracted by his own selfish wants, his sole focus is pleasuring his Keyholder. He will demonstrate his ability and affection to his partner, going above and beyond in the hope of an ultimate ‘release’.. Remember; the couple that plays together stays together!

Chastity and relantionship

There is no one right way to practice chastity, but most agree that a man who practices chastity is expressing profound respect for their partner and women generally. Chastity is a challenge well worth undertaking because it can help lead to a transformation of a man’s relationship with his partner. Almost every account of a chastity regimen notes that the man becomes much more attentive to the needs of his partner, serving her better both sexually and in a myriad of other ways that are pleasing to her. The many religious traditions that use chastity/abstinence as a key element of their spiritual practice and service orientation are definitely onto something..

Primary benefits of enforced male

1. It prevents him from masturbating. Male masturbation is a filthy habit. It’s addictive, selfish, and disrespectful to women. Chronic masturbation has the effect of substantially diminishing a man’s natural sexual desire for his wife of girlfriend. It unfortunately teaches him that his orgasm is primary, and hers is secondary.

2. Because he can’t even get an erection without her permission, it instantly changes the dynamics of the relationship.

3. It keeps his sexual focus and energy on his wife or girlfriend.

4. It will substantially increase his desire to orally service his wife or girlfriend.

5. If he’s never been an ass-eater, after having his penis locked up for a few weeks, he will be.

6. It serves as a constant reminder to him of her authority.

7. Because it makes his orgasms entirely dependent on her generosity, it positively incentives him to honor her, respect her, and motivates him to please.

8. It gives him the time and opportunity to substantially improve and perfect his oral skills.

9. It reinforces the idea that pussy is a precious gift that must be earned, and is to be savored and appreciated on those rare occasions when he does get it.

10. It teaches him that sexual activity with his wife or girlfriend doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with his penis.

11. It deepens his submission to her, and will cause him to worship the ground she walks on.

12. It will significantly improve his attitude, and make him more generous, caring, kind, respectful, and loving. It will help soften the sharper edges of his me-first masculinity. It will make him more of a listener than a talker.

13. It helps prepares him for the eventuality of anal penetration, and getting the strap-on. Because his penis isn’t being sexually stimulated, it has the effect of gradually turning other parts of his body into erogenous zones, particularly his anus and his prostate. With patience and persistence, he can be trained to orgasm from stimulation in that region via your finger, or the strap-on.

14. If his orgasms are consistently controlled and severely restricted, he will eventually get to the point where he will do just about anything to cum. You’ll be amazed by what he’ll do for you.

Chastity -  power to the woman

This voluntary act in which the man shows his trust and hands over the key to his most precious possessions to her who will then decide when he is to be released. This is an action which gives enormous power to the woman in a relationship, or the supervisor on our course and it is a gift from him to her.

It is a sexual act which frees him from the ability to pleasure himself and frees him to learn how to please his partner and thus be allowed pleasure himself.

It sounds from this description a strange and “kinky “activity, but surprisingly the approach has wide acceptance as a method to improve male performance and pleasure.

The Mental Game of Chastity

The power exchange exists in the realm of the minds so to the submissive male, being denied can provide him with more mental pleasure and more mental fulfillment than a physical orgasm.

The aroused and denied male will spend more time in subspace and thus his mind will be on a mental sphere where the female rules supreme in his life and he is much more eager to serve the female.

The mental stimulation should touch a man’s psychological triggers, which will stimulate him sexually. It is that mental stimulation that causes an intense power exchange and that can make sex more pleasurable for the woman both physically and mentally while at the same time fulfilling the male need to be dominated.

Chastity and BDSM

Chastity is a fantastic pawn in the BDSM game. It is a great tool for tease and denial, and can be implemented as an incredibly effective punishment/reward scheme. Dominants that have never fully engaged in chastity play, will have almost certainly at some point employed a ‘permission to cum?’ policy. So, what’s the difference? Well chastity play takes this concept one step further and gives the Key Holder full control over their slave’s orgasms. Many people who love to engage in BDSM have not yet discovered the joys of chastity

Locked in Chastity for BDSM

Key Holder is a term used to describe the dominant woman in a male chastity agreement. Many couples are into BDSM and male chastity is one of the many methods that these women use to dominate their men. Some men are more turned on the more they are ordered around.

The woman will tease the man while he has a male chastity device on and she is the only one who has the key to open it and award him with a release. Discuss it with your partner in detail and decide if you want your chastity to be long term or short term.

If you are just starting out, you should ease into it before you commit to being locked in. If you enter into it before you are ready it will likely prolong the process.

“be careful what you wish for”

There is an old saying among those wives who adopted a chastity lifestyle because their husbands encouraged them…”be careful what you wish for”.

If some of the husbands were given a choice to go back to their old ways they would, but none of the wives would.

SEXYTIMES EXPERIENCES

1. How many people have you had sex with?

2. Can you remember the names of everyone you’ve slept with?

3. With whom did you first do the sexytimes? Was it good?

4. What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

5. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?

6. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?

7. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve masturbated?

8. Have you ever been caught doing the sexytimes?

9. If you masturbate, when did you start, and how?

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

QUEER SHIT

11. How would you describe your sexuality using only adjectives (describing words–busy, fluffy, squishy, etc.)?

12. Have you ever been in a queer relationship?

13. Have you ever been in a straight relationship?

14. How and when did you realise you weren’t straight?

15. Are you out to everyone you know?

16. Where do you meet queer folks to date? Do you find it difficult?

17. If your parents know about your sexuality, how did they react?

18. Does your best friend know about your sexuality? How did they react?

19. Describe your first queer kiss.

20. What’s the queerest shit you’ve ever done?

LET’S GET PHYSICAL

21. Are you happy with your body?

22. What’s the raddest part of your bod, and why?

23. What do you do with your body hair (pubes, underarms, legs, etc.)?

24. Do you have stretch marks? Where?

25. Describe your nipples in too much detail.

26. (Vagina-owners) Do you have an “innie” (small, tucked-in inner labia), or an “outie” (more visible/larger inner labia)?

27. (Vagina-owners) Is it very obvious when you’re turned on (swelling, wetness etc.)?

28. (Penis-owners) Describe the size and shape of your penis. Are you happy with it?

29. (Penis-owners) Have you tasted your own cum? Did you like it?

30. (Breast-owners) How does the size of your breasts compare? Is one bigger than the other?

SEXUAL FANTASY LAND

31. Describe your most unusual/taboo fantasy.

32. Do you fantasise more about real situations, or imaginary/impossible ones?

33. Who’s the oddest person you’ve fantasised about?

34. Do you ever find yourself fantasising absent-mindedly, or is it something you do on purpose?

35. Do you always fantasise while you masturbate?

36. When you fantasise, does it usually lead to masturbation?

37. Have you ever had sex with someone while fantasising about someone else?

38. Do you have any celebrity crushes that you fantasise about?

39. Have you ever fantasised about something by accident, and felt weird about it after?

40. Describe your most sexy fantasy.

KINKTOWN USA

41. How do you feel about BDSM?

42. What’s your most unusual kink?

43. In an SM context, do you prefer giving pain, or receiving it?

44. Do you consider yourself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither?

45. Describe your most recent bondage experience.

46. In a BDSM context, have you ever referred to anyone as “daddy,” “mommy,” or any similar term?

47. Do you have a kink for any bodily fluids (pee, saliva, blood, tears, cum, etc.)?

48. Have you ever revealed a kink to someone and had them react negatively?

49. Do you have any kinks that you’re ashamed of?

50. How much money have you spent on equipment for your kinks (toys, whips, chains, etc.)?

COME FOR THE QUESTIONS, STAY FOR THE SUBHEADINGS

51. (Vagina-owners) Do you ever squirt when you come?

52. Have you ever come solely from penetration (anal or vaginal)?

53. Can you have an orgasm without your genitals being touched?

54. Describe how you like your genitals to be touched.

55. How sensitive are your nipples? Does nipple play turn you on?

56. Do you find it easier to orgasm with another person, or through masturbation?

57. Have you ever had an orgasm that you weren’t expecting?

58. Do you get off easier from rough contact, or gentle?

59. What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?

60. Did it take you a while to have your first orgasm, or were you an early starter?

ORAL FIXATION

61. Do you enjoy giving oral sex? Why?

62. What’s your favourite position in which to receive oral?

63. Describe your oral sex technique.

64. Do you find it easier to give oral to someone with the same genital configuration as you (eg., you both own vaginas/both own penises), or different?

65. Describe the worst oral sex you’ve ever received.

66. Describe the best oral sex you’ve ever received.

67. Do you ever simulate oral sex while masturbating (sucking on dildos etc.)?

68. How sensitive is your mouth? Is it an erogenous zone, for you?

69. Do you like 69ing?

70. Can you deep-throat?

EVERYTHING BUTT

71. Do you like it in the butt?

72. What’s the strangest object you’ve had in your butt?

73. Do you enjoy being rimmed?

74. Can you take a lot in your butt, or just a little?

75. Describe your most recent experience with buttsex.

76. Do you like doing stuff to other people’s butts?

77. (Prostate-owners) Have you ever received a prostate massage?

78. Do you own any buttplugs?

79. Have you ever had an embarrassing buttsex experience?

80. Have you ever pegged someone (ie., worn a strapon and fucked them in the butt)?

SHARING IS CARING

All questions assume you’ve done group sex of some kind

81. Describe your most recent group sex experience.

82. Have you ever had sex with more than two people at once (eg., foursome, moresome)?

83. Have you ever had an orgy? Would you?

84. Do you enjoy watching your partner(s) having sex with others?

85. Do you prefer to arrange group sex beforehand, or allow it to happen organically?

86. Have you ever felt left out during group sex?

87. Have you ever done a gangbang (ie., lots of people have sex with one person, but not each other)?

88. Have you ever teamed up with someone and given a double blowjob/double cunnilingus?

89. Have you ever been penetrated by more than one person at the same time?

90. Have you ever been ejaculated on by more than one person at the same time?

**BONUS DARES**

91. Post a selfie.

92. Post a naked selfie.

93. Tag your biggest tumblr crush.

94. Post your follower count.

95. Press ctrl-v, and post whatever comes up.

96. Tag your top five followers.

97. Post your most recent Facebook status here.

98. Post the last SMS you received.

99. Post the last SMS you sent.

This will be devoted to persuading and assisting other women to adopt the sort of lifestyle I enjoy. I can say with some smugness that I am the most content and happy woman I know. So many other women could enjoy the life I enjoy.  

You may be a single woman looking for Mr Right. You may be married to a submissive man. You may be married to a weak man who you do not want to separate from, but for whom you have very little or no respect. Perhaps in addition, he is addicted to food or alcohol or gambling or infidelity.

This post will be written on the basis that you have a submissive man but it will be relevant to all the situations I have described above.

SUBMISSIVE MEN…

My bitch-boy is submissive. He has told me he knew this before puberty. He knows he thought submissively about women when he was 9 or 10 years old. He knows this for certain because it was before he joined senior school.

He has a submissive soul. He cannot be content without being controlled and dominated. If he is treated with cruelty, that is a clear reinforcement of how helpless his situation is and it increases his sense of being controlled. He truly hates many of his punishments, my tortures, his humiliations and his endless chores. But, I know his soul is content. There are little signs. Not least of which, his worship and awe of me. If your man is truly submissive (and so many are) he will never actually be truly content without true domination – be warned…

I WANT A HUSBAND, NOT A DOORMAT…

Several times I have posted on women’s blogs who are playing at domination or chastity control and, in response to a question they pose, I have set out a view of taking the steps required to move from a game to real domination. I often receive the response – I want a husband, not a doormat.

If only these women understood that a man dominated, punished and humiliated at home (or at selected friends’ homes) can still be your knight in shining armour when the need arises. My bitch-boy happens to be the most intelligent and courageous person I have ever met. Should we find ourselves in a dodgy part of a city at night, for instance, there is no one I would feel more secure with. If I have a tedious problem to resolve, he takes on anyone or any organisation on my behalf, with assertiveness and solutions to problems.

So I say to these women that play games. You can have your cake and eat it…

MAKE IT REAL DOMINATION…

Your man needs to feel 100% helpless and trapped. This is easy to achieve. For instance, start playing some bondage games and / or dress up games. Take a photo or two. Put the photos on a flash drive/memory stick and hide it away, or just tell him you have done so. Threaten to send the photos to someone or several people he would dread receiving them. Explain you have changed fundamentally and now cannot enjoy or contemplate the relationship without being the dominant partner and so you are 100% serious. Leave him in no doubt. A submissive man will be in awe of your actions and threats, especially if he knows the threats are not idle. Other men will quickly accept the situation. Like a wolf or chimpanzee in a pack, when a man knows his place in the hierarchy he is at ease.

Begin conditioning. Men, like Pavlov’s dogs can be conditioned over time. You can move their sense of reality. Punish infractions with punishments that he is truly frightened of and desperate to avoid. Over time, doing all the chores becomes a normal (though dull) part of his life and there is an acceptance in him that that is the way it is. The same phenomenon applies to waiting on you hand-and-foot and to his restricted sex life. Get a chastity device. One involving a piercing is best. You will soon begin to experience the rush of having true power over another human being. Power is a huge rush and an aphrodisiac. It has been enjoyed, as such, by men over women for millennia, now women can enjoy it and become aroused and satisfied by it too.

Begin to experiment with your cruelty and sadism. In my early years of dominance, I could not bring myself to accept that I was a sadist. I found the word to be very distasteful. I was still foolishly fettered by society’s norms and standards. But after frequent experiences of intense arousal while inflicting physical or mental pain on my bitch-boy, I accepted that I was a sadist and that I loved sadism. Perhaps it is simply that sadistic activity signifies true power and it is the power that is the aphrodisiac…

REWARDS…

Being sensitively woken and given tea or coffee in bed every morning. Being waited on hand and foot. Being utterly worshipped in mind and body. As many orgasms on demand as one could want. No household chores. No tedious paperwork or junk mail to deal with. A social life wholly of your choices. A 100% trustworthy partner who will never be unfaithful. Other sexual partners (in my case always female). The intense pleasures of power and sadism…

IT IS NOT FREE RIDE…

Effort is required to maintain the lifestyle. Rules have to be written and it is critically important that all infractions receive punishment, although they can be written down for later delivery. I have to be sensitive to what is going on in bitch-boy’s head, and if I think awe or obedience is waning, I have to take action. I also think I have a responsibility to add new things from time to time, to keep things fresh. Bringing in other women can be time consuming  and requires patience to find the right women. (But when you do, what a living nightmare it is for the poor sub and what a delight it is for you. Experiences that really keep the sub’s head in the right place!) Not for everyone, but for me, lots of physical exercise to keep my body in great shape. This adds to my power and assists when teasing and denying bitch-boy. But the lifestyle can easily be achieved without this facet. I wear high-heels more often than I otherwise would. But all this effort on my part is rewarded 1000 fold by my quality of life.

THERE IS RISK…

Skiing off-piste, offering unconditional love in a vanilla relationship, playing contact sports – all these things carry a rsik but many people take the risk to obtain the rewards. Adopting a life style like mine carries a risk…

Males are such simple creatures. Flash them a leg or give them a gentle caress and you’ll activate them like robots to pursue you to the heights of pleasure… Many men even brag about how they “got game” thinking that they can con us into bed, but someone should tell these pick up artists that they are not taking us anywhere we don’t want to go…

But why just tease them for sex? Why not tease them to the point where they’ll do anything to please you… Like wash your car or pay your credit card bills… Or wear your panties to work… Or debase himself in front of your BFF…

The possibilities are endless once you get your game going. Here’s a list of tips to start the chase, gently work them in to your time with your favourite boy instead of all at once and you’ll find them highly effective. In just a couple weeks he’ll go from suitor to slave and won’t even know what happened, only that he loves it…

1. Make him strip naked while you keep your clothes on.

2. Have him kneel before you and kiss your feet.

3. Have him address you as ‘Mistress’

4. Have him kiss your ass… make him beg to kiss your ass.

5. Tie his hands and have him undress you with his mouth/teeth.

6. Don’t let him masturbate or touch his cock without your permission at any time.

7. Tie his hands behind his back. Have him kneel with knees spread naked in front of you while you read or watch TV, occasionally nudging his balls or penis with your shoes.

8. Either order him to stay erect, or don’t give him permission to have a hard on… either way, punish him if he fails!

9. Use some strong string (kite string), tie a slip noose in the end and tighten it around the head of the penis, tug on it, pull it shake it, lead him with it, whatever you please.

10. Show your slave your panty crotch, make him smell it, but no touching without permission.

11. Tie your slave spread eagle to the bed and tease him for hours. Make sure he has a big hard on, but once he does only touch it when he needs just a little more encouragement, don’t let him cum!

12. Put on his favourite lingerie and tease him with your feminine beauty.

13. Scratch him with your finger nails. Tickle him. Pinch his nipples.

14. Sit on his chest and find out what he would do to be allowed to kiss your nipple. Let him almost kiss it but pull away, make him beg.

15. Take a break, put some worn panties over his face and leave the room for a while and let him think about what else you might do.

16. Squat above his face, make him reach with his tongue to taste the crotch of your panties…get more promises

17. Blindfold him and make him lick you to several orgasms. Take a break, cum back and do it all again.

18. Rub his face against your pussy or sit on his face, but gag him with your panties or a gag so that he can’t lick you.

19. Tie his balls off to something behind him so he has to tug on them to smell your panties or kiss your ass…stay just out of reach.

20. Masturbate in front of him. Use a dildo or a vibrator. Be vocal.

21. Put the base of the dildo in his mouth and make him satisfy you with it. Do it so his nose presses between your ass cheeks. He’ll be your little brown-noser and love it… Make him lick the dildo clean.

22. Tie him down to the bed and tie his hands to his penis but do not give him permission to cum with harsh punishments for disobedience.

23. Put your worn panties over his head so he can smell your odor.

24. Make him wear a cock ring (a watch strap or cat collar works well in a pinch, even a zip tie, but be careful not to cut off circulation)

So there you have it, a few fun little mind fucks that will bring any ardent male deeper under your spell…

I have divided this essay in three parts. In the first part we will analyze some patterns of male behavior. In the second part we will discuss the psychological factors at play, to give you a deeper understanding. Finally in the third part I will present Identity Reframing as a powerful behavior altering tool.

Some male behavior patterns

Effects of public exposure on male psychology and training

Many women become interested in male training by witnessing their girlfriend’s male behave in a lovable, completely deferential manner, in acceptance and respect of her femininity and authority. When they ask for an explanation, their friend is usually glad to describe her experiences with male training and obedience, and how she has learned to love his submission and its many benefits. Many times, a woman will be so excited during the first stages of her male’s training that she will be unable to discuss anything else, and soon enough all her acquaintances will know. This is contributing to a large extent to the rapid spread of female governed households and circles.

Indeed it is highly therapeutic for a male to sit silently while his wife or girlfriend proudly discloses the most intimate details of his subordination, among the usual girlish giggles and laughter, as if showing off her latest brand purse.

The male is usually very tense when his subservience is being publicly discussed, especially when in the presence of other males. This is called “fear of being seen as pussy-whipped” (FOBSAPW). After the fact, however, many women notice a definite softening in their male’s mannerism and behavior, which is quite pleasant. Though most women ignore the psychological mechanisms at play most intuitively understand that showing off their male’s passivity enhances his behavior.

Interestingly, the tension vanishes after a male’s condition has been exposed a few times before the same individuals. All is out in the open now, and he has nothing further to fear from the group. Suddenly, another type of behavior is observed, provided the woman keeps talking positively about his manners and progress. When FOBSAPW has subsided, males generally try to live up to the reputation you have created for them, and try to display their best behavior in front of guests. This sort of voluntary compliance is a primary objective in any type of male training.

Analysis

On pride and shame

Pride and shame are emotions that were engineered by nature with the sole purpose of allowing an individual to be alerted to sudden changes of status and popularity. Pride alerts one that one’s popularity is on the rise; it is a pleasurable sensation because it indicates that one should repeat whatever one has done (“move towards”). Shame alerts one that one’s popularity is declining; it is an unpleasant sensation because it indicates that the current behavior will be deleterious, hence one should cease this activity (“move away from”).

Pride and shame can be real or imagined; it is possible to envision a particular situation and gauge whether this will result in pride or shame or neither. Again this is nature’s way of allowing us to navigate the social landscape creating alliances and avoiding ostracism and isolation, an event which evolutionarily had a high rate of fatality.

Male training (as all animal training) is based on exploiting existing emotions, not changing them or blocking them, as this is never possible. Emotions allow us to interact directly with lower brain layers and bypass the rational mind. Controlling an animal’s emotions means controlling its behavior.

Displaying a male’s obedience: psychological effects

Making a display of a male’s submission formalizes it by integrating it into a real social context. As in any social context many emotions kick in, including pride and shame. Although male submission is becoming increasingly popular, in most social settings it is still not customary to make an overt display of it. Therefore the first mechanism that will be triggered in the male’s mind is anxiety. Anxiety will slowly turn into shame, because of FOBSAPW.  Laughter and giggles, which signify that the object of anxiety has been singled out for attention and is being closely scrutinized, will also contribute to precipitating anxiety into shame.

It is common for males to become completely silent at this point, especially if it’s their first time; your male may even “freeze” or become unresponsive. This is not a problem, because the real goal is not to obtain any cooperation on his part. The important point is that while your male is experiencing intense shame his subconscious mind will be totally occupied with the social consequences of his exposure. Therefore any other stimulus will be registered without any filtering.

The stimulus that a shamed male will absorb without any filtering in this case is his objectification. As his subconscious mind tries to process the ramifications of his exposure, he will be completely oblivious to the fact that he has become a mere object. An object of display, of curiosity; he is helpless - by actions or words - to change the focus and object of everyone’s attention and remains there, silent and helpless, like a newborn child surrounded by curious and intrusive adults.

This results in a “loss of agency”, that is, a situation in which he is no longer an agent in the world but a thing which is acted upon. The psychological effect of this loss of agency is a kind of identity change (from actor to object). The reason this effect is so intense is because this is not happening in an ordinary situation, in which the logical mind would retain a sense of agency and try to cope with the circumstances. Rather, it all occurs in the midst of a highly emotional (or at the very least socially sensitive and alert) state, which tags the experience as very relevant and promotes its integration at deep levels of the mind. This sudden change in the male’s perceived role in the world (an object rather than an actor), together with a certain manifestation of the Stockholm Syndrome, explain why most women experience a pleasant afterglow of deference and affection from their males after they have taken them through a traumatic moment of anxiety by making their condition public.

“The male loses his fear when his “pussy-whipped” status has been thoroughly exposed, understood and acknowledged” I do not recommend interacting with your male during an exposure episode. Do not ask him to do things, nor request his opinion or a verbal confirmation of what you are saying. Remember: he is the object. Be completely oblivious of his presence as you disclose intimate details of his training and condition. His silence will be understood to imply agreement. Let the feeling sink in, and do not distract him. This is an intense moment for him, though you can’t see it.

With regards to the “switch” that happens in the male once he has gotten used to being displayed in front of a certain group, it is interesting to note how one powerful emotion gives way to another. The male loses his fear (FOBSAPW) when his “pussy-whipped” status has been thoroughly exposed, understood and acknowledged. When this element of shame has been overcome, pride will take control, and the male will go to great lengths to live up to the reputation you have given him. It was shameful enough to be exposed as a servant. It could be even more humiliating to be later found to be a mediocre one!

Make him proud to serve

It goes without saying that, given the many beneficial effects, you should aim at letting everyone know about your male’s obedience. Create a formidable reputation which he will be afraid of ruining by being rude or uppity. Present him as the most helpful, well mannered man you have ever met.

As the male learns to fight to preserve his reputation as the “most obedient”, “most attentive” husband, or the “boyfriend who never ever talks back to you”, something important will happen. The male will begin to associate his sense of pride to the quality of his service, which is key to long-lasting obedience.

Tell me more…

There is hardly day that passes where I don’t get a message from someone asking me if I’m interested in them.  These typically come in two forms; the initial contact, and the follow up.  Often someone will send me a short note saying.  Please let me know if you’d like to get to know me, to which I will browse their profile, and then respond with “Tell me more…”   Conversely, there will be those who send a lovely letter of introduction (highly preferred) and I am able to immediately response to it.

So what does “Tell me more…” mean and what do women want?

 From my perspective, I have a plethora of information about myself available for people to read.   It is assumed, (although often erroneously) that anyone serious about contacting me has taken the time to read it.   I have found that most subs do not reciprocate in kind with the sharing of information, or that they overshare on the types of information that must of us do not care to hear.  

Tell me more… is an invitation.   It is an invitation for you to sell yourself!   Show us dominant creatures that you bring something to the table other than your willingness.  Any sane person who is seeking a submissive partner understands that there must be compatibility outside of kink.    Here is a short list of thing we would like to know. (If possible you should work them into a letter of introduction).

What you are seeking, and how that will mesh with your adult responsibilities:

When you say “I am seeking 24/7 FLR/TPE” what a dominant hears is:  I am a lazy unproductive member of society, who can’t handle the responsibilities of adulthood, so I’ll just abdicate them to you to handle.    A better way to say what you want is to say:

“I seek a female led relationship, that will guide and lead our relationship to reach the goals that we have mutually determined.  I consent to defer to your judgement in matters, and I will give you the final say over what is or is not done with and to my body, so long as it is pleasing to you”.

This is a fairly huge thing, don’t say it if you don’t mean it.  It is perfectly fine to say.  I will give you final say after discussing our mutually agreed upon limits.

What are your passions:

              Do you have things you are passion about?  Do you spend the weekends geocaching, golfing, reading, watching birds, etc…?   Do NOT go into your fetishes here!   For example:

 Don’t say:   “My free-time is yours to command Mistress”.  This is a cop out, and shows us that you haven’t a clue as to what a relationship involves. Furthermore, it implies that you are unmotivated and not a deep thinker.

Instead opt for something like this:

                             “I enjoy spending my free-time fishing, doing wood-working, and letting my kids beat me at putt-putt.  (I have 2, ages 11 &18 who do not live with me).  I very passionate about the oceans and marine conservation and once a month a volunteer a full day to pick-up trash on the beach.  I am willing to adjust my interests to that of my Mistress, but I would hope that we could find as many interests as possible to share should the future be in our cards”. I noticed on your profile that you listed you enjoy going to flea-markets, and antiquing, perhaps you could utilize my wood-working skills in some of your restoration projects.  I have much to learn about antiques, but I am quite adept at fixing things.  

A message like the one above shows you have an adult maturity and cultivated interests, but it also conveys that they are malleable and that you are happy to serve the needs and desires of your mistress. Additional things to include are statements about your education, profession, family-life.  However, the most important thing to include is something that say, why you’re contact this mistress.  Something specific.   Saying “I love that you have a foot- fetish, I’d be honored to have you step on me” is NOT what we want to hear.  

A statement of interest and intrigue should demonstrate introspection, desire, and curiosity about the person.  For example:  

“Your essay on male submission resonated with me, in that I too have struggled with this, I am curious to know what prompted your writing of it” or “I too agree that fun should play a huge role in this life-style, some of the best experiences I have had are ones which included a lot of laughter.   Would you be willing to share with me a moment from your history in which a submissive made you laugh and put a smile on your face?”

The bottom line is this, to get more one has to give more.   Take the time to communicate well, and you will find that you will get much further in finding what it is you seek.

Tell me more….

Hey. This blog’s now a year old. And we hit 3,000 followers on the same day, so we figured we’d do something fun. Here’s 100 NSFW questions we’ve come up with. Send in some numbers and you get your answer.

First kiss?

First time masturbating?

First sex toy?

First kink tried?

First time doing oral?

First time having sex? Turn Ons

Biggest turn on?

Biggest turn off?

Quickest way to get horny?

Weirdest thing that ever turned you on?

Top 3 places to be touched?

Ultimate fantasy?

Do you like the idea of a three or moresome?

Do you send nudes? Do you like receiving them? Preferences

Sex or masturbation?

Spit or swallow?

Cut or uncut dicks?

Rough or sensual sex?

Oldest person you’d sleep with?

Loud or quiet partners?

How much foreplay do you like?

How much teasing do you like?

What is too big for you to take?

Do you do hookups or only sleep with a partner?

How much kissing do you like during sex?

What’s the most attractive part of the body? Location

Favourite place to have sex?

Would you have sex in public?

Last place you had sex?

Where would you most like to have sex?

Do you like spontaneous sex, or do you need to be in the mood?

Could you go through with a hookup at a strangers house? Kinks

What’s your biggest kink?

What’s your limit?

Are you okay with name calling in bed?

Would you do any BDSM?

Do you prefer to tie somebody up or be tied up?

Favourite type of bondage?

Do you like orgasm denial/forced orgasm?

Do you like overstimulation?

Do you like having pain involved?

Do you like biting/being bitten?

Have you ever been made to/made somebody beg for it?

Do you have any strange or extreme kinks?

Have any roleplaying preferences?

Send a kink with this number. Do you have that kink? Masturbation

Do you own sex toys? How many?

Favourite Sex Toy?

What do you masturbate to?

How often do you masturbate?

How often do you use sex toys to masturbate?

Do you masturbate with penetration?

Do you go for multiple rounds or settle at one or no orgasms? Oral

Do you enjoy giving oral?

Do you prefer giving or receiving oral?

What makes you orgasm the fastest when receiving oral?

Do you have a preferred technique for giving oral?

Can you deepthroat? For people with dicks…

How long and how thick is it?

Do you do anal? Top or bottom?

Are you circumcised?

Do you like your balls being played with?

Do you enjoy prostate stimulation? Ever came from it?

Where do you like to finish? For people with vaginas…

Do you like playing with your clit?

How do you prefer to do it?

What’s your breast size?

How often do you go braless?

Do you finger yourself?

How familiar are you with your g-spot?

Do you squirt? Sex

Favourite position?

How often do you do unprotected sex?

How loud are you in bed?

Do you enjoy having nipples played with?

Do you like/dislike/love/hate cum?

How good are you at dirty talk?

Do you get sleepy after an orgasm? Other

Do you like wearing/seeing people in lingerie?

Do you masturbate or have sex with clothes on?

What’s your favourite style of underwear?

Are stockings/thigh highs a turn on?

Ever had somebody say no to a kink you suggested trying?

Do you trim, shave or leave pubic hair untouched? How do you prefer partners?

How many orgasms can you have in a day?

How many other people know your dick/bra size?

What do you wear to bed?

Do you eat ass? Do you like having your ass eaten?

Try to describe how orgasm feels for you.

Have you ever been to a strip club? How was it? If not, would you? Fun questions!

Do you name your genitalia?

What would be your stripper name?

Any funny sex stories?

What food if any would you use during sex?

Would you give somebody a sex toy as a gift?

What’s the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen?

Do you often get horny in public?

Ever used something that isn’t made for sex in the bedroom?

Have you ever walked in on somebody or been walked in on?