I've been sitting here watching everyone else's AU Fords and wanting to contribute my own, not quite knowing what to do, and then I realized I had already been writing one for months now? So, for the fun of it, I drew him. I would like to formally introduce Married Life Ford. He hates it here.

Might mess around and design his groom attire at a later date.

I also figure this is a way for me to disclose tidbits here and there that I haven't yet had the opportunity to work into the main story on AO3. Please mind the tags, as the fic is very dark and will only get darker.

I put him in a microwave

Probably gonna refine and then rig it when I have time

However, the queen, Ford’s opening piece, cannot jump pieces and therefore can’t be used as an opening move. Ford and Mabel share the same understanding of chess.

So the game probably went like this:

Bill: *internally* yeah okay he’s a nerd this is probably a good enough opening to catch his fancy

Ford: *internally* fuck fuck fuck I don’t fucking know how to play chess I only know how to play Dungeons Dungeons and More Dungeons. Fuck. I’m just gonna bullshit this and hope he doesn’t notice

Bill: *internally* okay don’t say anything just play along and maybe let him win a few times, don’t tell him he’s using the horses wrong don’t say anything. You can do this, Cipher, you need this guy to build you a portal.

Ford: *internally* he hasn’t noticed, I must be really good at this completely by accident.

Later, Dipper asks Ford to play chess with him and it’s just:

Ford: *opens with the queen*

Would you guys tell me if this is formatted weird, I've never posted a video to Tumblr before 😭

WIPPPP, look at my son he’s coming together