over and over

And I’m not saying that he’s a bad guy! But his cowardice was real! And compelling! And it’s not admirable! He had opportunities to do It for the Right reasons and he didn’t take them!

Obsessed with Stratt killing the coward that was Ryland Grace and a new man being born. He awoke with no memories of what he’d once known and loved. The pieces of his life he still has are what Stratt gave him!! A curated memory of Ryland Grace. What he knows about himself comes from the clues she left him!!!

because yes! he gets along with people quite well and they like and (especially if you refer to book canon) put a lot of trust in him on a professional and personal level. but i would argue that trust is not mutual! he likes people, he jokes with them, supports them, makes them feel at ease. he is attached to everyone on the petrova taskforce but he doesnt really open up any emotional attack surface where it comes to himself (bar a couple minor examples, like movie!grace talking to stratt about the party; but also, he still talks about those feelings in a way that is detached from himself, "its such a weird party"). he doesnt connect with anyone on a truly (emotionally) intimate level - and that is why he stays isolated, that is why he gets a singular polaroid depicting only himself while ilyukhina and yao get entire albums!

anyway it's important to me that grace's arc is not just about becoming brave in the grander, "heroic selflessness" sense, but about learning to open up and allowing himself to become emotionally vulnerabie. phm is great because it asks: would you overcome your fear of genuine vulnerability to connect with someone and let them truly see your heart if the world depended on it?