I slammed my fist against my table because I am so tired and angry but this pun is fucking gold
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸

KIROKAZE
h
todays bird

ellievsbear

pixel skylines
NASA

JVL
RMH

izzy's playlists!

Origami Around

â

çĽćĽ / Permanent Vacation
we're not kids anymore.
trying on a metaphor
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
macklin celebrini has autism

â

seen from TĂźrkiye
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from TĂźrkiye
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Germany

seen from Germany
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Croatia

seen from TĂźrkiye
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from Netherlands
seen from Ecuador
seen from United States
seen from Jordan
seen from United States
seen from United States
@mr-awesome-shake
I slammed my fist against my table because I am so tired and angry but this pun is fucking gold

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
My favorite kind of Adultier Adults⢠are those who actively try, like really really try, to understand millennial and GenZ humor but just canât q u i t e get it, and turn it into something 10x funnierÂ
Me over the phone in bad traffic: Oh, I can move again, the road work is done
My grandpa: Uh I sure hope it isnâtÂ
Me:Â
Gramps:Â
Me: Did-
Gramps: Did I do it rightÂ
Me with my grandpa again: Whatâcha doing?Â
Gramps: making a video of seven seconds of joyÂ
Me, frightened: gramps?Â
Gramps: *Sends a 7-second video of himself eating Almond Joy* Can you put it on vine for me
Me, choking up, not willing to tell him itâs gone: S-SureÂ
Me, to my Grandmother over the phone: I donât know gramma, I donât know if English is a degree that suits me.Â
Gramma: But youâve always loved writing!
Gramps, screaming for the other side of their apartment, just audible over the phone: THATâS HER OPINIIIOOOOOONNNNNNN!
(Over the phone at like 22:30) Me: Man I am just exhausted but canât find any sleeping aids, are there any left from when you-
Gramps: Itâs the sleeping timeÂ
Me: yeah?Â
Gramps: So itâs the time to sleep?Â
Me: âŚ. yes?Â
Gramps: Might I suggest you put head on pillow and sleep?Â
Me, finally realizing: You watch tiktoks. YOU watch TIKTOK.Â
Gramps: Just get some warm milk, you cretinÂ
Gramps: *Hangs up*
Me, staring at my phone in disbelief: WH YÂ
Me, over Skype: Hey gramps did you get the birthday box I sent you? You wanna know whatâs in it?Â
Gramps: DIS BOX EMPTY! WHEAT!Â
Gramps: *Softly tosses the box onto the couch*
Me: Wh. Wheat.Â
Gramps over the phone: guess what?!
Me: what?!
Gramps: my Hispanic neighbor taught me how to use freshvakdos!
Me: use⌠What
Gramps: you know! Freshvakdos! Guacamole!
Me: do. Do you mean fre sh avo ca do?
Gramps: YEAH
Gramps: So I heard about blessing that are actually curses so Iâm going to give you one okay
Me: oh no
Gramps: oh yeah.
Me: please-
Gramps: may you receive every book you have ever wanted to read in your life
Me: âŚ.how is this a curse
Gramps: ⌠Only for the last chapters to be torn out and unavailable online
Me: GRAMPS NO
GRamps: GRAMPS YES
Me: *flinches as Gramps uses my deadname several times* *letâs it slip that I wear a binder* *accidentally mentions dysphoria*
Gramps: *deadname* are you okay
Me: Gramps, could you maybe call me Kai instead�
Gramps without missing a beat or bothering to take his phone away from his face, SCREAMING to my grandma: HONEY WEâVE GOT ANOTHER GRANDTHEM!!!
Me, expecting backlash since my grandparents are conservative Mormons: *violent sobbing laughter*
Okay, since this blew up beyond expectations, hereâs a list about things my grandfather has done to make me love him more than basically anyone else.
-heâs letting me live in his house while he is on a mission for his church. A gigantic house on lots of land with the large garden and a sunroom. He let me bring all of my animals as well.
-He sold me his car and truck super cheap. The truck is named Gorp. It stands for Grandpas Old Retired Pimpmobile.
-He sends me a box full of fuzzy socks every month because he knows my cat destroys them
-He started using they/them for.my pronouns and hasnât fumbled once over phone or Skype
-He calls Gramma Lovely, Dearest, Sweetheart, and my personal favorite: Honey Buns (which I picked up ages ago and now my favorite person ever is labeled honey buns in my phone)
-He still says Wheat instead of Yeet. Intentionally.
-He speaks fluent Spanish and learned immigration laws to help keep his Hispanic neighbors safe when âICE comes around with itâs ugly unchristian headâ
- he may be a Mormon, but in his (and Grammas) eyes, Christianity is about love, forgiveness, acceptance, and being there for those you love and care for and he LIVES by that.
-when they arenât on a mission for the LDS church, they are foster parents to strictly only older teenagers and troubled kids.
-He loves everyone and will accept anyone into his family as long as they are kind and patient.
-He learned ASL so he could communicate with his dead neighbor and be a friend to him
And finally, the man, the myth, the legend himself:
This is Gramps and Gramma (who asked for her face to be covered). I also covered up the badge Gramps wears because it gives his location and name.
I would like you all to know that Gramps and Gramma have offered to adopt every single one of y'all as Grandbabies! They will learn about any religion and support ya no matter what. All they ask is for you to fold your socks. NO ONE IS GRAMMA AND GRAMPS-LESS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
(also if any of y'all are lonely I am so so happy to message anyone and make friends. I love you all đ)
excuse me, but I would die for Gramps
Gramps would never allow you to die of anything but OVEREATING AND DINNER IS AT 1800 DONT BE LATE
I really think itâs funny that you put dead instead of deaf but I also feel like he would totally do it if his dead neighbor spoke asl so
Was it a mistake or is there a ghost I didnât clue y'all into *sips tea*
Gramps is wonderful and I am gonna start folding my socks just for him
it took me like a full minute to realise that this was a post that was blocked with my own tumblr filters and not that âthis post may contain reddit and americanâ was the funny post I was like wtf why canât I reblog this
Why do you have that blacklisted in the first place? Seems oddly specific
because I hate americans and redditors next question
Donât wanna be an American Redditor
Treat spiders the way you want to be treated
Killed without hesitation
Fingered??
Fuck all customers except whoever left us an anonymous store review saying they drive by three other locations to come to ours because theyâre bisexual and everyone who works here is hot

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
I had no idea that chickens could?? float?? or swim??? I donât know why Iâve never thought of chickens as buoyant. I never picture chickens anywhere near water. what else have I been missing
C'est les swimming poules
Reblogging for the pun and the pun alone
when you come into your room and someoneâs there

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Itâs time we stop using antiquated terminology to diminish the extent of slavery
5A period, honey .
4 or 5D
Hit!
Tumblr humor is on a whole other level any other platform has yet to even come close to matching.
I mean, I could go play in the traffic, doesnât mean anyone actually should.
when i say âi wish i could do this againâ i mean âi wish i could do this again without putting other people in danger of contracting a potentially fatal diseaseâ
Yeah. âI wish it were safe to do this againâ and âI wish I were allowed to do this againâ are entirely different concepts, and amidst the pandemic people do a lot of conflating the two.
Lmao @ all the people saying âthere canât be 14 days of paid sick leave in the US because small businesses will suffer and the economy will fail!â you are aware there are countries that normally have paid sick leave that are doing fine right ? Like how much fucking Reaganite brainwashing does one need to think basic care for workers will crash the economy. Death to America
The world if Reaganâs assassination was successful
If the civilization we've built is so fragile and cruel that basic kindness and understanding would destroy it, then it deserves to fall.
Damn ok thatâs deep my post is 10x better now

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Friend of a friend had an encounter with Neil deGrasse Tyson some years ago in which he apparently questioned the usefulness of entomology as a science (compared to astrophysics, or whatever) but I would argue people see a bug way more often than they see a quasar, so there
Uhhh they sustain our entire fuckin existence neil
Instagram.com/wetheurban