Lets talk emotional quotient
while I am no psychologist, I feel as if I have found my own brief definition of what I believe emotional intelligence (EI) is and I would love to have a conversation with my fellow curious tumblrs on the matter. my main question for all of you is: what are some factors that lead certain individuals to having very distinct levels of EI and do you think these skills can be actively improved over time?
to accurately give my own response, first I would like to explain what I think emotional intellect actually is. I seem to find emotional intelligence as the ability to maturely understand, express, and manage one's feelings. whether those sentiments are your own or you are empathizing with someone else's. you can do this with skills such as self regulation and social awareness to positively overcome conflicts by communicating effectively.
as I said earlier, I am no psychologist, nor am I a neurosurgeon so please don't quote me on this stuff. studies show that many who are neurodiverse sometimes tend to think extremely logically and rationally, leading them to miss common emotional expressions. (ex: facial expressions, body language, tone in voice.) while there is no direct cure or magic medicine these individuals can take to react to these situations differently, they can often train their brain through therapy or learning certain social codes to best adapt themselves to society. but most importantly, society can learn to adapt to them <3 neurodivergence can often shift how one experiences self regulation, communications, and empathy.
in most countries, men are at a high disadvantage when it comes to developing emotional depth. this is because men are usually socialized to play the role of a provider who uses strength and intellect to solve problems. men often are taught to suppress any emotion other then anger so they don't seem "weak" or "soft." as a result of this continuing cycle, men are less likely to understand and react effectively to the emotions of others.
women on the other hand are socialized to become nurturing caretakers. we are often taught to provide care, support, and encouragement to foster the development someone might need, so talking about feelings is much more familiar to us. this is why in many heterosexual relationships, many couple therapist have reported to find the women doing most of the "emotional labor" of both themselves and their partner. women often tend to overextend themselves when it comes to their emotional intelligence as a result of the patriarchal social system, where emotional depth is seen as a female trait and is often devalued.
Early life and environment
this goes without saying but where and how you raised in your childhood years so gradually effects the way you take into account the emotions of others. one big example of this would be culture. western culture has influenced more expression and verbalization with emotions (although sometimes there is an overemphasis on only positive feelings.) In many non western cultures, the concept of expressing your feelings can often be seen as outrageous or offensive. as a result of the system in these cultures, emotions are sometimes expressed through unhealthy somatic behaviors. no matter what culture you grow up in, I feel as if the house you live in matters more. when someone grows up in an environment where emotion regulation and communication was common, that individual is likely familiar with the notion of properly monitoring their feelings, not suppressing them. those who didn't have the privilege to healthy role models that showcase appropriate expressions of feelings, likely have the odds of having low emotional intelligence.
Do I think it can be learned?
what I am currently writing about is a very complex topic, that should be taken with a grain of salt. we all have vast differences that can explain who we are and why we are this way. however after much research, I personally believe that there is much hope for those who wish to develop emotional skills. I have even seen it in myself with self reflection and curiosity to learn more about my internal being. One of the main things that I believe can alter the way our brain thinks and responds to emotional situations is having a massive life event happen to us in which we actually learn from. examples of these events include, losing a loved one, moving across the world, going through negative or positive changes can impact our EQ due to the brain's ability to rewire itself based on new experiences. However you don't have to wait for a crisis to build EQ. It can actively be trained through daily intentional habits such as active listing and mindfullness. Eq is a muscle, not a fixed trait and the fact that we are analyzing this right now means our own EI is evolving!!! Write your thoughts <3
