Motivation to Give Up

I know what we were was horrible. I know what abuse looks like. I know.

I know I know I know I know I know

But a part of me wishes I missed you

Part of me wishes you were who you said you were

Part of me wants to go back to that horrible, terrible comfort

I still almost want to cling to the familiar

I don't. Not really. Not subconsciously.

But the hurt felt like a strength. And I hate you for it.

And I know you'll never hear it, even if I told you

Because I know you never listen. You never really listened.

I want to feel bad for leaving you in the dark.

But the truth is, I fuckin don't.

You don't even realize this is a goodbye, you fucking idiot.

I'm trying to be angry. I'm trying to be sorry.

But I can't.

This is what you've done to me.