Existential Crisis

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You started to volunteer as a forest ranger when you realised you couldn't work anywhere else without thinking of Cyno. You saw him around often when you weren't in Ghandarva ville, and it never stopped hurting when he no longer showed you any affectionate looks. You knew you could defend yourself and fight when it was needed, and you never fully understood why Cyno thought the relationship being public would be an issue.

Tighnari found out more about you when you volunteered more, asking him if you could perhaps work there. He asked for your CV, expecting a subpar thing, only to be impressed when he spots your previous work. He takes you under his wing, taking you along for more difficult excursions.

When he asks you to accompany him to an outing with his friend, you nod. You thought it would be nice to see what your boss was like outside of work, and you felt like you were finally starting to move on from Cyno.

When you see Cyno with someone there, you were dreading the whole thing. The dinner consisted of Tighnari shaking his head disapprovingly at Cyno whenever he cracked a joke, the person sitting next to him hugging his arm and giggling at whatever Cyno said - even the things that were so obviously not jokes - and you feeling entirely out of place. Cyno didn't dare look at you either, and you thought it was simply because he was sick of seeing you all the time.

"What do you think of the joke, hmm?" Cynos partner asks, looking over at you. "I found it hilarious. Babe, you're so funny."

You manage to stop the eye roll, but you can't stop the unimpressed look.

"It wasn't funny." You bluntly state.

Tighnari nods, expecting that to be that.

"Oh, you're just jealous that the funniest man in Teyvat is not single." The person presses themselves against Cynos arm, him not making a move to shake them off.

"I'm not jealous of a man who makes terrible jokes." You state. Tighnari tries to stop you from being too harsh, but he's unable to stop it. "If he wants a laugh out of people - a genuine laugh - he needs to try."

Silence at the dinner table, the clanking of cutlery being the only thing in the room. You excuse yourself from the table, paying for the meal before leaving. Hearing a set of footsteps chasing to catch up with you, you brace yourself for a scolding.

"What was that?" Tighnari asks.

"What? He isn't funny." You continue to be blunt.

"But that felt way more personal than what most people would say." Tighnari explains. "I want to know why you were so abrupt with Cyno."

"Promise to keep this to yourself?" You ask, looking around to check nobody is eavesdropping. Seeing a nod, as well as nobody else, you continue. "Cyno and I used to be lovers. He forbade us from being public, explaining it was for my safety. Seeing that person being affectionate hurt."

Tighnari nods in understanding.

"If I am being honest, I think you'd treat my friend better than that gold digger." Tighnari states, catching you off guard. "What? It's true, isn't it? The way they kept batting their eyelashes, ordering the more luxurious items on the menu and finding every little thing Cyno said funny?"

"I got all that, but you couldn't think of another term?" You scold him lightly, Tighnari smirking as he shakes his head no.

"Well, I'm sorry for ruining the atmosphere at the table there regardless." You apologise.

"Don't be." Tighnari states. "I think both Cyno and myself felt happier in a way. It stopped that person from being as blatant as they were before." He laughs lightly, looking over at the forest. "I wished you told me about the situation, although I think I should have told you about my friend as well." He reasons.

You nod, thinking to yourself once again.

"So...when did Cyno start dating them?" You ask. "Not that I'm hoping to be a replacement, I just want to know if I was somehow a side piece. I don't think he would do that, but I would like that closure as well."

"Well, I believe they only started dating a few days ago based on his letters. It is strange, Cyno accepting that much affection this early." Tighnari sighs out. "Maybe he's growing desperate."

A desperate man that wasn't happy with the idea of you being affectionate in public with him in the entire duration of your relationship, you think to yourself.

“Lord, the girl isn't moving.” The Fatui Vanguard acknowledged.

“She will live.” The blue-haired man commented.

“Lord but-” Vanguard shocked your body a bit to notice your pulse being faint.

“She will live.” He said with a clenched jaw.

Death's gaze pointed in Vanguard's direction, terror washed over him. He only gulped in the response and hoisted you up on his shoulder at a position he thought was comfortable. “Yes lord.”

“What if our little Missy wakes up lord? Want me to play with her~?” Hopping around like a little bunny the woman was excited for the answer.

“We’re getting a horse carriage back to the castle. I don’t intend to stay working on pointless activities. If she wakes up, drug her.” The Harbinger answered through gritted teeth.

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The carriage shielded your body from the sheer cold of the calm and silent night, bumps on the road frequently disrupting the silence, rocking your body tranquiliy.

“Our Missy is sleeping like a rock! All that stress must wash over her. I was thrilled to try the drug on her, especially with Lord Dottore’s secret formula~. She’s missing the scenery, we’re coming close to the capital. All the lights from the distance look like little stars. Home, sweet home~.”

“Cryo Cicin Mage, must I remind you not to disrupt Lord’s peace. He’s writing a letter towards our high comrades.” Polishing his gun the Pyroslinger Bracer ranted.

“Stop ranting, you’re the one who’s disrupting me.” Dottore didn’t look up from the letter, his hands writing cursive letters skillfully despite Shneznayan not being his mother language.

The female stuck her tongue out in response to Pyroslinger gloomy appearance. “Roger sir.”

Bumps on the road came to a halt. Rounds of loud horse whinnies alerted the people inside the carriage, few of them stood up from their seats.

“Why did we stooop? I want to go home~” Cicin mage whined.

Footsteps crunched across the snow outside, knocking on the door echoed through the cabin.

A man holding a fuzzy hat near his chest, his face covered with the recognizable fatui mask entered. “My lord, I’m sorry to inform you, during the ride, the wheel broke apart. We’re getting it fixed. It will be done soon. I apologize m’ lord.” The man bowed.

Dottore swallowed his frustration. He finished writing the letter, sealing it with a thin rope, and marked it with a Fatui symbol seal. Once he was done he stood up and cleared his throat. “ Don’t plan on making me wait. Everyone get out till the wheel is fixed.”

“Yes, Lord!” They all answered in sync.

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“Sweetie, that's a big fish you got there. Did dad help you catch it?”

“Mommy check it out, I caught it all by myself!” The little girl rushed to her mom jumping around with a big smile.

“That’s my pumpkin! The man hugged his daughter, swinging her side to side. “We are winners of a fishing competition this year. No ginger will beat us this time!”

Your eyes were fixated on them

“Who are these people?”

Three figures talking to each other like a big family walked towards you.

“Are they coming here?”

The more distance was closed the more it became unclear.

You watched as the older man and a little girl walked past you, their faces unrecognizable.

They don’t have faces.

A figure blocked the sun's rays, shadows cast upon you. She had hardened scales on her body. She seems familiar. “Mom?”

The figure’s face is now black. Distorted.

The figure is now looking at you.

You observe as it swallows you in its darkness.

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Chatter around you rattled in your ears, the surroundings turning from black to colors while vision becomes clearer. The headache you felt was numbing all the thoughts while a blurry shape was sitting across you.

Your heart is beating so rapidly it feels like it will explode from your chest when a deep crimson gaze catches yours. Once a blurry vision is now an alerted one when a demonic grin spreads on a blue-haired man’s face.

I need to calm down. I’m in a carriage, there’s only one exit. We’re the only ones inside the carriage, by the looks of it there are more people outside. I’m being too obvious, I have to calm down.

“It’s not deniable that the exit looks tempting.” He noticed the adrenaline filling your nerves, the urge to rush down the path and run like there’s no tomorrow, in hopes of escaping. “I see the way you’re looking at it. Without a problem, I’d let you flee, make my servants chase you. Play with you, and tear you apart.” Knuckle cracks from his fist seeming like a warning. “Consider that an outcome if you don’t prove useful. Now, sit.”

Your body was forced to relax, by the looks of it if you show any sign of fear it might put you in danger. He looks amused by it, so it’s a must you aren’t permitted to show him.

The gaze didn’t break. You wanted to show him you’re not threatened, yet the trembling fingers had other intentions and were hidden by a strong clutch on your shirt in an effort to hide them.

“Where are we?”

A deep chuckle left his mouth. “I was certain you’d ask about your father.”

If the devil could laugh, he’d be Satan.

Don’t react.

“We’re in a carriage, where are we headed?” This time you observed the insides more carefully, it looked like the carriage was tilted on the left side. There must be a problem with transport, that would explain the lack of people here.

The cracks of his neck felt so stiff when he tilted it. Must’ve been traveling for a while.

He broke the stare casually looking at the ceiling, his smile fading. “Heading to the capital palace. The wheel fell apart, it’s going to be fixed soon.”

“Fuck you.” You added, it appears your knuckles will snap from the tight grip on your shirt, already gone white.

Dottore’s head fell down, bangs covering one of his eyes.

The eye contact was broken when fatui agents entered, they all looked at you before taking a seat. “Missy! You’re finally awake~” A Cicin mage opened her arms running to hug you tight. Her blue hair and hood block your eyesight. Even if it was from them. The urge to cry and throw up from her hugging you was high yet the warm touch felt comforting even if it was fake.

Dad.

I will protect mom.

Even if you lied to us dad, you had a good reason for it.

I’d give a lot for this warm embrace to be one of you and not them.

I’m sorry.

You clutched onto her, locking the Cicin mage in an embrace laced with fake affection. The man opposite you didn’t want to hold any eye contact, choosing to ignore your death stare.

The chauffeur informed us about the wheel being fixed along with being close to the capital.

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It’s been an hour since the wheel was fixed, the scenes from the outside of the window amused you, therefore you can’t see his face if you’re looking outside. You wish you never ever needed to see it.

The capital of Snezhnaya, one of the larger cities in Teyvat under the Tsaritsa's control. A god with no love so does her people match her. It is only now that the mood has been lifted up during the holidays and the Slavas* coming up. It’s awestrucking and nothing comparable to the village you grew up in.

Red, green, white twinkling lights decorate the trees with an unmatchable holiday atmosphere. It was a town of snow and harsh weather inhabited by people who took enjoyment in their traditions to a greater extent than other countries. The pale crescent moon shone like a silvery claw in the night sky. The silence was relaxing, long gone to sleep, the townsfolk bid their goodnights and went to sleep leaving the streets to the wind howls.

Your eyes feel heavy, shoulder now leaning onto the cold window's glass. The cold touch of the glass on the left side of your face removes the strenuous effect this ride has on you. It’s a shame you can’t put all your focus on the scenery, however, you will have enough time to explore it. That is if you were given freedom.

The Fatui agents feel pressure to speak but are unsure of what to say next with Dottore sitting right next to them. He’s outlining a sketch for a weapon based on a ruin guard's core, not paying much attention to anyone, but they knew not to ruin his peace.

The last I’ve been here was with mom ages ago, the memory feels more like a dream. How long till I can see her?

Water begins collecting at the bottom lid of your eyes, lips trembling so ever slightly. If someone talked to you, your voice would crack, a short intake of breath follows the lips. The desire to not show emotions is strong but you’re only human.

Dad.

Why did you leave us?

Too zoned out to notice the call of your names, you shivered upon a fatui agent grabbing your arm and pulling you towards the open door. You wiped your tears away, eyes bloodshot, avoiding speaking with heightened noise.

Insides of your stomach twist seeing the structure before you. Zapolyarny Palace. To the eyes of the others, any other building seems unworthy compared to this architecture. To you, It’s where devils resign.

Dottore is just a man. He will suffer. And I will make sure of that.

It’s easy to think with his back turned. Would that same confidence spark you while he stared into your soul?

Surrounded by soldiers and nowhere to run, you enter the Palace that was side by side with Hell.

Slava* - It's a holiday in Serbia. In this context, it will represent a 3 day holiday which contains a ball, a family gathering, and a town festival

Happy holidays!