2 miles from the lift and my left ski is GONE

I am such a “huh” ass bitch. Lmao i got bad hearing sorry

straight up 'unforchin it'. and by 'it', haha, well. let's justr say. my circumstants

when someone calls me their friend my heart skips a beat it’s like i won at being myself

this is my one wild and precious life fucckkkkkkk fuckkkkkk fucckcckkkkkkk

SCIENTISTS DONT WANT YOU TO KNOW well actually it’s just one scientist and she’s just really nervous and a little shy and like don’t tell her that I told you but she has a crush on you

does anyone have $1k and a parasocial relationship with me that may tempt them to send it to me

Get your ducks in a row. Now get them in a circle. Get them in a Socratic seminar with that duck in the middle. Get them in a mosh pit. Get them moshing. Get them moshing.

When all you have is a handsaw, every problem looks like a beautiful lady in a box. And you have a magician outfit. And people are watching.

"why do you know that" i am curious about the world around me

turns out the way you choose to live out each day dictates what your life will look like overall. no i know it's terrible

listen i consider myself an empathic person but after a certain point i get sick of other people’s problems. my friend is always talking about how the jewel-eyed skull on their mantlepiece is tormenting them w its sinister beauty and im over it. like dude i don’t want to talk about this anymore. get rid of the fucking skull

you’ are biased against my skull

i’m not having this argument again man

when the blackberry bushes have thorns to discourage mammals from monopolizing the consumption of their fruits and encourage birds to spread their seeds but they don’t know that the mammal in question is ME #notdiscouraged

as part of their ongoing boycott, Canada will no longer provide the US with totally real long-distance girlfriends who definitely exist