lovely man with noted history of confusion and verbal abuse and more said i have beautiful brown eyes sweetheart #thankyou

i can’t work customer service forever because i cannot speak to creepy people without aggressively alluding that i am onto them

dirk strider dies in his early-mid thirties during his second manic episode and no one sees it coming they didn’t consider it a real option

the thing about doing a lot of low level physics is that your internal monologue will be for years after regularly plagued with such virtually useless phrases as “heat rises” and “the fastest way through is straight across”

66-year-old coworker expressing fondness for Top Gun asking me to remind her of the name of that “religious science thing that’s big in california” and i can’t tell her i’m so excited to watch gay sports anime when i get home

employment will have you eating shit like peanut butter jam sandwiches

i HATE homestuck fanartists

you should not put cash in your safety deposit box because 1) it is not insured in case of emergency 2) it does not accrue interest in there and loses value over time and 3) derek has to stand by the door the whole time and get nervous about the line forming while you are counting 100000 dollars under your breath

no offense to him truly but i had a guy at my window who uncannily resembled brostriders i seriously broke into a cold sweat

it’s hard to be socially adept (relatively and it has a rather low bar) and also very prone to annoyingness you have to come up with so many replacement phrases in real times

nobody is allowed to talk to me about teen titans 2004

if you bring more than 7,500 dollars to deposit into your local reputable financial institution 20 minutes before closing you are inadvertently doing work for evil spirits

dirk strider accidentally presses his fingernail into the skin underneath his opposite fingernail and almost starts crying from fear

donald trump merchandise wearers love to come in to withdraw their social security check