Life of an Average Filipina

March 16, 2022

All in.

This pandemic had us breaking multiple times over lost jobs, lost opportunities, and lost time.

I am broken over and over by the fact that I am in a long-distance relationship.

We tried to meet somewhere out of the country. However, the immigration officer rejected me. I got offloaded.

It broke my heart how we were so close to finally being in each other's arms after a long time. He was already out there waiting for me when I got rejected. He had to wait for hours until he could get a flight back home.

It's almost a month now, am still breaking. I didn't know hearts could break into specks of dust and turn into an hourglass. I'm scared at how this experience made me so unmotivated and devastated. I didn't realize wanting to be with your loved ones could be this hard. I honestly felt robbed of the opportunity to be together. He saved up money for the flights. We both paused our professional lives to get a few days together. But it didn't happen.

Money. Time. Heartbreaks.

Okay, let's be honest all of us have insecurities. I, for one, had so much. Yes, I had. Nope, my body didn't change. It's still the body with lots of stretch marks and dark spots. To top it all, it has so much loose skin.

It took me some time before I accepted that. There were a lot of morning pep talks and evening mantras to train my mind to do so and love myself.

It was a cruel journey but a fun one too. My friends became my biggest motivator aside from myself. These are the first people who saw the "pretty" under all the layers of fat and shades of insecurities. And although there were family members who were very judgmental about my physical appearance, who then became my motivation too, there are a few who became my support system. (It's fundamental and empowering to have family and friends to support you so you won't revert.)