see u in da pit

I wish that I never gave him a chance. I knew that he never took me seriously or really cared about me. I’m not surprised by this in the least bit. I’m just a novelty. As always to everyone. I wish I had better discernment.

I don’t think this is self sabotage. The more I’m honest with myself, I recognize that love isn’t enough. We don’t want the same things. The long run, this isn’t what I want. I’ve fallen off. And I don’t like it. So I just need space. Bc if the longer I’m with someone , the more I stop prioritizing myself. I just need space

My biggest red flag is that being single is always on my mind. I want to be alone right now. I’m not in love at the moment. He’s in love with me. That’s okay. I’m just not feeling strongly about them right now. I might have stronger feelings when they come back from out of town but at the moment I’m not really excited about them at all. I wish I wasn’t so avoidant but alas, I’d rather leave than stay and have a head ache. Especially over man.

Call me petty, but my biggest pet peeve is when I carve out time for someone and they don’t respect that. Like if I’m telling you to be present to be aware of where you’re at, you keep pushing back on that. And then when I’m like okay let’s set up a time and everything and your gung-ho and then you flake? I’m gunna be mad. Like treat me like your fucking girlfriend. This is why I miss being single. I don’t have to have my feelings hurt of shit like that. Like I was excited to talk to them when I woke up and now they’re at a bar after complaining about a hang over earlier today. I’m just really turned off by this kind of thing. I’m very much a person who when someone is away, that if fine, you don’t even need to check in really. Maybe a good morning hope you’re having a good day. He is the one that insists on being heavily communicative and then falls through on it. It’s especially annoying because he could’ve told me that he was going out. And then has the audacity so say “ we’ve been talking abt you all night.” Well you haven’t spoken to me all day so I don’t give a fuck how about that.