i am always going through a life crisis

But after he dies, the only way she can remember him is when he's bleeding on the ground, face deformed and eyes barely able to open. And during the game, every time she tries to draw him, she can't get them right and end up putting angry black lines instead.

But in the end? Once she let Abby live and go back home? She finally found her closure. Because when you open her journal, there's a drawing of Joel, playing guitar, and she drew his eyes. And that made me really happy.

*sighs*

A lot of people seem to miss the point of the ending which is not surprising to me. It's not so simple as what you see.

Yes, Ellie loses the family she fought so hard to build, but the fault was on her for that happening. She became so consumed by hate and revenge that she slowly was losing her own humanity. She had moments that slowed her descent into madness, but ultimately she still couldn't stop the dark desires inside of her. She couldn't just "move on" and be satisfied with the life she had like everyone else. If you read her journal, she talks about sleepless nights and panic attacks. All at the fault of her personal trauma and anxiety. All triggered by the deep rooted hate and loss that had built inside her that whole time.

So yes, she turns her back on all she's gained to pursue Abby. It's not until she's at the breaking point and about to kill Abby, that the person she truly is (the one Joel tried protecting for so long) finally stops her from doing the one thing she's wanted, but that could have ultimately destroyed her.

So she lets Abby go. She goes back home and sees the consequences of her decisions. The consequences of her consumed rage and need for revenge. It causes her pain, but also teaches her that she has to learn how to forgive.

That's when she remembers the night before she lost Joel. How she'd finally forgiven him after hating him for what he did. And in that she finds peace, and decides to change her course. She sets off, and the ending leaves it open that she's going to more than likely go searching for Dina, and earn her forgiveness so that they can start again. So she can start again.

It's a beautiful, powerful, and very HUMAN ending. Human lives are messy and not at all simple, and that's why it's so bold. The entire story is wrapped around the concepts of cause and effect/confronting the consequences for your actions.

I love it, and I'm still processing all my emotions over it. Not everyone is going to agree with it, not everyone is going to like it, but frankly that's their choice. As a writer, and someone who loves very deeply flawed content, this was fucking brilliant. And I'm happy it exists.

❤🐺

me: *sobbing*

my wife: what’s wrong