I’m such a fat fucking chud

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@moralitysacrifice
I’m such a fat fucking chud

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Something’s wrong with me
So uhh my sister lives with my mom and I live with my dad so I don’t completely fall off academically but I’m fucking tired of my stepmom her mere existence disgusts me
She has a gross wrinkly skin, she’s so incredibly short somehow even a bit shorter than me ( 4’10 and 4’7 ) her greasy, burnt out from the straightener and is always in an old bandaid making her look like a psychotic nanny and Im not the type to say this but I’m glad they forced the hijab on her, I’m literally 14 and I’m still not allowed to shower by myself as I’m forced to show her my disgusting body and shell touch everywhere and then try to shove the razor in my hole until my skin start feeling weird, my underdeveloped tits start looking like rotten scrambled eggs and my broad shoulders don’t match my height even harder I try my best to enjoy it so it feels less.. disgusting but her mere existence near me is so disgusting.. I tried to tell my mom about it but she joked it off and it’s been happening since I was 11 ( when I moved in with my dad’s ) and now I can’t stop fantasizing about getting raped in my free time and even dreamed about it a few times and it’s only gotten worse as my last friend doesn’t text me anymore..
even tho her style is horrendous she’s allowed to choose everything I wear, I allowed her to do that for first since I was too lazy to confront and felt like if I did she’s just gonna let me choose what I wear but when I did she got offended and punched me twice until I fell and then just allowed it to continue since I don’t really know how to pick my clothes anyways since I never really got to tho I keep saving fashion related pins and TikTok’s 24/7, while my 9yo sister is getting compared to Jessica alba and visiting this stressful place in the most expensive clothes I keep fixating on how disproportionate I look, no one really called me ugly ( outside of my stepmom calling me fat all the way throughout 7th grade ) Infact my 25yo cousin is obsessed with my face meanwhile I would kill to look like her and be her.. I still feel so alien especially that there’s girls in my class that are taller than my literal DAD and this one girl specifically she’s 5’7, her voice is so feminine and pretty and her smile.. omg.. she’s always present in the most fire fits and gets along with everyone.. sure she’s held back a year but if I looked like her.. if I was her nothing would madden me anymore not even not being allowed to wear bras and having my tits shake in the most grotesque way whenever I make any ever move
My dad promised to be on my side whenever I told him about my stepmom but it seems the butterflies got the brains out of him ( ik my married 3 times for shits and giggles but literally how is she even married?? )
I can’t escape people, not in my room, not in my school, not in my own damn head but I still want someone to hold me affectionately but I’m too much of an angry ltb whore to deserve that..
i think because of the whole "writers write for themselves" notion that's becoming increasingly popularized, people forget that we still thrive off interaction and kindness. i write for myself but kudos and comments and bookmarks and really any sort of interaction with my fics genuinely motivates me to keep writing and keep sharing my works.
I write for myself.
I post for community.
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Kotobot stop grooming me
5 Writing Myths I Believed When I First Started Writing (and why they’re bullshit)
Myth: Any type of criticism is good criticism.
Why it’s bullshit: Sometimes, people give criticism that doesn’t have your story’s best interest in mind. They think with their own preferences and not with the overall goal you’re reaching for with your story. This kind of criticism does not serve you.
Myth: You must ensure you never use “said.”
Why it’s bullshit: “Said” should be the default. It slips under the radar and protects the flow of your prose.
Myth: Brutal honesty is just constructive feedback.
Why it’s bullshit: Just being “brutally honest” and telling somebody what’s wrong with their story is useless, demotivating, and offers no learning opportunities. If somebody has “brutal honesty” to give, it needs to come with actionable, constructive ways to fix and learn from it.
Myth: You must be as descriptive as possible at all times.
Why it’s bullshit: Most of the time, concise is key. Being too wordy can easily tire out a reader.
Myth: My first draft must be perfect out of the gate.
Why it’s bullshit: The first draft is for discovery, not perfection. Perfection doesn’t exist, and if it does, it comes with editing. The bestsellers you see on shelves only got that way through editing!

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my biggest fear is becoming a consuming being, not in the “labubu matcha Dubai chocolate and zero thoughts behind” way but more like becoming the same way as an animal, eat, sleep, be online and do nothing useful and my brain fog gotten even worse I don’t even know how to memorize shit anymore no matter how hard I try for my exams and ill still look weak because I have no motivation for anything, even staying online is exhausting but the dopamine out of it is the only thing that keeps me going so cheating really is my last hope to get by I can barely form sentences properly and I’m constantly scared it’s gonna get even worse eventually since that was the case for the last 5 years ( because let’s be real I’m never gonna get help in this shithole🇩🇿 unless my brain somehow magically cures itself ) that i would forget language, thoughts and feelings let alone a job and become this crazy animal “failed child” that at its grown age still acts and moves crazy 24/7 with no purpose or reason that everyone in my family looks at with pity wondering what happened
so now I guess I reached a point where it isn’t a matter of wether I should take myself out of this hell or not but when?
On writing parents
✧˖°. the power of their voice to reduce you to childhood in a second.
✧˖°. unconditional love that sometimes looks like impossible standards.
✧˖°. saying, “I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did” while repeating their own parents’ mistakes.
✧˖°. advice that makes sense years later, not when you need it.
✧˖°. pride hidden in small actions: fixing things quietly, buying your favorite snack, checking the locks twice.
✧˖°. disappointment delivered with a sigh that stings worse than shouting.
✧˖°. being protective in ways that embarrass you, but you miss it when it’s gone.
✧˖°. realizing they’re human: tired, flawed, scared, still figuring it out.
✧˖°. the awkward shift when roles reverse and you start worrying about them.
✧˖°. the complicated guilt of wanting distance but still craving approval.
✧˖°. love expressed in strange languages: chores, nagging, unsolicited advice.
✧˖°. sacrifices you don’t notice until years later.
✧˖°. fighting with them like enemies, then missing them like home.
✧˖°. the bittersweet comfort of knowing they’ll always be part of your story, even when they’re gone.
On writing internal conflict
the juiciest, most painful, most deliciously human conflict isn’t when your characters fight dragons, or armies, or even each other. It’s when they fight THEMSELVES. And I don’t mean a cute little “oh no, should I go left or right on the map” problem. I mean the kind of fight that leaves them contradicting themselves, making stupid choices, hurting the people they love because they can’t get their shit together.
People are contradictions. You want closeness but also space. You want revenge but also forgiveness. You want freedom but also safety. And you CAN'T “win” both. Which means no matter what choice your character makes, they’re always losing something...
⟢ Your character should want two opposite things at once. Not “they want cake but they’re on a diet”... deeper than that. Like: they want to forgive but also punish. They want to be loved but also fear intimacy. They want to belong but also can’t stop running.
⟢ “I know what I should do, but I don’t want to.” Honestly? This one carries me. Characters who know the “right” choice and still go left are instantly interesting. They’re self-sabotaging, they’re human. Nobody likes a character who’s perfect at moral math. Give me the disaster who says “screw it” and pays the price.
⟢ Comfort vs. growth. This one is everywhere if you pay attention. Do they stay small, safe, predictable? Or do they risk it all for the terrifying possibility of becoming more? Coming-of-age, romance, even horror lives here. “Stay in the cocoon or rip yourself out and bleed on the floor for a chance at wings.”
⟢ Self-image vs. reality. Oof. This one hurts. Who they think they are vs. what their actions prove them to be. A “good man” who does something cruel. A “coward” who throws themselves into danger. Nothing breaks a character like realizing they’ve been lying to themselves about WHO THEY REALLY ARE.
⟢ Fear disguised as logic. Internal conflict loves this mask. They don’t say “I’m scared.” They say “it’s not practical.” They pile excuses on top of excuses until even they believe the lie. Fear is sneaky. It makes “reasonable” decisions feel rational, when really it’s just cowardice in a nicer outfit.
⟢ The loop... Internal conflict doesn’t solve itself in chapter 12 and vanish forever. Real people relapse. They learn their lesson and then do the same dumb thing again in chapter 15, because habits and wounds don’t disappear just because a monologue happened.
⟢ Desire vs. morality. Classic for a reason. “I shouldn’t want this thing. But god, I want it anyway.” You can wring a whole trilogy out of this one sentence.
⟢ The body vs. the brain. Maybe they say “I don’t love you” while their hands are shaking. Or they tell themselves they’re brave while their stomach knots. That disconnect between what they say/think and what their body does? Pure GOLD, use it.
The point is: internal conflict isn’t neat. It’s not a “oh they overcame their fear, check.” It’s fucking ugly, and our characters are allowed to contradict themselves, relapse, screw up, hurt people, learn too late, or never learn at all.
On writing hate
༒ the way their name tastes bitter in your character’s mouth, like a word they only spit out.
༒ that stiff smile reserved only for them. it’s venom.
༒ noticing every single flaw: the too-loud laugh, the tapping foot, the way they breathe. hate turns people into critics.
༒ overhearing them praised and thinking: if only you knew.
༒ the satisfaction of catching them make a mistake, even a small one, and filing it away for later.
༒ those accidental moments of eye contact that feel like a duel.
༒ the petty thrill of calling them by their full name instead of their nickname.
༒ conversation with them feels like walking barefoot on broken glass: sharp, tense, and bleeding patience.
༒ imagining clever comebacks hours later, because hate fuels rehearsals.
༒ taking the long way around a room just to avoid brushing shoulders.
༒ hearing their voice and immediately wanting to leave, no matter how comfortable you were before.
༒ remembering every single thing they ever said wrong, forever.
༒ laughter that’s too sharp, too quick, every joke at their expense sharpened like a blade.
༒ the subtle joy of withholding kindness: not passing the salt, not holding the door.
༒ hating them so much it almost feels like love, because obsession lives in both.
༒ the relief of silence once they’re gone, like a room airing out after smoke.
Ways to Show a Character is Angry but Trying Not to Show It
✮ ⋆ ˚。 Their jaw flexes while their smile stays plastered on.
✮ ⋆ ˚。 Responses get shorter, clipped: "Fine." "Sure." "Whatever."
✮ ⋆ ˚。 They stop blinking as often, eyes fixed a little too long.
✮ ⋆ ˚。 Their body gets still, unnaturally still, like every muscle is on lock.
✮ ⋆ ˚。 They press their tongue to their teeth before answering.
✮ ⋆ ˚。 They set things down a little too hard, the glass, the pen, the keys. Not enough to break, just enough to say something.
✮ ⋆ ˚。 They keep asking, "Why would you say that?" but never raise their voice.
✮ ⋆ ˚。 Their politeness sharpens into something cutting, brittle.
✮ ⋆ ˚。 They laugh, but it's one note too sharp, too short.
✮ ⋆ ˚。 The moment they're alone, they let out a breath like they've been holding back an explosion.

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On writing Nightmares
☽ the impossible logic that makes sense in the dream but collapses when you wake.
☽ running fast but somehow not moving at all.
☽ teeth falling out, hair unraveling, doors melting into walls, the body as a horror show.
☽ familiar places twisted into something wrong: your house, but endless hallways; your school, but empty.
☽ monsters that are blurry but terrifying, because your brain fills in the worst.
☽ screaming as loud as you can but no sound comes out.
falling forever and never hitting the ground.
☽ waking up breathless, heart hammering, body drenched in sweat.
☽ fragments sticking with you all day, a face, a sound, a feeling you can’t shake.
☽ confusing the dream with memory; wondering if it really happened.
☽ the relief of waking up, immediately followed by dread as you realize the dream mood lingers.
☽ trying to explain it to someone else and realizing how absurd it sounds.
☽ dreaming about people you know, but they act wrong, uncanny, cruel.
☽ dream logic deaths that feel real grief.
☽ sleep paralysis: the in-between, trapped in your body while the nightmare leaks into reality.
☽ nights when the same dream loops, like a broken record you can’t escape.
☽ the fear of falling back asleep and picking up where it left off.
How to show emotions
Part V
How to show grief
a vacant look
slack facial expressions
shaky hands
trembling lips
swallowing
struggling to breathe
tears rolling down their cheeks
How to show fondness
smiling with their mouth and their eyes
softening their features
cannot keep their eyes off of the object of their fondness
sometimes pouting the lips a bit
reaching out, wanting to touch them
How to show envy
narrowing their eyes
rolling their eyes
raising their eyebrows
grinding their teeth
tightening jaw
chin poking out
pouting their lips
forced smiling
crossing arms
shifting their gaze
clenching their fists
tensing their muscles
then becoming restless/fidgeting
swallowing hard
stiffening
holding their breath
blinking rapidly
exhaling sharply
How to show regret
scrubbing a hand over the face
sighing heavily
downturned mouth
slightly bending over
shoulders hanging low
hands falling to the sides
a pained expression
heavy eyes
staring down at their feet
More: How to write emotions Masterpost
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lalalalalalalalala
my guardian angel (///° ^ °//)
How would I handle writing this like missing limbs, wheelchair users, conjoined twins, serious burns, and hearing issues in a fictional/ medieval-fantasy setting were surgeries, prosthetics and other modern technologies are not available? I want my stories to have a lot of disabled and disfigured characters while also not falling into harmful tropes and stereotypes(motivations being solely about being disabled or the villain is evil because their disfigured etc.) but I’m not sure what my limits are when it comes to a specific time period we’re technology is extremely limited.
Hi asker,
In advance: this is a very long post.
The thing about disabilities is that they exist whether you have the technology for them or not. And the thing about surgeries and prosthetics is that they are very, very, very old.
Pretty much all the information in this ask is from Wikipedia, by the way. When it's not, I'll give you a link.
The oldest known amputation is 31,000 years old, and the next oldest known one is 7,000 years ago. 7,000 years ago is like 6000 BC, well before the medieval era, even if we're using medieval to mean the very very start of it in 500 CE. 6000 BC is, well, 6500 years before 500 CE. People were doing surgeries in Ancient Greece and Ancient India and Ancient Egypt and Ancient China. Were they less successful, on average, than modern surgeries? Yeah, definitely, considering infection risks and germ theory if nothing else at all. But surgery existed, and "surgeon" was an established title and job by the medieval era. A lot of technology is older than you think.
And in the same way, people with serious burns, missing limbs, and hearing loss have existed for a very long time.
I'll start with hearing loss because its inclusion in this ask surprised me the most. This doesn't affect someone's lifespan, and it doesn't require any technology to live with. Sign languages develop wherever deaf people are, because people want and need to communicate with each other, and if not that then things like pen and paper or drawing symbols. Some people today with different degrees of hearing loss & deafness exist without ever putting on a hearing aid or cochlear implant.
As to conjoined twins, they are very rare. Half are stillborn, a third of non-stillborn twins die shortly after birth. They have better survival rates today than in the past. And even then, there are reports of conjoined twins who are either older children or even adults, for a very long time. Here is a link to a paper called "The 3,000-year history of conjoined twins."
Chang and Eng Bunker (1811-1874) would likely have been successfully separated today, but they existed as conjoined twins in their time died at age 63. Earlier still, Lazarus and Joannes Baptista Collaredo (1617- at least 1646) were a case of conjoined heterophagus twins; Joannes Baptista was a parasitic twin and much smaller than Lazarus, and reportedly could not speak or move his body parts independently. But they still both lived until at least age 29. Older still, the oldest mention we have I think, Augustine of Hippo in 415 CE mentions what was likely conjoined twins. So they can exist.
When it comes to missing limbs, they don't have to affect lifespan. They can, but they don't have to. Missing limbs can be congenital, and congenital amputees don't necessarily need a prosthetic. Today, most upper limb amputees, congenital or not, straight up don't use a prosthetic. And limb differences exist regardless of if prosthetics do.
Even then, prosthetics are very, very old. The first one that we know of for a limb is around 1000 BC in Ancient Egypt. Pliny the Elder, born in 23 or 24 CE, talks about a prosthetic hand. The Capua Leg is from around 300 BC, and for a time was the oldest known limb prosthetic. For a non-directly-real example, how many pirates in movies have you seen with peg legs and hook hands? That's because people using both of those things have existed for a long time. François Le Clerc (died in 1563) was a privateer who had a peg leg. François de la Noue (1531-1591) was a captain who had his arm amputated and then had an arm prosthetic with a hook. (Big century for guys named François and prosthetics I guess lol.) Götz von Berlichingen (1480-1562) had two different prosthetics for the hand he got traumatically amputated.
Which goes into the point: survivable amputations are very old. Some are like von Berlichingen, and are lost in an accident, which the person survives. But some are surgical, like de La Noue above; his arm was injured by bullets and amputated later. Celsus described one as far back as in the 1st century. I mean, I'm sure they were miserable, what with no anesthesia, but they existed, and people lived. (Maybe your fantasy world has magical anesthesia?) Here is a paper called "On some paleopathological examples of amputation and the implications for healthcare in 13th-17th century Lithuania," which in the abstract alone mentions specifically that one skeleton showed signs of healing.
Wheelchairs are also very old, by the way. They aren't exactly like our wheelchairs today, but the first ones we know of are around 525 CE. Other things, wheelchair-adjacent but not quite, were used before that. I mean, as long as people who cannot walk have existed, they have needed to move to other places for whatever reason. Wheels getting involved is the easiest way to get that done.
Last but not least, burns. These are related to amputations, because a severe enough burn – 3rd degree or 4th degree – needs surgery as treatment so you don't die, and amputation is surgery. And, like mentioned above, surgeries, specifically amputations, have existed for a very long time.
If your world has magic, why can't this extend to burn care and amputation as well? I don't mean completely healing a 4th degree burn that goes right to the bone, especially because 4th degree burns just don't heal, there's not enough left, but perhaps magic helps prevent infection to nearby sites, or, again, works as painkiller when it comes to an amputation or promotes faster healing of the amputation itself.
But either way, if you survive a burn, even with significant functional impairment afterwards, then you are already alive, and you might make use of things we've mentioned above like prosthetics or wheelchairs.
Sure, if a technology isn't there then it isn't there. We don't have Leg Regrowing Technology, meaning some people who used to have legs and lost them don't still have legs. But that doesn't mean we don't have any way at all whatsoever to support said people, and the same can be said of any era.
Hope this helps,
mod sparrow
YES! MORE UNBIASED RESEARCH!!
so gross

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I feel like such a slob because of my self diagnosed depressionslop and I hate it
who else cant have a conversation with their parents without having a mental breakdown after
There’s guests in my house and I wanna slam my head against the wall KILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLEME I HATE PEOPLE KILLME