Something’s wrong with me
So uhh my sister lives with my mom and I live with my dad so I don’t completely fall off academically but I’m fucking tired of my stepmom her mere existence disgusts me
She has a gross wrinkly skin, she’s so incredibly short somehow even a bit shorter than me ( 4’10 and 4’7 ) her greasy, burnt out from the straightener and is always in an old bandaid making her look like a psychotic nanny and Im not the type to say this but I’m glad they forced the hijab on her, I’m literally 14 and I’m still not allowed to shower by myself as I’m forced to show her my disgusting body and shell touch everywhere and then try to shove the razor in my hole until my skin start feeling weird, my underdeveloped tits start looking like rotten scrambled eggs and my broad shoulders don’t match my height even harder I try my best to enjoy it so it feels less.. disgusting but her mere existence near me is so disgusting.. I tried to tell my mom about it but she joked it off and it’s been happening since I was 11 ( when I moved in with my dad’s ) and now I can’t stop fantasizing about getting raped in my free time and even dreamed about it a few times and it’s only gotten worse as my last friend doesn’t text me anymore..
even tho her style is horrendous she’s allowed to choose everything I wear, I allowed her to do that for first since I was too lazy to confront and felt like if I did she’s just gonna let me choose what I wear but when I did she got offended and punched me twice until I fell and then just allowed it to continue since I don’t really know how to pick my clothes anyways since I never really got to tho I keep saving fashion related pins and TikTok’s 24/7, while my 9yo sister is getting compared to Jessica alba and visiting this stressful place in the most expensive clothes I keep fixating on how disproportionate I look, no one really called me ugly ( outside of my stepmom calling me fat all the way throughout 7th grade ) Infact my 25yo cousin is obsessed with my face meanwhile I would kill to look like her and be her.. I still feel so alien especially that there’s girls in my class that are taller than my literal DAD and this one girl specifically she’s 5’7, her voice is so feminine and pretty and her smile.. omg.. she’s always present in the most fire fits and gets along with everyone.. sure she’s held back a year but if I looked like her.. if I was her nothing would madden me anymore not even not being allowed to wear bras and having my tits shake in the most grotesque way whenever I make any ever move
My dad promised to be on my side whenever I told him about my stepmom but it seems the butterflies got the brains out of him ( ik my married 3 times for shits and giggles but literally how is she even married?? )
I can’t escape people, not in my room, not in my school, not in my own damn head but I still want someone to hold me affectionately but I’m too much of an angry ltb whore to deserve that..
