claire ⋆｡°✩

Our journey ends here, but is it also the end of us?

the end of killua and gon's journey feels bittersweet. it's sad and devastating because of their reactions when they each look away from the other; gon looks sad, but then looks up, determined and ready to move forward. killua looks indescribedly melancholy as he looks down, because how can he move forward? what is he going to do now? it hits harder for killua who has had no friends before because of his family. after escaping his family, he spent all his time with gon. he has no purpose, and he tells gon "There's nothing I want to do. You have your thing, I don't have anything." gon replies, "I'll look for my father, and you look for what you want to do." and it's happened hasn't it?

killua's finally discovered purpose in alluka. in being her protector and her brother, he finds purpose. but exploring their future together means ending his with gon. their goals have diverged and it no longer makes sense for them to stay together.

as we see the final scene of killua looking like he's lost the love of his life, the heart-wrenching flashback reel plays. we realise that these two have spent their formative years together, and that's not just sonething you can easily leave behind. it'll stick with you forever, when you remember a time you never had to hold back, where you were granted the rare gift of being so fully understood. you grew stronger together, and you learnt so much together.

but that's also why they had to leave each other. they had to be able to develop on their own, and learn who they could be without the influence of the other.

killua in particular needs to spend time away from gon, because watching gon kill himself killed him in the process. seeing that takes something you're not sure you can recover again. killua needs to learn to say no to gon, and to be able to express what he truly thinks. killua indulges gon even when he does things that are reckless and selfish. killua would do anything if only he asked, and gon knows that. it's not in a manipulative way, but in the sense that they trust each other so much, that it could only ever be them for each other. only killua can hold the ball while I fire a punch. only him. but this isn't healthy.

because what if it happens again? what if gon craves vengeance again, and decides to sacrifice himself to achieve it? would killua be able to survive that kind of heartbreak a second time? and so that's also what gon needs to learn. he needs to learn to stop shouldering the burden alone. that he doesn't need to feel responsibility and blame so deeply. he needs to learn to lean on others for support. and instead of forging alone in a blazing fire of glory, to turn around and ask, "Will you come with me? Will you help me solve this together?" because he has finally realised his actions have consequences on those around him. that those who care about him won't see it as an inconvenience, but a privilege.