On Laurentās self-hatred
Stumbling across this post recently reminded me of some of my personal interpretations of how Laurent's mind works. While I mostly agree with the OP, there are a few comments I'd like to make (and they'll probably be very sad, long and chaotic):
1 - First of all, I donāt think Laurent easily classifies people as evil. Thatās something he does with Damen because he has already constructed a fictional character for him who embodies the source of all his pain, but he doesnāt easily hate other people. What he does, however, is look for any signs that they might be using him or working for his uncle, because thatās something that has happened in the past and his trauma has made him extra cautious about it. Another reason he is generally cold and bitchy is to avoid becoming attached to others, because that bond could be used against him (as, in fact, ends up happening with Nicaise and later with Damen).
2 - That said, Laurentās self-hatred is undeniable. And much of it is probably due to his guilt for the abuse he suffered. The OP mentions the paralysis that some people experienceĀ when they are victims of a violent act. This involuntary response causes many of these people to feel guilty for not fighting back against their abusers. It can even make them feel that they gave āimplicit consentā to the act, even though thatās obviously not the case. I agree that Laurent probably experienced this kind of paralysis during his uncle's assaults, but I think there's more to it than that. We are told multiple times that the Regent gains his victim's trust by making them feel loved. Special. Cared for. And I think Laurent, having lost his entire family and the only source of love he knew, fell for this deception. He truly believed that his uncleās āattentionsā were some kind of love. And he probably loved him too.Ā
Furthermore, we must bear in mind that the Veretians seem to have a relatively normalized view of pedophilia, since both the Regent and one of his Counselors openly prey on children. And thatās another reason why Laurent might feel like he āconsentedā to having sex with his uncle. (Side note: This is why Damenās obvious disgust at the idea of taking Nicaise and referring to such behaviour as inherently abusive plays such an important role in the beginning of Laurentās healing process).Ā
In this light, we can see that the perverse rumor spread by the Regent about Laurent being attracted to his brother wasnāt only intended to damage his reputation or provoke him by tarnishing Augusteās memory. It was also a subtle way of reminding Laurent that he had indeed ācommited incestā. And this makes him feel dirty. Tainted. We can see this implied here:
Auguste was free from the familyās taint. Laurent wasnāt.
Now, considering how often Laurent and the Regentās words have double meanings, this interpretation made me read this scene as Laurent trying to make Damen feel the way he did: responsible for his own abuse, for being too weak and too scared (and, in his case, too naive) to defend himself:
And I think this other scene can also be seen as the Regent getting Laurent to secretly (and at the same time, publicly) admit that he didnāt āforceā him, either:
All of this contributes to Laurentās feelings of guilt and self-hatred. And it probably makes him feel unworthy as Augusteās heir and worry about what he would think of him if he knew what he ādidā. Even though, deep down, he knows his brotherās reaction would be similar to Damenās. But fear is a powerful liar, and that doubt always stays with him.
3 - To protect himself after the abuse, Laurent developed an alternate personality, the infamous cast iron bitch. But he also hates that alter ego. And he especially hates the most extreme version of this personality, which comes to the surface when he meets Damianos. If we pay close attention, whenever he is verbally degrading Damen or threatening to hurt the other akielon slaves, he makes sure that only Damen can hear him, not his men or his allies. He doesnāt want them to see his darkest side.Ā
4 - In addition to his past and present personalities, Laurent probably hates his own body too. In this scene, we are told that the Regent begins to lose interest in his victims once they start to show signs of puberty, like having sexual responses:
Thatās probably part of the reason why Laurent finds it so difficult to ālet go of controlā in bed. He learned to restrain himself as a child because he instinctively knew that if he didnāt, his uncle would leave him. And he finds it hard to break that habit, even when he has accepted his love for Damen.
5 - We can clearly see how this massive self-hatred explodes during Aimeric's trial, against whom Laurent pours out everything he feels to be true about himself.
6 - Finally, I believe that, despite everything, a part of Laurent never stopped loving his uncle. That is why he did not believe he would kill him and why he could easily understand that Damen still loved Kastor.
All in all, we can conclude that, with their respective complex traumas, Laurent and Damen have only begun to walk the path to healing and that they will always have scars. But at least now they can walk that path together.
