đđđđđđđ. âPassar por cima do seu prĂłprio đźđżđ´đđšđľđź
jĂĄ havia sido tarefa difĂcil; mas mais difĂcil ainda foi
fazer đđŽđ˛đľđđđť engolir o dele â ou quase isso, afinal
era vocĂŞ quem engolia o đźđżđ´đđšđľđź de đđŽđ˛đľđđđť quase
toda noite desde que esse lance estranho começou.â
âââ đ˛đ -đťđŽđşđźđżđŽđąđź! đˇđŽđ˛đľđđđť Ă đšđ˛đśđđźđżđŽ.
đđđ§đđâˇđĽđđ: smut. đŁđđđđŠđĽđđŚ: 4327.
đđŠđđŚâˇđŚ: o jaehyun ĂŠ meio red flag aqui sei lĂĄ,
abs riding, exibicionismo (prĂĄtica), semi-public sex,
uma unidade de tapa na cara & exes-to-still exes.
âââ đĄâˇđ§đđŚ: vou deixar isso aqui, beijocas!
A pele escorria, brilhando sob a baixa iluminação do local num viço sugestivo ao que vocĂŞ se esforçava para secĂĄ-la o mais rĂĄpido possĂvel, pois ainda que a piscina fosse aquecida, era uma noite fria. Deu conta de se livrar da maior parte do lĂquido com certo pesar, teria nadado mais um pouquinho se nĂŁo houvesse decidido que ignorou Jaehyun por tempo suficiente. E ele tambĂŠm jĂĄ nĂŁo poupava o prĂłprio olhar descarado â esquecendo-se que, supostamente, deveria estar prestando atenção no vĂdeo que jĂĄ se repetia pela quarta vez no celular.
O acordo feito precedente Ă viagem era de que deixariam as questĂľes de vocĂŞs dois fora das malas, nĂŁo trariam o affair junto nas fĂŠrias. E nĂŁo, nĂŁo existia um jeito natural de fazer isso. O que sobrava para vocĂŞs era se ignorar o tempo inteiro, porĂŠm era nĂtido que o autocontrole ruĂa com o decorrer dos dias. Era engraçado, para dizer o mĂnimo. Foram tĂŁo teimosos na tentativa de nĂŁo deixar que isso sequer tivesse inĂcio e agora tinham que lutar para evitar que acontecesse o tempo inteiro. Passar por cima do seu prĂłprio orgulho jĂĄ havia sido tarefa difĂcil; mas mais difĂcil ainda foi fazer Jaehyun engolir o dele â ou quase isso, afinal era vocĂŞ quem engolia o orgulho de Jaehyun quase toda noite desde que esse lance estranho começou.
Por vezes, considerava um tanto injusto. Se nĂŁo dava certo com Jaehyun, tambĂŠm nĂŁo era certo que transar com ele fosse tĂŁo gostoso. Todos os dias pensava em como tudo poderia ser diferente se ele fosse ruim de oral ou se tivesse um pau minĂşsculo, qualquer coisa que fosse capaz de dar jeito nesse seu amor de pica irritante. Se bem que talvez tenha sido erro seu antes de se envolver com ele, nĂŁo leu nas entrelinhas do contrato de namoro que, em caso de tĂŠrmino, pau de ex ĂŠ algo que causa vĂcio.
âEu nĂŁo preciso de babĂĄ, sabia?â, o comentĂĄrio ĂĄcido estava guardado na sua cabeça faz um tempinho, desde que viu o homem se sentar ali.
âAlguĂŠm tem que te impedir de quase se afogar de novo.â, ele mostrou uma das covinhas num sorriso provocativo, tinha certo talento para rebater ironia com rapidez.
âEu âtava em mar aberto daquela vez, me erra.â, lançou um olhar debochado, apertando o cabelo entre os dedos para se livrar do excesso de ĂĄgua nos fios. Passou a toalha pelo corpo uma Ăşltima vez, jogando-a na espreguiçadeira ao lado da que ele estava deitado assim que achou ser suficiente. Cuidadosa, encarou a porta da varanda sĂł para garantir antes de se sentar em cima das pernas de Jaehyun, confirmando uma Ăşltima vez que nĂŁo havia ninguĂŠm espiando. Um acordo silencioso havia sido feito com o grupo de amigos sem que uma Ăşnica palavra precisasse ser dita: eles fingiam nĂŁo saber que vocĂŞs dois ainda estavam transando e vocĂŞs dois fingiam nĂŁo saber que eles sabiam.
A intimidade que nunca precisava ser forçada tambĂŠm tinha percentual de culpa na sua dificuldade em desistir de Jaehyun. Era estressante somente pensar em todo trabalho que daria conhecer alguĂŠm do zero novamente. Ter conversas rasas, ter que apresentar aos poucos seus gostos e desgostos, ter que ensinar a outro par de mĂŁos como vocĂŞ gostava de ser tocada⌠tudo soava inconveniente demais. E a conveniĂŞncia estava logo ali, disponĂvel embaixo do seu corpo â nunca se recusava a estar.
âSai do meu colo.â
Ou quase nunca.
âMe tira vocĂŞ.â, riu travessa, balançando a cabeça para fazer com que as gotĂculas de ĂĄgua restantes no seu cabelo acertassem a pele dele. Ele apertou o rosto numa expressĂŁo desconfortĂĄvel, mas os dedos nĂŁo se moveram um centĂmetro sequer. âFoi o que eu pensei.â, zombou da falta de atitude.
âTĂĄ me molhando inteiro.â, ele passou uma das mĂŁos pelos olhos, jogando o telefone na espreguiçadeira ao lado. O comentĂĄrio gerou um pensamento sujo na sua cabeça, mas resolveu guardar para si mesma:
âEu vou ficar calada, Jaehyun.â
Ele se levantou brevemente, inclinando o pescoço para conseguir puxar a toalha na qual apoiava a cabeça. Lançou-a por trĂĄs do seu corpo, ajustando-o para cobrir suas costas â te protegendo do frio. O gesto trouxe conforto, especialmente porque o calor corporal dele havia esquentado o tecido. VocĂŞ se deitou no torso nu ansiando por ainda mais calor, as mĂŁos envolvendo o pescoço do homem em busca do toque morno. NĂŁo surpreendeu quando o abraço apertado virou selinho e o selinho se perdeu num beijo carente.
âVai parar de fingir que eu sou um desconhecido?â, ele murmurou contra os seus lĂĄbios.
âSe vocĂŞ souber se comportarâŚâ, sussurrou de volta. Era impaciente demais, mal terminou de falar e jĂĄ queria a boca dele na sua outra vez. E como se houvesse urgĂŞncia em contrariar, as mĂŁos grandes envolveram seus peitos num aperto ciumento â sempre ficava meio sentido quando era privado do seu corpo por muito tempo. O beijo babujado escapou dos seus lĂĄbios, Jaehyun mordiscava cada pedacinho de pele que surgia pela frente, sĂł sossegando quando encontrou seu pescoço. VocĂŞ nem por um segundo pensou em recusar ou estranhar a rapidez, esses poucos dias na âsecaâ foram suficientes para te fazer sentir falta de um carinho mais safado. O corpo ficando molinho ao sentir o hĂĄlito quente sendo soprado em cima de cada mordidinha dolorida.
Ele arrastou o tecido do biquĂni para o lado, o bastante para fazer o biquinho do seu seio saltar para fora. A boca quente envolveu a pele antes mesmo que houvesse tempo para vocĂŞ se arrepiar, chupava devagarinho, aninhando o rosto contra o seu torso. Suas mĂŁos envolveram o cabelo e o maxilar do homem, fazendo um cafunĂŠ suave para estimular que ele nĂŁo parasse. Assistiu-o fechar os olhos, expondo a ponta da lĂngua para brincar com o mamilo antes de voltar a abocanhĂĄ-lo.
Davam tudo de si para manter o que faziam debaixo dos panos, porĂŠm todos os pensamentos exibicionistas que consumiam sua cabeça quando estava com ele te faziam duvidar se a vontade de esconder era genuĂna. Era tentador pensar em expor, em mostrar para os amigos de Jaehyun que vocĂŞ ainda era a mulher que colocava ele âpra mamar todo dengoso â a imagem de masculinidade existente na cabeça deles provavelmente ficaria bem abalada. Imaginar o rumo dessa brincadeira era fĂĄcil demais, o desejo que castigava vocĂŞs dois era mais que Ăłbvio, ainda que nĂŁo houvesse tempo suficiente para dar conta dele.
VocĂŞ deixou que um puxĂŁo de cabelo afastasse Jaehyun de vocĂŞ, fingindo-se de desentendida quando aproximou a boca do peitoral dele. Ironicamente, o homem sempre resmungava quando vocĂŞ brincava ali, sĂł que vocĂŞ nunca dava muita importância â sabia que a resistĂŞncia era sĂł pirraça. Pretensiosa, acolheu um dos mamilos dele entre o biquinho que fazia. Mamou devagarinho, levantando o olhar para assistir Ă s expressĂľes dele. Jaehyun soltou um muxoxo que vocĂŞ jĂĄ esperava, tanto que soube remediar na hora apertando o pau dele contra sua palma por cima dos tecidos.
Ele abriu as pernas, empurrando o quadril contra sua mĂŁo. A excitação nĂŁo te admirou, sempre soube fazer Jaehyun ficar duro com facilidade. Afastou o toque numa provocação barata, correndo as pontas dos dedos em volta da ereção sem tocĂĄ-la outra vez. Brincou com a barra da peça, ameaçando puxar. Sentia tesĂŁo em assistir o olhar todo cheio de expectativa dele, o aperto na sua cintura se tornava dolorido aos pouquinhos â era engraçado notar a pressĂŁo crescendo. Selou o peitoral dele mais uma vez, descendo de forma vagarosa, lambendo em certos pontos.
Precisou encostar os pĂŠs no chĂŁo Ă medida em que descia, os olhos cravados em Jaehyun como uma felina faminta. Raspou os dentes no quadril dele, simulando uma mordidinha. Seu joguinho te levou atĂŠ o limite da pele exposta, deixando um beijo molhado bem no comecinho da virilha. Os dedinhos se enroscaram nos passadores da bermuda que ele usava, puxou-a para baixo como se houvesse a intenção de o despir, mas tudo que fez foi largar a peça na parte mais baixa do quadril. Agora era possĂvel ver ainda mais da trilha rala de pelinhos, que ficava um pouquinho mais cheia e espalhada ao chegar Ă barra da cueca.
O olhar correu para o rosto de Jaehyun por alguns segundos, ele te olhava intrigado, incerto dos seus próximos passos, afinal nem você sabe o que estava fazendo quando selou aquela årea com apreço. Não sabia dizer o que havia ali que te deixava tão excitada, era um traço que te fazia entortar a boca em outros homens. Mas não em Jaehyun. Em Jaehyun era um tesão. Salivava só de ver os pelos aparadinhos, pois sabia bem ao quê eles levavam.
Colocou a linguinha para fora com timidez, correndo o músculo esponjoso pela parte inferior do abdômen dele. A sensação dos pelinhos arranhando te fez arrepiar um pouco, no entanto não foi ruim, só diferente. Resolveu ser mais atrevida, lambendo desde a pelve exposta atÊ os gominhos que você tanto amava.
Sentiu a pele eriçar quando os dedos grossos agarraram os fios da sua nuca, o puxĂŁo numa força meio desmedida te guiou atĂŠ o rosto dele outra vez. VocĂŞ mordeu um sorriso no lĂĄbio inferior, era uma delĂcia ser subjugada assim â sem um pingo de força ou vontade de lutar contra. Jaehyun te fez engatinhar em cima do corpo dele, deixado sua orelha na altura perfeita para que pudesse sussurrar:
âMama meu pau, vai. Para de fazer graça.â, o tom rouco beirava a sĂşplica, mas o aperto firme no seu cabelo te dizia que aquilo estava quase deixando de ser um pedido.
âVocĂŞ âtĂĄ maluco.â, fez-se de desentendida, amante fiel da dinâmica provocar e nĂŁo fazer absolutamente nada depois.
âTĂĄ todo mundo ocupado demais lĂĄ dentro.â, ele lambeu os lĂĄbios, o olhar desviando para sua boca por meio segundo. âNinguĂŠm vai ver, amor.â, o apelo para o apelidinho carinhoso te fez querer rir â fazia parte da lista de coisas que vocĂŞs nĂŁo podiam mais falar (âeu te amoâ sendo a principal delas), Jaehyun deveria mesmo estar desesperado.
âAssim que eu encostar a boca aqui, alguĂŠm vai resolver jogar o Jungwoo na piscina por ter perdido no Mario Kart.â, aproveitou a posição para se encaixar no colo dele novamente, pertinho de onde ele precisava tanto de vocĂŞ.
âĂ tempo suficiente pra eu gozar.â
âNĂŁo vai dar certo.â, negou com a cabeça, apoiando as mĂŁos nos ombros do homem como a mulher comportada que vocĂŞ era. âĂ um milagre que eles ainda nĂŁo vieram atrapalhar.â
âA gente ainda nĂŁo fez nada desde que veio pra cĂĄ.â, a chateação era nĂtida, como se ele nĂŁo houvesse concordado abertamente que as coisas fossem assim durante a estadia inteira.
âA culpa nĂŁo ĂŠ minha, conversa com teus amigos.â, deu de ombros, era um tantinho melhor em fingir nĂŁo se importar do que ele.
âVocĂŞ ĂŠ a amiga deles tambĂŠm. Conversa vocĂŞ.â, devolveu a responsabilidade.
âE o que vocĂŞ quer que eu fale?â, arqueou a sobrancelha em descrença, sorrindo de cantinho. âĂ gente, o Jaehyun quer me comer, tem como vocĂŞs nos deixarem a sĂłs por meia horinha?â, tirou os olhos dele, encarando a varanda enquanto proferia tudo numa encenação questionĂĄvel.
âQuase.â, te lançou um olhar claramente sem humor. âFala que ĂŠ vocĂŞ que tĂĄ querendo dar pra mim.â, encarou seu corpo de cima a baixo, um canalha completo. Seu silĂŞncio aumentou o sorriso dele, se negasse ou concordasse, o resultado seria igual. âQue foi? VocĂŞ nĂŁo quer?â
âTem câmera aqui tambĂŠm, sabia?â, resolveu ignorar a pergunta, olhando de canto para a parede como se lembrasse de algo.
âE quem garante que eles vĂŁo checar essa parte da filmagem?â, rebateu seu questionamento com mais um dele prĂłprio. âAposto que a gente nĂŁo vai ser o primeiro casal a transar aqui.â, a intenção de amenizar a situação estava ali, entretanto teve efeito reverso. O termo escolhido causou estranhamento:
âNĂłs somos um casal?â
âUm homem e uma mulher ĂŠ um casal.â, desconversou da forma mais descarada que conseguiu, dando de ombros como se o que tivesse dito fosse senso comum.
âA definição nĂŁo funciona assim e vocĂŞ sabe o que eu quis dizer.â
âSe a dona da casa achar a gente fodendo na câmera de segurança ela com certeza vai achar que ĂŠ um casal.â, fez pouco caso, ainda que fosse nĂtido que tentava fugir do deslize que cometeu. âInimigo a gente nĂŁo ĂŠ.â
âEntĂŁo vocĂŞ concorda que ela vai ver.â, enterrava Jaehyun um pouco mais a cada frase, lutando contra todos os demĂ´nios do mundo para reprimir o riso. Se estivesse sendo sincera, pouco se importava em ser vista â jĂĄ havia fodido com ele em lugares muito menos apropriados â, mas gostava de fazer teatrinho.
âColoca a toalha por cima.â, ele bufou baixinho, nĂŁo ĂŠ como se estivesse totalmente alheio Ă s suas intençþes. âAssim.â, ajustou o tecido, cobrindo parte do modo como vocĂŞ ainda seguia encaixada nele.
âE isso vai deixar menos Ăłbvio?â
âPorra, hoje vocĂŞ tĂĄ chataâŚâ, murmurou sem pensar, apertando os olhos numa expressĂŁo frustrada. O arrependimento bateu no segundo em que vocĂŞ ameaçou se levantar, as mĂŁos de Jaehyun se fechando na sua cintura em tempo recorde.
âMe solta.â
âFoi sem querer.â, enlaçou suas costas com os antebraços num aperto firme, forçando o seu torso a se abaixar. â_____.â, quase ronronou seu nome naquele tom mansinho â o que sĂł usava para te chantagear. âSem drama, por favor.â
âNĂŁo ĂŠ drama. Eu tĂ´ chata nĂŁo, tĂ´? EntĂŁo deixa eu ir embora.â, reclamou, porĂŠm deixou de se esforçar para se afastar.
âVocĂŞ sabe que nĂŁo foi sĂŠrio.â, selou seu cabelo, jĂĄ que vocĂŞ se recusava a deixĂĄ-lo beijar seu rosto. âAmor, me desculpaâŚâ, resmungou todo arrependido, fez sua pele arrepiar. âCuida do seu homem.â, os lĂĄbios ainda colados no seu cabelo sussurraram em tom de sĂşplica â vocĂŞ ainda se pegava surpreendida do quĂŁo longe Jaehyun conseguia ir sĂł para transar. âTĂ´ sentindo saudades.â
Gostasse ou nĂŁo de admitir, o fato ĂŠ que era fraca. JĂĄ havia declarado derrota para si mesma no segundo em que se sentou no colo de Jaehyun, estava ali para ceder.
âMais um vacilo e vocĂŞ vai dormir de pau duro hoje.â, advertiu, estapeando a bochecha dele de leve antes de deixar um selinho na boca macia. Acolheu o lĂĄbio inferior do homem dentro da boca, deixando a saliva correr livre quando o beijo se tornou mais sujo â curtia muito escutar os estalinhos molhados. As mĂŁos se tornaram inquietas outra vez e, quando foi capaz de notar, jĂĄ brincava com a barra da bermuda, correndo as pontas dos dedos pelos pelinhos como se fosse hĂĄbito.
âDeixei crescer âpra vocĂŞ, sabia?â, ele confessou num sorriso, era conhecedor da sua obsessĂŁo estranha por aquilo.
âAinda nĂŁo entendi o porquĂŞ de ter raspado.â, vocĂŞ correu a lĂngua pelo cantinho da boca dele ao fim da frase. Afastou um pouco o rosto para lançar uma pergunta desconfiada: âQueria comer quem?â
âVocĂŞ, amor. SĂł vocĂŞ.â, sorriu canalha, mas vocĂŞ deixou passar â por mais estĂşpido que soasse, queria acreditar que era genuĂno. O olhar desconfiado nĂŁo sumiu ali, entretanto. VocĂŞ lançou uma expressĂŁo arteira para ele e pĂ´de ler nos olhos do homem o momento em que ele percebeu que dali coisa boa nĂŁo sairia. âSĂł vocĂŞâŚâ, repetiu, a atenção se desprendendo do seu rosto para observar suas açþes com certa descrença. VocĂŞ jĂĄ afastava a prĂłpria calcinha de ladinho, abrindo as dobrinhas da bucetinha para montar no abdĂ´men dele. âSĂŠrio isso?â, torcia para que fosse sĂł provocação, mas te conhecia o bastante para saber que vocĂŞ tinha total capacidade de deixar que a brincadeira ficasse sĂł nisso.
âSĂŠrio isso.â, vocĂŞ replicou num tom irĂ´nico. âĂ gostosoâŚâ, fechou os olhos, tombando a cabeça para o lado. Começou devagarinho, aproveitandoâse da maneira como os os pelinhos curtos espalhados ali faziam uma fricção leve, mas o jeitinho como jĂĄ se melava inteira estava acabando com a sua sensibilidade. Ajustava o quadril para encontrar a posição certinha quando sentiu as mĂŁos de Jaehyun na sua bunda outra vez.
âDetesto essa porra de calcinha.â, o comentĂĄrio escorria ciĂşmes, vocĂŞ conhecia de longe. Enrolou o elĂĄstico entre os dedos como se desdenhasse do tecido.
âĂ? O Woo reparou em vocĂŞ olhando âpra minha bunda o tempo todo.â, alfinetou com um sorriso de canto, se esfregando com mais firmeza ao perceber que a reação dele nĂŁo foi muito boa.
âSe reparou ĂŠ porque tambĂŠm âtava olhando. Te falei âpra colocar um short.â
âVocĂŞ perdeu o direito de fingir que manda em mim faz um tempinho jĂĄâŚâ, a fala perdeu força no final, a atenção desviando para o modo como se sentia. As pernas fraquejando, o corpo se arrepiando inteiro num tesĂŁozinho gostoso...
Jaehyun sabia bem como brincar nesse momento, mesmo quando sĂł estava sendo usado. Os dedos ora pressionando sua cintura, ora afastando o tecido da calcinha de ladinho quando ela voltava a cobrir seu grelinho â para que vocĂŞ conseguisse continuar rebolando sem empecilhos. VocĂŞ estava fascinada em assistir o abdĂ´men cada vez mais meladinho brilhando sob a baixa iluminação. Jaehyun tambĂŠm nĂŁo conseguia desviar o olhar, respirando fundo e logo apertando os mĂşsculos embaixo de vocĂŞ, pois sabia muito bem que era mais gostoso roçar assim.
âTĂĄ tĂŁo molhada, lindaâŚâ, murmurou em tom de elogio. âEsfregando essa bucetinha gostosa em mim⌠sacanagem, amor.â, o timbre grave reverberava direto na sua entradinha. Jaehyun conhecia bem. O rostinho frustrado de quem nĂŁo estĂĄ tendo o suficiente poderia ser notado por ele atĂŠ de longe, dizia que vocĂŞ precisava de muito mais do que gostaria. Afinal, era um carinho frustrante, dava trabalho brincar com o seu pontinho daquele jeito â a intensidade do toque nunca era suficiente â, mas dava tanto tesĂŁo que nĂŁo conseguia nem pensar em parar, roçando com mais força para remediar.
O homem nĂŁo era estĂşpido, sabia que aquele era o momento de se aproveitar um pouquinho de vocĂŞ. Segurou a extensĂŁo do prĂłprio pau pela base, guiando-se unicamente pelo tato para encaixĂĄ-lo na sua bunda, transformando o roçar gostosinho numa espanhola nĂŁo muito convencional. Jaehyun era tĂŁo faminto quanto vocĂŞ, por isso nĂŁo aguentou e logo se colocou para dentro do tecido fininho, as peles finalmente se tocando diretamente. Apertou a carne entre os dedos outra vez, estocando devagar contra o vĂŁozinho quente. O buraquinho mais apertadinho pulsou sozinho â era difĂcil ignorar o carinho que recebia ali. NĂŁo havia certeza de quando, mas em algum momento vocĂŞ passou a negligenciar a prĂłpria vontade de se estimular, dando toda atenção ao modo como simulava reboladinhas cada vez mais sugestivas contra o caralho encaixadinho ali atrĂĄs.
Foda-se. Pouco se importava. Precisava transar de verdade nem que fosse sĂł por uns minutinhos.
A mĂŁo trĂŞmula tateou atĂŠ conseguir encontrar a base da extensĂŁo e livrĂĄ-la do aperto da sua calcinha, segurando-a num ângulo desconfortĂĄvel para encaixar a bucetinha ali. Forçou tudo para dentro, sentando devagarinho, vocĂŞ e Jaehyun grunhindo em unĂssono. Foi tĂŁo gostoso sentir ele ali apĂłs tanto tempo que precisou de bons segundos para colocar sua cabeça no lugar.
Experimentou um rebolado lânguido, parando abruptamente ao sentir seu estĂ´mago revirar, o interior das coxas tremeu. Porra, nĂŁo ĂŠ possĂvel que jĂĄ tava âpra gozar. Tentou mais uma vez, sĂł confirmando a suspeita de que era completamente fraca pro pau do âseuâ homem. Jaehyun, se leu a situação da forma certa ou nĂŁo, fez a coisa errada: roçou seu clitĂłris com o polegar, espalhando a lubrificação que restava ali.
âNĂŁoâŚâ, cravou as unhas no pulso dele, empurrando a mĂŁo dali com muito esforço. âEu vou gozarâŚâ, reclamou baixinho, arrependia-se de ter se estimulado tanto antes de finalmente colocĂĄ-lo dentro de vocĂŞ, porque agora mal conseguia sentar nele sem sentir que ia se molhar inteira de tanto ĂŞxtase. âJae⌠JaehyunâŚâ, choramingou. âEspera. Espera⌠CalmaâŚâ, pediu mansinha, tentando afastĂĄ-lo do seu corpo. Qualquer coisa era muita coisa, sentia-se superestimulada. Ele nĂŁo desistiu, no entanto, gostava de te ver fraca, burrinha, totalmente sem controle das prĂłprias reaçþes. Chegou ainda mais pertinho, quase se sentando.
âQuer porra aqui dentro, amor?â, como se a voz sussurradinha jĂĄ nĂŁo fosse demais para a sua cabeça, ele forçou a palma da mĂŁo na parte inferior da sua barriga, tornando a pressĂŁo ainda mais forte. VocĂŞ balançou a cabeça para concordar desesperada, afastando a mĂŁo dele outra vez. âSenta mais um pouquinho, senta. Vou te deixar cheinha.â, roçou o nariz na lateral do seu pescoço, largando um beijinho molhado ali. âTĂĄ escorrendo no meu pau, amor. VocĂŞ quer tantoâŚâ ele morde devagarinho, prendendo a pele entre os dentes.
O aperto na sua bunda se firma, os dedos grossos agarrando os lados para te deixar bem abertinha. Jaehyun toma a iniciativa de fazer você se mover, usando o aperto para forçar um vai-e-vem vagaroso em cima do pau dele. A entradinha tentava se fechar a cada movimento e a sensibilidade fazia uma dorzinha gostosa pulsar no meio do estômago.
âSobe comigo âpro quarto?â, a proposta soou nos seus ouvidos ao que ainda tentava adiar o prĂłprio orgasmo, mas ainda assim conseguiu discernimento para lançar uma expressĂŁo desgostosa. âTodo mundo sabe, amor. NinguĂŠm ĂŠ idiota.â
âVai ser constrangedorâŚâ, mais gemeu que falou de fato.
âConstrangedor vai ser eu entrando de pau duro depois que a gente terminar aqui.â, resmungou. âPosso te colocar de quatro lĂĄ, amor. âCĂŞ gosta tanto de dar âpra mim assim, nĂŁo gosta?â, era pura provocação e, pior: do tipo que funcionava. Deixou um chorinho tĂŁo dengoso escapar que foi atĂŠ humilhante. âFica toda abertinha, falta chorarâŚâ, envolvia a proposta num timbre doce, no jeitinho manso de falar que era tĂŁo⌠Jaehyun.
VocĂŞ nĂŁo conseguia mais.
Deixou de dar ouvidos ao homem, nĂŁo era capaz de responder por si mesma estando tĂŁo cheia dele â provavelmente acabaria aceitando qualquer besteira que ele quisesse te propor pelo simples fato dele te fazer gozar gostoso. Respirou fundo quando finalmente se afastou, empurrando de volta na espreguiçadeira para que ele voltasse a se deitar.
Abriu os olhos por muito menos que um segundo, vendo a sombra de uma silhueta esguia deslizando pelas cortinas. Julgou ser Jungwoo ou ou Doyoung â os cortes de cabelo eram parecidos. Sua espinha gelou em adrenalina quando a sombra pareceu pairar muito sobre a porta encoberta pela cortina. Tremeu, a cinturinha desesperando-se com o pensamento de ter mais um orgasmo com Jaehyun arruinado. Um arrepio esquisito correu pela suas costas quando a porta se abriu aos pouquinhos, revelando um Jungwoo curioso â que ajustou a visĂŁo atĂŠ ser capaz de enxergar vocĂŞ.
ContrĂĄrio ao que achou que faria, nĂŁo se sentiu minimamente compelida a se esconder ou mesmo interromper o que fazia. Talvez pudesse culpar a vontade tĂŁo teimosa de gozar ou o ruĂdo no seu ouvido que mais soava com a sua consciĂŞncia suja te pedindo para deixar que o homem visse vocĂŞ usando Jaehyun sem pudor algum. Jungwoo hesitou por meio segundo, quase se virando para entrar novamente, mas o modo como vocĂŞ sorriu toda sapeca âpra ele soou como um pedido para que ficasse ali.
VocĂŞ passou a sentar mais forte, desfazendo de vez o nĂł do biquĂni para deixar seus peitinhos pularem sem empecilho algum â como um prĂŞmio pro seu espectador. Apoiou as mĂŁos nas prĂłprias coxas para erguer mais o torso, olhando para baixo de relance sĂł para constatar que Jaehyun ainda estava burro demais com o prĂłprio prazer para ser capaz de abrir os prĂłprios olhos.
Mordeu a boquinha, apertando as sobrancelhas ao notar Jungwoo ajustando o próprio pau dentro da bermuda que usava. A carinha que ele fez quando apertou de levinho te fez ficar tão desconcertada que precisou sentar com mais força em Jaehyun, a mãozinha trêmula correndo pro grelinho sem que você pudesse pensar. Se masturbou toda desesperadinha porque sabia que jå gozava, só não tinha certeza se tentava remediar ou piorar a queimação gostosa no seu estômago.
O chorinho sensĂvel escapou da boquinha sem que vocĂŞ conseguisse evitar, forçando os olhos a ficarem abertos, fixados em Jungwoo, enquanto molhava o pau de Jaehyun inteirinho. Aguentou quase nada, revirando os olhinhos quando o buraquinho arruinado se apertou âpra esguichar mais um pouco do melzinho para fora â ficando molinha demais atĂŠ para continuar sentando. Jaehyun, que jĂĄ era muito bem habituado a lidar com vocĂŞ, tomou as rĂŠdeas rapidinho, usando o aperto na sua bunda âpra foder a bucetinha por conta prĂłpria.
Não demorou para que Doyoung tambÊm colocasse a cabeça para fora da porta, provavelmente estranhando o fato de Jungwoo sequer se mexer. Você ainda estava meio grogue quando precisou morder o låbio para conter o riso assim que ele tambÊm ficou de olhos arregalados ao notar o que acontecia, puxando o homem mais novo pelo braço antes de fechar a porta num baque surdo.
A expressĂŁo estĂşpida parecia ter triplicado quando voltou a encarar Jaehyun. Se contraiu inteira sob o olhar desconfiado do homem, o bastante para fazĂŞ-lo perder o restinho do autocontrole, apertando suas coxas todo afoito ao que estocava para cima. Socou gostosinho sem encontrar nenhuma resistĂŞncia no caminho, pois mesmo sensĂvel vocĂŞ ainda era faminta por ele â tinha aprendido a levar tudinho que ele quisesse te dar.
Você se abaixou, enfiando o rosto no pescoço masculino. Quase se babando e gemendo baixinho enquanto deixava ele meter rapidinho atÊ esporrar. Só soube que o fim tinha chegado quando ele empurrou atÊ a base, ficando parado para largar a porra quente bem no fundo da sua bucetinha.
Jaehyun mordeu o lĂĄbio dentro de um sorriso safado ao se retirar devagarinho, era completamente doente no jeito que vocĂŞ se apertava inteira â como se nĂŁo quisesse deixar ele sair. Colocou sua calcinha no lugar com certo empenho, pois nĂŁo queria deixar nada vazar para fora. Ele sentiu um suspiro mansinho no pescoço, jĂĄ ensaiava qual desculpa precisaria dar para quando entrasse te carregando no colo â tinha plena noção que vocĂŞ entraria trocando as pernas se tentasse andar por conta prĂłpria e isso era muito pior de tentar explicar.
âSabe, JaeâŚâ, murmurou toda dengosa, ganhando um carinho no cabelo como se ele te incentivasse a falar. âAcho que nĂŁo vai ser tĂŁo constrangedor assimâŚâ
âââ se vocĂŞ chegou atĂŠ aqui, obrigada por ler! [đ¤]
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genre: smut, angst, hurt, marriage au, love triangle, forbidden affair, friends to secret lovers, 90s au
synopsis: markâs life is crumbling all around him too rapidly while the married life isnât what either you and hyuck expected. taking in your husbandâs best friend was meant to bring you good karma but all his presence is doing is stir the pot and worsen the cracks in each relationship.Â
warning(s): ADULTS ONLY, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! toxic marriage, mutual infidelity, morally grey characters, fingering, breast play, unprotected sex, car sex, oral sex (f receiving), spit kink, pet names, public sex, riding, smoking, reckless driving, mention of pet death
wc: 22.9k+Â || soundtrack || ao3
finale | epilogue
Š 2022 YOJEONGIN all rights reserved â please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works on other social mediaâs. reblogs are HIGHLY appreciated and preferred!
disclaimer: this is purely fictional; in no way am I condoning this behavior, trying to offend anyone, nor is it meant to place such image on the idol, these are ONLY characters. read at your own discretion.
an: look at that, a yojeongin update !! I enjoyed writing this too much so I hope you guys like it. btw if you want to be tagged for part 2 just lmk or fill out the taglist form in my masterlist; btw im sorry its so long đ I try to shorten them but they each get increasingly longer; a playlist for this does exist so listen it please <3 spotify in my masterlist
Mark never expected his life to crumble at such an early age. It was all falling out of place so rapidly that he didnât really know what to do.Â
One second he was his college prodigy, opening exhibition after exhibition, and next heâs wheeling out suitcase after suitcase from this grimy taxi that he could barely afford last minute. The odor of rotting deli meats suffocating him the longer the car ride became.
Struggling to get them out of the car as the driver refused to even look his way, Mark cursed under his breath at how useless someone could be. But he bit his tongue as the words of his own father calling him such, rang through his ears. Perhaps he was right all along and his words were rather a prophecy than a silly scolding at the time.Â
The pavement was littered with puddles of rain and the sky threatened to make more droplets fall so once all of his items were out of the car, Mark made his way towards the well kept building, reciprocating the neglect of the driver. As he drove off some puddle water splashed onto his shoes making the young man grunt in frustration.Â
Life was only getting worse.Â
The lobby was cold and brightly lit, almost too clean but he only dirtied it with his wet shoes dragging to the elevator. A trail of his mistakes following him around. He was freezing inside but with the note on the elevator doors reading that it was broken, Mark would surely warm up with his walk up all those stairs to the fifth floor carrying all his suitcases.Â
After some inner complaining and cursing, Mark simply sighed, feeling his brain begin to swirl in frustration as he looked everywhere to find the staircase. The receptionist was of no help, slumped over the desk and intensely staring at the small television perched on the top counter, a drama in a language he couldnât quite grasp, taking her entire attention.Â
Tiresomely, Mark finally arrived to the fifth floor, pearls of sweat decorating his pretty face and the sound of labored panting slipping through his parted lips. He could barely open the door to the floor but he managed to do so even with all the luggage handles in one hand, threatening to slip and fall down the staircase. Almost like his life.Â
Life was only playing joke after joke as the minute he managed to pull off the suitcases in front of him, the elevator dinged. Its doors opened widely, almost as if it was in a rush to kick out the couple that had disturbed its peaceful area.Â
Their loud bantering could make anyone feel crazy and at this state right now, Mark was the most easily affected.Â
âSo now Iâm crazy because Iâm telling you that that bitch coworker of yours keeps flirting with you?â Your chuckle was anything but playful and joyous like heâd heard before. Trailing behind you, his best friend had nothing but a tired sunken look along with the anger that was bubbling up because of you alone.Â
âYouâre crazy in general, you donât have to bring her up for me to know you are.âÂ
Mockery was delivered by the hazel haired boy that pulled at those same strands, feeling like he was pulling patches. His steps became harsher and louder to catch up to you.Â
Despite his initial personal frustrations, Mark was at least glad youâd two helped to lighten his mood (argument or not).Â
Just as vile spilled from his friendâs lips, your body swung, turning to your husband and taking his left arm onto one of your hands. Your grip tightening just by recalling his words.Â
âDonât fucking call me crazy,â your eyes projected the fiery pits of hell, your burning anger too obvious to try and hide. Boring holes into Haechanâs own eyes and speaking through gritted teeth hoping that he could feel a hot wrath.Â
Just as he was to speak, continuing his hate filled words, your eyes averted, finally taking in the figure that stared at both of you dumbfoundedly.Â
âMark!â That seeping anger from just seconds ago had dissipated into thin air, almost as if it had never been there just from seeing an old friend.Â
Letting go of your husband, you ran towards his best friend taking him by surprise with the force of your embrace against him. Mark only chuckled as he wrapped his own arms around your waist, pulling you in as tightly as you did him even if he felt gross from his work out up those stairs.Â
âStop hogging him.â Hyuck spoke poutingly, pulling at your arm to let go of his friend. Halfway off him, Hyuck took him into his own embrace, slightly uncomfortable as you refused to let go of the older male.Â
âWhen did you get here?â Hyuck questions, taking some of the suitcases off of Markâs hands despite his protesting.Â
Shaking his head while thanking him, Mark felt your hand slightly squeeze his arm letting him know it was no problem. âLiterally just got here actually.â He chuckled not before showing you a tender smile as a thank you.Â
With the door finally unlocked, you pushed it widely to let him in. Mark was in awe with the way the apartment was decorated. He knew it was all your doing besides the desk in the corner of the living room that was hidden from view with the kitchen wall. That was surely Hyuckâs.
It was cozy and warm, just the way you always said you wanted your place to be and he was glad that youâd still held this up despite how things seemed to be looking. At least from the occasional letters youâd both write to him for updates.
In fact he still noticed that youthful joy and hope when he looked at you as of now. The pep in your step as you giggled towards the fridge and pulled out a beer for all of you.Â
âTo celebrate your new exhibition!â Naive too.Â
Your smile was so wide and your eyes seemed to show how proud of him you were that he didnât have in his heart to let you know that his life had gone downhill and his exhibition was a failure.Â
You had approached him with a freezing cold bottle to the point your fingers felt numb but you graciously opened it with that silly shark bottle opener with googly eyes that bounced every time a bottle was successfully opened.Â
He had given it to you once the three of you had gone to the local fair. A vendor had lent it to him to open a bottle of coke while the three of you had tacos for dinner,he ended up forgetting to give it back.Â
Seeing as you had found it adorable on the ride back to his now old apartment, Mark told you to just keep it at that point.Â
His eyes followed every movement of your hands, how you tried your best to move as quickly as you could when opening your own. How your hands wiped at the skirt of your dress to gain some warmth but youâd only clamp them together in pain trying to relieve some of it.Â
Once you deemed them to be alright to manage, you rushed back to the kitchen followed by Donghyuckâs whining on to why you hadnât opened his only to be received with a low and angered: âOpen it yourself.â Obviously, you were still very much upset with him.  Â
Mark gave Hyuck a look, jokingly laughing at him for the favoritism displayed. His friend only shoved him playfully before taking the opener into his hands.Â
âSorry I wasnât able to go to the opening. Hyuck worked until late and you know him, I canât be out late without him. Right, dad?â You teased, turning to glare at your husband as you set down the bowl of seasoned peanuts for Mark to enjoy. Hyuck pretended to mimic you watching as you settled at Markâs feet right across from him.
Mark continued his silent laughter, taking a chug from his drink while demonstrating the pain the coldness of it was causing in him. âItâs fine, you wouldnât like it either way. At least others arenât liking it.âÂ
Huge disappointment was laced with every word. The critics were getting to him and it was so evident in the way he spoke. With his words you looked at Hyuck questioning what was going on but he gave you no response.Â
âWhat? Why? Your work is amazing.â You comforted him, giving his knee a slight squeeze that was only received with a smile.Â
Shifting in his spot making sure to not give you a nudge or kick, he spoke, âIt hasnât really been the best days latelyâŚâ his sight shifted from you to his knees. âSome investments went horrible and the exhibition tanked. Itâs doing really bad so yeah, everyone has their downfall and I guess this oneâs mine.â
Even though he laughed to ease the tension, Mark felt it present in the room. Noting the pout on your face knowing you felt sorry for it, he gave a tight lipped smile.Â
âYeah, soâ yeah thatâs why Iâm really thankful you guys are letting me stay a while here, it means a lot.â Though you never minded if he stayed, you were still confused.
Your face a dead giveaway that was making the male panic slightly. âStay? Hyuck didnât say anyââ
âOh⌠oh shit, I can leave of course,â He rubbed a hand over his face, guilt and embarrassment embroidered in his words. âMy bad I didnât mean to just barge in.â
He chuckled nervously, shifting in a way to stand without disrupting you, yet you rushed to sit besides him, taking his arm into a tight hug while telling him not to.
âNo! Oh my God. No!â Desperately youâd plead, Hyuck standing up himself to sit Mark back down, his words drowning in the ocean of your apologies.Â
âNah nah, itâs fine, dude.â He was obviously tired, his eyes trying their best to not shut while trying to calm down his friend. Though drowsy, neither you or Mark missed the harsh glare he threw your way. Almost trying his best to not scold you through gritted teeth.
âI'm sorry, Mark. Hyuck just didn't tell me at all. I would've had the guest room clear for you by now, itâs full of stuff even the bed is grossââ You stopped to catch your breath, a sigh releasing instead whilst looking at him with pleading apologetic eyes.Â
âIâm so sorry, Mark. Iâll bring you some covers.â All you mustered was a nervous smile as you scurried off to the guest room for his sheets, leaving the two men alone.
Haechan leaned back on the molding couch, his legs spread enough for a person to sit between, and the perspiration of the bottle seeping through his slacks. The man was gone and tired but even then he tried his best to comfort his best friend. âIâm sorry about herââ Mark tried cutting him off to no avail.Â
âIt is my fault I forgot to tell her, I mean you saw how we came homeâ Itâs been rocky so having a normal conversation is so foreign to us now.â Neither expected him to just minimally vent about the marriage but he needed it out. Mark only nodded, uncomfortable and with no advice at hand.Â
âBut yeah, manâ you know y/n loves you, she doesnât mind you staying at all.â He finally cracked a smile or a laugh during this entire awkward conversation. Mark smiled in return, warm to how much love the two of you had for him.
âThanks⌠Itâll be just for a bit, I promise.â
Hyuck shook his head, eyes fluttering from exhaustion. âDonât worry about it, Itâd actually be best if you just stay forever .âÂ
Markâs laugh was louder and genuine this time, shaking his head in denial. As of that moment, you had emerged from the guest room.
Your presence alone was draining Hyuck. His laugh faltered and so did his smile, glowering as he sipped on his drink.Â
But to Mark it only increased his giddiness, standing up to help you with his blankets and laughing even more when you pulled on your husbandâs arm to get him off the larger couch and start arranging the sheets.
He didnât wait until you finished, Donghyuck just sighed and looked at his surroundings before blurting out that he was heading to bed already in the process of pulling Mark in an embrace again.
You didnât spare him a glance, smoothing up the cool fabric under your palm. The sound of it louder than the tapping of Haechanâs dress shoes on the cold tile.
Being left with you never felt like a drag, Mark always enjoyed his time with you so this didnât feel much different when you began to speak. âI imagine youâre drained, huh?â You threw him a glance over your shoulder, shooing his hands away every time he tried to help you.
Mark just nodded, nervously smiling as he pulled his hands back, rubbing it the few times you swatted it. âI-I like the way you decorated the place by the way! Really screams ây/nââ itâs nice.â He stuttered, his nose scrunching in embarrassment.
âThanksâŚâ Your body faced him, words refusing to continue cascading whilst your eyes danced across his features. âItâs really the only thing I got going for myself as of now.âÂ
He felt his heart shatter the moment your eyes dropped, avoiding his gaze. Mark always knew you to be outspoken and firm on your desires. Before you married his best friend you were an art consultant. Hired by his company to find anything to decorate the dull walls of their building, there Donghyuck found himself drawn to you.
Every Friday he awaited impatiently, his knee bouncing just to see your beautiful smile cross the threshold of the company doors with paintings upon painting you had traveled countries to get just for his boss.
Hyuck always used the excuse that there were too many for you to have multiple trips up and down the elevator so heâd offer to help you carry them to his bossâ office.
You also looked forward to those Fridays. Back then Hyuck was loving and patient, he was playful and did anything to make you smile. Even the first times you rejected his proposals heâd come back with more potential that you ended up becoming his wife.
Itâs not that you didnât want to be with him but because of your job. You spent weeks or even months in different areas of the country or abroad so knowing this relationship would be long distance didnât help.
By the time you had agreed, the company had terminated their business with you and you had gotten a job in the city to relax from the chaos traveling constantly would bring.
In Markâs eyes you were always strong willed. When Haechan finally introduced you during one of Markâs exhibitions, the older male was in awe to know Hyuck had found someone so perfect.Â
At the time you matched his energy very well. The both of you were outgoing yet always stood your ground. If anyone, especially your now husband did anything you didnât likeâ youâd call him out on it.
Hence Mark always felt like he was walking on eggshells until he learnt that he could do no wrong in your eyes because you saw yourself in him.
The both of you had the fine arts to bond about, he was easy to talk to, and he was always supportive of your hobbies as you were of his. Hellâ you even invested in some of his pieces to show youâd be there for him.
Many would side eye the relationship you had with Mark but Hyuck understood how perfect the three of you were and if his best friend would do anything for his girl, then she was the one.
Mark didnât know how or when it happened but all he knew as of now was that Haechan managed to make you docile in a way. But he also knew he did something to piss you immensely.Â
Your coworkers, before he made you quit were lovely but he was convinced many of the men there had other plans for you despite many being in relationships or just nice people.
It didnât help that his own coworkers were all venomous and envious snakes that fed him ideas. It was quite sad actually, how the people that saw that relationship bloom were the same ones trying to tear it down so here the both of you were, always seconds away from yanking at each otherâs hair and clawing at their face.
It was disheartening to say the least. Everything was changing for the worse.
âHave a good night, Mark.âÂ
Cutting his thoughts off, you squeezed his shoulder, leaving him in the dim lighting of the lamp beside him.Â
Not giving him the chance to reply, Mark nodded to himself with a tight lipped smile as he turned the lamp off.Â
Loneliness swallowed him again, his eyes adjusting to the darkness but the city lights worked as a nightlight regardless. He wouldnât admit it but he really needed both you and Hyuck with him in that instant.
His head hit the pillow, eyelids felt heavy, allowing him to drift off to a deep yet short slumber. Mark was tired, yes, but his mind, though in pain, still ran his thoughts through. Destroying any chances of rest. His slumber lasted merely half an hour until the bright fluorescent lights and honking of the city awoke him.
In addition the whispers emitting from the main room gripped his hearing forcefully, not letting him go until he heard every vile thing you and Hyuck told each other.
âI didnât mean to sound rudeââ
âYeah, well you couldâve tried to sound better.âÂ
He heard the shuffling of bed sheets.
âYou never told me he was staying, I couldâve cleared out the other room. Poor guy has to sleep on the stiff couch. I mean why the fuck do you need an extra room for? Your desk is in the living room and you donât even use it.â
Exasperation was laced in your voice, he didnât know how to entirely feel but that guilt of intruding your livelihood was horrible.
âThose postcards are collectibles, y/n. For all you know they could be worth more than this apartment in the future.â
Mark imagined you rolled your eyes before speaking. âTheyâre worth ten cents right now, how could they possibly be worth anything any time soon?âÂ
A pout emerged on his lips. He wondered if thatâs what people thought about his work right now but you were once the art consultant so who else is better to know the worth of something?Â
âFuck, fine! Clean out the room but throw away some of your stuff you donât need too.â
âLike what?â
He heard defiance.
âI donât know, why donât you start with all the paint you have? You donât ever work on anything anymore, all you did was waste money on that stuff.â
Hyuck shifted in his spot, turning to your body now. âYou havenât finished that little ugâ little painting you were working on.â He swallowed his remaining words.
You simply scoffed and shook your head in disbelief. âThat little ugly painting you were gonna say?â
âNo.â He answered untruthfully.Â
âRightâ Iâm just going to go clean the room now.âÂ
You tried getting off the bed before feeling his grasp on your wrist, almost begging you for forgiveness but also with the grip of an angry possessive man.
âYouâre going to wake him up.â He didnât apologize, that only cemented your determination even more.
Yanking your wrist from his grasp without first feeling that burn, you scooted towards the edge putting your slippers on before walking towards the entrance, Donghyuck watching your every move.
Managing to open the door as quietly as you could, with a leg out already, you turned to your lover. âItâs a realistic portrait of you, just so you know.â He ignores your words but you can still notice his distaste in the way his eyes gloss over. That was enough of a reaction for you.
Finally shutting the door behind you, you lower your head slightly, tired of this constant cycle. You wouldâve walked towards the spare room but in the instant you lifted your head you noticed the subtle rustling of Markâs spiked hair scurrying to hide from your sight.
Tip-toeing towards the back of the couch, you lean over seeing his back turned to the cushions. Smiling to yourself as his lids twitched showing how bad of a liar he was; you giggled softly.
âI know youâre not asleep, nosey.â Your hand reached for his cheek, squeezing it softly. Mark couldnât contain it anymore, he just smiled as his eyes fluttered open while apologizing.
âItâs cool, nothinâ new.â Climbing over the back of the couch, Mark made space for you to lay beside. âDid you, uh⌠Did you hear anything?âÂ
Settled by the edge of the couch, Mark wraps one of his arms around your shoulders hoping thatâs enough to not make you fall.
âNot really.â His smile didnât falter, not even when you gave him a stoic nod knowing heâs lying.Â
âCanât sleep?âÂ
âLights are too bright.âÂ
They were hitting your face as you laid beside him. Silence settled between the both of you until you got closer to him. Laying your head on his chest and wrapping an arm around his torso.
You didnât really give him time to process what had gone on since you began talking, only giving him the option of holding you as well. âYou know I donât mind that youâll stay here, right? I love it when you come around.âÂ
âI hope so.â He replied
You granted him laughter, âStop, you know I do! Youâve always been so fun, Mark. Are you going to give me company these days?âÂ
âYouâre so fun, Mark.â The words echoed in his mind as he tried to process what to say.
âOf course. While I look for a place and an actual job as my father would say.â Though Mark tried to play it off, it was obvious he was insanely hurt.
âDo you still paint?â You deflected, he nods and asks: âDo you?â You respond with a shake of your head and a tender smile.
âWe should do something tomorrow then. Rest for tonight, alright?â He nods letting you know you should too, shifting in hopes to find an angle the city lights wouldnât bother him.
All you managed to do was close the blinds and curtains once you stood, hoping that was enough for now. For now it seemed like it was, smiling as you walked over to him one last time. Crouching down to his level, Mark smiled seeing your face one last time tonight.
Before he could scold you to get some rest, he felt your lips on his cheek whispering a sweet âgoodnightâ once again.
Mark couldnât form any words, he was utterly shocked and slightly confused but it was also past 2AM and you were probably just tired and slightly tipsy so he tried to ignore itâ it was an innocent remark, just thatâŚ
As the weeks progressed it seemed Mark could slightly see why you had kissed him goodnight that first day.Â
The longer he stayed with you and Donghyuck he noticed how lonely you were. Hyuck spent most of his days in the office and when he arrived home it was already late so all he could do was shower and head straight to bed.
Heâd greet Mark normally but when it came to you he could barely even look your way. If he came back tipsy after a meeting then he would kiss you as a greeting but other than that it was as if a corpse was walking amongst you.
On his days off, Hyuck would lounge on the couch while watching TV expecting you to cater to him but when it was obvious youâd continue to ignore his existence, heâd dress up and head back to the office.
Mark hated to admit it but he preferred when Haechan wasnât home. It was a living hell when he was. You were always so lively when it was just you and him. If Hyuck came around your entire mood faltered and it was a struggle to bring it back.
He was glad that he had managed to get you to paint again. In this time together, Mark had helped you with detailing and different techniques. You had also found that oil pastel was a new medium you preferred.Â
Mark could now see why having a roommate or a lover was sought out so much. You and him would spend your days at the downtown markets fishing for fresh produce for home made meals you two would plan or just simply finding an excuse to escape the confinement that apartment was for you.
Mark had also learnt how to better his cooking from you and how to properly take care of plants. That is because the both of you decided to buy one and help it growâ together . To be quite honest you always thought of plants as such a huge responsibility, you simply didnât want to do it alone.
It was going great, at least for you two. The more time he spent there the less you cared about what Hyuck was doing without you. The less you cared about Donghyuck.Â
But for now, those thoughts needed to disappear and you two had to think about him regardless.Â
Despite the horrid summer heat in September, Mark put himself in the kitchen monitoring the stew as you got dressed up for tonight's event. Whining to himself about how hot it was getting in the kitchen. But this was youâ and his best friend of courseâ so he didnât want to complain.
âDo you want me to turn off the stove? I think itâs starting to dry up.â Mark called out, watching the red bubbles flow from one side to another, avoiding the pieces of pork and vegetables before theyâd burst.
âYeah, thatâs fine. Uh, heyâ how does it look?â Mark turned with the sound of your voice, his eyes taking a while to process how beautiful you looked before him. To say he was speechless was an understatement. It felt as if the air in his entire body had been knocked out and his voice was robbed.
âIs it too much?â You asked nervously at his silence. Trying to aid that, he shook his head with a smile on his face, taking one of your hands into his to twirl you around. Though as innocent as it was, Mark couldnât help his wandering eyes, admiring the beauty you always have been.Â
He loved how the purple dress hugged your body and he loved how the lacing of your heels wrapped around your smoothen calves. They matched the nylor top coat of the dress, beaded flowers on both items.
He loved how your collarbones looked, shimmers from glittered lotion helping them. The straps tied around your neck making it a halter dress, and he loved how happy you looked.
Mark wasnât fully sure what this brewing feeling was but he knew it wasnât good.Â
Hyuck wasnât someone Mark ever found himself being jealous of, he was his best friend after all. Mark had only loved and supported his best friend but right now it was killing him. The feeling wasnât strong enough but he knew it could grow quickly.
It was killing him to realize he and you have spent all day preparing for tonight. Cooking Hyuckâs favorite meal and dessert, cleaning every nook and cranny of the apartment, and even buying postcards for his collection despite how you felt about it.
Even when Donghyuck has been nothing but a dipshit to you this entire time Markâs stayed with you two; you went out of your way to make this anniversary a good one.
To be exact, Mark was jealous of Hyuck for having someone who loved him despite all heâs put you through.
âYou look ravishing.â Mark let out in a breath, your concern turning into a grand smile and thanking him with a hug.Â
Turing to grab the pot of stew, Mark placed it on the decorated dinner table as you followed with glasses and wine.Â
âOkay, got everything?â He questioned one last time after wiping his hands on his jeans, making his way to the entrance door.
Looking around, you nodded as a response. Turning to the clock on the microwave, Mark grabbed his jacket, getting the clue. âAlright then, he should be here soon so just page me whenever itâs fine to come back.âÂ
Mark smiled your way, almost as if he was excited for you when he knew he wasnât.Â
Just as he was to turn and leave, a thought crossed his mind. âBy the wayâ has he said anything?â His eyebrows furrowed and some doubt was visible but you just shrugged with an awkward smile.
âNo⌠but he always acts like he forgets when we have anything big coming up.â You laugh to ease those nerves heâs created.Â
âPlus, I saw a box a while ago in one of his desk drawers and I think itâs a bracelet.â You tried to defend Hyuck, even when you nervously played with the flowers on the table. Even though you were trying to act giddy, Mark couldnât help but feel a bit guilty for these feelings heâs created.Â
âAlright⌠have fun then!â Mark walked to you quickly, leaning down to place a chaste kiss on your cheek that you received with a smile before returning it. You felt your arms tingle with the warmth of his skin, lightheaded when he removed himself from you.
The second Mark closed the door behind him, you sat with that anxious pit in your stomach waiting for your husband to arrive. You didnât know if it was for what he had created when it came to Hyuck or for his touchâ nevertheless itâs September 7th: Your anniversary. Thatâs all that should matter now.
You knew Hyuck arrived home late so you didnât put it past him to do so on your wedding anniversary but the more the clock ticked and the needles cycled around with no sign of him, you felt vile begin to form in your throat.Â
It was coming around to be 10pm, then 11pm, and before you knew it 2am had rolled around and all that was left was the uncovered pot of stew covered by a layer of grease, wilted flowers crumbling down, and napkins full of smeared makeup and snot.
You were trying your best to not think about it much. You didnât want to think about how foolish you were to think that despite how much you and Hyuck werenât on the best terms as of the past months, that that love you once shared would triumph at least on your anniversary.Â
It was clear enough to you that he didnât care anymore. So picking up yourself and your pride you made your way towards the restroom, wiping away the remains of your makeup and preparing for bed before paging Mark to come home.Â
He didnât think twice about it when he felt the vibration against his hip, it was until he saw you sadly pour the stew into containers that he felt his heart drop to his stomach.
There was no sign of Donghyuck anywhere in the apartment and it made his blood boil. All he could do was walk your way, taking the pot and washing it while you put the container away in the fridge.Â
âSo⌠wanna go on a bike ride tomorrow? We can get lunch, and then we can head to a music shop. I know youâve been meaning to buy a CD player. Oh a picnic sounds perfect.â He knew it would do no good talking about his best friend and it was just best to ignore the subject.
You had been trying so hard to not cry this entire time that Mark offered to spend time with you but it made that barrier break and the waterworks to cascade. Mark felt guilty, as if he had said something wrong and he didnât know what to do besides take you into and embrace and whisper apologies against your hair that he caressed as your back.
âY/n, please. Iâm so sorry if I saââ
âNo, itâs notâ justâ why canât he be like you?âÂ
Mark felt his heart ache and it got worse the more you cried against his chest, your arms tightening around his waist. He could smell the sweet scent of wine mixed into the one of your minty toothpaste. He could only assume that you had gotten drunk from despair.
âItâs okay⌠why donât you go to sleep? We have a big day tomorrow, I'll finish cleaning up.â You didnât have it in you to deny him, you were too tired and distraught from this little stunt Haechan pulled on you that you just wanted to lay down at least.Â
Simply nodding, you gave him a last tight squeeze before letting him go, looking up at him with a thankful smile. Perhaps it was the alcohol but the longer you stared at him, the more you noticed how much more you adored Mark. That same tingle he created earlier was presenting itself in an excruciating way.
He was the sweetest boy youâve known, he treats you so well and expects nothing in return, and heâs always been supportive of you.
Temptation was always lurking and his rosey lips looked enticing more and more but it seems he caught onto your thoughts that he swallowed the lump in his throat. Clearing his throat, Mark smiles at you whispering a tender âgoodnightâ that you repeated kissing his forehead before walking straight to the bedroom.
Mark felt frightened while you stared at him. Truth be told if you had kissed him, he wouldâve let you and even kissed you back but right now he couldnât. At least not when youâre so vulnerable, tipsy, and also his best friendâs wife.
Fuck⌠his best friendâs wife.Â
The second that door closed behind you, Mark let out a hampered breath, scolding himself for ever thinking about you in that aspect. They were only worsening as the days passed by.
Running his hand over his face and throwing his head back, Mark headed back to the kitchen. Though temporarily, washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen had aided him in forgetting those rising feelings. But like always theyâd creep up once he was able to think freely again.
He tried to sleep that guilt away, tossing and turning hoping with every move it would shake out of his bones and leave through the open window but nothing worked. Frustrated with how easily the idea of kissing you had disturbed him, Mark grunted on his way up to the window. Taking a hold of his cigarette box that laid on the kitchen counter.
It was already 4am nearing five when he had finished cleaning for you but even so Hyuck hadnât arrived until now when Mark leaned against the windowsill with the stick between his lips.Â
Lighting it, he shakes his head with a breathy laugh that makes smoke blow out of his lips. âUnbelievable.â He tells himself, eyes following the drunken moves of his friend and laughter from the men inside the car.Â
He counted the minutes and seconds until Donghyuck was to arrive at the apartment, his loud steps not missed.Â
â55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60⌠1, 2ââÂ
The glowing red within the cigarette consuming more and more of the paper and herb, warming up where he held it, a clear sign that he should get a new one. Exactly when the warmth of the butt was becoming unbearable, Mark threw it out to the street hearing the doorknob rattle upon Haechan opening the door.
In his giddy drunken state, the young man smiled seeing his best friend, rushing to him to embrace him as he loudly greeted him.Â
âWhat are you still doing awake? Wanna have a drink?â He asks in between laughs, rushing to the fridge and grabbing two bottles, easily opening them with just the back of a knife. Mark took it without a thank you, lighting up another cigarette with so much disgust in his face the longer he looked at the state of his best friend.
Lips swollen and red, glitter littered all over his body and sticking to the sweat of his neck that was stained with rouge and purple kisses. He reeked of expensive cigarettes and alcohol and his slacks had stains that could only make him gag from just imagining.
Mark simply shook his head, scoffing at the antics of his friend. His guilt was gone seeing how much worse Hyuck could be than him. Taking a swig of the beer, Mark glared at his friend. âWhat is wrong with you? Itâs so fucking late.â He viciously asked, inhaling smoke from his new cigarette.
Hyuck laughed, taking one from Markâs box and lighting it to join his friend. âOkay, mom.â He replied, feeling as if he was just jesting but when Markâs expression didnât change he was becoming visibly frustrated. After all, what did Mark care about? He was just staying with them.
âNot for me but for y/n. Sheâs been waiting all day for you. Youâve really fucked her over, Donghyuck.âÂ
Mark doesn't call him Donghyuckâ ever. Only times heâs done so is when heâs angered him badly and right now he couldnât understand why he cared so much about you and him. Putting down his bottle and turning to his friend, Hyuckâs eyebrows furrowed and his mouth felt slightly agape. âWhat does it matter to you? Itâs just another day.â His voice, gruff and deep now.
The smoke Haechan blew out made its way to Markâs face, creating a more hostile night for the two. He wasnât going to back down. In all his years heâs never seen you cry and he wasnât going to let that slide.Â
Mark mirrored Hyuckâs dissatisfied expression, coming closer to his friend in defiance. âYou smell like shit with signs of another bitch all over you on your anniversary, dipshit. Is it still just another day?âÂ
And it crashed down upon him when Markâs finger crushed itself against his chest, poking him as a wakeup call from the drunken daze he was in. Feeling as if a bucket of water had been dropped on him, Hyuckâs eyes widened in horror, fingers threading with his hair and yanking at it with anger like the day Mark had arrived.
âFuckââ He took a seat, putting off his cigarette on the ashtray. âFuck, fuck, fuck! I donât have a present either, what the fuck am I gonna do?âÂ
Fear was all over his face, his eyes bloodshot from the lack of sleep, rocky night, and the frustration from how youâd treat him for the following weeks or even months until you forgot it.
Mark didnât care, he only focused on his statement about the gift. Angered, he finished off the second cigarette before glaring at his friend more. âShe found a bracelet in your drawers, what do you mean you donât have a gift?âÂ
Hyuck had never seen Mark this angry before but for now he would focus on his own problems. âWho is it for? Are you fucking with me? Are you cheating on her? I love you, you're a brother to me but I will beat your ass if you fuck her over, Hyuckâ promise to God I will.â
It was an eratic moment to spew such words that Hyuckâs expressions smoothened and his fright dissipated. All that was left was a twinge of curiosity the more his eyes squinted.Â
âInteresting.â He thought, the gears in his brain hating this new feeling just as Mark was hating his own new feelings as well.
âItâs for my motherâs birthday⌠but I guess Iâll give it to her now.â He collectively spoke, his words coming out slowly still processing Markâs attitude. Mark didnât seem to pick up on Hyuckâs peaking interest, shaking his head with obvious discontent.Â
âNo, you have to get something meaningful. Something special, I mean she got you something you wanted, she spent all day preparing for you. You canât just do something like that, Hyuck.âÂ
âFine, Iâll take her out to dinner tomorrow and how about you get the present?â He hoped that was good enough to get Mark off his back or at least to get his help. After all, he is his best friend.
Mark sat in complete disgust and anger. âYou didnât hear shit I just said, did you?â An angered smirk as he scoffed before finishing his beer. Hyuck grunted in frustration, his eyes screaming: âWhat more do you want from me?â The wider they got. âDude, I donât have time, you know this.â
But it was useless, Mark just glared at him one last time before nodding. âFine.â He grumbled in disapproval. âAlright, thank you.â Hyuck added with his own annoyance laced into it. Fishing for his wallet, he handed Mark one of his credit cards before silently walking to the room ending the night for both of them.
Lonely and angry.
Thankfully enough when waking, you were the ray of sunshine that made his day better. Driving almost an hour to the countryside, Mark and you spent it entirely on rented bikes.
Going to the nearest park the two of you had a picnic at, mainly focusing on how to sweeten each otherâs mood and avoid thinking about last night. Though Mark drowned out the fears he had just last night, you felt them flourishing within you.
You liked that he was gentle with you and treated you nicely. If you ever argued with Mark it was over the taste of something and not about how useless he thought your likings were.
He cooked and cleaned if you werenât in the mood. If you were heâd help, he just made sure to not let all the burden fall on you.Â
You liked Mark. You always had but right now the lines between platonic and loneliness were blurring. Enough that this day felt like a date and not just friends hanging out.
It didnât matter though, at least you were glad there was someone out there to listen to you. Just as he did now the longer you talked while walking inside a small shop of antiques.
Finishing the drink you held in your hand, Mark held the door open for you. Words cascading from your lips as he admired every single one of them. Even when he took your cup to throw away before roaming around, his eyes didnât leave your face.
The only time he was able to remove his gaze from you was the moment he heard your excited squeal while rushing towards the jewelry section and gawking at a seemingly golden locket.
The smooth metal etched with intricate vines filled with flowers, glimmering in the sunlight that shot through the vast windows behind the counter. Mark admired the shine in your eyes. How they glossed over and sparkled in adoration, almost as if this was the last thing youâd want before you died.Â
He supposed you could feel his intense staring that you turned to smile at him before clutching his arm, feeling you shake a bit. âIt seems silly but my mom gave me one exactly like this one when I was a little kid and I always wore it,âÂ
You shifted your leg. âBut when I moved in with Hyuck it went missing. I guess you couldâve called it a warning.â You laughed trying to ease the underlying message as you continued. âEver since I lost it things havenât gone well, perhaps it was my lucky charm; and itâs been so difficult finding a new one that makes me feel the same as the one she gave me but it hasnât worked out.âÂ
Feeling your head lay on his shoulder as you stared at the piece without touching it, Mark looked down upon you. That odd feeling manifesting itself once again and tearing at his intestines.Â
âHow much is it?â He questioned, feeling you shake a bit more. âUhââ You separate yourself from him, the trembling from your legs increasing and your breathing hitching in the back of your throat.Â
Whether it was because you had to go to the restroom or solely for the price alone. âDamn⌠Hyuck would kill me if I spent that much on a simple necklace.â You stated, before fully separating yourself from him and whining that you had to go to the restroom before he tried to oppose his friendâs view on spending.
Hyuck couldnât be this frivolous, right? Well, Mark couldnât really judge how other people spent their money, after all his reckless way of living is what has him crashing at his best friendâs place.
But this is you and Donghyuck he was talking about. Sure he wouldnât care that his wife spent money on something so meaningful and after his arrival last night it was evident he spent his own money grossly.
Nevertheless Haechan told him to buy you a gift youâd appreciate and this was the perfect one. Whether it was too much or not, he was never given a budget and Hyuck would have to deal with it on his own.
So while you remained in the restroom, Mark rushed to the register, pleading with the cashier to quickly wrap it for a gift. While she tried her best to make it look presentable, his desperate staring was making her nervous to where she fumbled with the chain and the box.
If it wasnât because there was a timer on how quickly youâd come out he wouldâve been slightly upset at how messy it was but now that he could hear the creaking of the door far in the back inside this silent shop, he couldnât care less how badly the presentation was. After all, he'll fix it while you get ready for tonightâs date with your husband .
The closer the tapping of your shoes got, the bigger the rush he gained while swiping the card and signing the receipts, hoping the cashier would hurry up on her end as well. Poor girl.
And when he could see your silhouette from his peripheral view whilst you looked around the rest of the knick-knacks, he shoved the box and receipt into the inner pocket of his jacket, unintentionally glaring at the girl despite thinking his gaze was apologetic.
âReady to go?â He questioned, patting his chest hoping the imprint wasnât visible. âYeahâŚâ You dragged out, a pout on your lips as your gaze turned to the display the necklace was on. At its disappearance, your eyebrows furrowed and your pout deepened.Â
âWhat?â He questioned, holding out his arm for you to grab again. âAnd the locket?â You ask, he was about to answer when the cashier interrupted the both of you.Â
âSomeone had bought it before you came, theyâll be here shortly to pick it up so I just packed it. Iâm so sorry if you were interested in it.â Her tender smile made your pout soften, telling her it was fine as you dragged Mark out dejectedly.
Despite knowing he had gotten it for you, Mark couldnât let that disappointment you held go. Hopefully as of now when Hyuck was to give you the locket, that youâd feel better and forgive your husband even when he most likely didnât deserve it.
When Hyuck had arrived and told you about his plans, it didnât change the tense ambient that had been created upon his arrival. Though you reluctantly got ready while Hyuck moped about your mood, he was praying to all entities that youâd both let it go once the date was over. Even if deeply and unconsciously he felt put off by the both of you togetherâ a twinge of jealousy.Â
The restaurant was cold and dim, dull. Though he tried making conversation and you tried to answer, that deep built up of anger was clogging your throat, choking you with its fiery vexation.
Hyuck was beginning to feel his own frustrations bubbling up the colder you became towards him. He was trying his best to make this an enjoyable night but when youâve spent your entire days fightingâ things like these become a heavy task.
When nothing else worked, Hyuck reached for the inside of his suit jacket, pulling the box Mark had handed him rushedly whilst he pushed the both of you out of the apartment in hopes the air would finally clear.
âY/n.â He called out for you, your fork resting on the plate as you averted your gaze towards him, humming in response. His free hand reached for yours, clutching it tightly as a plea to please forgive him for all his wrong doings (As if a measly dinner could fix all his invective words).
âI know I fucked up royally last night,â Your eyebrow quirked in sarcasm. âBut Iâm truly sorry for ruining our day for work. Iâm sorry I prioritized it over our marriage and perhaps itâs the reason we havenât been doing so well these past couple of months along with other reasonsâŚâ
He sighed, his fingers intertwining with yours as his glossy eyes trembled trying to look into your cold muted ones. âAnd I know this dinner doesnât amount to anything you deserve, so at least take thisâŚâ His hand left yours, that coldness from before remaining.Â
âTo show I love you so much more than I can love anyone or anything.â Upon opening the box, your face lit up and you sat up straight. Your eyes are no longer cold, instead they are excited and warm.
You felt the need to cry, to weep and forgive him as it seemed he did know all along about your locket. That is until you opened your mouth. âSo it was you?! You bought it from that shop?â You excitedly questioned as he stood to put it on you.
Kissing your cheek, glad you finally caved in. Standing behind you to put it on not caring if people were to see, his cold fingers graced your equally cold skin, making him slightly shiver.Â
âUh, yeah. Itâs really simple, nothing too special. Wouldâve gotten you something prettier but I know you like things like this, found it down the street from the apartment but I thought itâd look beautiful on you.â He cleared his voice before allowing his lips to fall upon yours.
Perhaps this kiss would have meant more to you but hearing him lie about where âheâ had bought it was making your guts churn in pain. He truly will never stop lying to you, huh?
In the matter of seconds as he sat down and looked back at you, Hyuck couldnât help but notice your eyes dimming again. âI see.â Youâd mildly continued, giving him a small smile and dropping it.Â
Easy as that, a smile was enough for him to feel like he had gotten you back. Taking your hand into another grasp as he chose a dessert for you both; your returning scowl went unnoticed.
You loved Hyuck. You think you do, he is the man you married but why does he continue disappointing you so much? At what point in a relationship do the things the other person does become insufferable?Â
At what point do you look forward to not spending time with them and instead find comfort in someone else? It seems that you have reached this point.Â
Morally, it was consuming you. You were supposed to be the perfect housewife that keeps the home clean and given him a child by this point but all you were was a wreck longing for her old independent life while thinking about spending time with her husbandâs best friend.
 What he did to lead to what you two were now was not helping this case anymore.
After Hyuck had given himself away that he hadnât bought the locket for you, the only person you could think about was Mark. Thereâs no way someone else couldâve bought it before you two just for it to end in your hands.Â
The inscriptive inside of the box with the shop logo was also a dead giveaway of where it was bought, something Hyuck shouldâve looked at if he had fabricated his lie well. Or perhaps Mark had set him up for failure and just told him to give it to you.
A part of you wants that latter to be true, for Mark to wedge himself into the relationship to create some excitement but you knew it wouldnât happen. Not only because he was Donghyuckâs best friend, your own close friend, and because he just isnât that type of person .Â
In conclusion Mark was the only one who couldâve obtained it for you and had managed to get the cashier to lie for him. Mark is the only one who knows the meaning of your fixation on that locket. Only he would buy something that has a meaning for you to obtain.Â
All you were worried about was how he paid for it when he was in a crisis as of now and hoped Hyuck had paid him back as he was the one to give it to you after all.Â
And as the quiet car ride back to the apartment fell silent besides the hushed radio playing in the background, Hyuck walked in celebrating as if anything had truly changed.Â
âWine or beer, baby?â He questioned, his hand on the fridge handle looking at the inventory. Your mind elsewhere, eyes wandering and looking for signs of Mark.Â
To no avail, you turned to your husband, grabbing the bottle of beer in his hand. Hyuck kissed your cheek for the second time this night, following it with a peck to your lips as he wrapped his arm around your waist.
âIs he here?â He questioned, reading your mind. You only shook your head, looking into his eyes wondering if his question was out of realizing your reasons or for his own. With your response, he smirked, his face moving closer to you. His pillowy lips found yours, taking them into a kiss full of yearning.Â
His hand creeped across your torso, dangerously inching up to your breast, feeling him squeeze through the fabric of your dress. Itâs been a while since heâs touched you, mainly due to how often youâd both go to sleep angry at each other but right now was the chance.Â
Even if you were tired of his ways, youâd still let him. The feeling of lust taking over you but slowly the thought of Mark tried pushing through your brain.Â
Hyuckâs cold fingers found themselves under the fabric, grasping the mound and giving it a slight squeeze. Your lips continued enveloping against each other, him smirking when your breathy moan spilled against his.Â
He chuckled looking at your state, flushed at the steaminess of the situation, his other hand bunching up your dress enough to where he could slip his hand in between your legs easily.Â
âHyuckâŚâ you moaned, resting your forehead on his chest, the grumble from his extended chuckle making you shake. âYeah?â He asks, his delicate fingers gracing over the warm fabric of your panties that slowly moistened the more he touched you.Â
You tried talking but felt your voice tremble with every syllable, barely pushing out the name thatâs been manifesting itself all this time. âM-MarkââÂ
The moment his friendâs name came out as a moan to his ears, Hyuck stopped his assault, standing up frustratedly. âWhat did you say?â He questioned with darkened eyes, scared and angry that you could possibly do that to him (despite what heâs done to you.)
Despite how much you both fight each other, you both were good at reading each otherâs body languages. His hostile figure made you act fast and pushed his hand back in between your legs as he reluctantly began to touch you just out of suspicion.Â
âI just meant that he might not be farâŚâ you gasp, leaning closer to kiss him softly compared to the teasing, teeth-clashing ones from earlier. âSo maybe, fuckââ the pressure on your clit increasing, softly circling it.Â
âMaybeâ hurry.â You bit your lip, his anger dissipating and that shit eating grin returning the second he opted to slip his hand inside the purple fabric of your panties, the wetness making it stick to the upside of his hand.Â
Hyuck chuckled at the scene before him, it had been so long since you two had been intimate and seeing how you melted onto his touch was doing things to him. Your whimpers and moans fueling his hurt ego and the further his fingers teased your entrance, thumb rubbing at your clitâ it grew more and more.Â
âOh? Have you been holding it the entire night? I can feel it sliding down my hand. Maybe I should get a taste?â He teased, his fingers threatening to leave your slickness and reach his lips when your speedy hands prevented any movement that wasnât caresses to your needy cunt.Â
He chuckled loudly, leaning down to bite your swollen lower lip before kissing you softly. âHyuckie, stop being such a tease!â You dragged out, becoming more forceful with the kiss. His tongue swiped against yours, the warm satin feel mirroring the wetness between your legs onto his digits.Â
âYou havenât called me that in a while⌠Ah my princess does need me!â Ecstatically his word embedded into your lips, rewarding you with a second finger that at most was just as cruelly teasing as the one before.Â
You whined even more hoping heâd find it in his heart to plunge his fingers deep into your crevice but knowing him and how insanely cruel he can be, the hope dwindled the more he teased your entrance with just the tips and pulling them back out to hear your glorious cries. He wanted to cave into you. He wanted to please you as he had in the past but this seemed to be the only efficient way he could actually make you pay for the way youâve treated him for these past months.Â
Yet despite his vexatious actions to further embitter you and start his own sort of revenge, he couldnât do it. Deep in his heart he knew he still loved you like he used to. He simply had to give in to you, as much as it pained him how easily he submits to you.Â
Determined enough with the melting of his hateful heart, Hyuck leaned in to kiss you and ease that pent up frustration. âI love you so much, y/n.â He whispered against them, your whimpers swallowing the words you couldnât process or at least refused to believe were true.Â
But glory blessed you as his fingers began to prod at your labia and soon found your opening. Your moans were too loud, those demonstrating how long heâs left you to fend on your own that the simplest of touch could lead you to where youâre at.Â
He shushed you calmly, smiling against your mouth while you gnawed on his lips, your hands reaching for his aching erection. With the swift touch of your delicate fingers over the textile, Haechan whined, his fingers prodding deeper into your cavern. He didnât move them yet, a third finger taunting you as you rushed to unbuckle his belt used as a reward to grant you more satisfaction.Â
âYouâre close, honey. Almost there.â He cooed with a needy and proud smile, his free hand petting your hair to incentivize you to continue as a great reward would soon come. His third finger taunting your opening while his thumb circled your clit to create more arousal.Â
When your nimble fingers had finally gotten rid of the worn leather, you pulled at it, throwing it across the kitchen to the living room without a care where it fell. Hyuck granted you with an excited laugh, pulling you in for a kiss as he slowly pushed in his third finger, the tip of it softly gracing through.Â
âGood girl! My God youâre too good for me! â He spoke in between kisses, your tongue asking for more, caressing his lower lip. Hyuck admired the fucked out state you were in. Your eyes hooded and dark with need, your lipstick smudge from all these kisses, and your arousal seeped from around his fingers dribbling down your legs as tears would on your cheeks.Â
You were so needy, anything and any movement could make you release now and though youâve masturbated throughout this dry spell you both put yourselves throughâ nothing could amount to how good he makes you feel even if itâs just with fingers. So of course you were needy, of course you wanted his fingers stuffed inside you and you wanted him to finally move them inside you.
That wouldâve happened, if it wasnât for Mark.Â
Hyuck whispered against your lips how heâd start moving his fingers now. His pillowy lips molding against yours, pulling you by your hair closer to his starving mouth; his fingers began to slowly move and as you were beginning to feel the pleasure your husband always granted youâ the front door creaked open, too fast that all you two could muster was for Hyuck to remove his fingers from inside you in a hurry as he refused to let go of your lips.Â
The kiss didnât last long, for odd reasons it was you who didnât want Mark to see more of the scene. His subtle lingering gaze on your organism made you feel small under him, as if he was exhibiting some sort of disappointment or ache. His despondent expression left immediately to one of a playful smile, almost giving you whiplash from it.Â
âGood night Iâm guessing.â He joked, removing his jacket and putting away the box of cigarettes in his hand. âYeah, I guess so.â Hyuck laughed, turning his back to both of you. You didnât stop looking at Mark, hoping heâd react to what he just saw even if you knew what you wanted him to react with. He didnât though, he just gave you a nod to acknowledge your presence.Â
Your husband continued to make conversation with his friend, the one trying to avoid you for his own reasons. It was odd to say the least, on both of your parts. It was odd that minutes prior you were too enthralled with the man youâre married to but right now all you want was for Mark to say something to you, you almost wanted to apologize to him for having him walk into that scene.
You didnât want to say it or think itâ as the months pass by youâll realize it felt like you were betraying him instead and not your husband.Â
Mark knew what you wanted though but he would pretend it was all in his head as he is still trying to process the discovery heâs made: heâs falling for his best friendâs wife.Â
So for the time being heâll do his best to keep this relationship as it has been for the past years. Simple and platonic.Â
âBut yeah, I think the meal was good. Y/n? What did you think?â Hyuckâs voice broke you out of the void, turning to him and then Mark. âI liked it, yeah.â Simply put. Hyuck deviated the conversation, opening the fridge to pull a drink for both you and him, asking Mark if heâd like one but in order to avoid you given it was harder for him to ignore your silent cry for a pick of attentionâ he opted to choose the going to sleep technique to leave the setting.Â
Mark shook his head, opening the door to the guest room to throw in his jacket. A tender tiresome smile, âNah, itâs cool. Iâm going to sleep, you guys continue to enjoy your night.â Hyuck simply shrugged, turning to the cabinets to pick out some snacks. In the moment he had done so, you rushed towards Mark, grasping his arm to stop him from fully entering the room.Â
He froze at the contact, feeling the area become warmer than his remaining body. Markâs shocked face gave him away, he wasnât meant for this type of situation. âI justââ you turned quickly to look at Hyuck, the man still distracted with the boxes of popcorn.Â
âI just want to thank you.â Your remaining hand showing him the locket, a smile forming on his lips, one you mimicked. âI donât know what youâre talking about.â A shit eating grin while blush krept upon his beautiful chiseled cheeks, making your chest burn up at how you enjoyed that look on him. âRight⌠It means quite a lot actuallyâ again, thank you, Mark. You truly do know your way to a girl's heart.âÂ
You whispered the words, pulling him closer towards you and kissing his cheek as he grasped your hip in fear of any more proximity. It was quick but it felt eternal for you both, the fire in both of you making it difficult for him to go inside the room.Â
And though you both felt a beautiful yet painful fire, Hyuck from the corner of his eye saw such action, his own fire scorching with a new found feeling he was not liking.Â
âHmâŚâ he hummed quietly to himself, a pout ensuing on his lips, pretending it was nothing. I mean, he was his best friend and you were his wifeâ Thatâs. All. There. Is.Â
To avoid like the rest of you were, Hyuck feigned a smile, pulling you towards his arms the moment you stepped foot into the kitchen. You reciprocated the action, going further enough to kiss him. It was good enough to feel like the kiss youâve given to his friend's cheek was nothingâ thatâs all he needed.Â
âWhat do you say we continue what we started in the room, huh?â He raised his eyebrow cheekily, a giggle leaving your lips to decline the offer. Whining as to why, your husband pouted at how you only continued to giggle, your arms wrapped tightly around his slim waist.Â
âY/n-ie, come one~ why not?â he cried, kissing your lips softly before your neck. His plump lips encased your throat, his tongue lapping at the warm flesh that was making you reconsider your answer but the memory of him was making you stand your ground.Â
Kissing him one last time and holding his face in between your hands to make him focus on your words; âMark is still awake, Hyuck. We canât fuck with him fully aware, walls arent very thick.â You reasoned, kissing him once again.Â
You failed to notice his pout turn displeased, his expression overall seeming stoic now, aggravated. The film of love over your eyes blinding you from his change in demeanor; making your way towards the couch and inviting him to it just to keep up the facade of a normal marriage.Â
âCome on now or Iâll pick the movie.â You threatened, picking up the remote to the TV. Hyuck shot you a tender smile, one faltering as quickly as it appeared. âGo get comfortable first, Iâll prepare here.â His voice dropping, some defeat laced on it.
You smiled at him lovingly, oblivious to the way he stared at you and the rays of hurt exuding off of him. Closing the door behind you to get ready, Hyuck leaned forward, his head falling to his hands as he clutched it hoping all those thoughts would leave his head.Â
Mark is his best friend and youâre his wife. You and Mark are just friendsâ thatâs all it is. But even if he tried to fool himself, this marriage was too fragile for him to not fully worry as he always has. History can repeat itself one way or another.
One ought to think that after that night in which you and Haechan had put aside any hatred for each other, that it would remain and the fighting would subside but that night only made things worse.
Whether it was the lingering sexual tension neither of you were to relieve that night and the ones to follow or simply how you two couldnât put away the resentment that has grown but things were bleak nonethless.Â
Some part of Hyuck blamed you, he didnât know when he began feeling hate towards you instead of pity and self hatred. And the other part blamed Mark. In countless arguments you always threaten him by mentioning the possibility of storming out of the room and spending the night with his best friend as heâs the only one who doesnât irritate you.Â
As any partner would do, Hyuck grunted in frustration, picking up his pillow and slamming the door behind him as he took his spot next to Mark in the guest bed. Both men awkwardly and uncomfortable on the bed trying to avoid bringing you into the conversation.Â
For one because your name and presence made Hyuck enraged and for Mark he could only feel guilt bubble inside him while thoughts of you clouded his mind.Â
Mark and you had always gotten along. You both shared a love for the arts and that only made you both closer these months. When it didnât pertain to art, you two always teamed up to bother Haechan as a taste of his own medicine for ever bothering either of you.Â
Times used to be good, dinners and parties were fun but the more he indulged in his work and tried to climb whatever hierarchy ladder there was, he became such aâ such a dick. The actions he took upon when you were on a work trip didnât help either.
You shouldâve taken in all the signs from whenever you met the wives of his coworkers. Their sunken faces and dead eyes staring at you with pity when he first brought you around.Â
Their âaweâsâ and âohâsâ when you shared how lovely Hyuck was to you and how you two met. His persistent love for you thatâs led you to where you two were at the time. Their pity shouldâve been obvious, at first it was jealousy but no one knew the truth of having men in this field like they do.Â
So now they look at you like you were finally one of them. Your miserable and tired gaze with every single one of these dinners. How annoyed you became every time Donghyuck opened his mouth to let out a joke or just speak. You had to catch yourself from rolling your eyes most of the time for his sake but it was becoming so exhausting when he didnât try to do anything for your sake.
âSo howâs the job hunt, y/n?â A nasally pesky sound buzzed towards your ears, bringing you out of your thoughts about tomorrow's plans. Lifting your gaze with confusion, you still turned to her.Â
Rapidly glancing at the people around the table ready to collect their coats, you held in your sigh as their attention was now fixated on you. âIâm not looking for a job.â You answered sharply, Donghyuck helping you into your coat, buttoning it up for you to keep up the perfect husband facade heâs trying to maintain.Â
She cocked her head, the hairspray held cylinder bangs bouncing but never moving with gravity. âReally? Hyuckie said you were looking for a job.â God how you hated her. âHyuckieâ? Yes you hated his guts as of lately but heâs still your man and jealousy is inevitable.Â
You threw a glared at him, âDon't call me âHyuckieâ, Merdia.â He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose knowing what sheâs trying to initiate. She chuckled trying to slap his arm playfully but he backed up before she could touch him at all, wrapping his arm around your waist.Â
âNo⌠Iâm helping a friend of ours. Heâs an artist himself so weâve been contacting old clients of mine to get references or any openings.â The group began to walk as you talked, the clicking of all your heels collecting on the marble tile. She follows along, trying to get as close to you.Â
âAn artist, how lovely.â One of the women added, smiling towards you. âYes, heâs quite good. Weâve been working on some pieces for a while, while we wait for some responses.â You smiled fondly at her, your smile as wide as when you used to talk about Hyuck.Â
âHeâs amazing actuallyâŚâ your smile refused to diffuse. The woman chuckled, nodding as a response while Hyuck side eyed you, stoic his face became. âMark is a good artist.â It came out too bitter from his mouth; emphasizing the âisâ.Â
Reaching the front of the restaurant with the cars from the valet already at front the couples were getting ready to bid their goodbyes. âYou speak so highly of him, if heâs available for commissions please let me know. All the pieces youâve brought for our home fit so well Iâd be so interested to see his work.â Another woman spoke, holding onto to her husband who smiled at her lovingly.Â
This was the brightest you smiled all night, nothing fake and short of past conversations. Haechan loved your smile, he really did but to know it brought Mark into the conversation was making his heart ache.Â
âYou should really consider coming back as a consultant for the company, y/n. Keeping an eye on Donghyuck on your part is becoming tiresome.â His boss jokes, causing the party to chuckle. âHope he hasnât caused more trouble like he used to.â You commented, his lips falling against your cheek to reassure you he was no trouble at all.Â
His boss shook his head as a response. âHeâs become too boring these past years, loose him up or something.â You laughed knowing he was absolutely right, patting your husbandâs hand. âWell⌠it was a great night, thank you all for accompanying us once again. Sunhee has something to do early tomorrow so Iâll see us out, have a great night.âÂ
Leading his wife in front of him carefully. In the process of going down the slight hill, one of her shoulder pendants dropped to the concrete. âMrs. Oh you dropped yourâ'' Trying to help, you made your way towards it but before you could the obstacle or Merdiaâs foot tripped you making you fall into the large fountain for cars to surround.Â
You splashed around with the shock of the cold water biting your body as Hyuck rushed to your aid and some of the people in the party trying to see if you were okay. Even the staff noticing the happenings rushed to get whatever they could to free you from the breeze and dry you up.Â
But either way you still shivered despite the panting host handing you two warm and folded towels that Haechan secured around you. âWhat is wrong with you for fuckâs sake.â Hyuck finally broke out, turning to the woman who pretended to be sorry, trying her best to grab you. Merdia was at a loss for words, stammering to say it was an accident but Hyuck retaliated with the exact happenings.Â
âThat was of such poor taste, Merdia!â One of the women exclaimed, her wrinkled skin prominent the while she frowned in disbelief. âIâ I didnât mean toâŚâ she spoke lowley, glancing at those around her but mainly Hyuck and her boss. The poor man couldnât make it home yet without making sure you were fine.Â
âWe all saw you stick out your foot, give it up.â The most cynical in the group spoke up, sipping from the drink she had ordered while the host brought you towels. Sometimes you feared you and Hyuck would turn out like her and her husband. Hating each other too much it was useless to try and hide it from the world.Â
She couldnât even speak, your shivers and Hyuckâs cooing too loud for her to even process the scolding she was getting. âYou two go ahead. Y/n is freezing. I don't want her to get sick.â Mr. Oh directed the both of you with his hand, rushing you both to his car while Hyuck apologized but everyone else reassured him it was not his fault and he shouldnât do so on her behalf.Â
All you could hear was his boss telling her heâd want to have a talk with her tomorrow morning while his wife reassured her she was too immature for her grown age. As Hyuck drove away and made sure you were fully covered to not let the breeze cool you more, all you could think about was the hatred you had for the people in his job and those whoâve crossed his path inside that building. Even if Mr and Mrs. Oh were the sweetest people there can be, youâve found to hate them to an extent.Â
He patted you down with his own blazer, covering your bare legs with another one he had in the back without a care if the expensive piece would be ruined. âAre you okay?â He asks concerned, his hand rubbing your arm to warm up the area. Pulling out of the place he continued to blabber, questioning and acting like he cared. He probably did but you didnât want to believe it.Â
You never answered, shivering from both cold and anger. With every second of your silence and his aching chest, Hyuck grew frustrated, not knowing well how to process such emotions. They were bubbling up inside him and the worst of him was taking over, enough to not stop his mouth.Â
âFor fuck sake, y/n say something! Iâve been asking you the entire ride if youâre okay, speak up!â To say his scream didnât catch you off guard was an understatement, usually during arguments no one screamed so this was still new to you.Â
Even when you imagined your eyes to be wide they were cold to him. âThereâs nothing to say.â Your hoarse voice broke out through gritted teeth. He scoffed, palms slamming the steering wheel. âOf course because all you have to say youâll say to Mark.â That bitterness from earlier was back, his teeth grinded with the mention of his friend.
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â You turn to him, disgust masked on your face. âEvery argument, every discussion, any free secondâ youâre always with him. You tell him everything, Iâm your husband, not him! Youâre supposed to have trust in me!â You can hear a sob stuck in his throat, trying his best to repress it but it kept fighting to come out.Â
Maybe if it was another time and a past year youâd feel pity but it was only infuriating you. âHow do you want me to trust you when those stupid letters are still engraved in my fucking head? All those little greeting kisses? Even the ones of MaridaââÂ
âDonât even bring her up, I would never be with her.â Disgust laced in his tongue. âOf course I know you wouldn't be with her. Sheâs old and ugly, I know you too well but that stupid seaweed girl is stillââ now it was your turn to hold in the sob. You rather not continue, youâve tried to hide for too long that you were still hurting from the events that have led to this decaying marriage.Â
âY/n pleaseâŚâ his hand reached for you. âDonât fucking touch me.â You spat, moving as far as the car door would let you. The action alone caused him to emit a frustrated growl. âThat was a while ago! Stop bringing her up for fuck sake.â
The speed he was driving in was only accelerating almost as if he couldnât really stop his emotions from taking over. âSo what, Hyuck? Itâs not going to change the fact that you still cheated.â This time you couldnât stop yourself, your tears forcefully spilled, your silent cry increasing in sound the second your head bowed and hand reached your forehead.Â
You hated this, you really hated that he was seeing you this vulnerable but it did really hurt you to see the man that went out of his way to have you throw it all out for an ounce of attention.Â
It had started a year and a half ago, though brief, the wound is still very fresh in your heart. With just two years of marriage, Hyuck began to act more loving than usual. In any case that wouldâve been fine but if you hadnât temporarily gone back to work at the same company youâd never know it was due to a short haired redhead that would give him seaweed treats every time the company called her catering services.Â
She was sweet and kind. Every time he came around sheâd blush and wasnât able to hide it. Though his flirtation was innocent at first (as it always is) he began to like the attention she gave him. She was detailed about everything, from the color of her catering plates to the tiny designs on every treat but his specifically. Â
It went on for a while with just flirtation remarks and gifts, after a while theyâd accidentally cross paths at the park where heâd walk the dog you shared and soon became their hang out spot where theyâd talk and talk for hours until the sun would set and heâd have to walk her home. Sometimes heâd simply spend the nightâŚÂ
Sheâd tell him good night with a shy hug and a kiss to the cheek progressively getting closer to the corner of his mouth. Soon came the letters, the ones of her professing her love for him and how passionately she felt about him asking him to not speak of his own feelings just yet as she wasnât ready for a response. Â
And when she had finally gotten emotionally prepared for a response, a divine intervention came. On the day you had come back from a trip for a piece to place at the front of the companyâ the catering team had been called. Â
With the table set and the treats and meals prepared, the employees came along. Anxiously waiting for his entrance with a plate of the same seaweed treats sheâs been making him all these months, her face brightened up when he came into the picture. Â
You still recall the scene before you: Have forgotten your coat, Hyuck had offered to give you one of his he had kept in his office granting him to let you walk to the lounge area with the rest of the employees. Â
At the moment you had been standing with a few of his female coworkers catching you up on all the gossip you missed while out of town and working at a different company, laughing along to whatever they were saying when he had just walked in with his coat in hand searching for you but being stopped by that same red head.Â
You wouldnât have thought anything of it was it not for how she excitedly pulled him in, her lips gracefully falling to the corner of his mouth given he turned his head so it wouldnât have. She seemed to dismiss that as she handed him the treats and he thanked her. Â
She was rambling for a while making him grow a bit exasperated but she placed down any other plate and removed her gloves begging him to follow her outside the lounge. Looking around in hopes no one else caught what you had, you excused yourself to look for him in hopes the other two women around you didnât follow. Â
You had ended outside the door, hidden behind the protruding wall to listen into their conversation but it was a grave mistake. Â
âI-I wrote you another letter.â She handed it to him, a shy smile along. âDonât read it right now, I just want to make this quick because itâs eating me alive, butââ she sighs nervously, hands beginning to shake and sweat. Â
Exhaling through her lips, âIâm at a point where it hurts so much being around you daily. I really like you, Donghyuck. Iâve made it clear in all these letters and with this one more. I dream of kissing you more than I already do, I want all of you and I finally want to know if you want me too.â Her voice was as shaky as her hands. Â
Hyuck was at a loss for words, he knew what he wanted to say but he knew he couldnât, not when he loved you more than her. He couldâve said something but his initial thought was to take her into an embrace giving her false hope when she reciprocated it, smiling and sighing to herself the tighter she pulled him in. Her hands caressing his back like you always do. Â
The sight and confession was eating you alive, the lump in your throat was too heavy and hard, it was choking you. This was all killing you but youâll be damned if you were to let anyone get him after your vows have been made. Â
Fighting with that lump you finally swallowed it, turning on your heel and walking towards them with determination and anger in your body. Â
âHyuckie! Whatâs taking you so long?â Your voice as fierce as always, itâs a quality they all liked about you. âIâ um well.â If he was to be truthful, he was shitting bricks in this instance. Â
âIâm cold, comeâ feel.â Your lips puckered up pecking him and your hands reached his cheeks making him laugh into the kiss. All the catering girl could do was look at the both of you dumbfoundedly, eyes large as her heart broke into million pieces.Â
âYeah, I seeâ honey this is⌠well. She caters for the company.â Oh he was so full of shit. Turning to the girl in front of you two as he wraps his arms around your waist, your back to his chest. âThis is my wife, Y/n. Sheâs an art consultant here.â Â
Poor girl, she just nodded as a response, meekly speaking her ânice to meet youâsâ before excusing herself before her throat fully closed up and the waterworks began. Â
When she was earshot away, you turned to him. The fire in your eyes turned soft and sad as your fists found themselves against his chest. âI leave you alone for three months and you do this to me?â The air was scarce around you, he didnât make it better the more he tried to pull you in and his apologies spewed from his lips.Â
When he had finally taken a tight hold of you, you did your best to relax. Labored breaths against his chest, his apologies never ending followed by kisses that you tried to avoid. Â
âWhen we get home youâre giving me every single one of those fucking letters and trust if I see her again here or wherever the fuck you two are seeing each other, I will make sure youâll be the one to wish you had never tried this stupid game.âÂ
Hyuck knew of your status in the company and in his own field alone. Even if you didnât have that leverage, a scandal like this was enough to ruin his career. As an increasingly important member he couldnât afford an affair scandal, it wasnât going well for any of his other coworkers. Â
So when he swore to never let it happen you rushed him to the lounge, taking the coat, putting it on, and walking to the washroom hoping the red head would be there. Lord knows youâd rather cry in one than let anyone in the building see you a sobbing mess. Â
But youâre always right, so upon opening the doors to the black marbled washroom, leaning against the matching sinkâ she tries to stop letting her tears spill. When the door harshly slammed, she turned around scared , only to continue her pained cries when she saw your face. Â
âI didnât know he was married if thatâs what you wanted to ask.â She hiccuped, trying her best to stop. âI know.â You answer, standing next to her in front of the other sink. Â
With your finger you clean up the smeared lipstick from the kiss, a reminder to her of what you can freely do whenever you want and all she could respond with was another sob. âDid he sweet talk you until you finally agreed to go out with him or something?â Â
She shook her head, wiping away some loose tears. âI was the one to start it all, he was just flirty so I thought he liked me back.â She sniffled, wiping her nose with a paper towel. âThatâs just how he is. He playfully flirts with everyone.â That didnât seem to make her feel any better, it was making her feel worse. Â
Angered at the turn of events, she looked at you with desperation. She could see why he wouldnât leave you for her. You were beautiful, the way you carried yourself was so enticing and pleasant. Â
You were charismatic, confident, and it seemed like everyone loved you by the way people greeted you upon entering the lounge before him. Of course he wasnât going to leave you, you were a diamond in the rough. Â
âWhy are you here?â She questioned desperately, feeling more tears coming this time. With your lipstick at hand, you threw her a glance ignoring her as you retouched the color. When you had finished you turned to her, gnawing at the inside of your cheek. Â
âI donât blame you, you didnât know he was married and the bastard was just having his little fun while I was away at your expense. But now you do know heâs married so I better not see you near him again.â The clicking of yours heels bold as your words upon reaching the golden handle.Â
Turning to her waiting for a response. âYouâre not sorry about it, right?â You smiled at her, genuine curiosity upon the question. âWhy should I be? You said it yourself. He was having his fun at my expense⌠Maybe just for you.â She sniffled again, clutching the paper towel to her chest. Â
âSmart girl.â With a final nod, you made your way out, dropping the facade and rushing to the elevator down to the basement and to your car. Just like she had, you allowed your tears to flow while leaning on the steering wheel, your hands slamming full force against the dashboard the louder your sobs became. Â
Everything from that point on went downhill. The dog perhaps had felt the atmosphere and months later had died leaving you alone to fend off your repressed emotions on your own. A month after that Hyuck had made you leave the company you worked at, given your state, along telling you he needed more time with you and perhaps nothing wouldâve happened if you didnât travel out the country for months on end. It all led to where you were at now.Â
If it wasnât for Mark being around, youâd still be moping about the situation. How can someone thatâs done everything in his power to be with you and love you more than he loves himself do that to you?Â
How can he, after four years together, allow something like this to happen when youâre not home and then blame you for the happenings? If you hadnât interrupted them, he wouldâve confessed he also felt something for her. Not as strong as he feels for you but he would still feel an attachment.Â
âJust, pleaseâŚâ He pleaded, fear in his voice. âI keep telling myself not to write to you all the time, but the mere thought of you is so strong, but I canât help writing thousands of letters to you everyday and every second. I hope you like the seaweed treats, and make them all for you.â I hope you like the seaweed treats. I make them all for you.' You fucking hate, seaweed Hyuck.âÂ
He was more amazed that you memorized all that but knowing how you were you had probably fixated on that part of each letter that entire week he gave them to you. âI read over your letters day and night. Canât stop thinking about you and I know Iâve told you multiple times not to tell me how you feel, a part of me can tell how you feel from all your letters and the way you touch me.â
âY/n, stop!â Hyuck yelled at you. He didnât really understand if he was more angry that you still brought it up or that you kept reciting stuff you were keeping away from him. âI wish the cheek kisses were more than just that, sometimes I really wish I could kiss you but for now Iâll settle for this.â Thatâs before you your last few letters by the way.âÂ
He was driving recklessly at this point, the car, either speeding or swerving, but neither of you could care much. Before you knew what he had pulled up to the basement of your apartment complex, parking in the assigned spot.
Neither of you got out of the car. He just sat there in silence basking in the uncomfortable atmosphere that both of you created.Â
âYou know I still think about that cheek kiss, and how many more there have been.
âProbably just as many as the ones youâve been giving Mark.â
It was your time to scoff offendedly, looking at him with disgust and anger in your eyes. âAw fuck you! Mark and I have always been platonic! And yes I do tell him everything, he listens to me, he remembers the small things, he actually tries to be of comfort unlike you.âÂ
Your fists found your thighs, the textile of his coat sliding off to the floor of the car. âBy the way, really? Sending him to buy the gift?â Pulling at the locket, you show it to him. âYouâre sad youâre not the man I metâŚâ You slumped back against the car seat, unbuckling yourself ready to get out.Â
âWell neither are you! Youâre not that lively girl anymoreââ
âBecause you ruined me! You make everyone around you miserable! Mark and I have a great time until you come home and bring us down with you! You suck like the life out of people, Hyuck. Even the dog died because of what you started!â
That was enough for the both of you. Glaring each other down in silence as the animosity settled around you, suffocating you both to the point you just shook your heads and threw the towels and remaining coats to the back of the car while stepping out, slamming the car door and leaving him be, hearing his screams as he slammed his fists on the wheel and dashboard while you walked away.Â
Just like the day that started all this, you rushed to the elevator allowing your sobs to become louder. With every rising number, your pleas to stop the tears followed suit in case Mark was still awake.Â
You didnât want him to see you like this. It already pains you enough that Haechan was able to see you crumble because of him, you didnât want Mark to see how vulnerable you could be again.Â
But what you didnât know is that Mark has already seen your vulnerability besides your anniversary night. With every passing month heâs stayed with you, you granted him an open window of what else you could offer and he liked that more and more as the days passed.Â
Entering the threshold of the apartment and leaving the door unlocked for when Donhyuck decided to come in, your feet waltzed towards Markâs room. The faintest of music could be heard, you couldnât hear him but you could hear the song.Â
âSomeday you will ache like I acheâŚâ Â
Sang in a loop, spinning inside your head the closer you got to the door. Hyuck was right, you did want to open the door and tell Mark tonightâs happenings. You wanted him to take you into an embrace and comfort you but you didnât want Hyuck to be right and your initial thoughts on your vulnerability werenât allowing it either.Â
There was nothing else to do but head towards your bedroom, throwing Hyuckâs pillow to the living room before finally locking the door behind you. The song kept repeating itself as you prepared yourself for bed, the volume in your head increasing with every movement you made up until your head hit your cold lonesome pillow.Â
The stupid song was only making you want Mark to be right beside you, to at least see him before you slept so you could end the night in a good note and not the bitterness your husband made you endure.Â
So now that your face wasnât as puffy from the crying and only the tingling remained, you jumped from the bed rushing to his room glad Hyuck was taking his time in the garage.Â
The pitter-patter of your feet against the tile was loud for you, the creaking of his door making you wince as it screeched at you, and the song was even more loud to you than it already was.Â
Illuminated by a desk lamp and the city lights while his curtains remained slightly ajar, you approached his resting body. He looked so peaceful in this position, holding tightly to one of the pillows. Itâs decor fur rustling with the whistles of his silent snores. Aside from peaceful, he looked beautiful.Â
The image of him was making your chest twist and turn; crouching down to eye level when your hand subconsciously fell to his face. Caressing the growing stubble he tried so hard to remove but you loved so much.
He wasnât much of a deep sleeper, the touch alone waking him up much to your fright. Ready to remove your hand from his face, his hand held it in place as the other rubbed at his eyes. With you in front of him and the placement of your hands, Mark quizzically looked at you, still squinting away his slumber.Â
âWhatâs up?â Was all he could muster, trying his best to smile but found it too tedious. You shook your head, returning the smile. âDid the music bother you? Let me just turn it ofââÂ
âThe music is fine.â You stopped him from bolting up. The last thing you wanted was for him to lose his comfort. This time around he was finally waking up, well slightly given he nodded with one eye closed and the other open, still trying hard to smile.Â
âScoot over.â Patting the pillow, he follows your orders tossing it to the other side and freeing a spot for you. When able to, you climbed on the bed beside him, facing him and taking his arm to wrap around your waist as if you were that pillow.Â
Mark felt shaky at the situation, his hands becoming clammy and trying his best for you to not figure out how nervous you were making him. âSo⌠Itâs your turn to sleep here tonight?â He joked, his smile finally showing.Â
You scrunch your nose, shaking your head, causing him to chuckle. âHeâd rather see me sleeping on the road than being in bed with another man.â Noticing his rising fright, your finger pressed against your lip, signaling that itâll be your little secret to which he nodded trying his best to have that smile return.Â
âIâm guessing it wasnât a good night again?â His eyes fixated on the way your face muscles contorted. âIt is now!â You laugh, taking a hold of his hand squeezing it between your hands. Mark reciprocated the laugh, his body unconsciously getting closer to yours.Â
âWanna talk about it?â You shook your head. âI do want to talk about my favorite person right now, though.â You turn to him, cupping his cheek in your now free hand. He smiled shyly, eyes shutting tight the more overwhelmed he became.Â
âIs tomorrowâs interview still on?â As told to the wives of Hyuckâs coworkers, you had been helping Mark during his job hunt. Contacting old bosses of yours and art lovers in hopes theyâd take him in and help him gain that passion for the arts on a commercial level.Â
Though things were radio silent these months, finally someone had called him back and asked if he could go in for an interview in hopes of hiring him for some installations for a new chain of restaurants the man was soon to open and maybe a position at one of his studios.Â
With the mention of the interview, his already wide eyes grew and a coat glossed over the moment he began to excitedly ramble about his ideas and just genuine happiness of finally going back into a studio.Â
He was adorable to say the least; the unintentional stammering, his slipping laughs from joy, and his unconscious emotional movements the more he got excited over this opportunity. To say the least perhaps Mark and you werenât too far with how you felt and you werenât much better than Hyuck.Â
Nevertheless, if he was going to be selfish then you would too.Â
âThen make sure to get a goodnight sleep so you can look refreshed and ready. Prayers, you'll get it!â You exclaimed excitedly, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him in for a hug.Â
He didnât hesitate this time, arms tightening around you. His hands begin to roam against your skin and his exhales landing on your hair, rustling them like ferns in a windy gloom beach. It felt too familiar yet foreign as the sensation was new but the visual wasnât.Â
âNight.â He whispered against your ear, his long fingers tracing patterns against your flesh to the point goosebumps formed. Mark smiled at the reaction, his lips pressing against the corner of your mouth, fighting to not inch closer to the swollen lips. Â
âNightâŚâ you whispered back when he let you go, staring at each other whilst you struggled to get out of his bed, the smell and warmth of you intoxicating him tonight.Â
âBy the way, Hyuck is still in the car. Do you mind getting him if he doesnât come back by the time you go to sleep?â There the moment went at the mention of his best friend, your husband. His smile dropped but he nodded.Â
Finally being able to close the door behind you, your feet rushed to lock the apartment door then your shared bedroom with Haechan who even now had not returned not thinking about how the mention of him had drastically changed Markâs demeanor.
Situated in your cold bed once again, the city lights being the only source of illumination and the mixture of Markâs song with the water pipes lulled you into the night. The thoughts of how history was only repeating itself with the exception that it was your turn to get a lick of Happiness.Â
Mark did make you happy and his actions tonight only worked as reassurance that he saw you the same way you were seeing him now. As fucked as this entire situation is, itâs only fair that Hyuck aches like you have been these years.
Morning came and all that was left of Hyuck was his pillow right next to your head, his smell lingering in the sheets when you woke and his spot still warm. Maybe he hadnât spent the night in Markâs room or he had paid you a visit while you slept but you still couldnât let your anger subside.
As in for Mark, you both ignored any lingering attraction, his chirpy self hyping the possibilities of getting the job. Thatâs what you liked about Mark, even when in a rut he was trying his best to act positive.Â
With the goal of getting through that interview, you sat in the waiting room, idly flipping through the magazines as he talked with your old friend. Prayers in your tongue, sliding around and hoping heâd get it.Â
So when he walked out through the white doors, smiling and laughing along to the jokes of the man beside him, things only looked as bright as him. His tie was a mess, flimsy and slightly undone. The button of his shirt undone and showing enough clavicle, smudges of graphite mixing in with sweat. His dress pants were worse off, splatter of oil paint in the bottom and drying stoneware seeping in.Â
Disturbance in your face overpowered the smile you tried to give him, insanely frustrated for how much trouble it would be to remove all those stains. But it later dawned on you that he did his own laundry and often told you to not do these things for him.Â
On one end it was nice that he assured you he didnât depend on you but on the other you wanted him toâ you were getting too used to the life Hyuck and you have been living⌠god, you seem to have forgotten all the times youâve fought with him to do laundry as well, now you just do it for both of you.Â
âDonât look so gloom, darling. I didnât beat him.â The older man told you, your muscles relaxing at his soft voice. âYou did add trouble to the laundry load, Yasuki.â Your fingers ran across the stained spots, not quite noticing how Mark flexed his muscles from your touch, nervously laughing at the happenings.Â
If you could see how you were looking at him youâd probably slap yourself. Your eyes glistened at the sight of him, his brown locks tamed back but that strand of hair still managed to fall over and play with his vision. It didnât help that he was sweaty and his shirt was showing you a bit more skin than expected.Â
âSo how did he do?â You question straightening Markâs sleeves. âThatâs for him to tell you,â he winked at you, noticing he had a brush in hand to which he tapped against his leg. âIâd like to catch up but I have a meeting in five, so please excuse me.â His mustache ruffled a bit with every movement of his lip.Â
You found it endearing how charismatic the old man was. He was so jolly that as he parted ways from you both, he skipped towards his office, that same brush tapping on his knees twice with each step. In a better life youâd want to be that happy.Â
âSo?â You question Mark, hand reaching to wipe his forehead and rid of his sweat. âSo?â He mimicked, a bright smile that could only make you mirror it with every step you two took towards the elevator.Â
The ding was heard and the doors ungraciously opened, both stepping in. âCome on~â you whined at his lack of response, Mark laughing quietly at how desperate you sounded.Â
âWell how would you think I did?â He asks, stepping out the elevator once the doors opened, following after you. You shrugged on the way to the car, letting him speed his step to open the door for you.Â
âYou have to give me more than that if you expect an answer.â He cheekily smiles down on you, closing the passengerâs door and walking over to the driver's side. âJudging from how you came back, Iâd say he had you working quite hard so he probably liked your style!â Excitement laced your voice, turning to him after buckling up.Â
âDing ding ding!â You look at him with joy. âSo you got the job?!â Your voice was now squeaky, eyes almost bulging out. âYes and no⌠he gave me some options first.â Cocking an eyebrow and leaning your head to the side, you looked at him with huge curiosity.Â
âWhat do you mean?â He turns to you, tongue nervously swiping across his bottom lip, eyes averting to avoid yours. âOne⌠if I want to continue with my own mediums, Iâd have to relocate to his studio in a different city. Itâs not as far, maybe two hours or so but far for a daily trip it is.â
You felt your world crumble and he had only given you the first option, you felt it stab your chest repeatedly. âOr twoâ his studio an hour away but itâs strictly digital art and design. Itâs much closer and maybe if I take the express lines at the highway itâll be faster butâ I have no clue how digital art works so Iâd be quite behind than the rest of the team.â
Mark was more concerned with his options that he failed to see the bigger image. With whatever option he took, heâd have to leave you regardless and thatâs what was killing you right now. Your excitement was gone and right now you regretted recommending him.Â
âWhat? Whatâs wrong?â He finally stopped his blabbering, noticing the look on your face was the same one you gave Hyuck when he hurt you. If there was something Mark didnât want was to be compared to his best friend.Â
âYouâll be moving out won't you?â
âWell yeahâŚâ
You shift on your spot, head hanging low.Â
âPlease donât. I promise we donât mind you staying, actually itâs been the best thing to happen to me.â He dismissed the fact that you were talking about yourself, not wanting to make illusions out of it.Â
âY/n,â he softly chuckles, his hand cupping your cheek and making you turn to him. âI canât commute daily for one-to-two hours, honey.âÂ
Oh⌠that wasnât good.Â
The sweet adoring look in his eyes wasnât helping either. âCome on, I did tell you Iâd stay for only a little bit didnât I?â He tenderly smiled, thumb playing with the corner of your lips, all you could do was pout at him.Â
âI didnât expect it to be too short, I like you around. Itâd be better if you just stayed with us.â He found your protruding lower lip adorable, unconsciously rubbing his thumb across it. âThanks, but you guys are married, I canât just third wheel all the time. Maybe if you two were just dating itâd be different but you're not and sooner or later youâll form a family, Iâd just stick out like a sore thumb.â
A family with Donghyuck? God, you put that thought in the back burner for too long after the incident that the words were making you ill now. Even when you two were dating, the idea of a family wasnât something pleasant.
Mark took your silence as you still being sad about him possibly leaving, patting your arm and stretching his arms to take you in an embrace. âDonât be so pouty, it wonât do us any good.â He spoke against your ear once his arms wrapped around your shoulders.Â
He felt warm, his musk even more prominent than last night. Your own arms tightened around his waist, pulling him closer even when the shift stick was in between.Â
âJust really wish you wouldnât leave usâŚâ you pulled away slightly, enough to make him turn to look at you. âWouldnât leave me.â In a whisper, the words hit his lips.Â
Markâs lips parted, shaky breaths leaving as he noticed how close you were. When the lingering stares didnât subside until you leaned in to what he assumed was a kiss to his cheek; it took him by surprise when your lips fell upon his.Â
His eyes widened in shock but the flavor of your cherry stain was too sweet and the taste of you was intoxicating. Heâd be a liar if he said wanted to pull away but just with all temptation, Mark fell into it.Â
His arms tightened around you, his eyes shutting and finally reciprocating the kiss you initiated. He loved the small whines that spilled from your lips. He swallowed them all with every passing that heâd part his, deepening the kiss and both your hands began to roam.Â
You felt it in your core, that excruciating desire when his nimble fingers danced around the hem of your shirt, finding an opening so he could stick his hand under it. Your flesh was cold against his, aching at how his fingers cooled with just a touch.Â
Your hands had unraveled from his waist, now playing with the buckle of his belt. Popping it open, and continuing the quest with his pants. Heâd harden with every touch of yours, your palm rubbing his cock over the strained textile that only made him ache more. Â
His warm fingers felt like fire against your freezing flesh, they danced across your back, caressing it until they met with the strap of your bra. Playing with the clasp until he was able to unbuckle it and his hands rushed to your breasts, kneading the mounds that seemed to be made for his hands. A perfect fit.Â
Your moans loudly cascaded into his mouth, his tongue enveloping yours with every passing kiss. When your hands managed to pull at the hem of his briefs and finally grasp his hardened shaft; his own moans became present.
Eyes shut tightly, he bit your lower lip pleasurably painful. Your hands had warmed up in the process of touching him, that warmth making him feel like pity under your grasp with every pump you gave his cock.Â
âI want to taste you.â Your voice broke him out of his daze, your lips finding solace in his neck, licking and nipping at the flesh. Mark moans vibrating through his throat, making you ravish his neck even more, your hand moving at a rhythm that was causing him to shake under you.Â
Upon opening his eyes, it had dawned on him that you two were still in the parking lot of the studio. A wave of freight flooded him and a gasp left his lips along a worried âfuckâ.Â
âWait, stop, stop!â His abruptness confused you and almost scared you. If he was regretting this already you didnât know how to take it. âWe canât do it here, I think I saw a lake not far from here.â But he put your mind at ease making your concerned frown turn into a smile, leaning in to kiss him as he tucked himself back in.
Looking around to make sure no one had seen anything, Mark rushed out of the parking lot. Your labored breaths faintly mixing with the radio conductor mentioning to make plans for the new millennium and enjoy the last months of this year.Â
Some were frightened and others were scared. As for you, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that Mark arrived to you months before the 2000s. Maybe thatâs the new beginning everyone is talking about.Â
Minutes later, youâd arrive at the lake he was talking about. Maybe it was because he was speeding from his excessive desire but he found a spot in which youâd both be hidden from the public. Rushing out and towards you; Mark made sure to cramp both of you inside the backseat.Â
From how rushedly you both went in, some bumps along the way werenât missed, making you both whine but forget about it when looking at each other. Hyuck wasnât present in Markâs mind but he was in yours.Â
You were really doing this and remorse was difficult to find.Â
âGod, Iâm so glad I can have you like this.â His lips spewed after each of his kisses on you. They were warm with every passing peck, attaching themselves to yours. Your hips began rutting against his groin, the thin piece of skirt doing nothing to hold off.Â
Instantly Mark could feel the wet patch, groaning at how warm it was. Fuck, he wanted you badly.Â
Upon pulling away from the kiss you two were too enthralled in, Mark looked at you through hooded dark eyes. He looked at you as if you were prey, the one whoâd succumb to him and the way his grip on your waist tightened told you so.
Patting your ass while bunching up your skirt, âLay on your back, I wanna eat you out.â His voice had dropped an octave, the huskiness making you shiver as you unbutton your blouse, the bra falling gracefully once free from the confinement of the buttons.
Curses spilled from his lips looking at you on his journey to kneel on the floor of the car, trying his best to push up the front seats to give him enough space. His once dark eyes glistened at the view of you, all that was left was the tiny fabric of your panties and the bunch around your waist.Â
He caressed your thighs, leaning in to leave tiny wet kisses against the flesh that caused your eyelids to flutter from how close he was to your cunt. You could feel his breath fanning over the area, your legs twitching as he inched closer and closer.
When his lips hovered over your clothed cunt, Mark looked at you through his lashes, smirking at the state he had left you, blowing on your aching mound. âStop fucking around.â You whined, hands clutching onto your breast, fingers twirling around your perked buds.
Mark chuckled, nodding in response before his fingers pushed aside the fabric of your panties. Moans erupting from his throat with every strand of your arousal stuck to your panties. He didnât take much to please you, his own want taking over his being.Â
Mark felt too happy about having you that he didnât think about anything, not even the fact that he was betraying his best friend. Essentially his brother.Â
His tongue came in contact with your slit, swiping upwards to meet your clit and continue the process of enticing kitty licks. Youâve been starved for so long that just the simple caress of his warm muscle was making you wither underneath him.
Your fingers danced across your skin, leaving warm trails on the frozen canvas. You couldnât stop looking at him, progressively divulging further the more he fell obsessed with the taste of you. Mark ravaged the cavern between your legs, his lips glossed over by your juices that dripped down his chin.
He looked beautiful.His eyes screwed shut as he savored you, tongue laying flat when it wasnât on your clit, his fingers grappling your thighs tightly enough to not let you go, and his lips refusing to let their suction go from you clit.
Your moans cascaded out your lips like a sirenâs song, reeling him deeper and deeper into your trap. He didnât mind, if he was to die at your hands then so be it, at least heâll die blissfully.Â
Enveloping his rosy lips on your clit, he latched onto it for dear life. Suctioning with force, much to your pleasure, Mark basked in the whimpers you let out. Withering under his touch and crying when he only kept granting you more pleasure.Â
It didnât help he teased your entrance with his fingers, making you cry over how much you wanted to feel full. In that instance, he parted from you, allowing you to spew your angry whimpers.Â
âLook at me.â He patted your thigh forcefully enough to leave a sting behind. âCome on.â He demanded, repositioning himself closer to you, a perfect fit between his face and your cunt.
When you were finally able to open your eyes, you breathed out at the experience he was granting. âDonât look away or close your eyes. Iâll stop if you do.â He menacingly spoke, smirking at how you responded with a frown and a nod.Â
âGood girl. â Fuck.
Breaking eye contact with you; Mark puckered his lips, accumulating spit that as of now he was letting slide down his tongue and onto your cunt. That same muscle poking out to spread it across your labia and clit.Â
A hand came up to your mouth, trying your best to muffle the cry he caused. It didnât help he found your frustrations amusing and his chuckles made a vibration that sent you overboard even more.Â
Youâd both could end up dying at each otherâs hands.
His tongue lapped at your clit, collecting his spit and your arousal around the mound each time he was to suck on it. Mark knew you liked it, your body always reacted by shaking and your fingers threading onto his hair.Â
He liked the sting from when you pulled on his locks. He liked when you shoved his face closer to the point you began to ride his face while his tongue penetrated you, licking upon every inch of your walls. It didnât help that he tried his best to not break eye contact. With every moment and action, youâd both look at each other like your life depended on it.Â
âMark please⌠please let me finish, fuckââ it came out strangled. His fingers clung to your skin, rubbing your clit each time his lips left it to allow his tongue to fuck you.Â
He hummed against your cunt, warm breath fanning over it before kissing it passionately again. Mark didnât respond but he did give you a show. With the way he sensually stuck out his tongue to caress your slit upon allowing his lips to land on your mound, you couldnât help but feel that excruciating pit in your stomach flow to core, tingling painfully.Â
He teased you each time. When he laid his tongue flat, heâd throw you a glance before shutting his eyes and swallowing your essence, fully intoxicated by it.Â
âMark!â You whined, a chilling tantrum to ensue. âAlright, alright, you big baby.â He laughed, swiveling his tongue flat against you. You felt your eyes roll and when he thought you were disobeying his one request, he nipped your thigh, causing you to squeal at the shock.Â
âWhat did I tell you?â He cocked his eyebrow, teeth clenching around your sensitive flesh. âIâm looking, Iâm looking.â You reassured, a look of despair on your face. A silent snort left him before resuming his activities.Â
All that was heard was the mixture of labored breaths, cries, his deep moans, and the squelching between your cunt and his mouth. You couldnât hold back much longer, it was becoming overstimulating and Mark didnât hold back off much with how he worked his tongue.Â
He seemed to sense your frustrations. His fingers picked up the pace on your bud, pressing down for more friction while his tongue entered you. Pistoning in and out, collecting every drop and making sure it didnât spill to the car seat.Â
You couldnât hold much longer, your thighs clenched around his face, causing him to look directly at you while your body gave out on you. He pressed down on your lower abdomen with his free hand. In a matter of seconds, you twisted under him. A coil unraveling where he held you and a loud moan leaving as a cry, your essence gushing out, covering his facial lower half.
He made sure to not let a single drop go, his tongue overstimulating you to no end but nevertheless stopped his assault. Your eyes were fixated on his, desperate want making you pull him by the neck, ravishing his lips with yours.Â
The sweet nectar of you clinging to his tongue, the same tongue that waltzed around with yours. In the process of holding onto him for dear life, Mark kicked off his pants, shimming out of them and his briefs. Bare beneath, he pulled you over his aching cock, the tip gracing your lower half enough to make you squirm desperately.
âFill me wholeâŚâ You whispered against his lips, biting them from time to time to signal how much you needed him. âShit, looking at you is going to make me cum already.â You laughed along with him, connecting your lips again while your hips rutted against his cock.Â
The silk of your walls rubbing against him, groaning in despair with every single of your movement, and he couldnât even hold you or heâd make you go faster. He needed to be inside of you badly or heâd probably end up splattering all over his stomach.
âYeah?â You questioned, face leaning against your shoulder, gripping his shirt so tightly it could leave wrinkles on it. âI want to paint your walls and feel it all ooze down them while I fuck it into you.â Markâs words made you feel lightheaded, speeding up your pace and your fingernails to cling onto his shoulder blades.
He winced at the sting, removing your hands before pulling off his shirt, sweat drenching his bare chest. His proportions were insane; his slim physique enticing you to wrap your arms around him, holding tightly to his small waist as his abs clenched with the feeling of you against him.
âLift your ass up a bit.â He commanded, holding your lower back while pumping his shaft, letting his precum collect at the tip. You took this as an opportunity to kiss the exposed skin of his neck. Your tongue licking stripes along his clavicle while it made its way to his jaw, leaving kisses all along it.Â
You could feel his disgruntled moans vibrating against your lips the more he jerked himself off, leaving you dry and needy with occasionally taunting of his tip rubbing against your cunt causing you to whine against his ear for him to laugh at your misery.
âMark, stop teasing!â You cried against his chest, your hands clinging onto him. Your hips began rutting against him again, lowering them until heâd smack his large hand across your fleshâ reacting with a jolt and a gasp of arousal, your cunt never failed to clench around air.Â
âYouâre so needy, princess. I guess I canât keep you waiting.â His lower lip pushed out in faux apologies, a smirk creeping out when you rolled your eyes at him. He only laughed, kissing you while aligning his cock with your cunt, eagerly ready to dive in.
He didnât tease you anymore. Taking a grasp by your waist, Mark aided you to sink onto his cock, the stretch of his girth making you mewl like a wounded cat. You didnât imagine him to be this big even when you held him you didnât think much of it but now that he was fully in you and gravity was only making him fill you to the hilt, you fully felt his volume.Â
His hands caressed your face and hair, patting down the strands while you tried your best to become comfortable around him. You didnât expect it to be this difficult, maybe it was because of your lack of sexual life with Hyuck that any intrusion was foreign but God were you starting to enjoy the pain mixed with pleasure his best friend was sprawling within you.Â
âYou good?â He wondered, eyes fighting to keep open and experience your every movement fearing the moment would be gone if he didnât keep himself fixated on you. âYeahâ fuck me, pleaseâŚâ you begged, your hips beginning to move against his. His lips fell ajar, his curses spilling in a prayer, fingers denting your skin the tighter his grip became.Â
He created scratch marks along the flesh; his hips met your rhythm and your silent pleads became audible when you felt the angry tip of his cock kiss upon your walls leaving its gratitude in the form of gratification.
As for him, he felt your walls tighten around him, ready to clear him of all his cumâ claiming him as your own. It wasnât helpful that you were also holding onto him not wanting to let him go, your lips enticing him with every caress you gave.Â
âYou drive me insane, y/nâŚâ he began, the sound of skin slapping against skin fading any other besides your labored breaths. His breath danced across your cheek, ruffling the hair that stuck to the sweat you produced. âI never thought weâd end up in this predicament but it feels as if it was meant to beâ you for me andââ your lips encased his, not letting him finish his sentence.
Whatever it was that he was trying to clear out was long forgotten the second your hips picked up their speed and the rhythm of your swiveling pelvis made him groan into the kiss. âI canât get enough of you and this is only the beginning.â He laughed in between pauses, you shushed him in the process.Â
You didnât want to hear him talk besides his obscenities and praises, thatâs all. It wasnât time to bring in the reality you two will face or that awaits you. All that was precious at the moment was his cock stuffed inside your cunt causing both of you unimaginable pleasure.Â
His eyes left yours, looking in between both of you. Mark lowered his head, accumulating spit in his mouth before letting the string of saliva fall onto your cunt. He took some of the spit that fell between you both and took it upon your clit.Â
Biting his lower lip, pushing his hair back a bitâ Mark continued to thrust his hips, fingers starting to circle at your clit clockwise. His grunts became louder just like yours with the amount of friction between you both. When his pelvic bone rubbed in between your bodies as his fingers went hard at your clit, you couldnât help but feel your legs shake.Â
The image of his spit dribbling down the tip of his tongue onto where you two connected was engraved in your mind, head throwing back by mere memory. âDo it in my mouth.â You told him, hand cupping his cheek. âSpit in it?â He questioned, you nodded, sticking your tongue out much to his pleasure.Â
Puckering his lips, Mark saw the string of saliva land perfectly on your red muscle. You held it out for him to see as he thrusted into you, the pool rippled and threatened to fall with each of these jolts. Closing your mouth to swallow his residue, you stuck your tongue out again to show him you had taken all of it, simulating what you could do if it was his cum.Â
He groaned at the image before him, the glistening of your sweaty chest blinding him as he pulled you closer to him by your cheeks. His fingers dug dents into your flesh as he held them tightly.
âYouâre so hot, fuck!â A guttural groan left him, this time his spit was angry by the way it splattered in your mouth. This time he didnât let you swallow it, his lips softly collided against yours, hot and angry was the plump flesh that ravished yours, nipping in hopes to receive more of your wanton noises.Â
His tongue felt soft against yours, like that of satin and velvet rubbed against each other with the warmest of liquid coating them both. Sloppy the kiss was becoming, enough to let air in and make it last longer. You loved the taste of him, whether it was the mint-iness of his toothpaste or the blueberry tea he drank before leaving the apartmentâ it was driving you crazy how obsessed you were becoming.Â
Mark was so near, with how hard he was thrusting within you, walls warm and clenching around his bare cockâ all he wished for was to cum, to cum on you, in you, or over youâ it didnât matter. He just wanted to cum and now he couldnât really help himself.Â
âI canât hold it any longer.â He warned you, removing his fingers from your clit, hands now holding tightly onto your hips. âMarkâŚâ you whimpered, eyes barely opened, sweat accumulating at your neck making it all so sticky but it seemed to be over quite soon. Your forehead pressed against his, hand holding onto his neck.Â
âHuh?â Heâd respond, moving his hips once again, his pace only increased when you didnât continue talking. âGod, keep going.â You finally answered him, a soft chuckle leaving his lips before his head dipped down and kissed you once again. His lips soon trailed down your neck, tongue lapping at the thin flesh between your collarbones holding back to not leave any marks.Â
It was eating him alive. Not because of Hyuck but because he wanted a mark on you to know this wasnât a dream that he was actually fucking you and that you had chose him. But all he could muster was licking your flesh, savoring you to at least have that memory. Even the marks his teeth made disappeared quickly, taunting him and his credibility.Â
You pulled his hair to make him look at you again, a pained yelp leaving his open mouth. He looked so pretty it could make you cry. In that instance you took him in for another kiss, just like him this was the only memory you could have.Â
The kiss worked to muffle your increasing moans while he thrusted within you. By how close your bodies were, his lower half began rubbing at your sensitive clit. He seemed to know how sensitive you were down below as he only kept going faster and harder, allowing your fingers to dig deeper into his shoulders.
You were so close, he knew it. Mark knew how close you were and it didnât help him at all. Your lips parted from his as yours mewls became highly audible, lips slightly agape. Mark couldnât help but wonder how your lips covered in cum would look like. Just the imagery of the warm cloudy substance on your swollen lips made him hold onto your waist to fuck further more into you.Â
âI can feel you so deep inside me,â you laughed against his neck, lips gracing his delicate flesh. âYouâre twitching so much, just let go, Markie...â Your words sent him into a frenzy. His eyes screwed shut, his fingers refusing to let go of you and it wasnât of much help that his sensitive tip was rubbing up against your warm walls. Kissing his cock with every thrust and squeezing in frustration every time it threatened to leave them.Â
Oh, fuck he couldnât help himself. With one last thrust and on the verge of cumming; Mark pushed you further down his cock as much as he could despite how much heâs abused your cunt with this same action alone. You clenched around him from the friction, your pleasured cries from the impact locking inside his ears making his cock leak like an angry water hose in the horrid summer trying to release everyone from the heat.Â
You felt the spurts shoot painfully within you, a new wave of pleasure that shocked you from how long you haven't felt cum coat your cavern. The instance he did, your own eyes bulged out, lips forming a perfect âOâ that graced against his.
Both shared moans, swallowing them while trying to breathe and in the process you felt that same flush of pleasure in your lower abdomen. You chased your orgasm, continuing your movement against his cock, overstimulating him to the point he felt an ache with each stroke but if it meant you were feeling good, then so be it.
It wasnât much longer until you felt that ache as well, slowing down the movement of your hips, your grip loosening from him but his didnât on you. Upon stopping your actions, Mark brought you face closer, his lips leaving sloppy kisses along your temple and side of the face, while his praises spilled like a lullaby.
â You did so good âŚâ He huffed out, kisses on your cheek. â You did so good for me, princess .â He swallowed trying to regain his breath, forehead connecting with yours in the process of trying to calm yourself down as well.
âYouâre so good to me, y/n. Youâre too good to me, you were made for me, youâre mine.â He chuckled, patting your cheek to make sure your fluttering eyes looked into his round doe ones. You didnât respond, he didnât give you an opportunity to do so.Â
With a quick and final kiss from him, Mark took you into an embrace, arms tightly around you with no way to free yourself from it (not like you wanted to at the moment) leaving you to simply return the gesture and hold onto him tightly. His cock still buried in you.
You could hear his heartbeat fighting to calm down but having you this close to him wasnât much help. In that instance it all came crashing down on you and him. His once happy smile fell the moment clarity came in and the trees outside rustled. Their wind chimes slipping in between branches and leaves, repeating the same thing heâs already processing. There was some shame but no guilt or regret. He felt pity for Hyuck and the friendship they had. It all came to one conclusion:Â
Heâs betrayed his brother.
if you liked 'happy together' then you'll like: airbag
please let me know if you want to be tagged in part 2 or fill out the taglist form in the masterlist! no blank or ageless blogs!
synopsis: immoral tales entails a series of mature stories indulging in taboo and/or immoral situations.
ADULTS ONLY, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!
Š 2025 YOJEONGIN all rights reserved â please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works on other platforms. reblogs are HIGHLY appreciated and preferred!
playing dangerous | k.dy
âbffâs stepdad!doyoung x reader
synopsis: summers are meant to be spent having fun with your best friend not fooling around with her step father.
this night has opened my eyes | j.jh
âsister's fiancĂŠ!jaehyun x reader
synopsis: grief hits everyone differently, especially when so close to a major 'once in a lifetime' event. you try to not judge everyone's character but how can you not when emotions are conflicting and it doesn't help that your sister's fiancĂŠ is the only one helping you cope.
iCasanova | m.l
âmark lee x android!reader
synopsis: the dreamies meant nothing but harmless teasing when gifting mark a special friend but to mark, wallowing in a pit of loneliness, this meant everything.
farmerâs daughter | l.jn
âcity boy!jeno x country girl!reader
synopsis: high and mighty jeno thinkâs heâs too good for the country side. maybe a lonely naive farmerâs daughter can help him waste time⌠well, he should've really thought about it beforehand.
ingenue | l.dh
âswinger!haechan x swinger!reader
synopsis: change always happens when least expected, much better when it feels delightful. itâs not until itâs too late that you realize how impactful the consequences can be.
desire me so deeply | n.jm
âpervert roommate!jaemin x roommate!reader
synopsis: jaemin could be that shy awkward guy that never talks unless spoken to first but he was not a pervert â that is until he met you.
an: to celebrate reaching 4k on here âthank you sm everyoneâ and 6 years of this blog, here is an anthology of mine. some of these are self-indulgent, projections, and vents so please keep that in mind, and again, read at your own discretion.
feel free to join the tag list! please fill out this form â
summary: you are the bane of lord jeongâs existence and the object of all his desires.
genre: fluff, angst, smut
warnings: enemies to lovers trope (kind of), fuckboy!jaehyun, arranged marriage trope, jaehyun is down bad, pussy eating, fingering, loss of virginity
As the new social season approaches, your rising anxiety increases tenfold.
It has been four years since you were introduced to society, which is deemed far too long to be unwed for a lady like yourself. Your mother is nearly chewing her own arm off in anticipation of you finding a husband. She definitely would have married you off to the first gentleman caller by now, but luckily for you, your father refuses to tie you to another man unless you provide your stamp of approval. He possesses a soft spot for his only child that your mother never understood.
Unfortunately, the pool of suitors is extremely lacking, forcing you to pass by season after season with no husband in sight.
âPerhaps this year will be different,â Yerim coos. âThey say Mrs. Kimâs son is particularly eye-catching.â
âHeâs also a right bore,â you grumble, locking your arms together as you stroll into Mrs. Kimâs soirĂŠe. Youâve heard many tales of her son, Doyoung, and how heâs finally ready to settle down and take a wife. However, you also heard he is unwilling to sit for a conversation for more than an hour, and how his expectations for his wife are skyrocketing through the roof. âMaybe I shall just put him out of his misery and marry Lee Donghyuck.â
She struggles to conceal her laughter. âI would love to see that.â
The night carries on as expected, with you and Yerim spending your time near the wall while the other ladies dance around the floor. You deny multiple requests for your hand, conjuring up excuses of a strained ankle or an upset stomach.
It is not until the end of the night when you are confronted with your lie.
âA poor tummy, hm? Perhaps you should have stayed home in case you heave all over Mrs. Kimâs beautiful floor,â Jeong Jaehyun says as he approaches you.
You roll your eyes. âI imagine you find it quite hard to mind your own business, Lord Jeong. I would rather not be subject to hearing your grating voice if it is not deemed necessary.â
Out of all the gentlemen in the ton, Jeong Jaehyun is the one who has stooped low enough to classify himself as a proper rake. A man who preys on the hearts of women and lacks commitment â a rake is not a man that a lady would ever want to associate herself with. They do not take the concept of marriage seriously, and you shall likely find them in the bed of another woman before they grace your own.
Jaehyun smirks at you in the way he knows will dig underneath your skin. He has been out in society just as long as you have, and every year, he never fails to irritate you to no end.
âNo luck for you tonight? Tell me, what could possibly be wrong with the wonderful men gracing this room? How have they wronged you so that you have denied every single one of them?â
You try to look for an escape, but Yerim has already made an early departure and the rest of the ladies refuse to mingle with you in fear of also being dubbed as a lonely spinster.
âI did not know you were paying attention to me so ardently,â you bite back, and this has Jaehyunâs ears blooming bright red. You smile in satisfaction.
âI-I was not doing anything of t-the sort,â he stutters. âIt is simply hard not to notice when you are the only lady actively rejecting possible suitors. If you really want to drive them away, you should just open your mouth and talk to them. That shall have them running for the hills.â
You narrow your eyes and wonder how much of a scolding you shall receive from your mother if you threw your drink in his face. He guesses what you must be thinking, cupping his hand over your glass and handing it to a nearby staff member.
He continues, stepping closer into your personal space. âSoon enough, the only ones who will be left in this ballroom will be me and you.â
âI loathe the day,â you hiss. âIt would personally be my worst nightmare.â
He winks at you. âTrust me, you shall not find a gentleman better than me.â
You hear someone clearing their throat and you both glance over to see Kim Doyoung standing in front of you. You immediately drop to a curtsy at his presence, and you hear Jaehyun scoff at the fact that you did not grant him the same etiquette.
âI hope I am not interrupting, Miss,â Doyoung says.
âOf course not, Lord Kim,â you reply. âLord Jeong was just telling me how he plans to retire early for the night.â
Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at you and you return his bewildered expression with a heated glare. You would be very content if he made himself useful somewhere else, likely with his hands underneath another maidenâs dress.
âYes, it seems I have another obligation to head to for the night,â Jaehyun says through gritted teeth, displeased by your dismissal of him. âI shall thank your mother for being a spectacular host before my leave, Lord Kim.â
Doyoung nods once. âIt would be much appreciated. Thank you, Lord Jeong.â
Jaehyun departs with one more scathing look thrown your way. You grin to yourself, happy to be rid of his presence, until Doyoung starts speaking and ruins your night.
âI have heard from your mother that you are in search of a husband. I find myself in a similar boat, and I would much enjoy it if you were to accept my offer for tea tomorrow afternoon.â
You could say no. It would not be hard to make up another excuse, but your mother would be absolutely livid to discover you have turned down an offer from Doyoung, especially after she practically handed him to you on a silver platter.
One afternoon of tea shall not kill you.
âThat sounds lovely. I look forward to our discussion.â
When you turn to beeline for the exit, you catch a pair of eyes peering over at you, and you swear you see a flash of Jaehyunâs hair before he disappears into the crowd.
Hm. You must be seeing things.
â
Your mother acts as if afternoon tea with Doyoung equates to an audience with the king.
She dresses you in a gown she brings out for special occasions and has your handmaidens spray perfume on you until you are drowning in the floral scent. When she accompanies you to the tea parlor, she lists out your annoying habits that you should try to avoid.
You were not made aware that you possessed so many.
âAnd the way you look at him, darling, it is extremely unflattering. He can tell you hate him by the way you desire to burn him alive with your gaze. Stare at him with conviction. Make his loins stir from one simple glance at you.â
You pinch the bridge of your nose. âMother, I shall say that I find this advice to be highly unhelpful.â
She growls at you. âYou are nearly four and twenty without a single acceptance for a suitorâs hand in marriage. You shall adhere to any advice I am willing to offer you.â
Doyoung helps take out your chair like a gentleman, and you thank him while your mother sits one table behind you, eavesdropping on your conversation.
He cuts straight to the chase. âWhat traits do you envision for your future husband to possess?â
Your grip tightens around your teacup. You wonder what to say to ward him off, to get him to move onto the next lady.
âA man who will let me maintain my own hobbies and interests. I want to have children on my own time, not on the timeline my husband sets for me,â you answer, knowing that it is not the typical response a lady of your breeding is supposed to say. You are supposed to submit to your husbandâs preferences instead of prioritizing your own. âI ask that he respects my wishes and swears his loyalty to me. I will not, in any circumstances, marry a rake.â
âThis one is all bark and no bite, Doyoung. I would not take her threats to heart.â
You clench your jaw when Jaehyun approaches your table with a wide smirk on his face. He appears to be dressed for tea as well, but you see no partner by his side to accompany him. He must be here simply to intervene in your meeting with Doyoung.
âLord Jeong,â you greet in clear distaste. âI was not aware you had been frequenting tea parlors as of late.â
âAh, you must not be enlightened of my many passions then,â he replies with a cheeky smile. You resist the urge to slap it off of his face. âThe madam who runs this shop has a fond affection for me. I always like to drop by and grab a free pastry.â
âHow kind of you to take from the hard work of the common people at no charge,â you challenge with the tilt of your head.
Doyoung clears his throat when he senses the tension between you and Jaehyun rising with every scathing remark. You glance back to see your mother staring at you in abhorrence, and you quickly straighten your posture and adjust your tone.
âI apologize, Lord Jeong. I have been enjoying my time with Lord Kim. I am certain you have somewhere else you need to be.â
Jaehyun, to your chagrin, pulls up a chair. âActually, my schedule is wide open for the day. I would love to join you.â
Doyoung stares at you, wordlessly asking if this is normal behavior, but you are too pissed off to respond. If Jaehyun wanted to cause a scene, he could have done so when you are not trying to prove to your mother that you still care about searching for a husband.
Your fingernails dig into the corner of the table and you lean forward to hiss at Jaehyun.
âAre you positive you have nowhere else to be?â
He smiles. âAbsolutely. Now, catch me up on what you two were discussing. I would love to throw my hat into the conversation.â
Evidently, you and Doyoung have yet to be on the same wavelength for what you should and should not bring up in front of Jaehyun.
âI was asking her what she looks for in her future spouse.â
Jaehyun turns to you with a smirk. âOh, is that so? Well, please, do not silence yourself on my behalf. I would love to hear the answer.â
âI already gave it to him,â you say in exasperation. âMaybe we should turn the tables on you. What does a rake like Jeong Jaehyun look for in a wife? Likely one that easily spreads her legs?â
You hear a gasp from behind you, and you know it is your motherâs shock at your candor. But you shall not allow Jaehyun to get the better of you and humiliate you in front of Doyoung. You hardly care if this statement will earn you a reputation for your crass nature.
The corner of Jaehyunâs lips twitches in amusement, only fueling fire to your flame.
âI would like for my wife to challenge me. It is not as fun when they comply with my every demand,â he says, and you fail to realize how the distance between you has closed in your heated spat. âI like a lady who knows how to speak up for herself, to voice her thoughts without concern for anyone elseâs feelings.â
You scoff. Where in the world is Jaehyun going to find a lady like that?
âGood luck with your search, Lord Jeong. I have conviction that there is at least one lady out there who is meant to be with you.â
âI really should be going,â Doyoung says, standing and nearly toppling over the table.
You glance up at him in alarm. âOh, I am sorry, Lord Kim. Let me just gather my things and-â
âNo need, Miss. It must have slipped my mind that my mother asked for my presence back at home. I hope you enjoy the rest of your afternoon.â
He scurries out of the tea parlor as if the place had been set to flames. You stare after him with your jaw dropped, offended by his poor excuse to leave you behind.
You growl at Jaehyun. âOh, you have seriously done it now, Jeong.â
âCome on. Do not tell me you were actually considering that man to be your husband.â
Your motherâs figure looms over you and you shyly look up to meet her judgmental gaze head on.
âI believe it is time for us to return home. We hope you have a wonderful evening, Lord Jeong.â
Youâre dragged away by the crook of your arm, glaring at Jaehyun while your mother dishes out the biggest scolding you have ever received in your life.
â
âYour mother has brought me a proposal that I think may be in your favor.â
Your father is hesitant when he enters your study, catching you reading books by the fire. It is often the pastime you favor when your mother is upset with you, which has become more frequent in the past year. Your father is the one who searches out for you to try and talk you down, amending your qualms with your mother for a harmonious household.
âI shall not marry Kim Doyoung, father,â you say with the shake of your head. âHe embarrassed me in front of the entire ton today! I will not be able to stave away the mortification for days.â
He sits next to you on the chaise lounge and looks at you solemnly.
âI have not come to converse about Kim Doyoung. I am speaking about Jeong Jaehyun.â
You furrow your eyebrows. âWhat does Lord Jeong have to do with this? He is the reason why Lord Kim fled from me in the first place.â
Your father wrings his hands around nervously, and you speculate on what has him so antsy. He is usually very candid with you about your behavior, which means you must have crossed a hard line if heâs withholding information from you.
âLord Jeongâs mother came around this afternoon after your incident at the tea parlor. She thinks her son is acting far too reckless and wants him to settle down. She is considering sending him to his uncleâs house in the country if he does not start listening to her wishes.â
âThat does not sound like a bad idea,â you reply with a giggle.
He offers you a strained smile. âYes, your mother was thinking the same thing. Except she was imagining it for you.â
You leap out of your seat. He must be lying. Your mother cannot possibly be entertaining the idea of shipping you off to her brotherâs house. He lives on acres and acres of land without a soul in sight except for the farm animals he cares for.
It would be your absolute nightmare.
âFather, please tell me you objected to this,â you plead, your heart sinking to the bottom of your stomach.
âOf course I did, darling,â he sighs, assuring you. âBut then your mother and Lord Jeongâs came to an agreement that I could not oppose. I saved you from being shipped off, but in a few monthsâ time, you shall find yourself married to Jeong Jaehyun.â
You gasp. âF-Father, you cannot! You promised that I would get the final approval!â
He takes your hands in his and pulls you back towards his side. You are trembling at the picture of you and Jaehyun living as husband and wife. You would fight everyday and drive yourselves into a haze of madness.
âDarling, there shall never ever be a man good enough for you. I knew it from the day you were born, but your motherâs insistence on this matter has forced my hand. I think Jaehyun is a fine young man. You may not grow to love him, but he shall never put you in harmâs way. It is the most important quality a father can ask of his son-in-law.â
You start to tear up. âPlease, father. Do not do this. Do not make me marry him.â
He pities you. âWe shall start slow, darling. He shall be your escort to Mrs. Parkâs upcoming ball and we shall ease into announcing your engagement. If he does anything untoward or compromises your virtue, I swear to you I shall back out of this deal.â
âBut why can you not back out now?â You whine, wiping away the tears streaming down your face. âWhy can you not save me now?â
He winces as if your pain physically brings him harm. You understand your father has bailed you out of your motherâs many propositions before, but you honestly cannot let this one slip through. Jaehyun is the exact opposite of who you envision yourself marrying.
He has to be just as horrified by this proposal as you are. You have no doubt heâs sitting in a similar situation to you, arguing with his mother over her ultimate decision to alter the course of his life. This must be the first agreement you have landed on in history.
âYou shall not realize it now, but I am saving you from a lifetime of heartache, trust me.â
You spend the rest of the night weeping in your bedchamber, burdened by Jaehyunâs constant overbearing presence in your life. You think back on all of the memories you have of him, and if this changes the way you feel about your inevitable coupling.
â
When you first met Jaehyun, it had been your first season out in society. You were optimistic back then, drinking in the fairytales of finding your one true love at your first ball.
You were not the only one jaded by love as many of the other ladies your age had fantasized about their first ball as an eligible lady for years. You would gossip to each other while promenading around the veranda, dreaming of the young bachelor who would swoop you up in his arms and make all your dreams come true.
You had known a few of the men from growing up with them as noble families. They were usually brothers of your closest friends, and your nose would twist in disgust at the thought of being courted by them. You were stubborn about your choice in a husband even back then.
Jaehyun had been the talk of the town that year. He already made an impression on the older ladies, winning them to his side with his dimples and classic charm. You heard of him through Yerim and how many of the other ladies were vying after the massive amount of wealth in his estate. He was one of the richest bachelors of the season, and any lady who was wed to him would automatically be elevated to a higher social status.
You assumed that because of his upbringing, he would act in a more gentleman-like fashion than the rest of his peers. You were proved wrong by his display of behavior at your first ball.
âIs he planning to dance with every lady in this room?â You asked Yerim, watching as Jaehyun once again swept through the floor with a different lady latched onto his arm. âI mean, every dance card in this place has his name written on it.â
She laughed at you. âCan you blame him? He has a lot of prospects. Everyone knows heâs the first pick of the season.â
âIt is disrespectful. He is toying with their feelings for his own amusement. I do not like it.â
She poked you with a twinkle of mischief sparkling in her eyes. âNo, you do not like that he has not asked you. You want a chance with him, do you not?â
You scoffed at the assumption. âAbsolutely not. I have my sights set on a much higher man than Lord Jeong.â
You were so adamant on your superiority over him that when he approached you later that night for a dance, you swiftly rejected him.
âI think you have had enough dances for the night. Would you not agree, Lord Jeong?â
He narrowed his eyes at you, likely wondering what he had done to already get on your bad side.
âOne more shall not bring me harm. Unless your dancing skills are not up to par, Miss?â
You grinned at him. âMy dancing skills are meant for a man who shall actually appreciate my talents instead of using me to cross another name off his list.â
That was the first time you had drawn Jaehyunâs interest.
â
Your mother had not been so gracious with you by your second year.
You had fumbled through a shoddy proposal from Kim Jungwoo, who was far too nervous to actually place a ring on your finger. You unfortunately injured his ego way too far for him to recover, and he quickly withdrew his proposal with his tail tucked between his legs.
Your mother blamed you for the ordeal and ordered at least five new dresses for you to present yourself in your second season. Luckily, Yerim had not caught any gentleman callers either, and you two began flocking together at every event.
By then, Jaehyunâs infamous status as a rake had spread across the ton.
He had been spotted slipping out of brothels late at night, flirting with married women when their husbands were away, and escorting random ladies to balls just for the fun of it. You never possessed a single ounce of respect for him.
Despite this, Jaehyun would not seem to leave you alone.
Every time you turned a corner, he would be there, waiting to surprise you with an insult or tease you about your almost-marriage with Jungwoo.
âMust we keep meeting like this?â He said after the season was nearly halfway over and you had just turned down another suggestion to dance. He stalked you all the way to the bowl of lemonade while you tried to ignore his grating voice. âNo one here is up to your caliber?â
âWhat do you want, Jeong?â You spat out, tired of his nonsense. âI thought you would be halfway down the street by now, searching for an open brothel.â
He chuckled at your jest. âThey have put up warning signs about me to all the women. Apparently I caused a few too many internal fights over my rugged good looks.â
You rolled your eyes. âI find it more likely that they figured out you are sexually impotent.â
âThere is only one way to find out for yourself, hm?â
âI would rather gauge my own eyes out.â
âWhatâs the matter? Am I not as pretty as Jungwoo?â
Johnny Suh had been the one to rescue you, asking you for a dance, which was the first offer you accepted that night. You would glance to the side from time to time to catch Jaehyunâs gaze following you around the floor, but you preoccupied yourself by staying near Johnny, preventing the loathsome creature from approaching you again.
â
Johnny had gotten married to Lady Joohyun by the next year, leaving you without a regular dance partner in your third season. Many believed he would propose to you, but you knew that he had only wanted to make Joohyun jealous after his confession to you one night.
Jaehyun, surprisingly, did not bother you whenever you were with Johnny. He had been noticeably absent from any ball where Johnny was your escort.
You believed your luck had taken a turn until your first appearance after Johnnyâs marriage.
âWell well well,â you heard his drawl from a mile away. Yerim looked at you hesitantly after you tensed by her side. âLook who has decided to make an appearance on her own.â
At the time, you were giddy about your chances of a husband that season. Many noblemen had returned from vacation with friends and distant relatives accompanying them, nearly doubling the pool of gentlemen at your disposal.
You were absolutely not going to allow Jaehyun to ruin the year for you. You decided to play civil, to hopefully make amends and let bygones be bygones.
âLord Jeong,â you greeted with a curtsy, which had Jaehyun stifling a chuckle. âHow lovely to see you here.â
âIs it?â He replied with a raise of his eyebrow. âIf I recall, you compared me to a horrid bug staining the bottom of your shoe just a few months ago.â
Yerim pursed her lips to prevent a cacophony of laughter from slipping out. You squeezed her arm with a scolding glance.
âThat was the old me, Lord Jeong. I am a new woman, so you see. I am about to become a bride after all.â
âA bride? To whom have you been betrothed to? I have heard no news of your engagement,â he said in a flurry, his eyes flashing with a panic for reasons unbeknownst to you.
âYou have not heard news of my engagement yet,â you emphasized. âThe night is young and I am a very willing maiden. Therefore, if youâll excuse us-â
âIf you are so willing, then shall you entertain me with a dance?â He questioned as he held out one hand, challenging you.
You clenched your jaw in frustration. You were all in favor of extending an olive branch, but dancing with him at the first ball of the season was a tad too far. You did not want to be making a statement for yourself by befriending Jaehyunâs company.
The ladies would assume you held no dignity for yourself and the gentlemen would be appalled by your association with him.
âI have already promised my first dance with Lord Lee,â you lied through your teeth. You knew Donghyuck would not mind dancing with you just to save you from Jaehyun. âI shall see you around, Lord Jeong.â
If you had known better, you would have caught the dejected expression on Jaehyunâs face after you refused him. But all you could remember from that night was his teasing smirk and the playful lilt in his voice as he mocked you.
â
Your memories of Jaehyun do not assure you in the slightest that your parents have made the right decision.
Yerim comes over the next morning after the news of your forced marriage, soothing your cries with warm pastries and fresh tea. She rubs your back while you lay in bed, moaning for your misfortune.
âIt is not that horrible,â she says in an attempt to pacify you. âAt least he is good looking.â
You blink up at her. âAre you serious? I hardly care about his looks, Yerim! He is deplorable! He does not have a single redeeming quality. My mother wants to ruin my life, I am positive about that fact. How could any other suitor ever want me again once I have been tainted by Jeong Jaehyun?â
She chews on her lower lip. âI know you are not fond of him, but he may not say the same for you.â
Her statement has you peeking over your pillow, curious to hear more. She catches your gaze and exhales sharply.
âHave you ever noticed that he attends events when he knows you plan to be there? Or how he talks about you to everyone who will listen? He may have a reputation for being a rake, but you are the only lady he has asked to dance with since our first season.â
The information slowly dawns on you, but Yerim must be imagining things. Jaehyun has never felt any real romantic feelings towards you. You remain faithful that you share this conviction with him.
You shake your head. âHe is deluding you as well. Trust me, Yerim, I know where Jaehyunâs true feelings lie.â
She eventually helps you get out of bed and you fail to exchange a single word with your mother while you break your fast. Yerim nudges for you to say the first word but you refuse.
Your mother only acknowledges your presence later in the night when you are due to be escorted to your first public appearance with Jaehyun.
âYou are not dressed.â
You brush your hair in front of the mirror, humming softly to yourself. Yerim left to prepare herself in her own home, but you wish she had stayed to help you fight this battle with your mother.
âThat is because I am not going.â
âWhatever game this is that you are playing, I do not find it amusing in the slightest. Lord Jeong will be here within the next hour and I expect you to welcome him downstairs with a proper gown and your best smile.â
As your handmaidens help you into your dress, they exchange knowing glances with each other until you grow tired of their mind games.
âMay I inquire what has piqued your interest?â You ask in a bored tone.
Seulgi, your handmaiden of over five years, smiles gently at you. She has been dressing you since your first season, and is very aware how irritated you can get during times like these.
âThe staff have just been discussing, Miss, since your mother announced your plans for engagement. We have been in communication with the staff employed at Lord Jeongâs household.â
You perk up slightly. âIs that so? And what have you discovered?â
Seulgi beams at you. âLord Jeong is positively delighted by your coupling. The staff has never seen him more alert. He has been placing orders for brand new decor for your wing of the house and has requested for his staff to research your favorite delicacies to stock the cupboards. It is quite endearing.â
You frown. Jaehyun has wormed his way into the minds of your handmaidens too. His ability to manipulate others should honestly be lauded.
âHow sweet of him,â you say through gritted teeth, holding back your true feelings. Although they spend more time with you, your handmaidens are employed by your mother, which means anything you say in front of them could be parroted back to her.
You devise a plan while they continue to adorn you in jewelry and work at pinning up your hair. If you could get Jaehyun to call off this marriage, you are certain his mother would relent. Your cries may go unanswered because you are simply a woman who was born into the right family, but Jaehyun will run his own household after he is married, which means he has superiority over his motherâs decisions.
You hear his voice filter from up the stairs when you walk out of your room.
âIt is honestly my pleasure, madam. Your daughter is a gift that I promise to treasure.â
You huff. Where does he keep pulling these lines from?
As you walk down the steps, you take in the scene unfolding in your foyer. Your parents are speaking to Jaehyun with radiating smiles, laughing at every little thing he says. His mother stands closely behind him, joining in on the laughter with a chuckle here and there.
When your heel hits the last step, they turn to you. For the first time, you identify the twinkle in Jaehyunâs eye that tells you heâs excited to see you.
Could Yerim be right? Does Jeong Jaehyun like you?
âThere she is,â your mother says, tugging you over and pretending she wasnât upset with you an hour ago. âShe is beautiful, is she not, Lord Jeong?â
âStunning,â he whispers, and you desperately want to punch him in the face.
âLet us head out, shall we? We do not want to run late,â you say, itching to remove yourself from the spotlight. Jaehyun nods in agreement, outstretching his arm for you to take it, and you reluctantly wrap your fingers around his bicep. You lead the way to the carriage waiting outside, murmuring loudly under your breath so Jaehyun can hear you. âYou are so dead to me, Jeong.â
He helps you into your carriage, and you donât miss the pained look in his eyes as he forces a smile onto his face.
â
Jaehyun never wanted to fall in love.
He has witnessed enough of his friends losing their sanity over the matter, finding themselves on the receiving end of their motherâs meddling into their lives. Some of them have found happiness while the others have settled for what they were given.
Although Jaehyun is the only child and he knows he must marry to continue his lineage, he never imagined he would marry for love. He would likely find a well-bred lady, one who would simply finish her duty in childbearing and leave him alone otherwise.
Before tying himself to her, he desired a little recklessness in his life. He tugged on the heartstrings of the ladies in the ton and stopped by brothels when he was searching for something quick and fast. It earned him a reputation but he hardly cared about what other noble families thought of him. He knew at the end of the day, they prioritized the wealth of his estate far more than his outside trysts, which means he would have no issue in securing a wife when he wanted to.
He really was not intending on taking an interest in you.
His mother had educated him on the ladies of his season, so he knew a little of your background. You are also the only child in your family, but being born a daughter means you must get married to receive an ounce of your fatherâs wealth. Still, this fact never seems to spur you on in your quest for a husband. He has noticed other ladies approach him quite confidently yet you stay sidelined at every ball, waiting for the gentlemen to come to you, even though you refuse most of their offers to dance.
And he shall admit that your adamant refusal to dance with him has him intrigued.
Although the other ladies are appalled by his reputation, they remain courteous enough to accept a dance or two, mingling with him when they see fit. Since his first season, Jaehyun has made it his own personal mission to get you to join him on the floor, come hell or high water.
He just never expected forcing you to marry him as being the catalyst for you to adhere to his wishes.
âYou shall tell your mother that you want to call this marriage off,â you say as soon as the swell of the music starts and you take to the floor.
He takes a step towards you with a raised eyebrow. âAnd why would I do that?â
âBecause I am positively certain I will make your life a living hell if I become your wife. You may not favor me now, but you shall surely detest me once I am finished with you.â
But as you twirl around the floor, he fails to find his voice to tell you that he does not harbor any hatred for you at all. You may play those parts in public and it may be true for you, but Jaehyun has never thought of you as the chip on his shoulder.
The rest of the ton stares at you with wide eyes, whispering to one another about the sudden closeness between you.
âIs marrying me such a stain on your character? What, am I not on par with the likes of Kim Jungwoo and Johnny Suh?â
It infuriated him to no end when Jungwoo was courting you. The man did not even know a single thing about you! He was lured in by your pretty face, and Jaehyun snickered to himself when Jungwoo soon discovered that you have an independent mind, judging the man whenever he uttered the wrong thing. Jaehyun was over the moon when Jungwoo ended your courtship.
Johnny, however, was a player that Jaehyun was not expecting. The man was tall, handsome, and could definitely handle your sharp edges better than Jungwoo. Jaehyun worried that you two would actually marry so he shipped himself off for a vacation to avoid seeing you walk down the aisle. He was content when he returned home and learned you were still single.
âMarrying you would tarnish my reputation. I cannot imagine the other ladies respecting the woman who ties herself to the worldâs most infamous rake.â
He falters at the insult from you. When his mother had approached him with the idea to marry you, she expected him to swiftly turn it down, so it came as a surprise that he accepted the deal fairly quickly. He honestly could not stand the thought of you marrying the boring Kim Doyoung. The man would not understand how to entertain you, how to keep you on your toes and humor you.
He would never say it out loud, but the prospect of you becoming his wife satisfied him. He could already picture you running his estate with an iron fist, organizing the awful ledgers he has to sort through and checking if each member of the staff is well taken care of.
He wants it. He wants to wake up next to you. He wants to dance with you when there is no one else around. He wants to bury himself into you, listen to your sweet little moans as he tangles a hand through your hair-
He shakes his head to ward away the lewd thoughts threatening to crawl forward. The music slowly comes to a lull, and before he can stop you, you are darting out of his grasp and heading towards the balcony.
He sees your mother attempt to follow you but he stops her with the raise of his hand. He shadows you, keeping his eyes trained on the floral pattern of your gown.
He stops when you saunter out, slamming the doors shut behind you as you lean over the railing to catch your breath. He observes you silently, watching as you sigh and run your fingers through your hair, taking it out of its neat updo.
He waits a little before joining you in the open space.
âI did not realize I would become such a burden for you,â he whispers as you stand side by side.
You scowl at him. âHow did you think I would react? Did you think I would jump into your arms and you would carry me off into the sunset?â
âYou hate all of the gentlemen in the ton. You have to concede to this fact. And I understand I am not better than the rest of them, but you know me. I would never bend your will or coerce you into submission. You will be free to do as you please, I will not prevent you from your happiness.â
âBut you are preventing me! Does this not register with you? I do not want to marry you. You must feel the same way, do you not?â
He hesitates, and the brief second seems to confirm your answer. You exhale and your hands tighten their grip on the railing.
âHow long?â You ask in a small voice.
He swallows. âI do not know.â
âI cannot marry you, Jaehyun.â
âI shall inform my mother of your decision tonight. I apologize for causing you grief.â
You spin and saunter back into the ballroom, leaving Jaehyunâs heart crumpled into a mess on the floor.
â
Jaehyun plans to escape his troubles by embarking on a year-long vacation.
Perhaps it is enough time to move on from you, to stop worrying about you all the time and wondering who you might be with. His announcement to the staff about ending your engagement before it has even come to life has his mother in tears. They were instructed to halt all preparations for your wing of the estate and to eat whatever stock of food they had purchased for you.
Heâs barely holding himself together as he packs up his things, intent on leaving and not coming back until he is ready to face high society again.
âLord Jeong, you have a visitor at the door.â
âI am fairly occupied,â he says without missing a beat, grabbing any article of clothing he can find and throwing it into his suitcase.
But then they tell him that you are the one waiting by the door, and that has his feet moving swiftly.
You are fidgeting in the foyer, squirming as members of his household staff walk around you, carrying pieces of the decor that was meant for your bedroom.
âLord Jeong,â you say with a curtsy, and his eyebrows furrow from the contrast of your behavior last night to today.
âHow may I help you?â He asks coldly, desperately wanting to distance himself from you. You never make any task easy for him.
âI wanted to continue our conversation.â
âI did not think there was much more to say. You made your feelings very clear.â
âMay we speak in private?â
He guides you into his office, leaving the door open an inch in an effort not to compromise you. You clear your throat once you are alone.
âI have thought it over and have decided to accept your proposal.â
He narrows his eyes. âYou have decided to accept? Forgive me, but the last time we spoke, you distinctly voiced your opposition to marrying me. What has changed?â
You look away, your mouth twisting in the way it does when you are particularly peeved by him.
âYou are right,â you admit begrudgingly. âI do not like any of the gentlemen in the ton, and I fear I never will. At least with you, I shall still have my freedom and get my mother off my back. I cannot stand another season of this â the balls, the dresses, the constant dancing. I am tired and I just want to live.â
The tension in his shoulders starts to fade. It is not exactly what he wants to hear, but he will take your acceptance if it means he does not have to leave for a year just to forget you.
âSo we are carrying through with this?â
You purse your lips. âI cannot fall in love with you. Not in the way you want me to.â
He nods. âT-That is perfectly fine. I was not expecting you to.â
âAnd we will forgo childbearing until it is absolutely necessary.â
âThat sounds plausible.â
âAnd Yerim is allowed to come over whenever it suits her.â
âOf course.â
You chew on your bottom lip and he resists the urge to take it in between his teeth.
âWhere is my ring?â
He blinks twice. âForgive me?â
âMy ring. You must have one picked out.â
He pats his pockets but blanches when he realizes heâs not carrying his motherâs ring with him.
âCan you wait here for a second?â
He sprints upstairs to his motherâs room, startling her handmaidens when he pounds on her door. She opens it with wide eyes.
âJaehyun, what-â
âWhere is your ring?â He asks breathlessly. âThe one that father gave you?â
âIn my jewelry box. Why?â
âMay I have it? Now? Please?â
She fumbles around to look for it, and Jaehyun bounces on the balls of his feet while he waits, fearful that if he does not get that ring on your finger, you shall disappear through the front door and he will never see you again. As soon as his mother hands him the band, he runs back down to his office, relieved when he sees you still standing by the window.
He drops to one knee in front of you and you stare back at him, unamused. He decides to skip the speech in case you change your mind, slipping the ring on your finger as you admire the diamond sparkling in the light.
âIt is beautiful,â you murmur, and he thanks the heavens for your approval. You lower your hand as you state, âI shall not attend another lousy ball just for show. We shall wed as soon as we can and negotiate the details after.â
Like a puppy chasing after its tail, he submits to your every request, dreaming of you and him under one roof.
â
The next week is chaos in the Jeong household.
Members of the staff rush left and right, preparing themselves for a wedding they thought had been called off. The favorite gossip of the ton have been surrounding your wedding, pertaining to why you were getting married this quickly, how you went from despising one another to falling in love, and if tying the knot would finally promote Jaehyun from being a rake to a proper lord.
Jaehyun is keen to sit back and watch it all unfold. He has barely seen you as you have been wrapped up in dress fittings and moving your belongings into his home.
It is only the night before your wedding that you rush to his office in a panicked state.
He is startled when the door swings open and you stand there in nothing but your nightgown. You hold a candle in your hand as you scurry to his side.
âWhat-â he starts, wondering what could be troubling you.
âMy mother has divulged to me what a husband is meant to do to his wife on the night of their wedding. I shall inform you that I do not approve of such indiscretions, if that was not made clear before.â
His cheeks flush red when it dawns on him what you must be referring to. Yes, he has conjured up many fantasies late at night, but he never assumed you would willingly lie with him on your first night together as husband and wife.
âY-Yes, that is understood.â
âFurthermore, I shall not become the wife who sits idly by while you run to a brothel to satisfy your needs. You shall only lie with me, when I feel I am prepared and ready to accept you.â
He leans back in his seat, one eyebrow raised. âDo you think so low of me that I would disrespect you in such a public fashion?â
You huff. âJaehyun, I am astonished that you have not done so already.â
He narrows his eyes. Before he can retort, the door bursts wide open again and your handmaiden comes rushing in.
âI apologize profusely, Lord Jeong!â She cries. âWe were not made aware of her destination. You are not meant to see her like this-â
âYou do not need to apologize to him, Seulgi,â you interject with a sigh. âAnd he shall learn to see all sides of me soon enough.â
Your handmaiden stutters for a response but you poke your finger at Jaehyun with a stern gaze.
âDo not dare forget what I said.â
âHow can I when you come traipsing through here in the middle of the night, disturbing me before the biggest day of our lives?â
You exit with a dramatic flair, slamming the doors behind you as your handmaiden follows after. He slumps in his chair, exhausted and wondering how far he has to go to earn your trust.
His mother wakes him the next morning bright and early, chirping happily for the marriage she has waited years for. He readies himself on his own, pulling on his stuffy suit and tie. He thinks about how you must be faring with the glitz and glamour.
His mother and yours had invited almost the entire population of the city to the wedding. People that Jaehyun has never met in his life greet him at the chapel, congratulating him for the momentous occasion. He thanks them with a nervous smile, worried if you will actually show up at the end of the aisle.
Thankfully, when the music plays and the doors open, you step out, dressed in a long, satin white gown. He loses his breath when he looks at you, the picture perfect beauty of a bride. You hesitate under the scrutiny of the tonâs gazes, tightening your grip around your fatherâs arm.
Jaehyun inhales and exhales slowly. His heart is beating so hard that he can hear the thumping echo in his ears. He can hardly believe this day has come, and even more so that you agreed to marry him.
You must be running through the same thought process, for when your father hands you over to Jaehyun, you stare at him wide eyed. He takes your hand in his, soothing you by running his thumb over the back of your wrist. It unwinds you a little when you stand in front of the priest.
The priest drones on and on about eternal love and the sacred vow between husband and wife. Jaehyun keeps his eyes trained on you, watching you from the corner of his eye to ensure you are faring well.
When you turn to him to seal your lips in a kiss, his heart stops beating.
âBreathe,â he whispers just before his mouth touches yours. He can feel you trembling in his hold.
âWhy do they have to keep looking at us?â You murmur.
âBecause you are too pretty for them to look away.â
âYou are full of it, Lord Jeong.â
His tongue traces over your bottom lip before he can stop himself. A coupleâs first kiss at their wedding should be a light peck, something God would approve of.
Jaehyun does not give a damn what God thinks.
There is a small gasp in the audience when his tongue slips into your mouth. You arch into him, calm for the first time in hours.
When you break away, you blink up at him, and his curiosity flares up. Did it feel good for you too?
The crowd erupts in applause and you step away from him, smiling shyly at them. Jaehyun kicks into autopilot, walking you back down the aisle as you laugh with the people surrounding you.
When you are escorted into the gardens for your reception, he swallows.
âWell, it is over.â
You purse your lips. âY-Yes. That kiss was-â
Your mother comes around the corner, crying as she envelops you in a hug. You pat her back awkwardly as she sobs.
âOh, darling, I am so happy for you! So, so happy!â
Then Jaehyunâs mother mobs him, cooing about how handsome he looks. You find yourselves on opposite ends of the large space, controlling the flock of people who demand to know the next steps of your marriage.
Jaehyun fields questions left and right that are clearly an invasion of his privacy.
âHow many children do you two want to have?â
âI think the best time to start making babies is right after the wedding. Itâs when your hormones are at their peak. Do you not agree, Lord Jeong?â
âMy theory is that you should lock yourselves away for at least two months so the seed will sprout and grow. Does that not sound wonderful?â
By the time he finds his way back to you, you both are worse for wear.
âLord Jeong, Lady Jeong!â
You grab Jaehyunâs hand and sprint into the hedge maze. He tries not to trip over your skirt as you weave through the walls of the garden, catching your breath once you find yourselves trapped in the middle.
âThey are incessant vultures!â You hiss, ripping the veil from your hair and tossing it to the side. âI mean, honestly. Who granted them the authority to decide when and how I should have a child?â
âLady Baek almost gave me advice on how her husband gets it up! As if I need to hear such disturbing counsel regarding a man about to turn seventy!â He grunts.
You shudder. âWe shall camp out here until they have all grown too tired to stick around. What was my mother thinking when she invited that many people?â
You collapse on the ground together, paying no mind to the grass stains covering your dress or the dirt coating the bottom of his pants. You listen to the steady sound of each otherâs breathing, grateful to be away from the incessant noise.
He clears his throat. âWhat were you saying earlier? About the kiss?â
You cough. âOh, um, nothing. It was merely surprising, that is all.â
âSorry if I did not live up to your expectations.â
âThat was not what I meant,â you mumble, fiddling with the fabric of your dress. âI hardly expected you to kiss me so⌠passionately. In all of the weddings I have attended, the groom never devours his bride like that.â
âI did not devour you,â he corrects, flustered by your accusation.
A moment passes before you burst into a fit of laughter. He should be mad with you, but when he glances over to see you giggling into your palm, he finds the corners of his lips lifting upwards.
You settle into your harmonious laughter for a few minutes, riding on the blissful cloud of your new marriage. He did not think it had become such a huge burden on his shoulders, but he is relieved he no longer has to deal with mingling in crowded ballrooms, debating on whether he should ask you to dance or leave entirely.
The recollection has him springing to his feet. You stare up at him in confusion when he holds out his hand.
âJoin me.â
âYou cannot be serious, Jaehyun.â
He clicks his tongue. âI obliged to all of your rules. Come here and dance with me.â
You grumble as he helps pull you up. Once you are in his arms, he wraps a hand around your waist, holding you steady as you rest your hand on his shoulder.
The moonlight dances over your features and he swears he has never seen a sight more beautiful.
âYerim was telling me something the other day that I found interesting,â you say.
He quirks up an eyebrow. âWhat did she say?â
âThat you only attend balls when I am present. And that you will speak about me to anyone who will listen.â
âDo not let it go to your head,â he teases weakly.
You do not allow him to escape that easily because evidently, you love to embarrass him at any given chance.
âHow long, Jaehyun?â
He thinks about the night out on the balcony when you were asking him this question with the intention to break his heart and never return.
âA long time,â he confesses. âLikely when we first met.â
You shake your head. âWhy? Why me? Out of all the women in the ton-â
âThe rest of the women in the ton could never hold a candle to you,â he swears, looking deep into your eyes, hoping you memorize every word. âI know you think of me as a reckless rake who will insert myself into any womanâs bed, but you must know how devoted I am to you. You are the only person I find myself laughing with, the only person who can keep up with me and drive me insane all at once. I dream of you. I understand this marriage is all a means to an end to you, but you are the only lady I have ever wanted.â
He nearly chokes when you pounce on him, smashing your lips together until heâs stumbling back into the hedges. His hands rest on your hips as you chase after him.
Your tongues fight for dominance and he realizes just how hungry he is. He has been holding himself back to preserve your dignity, but with God as his witness, you are now his wife and he gets to make you writhe in pleasure if it is his sole desire.
He bunches up your skirt, slipping his hand underneath the mountains of fabric. He growls when your corset gets in the way of the prize he really wants.
âGet this off,â he hisses, tugging at the tight strands that hug your bodice.
âOur mothers will come looking for us,â is all you can reply with.
âI do not care,â he says. âI need you.â
But a gasp interrupts your fervent entanglement. You jump apart to see his mother standing in front of you, appalled by the sight of you two.
âJeong Jaehyun, I raised you to be a gentleman!â She scolds, approaching you and helping you look presentable again. You avoid her glare. âYou both need a lesson in understanding what is acceptable for you to do in public. Just because you are married does not give you the right to behave like animals!â
She tugs you away with a huff, and Jaehyunâs head crashes against the hedge, his cock aching to be stuffed inside you.
â
You are avoiding your husband.
You do not know what has gotten into you. At first, you were loathing the creature you were forced to marry, hoping one day he would magically incinerate and you could avoid having to call him your husband. But then he was confessing to you, telling you everything a lady has always wanted to hear.
It is the first time you have ever experienced the spark of attraction to a gentleman. It is the first time you became content in getting married. It is the first time you felt⌠desire.
But you are not supposed to let Jeong Jaehyun get the best of you. You hide away in the daytime at Yerimâs home, brushing off her probing questions.
âItâs your honeymoon. Should you not be at home?â
You smile tightly at her. âAnd miss spending time with you? Of course not. Now, tell me all about Na Jaemin.â
You do not return back to the Jeong estate until supper, where you have a tense gathering with your husband across the dining table. True to his word, Jaehyun refuses to touch you until you initiate it first, which is driving you both mad with insatiable lust.
âHow was your day with Yerim?â He asks stiffly, spooning soup into his mouth.
âG-Good. Sir Na has taken a liking to her. He lives in the countryside, however, and I selfishly do not want her to move away if they are to be betrothed.â
âYes, it might be quite terrible if you were left alone in the presence of your husband with nowhere to flee.â
You narrow your eyes. âIf you are insinuating something, Jaehyun, then please do not subject me to your mind games. I would rather you speak the truth.â
He smiles devilishly. âYou first.â
You keep your mouth sealed shut for the rest of the meal. Even when you prepare yourselves to climb into bed together, your bedroom is filled with such unspeakable tension that you could cut with a knife.
You occupy yourself by opening a book, observing from the corner of your eye as Jaehyun turns on his side and blows his candle out. You tap your nails against the hardcover, blurting out your next statement before you can stop yourself.
âYou never told me about your day.â
He muses over how to reply before he states, âI was lonely, craving a wife who wants nothing to do with me.â
You pout like a child. âI told you I am not going to fall in love with you.â
âI remember.â
Itâs summer when Yerim and Jaemin get engaged. Yerimâs mother is so thrilled that she hosts a celebration party, where you and Jaehyun attend arm-in-arm, pretending to be civil with one another. You are bombarded with an onslaught of questions pertaining to how your marriage is faring, and if the ton can expect a new baby boy or girl to arrive any day now.
You stick with the excuse of, âWe are trying,â to get them to go away.
Yerim pulls you aside to her bedchamber later that night, smiling widely. The joy in her expression has not left her face all night, and it comforts you to know she will be taken care of in the countryside, despite being so far from you.
âWhat a night!â She exclaims, falling on her mattress in glee. âI have never been this happy before, I swear it to you.â
âI can tell,â you laugh, patting her knee. âIt satisfies me to know Jaemin has you this giddy.â
She chews her lip when she sits up, and she has the expression on her face that screams she has a secret.
âCan I tell you something? In the confidence of our friendship?â
âOf course,â you say, sitting next to her on the bed.
She twiddles her thumbs, clearly thrumming with nervousness. âThe other day, Jaemin and I were alone.â
You gasp. âYerim! You are not supposed to be with him unchaperoned until after you are wed!â
Her cheeks bloom a bright shade of red. âWe did a lot of things we are supposed to do after we are wed.â
Your curiosity gets the better of you, and the prompt scolding you are about to give her dies down in your throat.
âW-What did he do?â
âAmazing things,â she exhales dreamily. âDo you know how good it feels when they put their mouth⌠down there?â
âYerim!â You say, scandalized.
She giggles. âSo you and Jaehyun still have not-â
âNo,â you confirm with the shake of your head. âNo, we have not. And we will not until we absolutely need to.â
She nudges your shoulder. âHe is your husband now, you know. Not a rake who is looking to bed you just because he can.â
You clear your throat and rise from your spot on the bed. âWe should head back downstairs. People might be searching for you.â
Sheâs slightly downcast by your quick dismissal but follows you without protest. You are warm from the brief discussion, imagining what Jaehyun would look like nestled in between your thighs, staring up at you with unadulterated hunger.
The vision abruptly leaves your mind once you land on the last step, spotting your husband being flanked by Sooyoung, a girl he used to be very friendly with. She is giggling at him, her hand caressing his bicep as she hangs off his every word.
You freeze, your throat growing dry at your husband openly flirting with another lady in front of you. In Jaehyunâs defense, he does not seem to be paying any attention to her, his eyes fluttering around the room.
When he finds you, you dart towards the exit, ignoring both Yerim and Jaehyunâs cries of your name. As you request for your carriage to be brought forward, a hand wraps around your wrist.
âYou have made assumptions.â
You tear your hand away from Jaehyun with a glare. âI hardly care who you speak to. I am going home, the partyâs over.â
He growls your name and the staff lingering nearby pretend to look disinterested.
âDo not behave like this.â
Once your carriage rolls up, you climb in, refusing Jaehyunâs help. You try to close the door behind you but your husband pushes his way inside, preventing you from making your dramatic escape.
âI do not possess any feelings for Sooyoung,â he sighs. âI never have.â
âI do not care! I am merely humiliated by the fact that you would display your affection for her in front of everyone! I know those people, Jaehyun, and I strictly told you before we were married that I would not become the wife who would stand idly by while her husband is wrapped up in an affair!â
âI am not in an affair!â You are both screaming too loud to hide your troubles from the outside. âI have never had an affair. I am devoted to you! I dream of you! How many times must I say this to you? Sooyoung approached me, asking me how I have been. I told her I was not interested in her folly and I was waiting for your return. What took you so long with Yerim anyways?â
You are riled up with anger and frustration. âShe was educating me about how a proper husband takes care of his wife. Tell me, did you ever get on your knees for Sooyoung? Did you press your mouth in between her thighs?â
His eyebrows raise to his hairline, clearly not expecting you to quip back with that. You fold your arms across your chest, pouting and refusing to look at him.
You gasp when his hands suddenly pull up your dress and he sinks to his knees. You back yourself up against the wall of the carriage.
âJaehyun, what are you doing?â You hiss.
âIf you wanted to know what it feels like, you could have just asked.â
You glance around worriedly but the carriage still moves on, and the drapery covering the windows protects anyone from the outside to witness your husband wiggling his way underneath your dress.
You do not stop him, interested in how determined he is to prove himself to you. Your fingertips dart out to hold the sides of the carriage when his lips graze over your core.
You cup a hand over your mouth to keep your moans at bay. You have never dared to touch yourself in your most sensitive area. Itâs unseemly for a lady of your status, and you feel as if you shall be damned to hell if you ever crossed that line.
But Jaehyun is your husband, so this must be allowed in heaven, right?
You lurch forward when his tongue runs over your folds. You whimper, squeezing your eyes shut as he starts to lick at your dripping cunt. He laps at you as if you are his next meal and your eyes roll to the back of your head. You are entirely too sensitive that you could cry, your body shuddering as Jaehyun buries himself deeper into your pussy.
The carriage comes to a halt as you sob, your hands tangling into his hair as your peak washes over you. When he pops his head back up, heâs grinning with your slick covering his chin.
âHow was it, my dear wife?â
âGet inside the house.â
The staff are flustered when you scramble past them. Jaehyunâs hands dig into the flesh of your waist as he leads you inside, dismissing the staff by hoisting you up on the singular table in the foyer, knocking down his motherâs favorite vase.
You bring his mouth to yours as the spark inside you bursts into flames. Months of tension finally unravel as he pushes your thighs apart, slotting himself in until heâs rolling down into your core.
âJaehyun,â you whine. âPlease.â
âDid Yerim tell you what men can do with their fingers?â He asks, his bottom lip dragging over your jawline.
âN-No.â
You squeak when he unlaces your corset, practically ripping it in half in his efforts to peel it off of you. His mouth is drawn to the swell of your breasts, taking your exposed nipple into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the bud.
A maid comes from around the corner at the sound of the broken glass from the vase, but she chokes when she sees her employers dangling off a tiny table, enraptured in one another.
When he slips a finger inside you, youâre driven wild with lust. None of the noble lords and ladies would recognize you if they saw you now, encouraging your husband to use his teeth while sucking at your breasts and begging him to stuff more fingers inside your cunt.
âDear God,â you sob when his thumb circles at your clit.
You have never felt pleasure like this in your entire life. Is this why women get married? Is this why they subject themselves to uncomfortable corsets and boring dances?
âYou like it, do you not?â He questions in a mocking tone, hovering over you with a darkened gaze. âImagine how we could have had this months ago if you had only swallowed your pride. Falling in love with me does not sound so horrifying anymore, does it?â
His teeth sink into the juncture of your neck as you chant his name. You cum when he inserts another digit inside your wet hole, curling his fingers forward, causing you to feel boneless in his grasp.
âI will not have our first time be like this,â he says, licking his fingers clean and carrying you in his arms.
âThe bedroom is too far,â you reply, wanting to jump his bones immediately.
He chuckles. âYou made me wait months. I think you can handle a few minutes.â
The room is spotless when you walk in, making you feel slightly guilty for ruining the staffâs hard work. But then Jaehyun drops you on the mattress and unlaces his breeches, and your focus hones in on his lower half. Your vision grows heavy when he reveals himself.
You never quite understood what gentlemen were packing down there, but you surely never would have guessed this. His member is long, thick, and veiny, startling you when he wraps a hand around his base.
âW-What are you planning to do with that?â
He laughs. âMy wife, this is meant to go inside you.â
Your brain stops working for a second. He senses your hesitance, smiling playfully as he leans over you, kissing you gently.
âI shall take it slow. It shall feel good once you get used to the stretch.â
âDo you promise?â You say timidly.
He nods. âIt helps that you are already so wet.â You scoff when he swipes his fingers over the wetness coating your thighs. He kisses every inch of exposed skin he can find, helping you loosen up to take his massive cock. âIt is going to hurt the first time, but I swear it will get easier.â
âWho said we would be doing this again?â You inquire.
His chuckle vibrates against the shell of your ear. âTrust me. We shall definitely do this again.â
He lines himself up to your entrance, distracting you with a kiss. You never believed kissing could be worthwhile, but you find that you do not mind the act at all when it comes to your husband.
But Christ, is he trying to split you in half?
âHurts,â you whimper as he gradually pushes in.
He stops immediately. âDo you want me to pull out?â
You shake your head. âNo, no. Just⌠make it feel better.â
âYou like it when I touch you here,â he says, returning his thumb to your clit, rubbing the nub in slow circles.
You close your eyes, powering through the overwhelming pain with the small windows of pleasure. Jaehyun does not appear to be experiencing the same issues, gritting his teeth when he bottoms out.
âYou are squeezing me too tightly,â he groans. âEase up a little, wife. I am going to finish before we have truly started.â
âI cannot! You are intent in destroying me!â You retort.
âFuck,â he curses, dropping his head to rest between your neck and shoulder. âTell me when I should start moving.â
âMoving?â You pale. âIs this not the entire thing?â
âI thought your mother explained this to you the night before our wedding?â
âShe never discussed the specifics!â
His hands cup your cheeks, forcing you to look at him. You blink back the tears threatening to spill and he smiles at you, assuring you that everything is going to be okay.
âDo you trust me? You must trust me a little at this point.â
âA little,â you grumble. âDonât push your luck.â
He moves to sit on his knees, throwing your legs over his shoulders and holding them in place while he thrusts into you. Initially, heâs apologizing for the pain, but you slowly adjust to his size and your wetness begins to emit a thwacking sound against the flesh of his thighs.
Moans spill out of your mouth before you can stop them.
âThat is it,â he murmurs. âGood girl.â
You would not think that Jaehyunâs praise would have such an effect upon you. You are whining for him as his cock batters into your pussy, staining the sheets with the mix of your wetness.
âI shall not last,â he says through bated breaths. âYou are squeezing me too tightly.â
Moments later, he spills into you, filling you with the warmth of his cum. He withdraws himself to replace his length with his fingers, swirling them inside your cunt until you are falling over the edge of your third climax.
He collapses next to you, his chest rising up and down. You gaze at him shyly.
âSo when shall the baby come?â
He smiles at you. âIt normally does not take the first time. We have to keep trying until you feel the babe start to grow.â
You narrow your eyes. âYou are surely making that up.â
He winks. âTrust me. We shall practice until you acquire a taste for it.â
â
You and Jaehyun apologize profusely to the staff the next day for your behavior, but they simply smile and tell you to work hard in your baby making efforts.
You are both startled when you approach the breakfast table to see his mother sitting there, sipping on her morning cup of tea.
âM-Mother?â Jaehyun stutters. âWhat are you doing here? I thought you were away handling matters of the estate.â
She smiles knowingly at you, and you slink behind your husbandâs back, feeling like a child who has been scolded for eating too many treats.
âI wanted to check in on you. I arrived last night.â
âLast night?â You and Jaehyun both question in shock.
You recall his messy display of fingering you in the foyer for everyone to witness. Did his mother see her son ravaging you? Did she watch you fall apart under his touch?
Her grin seems to convey your answer. She gestures to the chairs beside her.
âCome and sit. I want to hear all about my future grandchild.â
You return to your bedchamber after breakfast feeling mortified. Jaehyun tries to soothe your worries with a gentle hand at your back.
âIt is very normal for a husband and wife to be intimate.â
âNot for a lady to expose herself in front of her mother-in-law and the staff!â
He winces. âI am certain that they found the scene to be arousing, if anything.â
You dig your head into the pillows, pouting. âYou fail at lifting up my spirits.â
You feel him peppering kisses over your shoulder, his hands wandering where they should not be. You try to swat them away but he whines in your ear.
âShe already knows about us anyway. Let me have a little fun.â
You turn on your side to face him, grazing your fingers over his cheek. You hate that Yerim was right â your husband is very handsome.
âWhen I said I would never fall in love-â
âIt is fine. I understand.â
âNo, no,â you correct, tracing his jawline. âI was going to say that I think I could. If you give me enough time and if you do not act like an insufferable rake, I could see myself loving you.â
He smirks. âI am quite flattered.â
You roll your eyes. âCan you do that thing with your mouth again?â
âHappy to oblige, wife.â
this fic was posted for early access to the $5 tier on my patreon, which you can access here!
You work your usual night shift at a midnight cafĂŠ, when suddenly, a stranger bursts through the door and hides behind the counter. Seconds later a police officer follows and asks you about a red haired guy. For some reason, you deny ever having seen someone like that, so the officer leaves. When the guy you just protected keeps reappearing after that night, you can feel that something is up. But will he let you into his world? And do you even want to find out what exactly his deal is?
pairing: Jeno x fem!reader ft. Jaemin, Yuqi & Bang Chan
genre: slice of life, strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn, found family
warnings: lots of swear words, mentions of wounds and blood, injuries, mentions of alcohol, troublesome family background, shady business, loan sharks, sorta fight club scene, real life problems, parents suck in this, 18+
wc: ~40k
note: so yeah, this is somewhat inspired by the whole beat it up concept...even tho I strayed from it quite a bit. But I just wanted everyone to know that however you imagine Jeno in this, I always thought of all the cool concept outfits the boys had. So his personality in this is pretty much based on the vibe I got from those. This is such a random psa, but for some reason I wanted to say this so y'all can have the same cool outfits in mind while reading. I didn't even describe any in this story but oh well đ now then, have fun reading.
now playing: NCT Dream - Unknown, ...
I. THE CHASE
Heavy breathing. The cold night air. His heart is pounding. He looks back for the third time. Sees the blue lights of the police car behind him. And quickens his pace. He needs to hide. Fast.
The police officer shouts for him to stop running, not letting off his pursuit. But he doesn´t listen. He can´t get caught.
Thankfully, luck is on his side. He rounds the corner. Jumps down a flight of stairs. Climbs up the wall of the small alleyway. And rounds another corner, not slowing his pace. There it is. A small store with the lights still on. A midnight cafe.
He sprints towards it. Pushes open the door with too much force. And hides behind the counter. He doesn´t give an ounce of attention to the barista staring at him in shock as he tries to catch his breath.
The young girlâyouâjust stands in shock, overwhelmed by what just happened. You were just minding your business, going about your tasks like any other shift. And then he crashes through the door, jumps over the counter, and hides behind it like it´s the most natural thing to do.
You are still holding the freshly cleaned mug, drying it with a towel, when a police officer storms in a minute later. He is out of breath too, and looks around frantically before he spots you.
You stop in your tracks, facing him like a deer in headlights. Then the man speaks to you with urgency. âHave you seen some guy with red hair pass by? Young, roughly this tall, dark clothes.â The officer states and demonstrates standard data, matching the guy who is sitting a meter away from you, clutching his mouth to keep quiet.
He looks at you pleadingly. You barely see it in the corner of your eyes. On instinct, you shake your head. âNo, sir. I haven´t.â Your voice sounds steady and unfazed. The policeman in front of you nods slowly. He seems skeptical.
âMind if I take a quick look around?â he asks, just to make sure he isn't missing anything, in case you are lying.
The question makes the guyâs eyes go wide. He fears this is it. He is already surprised that you covered for him. But before he can worry and look for another quick escape route, you act faster. You pull a cabinet door open, hiding his figure, and put away the mug as if that´s the place it belongs. âSure, go ahead.â
You don´t close the door, and instead make sure to push whoever this stranger is further down to hide his figure while the officer starts roaming through the small cafe. He looks behind the chairs and even looks into the storage room. When he returns, not having found what he is looking for, he sighs. âSorry for the intrusion. If you see anything suspicious in the area, please call 911 and let us know.â He excuses himself and then turns to leave the cafe.
Once the door shuts, you slam the counter door closed. You don´t look at him yet, but you are ready to bombard the stranger with questions. âIt´s clear.â Your voice rings in his ears when you no longer see the officer outside.
The guy slowly gets up and peers over the counter, not fully trusting your words. But when he doesn´t see anything, he fully stands up. He looks at you, ready to say something. But the way you look at himâfierce eyes, and an expression that demands an explanationâhas him swallow away any word he was about to mutter.
âSo, mind telling me what your business is? Clearly, you aren´t here to buy a drink.â Your arms cross in front of your chest as you stare him down. In any other situation, you would probably take a step back, given the fact that he looks rough and ready to beat someone up. But you are full of adrenaline, so you can´t care less at the moment.
The guy, sporting some bruises and cuts on his face, red hair straying in many directions, and clothes that scream street gang, regains his composure and leans on the counter now. âThere isn´t anything to explain.â
The way he dryly answers you leaves you unsatisfied. So you step closer to the door, ready to open it and go outside. âOfficer?! There´s someone-â A hand wraps around your mouth and pulls you back against a broad chest.
âFine! For fucks sake, shut up. Will you?â he scolds and cautiously looks towards the door, afraid the policeman heard you.
When he lets go of you, you turn and look at him, expecting an answer this time. âThis is the least you can do, since I covered for you. Tell me what´s up.â Your demand makes him roll his eyes. Why the fuck does he need to justify himself in front of a stranger?
âYou are better off not knowing anything.â He still doesn´t give you an answer. This pisses you off, however.
âYah! I wanna know if I just helped a drug dealer or murderer hide from the police. That´s all. If the neighborhood gets a whim of this, I might get fired for helping a criminal,â you argue, not in the mood to lose your job. You know word spreads fast, and you are not willing to suffer negative consequences.
The boy exhales, exhausted. "I didn´t do shit. But they chased me anyway. Because someone falsely blamed me. There. Happy now?â
You take in his words and think them over. Spotting lies isn´t your biggest strength, but you wanna say you are good enough to at least know if someone is totally messing with you. âHmph. Fine. If you are done hiding, mind leaving the cafe now? You are scaring away my customers.â
âPff, what customers? There is no one on the streets at this hour,â he says, amused. This time, he is the one crossing his arms. But now that the adrenaline from the chase is wearing off, he can feel the burn in his legs and the cuts on his face sting a lot more.
âI donât care. If you aren´t here to buy anything, you can leave. I am not getting paid enough for this kind of shit.â You sound quite annoyed now, which he notes. You move to finish drying the remaining mugs waiting near the sink and start ignoring him.
Out of curiosity, and because he knows he has to wait a little more until he can leave safely, he starts looking around the place. It´s a cozy little cafe, decorated with astronomy-themed things, emphasizing the concept of a cafe open throughout the night. He can´t believe people actually come and visit. But what does he know? He doesn´t usually roam around these areas. It´s too bougie for him, even if it´s just the suburbs.
When you turn around to put away the last mug and see him touch a vase he isn´t supposed to, you hurry over and snatch the piece from him. âDon´t touch that! It might break. Don´t you have manners?â Your voice sounds scolding, much to his amusement.
âIs the little princess seriously afraid I might break something? For your information. I'm not a toddler. Let me look around,â he argues.
âNo. I told you to leave. And you can´t even listen to that. Why would I trust you with anything else? I don´t even know you.â Carefully, you place the vase back in its original place. Then you stare at him with a venomous look. âLeave.â
He returns your stare with one of nonchalance and then shrugs. âFine. If it satisfies scared little Missy, I will leave.â With that, he finally starts moving towards the door. He stops right in front of it, though, and shortly looks back. âSee you around.â Then he vanishes into the darkness, leaving you behind with more frustration than earlier when you started your shift.
âSee you around, my ass,â you mumble to yourself, still a bit agitated by his audacity to ruin your night like this. Who does he think he is?
II. THE STRANGER ROAMING AROUND
Throughout the next few weeks, you keep seeing him here and there. Whenever you start your shifts, he would appear a bit later and sit down somewhere. Be it right in front of the cafe, across the street, or around the corner of the cafe, where the dark alley that occupies the trash cans sits.
At first, you ignored him, not in the mood for another confrontation. But then you noticed some customers mentioning a suspicious figure. And when the words âredâ and âbruisedâ came to your ears, you knew they were talking about him specifically.
So when your boss informs you about the decline in revenue for those weeks, you´ve had enough. You want this to stop. Because at the end of the day, you will get less pay that month.
With certainty in your step, you walk outside to where the trash cans are. There he is, scrolling through his phone, sitting on the wall as if that´s his usual hangout spot. He doesn´t pay attention to your presence at first, seeing as you usually ignore him as well. But when you persist and don´t go back inside like all the other times, he finally looks up.
The surprise on his face is clear to you, even though you don´t understand it. The way you cross your arms and look at him, ready to scold him, doesn´t faze him much, either. And when he puts his phone away, ready to listen to whatever you have to say as if you are some friend ready to tell a story, you kind of explode.
âWhat the fuck is your deal here? Go away!â You almost yell. Almost. But because you don´t want to gain unnecessary attention, you stop yourself the second before.
âHmm? Am I not allowed to sit here?â he asks, innocently.
âNo! You aren´t allowed anywhere near this place at all. You are scaring away my customers!â The stern and serious expression on your face hardens. He is too casual for your liking.
âWhoa, didn´t know y´all had rules around here. Is it some area where only the upper class is allowed to visit?â The sudden disdain when he asks this hits you off guard.
âWhat? No. That's not what I meant-â
âThen I can sit wherever I want. Unless you own the whole street, which I doubt you do.â His phone is back in his hands after he says this, leaving you stunned.
âUrgh, sit somewhere else. I mean it. You are scaring away customers. And we can´t afford that.â You try again, but he doesn´t spare you any of his attention this time. âWhy are you even here to begin with? I thought this wasn´t your usual area.â
"It's not,â he bluntly agrees. It has you even more confused. You are ready to ask another question, but he starts talking again. âIt´s calmer here, though. And I need time to free my mind.â
His words leave you thinking. You can´t dictate his whereabouts. And his reasoning is hard to argue with. It wrecks your brain a bit because you still need him to stop scaring people. So that´s how you come up with a simple proposition. âAt least buy something to drink and sit down inside, instead of roaming around like a thug. People aren´t used to that here.â
Your suggestion surprises him. He didn't expect you to invite him in like that. It steals a chuckle from him. But his answer disappoints you and makes your face drop. âCan´t. It´s too expensive.â
Defeated and done with his shit, you exhale and let your shoulders sink. With a roll of your eyes, you head back inside to resume your job. After all, you already wasted too much time on this talk.
When he later decides to sit in front of the cafe on one of the benches on the sidewalk to watch the cars drive by and make the time pass, you notice. How can you not? That fiery, red hair is hard to miss. Even when the darkness of the night slowly settles.
Thinking back on his words, you simply prepare a drink. Your fingers move quickly, going by the routine you have memorized as if it´s a habit. Your steps carry you outside a minute later, cup in hand. You set it down beside him and mutter simple words. âGet your ass inside soon. It´s getting cold at night.â Then you return inside to continue your work tasks like any other night.
The drink sits there for about 10 minutes before he actually takes it. At first, he wanted to ignore it, but it would be a waste not to at least try. Eventually, his head even turns to look at you. He watches your figure serve customers with this gentle but tired smile before you return to prepare another drink for someone waiting at the counter.
Before you can look at him, feeling as if someone watches you, he gets up and takes his leave. When the cold liquid hits his tongue, he is surprised by the taste. And he has to admit, strawberry milk is something he likes more than he thought.
III. A NAME
With repetition grows a habit. And with a habit, a routine establishes itself. The red-haired guy keeps showing up, sitting in front of the cafe, but never coming inside. It´s less frequent than at the start. But by the time month 2 hits, you recognize a pattern. It´s the days when he looks especially rough when he shows up. You still don´t know his name. But regardless of that, you set down a drink next to him and go back inside without a word.
He never gets the chance to say anything to you, either. But he is thankful nonetheless. He came to appreciate the gesture, even craving your drinks at certain times in his free time.
It´s one of your usual late shifts this time. The stranger in front of your cafe has long left, like any other customer. You are taking out some garbage when you hear a loud crash. Alerted, you drop the bag into the trash can quickly and head inside.
You can already feel the adrenaline in your system as you enter the front area of the cafe again. There is a chair fallen over, and the door is still creaking while in its last swings of coming to a standstill. You notice the vase that usually stands in the corner in pieces on the floor, and next to it, a small trail of blood.
Following the red dots on the floor, you come to find someone fairly familiar on the ground in your storage room. He seems to be looking for something. You cross your arms, as you seemingly do often, and clear your throat. âThe heck are you doing?â
His head shoots around, surprised to hear your voice. He looks messed up, as always, and holds his hand with a tissue. âSorry. This place was the only thing that came to mind,â he vaguely explains, leaving you with questions.
But then you notice the way the tissue soaks red, which alerts you again, reigniting the rush of adrenaline, even if it is for a different reason this time. âWhat did you even do?â you ask and hurry over to look at his hand.
At first, he doesn't let you, but when you pry open his hand and give him a stern look, he relents and lets you inspect the wound. There is a clean cut on his palm. It looks fairly fresh. Definitely fresher than the bruises on his face. You act quickly and get the first aid kit.
Ignoring his protests and anything else he says, you take out the necessary things and bandage the wound so the bleeding will stop. Then you throw a towel and a washcloth at him and look him dead in the eye. âGo and clean yourself up a bit. You will scare away potential customers if they see you like this.â
Your persistent worry about customers who never come at this hour has him chuckle. He watches you as you leave the storage room and then takes the items to actually do what you told him to.
When he is done and walks into the front of the cafe, he watches as you still sweep away remaining pieces of the vase he broke when he stumbled inside. âWhat did I say about not touching anything? Now the vase is broken.â Your sudden comment makes him laugh lightly.
âSorry about that. I stumbled on my way inside,â he explains, and sits down on one of the chairs.
âWhat was your mission in the first place?â you ask and look at him, using the broom to steady yourself as you lean on it a little.
âI wanted to order a drink,â he tells you, as if that was the most obvious thing.
âSure. The bloke who told me he can´t afford to buy a drink here came in to buy a drink and broke a vase in the process. Then he stumbles into the storage room to seemingly do what? Clean up the mess he made?â Your eyes tell him that you absolutely don´t believe him in any way.
âExactly. After all, I remembered your concern for the vase. Also wanted to keep my hand from dirtying the floor with my blood even more. You catch on fast,â he returns, voice displaying the obvious sarcasm.
You chuckle at his comment and roll your eyes. It´s the first time he hears you do anything but scold him. âHow is your hand? Does it hurt a lot?â you ask, actually concerned.
He simply nods in response. He isn´t one of many words when it comes to injuries. This is something to be expected for him. After all, his face is usually bruised, too.
âWhy did you really come inside? You never do, even though I told you to get your ass inside when it´s getting dark outside.â Your voice echoes in his ears, and he remembers the words you said when you brought him a drink for the first time. So he debates about telling the truth.
Out of habit, he starts to play with his fingers, suddenly finding them to be really interesting. He can´t look at you, either, not used to what he is about to do. âI wanted to say thank you.â
That takes you by surprise. You didn´t expect gratitude. âFor what?â The question comes out of your mouth by reflex. You know why. But it´s too late. You already asked.
âFor giving me free drinks, even though I never asked for them. And covering for me when the police were chasing me,â he mumbles, finally looking at you again as his last words leave his mouth. âAnd I guess for treating my wound, even though I´m the one who broke a vase. I guess I owe you something.â
His expectant expression sits with you. He clearly wants to know what you want in return for the nice gestures. But there isn´t anything he could possibly give you. At least not of the things you need. Like money or a better life in general. Him acknowledging your friendliness warms your heart, however. Knowing that he kind of appreciates the gestures makes you happy.
âA name. How about you finally tell me your name?â you then suggest, genuinely curious because addressing him as a stranger or a gangster or whatever else you came up with as a nickname for him in your head was getting too weird.
The simple request leaves him speechless for a few seconds. He expected anything but nothing so simple. Usually, people like to exploit him. So this is new.
âIt´s Jeno. How about yours?â He returns the question. Out of courtesy. Or maybe because he wants to address you by your name as well, the next time he thanks you for something.
âY/N. Nice to meet you, then, I guess.â You give him a smile. He returns it shortly. Then the silence stretches. And with it, the awkwardness and absurdity of the situation.
âI should leave. Don´t wanna scare away potential income.â His tone is teasing as he gets up. You want to laugh, but then he is out the door before you can say anything.
âWhat a weird night,â you conclude for yourself. Then you get back to cleaning up.
IV. SURPRISE ENCOUNTER
This time, you are not at the midnight cafe. You work two jobs to hold yourself over water. Life is rough when you can´t rely on anyone. But that´s why you work so hard. The cafe is one thing. Your job at the restaurant around the corner from your house is the other one.
You are leaving through the back door of the restaurant, ready to buy some groceries. The cold fall air hits you as the door shuts behind you with a loud slam. âEggs, cucumber, bread, white rice, ⌠what else was it?â You had a note somewhere, but your jacket somehow hides it in the deepest corner of your pocket, so you are stuck trying to remember the items as your feet carry you away from the place.
Taking the shortest route to the next supermarket, you keep repeating the words in your mind, in hopes of not forgetting anything. But then, when you want to round another corner, you see someone.
The encounter is unexpected. And seemingly one-sided, as he hasn´t spotted you yet. But what takes you off guard is the sight in front of you. There he is. Hair as messy as ever, clothes a little disheveled. He sticks out like a sore thumb. And on his arm, a small figure, dressed in a fluffy bunny onesie to protect her from the cold.
A little girl, maybe 2 years old, sits on his arm, pointing at a toy in the window of a kidsâ store. A million questions shoot through your mind, the groceries on your list completely forgotten. Is that his daughter? Is he a father? But why would he do shady stuff if he is?
There is no way of knowing unless you ask him. But doing that feels wrong. You barely know him. All you know is his name and that he prefers strawberry milk over matcha. You are in no position to ask about his personal life. The fact that you are even seeing him right now is already too much out of the ordinary for you to comprehend.
You keep watching him, standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Passers-by are already muttering words of annoyance as they have to pass you. And then, as if someone in the universe wants to help you with your curiosity, he turns and finally sees you, too. Your eyes grow in surprise. Then you start to malfunction. Your eyes dart around, and with determination, you start to move again, walking into a random store right at the corner.
This is weird. Too weird. The store you are in is nothing close to what your destination is, yet here you are, hiding from a stranger you barely know, simply because you saw him in the city.
Annoyed by your own incapabilities, you rub your face with your hands in frustration. The fuck are you doing? Knowing you need to leave, you turn around and go outside again. Other customers look at you weirdly as you exit the store without buying anything, but you don´t care. You look around. To the toy store, then the other side.
He is gone. Relief shows itself through you letting out a breath you didn´t know you held. Happy you can return to your original mission, you resume your walk, going to the nearest supermarket. On the way, you even find your grocery list. So with newfound happiness about your luck, you continue your day as if this surprise encounter didn´t just happen.
V. KEEPING YOU COMPANY
Another night, and another shift at the night cafe that comes to an end. You are turning the key, inhaling the cold air as you are ready to leave. Happy about the end of a long shift, all you want to do is go home and go to bed. The cafe is a good 20-minute walk from your apartment. Nothing out of the ordinary. But tonight, the streets feel especially eerie. Usually, you aren´t scared when you walk home. Tonight is different.
With quick steps, you start moving down the street. This time, you leave your headphones off, wanting to hear everything around you just in case. The first 5 minutes are fine. Only a few cars pass by. In the distance, a cat makes some noise, shortly startling you, but you keep going.
Then, after silence stretches again, you suddenly hear rustling. Your heartbeat picks up as you fasten your pace, alerted by the sound. Suddenly, footsteps follow you, which makes you even more wary. You grab your keys inside your pocket a bit tighterâjust in caseâand pick up the pace even more.
When you hear the footsteps get faster, too, you fear tonight is the night you will finally get kidnapped. You round the corner, straying off your usual way back, and listen again. The footsteps are gone. You wonder what the hell that was, but don´t get to think much more about it. After taking some more steps, a figure suddenly jumps out of an alley right in front of you, making you scream in surprise.
A hand covers your mouth to stifle the sound from echoing through the whole neighborhood. And then, when your surprise transforms, and you are ready to swing at whoever just scared you to shits, you recognize the face.
Halting your movements, you exhale heavily the moment his hand leaves your mouth. âAre you insane?! You scared me to shits!â you curse at him in a whisper-yell and glare at him.
Amused by your reaction, he places his hands inside his pockets and chuckles. âRelax. Nothing happened. If you didn´t start to almost run away from me, I wouldn´t have had to take a shortcut and surprise you like that.â
âOh, so it´s my fault now for being cautious?â you question sarcastically, still looking at him as if he is insane. âSorry that a girl is scared at night, while walking through the streets. Rightfully so. By all means, you could´ve been a murderer.â
Jeno rolls his eyes because of your dramatic antics. âWell, I saw you pass by, so I thought I would accompany you a bit. To wherever you are going at this time of the day.â
âOh, how nice of you,â you mock and roll your eyes in return. Your feet start moving again, since you are tired and in need of a good night´s rest. You don´t care much about him, so you just leave him standing there and don´t explain anything further.
He, however, starts following and quickly settles his walking next to you. It´s quiet for the next 3 minutes, and fairly awkward. But you are too focused on your thoughts to really care.
Then, all of a sudden, you remember seeing him with that little girl on his arm the other day. And suddenly, you get curious. You don´t ask right away. But he notices that something is up. So he looks at you, trying to read your expression.
âWhat is it? What´s on your mind? Talk to me,â he demands, somewhat nicely. His gaze stays focused on you as you take another minute to decide whether to ask your questions or keep him and you in the dark.
âWho was that little girl the other day?â you end up asking, getting straight to the point. The question takes him off guard slightly. And because he doesn´t answer right away, you end up looking at him to try and read his face in return.
âYou saw me too, didn´t you?â you add, giving him no chance to divert the conversation in any way. So he sighs in defeat, acknowledging the fact that he has to give you at least a vague answer.
âThat was my little sister,â he states, and finally looks ahead to the floor, unable to face you. It´s not that he is embarrassed about you seeing him with her. But rather, that you just don´t know anything. So it´s weird for him to have someone he doesn't know that well, know about someone so important in his life.
âI see,â you answer bluntly, not really knowing what else to say. âDidn´t think you were the type to take care of such small human beings.â Your mouth moves before you can stop it. You don´t mean it rudely, but you fear it still gives off the wrong statement. âAh, I don´t mean it in a bad way. It´s just ⌠unexpected, given our first encounter.â
âNo need to explain yourself. I get what you mean. I don't exactly give off the gentle caretaker vibes,â he says, simply. As if he´s heard this type of judgment before.
Neither of you speaks after that. At least for 2 more minutes. He keeps accompanying you on your walk home. And somehow you feel a lot calmer, now that he is here.
âWhat´s her name?â your voice reaches his ear again. Surprised by your interest in her and, well, his life, he looks at you.
âBom. She´s my half sister, technically. So yeah. Whatever.â The way he trails off hints at something, but you don´t ask about his family matters. It´s none of your business. At least, that´s what you think.
âShe´s cute. How old is she?â You keep the conversation going, anyway, somehow still wanting to get to know him better. You have a feeling you will keep seeing him in the future, so why not try and build a casual level of knowing each other?
Jeno thinks a little and kicks away a pebble as he keeps walking. âAround two years old. I sometimes take care of her.â
You nod in understanding. It makes sense that she isn´t his full sister. You can only assume. But from what you know about him, and the way he presents himselfâfull of trouble and ready for something shadyâfamily issues are likely.
The walk continues. Silence fills the air once more as your steps take you closer to home. Eventually, when you finally reach the house you live in, you stop. He takes note of it and stops, too, curiously looking at you.
âWell then. Have a good night,â you say simply, and even wait for a response as you take out the keys you kept holding ever since earlier.
Taking note of your movements, he realizes quickly that you are home. Your sudden goodbye had him confused for just a second. But then he comes to his senses and nods. âYeah. Good night. See you around,â he mumbles, not really looking at you anymore.
When you unlock the door and turn to go inside, you add, âThanks for somewhat walking me home.â Then the door shuts.
He watches until the lights shining through the door windows die, turning the hallway black. He starts to move, changing to the other side of the street, ready to leave wherever his feet take him. But somehow, he still takes another look at the house you just entered, and takes note of the apartment that now has windows illuminated with light.
He doesn´t know why, but when he finally leaves the street, he has a smile on his face.
VI. YOU AREN`T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE
Tonight, you don´t have to work at the midnight cafe. Instead, you have a mission to fulfill. Your boss didn´t exactly like the fact that one of the vases in the shop got destroyed. So here you are, ready to fetch a new one you found on facebook marketplace. The app wasn´t something you usually use, but you had no money to buy a brand new one at the store. Besides, trying to find one in a similar design would have been almost impossible because it was a vintage design.
So here you are, walking down an alley that screams danger. In the distance, you can hear the booming bass of a club. There are sounds of people yelling or speaking loudly, too. It´s totally not the area you usually go to, but you have no choice. It´s either this or getting a reduced paycheck from your boss for the destruction of the stupid vase.
You clutch your jacket a little tighter the closer you get to the area of that shady club. The seller gave you an address right around the corner. Inevitably, you have to pass the entrance to the club, though, much to your dismay.
When you are about to round the corner, someone pulls you back and pushes you against the wall, pinning you against it. You wanna shriek in surprise, but when you see who it is, the air stays trapped inside your lungs. At least for a few more seconds.
Big, furious eyes look right into yours as he huffs, visibly stressed. âWhat the hell are you doing here? It´s dangerous around here!â
A surge of rage rises inside of you as you finally release the air from your lungs with a strong answer. âCan you stop scaring me by just pulling me into alleys or falling over me like some burglar?! I`m a woman thinking I´m about to take my last breath, for fucks sake, Jeno!â
Then you realize what he just said to you, which has you furrow your brows. âAlso, who are you to tell me where to go? As far as I know, I´m an adult with autonomy!â
This time, he doesn´t play around, however. Your answer and little fit of rage don't faze him at all, as he stays serious. âThis isn´t a nice neighborhood. It´s no place for you. So what are you doing here?â he interrogates, much to your annoyance.
You roll your eyes at him and look to the side, unwilling to explain yourself. After all, you have no reason to do so anyway. âWhat´s it your business?â
Your mumbling ticks him off a little, and he shortly lets go of you just to kick away an empty bottle lying on the ground. âFuck, Y/N, you don´t realize where you are, do you?â His hand moves through his red hair in frustration before he faces you again. âYou were the one talking about potential murderers and what not, yet here you are, in the most dangerous district of the city. Make it make sense!â
You huff, but unwillingly acknowledge his words. You know you are in dangerous territory, which you really don´t like. But you have no choice. âUrgh, I am here to buy a fucking vase. One as a replacement for the stupid one you broke the other day. So don´t piss me off by acting all protective on me now! I wouldn´t even be here if it wasn´t for that.â
Your answer leaves him speechless for a few seconds. You mean to tell him you enter this area willingly, just to buy a vase? Suddenly, he questions your sanity. âYou have to be kidding me. There is no way.â
âYes, there is. So stop being such a dramatic bitch,â you counter. He has no words after that, still too busy processing the reason you are here. But then you are the one realizing something crucial. âWhy the fuck are you here? Huh? And don´t tell me this is not what it looks like. Because I am certainly rethinking my judgment of you right now.â
This time, he is the one who rolls his eyes. Now he has to deal with you nagging on him about shady business and so on. As if other people in his life don´t already do this enough as it is. âListen, what I do doesn´t matter. I know how to navigate around here. I can protect myself. You, on the other hand, don´t. So go back home. Now.â
âNot until I get the vase!â you argue, unwilling to get lectured.
âFuck that vase! Just go home,â he yells, not ready to start a serious argument with you.
âStop yelling at me and telling me what to do. You´re not my Mom!â you yell back at him. And when he is about to keep going, another voice suddenly calls his name.
âJeno? Where are you? Your match is starting in 10 minutes. You need to get ready,â the unfamiliar voice calls.
Jeno rumbles in frustration. âGive me a few more minutes!â he then yells back to whoever just called for him. Then he faces you again. âGive me your phone,â he suddenly demands.
Confused, you look at him. âNo? Why would I?â
âGive me your damn phone, for fucks sake. Don't make this unnecessarily hard,â he keeps pressing, holding out his hand.
Only with lots of reluctance do you finally give in and hand him your phone, unlocking it before he fully takes it. âWhat are you going to do?â
He takes the device from you and opens an app. Then he types something. In the next moment, his own phone lights up. âI´m typing in my number. Youâd better give me a call if something happens. I swear to god.â
Only after he is done checking that the message reached his phone does he give yours back to you. You take it from his hands, too stunned to speak by his sudden action.
âWatch yourself out here. And fucking swear you will call me or leave a message if anyone tries to do something to you. Get that damn vase and go back home. And make sure no one follows you.â With those words, and after making sure you took them in, he leaves and vanishes around the corner, leaving you behind speechless.
So much for simply buying a vase. If something happens to you, you will make sure to sue your boss for emotional distress, since he is the one who made you come here in the first place.
VII. WHERE DID YOU GO?
In the following days, you don´t see him around. Even as the new vase sits in the same space the old one once sat, you don´t have the usual routine of making a drink just for him. It´s been a week. And usually, he would have visited at least once during that duration of time.
Something feels off. You can´t pinpoint what it is, but deep down, your gut is telling you something has changed. You think back to that night you suddenly met him. He sounded fairly concerned. And well, you can understand why. Then, you also remember that other guy saying something about a match.
You can only guess what kind of match. Knowing the shady business around that area, and seeing how he always has at least one bruise somewhere on his face or near it, it clearly has to do with fighting.
The realization has you wondering. Did he get hurt? Did something happen to him? Maybe he got hurt so badly he just can´t visit. You can only guess. What you are sure of, though, is that shifts are somehow way more boring than when your special visitor comes around.
Later that night, when you reach your apartment and finally lie in bed, you look at your phone screen. The app for your contacts is open and staring at you with a bright light. You are debating. Seriously debating texting him.
But then you ask yourself, is it really your place to do that? He gave you his number in case of an emergency. You are clearly not in any danger right now. But would it be wrong to still at least text?
But then again, what would you even say? Hello. How is it going? Why aren´t you coming anymore? Where are you? Did something happen? Somehow, all of these feel so wrong. So in the end, you just turn off your phone and lay it down beside you.
While you try to sleep, you still can´t help but worry about him, though. So you really, with all your might, hope that he is at least fine and able to take care of his sister. Even if he doesnât visit the cafe for the next month. It doesn´t matter as long as you don´t have to fear seeing the news of a young red-haired boy heavily injured and in a coma in the hospital, and his family asking for donations to pay for the bills.
VIII. DETERMINATION, OR IS IT DESPERATION?
He doesn´t visit for the following two weeks either. It really is a mystery to you. You don´t know what happened. You don´t know what he is thinking. You can still only guess. Sure, so far, there is still no news article talking about some boy who got hurt so badly that he is in a hospital. At least that should be a relief. But it´s not.
You want to know what´s going on. Why he suddenly acts as if he doesn´t know you, as if you didn´t establish an unspoken routine. You don´t understand why you care so much, either. After all, he is just some stranger who does some sort of shady business.
But here you are, closing the door to the cafe, and making your way down the road. It´s not your usual way, however. Because this time, your destination isn´t home. It´s that same district. That same road. And the same location the club is at.
You are sure you are crazy and going insane. Because why would you willingly return there when you know just how dangerous it is? Even he warned you. But then again, he is the reason why you are even going. It makes no sense.
The further you go into dangerous territory, the more alert you are. You turn around whenever something makes a sound, just to see nothing or a cat playing with trash. The way the street lamps get fewer and fewer has you clutch your keys and walk faster, too. You are scared. But your curiosity is getting the better of you.
You know basically nothing about him. You don´t know where he lives, or what exactly he does in his free time. The only thing you do know is that he has to have some sort of business at this exact club. So, to finally answer your million questions, and to also somewhat calm your gut, you have to see him. Just to know that he is okay.
When the club finally enters your view, you swallow. There are a lot of people outside. And the music is so loud, you can feel the bass even from meters away. You are sure you seem suspicious, and you know that the way you present yourself right now screams easy victim. So you steady yourself and straighten your posture. Determination creeps into you as you exhale a final time before stepping into the direct light of the club, ready to move to the entrance.
Once you are there and push past a few people, you face the bodyguard. He gives you a once-over, looking at you from head to toe. Then he asks for your business. You hesitate for a second, trying to think of something. Clearly, you didn´t plan ahead much. You are far from dressed for the occasion, so it´s obvious he would question you.
You are about to answer when someone places their arm around your shoulder. Your body tenses, and you look at the stranger as he says, âShe´s with me. No need to bother.â Then, before you can protest, he pushes you inside with him gently and brings you to a side of the club with fewer people.
You eye everything you can as you pass the dancing and sweating people. The club looks like a normal party location at first sight, but you know it´s not. When the stranger comes to a halt and removes his arm from around your shoulder, he looks at you with a questioning look.
âWhat´s an innocent doll like you doing around here? You are not here to party, are you?â the stranger asks. He looks fairly handsome, even though he is sporting some bruises and messy silver-ish hair.
âN-no. I´m looking for someone,â you say, trying to sound as confident and steady as possible, which isn´t an easy thing to do in such a dangerous and unknown establishment.
âLooking for someone, huh? Who may that be?â he asks, a bit playful, and certainly enjoying this moment with you a little too much.
âThat´s none of your business. Who are you to question me anyway?â Confidence suddenly finds its way back to you as you finally look him in the eyes while asking the question with an ounce of too much audacity.
The guy clicks his tongue in amusement at the change in your tone. But he plays along. âWell, fine. I will introduce myself to such a pretty lady. My name is Jaemin. What´s yours?â
âI see, no information without a trade. Well, I´m ⌠I´m Snow lion.â You want to facepalm yourself for the fake name you are giving him. Snow lion. How weird a name did you have to pick? Whatever, there is no going back anymore.
âAh, yeah, Snow lion, who are you looking for? Because I am sure I've never seen you around,â Jaemin asks, definitely amused by your choice of name. He does, however, not play around when it comes to his business.
You debate about telling him the truth. Maybe he knows Jeno. The chances are high. But then again, you don´t really trust him. He seems nice on the surface. But you never know for sure. But what choice do you really have? It´s either asking a local or just aimlessly looking for him, or asking other strangers.
Defeated by the reality of things, you sigh and give in. âIs Jeno here?â You keep the question simple. Three words. Nothing more. No unnecessary information. No possible hints at anything.
Surprised by the name he hears, Jaemin takes a look around. It´s crazy to him how someone he has never seen before demands to see his best friend. Or, well, at least asks for him. âWhy do you ask? Do you wanna see him? Do you wanna fight him? Or should I leave a message?â
The sudden barrage of questions takes you off guard, so you quickly shake your head. âNo. No. I justâŚ. forget it. I shouldn´t be here.â You want to retreat, seeing how pathetic this attempt is. You are in no place to ask any of this. Why did you even come here to begin with?
âHe´s not here today. But he is fine, if that´s what you wanted to know.â His words enlighten you a little. It´s disappointing that Jeno isn´t here. For whatever reason. But you are also glad to hear that he is fine. You still don´t know why he isn´t showing up at the cafe anymore. But at least now you can rest well at night without having to fear for the worst.
âI should go home,â you mumble, and look for the exit.
Sensing your sudden change in mood, Jaemin nods. âI will escort you out. Just so you stay safe,â he says, and gently pushes you with his hand on your back.
You don´t mind his touch, sensing that he just wants to help you get out as fast as possible. Deep down, you are thankful he isn´t some weird creep. Or at least he doesn´t show it to you. But when you inhale the fresh night air again and start to move away, you turn one final time and look at him. âThanks for telling me.â
Jaemin simply nods at you, and watches you as your figure slowly leaves the vicinity. He has his phone in his hand now. Without you noticing, he snaps a pic right before you are out of sight. In the next moment, he sends it to someone with a text.
Your little Snow lion came looking for you.
[image]
IX. CLARITY
You are lying in your bed a few nights later. Jeno still didnât visit the cafe, and you gave up trying to find a plausible reason for it. You just accepted that he may have a reason for not coming and that you might never see him again. So you try to slowly let go of him.
Even though you are trying to sleep, after your encounter with Jaemin and his reassurance that Jeno is fine, you still canât help but worry here and there. You try to think of other things. For example, how you will manage rent next month, now that you have been fired from your restaurant job. Asking your parents is not an option for you, even if you know they have more than enough to give.
You donât wanna associate with them. Not after realizing what matters to them most. It wasnât you, thatâs for sure.
So when you finally manage to close your eyes, no thoughts haunting you and keeping you awake anymore, and having a comfortable position under your blanket, you hear an urgent knock on your window.
You ignore it, thinking itâs part of your imagination. But when the knock sounds again, and more persistent this time, your eyes shoot open.
Within a minute, you are up and walking over to it. In your hand, you hold the first thing you could findâan umbrellaâand move closer. Cautiously, you pull the curtains aside, ready for anything and anyone standing there, about to rob you.
But the moment you lay eyes on the guy in front of you, you drop the umbrella and rush forward, opening the window to let him in. âWhat the fuck happened to you?â Your voice echoes through your bedroom with evident worry. You quickly help him inside while he stumbles to the floor, almost falling over in the process.
There he is. After not showing his face for a good month, he surprises you with a face full of fresh wounds, all pouring blood over his skin.
He doesnât say anything. Instead, he barely manages to get himself to the closest chair for some support. The moment he sits down, you are in front of him, taking in his bruised state.
One of your hands gently tips his head so he looks at you, too. The worry in your eyes takes him by surprise. But he still doesn't explain himself.
Since he´s not saying anything, and you don´t really expect for that to change, you decide something. Your feet move quickly while eyes follow you. In an instant, you are back by his side with a glass of water and some bandages.
You push the glass of water into his hand, your gaze demanding for him to drink something. He doesn´t dare disobey, seeing the fire behind your eyes, so he takes a big gulp and sets the glass down on the table beside him. Then, your hand guides his face towards yours so you can inspect the wounds more seriously.
There is a cut above his eyebrow and a cut on his bottom lip. Another bloody bruise graces his nose, and you can certainly tell that his right eye is swollen and probably going to be blue in a few hours.
You sigh in defeat before you get to work. With gentle motions and the utmost care, you wet a tissue and start to clean the wounds, not wanting them to get infected. It surprises you that he just lets you do all of this, too. But you don´t say anything, afraid he will just run away again.
While you work on cleaning his face, he takes in yours. The soft and caring gaze. The slight furrow in your eyebrows as you seemingly wreck your mind on who did this to him. And the way you bite your bottom lip a little while concentrating on not hurting him. He doesn´t understand why you care so much. But at the same time, he feels this fire burn inside of him when he sees you.
He doesn´t know what it is. Admiration. Gratitude. Or something else. But he knows that this isn´t a given. And that he doesn´t want to miss it.
When you are about to put the first band-aid on one of the bruises, his hand suddenly moves and stops you. Your eyes instantly flow to his with a questioning look. Frustrated with how to start the conversation, he sighs, gaze trailing to your floor.
âJeno, let me at least take care of your wounds. If you don´t want to tell me what happened, that´s fine. But at least let me help you.â You break the silence. He is surprised that you are the one to speak again first. After all, he was thinking of the right words to do it instead. But what surprises him even more is how gentle and worried you sound. It makes his eyes snap back to yours instantly.
After debating a little more and considering your genuine worry, he lets go of your hand and lets you continue. Thankful for it, you keep going. You bandage the bigger wounds and apply ointment to the soon-to-be bruises. Only when every cut is treated do you sit back and sigh.
âWhy did you come here?â you eventually ask, unable to take the silence that settled again any longer. You really wonder what goes through his head. He doesn´t show up for a month. Makes you think he forgot about you. Even though you technically aren´t even friends. But now he shows up at your window in the middle of the night, all bloodied and bruised up.
âI didn´t know where else to go,â he mumbles, not looking you in the eyes. It´s embarrassing for him to admit. But there is no way he could show up at the club like this. None of his friends are home either, and his own home isn´t an option. He´s too afraid he will do something stupid if he stays alone. So in his haze, he ended up at your place, not even sure what to hope for.
âWhat happened?â You try again, hearing the edge of vulnerability in his voice as he speaks for the first time tonight. Your eyes stay on him, afraid you will miss any micro expression that can give you more context.
Jeno starts balling his hands into fists as he tries to calm himself down. Only thinking about it makes his blood boil again. Sensing the turmoil that´s growing inside him, you lay your hand on his in hopes of calming him down. âIt´s okay. You aren´t there anymore. I´m here with you.â
Your words and gestures ground him a little, and he finally speaks. âMy Mom´s boyfriend started a fight with me. We disagreed on something.â He gives away little info, but you can tell it´s something bigger than he lets on. You have a hunch about what they disagreed on, so you carefully ask.
âWas it about Bom?â The moment your words leave your mouth, his whole body tenses. You know he cares a lot about her based on his reaction and what you know so far. His nod only solidifies your suspicion.
âMy Mom isn't exactly the best at taking care of her. She's quite neglectful, so I often take care of Bom instead. Her new boyfriend likes to add his two cents about her as well, and it pisses me off,â he explains, trying his best not to explode right in front of you.
âWhere is she now?â you ask, sensing that maybe something might have gone wrong.
âShe´s with my aunt. I brought her there before coming here.â His voice sounds rough, tired. But the anger still sits deep inside of him.
Relief floods you when you get to know that the little girl is somewhere safe. âI get that outsiders who try to dictate important situations suck ass. But I am glad that Bom is somewhere safe now. And I think, for now, that´s what matters most,â you try to reason, in hopes of calming his mind just a little.
Jeno tries. He really does. But the fight he had with that bastard still sits close to the surface. He nods regardless, agreeing with your sentiment. âI know. But the audacity is really just, urgh. It´s ridiculous.â
You don´t know if your next words are wise. But you still want to give him the option. So you say them. âIf you want, you can let it all out. Vent to your heartâs content. I will simply listen and won´t judge you.â
There is a pause in his breathing. He takes in the meaning of what you said. And then, as if something opens inside of him, he lets go. He starts rambling on about how his mom is an irresponsible woman, ever since his father left them for his career. He tells you about how she got knocked up by some stranger and had Bom a little over 2 years ago. Then she suddenly showed up with that new boyfriend of hers. The guy is the reason she started drinking again, and no matter how often he tries to tell her to stop, she just doesn´t listen.
âI have no idea how I managed to get the money to move out from there. But things are so messy. I try so hard to get Bom away from her. But she somehow always finds a loophole. The police don´t do shit. And then that asshole has some sort of lawyer. I don´t know what to do anymore.â He ends his rant with those words, moving his hand through his hair in frustration.
You sit there, taking in everything he tells you. A family that broke up because someone important left. A sudden pregnancy and seemingly no one who feels responsible for the child besides her older brother. A new love that puts his mom on the wrong path and changes her for the worse. An unsafe and messy environment for both children. And even though one of them is an adult now, there is simply nothing he can do because the system fails him.
âIs that why you are at that club so often?â You eventually ask, turning the topic in a different direction. For clarity.
The boy in front of you nods. He is on his feet by now, pacing around in hopes of calming himself down. âI fight for the money. The more I win, the more I earn. So I frequent the place. It´s tough business, but it´s the only option I have.â
You want to say something, but he interrupts you before you can. âAnd no, other jobs don´t work. I didn´t go to university. I barely managed to get through High school. They don´t want me anywhere near them, because I already look like trouble. People speak. And news travels fast. You sure bet everyone knows about my messy situation before I even get the chance to apply properly.â
You sigh in defeat, knowing fully well that he is right. Once someone has dirt on you, they will make sure everyone else knows about that. You´ve had to experience it, too.
âDo you feel a bit better now?â Your question makes him stop pacing, because he actually takes the time to consider. He does feel a lot less angry now. Somehow, having someone who listens and doesn't try to give unnecessary advice did help after all. So he turns to face you and nods.
You smile in return. Then you look around, trying to think of what to do next. âWhat are your plans now?â you eventually ask. It´s almost 3 am.
The boy in front of you shrugs. He hasn´t thought that far, to be honest. So he wrecks his brain. âI am sure some bridge will have some space for me. Or maybe a bench in the park.â
Horror strikes your features. There is no way you will let him sleep under a bridge or on a park bench. The moment he sees your face, he starts laughing a little, amused by your evident disagreement with those suggestions.
âAre you insane? There is no way I will let you sleep out in the open. It´s getting cold at night these days. You will freeze to death!â you argue, letting it slide that he is having fun with your reactions.
âAny better suggestions?â He turns to look around your apartment, again, crossing his arms while he waits for an answer. Your walls are simple, just like the rest of the flat. White furniture, a few pastel colors here and there, pictures of you with your friends on the wall, and a frame of a family photo that includes a short message below it. He takes them in briefly, but the photo sticks with him. Especially when he reads what it says.
âIf you don´t feel too uncomfortable with it, you can sleep on my couch, you know. It´s just one night. And it makes me feel better to know that you are not about to freeze your toes off,â you say as you finally clean up the mess from cleaning his wounds.
He considers it. Looks at you with a debating expression. Sees how you kind of avoid his gaze as you throw away the bloody tissues. And then says, âAlright. If you don´t mind my dirty clothes on it. I don´t want you to complain about me ruining your stuff.â
That earns him another scandalized expression from you. âWho do you take me for? I'm not some clean-freak who cries about the tiniest dust corn.â
Jeno lifts his arms in defense, trying not to laugh at you. Then he remembers something. While you start to take out a blanket from your closet, he suddenly asks you, âWhy were you at the club the other night?â
You stop in your tracks. At first, you don´t know what he means. Then you remember your little act of desperation. You already tried to forget about that, again. The encounter had been embarrassing enough. But now you wonder how he knows. You still test him, though. âWhat do you mean?â
"Don't try to deny it. Lying doesn't suit you, snow lion.â His words ring in your ears. Especially that stupid nickname you gave yourself. Now you wonder even more how he knows. Didn´t Jaemin say he wasn´t there?
You turn around slowly, blanket in hand, as you march over to the couch to throw the piece of fabric onto it. âI was looking for you. After all, you decided not to show your face in front of my workplace anymore.â You admit. There is no need to make any excuses. Not after he vented to you. âI got worried.â
The mumble of your last words is barely audible, but he still hears them. Somehow, it warms his heart a little when he realizes that you went somewhere dangerous, just because you noticed that he broke the routine. And the fact that it made you worry about him. So he decides to explain himself a little. After all, he had a reason to keep his distance.
âI wanted to keep you out of trouble. That´s why I didn´t dare show my face anymore. I didnât want anyone from my background to find you and ruin your life.â He admits simply. No laying it out in careful words. Just the truth.
âWhat do you mean? I just got the vase in that district. That's all. Why would that ruin my life?â you ask and turn to face him.
âPeople there are very perceptive. They definitely noticed you. And if they saw you with me, they would trace you just to hopefully find a vulnerability on my side,â he explains. âY/N I have a lot of enemies. They will do everything to hurt me. And I simply wanted to keep you out of my world. So I decided distance was the best solution.â
You are stunned by his revelation. Because even though he didn´t outright say it, his words still proved that he worried about you just as much as you worried about him. And this makes something dawn on you. You are no longer just acquaintances.
âI see.â You don´t know what else to say. So you just get everything else ready. Eventually, a yawn escapes you as you fill yourself a glass of water and take a sip. The boy who now lounges on your couch notices and chuckles.
âI guess I´ve held you up long enough.â His words earn a nod from you. You make your way back to your bed, the exhaustion hitting you fully now.
âSleep well. And don´t worry about anything. Feel at home, I guess,â you mumble, getting cozy under your blanket. Jeno chuckles a few meters away from you, but stays silent after. While you drift off to sleep, he can´t help but stay awake a little longer. His rage from earlier dissipated. And he is glad he has somewhere warm to sleep tonight. He is thankful for your help and worry. But deep down, something gnaws at his heart.
X. LITTLE PRINCESS
A few days later, you are on a walk to clear your mind. Of course, the morning after Jeno crashed at your place, he was gone before you woke up. You only saw the blanket neatly folded and a note that said âthank youâ next to it. The gesture was cute, but for some reason, you still hoped he wouldn´t be gone. Then again, he has no reason to stay any longer. After all, you are just getting to know each other.
Not fretting over his decision to leave any more, because, honestly, it´s really not that big of a deal, you find yourself walking alongside the park in your area. It´s one of your favorite spots in the city because it´s a place full of nature. It helps you destress and free your head when you feel overwhelmed. And that´s what´s currently going on.
Your mind is fully occupied. The things that happened are a lot to take in, and you started questioning your role in all of this. You don´t really have any answers for anything. Except maybe that Jeno is someone you care about more than you would like to admit. And his story with his sister pulls at your heart because now you really want to help. But you have no idea how.
You don´t even know if he wants your help in the first place. Maybe you are overstepping boundaries. But you know, looking away and not doing anything will bother you more. So here you are, trying to free your mind in hopes of coming to a decision.
The candy you bought before coming here isn´t helping you either. And as nice as the view of the park and the ducks that are on their way back to the small trench in the middle of it is, they are not having the strongest effects.
Giving up on your walk, you start to turn the corner to go back home. You walk past other people and dodge some running children before you reach the trail that guides you in the right direction. Still caged in your mind, you barely register the things around you. It´s like you are on autopilot.
That´s when your mind suddenly plays tricks on you. You can hear laughing. And right after you think you hear the man responsible for your mental restlessness. But you know it canât be. At least you want to believe it can´t. Because you really never know what the universe has in store for you. So when you think you hear Jeno again, you finally look up, in hopes of proving yourself wrong.
There is a playground to your left. It´s not big, but it has everything a child´s heart desires. At first, you see another pair of parents with their son near the slide. But when you look behind the wooden structure that has the slide attached, you actually see a guy with familiar red hair. And he is pushing the swing gently, making the little girl sitting on it laugh.
You stop in your tracks. Your mind goes blank for a second before you start wondering how it´s possible that you keep running into this guy. Before he first stormed into the cafe, you had never seen him before. So why does he suddenly cross paths with you seemingly every time you decide to leave the house?
Knowing that there is no answer to this question, you stop thinking about it altogether. But then you start watching them. Jeno is really gentle with the little girl. He talks to her and listens to her demands when it comes to pushing her more. You know she is only a little over 2 years old, but you have to say, she is fairly talkative and speaks well for her age. It´s adorable seeing them interact, too. The way she laughs whenever she comes back down, swinging in his direction just to get pushed by him forward again. You can see the care in his controlled power. The way he makes sure not to go too hard so she wouldn't fall. It makes you smile, too.
You keep observing their dynamic, not hurrying to make a move anytime soon. You don´t want to interrupt and intrude. That's why you decide to stay where you are. Eventually, Bom urges to go to the slide. She kicks her legs, ready to jump off the still swinging swing. But Jeno steps in and catches her before she has the chance to hurt herself. The tiny girl giggles when her brother lifts her up and into his arms. The sight is warming your heart so much, you register too late that the boy is turning around. It´s only when he stops in his tracks and looks at you with a frozen expression of surprise that you realize that you are standing there like some creep, watching two people play peacefully.
You freeze up, too, not daring to move anywhere. You try to avert your gaze. And plan your escape route so you can just bolt away, avoiding explaining yourself. But the hurried demand from the little girl for her brother to finally bring her to the slide has you stay exactly where you are.
Jeno snaps out of his short freeze-up quicker than expected and walks over to the chute. He sets the little girl down and lets her slide down the small slope. The girl laughs cheerily, waiting for her big brother to pick her up and set her down at the top again. But he doesn´t react quickly enough, too occupied by still looking at you with an unreadable expression.
âOppa!â she says, trying to catch his attention. But because he is too focused on something else, she slowly turns and gets off the slide, and walks over to him to pull at his pants to try and get his attention that way.
When Jeno feels the pressure of someone pulling at the fabric of his pants, he finally looks back down and sees the somewhat grumpy expression on Bom´s face. He is about to let out a chuckle when the little girl points at the girl he´s been staring at and asks, âWho that?â
Her pouting expression, mixed with the grumpy furrow of her eyebrows, softens his heart. But then he registers her question, and he is back to looking at you all over again. This time, however, he struggles to find the right term to explain who you are. He thinks and considers a few options. But ultimately, he settles for the simplest thing. âThat´s a new friend I made.â
His answer satisfies the small girl. For now. And she is back to looking at you, too. You feel a bit like you are trapped in some sort of spotlight, which makes you feel just the tiniest bit uncomfortable. But you can´t bolt away now. It would only make this more awkward than it already is. So instead, you opt for simply waving at Bom and showing her a sincere smile.
The girl turns back to Jeno and lifts her arms. Understanding her want, he lifts her and sets her down on top of the slide. Before sliding down, the girl looks at you for a second time and then finally moves.
You try to contain the laugh thatâs daring to surface. Bom is truly adorable with her dominant behavior. And you can tell that she has Jeno wrapped around her finger. Clearly, he will do everything to make her happy. What you don´t expect is the fact that this time, she doesn't go to her brother. No. She walks towards you. And before you even get the chance to do or say something, she already has her hand wrapped around your fingers and tries to pull you with her.
Perplexed, you give in and follow. And in the next moment, you stand next to the red-haired man, lifting his baby sister so she can slide a third time. âThis⌠is unexpected.â He breaks the silence between you two, clearing his throat right after to get rid of the hoarse sound that came out.
âHmm? What is?â you ask awkwardly, not looking at him whatsoever.
âThe fact that she just went up to you and pulled you with her. She usually never does this,â he explains, watching Bom walk up to him, and then lifts her to the top again.
âWait, really?â You can´t believe that´s actually true. And because you are in disbelief, you turn your head and look at him with raised eyebrows.
He turns to face you, too. His nod is short but serious. âBom is wary of strangers. So this is new.â
You inhale and return your gaze to the small girl. âI guess I should feel honored then?â you question, not expecting an answer to that.
Silence settles between you for a few minutes, in which you either watch or lift Bom to the top, over and over again. Then, when the awkwardness finally fades a bit, you take the courage to start a real conversation. âSo, how are you?â
The question takes him by surprise. The genuine interest in your voice isn´t exactly something he is used to. He considers lying. Trying to avoid a deeper conversation about his personal issues. But then he remembers how you helped him without questioning him. How you listened and gave him the option to vent. And how you let him stay the night and treated his wounds, even though he is technically just a stranger. So he decides to be honest.
âCould be better. A lot is going on at the moment,â he says, not sugarcoating or dramatizing anything.
Trying to ask if everything is fine with his family situation would be stupid on your end. So you stop yourself from asking that generic question. You know it´s not. He´s told you enough to guess that things are still the same, and that it´s likely why he is outside with Bom right now. âDid more happen?â
Your bluntness takes him off guard. He knows you aren´t stupid. But he didn´t expect you to ask straight up if anything else threw him off these past days. He doesn´t know if he wants to reveal it to you, either. The playground doesn´t exactly feel like the best spot to talk about these kinds of things. But much to his confusion, he feels oddly secure, so he ends up answering honestly, again.
âMy mom threw her debt onto me. So I am currently kind of trying to hide from some loan sharks, while also taking care of my sister.â His words are dry. Simple. As if he´s talking about the weather. The moment you hear them, though, your head turns to face him. And horror is written all over your features.
âYou are kidding me, right?â you ask in disbelief. You know he´s not. But the way this situation turned into something even worse has you baffled. How can someone be so unlucky?
âI wish I were,â he chuckles and looks at his feet. âIt´s really stressing me out, actually.â
He is laughing about the ridiculousness of the situation. But deep down, he is struggling to hold on. Because he has no solution to this problem. It´s impossible for him to earn that much money in such a short time. Especially because those shady guys are already at his neck, tracking him down, and bothering him about a deadline to finally pay up.
You keep looking at him with the most serious expression in your inventory. Your arms are crossed, and your mind is still comprehending the reveal. Immediately, you try to find solutions, too. But nothing comes up. You open your mouth regardless, ready to say something. But he interrupts you.
âNo. I don´t want anyone to help me like that. It makes no difference. I would just have to repay the debt to someone else.â You close your mouth again upon hearing him say it. It makes sense to you. So you don´t argue against it.
Defeated, you watch Bom play at the play frame, while your mind is racing. âYou know, if it helps in any other wayâŚyou can always crash at my place or ring me up if you need an open ear for anything. There isn´t much I can do. So at least let me offer emotional support.â
Your gentle words reach his ears, and he has to process them a little to fully grasp your offer. He looks at you with wide eyes and is met with your determined gaze. You are totally serious about what you just said. And you make that clear to him with your honesty.
It takes a few seconds for him to respond. But eventually, he mutters few words. âThank you.â
Before the conversation can keep going in any way, Bom is back in front of them and takes your hand into hers again. She pulls you with her, your feet relenting before you can protest. So you follow her and help her climb the monkey bars, holding onto her, and focusing on every move so she wouldn't fall.
Jeno watches. His mind is a mess. Even more than before. You are truly something in his eyes. It´s as if the universe sent him a guardian. First, you lie for him in front of the police. Then you take care of him without demanding anything in return. And now you are playing with his sister as if she´s known you for months, and offering him support throughout his sticky situation. What did he do to deserve this kindness?
Later that afternoon, when you had to say goodbye because you had to get ready for your next shift, he walks back home with Bom. The tiny girl is holding onto his fingers like always, guiding the familiar way. She is oddly quiet. Until she breaks her silence and surprises him with her words.
âI like friend.â
He looks at her with a surprised expression, ready to ask her to repeat that. But then the little girl stops and lifts her arms. He does what he always does and lifts her up. Then he looks at her. âYou like Y/N?â
Bom nods. Her innocent eyes looking into his eyes with her usual sincerity. Jeno takes in her response, and then exhales a heavy breath. If his sister likes you, he is sure he should trust you, too.
XI. FIRST VISIT
Can you come over?
[location]
It´s a simple message. Unexpected. And seemingly normal. But your gut tells you something is off. Jeno never texted you before. This is the first time. It being a direct location with this seemingly simple request tells you something is up. So you get ready quickly and walk the distance to what you assume is his apartment.
When you reach the address, you look through the names on the doorbells, trying to find his unit as fast as possible. That´s when you realize you don´t even know his last name. Frustrated, you take out your phone and dial his number instead.
It rings. Once. Twice. A third time. Then, someone picks up. âI´m here,â you say. There is no answer. In the next moment, the door in front of you makes a sound, and you push it open.
âThird floor,â is all he says before he ends the call. His tone sounds hoarse. You can definitely tell that something has shaken him up. You are already glad he even decided to text you in the first place. So you don´t hesitate and climb the stairs as fast as possible.
On the third floor, you stop in front of the slightly open door. You debate on just entering or not. But then you hear a crash, so all your doubts vanish, and you just enter anyway. Your shoes are off within seconds, and your jacket is thrown over the shoe rack before you hurry into what you assume is his living room.
His place is small. Simple. Messy. But you don´t care. Your eyes dart around until they find the man in question. He is busy sweeping away shards of broken glass when he sees you. And you have to say, he looks rough. Before he gets to say anything, you ask him, âWhat happened?â
The slump in his shoulders is apparent. He keeps you waiting, taking his sweet time to throw away the broken glass and put away the dustpan. Then he faces you, looks at you shortly, and sighs in defeat. It takes him visible effort to open his mouth and explain himself. You see how hard it is for him to accept the option to lean on you and tell you what´s going on.
But then, when he finally feels ready to open up, his first words awaken every fiber of your being. Alert flashes through you, and you understand why he looks like such a mess.
âThey want to take away Bom.â
The words keep repeating in your head. His effort to try and keep it together tears your heart in two. Your mind is racing. Questions over questions cloud it. You try to ground yourself. And then you ask for specifics. âWhat do you mean? Who are they? What exactly do they want to do?â
Jeno´s hands ball into fists. His jaw clenches. Then he looks at you. âMy mom and her stupid boyfriend want to get rid of her. So they plan to take her somewhere. They won´t let me see her anymore.â The tension in his body is evident. It takes every bit of effort for him to stay this calm and not destroy something. âI don´t know what to do. It´s not like I can take care of her on my own.â
You swallow. You know how much she means to him. And you know she can´t stay with their mom, either. You try to think up things, but your mind comes up with nothing. At least for now. âThey are cruel for trying to separate you from her. Jeno, I´m so sorry they are doing this to you.â
Comfort is what you try to give him for now. Solutions can come later. It´s important that he calms down first. So you carefully move closer to him and place your hand on his shoulder, gauging if he accepts the gesture. When he doesn´t move away, you keep it there, gently rubbing the spot in hopes it calms him down.
âIt probably feels impossible to fix, but I am sure we will find a solution. For now, let´s try and calm down a bit.â You speak in a soft tone, carefully using each word in hopes it helps in any way. You can feel the tension below your palm. The way his muscles can´t relax because he is still on edge with all the frustration.
The boy inhales, trying to stay levelheaded. He knows you are right. But he can´t help but feel hopelessness. âWhat am I supposed to do? My life is too messy. There is no way a lawyer would speak on my behalf. I can´t even afford one. My mom knows how to play these games. She will paint herself as the victim. And then once Bom is gone, I will never see her again because the family that takes care of her will demonize me.â
His worries and fears pool out of him. You feel the strain in your chest while listening to him. âJeno, I know shit is messy. Sure, your way of earning money is sketchy as fuck. But there is no denying that you care for your sister dearly. The way she clings to you when you handle her is proof enough. Any judge will recognize that.â You try to silence his destructive thoughts first, in hopes of lessening the fear.
âI am sure it won't come far enough for Bom to live with another family, either. Stuff like this takes time. They will investigate the situation at your mom´s home first, too,â you keep going, quickly realizing you are rationalizing too much and not focusing on emotions enough.
Jeno keeps quiet while listening to your words. They don´t exactly soothe the ache he is feeling right now, but he notices the effort and that you´re actually trying to help him. Still, the burning rage that slumbers deep inside him wants to escape.
âAs I said, all of this is pretty hard to bear. Parents who are too absorbed in their own business are a poison ready to spread into your own life, ruining it with every step. I understand how that feels. But even though this feels like a hopeless situation, I can reassure you that we will find a way to fix this mess.â You finish your little talk of motivation, hoping it at least did something to soothe him.
But unexpectedly, the boy next to you suddenly lashes out. He moves away from you and looks at you with accusing eyes. You can´t point out the reason for this sudden behavior change, but the way he goes off on you doesn´t faze you much at all.
âYou don´t understand anything! I have to take care of everything myself! My family has always been poor! Things never go in my favor! Life has always been a bitch! You, with your rich family throwing every cent after you, have no idea how it feels to provide for a lost cause of a mother and a baby. You don't know how it feels to struggle like this. When the world seems to be against you, and keeps showing you how little it´s worth to try and keep surviving.â To end his frustrated speech, he kicks a chair to the side, redirecting his frustrations against an object.
While he goes off on you, you just stand there, face neutral and unbothered, watching him. You have no idea where he got the idea that your life had any prestige, but it doesn´t matter at this very moment. When you see him pant a bit and sense that his verbal expression has done something to the tension inside his body, you cross your arms. âAre you done?â
He expected you would yell at him. Fight him. Protest against whatever he just accused you of. But your unbothered response takes him off guard. Out of reflex, he looks at you with a surprised face.
âLook. I don´t know where you got all of that from. I am not saying life hasn´t been shit. Sure, I haven´t experienced the exact things you did. But I know how it feels to carry everything on my own shoulders. The universe doesn´t magically give way out of poverty and struggle. Hell, it dumps even more on you when you think it can´t get any worse. What I was trying to make clear, however, is that you are not alone anymore. I am here right now because you asked me to come. So stop sabotaging yourself by helplessly lashing out like a pathetic dog and let me help you go through this!â
Your voice echoes firmly. He listens to everything you say, immediately regretting judging you. He acknowledges the effort, and his shoulders slump in defeat. âI´m sorry. I just- it feels hopeless,â he stammers, slowly sinking to the floor. You move closer to him again and crouch down next to him, placing your hand on his shoulder once more.
âIt´s okay. I get it. Just know that I´m not your enemy. I'm on your side.â You reassure him, showing him that you mean what you are saying. âGive me a few days to gather some data. In the meantime, maybe check if any of your extended family has a way to lend a hand.â Hearing your suggestions, he accepts them. So he nods along and gives up trying to fight you, finally letting you in fully.
When he has calmed down, and you two sit on the small couch now, drinking some water, you break the silence that had settled. âBy the way, if you are referring to that family portrait in my apartment. I may be from a prestigious family. Sure. They are rich and known throughout the city. But I have nothing from that. I chose to go my own way. And because my way isn´t what they envisioned for me, they pretty much cut me off. I haven´t spoken to my parents in over a year. And I refuse to visit them. They don´t accept me for who I am, so I won´t give them an ounce of my time.â
Your explanation makes sense to him, and he feels even worse for judging you like that when you haven´t ever judged him for his mess of a life. âI´m sorry for assuming things. I don´t really know anything about you. And I⌠I don´t know why I suddenly felt the need to try and push you away.â
You stop him before he can go on even more. âJeno, I get it. That was a defense mechanism, and you were trying to self-sabotage. It´s fine. I know you didn´t mean it. If you want, I can tell you more about me, if it makes you feel more comfortable opening up about yourself.â
He looks at you, now visibly more relaxed, and gives you the first smile in a while. âI would appreciate it. Not gonna lie. Who exactly are you? You are a bit reckless sometimes, that I know. Turning up at my workplace just because I didn´t show up and endangering yourself. That´s the kind of person you are. But I know nothing surface-level. So enlighten me, please.â
You chuckle at his lighthearted tone, even slapping his arm for the implied teasing. âGod, stop acting like I´m the one who´s insane. But okay. I will tell you the boring facts about me that you don´t know yet,â you say, and start listing things. You tell him that your family owns a successful business. That you have an older brother who despises you because you stray from what your parents want. That your grandparents are the only people you regularly call. That you had to work your ass off ever since high school because you wouldn´t get any support from anyone. And that you want to study social work one day to help kids in need.
For the rest of the evening, you keep talking, getting to know each other, and relaxing to the sound of loud neighbors and mediocre tap water. It´s nothing fancy, but it´s special regardless, because it´s your way of bonding and getting closer. The trust that the two of you are building. It´s necessary. And both of you are thankful that the other didn´t turn the opposite way. Because Jeno truly doesn´t know what he would've done if you weren't here, fighting with him.
XII. THESE GIFTS AREN´T FOR YOU
It´s roughly two weeks later when you meet up with Jeno again. Through frequent texting, you´ve gotten to know that his aunt also tried to talk to his mother about Bom and that he is currently taking her out on a playdate to the playground. So, while ready to meet them and enjoy some time together, you quickly enter a shop and buy a few small things on your way there.
15 minutes later, you speed walk around the corner, a bag in hand, as you wave once you see Jeno standing there holding his little sister. The moment he sees you, he starts smiling, bringing Bom´s attention to you as well. The little girl stares at you with a curious gaze when you greet her brother.
âI see you managed to get a hold of her. How is she?â you ask, slightly out of breath.
âShe is fine. My aunt visited them every day insistently because she was scared they would do something bad,â he explains. And even though relief is obvious in his tone, you hear the underlying exhaustion from the anxiety he has faced for those days.
âWell, I´m glad your aunt is so supportive. Anyway, let´s enjoy the great weather. Bom, are you ready to play?â You divert the conversation, determined to steer away from the depressive reality. Life is too short to dwell on things, and besides that, you have good news to share, too.
Bom, who has been watching you for the past minute, gives you a toothy smile and approvingly claps her hands while nodding when you mention playing. You grin back at her and then speak up again. âGuess who got you a small present?â The question lights up her eyes even more. And when you take out a small box with a doll inside, she eagerly takes it from you and shows it to her brother.
Jeno at first plays into the enthusiasm of his little sister. But once Bom is busy inspecting the toy, he gives you a questioning look that´s accompanied by some disapproval. When he mumbles to you, you give him a look of question as well, raising your eyebrows. âWhy did you buy her something? I don´t want you to use your money on us.â
âWhat makes you think I would spend a dime on you, huh? I brought a gift solely for your sister. Because I like her and I think she deserves something that makes her happy while she has to endure the circumstances. This has nothing to do with you,â you retort, seeing how his defenses want to go up. So you immediately break the chance for that to happen. âCan a grown woman not buy whatever she wants with her own money?â
The guy in front of you takes in your words and then rolls his eyes. He has to stop himself from chuckling at your response. Even though he´s gotten to know you a bit better, he still has to get used to your sassiness sometimes. And because he has no good arguments against your word, he simply accepts his defeat. âFine. But that grown woman better not overdo it with the presents. I don't want Bom to get spoiled too much.â
âAlright. I can work with that.â You give him a sugar-sweet smile and then start to walk towards the playground. âNow then, if your feet aren´t set in stone, can we finally get going?â
âAre you saying I´m holding us up? How offensive,â he jokes in return and starts walking as well. âBut fine, the lioness has spoken, so I will pick up the pace.â You roll your eyes at his teasing and keep going. Bom is still inspecting the box with the doll, totally in her own world. And Jeno settles right next to you, adapting to your pace as you get to the playground in comfortable silence.
When you finally arrive, he sets the little girl down and takes the box from her hands. He explains to her that he will take care of it while she plays so the doll won´t get hurt. And since Bom is satisfied with his reasoning, she happily runs off to play in the sand.
You come to a stand next to Jeno, keeping watch on the girl as she innocently minds her business. You feel happy inside. This normalcy gives you an out from your own troubles. Taking in a deep breath you relax a bit as the sun shines onto your skin. Jeno notices. He´s eyed you a bit after he got done putting away the doll into his bag. âHow are you doing? You got fired from that second job you had a while ago. Any new jobs you´re starting soon?â
âNo. Still looking for something new. I am so glad my boss at the cafe hasn´t also fired me. He´s kept an eye on me ever since I had to bring a new accessory for the cafe.â You tease the topic of the vase breaking once more as it has become a bit of an inside joke between you two. Jeno chuckles when he hears it and looks at the floor for a few seconds before returning his gaze to you.
âSucks I guess. But hey, at least now you will do your job properly. Another criminal hiding behind your counter would surely get you fired.â The moment he is done speaking the sentence, you hit his arm with your fist. You have an amused smile on your lips, but you couldn´t let him off the hook that easily.
âI thought you were no criminal?â You turn to face him and see the grin on his face, mirroring your lighthearted demeanor.
âIt´s because I'm not. But I can´t help but tease you a little. I am still sorry about that vase, too. Truly.â He shortly looks at Bom, to see if she's still alright and busy playing. Then he looks back at you.
âSure you are,â you say, making both of you laugh. âYou know, I´ve got good news for you.â The sudden change in topic has him listen to you intently. He´s curious to hear what you have to say, so he looks at you with raised eyebrows.
When you face him and see the look on his face, you can´t help but think of a puppy. But before you drift off into unserious conversations again, you want to tell him first. âI´ve spoken to a lawyer. I may not associate with my family much, but I took the courtesy of using my name a bit. And well, the chances are high that your Mom won´t get away with what she´s doing. I just need to know if you are willing to fight this battle against her and her boyfriend.â
Your face turns more serious. And once you are done speaking, you wait for his response. You don´t mind if he takes a moment to fully grasp what you just said.
He thinks over the facts and the stakes. This whole legal battle that will happen because of his mother´s stupid decisions. It´s going to be stressful and he knows it will cost him a lot of nerves. He will have to rely on other parts of his family. But when he looks at Bom playing so carelessly he knows what he has to do.
âI won´t be able to take care of her on my own. And I am sure, with my history, a judge won´t grant me any custody or stuff like that. I don´t have the money to support her.â He lays out his honest thoughts to you. âBut I hope my aunt has the heart to take on the responsibility. I know she is off well, and she would definitely give her a safer home. So, if you are willing to help me out with this, I can´t say no to a better life for my sister.â
You don´t say anything unnecessary after that. You simply nod. âI will give your contacts to the lawyer then, so she can reach out to you.â You pause for a moment after saying that. âYou are doing the right thing, Jeno. She will thank you for fighting for her when she´s older.â
âI know. I can´t help but see myself in her. I don´t want her to end up like me.â There is an unreadable tone in his voice when he says this. But you can see the way his inner child mourns an adult who never fought for him when his mom started drifting off. So you put your hand on his shoulder.
âShe will see you as the best big brother she could ever have. And you will be able to see her grow up without having to worry about her.â Your words make him smile. He looks at Bom again and then imagines her in her teens, complaining about boys being stupid. How she cries after her first heartbreak. And how he will probably beat up whatever guy dares to scare her. âHow can I repay you for this?â
The question takes you off guard. It´s readable in your expression. You recover fast, however, and set one thing straight. "Don't worry about the money. The lawyer owes my family a favor.â
Jeno nods in understanding and decides not to question you on this. He simply wants to trust you, so he expresses his gratitude with simple words. âThank you.â And while it sounds like a simple saying to anyone else, you hear the double meaning. Thank you, for helping me with this, and being there for me and my sister.
You stay with Jeno and Bom for a while longer and end up pushing the little girl on the swing for at least 30 minutes at some point. You only say goodbye to them when the sun starts setting, again with the reason of having to get ready for your shift at the cafe. The girl hugs you happily when you part ways, and Jeno waves you goodbye with a happiness readable in his expression. He only starts to turn around and walk away when he no longer sees you.
On his way back to his apartment, he carries Bom in his arms, walking at a relaxed pace. The girl is visibly tired, and definitely dozing off. The way she stays so unusually quiet is the tell-tale sign for him.Â
As he walks through the familiar streets, he eventually picks up voices behind him. He doesn´t pay them any mind at first. But when they come closer and he starts to hear the threatening jabs that are too obviously directed at him, he senses the danger.
His pace quickens, but he can´t run because of his sister. The guys behind him pick up the pace as well, and eventually corner him to the side of the wall when they reach him. He immediately recognizes their faces and instinctively shields his sister with his arms.Â
âWhat do you want?â Jeno´s voice is ice cold. The grinning stares of the men in front of him loom over him, clearly trying to intimidate him. Unsuccessfully. Bom, who´s sleeping in his arms, luckily doesn´t notice any of this, too deep in her slumber.
âYou know what we want. Pay up for that slut and we won´t bother you anymore,â one of them says in a twisted manner. He clearly enjoys this way too much.
âYou have two weeks. If we don´t see the money by then, we will have to take something else as payment.â The second guy grins and glances at the kid in his grasp.
Jeno immediately changes his posture and gives him the deadliest stare he´s ever shown someone.
âOh don´t worry, the kid is not on the list of things we are interested in. But maybe that girl that´s been hanging around you. She´s young. She will surely sell well.â The third guy says. That´s when it dawns on Jeno. They´ve been watching him. So they can have leverage over him.
The moment the realization sets in, he knows he has to do something. His lack of a response makes the 3 guys in front of him chuckle. âTwo weeks, kid. If you can´t bring us the money by then, you know what's up.â And with those words they leave him standing there.
He starts walking again eventually. His pace is quick as his brain thinks up ways to earn the money as fast as possible. He knows he will have to take every fight he can get. He also knows you surely won't like that when you find out about it. But he has no choice.
On his way back, he carries his sister as protective as ever while his brain plays out every way the next month will go down. He feels like he is slowly losing it. Why is the universe so unfair to him? One good message gets overpowered by a bad one a few hours later. And then, he starts to wonder just what did he do wrong to deserve all this?
XIII. YOU WOULDN`T FIT IN - YEAH? WATCH ME
Only a few days have passed. This time you are on your phone, busy on a call with Jeno while doing laundry and other stuff. His excuse for not actually meeting up was that he has no time, but here you are, talking for at least an hour already, the call seemingly never ending.
âSay, are you still doing that shady club fighting thing?â you ask as you hang up a t-shirt.
His voice sounds a bit raspy when he responds, but you blame it on the staggering connection that decided to cut off the call for several seconds here and there. âYeah. Why are you asking?â
âI feel like the bruises have become less. But maybe you just learned how to use make up. Or you stopped sucking at fighting. Either would explain it,â you retort, clearly teasing him. You have no idea if he´s good or bad. You´ve never seen him fight.
He stays silent for a few seconds, somewhat shocked by your bold statement. âHey, you can´t judge my fighting at all. You´ve never seen it. Getting hurt is part of the business. But yeah, I´ve had less fights these past few weeks. Was too busy to attend any.â
âWhy do I suddenly get the intuitive, knowing urge that this will change in the near future? Jeno, are you up to something?â You´ve always been perceptive. And something in the way he just said that makes your senses go haywire. There is definitely something.
His lack of a response confirms your sudden suspicion even more. So you pry. âJeno. Please tell me I am wrong with my hunch.â
âUhm⌠I just decided I am simply not going to answer that question,â he diverts. And you can imagine him looking around in his apartment as if he is trying to avoid your gaze.
âOh my god, Jeno. I swear. That weird ass job of yours is going to kill you one day. Remember when you showed up at my window? I thought you surely will turn up with broken bones the next time. And then after that I am at the hospital having to identify a body because they can´t recognize you anymore.â Your voice cuts through to him, overly dramatic.
âYou are overreacting. There is no way that will ever happen. It´s not like you can judge me on this anyway. As I said. You´ve never seen me do my thing. I´ve never lost,â he argues, rolling his eyes upon hearing your hysterics.
âI mean, how would I know? I don´t walk around those areas. And I don´t have time to go clubbing either. I can only assume based on the amount of cuts and bruises on your face.â You hang up the next t-shirt when you hear the boy chuckle.
âYeah, well you wouldn't fit in anyway. Even though, maybe I should show you just how well I do in my fights,â he laughs, not fully realizing what he just indirectly said.
âExcuse me? Are you inviting me to watch you fight? While insulting me at the same time?â Your voice rings higher, and you stop in your tracks, still holding up a clothing item while you wait for his answer.
Jeno swallows when he realizes his mistake. Now he is pacing around in his living room, trying to figure out how to keep you away from the club scene. âI mean, forget what I said about seeing me fight. I don´t need to prove anything to you, so I will just let you doubt me when it comes to my capabilities. And what can I say? you lookâŚtoo innocent. You would stick out with your cutesy style. Everyone will think some school girl strayed away from her usual route home.â
ââŚâ The boy swallows when he gets no response right away. He knows he definitely said something wrong. His blood freezes the moment he hears your delayed response, however. âI see you still know so little about me. You know what? Give me a time and a date and I will prove you wrong.â
âWhat? No. I am not going to do that. I don´t want you there. It´s too dangerous.â He tries to stop you. Desperately. The scene really is nothing he wants you to get into.
âAre you scared you will embarrass yourself? That you will lose the fight or whatever? All because a woman shows up?â You intentionally try to rile him up with your words, hoping this tactic will work. Because now he has you curious. You´ve been to the club before. It wasn´t exactly your cup of tea. And yes, maybe you were a bit scared when you had to get the vase. But you feel like this is a challenge. And now you refuse to back down. You want to prove him wrong.
There is a sigh on the other line. You are guessing he is massaging his face in hopes of calming his nerves while trying to find a solution to the problem he created. But he is aware of your stubbornness. So he slowly gives in, not fond of you trying to talk him down like this, either. âFine. On Friday, I have a match against some tough guy. If you wanna see it, be there at midnight. But seriously. You will stick out like a doll in a cage full of animals.â
âAh yeah? You sure? Watch me. I´ll be there. And you better win. Or I will hold this against you every time you show up with a bruise or cut after that.â You accept the challenge. And now, with determination burning in your blood, you are already plotting your next step.
âProve me wrong then. But I´m telling you. This scene isn´t for you.â He still argues, frustrated about this situation that he created. But now there is no going back. And because he doesn´t want to escalate the situation even further, he finally redirects the conversation to something else.
Űśŕ§
That said Friday, you meet up with one of your best friends in the early afternoon. You´ve told her about your mission for the night a few days ago, and had to explain to her your whole endeavor with Jeno. She´s surprised about you blindly supporting a stranger, but simultaneously starts teasing you about possible attraction.
âYuqi stop, just because he looks good, doesn't mean I'm instantly interested in him. We are friends now. Nothing more,â you argue while you style your hair.
âFriends now, lovers later. It´s not impossible. And I´m telling you, you are already interested, even if you don´t wanna admit it. You never would do things like right now under any other circumstance,â she argues back, totally smiling while she curls her hair.
You can´t deny that you are certainly going out of your way for him to try and fix things. âBut that's just because of Bom. That girl is so cute. And she deserves better. It pains me to see them struggle.â
âOh his sister surely is part of it. But she can´t be the only reason if you already started doing stuff before that. I mean you said you already willingly went into that club because you wanted to look for him out of worry. Who does that as a simple acquaintance?â
You have to bite your lip when you hear her mention your desperate attempt at searching for him. Your silence is answer enough for Yuqi as well, so she chuckles and keeps curling her hair. âHey, see it for what it is, and simply enjoy it.â
You roll your eyes and keep styling your hair before you start on your make up. âAnyway, I can´t believe that he thinks I can´t fit in in a simple club. Who does he think he is?â
âThat´s what I´m here for. We are going to dress up and prove a man wrong. Simple as that.â Yuqi chuckles and goes over to your wardrobe. âIt´s time you finally wear one of those slutty skirts you have.â The moment her words leave her mouth she turns around and holds out a short mini skirt and a glittery top that will definitely accentuate your curves.
âAnd you are sure that will suit me?â you ask skeptically. In theory, you know that all the girls you´ve seen in the club wore similar things. And you know that these clothes will fit you well enough, too. But you´ve never been one to wear short things, instead opting for more comfortable ones and an academic style.
Your friend scoffs when she hears your doubt. âExcuse me, where did your confidence go? Of course it will. You are a nonchalant queen, so just wear your head up high as always.â Her words make you smile as they fuel your confidence. So you chuckle, too, forgetting about the uncertainty.
Once your make up is done, you get ready and put on the skirt and top and some necessary accessories that compliment the outfit. To round off your look, you put on some high heels and take the purse Yuqi brought with her. Before you two leave the house, you quickly reapply some lipstick and grab your jacket.
Then you start your walk to the club, taking your time and talking about lots of other things since this evening also serves as time to catch up. You haven´t had the chance to see her lately, due to all of your shifts piling up. So doing this makes you even more happy.
Űśŕ§
The bass is booming, and the music echoes loudly. Sweaty bodies mingle, and alcohol and drugs are part of the menu for the night. The club looks exactly like the last time you went there. This time, though, you blend in seamlessly. The scene isn´t as scary as before. With Yuqi by your side, you are actually a little bit excited.
Jeno said to be there at midnight. It´s exactly 30 minutes before that. Still enough time is left to properly get used to the vibe and the people there. Yuqi takes your hand the second you stride through the crowd to get close to the bar.
âLetâs start with a drink to loosen up,â she says and orders something for both of you. In the meantime, you look around properly, and take everything in.
In the middle of the main room is a fighting cage. You already know whatâs going to happen there later. Behind it the DJ is playing music, getting everyone in a good mood and making sure it never gets boring. Surrounding the cage, most of the people are dancing and having fun.
When you look upstairs you see the balconies and how more people are chatting, drinking and dancing there, waiting for the fight to start and setting their bets on who will win. In one corner you see Jenoâs face showing up on a screen. Next to it, bold letters show the âVSâ and right after another face of a guy follows. Below it reads âChristopher Bangâ.
You swallow, seeing the fierce stare of the second guy. Worry creeps up your spine, but before you can do anything or overthink, your friend puts her hand on your shoulder to get your attention.
âHere, your drink,â she says and looks around while taking a sip from the sweet concoction. âThe music is really good. Not gonna lie, I thought it would suck.â Her chuckle barely rings through to you, due to the loud bass. You nod in agreement, however, and keep scanning your surroundings.
Then, in one corner, you spot a familiar face. The guy who talked to you last timeâJaeminâis standing there, reviewing some papers with another guy. You keep watching him for a few seconds, curious as to what he is doing, until he suddenly looks up. As if he sensed you looking at him, he stares right in your direction with a questioning gaze, trying to figure out who is watching him so intently.
Automatically, you grab Yuqi´s hand and start walking towards the guy. The girl follows you, trying to ask what´s up, but you are too focused on snaking through the crowd to get to your destination. Once you reach him, you stop in your tracks, Yuqi almost bumping into you and spilling her drink. She keeps looking at you with a questioning gaze.
âWhat do I need to know about the fight?â Your voice reaches Jaemin´s ears boldly, and he points his attention fully on you the moment he hears it. The way his expression stays hard, tells you he has no clue who you are. The guy he´s been talking to, senses the tension and quickly moves away, not in the mood to get in between whatever is going to happen between you two.
âAnd who are you?â he asks, fairly serious. A contrast to the last time he took care of you in the club. As a response you keep staring at him, not backing down and giving him the satisfaction of having the upper hand. Your face reads figure it out and he certainly likes the challenge.
After intense eye contact and him eyeing your whole face, it finally clicks for him. âMy, oh my, snow lion. What are you doing here again? I didn´t recognize you at all.â His voice rings through to you over the loud music, even though it takes you a few seconds to fully register his words.
âDrop the nickname, bunny boy, and answer my question. What do I need to know about the fight?â You sound as serious as ever. And Yuqi can´t help but simply observe the interaction, too stunned about the fire behind your eyes, herself. Jaemin on the other hand, takes in your words.
He starts to grin. And then, a maniacal laugh escapes his mouth. He did not expect you to hit him with a nickname at all. And your choice brings him even more amusement. âOh, I see why he likes you. You are a crazy one. But hey, if you want me to call you by your name. How about you tell me?â The grin on his lips doesn´t vanish as he keeps his confidence in front of you, not at all intimidated or scared by your change in demeanor.
âIt´s Y/N. Now would you please enlighten me? Time is limited.â Your face stays straight. There is barely any emotion besides the seriousness and a hint of curiosity.
âStraight to business. I like it. Well, what exactly do you want to know? It starts in roughly 20 minutes. And I sure as hell wouldn't recommend that you stand too close to the cage. Unless you want your clothes ruined by blood,â he says, slightly relaxing his shoulders, now that he knows who you are.
âEverything that´s necessary. How this whole business works. How the fights are structured. Whatever you know about today´s opponent. Everything.â There is a beat of worry in your voice as you list a few things you want to know. And the guy in front of you recognizes the intent behind your curiosity.
His eyes soften a bit and he places a hand on your shoulder, feeling the tension in your muscles. âAright, Y/N. Listen closely. There are 3 rounds. Whoever gets knocked out first loses. And the winner earns the bet money. These guys fight with fists. No gloves or anything. Almost everything is allowed. Chris is a strong dude. But I know that Jeno will succeed. He´s just gotta stay focused. That´s all.â
He leans closer to your ear so you can fully hear him. âIf you want a good spot to watch him, you gotta go right over there.â Your eyes follow his finger that points to a certain spot near the cage with less dancing people close to it. âNow, relax your shoulders a bit, sit your sweet ass down somewhere, and wait for the action to start. There is no need to worry about him. He´s faced worse opponents.â
When he´s done telling you all this, you look at him again. Your expression is unreadable. You kind of want to say something, but your mouth stays closed. A simple nod is what you give him before you face Yuqi and signal her to move elsewhere.
Before you are fully out of earshot, Jaemin yells one last thing at you. âEnjoy the show, tiger.â Then he hurries off. After all, he has to mentally prepare his best friend for the fight.
âWhat a weirdo,â Yuqi tells you as she follows you to the corner Jaemin showed you. âSo, we are going to watch this fight. I finally get to see this Jeno guy for the first time. And then what? Are we just going to dip and dash?â
You shake your head. âFirst of all, that idiot has to prove himself. After saying confident shit, I have to witness it for myself. And after that, depending on how the fight goes, it would be too bad to go right after. We just got here. and we didn't get dolled up for nothing, did we? So might as well enjoy the music and ignore the shadiness of the place.â
âSounds like a plan.â The girl smiles at you and sips on the straw of her cocktail again. âAy now try yours already. You haven't taken a sip yet. Tell me how it tastes,â she then urges and you laugh at her silly ways.
Űśŕ§
Right when the clock hits midnight, the lights in the club dim down and the DJ's voice echoes through the main hall of the club. People are cheering excitedly when the showdown finally starts. The music starts matching the atmosphere, too, and you feel your heartbeat pick up speed with it.
The moment all of this starts, the vibe in the club fully changes. You can feel the adrenaline rush, and out of instinct you look to the cage that´s illuminated by show lights to emphasize the main stage.
You don´pick up anything the DJ is saying. Only when he drops the name `Lee Jeno` do your ears start working again and you start to hear everything more clearly. A door opens close to where you are standing with Yuqi. And then cheers erupt.
There he is. Walking proudly to the cage. His hands are wrapped. He´s wearing white shorts, a matching tank top, and over it a white jacket. Jeno looks fierce. You can sense that he hasn´t spotted you yet. Your eyes follow him, and when he enters the cage, he greets the watchers as if he's been doing this his whole life.
Then, on the other side, another door opens, and out walks a guy you assume is Christopher Bang. He looks the same as the screen shows him, serious face, scary expression, broad. He´s out for blood. You can feel it. In contrast to Jeno, he´s dressed in all black. His hands are wrapped, and you realize Jaemin was right. No gloves on either of them.
Your feet carry you closer to the cage as Chris enters it. He does a similar greeting to the watchers and then, surprisingly, he shakes Jeno's hand in a fair manner. Then you notice how Jaemin enters the cage, while some other guy goes up to Chris as well.
Of course, Jaemin is Jeno´s friend. It´s only natural that he will support him and help with strategies and so on. You notice how they are whispering something. Then, Jeno stiffens visibly. His gaze sweeps through the crowd more precisely, until his eyes land right on your figure.
You freeze, feeling like a deer caught in headlights. He stares into your soul, but you can´t read his thoughts one bit. He just looks at you for a few seconds until he averts his gaze and focuses on the task at hand.
âWow, he looks really scary, but also strangely hot.â Yuqi´s unserious remark snaps you out of your haze and you turn to face her with a look of disbelief. âWhat? It´s just an observation.â The girl shrugs and goes back to drinking her cocktail while scouting out the crowd and watching what happens inside the cage.
Strangely, you can´t help but chuckle. Her lighthearted demeanor is exactly what you need to hold out in this kind of environment. And you are glad you asked her to tag along after all. Coming alone wasn´t an option from the start. Choosing the right company was a challenge. You didn´t want to drag anyone into this. But best friends are there for such adventures. And Yuqi never says no to anything when it means she can help you with whatever you´ve set your mind on.
Your focus returns to the main stage. Jaemin and the other guy have left, and now it's just the two fighters left inside. Jeno has taken off his jacket and is now stretching and seemingly cracking his knuckles one last time before shaking out his arms and wrists. He seems ready to fight, and the intimidating guy across from him does too.Â
The DJ shouts through the hall another time, riling up the crowd and getting everyone to scream and yell in excitement. And then, a countdown starts. Before you know it, both men are in action. Their movements are fast and coordinated. You watch intensely,looking out for whatever happens.Â
The moment the first hit lands you gasp out of surprise. Sure, you knew what this was about and how this was going to go down. But seeing it in real time, witnessing how two humans intentionally hurt each other has your stomach churn.Â
Your hands clasp your mouth when Chris tries to hit Jeno head on. The latter barely moves in time to avoid getting hit fully, and swings forward right after, wanting to get a hit in himself. Your eyes follow their movements as if you´re in a trance. And slowly, the cheers and screams around you turn into messy background noise.Â
The first round seems easy. Both guys are full of energy. Punches and hits are exchanged. Feet move fast. But the longer it takes for either of them to take the other down, it seems like Chris has the upper hand.Â
Jeno seemingly focuses more on defense. Blood is already dripping down his cheek from an earlier graze of Chris´ fist. You have no idea about the logistics of any of this, but your gut is telling you he isn´t fully focused. And it concerns you. Your instinct of wanting to help is activated, but you know you can´t do anything but watch.Â
Seconds feel like minutes, and minutes like hours. When it seems like Chris is finally getting more hits in, a bell rings, stopping the first round. Both fighters retreat into the corner to regain some composure and get a short break. The DJ announces some observations to heat up the atmosphere even more. Jaemin stands on the sideline, shouting something to his friend in hopes of helping him regain focus.Â
Your heartbeat is still the loudest thing in your ear. Everything feels like it´s happening in slow motion. You don´t even realize the bell is ringing again to start round two. Only when Chris and Jeno meet in the middle once more, does it finally set in.
You keep watching, and somehow you feel like there isn't much change compared to the previous round. Your body moves on its own, and before you can comprehend it, your mouth opens to shout. "Didn't you want to prove yourself?! How are you going to pay your bills if you can´t win?!âÂ
There is nothing too serious about your statement. It's simply to rile him up a little. To show the stakes. You don't even know if he heard you. But seconds later, there is a change in posture and strategy. Jeno starts attacking more fiercely. He doesn´t give Chris as many chances to hit him and instead takes over, punching him with more power and showing clear dominance.Â
A critical moment happens after. Jeno lands a hit near Chris' jaw, disorienting him for a bit and making him stumble backwards. You fear the red haired guy will brutally attack him in this moment of weakness, but the bell rings again. Round 2 is over.Â
With only 1 round left, you swallow your fear as much as possible. It´s not that the fight itself is scaring you. It´s more that you can´t predict the outcome and you are simply worried about Jeno. His nosebridge is bleeding and you can see the area above his left eyebrow swelling. Besides that, his knuckles are bleeding, too, and you can guess that he has more injuries than just those.Â
Chris looks no better. His lip is split and he has a cut on his forehead that's obstructing his vision due to all the blood streaming down his face. The area that Jeno hit near his jaw looks like it's turning blue, too. Over all you start questioning why men willingly hurt each other.Â
While observing them on their break you feel eyes on you. You look up to see who it is, and when you are faced with his eyes on you, you freeze up again. He looks away before you can do anything else. Because of that you don't see the way the corner of his mouth lifts the slightest bit. And when the bell rings for the third time, there is a different kind of air around him.Â
You notice the final shift. For some reason you feel slightly more at ease. However, there is no time for you to relax just yet. The fight isn't over. Everything is still possible. The shouts and cheers around you turn louder with each passing second, as fists meet and punches are exchanged.Â
Chris tries to take over with offense another time. but this time Jeno doesn't let him. He swiftly blocks his hit and returns it with one of his own. When he manages to punch his opponent's side, and notices the backwards stumble, he adds another aimed hit towards his right side.Â
The pain of the punch sends Chris to his knees. He´s ringing for air and coughing, trying to steady his breathing. A countdown starts. The muscular guy tries to get up. Jeno paces around, ready to give him another hit, just in case he manages to get up on time. But there´s no need to.Â
When the number 1 sounds, cheers erupt louder than ever. Jaemin and some referee storm into the cage, while some others move to Chris to tend to his injuries. The referee lifts Jeno's arm into the air, declaring him as the winner. And when Jaemin gives him a towel and something to drink, you finally let out the breath you´ve been holding.Â
He won. Thankfully. It's not like you ever doubted him. But seeing a fight up close, in its brutal nature, and having to fear for more and more injuries, you can´t help but constantly worry.Â
While the crowd is loud and happy, high on endorphins and serotonin, Jeno only has eyes for you. He doesn't care about the burning of his cuts, the ache of his bruises or the cheers of the people around him. The fact that you showed up after all, and even tried to motivate him when he struggled, is the only thing that matters to him.Â
Űśŕ§
When he finally steps out of the cage and moves to the door that brings him backstage, you watch him like a hawk. He glances at you for a few seconds, too, before vanishing in the other room, Jaemin close by his side. The latter looks at his friend proudly, and recognizes the missing focus in him. "Everything good? For a moment, I thought you would lose, not gonna lie.âÂ
Jeno nods and starts discarding the wrapping on his hands to reveal the wounds. âI´m fine,â he simply says, then wipes away some sweat and blood from his face.Â
âLuckily your little girlfriend stepped in and decided to redirect you into focus,â Jaemin teases and grins at him with a knowing look.Â
âShe´s not my girlfriend,â Jeno defends, purposefully not looking at the other boy, annoyed by his sudden want to tease him.Â
âBut you are definitely interested in her. I can feel it. I bet she's waiting for you outside,â Jaemin says, leaning onto a table as he watches Jeno get ready for a shower.Â
Jeno just rolls his eyes annoyed. He chooses to ignore the guy and takes a towel. Then he leaves the room to take a shower. When he returns a while later, he takes the usual first aid kit with him and starts putting ointments and bandaids onto his wounds. Luckily they weren´t too big or tragic, so taking care of them is easy for him.Â
Unlike usual, Jeno doesn´t take his stuff and gets ready to leave after. He instead decides to check his phone and then stands up to move to the door he left through earlier. Even though Jaemin was teasing him about you, he definitely had to see you before he goes home. So his feet carry him through the crowd a minute later. The bass is booming, people are bumping into him while enjoying the music. But he doesn´t care.Â
His eyes scan the crowd. He makes sure to take in every face he sees. And when he finally spots you, he moves towards you, swiftly traveling through the dancing bodies. There are some who want to gather his attention. They shout his name, pull at his arms or clothes. But he ignores them all, too determined to reach you.Â
Yuqi sees him first and taps your shoulder, then points towards him. She's been dancing with you for a few minutes already. Once the fight was done, there was nothing else for you and her to do.Â
When your gaze follows where she points, and you see Jeno walk towards you, you can feel a pull in your heart. One that tells you to meet him in the middle. Yuqi notices the longing in your eyes, so she tells you simply, âGo to him. I will wait here for you.âÂ
You smile at her thankfully. Then your feet move forward. You stumble through the people surrounding you, one meter at a time. You are focused on the red haired guy. So is he. And when you finally meet, he greets you with a soft grin. âYou actually came.âÂ
âYou asked me to. Even though you took that back. But I hate losing a challenge. So here I am.â You return his grin. Your hands find his as he reaches out for you, your thumbs brushing over his bruised knuckles. âYou had to prove yourself to me, after all.âÂ
"True. And I did prove myself. Thanks for the motivational call out,â he remarks and watches your thumbs move over his torn skin. âI´m sorry for getting those unnecessary bruises.âÂ
His sudden apology takes you by surprise, which shows in your expression. âWhy are you apologizing about this when we both know it won't be the last time you're going to look like this?â
He lets out a chuckle, looks away and then back at you. âI don´t know. Just felt like I owed it to you. You are the one who patches me up when you see how I look.âÂ
You roll your eyes, but smile regardless. âWell, now you are here, already patched up, and looking like a lost puppy. So if it´s not ruining your plans, maybe you wanna dance with me?â You don't know why you ask him this. Something inside of you just made you do it. But there is no taking it back, so you wait for his answer.Â
Jeno chuckles, but nods in agreement anyway. To him you look quite cute, even though you are certainly dressed to impress rather than show your soft side. He takes your hands properly and pulls you closer to himself before he starts swaying around with you. âI have to say, I was wrong when I said you wouldn´t fit in. I'm surprised even. You look like you belong here.âÂ
You shrug proudly and take his invitation. âTold you so.â Your voice sounds confident as always, your nonchalance returning to you, pushing away the worry from earlier. "Should've believed me when I said it. You better not doubt me again.âÂ
âI won´t. I promise,â he says, moving closer to your ear so you can understand him better. The gesture makes your heartbeat pick up a little. Luckily, the lights in the club mask the sudden flustered state you found yourself in because of it.Â
You keep dancing with him. Your bodies eventually move closer to each other, partly because of people pushing against the two of you, and partly because you naturally gravitate towards each other. You don´t talk too much more, either, and just enjoy the moment as it is.Â
Later that night, you check your phone. Seeing the time, you look for Yuqi and see her chatting with Jaemin and some other guy you don´t recognize. âI see Jaemin is hooking up your friend with one of his,â Jeno´s voice rings in your ear and you almost wince in surprise.Â
You turn your head to him. âMaybe it's time for us to leave. It´s already late and I feel like I've abandoned my best friend.âÂ
Jeno nods in understanding and takes your hand to lead you towards her. On the way, he suggests taking both of you home. âI usually don't stay anyway, so it´s fine.âÂ
Your eyes grow wider when you hear him say that. Did he only stay because of you? You wonder, choosing to not comment on it, though, and instead tap Yuqi´s shoulder once you reach her. She happily turns around, clearly a bit tipsy. Jaemin quickly catches you up on what´s happened. And then, you suggest to her to take your leave.Â
Yuqi slurs a little, but agrees in the end, feeling a bit tired from the evening. You take her hand in yours, say goodbye to Jaemin and his friend, and then lead her out of the club. Jeno follows you after explaining to his friends that he´s leaving too, ignoring the teasing from them.Â
Outside, the cold air hits your warm body instantly. You clutch your jacket on reflex. Jeno notices, pulling you a bit closer to him. âWe should call a taxi. It's too far to walk all the way,â you mumble, slightly shivering.Â
âBut I live further away from the club than you do. Our ways split eventually. How will you get home the rest of the way?â Yuqi asks, surprisingly sober now. You are guessing the cold has sobered her up a bit.Â
âI will just walk the last bit. You are the one with alcohol inside your blood, though, so I would prefer for you to take the taxi all the way home,â you argue, which makes her nod in understanding.Â
âAlright,â she simply agrees. Then you call the taxi. 10 minutes later, when it finally arrives, the three of you get inside it. You tell the driver the address and tell him to drop you off at a certain point. After that, the driver starts the engine and gets going, not interacting much more with you.Â
The drive passes in comfortable silence. Jeno is sitting beside you, looking out of the window or occasionally glancing at the driver through the rearview mirror. Yuqi is leaning onto your shoulder, almost drifting off into dreamland. You don´t mind either, instead enjoying the warmth and the comfort of having these people with you.Â
When you reach the drop off point, you say goodbye to your best friend and wish her a good rest of the night. You demand from her that she texts you once she gets home and Yuqi just laughs, reassuring you that she will do exactly that, but that she wants you to do the same, too.Â
You nod in agreement and wave at her one last time before closing the door. You wait until the car is out of sight before you start your walk back to your apartment. Jeno follows you quietly, enjoying the silence of the night. Somehow he feels content about just walking with you. In his mind he will quickly drop you off before returning to his own place and heading straight to bed.Â
âI have to sayâŚtoday was quite fun,â you admit at some point, breaking the silence and catching his attention. He looks at you with surprise but lets you continue. âI thought I would be scared, but actually, I feel like I can handle more than I think. Doesn't mean I support your shady job. But that´s not my point right now.âÂ
Jeno laughs at your clarification about his job but accepts your opinion regardless. âWell, I don´t want you to visit too often either because it's still dangerous. But I guess I don´t mind you in my world as much as I thought I would.âÂ
âDon´t worry, I don´t have time to go clubbing and watch show fights every weekend anyway. But promise me one thing if you keep doing this.â You stop your walk to look him in the eyes firmly. He stops in front of you and returns the gaze, waiting for you to tell him. âDon´t overdo it. If it´s because you have financial struggles, let me help you find a different way of getting money.âÂ
Jeno bites the inside of his cheek. Because in his understanding about his life, he knows he can't promise you that. Especially now that he has a deadline to get the money to pay off his mom´s debt. He can´t tell you this, though, so he keeps quiet.Â
You notice the hesitation and how he avoids looking at you, when he slowly nods. So you press on. âJeno, I mean it. You getting injured constantly takes its toll on your body. At some point you might not return home.âÂ
âI know, I know. But I don't know if I can keep this promise. There is nothing I am good at besides fighting. My background keeps me from opportunities. People judge me before I can prove myself,â he argues gently, looking at some streetlight a few meters away.Â
âI get that. But still. Please try to keep it limited,â you plead and wait for his reaction.Â
He sighs, then looks back at you and nods. âI will try. But I can´t promise anything.âÂ
You accept what you can get, so you let the conversation fade and finally look for your keys in your bag. You´ve reached your apartment when you stopped. And now it´s time for you to go inside.Â
Jeno wants to say goodbye to you and tries to leave quickly, but you hold his hand before he has the chance to flee. âStay the night.â Your words echo in his head when you utter them. He´s surprised by your sudden demand. âIt´s late. And your place isn't the closest. You´ve stayed before, so why not crash at my place and leave in the morning?" Â
Jeno rings with himself, but eventually accepts your proposal. He gives a silent answer by stepping closer to the door of the house, signaling for you to open the door. Somewhat happy that he accepts your invitation, you smile and open it. The walk up the stairs is quick and before you know it, you are taking off your shoes inside of your apartment.Â
The boy looks around the familiar place. His thoughts drift off while you remove your make up and accessories, giving Yuqi a quick message that you arrived safely, too. He inspects the family picture he saw last time and actually recognizes the unhappy feelings behind your facade when he sees you standing with them in it.Â
When he finally snaps out of it, you are done getting ready for bed and waiting for him. He wants to move over to the couch and grab a blanket like last time, but suddenly, you stop him. Your eyes express certain emotions he can´t fully place. And when you speak to him, he feels like the air gets knocked out of his lungs.Â
âIf you feel comfortable with it, you can share the bed with me. There is enough space and I feel bad letting you sleep on the hard sofa after seeing that fight.â Of course, it´s worry. Or at least that´s what he thinks. Seeing you stare at him so innocently, and sounding so concerned for his comfort, he can´t help but accept the offer.Â
So instead of lying down on the couch, he moves over to the free side of your bed. He watches you get under the covers first, only hesitantly following. It takes him a few minutes to ease the tension in his muscles. There is no way he wants to overstep any boundaries.Â
But when you mumble a soft âsleep wellâ to him and turn off the lights to relax fully, something loosens in him. He gets comfortable under the blanket and feels the warmth that radiates off of your body. Having you so close to him. Sensing the trust you put in him. He notices the way his own heart feels at ease.Â
He wants to treasure this feeling. Having you by his side, in this vulnerable state. There is nothing but care flooding through his system. Even in the darkness of the night, he watches you fall asleep, before closing his own eyes. And then, with the comfort you grant him, he lets his body fully calm down.Â
That night, he falls into the land of dreams with a quiet mind. No worries. No fears. Just warmth. And knowing that someone is with him. That he´s not alone. And that someone actually cares about him.Â
XIV. THREAT
It´s another normal night at the midnight cafe. Only 30 minutes are left until your shift ends. You are already cleaning up when two men in suits enter the cafe. They don´t look around much, heading straight to the counter. One sits down on the chair in front of it. The other stays standing.Â
âGood evening,â one says. The other nods swiftly.Â
You quickly put away the rag, then put on your customer friendly smile. âGood evening. What can I get for you?â Something is off about these men. Your gut feeling tells you. But you can´t pinpoint anything.Â
"Coffee. Black," the one standing says.Â
âTwo,â the one on the chair adds, holding up his index and middle finger.Â
You quickly get to work, preparing them like you usually do. While you do, you can feel eyes follow every move you are making. You try to keep yourself calm, which is easier said than done in this situation.Â
âQuiet here,â one suddenly starts. âIt fits you.âÂ
This makes you stop in your tracks. You look over your shoulder, a little surprise evident in your expression. But you try to stay neutral. So you simply answer, âExcuse me?âÂ
The guy who said it, smiles at you. âYou seem like someone who prefers the quiet.âÂ
His redirection makes you feel weird. Your alarm bells are ringing inside your mind, yet you keep a smile on your face. You decide to no longer get into the topic with him and instead place their cups in front of them.Â
The one standing puts the money on the counter. He pays in cash. No need for change. You quickly put it away into the cash register.Â
The seated man takes a sip of his coffee and nods approvingly. âLong shifts,â he then says, directly looking at you. âMust be tiring. Especially when you´re busy during the day, too.âÂ
His companion smiles at the mention, while you seem more and more confused and your gaze sharpens. âWhat do you mean?âÂ
âSpending time with your friends. Helping them out. You are young. Yet very busy,â he continues.
The other man finally sits down and rests his arm on the counter. Then his gaze returns to you. He suddenly starts smiling. It makes your stomach churn. âYou´ve been hanging out with that boy quite often these days.âÂ
Your breath hitches. Your body freezes a little. This is taking a turn you don´t feel ready for.Â
âYou are good company,â the first one says. âHe seems calmer these days. LessâŚreckless."
This makes you swallow. Have they been following you around? What do they want from you? Your pulse starts racing while your hands try to busy themselves in hopes of somewhat calming your nerves.Â
âIt´s strange how people change when someone suddenly starts caring for them,â his companion adds, a twisted grin spreading on his face.Â
Silence stretches between you. You don't know what to say. But the sweat on your palms is increasing by the second.Â
âYou are a smart girl,â the one who paid softly starts. âSmart enough to understand how much connections matter. And that decisions rarely only affect one person.âÂ
You can hear your heartbeat in your ears. Any words you can think of are stuck in your throat.Â
âEspecially,â the other adds, âwhen there´s a little sister involved.âÂ
You feel very nauseous all of a sudden. The world is spinning a bit.Â
"What was her name again? Bom?â He lifts his coffee and takes a sip. Unbothered.Â
The first one glances at the clock in the corner of the cafe. âIt´s almost closing time,â he states.Â
âY-yes.â you somehow find your voice in this situation.Â
They stand up suddenly. One fixes his jacket. The other looks at his wrist watch, then at the door. Slowly, they take their steps towards it.Â
âWe like it when things work out on time,â the one in the back starts, looking back at you still frozen at the counter. âSo we hope you make the right decisionsâŚwithout thinking for too long.âÂ
The other holds the door open and waits for his partner. Before he leaves, he turns to you, too. âWe don´t want anyone else to get involved, do we?â He says, gives you a smile, and then vanishes into the darkness of the night.Â
You feel like your heart is about to jump out of your chest. It takes you a few seconds before your brain catches up. Then you slowly sink to the floor, clutching your apron while you start to breathe a little faster. Eyes wide in shock.Â
They know who you are. Where you work. And what role you play in his life.Â
XV. SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE
You burst through the doors of the estate. Your walk is quick. Steps are echoing through the entrance hall. You ignore the house keeper you haven´t seen in over a year. There are rooms you intentionally skip. You don´t have the time or the patience to run into your parents. The destination being someone else´s office.Â
The moment the door to the room on the highest floor opens, the man on the couch reading a book looks up in surprise. His wrinkled face lights up upon seeing you, but the smile quickly drops when he sees the urgency in your gaze.Â
âDear, what´s going on? How are you?â he asks, genuinely interested. Your grandpa has always cared for you. Unlike your parents, he was the one supporting you in your decisions. You swore to never talk to your parents again, which meant not seeing him often either. And under normal circumstances, you wouldn´t be in his office right now.Â
But since the situation is about to escalate in your understanding, you have to swallow your pride and take this step you swore you would never ever take. âBeoji. I have a favor to ask of you and Meoni.âÂ
You get straight to the point. Before you can continue, the old man sits down in a chair in front of you. âWhat is it, my dear? What can we do for you?â The old man has a hunch. But he waits for you to speak.Â
âI need money. Not for myself. For a friend.â Your expression stays serious. And even though you hate uttering these words, you still do. âHis mom threw her debt onto him, and now he´s in danger. They are threatening his little sister. She´s only twoââ You stop yourself from rambling on and exhale frustrated.Â
âI hate asking you for this. And I will accept any decision you make. But I can´t witness anything bad happen to them, just because another person is too selfish to take care of their own mess,â you continue, and your grandpa´s face softens.Â
You've always had a good heart. You are selfless enough to help others, going as far as putting down your pride. He's always loved this side of you the most. So his voice sounds softly, âHow much?âÂ
The amount slips out of you within seconds. You watch your grandpa stand up, walk over to a glass cabinet, take out a small jewelry box. When he returns to his desk and the chair he's sat on a minute ago, he opens it. Then he takes out cash, starts counting it, and puts the bills in front of you once he´s reached the number he was looking for.Â
You look at the stash, then up at him. He didn't need to tell you anything else, his gesture answer enough. You bite your bottom lip and clench your hands for a few seconds. Then you stand up and hug him. âThank you. I will pay you back soon.â Â
After that you take the money and put it into your bag. âSay hello to Meoni from me.â Your grandpa nods with a smile. Then you rush out of the house.Â
Űśŕ§
The world feels like it's going faster than ever. The anxiety you´ve been feeling since you´ve had the unwanted encounter with those loan sharks is going haywire inside your chest. You desperately want to run away, change your name and never speak to anyone you know ever again. But you know you can´t do that.Â
You are speed walking through the streets. Seemingly, your destination is Jeno's apartment. You aren't exactly sure. The estate you´ve just been at is quite far away from his place, so it takes you a while to get to familiar streets.Â
You are in some sort of zone while you head through the streets. You barely hear the familiar voice when you round a corner. Luckily, you stop in your tracks on instinct. There he is, cornered by some guys who seem strangely interested in him. Jeno looks like he´s about to start a fight with them. His frustration is evident in the way his face hardened.Â
âI still need a few more days to get everything! For fucks sake I can´t just summon money out of nowhere!â He curses at them.Â
âThat´ s your problem. It's pay day. So pay up,â one of the strange men retorts, not in the mood to play around.Â
Your heart is racing from your speedy walk. It takes a moment for your brain to filter the words into sentences that make sense. When you realize what the topic is about, you quickly make your way towards them.Â
Jeno´s face drops when he sees you come closer. He immediately switches from angry to concerned for your safety. In the meantime the loan shark looks at you and starts grinning. âAnd so we see each other again.âÂ
The boy understands his words immediately, and a realization dawns on him. The moment you reach them, he immediately pulls you to his side, shielding you a little from the dangerous men.Â
âWhat are you doing?â he whisper yells. He wants to get you away from this situation as soon as possible. You on the other hand don't even pay him any mind. Your mouth is displaying a straight line while your eyes give the man in the suit a stern look. You quickly rummage through your bag. And when you find the stack of money you quickly pull it out and push it into the chest of the man.Â
âHere. Your money. Now stop bothering us and piss off,â you spit, earning a laugh from the shady man. Jeno looks at you perplexed. He has no idea where you got that money from. And he hates the fact that you are paying for him even more. But before he gets the chance to complain about it, he´s getting pulled along by you.Â
Your walk quickly turns into a run. You are afraid they might want more and will chase you, so you want to get away from there as fast as possible. The boy by your side picks up on that fast, so he starts leading the way eventually, using some shortcuts to get to his apartment quicker.Â
You run for a while, turning corners quickly, and jumping some walls here and there. You didn´t even know you could move like this until you had to climb up a fence to get into the correct alley faster.Â
Panting, you finally come to a halt in front of Jeno´s apartment door. He silently opens it and lets you in. There´s a glass of water in front of you before you can even ask for it. And once you´ve taken a sip from it, almost emptying it in one go, Jeno finally speaks up. His face is serious and he is clearly displeased with something.Â
âWhy did you do that?â he asks, trying not to let his anger overtake.Â
âWhat?â you ask, your brain not catching up.Â
âPay off my debt. That was none of your business.â He crosses his arms and grits his teeth.Â
In return, you sigh and stand up. âI had no choice. They turned up at my shift the other night and threatened me.âÂ
This makes his eyes go wider. He guessed it earlier, but hearing you say it out loud does something to him. His heart drops. âWhere did you even get the money to pay off such an amount?âÂ
His deflection doesn´t go past you, but you choose to accept the fact that he turns away from anger. âI asked my grandparents. I will pay them back in due time.â You sigh again and sit down.Â
Jeno's arms drop. There is silence that fills the air for a few minutes. âSo now you are indebted to your family. Which is something you wanted to avoid. Because of me.âÂ
âNo, Jeno. I am helping out a friend because he´s getting threatened by shady people who know too much about him, his family, and friends. I would rather we have years of time to pay back some money I lent from my grandparents than have some scary people try and hurt you or your sister just because your mother is an egotistical bitch,â you retort.Â
This makes him shut up. He sees the reasoning behind your decision, which is why he slowly sinks down to sit across from you. âI´m sorry that you got pulled into this. I wanted to avoid this, actually.âÂ
âIs this why you started working at the club more, again?â Your sudden question has him suck in his breath. "Don't think I didn't notice the increase of injuries, again. That´s why you also couldn´t promise me to do this shit as little as possible, am I right?âÂ
He can't help but nod. There is no denying any of what you are saying. He knows that. And because he trusts and appreciates you, he is honest. âYeah. They cornered me a while ago and weren´t afraid to give me a final date while I had Bom in my arms. I had no other options. This is the only job I have. And it´s my only source for quick money.â
You rub your hands over your face. Clearly, this can´t keep going on like this. âJeno, things have to change. You can't keep doing this shady ass fighting thing,â you start and see him about to protest, but you keep going. âThis is not just about you. You have a little sister who needs you. If you get hurt so badly you have to go to the hospital, or worse, you fucking die, who is supposed to be there for her when she can´t stand in for her own rights?âÂ
âShe needs you. Fuck. I don't want you to get badly hurt, either. Every time you turn up with new injuries, my heart hurts because I know you are hurting, too! This isn't the way, Jeno.â Your display of emotions that's carried by your voice hits him. He isn´t directly looking at you anymore, but your message lands.Â
Frustrated, he runs his fingers through his hair. âFuck, I know. I know this isn't sustainable. But I have no other qualities. There is nothing I´m good at besides fighting. I barely managed to finish high school, and my reputation is so bad, people turn me away because they are scared of me. I don't know what else to do. This is all I got!âÂ
âBut that's just not true. You are so much more than a fighter. I´ve seen it myself. If you can make me see those sides of you, others will see them, too. You just have to give yourself a chance. Fuck school qualifactions. Those mean shit when you can prove yourself with your skills. You are a smart guy with so much empathy. There's no way you won't find something better,â you argue, your voice turning gentler with every word.Â
It's hard for him to believe what you are saying. But then he remembers all the other times you've believed in him, didn´t judge him, and supported him. And with that, he slowly starts to think that maybe, maybe if you are able to believe in him, he can try and believe in himself, too.Â
âLet me suggest something. At some time in the future, we will sit down together and look for jobs. I need another job again, too. And while I'm at it, I might as well try and finally apply for college,â you propose, hopeful. âI don´t care when in the future as long as you promise me that we will do this. That way we can pay off the loan I took from my family together, too and you won't feel like you owe me anything.âÂ
There is silence between you two for a while. He is clearly thinking about your suggestion. It sounds like a solution to him. There is just one thing he has to do first. "Okay. I promise you we will do this. But only under one condition.â You listen to him and wait patiently for him to name it. âI need to win this legal fight against my mom first. Once I know Bom is safe and with someone who actually takes care of her, I will stop fighting at the club and leave that life behind me.âÂ
You take in his words and nod in approval once he´s done talking. âThat´s fine with me. As long as you don't break this promise, I will happily support you. Even if it means I will have to keep watching you get hurt.âÂ
Jeno nods, too, accepting that it´s not easy for you, either. And he is thankful that you don't try to overrule his decisions. Unlike many others, you let him make his choices and don´t try to force him.
XVI. PLEASE HELP ME
Bom has been crying for over an hour already. Earlier that day, everything was still fine. They played happily, ate delicious meals, and enjoyed the bit of sun together that was still left in the cold season. Jeno finally had the chance to see his little sister again, and enjoy the day with her. His aunt being busy, she felt it was fine for him to take care of her instead. That´s how she ended up with him.Â
But now, with the clock already showing a time that has passed Bom's usual bedtime, he is holding her, rocking her, trying to make her stop crying with soothing words. He's tried everything in the books. But she just won´t stop crying.Â
She has eaten. They played everything she wanted. She got her bottle of formula before bedtime, too. Is dressed in her cozy pajamas like usual, and holds her favorite stuffed animal. Jeno has tried lying down with her, hoping she would fall asleep after a few minutes. But the crying never stopped.Â
It seems like there is something that's bothering her. But he just can't figure out what it is. It pains him. Seeing her exhaust herself like that with seemingly nothing soothing her. The sound of her screams is loud and persistent. He hates to admit it, but he´s getting close to his limit. There are no options left for him. He fears he is stuck in this despair.Â
Then, a thought crosses his mind. He doesn't think too much about it, and simply goes to get his phone. The contact is quickly found. And before he can debate about it, he dials the number.Â
It rings once. Twice. A third ring never comes, because your voice already echoes through his phone. âHello? Jeno?âÂ
You are confused about why he suddenly calls you. But then you hear the crying in the background. And moments later, Jeno´s exhausted voice answers your looming question. âCan you please come over? I don't know what to do anymore. Bom keeps crying and I don't know how to calm her down.âÂ
You can hear the frustration and pain in his voice. He is tired. Stressed. There is no need for you to debate on your answer. âGive me 10 minutes.âÂ
With that you end the call. Your shoes and jacket are on within seconds. Your lights are off just as quick. And before you know it you are out of your apartment, on your way to his.Â
The minutes passing feel like hours to the boy who is still holding his little sister in his arms. He tries again and again to calmly talk to her. Hope never fading. When the doorbell rings, he is quick to let you in. And when you take a step inside, recognizing the disheveled state he is in, the shaking in his arms from the tension he´s been holding back, you discard your stuff as fast as possible and turn to him.Â
You hold your arms out. He carries Bom over to you, eyes already apologizing for the bother, but you don´t comment on that. You simply look at him, gaze calm and confident. Then you speak. âGo and take a shower. I will take care of her.âÂ
Jeno´s shoulders slump in a mix of exhaustion and relief. He doesn't argue with you and watches as you vanish into his bedroom, his sister still crying in your arms. Worries plague his mind as he slowly moves to his bathroom. What if you have no success, either? What will he do if Bom cries herself down to exhaustion, until her Body can't take it anymore?
His clothes are discarded with hesitance. When he looks in the mirror his expression gloomily stares back at him. He looks like a mess. He hates that he can't deal with this himself. Yet he is so thankful that you came.Â
Űśŕ§
While Jeno is taking a shower, you are busy with Bom. The little girl looks just as exhausted as her brother. So you try your best to help her.Â
You check her diaper again. Empty. Not too loose, not too tight. You know that she definitely ate something earlier. The used kitchen tools tell you that much. You check her temperature. Normal. You try rocking her, too, but see that she doesn´t relax with it.Â
When you try to distract her with her stuffed animal, she shortly stops to look at it, but starts again. With a small sigh you decide to lay her down. If nothing like this helps, maybe something else is the issue.Â
The girl doesn't stay lying on her back. She starts kicking the small blanket around. She keeps trying to sit up. Even when you want to caress her, you feel her back away from your touch.Â
An idea pops up in your mind. You quickly take away the blanket and put it aside. Then you open the window a little, to let in fresh air. The sudden cold air grabs her attention again. Her crying seems to calm just a tiny bit, even if it still doesn't fully stop. But you take notice of it.Â
When you see her fumble with her pajama top, you decide that she is definitely overwhelmed. So you help her take off the pieces of clothing. The effect is instant. Her expression softens a little.Â
You close the window a few seconds later. The few minutes let in enough cold air to freshen up the bedroom. And because the only thing that´s left now is for you to give her emotional support, you do the only thing that seems right. You lie down next to her, look her in the eyes, and try to soothe her by singing and humming to her a little.Â
Now that the sensory overload is less, she can concentrate on one thing to calm down. And it works. The girl looks at you. She still occasionally lets out a cry, but it's significantly less. Your body gives her the necessary warmth she might want. And your overall presence reassures her that she´s not alone.Â
Your humming and singing is grounding. And when some minutes have passed, you can see how her breathing starts to even out. The crying has stopped now. And her eyes seem to get heavier and heavier.Â
With a daring gesture you brush your finger gently over the bridge of her nose. At first it's testing the waters on your part. But when she doesn´t make a move that tells you she doesn´t want it, you keep going, picking up a slow, steady rhythm.Â
You do this for a few more minutes until she finally falls asleep, and wait another minute until you dare to move away from her, slowly scooting to the edge of the bed. Then you take the blanket and lay it on top of her so she stays warm and cozy. You watch her a few more moments, until you finally decide to leave the room.Â
When you step out of it, you don't fully close the door. You can still hear the running water in the bathroom, so you take a look around. There are some plates and pots still dirty in the kitchen sink. The living room floor is scattered with toys. He definitely did everything he could, you think. And because you saw how exhausted he looked when you arrived, you decide to take the chores off his shoulders.Â
Űśŕ§
The moment Jeno steps out of the bathroom in a fresh set of clothes and a towel on his head, somewhat drying his wet hair, he immediately notices the silence. His eyes roam his apartment. He sees the ajar door to his bedroom. And then he sees you putting away a last plate onto the drying rack.Â
You surprise him over and over. He doesn't know how you do it. But somehow you always find a way to fix things in his life or make it easier for him.Â
Discarding the towel on his head, he walks over to you in silence. You can feel his presence, so you turn to face him. âHave you eaten?â you ask right away, voice soft and low.Â
He nods as a response, too stunned to speak at first. âHowâŚâ
You give him a small smile and lean onto the counter behind you. âShe was overwhelmed. I helped her erase the things that overstimulated her. And after that I helped her fall asleep.â
âRight. Why didn't I think of this?â Jeno whispers to himself, mostly.Â
âDon´t blame yourself. It´s not easy to find what´s wrong when they don't know how to express themselves fully, yet.â You try to take away the burdening thoughts from him. After all, you knew him well enough to know that he likes to blame himself a lot.Â
The boy in front of you lets out an exhausted chuckle. Of course you see right through him. âYou amaze me every time,â he then mumbles, and looks at you.Â
âWhat do you mean?â Your question is simple. Yet, it amuses him that you don´t seem to know just how much you've helped him in the few months he has known you. He shakes his head in disbelief, but the smile on his lips doesn´t disappear.Â
Neither of you speak after this. He doesn´t give you an answer, instead leaving you in the open about his comment. You watch him in the dim lighting provided by the street lamps from outside. It´s so quiet you can hear yours and his breathing.Â
âYou know, I thought this night would end with a mental breakdown,â he whispers all of a sudden. There is a shakiness to his voice you can´t decipher just yet. âI started to get scared. IâŚI didn´t know who else to call.âÂ
The words sit heavy with you. His choice to be openly vulnerable with you is something you treasure deeply, knowing it´s not something he would just do with anyone.Â
Without thinking, your hand touches his forearm. The grounding gesture makes him look at you. You return his gaze, searching for anything that tells you he is uncomfortable. âI´m so glad you called.âÂ
Your honest words steal a shaky breath from him. His gaze dips down, too, finding the floor before he looks back up. Hearing confirmation that it was the right decision lifts something heavy off his chest. With the relief of tension, his shoulders automatically sack down slightly, and he places his hands on the counter on either side of you to support himself.Â
You are suddenly so close to him. The way you so innocently stare at him for signs that he needs more emotional support has his heart soften. His mind empties, too, comforted by your presence.Â
You become aware of the closeness, too. But strangely, it feels soothing. Like it´s meant to be. And before you know it, you move closer.Â
His eyes follow you. There is hesitation when you are centimeters apart from each other. You can feel his breath on your mouth. And then, when neither of you widen the distance, he closes it instead.Â
Your lips meet softly, like he's afraid of breaking the moment. You are both careful with what you are doing, only indulging lightly in it. And when he pulls back, there is a visible difference in his demeanor.Â
You keep looking at him, trying to read him. But besides the weight that´s been lifted, and the gentle longing in his eyes, you can´t find any more signs of distress.Â
He´s holding onto your arm with his hand, keeping you grounded and close to him. And while you relish in this moment, both of you feel the remaining pull.Â
There is no need for words to be exchanged. You just give in to the feelings. Before you know it, your lips are back on his. With less hesitation, and more need.Â
One of your hands moves to hold his face. He places one on your hips, pulling you closer to him. You give in to the pull, letting go of any worries and thoughts that have kept you apart in all the struggle.Â
There is no lust that comes with the closeness the two of you share. Just freedom. Like there is no more struggle to breathe in the mess you call life.Â
Eventually, you part. Your panting fills the quiet night air as you come down from the emotional high you just experienced. Jeno leans his forehead on yours as he loosens his grip on you just a little.Â
Neither of you dare to speak up, scared to ruin the atmosphere you created for yourselves. You let whatever feelings just came over you linger. Then, a short, silent shuffle from the bedroom tears both of your attention to the door.Â
You wait for any other sign that something is up. But when silence follows again, both of you feel relief. You look back at each other, soft, gentle smiles reflecting on your faces.Â
âThank you,â he mumbles, genuinely acknowledging all your effort.Â
Your smile grows, and you squeeze his hand once before you let go. Your gaze moves back to the door again as you let silence settle. And outside, the city hums on like any other night, leaving you behind in the comfort of its noise.Â
XVII. D-DAY
âOkay so, I´ve talked to the lawyer again, and she said if she pulls certain strings, things will move fast,â your voice rings through the phone, over to Jeno.Â
The boy listens to you intently. The stakes are high, so he´s giving it his best. âAre you sure they will make it work that quickly? I am not fully trusting the process yet.âÂ
âYes. I am flexing my name with this case a bit, so they will prioritize it because they don´t want to stand in bad light with my family,â you explain, a certain discomfort traveling with your voice as you do.Â
Jeno knows you hate your family connections. He knows you don´t like to rely on your last name or the things your parents have established. That´s why he appreciates your effort even more. He knows not to take it for granted.Â
âThe system is really god damn unfair,â he mumbles on the other line.Â
"Yeah. But that´s our luck this time. We are using corruption for our benefits. Just like any other rich bitch does. So please, keep the information coming. The more she has in her hands the easier the case will be,â you answer, still having heard him clear enough.
With a heavy exhale, Jeno writes down some more things that come to his mind. âFine. I will trust you on this.âÂ
Űśŕ§
After your call, things really do move fast. Weeks pass by in which Jeno keeps sending notes to the lawyer you referred him to. She keeps in contact with him, praising him for the detailed information. At the same time, his aunt does everything in her capabilities to keep Bom with her as much as possible. She knows not to trust her sister with anything she´s saying, so whenever the opportunity arises, she makes up time to spend it with her niece.Â
Then, when the phone call for a date finally comes, Jeno feels like his heart is jumping out of his chest. He knows you said things will move fast. But he didn´t expect it to be this fast.Â
When a court date finally graces his calendar on the wall, he suddenly feels the need to scramble and find something appropriate to wear, while also making sure his face doesn´t look too bruised from the fights he still does. He wants to look responsible, not like what his reputation frames him to be.Â
The fewer days until the hearing, the more nervous he gets. You stay in contact with him as much as possible. But given the stress and anxiety, you regularly miss each other's calls or don't text each other for days until one of you gets room to breathe again.Â
The distance is bothering you. But there is nothing you can do. He hates it just as much. But his focus keeps straying to what he has to do.Â
When the day finally comes, Jeno is pacing up and down the halls in front of the court room. His aunt is inside, with the lawyer you recommended, battling his mother and her stupid boyfriend.Â
He has no idea where his little sister is. He just knows she´s currently with a social worker. He knows he has to enter the court room any moment now, stating his own experiences with his family and how they used him as a means to an end. The thought is killing him on the inside. He is scared. But he keeps retelling himself why he´s doing this.Â
Once the hour inside the room, in front of the judge, is over, he sits back down outside. His leg is bouncing as he waits impatiently for the whole hearing to end. These minutes feel like days. He hates it. But he has to hold out.Â
In front of the building, you are waiting for him. You barely managed to get there on time, knowing you wouldn't be allowed inside anyway. But you still wanted to show up. To support Jeno. After all, you came to realize that you are like an anchor to him. In the months leading up to right now, you´ve gotten close to him, so now, it´s no longer just you being there for him, but also him giving you the energy to live life fully again.Â
You pace along the sidewalk, anxiously rubbing your palms together as you wait. It feels like walking on spikes ready to pierce you. You are stuck in your mind, thinking of all possible outcomes. And while you know the chances for a win are high, you are still as scared as someone who will surely be convicted for a crime that means a life in prison.Â
The moment the doors to the court house open, your head snaps up. Jeno walks down the stairs speedily, when he sees you waiting for him. You look at him with curious eyes, your breath held in anticipation.Â
When he stops in front of you, his smile grows. You hate how he keeps you waiting. You actually feel the urge to punch him so he finally spills the judgment. You keep looking from one eye to the other, trying to read his face, to get the answer you want.Â
Then, his smile grows. The words leave his mouth and the world stops spinning for a few seconds. You process what he's saying. And right after, you jump into his arms, full of joy.Â
He quickly embraces you, pulling you against him with lots of strength. He buries his face in your shoulder, trying to contain himself. But the grin keeps spreading on his face. âI can´t believe it. She's free.âÂ
âI am so happy for you,â you respond, almost shedding a tear or two, out of joy for this win. He's finally getting the justice he deserves. And you are with him, to witness it.
When you pull apart, you stare at him with a joyful smile. âWhat exactly did they decide on?â Curiosity is killing you. You want to know what the judge said.Â
âBom will move in with my aunt. She´s getting full custody and my mom is no longer allowed to see her. I get to visit Bom whenever I have the time to,â he explains, still smiling like he just got reborn.Â
Hearing this, you move to hug him once again. There is just nothing you can say that will express the happiness you are currently feeling. With it, relief settles in as well. You two no longer have to worry about this constant race for Bom's well being.
XVIII. NEW BEGINNINGS
The knock on the door echoes loud and clear, and seconds later, Jeno swings open the door. He greets you with a bright smile while you return it with the same enthusiasm.Â
When you step inside, your jacket and shoes are off fast. The laptop you´ve brought with you is put into Jeno´s hands in the meantime. The boy studies it with a curious gaze, and when you are done you take it out of his hands and strut into his living room, plopping down on the couch as if you own the place.Â
âAnd you are serious about the whole job hunt thing? You sure someone will want to hire me?â the boy asks as he sits down next to you, resting his arm on the back of the couch, and watches you start up the device.Â
You give him an incredulous look. âDo I really have to keep telling you that you are capable of more than you think? Jeno please, you are anything but stupid. Trust yourself some more.â The eye roll you give him afterwards makes him chuckle. He doesn´t answer your statement, instead watching the pastel background on your desktop pop up on screen.Â
You sign in quickly, open your personal folders and pull out the documents you already made. âOkay so, let´s create an application for you so some horrible boss can see how great you are.âÂ
âShouldn´t we start by trying to find jobs that suit me first?â Jeno questions, unsure if there even is anything he would be useful for. Your head turns towards him again and you start studying his face. Your cheeks puff out, too, while you try to think of an answer.Â
âI mean, what do you personally think you are really good at, and what do you like to do besides fighting?â you ask straight up, the air leaving your cheeks as you speak.Â
Distracted by the fairly cute expression, Jeno starts to think of a few things. At first nothing really comes up, but then, ideas appear in his mind. âI would say, I like working out? And well, I do know how to come by on a low budget. But I don´t know if that´s useful for anything.â Â
â... and?â you try to urge him to say more, but the boy stays quiet and just shrugs. It makes you face palm in frustration. How can he be so blind? The sigh that follows when you look at him makes him scratch the back of his head, but before he gets the chance to say more, you start again. âOkay, so you like working out, you are physically on the top level, you know how to fight and defend. Besides that you are great with kids, and in my personal opinion you are actually pretty smart. You figure things out quickly, know how to tend for yourself and care for others all while surviving in a stressful environment. Your stamina is great and you have a strong mind.âÂ
Your listing of all these things leaves him quite speechless. His big eyed stare makes you break your poker face, the created chuckle echoing through the room. âWhat? You didn't actually think I wouldn´t find anything valuable that fits many jobs? Look, in my opinion, you are pretty great. If no one else ever told you this, you can be sure I have no reason to lie to you.âÂ
You end up patting his shoulder before opening the browser on your laptop to look for some jobs. When you type in some of the qualities you´ve just listed, you scroll through the recommended jobs that fit them, and show them to Jeno. âDo any of these suit your tastes? Do you think one of them could work for you?âÂ
Jeno´s eyes roam over the black letters showing many job titles. He takes each of them in, visually trying to imagine himself in the role that´s presented. Body guard, kindergarten teacher, personal trainer. Somehow, all of these felt a little off. It´s not easy for him to try and imagine himself as something other than an underground fighter. So he looks at you for any implications of help.Â
However, you just look at him with raised eyebrows, waiting for an answer. âWhat do you have in mind for your new second job?â he eventually asks, making you scrunch up in confusion.Â
âAre you trying to divert the topic?â you ask straight up, not fully grasping the sudden reason for his question.Â
âNo, I justâŚit´s hard imagining anything normal. I am just curious. Maybe it helps me figure it out for myself.â He says, diverting his gaze towards the carpet on his floor. He feels a bit embarrassed about his struggle.Â
What he misses is the way your expression softens. And instead of judging him, you simply answer. âActually, I already made an application form for a position at a school for troubled kids. Since I eventually want to work in the field, and study social work, I felt it was a good way of testing my skills and gaining experience.âÂ
Your answer steers his eyes back to you. His gaze is laced with admiration as he listens to you. âYour goals are so inspirational. I never even thought of what I wanted to be later in life.âÂ
âBut that´s because you had other things to focus on. You never had the chance to do this. That´s why we are here right now. It's fine if we can´t find anything today, either. It´s just important we take this step at all,â you reassure.Â
Jeno nods in understanding and keeps thinking about things. You, in the meantime, keep scrolling through whatever the browser suggested. âIsn´t there anything that´s not too far away from the job you want to do?â he then, suddenly, asks, looking at you with some sort of puppy gaze.Â
You return his gaze with one of surprise. You don´t know why he suddenly feels like he needs you in closer proximity for a job, but you also don´t want to question him, so you just shrug and start thinking.Â
A pout is slowly growing on Jeno´s face when you keep quiet, so when you click your tongue because you remembered something, his ears perk up. âActually, I think there is. Across from the school, in the same building, is a rehabilitation center for mostly older people who recover from sickness or injury. I think their gym is still looking for someone willing to support the old folks with their exercises while keeping up with the friendly chatter.âÂ
âCan´t I do that kind of job?â he asks, thinking that he definitely qualifies for the physical tasks, and he is sure he can handle chatty seniors.Â
âI don´t see a reason why you can´t. Want to apply for the job?â you ask, looking at him with expectation.Â
Jeno nods. Inside he still feels a little unsure, but he knows, if you keep supporting him, building his confidence in this department, he will feel secure soon. And if you manage to get the job at the school, he might even be able to have daily lunch time with you, which sounds like a really nice, domestic life to him, away from all the chaos, and presentable enough for when Bom has to introduce her family at school in a few years time, too.Â
Happy that he found something he is interested in doing, you smile at him and open a writing program after. âAlright. Let´s get started on that CV then. I will help you with that.âÂ
âWhat does yours look like?â Curiosity gets the best of him, so he asks you. The question triggers an even prouder smile from you so you go to open the files you had created a week ago and show them to him.Â
The application looks really professional in Jeno´s eyes and he admires your eye for detail and design on it. Impressed, he hums. âAre you secretly a graphic designer or something? How can you make this look so professional while also adding your personal touch with those cutesy designs?âÂ
âOh that? I just got carried away. It was too cute to delete so I tried to somehow implement it without ruining the serious aspects of what it needs to portray,â you half mumble, trying not to let his compliments get to your head, because really, it wasn´t that big of a deal. Just a normal application with some pink lettering, cute symbols and a cream colored background.Â
Once Jeno is done inspecting what you´ve made, you start an empty file and write down his personal information. Quickly, you have the important data down, and add whatever else needs to be on this application.Â
Two hours later, you present the final version to the boy who´s busy scrolling through his socials by now. âWhat do you think?â you ask and wait for Jeno´s judgment. He looks at the file, scans the information, and then looks at you.Â
âWhy does mine not have cute lettering on it?â he seriously asks.Â
âDo you really want me to add pink font and cute lettering to yours, too?â You wonder if he´s joking or for real.Â
âCan a guy not have pink and cute associated with his application?â he counters instead.Â
âDo you want them to compare our applications and think I made this instead of you?â you question, raising one eyebrow.Â
The boy pouts, unable to reply with a good argument. Then he gives in. âFine. But can we add a blue font at least? I don't like the plain look.âÂ
You chuckle at his persistence to add some more character to it. But with the way he asks so nicely you can´t say no. âFine. I will add some more colour. Just for you.âÂ
His eyes light up with your answer. Satisfied he leans back against the back of the couch again, going back to his phone.Â
âHow´s Jaemin? Is he sad you are going to leave the fighting scene?â you then ask while busy with the colour of the lettering.Â
âOh, he´s fine. A bit sad his best friend won´t work with him any longer, but he will survive. It´s not like our friendship is going to end because of this,â Jeno says, looking at his phone screen.Â
âThat´s great. You should invite him over for coffee or something when you successfully get a job,â you suggest, not looking away from the desktop, either.Â
After some silence, and you being busy finishing the application for him, you clap our hands together when the file is finally done. âNow we just have to send these to the institution and wait.âÂ
Upon hearing that, Jeno looks at you smiling brightly and proudly. He debates on asking another question, seeing how your mood is good right now. He doesn´t know if it will ruin it, because he doesn´t know if the topic is sensitive to you. Eventually, he ends up going for it, though, knowing that you are strong enough to handle it.Â
âWhen do you plan on applying for universities?â His voice comes out with a rough undertone, prompting him to clear his throat.Â
You lean back against the couch and exhale, a little bit of exhaustion evident in it. âI already finished writing the applications for all the colleges in the area.â You pause after saying it. Something is gnawing at you in the back of your mind. Jeno patiently waits for you to continue. âBut I´m a bit afraid of actually applying.âÂ
The revelation makes him put his phone away. His eyebrow is raised as he goes to look at you with a hint of concern. âWhy? That´s what you've been working your ass off for, isn´t it?âÂ
âYes. ButâŚâ You look at him now before you keep speaking, âSometimes, I question if my parents were right after all. If it´s really the right decision. Or if I should just comply and apply for business instead.âÂ
Your admission leaves him speechless. You, the one who never doubted him once, who kept motivating him and told him he can achieve anything if he only actually believed in himself, are afraid of pursuing your dream. He couldn't let that self-doubt ruin it for you.Â
With swift movements he takes the laptop from you. He quickly searches through your saved websites in the browser, knowing you are the type of person to have the tabs for the universities saved so you can go to the websites quickly. Then he opens each of them, looks for the page for application, and inserts your file.Â
âWhat are you doing?â you question, sitting up in alert as you watch him, unable to interfere.Â
âApplying for university,â he drily says and hits the send button for each of the schools. Only after that does he put the laptop down on the coffee table.Â
You meet his eyes with a look of shock. You have no words, too busy still processing what he just did for you. Somehow it´s ironic. You keep telling him to believe in himself while you secretly doubt your own decisions. So him doing this feels like a reversal.Â
âThe worst that can happen is that you have to apply again next semester,â he states as a matter of fact. âYou, of all people I know, have no reason to question your dreams, okay? If anyone is doing what´s right, it´s you. You follow your heart, and I want you to keep doing that. Because if you stop, I can no longer look up to you as the responsible person in our friendship.âÂ
His statement takes you off guard. The way he addresses you, refers to you. The way he lays open how he sees you, is surprising. But somehow, you can´t do anything but laugh at yourself. âYou are right. There is no need to suddenly question this. If it´s meant to be, it will happen. And if I discover that the field ain´t it for me, I can still change course.âÂ
âExactly. So stop overthinking this. You are great with people. You will manage this just fine. And it will definitely be the right decision,â he adds, determination blooming for you.Â
âThanks,â you mumble. A genuine smile spreads over your mouth and you give him a look of true appreciation. His eyes soften in return. And since the moment you arrived at his place, it´s the first time this evening that he fully takes you in.Â
The gentleness in the way you look at him. The way your mouth curves into the friendly smile you always give him. The strands of hair that fall into your face, seemingly obstruct your view, but you don´t care enough to brush them away. It's comforting how you always give him this type of attention.Â
Silence stretches between you. You notice his focus shifting. The atmosphere is calm, comfortable. You can´t help but acknowledge his presence more. It´s only now that you notice how close you sit together. His knee is pressing into your thigh a bit. His hand rests on the backrest, close to your face. He is staring at you now, and somehow, it feels like there is longing growing between you two.Â
Without questioning it, you lean your head onto his hand. He immediately reacts by letting you rest in his palm, his thumb instinctively brushing over your cheek. The touch immediately sends a quiet shiver through you.
Jeno doesn´t stop the movement, doesn´t even seem to realize he´s doing it at all. Until you softly exhale, your eyes flutter shut for just a second. Something changes in his expression then. The gentleness stays, but it deepens, turns heavier. More aware.Â
âYou always do that,â he murmurs, his voice breaking the silence.Â
You open your eyes again, confused but smiling. âDo what?âÂ
âMake things feel steady,â he says. His thumb pauses against your cheekbone. âLike I can finally breathe again.âÂ
The words settle low in your chest. You shift slightly, not pulling away, just close enough that your legs brush more fully now. His breath catches as a result. You hear it. Feel it.Â
For a moment neither of you moves. The space between you suddenly feels really charged. Fragile, like any wrong move could shatter it.Â
Your eyes focus on him, again. Switching from one to the other. Trying to read him. He keeps up with it. Lets you try to decipher him.Â
The tension grows, quiet comfort settling between you two, accompanied by the charged air. Eventually, his gaze slips down to your lips. The memory of that night where he needed help and called you rushing back to his mind.Â
He feels hot all over again, thinking back on the way he kissed you. Let you in.Â
When his gaze returns to your eyes, he finds them hooded. You are looking at him with this expression that tells him so much. Yet he´s afraid of acknowledging it fully.Â
Your hand moves, then. Lands on his wrist that's resting on his thigh. You let your fingers brush over his skin softly. As if to tell him that it´s okay. Giving him the choice.Â
With a rising heartbeat, he finally leans in. He closes the distance, and then, soft lips meet yours. He kisses you warm and unhurried, giving you the option of an out any time. But you don´t need it. You return the gesture with just as much longing as him, letting it unfold, and accepting the pull that´s been building quietly all evening.Â
Jeno´s hand slides from your cheek to the back of your neck, steadying you, and grounding himself. He deepens the kiss, and you return it without hesitation.Â
It´s not rushed. Not desperate. But it´s no longer innocent, either. Unlike last time, there is pressure now. A subtle insistence. And the unmistakable realization that this is something you both want.Â
Your hand keeps caressing his, slowly moving over to his underarm. With each passing second, the want you feel for each other grows. There are short breaks for air. But the moment you take that breath, you are right back to kissing.Â
With each kiss, the distance between you shrinks. Before you know it, the hand you´ve been holding rests on your thigh, thumb circling the area gently. You pull at his t-shirt, bringing him closer to you.Â
Eventually, Jeno breaks the kiss. He looks at you, trying to gauge where you want to go with this while panting. Sensing the possibility for overthinking, you move, shifting your weight onto your knees. His hand still holds your thigh. And you simply cup his face, crash your lips back on his and lean forward.Â
Immediately, his other hand lands on your hip. He pulls you closer to him, presses your body against his, makes space for you so it's easier to kiss you. He quickly gets swallowed by the feelings that grow inside of him. The want to have you closer.Â
His hand keeps wandering, brushing your waist, caressing your ribs. It steals a short, breathy, gasp from you. The sound has him stiffen for a second, surprise washing over him. But at the same time, the vulnerability and fragility of it turns him on so much.Â
You don´t even notice his short stiffening, too intoxicated by the fluttery feeling inside your stomach that´s caused by the way he touches you. Instinctively, you press yourself unbelievably closer to him, pretty much sitting in his lap now, you don´t even notice the moment you grind down on him.Â
A low groan breaks your making out. But only shortly. Because before you can say anything, his lips start to plaster kisses on your jaw. Like a man who knows what he wants, he takes his time traveling down to your neck and starts sucking on your skin.Â
His arm is embracing your waist now, too. There is no possibility for you to move away. So you give in to the feeling, grabbing his shoulders for support. When he sucks on a certain spot on your neck, your eyes shoot open, and a shaky moan leaves your mouth.Â
Jeno can´t help but chuckle against your skin. His free hand takes the chance to roam under your top, while he keeps his assault on your neck going.Â
You can feel him everywhere. The heat of his body against yours, his wet kisses on your neck, the hand that moves over your skin. It´s all sending you to a different realm. You can feel how the heat is pooling down. How it´s growing in your lower half. And how the wetness increases between your legs.Â
Slowly, you start to feel fizzy. You feel the urge to let out the energy that´s growing between you two. The only way that comes to mind is sweet and simple. You did it once already. So you will keep it going. With the growing arousal, you grind down on him again, pressing your middle against him, over and over. Until you can feel his body respond.Â
The air is growing thick now. Jeno can feel the space in his pants become smaller. There is more urgency in the way you move against each other, keep kissing each other. And in a swift movement, Jeno looks at you, your top in his hands, waiting for a sign from you that it´s okay if he does this.Â
You stare at him, panting, and give him a quick nod, lifting your arms. The fabric is over your head a second later. His lips are on your collarbone next, leaving open mouthed kisses that travel to your breasts.Â
You fumble with his t-shirt, hands moving over the strong muscles below. You pull at the fabric, too. And Jeno makes quick work of it, taking it off with a swift movement, before returning to his previous task.Â
Satisfied with the revelation of more skin, you touch his shoulders, his chest, his back. All while your hips rock against his, fueling the fire in your core. Breathy moans fill the air in his living room. Your underwear is becoming uncomfortably sticky. It´s getting overwhelming.Â
âJeno, your bedroom. Now,â you pant. He breaks away from your skin for a few seconds, looks at you, and in the next moment, he's lifting you up and walks to the room.Â
His elbow pushes open the door. He lays you down on his bed right after. Then he attacks your lips again. His mouth moves against yours. Your hands hold onto his shoulders. And he slowly climbs over you, settling between your legs.Â
Your legs close around his hips, pull him against you, and you relish in the feeling. Another moan leaves your mouth. Jeno descends on your skin again, sucking on your jaw, your neck, your collar bone. When he reaches the mount of your breasts, he gives you a glance. You look back at him, eyes full of anticipation. Then he skillfully takes off your bra.Â
His mouth immediately latches onto one of your nipples, causing you to arch into him, overwhelmed by the sensitivity. âFuck, Jeno~â you moan, trying to contain yourself and not completely loose it.Â
He simply hums against you, the vibration of it doing nothing against the way every sensation travels right to your pussy. You can feel his erection growing between your legs. It fuels your desire to do something, too. So while he keeps his attack on your sensitive buds going, your hand travels down his chest. Until it reaches his pants.Â
Too distracted by the bliss of having you so close to him, he only notices your wandering hand when it´s already busy doing something. A throaty groan breaks his rhythm with your tit when he feels your fingers brush over his dick.Â
He glances up at you, a burning fire behind his gaze as he observes you. Deciding that he can play this game, too, he keeps going, giving the other nipple just as much attention. But this time, one of his hands moves over your waist down to your hips, and finally between your legs.Â
The moment you feel his fingers press into the fabric of your panties, giving your pussy the much wanted friction it longed for, you let out an unrestrained moan. Your eyes dart down to him, watching as he teases you. And you can´t help it, your hips push against his fingers again, chasing more of that feeling.Â
The pace starts to pick up. Each of your hands keep teasing the other, luring out more sounds. Eventually, Jeno has had enough of your pants, so he makes quick progress with them, and pulls them off your legs. After that, he´s back on you. He never leaves you without any touch. And now that he has it easier moving his hands, he doesn´t shy away from pushing his fingers into your panties to give your clit the needed attention.Â
âJeno, please,â you whine. The feeling of his fingers is nice. But you want more.Â
The boy chuckles, and looks at you. âPlease what? Speak with me. Tell me what you want,â he says between kisses, placing one on your shoulder, one on your cheek, and one on your forehead.Â
âI need you. Want you inside of me,â you tell him. Your eyes clearly showing him just how much.Â
âJust a little longer, okay?â He knows he has to open you up at least a little bit. He doesn´t know how active you were before, but there is no way he is risking hurting you. Recognizing your growing impatience, however, he doesn´t wait much longer, and dips one finger into you.Â
You let out a small gasp with the feeling. He´s careful at first. Your wetness makes him groan another time. He is already way ahead in his mind, and barely holding himself back now. But for your sake, he keeps going.Â
When he feels you are fine with one finger, he adds another. He can feel you clench around him especially when he curls them. Your eyes close with the growing feeling inside your lower stomach, and you are fisting the sheets by now, close to the edge.Â
Recognizing the signs, Jeno slows down a bit. He adds a third finger, though, stretching you out even further. You moan with the added fullness, your hips meeting his hand in a steady rhythm.Â
You can feel the knot tighten. Your breathing is more and more shallow, broken by soft moans. You are going down with the bliss. Jeno keeps pushing right at that spot that feels so delicious inside of you. And then, with one more push, you feel yourself slipping into another world.Â
Your pussy clenches hard around his fingers. Your hands fist the sheets, turning your knuckles white. Your legs start to shake. And while you go over the edge, he fucks you through it. Until the last wave of your orgasm is over, and he feels you pull away due to the overstimulation.Â
You are a panting mess when you come back to your senses. Jeno´s hand is caressing your inner thigh while he scatters soft kisses over your shoulder. Only when you feel ready again, will he focus on his own wants.Â
You glance at him, recognize the strain in his pants. Then, when you are able to focus again, you move. Your hands are on his shoulders, caressing his skin. Your mouth latches onto his throat this time, scattering it with kisses.Â
It takes him by surprise, but he can´t deny that it makes his head feel like it´s spinning. Whatever you do to him, it has his heart racing and his stomach flutter with a feeling he can´t describe.Â
He is so distracted by the attack on him, he fails to notice the way you shift your position until he´s almost fully on his back.Â
He blinks a few times when he realizes, but lets you do whatever, regardless. You already feel horny again, in desperate need for him to fill you up. So you make quick work with his pants, and free his dick from the restrains of the fabric.Â
Your hand immediately moves to take him, wrapping around him and moving in slow, steady motions. The sudden friction has his stomach muscles tighten while a groan slips out of his mouth. And when he fully takes you in, the way you are on top of him, ready to devour him. He swallows heavily.Â
âFuck! You look so fucking hot,â he curses, one hand moving to hold your hips.Â
You simply chuckle at him. And when you are done stroking his dick some more, you get ready. âI doubt you have any condoms at home.â Your voice sounds a little hoarse, and there is a teasing edge to it.Â
Jeno hates to admit it. But you are right with your assumption. With his lack of a girlfriend and the lack of wanting to hoe around, he didn´t buy any in a long time. So he shakes his head. âHate to say it, but you are right,â he groans, already accepting the fact that you are going to stop right there.Â
But before he gets to think about it more, you are already aligning yourself with him. And in the next moment, you sink down on him, slowly.Â
Feeling your wet walls take him, he moans. The deeper you take him, the tighter you feel. He has to concentrate really hard not to cum right then and there.Â
Stuck in your own bliss, you close your eyes. The way his dick pushes against your walls feels so delicious, you could get used to having this every day. Only when he´s fully inside do you open your eyes again. Your breaths are heavy, and when you look at him, a sweet, satisfied smirk on your face, do you see the way he´s struggling to keep it together.Â
You don´t move right away, giving him and yourself time to adjust to each other. You place your palms on his chest for support, and then whisper, âJeno, no need to hold back, okay?âÂ
It takes a few seconds for him to fully comprehend your words. But right when he understands them, you lift yourself up and sink back down on him. The sudden friction has his hands grip your hips tightly. He's sure he will leave bruises on your skin if this keeps going.Â
Your mouth opens slightly, letting out a soft moan when you start moving. You look at the man below you, to see if he feels uncomfortable with anything. But when you see the hungry gaze, and the way he is trying really hard not to slam into you with all his might, you do it again.Â
Your hips lift and sink down again. And again. And then your pace picks up. With the rhythm you are setting, you are letting go. The moans are spilling out of you. Jeno´s knuckles are turning white. And even though you told him not to hold back, he still doesn´t want to hold you in place and abuse your pussy.Â
With each move of your hips, your pace increases. The knot in your lower stomach starts to form quickly. The sounds you two make turn you on even more. And the longer you keep this up, the closer you are to another orgasm.Â
Jeno notices. He can feel the way you clench around him, the way your movements get sloppier. He guesses your thighs are starting to burn, too. Feeling close himself, it takes every bit of willpower in him to hold out longer. There is a sudden switch in him, though, and within seconds he has decided he wants you to come differently.Â
In fast movements you find yourself back on your back. A yelp leaves your mouth with the sudden change of position. Big eyes stare at the man who´s now on top of you again with curiosity. You are panting, until he starts to move, ramming into you with powerful, rhythmic thrusts.Â
On reflex, you hold onto him, moaning louder now. The change in angle has you seeing stars, especially because he feels so much deeper like this. You can't help but scratch his skin within your blissed out state, making the boy his lightly.
He feels really close to release. So to speed up your orgasm just a little bit, he pushes onto your lower belly with one hand, and uses his thumb to circle your clit. The sounds that escape you right after, are music in his ears. He loses himself in them a bit, and then he can feel the edge.Â
Seconds later, he releases into you with a low groan, but keeps going until he can feel you clench around him really hard.Â
Your legs start to shake again as you tip over the edge, your second orgasm taking you to another world again. Jeno keeps his thrusts going, taking you through the high. He only slowly pulls out when your limbs slip from him and you pant, exhausted.Â
When you come back down from the high of the orgasm, you can feel featherlight kisses on your cheek. You lock eyes with the man lying down next to you, and move in to place a kiss on his lips. You don´t care about the mess between your legs, or the sticky state you are in. You simply move closer to him and get comfortable in his arms.Â
âWhat are we going to do now?â he mumbles.Â
âWell, you don´t have to worry about me giving birth to a child. I can reassure you about that. I take the pill,â you answer, earning yourself a chuckle from him.Â
âGood to know,â he retorts, but the question still leaves open the other things that probably should get addressed.Â
You exhale comfortably, exhaustion starting to cloud your mind. âLet´s worry about anything else later. For now, I just really want to cuddle.âÂ
In his mind, Jeno agrees. The moment feels too vulnerable to ruin it with anything verbal. So he pulls you just a little bit closer, places another kiss on your forehead, and decides to let the topic rest.Â
XIX. WHEN THE NIGHT ENDS, MORNING SHINES
You don´t really meet up or text much after that night. Somehow, both of you are very busy with so many thingsâbe it family meet ups for Jeno with his aunt and Bom, or you having to do double shifts at the cafe. You are so busy, you even forget about the applications you've sent out to the jobs and the ones Jeno submitted for the universities of your choice.Â
Time passes like it´s something infinite that can´t run out, and one morning when you finally have a day off, you check your mailbox, finding surprising envelopes inside. The moment you step back into your livingroom, you are on your phone dialing Jeno´s number.Â
It rings a few times. You are about to hang up, thinking he is busy or something, when he finally picks up with a groggy tone. âHmm?âÂ
âCome over,â you demand. It makes the boy on the other line raise his eyebrow in confusion.Â
âDamn, not even a hello, how are you?â he retorts, a smile forming on his lips. He knows he didn't greet you properly, either.Â
âLee jeno, get your ass over to my place. I am dying of curiosity and I don´t want to wait more than necessary,â you deadpan, leaving him even more confused. To enlighten him because you notice, you add, âI received interesting mail. It concerns both your and my application. Now put on your shoes and take your ass over to my place.âÂ
The added context makes something click in his brain. He forgot about the whole job thing, too, too busy thinking about other things in regards to your and his type of relationship.Â
You can hear the rustling of a jacket and shoes being put on. Then the jingle of keys echoes through to you. âI´ll be there in 10,â Jeno says and ends the phone call. You chuckle, recognizing the urgency and therefore assuming he is just as excited as you are. So you wait for him, not really caring much about your appearance or how messy your apartment looks.Â
10 minutes laterâjust like he saidâJeno rings your doorbell. You let him in without checking, and just press the button. Footsteps hurry up the stairs, and seconds later he stands in front of you. There is no serious greeting. He just steps inside, takes off his shoes and jacket and rushes over to your couch. You follow and present the envelopes to him right when he sits down.Â
âI am a bit scared to open them. You do it,â you prompt, much to Jeno´s despair.Â
âBut I am nervous, too. You do it,â he argues, giving you a puppy-like pout.Â
You debate with yourself, eventually partially giving in. âI will open yours and you open mine.âÂ
âDeal.â His hand looks through the pile of letters and then takes out the one addressed to you. You watch on in anticipation as he fumbles with the paper of the envelope, almost getting so impatient, you are about to scold him for taking so long. But then, he actually opens it, reads it, and a smile starts to grow on his face.Â
You want to rip out your hair with the way the seconds seem to pass like hours. And even though the boy starts smiling like a freak, you still assume the worst. âWhat does it say? Tell me.âÂ
âWell, I can tell you right now that you are getting busier again, because certainly you are starting that job at the school next month,â he reveals and lays the paper on the table.Â
You squeal with excitement, trying to contain a bit of it, because the man in front of you is also still waiting for an answer on his own application. So you give him the brightest grin ever, your eyes shining with happiness, and move to grab the envelope addressed to him.Â
Feeling almost too overwhelmed, you get up as you open the paper, and walk back and forth in front of your coffee table. Jeno nervously watches you, scared of a negative result and fearing he will stay jobless for the rest of his life unless it´s fighting in a cage.Â
The paper of the envelope is discarded, falling down to the floor while you unfold the letter and start reading it line by line. Your eyes flow over the words, and the more you read, the more you feel like you want to jump up and down in excitement again.Â
Jeno can´t take it anymore. Your silence is too much for him, so he gets up too, slowly moving towards you. But when you are done reading the letter, and turn to him, you don´t say anything. You just take a few steps and jump into his arms, squealing like a little girl who's gotten the best birthday present in her whole life.Â
âWe are going to have lunch breaks together!â you say, trying not to yell into his ear as the words settle in for him. He holds your middle while comprehending what you just said. Then he blinks. And binks again, just to stare at you in disbelief.Â
âI got the job?â he asks in disbelief, still feeling like he is currently dreaming and fearing that any moment now is the time for him to wake up. But when you nod eagerly, and grin at him, his smile grows. âOh my god, I got a real job. I can´t believe it.âÂ
âYes! I am so proud of you!â you keep squealing and actually jump up and down this time. And when the wave of disbelief finally disappears, Jeno pulls you closer to him and hugs you so strongly, you almost can´t breathe.Â
After coming down from the initial high of excitement about both of you landing the jobs you wanted, you come to realize that there are two more envelopes on the table. Both of you glance at them with a bit of hesitancy. You are too scared to look at them, knowing they give you answers about your academic future.Â
Jeno takes one of them slowly, playing with the edge of it a little. He debates on just opening it, but then he looks at you. âShould IâŚopen them for you? Or do you want to do it yourself?â His voice comes out gentle, yet cautious.Â
You exhale, and rub your sweaty palms on your sweatpants to dry them. âIâŚI think I should do it myself.â Your heart is pounding in your chest as Jeno holds out the envelope to you. You take it with a shaky hand and exhale once more. âThe worst that can happen is that I have to wait a few more years and reapply. A rejection is not the end of the world.âÂ
The words are mainly to calm yourself down, but Jeno nods regardless. He knows how much this means to you because it's the first step to achieving your dream. So he looks at you, waiting for you to feel ready, and presses his thumbs.Â
Taking the courage, your finger slips into the edge of the paper, tearing it open. Seconds later, you slowly pull out the actual letter. Your eyes are closed as you unfold it. There is another exhale that follows while the boy with you starts to hold his in anticipation for you.Â
When you open your eyes, you read the name of the university first. From all the ones you applied to, this one was the one you wanted to get in most. Your first pick. You internally curse for pulling this one first, but now there is no going back anymore.Â
You scan the first sentences, read the greeting, and then you start to decipher the words in regards to your application, eventually reading what it says out loud in a mumble. â...we are pleased to inform you that you have been admitted to the Neo Culture Technology University of arts and social science.âÂ
The moment those words leave your mouth, your hand clasps it shut. You are in utter shock, rereading the same sentence over and over, barely believing what you are reading is actually standing on that paper.Â
Jeno immediately walks over to you, happy to hear that your top pick decided to accept you, and he doesn't hold back from taking you in his arms and hugging you to share the happiness. âCongratulations. I am so happy for you. It´s finally going the way it´s supposed to go,â he says softly.Â
You look up at him before burying your face in his shoulder and hugging him back, letter still in your hand. âGod, I´m so happy,â you mumble against him, almost shedding a few tears of joy with the rush of adrenaline from the good news. Jeno smiles, too, intoxicated by your joy and the excitement from earlier.Â
âYou should open the other letter, too. Now you have no reason to fear anything anymore,â he suggests eventually. You nod, slowly letting go of him and going over to take the other envelope. Opening it doesn´t take you as long this time. And when you read what it says, your jaw drops once more.Â
âThey are accepting me, tooâŚI have to decline one. This isâŚthis is insane,â you stutter, too stunned to form straight sentences. When you look at the boy still standing close to you, you are met with a sweet smile and crescend eyes that stare at you with so much emotion, you almost choke.Â
âSee, there was no need to be scared. You are just that amazing,â he says, and sets his hand down on your shoulder to ground you a little and make sure you know this is all real.Â
Hearing him say that, you smile back. âThank you for believing in me. And sending out the applications. If it wasn´t for you doing that, I would still doubt myself and wait to finally do it myself.âÂ
âIt´s nothing.â He shakes off your words. You want to argue but he stops you before you can. âActually, there is one more thing we need an answer to, today,â he then mumbles, looking away and scratching the back of his head.Â
You put down the papers, and look at him with a raised eyebrow, too confused about his statement. All envelopes are already opened. So what does he mean?Â
Your silence makes him return his gaze to you. He is met with your puzzled expression and chuckles because he knows he has to elaborate. But before he does, he gently takes your wrist and guides you towards your couch so you can sit down with him.Â
He doesn´t let go of it, either, once he sits down. Instead, his thumb starts drawing little circles onto your skin. You can sense the nervousness that´s suddenly coming from him, but you don´t push it. You wait for him to feel ready.Â
Then, he finally faces you. âIâŚhave no idea what the future has in store for either of us,â he starts, swallowing shortly after. His thumb even stops its movement on your wrist. âI know you are going to be busy with the second job and when you start your studies, butâŚâ He stops. You recognize just how hard it is for him to keep going, even though you don´t know what he wants to say.Â
You encourage him regardless. âJeno, it´s okay.â Your voice is gentle. Careful not to break the fragile courage he has built to speak.Â
And it lands. The words have an effect. Because in the next moment, his gaze finds yours again. He exhales another time, and goes on. âY/N, I´ve started to like you a lot. And I´m really scared we are going to see each other less if we get so busy now. So I justâŚdo you want to be my girlfriend?âÂ
There is silence. Then you let out a chuckle, shaking your head in amusement. âJeno, you are so cute, you know that?â you start and take his hand in yours. âI like you too. And of course I want to.â You smile now, a little overwhelmed by all the positive feelings.Â
Immediately after you answer him, his eyes light up. He pulls you close for the third time, not knowing where to go with his joy, so his arms wrap around you and he buries his face in your neck.Â
You reciprocate the embrace and brush your fingers through his hair, adoring this soft side of him that he's been showing more often recently. You really could get used to this.Â
Jeno´s next words have you chuckle again. The boy really is just so silly sometimes, it´s simply too cute. âI am so happy right now, I could kiss you.â It sounds innocent, and you are sure he didn't fully realize what he said.Â
âWhat´s stopping you?â you retort then, a lazy smile on your face. His head shoots up, surprised by the boldness, even though, really, he should have expected it. His eyes are wide until he recovers from this weird daze he is in with all the serotonin. Then, his hands cup your face, and in the next moment, he pulls you closer. You meet him in the middle, gently placing your lips on his as you kiss him with so much love.Â
When you break apart, you are sure your face is going to cramp from all the smiling you´ve been doing the past half hour. But you don´t really care. There are too little ways to express just how lucky you feel right now. And you are sure, Jeno feels the same.Â
Űśŕ§
Six months later, you´ve gotten used to university life. It´s been a few weeks since you started courses, and you have to say, it´s exactly what you´ve been looking forward to. You finally feel like all the work and stress was for something. That you finally reached the first goal in your life, defeating the doubt your parents showed you.Â
You´ve decided to stop working at the midnight cafe a month ago as well, feeling that the job at the school and studying at university is enough for you now. You are happy with what you are doing and you wouldn´t want it any other way, even if that cafe holds a lot of memories and beginnings for you.Â
You see Jeno often. For one because he literally works in the same building, sharing lunch breaks with you as planned, and for the other, because you are currently looking for a bigger apartment so the two of you can move in together.Â
The big step lights a new fire inside of you. Life has been so forgiving now that you´ve established this rhythm with him. If anyone saw you two together, they would definitely judge you as the happiest couple on the planet right now. It feels so great to breathe again, not having to worry about the issues you resolved together in the past. Even though you had to give that stressful time the benefit of the doubt. It's precisely because of those times that you found new friendship and love.Â
If you had the chance to change anything, you wouldn´t dare to do anything. Times were rough, yes. But you wouldn't want to risk changing the outcome. Diving into all these unknown things, holding up the belief in yourself and Jeno. It´s what brought you this happy ending.Â
As you walk through the corridors of the university, you think you dwelled enough in the past. It's fun to think back time and time again, remembering how everything came to be, but now the focus is on what's ahead of you.Â
So when you push open the doors, breathe in the warm summer air, and see the red haired boy stand on the sidewalkâBom in his arms happily wavingâyou can't help but smile. You take your bag into your hand and start hopping down the stairs, making your way towards them.Â
The moment you reach them, you place your lips on Jeno´s, then you greet the small girl. The little girl mirrors your smile and laughs happily. âHow was your day?â Jeno asks, looking at you with so much love and adoration in his eyes, you are sure everyone around you knows he´s down bad.Â
âOh, definitely interesting. Today the prof had a whole speech about some students being on their phones too much during the classes. I had to hold my mouth shut to not laugh out loud because he kept on going about it, constantly repeating himself. And by the time he was done, the class was over which made him even angrier.â You chuckle as you tell him about your day.Â
While you talk, you start walking, enjoying the warm breeze of the wind and the sunshine that meets your skin. Bom eventually starts to move a lot so Jeno sets her down, instead taking her hand and leisurely walking with her alongside you. He laughs whenever you say something funny, or asks questions about the few new friends you've made.Â
âRight, this reminds me, Karina asked me if I had a daughter the other day. She really thought Bom was our kid.â You chuckle while saying this. But the shade of red that starts to grace Jeno´s ears doesn´t go past you either.Â
Some images pop up in his head while you mention it. He tries to contain himself, but your expression tells him there is no need. âWhat did you say?â he asks, curious.
âI teased her at first, but then told her the truth. Still, it was quite the talk. And then I had to think about you, because honestly, Bom kind of does feel like a daughter. And while she is just your little sister, she matters just as much to me,â you answer honestly, putting certain words in quotation marks.Â
Jeno smiles hearing that. He knows you care about Bom as much as he does, so he appreciates you mentioning it. âAnyway, are you ready to meet Jaemin and Yuqi later? Can´t believe we are clubbing for the first time since forever.â Your voice breaks through, again, reminding him of your plans.Â
âI told them we will have a playdate with Bomi first and get ready once we bring her back to my aunt. So I hope they don´t get on our nerves if we are late. But over all, I have to say I am actually quite excited,â he reveals, laughing a little while he imagines Jaemin scolding him for not coming earlier.Â
You giggle, too, and take Bom´s other hand when she pulls at your pants for your attention. âIf he complains just tell me. I will scold him in return for still working at that shady ass club.â This makes Jeno laugh even more. He knows you´ve tried to get Jaemin to do something more honest, too, but his best friend is just way too stubborn. He recalls the way he argued that he first has to find himself a girlfriend the same way he did. So unless such a girl comes and drags him out of the club, he won´t change careers anytime soon.Â
You keep walking and joking around more while making your way to the playground. Jeno has packed some sandwiches he takes out when you arrive. And then, after eating, you start playing with the little girl, pushing her on the swings or helping her climb the wooden pirate ship in the sandpit. Jeno watches you, eventually joining in on the fun.Â
Űśŕ§
Later that night, as promised, and after saying goodbye to his little sister, he walks with you, hand in hand. The bass is audible outside. And the moment you step inside, the music hits you head on. You don´t mind, however. You are looking forward to having some fun with your boyfriend, and so is he.Â
You two greet Jaemin when you finally see him. The boy teases his friend and then you. âHey, snow lion, long time no see. How is it going.âÂ
Laughter escapes you as you hit his upper arm playfully. âYah, bunny boy, how about you tell me where my best friend is? She texted me she´s already here,â you retort, earning yourself an amused look from Jeno.Â
Jaemin, who is used to this kind of banter with you already, points towards the bar. Of course Yuqi is there. You excuse yourself for a moment to get her and help her with the drinks. And while you are away, Jeno catches up with his friend. âReady for a fight?â the boy teases.Â
Jeno shakes his head amused. âThose times are over. If anything, I gotta watch you in there. You used to fight, too. Where did the courage go, huh?â he teases playfully. The conversation keeps going, and when you return with the young woman, carrying 4 glasses of different concoctions of alcohol with her, the boys help you by taking one from each of you.Â
For the rest of the night, the atmosphere stays great. The four of you enjoy the music, the drinks. Eventually, you find yourself close to your boyfriend. His hands are resting on your hips as you closely dance together. There is a familiar tension between you two. And while you look like a normal couple to anyone else that watches, only the two of you understand how intimate this moment really feels.Â
It carries similarities to other memories. The location itself too. In general, everything has so much connection, and holds so much meaning. It makes this evening even better.Â
In the end, your lips find each other's again and again. Each kiss seals a decision. And soon enough, it´s no longer the dance floor you are on, but the changing room that has to give in to your desire for each other.Â
The passion you share now, reflects all the hardships you´ve been through together. And unlike at the start, you now move like a teamâin harmony, aware that the other will always be there, and that neither of you have to solely rely on yourselves anymore. Everything that once forced you to stand alone led you here. And this time, you don't have to face the unknown by yourselves anymore.
an: I hope whoever read this liked it. I know the romance wasn't the main focus but I had many scenes in mind and wanted to write a story that connects them. It just so happened that this story turned more into a piece of slice of life instead of full on romance. I just wanted their relationship to happen naturally throughout all that happens, and show how some of these types of situations can bring people closer. I am also aware that the smut part might not be up to par, but honestly, I am surprised I even added it in. My focus wasn't on the whole physical aspects of a relationship hehe. And technically, this is my first time writing smut too, so don't be too hard on me đđ Anyway, I hope I didn't disappoint with this. If you want to read something more lengthy and even more slow burn, I would be really happy if you guys check out my other work Eden. It's a lengthy fic that's still ongoing, but I have a lot in mind for it and I hope it won't get boring. Likes, comments, reblogs are all appreciated đ
With lots of love from your favorite yapper (or not. I have big competition with Chenle and Mark. I'm aware) Byeđ
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Mark and Hyuck have been best friends since childhood, despite being complete opposites, they have always stuck together. But after a heated argument, they wake up to find out they switched bodies. Now theyâre stuck surviving each otherâs lifeâs. But living in the wrong skin, they start to realize how much they never really knew about each other, or themselves.
pairing â lee mark x fem!reader x lee haechan
genre â rom-com, fluff, smut, angst(maybe)Â
a.n. â hello, Iâm cher and this is my first fic. itâs kinda gotten a little long, and well, itâs not in my first language, so possibly it's gonna be confusing at some moments, but I really hope you guys enjoy (and understand what iâm proposing - it's inspired in freaky friday the movie). I don't even know if someone is going to read this, but if you do, I want you to know that I'm a slow writer, because of: language & life. I'm a college student, a part-time freelancer, and by the way, I reviewed this a million times before posting. So I ask for patience with me, thank you very muchđđ
taglist â if anyone is interested, i would love to know youâre reading my work âĄÂ
BEFORE
wc â 12.9kÂ
chapters â the days before
warnings â +18 mdi, cursing, mentions of alcohol, sexual content, explicit smut, boys saying shit, slight angst (?), mentions of cheating, poor vocab :p (english isn't my first language, sorry for any misunderstood), inspired by freaky friday, if i forget smt let me know <3
DURING
wc â 17.1k | work in progress
chapters â the day | the teams' party | the third wheel | out of touch | ITAABTE? | next chapter loading
warnings â +18 mdi, cursing, mentions of alcohol, sexual content, explicit smut, boys saying shit, slight angst (?), mentions of cheating, poor vocab :p (english isn't my first language, sorry for any misunderstood), inspired by freaky friday, if i forget smt let me know <3
AFTER
wc â work in progress
chapters â chapter ?
warnings â +18 mdi
đâ°・â likes, reblogs, asks, comments are very much appreciated :).
fire and brimstone (and youâre a moth made of gasoline) â ONE.
SYNOPSIS. having fought tooth and nail out of high school, university, and law school, only to end up working for a law firm that basically serves as a clean up dog after the biggest organized crime group in the district, you thought you couldnât get any lower than this.Â
the bar is in hell, and yet youâve managed to limbo six feet beneath that. alternativelyâ na jaemin is the personification of hell, and your very existence just makes him even worse than he already is.Â
PAIRING. na jaemin x female! reader.
GENRE. gang! au, lawyer! au, office! au, comedy, drama, romance, very light angst, this is a sitcom, hate to love(?), a somewhat questionable power dynamic, asshole! jaemin (my belovedâŚmy kryptoniteâŚ) but heâs also an idiot, jaemin has an eye contact thing, inspired by the manhwas âweak heroâ and âstudy group.â
WARNINGS. an abundance of criminal activity (including but not limited to organized crime, fraud, blackmail, DUIs, unethical and illegal occupational practices, etc.), blood and violence, suggestive themes, eventual non explicit sex, jaemin with a tattoo, legal inaccuracies because i am not familiar with south korean laws, so iâm just using my own countryâs as reference. also because this is just a stupid thirst fic. who gives a damn.
WORD COUNT. 9k.
NOTE. my goal for this fic is to make as many male characters either detestable or unesttling, and make you like them against your will. in other words, meet mark and doyoung HAHAHAHAH. this is mostly still exposition!!! establishing facts and relationships and dynamics and whatnot. more jaemin next chapter. too much jaemin, even. anyway, enjoy! CHAPTER TWO.
ITâS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR OFF DAY TODAY. Youâre on sick leaveâ that is, sick and tired of drafting legal papers, meeting clients, reading piles and piles of documents every single damn week, so you decided to use your once-a-month get out of jail free card to stay in bed playing Stardew Valley. Itâs pre-planned. Youâve already faked sneezes and coughing fits at the office yesterday. Youâve already called your Division Chief this morning. Kim Doyoung canât do shit when youâre allegedly bedridden and downtrodden with a fever. He can eat his own ass and suck it.
âYou have a new case,â he informs you over the phone. âItâs from Nalkkeutta.âÂ
Or so you thought.
âHah,â a weak wheeze squirms out of your throat. âSure. Okay. Got it.â
Motherfucking son of a bitch. Those two lines spring you out of bed immediately as though your bones have just been tased. God dammit. Youâve just managed to snag Sebastian into wedlock. How dare he throw another job at you right now? How dare he ruin your sweet, sweet honeymoon with the emotionally constipated 2D man of your dreams?Â
Still. It doesnât matter if you just got married or have a collapsing lung right now. You haul your ass, get dressed, get out, and get into your car to drive to your districtâs police station in a hissy fit, as per your boss, Kim Doyoungâs, instructions. This damned firm is working you like a dog, but you canât bite the hand that feeds you. And neither can Kim Doyoung.
âYes, sir, Iâm on my way. Are the files ready? Can you send them to me?â
This case came from Nalkkeutta. NCT. Nal. Day. Kkeut. End. Ta. To burn. The day ends in flames. Itâs a name that haunts the streets of Yeongdeungpo. Itâs a name thatâs synonymous with loan sharking, weapons dealing, and coughing up protection fees unless you want to get your shit rocked on an unfortunate walk homeâ under the guise of an honest to goodness security company to service your protective needs.Â
In the early 90âs, the government had a massive crackdown on gang activity and organized crime, subsequently snuffing out any emerging organized crime presence by officially criminalizing the mere act of joining a gang under the Revised Penal Code. But Nalkkeutta is relatively new. That scorching sunset symbol suddenly emerged in the district one day, around eight to nine years ago, and itâs marred the district of Yeongdeungpo with burn marks ever since.
And your life. You havenât been lucky enough to be spared from that damned gangâs mess. In fact, youâre currently entangled with one of their messes right now.
The glass doors of the Yeongdeungpo Police Station shut behind you. Youâre smacked hard in the face far too artificial lighting and sickly white walls and the words Patriotism, Justice, Honor mocking you in embossed silver. You grimace, cross your arms, divert your eyes with an impatient tap of the footâ and your arrival doesnât exactly come unrecognized by the front desk and the others scattered around the lobby. One officer takes immediate initiative upon seeing your familiar sour expression, rustling out of a conversation to attend to you.Â
âHey, attorney. How may we help you?â
You eye the man. Youâve come to know him by nameâ Jung Jaehyunâ even without needing to take a peek at his uniformâs name tag. You spare him and yourself the small talk and jump straight to business. âIâm here to see my client,â you inform, followed by under-the-breath swears as you fumble through your phone for the e-file Doyoung had just sent because Nalkkeutt had the gall to demand you to run and fetch the bone they left behind here without even giving you the chance to look at it. Seriously. If they want you to do a good job, they should be more punctual than this. âHis name isââ
Huh. You read the top line of the document. A lump forms in your throat. You read it again. Once more. And the letters neither shift nor fold, confirming with absolute certainty that you read the name of your client correctly.
Itâs a name you havenât heard of in a while. Itâs name that stalked the corridors of the place youâd bid good riddance to eight years ago with a spit on the concrete ground.Â
âNa Jaemin.â Thereâs a bitter taste on your tongue when you pronounce his nameâ like your very digestive system canât stomach it, rejects it, and wants to vomit it right back out. âHis name is Na Jaemin.â
A nod from Jung Jaehyun. He turns his heels and leads you further into the station.
Empty footsteps echo against the slowly dimming hall leading to the private visiting rooms. The silence pricks at your memoriesâ an uncomfortable sound youâve grown accustomed to in the two years youâve spent at Ganghak High School. Itâs been eight damn years since youâve graduated, yet one mention of a name reels you back into the past with a vividness thatâs still as clear as the present.
In your memories, Na Jaemin was the guy who carried with him a pungent air of animosity and violence in his wake. On paper, he is your client, a member of the power-drunk gang that youâre tied by the noose with, and someone you have to defend. At present, he is sits right before youâ tight-browed, tight-lipped underneath the singular light bulb hovering above the center of the table, looking as though heâs one clock tick away from flipping the table over (the only thing maintaining a safe distance between the both of you), and leaving on his own accord.
Your eyes meet. Your head snaps down to avoid his gaze.
âGood day, Na Jaemin-ssi,â you manage to choke out. âI will be your lawyer for the case against Yoon Naksung and company.â
Youâre not sure how you feel when there isnât even a click of recognition on his part when you introduce yourself and mention your name. You realize that what youâre feeling is a mixture of fear, relief, and absolute revulsion when he responds with, âSo, when the fuck am I getting out?â
Thereâs a ring in your ears.
Itâs the sound of your heart trying to escape from your chest.
You inhale sharply. Fuck. Youâre not sure if you have the willpower to push through this, and you canât even ease your nerves or melt your frozen bloodstream with a sigh because heâs staring right at youâ impatient, as though heâs counting down the seconds in his head after a one-sided declaration that you have a limited time to willingly answer before he forces it out of you by the throat.
That fucking looking in his eyes. That damned stare that instinctively triggers you to look down, look away, look anywhere else but directly at him. Itâs a habit that everyone in Ganghak used to have. Itâs a habit thatâs still deeply instilled in your psyche, in your muscles, in your instincts to the point that despite being the person in authority at the moment, you have your head down, throat dry, and doing your damn best to read his case file despite the letters looking all wobbly from your anxiety.
Disturbing the peace. Three counts of physical injury. Less serious. Thank fuck. That makes things a little bit more hopeful, but that doesnât mean youâre free from hell. Hell is sitting right in front of you, handcuffed because the cops have deemed his very existence a threat to public order and safety. You muster up a bit more confidence knowing he canât reach over the table to sock you in the face.
âYouâre an alleged offender, Na Jaemin-ssi. Youâd have to be detained until the trial.â
Na Jaemin sneers, a kick against the table leg with a grunt. âFucking useless,â he spits. His chair is tipped back, head turned away. You firmly press your lips together. You wish heâd just completely tip over and crash his skull and die.
For someone currently detained for a possible criminal offense, Na Jaemin sure seems very much unbothered yet annoyed at the same time. He sits relaxed on the foldable chair, shoulders slumped as if he owns the place, and he stifles out a lazy yawnâ drawing attention to his busted lips and handful of scratches littered all over his cheekbone, temple, and foreheadâ a stark contrast to the vibrant purple splotch painting over his right jaw. You make a mental note to schedule a physical examination on his ass to record his injuries.Â
âButâŚI can make sure you donât get arrestedâ You proceed with caution. His evident annoyance is flecked with momentary interest. You suck in a deep breath. âWere there any other people involved besides you and the three witnesses? Was anyone else there?â
Youâre not sure what you were expecting as a response. Whatever itâd be, you just hope you get some useful information. Any sort of information. However, it seems like you just asked the wrong question.
âThe fuck? Hell, if I know.â
All that interest is eradicated by a sharp glare. Na Jaemin lets out a huff and a sneer. Youâre stressed. Youâre beyond stressed. This is impossible. Of all people, why did it have to be him? Back then, youâd always had a feeling that he was part of something sketchy, whether it be some ragtag juvenile group or whatever the fuck. You didnât care enough to find out. But, christ jesus, he just had to be in fucking Nalkkeut.Â
That sun tattoo sprawled on the back of his impatient handâ the gangâs symbol, sun rays etched into the bumps of his veins and calloused skinâ tap, tap, tapping on the table with the clunk of his handcuffs tells you that he isnât just some disposable grunt either. The urgency in Kim Doyoungâs tone when he called earlier confirms that dreadful conjecture as well. Heâs up there. Way up there, and you have no choice but to fight back the urge to swallow your own tongue.
âIâI understand. Thatâs fine. ThenâŚcan I ask what events led to the incident?â you tentatively try to prod, taking a peek at his expression to see if youâre greenlit to ask this. His face brightens up. One corner of his mouth twitches upward, revealing a sliver of teeth. You flinch. He looks deranged.
âThat bucket wearing dumbass looked me in the eye,â he starts, smiling. âSo I punched him right in the socket. Then his friends decided that they wanted a beating too.âÂ
Na Jaemin is leaning back on the flimsy plastic chair as if heâs reminiscing a happy memory. Jesus christ. Heâs always been like this, but it never fails to scare you shitless. Youâve always wondered why he was so insane, but the fact that he currently is and has been in Nalkeutta explains a lot of the things youâve seen in high school. No high schooler had any business pulling up the gate with a BMW, nor was it reasonable for anyone at your age at the time to afford at least five Cartier watches considering the neighborhood you were in. Yet Na Jaemin and his lackeyâs always showed up in the days that he thought was convenient in some sort of Chanel tracksuit and dozens of gold and silver accessories.
You were lucky enough to have never gotten punched in the nose with the absurd amount of rings on his fingersâ a taste which he seems to carry until today, you notice while keeping your eyes down and trained on the table. They arenât allowed to keep any personal belongings in the holding cells, jewelry included, fucking obviously. How this guy managed to keep his is beyond your imagination.Â
âSo, it wasnât one-sided,â you try to confirm, try to get a good enough testimony to help his and your sorry ass in court. âCan you testify their participation during the trial?â
Wrong move. Very wrong move.
You jump in your seat when he suddenly lurches forward, chained palms slamming against the rocky table with a loud thump and a clink. âHey, Little Miss Attorney. Listen very carefully,â he rasps. Heâs leaned in closer now, making it a hundred times more difficult to keep your head down and not look him in the eye. âI beat all three of them half to death, and thatâs all that matters. This question and answer bullshit is pissing me off. Are we done here? Can you fucking leave now?â
Youâre scared shitless. You really are. Itâs two years worth of trauma suddenly jumping you from behind a wall and throttling the air out of your lungsâ of course youâre fucking terrified, and Na Jaemin can smell it like the rabid dog he is.
The problem is, he isnât the worst of your fears. This mutt is leashed to an owner that would have your head as a dinner treat if you donât manage to get him out of this stupid cage. So you donât have much of a choice in the matter. Damned to hell if you do, damned to an even deeper hell if you donât.
âNa Jaemin-ssi,â you start. Your jaw is tight. It takes everything in your power to force it open and speak. âI need you to cooperate with me so I can get you out of here. Help me help you, alright?â
Youâve really been trying your best to phrase your sentences in a way that doesnât sound demanding, that youâre leaving it hp to him because you know this bastard doesnât like being told what to do. But your careful attempts donât matter against a volatile son of a bitch. âWhyâd you even need my help? Ainât that shit your job?â he barbs, a slight scoff hanging off at the end. âSeems like Mark hired a useless fucking lawyer.â
Twice. He just called you useless twice. The sheer level of offense you feel momentarily overpowers your nervesâ a biting tick near the side of your temple, and you dig your fingers into the clothed skin of your thigh.Â
The Mark heâs referencing did not hire you because youâre useless. In fact, that guy regularly asks for you specifically whenever his gang is caught in any civil or criminal trouble because youâre the only damned attorney willing to get her hands dirty to find an outâ and competent enough to pull it off in exchange for an extra zero on your commission.Â
Meaning, this bastard is at your mercy. And he has the audacity to piss you the fuck off.
âStrike a nerve?â
Apparently, you failed to hide the scowl polluting your expression. When you sneak a glance at Na Jaemin, he appears to be amused at his successful non-attempt to get under your skin, a lazy, lopsided grin on his face.Â
You get it together. Mark Lee, that fucking bastard. It had been fine for the past few months when all youâve had to mediate were petty settlements and bails and lesser criminal offenses, but youâve never had to deal with one of his executives directly beforeâ who just so happened to be your high school bully, at that. You close your eyes shut, press your lips together, and release a deep breath from out of your nose as you stand up.
âIâll handle it. Thereâs nothing for you to worry about, but I will need to arrange a meeting with you again before the trial.â
Na Jaemin simply shrugs and waives you off. Your tight lips force themselves into a smile as you nod and stomp your way out.
Fucking bastard, fucking piece of shit, fucking, god damn itâ
You leave the station with a jumbled up head and with all your five senses screaming themselves into oblivion. Shit. Fuck. What the fuck. Had Kim Doyoing emailed you the file a lot earlier, you wouldnât have gone here and welcomed yourself directly into hell. You could try to settle with the victims, but in case they wonât agree to a compromise, youâd have to pull a defense out of your ass considering that your client is the most uncooperative asshole youâve ever been cursed to deal with.
It doesnât help that spending two years in high school with Na Jaemin is reopening pages and pages of trauma that you thought youâd successfully managed to file awayâ stored in a safety vault in a little corner of your head that need not be reopened. But just meeting himâ talking to him directly when youâve never even dared to beforeâ brought a rusty crowbar to that vault, mercilessly ripping it apart.
Having cancelled your off day, the car ride to your office building is spent thinking about how to scrape up a case to defend the bastard you thought youâd finally been freed from eight years ago. The bastard whoâd made the last two years of high school a literal level hell of dread and desperation.
Even for Nalkkeutta, this has got to be the worst kind of torture anyone could ask for.
*â
The next morning, Nalkkeuttaâs boss is gracious enough to answer your request for a meeting.Â
Mark Lee shows up to the conference room of JSSâs Criminal Division, accompanied by a polite knock on the already open door, a humming smile, and a Kim Doyoungâ who you very clearly donât remember inviting to this meeting. Mark enters the room with a good morning. You nod and your eyes skip over him, flitting over to meet your bossâs gaze by the door instead. âYou must be very busy, sir. What are you doing here?â
The wrinkle that forms between Doyoungâs eyebrows signifies that he very much understood your polite version of a fuck off. âI just wanted to escort our client,â he replies, adjusting his glasses.Â
You smile at him. âThe escorting usually ends when the client has arrived at their destination.âÂ
Doyoungâs jaw stiffens. Mark seems to be sufficiently entertained by the exchange, attention hopping back and forth between you and your boss. The latter surrenders and ends the episode with a sigh and a nod, completely glossing over you to speak to Mark instead. âMr. Lee, please let me know if you need anything.â
You hear Mark respond in a pleasant tone, âDonât worry, I know Iâm in good hands,â but you donât look at him yet. You force the gravity of your gaze onto Doyoungâ an unwavering smile that creeps him out just enough to finally give up and leave the room, shutting the door behind him with a click, and finally allowing you to relax your shoulders and sink into the glossy, wooden table.
âUgh.â
Stuck-up prick. The bane of your fucking existence, had it not been for the reappearance of Na Jaemin, the other capricious asshole in your life. Your head cocks up, hearing the scratching noise of a chair being pulled out. Mark sits right in front of you, maintaining a smile. âBad morning?â And you finally speak your first words to him, in the form of a raging rant about his hot mess of an executive.
âHey, be honest, do you want me fired? Do you want me to make my first ever loss? Your employee, Na Jaemin, told me he got into this mess because Yoon Naksung and his friends were looking at him for too long. Does that make sense to you? Is that how a sane man operates? How the hell am I supposed to defend that in court? How the hell am I supposed to defend his ass when he gives me fucking nothing to work with, and all while having the balls to call me useless?â
Youâre out of breath by the end of it. Whew. That felt so freaking good.Â
âSorry.â You eject yourself out of your tantrum upon hearing Markâs not-so-apologetic apology. You leer at him from across the table, watching the stillness of his apparent pleasant expression. âJaemin can be kind of rude sometimes.â
This guy is Nalkkeuttaâs boss, you remind yourself. Heâs the source of your fattened up bank account and worsened sense of justice and morality for the past five monthsâ
âRude is an understatement. Heâs a fucking piece of shit.â
âand heâs also somewhat your friend.
âIâve never seen you this angry.â Mark laughs, relaxing into his seat. âWas he that bad?â
Nalkeutta and JSS Law firmâs partnership has existed prior to your employment here. However, youâve know Nalkkeuttaâs boss even before youâve entered law school, much less started working here. Kim Doyoung doesnât know this, obviously. Their background check on you did not go as far as finding out your regular patrons throughout the four years you spent working at a run-down cafe-bar downtown throughout the entirety of your undergrad.
The cafeâs name was The Hangman. Pirate-themed, which was used as a frequent justification by your boss to never fix the broken chair legs, unkempt storage boxes, and occasional leaky ceilings. They add to the aesthetic, he says.Â
Anyhow, it was then that you first met Mark Lee, around three weeks into your first shift. Heâd usually come in at around 10 p.m., order an old fashioned at the counter, flash you a pretty and boyish smile, then quietly read on the same spot until one in the morning before thanking you and leaving. Each time, you clock the hardbound cover titles. The Laws of Human Nature. Manâs Search for Meaning. Leviathan. Confessions of an Economic Hit Man.Â
Frankly, the crap he regularly reads worked better to make him look more daunting than his overall appearance. Mark Lee wore the visage of a cute, college literature majorâ covered in knit beanies and warm cardigans and allâ but carried books and ordered drinks that made him seem like he was fifty-seven years old. The only time you found an opening was the time he finally brought a long something other than self-help or pretentious nonfiction. Kafka on the Shore. âI didnât peg you as a Murakami guy.âÂ
Mark Lee was taken aback when you first talked to him. He asked what made you say that.Â
You referenced the previous books heâd been carrying along. He blinked, laughed, then said that he actually preferred reading fiction. Heâd only been reading all that obnoxious bullshit (your words) because he was fascinated with the mental gymnastics (his words) some people were capable of, and he was just compelled to read more. Youâre still not sure how much of that defense was true, but that doesnât really matter because your conversations gradually strayed away from books to your daily life insteadâ your classes and readings and the annoying customers youâd regularly had to deal with at work. Itâs mostly you doing the talking, and itâs mostly because you otherwise had no one else to talk to to kill time during your night shifts at The Hangman.
âWas he that bad?â you parrot, sarcastically. âHe said that you did a shit job picking a lawyer. You tell me, Mark Lee. Do you think your executive is a stellar guy?â
Mark only laughs. You grunt and slump in your seat, arms crossed as you observe Markâs expression from across the table. It seems like he doesnât mind you talking shit about his people this much. His lips are pressed in a perpetual, easygoing smile as he eyes the set of folders and documents on your side. You bite the inside of your cheek. From his appearance alone, you wouldnât have guessed him to be the head of the most notorious gang in the underbelly of Yeongdeungpo. In fact, you would never have guessed it if you didnât take an extra shift one day at The Hangman.Â
You ended up staying later than your usual 2 a.m. to cover for a co-worker. It was a weekend, so you didnât mind much. Mark Lee hadnât shown up that night. That is until you saw him come in at the store thirty minutes after twoâ deviating from his usual routine in more ways than one when he didnât stop to order a drink, when he was with someone else who you were frankly too intimidated to look at for too long. When he went in and up the staircase at the back of the bar that was otherwise off limits because it led to your bossâs office in the upper areaâ and none of your supervisors came to stop him nor even attempt to look at him when he came back out with his big, scary companion walking three steps behind him while carrying a large and heavy looking black bag.
This happened a few more times. And Mark Lee would always smile at you when heâd pass by the bar counter. Thatâs when you knew something was up. But you knew better than to dig your nose into that kind of business.Â
Unfortunately, you didnât have the ability to see the future back then.
You look at the guy sitting in front of you right now. Mark Leeâs eyes flit up from your documents to look at you again, hands clasped together and resting gingerly on the conference table. âIâd sincerely like to apologize on his behalf,â he starts. You feel a thump in your chest. âBut I hope his uncooperativeness isnât making it impossible for you to win the case, attorney.â
Yup. That was a threat. Get my errand dog out of jailâ even if he bites you in the process, is what heâs trying to say. Mark Lee may have been your bar regular and friend at some point, but right now he is your clientâ the most important client your firm has ever had the pleasure of receiving. He is not your friend right now. He is your high school bullyâs boss. He is the head of the biggest organized crime group in the district. And your law firm is just one of the many cogs running his criminal machinery. One slip up, and he could just wrench you out without a second thought.
âOf course itâs not impossible. What do you think of me?â
You slide the first file you have down the table. Even if Na Jaemin is fucking useless, youâre not letting him ruin your flawless performance record. Youâre not letting him give Mark Lee a reason to throw you away.
âWhatâs this?â
âThe witness list. Yoon Naksung, Hong Hyunjae, and Ma Gildong,â you start. âYour dog fucked them up really badly. I already met their lawyer. He was being dodgy about it, but I doubt theyâd let him off with a simple settlement.â
A glint flickers in Mark Leeâs eyes are your introduction.
âI already have another meeting scheduled with him this week. Iâd like to talk to the three victims personally, but you know Iâm not allowed to do that.â
He hums, glossing over your file before setting it back down on the table, fingers pressed firmly on the page as he looks up with a pleasant smile. âWhen should I take care of them?â
A shiver crawls down your spine. âIâll let you know depending on how the second meeting goes,â you answer. âEven if the three of them testify, there wonât be enough evidence to prove his guilt beyond reasonable doubt based on what the prosecution has so far. I donât know why the fuck their counsel is even bothering with this. Na Jaemin would effectively be acquitted from his criminal charges.â
Your client appears to be satisfied, but youâre not done yet.
âHowever, that wonât absolve him from civil liability.â
No way in hell.
âYoon Naksungâs party can still sue for damages. And they have enough evidence to guarantee a win. Na Jaemin would be fined at most, and Iâm sure itâd be very easy for you to cough up a couple thousand for him. But thatâs still a loss for me. And I canât have that stain on my record.â
Your brows wrinkle. You release a breath.
âTalk to Yoon Naksung. Or Hong Hyunjae. or Ma Gildong, or whatever. It doesnât matter. It might be hard to get through Yoon since heâs the one fighting the most for this, but the other two would be pretty easy. I hear Ma Gildongâs business isnât in good shape lately. The address is on the file.â You rise up, leaning forward to reach an arm over. You drop an index finger on the exact spot on the document you were referencing, landing a firm thump on the table. âIf the court hears that all of them were all equally beating the shit out of each other in a drunken episode, not remembering who started what, instead of it being a one-sided beating from your exec just because they looked at him wrongââ
Your eyes flit up. You meet Markâs gazeâ unblinking and dilated. You clear your throat and look away.
âThenâthen, their case wonât be merited. The court would dismiss it in pari delicto.â
Mark Lee seems pretty fucking happy to hear that. Heâs all smiles and applause and it stresses you the fuck out. âI knew I could count on you, attorney.â
You sigh, slumping back down in your seat. âI already have Na Jaeminâs medical report. If you could get at least two of the witnesses to cooperate, that would be great.â Mark responds with a nod and a hum. You sigh again. âWe have so many competent lawyers here. Why do you keep specifically asking for me? Next time, go ask Doyoung, or something. Iâm tired.â Youâd give up this illegal but lucrative money machine just to see Kim Doyoung experience the life-or-death stress youâve been experiencing these past five months. You really would.
âBecause youâre good,â he responds lightlyâ genuinely. A little too genuine for your liking. Mark shoots you a smile as he tucks his abandoned seat back under the conference table. Uh oh. Here he goes again. âHow about officially joining Nalkkeutta as the head of our legal department?â
âHah,â you snort. âMy hands may have gotten dirty, but I can still wash them, Mark Lee.â The look on his face tells you that he isnât taking you seriously. You leer your eyes. Youâre serious. You donât intend on being Nalkkeutâs clean-up dog forever. Five months ago, you just happened to have shit luck with the desperation to match. Both bad luck and desperation are bound to run out at some point. You just hope they manage to burn out before this guy could burn you alive. âIâll get back to you once Iâve met with their lawyer again. For the meantime, just keep an eye on the witnesses. Let me know if you find anything of importance.â
His eyes linger on you for a while, still smiling. You know where his head is at. Your grimaceâ even harder when he asks again to confirm, âSo, is that a no?â
âHell no.â
Mark clicks his tongue. âWorth a shot.â At this point, heâs already halfway out of the conference. âSee you again, attorney,â he bids farewell
âGod, please, no,â you respond with a grunt. He laughs. The door clicks shut. You groan and become one with the almond table.
How many times has he tried to recruit you already? Youâve lost count. Youâre already being regularly run through the wringer at JSS, how much more under Nalkkeut? Jesus, you donât even want to entertain the thought. So, you busy your head with your current main stressor: the Na Jaemin case. You force your face off the table with a grunt and pull out your ipad to double check the trial schedule. Two weeks from now. Thursday. Fuck all. How did you end up here?
In retrospect, maybe it was actually all your fault. Three months agoâ two months into working at JSS Law Firmâ you decided that you were sick and tired of being trapped in Kim Doyoungâs legal counsel team as an associate, without being granted any personal recognition or accolades. You wanted to prove your worth. You wanted to get your credit. This time, youâre going to get your first fucking big girl case. Even if it meant discourteously bulldozing into Kim Doyoungâs office like a chihuahua looking for a fight.
Which you did, only to be shell-shocked and surprised to see the face of your old bar counter friendâ who might also be a gang leaderâ in the middle of a veryâŚconfidential conversation with your supervisor.
âAttorney, what the hell do you think youâre doing?â
Too late. Youâve already overheard their conversation. They were discussing a case much like your current oneâ one of Mark Leeâs executives got caught in the middle of an illegal firearms deal, and Doyoung was having trouble looking for a lawyer stupid enough to take the case.Â
He shooed you out, but you stayed. You simply had no choice. You had to bite the bullet. This was a spring-loaded opportunity, and you didnât intend on feeling from it.
âIâll do it. I can handle it.â
You did get your big girl case, alright. You won. But you also had to book a full body spa session after your first time shaking hands with a criminalâ just to feel somewhat cleaner. Obviously, youâve become a lot more jaded now. Your boss has decided to dump all of Nalkkeutaâs major cases onto your desk since then, and Mark Lee has been trying to poach you ever since.
JSS. Jinsilseong. Integrity. What a load of bullshit. Whereâs the integrity in working as criminal clean up dogs? Thereâs neither integrity nor justice here. Yet youâre able to afford a decent apartment because of that tarnished integrity. Dirty money. You make yourself sick, but drive home and back to work again for the next few days with the car that money bought you, because thereâs no way in hell integrity can give you a comfortable life.
*â
âHowâs your Nalkkeuta case going?â
Kim Jungwoo comes over to greet you at the division breakroom while youâre in the middle of making yourself a cup of instant coffee after three fucking hours of being hunched over your cubicle the whole day. You jolt upon hearing his voice, flitting your head over to the direction of his voice, and youâre greeted by a face that clearly has gotten his eight hours in.
Unlike you. Jungwoo and you joined the firm at about the same time, yet somehow you look as though youâve been trapped here for a good ten decades. He bats his eyes at you with a pretty boy smile while waiting for your response. You grunt.Â
âDreadful. Horrible. Do you want to take it from me and liberate me from this misery?â
The laugh he gives you in response probably means a no. You click your tongue, grunting as you set aside to give him space on the counter. âIs it that bad?â he asks, rustling through the cabinets for a coffee stick somewhere. Kim Doyoung should restock and feed his poor laborers better.
âYoonâs party wonât settle. Theyâre dead set on pursuing a cIass action.â Jungwoo manages to fish one stick out. âNot to mention my own fucking client refused my visit. I miss the days where all I had to do was summarize court transcripts and deliver correspondences for Doyoung. You never really know what youâre missing until you lose it.â
That was a lie, but youâre miserable. You were able to meet all three of the witnesses last week, in the presence of their lawyer, obviously and unfortunately. Yoon Naksung seems to be their leader, because the moment you uttered the words âsettlementâ and âcompromise,â he nearly jumped off his seat to full-on throttle you. Youâd ask why the hell heâs so hostile, but you read their written testimony on the day of the incident. He recounted all the heinous crap Na Jaemin spewed out while he beat the shit out of them. Things youâd rather not repeat out loud. The other two witnesses didnât seem as passionate as Naksung, like they just wanted it to be over with and forget how much Na Jaemin humiliated their asses by wiping their faces on the ground and proceeding to call them a bunch of bitch babies.
Anyhow, you have your last attempt of negotiation this afternoon with their lawyer. Honestly, it doesnât even matter at this point. You just want to let the court know that youâve done your due diligence of attempting to reach an amicable settlement. Youâve got other cards up your sleeveâ youâve always had.
Which is why Kim Doyoung doesnât buy your whining and complaining when overhears it in the breakroom.
âGet a grip.â
You flinch. Doyoung makes an appearance by shoveling in between you and Jungwoo to the coffee storage. You two step aside. He releases a silent swear upon realizing thereâs no more instant coffee left. So, he decides to release his pissy attitude onto the innocent cupboard door by slamming it shut with a loud bam!
You and Jungwoo look at each other. Bad executive meeting. Very bad, you two mentally agree, sharing a look and a nod. JSS has been dealing with negative press lately. Director must have dumped the burden of fixing it onto him. Poor guy. He deserves it.
Doyoung manages to compose himself in a matter of seconds. He inhales, chest rising, then adjusts his crooked glasses with a huff from lips, finishing it up by giving you a lowered stare. âIâm not really worried about your performance,â he carefully pronounces. âNalkkeut always asks for you for a reason. Mark Lee gets along well with you, too. So, quit being dramatic.â
He gets along with you because you both like Haruki Murakami, never dug your nose into his business, and always cleaned up his messes. You doubt youâd get the same grace if you fucked this one up, especially considering it concerns one of his executives. Sure, youâve managed to weasel your way out of your previous cases without much trouble besides your inherent workload. The problem this time is your client.
Ugh. Na Jaemin. That bastard. How dare he decline your visitation request when his freedom is on the line here? You need to brief him for the trial, make sure he doesnât do anything fucking stupid that would jeopardize your case and fuck not only himself, but you over as well. His freedom isnât the only thing on the line. Your record is. Your freaking license is. As much as you really donât want to see his face again, you have to. And the only comfort you can find at the prospect of meeting him again is the very clear evidence that he does not remember youâ whereas your bones are already shaking at the mere thought of having to face him again.
It sucks. This sucks. But even if it does, you force yourself out of the office later in the afternoon to meet the witnessesâ lawyer at a cafe downtown.Â
His name is Jung Sungchan from the District Prosecutorâs Office. Heâs baby-faced. He still has the light in his eyes. Youâve never even heard of him before this case. Meaning, heâs far too irrelevant to have the gall to strut into the cafe, say his piece, then leave without even buying a freaking coffee.
âSee you in court, attorney.â
Of course this meeting ends the same way as your other meetings have had: no settlement, no compromise, no nothing. You release a scoff once he sees himself out with a cocky ass grin and a pep in his step. Hah. Fucker thinks heâs winning. This bitch is a toddler in the field compared to you. Youâre gonna show him just how ruthless the law could be in the hands of someone that could bend it. He has no idea whatâs coming for him.
You pull out your phone. You text Mark a go signal. [Give me an update tonight]. You stare at your string of texts youâd just sent, squint, contemplate for a second, then bring up your phone to your face. [Also, please send a message to your locked up exec that I really have to meet him soon. Tell him to stop rejecting my visitation requests. Please. For the love of god]. You hit send again. You exhale. That does it. You fix up your things and prepare to start leaving.
While you make your way to the cafeâs exit, you unfortunately overhear a conversation. Not that youâd even tried to overhear. There are two girls sitting next to the counterâ one with straight black hair and blunt bangs, the other one with a very bad bleach jobâ and theyâre both just talking really, really loudly.Â
âThatâs what you get for fucking my man, you tramp,â sneers the fake blonde.
âIâm telling you, I really didnât know he was taken!â straight hair screeches back.
Oh, fuck. You didnât want to hear this drama. You try your best to maneuver past them quickly, quietly, but you end up hearing more information as you walk by. âI already broke it off and apologized! Please just take down the post alreadyââ
âThereâs no way you didnât know, and thereâs no way in hell Iâm taking your disgusting texts down. All your friends and family deserve to know how much of a dirty, manipulative skank you are. So that theyâd know to keep their boyfriends away from you!â
âLook, Iâd get down on my knees to apologize, but you posted not only my private texts, but my fucking nudes were in them, you bitch! Iâm not fucking proud of hooking up with a man I didnât know was taken, but youâre going too far! IâI could sue you for this!â
âHah! As if! If anyone, Iâm the victim in this situation! Not you! Youâre the affair partner who seduced my man!â
Goddammit. You jerk back after a sudden stop six feet away from the exit. You shit your eyes, mutter a silent breath as you continue to listen to the high-strung argument behind you. Normally, youâre not one to butt into these things. Itâs none of your business, and quite frankly, you could give less of a fuck. But maybe itâs because youâve yet again been subject to do something that desecrates the very principles of your occupationâ the very notions of what is just and lawful and goodâ that you find yourself spinning your heels and stomping back into the opposite direction before you could even reconsider.
âExcuse me. I apologize for interrupting without consent, but I couldnât help but overhear your conversation.â
You just want to balance out the scales of your negative karmaâ even by just a little bit. Youâre doing this for no oneâs good but your own. The two girls snap their heads at you, one visibly more annoyed than the other. You gloss over it.
âThe right to privacy of communication is heavily protected by our laws and Constitution,â you begin. Blondie furrows her brows at you, a loading symbol practically spinning above her head. Straight hair looks at you, confused. You keep a straight face, digging into your bag. âPrying into the privacy of anotherâs conversation is a civil offense and a cause of action for damages. Thatâs one thing. Posting someone elseâs sensitive and explicit conversations is another story.â
You pull out a card. âWho the hell are you? Why the hell are you butting in?â she snaps, the sound of her chair scratching the ground as she stands up in a huff to level you. You set your business card down onto the table, the words ATTORNEY AT LAW, all caps, facing right side up.Â
Blondieâs eyes look down. Her face pales. Then she looks up to meet yours. You almost snort.
âIt is a criminal offense punishable by three to seven years imprisonment, or a fine not exceeding twelve million won. Or both.â You could very well be jumping the wrong ship here, but you got a fair sense that Blunt Bangs was telling the truth from how desperate she looks, and that Fake Blonde is simply high on a vengeful power trip over the wrong person. âAnd, considering the fact that you publicized it online through a post, if I heard correctly, it would also be considered a cybercrime. Meaning, you could be charged for both.â
You didnât think she could get any paler. Youâre proven wrong.
âWow. Thatâs an impressive feat considering you had no idea you were committing those crimes. Amazing.â
It doesnât take much longer for her to sputter out something incoherent and stomp out in a panicked frenzy while mashing something onto her phone, most likely trying to delete the post. Sometimes witnessing firsthand the dredges of humanity gives you a little bit of comfort that youâre not the shittiest person in the world. You release a breath, readying yourself to leave once more, only to be stopped by a quiet excuse me from the same table.
You look down. Youâre met by the way too happy smile of Blunt Bangs. She looks cheerful. Oh, god. Youâre not used to this kind of positivity. You feel a shudder down your spine and force down a lump in your throat.
âHi,â she starts. âThanks for helping me. Jeez. What a psycho.â
The girl asks if she can buy you a drink as a thank you. You have not known kindness ever since you started working at JSS, and, by proxy, Nalkkeutta, so you were possessed with the inclination to say yes even though youâve just had an americano with three shots. You settle with a warm jasmine tea to spare your stomach lining. The girl introduces herself as Natty, and starts giving you an unsolicited rundown of how Fake Blonde just suddenly started sending her swears and death threats the other day alongside the revelation that she was apparently her flingâs girlfriend.
She came here all the way from Mapo just to apologize again and beg her to take down the post. And then you witnessed how that went down. âI really had no idea,â she huffs in complaint for the nth time. You take a sip from your half-empty cup, glancing at the time. Itâs 4 p.m. Sweet. Doyoung still thinks youâre having the meeting right now. One more hour before you have to clock out. You decide to pay a bit more attention to Natty as a thank you for allowing you to slack off on the job. âOh, by the way. Can I ask something?â
You set down the cup on the saucer. âSure.â
âDid you maybe go to Ganghak High School? Around eight to nine years ago?âÂ
And then you nearly choke on your own fucking spit. What the hell? You stare at her, wide-eyed in both surprise and innate fear. âWhy...why do you ask?â Natty takes that a yes and immediately lets out a squeal, followed by the squeal of your name, followed by a very slow process of recollection on your part of a girl with similar blunt bangs in your repressed high school memoriesâ then it clicks.
âI recognized your name on your business card, but wasnât sure if you were the same person! Whoa! Youâre a lawyer now! Thatâs amazing!â
Blunt bangs. Dark hair. Sharp eyes. Pretty smile. You remember being classmates with a girl with that same description. You think they both have the same name. You donât get the chance to second guess yourself because she starts talking about more people you vaguely remember in Ganghakâ the class president whoâs apparently on his third try at taking the Civil Service Exam, that one couple who apparently recently got married just two months ago in Jeju, that one kid who had once gotten his head dunked into the trash can on the first day of senior year because he came in without knowing the rules of the school.
He didnât know who ran it. You did. Natty did. And that confirms the fact that you two had indeed been in the same hell once.Â
âHey, do you have any idea what happened to Na Jaemin? I havenât heard a single thing about him since we graduated and I moved towns.âÂ
You look at her, a stiff smile on your face. She was your classmate. She was his classmate. If she can remember all those other people and what their roles were back in Ganghak, sheâd very clearly remember yours as well. âI donât know. I havenât heard about him either.â
Natty gets the realization and immediately flinches out an apology. âOâoh, haha. Sorry. I didnât mean to bring him up.â
âNo, itâs alright,â you hum, smile softening. âI havenât heard of him, either.âÂ
Christ. This man really haunts you everywhere you go. Natty is great at conversation, and manages to smooth over that one bump as quickly as she can and proceeds to ask about any new hot places at Yeongdeungpo, ask about your job, you asking about what sheâs up to in turn under it hits five in the afternoon and you have to return to the firm to clock out.
The both of you exchange numbers. You look at Nattyâs saved contact on your phone with conflicted feelings.
Now that youâve managed to slot the memories into place, you do in fact remember her. She was your classmate throughout the two short years you spent at Ganghak. On your first day, she was the first person whoâd come up to talk to youâ the only time sheâd ever talked to you and vice versa. It took nine years for the both of you to have a conversation again. And thereâs really only one person to blame.
*â
(âShit, shit, shit, shit, shitâ!â
Itâs Monday. You race down the now emptied hallways, eyes quickly scanning each door label that you zoom past in the off chance that you got carried away running and missed your room. To think this is how your year starts. You were looking forward to using the opportunity before homeroom to introduce yourself and make some new friends, but noâ you just had to doze off because you spent the entire yesterday unpacking.Â
Itâs a new neighborhood, new school. Youâve heard that most of Ganghak High Schoolâs students came from Ganghak Middle, meaning almost everyone already knows each other here. Theyâve already formed their respective cliques and cohorts and groups. Youâre currently an outsider, and you need to put in the effort to change that. You need to make a good impression to get some god damned friends and not spend the rest of your two years here as a loner.
Which is why you feel a splashing wave of relief drenching your bones the moment you make it to your assigned class for the rest of the yearâ slamming a palm against the door, just in time for the bell to ring.
âWhoo! Safe!âÂ
At least fifteen sets of eyes immediately zero in on you. You stand there by the door. You smile and nod.
âHi, good morning.â
No one responds. They all look at youâ some stares lingering longer than the othersâ but they all eventually divert their eyes before five seconds, releasing what you could only assume were sighs of relief, and then proceed to drown the classroom in a silence thatâs so, so unnatural for a large group of fifteen to sixteen year olds.Â
That should have been your first sign that this school was far from normal.
What a great start, you mentally huff, scanning the classroom the seat youâll be stuck with for the next two years, and you eventually clock a pair of empty desks in the middle of the back row. You walk over to the available seat, waiting to see if anyone calls out saying itâs theirs, and after a few moments of no objections, you sit yourself down on the wooden chair.
The moment you hook your bag on the left side of your new desk, you swore that the heavy silence pervading the classroom just got heavier.Â
You look up. You see someone from the center row, peeking over her shoulder at who you assume is you with a somewhat nervous jitterâ as if sheâs having an argument with herself in her own head and for some reason, youâre involved. That shouldâve been your second sign, but despite your confusion and frustration, you sit still. You sit still until one side eventually wins the girlâs mental argument and she rises up from her seat, tentatively stalks up to you as the classâs eyes follow her short walk with anticipation, including yours.
âHi, uhm,â she practically squeaks out, hesitant, eyes quickly flickering over to the classroom door before looking back at you. She inhales and smiles. Her bangs are covering her eyebrows. âIâm Natty.â
You greet back and introduce yourself. This is a really fucking weird first interaction, but you take what you can get. âHi.â
The expectation would be that sheâd ask you if youâre new here, if youâre a transferee, if youâd like to join her and her friends for lunch, but no.
Natty completely diverts your expectations by saying, point blank, âThis may sound weird, butâŚyou should maybe pick another seat.â
You blink. What the hell? âWhy?â
The answer comes in the form of the sound of the classroom door violently swinging open, followed by a series of hushed exclamations, and Nattyâs suddenly paled face snapping away from you within the same moment, scampering to return back to her seat at the center, without even giving you the grace of a response.Â
You didnât think the room could get any quieter, but it does, even with the sound of graveled footsteps marching their way over to youâ the only thing you can see of the late studentâs arrival because for some damn reason, everyone has their head down, and you felt compelled to follow and shut up and catch up to your confused and bated breaths as you listen to the chair next to you screech against the tiled floor, and feel the presence of someone plop themselves down with a rattle and grunt, and at that moment, you feel like you were given the subconscious permission to look up again.
So, you do.Â
And when you do, you immediately lock eyes with Natty. Sorry, she mouths with a hand up her cheek, then just as quickly turns back to the front, leaving you to thinkâ what the hell just happened?
Hesitantly, you crane your head to the right, sneaking a glance at the person who just yanked the atmosphere down into hell with just his arrival, the person who youâd be stuck with for the rest of the year by virtue of your seating arrangement.Â
Much to your surprise, youâre not met by a face. Youâre met with someone hunched over, a mop of messy hair with his face buried into crossed arms over the desk with an aura that immediately repels you from prodding even an inch closer. You nudge your seat away to the left, making sure not to cross the invisible mark marked by the gap between your two desks. The only sign of life you glean is the rhythmic rise and fall of his shouldersâ invisible to anyone but you solely because of proximityâ which leads you to the conclusion that heâs sleeping.
Sleeping. Something tells you that itâs better that he stays this way. That something is the sigh of relief from the person sitting right in front of you as your homeroom teacher finally walks in.
At this point, you still havenât seen your seatmateâs face. The only time you know of his name is during attendance, when your teacher calls out a hesitant, âNaâ Na JaeminâŚ?â after double-taking at her class list, answered by nothing but a heavy silence despite having all seats in the classroom filled. She quickly nods in acknowledgement and moves forward after that. Just who the hell is sitting right next to you?)
*â
Beyond your control, memories from that time of your life continuously flash behind your eyes as you drive back to the firm. A buzz from your phone momentarily interrupts you. Itâs from Mark Lee.
[Thanks, attorney. Weâll take care of Ma Gildong first tonight. You can see Jaemin on Monday, next week đ§âđ].
Na Jaemin on a Monday. You grimace. What a load of crappy poetic irony. You reply with a thanks and a middle finger. Mark Lee beeps back with a bright grin in emoji form.
fire and brimstone (and youâre a moth made of gasoline).
Š hannie-dul-set, 2025.
đŽ preview. Prophesies, a Cursed King, beastly knights, and you, a forgotten princess at the centre of it all. Sorcerers and Witches have been something youâve accepted your whole life, but the world has been flipped on its head with these new secrets that have just unfolded before you, and you can only hope that this new kingdom is one youâll actually belong in.Â
tw/cw. Unprotected sex, first time sex for virgin princess reader, foreplay, more experienced King Jaehyun, fingering, pussy eating, slight breast play, praise, dirty talk, multiple reader orgasms, fingering, masturbation, etc⌠I pet names: (hers) Princess.
đš rating.18+ explicit I wc. 10.5kÂ
đ aus. Gothic kingdom!AU, King!Jaehyun, Princess!y/n, strangers to lovers, fantasy/supernatural au, Virgin Princess!Y/N, etcâŚ
âď¸ mlist + an. I had so much fun with this one :) I was missing Jaehyun, and I love gothic style fantasy stories.Â
Prologue:
Your elder sisterâs upcoming wedding is all the kingdom can talk about, and for good reason. This union will solidify her as the royal who will inherit the throne, although itâs a fact that has never truly been without doubt in your eyes.Â
When your father had borne two daughters, there had been whispers about what would happen next. Your childhood was filled with questions, filled with the knowledge that your gender was always going to be a point of contention. Unable to bear any more children, your mother had suggested to your father that he find a new Queen, someone who could give him sons, but your father had always refused.
The love your parents share is admirable, but without a male heir, your father had poured himself into getting your elder sister ready for the throne. Intentionally or not, you had been pushed to the side, the Forgotten Princess, who would never inherit anything other than the possible weight of an arranged marriage to a lesser noble to strengthen family ties.
Youâre a pawn in a game of chess that you were born into, and youâd be lying if you said it hasnât affected the way you view your family.Â
Your sister, Fawna, has always had the best clothing, the best tutors, the best choices for everything she could ever want. When she came of age, many balls and parties were held for her to handpick which Prince she wanted to wed to strengthen her seat on the throne. In shocking accordance with her name, you had watched countless men fawn over your elder sister, while you were left in the shadows, neglected, ignored, and forgotten.
If it werenât for the massive walls that surrounded your castle and the knight who guards you every waking hour, you may have run away years ago.
But no, this kingdom, this cage of stone and gothic archways, is your prison, and youâve reached an age where you are afraid there might never be an escape.Â
One:
Your sister, Fawna, is adorned in the most radiant dress youâve ever seen. White and gold glitter as she dances in the centre of the grand hall, her jewelled crown fixed atop her pretty head. Sheâs beaming, and as radiant as ever with her new husband, a lesser prince from a neighbouring kingdom by the name of Mark.Â
Itâs an eligible match for them both, and the happiness that exudes from them isnât fake. Your parents would never have allowed their favourite daughter to marry for anything less than love, so they had been sure to surround her with suitable men who would bolster her position without overshadowing her, and she found that in Mark.Â
You, meanwhile, stand on the outskirts of the celebration, your arms crossed over your chest like a shield, fingers picking at the plain black dress youâd been instructed to wear. No jewels sparkle on your form; only a simple gold necklace bearing your family crest rests on your bosom, plumped by the corset that strangles you with every breath. Â
You notice the soft sound of metal as your knight, a regal man named Johnny, stiffens behind you, and you tear your eyes from your sister to see whatâs set off your loyal guard dog.Â
A man is approaching, a man youâve never seen before.
âPrincess,â the man nods, standing beside you while Johnny stays stiffened at your back.
âIâm sorry, Iâm not sure weâve been introduced,â you muse.
âMy name is Jaehyun,â he says smoothly, and despite his omission of title, you recognise the name immediately.
Your heart quickens in your chest, and you realise why your knight has become tense.
Standing next to you is none other than Jung Jaehyun, the Cursed King.
A lump begins to form in your throat, and you swallow it thickly, tightening your arms across your chest. There had been some discourse between your parents and their advisors about inviting this âCursed Kingâ to your sisterâs wedding celebration, but it had finally been decided to keep friends close, and enemies even closer.
Not that Jaehyun is an enemy of your family, per se, but his reputation precedes him. Youâve heard stories of the cursed kingdom to the North, of the witch who had cast a spell on the royal family there after being betrayed by one of the lesser princes many years ago.Â
Youâd asked your own court wizard about the affair once, to which heâd responded, âI do not speak of dark magic and curses, and youâd be wise not to tarnish the pristine cloth of your house by pushing further on the subject.â
The curse that the man next to you bears is a mystery to all but the magic users who so carefully protect the details of their craft, and youâd be lying if you said you werenât curious about this beautiful man.
He doesnât look cursed; in fact, if the Gods were to have blessed any person in the room with beauty that rivalled their own, it would be the King currently standing at your side.
âItâs quite the wedding,â Jaehyun muses, his voice soft like rustling leaves in the fall.
âYes,â you agree. âNo expense was spared for Fawna; sheâll be Queen soon. Itâs customary.â
Jaehyun nods, and out of the corner of your eye, you see something of a smirk work its way onto his pretty lips. âCustoms depend on the kingdom, I guess.â
âWas your wedding not this grand?â you ask, realising as soon as the words escape you that theyâre quite blunt.
Jaehyun lets out a laugh, and you breathe a sigh of relief that this mysterious, Cursed King hasnât found offence in your line of questioning. âIâm unmarried.â
âOh?â Your brows raise in shock, and you turn to look at the beautiful man. âSorry, I just assumed-â
âItâs alright,â he assures you, meeting your gaze with eyes that seem to twinkle in the dim candlelight. âI donât leave my castle often; Iâm not surprised that you donât know much about who I am.â
âBut youâre here now,â you point out. âPerhaps now is as good a time as any to get to know each other.â
âI would like that,â the King nods, and you note the way his gaze dips to your throat, where your family crest rests proudly amidst the plain black clothing you wear. âIâm sure you have questions.â
You lick your lips, trying to rein in your curiosity. While your sister was bestowed much of the attention and education of royalty, youâve still been trained in the art of diplomatic relations for an encounter such as this one, and you wonât be the reason your family offends a King with a supposed curse laid upon his house.
âIâm not sure I know what you mean,â you breathe, turning your attention back to the crowd.
Another chuckle escapes the beautiful man. âI suppose I should have known youâd be formal on an occasion such as this. Perhaps our paths will cross again soon, in a more intimate sense, where you can ask me the questions that are really on your mind.âÂ
âCan you presume to know what is on my mind?â you retort, heart rate increasing again at the mystery of this man.Â
âI can guess,â Jaehyun tells you. âWould you care to dance?â
Johnny takes a step forward at your back, and you turn to look at your knight. His lips are set in a firm line, his hand on the hilt of his sword. His body posture makes it clear that a dance with the Cursed King is not condoned, and your heart drops with the understanding of why Johnny thinks this is a bad idea.
âUnfortunately, Iâm not much of a dancer,â you tell him, and itâs true; Fawna received formal training, but all youâve done is watch. Youâve heard the term âhaving two left feet,â and youâd hate to find out that it applies to you at your sisterâs royal wedding.
âAnother time, then,â Jaehyun says smoothly. âI can tell my presence is no longer welcome.â
He turns to you, gently reaching for your hand. With a bow, he kisses your knuckles, holding your gaze, and with a soft smile, he disappears into the crowd, leaving you confused and excited.Â
âYou shouldnât have entertained that man,â Johnny says stiffly in your ear, his armoured glove reaching out to grab at your forearm. He inspects your fingers where the Kingâs lips had just been, and you tear yourself out of his grasp.
âIt was just a conversation,â you snap. âNo one else has talked to me tonight.â
Johnny clicks his tongue at you, something he does often when he wants to say something pointed but respects your position as a royal, even though youâre a forgotten one.
âKing Jaehyun didnât seem cursed to me,â you say defiantly. âHe seemed nice.âÂ
âCurses live deeper than the skin, Princess,â your protective knight points out. âIt would be best for you to remember that.âÂ
Two:
Itâs the day after the wedding, and many of the royals who had come to visit are already leaving. You watch their caravans of carriages and servants exit through the gates from your window, and you begin to feel trapped. Itâs not a new feeling, but itâs one youâve learned to manage.
Your family has kept a three-acre royal forest that abuts the castle, and any time you start to feel claustrophobic, you go there to walk. It clears your head and helps you feel grounded, so thatâs where you go.
Johnny shadows you, silent as ever, as you begin your walk down the path that leads to a small lake. Itâs a gloomy day, with overcast clouds blocking out the sun, but the birds are active, and the sound of bushes moving as small animals go about their day comforts you.
When you reach the lake, you pause to look at the water, and thatâs when you hear Johnny stiffen behind you. Turning, you find the Cursed King walking up the path, his own guard close in tow.
Jaehyun nods at Johnny as he walks by, coming to join you, and he smirks. âI thought Iâd find you here.â
You note the way Johnny and the other knight address each other with glares, both of them resting their hands on the hilts of their swords.Â
âI donât think I mentioned I like to go for walks,â you breathe, turning your attention to the King.
âYouâre a Forgotten Princess locked in a castle; this seems like the opportune place to go when you feel trapped.â
Jaehyunâs words ring true to your soul, and it takes your breath away. Youâre not sure how to respond, so you simply blink at the beautiful man who seems to have taken great care in considering your motives for life.
âWalk with me,â Jaehyun suggests, holding out an arm, and despite Johnny stiffening again, you take it, allowing the Cursed King to guide you down the trail that loops around the lake.Â
âI thought you would have left already,â you admit.
âI couldnât leave without speaking to you again first,â Jaehyun muses.
âOh?â You let out a nervous laugh. âIâm happy I made an impression on you.â
âItâs more than that,â Jaehyun says softly, and you get the sense he doesnât want Johnny to hear what he wants to tell you. âI want you to ask the questions you want to ask.â
You swallow the lump in your throat. âIâm not sure thatâs a good idea.â
âI wonât get angry,â he assures you. âI want us to know each other more intimately before I make a proposal to you.â
âA proposal?â you squeak.Â
âYes. I want you to know the reasoning behind my interest, and for you to enter into an agreement with full knowledge of my position⌠of my⌠condition.âÂ
Diplomatic training be damned.
âAre you speaking of your curse?â you ask quietly.
Jaehyun smiles. âYes, the curse.â
âI admit, Iâm curious about it.â
âSo ask, I canât tell you unless you ask.â
He confuses you. Itâs as if he has something restricting him from being open with you unless you enquire first, so you humour him. âWhat does your curse entail?â
Jaehyunâs shoulders relax slightly. âItâs a Blood Curse,â he explains. âIâm all but damned. Doomed to live life in a solitary manner.â
âYou donât seem damned to me,â you point out.
He smiles, and you note the way his sharp canines flash in the gloomy light. âYouâre a sweet girl, that much was obvious when we first met yesterday.â
âIf I may, while Iâd love to think my charms have bewitched you, I get the sense there is something else driving your interest in me.â
âA prophecy,â Jaehyun nods.
âA prophecy?â You blink, halting in your tracks to look at Jaehyun.
âA Cursed King, doomed to moonlight, a Forgotten Princess, doomed to a captive life. Opposites, yet alike, brought together, wrongs can be made right.âÂ
He stares at you, his words hanging in the air. Your heart races in your chest, and your mouth feels dry. âYou think⌠Iâm part of this prophecy?â
He nods, his gaze shifting to Johnny, who is encroaching again. Jaehyun begins to move, putting distance between himself and your knight, so you follow.
âI donât know the validity of the prophecy,â Jaehyun admits. âBut Iâve spent too many years living with this curse to give up on a solution now.â
âYouâre still young,â you insist.
âNot as young as I look,â he retorts. âThe curse is a drawback, but I assure you, if you accept a proposal, Iâll treat you well.âÂ
Your head is spinning. A King is offering you a proposal of marriage. You will be a Queen, which is something youâve never considered. Youâll be free⌠if your father allows it.
âItâs not within my power to accept,â you tell him. âMy father has the final say.â
âHe will refuse. Iâm aware of my reputation. Royals tolerate me, they invite me to save face and ensure a positive diplomatic relationship, but⌠as is the case with many royal interactions, their outward acceptance of me only runs skin deep.â
âSkin deep,â you whisper.
âYouâre thinking about my curse,â Jaehyun tells you. âYour knight doesnât like me.â
âDid you hear him last night?â you ask in shock.
âI hear many things,â the Cursed King responds mysteriously with a smirk.
âSo what do you propose?â you ask. âIf youâre certain my father will say no to an engagement, then what course do we have?â
âI could always steal you away,â Jaehyun says simply. âWith your permission, of course.â
âYouâd risk your peaceful relationship with my father?â
âTo break my curse, Iâd risk anything.âÂ
Three:
âYouâre dismissed,â you tell Johnny, who is still standing in your room even though the sky has long since turned dark.
The strong muscles in his jaw feather delicately beneath unblemished skin. âPrincess, this is not a good idea.â
âSleep? Since when is sleep not a good idea?â
âYou know what I mean,â Johnny tells you, rolling his eyes.
âI donât.â
Your knight lets out a long sigh. âMy ears might not be as sharp as your Cursed Kingâs, but I hear well enough. I know he made a proposal to you, and I know youâve accepted.â
âDid you tell my father about the engagement?â
âNo.â
âWhy not?â you ask, heart racing.
âIâve been your guard for many years,â Johnny explains. âYour father is my King, but you are my Princess. Forgotten or not.â
Your skin tingles at his words. So he knows how you view yourself. How you think of yourself as forgotten.
âI canât stay here one more day,â you insist. âThis is not my home.â
âA cursed kingdom, a Cursed King, canât be better than this,â Johnny says, and you get the sense heâs dejected.Â
âJaehyun is the first person who has really talked to me in what feels like years,â you tell him, frowning. âDid you hear his prophecy?â
âSounded like more of a childrenâs rhyme than a prophecy,â Johnny scoffs.Â
Your frown deepens. âHe believes it.â
âHeâs cursed, I wouldnât be surprised if heâs insane.âÂ
âJohnny. Iâm leaving,â you say firmly. âTonight. And you wonât be able to stop me.â
âI guess not,â Johnny sighs deeply. âWhich is why Iâll go with you.âÂ
Four:
âWhatâs this?â Jaehyun asks as you scurry toward his unlit carriage with your knight in tow.
âHeâs coming with us,â you announce, watching Jaehyunâs own guard stiffen with distaste.
The Cursed King holds out a hand to help you in the carriage, and he doesnât say anything else.Â
Itâs a large carriage to be sure, but with three grown men inside of it, two of whom are in armour, it feels a little cramped.
âHow are you expecting to get past the gate while holding the Princess captive?â Johnny asks.
âIt wonât be a problem,â Jaehyun assures you.
The ride is silent aside from the sounds of wheels on cobblestone and the clicking of horse hooves, and when the carriage stops at the gate exiting the castle, Jaehyun moves the curtain to speak to the guard on duty there.
âIâm King Jaehyun, and I am returning to my kingdom with my servants and my guard, Donghyuck,â he announces.
You watch the guardâs jaw go slack. âYouâre King Jaehyun, and you are returning to your kingdom with your servants and your guard, Donghyuck.â
Jaehyun nods once, then closes the curtain, and a moment later, you hear the gates beginning to open.
âWhat kind of sorcery was that?â Johnny asks.
âThe cursed kind,â Jaehyun says teasingly. âIt works on lesser minds.â
Your skin tingles at the continued mystery of your new betrothed.Â
âWhy did you decide to come with us, knight?â Donghyuck, Jaehyunâs guard, asks.
Johnnyâs lips form a tight line. âWhere my Princess goes, I go too.âÂ
âItâs honourable of you,â Jaehyun muses. âIâm sure sheâs happy for your company. New places can be⌠challenging.â
You get a sense of foreboding from Jaehyunâs words, and now that youâre on the way out of your castle and into the countryside, for the first time, the true gravity of your decision to run away with a Cursed King is fully starting to register in your mind.
You hope this isnât a mistake.Â
Five:
The journey back to Jaehyunâs kingdom was long, but as you enter the gloomy castle that will be your new home, excitement begins to bubble inside of you. Itâs a massive estate, with tall archways and spires that stretch high into the clouds.
âDonghyuck will show you to your quarters,â Jaehyun announces as you enter the castle. âWe will discuss wedding plans tonight at dinner.â
With Johnny at your side, Donghyuck leads you through hallways and up numerous flights of stairs, not saying a word.Â
The room youâve been given is massive, with a large four-poster bed. The decorations are a touch on the dark side, all moody reds and purples, but it still feels more welcoming than the prison you grew up in.
âSecond thoughts?â Johnny asks when youâre finally alone.
âNo,â you tell him. âSomething about this feels right.â
âSay the word, and we can leave. We can go back to your family,â Johnny says.
You let out a laugh. âJohnny, weâre both in this now.âÂ
âItâs not befitting.â
âWhat isnt befitting?â
âA Princess running away with a Cursed King, a marriage without the permission of her father.â Johnny shakes his head.
âWould you have preferred they arranged a marriage between me and some man Iâd never met?â you retort. âSome man who is likely at a much later age than myself? Some man who would use me as a concubine, and hold me in a loveless marriage?â
âYou hardly know Jaehyun,â Johnny points out, ignoring every aspect of what youâve said.Â
âI know enough,â you snap, becoming increasingly frustrated with your knightâs antics.
âI have to admit something to you,â Johnny says suddenly.
âPardon?â
âPlease take a seat.â
You flash him a questioning gaze, but do as youâre told, sitting on one of the embroidered armchairs in the corner.Â
âThere are things you donât know about the world. Things few know. Sorcerers and witches have their own secrets, but theyâre not the only non-human entities that walk in the shadows of this world,â Johnny explains.
Your heart begins to race.
The knight continues. âThere are werebeasts, werewolves, to be exact.â
âIâve heard the fairy tales, Johnny,â you scoff.
âTheyâre not fairy tales,â your guard insists. âWerewolves were hunted to the point of extinction, but some realised they could utilise their talents⌠as warriors, as knights.âÂ
âWhat are you saying?â you ask, your blood turning cold.
âIâm saying Iâm a werewolf. And so is Donghyuck. And Jaehyun is something else entirely. Something not quite human.â
Your lips part in shock. âWhy did you not say something before?âÂ
âI warned you he is cursed, and itâs deeper than the skin. I tried to tell you, but you didnât understand.â Johnny shakes his head. âWerewolves arenât supposed to share these details; itâs forbidden. But you needed to know.â
âSo⌠you turn into a wolf?â
âYes, on Full Moons.âÂ
âAnd⌠Jaehyunâs knight-â
âDonghyuck. He knows what I am; we recognised each other right away.â
âIs that why you two donât like each other?â
âWe recognise the animal inside us both, recognise the threat.âÂ
You knew Johnny had decided to come with you to this castle because he thought you were in danger, and now, you understand the extent of it. Thereâs a lump forming in your throat, and you swallow it quickly, averting your gaze. âThank you for trusting me with this information, but I donât think it changes anything.â
Johnny frowns, but he leaves it at that, and you get some rest while trying to digest the information heâs just presented to you.Â
Prophesies, a Cursed King, beastly knights, and you, a forgotten princess at the centre of it all. Sorcerers and Witches have been something youâve accepted your whole life, but the world has been flipped on its head with these new secrets that have just unfolded before you, and you can only hope that this new kingdom is one youâll actually belong in.Â
Six:
âIn three days, we will have an intimate wedding,â Jaehyun confirms. âIâve never been one for extravagance or socialising for the sake of diplomatic relations.âÂ
Johnny clicks his tongue behind you, and you can tell this is yet another break of traditional norms that is annoying him, but to you, this plan sounds perfect.
âAnd you think once we are married, your curse will be broken?â you ask.
âIâm hopeful,â Jaehyun nods.Â
âWhat if itâs not?â Johnny asks, becoming bolder by the hour he spends in this new kingdom.
Now itâs Donghyuckâs turn to growl at the outburst, and Jaehyun raises a hand to silence his knight.Â
âWhether the prophecy is fulfilled or not, nothing will change.â Jaehyunâs gaze turns to you, and it softens. âI think we will have a good marriage regardless. I promise to treat you well, to respect you, to let you be free, to be a protector and a loving husband, cursed or not.â
Satisfied with his response, you return to your dinner, and you note that Jaehyun doesnât eat. Heâd made some mention of having food when you returned from your journey, but thereâs still something unsettling about the Cursed King not eating or drinking in front of you.
âThereâs one final matter,â Jaehyun notes. âYour father sent a letter.â
âWhat did he say?â you ask, grip tightening on your fork and knife.
âHe didnât make any outward accusations, but I get the sense he knows youâre here. He urged me that if I am the person who took you, a marriage would save the reputation of his family, and upon the completion of vows, he would announce the news to your old kingdom as if it were planned from the start.â
âAgain, your reputation precedes you, King Jaehyun,â Johnny muses.
âNo retaliation?â you question in shock. âEveryone is truly afraid of you.â
The Cursed King shrugs. âIt has its benefits.â
Seven:
Your first full day at the castle is spent wandering around the large structure. Every corridor feels like a new adventure, and your silent knightly shadow follows as you take in your new home.Â
Youâre unsure if the lack of people you see, servants, guards and the like, is because the castle is so massive, or because the King seems to keep a very limited number of staff, but part of you likes the lack of eyes, the lack of attention as you explore to your heartâs content.
Itâs around dusk that you discover what appears to be a gallery of sorts, and at first, studying the moody paintings feels like a simple and innocent pastime⌠until you reach the room at the end.
Itâs a small space, with portraits of Jaehyunâs royal family. The first picture is from over fivehundred years ago, but as you circle the room in chronological order, you realise the first photo of what appears to be Jaehyun is from three hundred years in the past.
You stare at the artwork.Â
The man pictured is Jaehyun, and the date, worn and carved into the gold frame, is unmistakable.Â
The next photo, painted fifty years later, is Jaehyun again, and the next, then the next.Â
Six photos of Jaehyun, dressed in different outfits, and dated over the course of three hundred years.
Johnny coughs, and you turn to find the Cursed King himself, standing in the doorway.
âSo youâve discovered another one of my secrets, Princess,â Jaehyun smiles.
âIs this a trick?â you ask. âThe dates-â
âThe dates are all correct,â he nods, approaching you.
âBut⌠that would make you over three hundred years old!â you gasp.
âIâm the Cursed King,â Jaehyun breathes. âCursed to a long, solitary life. Outliving every person I have ever cared for. Without the prophecy, without the possibility of reprieve, my heart would have turned to stone years ago.â
âReally?â
âMetaphorically,â he laughs. âItâs been a long struggle.â
âTell me more about how you were cursed,â you insist.
âMy father was a great King,â Jaehyun starts. âBut his younger brother did not share the same virtues. He plotted to overthrow my father, and to do that, he enlisted the help of a witch. My uncle seduced her, using her power and knowledge to kill my father so he could take the throne for himself. I was a boy at the time.â You note the way Jaehyunâs eye twitches at the memory. âHe promised to make the witch into a Queen, but he broke that promise. So she cursed him.â
âYour uncle is like you?â
âHe was.â Jaehyun lets out a deep sigh. âA knight who was loyal to my father saved me from the castle, from what would have been an assassination attempt on my life as well, and he trained me in the woods for many years. But the need for vengeance never went away. When I became a young man, I went looking for my Uncle, and I killed him.âÂ
Jaehyun looks down, playing with a ring on his pinky.Â
âWhat I didnât know was that the curse was a Blood Curse. I nearly died trying to kill my uncle to avenge my father. You see, the curse made him almost impenetrable. Almost. But I found his weak spot, and when I finally made the death blow- when I fell dying to the ground next to my uncle, a large quantity of his blood soaked into my wounds, and it infected me with the curse. So here I am, the living memory of the wrongs my uncle inflicted on his house, and on his kingdom.â
âSo youâre not the original Cursed King?â you ask in shock.
âNo, but I still bear the curse, nonetheless.â Jaehyun offers you a sad smile. âThere are more details I havenât yet shared with you.â
âTell me,â you insist, reaching out and taking his hand.
âBlood Curses require blood to fuel them,â Jaehyun tells you. âFood, water, wine, no regular diet sustains me. I can not die unless killed in a very specific way, but if I restrict my nature as a Cursed King⌠the agony of hunger is not something I can stand against either, and trust me, I have tried.â
You retract your hand, stepping back as Johnny steps forward, shielding you from Jaehyun with his body while his hand finds the hilt of his sword.
âIâm no danger to you,â Jaehyun says quickly. âThe thirst is something I have been able to control for over a hundred years. But I do require blood, and when I do, I have loyal subjects who willingly donate.â
âDo these loyal subjects die when you drink their blood?â Johnny growls.
âNo.â The Cursed King shakes his head. âNot since I was able to control the hunger.â
So your betrothed has killed before in the name of his curse.
Your own blood runs cold at the thought.
âHave you shared your curse with others?â Johnny questions next.
âNever. I would be condemning them if I did.â Jaehyun looks Johnny up and down. âWerewolves are the natural enemy of people like me, people who have suffered from a Blood Curse. Some call the few of us who exist Vampires. I keep Donghyuck and others like him to ensure that no one attempts to use my own blood for nefarious purposes. He is my protector and my controller, in that way.âÂ
After a few moments, Johnnyâs hand drops from his sword. âWhat of the prophecy?â
âA hundred years ago, my court sorcerer was able to help me find someone with the gift of future sight, and a hundred years ago, the Forgotten Princess was seen. But few other details were given; you must know how frustrating and vague seers can be.âÂ
âWitches, sorcerers and seers enjoy keeping their knowledge a secret,â Johnny concedes. âBut I donât share that same control. I will share my intentions openly, as I have no need to be anything other than clear with you. If you ever hurt my Princess, I will find a way to kill you.â
âIâll return the respect of honesty and share with you a detail that only a few people in the world know. To kill someone afflicted with a Blood Curse, you must use a sharp object made of pure ash wood. In the end, after breaking a silver spearhead on my uncleâs hard skin, it was the broken end of the handle that finally pierced his heart. He was as shocked as I was.â
Johnny says nothing, and the tension in the air is thick.
Jaehyun offers you a nod and a soft smile. âNow you know everything, Iâll leave you to your thoughts.â
Eight:
Johnny has been trying to convince you to call off the marriage since your encounter with Jaehyun in the gallery, but you refuse. Thereâs no going back now, and despite Johnnyâs insistence that he could take you away somewhere, find a cottage in the woods where no one has to know you were ever a princess, and he can protect you, you know that would never work.Â
Youâve committed to this, and it takes Johnny seeing you in your dress as your tailor makes the final adjustments before the wedding for him to finally realise that for once in your life, youâre making a decision for yourself.
Your knight stays quiet as he walks you down to the great hall, and itâs only when youâre standing in front of the large doors that lead to your future that Johnny finally speaks. âWhat if I say Iâm in love with you, and we can still run away together?â
A laugh escapes you. âIâd know youâre lying. You see me as a little sister, as a ward, a Princess. Youâre not in love with me, Johnny. Youâre married to your duties as my protector, which is the only reason youâre offering this.â
He sighs deeply, looking down at the ground.Â
No more words are exchanged as the large double doors open, and Johnny begins to walk you down the aisle.
Jaehyun is in a dark blue and gold suit, with immaculate embroidered details that accentuate his handsome face. He smiles as you approach, and with great reluctance, Johnny hands you to your betrothed.
As Jaehyun had promised, only a few people are in attendance, and he skips many of the formal traditional steps of royal weddings, cutting to the chase.
He stares at you with warmth in his eyes as he says âI doâ and you echo his words with shaky hands as he gently slips a massive diamond ring onto your finger.Â
âYou may now kiss the bride,â the priest says, and your heart leaps into your throat.
Jaehyun smiles, his hands slipping down to your hips so he can pull you closer.
It feels like everything has come down to this moment, and as your lips press to his for the first time, there are fireworks, but not the magical kind that would signify the breaking of a curse. No, the eruption of pleasure happens deep in your core, and you hold back a moan, pressing closer to Jaehyun eagerly.
He smirks into the kiss and pulls away, breaking the contact and reminding you of the eyes watching your every movement. Suddenly, you feel flushed with embarrassment.Â
âDid we break the curse?â you ask, hopeful that maybe heâd felt something that signified the end to his three hundred years of suffering.
Jaehyun offers you a tight-lipped smile, and he gives his head a little shake before turning to address the small crowd.Â
His words to everyone are drowned out in your mind as you think about the curse, the prophecy, and the fact that, as far as Jaehyunâs concerned, this wedding hadnât actually accomplished anything.Â
It feels like a failure, and the pain of that runs deep as your new husband takes your hand and exits with you out of the great hall.
Nine:
After the wedding, there had been a celebratory feast, and your lover hadnât eaten anything. Youâd been itching to talk to him, but hours passed before he walked you up to your quarters with your guards in tow. Johnny and Donghyuck had stayed outside the bedroom, finally giving you a semblance of privacy with the Cursed King, although you knew the werewolf knights could probably still hear the two of you as you began to talk.Â
Your King had been weary and clearly disheartened, and with one small cut to his finger that had instantly healed, he had confirmed to you that the curse was still in place.
âA Cursed King, doomed to moonlight, a Forgotten Princess, doomed to a captive life. Opposites, yet alike, brought together, wrongs can be made right,â he had recited, frowning.
âMaybe we just need to give it more time?â you had suggested.
âI have all the time in the world,â heâd half-joked. âIâll let you rest.â
âWill I not be joining you in your room?â you asked.
âI donât sleep,â he smiled softly. âFor now, you should stay here.â
And so, here you are, on your wedding night, pacing your room with Johnny standing by the door.
âI guess the prophecy didnât say anything about marriage, or a true loveâs first kiss,â you note. âAll it said was when we would be brought together, wrongs can be made right.â
âIt gives a lot of room for interpretation, as most prophecies do,â Johnny nods.Â
Heâs doing his best to appear sympathetic, but you get the sense heâs happy about all these developments⌠or lack thereof.
Itâs not something youâre going to discuss with him, but the broken promise of wedding night intimacy is hanging over you like a dark cloud.Â
Youâre a Princess, and due to the virtues and expectations of being royalty, youâre a virgin.
Your first kiss had just been with Jaehyun, and it has left your body wanting more.
âAs you said, maybe it just needs more time,â Johnny suggests. âItâs a Blood Curse that heâs been fighting with for over three hundred years; it might take more than a kiss and a ring to break it.â
âI had really hoped it would be that simple,â you frown.Â
âIâm going to say something, and you canât get mad at me for saying it,â Johnny warns you.
A sigh escapes your lips. âTell me.â
âThe prophecy said âwrongs can be made right,â it never said anything about breaking the curse. Jaehyun has it in his head that you will be the key to him becoming human again, but thereâs a possibility that humanity will never be within his reach. Maybe you have to consider other outcomes than what heâs convinced the prophecy promises.â
You think about his words for a moment, taking a seat on your bed. âSo youâre saying, maybe âwrongs can be made rightâ means something other than the curse breaking. That maybe it meansâŚâ You search your brain for a different explanation: âhaving a companion will break the loneliness heâs faced for three hundred years.â
âOr perhaps the light you bring to this kingdom will make a difference. I think itâs pretty obvious that part of Jaehyunâs âCursed Kingâ reputation comes from the fact that heâs been so wrapped up in himself that he hasnât really been a good King to his people.â
âYouâre speaking treason, Johnny,â you tease.
âHeâs not my King. Youâre my Queen, thereâs a difference.â
You canât help the smile that forms on your lips. Johnnyâs loyalty to you truly knows no bounds.Â
âSo our plan is, I give it some time, I help Jaehyun and the kingdom in ways unrelated to his curse, and maybe, the wrongs resulting from his curse will be fixed, while the curse itself remains.â
Johnny nods. âI think itâs a good place to start.â
Ten:
Keeping true to your discussion with Johnny the night of your wedding, youâve spent the past month trying to do right by your new husband and your new Kingdom.
Johnny had been correct about his suspicion of Jaehyunâs neglect of his people. Many of the decisions had been left to a regal man named Doyoung, whose family line had consisted of advisors for over three hundred years. But Doyoung is a representation of his surroundings, and in the same way that the kingdom has lacked nurturing, Doyoung perpetuates the symptoms of neglect.
Heâs hard-headed and stubborn, but Doyoung respects hierarchy, and through working in tandem with him, youâve already accomplished many adjustments to make the kingdom a happier place.
Jaehyun has given you free rein to do what you think is best, and although youâd never been raised to be a Queen, youâd attended your elder sisterâs lessons and adapted the teachings to suit your own kind heart.
Johnny is a big help, too, acting as your own advisor of sorts, as a man who was neglected by his own kingdom until he was strong enough to become a guard. He offers a unique perspective on ways to help the common people, and with each day that passes, you know heâs enjoying his time here more and more, enjoying the fact that the two of you can make a tangible difference in the lives of others.
On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Johnny and a few other guards accompany you on trips to villages, where you get hands-on experience talking to citizens and hearing ideas about how to make a better life for everyone.
Some parts of being a Queen are confusing for you; for example, trade negotiations arenât something you have any grasp of. But Doyoung has helped you with that, and together, you brokered an agreement to trade some of your kingdomâs raw natural resources for medicine, which you are now planning to take to the village that has several children facing a long-lasting flu-like virus.Â
As you oversee Johnny packing the medicine into the carriage in the courtyard, you notice Jaehyun standing by the castle doors. Heâs watching you carefully, and when your eyes meet, he decides to approach.
âHeaded to one of the villages?â he asks.
âYes, the children there need medicine. I wanted to drop it off personally.â
The Cursed King nods. âYouâve done a lot in the month that youâve been here.â
âIâve done what I can, but there is more to do. Sick children took priority, but there are small fires to be put out all over the kingdom.â
âAnd so the Forgotten Princess becomes the Kind Queen,â Jaehyun smiles softly. âIt suits you.â
âThank you.â Your gaze shifts back to Johnny. âWe will be leaving soon, but we will be back by nightfall. Is there anything else I can do for you, my King?â
You get the sense thereâs something else he wants to say to you, and you give space for him to find the words.
Finally, Jaehyun lets out a sigh, a smile appearing on his lips. âWould you like some company?â
âYou would come with me to the village?â you ask in shock.
He shrugs. âWhy not?â
âI think your subjects would love to see you,â you tell him honestly. âTheyâre adjusting to me, but having your familiar face would calm many of their anxieties.â
âFamiliar, but cursed,â he jokes sadly.
âI donât think your people care so much about the cursed aspect,â you assure him. âItâs all theyâve ever known.â
âI wish I shared your optimism,â Jaehyun tells you.Â
âIn time, maybe you will.â
Eleven:
You have been queen for two months now, and youâre seeing progress in the kingdom as well as in Jaehyun. Heâs warming up to you substantially, and itâs been three weeks since youâve gone to see villages without your King as your companion.
Heâs a silent type of ruler, but his presence does much to soothe his people, and despite the gloomy atmosphere of the kingdom due to nearly constant overcast weather and clouds, the energy of the citizens is getting brighter by the day.
Yet, while there has been movement in the betterment of the kingdom, your marriage has remained stagnant, and youâve decided to change that.
You know where Jaehyunâs room is, and Johnny follows you there one evening. Donghyuck stiffens at the door when you approach, but he knocks and announces your presence all the same.
Both guards stay outside while you join your husband in his room.
Jaehyun is seated by the window, writing something in a journal. He has many such journals that line his bookshelves, no doubt writings from over three hundred years of being a King.
âCan I help you?â Jaehyun asks.Â
âI would like to talk to you about the prophecy.â
The Cursed King makes a motion for you to sit on the chair near his, and he puts down his quill to address you properly.
âI have given it some thought, and I wonder if perhaps the prophecy doesnât mean Iâll cure your Blood Curse, but that I will bring rejuvenation to you and the Kingdom,â you tell him, doing your best to sound confident.
âSo thatâs what all your work has been about,â Jaehyun smiles.Â
âMay I be honest with you?â you ask.
âAlways.â He plays with the ring on his pinkie, clearly curious about what you have to say.
âI think, being so wrapped up in your curse has caused you to neglect your people. The citizens are all happy to have you near them, to have you walking in the villages again. Being cursed doesnât mean you canât be there for your subjects.â
âItâs true, youâve made me realise I hold myself in a more negative light than they do,â Jaehyun confesses. âIâm thankful for your efforts, but I feel thereâs more you want to say to me.â
âWell, Iâm your wife,â you state. âAnd I would like to be your wife⌠in all ways.â
Jaehyun grins, gazing down at his fingers, where he continues to toy with jewellery. âConsumation has little effect when you are bedding a King who canât give you children.â
âIt has little effect on the formal expectations of royalty and religion, but a great effect on your wife,â you insist.
âYouâre truly not afraid of me, are you, little Queen?â Jaehyun meets your gaze, sizing you up. âFrom the moment we met, I couldnât sense any hesitation from you.â
âYou wonât hurt me,â you tell him.
âFunny thing that youâre the one promising that while Iâm the danger.â
âI signed up to marry you with the promise it would not be a loveless marriage,â you say. âI have done what I can, but now it is your turn.â
âI wonder if this counts as extortion,â Jaehyun chuckles.
âIt counts as a failure to comply with a verbal agreement if you refuse me.â You canât help your own smile, but it fades, and you cock your head to the side. âDonât you want me?â
The Cursed King lets out a deep sigh. âI do.â
âThen why do you hold yourself back? I can see you resisting yourself.âÂ
Youâve seen him resisting himself many times. Youâve had late-night discussions where the two of you have been so close to kissing each other before saying goodnight, so many carriage rides where you know heâs wanted to hold your hand but has instead avoided you.
You wouldnât have come here and put your pride on the line tonight if you hadnât sensed that Jaehyun longs for you the way you long for him.
âI also promised never to hurt you,â Jaehyun explains. âAnd I still fear that⌠if we are intimate, you could get hurt.â
âAre you thirsty?â you ask.
âI just ate.â
âSo youâre worried about your own strength?â you question.
âYes.â
You know Jaehyun well enough now to have become privy to the other details of his curse. Of his insane speed and power, and while Jaehyun is often very controlled, youâve seen him tear a thick book in half when he didnât like its ending.Â
You stand up, approaching the Cursed King. âDo you trust me?âÂ
âYes.â He watches you carefully.
âThen test yourself in this, for my sake,â you urge, gently grabbing his hand to pull him to his feet. You guide his palm to your cheek, nuzzling against his cool skin. Your eyes remain locked with his as you test the waters, and soon, Jaehyun joins in.Â
His thumb brushes your bottom lip, and your heart skips a beat, anticipating the kiss that soon comes.
Heâs so gentle, so delicate as he presses his mouth to yours, and you guide his hand down to your hip so you can wrap your arms around the back of his neck, tugging him closer.
It's your second kiss, but you know what youâre doing, your body reacting instinctively as your tongue swipes his lip.
Jaehyun groans, grabbing at the thick skirts of your dress as they billow out from under the corset by your hips. You thread your fingers in his hair, releasing your own whimper.
The sound sets him off, because Jaehyun pulls away abruptly, and you stand there for a moment, both trying to catch your breath.
âOne moment,â Jaehyun says, moving from your grasp to go to the door.
Your heart sinks, wondering what heâs up to, but when he peeks his head out to the hallway beyond and dismisses the two werewolf guards with super hearing, you realise he just wants some true privacy with you.
You can hear Donghyuckâs cackle as the two men leave, and Jaehyun closes the door. âI didnât want them listening to this,â he tells you.
âMe neither,â you confess.
He returns to you quickly, wrapping his arms around you and pressing his lips to yours. Itâs a more fiery kiss, and even though you can tell that Jaehyun is holding himself back, it feels amazing.Â
Your body is reacting in ways it has never reacted, and it leaves you breathless after each heated lip lock. The corset is starting to feel extremely tight, and Jaehyun pulls away, looking down at you.
âAre you okay?â he asks.
âItâs this God-awful dress,â you groan. âThese layers. I canât breathe.â
âHow much do you like this dress?â he asks, tugging on the beautiful black fabric with white detailing embroidery.
âItâs not my favourite,â you admit.
âGood.â Jaehyun spins you around and attacks the corset lacing. You feel the tugs of him breaking the string, and once the whale bone trap is loose, he bunches the skirt fabric in his hands and lifts it off your form.
Youâre in an undergarment dress, but even so, itâs the most exposed youâve ever been in front of a man, and your skin tingles as your heart races in your rib cage.
Jaehyun stops to admire you for a moment. âYouâve always been a good Princess, right?â
âIâve done my best,â you say breathlessly.
âSo that meansâŚâ Jaehyun steps closer, reaching down to slowly tug your dress up, âNo one has ever touched you like this?â
âNever,â you confirm, heart racing even faster.Â
His fingers brush your thigh. âAnd youâre sure you want this?â
âMore than anything.â
Jaehyun slips his hand between your legs, and for the first time, he makes contact with your core. You stifle a whimper, grabbing onto his shoulders to steady yourself as he explores your sensitive pussy, two fingers swiping between your folds to test how wet you are.
âYouâre soaked,â Jaehyun groans, leaning down to press his lips to your throat.
âIâve been waiting for this for months,â you gasp as he brushes the sensitive bud that has your skin tingling.
âWhat kind of husband have I been to deny you?â Jaehyun whispers.
âWhen was the last timeâŚâ you trail off, moaning as he rubs your clit harder.
âThe last timeâŚâ he brings you back to your question.
âHow long has it been since you last bedded a woman?â you ask, knowing that this Cursed King is not a virgin as you are.
âOver a hundred years,â Jaehyun confesses. âIâm not proud of it, but being alive this long gets lonely. And the women offering themselves always wanted to experience the curse; they wanted me to drink from them.â
âOh,â you whimper as he pushes a finger into your tight core.
âYouâre not interested in that, are you, my sweet, innocent, Princess?â Jaehyun asks, breath hot against your throat, his tongue dipping out to tease your skin, making you tingle all over.
âNo,â you gasp when his fingers brush a sensitive spot inside of you, making your legs shake.Â
âI didnât think so.â Jaehyun pulls his hand away from between your legs. âCan you lie on the bed for me?âÂ
You nod, doing as youâre told even though your legs feel like jelly.Â
As you get situated, Jaehyun begins to remove his own elaborate outfit, undoing each golden button of his waistcoat.
You watch, skin tingling with anticipation as your Husband finally bares his torso to you.
Heâs lean but well muscled, skin as unblemished as his face. His curse has granted him beauty without imperfection, and there is something uncanny about how God-like Jaehyun is, but you push the thought to the side as he approaches the bed.
âI want to do this right,â he tells you, sinking to his knees at the foot of the bed. âHow much do you know about sex?â
âI overheard maids talking about it sometimes,â you admit, grasping as he grabs your ankles and tugs you toward the edge of the mattress.Â
âThere is so much more to the joining of bodies than the Christian procreation-above-all propaganda that many kingdoms adhere to,â Jaehyun tells you. âWhen two people care about each other, they take the time to actually give their partner pleasure.â
Jaehyunâs lips find your calf, and he slowly kisses you up your thigh, getting closer and closer to your aching core.
âIf anything becomes too much, just push me away,â Jaehyun says, and then, he licks a stripe of your pussy, twisting his tongue around your sensitive bud.
You let out a whimper, throwing your head back and gripping the sheets, thighs already shaking from the stimulus.
âSomething tells me this will be easy,â the Cursed King chuckles, his breath hot on your core and making you twitch.
âWhat will be easy?â you ask.
âMaking you cum.â Jaehyun pushes a finger back inside of you, his tongue finding your clit again while you writhe against the bed.Â
The feeling of having something inside of you is foreign but wonderful nonetheless. You close your eyes and enjoy it, holding nothing back as your moans fill Jaehyunâs room.
Itâs hard to decide where to focus, with two different sensations alighting your body with pleasure, you realize you really really like how heâs handling your clit, but when Jaehyun pushes a second finger into your core, your toes curl.
âJaehyun,â you whimper.
The Cursed King groans. âI like it when you say my name.â
He crooks his fingers up, finding that sensitive spot deep inside of you again.
A cry escapes your lips, and you grip the bed sheets even tighter, feeling another foreign sensation begin to build in the pit of your stomach.
Jaehyunâs lips wrap around your clit and he sucks harder than before, making your back arch off the bed, your muscles twisting with tension.
Youâre finding it hard to breathe as he works you open with his fingers, and each firm press of pressure against the spot inside of you has you seeing stars.
You whimper his name again, and when Jaehyun growls in response, the vibrations trigger the tension inside of you, and suddenly the invisible cord in your stomach snaps.
Waves of pleasure slam into you and you cry out desperately, whole body tensing and relaxing in quick intervals as Jaehyun works you through the first orgasm of your life.
The throbbing is deliciously intense and all consuming, making your mind blank. For the first time, you feel entirely grounded in your body. There are no other thoughts, only an ecstasy unlike any you have ever experienced.Â
Soon, the pleasure becomes too much, and you reach down to push at Jaehyunâs head. He pulls away immediately, looking up at you while you do your best to catch your breath.
Youâve never felt exhaustion like this, and your whole body feels like rubber as Jaehyun stands up, licking his fingers clean.
âI think maybe I should give you a break, Princess,â Jaehyun grins.
âNo.â You shake your head. âI want you to feel what I just felt.â
âYou want me to cum too?â
âYes.â You nod, swallowing thickly, âotherwise itâs an unfair exchange.â
Jaehyun laughs at your weak attempt at a joke, but his hands find his belt all the same.
âYour wish is my command,â Jaehyun tells you.
You watch under hooded lids as the Cursed King removes the rest of his clothing, and you begin to drool at the sight of his cock. Youâve never seen one before, but his is quite pleasing on the eyes.Â
He joins you on the bed, adjusting you so youâre resting against the pillows. Then, he helps you remove your undergarment dress, leaving you both fully naked to each other for the first time.
Jaehyun kneels between your legs, which are bent at the knee, feet flat.Â
You feel so exposed, but looking up at the gorgeous Cursed King, there are no fears running through your mind.
He reaches down, cupping your breast. Jaehyunâs thumb brushes by your nipple and you moan loudly, skin tingling from the sensation.
âYouâre very beautiful,â he tells you as he gets down on top of you, your thighs wrapping around his hips instinctively to lock him close to you.
His lips find yours and you tangle your fingers in his hair, groaning into the kiss with pleasure.Â
Jaehyun rocks his hips, his hard cock rubbing between your folds and gently stimulating your still sensitive clit.
One of his hands snakes between your bodies, finding your breast again, where he begins to play with your nipple.
You get the sense that heâs teasing you, and his motions are working. You can feel yourself getting embarassingly wet again, your core beginning to pulse with need.
âPlease,â you whimper.
âAre you sure?â Jaehyun asks.Â
âYes.â
âIt might hurt.â
âI donât care,â you insist.
Jaehyun sighs, reaching between your bodies for the base of his cock. He lines his tip up with your core and slowly pushes in, pausing when only an inch of him is inside of you. The stretch is unlike anything, and so much more than his fingers had provided.
You squirm a little, trying to relax below him while your body adjusts to the intrusion, and when Jaehyun can tell that youâve calmed down, he pushes a little deeper.
It continues this way, small adjustments until your body has welcomed his entire cock inside, his hips now flush to your own.
Youâre both gasping as you kiss, and the way heâs reacting to you only makes the situation more pleasurable. You enjoy knowing that your body is providing him the same ecstasy that heâs providing you.
âIâm ready,â you insist, knowing that more is yet to come.
âIâll be gentle,â Jaehyun promises, and with that, he begins to move, softly rutting into you.
Your soaked core makes the movement easy, your walls swallowing him back in with every thrust. Jaehyun releases a deep groan, pressing his face to your throat again, his breath tingling your skin and making you shiver.
Your core tightens around his cock, and Jaehyun moans even louder, his muscles quivering as he holds himself back from ravaging you, wanting to go at a pace that works for a complete novice when it comes to the world of sex.
Each thrust has you seeing stars now, your inner walls quickly becoming accustomed to what had been so foreign only a short time ago.
No, this feels natural, as natural as breathing, and you breathe Jaehyun in like a woman starved for air.
You trail your fingers across his broad shoulders, teasing the muscles there as he fucks you, his pace increasing as his own inhibitions begin to dissolve.
Heâs realizing he wonât break you, realizing youâre stronger than heâd ever thought you would be.
âPlease,â you whimper, not sure what youâre even begging for.
âCan you touch yourself for me?â Jaehyun asks, sucking your earlobe into his mouth.
âI can try,â you say shakily, forcing your hand between your bodies to touch the sensitive bud heâd given so much attention to.
Your core clamps down around him and you moan loudly from the feeling.
âJust like that, keep rubbing it,â Jaehyun instructs, fucking you deeper and slightly adjusting his angle so you can continue to touch yourself without him continuously knocking your hand.
You close your eyes, back arching slightly from the pleasure that quickly begins to consume you again.
Each stroke of his cock inside of you feels wetter now, and the slippery sensation has its own erotic ecstacy that makes your mind numb and your body tingle.
âYou feel so good, Princess,â Jaehyun moans, his sounds going straight to your core, which is pulsing with desire again. âI want you to cum for me again.â
âAgain?â you whisper, still overwhelmed from your first orgasm.
âYes, again,â Jaehyun confirms. âYouâve been so good for me, you deserve it.â
âOkay.â You rub your clit harder, as he had done when he wanted you to get to the edge faster, and you cry out immediately at how good it feels, your heart thundering in your rib cage as your body begins to tense again.
âJust like that,â Jaehyun praises you. âSuch a good Princess.â
His words have you practically melting, physical and emotional pleasure taking over as you work yourself closer and closer-
âIâm almost there,â you tell him, able to anticipate your high now, knowing what comes next.
âBe a good Princess and cum for me,â Jaehyun instructs. âCum for your King.â
Something about his words sets you off, and one more rub of your clit sends you over the edge. You let out a desperate cry, tearing your hand away from yourself to latch onto his shoulders for an anchor.
This orgasm is even more intense than the first, and now that youâre cumming, Jaehyun lets even more of his wild side come to the surface. He fucks you quickly, each thrust more powerful than the last, rocking your entire body with an electric pleasure that has your legs going numb.
Jaehyun doesnât announce his own orgasm, but you know the moment heâs reached it. His entire body shivers, a gasp escaping his lips, his thrusts faltering before he buries himself completely inside your hot, wet core.
You can feel his cock pulsating with pleasure, and the repeated moans in your ear are the most erotic thing youâve ever heard in your life.
You hold him tightly, your heart thundering in your rib cage as you remain entwined in the most intimate embrace youâve ever experienced.
The two of you remained locked within each other for a few minutes, basking in the afterglow of two extreme orgasms, but finally, Jaehyun pulls away, looking down at you.
âIâm sorry I resisted you,â he says softly.
âIâm sorry you felt you had to.â
Jaehyun presses a kiss to your lips. âIâll get something to clean you up, and then, you can sleep here.â
âI thought you donât sleep?â you say in confusion.
âI donât, but that doesnât mean I canât hold you while you do.â
He pulls out of you and you both groan at the loss. Jaehyun quickly returns with a cloth, and he wipes the cum from between your thighs.Â
âTonight, our marriage officially starts,â he announces, a twinkle in his eye. âNo more separate rooms.â
âAnd⌠the curse?â you ask, still holding hope that maybe, somehow, this first act of sexual intimacy had broken it.
Jaehyun shakes his head. âI think Iâm starting to accept that maybe Iâll always be cursed, but having you⌠it rights the wrong. Having you makes it bearable.â
Your heart softens as your Husband joins you in bed, letting you cuddle up to his chest as exhaustion takes over.
Being human and ageing while married to an eternally Cursed King might be a problem, but as drowsiness starts to take you, you know thatâs a discussion for another time.
âď¸Â mlist + an. thank you for reading! low key, I want to give werewolf knight Johnny a love interest now too
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đŽ preview. God, your first kiss with this man had felt electric, but now that youâve been Blood Cursed, now that everything feels even more intense, this kiss is something else entirely.
cw/ tw. Unprotected sex, heightened vampire sex, y/n is a little more dominant with her new power/strength, blow job, hand job, mutual orgasms, praise, body worship, breast worship, slightly more submissive Jaehyun, I petnames. (hers) Princess.
đšÂ rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 2.1k I teaser wc. 200
đ starring. Jaehyun x afab!Reader
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You are now the age Jaehyun was when he was afflicted with the Blood Curse, and every day of your multiple year marriage has felt like it was leading up to this moment, to the moment your body has grown older than your husbandâs.
Two years into your marriage, the kingdomâs sorcerer had searched for another seer, and this one had proposed a new prophecy. âTwo cursed, to rule the land, two cursed, to right the bad.â
Literacy and the ability to make a prophecy with finesse havenât necessarily been in the Seer wheelhouse for some time, but the message is clear, and tonight, on your birthday, you and Jaehyun have decided to finally make the forseen future into a reality.
Johnny isnât the happiest about it, but heâs watched your love for Jaehyun blossom over the years. No one can deny that the two of you are soulmates, that you were put on this world to lighten up the Cursed King and his kingdom.
The well-being of the people hasnât been better in over three hundred years, and youâve really solidified the saying that behind every great man is an even greater woman.
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SYNOPSIS: you've always found working in pairs easier than working by yourself, sharing success or demise with another person was easier than being a loner like most of your colleagues were. but, when your partner in crime dies, you realise just how dangerous the life you're living is, so you try to quit and disappear.
it's not easy leaving the criminal world behind, especially when you're a paid assassin who knows too much about the job and the dark secrets of powerful people. and that's why jaehyun is sent over to find you. and kill you.
PAIRING: paid assassin!jaehyun x paid assassin!reader
FEATURING: aespa's ningning. mentions of nct members.
WORD COUNT: 36k
CONTAINS: survivorâs guilt, jaehyun is very competitive and doesnât like losing. smoking, multiple physical altercations. minor characters' death, mention of gore, wounds, mention of multiple weapons. some characters are described with roles/categories/code names. world building. long descriptive scenes (im sorry), mentions of aggression, paranoia, anxiety and panic. emotional and physical distress. language, smut, oral (male receiving), masturbation, unprotected penetrative sex. miscommunication and misunderstandings. author's note at the end.
NOW PLAYING: goodnight moon by shivaree
SERIES MASTERLIST: HERE!
I. BEIJINGÂ
Youâre not sure how you managed to pack a bag and board a plane. Youâre even less sure of how you managed to escape and leave the continent, and how you made it all the way to Beijing safe and sound. Beijing, thatâs supposed to be your safe space right now, following Ningâs instructions in case something terrible happened and the two of you ended up being split from one another.Â
And indeed, you did end up split up, but not by unexpected circumstances while on a mission, knowing youâll meet each other again after following the plan B she so carefully planned out. You ended up being split by sudden death â hers, to be precise.
Remembering how it went down that day makes your chest heavy and your breath hitches in your throat, tears pricking your eyes. Ning was everything to you, the closest thing to a sister you could get. You trained together, you decided you should be partnered up rather than being on your own, and that meant her giving up being a scorpion just for you. As if she were sensing that something would be going wrong at some point, she made up this plan for a safe escape, yet youâre not sure how safe it is now and if your past decisions will be coming back to bite you. But you try to shake the thoughts away, at least for now, because you need to get to safety as soon as possible.
The streets are busy, and your legs and back are starting to hurt after the long hours spent travelling, not to mention the fact that youâre basically going on autopilot mode since you havenât been able to close an eye and rest during the whole flight. In all honesty, you havenât been able to sleep well in the last few weeks that led up to you quitting your job, and then trying to fly away undetected by your criminal boss and coworkers. Because you were sure he put a bounty on your head, or that he would in the future, anyway. No one has ever heard about anyone quitting the circle and living life like nothing happened, going on with life while planting pansies in the backyard and picking up Italian cuisine cooking lessons. Itâs just not possible.
And, how were you supposed to sleep during your flight, knowing someone could be following you and could eventually kill you? You had to stay alert as much as possible, even if you thought no one sane would actually kill you on a plane, but you had to watch your back for any familiar faces around the plane or airport.Â
Youâre holding Ningâs handwritten instructions, now crumpled in your hands as you hold the piece of paper. You feel like your legs work on their own, and the sleepless days and nights are catching up to you, making you feel exhausted.Â
Managing your sleep time and managing the lack of sleep were part of your training, and it was an important part of your job. Your hands needed to be steady on the firearm you used, your balance needed to be impeccable whenever you were on stag, and nobody could see you faltering while hiding or preparing for an attack. But right now, the lack of sleep is making your mind black out for a bit, as everything around you happens like scenes of a film, and as soon as the director yelled cut! you were back to reality.Â
Thatâs how you gather your bearings as your feet halt suddenly, reaching a secluded part of the neighbourhood Ning wrote down on the paper. The tall buildings are obscuring the street ahead of you, and even if itâs close to noon, it feels like this street has never seen a ray of sunshine. Maybe itâs the lack of sleep, or the lack of appetite that has you feeling weak right now, but a sense of paranoia is working itself up your spine, up to the back of your neck, where the hairs stand up in terror of being followed. You halt your steps, turning around to look for familiar faces, and you hope your brain cells are still working, because this is the time to recognise any suspicious faces that you might or might not know.Â
Except you donât see anyone, so you turn around and start your journey once again. Your muscles hurt, your body is crying to get some food and rest, and thereâs still the pending feeling that something is wrong â that even if you didnât see anyone behind you, something bad is bound to happen.
Following Ningâs plan should be easy, it should be easy to trust her and her judgement, you know she would never betray you, but you canât seem to get rid of that feeling in your gut. What if someone from the circle found out about Ningâs plan, and theyâll be waiting for you at the destination? What if whoeverâs waiting for you there has conspired behind your backs and is hand in hand with your boss so they can get the bounty? You try to shake these thoughts away. Ning would never betray you â youâre sure of this.
Ningâs instructions are clear. You need to take a few turns around maze-like shady alleys that have never seen a ray of sunshine in all their existence. It makes you anxious, nauseous with the unshakable feeling that this is nothing but a trap, that someone is coming to get you as soon as you reach the end of this labyrinth.
Youâre sure that you would never be able to fight back if peril approached you, taking you by surprise. Your senses â that were so sharp just a few weeks ago â are now disoriented and all over the place. The years of training and working as an assassin are suddenly dust in your eyes because youâre too tired and famished to be in your right mind.Â
Nothing makes sense right now, except for Ningâs instructions. You do as she says, you take the right turns, your heart falls to your stomach when a rat creeps out from behind some trash bags by a door, but you go on â tired, itchy eyes scanning the crumpled piece of paper.
You reach the door, green paint flaking off the heavy metal, showing the old blue paint underneath, and you wonder just how many painting jobs this door has gone through. You know whoâs waiting for you on the other side of the door, yet youâre not sure if youâre too late. Perhaps your former boss already bribed them into giving your head on a silver platter â and right now, thereâs nothing you can do. This is a risk you must take, and hopefully it will be for your own good.
You knock on the door, and once again you feel anxiety eating through your chest and stomach. Youâd be at least a little bit more comfortable if you had any kind of weapon with you right now, but you couldnât risk losing precious time around a city youâre not familiar with in order to find some alley gangs willing to sell you illegal weapons.Â
And the lack of weapons might not have been a problem if it weren't for the fact that you are basically exhausted. Your physical training has always been harsh, preparing you for all sorts of encounters and unforeseen circumstances, but you know that right now your precarious state will not be of help.
You hear someone approaching the door, and they open the door slowly, its heaviness making the hinges squeak in a loud echo that reverberates on the long, dark alleyâs filthy concrete walls.
A man looks at you, and he seems to recognise you immediately â as you notice by the look in his eyes. Heâs worried, his eyebrows furrow, probably because he never expected you to be the one showing up at their doorstep. It takes him ten seconds before gesturing for you to walk inside, pushing the heavy door and locking it on the inside as you wait for him in the entry hallway.Â
Thereâs a musty smell, maybe from all the humidity around you, or maybe itâs just the fact that this narrow entryway isnât ventilated at all, but one thing is sure â youâd never wander around this place alone if it weren't for the very specific reason why youâre here now. You just hope you wonât be welcomed with a bullet right in the middle of your forehead as soon as you step into the next room.
The man turns around, barely throwing you a look, and makes a gesture with his head for you to follow him.
Your steps are small and slow. Anxiety is making your inside melt as you keep thinking of all the scenarios that could end up in the wrong way, with almost all of them ending with you in a blood puddle â except for only one, which ends with you greeted by Ningâs grandmother and how sheâd be willing to help you, without your boss already having you and her traced down.
You follow the man, and you enter one of the rooms at the end of the corridor, exhaling with relief as soon as your eyes meet Grandmaâs gaze.
Sheâs surprised, and the look in her eyes lets you know that she wasnât expecting to see you being the one showing up for her help. With the well-curated escape plan Ning and her grandmother had conceived in case of an emergency, Grandma never expected her granddaughterâs partner in crime to be the one showing up at her doorstep. And you understand this, you understand that the tragedy that struck you both is not something that can be taken lightly. You, for one, are still grieving â so you can just imagine just how bad her grandma is feeling. You understand, because after all, if you were to put yourself in her shoes, you wouldnât be elated to see how someone else survived your granddaughter.
âY/n,â she speaks up, calling your name, and her gaze softens seeing just how pale, frightened, and mortified you are.
You let out a sob, and you fall to your knees in front of her approaching figure, with the palms of your hands falling flat on the linoleum floors. Your forehead touches the surface as you place it in the space left between your hands.
âIâm so sorry,â you sob, not having the courage to look up, because crouching in front of a woman whose only grandchild has died is the only acceptable thing to do right now, at least thatâs what you think. âIâm so sorry, Grandma,â you sob once again, and you hear a pair of feet stopping just by your head.
âY/n, look at me,â she instructs, crouching down to pull you off the floor. In other circumstances, you would have bowed to her feet to greet her, your elder, but now youâre crouching out of mortification and shame.Â
Ning should have been here right now, not you.
You look at her, and her facial expression is not giving away whatâs going on inside of her. âY/n,â she calls your name, grabbing you by each side of your face and squeezing your cheeks slightly, with her thumbs wiping your tears from under your eyes, âIs YizhuoâŚâ she trails off, not having it in herself to finish the sentence, yet she knows.
You nod, and your bottom lip starts quivering as your eyes finally look into hers. Theyâre hurt, they lose their sparkle as soon as you confirm her darkest fears have just turned into reality.Â
âEverything will be fine,â she shushes you as soon as you start crying again, and you feel like the scum of the earth for being a crybaby in front of an old woman who just lost the most precious person she had in this whole world. âYouâre safe now,â she hugs you, and her hands wrap around you a little tighter.
âTell me all about Yizhuo,â she instructs as she manages to drag you towards a small table in the corner, âTell me what happened!â
II. THE MOUNTAINS
The day the old man recruited you, he promised you heâd protect you if you accepted being taken under his wing. He promised you heâd take care of you and that you would never lack anything in life. All you had to do was train and become a part of his team.
At that time, the idea sounded amazing. You were young, fresh out of school. A young adult fighting to make her stance clear in the harsh lines of an already well-established society. Young meant impressionable, and the fact that you didnât really have a family to be tied to made it seem like it was the best choice for you at that time.Â
After just a bit over a decade in the industry, you realised you were manipulated into joining these circles, because the old man must have known your background and the fact that you were all by yourself, with nothing to lose â nothing except your life, of course. But again, you were young, you wanted to affirm yourself, and the man spoke to you so beautifully of the life awaiting you, that you couldnât really think about anything else.Â
So you accepted his offer, and next thing you knew, you were in a sturdy jeep, being driven through rocky mountain trails towards the camp where you were supposed to start your training.Â
The camp was huge, with a seemingly abandoned hotel situated in the middle of trees. It made your skin crawl, and it wasnât just the cold mountain air too harsh for you â who had never left the hot city â it was more than that.
There was an eerie vibe to the whole place, and you felt your stomach dropping when the thought of your life being in serious danger crept up on you. And then the two muscle-packed bodyguards who drove you up this mountain instructed you to follow them inside the building.Â
If on the outside the hotel looked abandoned and unkept, the interior made your jaw drop to the floor. Style, luxury, everything was clean and surprisingly so welcoming â you didnât expect the interior to be so different from the external façade, and yet you still felt out of place. You liked the idea of this whole life ahead of you, you liked the promises made to you, and you even liked the obligations that came with agreeing to all this â with putting your life on the line with each mission you were going to take on. But the luxury and the dystopian difference between what welcomed you outside, and the warmth of the inside, made you stop in your tracks a few times as you were escorted to your room.
The old man explained the rules to you, right before you climbed into the jeep that was to take you away to the mountains.
You were going to be training in the mountains for as long as needed. Physical and psychological training sessions were to be taken daily, with a very precise schedule you had to follow to a T.Â
âYouâll be trained by our experts,â the old man explained to you, âThereâs a tough training period you have to follow in order to join the circle, and itâs best if you master the art of all disciplines before the others make an appearance.â
âThe others?â You asked, eyebrows furrowing while looking at your new boss.Â
âThe training camp isnât reserved just for newbies like yourself,â he smiled at you, âThe other members of the clan can join the camp anytime they want, in order to train,â he went on explaining, and you were sure the sickening glint in his eyes was due to a twisted pleasure he had with having everything so planned and disciplined. You knew he was obsessed with always having everything under control, and you couldnât really blame him â not after knowing that he invented this system and the amount of money he was juggling between clients, his assassin agents, and his own pockets.
âYouâll have a code name, but that will only be after our experts assess you and see what youâre best at. You can say your real name to the others in the circle, but youâll learn that your code name will be used most of the time, especially by me when Iâll assign your missions,â he nodded to himself, lost in thought like he was pondering saying what was on his mind or just skipping it.Â
âListen, Y/n,â he started, clicking his tongue, âYouâll learn that the ones inside this circle might not always be your friends, but theyâre your coworkers and you are a team. Youâll always have to trust each other, no matter the grounds.âÂ
âHow long do I have to train before getting a code name?â Your voice was small, but you didnât stutter. Your head was throbbing with all the information you had received, and you felt an incoming headache making your temples tighten.
âDepends on you, kiddo,â he laughed, bringing a glass to his lips, âTraining periods last for as long as needed, depending on your skills.â
Your training sessions were ruthless. Waking up early, you had to go through your first physical training sessions of the day on an empty stomach. After breakfast, meditation followed, with more physical training following suit â not to mention the almost nonexistent breaks, with the first week tuckering you out, almost on the brink of passing out.
You werenât used to this type of training. The intensity of your days made you nauseous, with little appetite, and sometimes just bringing a spoonful of soup to your lips made your muscles hurt. You would have gladly given up your food if you were allowed to do so, but with the strict eyes of the masters? There was actually no chance you could do that. Not when their eyes followed your every movement like vultures, waiting for you to make a mistake so they could discipline you or just make you climb that damned mountain up to the top, as a punishment for not being obedient.Â
You had always been a good fighter â you kicked and punched like you were born to do so, yet one of the masters thought it wasnât your strongest point. Then they made you train with knives, swords, katanas, and while you perfected the art of throwing a knife right in the dummyâs heart and forehead â right in between the eyes â they thought you still didnât find your perfect skill.Â
With your force and lightweight movements, and with the perfect aim, they said you still couldnât fit into one precise category.
âYouâll have to practice on these before completing the training,â the Head Master explained as you were trying to keep your balance on a log, jumping up and down and trying not to fall into the puddle of mud. âIf you fall, you arenât allowed to shower!â He screamed your way.
Saying that you were exhausted was an understatement. Your calves were burning, and your thighs were trembling every single time he made you keep your balance while standing on your tiptoes on that log.Â
You knew you had to be perfect in all fields, and even if knives or physical force werenât your strongest points, you still had to master them. But you also knew that once they found your real talent, that was going to be your category â and then they made the inspired choice to make you work with firearms. Although you did the basic training up until that day, they hadnât made you focus on that discipline until they realised thereâs more to you than kicking stuff and throwing knives.
And that way, you actually found your category. With your perfect aim and quick instincts of a cat, they made you shoot all sorts of firearms, trying to make the perfect sniper out of you.
It was one month into your training period when you came back to the hotel a bit earlier than anticipated. You had spent the entire morning training with a long-range rifle on one of the cliffs, shooting birds and everything moving in your sight â including the propelled props your coaches shot up in the sky with the help of a cannon, for you to take down, â but thankfully you got dismissed earlier.
Walking past the entrance of the lobby, your steps came to a halt when you noticed a small silhouette wandering around, walking towards one of the conference rooms.
âHey,â you spoke up before you could stop yourself, âCan I help you?â You call after the silhouette, and the person flinched after hearing your voice, but turned around nonetheless.
âHi,â she waved your way, small steps approaching you as you stayed unmoving in your spot, drinking from your bottle of water. âIâm here to train,â she told you, but it came out more as a question. âWas told not to share my name just yet, and I donât have a codename, so I donât know how to introduce myself,â she mumbled, placing her hands behind her back.Â
You took a good look at her. She was beautiful. Very long, straight and black hair fell perfectly around her shoulders and figure, and her eyes sparkled, although shy. You were wearing your training gear, and she was sporting some of the most beautiful clothes you had ever seen at that time.Â
The more you looked at her, the more she seemed even more beautiful. Her shyness was adorable, maybe because she was taken by surprise by you full-on interrogating her, but you were genuinely curious who she was since no one had mentioned her up until that point.Â
âI donât have a code name either, at least for now, but itâs just the two of us here right now,â you explained, trying to sound friendly. After being alone on this mountain, it suddenly became hard to talk to other people. âSorry for earlier, didnât mean to sound rude,â you apologised, playing with your bottle of water, âAfter being secluded on this mountain with the monks for one month, I was surprised to see someone new.â
She let out a bark of laughter, showing you a row of pearly white teeth, âThe monks?âÂ
You laughed right back, but you waved your hands around, asking for her to let you explain, âThe masters. I call them monks because it feels like they are, to be honest. And Iâm not allowed to talk to them unless given permission or otherwise theyâll make me climb this mountain,â you explained like that was the most normal thing to have ever happened to you, and the girl in front of you seemed shocked after hearing your words.
âThey give us punishments?â She asked in horror, eyebrows arching worriedly.Â
You gave her a nod, but tried giving her a reassuring smile, âThey do, in all sorts of ways, so look out for that!âÂ
And you tried to reassure your new companion the best you could, walking her around the whole place to let her know your favourite spots, giving her important advice that you would have appreciated if someone welcomed you here when you arrived, the way she found you in the lobby.Â
And she seemed appreciative of all your help and insights. After that day, seeing each other was hard because it was already your second month there, you already fit into one category, and the new girl was just at the beginning of her journey. While your training sessions gradually started being shorter, with you having more free time to yourself or for training on your own, practising whichever skills you wanted, the girl left at dusk and came back late into the night, just like you used to.Â
At some point, you started having your meals down in the lobby, hoping you were going to have her in your sight at least once. Because after spending so much time alone with no one to talk to, knowing there was another person around made your soles tingle, wanting to go out in the woods and look for the spot she was training in.Â
Hectic schedules meant that while you were slashing dummies in some part of the woods, you could hear gunshot sounds reverberate around you in the woods â yet with it being your second month of training there, you werenât allowed to flinch, no matter how surprised you could have been.
âItâs all about your self-control, Y/n,â one of the coaches told you one day, sharp gaze cutting through your flesh as he looked at even the slightest of movements coming from you, keeping an eye even on your breathing. âWhen youâre focusing on your task, there should be nothing disturbing you from doing what youâre set to do. One small movement and youâre ruining it all. One slash of a katana triggered by a thunder outside can kill the wrong person, or even make you fail your mission, your purpose.âÂ
And for this exact reason, during your third month there, they made you train in the rain. Heavy rain might have felt like it was making holes through your flesh with how hard it was pouring down and how cold it was, but you learned to overlook it. At some point it became second nature; the cold and temporary stinging on your bare shoulders and arms became normal, like it was something that was absolutely normal to happen to you, something absolutely normal for you to feel.
After training and meditating in the rain, strong sounds didnât make you recoil anymore. But you still werenât sure where you were standing with your progress, because they never told you. Even if your training sessions were shorter than what they used to be, they never praised you, they never let on where you stood.Â
And not knowing what kind of progress you had made also meant not knowing how long you still had to train before they decided you were ready, or what your next training sessions would have looked like.
And when you saw the other girl again after what felt like years, she was waiting for you with one of the coaches standing behind her.
âThis is our first time having two people training at the same time,â the master walking behind you â master Shi Lai spoke up, walking right up to the other master standing behind the girl, âItâs time we saw just how good you two are.â
âWhat?â You spoke up, totally ignoring the fact that you knew you werenât supposed to question their judgement. It was the rules.Â
âYou have to fight each other,â the other master â master Mu Yang spoke up, taking a few steps back in order to make more space for you. âNo weapons, just you two fighting each other,â
But you didnât want to fight the other girl. Yes, no weapons were to be involved, but it still meant one of you could get badly hurt, potentially both of you, and that meant a lot of problems.
One being the way masters werenât going to cut you some slack if you were to be hurt. And not fighting against your opponent meant you were going to hike up some wild trail while carrying a sack of rice on your back, up to the top.
You let out a sigh, placing your hands on your hips right before you took small steps, trailing in a circle â making the girl move as well. It was clear as day that neither of you wanted to fight against each other, but had to do it nonetheless.
You trailed off, simply waiting. You werenât going to attack first, and you knew she was probably going to throw a first punch soon, going for your head. Your breathing was steady, and you only hoped that this girl wasnât a real-life fighting machine, because it wasnât unknown that you were street smart and that you knew how to fight, but the level of training for people who fell into the fighting category? Absolutely insane. And you could never compete with that.
So you waited, as your masters instructed you during your first days of training, your senses focusing on the girl in front of you. And just like you expected, she attacked first.Â
One of her arms moved methodically and with straight precision towards your head, and maybe anticipating her move actually helped you, because you blocked her swing with your forearm, successfully grabbing her arm with both hands and flipping her to the ground with a loud thud.Â
You looked at master Shi Lai, and right before you could open your mouth to talk, the girl was up onto her feet, once again being the one starting the attack. You parried her incoming kicks, but she was surprisingly way too quick with her jumps, too eager to take you down, and that only meant she was going to feel tired soon.Â
Surprisingly, she managed to dodge all your kicks, but you felt her getting tired from all the dodging and uncoiling she did while jumping around, and you took it as a sign to stop tiptoeing around her â and your leg lurched towards her, your foot kicking her right in the middle of her chest, propelling her to the ground.
The fight was short, but it was enough for you who didnât want to be in that position from the very beginning. The girl didnât move from her spot, but instead brought a hand to her chest, and you imagined her having difficulty breathing after hearing her panting.
You looked at master Shi Lai, and he nodded your way, âBring her inside,â
And you followed the instructions, helping the girl up and pulling her figure towards your own. You rotated a bit, offering her your back for a piggy ride, which she accepted without batting an eye â sore chest probably still causing her problems.Â
Youâve been kicked in the chest before, by the Head Master during a physical training, when you were just too ambitious and wanted to show the master just how good you were at fighting after picking it up on the streets. And that time, no one was there to pick you up and carry you back inside on their backs.
If someone made you carry another person on your back just three months ago, you think you would have ended up with a broken back. But in that moment, you were carrying another person down a mountain trail â but then again, you got used to carrying rice sacks on your backs, so the girl weighed absolutely nothing compared to that.
You took her up to your room, not knowing in which wing her own room was situated, and you actually wanted to keep an eye on her.
You placed her on your bed, and she winced in pain, sucking air through your teeth. The fight was short, but you definitely caused her some damage by taking her down twice.
âHey, how are you feeling?â You sat next to her, touching her shoulder, careful not to make her feel any more pain. You placed a pack of ice inside one of your old t-shirts, tying it around the cold item and placing it on her sternum, right where you kicked her, âThis should be of help,â
âThank you,â she rasped, grabbing the ice pack on her chest and raising her head off the pillow. âThey told me I was a shit fighter and they brought you in to fuck me up,â she giggled, and she closed her eyes, embarrassed, âIâm Yizhuo, by the way,â She opened her eyes to look at you, and your breath hitched in your throat hearing her opening up to you, âBut you can call me Ning,â
You threw her a look. Still in pain from the brief fight you had outside, you were glad that she was comfortable opening up to you.Â
âY/n,â you gave her a small smile, and she grinned your way.
âWe werenât supposed to share our names until we get code names,â she spoke up, but her grin never subsided, âBut you just beat the shit out of me, so I think weâre good,â
And after that day, you and Ning became inseparable during your free time at the training camp. With you training individually, you went on hikes or trained together during your free time. But you also spent nights talking and just getting to know each other.
âWhat made you come here?â She rolled on her belly to look at you. You were sleeping in her room that night, after spending the whole evening training underwater in one of the indoor pools downstairs.Â
You looked at her ceiling, playing with your fingers that were resting on your belly, âI was alone out there,â you shrugged, moving your head to look at her. âI had no one and got into trouble more than Iâd like to admit,â you laughed remembering all the times you ran away from city gangs, âThatâs how the old man recruited me. I was fighting two men in the back of an alley and he waited for me to knock their lights off before he approached me,â you smiled, but your gaze was lost, looking somewhere behind Ning.Â
âI got recruited after I harmed my aggressor,â Your breath hitched in your throat as you heard her words, and you once again moved your head to look at her. Still on her belly, biting on her thumb like she had just been caught red handed, she looked at you like she was expecting you to jump off the bed after hearing just how calm she had been saying those words.Â
âHarmed?â You inquired, calmly.Â
She smiled at you, âDonât look at me like thatâs the most concerning thing youâve ever heard!â She defended, âYouâre acting like weâre not here actively training to become assassins,âÂ
âDid he deserve it?â You asked, getting on your side to have a better look at her.
âYes,â her reply was curt, without a shadow of a doubt, âHe was my stalker,â She went on, gaze lost in space as she kept biting on her thumb. âHe followed me to a nightclub and when I was leaving, he grabbed me in a back alley. I knew he was after me so I had a knife on me, and I actually sliced his cheek when he least expected it.âÂ
She waited for you to hum before continuing, âAnd when he tried getting away, I threw my knife after him. It pierced his back, puncturing his lung,â She looked at you, trying to sense if you were judging her for hurting someone.
âHe definitely deserved it,â you mumbled, and Ning got on her side, imitating your position on her bed.Â
âI like training with you,â she mumbled, head resting on her arm and looking at you, âWish we could be a duo forever,â
And at that time, given how close the two of you had become, the idea didnât seem to be that bad.Â
That was, until the old man dropped by one morning, calling you into his designated office. You were actually happy to see a familiar face dropping by, already sick of seeing the masters all day, every day.Â
He looked at you as you walked towards one of the loveseats in the office, seating facing towards where he was sitting.Â
âYou look good, heard youâre a warrior around here,â He stood to his feet, making his way towards one of the cabinets, fishing for two coasters and two glasses, âI know you havenât had a drink in months,â he pours you some of the liquor, pouring himself some as well, âDrink up, you deserve it,â he prompted you, taking a sip of his own glass.
âThank you, sir,â you thanked him, but you grew so accustomed to the lifestyle the training program forced upon you, that you werenât really in the mood for alcohol, and the liquor burned your tongue as soon as you took a sip of it.
âIâm very pleased to tell you that youâre finally ready to join Deathâs Kiss Assassination Squad. Youâll be a part of the Vipers squad,â he smiled at you, and he seemed proud of everything that left his mouth up to that moment.Â
âVipers?â You asked, placing your glass on the coaster resting on the small glass coffee table.Â
âYes! Vipers, also known as Snipers!â He clicked his tongue, moving his head excitedly, âYou were born to play with firearms, kiddo,â he joked, clapping his hands together, âAt first I thought youâd be a great Bouncer. But youâre so full of surprises, Iâm so happy youâre a successful addition to our squad!â
âThank you, sir,â you repeated, not knowing what else to say â or to put it better, you didnât know how to bring up what you and Ning had been talking about. âActually, sirâŚâ You trailed off, hesitation making you bite your bottom lip.
âWhat is it, kiddo? You donât like your category? Itâs all about skills, and while youâre good at everything else as well, firearms are your art-â but he was interrupted by your waving hands.
âItâs not that, sir!â You tried making yourself understood, âIâm very happy with being a viper,â You reassure him, because while he might have seemed like a ray of sunshine while talking to you, you were also very aware of the fact that he was leading one of the best, most profitable organisations in the entire world.Â
âWhat is it, then? Speak up, Y/n,â He placed his glass on the coaster, and you were not sure how to test his mood, because you hadnât seen that manâs worst side up to that point.Â
âWould working as part of a duo work?â And even if you wanted to add more to your question, the look on his face stopped you from doing so.
He sighed, leaning back into his seat, âYou talked to Ning?â And he only waited for your nod before he spoke up again, âDuos are hard work, hard to manage, Y/n,â he drank up all the remaining liquor in his glass before standing up to his feet.Â
And he called Ning into the office anyway. Seated at his desk, his gaze bounced from you to Ning so many times, but neither of you had the courage to speak up.
âYou two realise you have completely different aptitudes. Youâre a Viper,â he pointed his head at you, âAnd youâre most likely to become a Scorpion, given your knife skills,â he looked at Ning, and he closed his eyes in an attempt to remain as calm as possible, âYou have to be the same category, one of you has to give up on her skills and start from the beginning,â
âI can do that,â Ning spoke up before you could, âMy shooting skills arenât that great right now, anyway, and that can change,âÂ
You actually wanted to be the one to change categories. Not because you didnât like how being a viper sounded, but because it would have been easier for you to spend a little more time in order to perfect your knife skills, than having Ning spend a long time training to get on the same level as you.
âNing,â the old manâs voice snapped you out of your thoughts, âAre you aware that Y/n is ready to join the squad, so that means youâll need to work hard and get to her level fast?â And when he saw Ning nodding, he turned to look at you, âYouâll work on your own until sheâs ready,â
You and Ning exchanged looks, barely able to contain your grins.The old man let out a huff of breath, but regained his initial good mood in mere seconds, âIn this case, welcome to the squad, Copperhead and Cottonmouth!â
III. BEIJING TO OKINAWA
After recalling the accident of how you lost one of the most important people in your life, and after telling Ningâs grandma about everything that had happened that day, she decided she would take you under her wing for a bit. Because after all, Ningâs plan involved her and she was well aware of it, wanting to help you out.
You remained secluded inside her building for three weeks before she allowed you to step out and have your face kissed by the warm air and the sun. And it wasnât like she was reluctant to let you out, but she explained all the next steps the plan entailed.Â
You were never going to allow her to act recklessly just to help you. You were never going to allow her to expose herself to the dangers of covering up the trails of a very experienced paid assassin on the run. You trusted her judgement, but you were never going to accept her risking her life just to save yours, because life was unfair to you, to Grandma Ning, and especially to Yizhuo.Â
Grandma Ning fed you, kept you updated about possible suspicious behaviour around the area, and she catered to your needs, although you kept your worries to yourself. There was no need for you to burden her with all your fears and worries, but you also knew that you couldnât overstay your welcome.Â
Yes, she was part of the plan â the first person to go to in case of emergency â and yes, she was there to keep you safe for a while, but you couldnât put her in any danger.Â
And remaining in Beijing seemed too good to be true, anyway. Like all fantasies, there had to be something happening for you to come back to reality. You were on the run, you needed to hide and run towards the edge of the earth, and you couldnât afford to get caught.Â
And like a macabre reminder that you werenât safe and needed to either embrace your demise or just run off to a hopefully safer place for you to survive in, it glinted in the sun. A coin, a simple coin glinted as sunshine grazed it, and it caught your attention while you were finally out enjoying a little bit of freedom after so many weeks of just being secluded inside a building, scared, and uncertain.
Holding your hat down on your forehead as you crouch down to pick it up, you almost drop the coin when you inspect the country of origin. Itâs a coin from back home, that would never be used in Beijing for absolutely any reason â new, shiny and polished â it was dropped, or actually placed by someone right at the alleyâs exit. A perfect spot for methodically placing a hint, knowing that its perfect state would get the very well-trained eye of an assassin, especially if light hit it from any angle.Â
This isnât a sick coincidence. This doesnât have anything to do with chances and fortune. This was meant for your eyes to catch, and they did.Â
You keep the coin in the palm of your hand, squeezing it like youâre afraid it might disintegrate the more you keep thinking about it.Â
So you make your way all the way to the end of the alley, checking behind you with every quick step you take â trying to see if you are being followed, trying to see if thereâs any pair of eyes that even remotely resemble those of someone you know, someone from your squad back home.Â
Your steps come to a halt when you reach the large, green door, and you watch behind you one last time before pushing it open, quickly getting inside the building and locking the door after yourself. At first you thought that leaving the house today was a mistake and, while you were not entirely wrong, you were never going to pick up on the hint that they finally managed to find you if it werenât for your little impromptu stroll. And who knows, maybe staying in would have meant both you and Grandma were going to be ambushed with neither of you suspecting anything.
âGrandma!â You pant, calling for her as you run through the narrow corridors of the building, âWhere are you?â A lump forms in your throat at the idea that while you were busy wasting precious time with that coin outside, grandma had already fallen victim to whoeverâs after you. And not knowing who it is, itâs killing you on the inside.
âWhatâs wrong?â She asks the moment you enter her meditation room, the final spot inside the whole building you were hoping to find her in, alive. She directly asked you what was wrong, because she already knew something had happened.
âThey found me,â If someone told you just half a year ago that you were going to have a full panic attack at the thought of being met by one of your coworkers, you would have let a bark of laughter escape you, thatâs for sure. And it is actually insane to you how barely only a bit over one month had passed, and you already couldnât recognise yourself.
You used to be someone ready to fight, ready to face whatever danger was awaiting you because, after all, you were prepared for any kind of peril.
âYou and I both know there are no coincidences when thereâs a bounty on your head,â Grandma retorts, reminding you that you canât let yourself be fooled by the delusion that this could be all in your head.Â
âRemember what we talked about? The Okinawa plan?â She asked you, and you hummed in response, too busy looking for the bag full of essentials that you were to carry around with you. âI believe in you, Y/n, you only need to reach Naha safely,â
You nod, and for some reason your eyes are welling up with tears.
IV. DEATHSTALKER
Thereâs a sense of heaviness in your chest as you lie unmoving on the old bed of your hotel room, your ears ring, and your mind runs lapses trying to hear anything suspicious coming from the hallway or the floors above. Anything that you can take as a sign to leave this city as soon as possible.
The anxiety youâve developed since leaving the circle weakens your abilities and senses a bit, and you were one of the best on the field. Able to control your pulse and breathing, you never experienced having an annoying and constant ringing in your ears as you try to decipher silence. You never had to lie down on a bed in order to allow the ringing to subside and your pulse to calm down. And youâve never experienced such strong paranoia, not even when they were training you in the mountains to get an elite assassin out of you.
And how could you not be paranoid, after they made you leave three countries already? Youâve seen them all, the signs. The hints thrown at you that theyâve found you, but the worst thing of all is not knowing who exactly is after you.Â
Who is it that your former boss sent after you? Itâs important, because itâs over for you if they sent a knife expert â or worse, a butcher. Ning trained you intensely during your free time in order to perfect your skills so you could be on her level, and you know what scorpions and butchers are capable of. Ning gave up being a scorpion, being the best at using knives out of the entire team, just for you. To be able to be a viper with you.Â
You hear heavy footsteps thumping on the carpeted hallway outside, but you donât pay too much mind to that. Someone from your field would never make that much noise. You could probably expect to have a gun to your temple even right now while lying in bed, whilst you try waiting for another sign, they could enter your room and you wouldnât even know it.Â
Youâre once again in your own head, thinking about Ning and how it ended for her, the signs youâve noticed in the past two months that you were being followed and that they found you, yet they let you live a little longer before they make you disappear off the surface of the earth. And then you hear it, the imperceptible click of your doorâs lock, gradually and carefully being picked.
You jump off the bed, trying to be as light as possible, leaping towards the massive bookshelf fixed on the wall on the left side of your bed, where you carefully planted a loaded gun in case you heard any type of suspicious movement outside your door and windows. You crouch down on top of the bookshelf, holding your gun with steady hands as you wait for your assassin to enter your room.Â
In the pitch black room, with only the moonlight seeping through the open curtains, you donât hear any footsteps or rustling of clothes, but you spot a manâs silhouette stepping carefully around the bed. A car parks outside your window, and the headlights briefly land on the manâs features, making you freeze.Â
Deathstalker? They sent a damn scorpion after you.
Even with the moonlight as your only source of light, it is enough for you to make out his movements, and itâs like your senses are once again as sharp as they used to be, because you can see everything perfectly. Like having night vision.Â
He reaches for the spot on your bed, the spot you were lying on, and touches it, checking its warmth to understand how long youâve stayed there.
You feel a numbing pain in your foot sole due to the stupid position youâre crouched down in, and you try moving half an inch to the right in order to be a tiny bit more comfortable until he decides to act â and you'll need to be ready â but your heart drops to your stomach when your ankle pops from the small movement.Â
Fuck, shit, motherfucking-fuck-shit.
And you see him stopping his hand on the bedspread, keeping himself unmoving in the same position, and you hear him giggle.
âOh, baby, baby,â he laughs lightly, straightening his back slowly to turn around and look at you, all perched on the bookshelf with your head nearly touching the ceiling âSeems like the lost months of physical training really got to your ankle, huh?â He lets his usual deep laugh fill the room, mocking you.
âShut up, Jaehyun,â you retort through gritted teeth, âDonât call me baby when I have a loaded gun pointed to your head,â you threaten him, but he only smiles back.Â
âWhy are you here?â You ask, trying to buy some more time. Especially because you donât see him holding not even one of his knives, and you don't like unpredictability. But again, he could have some shuriken up his sleeve.Â
âI think you know why Iâm here, Y/n,â he answers with a sombre tone.
Of course you know why heâs here. âIâve been waiting for you,â you mumble.
He chuckles, âYouâre so thoughtful, baby,â he ignores your threat about using the nickname, and he doesnât even try to move an inch to the side. He knows that an unexpected movement might cost him his life. âYou say youâve been waiting for me, but you ran away from me,â he tsks, shaking his head in mockery.
âOh, my fucking bad! Should have baked you a cake and got you some flowers waiting for you to kill me,â You bark back at him, gun still aimed at his head.Â
You guess your reflexes really are back even after the months of reckless living, with no healthy food, no proper training, no meditation. Especially no meditation, because how could you even think of focusing on that when your mind was so full of paranoia and anxiety.Â
âWho said Iâm here to kill you?â He laughs, and those damned dimples make an appearance. Your gaze falls on them, on his sculpted cheekbones, then back on his dimples, finally travelling down to the jaw.Â
Heâs relaxed, he looks like heâs on fucking vacation, taking his sweet time inflicting even more anxiety on you. He looks around the room, looking around the walls â or at least trying to look around, because thereâs not much one can see with only the moonlight seeping through the curtains.Â
But you see him just fine, and he sees you perfectly as well, and you guess itâs all because of your profession â trained to see and sense the target even in pitch dark places.
And thanks to this quality of yours, you see him moving fast, and you anticipate his actions, knowing that heâs doing all this in order to get the knife he has up one of his sleeves out, in order to launch it towards you.
But he seems to forget you trained to be almost as good as he is â because truth be told, not even Ning could ever come close to Jaehyunâs knife skills, â and maybe you also forgot you still had the self preservation instinct and adrenaline going hand in hand with all your training that you still hadnât forgotten, even if you initially thought had become rusty. Turns out youâre doing just fine.Â
You jump off the bookcase, hoping he wonât launch another weapon your way, and you shoot at him as soon as you land on the carpeted floors of your motel room, the suppressor making the shooting noise a bit more bearable to the ears.Â
But you know it can still be heard, and people panic even if they hear a thud, a snapping or cracking sound coming from outside their window. So you stand back on your feet, lurching towards the door and escaping as fast as you can, not losing any time with checking if Jaehyun is harmed, or dead.
âShit!â You hear him curse, and you run faster towards the small green space beside the motel and parking lot. Heâs alive and breathing, yet youâre not sure if heâs harmed or not, but youâre sure the shock of actually being shot at by you will buy you some time before he comes out to look for you.
Your steps are light as you almost trot your way on top of the dead foliage covering the ground â the green space in which you buried an emergency bag a few days ago, preparing for a moment like this one right now. Groping in the dark for the few bushes you used as cover for one small shovel, you find it and start digging fast in order to get your belongings.Â
The ground is moist but easy to dig in, and you snatch your emergency bag up from the ground, rummaging inside it for new clothes and anything you could use not to be easily recognised by Jaehyun. Changing clothes, wearing a relatively well made wig that wouldnât give away the fact that it is made of synthetic hair, especially in the middle of the poorly lit parking lot.
Parking lot, which you have a clear and amazing view of.Â
You spot Jaehyun marching out of your room, looking around himself for bystanders who might have heard the gun going off, and who might even be looking for you. You see him throwing a look towards the green space with trees â where youâre hiding, but his whole plan has been too faulty for him to risk it by staying and looking for you.
And he walks away with fast steps, jumping in his car and reversing it in the middle of the parking lot. You think you have an idea of what route heâs going to take, because there arenât many possibilities at the moment. Heâs either going south or north, and it all feels like youâre gambling â the right choice would allow you to chase, find, and kill him, and the other one would leave you still as the one being chased.Â
So you pick a second car key you kept in your emergency bag, and move towards your car as discreetly as possible.Â
You jump inside your car, starting it almost immediately so you donât lose precious time that might make you lose Jaehyunâs tracks, and you speed after him after spotting his sturdy jeep racing on the highway.
You never expected Jaehyun to be the one sent out to come after you, for you to find your demise by his hand. Your history has always been complicated, from that one time when things ruined your chances to ever be in each otherâs proximity without throwing daggers at each other, up to the last few months, especially today, when he actually decided to stop hunting you down and messing with your head â when he actually attempted to finally complete his mission.
But thereâs so much more about Jaehyun that needs to be thought about, and you reckon this is not the time. Being in your own head thinking of the last decade as youâve known him wonât be of any help, especially now that youâre in the right mind to actually behave and do what you learnt to perfection. To kill.
You see Jaehyun taking the next exit and you follow, although you hit the brakes so as to not catch up to him and be caught. Turns out Jaehyun was actually hiding himself about thirty miles away from the motel you chose to take refuge in, and youâre surprised he actually decided to stay so far away instead of just getting a room at the same motel. And yet you know the reason why he did it â so as to not mess up his chances and be seen following you, or worse, being seen by you. Because after all, you knew someone was after you, you just werenât sure of who it was exactly.Â
You park your car by the front gates of his hotel, fancier and in better condition than the motel that sheltered you, and his grandeur makes you scoff. Talk about doing your job and living in barracks if itâs required for the success of your mission, it isnât a rule for Jaehyun and it has never truly been.Â
He can do his tasks very nicely from a nice hotel, not to mention the most luxurious ones he usually resides in â he goes out in the morning wearing nice clothes, seemingly ready to take over recreational golf tournaments for the whole day, but leaves the resort for the entire day and only returns after heâs succeeded in his mission. No crease on his white polo t-shirt, not a drop of blood on his trainers, not a drop of sweat having gone dry on the collar of his polo or on his spine. Heâs an unbothered, perfect executioner who does his work like his mother pushed him out and he already had knives in each hand.Â
But youâre not afraid of him. Maybe because of your history together as the main reason, you were more threatened by the thought of being chased by Perentic â Kim Jungwoo, bouncer â and actually being beaten to death with a crowbar by him, instead of finding your demise by Jaehyunâs hands.
Jaehyun takes his sweet time gathering his belongings from his car. You see heâs not hurt, so youâre not sure if your missed aim was because you are actually rusty with your skills or if it happened because it was Jaehyun you were aiming at. You hope itâs the first option, especially because he had no problem terrorising you for months, only to later show up and throw shurikens your way.
He gets out of his jeep, walking leisurely inside the hotel, and you finally enter the parking lot. Your eyes are on Jaehyun even if you look for a spot to park your car, which you actually manage to do just a few spots away from his own, and you get out following his steps.Â
The hotel is nice, but not nice enough to have key cards instead of physical keys. And you can barely contain your smile as you avoid being seen by any staff roaming around, managing to keep your gaze on Jaehyunâs figure and see which room is his.
You can pick a normal lock with your eyes closed, but trying to pick up an automated lock â like the one most hotels have â would have been a total nightmare.
You approach his door, sticking your back to the wall, and you try pricking up your ears and sense if you can hear any type of movement behind the door. Jaehyunâs steps thud as he moves around the room, and you sense them moving farther away from the proximity of the entrance.
It doesnât take much for you to hear a creaking sound, and then the pitter-patter of the water coming down in his shower, and you know you have to get into his room now that you have the chance.
You pick the lock as silently as possible, and it doesnât work on the first try, so you wait and pay attention to any noise that might have changed on the other side of the door.
You try again, and this time you succeed â the knob making an almost imperceptible clicking sound that would never be heard over the pitter-patter of the shower.
Looking around yourself, you see Jaehyunâs jacket scattered on the bed like he didnât even pay attention to where it landed once he took it off. His shoes are by the door, where some of his belongings are also scattered on top of a coffee table in its vicinity.Â
You take your gun out, taking careful steps around the small living area and swiftly inspecting the bedroom without finding anything suspicious. You donât see a bag that might be containing weapons, you donât see anything suspicious. You donât see misplaced trash, you donât see the traces of someone whoâs lived here â even if it was for a short amount of time.
You also donât hear anyone in the shower, although the water is still running and you can see all the steam coming from behind the shower curtain.
But you frown as you take a few more steps towards the bathroom door, reminded of the fact that Jaehyun doesnât take steamy showers.
You sense him, you see him creeping up on you like the ceiling has just been split in half, and heâs coming down to make an appearance. You turn around, and right before you can do anything and point your gun in his direction, he throws a kick that manages to send your gun flying back to his bedroom.Â
You swing your arm, aiming for his head, but he blocks your motions and actually manages to crouch down when you target his head once again, this time with your right leg.
âStop fighting me!â He warns, because truth be told, he doesnât want to hurt you. Heâs ducking down every time you try kicking him with one of your limbs, getting away from all your kicks like heâs a little girl whoâd rather run away during perilous situations.Â
Heâs actually trying his best not to let his instincts kick in and fight you for real this time, because itâs going to be brutal and itâs going to end with either one of you bleeding.Â
He tries getting close to you in order to immobilise you, yet you manage to jump to your right and hit the wall, kicking left to get a higher kick and actually knock him down. But heâs quick with his reflexes and after all, who were you even kidding? This man trained just like you did, with these very moves, so he knows everything by heart already. He manages to actually catch you mid-flight and prevent you from moving by keeping you stuck between his arms.
âI said,â he spits through gritted teeth, squeezing you tighter so you stop moving like a fish out of water, âStop fighti-,â heâs interrupted the moment your head kicks his chin.
He finally lets you go, taking a few steps behind and placing one hand over his aching chin.
âYou actually kicked me!â He barks, and you know heâs more shocked than upset.
âI could have done so much more!â You growl, preparing to attack him again. You donât even care where your gun is right now, you just need to lose all the pent-up tension in your muscles by giving him a good beating. And with the amount of rage youâre feeling, not even a man as tall and sturdy as Jaehyun can feel safe, âYou actually tried killing me, earlier,â you reproach him, and heâs in disbelief after registering your words.Â
âAnd you shot me!â He accuses you, his voice suddenly high in pitch with betrayal.
âSo fucking sorry, Jaehyun! I should have let your shuriken pierce through my chest!â You scream, exasperated.
Heâs ridiculous for being so offended, so sulky, and it was all his fault in the first place. Acting like he didnât aim his knives at you. You know Jaehyun well enough to know heâs going to be bothered about you shooting at him for a long time, or maybe heâll be bothered by the fact that he missed his target. Yet you donât see him trying to remedy his initial mistakes, as heâs now standing in the middle of the room, hands on his hips and eyes bewildered while looking at you.
Youâre getting tired of this. Maybe you should just offer to stay still and call it a day, because just the thought of having to run away for the remainder of your life is making you feel all the motivation you had â all the motivation to pull through and run away in order to save your life â is disappearing.Â
âJust shoot me,â you tell him before you can stop yourself. He shudders hearing your words, his head jerking briefly.Â
âAre you insane?â He mocks you, grimacing.Â
You scoff, dropping your arms exasperated, âArenât you here to do this, Jaehyun?â You talk calmly, and Jaehyun almost canât believe just how calm youâre being. When you see him being in his own head, with no intention of replying, you go on, âJust throw your knives, kill me, take my head or whatever. But please donât take me back alive because you know whatâs gonna happen,â
And of course, Jaehyun knows. He knows the rules, the instructions, he knows whatâs going to happen if he captures you and takes you back on your own two feet. He doesnât want to see you being tortured, and heâs not sure if heâd be able to live knowing he basically did to you so much worse than just taking your life.Â
Taking your life should have been easy, easy on him and especially easier on you â because you know very well what going back to the old man would mean for you, everyone from the squad knows. Jaehyun is still so unsure as to why you left the squad, knowing you would bring this upon yourself. But he really doesnât like where this is leading the two of you.
He either kills you on the spot, and his life will forever be a nightmare from now on, or he takes you back alive, and youâre likely to get killed by the old man or one of his bodyguards, but still under his scrutiny. Either way, Jaehyunâs life is going to be a nightmare.Â
âThey never said I should take you back alive,â he sighs, dropping with a thud on his unmade bed. He raises his head from the mattress to look at you, and he sees you staying still in your spot by the arcade at the entrance to the bedroom.Â
âThen itâs clear as day that you should just kill me,â you insist, and he wants to seal your mouth shut.
But youâre having none of the silent and pensive Jaehyun agenda, because while you accepted it in the past, youâre not as lenient right now â now when your life is at stake.
âAre you even listening to me?â You push, moving your weight from one leg to the other. But you see him ignoring you, and you want to kill him on the spot. One thing that makes you want to go ballistic is his ignoring you, completely lost in his own thoughts, like youâre not here chewing his ears off with your words.Â
You see him frowning, raising his head once again, and then carefully getting off the bed, but staying unmoving by the foot of the bed.Â
âJaehyun!â You raise your voice, and the only person whoâs ever made you lose your temper this way is standing in front of you, ignoring you, âIf you wonât do it, Iâll do it myself in front of your eyes and change the trajectory of your life,â you bark, moving your hands frantically.Â
He finally looks at you, still frowning, and he brings a finger to his lips to signal you to shut up.Â
You look at him bewildered, because ⌠did this man just tell you to shut the fuck up?
âOh, you didnât just tell me to shut it,â Your scoff is loud, outraged, still not believing this just happened â not believing Jaehyun would ever have the audacity to do this.
âShhhh!â He lurches towards you, covering your mouth with his hand. You look up at him, and his eyes are piercing and⌠worried?
He takes his hand off your mouth, but brings his index finger to his lips to instruct you to stay silent. He points his fingers to his ear, and then to the door, and you finally get it. Heâs sensing somethingâs happening outside his door.Â
You look at him, and you try to prick up your ears and see if you can hear anything of what heâs sensing, supposedly. Your ears start ringing once again as you try to pay attention, and you feel like punching yourself. Whatever happened to the elite assassin you once were?
You look at Jaehyun once again. Jaw set, eyebrows furrowed, gaze lost while looking into a spot on the carpeted floors of his room. He points to the door once again, and just five seconds after he does so, thereâs a knock filling the silence of the room.Â
You flinch hearing another knock, but looking at Jaehyun taking a few steps back and away from you has your jaw setting. Youâre within the doorâs radius, and if anything happened you wouldnât be able to do much more than jump away from whatever could be coming for you. The fact that Jaehyun snatched your gun earlier, throwing it somewhere by the door, isnât of any help either.Â
You see him touching his lower abdomen, and you look at him, confused. Thereâs another knock on the door, and within three more seconds, someone kicks the door open with their foot, making you flinch and jump back â but not enough for you to take cover from whatever weapon they might have on themselves.
And the moment they appear and walk through the door, you know that taking cover from a rifle wouldnât be possible â youâd end up dead anyway. The man loads the rifle, pointing it at your unmoving figure, and youâre too stunned to even think of trying to move away.Â
But gladly for you, Jaehyun didnât lose his assassin senses like you did, and in your petrified state you still manage to see him moving his hand to his pants, pulling out a jackknife and jerking his arm to pull the blade out, and throwing it towards the man holding the rifle aimed at you. All in under two seconds.
The knife hits the man in the heart, making him drop the weapon to his feet and throwing Jaehyun a look right before blood starts spilling from his mouth. He touches the dagger right before collapsing to the ground, and you look at Jaehyun as he approaches you.
âLetâs go, Y/n!â He instructs, pulling you by the wrist, âIf he found us here, theyâll come check for him when theyâll see heâs missing!â He mumbles, grabbing the few personal items scattered on the coffee table by the entrance, looking for your gun and placing it in your hands.
âHey! Snap out of this!â He snaps his fingers in front of your eyes, trying to bring your attention to him.Â
Youâre lost, never expecting Jaehyun to kill someone else in order to protect you â because after all, he was sent to get you one way or another, dead or alive. Yet here he is, bruising your wrist with his involuntary excessive force, looking at you concerned.Â
âWhatâs wrong with you? Get a grip on your elite senses if you donât want us both to get killed!â He grabs your face with his free hand, and when he sees your eyes focusing on him, attentive and once again aware of your surroundings, he lets you go.
He moves away from you, and snatches the jackknife away from the manâs chest, wiping its blade on the manâs shirt and carefully putting it back into his own pants. He makes sure you take care of your gun, and lifts his bag in order to place it on his shoulder.Â
He grabs you again, by the hand this time, and he pulls you out of the room, trying to close the broken door as best as he can.
âWe need to get away now, and fast. Itâs a matter of time before the staff notice the messed door,â he pulls you away, and his steps are huge while you almost trot next to him as he drags you by your hand, âYou have everything you need with you?â He asks, and you know he means personal items like a bag â and weapons.
You nod, âIn the car,â and you pull your keys out of your jeans.
He opens your trunk, taking your bag and pushing it into your arms, and his gaze lands on a long clarinet case, and heâs sure your weapons are in there. So he throws you a questioning look, and you only look back at him, understanding each other just by looking at each other.
As he closes the trunk of your car, thereâs a womanâs scream disturbing the quiet of the night, and Jaehyun looks at you as he starts running to his car. For some reason, you also start running, and youâre not sure why youâre doing it. You came here to kill him, yet youâre now running away with him.
âLetâs go before they come after us!â Jaehyun throws all your stuff in the backseat of his jeep, and you get into the passenger seat as he starts the engine, âPut your seatbelt on!â His voice is tense as he bosses you around.
He turns around to look back, putting one arm behind your seat so he can have better visibility as he reverses the car. The action makes him get closer to you, and your nose is close enough to him to get a whiff of his unchanged cologne.Â
Youâve known Jaehyun for a decade, yet his cologne remained the same. The same clean, fresh smell flooded your senses, even if a bit faded after a long day.
He speeds away from the parking lot, and you realise heâs speeding towards the highway, breaking speed limits.Â
âPut a second one just in case,â he instructs you, throwing you a quick look, and when you jerk your head confused, he extends his arm behind your seat once again, pulling a second seatbelt and handing it to you, âSecure it on the other side of the seat,â and you do as he instructs, your chest and body now secured under a cross made of two seatbelts, tightly tied over yourself.
He takes the highway and throws you another look, making sure you listened to him. Seeing you sitting calmly in the seat next to him, he decides to look for his own seatbelt.
âHow did you get two seatbelts installed?â You ask, looking at his seat and seeing a second one he doesnât bother securing for himself.Â
âI have my ways,â he explains after a while. Knowing Jaehyun, he probably mulled the answer over and over again in his head, âI know a guy,â he confesses, letting you know the truth, and you only hum in understanding.
Heâs speeding and swaying lanes, yet youâre not panicking. In fact, youâve never been this at peace. Youâre not sure where heâs taking you, or what heâs going to do with you. He might have saved you tonight just so he could kill you with his own hands tomorrow.Â
But a thought crosses your mind, and itâs so loud you canât pay attention to anything else. How did that man find you in Jaehyunâs room? And why was he after you, if Jaehyun was the one sent over to hunt you down and kill you?
Jaehyun hits the brakes, honking as one of the cars sways lanes and cuts your way, and your chest hurts a bit with the two seatbelts forcefully keeping you glued to your seat. You donât even notice Jaehyunâs arm extending in front of you, as if he wanted to keep your body safe and unmoving in case the two seatbelts were not enough.
âYou good?â He asks, throwing you a look, but he speeds off once again, âSome people just donât need to be out on the road,â he mutters to himself, but you hear him nonetheless over the rumble of the car navigating the winds on the highway.
âWhere are we going?â You ask, getting more comfortable in your seat. For some reason, youâre incredibly sleepy. Maybe itâs the fact that you know youâre not being followed, otherwise Jaehyun would have already let you know â because heâs a talker every time heâs panicking â or maybe itâs the fact that you trust Jaehyunâs driving skills enough to have your body relaxing even in a perilous situation like this one.
âAs far away as possible,â his reply is simple, but relaxed, âI have a few options,â
But you donât fall asleep, because that thought keeps lingering in your mind, that manâs expression as he loaded the rifle reappearing in your head every time you blink. Even if Jaehyun kills you tonight or later tomorrow, you donât really mind. Youâre sure being on the run isnât the life you want to lead, and now that you found Jaehyun, youâre fairly ready to have him kill you.
You turn your head to the side in order to look at him. His facial features shine, basking in the blue light of the jeepâs console lights. Heâs driving with one hand only, keeping the other arm propped on the window to his left, hand playing with his hair as heâs deep in thought. His jaw is set, lazily chewing on a gum, and from time to time he switches his glance away from the road in front of you so as to look to his left before switching lanes.
Heâs in his own world, like always, and he doesnât notice you looking at him. The same man who heard suspicious steps approaching his door earlier and saved both your lives doesnât sense your gaze on him right now.Â
The drive is long, and you and Jaehyun donât talk to each other. Youâre exhausted but you know he is too, and yet every time you ask him if heâd like to switch and let you drive, he refuses.Â
He hums to the songs on the radio, taps his fingers on the steering wheel, sometimes imitates some of the instruments playing the melody, and yet youâre used to this, youâre used to him. Maybe the old man did you some good by sending Jaehyun after you, maybe Jaehyun wonât give you a painful death, maybe heâll be considerate, for old timeâs sake.
Itâs nearly dawn when Jaehyun takes one of the exits, driving away from the highway. The horizon starts being painted with white and orange hues when he parks the car, and jumps out quickly after undoing his seatbelt.
âWe need to rest, and this is actually a good place for us to stay,â he lets you know as soon as you join him in the back of his jeep, watching him as he takes his bag on his shoulder, âYouâll leave your clarinet here until tomorrow,â he throws your bag in your arms, and then walks away towards the motelâs entrance.Â
You wait for him by the door, and heâs painfully late while losing track of time talking to the receptionist. You roll your eyes, turning around to look around the parking lot. This is your perfect time to run away yet you donât do it, and maybe youâre too tired, but you now start regretting driving away with him.Â
And he could have killed you in his car if he wanted to, youâre reminded by the voice in your head. And he didnât. He didnât even try. One movement of his hand could have sliced your throat open and could have made you bleed out in a minute on his passenger seat, yet he hummed the songs playing on the radio and whistled to the rhythm of Goodnight Moon, a song you knew he liked.
Your patience runs thin when you hear the receptionist giggling, and you actually get fed up with waiting for him, returning to his car and trying to unlock the doors. Which you realise is a total failure the moment the alarms start going off as soon as you hit one of the windows with your foot, and you hear Jaehyun running out of the receptionistâs cubicle to see what had happened after recognising the alarm. So itâs not a failed attempt after all.Â
Had he been dumb enough â which isnât something that ever happens when it comes to Jaehyun â and had he left the car unlocked, you were going to either start the engine one way or another and take off, or just take your stuff out of the trunk and get your clarinet back in your possession, hitting the road even if you had no idea where to go next.
Being a trained assassin had its perks, like physically harming men who tried to assault you in any way â and you could even take off with their cars.Â
âDo I have to wait for you to flirt with that receptionist, or can we actually rest peacefully?â You asked him once he made the alarm stop.Â
He shows you the keys to your room, and you scoff, âWhy do you have just one key? Whereâs mine?â
He snorts, dimples on display, âYouâre dumb if you think youâre sleeping in a different room than me, baby,â
âDonât call me that!â You bark back, feet trotting trying to catch up with him as he walks towards your designated room, âAnd why wouldnât you trust me? I actually followed you here, didnât I?â You continue, finally catching up to him.
âYou tried to kill me,â he turns around, and it nearly makes you run into his chest, âTwice,â he completes through gritted teeth, his tone sombre.Â
âYou also tried to kill me,â you defend yourself, shocked at the accusations brought against you. Yes, you tried killing him, but he seems to forget that heâs been terrorising you for months instead of walking up to you and killing you once and for all.
You follow his steps, and he unlocks one of the doors, stepping in first and keeping the door open for you to walk in as well.Â
You look around the room. Simple furniture, a closet is carved into one of the walls, thereâs a door that you suppose is leading to the bathroom, and the detail youâre most excited about, the twin beds.Â
âYou should be grateful Iâm letting you sleep here on a comfy bed, instead of tying you and leaving you in the trunk until morning,â he throws his shoes and bag away, walking around the room to sit on one of the beds.Â
You roll your eyes, dropping your bag by the entrance. You know he locked the door and heâs keeping the key somewhere safe, and even if you tried escaping, youâre sure heâd hear you with his damned supersonic hearing only an elite assassin has.Â
âCanât believe I have to hear your snoring,â you whine, sitting on the other available bed.
âAnd I canât believe youâre moaning after I basically saved both of us today. You just stood there like a puppet instead of doing something, anything!â He got up from his spot, coming up next to you to face you. You donât look at him, too tired to bicker with him after the hell of a day you had.Â
âYou threw my gun away, so I was basically useless,â You defended yourself tiredly, not even having the energy to raise your voice at him.
âYes, you were,â he confirms, and you see him pulling his bag on the bed and fishing for a change of clothes, and other essentials like a toothbrush and his shower gel, and then you see him smiling all of a sudden, just one dimple on display as he tries containing his smile, âThank god the amazing mortal weapon in my pants saved the day,â
You blink twice while looking at him, too stunned to say anything for a few seconds.
âMy god, youâre such an idiot!â You whine, bringing your hands up to your face, running them up and down a few times out of frustration, âCanât believe I have to stay with you and your dumb jokes between these four walls,â
He snorts, way too happy with his idiotic joke and the reaction he got out of you, âIâm not that bad, baby,â You roll your eyes hearing his words, and just as you open your mouth to retort something, he cuts you off, âYeah, yeah, I know! Donât call me that, Jaehyun!â He imitates you by repeating your words, imitating your voice by raising his pitch, and you let out a groan, snatching your pillow off your bed.
âGet the fuck out!â You retort, throwing your pillow at his head, but heâs quick entering the bathroom, and he shuts the door after himself as you hear his deep laugh from behind the door.Â
This is going to be a long night, you realise as you sigh and plop once again on your bed.
Maybe he should have just killed you.
You wake up the next morning with your head feeling heavy, temples pulsing painfully with every beat of your heart. You blink a few times, expecting bright light to make it difficult for your eyes to adjust â but the dim lights donât bother your eyes.
You replay the last bits of last night â or earlier this morning, to put it better â right before falling asleep.Â
After his shower, Jaehyun made sure to take your gun away, and you actually allowed him, not having the energy to physically fight him for a weapon you donât even plan on using on him. You could have killed him in numerous other ways, if only you werenât so sleepy â and if you actually wanted to, to begin with.Â
After you were done getting out of the shower, and after bickering with Jaehyun for using his shower gel, you fell asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow. You were so exhausted, after weeks of being chased down by the same man youâre now sharing a room with â the psychological terror inflicted on your mind really wore you out, but you managed to have a good nightâs sleep after such a long time now that you knew you werenât being chased and that you didnât need to stay alert at all times any longer. Or, actually, you were still being chased, but this time you were actually not alone in this.
Which reminds you of the fact that you really need to have a talk with Jaehyun.
You turn around in bed, looking for him on his bed, but the spot he was sleeping in is now empty. Bed unmade, it looks like heâs been up a while now, and your eyes scan the dimly lit room for his presence.
Heâs standing next to the window, taking a peek through the curtains as discreetly as possible while biting hungrily on a red apple. He notices you as soon as you turn around, he knows youâre awake but doesnât spare you a look â at least for now, still busy peeking outside the window.
âGood morning,â he rasps before taking another bite. He turns around, this time taking slow steps towards your beds, sitting on his while still facing you, âI didnât remember you snored,â
You let out an offended gasp, pushing yourself up on one elbow to see him better, âI so do not snore!â
He hums, unimpressed. He takes another bite from the apple in his hand, âYou do. But I slept nonetheless. Now eat this,â he extends the apple towards you, âAnd get ready, we have to go,â
âWhat?â You bark, smacking his hand away from your proximity, âDo you think I eat after just anybody?â You retort, raising an eyebrow.
Heâs not impressed. Thereâs so much more he wants to say but he decides against it, and because his silence is heavy and you know what the look in his eyes implies, you grab the apple and bite on it.
âThatâs the only thing I had in my bag, we should be good until we stop for proper food along the way,â he takes a new change of clothes out of his bag, packing the garments he wore yesterday.
âWhy are you taking me away with you, instead of just killing me? Arenât you here for this?â You ask as you chew.
âYouâre coming with me until Iâm sure no one else is following us. Then, weâll see what to do with you,â heâs calm, he doesnât even look at you because he knows that it might tick you off and youâll start another fight with him. He hates fights, especially the ones that are with you.
âRight,â you nod as if thatâs the most understandable thing heâs ever said, âAbout that⌠we need to talk,â you try, but he dismisses you.
âWe need to get going! Go change if you donât wanna leave in your pyjama shorts right now,â He warns, pointing his head towards the bathroom door.
âBut I really need to have this talk with you,â you insist, but still pick up yesterdayâs jeans and a new t-shirt from your bag.
âGo change! Now!â He raises his voice at you, exasperated by your constant pushing of his buttons, âWeâll talk when we hit the road,â
âBut this is something important that we need to talk face to face about, Jaehyun!â Your tone is suddenly high in pitch, frowning at him and his stubborn behaviour. Maybe if he allowed you to bring up all your concerns and everything that you realised earlier in the car, he might even end up thanking you.
He throws your unloaded gun on your bed for you to keep on yourself once again, âWhat is it?â He sighs, finally giving in to all your pressuring. He fishes a gun out of his own bag, because he keeps one in all his missions, out of convenience and for collateral damage. He keeps his actual weapons for the ones heâs actually paid to kill.
And you guess itâs one of those habits the entire squad has. Because after training intensely with Ning, trying to be on her level of scorpion, you also keep a dagger in your mission bag out of comfort, and you know for a fact that even Jeno â a butcher â also keeps a revolver on himself at all times.Â
âWasnât that man suspicious to you?â You start, and you see him furrowing his brows as he closes his bag up.Â
âWhatâs supposed to be suspicious about that man? He was sent to kill us,â he rasps, looking at you like youâre an idiot and have shit for brains.
âThe operative word being âusâ, Jaehyun,â you push, looking at him. You donât expect Jaehyun to be quick with his reactions, but you expect him to understand what you are implying.Â
âHuh?â He squints his eyes, jerking his head at you, all confused.Â
Your eyes nearly bulge out of their orbits as you look at him, âMan sent to kill,â you raise one finger in the air, and then raise a second one before pointing out, âUs,âÂ
He still looks at you confused, and you want to kill him. He makes you want to scream and rip your hair off when heâs being slow about important stuff. Totally normal Jaehyun behaviour that can be accepted when situations are not as critical as this one is.
âJaehyun!â You call out his name, frustrated, your raging eyes looking into his confused ones, âA man that was sent to kill us! Not me,â you point your index finger at your chest, and his eyes follow your actions, âUs, Jaehyun. You and me!â You accentuate your words, making sure the words get to his brain and he registers them instead of him hearing you, without listening properly.
âWhat are you even talking about? That man came in and tried shooting you,â he retorts, looking at you like youâre taking things out of proportion.
âBut he didnât come for me! Thatâs what Iâm trying to tell you and you wonât even listen!â Your voice breaks with frustration. At your words, he looks at you, showing you heâs actually all ears right now, prompting you to continue â and you do, âHe pointed that rifle towards me because I was in his radius and he didnât see you! I wasnât even supposed to be there with you to begin with!â
He throws you a sombre look, like youâre finally making the gears in his head turn with your words. His jaw is set and his fingers are unmoving on the zip of his bag, already not thinking about it anymore. You really got his full attention.
âI got there after chasing you, so it was a pure coincidence. He wasnât there for me, he was there for you!â You point at him, hoping heâll understand your logic.
âFuck,â he groans, throwing his head back before looking at you once again.
âHe tried shooting me because he didnât see you, and thatâs also what got him killed. But this proves they sent someone after you, too,â You move your hands around, pointing your hands to him, showing your palms like youâre silently telling him here you go, I told you this was important.Â
âFucking shit,â he mumbles as your words echo in his head, and it all starts making sense.
âYou lost so much precious time playing your little cat and mouse game to terrorise me, that they sent someone to get you for not doing your job!â You accuse him, but youâre getting worked up because you know this shouldnât have happened. If only he actually came for you from the beginning, maybe you would have been more accepting of your fate and ultimate demise instead of running away, just like youâre doing right now.
So you pick up your gun, loading it, and pointing it at Jaehyun â all in under one second.
âWhat the fuck are you doing, Y/n? I thought we were past this. Put that fucking gun down,â he barks, incredibly irked by your actions.
âThis is all your fault. You had to be fucking annoying instead of doing your fucking job you were being paid for! And now thereâs a bounty on your head too!â You raise your voice at him, and you donât care if your neighbours are hearing you. In your head, either one of you wonât be leaving this room alive â and youâre more than sure you want to be the one who goes through this.
âPut. It. Down.â He barks back, like he didnât even hear you. And it only drives you even more insane.Â
âNo!â You spit, turning your gunâs safety off with one finger, and still aiming it at Jaehyunâs head, âYou pick your gun up,â you point at his own weapon on the bed, the one he took out of his own bag just a bit earlier in order to check out, âPick it up!â You scream, and he does as you say, his eyes never leaving yours. âNow turn the safety off,â
He does just as you say, but you know heâs dying to argue back. You see it in his eyes that have now darkened, you see it in his jaw that is now set, you see it in the way heâs literally swallowing down all the words heâs dying to let out.Â
âAnd now what? Youâre going to shoot me?â He asks as calmly as possible, but thereâs something sombre in his chest and if you didnât know him this well, youâd have been afraid of even crossing him.
You shake your head, âYouâre going to shoot me,â and your hand remains steady, no shaking, you have tunnel vision and Jaehyun is the only thing you can see in front of you â like your assassin senses are once again here and have never failed you before.Â
âYouâre insane if you think Iâm going to pull the trigger!â He shakes his head at you, an accusatory tone dripping off his tongue, and he squints his eyes at you in mockery, âListen to me! Weâll get out of this shit!âÂ
âHow?!â You are desperate, but not desperately asking for mercy â youâre desperate trying to make him understand that this is the best for both of you. You donât care anymore, you donât want to be on the run, you donât want to be without Yizhuo and live a life like nothing has happened, âThereâs a bounty on our heads, theyâre out there looking for us, and you know thereâs no going back!âÂ
âWe can pay the penalties! We can get out of this, together!â Heâs starting to lose his patience. Youâre out of your mind thinking heâll actually kill you. He doesnât even know why heâs here, but heâs glad he was the one sent over to find you and that he stalled. He doesnât regret it one bit, but heâs sorry you have to go through so much in order to run away for your life, and heâs also following right behind you â since heâs also in trouble now.Â
All his shattered dreams come back to him, hopeful, like heâs never given up on them, like they have never been stepped on by the old man.
âIâm not paying a fucking shit ton of millions to get out of this,â Youâre calm, and over time this sudden change and sudden calmness of yours had Jaehyun learn not to trust you. Youâre going to have another crash out soon, âJust shoot me! And youâll be able to get out of this even if you stalled! Heâll understand!â You beg him, and your words anger him more than heâs letting on.
âPut the gun down, put it down now,â he warns, and his patience is starting to wear thin, âPut it down or shoot me, Y/n, but make sure not to miss your target,âÂ
You feel your eyes brimming with tears while your gaze is still on him, and you see him putting his arm down, turning his gunâs safety back on and tossing it away somewhere on the floor.
âWhat are you doing?â You panic seeing him walking towards you menacingly calmly.
He gets close to you, sticking his chest to your pointed gun, yet his eyes never leave yours. And like challenging you to do something about the fact that heâs standing vulnerable in front of you, he pushes his body against the gun.
âIâm not shooting you, Y/n,â he rasps, âYouâll have to either shoot me or put down the gun,â he challenges, and youâd really like to pull the trigger right this moment, but your bottom lip starts quivering as you look up at him.Â
Heâs upset, heâs actually raging, but you can see heâs containing every bit of emotion to not blow up on you. You know how he gets when heâs upset, and not the sulky upset you might find endearing â you mean the one in which heâs absolutely terrifying, and no one and nothing shall get in his way.Â
He finally takes your gun away from you, turning the safety back on and scattering it away from the two of you. He doesnât say anything, but in this moment youâd rather he fought you and bickered with you instead of just flaring his nostrils at you.Â
You sit on the bed, not having it in you to look at him, not after the intense moment that just happened, not after you let him know itâs okay to kill you, and especially after he challenged you to shoot him dead and you didnât. You know him so well, and every word you said was true. If he actually killed you, he could still go back to the old man and ask for forgiveness for stalling his mission. Sure, he would have lost the commission promised on the mission, and maybe he could have even been forced to pay penalties for stalling, for having another hitman sent after him â and you, and for killing said hitman. But he was going to be forgiven, he was going to be able to go back to work and still face your former boss. Now heâs in the middle of a shitstorm.
âIâll go take our bags to the car. You go change,â He sighs, taking all weapons away from you, including the bag sitting next to you, âIâll be downstairs,â he mumbles as he opens the door, âPlease be quick, we need to hit the road,âÂ
And he closes the door after himself, with a calmness only specific to Jaehyun and Jaehyun only.
And thatâs how you know itâs bad.
V. NOWHERE AND EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE
The drive to Jaehyunâs next destination was silent, a total nightmare having to sit next to him and feeling so guilty for some reason. You feel like youâve indeed killed someone just as collateral damage and for no other reason whatsoever.Â
Jaehyun was definitely sulking all the time, not exchanging a single word with you. Not asking you anything, and making sure you knew he was ignoring you every single time you asked something like âwhere are we going?â, and âdo you wanna stop for a bit and stretch your legs?â
But he didnât overlook your needs. He took frequent breaks, he allowed you to stretch in the parking lot as he drank three espressos one after the other, he stopped for food every time he thought your stomach grumbled. He made you stay up as he rested in the backseat, but also allowed you to sleep for the entirety of the time he was driving. He did all this while giving you the silent treatment, not asking anything of you but expecting you not to open your mouth either.
You watched his body language, observing everything carefully. Jaw set, eating mints and chewing gum every time he tried fighting off sleep while driving. He hummed along to songs from time to time, and even if he had a recurring thought that he wanted to share with you, he refrained from doing so, not even looking your way.
Three days of this and you were exhausted, you felt like throwing up. Your legs felt like sticks that had absolutely no reason being attached to your body. You havenât had a decent shower or felt the comfort of new clothes ever since you left the last motel, and you would have actually complained if you knew you could get on Jaehyunâs nerves by doing so. But because he kept ignoring you like you werenât even there with him, you just shut your mouth.
But a heavy feeling weighed down on you, eating at your insides as you kept thinking that youâre the reason Jaehyun is behaving this way. Maybe you took it too far, but you genuinely feel like you canât keep doing this. And the thought that Jaehyun is also in great danger because of you makes your insides churn with guilt.Â
Or maybe it isnât your fault after all. You forget all about the guilt â maybe because of just how tired and hungry you are â but maybe itâs his own fault for putting his own life at risk. He could have killed you when he had the chance, right at the beginning â in Beijing â but he dragged it and stalled for so long that heâs now running with you to the middle of nowhere in order to save his own life.
And youâre grateful you actually reach the hotel thatâs supposed to shelter you for a bit until Jaehyun decides to actually talk to you, or until he decides to tell you his plan. Because you know he has one.
He gets the key from the reception, not even bothering to keep an eye on you â maybe because he knows youâre just as exhausted as he is after so many days on the road, he actually lets both your and his bags full of weapons by your feet as he sorts things with the receptionist. He takes you upstairs, and right as you try opening your mouth to talk to him, he walks straight to the bathroom, and you can hear water start running in the shower.
You sigh, plopping down on one of the chairs in the corner of the room, and your head falls on the table. Not that you needed to sit down after three days of doing just that continuously, but youâre honestly exhausted. Your temples throb with every beating of your heart, you feel more exhausted than youâve ever felt before â even more than what you felt when you first ran away in order to reach Beijing.Â
Trying to focus on your breathing in order to block the headache and all the discomfort away, you feel your limbs getting heavier, and the bathroom door opens swiftly. Your senses are flooded by Jaehyunâs scent, his shower gel and cologne that just match each other are very welcomed by your nose, especially right now.
You stand to your feet, trying to keep your balance as best as you can, and you notice heâs changed clothes right before coming out of the bathroom. You need to be the one doing the first step and try to mend this whole thing up, especially because youâre in this together.
âJaehyun, can we-,â but youâre interrupted by the door slamming after him. He left you behind once again, stranded in the middle of nowhere, and he even locked the door like you are his prisoner. Maybe heâs going to finally complete his mission, hoping heâll be able to go back to things as they were before he acted so carelessly. Maybe it really took him three days to understand the weight of your words, and that you were right. The tens of millions that each of you had in your respective bank accounts would never be enough to pay a penalty and go back together, not if you combined the entirety of each otherâs wealth. But he could go back, live for a few months following the old manâs own terms and conditions, and then life would definitely go back to normal.
But it canât be said about you. You donât have all these benefits. The day you left, when you resigned, not only did you resign from your job â you resigned all the rights you had to go on with living a peaceful life. And the day you joined the squad and signed your contract with the old man, you basically gave away all the rights you had over your own life.Â
And you knew it, but you were just out of school â a very impressionable young adult that was just beginning to taste all the flavours of life and independence. And this job surely gave you more than you could bear. Your commission wasnât the biggest or most appealing â at least at the beginning, but it offered you a life that was worth living, and every mission was paid more than what a regular office worker would earn annually in the financial district.Â
Over time, your commission increased with every mission and with every success, and you and Ning never failed any of your missions. Until that one, which cost you so much more than penalties and money. It cost a human life and your whole ability to live peacefully as a member of the squad.Â
You felt itchy â not comfortable with your own body; you felt your mind was the loudest it had ever been and it was driving you insane, and for what? The day it dawned on you that it actually happened, that you actually lost the only important person in your life, you couldnât bear knowing you had to go on and keep living like this, leading the criminal life â even if the money was the best part.Â
But money meant absolutely nothing when you couldnât peel yourself off the floor. It meant nothing when you were alone and hallucinating conversations you never had with Ning, but would have loved to at some point. But it was too late, there was no going back, and you were left looking in a corner like she was speaking to you in person.
You sigh, your skin suddenly covered with goosebumps at the thought of Ning and everything you had to go through, and it actually didnât matter anymore â nothing mattered. Not the sore muscles, not the pain in your bones, not the headache, and certainly not the hunger that made your stomach growl â because after all, it had been more than twelve hours since you last ate, the moment Jaehyun decided it was time for a little break during your drive.
And Jaehyun, now that your mind is back on him, you wish things had gone differently between the two of you. A rivalry that was born out of spite, you wish he would recognise this as well.
You whine in pain as you walk towards the bathroom, taking your own change of clothes out of your bag, and they seem to be among the last few clean clothing items left that you can use without leaving to look for a laundrette. You still donât have your own shower gel, so Jaehyun will have to forgive you once again for using his stuff, and you get under the steamy showers.
Jaehyun. Thereâs so much youâd like to tell him, so many things you need to open his eyes on. Heâs not confrontational, at least with words and feelings. Heâs never been. Heâs hot-headed when it comes to stuff that's not related to work, but heâs the most exemplary member of the squad.Â
He had already been a member of the squad when you joined. Granted that you had to wait a bit more so Yizhuo could complete her training â it also allowed you to get a better training in using knives, beyond the basic levels that were required of you â you actually didnât participate in the first complete training everyone attended. You were flown out to Cuba with your partner in crime for a very special mission, so attending the training in the mountains was out of question, not even the old man thought of sending you back only a few months after completing your full training.Â
So it was a failed opportunity to meet everyone from the squad, that you didnât get. You never met your coworkers. They didnât live in the same city as you and Yizhuo â who basically did everything together, even if you had your own separate apartments â so it was hard to actually meet them outside these training camps.
The old man had mentioned that once a year the squad was set to meet for a joined training session, but he also mentioned the fact that you could get one any time you wanted, and with his lack of active need to add people to the squad after you and Ning joined and made it whole, it was very easy for any of you to show up to the camp in the mountains and train without having newbies around.
And just as you were nearing the one-year mark as a member of the squad, with absolutely no other plans or prospects for a bit until your next mission, you decided to go back where it all began, where you felt like home â you went back to the mountains.Â
While Ning was somewhere in Maui going paragliding, you decided youâd embrace the cool summer mornings the mountains offered you.
Thatâs when you met Jaehyun and his cool motorcycle. Looking at him today, youâd never think he used to be one to search for that kind of adrenaline, messiness, liberty. Heâs so private about his life, nowadays heâs so determined to keep his cool portrayal â but you know how he used to be.
A rebel, someone chasing a liberating feeling that only the speeding of his motorcycle and fast knife skills allowed him to feel like he was living to the fullest.Â
He walked up to you the moment you parked your car next to his motorcycle. He was training just around the corner and heard your engine, and a small dimple formed on his barely contained smile that he showed you as soon as you got out of the car.
He knew you were one of the new additions to the team, he just didnât know which one out of the two you were.
âCottonmouth,â you exhaled, not expecting to meet a member of the squad so suddenly and so soon.
He smiled at you, extending his right hand for you to shake, âDeathstalker.âÂ
You frowned hearing his code name. You knew the categories, what they meant, but you didnât know the code names.Â
âScorpion,â he cleared the confusion for you, still smiling as you nodded at him, your travel bag still in your hand as he kept making small talk with you by your car.Â
You pointed a thumb to your chest, âViper.â
âI know that!â He chuckled, grin reaching his eyes, and he started walking towards the hotelâs entrance. âIâve been dying to meet you,â he confessed while walking after you.
You stopped in your tracks, turning around to look at him, and he almost tripped on your trolley the moment you stopped, making him throw his legs around in order to keep his balance.
âI heard you trained for the shortest period before finally being accepted,â he explained, nervously moving his hands around, âI was curious about your skills.â
You raise your eyebrows at him without even realising, âI⌠Well thatâs not me,â You shake your head, giving him a small smile even if heâs the one raising his brows as you spoke up, âThatâs my partner, Copperhead,â You cleared all confusion between the two of you, except he actually jerked his head as he registered your words, âShe was supposed to be a scorpion just like you, sheâs really great,â
He shook his head, âNo, I know your reputation around here as a duo. Youâre the one who had a shorter training period,â he pointed at you, and dang it â he was so sure of himself, suddenly the soft façade was replaced by a cocky one that was only normal for someone who knew was being correct about all assumptions. With the amount of confidence dripping off his body language, you thought he could have sold you any lie, and youâd have believed every single word coming out of his mouth.Â
Heâd always been convincing. Maybe it was the confidence given by his looks, or by the fact that he knew he was an elite in his field â one of the best, with a success rate of one hundred percent even at that young age.Â
And at first he didnât bother you, but as days passed you became curious, and the curiosity only made things worse. You started looking for him when you knew he was out training, and you werenât even sure why or how you started training together, but you know you got close quite fast.Â
And it was only normal for it to happen, as you were the only ones on that mountain. You trained together, you got to know each other and, after a bit, you stopped using code names.Â
You cleaned together, you cooked together, you shared a pot of ramyeon on the patio as you sat in front of an impromptu bonfire. No one lived around your area, yet surprisingly he knew his way around, he had stories to tell, places to review and share his opinion on with you.Â
Awkward handshakes became sharing a blanket on the patio as you also shared a cigarette â he was the one to light them up, and he offered you a smoke from time to time. Limbs crashing during physical training became intertwined arms as you walked around, which ultimately became lingering touches. A strand of hair away from your eyes, hands touching as both of you reached for something at the same time. Yet nothing more happened, keeping it in the safe territory for the sake of your jobs.
You left the training camp and you kept in touch, and somehow he was âin the areaâ, your area, once every two weeks. You knew he was lying, you knew he had no missions in your city. You knew he always came by in order to see you.
For some reason, Jaehyun always came back to you like a moth to a flame, and he never failed to show you just how much he was enjoying his time with you â in the most respectful of ways. And then he started holding your hand when you went out for a walk around the city, he started leaving some of his stuff around your place, he started taking you out for dinner while sharing bits of his life with you. He started being more affectionate, a bit bolder every time he came around, every time he drank a bit more than his normal limit. Stealing kisses as you dropped him at the airport when he had to go back home and prepare for a mission.
And you thought it was going in the right direction. After all the nice moments spent together, you could actually see the two of you were going somewhere. And all the signs coming from him showed that he felt the same way.Â
The mandatory annual training session with the whole squad came around a few months after you and Jaehyun started seeing each other â when he supposedly had missions in your city and he forgot the way back to his own home, living with you for a bit before work called him back for duty.
And your coworkers became your friends soon after. Yes, sure, you werenât on first-name basis with them like you were with Jaehyun or Ning, but it was nice to get to know them and finally opening up after a few weeks together â time that led to all of them dropping the code names in front of you.Â
By the third week, the old man came around, and you were filled in on the traditions. He was going to put you into pairs and have you compete against each other in the same categories. But they reassured you that you were going to be paired with someone with your same strength and gender, and that it was just for fun.
âI have an amazing idea!â The old man clapped his hands as he bit into a peach, âLetâs have Deathstalker and Cottonmouth fight each other!â He laughed, grin reaching his eyes as he could barely contain his excitement.
There was a general whisper that filled your ears, âWhat?â Everyone whispered to each other, and you looked at the old man hoping you didnât hear him right.Â
He raised one finger, waggled it in the air before pointing it at you, and then gestured for you to get in the middle. One look at Jaehyun and you knew he didnât want this either. Jaw set, nostrils flaring in anger, you had never seen this side of him. He kept his arms behind his back as he got in the middle to join you, avoiding your gaze like he couldnât even bring himself to look at you.
The shift in his mood made your stomach drop, because he could at least have looked your way. Yet he didnât, and when you were once again prompted to fight each other, he only let his arms loose â with them falling freely around his figure.Â
You heard a gun loading, and the old man shot it blindly up in the sky â not aiming at anything or anyone in particular, but that was your first warning that you had to get into positions.Â
And then Jaehyun did get into position to get ready to fight you, and that hurt you more than one of his punches would have. But looking in introspection right now, as youâre using his shower gel and expensive shampoo, what was he supposed to do? Have both of you shot because you refused to take orders from your boss?
Your memory is blank, you donât remember how it started, you just knew that you were the one who did. And you took some punches as well, it was inevitable â but you tried your best to affirm yourself and fight Jaehyun. Because after all, what else could you have done? Were you supposed to wait for Jaehyun â who was known for having the force of a brute, especially during physical fighting â to punch you repeatedly? So you fought like your life depended on it, and it wasnât that it actually did, but you couldnât afford to get too hurt.
Jaehyun lost, but you were exhausted, and you knew he let you win.
âJaehyun, wait!â You called after him as you followed his steps towards his room. After being dismissed by the even more cheerful voice belonging to the old man, Jaehyun left fuming, âI said wait!â
âWhat?â He barked, turning around to look at you. âWhat is it?â
âWhy did you let me win?â You asked him, trying to understand what was going on behind those raging eyes. Yes, he let you win and you knew it â everyone knew it. You were positive you could have become just dust in the wind if he took the fight seriously.
âI didnât let you win,â his tone was sombre, like he was trying to wrap up the conversation before it even started properly.
âHey!â You snarled, touching his arms to bring his attention back on you once he turned his back to you, âWhat is going on? Why did this even happen?â You tried understanding why everything had to unfold the way it did. They told you it was all for fun and to test each otherâs abilities, yet it took a turn when you and Jaehyun were brought up. On top of it all, Jaehyun barely touched you, barely looked at you, and he evidently let you win. It didnât matter just how much damage you tried to cause him, two punches and a kick from him and you were going to disintegrate into thin air.
âNothing happened, and I didnât let you win!â He barked back at you, snatching his arm out of your grasp, âCongratulations, Cottonmouth!â And with that, he left you behind.
From that day on, things changed forever. No more Jaehyun dropping by unexpectedly, no more Jaehyun texting or calling you, no more Jaehyun exchanging cheeky jokes and looks with you. No more Jaehyun.
Not even a glance thrown your way during the annual squad training in the mountains. Everything changed, everything seemed like all the good times spent with Jaehyun might as well have been all in your head, and in reality, he hated your existence and the air you breathed.Â
And isnât it ironic, that he was also the one being sent after you? Isnât it ironic, that after ten years of rivalry, youâre now in the shower using his products and smelling just like him?
Your muscles are thanking you for the scorching hot water you blessed them with. Your skin has never been as hungry for a steamy shower as it is right now.Â
You feel slightly better after you shower, and when you exit the bathroom with your hair still damp, Jaehyun also walks into the hotel room, carrying bags in his arms.
He sets them down, opens a bottle of water to take a sip, all while still not paying attention to you. Maybe both of you need to rest, sleep on it at least for tonight, and maybe things will be better in the morning.
You get under the covers, bare legs touching the cool sheets, and youâve never been more ecstatic to actually feel your head hit the pillow, and youâre sure you can fall asleep in a millisecond as soon as you close your eyes.
But rustling around the room distracts you once again, and you open your eyes to throw a look at Jaehyun and what he might be doing.Â
âWhat do you think youâre doing?â You panic. Seeing his navel wasnât on your to-do list tonight.Â
He stops his movements, holding his t-shirt in his hands before looking at you, sporting a puzzled look on his face.
âIâm changing,â He says, but it comes out more as a question.Â
âNo,â you blurt out while looking at him, and you think youâre in a staring contest with the man. âYouâre not changing, youâre stripping,â You correct him.
âYeah,â He says, but it comes out as a question once again, âI kinda need to do that to change myself,â He doesnât bother looking back at you, heâs looking for another t-shirt laying around the room, a cleaner one anyway.Â
You see his head emerge through the neck of the t-shirt he chose to wear. His black, fluffy hair bouncing in different directions before he passes a hand through it. He reaches for the edge of the bed throw, and you panic once again.
âNo,â You shake your head, looking at him from your spot on the bed. âWhat do you think youâre doing?â You ask again, and he halts his actions once more.Â
âIâm getting into bed?â He asks, and he knows heâs doing nothing wrong, but seeing you so set on asking stupid questions, he thinks youâre playing a push-and-pull game.Â
âWhat do you mean youâre getting into bed? This bed?â You raise your voice a bit, but you shut your mouth immediately, remembering that you need to keep quiet because no one needs to know youâre in this room.
âDo you see any other bed here, Y/n?â You recognise his tone and how youâre pissing him off, and youâre making an impossible effort not to start another fight with him.Â
âI wonât sleep in the same bed as you, Jaehyun,â You mutter, throwing him a warning look that you hope he understands. But even if he does, he ignores you.Â
âSuit yourself,â He mumbles while pulling the throw a bit before getting into bed next to you, âI need to rest.â
You throw the blanket covering your legs, pulling yourself away from the headboard, so you can turn around on your spot on the bed in order to look at him. You think thereâs smoke coming out of your nose and ears, and you look at him, with his stupid, fluffy head resting peacefully on his pillow.
âCut me some slack, Y/n,â He sighs, rubbing his eyes, âI even went out alone and brought you food,â
âAnd whose fault is that?â You raise your voice once again, âYou left me here alone, Jaehyun. So donât act like itâs my fault you went out by yourself and youâre extremely tired right now,â You press your index finger repeatedly on his chest as you make your accusations.
âYou know what? Fine.â He gets out of bed before you can blink twice, pulling his pillow away from the bed. âIâll sleep on the fucking floor and tomorrow youâll go out by yourself and get some food for me,â He retorts angrily, not even looking you in the eye.
You see him looking for a spare towel, which he throws on the floor in anger, his pillow following suit.Â
The blanket he chose not to pull away from you suddenly burns your skin, and guilt starts pooling in the pit of your stomach as you see him turning the lamp lights off and getting on the floor on top of that towel.Â
You donât move, still consumed by the sudden guilt thatâs eating you from inside, and youâre not sure how many minutes pass with you staying still in your spot on the bed, exactly how he left you. You wait to see if his breathing has changed or if heâs starting to snore lightly like he usually does, but you donât hear anything.
You turn the lamp on your bedside table back on, and swiftly crawl towards the foot of the bed, to see him frowning and lying on his side on the floor.
âJaehyun? Are you sleeping?â You whisper, hoping heâll be kind enough to react instead of ignoring you because you upset him.
âGo to bed, Y/n, Iâm not in the mood to fight,â He groans, not bothering to move an inch from his spot on the cold floor.
âCome to bed, Iâm sorry,â Your voice is filled with regret, and he thinks he misheard you or that he misunderstood your tone.
He gets up, pulling his pillow after him. You crawl back to your side and you see him turning the lamp lights back off before settling comfortably on his side of the bed.Â
His cologne fills your senses, and then you hear him sigh once again â and you know heâs about to fall asleep this time, finally in the comfort of this bed.
You sleep for the entirety of the next day, and it surprises Jaehyun. To the point that heâs actually checking if youâre still breathing. You feel him hovering and bringing his hand to your face a few times throughout your sleep, but you donât wake up because frankly, you donât care.Â
So you toss and turn, move around, you donât even feel your leg touching Jaehyunâs or the fact that you actually take over the bed like itâs your own, nearly making him fall out of it.
You only wake up when you hear the door closing, and you straighten up, panicking.
âWoah, careful,â Jaehyun mumbles, walking around the room. You look at him through your lashes, eyes still so sleepy even after the sleep marathon, which your entire body is thankful for, âI thought we said youâd be going out to buy food today,â he mumbles, still standing in front of your figure on the bed, âI was gonna starve waiting for you to wake up,â
âHow many hours did I sleep for?â You stretch, whimpering at the nice feeling of your rested muscles finally regaining mobility and energy.Â
He looks at you, unsure if he should say it or not, âEighteen,â he takes a sip out of a cup, hiding his smile behind its rim. âHere,â he extends a cup towards you, âCoffee,â and you could already tell by the smell.Â
You gladly take it, sipping on the still-warm beverage that was just too perfect. Perfect amount of sugar, no milk, just how you liked it. You look up at Jaehyun only to notice him already looking down at you, cup still up to his lips.Â
Thereâs a lump forming in your throat at the way heâs looking at you, at the fact that he still remembers how you liked your coffee, and maybe even at the fact that heâs talking to you right now.Â
He plops down on the bed right next to you, âYou need to eat, thereâs yesterdayâs burrito still waiting for you,â
âCan we talk?â You gulp, not looking at him. In fact, your eyes are glued to the lid covering your cup, looking at the imprint that your lips have left behind.Â
âWe are talking,â he sighs, and if you didnât feel so anxious all of a sudden youâd actually throw a punch or two. But the thoughts you had in the shower resurfaced right now, and the fact that both of you are in danger just makes this whole thing more urgent. You need to clear the air, clear all misunderstandings. You might actually die soon, and you have no idea what went wrong all those years back.
âI-â he starts, but is interrupted by your fidgeting as you get yourself in a more comfortable position while sitting down next to his lying figure, âI have a plan. We can make this work, if you trust me,â he mumbles.
And right now, youâd be a fool to even think of not trusting Jaehyun. Maybe he will really make this work this time.Â
âWeâll leave in two days,â he lets you know, and for the first time ever you donât feel like questioning his judgement. If anything happens and you end up dead, youâll be at peace with it, knowing you found your demise trusting the man in front of you, and that you could have gone through that or much worse much earlier. Youâre at peace knowing that you could die trusting Jaehyun and his plan, just as much as you could die running away â itâs a risk youâre willing to take.
Something happened to Jaehyun. Youâre not sure if the thoughts he mulled over and over again in his head made him change his attitude towards you, while just last night it felt like he couldnât even look at you. Or maybe itâs the fact that he got a proper and good sleep, after eating some consistent food instead of sandwiches and junk food you picked up on the road. Or maybe itâs the small walk he went on right before you woke up, during which he bought coffee for both of you.
Whatever it is, you think youâll find out as you look at him and the way he looks at the ceiling, his gears turning inside his head trying to find the right words, or maybe heâs just thinking if he should tell you about the plan right now or later as the two of you hit the road again.
âI talked to a buddy of mine,â he finally rasps, making you flinch in surprise. He turns to look at you, piercing eyes looking straight into your eager ones. âHis nameâs Johnny,â he sits up to take a sip from his coffee cup, âHe can shelter us for as long as we need. Heâll help us out,âÂ
âJohnny?â You ask, the name awfully familiar. But you canât remember meeting anyone named like this, and youâre sure the name might seem familiar after hearing it somewhere.Â
âI know you donât know him, but we can trust him,â Jaehyun nods, avoiding your gaze. He looks awfully suspicious, but your senses arenât making the alarms in your head go off, and so you nod, making Jaehyun get visibly relaxed, âThatâs where I was⌠I used a payphone a few miles away and called him,â
You smile at him, encouraging him to tell you a bit more about the plan, and thereâs a sparkle in Jaehyunâs eyes as he starts gabbing about what he and Johnny talked about on the phone.
And suddenly, watching as his features soften and his complexion lightens up as he speaks, your heart skips a beat realising this is the Jaehyun you knew and missed, and that heâs coming back to you.
VI. WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
Jaehyunâs plan was simple. Get to Johnny, whose house was supposedly going to be the perfect shelter for the two of you â assassins who had multiple bounties on their heads â and you could stay there as long as needed.Â
You know Jaehyun well enough to know he hasnât disclosed everything to you, only the parts convenient to his perfect story making it past his lips. His rambling felt delicious, and you took great pleasure in seeing him so relaxed while talking to you. No more tiptoeing, no more gulping down confrontational talks â you and Jaehyun needed to get along in order to make the plan work.Â
The only possible problem that could have hindered your sweet escape? Being detected as you left the country, and you saw Jaehyun stiffening the moment he explained to you that Johnnyâs private jet couldnât reach you, so a one-way ticket on a normal airline was your only option.Â
Together, you managed to travel undetected while using your fake idâs â you wanted to use one of the many they forged for you in Okinawa, but Jaehyun knew a guy. Thereâs always a guy. And he couldnât risk having your fake idâs traced down and you to be found.
After landing, the two of you got into a cab, because Jaehyun thought that staying together meant not getting caught easily. If it meant having two very well-trained pairs of eyes to look out for possible dangers, then the two of you were definitely going to stick together.Â
âYouâre staring,â Jaehyun finally speaks up after the two of you manage to make it safe and sound away from the airport. A bandana is keeping his hair covered, expensive sunglasses perfectly placed on the bridge of his perfect nose. If he didnât seem suspicious, your staring at him certainly made him look so.
You shrug, following him under the scorching sun as you make your way through the thick crowds, and you grab the hand he extends behind himself, for you to anchor yourself to. You have no belongings with you, having discarded of everything as soon as you managed to leave the airport behind after landing.
You shrug, albeit he canât really see you, âYou seem to know your way around,âÂ
You hear him huff a laugh, and he turns his head to look at you, one dimple on display, âI told you, Johnny and I go way back. I know how to get around his city,â
There seems to be something Jaehyun wants to add, but refrains from doing so. Instead, he just drops your hand, and walks in front of you in order to make way for the two of you among the sea of tourists wandering on the streets.
Youâre glad you donât have a problem with crowds and crowded spaces, because this is the perfect place and perfect time to lose yourself and to have some sort of panic attack.
 Jaehyun takes you to a secluded area, a whole lot of huge storage units, and you follow behind him like a lost puppy. His broad shoulders are clad in a black t-shirt that kisses his muscles just the right way, his jeans make his legs even longer, as if that is possible. You look at yourself, and then at him, and you think youâd definitely think you look suspicious if you saw anyone going around like the two of you are. Or maybe youâre too self aware, and nobody really cares about you and Jaehyun, yet you still need to keep an eye on your surroundings.Â
Jaehyun starts whistling a new tune as he nearly trots towards one of the storage units, at the end of the whole lot. He seems to be able to compartmentalise his energy more efficiently than you, because after travelling and getting your way around the city up to this point, youâre absolutely exhausted. But Jaehyun is in a good mood, heâs relaxed, almost as if he truly knows this place to perfection. And it really leads you to question one essential thing, who is Johnny? And what kind of connection is there between him and Jaehyun? Jaehyun never mentioned him up until a few days ago, not even all those years back when you two started getting to know each other.
The tune Jaheyun is whistling is a different one â no more Goodnight Moon, and you canât seem to recognise it right this moment. But he goes on to humming it as he presses his digits onto the fancy lock of the storage unit.Â
âGet in,â he instructs as he looks around the two of you for any kind of suspicious movements, or any suspicious presence in your proximity.Â
You follow his instructions, and you get rid of your own sunglasses trying to accommodate your vision to the darkness of the storage. The place is cooler than the scorching outside you were already beginning to dread, but the air inside feels musty due to the humidity you feel even as you breathe.Â
Thereâs a jeep parked in the middle of the storage, the surrounding walls adorned with shelves, and all sorts of equipment. Jaehyun climbs on a shelf, grabbing a box from all the way back, and bringing it down with himself.
Youâre confused, but you donât ask questions. You agreed youâd trust him, so you choose to gulp down all the curiosity and questions already suffocating you.
His slender fingers rummage around the box he just took off the shelf, and he fishes for something â a key, which he uses in order to unlock the jeep. You watch him as he doesnât say a word to you, instead he goes on rummaging through boxes. He brings another one off a shelf, opening it to reveal a whole lot of different plates â and he seems to know which one he needs to look for.Â
He keeps whistling his tune, foreign to your ears, while he sticks the new plates to the front and back of the jeep.Â
âAnd now, baby,â he claps his hands, not even looking at you, going straight towards one of the safes in the corner of the unit and putting the code in, unlocking it. âCome here,â he fishes for something, and the moment he brings it up for you to see, you recognise itâs a knife bag.
His agile fingers unroll it open, and deadly sharpened tools sparkle in the lighting of the unit.Â
Jaehyun lets out a low whistle, throwing you a look soon after, âYou remember how to use these?âÂ
You gulp, looking at everything rolled out in front of you. You remember how to use them, but youâre sure your skills are a bit rusty. You nod almost imperceptibly, but itâs enough for Jaehyun to roll the bag close once again, sliding it towards you.
âGood,â he comments before looking for something else inside the safe, probably other weapons, âEven if you think youâre rusty, I know youâll be fine using them,â
He picks up cases that look an awful lot like your clarinet case, and youâre excited looking at how he opens them up for you to scrutinise their insides, âAre we going to take these with us?â You ask him, and he hums in confirmation, âHow are we going to travel with this amount of deadly weapons?â
Jaehyun looks at you, and you almost see pride glinting in his gaze. âThe jeep has hollow spaces that weâll use,â
And he doesnât lose any more time, loading the jeep and sneaking every single weapon he got out of the safe, in every single space he knew was available for coverage inside the jeep. Secret pockets, secret spots in the jeepâs floor that had the perfect holes, hollow spaces inside the backseat â that were waiting for the clarinet cases to make them whole again.Â
You then depart, and although you feel dizzy with the amount of questions overflowing your mind, one look at Jaehyun and seeing how relaxed heâs being, and you exhale the breath you didnât know you were holding in.Â
You know where heâs taking you â Johnnyâs estate, somewhere safe, secluded, protected by technology and nature. The curiosity is eating you alive, and you promise yourself that if by bedtime Jaehyun doesnât give you all the explanations he avoided giving, youâll go back to your old ways and chew his ears off.Â
The radio is loud, Jaehyun is speeding on the highway, and for some unknown reason you feel safe â at peace. Like you have always wanted to do this, like you were always meant to do this with Jaehyun. Even in the most critical moment, youâre probably going to still trust Jaehyun. It doesnât matter how this ordeal ends, as long as Jaehyun gets to live.Â
You reach the foot of a mountain, a forest welcoming your car and engulfing you underneath the dark and cool shadows of the trees. Jaehyun makes frequent stops along the way, and uses a small remote to deactivate security sensors placed along the trails, leaving you impressed.
 Yet curiosity overpowers how impressionable you are right now, and by the time you reach the mansion located deep into the heart of the forest, your tongue is itching to speak up and ask the one billion questions Jaehyun has coming his way.
The car stops, and the loud radio starts playing a song that seems almost too familiar, like itâs been terrorising you all day â and it really has. Guns nâ Rosesâs tune starts playing, and you recognise the melody almost immediately.
You notice Jaehyun turning around to look at you, giving you a dimpled smile, âWelcome to the jungle, baby!â He sings along to the radio, right before jumping out of the car.
But before you can make any comments, he slams the door shut despite its heaviness, and you see him running towards the entrance to the mansion.
The huge door opens slowly, and Jaehyun stops in his tracks waiting for the person to come out.Â
A tall man laughs loudly, grin reaching his eyes as he reaches Jaehyunâs figure by taking only two steps. His white teeth are on display, and creases form around his eyes as he hugs Jaehyun tightly, seemingly not even paying attention to the car door slamming after yourself, or the small and careful steps you take towards the two.
You never knew Jaehyun could be this close to someone, hugging and laughing as the other man makes comments that only the two of them can hear.
You approach them slowly, and you stop just as they sense you, breaking the hug.Â
âI canât believe youâre here,â the man slaps Jaehyunâs biceps with excitement, looking him up and down, âI canât believe you finally asked for my help,â
You see Jaehyun raising his shoulders, but the words fail to come past his lips as you see him noticing your silhouette approaching the two of them. Words, and the tens of questions that pop up in your mind, get stuck in your throat as you are making an incredible effort not to break your promise made to Jaehyun â you promised youâd trust him, not question his judgement with every single decision taken.
The man lets Jaehyun go, and his expressive eyes meet yours, âCottonmouth!â He greets you, his smile reaching his eyes, âIâm Mamushi. Nice to meet ya!â
You can feel your pupils dilating after registering his words. Mamushi? Is this man a member of your squad?
âHeâs a viper,â Jaehyun confirms for you, and your eyebrows furrow, a small crease forming right in between them. If this man is part of your squad, then does Jaehyun bringing you here mean youâre in danger?
âUsed to be,â Jaehyun corrects himself, seeing as youâre reluctant to shake hands with the man who approached you, âThis is Johnny,â
Mamushi â or Johnny â snaps to look at Jaehyun, whoâs now standing closer to you, probably out of fear that you might be going to cause a scene.Â
âYou told her my name? What happened to keeping our identities safe?âÂ
Jaehyun shrugs, âYou knew hers already,â he avoids your gaze as he touches the bandana covering his hair â and you know heâs doing this to make sure his ears are covered, a clear sign that he feels embarrassment creeping up his spine and going straight to his ears. If Jaehyun can lie, the same canât be said about his ears â and itâs nice to see that he hasnât changed this aspect about himself.Â
He fixes his bandana on his head, as if it even moved ever since you left the airport all those hours ago, and a smile creeps up your features looking at how endearing and childish heâs being. Heâs protecting his ears the best he can, but you know. You know him.Â
Johnny turns around to look at you, âNice to meet you, Y/n,â Heâs handsome, the look in his eyes is strangely comforting, and for a moment you forget why youâre here, âDonât worry, you guys are safe here,â he gestures for you to follow him inside the mansion, closing the door after you, and you see Jaehyun waiting at the foot of the stairs, âI hope you guys are hungry, I bought enough food to feed an army,â
âThank you for this, Johnny,â You finally speak up, feeling like you need to let him know that beside the initial shock, youâre very grateful for being here â in the comfort and safety of his estate.Â
The whole place feels safe. Huge mansion inside of which youâre sure youâll lose yourself, the floors are marbled, luxury meets modernism in a classy cream decor that somehow manages to make everything warmer to the eye and more welcoming of you.Â
Johnny smiles at you once again, guiding you towards the stairs, âJaehyun, you know your way to your room. Y/nâs right next to yours,âÂ
If you knew Johnny, youâd think his tone got lighter as he gave Jaehyun instructions, and maybe Jaehyunâs reaction could be enough of a hint that you donât need to know Johnny personally to know you might have been right. Jaehyun starts going up the stairs, not waiting for you, and he leaves you behind before you can notice his ears.
After settling in your room and allowing yourself to spend time by yourself for the first time in a week, you decide to return downstairs in hopes that youâll get the answers youâve been desperately looking for for whole days.Â
Johnnyâs mansion is indeed huge. Your room and adjacent bathroom alone are the size of your apartment from back home, the hallways are huge, spacey, long, and you feel like youâre in a maze as you try to make your away around. You pass Jaehyunâs room, his door left ajar, but you're not curious to see how it looks on the inside â one pending question in particular still bothering you.
Who is Johnny? And how is he so close to Jaehyun?Â
Jaehyun seems to know his way around the place. Knows the traps on the trails that lead to the mansion, seems to know the security codes, seems to feel at home here. Yet you know he doesnât have brothers, he doesnât have cousins, heâs all alone â just like you are. And with Johnny being a viper from your squad, you wonder why youâve never heard of him before â not from Jaehyun, not from anybody else.Â
But thanks to the topic of Johnny being from your circle, thereâs an inevitable question that pops up in your brain. How did Johnny manage to get out? Did he pay a penalty â that unlike Jaehyun, youâre refusing to do â or did he fake his own death? But then again, you can never get away and fully escape as if youâve fallen off the face of the earth â unless dead. Which Johnny obviously isnât, and more questions flood your tired mind as you try not to get lost looking for the staircase taking you downstairs.
Your temples throb as you think of all the possibilities, and your mind seems stuck on Jaehyun.
And eventually, you manage to keep your mouth shut â but only until you sit down at the huge dinner table, because despite the food cooked by Johnny being delicious, the food gets stuck in your throat with every glance you take at Jaehyun and his friend, talking carelessly like youâre not even here. You donât mind Johnny trying to make small talk with you, but you feel out of place, everything feels forced, and you canât shake away the feeling that theyâre hiding something from you. Something important.Â
And again, even if this isnât the case, even if theyâre not hiding anything but your mind learned to be full of paranoia given the last few months of being on the run, thereâs still the fact that Johnny used to be part of your squad, used to be a criminal â probably still is, he used to have a proper code name.
âY/n,â Jaehyun calls your name, and you snap out of your own thoughts, fork dropping and clicking against the expensive china plate, âYou good?â
âI-â you pause, gulping your words down. But one look at his face makes you realise youâve been patient enough, and you trusted him and his words up until this moment. And with the fact that all three of you are now exposed to a dangerous criminal circle makes you think that they do, indeed, need to give you some sort of explanation. âWhen will you tell me whatâs going on?â You set your fork aside, finally bringing your hand up to push your plate away, âI donât even know why weâre here. And while I trust you, you canât expect me to shut up forever⌠You know me better than this,â
Jaehyun nods, chewing the last bit of his steak as he tries to find the right words. Yes, youâre right, he knows you better than this, but was it so bad that he was hoping youâd trust him blindly?
The circumstances donât help him, or the two of you together, either.
While youâre the one who needs to be on the run, your supposed assassin is just in as much trouble as you after stalling with his mission â and now youâre both on the run. While he certainly doesnât want to die, neither can he just go back and ask for forgiveness, and God knows Jaehyun is the last person who should bow his head in front of your boss, after the many years he did nothing but endure so much shit coming from that old man.Â
âWho are you?â You turn to face Johnny, âHow do you have a code name but Iâve never seen you around?â Youâre tired of having to wait for Jaehyun to answer your questions.Â
âI was part of the squad before you came along,â Johnny explains calmly, like he has been waiting for you to finally snap, âThen I left and never looked back,â
You huff, still not understanding why heâs beating around the bush, âAnd how did you leave? Did you pay the penalty or something? Because to me it doesnât seem like youâre on the run,âÂ
Johnny shakes his head, throwing Jaehyun a quick look right before looking right back at you, âI didnât pay no penalty,â
âSee?â You cry out, confused and on the verge of starting a fight with Jaehyun, who avoided talking to you about any of this, âI know nothing about this? You might as well just kill me while Iâm here because you,â you turn to look at Jaehyun, âNever told me anything about what I should or should not expect from this plan of yours,â
Johnny interrupts you, âIâm not on the run, because Iâm the old manâs son,â he pauses, and while your head snaps to look at him, all shocked, his gaze holds yours like he didnât just drop some of the most insane statements youâve ever heard.
âYouâre⌠what?â You question, a lump setting in your throat and making it hard for you to swallow. Are you in danger?
âYouâre not in danger,â Jaehyun comments, knowing what goes on inside your mind, âI told you you can trust me, weâre safe here,â
âHow?â Youâre beginning to lose your calm after hearing Jaehyunâs reassuring tone. Thereâs a billion things going on inside your mind, and your ears start ringing once again.Â
âY/n,â Johnny tries to get you to spare him a look, âMy father is one of the worst criminals to have ever roamed this earth, can you really blame me for going no contact and leaving the squad behind?â
The look in his eyes makes him seem sincere, but even if you trust his words, thereâs Jaehyunâs lack of communication that makes you want to go ballistic on him. Itâs like he never listens to you, itâs like he doesnât know you. Itâs like he knows what needs not to be done when it comes to you, yet he does the opposite â like heâs doing all this on purpose, waiting to manipulate and drive you insane. Â
âSo he just let you go?â You ask Johnny, not having it in you to spare Jaehyun another glance, because you know youâre going to start a fight.
Johnny laughs, but heâs not amused, âI wish,â and the look he gives you is enough for you to realise youâre grateful heâs here to tell you all about this, âY/n, I need you to understand that Iâve been through this, my own father did unspeakable things the moment I wanted to leave, so itâs obvious to everybody that heâd do so much worse to you and Jaehyun,â He turns around to look at Jaehyun, but the latter is avoiding your gaze, lost deep in thought and youâre not sure heâs even paying attention to what Johnny has to say right now, âBut I promise you, this is the safest place for you two right now. Not because he canât know or canât look for you here, but because things have been somewhat settled and the danger isnât as imminent right now,â he goes on explaining, and you feel bad.
You feel bad because youâre questioning this man you didn't even know until a few hours ago. You feel bad because ever since you left the circle you lost yourself and your ability to trust people, along with your peace and confidence. And thereâs Jaehyun, who could have told you about all this before you made a fool of yourself, he could have let you inside his head for a bit â and he chose not to, the usual walls built around himself for some unknown reason youâre now too tired to try and get to the bottom of.
âJaehyun called and asked for my help, he told me everything about your situation. Iâm extremely glad youâre both here and I can assure you weâll get you out of this. I promise,â his reassuring tone does nothing to calm you down, and you tremble with skepticism.
A little over two weeks go by with you and Jaehyun staying at Johnnyâs, but not even a day went by before Johnny pulled you outside, making you start your physical training in order to get back in shape. âItâs important for the plan,â he said.Â
The plan was simple, or at least they made it seem like it was. But you know â and youâre sure they do as well, itâs going to be tough. Theoretically everything seems to be doable and simple, but in reality itâs going to be a living hell.
So Johnny trained with you, and even if the intensity of your workout wasnât as tough as the training you got in the mountains, it still helped you get back on track. No more ankles popping at sudden movements, no more losing balance, no more ears ringing â for the most part, in which you werenât in your own head, falling victim to your own thoughts and making the paranoia engulf and suffocate you.
âWhy are you doing this?â You ask him right after throwing a kick. âTo your own father?â
Johnny frowns for a split second, his features relaxing as soon as he straightens his back. Fringe kept off his sweaty forehead with two small hair clips, his grey tank top is damp and sticking to his torso. You definitely hit a nerve, even if heâs trying to shake it off and return to his usual good spirits.
âWe have unfinished business,â he explains, taking a sip of water from his bottle, and then looks at you, âYou also have unfinished business. So itâs easier if we just team up,â
âI do?â You question, giving him a quizzical look. Apart from you resigning and going away after messing up a mission, youâd think your time in the squad wasnât problematic.Â
âYes? Think about the way he set you and Jaehyun up now and all those years ago?â Johnny looks at you like youâre stupid, like something is not registering inside your brain. And then you see a slight change in demeanour, like something has just dawned on him, âYou havenât talked to Jaehyun about this, did you?â
You shake your head, snatching the fight gloves away from your hands and wrists, and you feel rage suffocating you. Youâre not even sure why the lump in your throat is making it difficult for you to swallow, but itâs becoming too much when scenes from the past pop up in your head like passing flashbacks. Not here to stay, but enough to unsettle you.Â
And this is the main problem, you never knew what happened all those years ago, and to find out from Johnny that Jaehyun actually has an explanation for it all makes you choke up with betrayal. Because you suffered like a dog in pain after Jaehyun had to fight you in front of everybody, and how that broke any kind of bond the two of you had.
But youâre not surprised, knowing how Jaehyun isnât confrontational, how he doesnât speak his mind until itâs too late, how heâs avoidant. And he is avoidant, especially after the two of you settled here for the meanwhile, you havenât been able to talk to him except for the times Johnny was also present.Â
Youâre starting to resent him once again, and you know that this wonât do any good to either one of you, especially now that youâre on a new mission.
You find him swimming in the indoor pool, long limbs flapping and kicking around, and he doesn't notice you. And when he finally stops and notices you standing on the side of the pool waiting for him to come out, he takes the small glasses off, placing them on top of his head.Â
He knows you well enough to know you want something from him, like a talk or a fight or something else, and he canât deny that he saw this coming. With the way heâs managed to avoid you and your questions for the past few weeks â miraculously so â heâs surprised you managed to give him all this space. He knew you popping out of nowhere to corner him was inevitable, and heâs about to face the consequences of all his typical stalling.
âWe need to talk,â You let him know as soon as he gets out of the pool, a few feet away from the point youâre standing in.
âWe always need to talk,â he comments, and his words rub you the wrong way.
âWe always do, yes,â you bark back at him, seeing as he grabs a towel from the nearby beds, âI honestly think you feel some sort of sick pleasure in seeing me harassing you, because otherwise why would you avoid talking to me when things arenât blowing out of proportion?â
He frowns after hearing your words, but like the typical Jaehyun always does, he keeps his mouth shut, letting you continue, âWhy do we always do this? You never talk to me when the time is right, you wait for shit to hit the fan, so of course I canât help it but have fights with you. Do you understand what Iâm saying?â
You feel like youâre trying to explain this to a child. Because a twenty eight year old shouldnât have to make you go through this. You want transparency, especially because you arenât enemies anymore, youâre on the same team and need this to work out if you want to go on living.
âWhat exactly did Johnny tell you?â His question makes you want to punch him in the throat, with the way heâs looking at you, wet hair slicked back, holding his towel around his shoulders like that is going to protect him from a possible attack of yours.
âWhat happened ten years ago?â You reply with a question, and the pain in your tone seems almost suffocating.Â
Jaehyun closes his eyes, sighing. Things should never be this complicated, and for some reason you think heâs the one making everything so impossibly intricate.
âI was going to talk to you about it,â he tries reasoning with you.
âWhen?â You bark, clapping your hands, âBefore or after killing me?â
He squints his eyes, and for a moment you think heâs hurt by your words, âDonât do this. You know I stalled because I didnât want to kill you in the first place. Thatâs the reason why he sent another killer after both you and me this time, you said it yourself,â
But you donât allow him to continue, the possibility that he might end up manipulating you in his favour making you lose your patience.
âWhy did he send you after me?â But the way he avoids your gaze is a slight confirmation of your suspicions, âIs this connected to the fight we had ten years ago?â You try asking, tone calm, but you feel suffocated with emotion.Â
Just how many things did Jaehyun keep away from you â and most importantly, why?
âAnswer me!â You feel like you're choking, and you see him nodding before his gaze finally locks with yours.
âHe knew about us,â your suspicions are confirmed, and you wait for him to finally explain everything to you, âHeâs a sick motherfucker,â he laughs, bringing his palms to his eyes before looking back at you, âHe found out about us, he made us fight against each other and dared me to win against you,â
âDared you?â It doesnât make sense. If he wanted the two of you to fight against each other, why would he talk to Jaehyun privately?
âHe said that if I won against you, he was gonna make me shoot you in front of everybody,â Jaehyunâs words make your stomach drop, and you feel like hurling everything you had for breakfast, âHe was obsessed with you, Y/n. He still is,â
He looks like heâs being genuine, but thereâs no way for you to know this right now, not with the amount of emotions taking over you. Did the old man send Jaehyun â specifically him, to kill you because he wants to hurt the two of you for kindling something all those years ago?
âI couldnât do that, Y/n. I cared so much and I couldnât kill you just because he was obsessed with you and didnât want you to be with anyone else,â he rasps, and his words do nothing to calm you down. All this explaining is messing with your feelings, because while you learned to leave everything behind and forget about the feelings you once had for Jaehyun, it is incredibly hurtful to navigate the past and every thought of what could have happened between the two of you had it not been for this sick obsession youâre only now learning about.
âHe said that heâd personally put a bullet through your head, if he found out I didnât cut you off after that day. I had to do it to protect you,â he tries getting closer to you, but you stop him, raising one arm to keep him away.
âAnd you couldnât tell me all this back then?â You feel like crying, and youâre sure your gaze gives you away.
âHow?â He finally snaps, raising his voice at you, âI needed to protect you! And what were you even gonna do about it? Fight him? Kill him? Run away with me? Heâd have found us and killed us both like rats in the sewers,â heâs losing his patience, and you know heâs about to let a thousand words past his lips at the speed of light. Because while he usually keeps to himself and doesnât let anyone know anything that might be going on inside his head, Jaehyun has the habit of simply exploding and letting every single pent up frustration out after bottling it inside of himself for far too long. âAnd now he sent me after you because heâs sick and wants me to be the one to kill you after all. Like killing you will be my personal hell, and heâs right! I stalled because I canât kill you, I canât even imagine hurting you, Y/n. You have to understand,â
You guess heâs right, but while you certainly couldnât harm your boss for conspiring against both you and Jaehyun, a little communication might have worked. While you couldnât be with him, it would have been nice to know the reason why that was happening, instead of being given the cold shoulder.
âMaybe we couldnât run away together, or be together, or leave the circle until he said soâŚâ you whisper, because speaking up would make your voice break with emotion, âBut you could have let me know why you were treating me like I didnât matter, all of a sudden,â
You look at him while you take a few steps back, and youâre right assuming Jaehyun will not have it in himself to add anything more. And youâre right.
You leave him behind, standing by the pool, and you make your way inside the mansion, tears running freely down your cheeks as you try to contain your sobs.
You lay in bed as you listen to the quiet of the night. Everyone is in bed, most probably asleep, and everything outside is at peace. Only the sound of crickets singing can be heard, and the wind moans gently as it makes the trees dance to a lulling rhythm.Â
It lulls you to sleep, it insists on making you fall into a spiral towards darkness and a place of unconsciousness you crave for, especially after the horrible day you had.Â
If the constant grief you managed to keep at bay wasnât enough to bother you, thereâs the agony of a heartbreak that managed to resurface after so long. Jaehyun didnât look for you for the rest of the day, didnât come up to ask you to talk things out â but then again, did you really expect him to? Avoidant and non-confrontational Jaehyun? Yeah, like you didnât know better than to expect anything from him.Â
He might have confessed a few things to you today, but youâre sure he would have never opened up to you if it weren't for your constant nagging and trying to get words out of him.Â
You manage to calm down, to find peace, and when you think youâre on the verge of falling asleep, a thought resurfaces and a face pops up behind your closed eyelids, disturbing the quiet of the night and disrupting the regular rhythmic beating of your heart â Ningâs face makes an appearance, covered in blood, cheek sliced and eyes glossy, just like the last time you saw her.
You scream, jumping off the bed, and tears start spilling immediately. An ache in your chest and a knot the size of a fist down your throat makes it difficult for you to breathe, to even think straight. You drop on the floor, hand clawing at your t-shirt as you try to rip it away from yourself, to let the air flow better. You gasp for air, tears making it impossible for you to keep your eyes open right now â and the same image plays in your head again, and again, and doesnât seem to vanish.
You hear the thuds of heavy steps approaching you, and someone collapses next to you on the floor. One strong hand snatches the one you kept on your chest, and after getting it out of your way it grabs your chin, forcing your head to look up.
âBreathe,â you recognise Jaehyunâs voice. Heâs calm, his tone is steady, âItâs okay, Iâm here. Now breathe,â he rasps, squeezing the sides of your face as he keeps your head up.Â
When you fail to do as he instructs, still struggling to gasp for air, he keeps you in place, using his other hand to secure you as he grabs your nape, and he blows gently on your face.Â
âBreathe,â he instructs again as he starts blowing softly on your face, but eventually gives up as he sees your panic attack isnât subsiding and youâre struggling to let air in, adding to the panic.
He picks you up, and you claw at his t-shirt as he moves with you in his arms, at a rapid speed. You recognise the squealing of the shower, while Jaehyun keeps you in his arms as he walks into the shower, right under the cold pouring of the water from the shower head above the two of you, and it doesnât matter if itâs cold. It doesnât matter if itâs freezing. You keep yourself glued to his warm figure as you feel the freezing droplets of water on your skin, as if they burned through your flesh.
Jaehyunâs hands are sturdy and big, and they keep you in place against his chest, securing you as you try to come down from your panic attack, letting the water do its job.
You start breathing again after a while, gasping for air with big breaths, and Jaehyun sits you down on the ground, his arms never leaving you. The cold water is a blessing, regulating your endorphins and calming the panic that took over you, and your head falls in the crook of Jaehyunâs neck as you wait for all your symptoms to calm down. Thatâs when you realise heâs under the freezing water with you, holding you, and the scenes in your bedroom just a few minutes ago replay in your head. He doesnât seem to mind the cold, or at least you think so, because he doesnât move an inch to close the tap until he can be sure youâre doing good.
He senses your warm breath fanning against the skin of his neck, and he finally turns to look down at you, black eyes piercing through your bloodshot ones.Â
âHow are you feeling now?â He asks, trying to make sure your attack and symptoms have subsided. You nod, touching him for comfort, and he hums, âCan you breathe?â And when you nod, taking big breaths to show him youâre doing fine, you feel one of his hands moving away from you, âIâm going to turn the hot water on, so we can get warm,â
You nod, body still limp in his arms as he moves under the water and towards the tap, and then carefully moves your body to rest against the wall of the shower, the shower head now directed at your freezing bodies.
You feel the water getting warm, and you bring your legs to your chest, while you can physically feel Jaehyunâs gaze on your figure as you try to relax.
âWhat happened?â He asked, carefully looking at how the water hits your face.Â
âNing,â you choke out, barely able to contain your tears, âNing happened,â your head falls in your hands, and tears start brimming in your eyes again, but you feel safer, now that you know you arenât alone with your thoughts, âI keep seeing her face from that night,â Your breath hitches in your throat, and you make huge efforts to take big breaths as not to have another panic attack.
âDo you miss her?â Jaehyun feels like an idiot for asking, but heâs glad heâs here for you.
âSo much,â you whisper, finally letting your tears spill down your cheeks, yet they become one with the droplets of hot water streaming down your whole body.Â
Jaehyun doesnât say anything else, careful not to use the wrong words or do the wrong gestures. Despite the despair and sadness youâre feeling, youâre glad Jaehyun is here. He brings you comfort, and the feeling that youâre safe is back once again.
You look at him, at how his long strands of hair are sticking to the sides of his face, at how his big eyes are looking straight into yours, as if trying to assess the state of your inner turmoil.
âCan you tell me what happened that night?â He tries, gaze still not leaving yours. You can tell heâs genuine by the worried, yet curious glint in his eyes.
âHe never told you what happened?â You rasp, because itâs hard for you to believe the old man didnât let the squad know what had happened.
He shakes his head at you, gaze not leaving yours, âHe only told us that Copperhead died and that Cottonmouth is no longer part of the squad,â he sighs, and for a second he avoids your gaze. But you can literally see the gears turning inside his head, and he moves to look at you once again, âAnd then he called me into his office,â you know what he was called in for, and you appreciate the way he chose to communicate with you. He literally tried avoiding telling you, and then he made an effort to actually open up to you â and you feel like you want to coddle him for doing the bare minimum. Bare minimum, yet such a big step for the non confrontational and avoidant Jaehyun.Â
You nod, taking your time to recollect your thoughts without sending yourself straight into another panic attack.Â
âWe were in Bangkok for a mission,â you start, and your gaze gets lost as you look at how the droplets of water touch the drain of the shower, right before being sucked in, âWe needed to take three men out that night. Two were part of a gang and the other was a very powerful man who had ties with some organisations,â you recall, and you gulp as you realise youâre going to explain how a small rookie mistake brought to your best friendâs demise, âYizhuo needed to lure them in, bring them to one of their upper suites as I was in another building, positioned right across their suite, ready to shoot them. She had a gun, for good measure, you know the rulesâŚâ you trail off, throwing him a look only to see him nodding, âShe managed to get them inside the suite, the windows were clear, and then one of them started to cover them,â your breath catches in your throat, and you let a big huff of air escape you as you try to continue your story.
Jaehyun is patient, and one of his hands touches your ankle in an attempt to ground you.
âI could hear her in my in-ear, she was trying to distract them from covering the remaining windows. She was so calm, yet so persistent and we were so close to succeeding, but then one of them attacked her, groped her, and he felt her gun. We both knew it wasnât going to end well, and I told her to stay clear because I was gonna shoot them, but it was too late,â you choke, biting on your bottom lip, âThey shot her right before I could finish my sentence and give her the heads-up,â
Jaehyun looks at you and the way your features contract so painfully in order to try and keep all the sobs and pain away.
âI managed to take them down, one by one, but only after aborting the initial plan. While hearing Yizhuo struggling to breathe in my in-ear, I fled the scene and went straight to their suite, not only because I needed to make sure they were dead, but because I needed to keep her alive,â you look at him, to make sure heâs still following, and you see how his gaze hasnât moved away from the side of your face, âI know what the rules are. Abort the mission if thereâs a fault in your initial plan, but the rules were never designed for duos. I couldnât leave her there, Jaehyun,â you sob, turning around so your sitting figure can face his, and Jaehyun takes you into his arms.
âShe was still breathing after I killed the three, but succumbed in a matter of seconds after I walked into the room to take her away from there,â Jaehyun hums after hearing your words, and then gulps.
âYou couldnât save her,â he rasped, one hand keeping you close to him under the pouring warm water. You were aware of this, especially after Grandma Ning made you realise it as you dived deeper into the story, but you were hoping everyone was just wrong.Â
You felt immense guilt every time you thought of what went down that night, and how you had to leave her behind before catching the first plane home and reporting back to your boss. At least you completed your mission, but at what cost?
âI know it might seem like itâs your fault and that you could have done something to prevent this, but the only thing that could have prevented this from happening would have been Yizhuo not carrying a gun and them not feeling the dangers of it. But you canât just not bring a weapon for good measure, so you canât blame yourself for this. It happened and we canât change that right now,â his wise words sink deep into every fibre of your being, and you try to come to reason that maybe it is like Jaehyun just said â it had to happen and it had to go this way.Â
Had it not been for this, you wouldnât be in a shower with him right now, you wouldnât be here to see him trying to be more communicative with you, you wouldnât be here to feel that strange attraction to him once again.Â
Itâs weird â just a bit ago you were having a panic attack, and now Jaehyunâs presence and words managed to calm you down and take your mind off the horrible things that have happened to you, that kept haunting you.
âOf course you decided to quit, how could you not?â He comments, and you realise heâs speaking mostly to himself.
âCan I ask what Johnny's unfinished business is with his father? And how are the two of you so close?â You snap him out of his own thoughts, and he looks at you all taken aback.Â
âI guess weâve always been close,â he shrugs, âWe trained together, but he left me behind when he was ready to join the squad and I still had to train and fit into one category. And even after he left the squad we kept in touch, without his father knowing, of course. I was already in trouble for having a thing for you, so he might have sent someone to get me if he found out Johnny and I are as close as brothers,â
His words make your ears ring. He was âin trouble for having a thing for youâ, but you donât make a comment, too scared of bringing it up now and scaring him away. He seems to be in good spirits tonight, and you donât want to ruin that â and you donât even have the energy to do it right now, not after what happened tonight.
âAs for his unfinished business, I guess itâs all about how his father reacted when Johnny decided to leave the circle. You should be glad he let you walk out on your own two feet and let you get away to another country. Johnny didnât have the same luck as you,â You bet your eyes are the size of saucers as you look at him.Â
âBut isnât Johnny his son?â Your question is stupid, you know this, but it makes sense to want to make sure you have the right details.
He nods, âYeah, he is. But it didnât matter. The moment Johnny decided he wanted to leave, the old man kept him tied in his office while his gorilla bodyguards tortured him for a few days,â
âWhat?â You bark, your stomach dropping.
âMhmm,â he hums, one hand pressing forcefully into your flesh like a reflex, âI told you that motherfucker is sick. Iâm just glad he let Johnny go in the end,â
You nestle against his figure for a bit longer, until he starts massaging his calves, and you realise the position youâre in â and the fact that youâve been sitting for a while under both freezing and hot water, is finally bringing him discomfort and that he needs to move away soon.
You move your head to look up at him, only to see him already looking down at you. He probably thought you were asleep by now.
âLetâs get you dry and into bed, yeah?â He gets off the showerâs floor, and extends a hand for you to grab.
âCan you-â you tell him as he gets rid of his wet t-shirt and reaches for one of the towels in your bathroom, âCan you spend the night? I donât want to be alone,â you whisper, and you feel warmth creeping up your spine and going straight to your cheeks.
He shows you one dimple, but refrains from making stupid comments. He knows you need this, and God knows he needs this just as much. Maybe things will finally settle for the two of you.
And after changing into a set of dry clothes, Jaehyun gets into bed next to you. He listens to the cadence of your breathing, how youâre finally at peace after a full and difficult day, and he turns around to look at you, trying to take you in and make up for all the time lost while trying to avoid you.
The following weeks after the panic attack have been nothing but a sweet reconciliation with Jaehyun. Sure, you kept training and kept trying to keep up with Johnny and his incessant talking and trying to distract you every single second of every single day, but you got the old Jaehyun back.Â
It started slowly, with the loving gaze he couldnât hide at breakfast or during dinner while you explained to Johnny how Ning once taught you how to decapitate someone by using a ruler; or with his stalling around to be able to stay a bit longer with you even if he had something else to do with Johnny, in some other place around the estate.Â
Then the lingering touches started to make an appearance, and the moments were so bittersweet with all the nostalgia they brought back, for all the time lost that shouldnât have happened in the first place.Â
âYou guys are idiots,â Johnny comments when itâs just the two of you in the kitchen preparing dinner.
You turn around to look at him, meat knife in your hand.
âDonât look at me like that. Youâve been waltzing around each other for so long,â he ignores your staring, and he keeps chopping vegetables, âYou think I donât notice Jaehyun doesnât sleep in his room anymore?â
And you guess Johnny is right. There are hints of the fondness you feel for each other, for everyone with eyes to notice.Â
Ever since you opened up to Jaehyun, you stopped picturing Ning right before falling asleep. You guess itâs the wisdom he shared with you that one night, or maybe itâs the way he sticks to your body for the entirety of the night trying to bring you comfort, just like the old times.
But as the D-Day approaches, you start feeling anxiety weighing you down once again. Itâs not about the fear of going through with this â because Johnny spent every single day since you arrived, training with you to get you back in shape. Instead, itâs all about the anxiety of losing something you just recently found again â or someone. Jaehyun.Â
While you know you canât stay at Johnnyâs and hide forever, because that isnât something you can consider a life worth living, you also feel like if something happened to either one of you it would ruin your life.Â
What you regained when you reconciled and cleared the air with Jaehyun could be lost in a second, and youâre not ready to let it go.Â
And then it seemed like Jaehyun had the same thoughts as you, because he dropped to your room one night, and the look on his face was a clear sign of the gears in his head working overtime.Â
âI think you should stay home. Let me and Johnny and the others handle this,â he rasps, scared of your reaction.Â
Your head snaps to look back at him, standing at the foot of your bed, cozy pyjamas making him look extra warm. How could you even think of losing this sight, and losing this warm presence that has filled you with a newfound will to live? How could you ever think of going on with life if he was going to be taken away from you?
âThis shouldnât even cross your mind, Jaehyun. Iâll be there,â you fight back, going towards the foot of the bed to be closer to him.Â
âWe have people helping us, you donât have to be there,â he tries explaining, but youâre having none of it, shaking your head at him.
âI need to be there, to make sure I did my part,â you want to tell him that you need to make sure heâs getting out of there alive, but you refrain from doing so, âI am totally capable of doing this, remember?â
He sighs, âFuck, I know this!â He squeezes his eyes shut, bringing his hands up to his head, fingers combing through his fluffy hair, âI know this isnât the best time to tell you this, but I kinda love you. And I need you to be safe otherwise I canât even bring myself to imagine what it will be like if youâre in danger⌠or worse,â his word-vomiting takes you by surprise, and by the time you register his words, you can see he also realises the weight of them.
You seal your lips shut in a straight line, shrugging as you grab his hips, âWell then itâs a good thing I kinda love you too, and that I also need to make sure youâre safe,âÂ
âI have John to protect me,â he jokes, dimple on display as he tries not to smile at his own joke, and you poke it out of habit. An old habit that has recently resurfaced, that is.
âAnd I have you,â you whisper, lurching a bit so you can kiss the corner of his mouth, âI canât imagine letting you go in without me, Iâd feel so guilty if anything happened,â your kisses trail on his jaw, right up to his ear, and you kiss his pulse line.Â
Your hands travel up his torso, clawing at his t-shirt as you bring him down to lock lips with him.
 âI canât even think of a future without you in it, Y/n, we lost so much time already,â heâs serious, and his tone makes the hairs on the back of your neck raise, âJust the thought of never being able to feel you here with me makes me go insane, I canât afford for this to happen to us,â
His confession dawns on you, and you realise heâs finally found the courage to speak his mind up, heâs found the courage to change and be more communicative, for you. And he put everything into words, just as you would have done. He explained the turmoil going on inside of you, and once again youâre reminded of everything thatâs at stake.
You lock lips with him once again, and your hands trail up to reach for his face, grabbing him by both sides to keep him close. He moans into the kiss, his lips devouring yours in a kiss so desperate and raw that it makes you almost want to cry. You have it all right now, everything you ever wanted, and tomorrow it could be all gone.
âI need you,â he mumbles against your kiss, not being able to get away from you as he chases after your kiss, âWe need this,â
And you couldnât agree more.Â
Your body is suddenly burning up at the mere anticipation of having Jaehyun in all his glory.
He doesnât waste time, pushing you slowly in a slight attempt to make you understand that you need to lie down on your back, and he takes advantage of your submission as soon as your back touches the comfortable bed.
On top of you, his hand travels down your body, playing with the waistband of your pyjama shorts, cold fingers lingering on your lower abdomen as he waits before allowing himself to proceed. He breaks the kiss, letting your lips finally go, and his mouth travels down your neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses as he makes his way to your collarbones.Â
His nose nuzzles your breast, covered by the flimsy night tank top youâre wearing, and his free hand travels up your body to reach for a strap, carefully pulling it down. His fingers are cold, but they graze your burning skin and it feels like a blessing, the contrast of temperature giving you goosebumps as you start to lose your patience.
You move your pelvis against one of his legs, causing the friction you so desperately want right now, âI need you,â you moan at the delicious contact, and you hear him chuckle as his head dips down to your chest, teeth grazing the margins of your tank top, âStop teasing,â
Normally, Jaehyun would never take orders from anybody. But because heâs finally able to be with you after so many years of having to bottle up all of his feelings for you, he thinks youâll drive him insane.
Your smart mouth always drives him insane â when you nag, when you fight with him, when you threaten to kill him. And with a swift movement of your hips, you manage to lock your legs around his waist, making him rotate and fall onto his back, totally at your mercy.Â
Unlike him, you donât waste time. You push his t-shirt up his torso, gesturing for him to take it off, and his stupid dimple makes an appearance as he does as told. And then your nails graze the skin of his stomach just above the waistband of his boxer shorts, your index tracing up along his happy tail, all the way to his belly.
âStop teasing,â he imitates you with a huff, and youâre sure he would have imitated your voice, mocking you like he always does, if it weren't for the way youâre straddling him, your core directly placed on top of his bulge.
But you decide itâs not the time to play around, not with the way you pleaded him not to tease you just a bit earlier, and definitely not with the way you feel your insides burning with anticipation. You decide youâre better than him, and you take pity on him as you free him and his aroused cock from the tight material that was pressed onto it.
It falls heavy on his stomach, and the sight alone has your mouth watering. Itâs long, veiny, perfect girth from the base all the way up to his pink and glistening tip. You dip your head down, tongue travelling flat from the base all the way up, finally getting a taste of his leaky tip as you swirl your tongue around it, and Jaehyun moves his thighs to make space for you.Â
Heâs fidgety, almost whining at the way your lips lock around his tip, suckling on it as you feel your core dripping from ministering your actions on him. Your tongue travels down the sides of his shaft, returning up to take him into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks around him as you try to take his length.Â
You feel him buckling his hips up into your mouth out of reflex, and you take his hand to place it on your head. He doesnât need to be explained what to do, with him taking control of your mouth by sliding in and out of your warmth, underside of his cock rubbing deliciously on your flat tongue, and his tip touching the back of your throat as he keeps you in place.Â
Your hand travels to your own waistband, getting under it, your fingers quickly finding their way in between your thighs.
The squelch of your motions on yourself bring Jaehyun back to his senses, and he gets lost in his motions as he focuses on the sounds of your wet core so eagerly taking every ministration of your fingers.
You try your best to control your gag reflex, trying to breathe in through your nose, and the moment you manage to swallow around him itâs when you hear a guttural rasp escape past his lips. âGood girl, baby,â he praises you, keeping your head still for a bit longer before moving his hips a few more times, and finally letting your head go.
You suckle on his cock a few more times, finally letting it go with a pop! and it falls right back down on his stomach, but he doesnât waste time. He kisses you, tongue swirling around yours as you grant him access immediately, and youâre sure he can taste himself off your tongue but he doesnât seem to mind.
âOn your back, baby,â he instructs, getting on his knees in between your thighs as soon as you follow his commands. His fingers donât stall this time, desperately pulling at the fabric of your short before snatching them off you, and sinking his fingertips in the plush of your inner thighs before you can close them and get some friction you desperately need.
He keeps your thighs apart, eyes on your glistening core like a hawk, âYou were touching yourself, right baby?â He coos at you, almost mocking you. His index finger travels down your slit, and you moan at the contact of his cold skin against your burning core. You crave the friction only he can give you, yet he seems lost and in a trance while looking down at you.
âJaehyun, please,â you beg him, and it seems to snap him out of whatever reverie he was just in. You need him to touch you, do absolutely anything to you, before you lose your mind, âTouch me,â
âNo,â heâs quick with his answer, like you just gave him the perfect opportunity, and his gaze snaps to meet yours, âTouch yourself for me,â
He moves back a bit, still on his knees in between your thighs, and you see him grabbing himself, hand moving up and down his shaft as he looks at the way your fingers move.Â
His fist moves from the base, all the way up, squeezing slightly right before going back down. But his eyes are looking down at you, traveling around your body, taking you in with a gaze so hungry and lustful that it has your walls pulsing around nothing. He looks like heâs ready to devour you whole, and moans get past your lips albeit your trying to keep it down, for the sake of your dignity and being able to face anyone whoâs in the house right now, that doesnât need to know whatâs going on behind the closed doors of your room.
Your fingers make up for the lack of Jaehyun, for the lack of friction and for the lack of any type of ministrations. Your index turns around your clit right before sliding up and down your wet slit, finally reaching your entrance.
Your head falls back as you put one finger inside, biting on your bottom lip as your gaze travels to meet Jaehyunâs. His eyes are on you, eating up every single bit of every emotion travelling across your features. Heâs squeezing the base of his cock, ministrations on himself long forgotten, and he just watches as you please yourself.Â
âJaehyun, please,â you plead, snatching the strap of your tank top to free your chest, your free hand travelling up your abdomen to reach for your breast and squeeze it, all while your fingers work their magic in and out of you. But youâre sure your fingers are nothing compared to Jaehyunâs â or even better, compared to his cock, and all the spots it could reach inside of you.
You almost tear up at the thought, and Jaehyun finally has mercy on you, âPlease what?â
âI need you inside of me,â You donât know how long you can go on doing this. When you started this, it was urgent and needy, and you thought he felt the same. But like always, Jaehyun gets lost along the way, losing too much time stalling on things.
He gets on top of you, properly this time, and lines himself at your entrance, tip of his cock teasing you. His mouth moves on top of yours, locking your lips in a desperate kiss, almost as if you canât get enough of each other, and you feel the typical and exquisite pressure of his tip entering you.
You sigh into the kiss, head falling back at the feeling of fullness making your insides almost melt. Your legs are wrapped around his waist, and he tries his best not to move inside of you, feeling you trying to ease up on him.Â
Youâre so incredibly beautiful, Jaehyun tries his best not to finish in three motions of hips. The way youâre wrapped around him, the way you moan his name, the way you bring him closer with your legs wrapped around his waist â it all has him sucking his stomach in, and he finally starts moving in and out of you.Â
He doesnât even care about your moans or his grunts, the way your lips are so plump from his kisses and all the biting you did in order to keep down is literally driving him insane. And he knows youâve been waiting for this moment almost as much as he has, when he sees your glossy eyes.
The pleasure becomes almost too much to handle, pressure building in your lower stomach and between your thighs, and by the way Jaehyun is losing his rhythm you can tell heâs just as desperate as you are.
His teeth graze your jaw, one of his hands travelling all the way up to the side of your face, where his thumb caresses your cheek, and his plump lips touch yours to eat up every single sound youâre letting out.
Heâs hitting all the right spots, heâs touching all the right places, heâs kissing your most sensitive spots, and thatâs the thing that does it for you.Â
The way he remembers these things about you has the pressure in your lower stomach finally snapping, and your trembling thighs wrap around him as you feel his hips halting their movements.
He reaches for your lips once again, pecking you in between longer kisses that yearn for more, even now. He retracts just a bit in order to get a good glimpse of you, and his gaze pierces through yours, looking for something that you might have deeply hidden inside of you.
âWeâll be alright, you know this, right?â He makes sure youâre reminded of this, because heâll make sure to die before he can see anything bad happening to you.
You nod, giving him a tired, spent smile, âI know,â your whisper fills the silence between you two, and he falls into your embrace, your warmth too cozy to let you go just yet.
Nothing seems scary or impossible when you look into Jaehyunâs eyes. Theyâre tired, yet they sparkle while looking right back at you, and your own gaze travels across his features.
Heâs relaxed, seemingly at peace. The playful glint in his eyes gives away the way heâs feeling, and the slow blinking he does while looking at you makes a sudden wave of endearment wash over you.Â
You really canât think of life without him, not now that he has returned to you and he gave you a taste of what it would be like to be by his side for as long as time allows you. And maybe you donât have to think about a life that lacks his presence, because you choose to believe his words â youâll be alright, and one more look at his soft yet determined gaze makes you realise heâs going to do anything in his power to make this happen.
VII. EPILOGUE
You never thought that leaving the criminal life behind would ever be possible, yet you were proven wrong.Â
You were proven wrong the moment you were allowed to walk out of your former bossâs office, by yourself. You were proven wrong when you managed to fly away, although you knew someone was after you. You were once again proven wrong, when the one sent to kill you refused to do so â and then you managed to team up, and escape death like that was the easiest thing to do in this whole world.
And you are still proven wrong every time you look at yourself in the mirror, not being able to believe youâre still actually here, safe and sound. Because while you know who you owe this to, it sometimes becomes too much to grasp, too difficult for you to believe that you managed to go through so many things and still be able to go on with your life.
You owe everything you own today, and your life being restored, to Johnny. Mamushi, like you still like to call him whenever heâs kind enough to pay you a visit, or every time âheâs in townâ, although this excuse has been used before by someone else. So outdated, and a joke of an excuse, yet you still accept it and welcome him in the comfort of your home.
Now itâs easy to relax on the patio of your house, condo long forgotten, traded for the privileges of a more spacious mansion, that you have the pleasure of sharing with Jaehyun â your now husband.
Life is a sick little thing, and every time he comes home from a mission, youâre reminded of what was once at stake.Â
Getting rid of your old boss didnât mean cutting all ties with your old life. Getting rid of him meant Johnny taking his place, yet the conditions that tied someone to the circle changed.
Johnny took over the squad, and while he pleaded for you to come back, your refusing his offer was final.
Jaehyun retired, he now likes staying home with you, cooking and gardening, going surfing in the morning and then getting home to lose track of time with you. But he canât keep away, even if he wants to â not when his commission is the highest out of all the members in the squad. And he certainly canât keep away when Johnny drops by in person, to beg for him to take a mission.
Although youâre not the happiest with this, you know Jaehyun changed his ways. He isnât looking for trouble now that heâs a settled man, and he genuinely loves his life and the lack of peril in it. But just four missions a year pay enough to be able to afford the house and the lavish lifestyle you got accustomed to, and he promises his missions are the easiest, because he had his fair share of glorious days and the younger members of the squad need to handle the most difficult ones, anyway.
You, on the other hand, decided to leave for good. No going back, no more missions, no more endangering yourself for money. You support Jaehyun and his occasional missions because you can tell he likes going back to his old life from time to time, but also because thatâs all these missions are â occasional. Your last mission happened the night you managed to successfully annihilate your former boss, and you swore you had enough of that life.
At first, the boys wanted to find the perfect opportunity and attack the training camp in the mountains, but it would have been just so difficult to do so. There was surveillance, there were motion sensors everywhere â the old man and all the guards would have been alerted that someone was out there coming for them.
There seemed to be a few other options, but none were safe options. Until Johnny realised that the ambush had to happen at his fatherâs house, because there wasnât any other place on this earth that was easier to attack â or so Johnny said.Â
Sure, you and Jaehyun knew most places like the back of your hand. You knew which vents in the ceiling of the hotel were safe, designed specifically for this type of thing. You knew about the secret tunnels underneath the training camp, and how one â and which one it was â led to a secret bunker located in one of the mountains, and you knew how to access it.
But you didnât know about Johnnyâs childhood house, and how to navigate it. You didnât know about the security system, and all the cameras or sensors around the house. But with Jaehyunâs support and because you were trusting him blindly, Johnny reassured you that he knew what he was doing.Â
You only needed to jam the air and make all sensors and cameras lose signal, you had to get rid of the power generator in the basement, and to take out the few bodyguards around the property.
The old man could fight, Johnny made sure to inform you that you should never trust his fatherâs occasional limping, because the man was a kill machine â and the only thing preventing him from actually fighting and getting his hands dirty was laziness, and maybe also the fact that he was used to having someone else whose hands could get dirty, instead of his own.
Johnny made sure you were prepared for attack. He did his best to remember all the security measures his father had around the house, and prepared you for the probable fact that all those measures had doubled over time. But because the apple doesnât fall too far from the tree, he predicted all the places sensors and cameras could be placed in, and his guesses were right.
One thing Johnny was proud to have inherited from his father was his mind. Johnny had always been able to predict security codes in order to hack his fatherâs bank accounts, or security codes for doors so he could sneak out in the middle of the night and meet his girlfriends.
And with all the night security taken care of, Johnny was sure the plan was going to be successfully completed.Â
You remember how nervous you were, your insides churning with anxiety at the thought that you played an important role in Johnnyâs plan, and that you failing meant getting you all killed.
You remember how you watched through the scope on your rifle all the spots indicated on the map Johnny made you memorise. You were supposed to take out all the cameras surrounding the estate, at least the ones you were able to hit from the side you were located on. It all started with you.
It all started with you, and it ended with you.Â
Because after you managed to get in and get rid of all the bodyguards that were roaming around the mansion, the old man crept up on you, capturing you, and fighting you. Even now, youâre still so thankful for Johnnyâs piece of advice about his fatherâs fake limping, because you were going to become dust in the wind if you relied only on your perception of him.Â
And youâre also thankful for your husband, because the moment he heard you stomping your feet to a morse code asking for help, his elite assassin hearing brought him to you in just a few seconds, managing to take the old man off your figure and finally putting an end to the ordeal you had been subjected to.Â
Back then, you couldnât bring yourself to imagine what your life would have been like if Jaehyun wasnât here by your side, after you rekindled. But today, you know for a fact you canât live without him. Not when youâre so good for each other, sticking together like perfect puzzle pieces, so dependable on each other. Not when you got a glimpse of what life with him is like, you know you will never be able to be without him.
Youâre snatched from your own thoughts when you hear the front door opening, and Jaehyun walks in like he just won the lottery. You guess thatâs what a morning swim and surfing around for an hour does to a man with an old soul, who finds pleasure relishing in the beauty of life. His hair is still wet, and he walks around the couch to reach you.
âIs she up yet?â He mumbles softly, trying to contain his excitement.
You shake your head, âNot yet,â you reply back just as softly, looking at how he kneels on the carpet to touch your belly.
âYou said she kicks all the time during mornings, except she never does it when Iâm here,â He comments, eyebrows furrowing as he moves his hand on your growing baby bump.
âMaybe she just doesnât like you,â You retort, almost shrugging, trying your best not to burst out laughing after seeing the misery on his features.
He sulks on the spot, but he doesnât have the time to react, because your daughter kicks the spot his hand is placed on â like a sign that what you said isnât true.
Jaehyunâs features relax, and his eyes sparkle when he feels another kick, as if sheâs reassuring him by kicking a second time.Â
And while youâre grateful for leaving the past behind, youâre even more grateful to see what the future has on hold for you, your husband, and your daughter.Â
AUTHOR'S NOTE: this piece has been sitting in my docs since july, but this is what happens when a girl misses jaehyun just too much, it's almost unbearable at this point </3 it's finally here and im proud i managed to finish this, my longest fic so far <3 thank you to everyone who showed me patience and love, especially while i was away, and i really hope you enjoyed reading this just as much as i enjoyed writing it! im forever grateful for each and every single on of you babies <3 special thanks to my beautiful @taeeflwrr for making one of the dividers used for this fic, but also for proofreading this beast! i'll see you for the next one! ŕťę°ŕžŕ˝˛ËśËáşËËś ęąŕžŕ˝˛á
summary: in the midst of jeno trying to help you pass a statistics class, you become friends, and eventually, that friendship turns into something neither of you can define. you say he fucks around too much. he says you're not his type. and as far as you're both concerned, it's not that deep anyway.
pairing: fuckboy student!jeno x f!reader.    Â
genre: university!au, fluff, crack, angst, friends(ish) to lovers, smut! mdni! woop woop Â
word count: ~25k Â
warnings: oh boy⌠jeno and oc are both warnings in this, emotional constipation, a lil toxicity but it's all love, jealousy, they fuck obvs, kissing, spitting, fingering, dry humping, oral (fem receiving), he eats it from the back, multiple orgasms, overstim, dirty talk, praise, possessiveness, light choking, lots of teasing, nipple play, his dicc is big bcâŚcmon, he's a hard dom but the tables do turn a couple times, rough sex, he alters her brain chem, sweet sex also, multiple positions, jen goes through it in one scene(you'll see), angst!!!!, same page!hae makes a few appearances (yes, that's a warning), alcohol consumption, there's a lot more tbh but im so tired rnÂ
a/n: happy gooning!!! thatâs it. thatâs the tea. also pls send me love im a desperate whore. i'll get a girl boner for each note/ask. ALSO!!! im now officially an unemployed international postgrad student so pls support me on ko-fi (if you can), it would mean the world to little old međđźđđź i genuinely hope you love this fic. i almost went mental writing it - pls excuse any typos. thank u love u bai :â)Â
masterlist | ko-fi
Jeno isnât supposed to be upstairs. Â
Jaeminâs party has already tipped into chaos â music too loud, bodies packed too close, laughter spilling into corners it doesnât belong â and Jeno feels detached from all of it. Heâs tried to lean into it, tried to drink past the restless feeling sitting heavy in his chest, but it hasnât worked.Â
Someone mentions his room being occupied offhandedly, like itâs a joke. Jeno barely reacts at first. People drift in and out of rooms at parties all the time. It shouldnât matter.Â
Still, his feet carry him upstairs.Â
The hallway is quieter, the noise dulling with every step, and when he stops in front of his bedroom door, something feels⌠off. Thereâs no grim moans bleeding through the walls. No laughter. Just a silence that doesnât quite fit with the rest of the house.Â
He hesitates, fingers curling around the handle before he pushes the door open, and his eyes land on you: lying back on the bed with your legs dangling over the edge, one arm resting across your stomach, hair falling loosely around your face. Even from the doorway, you look⌠different.Â
âY/N?â His voice comes out tentative, cautious.Â
His suspicions of you being asleep disappear when your head quickly raises. Your wide eyes show surprise. Â
âJen? Hi.â You sit up quickly, as though youâve been caught red handed. âIs this your room?â Â
âYeah.â He nods, taking in the perplexed expression on your face. âWhatâs wrong? Are you okay?â His words come out rushed as he shuts the door behind him, giving you both privacy and all of a sudden, he feels like heâs intruding, even though youâre in his room. Â
âYeah, sorry, just needed some privacy.â You shake your head. âI can go.â You rush to get up and he instantly feels guilt wash over him.Â
âNo, no. Youâre fine.â He cuts you off, his hand waving defensively and you settle back on his bed with a sigh. âDid something happen?â He asks carefully, somewhat worried now. Heâs never seen you like this before. Not that he sees you much outside your tutoring sessions, but the times he does, youâre all chirpy and playful, always cracking jokes. He doesnât know you well but itâs evident that youâre not your usual self. Â
âUm, not really.â You scoff, an exasperated laugh leaving you. âItâs silly, donât worry about it.â Your eyes stay on your hands as you play with your rings and he realises heâs never noticed them before. Pretty, he thinks.Â
He moves to sit on the carpeted floor, leaning his head on the foot of the bed, next to where your legs are dangling off the edge. Heâs now decided that this situation is a lot more interesting than the chaotic party Jaemin decided to throw downstairs. Half his friends are drunk off their faces, the other half busy getting there, while Haechan and his girlfriend have already disappeared to god knows where. And you? You seem somewhat sober and definitely in need of some company. Â
âWhatâs up, Y/N? Youâre clearly upset.â He presses, not happy with your vague answer. Jeno is a nosy guy and he knows that about himself, but in this case, heâs also worried and for some reason, he canât seem to be able to let this go. Â
âIâm not upset.â You defend, making clear that heâs touched a nerve. âIâm pissed off.â Oh? He canât help but crane his neck sideways to look up at you. Your eyes meet for a split second and itâs clear as daylight now, you really are pissed off. But thereâs something else behind your eyes, he canât quite decipher. Embarrassment maybe?Â
âShit.â He turns to look in front of him again, legs crossing to make himself comfortable. âWhoâs the culprit?â Â
âClassic shitty ex with his shitty new girlfriend, you know the drill.â You explain, sounding like you hate yourself for even talking about this. Jeno gets it. Â
âAh. I assume theyâre here showing off their happiness?â Â
âYou assume correct.â You confirm and Jeno canât see you, but he imagines you nodding your head. Â
âWant me to beat the shit out of him?â Â
Your snort tells him that heâs succeeding at making you feel a tiny bit better and he canât hold his smile back. Â
âYou wouldnât hurt a fly Lee Jeno.â He feels the mattress dipping behind him and when he looks back up he canât see your face anymore. Youâre lying down again. Â
âHey, I work out.â He elbows your calf playfully, earning another tiny laugh from you. Â
âReally? I couldnât tell.â Your sarcasm doesnât go unnoticed. Â
âI see you checking me out when I talk stats.â He jokes, expecting a snarky response. Â
âIâm just a heterosexual female, Jeno. I see muscles, I stare.â So, you do check him out? Â
âI mean, I was joking, but stare away if it makes you happy.â Itâs your turn to make him laugh, kicking him in the ribs lightly. A comfortable silence falls upon you both and Jeno ignores the buzzing coming from his back pocket, probably Jaemin or Jisung looking for him. Heâd rather be here right now though. Not because he enjoys your company, he just feels a sense of calmness he doesnât want to ruin. Or at least thatâs what he tells himself.Â
âFeeling any better?â He breaks the silence a few moments later and for some reason, Jeno feels comfortable enough to lean his head against your leg, eyes closing to stop the room from spinning. He realises he must be slightly more intoxicated than he thought he was now that heâs sitting down and he smiles when you donât retract, his temple resting on your soft calf.  Â
âA little.â You nudge his head with your leg. âThanks.â You say softly. âAnd sorry for spoiling your night.â Â
âYou didnât.â He reassures you quickly. If anything, you made it interesting, but he doesnât admit that out loud. Â
âHow come youâre up here?â You ask, as though youâve had an epiphany and Jeno lets out a short laugh through his nose, eyes remaining closed. Â
âIn my room?â He teases and heâs aware that heâs deflecting, but he hopes you donât catch him. Â
âHa-ha funny. You know what I mean.â It was worth a try, but thereâs no deceiving you it seems. Â
âJust not in the right mood for a party.â He confesses, sounding almost defeated. And he feels it. Â
âTired?â Jeno can tell youâre sat up now, you voice coming from directly above. Â
âYeah, it appears trying to force knowledge in that pretty little head of yours takes it out of me.â His joke lands well, getting a laugh out of you but then you startle him with a flick of your fingers on the back of his head. âOi!â He leans forward, hand cupping the spot you just attacked. Â
âInsult me again. I dare you.â Your provocative tone intrigues him in a way, even though the pain on his scalp. Â
âDamn woman.â He complains, the heel of his hand rubbing his head now. âDo that to your shitty ex and youâve got yourself a gorgeous homerun.â He jokes and almost flinches when you lightly ruffle his hair in a comforting manner. Soft and tender. A complete opposite to your usual demeanour.Â
âCare to answer my question now?â You return to your previous subject, not letting it slide and heâs almost annoyed that youâre so observant. Â
He leans back again, resting his head on the mattress and heâs met with your face. From this upside-down angle, he notices the necklace that dangles off your neck as you lean forward to get a better look at him. Itâs dainty, like your rings, and it sits prettily between your collarbones. Â
âJust felt a bit lonely, I guess.â He admits and he feels exposed. Itâs been sitting with him all night. He hadnât meant to say it, but now that he has, it feels strangely relieving. He canât quite put his finger on the reason, but he thinks it has something to do with the way you look at him. No judgment in your eyes, just understanding. Could also be the fact that youâre upside down. Â
âAs in, thereâs no one to talk to or no girl to stick your dick in?â Your question takes him aback and if he werenât looking at you, he might have thought youâre mocking him. Your perfectly serious expression tells him otherwise. Â
Jeno shrugs. âBoth?â God, he sounds sad. Â
âThereâs plenty of pretty girls downstairs, no?â You shuffle to the edge of the bed now, sliding down to join him on the floor, mirroring his way of sitting. Though your eyes are on the ceiling, his are stuck on your side profile, your neck and that stupid necklace. Have you always been this captivating or is he just drunk and horny? Heâs always thought of you as a girl who happens to be a friend. Not his usual type. Or maybe thatâs his way of coping with the fact that youâre actually too good for him. Â
âNone Iâd wanna stick my dick in.â The words leave his mouth before he can contemplate them and your eyes close as you breathe out a chuckle. âPlus, my room was already occupied anyway.â He teases, smiling at the way your kiss your teeth, feigning annoyance. Â
âMy apologies, Mr. top shagger. I was experiencing a misery crisis.â You retort, lazily turning your head to stare at him. His laugh dies out a second after, but his smile lingers as his eyes drop to your lips for a mere second before trailing back up to yours. Thereâs mischief written all over your face and for the first time in what feels like forever, Jeno feels flustered. Itâs like youâve got him all figured out and he knows that if you were to read his thoughts right now, you would most likely condemn him to eternal hell. Â
âWhat?â He asks, deflection getting the best of him again. Â
âNothing.â You shake your head, diverting your gaze to your hands again. âYouâre the one staring.â Thereâs a subtle tint of pink on your cheeks and now itâs Jenoâs turn to smirk. Youâre shy. Because of him. Â
âThatâs new.â His observation comes out in a hushed tone. Not intentional. Â
âWhat is?â Your eyebrows furrow in question and your eyes find his again. Â
âYouâre blushing.â He points his chin at your face and to his surprise you donât shy away. Instead, you maintain eye contact, one eyebrow raising daringly as you try not to smile, tongue poking into your cheek. Â
âAnd youâre flirting.â The slight tilt of your head gets his heart going a little faster. âThatâs also new.â Your smirk returns and your eyes narrow, studying him.Â
âIs it though?â Whatever has taken over him, Jeno canât explain it, but youâre reciprocating and he has no intention of stopping until you do. What are the odds of this going to shit anyway?Â
âWhen have you ever flirted with me?â A genuine question, nonetheless, not a valid one. Jenoâs flirted with you in the past. Subtly. But he has. Aways harmless. No ulterior motives. Until now.Â
âYou know I have. Youâve just never flirted back.â He explains casually. It's the truth and your cheeky grin accompanied by your silence validates his argument. You might be terrible at stats, but youâre not oblivious. âDo you not want me to flirt with you?â He tests. Â
âI never said that.â You shrug, your nonchalance doing something to him he canât quite describe. He feels it in his spine though, and itâs unnerving and hot at the same time. Â
âSo, you want me to?â He doubles down, enjoying whatever turn the conversation has taken. Your hesitation intrigues him, gaze drifting down to his lips for a split second before returning to his eyes. Jeno knows the signs.Â
âNever said that either.âÂ
âOh, fuck off.â His hand has no business grabbing the back of your neck and your lips have no business being this soft against his, yet both of those things are happening before Jeno can process his actions and he canât stop the low grunt that rumbles in his chest. You kiss him back like you expected it, like you were prepared for it and that eggs him on even more. Â
You shuffle closer, your hands finding home on the sides of his neck, holding him close, making his head spin as he struggles to stay sane. The low moan you let out against his lips allows him to lick into your mouth, tangling his tongue with yours, gliding, flicking, tasting you eagerly. He really shouldnât be doing this - fuck stats, fuck tutoring - but the thought doesnât even register.  Not when you look so good on his floor and taste even better on his tongue. He only knows that youâre here, close, and he wants more.Â
He tugs on your hair, blunt nails scratching lightly at your scalp and you obediently allow your head to loll back, giving him space to attack your neck with wet kisses, your perfume invading his senses, clouding his mind as he sucks on your pulse. He smirks when you whine, the sweet sound reaching his already half hard dick. He lets his other hand travel down your body and when he reaches the inside of your thigh, he squeezes the flesh, waiting for you to protest, to stop him or indicate in any kind of way that you donât want him to keep going. Instead, you spread your bent legs expectantly.Â
No words are exchanged apart from a low âfuckâ he lets out when you hurriedly dip your hands under your short skirt, tugging at your panties and the second theyâre on the floor, Jeno wastes no time. His fingers find your folds instantly, rubbing from your entrance to your clit and he grunts at the wet glide, so fucking wet, he thinks as he circles your bundle of nerves slowly at first, then more determined, wanting desperately to get you off. Itâs like heâs possessed. He canât think straight, the only thought dancing around his mind is seeing you fall apart on his floor.Â
You bring his lips to yours again, hands pulling at his hair as your tongue invades his mouth and your hips grind against his hand. Heâs in a slightly uncomfortable position, butt still on the floor, body twisted at the waist as youâre splayed on his carpet, head resting on the edge of his mattress. Not that it matters anyway.Â
âMake me cum.â You moan in his mouth; demanding and breathy and he swallows it with a filthy kiss, moaning when he dips a finger in your needy hole. Youâre so wet, making his mind go blank and he feels like he could give you anything you asked for at this point. He pulls out, trying two fingers this time, knowing you can take the stretch with how drenched you are. Â
âPull your skirt up.â He instructs softly, lips dragging against yours. Â
You do exactly as he asks, revealing the unholy sight of his fingers slowly fucking into you. Your clit is engorged due to the arousal and he canât shake the thought of his lips wrapping around it, sucking as hard as he pleases, flicking until youâre shaking. He settles for splitting you open with his fingers for now. Â
He curls the digits slightly, pressing them upwards as he starts drilling into you at a rough and quick pace. The quelching noises sound almost melodic to him. Thatâs what good pussy sounds like, he thinks and he relishes in the loud mewl you let out, knowing heâs hitting the right spot. Â
âThere?â He breathes out against your temple, desperately needing to unbutton his jeans, the constricting feeling torturing him, but your nod keeps him going. Â
âYeah.â You pant, your eyes on his hand, taking in the erotic image as your nails dig into his thigh through his godforsaken jeans, and he wishes he could feel your touch properly, without any barriers. Â
He makes sure the heel of his palm stimulates your clit each time he fucks into you and he praises the universe when your walls flutter around his fingers. Â
âOh my- fuck!â You cry out as you head tips, eyes rolling back, jaw dropping in a silent moan and Jeno feels lightheaded at the newfound, sinful image of you climaxing. Your cunt clamps down on his hand, making it impossible for him to keep thrusting, so he buries his fingers all the way in your pulsating heat and starts harshly rubbing your clit with his thumb. Your thighs start quiverig, eventually closing and trapping his hand between them, preventing him from continuing. Â
Your expression resembles an angelic one as you take deep breaths, trying to resurface back to sanity. âJesus.â You whisper, almost like a prayer and he lets out a short breathless laugh, nails scratching the back of your scalp to help you calm down as your body still trembles. Â
âYou good?â He bends down a little, stealing a kiss off your shoulder. The reason unknown to him, but he doesnât question it either. Â
âMhm.â You nod lazily, turning your head to look at him and your fucked out eyes remind him of the big problem in his jeans. âI think we should fuck.â You blurt out unexpectedly and he feels his eyebrows raise in surprise. He thinks exactly the same, he just didnât expect you to spell it out like itâs the most normal thing in the world. But then again, youâve always been the blunt type. A woman who knows what she wants. Heâll bite. Â
âDo you, now?â He purposely feigns surprise as he drags his fingers out of your now relaxed walls and doesnât even warn you before hooking his arms underneath you; one around your middle, the other one under your bent knees. Your small yelp makes him smile and your arms coming to wrap around his neck in urgency tug at his heartstrings in a way that makes him feel dizzy.Â
 He carries you for a few seconds as he walks around his bed, dropping you so your head lands on his pillows. You bounce a couple of times before sitting up, resting your weight on your palms. Â
âDonât you think thatâs inappropriate?â He asks, trying to maintain a serious tone but removing his t-shirt anyway. Â
âJust a tad.â You say absentmindedly, eyes shamelessly trailing down his naked torso, landing on his hands as they work his belt undone. Jeno is aware of his above average size, but your eyes slightly widening when he shoves both his jeans and boxers down, definitely do wonders to his ego. Â
He kneels on the bed, shuffling until heâs situated between your already parted legs. He taps on your chin with his index to get your attention. âYouâre drooling. Arms up.â He bites his lip trying to conceal a smile as you sit up properly, extending your arms above your head. âCute.â He mumbles before dipping down to take hold of the hem of your top, dragging it up and off you, revealing your pretty tits. The lack of bra causes his brain to short circuit for a second before discarding the top somewhere behind him and he doesnât waste time, moving to unzip your skirt. He smirks at the way you adorably raise your bum to help him remove the last piece of clothing. Â
âHow do you want it?â He asks, trying to sound unaffected, all the while aching to touch you all over, heart threatening to jump out of his chest. You bite your bottom lip in thought, contemplating your options. Â
âCan I be on top first?â You ask tentatively, neck craning so you can look up at him. Youâre so pretty like this. Splayed on his sheets with nothing on but that necklace he canât seem to get enough of. Jeno nods in understanding, gathering that youâre most likely worried he wonât fit in any other position and heâs more than happy to let you take him however you please. Â
He plops down next to you on the mattress, still sat up and you quickly follow, dragging your knees on his sheets so you can straddle him. His hands move instinctively, taking hold of your hips, pulling you closer as you slightly hesitate and the second your knees trap his hips between them and your arms wrap loosely around his neck, he allows his own to slither around your middle. Your tits brush against his chest and he has to hold back a groan at the soft sensation. Â
His eyes find that necklace again and this time he canât refrain from voicing his thoughts. âThat looks good on you.â His chin points at the piece of jewellery and you look down momentarily before realising what heâs referring to. Â
âThanks. I like yours.â You pull at his plain silver chain with your fingers, bringing his face closer to yours. Your blush is back, making him feel giddy. Whatâs wrong with him? He canât even blame it on the alcohol; he feels mostly sober now.Â
He trails a hand up your side, palming your breast momentarily before his fingers tuck your hair behind your ear, palm coming to rest on the side of your neck, thumb tracing your jawline delicately. Â
âCan I kiss you?â You ask hesitantly, your lips almost touching. Â
âYou can do anything you want.â He utters quietly and he sighs when you close the tiny gap, your lips moulding against his. You kiss him deep and slow - slower than heâs used to - lightly nipping at his bottom lip, a satisfied hum escaping his chest when your hands tip his head back a little, yours angling to the side so you can deepen the kiss. Your tongue obscenely glides against his, your taste invading his senses and the wet smacks of your lips turn him on even more. His cock twitches between your bodies and he moans when you push him by the shoulders, letting himself land on the pillows, dragging you with him. Â
âFuck, how are you so hot?â You whine as you trail kisses down the side of his neck and he huffs out a laugh, the compliment reaching his ears as he feels them getting warmer. Â
âHave you seen yourself?â He breathes out weakly as you suck on a spot that has him reeling, his hand tangling in your hair to hold you there, giving you permission to mark him. Â
âShut up.â You murmur against the sensitive spot, your tongue soothing the scratch of your teeth. Â
âFuck you.â He retorts childishly, hands grabbing your ass, squeezing greedily, pushing you downwards as he grinds his hips up, length slipping between your puffy folds, your arousal coating him perfectly. âYouâre so wet.â He moans against your shoulder as you keep sucking greedily, and Jeno is positive the spot on his neck will feel sore tomorrow. Â
You sit up abruptly, eyes finding his, looking enticing as ever, pupils blown out, lips wet and swollen. You shock him when you lewdly dribble in your palm before reaching down to engulf his painfully hard cock in the very same hand.Â
âJesus.â He pants as you lather him in your spit and slick, the glide of your hand sensational. You shuffle slightly upwards, aligning him with your entrance and he helps you maintain your balance with his hands on your waist. Â
âAh, fuck.â You whine when his tip breaches your snug hole and he feels like heâs losing his mind. Thereâs no way a pussy can be this wet and feel this good. Your contorted expression tells him you might not be enjoying this as much as he is though, which brings him back to reality. Â
âYou okay?â He drops his hands to your ass cheeks, spreading them as far apart as they can go, hoping the action offers your pussy some relief. Â
âIt stings a bit.â The cute scrunch of your nose makes his heart race, and he has to refrain from fully thrusting into your pulsating heat. âKeep your hands there.â You plead and he does, holding you open as you try to sink down a little further with a whimper of discomfort. Â
âCome here, kiss me for bit.â His words must affect you, the tightening of your walls suffocating him, but you follow through, arms wrapping securely around his neck as your lips find his again. He kisses you slow, matching your rhythm from before, tongues gliding languidly, still wet and messy, but mostly intimate. Too intimate. And he knows itâs working when your walls start relaxing around him, your cunt producing another gush of slick that drips down to his base. Â
He takes matters into his own hands, hips raising to thrust into you little by little in quick, short pumps and when your mouth drops open against his, he moans, finding pleasure in pleasuring you. Â
âBetter?â He whispers, searching for any signs of discomfort as your eyebrows crease adorably. Â
âUh-huh.â You nod quickly, nose bumping against his as you kiss him again, all tongue and teeth, and Jeno doesnât stop fucking you. Even when heâs fully sheathed in, he keeps going, quickly but gently pumping into your slippery warmth, length barely pulling out before sliding back in. âFuck, youâre s-so deep.â You whine dreamily and he loves that youâre not moving, hips still, trusting him, taking what heâs giving you from underneath as his hands stay on your ass, holding your cheeks apart just like you asked him to. Â
When you sit up a little, palms resting on his chest as you start meeting his thrusts, you let out a loud moan and Jeno assumes his cock is hitting exactly where it should be hitting. Your tits are bouncing beautifully, nipples hard from arousal and he wishes he had his mouth all over them, but doesnât risk changing the angle of his hips, fucking you how you need him to. He doesnât need your words, just your closed eyes, slack jaw and trembling breaths are enough for him to know youâre lost in pleasure. Â
âJen- f-fuck me harder.â Music to his ears. Â
âYeah? You sure?â Â
âMhm yeah, right there, just harder.â You nod quickly, eyes pleading and how could he ever deny you anything. Â
âFuck, baby.â He barely registers the pet name leaving his lips, but he knows it does something to you, pussy gripping him a little tighter than before and when his hips start smacking against yours, ass jiggling in his hands, you both moan loudly. Â
âOh, fuck, y-yes, like that.â You cry out, back arching, head tipping backwards in ecstasy and Jeno canât find it in him to stop staring at you. Thereâs sweat dripping between your bouncing breasts, and all he can think is how much he wants to lap it up, how much he wants to lather your nipples in his spit and feel the weight of your pretty tits in his palms. Â
âRub your clit for me.â He requests in a frenzy, desperate to see you fall apart again. Your ring-clad fingers quickly find the swollen nub, drawing frantic circles around it and Jeno feels his balls tightening at the sight, cock throbbing as he nears his end. Your eyes find his for a split second before they roll back as you visibly start shaking, your hand quickly leaving your clit with a shriek as though the stimulation feels painful. âThatâs it.âÂ
 He doubles down even through the kneading of your walls around him, thrusts becoming more brutal, balls slapping against your ass. He becomes desperate with the way your nails dig into his chest, his grip on your ass tightening, causing the flesh to ripple. He selfishly hopes his fingers leave bruises, reminding you tonight for days.Â
He swears the obscene slapping sounds that echo, along with your loud cries of desperation, surpass the best quality porn heâs ever watched. If he could only have a recording of the incoherent blabbering leaving your mouth now, heâd happily ditch all the porn sites and just listen to that whenever heâd want to bust a nut.Â
âFuck fuck fuck fuck.â You cry out in panic, desperately trying to raise your hips, unable to handle what heâs giving you, but that just urges him to drive into you even harder, refusing to hold back now that heâs got your body spasming hard on his cock. âJ-Jen- I c-can't, f-fu-â Â
He wraps a secure arm around your middle, quickly manoeuvring you on your back and before you can protest, heâs slipping right back inside your warmth, his lips silencing your cries. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, nails digging into his skin as he supports his weight on one arm, hooking your leg over his elbow, fingers digging into the flesh of your thigh. His hips resume their abuse, cock driving into your spent hole repeatedly as he seeks his own release. Your pussy is still quivering around him, forcing a guttural groan out of his chest. Â
âSo fucking good.â He mumbles in utter bliss, your walls squeezing him just right and he accepts defeat, knowing that he canât last much longer. âCan I cum inside?â He asks for permission, half conscious of the fact that heâs not wearing a condom. He feels helpless. Â
âYeah.â Your hands squeeze his biceps in reassurance. âFill me up, Jen.â You whisper and he swears itâs the most erotic thing a girl has ever said to him during sex. And heâs fucked many girls. None have uttered his name like you do though. Â
âShit.â Heâs panting uncontrollably, his sweat dripping on your skin, mixing with yours as your hands come to cradle his face in comfort, and he gets this strange feeling in his chest. Youâre too tender. Too soft. And then youâre leaning up slightly, kissing him but itâs almost as if heâs forgotten how to use his lips, mouth hanging open against yours, releasing a deep grunt as his orgasm takes over him. His arm starts trembling, struggling to hold him up, blunt nails sinking into the flesh of your thigh as his hips stutter, pumping messily into your wet heat, hot spurts of his release painting your gummy walls, claiming you in the best way possible. He wonders if heâs entered heaven or some unknown dimension, convinced that the way your cunt is milking him is out of this world. Â
When his thrusts come to a halt, length burying inside you as he releases your leg, he hears the whimper you let out, feels it against his lips and that reminds him to kiss you again. And again. And again. Until you both canât breathe. Until his lips feel sore. Until youâre desperately pulling at his hair. Until heâs had enough of you. If thatâs even possible.Â
He slips out with a sharp inhale, making you mewl and youâre both looking down, taking in the sight of his now softening cock, all covered in both of your releases. He sits up a little, shamelessly staring at your pulsating hole while forcing your legs wide open. Some of his cum escapes, slowly dripping down to your ass and Jeno feels lightheaded at the sight of your pretty cunt; all puffy and swollen because of him. Â
âStop staring you creep.â You complain, playfully kicking him in the ribs as his hold on your inner thighs loosens. Â
He observes you for a moment; taking in how beautifully ruined you look. Your chest flushed, sweat all over your skin, nipples still slightly erect, tits jiggling a tiny bit from your intense breathing. The blush creeps up to your neck and reaches your cheeks, lips so red and shiny one could think you have a dark shade of lip gloss on. He feels a wave of satisfaction wash over him, knowing that itâs all him; that itâs his spit covering your lips, that your skin is covered in the afterglow of the orgasms he just fucked out of you. Â
âGoing shy on me again?â He teases with a raise of his eyebrows, hand playfully squeezing the flesh of your thigh, before he shuffles upwards, lying next to you on his front, arm lazily draping over your middle as he tries to regulate his breathing. Â
âWhat if I closely stared at your dick like I was examining it?â You joke, absentmindedly scratching up and down his arm. He allows his eyes to shut, the relaxing motions of your fingers causing drowsiness to take over him as he shuffles closer to you, seeking more of your warmth.Â
âGo ahead, I got a pretty good dick.â He mumbles sleepily against your upper arm. You whack him lightly but that still startles him in his woozy state. Â
âCan you bring me something to clean up with?â You cringe as you rub your thighs together in discomfort and he shoots up from the bed quickly, feeling bad for neglecting you. He so easily sunk into the comfort of your warmth and that scares him a little. This is just sex, right? Nothing too deep. Just sex between two people who were having a shitty night and decided to make it better. Just incredible, mind-blowing sex with the girl he tutors twice a week for extra credit. Right? Â
The act of aftercare is normally something he indulges in to subtly get rid of the other person. Never intimate, just transactional. In this case, kicking you out hasnât even crossed his mind. He realises that he wouldnât mind if you spent the entire night or at least just stayed a little longer. But surely thatâs owed to the fact that he knows you in a way. Youâre not just a random girl he met and decided to fuck and chuck. Youâre friends. Right?Â
âShit, yeah, one sec.â He slips out of bed and rushes to his ensuite bathroom, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looks wrecked; sweat glistening on his skin, lips swollen, the hickey on his neck visible already, dick still shiny with slick and cum. He splashes some cold water on his face and neck, allowing the cooling feeling to wake him up before cleaning himself up. Â
When he re-enters the room, youâre on your side in foetal position, very clearly asleep and he canât help the quiet chuckle that leaves him. He carefully rolls you onto your back again and you hum contentedly as he slowly drags the warm damp towel between your legs, cleaning your folds and inner thighs as gently as possible. He feels guilty when he shakes you lightly, waking you up, but he knows youâll thank him tomorrow.Â
âYou gotta pee first, then we can sleep.â He whispers, careful not to pull you out of your slumber completely. Â
âI um- I can go home,â You mumble, still half-asleep, clearly dreading the effort. Silly.Â
âHow about just the bathroom, hm?â He scoops you up bridal style again, exactly like he did before, only now youâre completely naked and your head buries in his neck, nuzzling sleepily. âIâll drive you home tomorrow.â He reassures you and smiles when he feels your arms tighten around his neck. Â
âYouâre actually a sweet guy, arenât you, Jen?â You mumble dazedly against his skin and he carefully sets you down on the toilet seat. Â
âAlways the tone of surprise.â He teases as he combs your hair out of your face and behind your ears. âDo your thing. Iâll be back in a sec.â Â
He heads back into his room, picking up your clothes off the floor, folding them neatly on his chair before rifling through his drawers for a comfy t-shirt for you to wear. He hears the faint trickle from the bathroom and canât help but laugh quietly. A small routine, small domesticity â nothing like him, yet it feels⌠right. He grabs his phone, sending Renjun three quick texts, hoping his friend is not too drunk to respond. Â
Jeno: can you bring me a glass of water plsÂ
Jeno: in my room Â
Jeno: knock. Â
RJ: on itÂ
RJ: you ok?Â
Jeno: yeh all goodÂ
âIâm done.â Your voice floats from the bathroom, followed by a flush as he puts a clean pair of boxers on before rushing to come get you. Â
âHey, lazy bum.â He enters to find you perched exactly where he left you, elbows on your knees. âDid you wipe, or do you want me to do that for you too?â He teases and you whine sleepily, face buried in your hands. Â
âI did. I promise.â Â
âGood. Now arms up.â You comply without a question, and he carefully slips the t-shirt on you, warmth spreading in his chest when you sigh at the comfort of cotton, hugging your arms to yourself. You blink up at him, looking soft as ever as you make grabby hands, and his insides almost melt at the cuteness. Â
Why does he feel this sudden urge to coddle you? Sure, Jeno likes looking after his friends, making sure theyâre happy and healthy, but this is different. In all his sexual encounters, heâs always maintained boundaries â never lent clothes, never ensured a girl didnât get a UTI, never carried them around.Â
With you, he finds that heâs already broken most of those boundaries in one single night. And he doesnât know why.Â
He carries you back to the bed, only this time you cling onto him like a koala bear, arms and legs wrapped around him in a tight hug. He puts you down gently, tucks you in with the duvet, smoothing it over you, making sure youâre comfortable. A knock on the door makes you blink in question.Â
âItâs just my housemate.â He reassures before getting up to crack the door open. Â
âHere you go, sir.â Renjun presents him with a pint of water and Jeno gratefully accepts it with a smile. Â
âThanks.â He goes to shut the door again, but Renjun quickly stops him. Â
âDude, whatâs going on?â A worrisome expression on his face.Â
âNothing. Iâm just- I'm not alone.â Jeno points his thumb behind him, without really allowing Renjun to look inside his room.Â
âOh.â Renjun almost looks surprised, an inquisitive look taking over his face which makes Jeno feel scrutinised. His friends know him well enough to know that he doesnât just hide girls in his room. Â
âIâll explain tomorrow.â He assures his friend, silently implying that he canât elaborate right now. Thankfully Renjun catches on quick and turns to leave after giving him a thumbs up. Jeno doesnât fail to give him a fond smile for respecting his privacy. Itâs one of the things he loves the most about that boy; he doesnât hover, unless heâs needed. Â
Jeno takes a couple of gulps before placing the glass of water on the nightstand next to you. Your eyes are closed again and when he quietly joins you under the covers, he feels you shift next to him. He checks if your eyes are still closed and when he confirms they are, he turns off the bedside lamp, allowing the darkness to engulf both of you. Â
Heâs lying on his back; arm folded under his head as he contemplates the choices heâs made tonight. Your stable breathing calms him in a way, and he finds himself trying to match your rhythm. When your hand brushes against his arm, fingers curling around just above his elbow, he freezes slightly, savouring the small contact.Â
âJen?â You whisper, as if checking heâs still there with you. Â
âHm?â Â
âI donât want things to be weird.â Fuck. Â
âThey wonât be.â He turns toward you, voice soft, though the darkness obscures your features.Â
âHow do you know that?â Youâre still whispering and he doesnât know why, since youâre the only two people in the room. He matches your tone anyway. Â
âI mean...â His words falter briefly as your grip tightens. âThings donât have to be weird, right?â Your fingers loosen, but they remain there and Jeno has trouble breathing. Itâs not that deep, he thinks to himself. Â
âRight.â Youâre not convinced; he can tell. And neither is he. Â
âYouâre overthinking.â No shit, Sherlock. Â
Your sigh lands on his shoulder, warm and heavy. He senses you closer than he expected. âAnd youâre not?âÂ
Itâs his turn to let out a sigh this time. Â
âRight.â Your tone cools, as though distancing yourself slightly. Your hand remains, a tether.Â
âI donât know what to tell you, Y/N.â He sounds defeated and he wishes he could give you the reassurance youâre looking for. He canât though. Not without lying. Â
âDo you want me to leave?â Your question takes him aback.Â
âWhat? No, thatâs not what Iâm saying, Y/N.â He rubs a hand over his face in exasperation. Â
âStop saying my name like that.â Your voice not a whisper anymore and that does something to his head. Â
âLike what?â He provokes, tone harsher than intended. Â
âLike Iâm a problem you canât be bothered to deal with.â Your words pull him under, and he pauses to recollect his thoughts. He doesnât want to argue, but it seems you do and Jeno is confused. Did he just imagine the last hour?Â
He rolls on his side to face you, and you let your hand fall from his arm. He feels the absence. âCan we please talk about this tomorrow? With clear heads?âÂ
You shuffle closer and his heart thuds a little faster, your knee bumping into his accidentally. âOkay.â You whisper after youâve settled into a more comfortable position, but for some reason unbeknownst to him, Jeno senses a hesitancy in your movements.Â
âYou can move closer.â He smiles fondly and relief floods him when your arm wraps around his waist. He draws you in, fingers stroking the nape of your neck, tucking your head under his chin. âIf you wanted to cuddle, you couldâve just said.â Â
âShh.â You scold, earning a tiny laugh from him. Â
âYouâre funny.â He whispers into your hair, nails softly scratching your scalp, making you shudder. Â
âYouâre not.â You retort, half-mumbled, and he snorts. His distress has somewhat dissolved, however the tension and confusion linger and Jeno prays that a goodnightâs sleep will fix whatever it is that broke between you and him tonight.  Â
Jeno gets woken up by an involuntary twitch of his own body and when he slowly cracks his eyes open, heâs reminded that he once again forgot to roll his blinds down, allowing the morning sunlight to invade his room. Â
He attempts to get into a more comfortable position, the fruity scent you carry drifts over him, and he relaxes â youâre still here, safe and real, reminding him that last night wasnât just a fraction of his imagination.Â
Youâre clinging onto him; cheek squished against his chest and heâs pretty sure youâre drooling on him. He feels a laugh bubbling in his chest, but he holds it in, not wanting to wake you yet. Â
The position youâre both in is slightly different to the one Jeno remembers falling asleep in. Youâre using him as your pillow, your leg comfortably draped over his crotch, arm hugging his middle as though heâs your favourite teddy bear and heâs convinced that you must own one with the way you cling onto him like itâs a habit.Â
He raises his sprawled arm to wrap it around you and the second his hand finds your lower back, he assumes the shirt he put on you last night must have ridden up. His fingers splay just above your ass and heâs instantly reminded of your naked bottom half. He vividly remembers picking up your underwear off the floor last night, along with the rest of your clothes. Â
The thought of your nakedness brings him back to last night. Back to what you two did and how good you looked on top on him. And under him. And on his floor. His mind drifts from your smooth skin to the way you kissed him, to the way you took everything he gave you like you were made for it, like you craved it. He knows he shouldnât. Especially when youâre soundly asleep in his arms, but Jeno has to suppress a groan at the thought of your warm and wet p-Â
Your sleepy hum pulls him back to reality and he mentally presses pause on the daydreaming session, but your bent knee nudging against his half hard dick doesnât make things easy for him. Stupid morning wood, he thinks, as if his dirty mind didnât just cause this. Â
He keeps his eyes shut, trying to think of dead puppies or his gran and it seems to be working, until your body moves, your face nuzzling in his neck, knee dragging over his crotch. The long sigh you let out against his skin, causes goosebumps to raise and he mentally curses. Â
Redirecting his focus to your comfort, he allows his knuckles to trace gentle circles along your spine, and he smiles when you shudder slightly, the little tremble of your body sparking a sense of delight within him. Â
âYou awake?â You mumble in his neck, the tiny movement of your lips barely even there, but still enough to tickle him.  Â
âJust about.â His voice comes out raspy, vocal cords still half asleep, causing him to clear his throat. He subtly wiggles his hips a little further down the mattress to escape the pressure of your knee and when you move with him, clinging onto him with a whine, he canât help but use his free hand to steady you, forcing your leg further up his torso to ease the pressure. Â
âSorry.â You whisper into his skin. âAre you uncomfortable?â Â
âNo.â He reassuringly squeezes your thigh, thumb gingerly caressing the surface. âYou?âÂ
âNo. Surprisingly.â If his eyes were open, Jeno would have rolled them in annoyance. Â
âYeah, cause youâre always so uncomfortable around me.â His tone full of sarcasm, but he canât help it. If youâre going to give him attitude, youâre going to get it back. Especially this early in the day when heâs slightly hungover and has not had his morning coffee. Â
âGrow up. You know what I mean.â Your humourless words contrast the way your fingers softly trace the line of his collarbone, a quiet familiarity in the gesture.Â
âYou thought it would be awkward?â Â
âDidnât you?â Your head moves, nose rubbing against his jaw, and he knows youâre looking at him. He adamantly keeps his eyes closed. Â
âWhat, just cause we fucked?â The light slap he receives on his chest makes him chuckle. Heâs always enjoyed getting under your skin, but for some reason, now that youâre half naked in his bed, itâs even more rewarding. âIt would have been awkward only if the sex was bad.â Â
You keep quiet and Jeno gives into the urge to turn his head and look at you, blinking his eyes a few times, adjusting to the sunlight. He raises his eyebrows expectantly as he dips his hand under your loose shirt, fingertips light as air, traveling up and down your spine slowly. Â
âIs this you indirectly asking if I liked it or not?â Your eyebrows raise in response, mirroring his expression. Â
âNo, I already know you liked it. Just wanna know if it altered your brain chemistry.â He smirks at the way you roll your eyes, and if he didnât know you to a certain extent, Jeno would really think youâre annoyed, but he recognises your usual façade. Â
âMind-blowing sex isnât the answer to everything Lee Jeno.â Your hand engulfs his jaw, fingers squishing his cheeks and shaking his face from side to side gently. âIâm one of the very few female friends you have and youâve already stuck your penis in me. Raw.â Â
âCorrect me if Iâm wrong, but didnât you very blatantly ask me to fuck you?â His pointed look gets a surrendering smile out of you, hand now settling on the side of his neck. Heâs not even fazed by your proximity; noses almost touching, bodies flush against each other like youâve done this a million times.Â
âYou stuck you tongue down my throat and then fingered me like nobodyâs business. Iâm only human.â Your bluntness makes him grin.Â
âSo, whatâs the problem? We both wanted it, no?â He rolls to face you fully, leg fitting naturally between yours, touch grounding yet intimate. He tries his hardest to keep his attention on you, but the whimper you let out shows him youâre just as affected, and his hand has somehow fallen on your ass. Â
âWhy did you want it?â The question catches him off guard; your inquisitive eyes making his heart stutter. Â
âI was horny. And lonely. And you looked good. I mean...You always look good, I just-â He takes a breath to compose himself. Since when does he have trouble expressing himself in front of a woman? Â
âRelax, itâs not a test, Iâm just genuinely curious.â Your chuckle and your fingers lightly pushing his fringe out of the way help him compose his chaotic brain just a little. Â
âI dunno. I just wanted you.â He settles for honesty and if that comes to bite him in the ass later, then so be it. âThat too shallow for you?âÂ
âNo.â Your eyes travel around his face as youâre in deep thought and Jeno feels impatience creeping up on him. Â
âBut?â He challenges, knowing it canât be that simple. Â
âBut, I donât know if I can be normal around you now.â You purse your lips as you brush his bottom one with your thumb and he stops breathing for a second, his heart rate increasing significantly. âI donât really do casual sex.âÂ
He likes your honesty.Â
âWhen have you ever been normal around me, Y/N?â His light-hearted comment earns him a bashful smile from you, your thumb now tracing his cheekbone as he playfully gropes the part where your thigh connects to your ass. âLook, Iâm not expecting anything. If youâre uncomfortable, we can go back to normal. You get your tutoring. I get my extra credit.âÂ
âAnd youâd be happy with that?â Good question. Â
âIâm a big boy. If thatâs what you want, then thatâs what you want.â He offers a way out, but part of him hopes you donât take it.Â
âWhat if I donât know what I want?â Your eyes close, a long sigh escaping through your nose. He wants nothing more than to make it easier for you.Â
He smiles, conflicted.Â
âThen⌠I dunno. I guess we figure it out.â He says it casual, like itâs nothing â but his stomach twists anyway.Â
The drive back to yours is quiet. Not uncomfortable, but definitely unusual. Neither you nor Jeno are usually this quiet around each other but now your thoughts are too loud and so are your doubts. Â
You barely register the car coming to a stop, having completely spaced out. Itâs Jenoâs voice that brings you back to reality. Â
âIs here fine?â Â
âHm? Yeah. Hereâs great. Thanks for the lift.â His eyes are already on you when you look over at him, expectant and unsure. The corner of his mouth lifts subtly, a small smile forming as a response to your gratitude.Â
âIâll see you Tuesday?â The tapping of his fingers against the wheel sounds louder that it should. Â
âYeah. Tuesday.âÂ
âCool.âÂ
âCool.â You repeat dumbly, not sure how to approach your next words. Â
âAre y-âÂ
âThis shouldnât happen again.â You blurt out and the tapping stops, his eyebrows raising slightly, but other than that, he remains calm. Â
âAlright.â He nods understandingly. âIt wonât.â The warmth and playfulness his voice held until this morning, long gone. Â
âIâm sorry.â Â
âWhat for? You didnât do anything wrong.â He shrugs, his fake nonchalance sitting heavy in your stomach. Â
âI dunno. I feel like-âÂ
âY/N.â His hand finds your shoulder, hold grounding. âWeâre good. Honest.â He turns in his seat, facing you better. âPeople have sex all the time. Itâs not that deep.â He squeezes your shoulder once, barely there but you still feel it as his neutral smile does very little to convince you. Simply because it doesnât reach his eyes. You hate this unfamiliar side of him. Â
âItâs fine if you donât wanna tutor me anymore.âÂ
âI do.â Thereâs no hesitation in his voice, touch reassuring.Â
âYou sure?âÂ
âI am. As long as you are.â Another subtle squeeze, now on your upper arm, his hand having slid down. âPlus...I really need the extra credit.â His playfulness is back, and you canât hold back the sheepish smile that takes over your face. Â
âOkay then.â You exhale, somewhat relieved. Â
âOkay then.â He repeats, light-heartedly, the warm smile now reaching his eyes as his warm hand slides further down your arm before he completely retracts. The gesture should soothe you, but it somehow unsettles you. Â
Next time you see him is indeed Tuesday. Your regular first session of the week. And itâs all fine. Itâs all normal. Itâs all good. Â
Until it isnât. Â
Until you see a text pop up on his screen. Yuna. Â
We still on for tonight? It reads and you quickly avert your eyes back on the histogram displayed on your laptop screen. Something about a survey, a sample and frequencies. Itâs all a mess now. Who the fuck is Yuna? And why is she texting him? What about tonight? Â
You shouldnât care. You really shouldnât. But then heâs quickly typing a response you canât see and he places his phone face down. Like it never happened. Â
âWhatâd you get?â He interrupts your ridiculous thoughts as he leans over your shoulder to take a look at the scribbles on your notepad. âCorrect formula. Wrong result.âÂ
âWhat? Why?â Youâre more annoyed than you should be. His raised eyebrows betray his shock at your abrupt tone. Â
âYouâre asking me why you canât count?â His smirk is worth slapping off. âCheck your total number of observations again.â He taps his pen on the letter n and when you count again, you realise itâs 6 instead of 5. Great. You really canât count. Â
âThatâs just a silly mistake.âÂ
âWhich will cost you a whole lot of marks.â He does this thing where he twirls the pen between his index and middle finger, and it shouldnât be that attractive. âYou see, itâs not a matter of logic with you. You just need to concentrate.â Heâs enjoying this too much. His smile audible. Â
âI am concentrated.â You state stubbornly. Â
âConcentrate better.â Â
âFuck off.â Â
His lack of response causes you to look at him. His neutral eyes and pursed lips tell you heâs not going to entertain whatever argument youâre trying to start and that agitates you even more. So does his stupid cologne. And the fact that heâs so close still. His forearm is now resting on your notepad and all you can think of is how prettily it flexed when it was between your thighs. Â
âSorry.â You sigh, slumping back into your chair, looking around the quiet cafĂŠ. You need air and all you keep getting is his scent. Itâs not fair. Â
âAm I allowed to ask?â His tone is tentative, but present. Â
âAsk what?â Â
âWhatâs bothering you.â He starts going over what youâve written on your notepad with his pen, overlining letters and numbers, following every curve. You glance at his profile for a moment and youâre thankful heâs now focused on the page in front of you. Â
âNothing is bothering me.â You cross your arms over your chest defensively. Â
âLie better.â The corner of his lips twitches as he keeps outlining, still not looking at you. Smug bastard. Â
âIs it me?â He side-eyes you for a split second, gaze meeting yours before dropping back down to the mistaken 5 you wrote down earlier. Itâs like an insult.Â
âThatâs awfully egotistical of you.â You challenge, making him struggle to hold back his smile. âWhat makes you think that?âÂ
He shrugs. âJust a hunch.â Â
You lean over, elbow on the table, chin resting on your palm, closer now. âNot everything is about you, Jeno.â You say as calmly as possible. Â
His pen comes to a halt. Eyes catching yours without backing down now. Â
âAs if you donât think about me 24/7.â Itâs a joke, but itâs not. Â
âIs that what you tell yourself?â You shouldnât give into it. Into his flirting. But he makes it almost impossible to behave. Â
âIs it bad if I do?â Â
âNot bad. Youâre just wrong.â Â
âLike your calculations.â Â
âWhat?â Â
âSolve it again. No calculator. Not like it helped you the first time anyway.â He leans back in his chair with an unbothered expression, pen dropping dismissively on your notepad as he resembles your stance, arms crossing over his buff chest. âGo on, I donât have all day.â He points his chin to the page smugly. Did he just...play you?Â
âPrick.â Â
âMhm.âÂ
Is this what itâs going to be like from now on? If so, then youâre astronomically fucked. Â
Two weeks go by. Four tutoring sessions with Jeno â all pure torture. But somehow, focusing on the calculations and formulas actually pays off. You donât ask as many questions anymore, you get the correct results most of the time, and you even score 76% on the mock test Jeno printed out for you.Â
A glimmer of surprise flashes across his face when he finishes grading, but it quickly softens into something pleased. Proud, almost. Â
âNice one,â he says, head bobbing in approval. âLetâs get to 80 next time.âÂ
You like that look on him. Like that heâs proud of you. You wish you could see it more often.Â
But the wish evaporates the second you lay eyes on him tonight. Regret floods you for giving in to Markâs pleas to come to this stupid party. As if the man needs a wingman â he always does fine on his own. And so does Jeno, by the looks of it. But you already knew that. So why does your chest tighten when you see a girl standing between his spread legs, his casual perch on the kitchen counter, plastic cup in one hand, the other tucked in his hoodie pocket?Â
Heâs not touching her, but her hands are on his thighs, and even from behind her head, you see his face clearly. Smirking, dark eyes checking her out as he sips his drink. Thereâs no trace of innocence in the way heâs looking at her. Itâs the same way he looked at you that night in his room.Â
You know youâre out of bounds. Yet jealousy gnaws at you, and you hate yourself for it. It shouldnât affect you. You rejected him â or whatever that was. He should be the one pining, not you. But heâs fine, and here you are, still haunted by how warm and safe his body felt that morning.Â
Itâs unfair.Â
Unfair in every way: the way he doesnât spare you a glance, the way his eyes are fixed on her, the way he chuckles at whatever she says, the way he looks so good even while flirting with someone else.Â
Hood up, fringe falling messily over his eyes. He looks soft but dangerous at the same time. Effortless. Sleeves pushed up, baggy cargos that only he can pull off. Heâs hotter than ever â and sheâs touching him. Not you. Heâs looking at her. Not you. Laughing with her. Not you. Not you. Not you.Â
âDude, youâre staring.â Mark steps in, blocking your view of the kitchen and yanking you out of your trance. You groan, hiding your face in your hands. Maybe youâre being dramatic â but Mark wonât judge. He knows. âThat bad, huh?âÂ
âShut the fuck up.â You mumble into your palms, relaxing slightly as Mark wraps his arms around your shoulders, burying your face in his chest and lightly swaying you from side to side.Â
âAwh câmon⌠youâre good.â Mark shakes you playfully, helping your shoulders loosen. âItâs okay to be jealous.â He lowers his voice so only you can hear him.Â
âThis is not helping you with the babes, Iâm sorry.â You wrap your arms around his waist, enjoying the comfort of your friendâs embrace â and you really shouldnât â but you sneak a glance over his shoulder. Jeno is still there, the girl still perched between his legs, still talking. But his eyes are very clearly on you. Expression neutral, as always, never giving anything away. Yet if you were to guess, he looks conflicted â maybe a little annoyed.Â
Fuck this. You refuse to stare, burying your face deeper into Markâs neck instead.Â
âAre you two planning on fucking tonight?â A boyish voice interrupts the moment. Pulling back, you see a boy standing next to you. You recognise him â always with Jeno or some girl youâd assume is his girlfriend. And heâs in your stupid stats class, too.Â
âDude, have some decorum.â Mark protests, keeping one arm around your shoulders, shaking you playfully. âY/N, this is Haechan. Haechan, this is Y/N.âÂ
âHi, Y/N. Iâve heard a lot about you.â Weird, you decide.Â
âUmm I donât think IââÂ
âNo time for that. Beer pong. Me and my girl versus you two. In or out?â Haechan cuts you off, no hesitation. As much as his energy overwhelms you, a game that involves alcohol sounds like a perfect distraction.Â
Easy. Thatâs what beating Haechan and his girlfriend was. Too easy. And youâre currently obliterating Chenle and this boy, Renjun, who youâre pretty sure is Jenoâs housemate.Â
You make the last shot. In. Some boys around the table cheer, some point fingers at the losing team, laughing at them.Â
âLetâs fucking go!â Mark grabs your shoulders from behind, shaking you and you canât help but laugh at his dramatics.Â
âYou just got lucky.â Haechan complains loudly.Â
âYou canât get lucky twice.â You point out as you rearrange the cups back to a perfect pyramid shape.Â
âYouâre just a sore loser, dude.â Mark throws the ping pong ball at the weird boy, sticking his tongue out and Haechan looks like heâs had an epiphany.Â
âMaybe you should play against our champions.â He says with a glint of mischief written all over his face.Â
âNah, Iâm-âÂ
âSomeone get Jeno and Jaemin.â Haechan interrupts you for the second time tonight and now heâs seriously starting to annoy you.Â
âSomeone else can take my spot.â You say nonchalantly as you place the last cup at the top of the pyramid.Â
âOh, grow up.â Haechan challenges again.Â
âGet off my back. Respectfully.âÂ
âDidnât think youâd be boring. Respectfully.â Heâs hinting at something you canât quite decipher, but somehow you know Jeno has something to do with it.Â
âThe fuck is that supposed to mean?â You raise your voice a few decibels as you step closer to the annoying boy.Â
âIâm just saying.â He shrugs, like his words didnât hold some cryptic meaning.Â
âCare to elaborate?â You stand in front of him, arms crossing over your chest expectantly, eyebrow raising and he smirks. As though getting on your nerves is his newfound hobby. Seriously, what is this dudeâs problem?Â
âOh, you know, just that youâre a-âÂ
âYooo okay, letâs break it off.â Jenoâs voice cuts in before his friend can finish his sentence and suddenly, youâre being dragged away from the scene and the people that have gathered around without you noticing. You try to stand your ground, pulling away from the hand around your elbow and before you can approach smug Haechan again, Jeno stands in front of you.Â
âWalk away. Right now. Please.â His expression is unreadable, but heâs definitely not pleased. You can figure that much out.Â
âWhatâs it to you?â You challenge, suspicious of his involvement.Â
His eyes close for a second, jaw clenching, as though heâs collecting himself and Haechanâs voice cuts through again. âYeah, Jen-Jen, whatâs it to you?âÂ
Jeno just steps closer to you, shielding you from his friendâs antics and before you have time to react, heâs dragging you away again. Hand tight around your wrist and you let him. Not before you look back, only to find Haechan wiggling his fingers at you in a playful wave and you canât help but flip him off. His laugh is loud and if it werenât for Jeno, the alcohol in your system would have prompted you to start a fight. How can someone be so irritating?Â
Once youâre out in the back garden, you force your arm out of Jenoâs hold. Â
âChill.â His instruction makes your blood boil.Â
âWhat the fuck!â You shout loud enough to get some heads turning, interrupting their smoking sessions. Jeno just chuckles, index and thumb pinching the bridge of his nose. âWhatâs so funny?â Youâre quieter now but you make sure to keep the cold tone on.Â
âAre you a child?â He asks with an amused smile as he leans his weight against the wall and if you werenât so pissed off, youâd swoon at how good he looks right now.Â
âHe started it.âÂ
âYeah, well, heâs a child.â Jeno points out like itâs a fact you should be aware of. His hands are in the pockets of his hoodie and you realise how chilly it actually is.Â
âIâm assuming he knows me as the slut who slept with his friend just to get over her ex.â You move to lean against the wall next to him and he snorts at your comment.Â
âYou know I donât slut shame.â He says casually, his breath visible in the cold air. âBesides, is that what that was?â Heâs looking down at his shoes as he kicks some pebbles into the grass. âRebound sex?âÂ
âYou know it wasnât.âÂ
âSo, why do you care about what Haechan thinks?âÂ
âCause heâs your friend.âÂ
âHeâs also a wind up.â Jeno turns his head to look down at you. âAnd you let him get to you.âÂ
âHeâs fucking annoying is what he is.â You scan the garden as you rest your hands behind your back, preventing the concrete from digging into your ass.Â
âYeah, heâs for the thick skinned.â He says it with fondness, and it baffles you. âHis girlfriend tolerates him just fine, so he must be doing something right.âÂ
âAn unsolvable mystery.â You mumble and Jeno chuckles, though you werenât really joking.Â
Thereâs a pause. A comfortable silence between you, which in that moment you really appreciate.Â
âDidnât know you were that good at beer pong.â Jeno elbows your side playfully and you almost smile, but then you remember that the only reason you decided to play was to distract yourself from him and the girl who was feeling him up.Â
âSurprised you even saw that.â Itâs meant to be teasing, light-hearted. Itâs anything but that.Â
âWhyâs that?â His tone is devoid of any playfulness now.Â
âYou just looked...busy.â You refuse to look at him but you feel his stare on your side profile. You feel hot all of a sudden. Why canât you just keep your mouth shut?Â
âSo?âÂ
âSo, nothing. Just an observation.â You try your best to stay calm, but your pulse has increased significantly and you feel like throwing up. Jenoâs scoff is difficult to ignore.Â
âI donât get you, Y/N.â Youâre still adamantly looking anywhere else but at him, but you can imagine his expression. Heâs definitely doing that thing he does with his eyebrows when heâs confused. The one that makes him look like a puppy. And you hate yourself. âWhy do you care?âÂ
âI donât.â You defend quickly.Â
âRight.âÂ
âWhat do you want from me, Jeno?â You close your eyes in exasperation.Â
âNo. What do you want?â He moves to stand in front of you now, giving you no option but to look at him. âYou fucking rejected me. You donât get to be jealous. So why am in the wrong here?âÂ
God, youâre such an idiot.Â
âWhat exactly did I reject?âÂ
âWhat?â Genuine confusion painted all over his face.Â
âWhat did you expect? That weâd keep fucking and live happily ever after? Iâm sorry, I donât do that shit. I canât.â Words leave before thought; regret floods instantly. You expect him to argue back, to shout, to react, but his next words hurt you even more.Â
âYeah, no, Iâm not doing this.â He shakes his head in disbelief, a bitter laugh escaping.Â
âNot doing what?âÂ
âIâm not gonna argue with you, when youâve already come to your conclusions.âÂ
âSo, Iâm wrong then? Did you want a relationship with me? Did you wanna take me to bruch? Buy me flowers? Introduce me to your parents?â Silence. âYou said it yourself. You were horny and I happened to be there. A girl doesnât give you what you want and you act like your heart is broken. Boo-hoo, wah-wah, grow the fuck up.âÂ
For the first time in the four months youâve known the boy in front of you, his face is not stoic. He looks enraged, disgusted even. âYouâre a fucking joke, Y/N.âÂ
You donât even know what can beat that. Heâs right.Â
He steps closer and you wish you werenât backed up against the wall. Heâs too close. âI donât know who fucking hurt you, and I donât give shit quite frankly. What I do know is Iâm not a punching bag and I donât like games.âÂ
âIâm not playing a game.âÂ
âNo?â His head tilts.Â
âNo.â Your voice comes out weak. Heâs suffocating you and you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes. Your stomach heavy.Â
âYou say you donât want me. Then you flirt with me every chance you get. You get moody whenever a girlâs name pops up on my phone. You hate when my attention isnât on you. You get jealous. You make petty comments. You canât even look at me right now. Should I go on?âÂ
Are you really that obvious? If you had balls, heâd have you by them.Â
âI might fuck around, but at least Iâm honest about what I want.â His index and middle finger poke you on the chest, right in the middle and he might as well carve your heart out at this point. âYouâre the game player here. Not me.â He says quietly, but the words echo loudly in your head.Â
You blink and thereâs wetness dripping down your cheek and the only thing you can do is nod, eyes avoiding his again, the stamp on his hoodie a lot more interesting, but blurry as another tear escapes. Itâs not sadness. Itâs anger. Youâre angry with yourself mostly, but also him. Because he confuses you. Because he makes you feel vulnerable. Because he makes your heart do things it shouldnât. And he scares you. So much. The way he grounds you scares you. The way he always talks sense scares you. The way he understands you scares you. The way he sees you...it scares you.Â
âWhy are you crying?â Thereâs no malice laced with his words, just worry. A genuine question. Whispered.Â
âI wanna go home.â If misery could be pictured, it would be you. You sound like a spoilt child that didnât get their favourite toy on Christmas day.Â
âOkay.â He doesnât move and neither do you. You can feel his eyes on your face and you canât help but look into them when his thumb wipes the tears off your cheek. His palm feels warm on your cold skin, soothing your heart and you wish you could bury your whole being in it. You just hide your face in it for now.Â
âI donât like you when youâre mean.â You sniffle a little, half aware that heâs stepped closer now. His familiar clean scent engulfs you and you sigh in contentment. Your hands instinctively grab onto each side of his hoodie pocket and when you look up at him, you can tell heâs trying to fight off a smile. His features are on the softer side again, puppy-like. The fairy lights reflect on his eyes, illuminating tiny little star-like specks.Â
âDonât make me act mean then.â His fingers brush a strand of hair behind your ear. Your pride wants you to push him away, but for some reason you let him touch you. You also let your forehead rest on his sternum, and you let his arms wrap around your shoulders, hugging you into him, into his warmth. The embrace is very similar to the one Mark gave you earlier, but so different in so many ways. It calms you like no other hug ever could. Like no one could ever compare. And maybe no one can.Â
âAre you still mad?â Your question is muffled by the fabric of his jumper, cheek squished against his chest, eyes closed as you bask in the proximity.Â
âMhm.â He answers a little too quickly for your liking, but his arms tighten a little more around you and you canât fight off the tiny smile that threatens to take over your face.Â
âDo you still like me?â You feel him tense just then and your arms wrap around his middle in fear of him pulling away.Â
âI mean...â You feel his chest move as he exhales loudly, his chin rests on your head. âI donât hate you.âÂ
Itâs two days later that you decide to face the problem that is Lee Jeno. A normal late Sunday afternoon. Youâve done your shopping for the week, gone over some lecture notes, caught up on all your uni emails, procrastinated, even gone on a run to convince yourself that you didnât just sit around all day. You send the text before you can talk yourself out of it, and when 15 minutes go by without a response, you start to regret it.Â
Are you busy tonight?Â
The screen laughs in your face each time you check your phone and see no new notification. Why did you decide to act brave tonight? Why are you so stupid? Of course heâs busy. Heâs probably in bed with that Yuna girl, altering her brain chemistry like he did yours. You wonder if he cuddles all the girls he sleeps with like he cuddled you. All careful and possessive.Â
Youâre about to change into your pyjamas when you hear it.Â
Ding.Â
Jeno: just got back from the gymÂ
Jeno: need a shower and then i can be freeÂ
Jeno: how come?Â
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Do you reply now, or should you give it some time? Make him wait like he made you wait? NO. No games. He said it himself.Â
You: come to mine?Â
You: gigi and mark are outÂ
You: we can talkÂ
You: you wantÂ
You: *ifÂ
Your fingers are shaking so much you forgo typing a whole word and you can only hope heâs not laughing at you when you send the correction. Five long minutes go by before he replies again.Â
Jeno: i wantÂ
Jeno: gimme 30 minsÂ
You snort at the text mocking your typo. Of course he wonât pass an opportunity to tease you. He definitely knows youâre shitting bricks.Â
You react with a thumbs up before you start pacing around your apartment, looking for things to do until he arrives.Â
First you wash up the few forgotten mugs in the kitchen sink. Then you reorganise the cereal boxes that Giselle and Mark always mess up.Â
He texts you a simple omw when youâre contemplating whether you should put on jeans or keep your joggers on. You decide on the latter. No need to try hard.Â
He knocks when youâve just finished brushing your teeth for the second consecutive time, which youâre starting to regret because your gums sting now.Â
You take a deep breath before opening the door and when you do, heâs standing right there, hands in his pockets, looking effortlessly cool as ever. His signature look. Attire matches yours: big hoodie and baggy joggers, emitting comfort and softness.Â
His eyes scan you like yours scan him. Head to toe. âCute socks.â He nods in approval and when you look down at your feet, you realise youâre wearing fuzzy Christmas socks with little mistletoes on them. Great. âSwear Christmas was like a month ago.âÂ
âTheyâre warm.â You step aside to let him in, and he quickly takes his shoes and jacket off by the door before trailing toward the living room area. You observe him as he carefully places his thick jacket on the back of the sofa. He inspects the room like heâs never been in your apartment before. It feels oddly domestic when heâs not here for a tutoring session.Â
You set your phone on silent and quickly notice the time. Apart from the fact that heâs five minutes early, it dawns on you that itâs dinner time.Â
âYou hungry?â The words slip before you can stop them, and he swiftly turns around to look at you. Youâre still leaning against the door as he plops down on the sofa armrest.Â
âI could eat.â He shrugs with a lopsided smile. He looks so boyfriend-coded like this. So warm and soft. Just lounging around your living room. âUnless youâre cooking.â His eyes are full of mischief, smile cheeky.Â
âI mean, I was thinking of ordering, but you can starve if youâre gonna insult me in my own home.âÂ
He ends up placing the order. Something about a deal on his Deliveroo, but you know he just didnât want you paying. Just like when he never lets you pay for your coffee but complains when you occasionally pay for his.Â
Heâs munching on a dumpling when youâve run out of things to talk about. Youâve covered the hangover you were both nursing the day before, his gym session and how he got hit on by a guy, your running session and how you got drenched by the rain, the stats chapter youâll be entering next week, the fact that you both have a seminar tomorrow morning, the fact that you might skip. You talk about anything and everything but what you both really want to talk about.Â
âDid you stay long on Friday after I left?â You ask casually as you blow on your spring roll to help cool it down.Â
He shakes his head. âNah. You left at the right time. It was dead after.â He drops his chopsticks on his plate and grabs a napkin for his hands.Â
âWhat about the girl you were with?â It slips. But at least it doesnât sound malicious. Your eyes meet for half a second and you almost laugh at the side-eye he gives you.Â
âStill not over that?â He leans back on the sofa, getting more comfortable, legs spreading a little as he sips on his water.Â
âItâs just a question. Donât deep it.â You take a sip of your own water before turning your body completely toward him, legs criss-crossing, arm resting on the back of the sofa.Â
He pulls his hood up as he slides a little further down the cushions, almost as though youâve put him on the spot and heâs trying to hide. You find it amusing. âNothing happened if thatâs what youâre asking.â No glance toward you still; heâs too busy trying to stabilize the half-empty water bottle on his stomach and only when he fails for the third time does he look at you.Â
âWhy?âÂ
He shrugs. âWasnât really my type.âÂ
You nod. âDidnât realize you had one of those.â You twirl one of your rings with your thumb. You feel nervous suddenly but choose to push your sarcasm forward.Â
He blinks, unamused. âIs this what you wanted to talk about?âÂ
âI judged you.â You say quickly, refusing to back down now. His eyebrows tense a little, emitting confusion for just a second. âAnd Iâm sorry.â You chew on the inside of your cheek as you wait for a response.Â
He nods just once before averting his attention to the bottle again. âYouâre not the first or the last person to do that.âÂ
âI have trouble seeing the good in people.â You avert your eyes to the loose thread on your sleeve. Itâs difficult staying afloat when he looks at you the way he always does. Like youâre easy to read.Â
âYeah, I gathered that.â You detect a smile in his tone and you hate that you donât have to see it to know itâs there. You expect him to ask why. He doesnât; you sense his contemplative eyes on you still. A beat of silence passes and you find yourself trapped in it, struggling to utter more words. He helps with the worst possible question. âWhy did you sleep with me, Y/N?âÂ
âDonât say it like that.â You let out a humourless laugh.Â
âLike what?â Thereâs expectancy in his voice. His restraint is slowly breaking.Â
âLike I lured you in or something.â You pull the loose thread harder. He lets out a short laugh. It sounds accidental.Â
âJust answer the question.â He taps on the plastic bottle as if to get your attention. âAnd look at me.â His eyebrows lift momentarily when you do, like a greeting. The situation seems awfully comicalâor maybe itâs the fact that you struggle to stay serious in serious situations. He mirrors your barely-there smile regardless.Â
âThereâs not just a single reason.â You canât be more honest than that.Â
âOkay, so name three.â He holds his thumb, index, and middle finger up, wiggling them as he waits for you to start listing. âGo on.â He nods when he senses your hesitation.Â
You sigh dramatically as you look around the room, like the answers are hidden in the furniture. âI guess youâre attractive.âÂ
âThat doesnât count. I want profound stuff.âÂ
You scoff. âSince when?â You raise an eyebrow and his pointed look makes you back down, his three fingers waving slightly, demanding.Â
âYou made me feel comfortable.âÂ
Middle finger down.Â
âI was intrigued.âÂ
Pointer down. He nods again when you pause for too long. It takes everything not to look down, but you donât.Â
âFelt right.âÂ
âAnd now it doesnât?â Heâs quick. No hesitation. No whys and hows. He sits up and turns to look at you properly, mirroring your position. One arm drapes over the back of the sofa while the other holds onto the water bottle still, one leg folded under him, the other hanging off the sofa. You like that heâs comfortable in your vicinity; it calms the turmoil inside you.Â
âIt does. Itâs just confusing.â You admit. His eyes look more alive now.Â
âWhatâs so confusing? People fancy each other. They fuck. They either make it a thing or they donât.â For someone who normally reads you in no time, he seems to be struggling now.Â
âJen, this isnât stats. Itâs not that simple.â You smile fondly at his confusion. âBesides, what exactly is this thing we could make it into?â You can almost see the gears spinning in his head. This, he doesnât seem to have an answer for.Â
âThis might sound wild, but I happen to know what dating is.â His widened eyes evoke a laugh out of you. Maybe he did have an answer after all.Â
âYou wanna date me.â You deliver the question in deadpan tone.Â
He tilts his head a little. âWould that be so terrible?âÂ
You purse your lips in thought. Would it? âDo you understand what that entails?â God, you sound so condescending. Like a middle-aged person.Â
âGod forbid we go somewhere other than a cafĂŠ and talk about something other than stats.â The sarcasm in his voice makes you roll your eyes. Mostly because it makes him sound hot. You almost flinch when he shuffles closer, his knee touching yours. He drops the bottle heâs been fiddling with somewhere behind him and his fingers find yours in a heartbeat. Like he didnât even think about it. Like itâs reflex.Â
âThatâs not what I mean.â You know he knows, but you say it anyway. Your eyes find your hand in his, thumb stroking your knuckles gently before gliding over a ring, finding a new toy to fiddle with.Â
âIâll be good to you.â You bring your gaze to his face. He looks almost shy, eyes on your hands and if the lighting were stronger, you might have been able to spot the blush on his cheeks better. You imagine it for now. âI donât expect you to trust me from the get-go.â He chews on his bottom lip for a second. âBut maybeâ you knowâmaybe eventually...â He looks up, scanning your face for a reaction, which you try tremendously hard not to give because you just happen to love a pathetic man. Heâs unsure, but heâs trying. Youâll give him that.Â
âAsk me properly.â You squeeze his fingers once and he has the cutest look of hope on his face.Â
âYouâre going on a date with me.âÂ
âI said askââÂ
âIâm telling you.â He tugs on your arm playfully and you canât help but gleam at his unusually playful antics.Â
âAlright.âÂ
âCool.âÂ
âNow get out of my house.âÂ
âSorry?â Genuine surprise takes over his features; eyebrows furrowed to the maximum, eyes wide.Â
âYouâre not staying the night.â You pat his thigh as you get up and start picking up the takeout boxes lying scattered on your coffee table.Â
âWhy not?â He sounds almost offended. You laugh quietly as you walk into the kitchen.Â
âYouâre just not.â He hasnât moved from his spot on the sofa when you look back at him.Â
âI wonât try anything.âÂ
Your pointed look forces the corners of his mouth to curl into a mischievous smile. âIâll just cuddle you.âÂ
âNext joke.âÂ
âYou really think Iâm not capable of keeping it in my pants?â You donât even bother responding to his silly question.Â
When you approach him again, you stand in front of him and with the way he looks up at you, it takes a lot to not just get on your knees for him.Â
âItâs not you Iâm worried about.â You admit, hinting at something he catches on quickly, his pleased smile difficult to miss.Â
He moves closer, warm hands engulfing the backs of your knees, his hood dropping as he cranes his neck to gaze up at you with pretty eyes. He looks almost innocent like this. So handsome. âAt least give me a kiss.âÂ
Your hands come to rest on his shoulders, looking for support as he pulls you closer, between his spread legs. This screams anything but innocent, and the way he nuzzles his face against your tummy has your breath hitching. You bury a hand in his hair, nails lightly scratching as he breathes you in.Â
âJust one, yeah?â Your quiet offer makes him look up again, eyes finding yours in an instant, chin resting on your lower abdomen. Who knew Lee Jeno could look so submissive and sexy at the same time.Â
âJust one. And Iâll fuck off before you know it.â You should tease him. Make him beg. But he looks too good for that. Too insatiable. And you can always make him beg another day.Â
You do exactly what you said you wouldnât do. You get on your knees, between his spread ones, and now itâs you that has to look up at him. Your hands find his strong thighs and the thought that enters your mind isnât a pleasant one. Envy flickers for a moment, remembering the girl from two nights ago, standing between his legs in a very similar position. But then you see how he looks at you and envy becomes want. He didnât look at her like that, nowhere near.Â
His hands fall on top of yours before trailing up your arms and you drag your knees across the carpet to get closer. Your noses touch when his palms engulf each side of your neck, thumbs tracing your jawline, fingers reaching your nape, his touch making your knees feel weak as your heart beats faster, and youâre worried he can feel it through your pulse points.Â
âYou know,â His top lip grazes your bottom one lightly and you canât help but bite onto the spot he touched. âYouâre doing a bit too much for just one kiss.âÂ
âYou either want it, or you donât.â You match his low tone; afraid youâll break the trance you both seem to be in, your fingers lightly squeezing his thigh muscles in encouragement.Â
You see his smirk and then you donât. Your eyes drop shut the second his mouth is on yours, claiming. His palms feel warm on your cheeks, his lips soft on yours but demanding, thighs tensing under your wandering hands, and you feel dizzy as you let him tilt your head as he pleases, let his tongue in your mouth, let him taste you. Itâs wet and itâs loud and itâs hot, the neurons in your brain already useless.Â
You really should pull away, not give in to him so easily, but one hand is in your hair now, tugging, the other around your throat, gentle but assertive, and the whimper you let out is embarrassing. Your hands clench around the fabric of his joggers; your pussy around nothing, and thatâs when you abruptly push him away, hands on his firm chest. You think your ears deceive you, but you swear Lee Jeno just whined. A needy, pathetic whine. So beautiful. It makes something coil in your chest, a pulse of heat you didnât expect, a reminder of just how much power he has over you in a single sound.Â
His back is against the sofa cushions now, and he looks defeated, chest visibly moving. âYouâre a fucking menace.âÂ
You laugh a little too loudly at how out of breath he sounds, as though he didnât just have full control of that kiss. His lips are shiny, a darker shade of their usual pink, and you lick at yours, realizing they must be just as wet. You can still taste him, and your walls flutter around emptiness again. Youâre tempted to look down and check whether heâs also affected, but you withhold. That would make things so much worse.Â
âI promised one kiss. I gave it to you.â You pat his thighs gently, and his hands catch yours again, fingers interlocking this time. Itâs your heart that flutters this time.Â
Jeno has always known youâre trouble. Heâs always pitied the guy youâll end up withâor anyone who falls for you. Not because youâre not a catch, but because he views you as someone hard to say no to. And now⌠heâs exactly the kind of guy he pities. Heâs never thought of himself as a weak man. But here he is, walking you home after your regular Tuesday session, pretending heâs listening to your rant about some professor who hates you and struggling not to make his fascination obvious. Because he really is fascinatedâby the way you move your hands, the way you furrow your eyebrows in frustration, the way you swear a little too much when youâre stressed, and the way you say âwhat the fuck,â because what the fuck is wrong with him?Â
He canât stop thinking about how adorable you looked earlier when you drew a Venn diagram correctly, how your eyes lit up when you got his validation, how you gasped when the only thing he said was âgood job.â Not because he has some weird claim on you, but because he likes how determined you are to do well. And he likes that heâs helping you. But most of all, he likes that youâre succeeding. Jeno is positive you donât even need his help to pass the module anymore, but he canât bring himself to tell you that just yetâsimply because he likes that you want his help.Â
Itâs been two days since that obliterating kiss, and Jeno keeps pondering. You. How you got on your knees. How you touched him. How you sounded. How easily you ruined him with just one kiss. He knows heâs already slept with you, but for some reason, that kiss beats any other moment heâs had with you. It was too good. Too much. And oh, what he would give to experience that again.Â
âYou free this Friday?â The question slips mid-thought, and the silence that follows makes him turn his head to look at you. He struggles not to laugh at your dumbfounded expression, pursing his lips to control the smile that threatens to take over his face.Â
âYou werenât listening just now, were you?â You scold, though the tone of amusement is still evident.Â
âNah. Not really.â He blatantly admits, getting a kick out of annoying you.Â
âDickhead.â You huff in the cutest way possible.Â
âFriday.â He repeats stubbornly as youâre nearing your building. âFree or not?âÂ
âWhat exactly am I walking into here?â You ask carefully, eyes narrowing in suspicion.Â
âAn orgy.âÂ
âYeah, alright, get me involved.â Your bored tone shouldnât make him smile.Â
He sighs in annoyance, because thereâs no way you donât know what heâs hinting at. âI wanna take you out, you pleb.âÂ
âPleb?âÂ
He groans dramatically. âOh my godââÂ
âIâm actually not.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âIâm not free on Friday. I promised Gigi Iâd do movie night.â No way. Fuck that. Thereâs no way heâs asking you out and youâre rejecting him.Â
âYou serious? Youâre blowing me off for some movie night?â He knows he should tone it down. Heâs sounding hurt, and itâs not that deep. It shouldnât be.Â
âIâm not blowing you offââÂ
âYou so are. Royally.â He canât help but feel a little defeated. Heâs never winning with you.Â
âI can do Saturday.â You say with a hopeful tone, and Jeno feels some relief at the fact that youâre not entirely rejecting him.Â
âI said Iâd go to this stupid party on Saturday.â He grumbles. He doesnât even want to go, but youâre not willing to cancel your plans for him. So why should he?Â
âRight, well⌠weâll have to do next week then.â The disappointment in your voice makes his heart jump and his stomach clench. Why do you keep doing that? Until now, it was his head. Now, youâre messing with his heart and stomach too? Itâs unfair.Â
âWhy donât you come with me?â He offers, hoping it doesnât make him seem weak. Although he knows thatâs exactly what he isâa weak, needy, pathetic man. For you.Â
âTo your stupid party?â You almost sound offended, and now he regrets even asking.Â
âYeah.â He sighs as you both come to a halt outside your building. Itâs dark already, and the streetlights reflect prettily on your face, accentuating your features. Your nose is a little red from the cold, and youâre in thought, teeth catching your bottom lip as you consider his invitation.Â
âThatâs not really taking me out though, is it?â You try shyly. You never tiptoe around things. And Jeno hates that he loves that.Â
âI just want to spend time with you, Y/N.â He attempts to lower his guard a little but realizes how awfully intimate his words sound. Oh well. âWe can show face for a bit, and then we can just fuck off if itâs boring, go somewhere else.âÂ
âWhere?âÂ
âDisneyland.â He deadpans again, trying to put on the fakest smile he can, but unintentionally, it transforms into a genuine one. He blames the cute way you roll your eyes at him. So unamused.Â
âWow, youâre on a roll today. How will I ever recover from this laughter?â You sound bored, but he sees how hard youâre trying to hold back your smile.Â
âGod, youâre annoying.â And heâs not lying. You are so fucking annoying. And so fucking pretty. He blames the streetlights. And his stupid heart.Â
You outright laugh at his exasperation, and Jeno finds himself in a predicament. He could ignore you, move on with the conversation, or he could shut you up. Itâs an easy decision.Â
The cute sound of surprise you let out when his lips crash onto yours is imprinted on his brain, and so is your soft touch on his chest, and so is the way you kiss him back, matching his eagerness, and so is your taste, and so is the way your body molds into his. It all just fits perfectly. You fit perfectly.Â
Your nose feels cold against his cheek, but the back of your neck feels hot against his frosty fingers, and he wonders when it became such a normal thing for him to notice details like that. A kiss is a kiss. There shouldnât be any science behind it. Thatâs what he always thought. Until that night you sat with him on the carpet at the foot of his bed.Â
A wet smooching sound echoes in the cold of the evening when he pulls away, and he canât fight his smile seeing how you lean closer, chasing after his lips.Â
âCome.â He whispers, both your breaths visible.Â
âHuh?â You sound lost, blinking quickly as though adjusting back to reality. Did he just kiss you, stupid?Â
âOn Saturday. Come with me.â He sounds like heâs begging now, and he hates it. Thatâs what itâs come to.Â
He trails his hands down your arms, over your thick jacket, and the bashful expression on your face makes his pulse fasten as he threads his fingers through yours.Â
âOkay. Iâll come.â Success.Â
âGood.â He leans down, leaving another chaste kiss on your lips before he can chicken out, and then, as youâre about to speak, heâs walking away.Â
âDude, what thââÂ
âYou better have that mock test ready for Thursday!â He shouts over his shoulder, and he wishes his resolve was stronger, but he canât fight the need to look back. And the confusion on your cute face is so worth it.Â
There you are. A few feet away from him, in this crowded space, conversing with some girls heâs never met before. So confident, carrying yourself so gracefully, your laugh audible and sweet. So sweet, so intoxicating, so heart-wrenching.Â
He brought you here. And for some reason, he expected you to not leave his side; to crowd him, to be needy and demand his attention. As always, he was mistaken. He should know by now, youâre not like most girls heâs associated himself with. But heâs a fool. A fool who keeps misjudging you and putting you in the same basket as everyone else.Â
And there you always are. Proving him wrong every single time.Â
âWhatâs with the long face?â Haechanâs voice cuts through Jenoâs trail of thought.Â
âNo long face.â Jeno quickly dismisses the accusation. âJust thinking.âÂ
âThinking at a party? You must be in serious trouble.â As much of a smart-ass as his friend can be, heâs got the tendency of being right most of the time. And just like now, heâs always smug about it, the irritating smirk on his face proof.Â
âFuck off.â Jeno mutters, always harmless. âDonât you have a girlfriend to bless with your annoying-ass face?âÂ
âAnd bless her I shall.â Haechan sings, making Jeno snort at his silliness. âQuit yearning and just go talk to her, you dumb-ass bitch. You look like youâve seen a litter of dead puppies.â Haechan whispers aggressively as he walks away swiftly, before Jeno can have the pleasure of shoving him.Â
âWet wipe.â Jeno curses under his breath as he watches his friend lovingly wrap his arms around his girlfriend, his face nuzzling into her neck as she smiles bright. Itâs sweet and itâs disgusting, and the undeniable feeling of envy fills Jeno. Heâs envious of them both. Because as disgusting as they can be, theyâre happy. And they donât fail to remind him every fucking second.Â
When Jeno redirects his vision to you, heâs met with your eyes, and you shatter him with the sweetest smile youâve ever given him. And there goes his poor heart again. His lips move on their own, returning the gesture without permission, and when you extend your hand in his direction, wordlessly asking him to join you, there goes his stomach. His legs seem to work on their own, because in a few seconds, heâs pushing himself off the wall, crossing the room, and in a few more, Jenoâs got your hand in his.Â
âHey.â You greet quietly, with a small squeeze around his fingers.Â
âHey, yourself.â He instinctively pulls you closer into his side and you smile wider, looking down bashfully, the group you were chatting with long forgotten behind you.Â
âHaving fun?â You seem genuinely interested, and for some reason, Jeno feels weak. Words donât come easily in that moment, so he just shrugs, nose scrunching a little. âYou?âÂ
âEh, Iâm too sober.â The way you wrap both arms around his has him in a chokehold, and Jeno looks around at the chaos of the party, then back down at you.Â
âWanna get out of here?â He asks, relieved that your eyes light up with hope.Â
âDisneyland?â You tease, a tiny smirk adorning your face. Jeno chews on his bottom lip to prevent his own smile.Â
Jenoâs place is relatively tidy compared to last time you were there. Some books are scattered here and there, a plant struggling to stay alive in the corner, a used-up mug on the coffee table. Though very evident that itâs a boysâ house, you can smell the laundry detergent. Itâs messy but clean, and for some reason, that makes you feel a sense of warmth.Â
âNot as bad as I thought it would be.â You twirl your finger in the air, gesturing at the space as you walk further inside the living room.Â
He snorts as he takes off his shoes, placing them next to yours. âDid you expect a crack den?âÂ
âSure looked like one last time.â You stand in front of the bookshelves, scanning all the titles theyâve collected. âIâm assuming these arenât all yours.âÂ
âAnd why would you assume that?â Heâs standing a lot closer than you thought; you can almost feel his body heat seeping through your thick jumper.Â
âDunno.â You stay put, refusing to turn around and look at him. âYou donât strike me as much of a reader.âÂ
He lets out a short laugh, his breath hitting the back of your neck. Oh, heâs closeâclose.Â
âAnd what do I strike you as?â His fingers make contact with the back of your hand, lightly tracing until his index hooks around your pinky. The gesture feels a lot more intimate than it should, and even though itâs the least sexual thing anyone could do, you feel yourself getting hot.Â
âAs someone who reads because they should, not because they want to.âÂ
âWow.â His whisper hits your ear as his thumb fumbles gently with the ring youâve got on your pinky. âYouâve got me all figured out, havenât you?âÂ
âNot really, no.â Your breath hitches slightly as he wraps his other arm around your middle, pulling you flush against him. His chest feels hard against your back, and his breathing is definitely a lot more stable than yours, but his heartbeat doesnât match his calmness. Itâs oddly comforting.Â
He doesnât stall when you turn around. His lips instantly find yours. No teasing, no hesitation.Â
Heâs everywhere.Â
You feel him everywhere, and your heart hurts from the intensity. From how gentle he is. From how slow he kisses you compared to all the other times.Â
Youâre worried he can feel the heat radiating off your skin when his hand cradles your face, thumb tracing your cheekbone so delicately you feel hysterical. The whimper you let out seems to encourage him as he tilts his head a little, deepening the kiss, and you canât help but part your lips more, desperate to taste him.Â
Your hands slither up to his hair, threading through the short strands, and a moan escapes from your throat when he pushes you into the bookshelf, his tongue obscenely licking into your mouth, tangling with yours in a wet mess.Â
âYou hungry?â He mutters into the kiss, clearly with no intention of pulling away, but your arms circle his neck, holding him closerâjust in case he made the unacceptable choice of stopping.Â
âMm-mm.â Your refusal vibrates between your mouths as you kiss him harder, his uncoordinated breathing egging you on as you walk him backward, blindly leading your tangled bodies to the sofa.Â
âThirsty?â Heâs smiling as he lets you guide him, his hands grabbing onto your hips, refusing to put space between your bodies.Â
âNo.â You clumsily stumble over your feet, and his arms around you help you regain your balance, his light chuckle hitting you on the lips, breath hot against you, as he harshly lands on the sofa cushions, eagerly helping you straddle him as though being apart from you is unfathomable.Â
âGuessing youâre not tired either.â He barely gets to finish the sentence before a grunt leaves him; your fingers pulling harshly at his hair as you shamelessly shove your tongue in his mouth, easily shutting him up. He slumps against the sofa with a sigh against your lips, hands limply resting on your ass as he lets you take control.Â
âWhat about you? You tired?â You break the kiss with a loud, wet smack, your hand around his neck preventing him from trailing after you. You tighten your hold when he attempts to move again, and you revel in the sight of his confused expression. It's almost like a newfound pleasure, like itâs something he didnât know he wanted until now. You can tell by the tensing of his eyebrows, the quick blinking of his eyes, the tightening of his jaw, the clawing at your ass cheeks.Â
Heâs never been put in his place before, and it shows.Â
âAnswer me.â You instruct seductively, lips brushing his as you grind down on the very evident erection suffocating in his jeans.Â
âFuckâno. Iâm not fucking tired.â He grits, nostrils flaring in annoyance, and his harsh expression earns a smirk from you as you make sure to press harder on the sides of his neck. A mean laugh tumbles out of you as his resolve breaks, eyes rolling back the second you grind down again, the fabric of your jeans rubbing against your throbbing clit deliciously, but you ignore the pleasure, focusing on how responsive Jenoâs body has suddenly become.Â
He could easily overpower you, take matters into his own hands, ruin you if he wanted to, and that knowledge turns you on a lot more than it should. Because heâs actively choosing to be submissive. Heâs silently asking to be choked, succumbing to the power you didnât know you held over him. Until now.Â
âYouâre kinda pathetic, Jen.â You whisper in his ear, his moan vibrating between your chests as you leave a little kiss on his cheek. âItâs cute.âÂ
âFuck off.âÂ
Youâre not sure if it was meant to come out harsh, but itâs far from it. Itâs whiny and breathless.Â
âThatâs mean.â You coo at him, another soft kiss left on his cheek before a theatrical pout takes place on your lips. âYou promised youâd be good to me.âÂ
âYouâre the one whoâs being mean.â His head turns so he can look at you, arms wrapping tightly around you, and you canât help but loosen your hold around his throat.Â
Heâs blinking slowly, breathing shallowly, and you swear his hazy eyes are going to be the death of you. He looks weak and sweet and so fucked out, and if it werenât for the next words that leave his mouth, you would have held your ground.Â
âI like you.â He whispers. So casual but so lethal at the same time. âA lot.âÂ
You sit up a little, and he follows after you, arms tightening around you as he buries his face in your chest, sighing heavily, making your heart go crazy. He can definitely feel it.Â
âSay something.â His words are muffled against the fabric of your jumper, and you canât tell when exactly you started stroking his hair, both hands softly threading.Â
âI like you too.â You murmur in his hair, inhaling the boyish but sweet smell of his shampoo, and you smile when his shoulders visibly relax.Â
âStay tonight.âÂ
You know what heâs asking, and when he looks up at you, you also know itâs game over.Â
You give him a little nod before leaving a chaste kiss on his lips, his surprised expression making you feel giddy. âIâll stay.âÂ
Heâs stubborn and annoying and cocky at times and heâs annoyingly smart and good with numbers which makes him a good tutor. Heâs nice at times too, and funny and oddly endearing. Heâs also incredibly hot, and cute, even though he hates being called that. Â
But youâve always known those things. Â
What you didnât know is how incredibly and unfairly good he is at giving head. Out of this world good. And as much as you hate it you also canât help but love it. What you love the most, however, is how much he seems to love it.Â
âHoly shit, Jen, slow down.â You pant, thighs shaking in overstimulation, your body trying to comprehend the intense orgasm it just went through, but Jeno doesnât seem to give a flying fuck. Â
âShut up and keep your legs open.â He mutters into your drenched pussy, arousal and spit coating the lower half of his face, the scene before you incriminating as you struggle to do as he says with a pathetic whine. Â
âIâm too sensitive, you psycho.â Your futile attempt to harshly pull at his hair, backfires as he shoves two fingers in your dripping hole, a string of spit landing on your clit, thumb replacing his tongue in harsh circles. His fingers reach deeper than yours ever have, stimulating the sensitive spot inside your walls with ease. Â
âDonât want my tongue? Fine. Youâre taking my fingers.â His hand is thrusting roughly, digits barely pulling out as he creates a vibration-like motion, abusing your g-spot like nobodyâs business. Â
âOh my god!â Your screech is embarrassing, and so is the way your trembling fingers grip his bedsheets. What really is mortifying, though, is how loud your cunt is. The lewd sounds are almost offensive to your dignity, which seems to be out the window by now. You feel too hot, sweat dripping down your temples and you wish you had the energy to take off your top, the intense pleasure clouding all your senses.Â
âJust accept that youâre gonna cum again.â The sweet kiss he leaves on your inner thigh highly contrasts the way heâs violently fucking into your sopping cunt and you canât help but give into it. Because heâs right. Youâre going to cum again. âThere we go, baby, just take it.â Â
âFuck, itâs too much, y-you're too deep.â You cry, asking for a little bit of mercy that doesnât seem likely to come your way. Â
âYouâre dripping though.â His hot breath fans on your centre, free hand pressing into your belly, holding you hostage. âLiterally ruining my sheets.â Â
His humiliating words do something to you, and unfortunately, he seems to notice the way you clench around his fingers, the way your back arches a little more. âThought you didnât like me being mean, baby.âÂ
âShut the fuck up.â Your voice comes out whiny, no threat laced in it whatsoever, and his laugh is sinister, openly mocking your desperate state, pushing you over the edge unexpectedly. âFuck, Iâm cumming.â Â
Your body tenses, chest heaving, walls clamping down on his fingers, forbidding any further movement, but his thumb is relentless, rubbing your poor clit through your high.Â
âShit, baby.â He whispers, the sound barely reaching your buzzing ears. Your eyes are squeezed shut and you reach for anything that can pull back to the surface. Your nails dig into his arm, the one draped over your stomach and he quickly laces his fingers with yours, understanding what you need. âYouâre good. Iâve got you.â He trails gentle kisses up and down your thigh, the action soothing, helping you back to a more coherent state.Â
âI fucking hate you.â You pant. No irritation in your tone, just defeat and deliriousness.Â
He chuckles against your skin, fingers slowly pulling out of your heat. âNo, you donât.â Â
Your hands instinctively caress his hair as he starts dragging your top up your torso, a kiss left on every newly uncovered inch of skin. You help him by sitting up a little, arms raising and then hands finding his face as soon as the garment is off, pulling him in for a slow kiss he so easily gives into. You can feel his grin, and it makes you chuckle softly against his lips but neither of you pulls away. Â
Within seconds, your back arches, making room for his hands as they unclasp your bra and once itâs gone, you eagerly wrap your arms around his neck, craving to feel his skin on yours, sighing at the way your sensitive nipples drag against his warm chest. Â
Itâs quiet and loud at the same time. No words are exchanged as you intimately make out with him. Itâs all heavy breathing, a whimper here and there, the rustling of his sheets, the wet sound of kissing, one of your phonesâ buzzing as neither of you seems to care. Itâs a soft moan of yours that breaks the silence, and then one of his as he slowly grinds his jean-clad cock into your tingling pussy, the material harsh on your hypersensitive clit. Â
His arms cage your head, supporting his weight as he makes room between your bodies for your hands, trembling fingers clumsily unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, your hands blindly shoving the material down, both of you to stubborn to pull away from the sloppy kiss youâve trapped yourselves in. Â
âMmh- just- fuck sake.â You mumble in his mouth and he lets out a small laugh as he reluctantly pushes off you to remove the rest of his clothes hastily. You smile at his erratic movements, relishing in the fact that heâs as needy as you are. Â
His mouth is back on yours within seconds, body finding home between your parted legs, fitting just perfectly and you breathe harshly when his cock prods at your entrance. Â
âDo we need a condom?â He murmurs breathlessly, eyes meeting as his face hovers just inches above yours. You find it cute how he remembers about protection now, when heâs already finished inside you before.  Â
âYouâre clean?â Â
âYeah.â Â
âThen no.âÂ
He nods with a shaky exhale, and you pull his face closer, not being able to stand any space between you. One arm sneaks around his neck, the other circles his shoulder blade, holding onto him as you prepare for the intrusion, craving the stinging sensation you felt last time he entered you. Â
His tip bumps your clit a few times as he rubs the length of his cock between your folds, coating himself in your arousal. Â
âSo wet, baby.â It sounds pained and youâre slowly starting to lose any restraint thatâs left in you. Â
âPlease, fuck me.â You whine into the dip of his shoulder, hips twitching, raising to find friction. Â
The head of his cock kisses your entrance, and the second you start to feel the delicious pressure, he slips, finding your clit once again, making you inhale sharply. Youâre so wet, itâs embarrassing.Â
âShit, sorry.â He utters the rushed words as he looks down, between your bodies, one arm propping him above you. Â
âItâs okay, just try again.â You caress the back of his neck softly as you patiently wait for a stretch that doesnât come. Heâs still, breathing heavily as he looks down, forehead dropping to your shoulder and now youâre starting to get concerned. Â
âYou okay?â You ask in confusion, as your hands reach for his face, but he hides in your neck. Â
âIâm- this is fucking embarrassing.â His body is trembling and you have no choice but to wrap your arms around him, still not understanding what heâs going on about. Â
âJen, whatâs wrong?â Â
Did he change his mind or something? Did he just realise heâs not that into you? Or did he just remember heâs got chlamydia? Â
âIâm actually freaking out. What is hap-Â
âIâve gone soft.â Â
Oh. Â
âMy dick is soft.â He rephrases, voice muffled in your neck and you try your best not to laugh at his pained tone, by hiding your face in his shoulder. Donât laugh donât laugh donât laugh. Â
It's pointless. Inevitable. A snort escapes. He tenses. Â
âAre you fucking laughing?â Â
âNo.â Your arms tighten around his shoulders, trapping him, or preventing him from seeing your pursed lips. Â
âI actually fucking hate you.â He exasperates, lips grazing your skin, but he lets his weight slump on you regardless. And you feel it. He really is soft. Â
âAre you nervous?â Youâre not mocking, just asking genuinely as your thumb strokes his temple, nails gently scratching his scalp, trying to offer some comfort through his embarrassment. Â
âWhy would I be nervous?â He defends quickly, stubbornness coating his voice. Â
âChill. Itâs just a question.â Â
âIâm not nervous.â He persists. He really is incapable of lying. Â
âYouâre overthinking then.â You start tracing patterns on his shoulder with your free hand as his breathing becomes more stable. Â
âWhatâs there to overthink? It's sex.â He sighs as your toes tickle the back of his knee, foot slowly caressing his leg. Â
âErectile dysfunction?â You joke and he huffs out a breath in annoyance, tickling your neck, goosebumps raising. You hum in thought, pretending to be in search of other reasons for his little mishap. He shivers as you lazily start scratching up and down his back, your other hand still in his hair, slightly tugging. Â
âMaybe youâre just not that into me then.â A smirk tugs on your lips as he playfully bites down on your shoulder. Â
âYeah.â He nuzzles your jaw. âThat must be it.â He starts kissing along the bone, his hand cradling the other side of your face, urging you to face him and heâs miserably failing to hold his smile back, just like you are. He cutely brushes his nose against yours and your brain malfunctions for a second. Never did you think Lee Jeno would be eskimo kissing you in bed right after he got a limp dick because he got too nervous. Â
But here you are. Â
âYou know,â Your hand caresses his wrist as his hand buries in your hair. âYou can be really cute sometimes.â Your lips find the tip of his nose, and he slightly flinches as the tender gesture, coaxing a giggle out of you that gets interrupted by his hand roughly pulling at your hair and you know your tactic to get him riled up is working. Â
Your whine is muffled by his lips, tongue forcing its way into your mouth like itâs his mission to shut you up and you revel in the dominance he asserts. A big hand wraps around your neck, fingers squeezing a little tighter than you expect, making you feel dizzy as his tongue claims your mouth in the filthiest way possible. Drool smears on your chin and the little twitch you feel on your belly forces a satisfied moan out of you. Â
âThis cute enough for you?â He breathes into your mouth, his hips grinding with force, hardening cock sliding between your wet folds, cunt throbbing with need.Â
âWhatever cutie, just try not to go soft on me again.âÂ
A sarcastic laugh tumbles out of him. âYou trying to piss me off?â Â
âYes.âÂ
âI will literally fuck you into oblivion.â He mumbles in your ear, his teeth trapping the lobe between them before he starts trailing wet kisses down the side of your neck, hand moving to fondle one of your breasts, fingers harshly squeezing, claiming, making you mewl. Â
âPlease, do.â You beg cutely, legs wrapping around his waist, heels pushing him into you more as your hips lift momentarily as you feel a new gush of arousal dripping out of you, smearing between your bodies. You just know itâs a mess down there. Â
Two of his fingers find your entrance, swirling through the wetness before he abruptly shoves them in to stretch you out again and before you have time to adjust, two become three, stretching your tight hole to the max. Your moans are unrecognisable, downright pornographic and you canât imagine how good his cock is going to feel. Youâre so horny, you feel like youâre going to pass out.Â
âJen- oh fuck- please just put it in.â Your hands grab his face, forcing his eyes onto yours, showing him how blinded with desperation you are. You really want him. And he seems to share the same sentiment. His dilated pupils show you that much. Â
He kisses you stupid again, tongue tasting you hungrily as he fucks his fingers into you deep and slow a few more times and then emptiness. He kisses you harder when you whine in protest, but itâs the fat head of his cock prodding at your hole that really shuts you up and this time he doesnât slip out. This time you feel the sting you so impatiently were craving. Â
Your walls flutter around him, but they welcome his thick length greedily, sucking him as he sinks in slowly. Â
âOh my god.â He utters breathlessly as his pubic bone finds yours, hips grinding to help you both get used to the stimulation, mouth dropping open against yours as you bite down on his lip, not caring if your draw blood because it all just feels divine. Â
âMove.â You plead, letting your legs spread wide for him, your hands burying in his hair as you bring his lips to your again, needing him closer. Â
âStop clenching so hard. Feels like youâre pushing me out.â He whispers softly, following up with a slow kiss, his hand caressing your thigh as he holds himself up on one forearm by your head, thumb stroking your temple gingerly and you instantly feel yourself relax a little. Â
âSorry.â You murmur into the kiss, feeling him smile against you, your stomach doing that thing it always does when he does the most insignificant things.Â
He finally starts moving, slow and deep, cock stimulating every nerve ending in your walls and youâre so sensitive you feel every ridge, every vein, the slight curve of his length and the way he thrusts a little upwards doing wonders to that sweet spot deep inside you. Â
He leaves a sweet kiss on your cheek before letting his head drop, face burying in your neck, hot breaths hitting your skin deliciously as you both lose yourselves to the consuming pleasure. Your arms wrap around his broad shoulders, quiet moans filling the space of his room as his pace quickens slightly, the hand on your thigh slipping between you and the mattress, softly squeezing your ass cheek, keeping you in place, grounding you like you need him to.Â
âFuck, baby.â The sweet petname, whispered in your ear, makes your pussy clench around him and he lets out a muffled grunt. His fingers squeeze the flesh of your ass a little harder and his hips start snapping against yours, wet slaps echoing as he fucks you with short and hard thrusts. âYou like that?â Â
âYes.â You sigh into his neck, nails clawing at his shoulder blades as you take what heâs giving you, eyes rolling to the back of your head when his cock starts abusing your g-spot, barely pulling out before fucking back into your needy cunt. You feel incredibly close and youâre almost shocked heâs managed to bring you this close to an orgasm so quickly, just with his cock. âFuck- Iâm s-sorry- I think Iâm gonna cum.â Â
âI can feel you.â He moans and raises his head to look at you. âItâs okay, donât say sorry. I want you to.â His hips maintain their perfect rhythm, stimulating the gummy spot inside you as well as your swollen clit. âLet go, baby. Iâve got you.â Â
You squeeze your eyes shut, not being able to handle his intense stare and another moan from him is what send you over the edge. Itâs intense, mind-consuming, your legs shake as he fucks you through it like heâs made for it, messily kissing you, groaning into your mouth as you violently squeeze his cock, walls almost pushing him out, but his thrusts unfaltering. Â
âJesus.â He pants as you cry out, the pleasure now bordering overstimulation, but he doesnât slow down. His back is drenched in sweat, your fingers slipping as they try to hold onto something and he immediately pins your hands above your head as he starts fucking you harder; bruising, animalistic thrusts melting your brain into mush. Â
âJ-Jen, Iâm- oh f- I canât-Â Â
âShhh. You can. Itâll feel good again.â His tongue finds yours in a kiss full of teeth and spit and you can barely focus on anything, too fucked out to function properly. Youâre thankful youâre at least breathing. âYouâre mine. Right, baby?âÂ
Holy fuck. What is happening? Â
âI am?â You mumble against his lips, your heart going ballistic. Â
âYouâre my girl, no?â He holds your arms pinned with one hand as the other cradles your jaw, eyes finding yours.Â
âYes.â You breathe out pathetically. Â
âSay it.â He demands with a sharp thrust, balls slapping against your ass, your arousal coating your inner thighs as he grinds into you. Â
âIâm your girl.â The tip of his cock brushes your abused spot again, mind-numbing pleasure building again, like it never went away.Â
âFuck yeah, you are.â He traps your bottom lip between his teeth, sucking before releasing. âMine.â Â
Your breathing is laboured as his hips resume their ministrations. Fucking you hard and fast towards another high that seems to come even quicker than the previous one. Itâs like heâs forcing them out of you. And you know youâre going to be ruined for any other man after this. You really are his. He owns you. But you canât say that. You refuse to admit it. Even as heâs balls deep in you, fucking you into oblivion, exactly like he promised.Â
âAre you mine?â It slips out before you can register the thought. You blame his dick. Â
He moans. Itâs strangled and deep, his eyebrows tensing as he blinks quickly, as though trying to comprehend your words. Itâs cute and hot at the same time. âFuck- you know I am.âÂ
âTell me.â You whisper, short-breathed, nuzzling your nose with his, your foreheads almost touching and his eyes roll back when your walls flutter around him again. What a sight. Â
âIâm yours, baby.â He grunts as you purposely tighten around him and you didnât think it was possible, but he fucks you harder, the sounds obscene, your back arching as he sits up, kneeling between you spread legs, pushing them up to your chest, fucking you so deep you have to brace your hands against the headboard, a loud cry leaving your throat. âAll yours. All for my girl.â Â
âOh my god.â You exhale harshly, nails digging into wood as his words send you into a frenzy. âFuuuuck Iâm gonna cum.â Your tone pleading and he canât do anything other than oblige. Â
âUh-huh, cum for me, baby.â He whispers, head hanging low as he lets a good amount of saliva dribble from his mouth onto where youâre both connected, and your broken moan echoes around the walls of his room when the digit quickly finds your swollen clit, all wet and slippery from arousal and spit. He flicks the nub in quick up and down motions as he tries to keep the same angle of his hips. Â
A particularly soft flick of his thumb is what makes your body seize, drowning you in obliterating pleasure as your pussy squeezes tight around him again, this orgasm even more intense than the previous one, if not the most intense one youâre ever had in your whole existence.Â
He pulls out with a grunt, hovering over you again, a deep kiss left on your lips before he continues down to your neck, sucking and licking, marking your sweaty skin, and you whimper weakly when his tongue finds a nipple, his big hands squishing your sensitive tits and you donât have it in you anymore to deny him anything. He can do as he pleases.Â
âSo pretty.â He mumbles, completely lost in his own little world that seems to be occupied only by your nipples and tits as he lathers them in his spit, licking and sucking like man starved. Â
Before you have time to regain your breathing, youâre on your front, face buried in his pillows as his hands grab onto your hips. Â
âAss up for me, baby.â He helps you get on your knees, back arched, tits squished against his mattress. âSpread your legs.â He gently taps your outer thigh and you oblige with a whimper as he starts leaving wet kisses on one of your ass cheeks, hands kneading the flesh. Â
âWhat are you doing?â You mumble, slightly panicked as he gets closer and closer to your asshole. Â
You attempt to look back when no answer comes, but your head drops back down in defeat as his tongue licks a fat stripe from your clit to your dripping entrance. The moan that erupts from your throat is broken, surprise evident as you tangle your fingers in his sheets. Â
âWhat the fuck.â You whisper, rushed words muffled by Jenoâs pillows. Your jaw slackens as his tongue languidly circles your sopping hole, dipping lightly, tasting you shamelessly and within seconds it travels back down to your clit, flicking it from side to side with the tip of his tongue, making your legs tremble, struggling to hold you up. Â
Youâre a mess down there, you know it. The filthy sounds filling the room, prove that much. Heâs sloppy with it; making out with your pussy like heâs thirsty, tongue everywhere, even slipping up to your other tight hole a few times, coating you in his spit wherever he can reach. Â
âShit.â He rasps. âI could eat this pussy for days, baby.â Â
âJen-âÂ
âSo perfect.â He mumbles in awe, his lips brushing your sensitive clit before wrapping around it, sucking harshly, tongue flicking in quick motions, driving you crazy, turning you into a blabbering mess, a hand reaching behind you to tangle in his hair, pulling desperately. Â
âPlease fuck me. Want your cum in me.â You donât even know where that filth came from, but you canât bring yourself to care in the slightest. You think you might lose the plot if he doesnât stick his cock in your aching pussy right this second. Â
Thankfully, your begging deems rewarding. You feel the mattress dip behind you as he repositions and the sound you make when he stuffs you to the brim in one motion, resembles a scream. Â
âYeah? My girl wants my cum?â His voice barely reaches your ears over your loud moans as he starts thrusting into you in no time. Hard and fast. And you feel him in your fucking throat; the position allowing him to go deeper than anyone has before. His hands grab onto your waist, fucking you silly onto his cock, his balls slapping your poor clit deliciously and youâre positive youâre drooling onto his pillow. Â
âOh, my fucking god. Right there.â You plead urgently as his tip nudges your g-spot for the umpteenth time tonight, your eyes rolling in the back of your skull, arms crossing over the small of your back, silently asking him to take complete control over your spent body. Â
âShit, Y/N.â He pants, one hand taking hold of your wrists, the other grabs onto your shoulder, forcing you onto his cock, the wet slaps of his hips onto your ass turning you on beyond belief. You arch your back more, craving to feel him as deep as possible and his moan tells you heâs equally as affected. âYou look so good like this.âÂ
You twist your neck, looking over your shoulder, desperately searching for his eyes. You know you look destroyed, barely able to keep your eyes open, but you want him to see, want him to know what heâs done to you, that itâs all him. Â
The second his gaze meets yours, you know itâs game over for both of you. He looks unreal, sweat dripping from his temples down to his neck, chest glistening and heaving, abs flexing beautifully each time he thrusts forward. You know he can feel your walls tightening. His eyes closing momentarily, jaw clenching, his hold around your wrists becoming so deliciously painful, you hope it leaves a mark.Â
The hand on your shoulder slips in your hair, pulling, forcing you off the mattress as he leans forward, slotting your lips with his in a sloppy kiss. Itâs full of tongue, saliva and need. You love it. You love everything heâs doing to you. Â
âYou gonna cum one more time for me, yeah?â He whispers wetly against your lips, spit smearing on both your chins and you canât help but nod dumbly. âGood girl.âÂ
Your face is shoved in his pillow again and next thing you know, heâs fucking the living shit out of you, hand now at the base of your nape as his hold around your wrists doesnât loosen. Â
âYouâre so fucking perfect for me.â Â
Itâs the primal, raw need in his voice along with the brush against your sweet spot that has you teetering over the edge again. Itâs overwhelming. Your fists clench at the small of your back, legs shaking and weren't he holding you in place, you would have collapsed on the mattress limbless. Â
A tear escapes from the corner of your eye from the intensity, trickling down to the pillowcase and you thank the universe when you hear a deep grunt leaving his throat, signalling the beginning of his own orgasm. Â
âShit, baby, Iâm cumming.â His voice trembles and his hips stutter, sloppily thrusting until your feel warmth spreading inside your throbbing cunt, his hot release painting your walls white. He grinds into your ass, dragging both your highs until he lets out a whimper of overstimulation and you intentionally clench a couple of times, wanting to torture him for a little longer considering what he put your body through tonight. Not that youâre complaining, but the pathetic whine that escapes his throat, along with his hands grabbing your hips in urgency, is the best reward you could ask for now. Â
You accidentally let out a breathy chuckle that becomes louder when he lightly slaps your ass in warning. âDonât be a brat.â Â
You mewl when he slowly pulls out and manhandles you onto your back. He leans down, seeking for your lips and he sighs when you meet him halfway, slotting your mouth with his on instinct as his body moulds with yours, his hand slipping his softening length back into your dripping hole with no warning, earning a yelp from you. Â
âMmh, Jen-âÂ
âRelax.â He mumbles into the kiss. âJust feels warm.â He whispers, and you can detect a tone of shyness. You canât help but smile fondly at the side of him youâve rarely seen. Â
âYouâre weird.â You tease, still kissing him slowly. Â
âYouâre annoying.â He retorts, leaving quick little kisses on your lips, moving onto your cheeks, then your nose, then returning to your lips with a chaste smooch that deems you helpless. Giggles and butterflies erupting. Â
âBut you like me.â You sing playfully, dragging the sentence, hands squishing his cheeks to annoy him even more. He stares down at you for a moment, biting his bottom lip to contain a smile you can see anyway. Â
âBut I like you.â He admits, blinking slowly and you canât help but return the smile before leaning up to give him another sweet kiss. Â
When you return from the bathroom, covered in the t-shirt he had on earlier, he is already under the covers, lying on his front. Youâd be surprised if he wasnât exhausted after all that. His bare back looks kissable and the back of his hair a mess and you canât stop smiling giddily. Â
A ding averts your attention. Itâs your phone, coming from your jeans lying on the floor messily. You pick up the piece of clothing as well as the rest of your scattered clothes, placing them somewhat neatly on his desk chair before retreating your phone from your back pocket and setting it on silent mode. Â
âCould you get mine too?â His groggy voice breaks through the silence as you scroll through any missed notifications. Â
âSure.â You reach inside the pocket of his jeans and as youâre about to toss him the phone, he speaks again.Â
âJust turn my alarm off.â He mumbles in the pillow heâs got his face squished in. So cute. Â
You snort. âWhy do you have an alarm set for Sunday?â Â
âI was gonna go gym, but wanna snooze with you. Is that alright?â He fires back, sarcastic even when heâs sleepy. Â
âI guess thatâs alright.â You feign an exasperated sigh. âWhatâs your passcode?âÂ
âSix-nine-six-nine.â He mutters indifferently and you snort again at the silly combination of numbers heâs chosen. Of course itâs sex related. Â
âMeaningful.âÂ
âJust do it and come back to bed.â He huffs impatiently, which makes you giggle. Â
The delighted sound is cut short the second his phone unlocks. Two incriminating messages from that Yuna girl, and a few more from Haechan. You feel like youâre invading, but theyâre right there for your eyes to read. And you instantly regret the whole night. Â
Yuna: where were u tonightÂ
Yuna: thought we were meeting đÂ
Haechan: yuna is looking for youÂ
Haechan: on the verge of telling her youâre busy clapping cheeks with stats girlÂ
Haechan: sheâs pissing me off Â
Haechan: just cut if off if youâre into y/nÂ
Haechan: donât be an idiotÂ
You instantly like Haechan a little more and Jeno a little less. Did he really bring you to a party he was planning on meeting a side piece at? Â
What the actual fuck. Â
âGet back here.â Jeno grumbles sleepily from the bed, and youâre stuck between throwing the phone at his head and smashing it on the floor. Â
You do neither. You choose to stay calm for now. Youâre too tired to cause a scene or have an argument. Â
âComing.â You utter quietly, turning off his alarm before walking back to the bed. Â
You get under the covers without another word. Your mind racing a thousand miles per hour, not knowing what to really think. You turn the bedside lamp off, mainly because you want to hide your watering eyes and he instantly shuffles closer, his arm wrapping around you, pulling your back flush against his chest, his body curling into yours comfortably. Â
The kiss he leaves on your shoulder makes you close your eyes, refusing to shed tears right now. Grow up Y/N. Â
He lets out a sigh, his warm breath hitting the back of your neck. Â
âNight, baby.â He whispers softly, sounding already halfway to dreamland. Â
You knew this was too good to be true. But what are you supposed to do now?Â
Jenoâs fist hurts from the loud banging on the door of your apartment.Â
Last night he went to sleep happy and content. Ecstatic at the thought of waking up next to you, spending the morning in bed with you. But when he woke up all alone and confused, all those positive feelings went down the drain. He feels enraged. Humiliated. But most of all, he feels something he hasnât felt in a really long time. Something that until now, he hasnât allowed himself to feel.Â
Hurt.Â
His chest physically hurt when he realised you werenât in the bathroom or anywhere else in his place. He felt sick when he saw your clothes were not on his chair anymore and your shoes gone from his doorstep.Â
But then, when he checked his phone for any missed calls or texts from you, he realised what was going on. And he felt angry. Mostly with himself but also with you, because you chose to not trust him. Again. Because you chose to leave in silence. Because you chose to drop him instead of talking to him.Â
So, heâs here, banging on your door like a lunatic, running after you like he always is. Because he wants to fix this. Because he canât let you go. He refuses to.Â
Because Jeno doesnât just like you. Heâs crazy about you. He wants you like heâs never wanted anybody else in his entire existence.Â
Because heâs a fool. A fool whoâs undeniably in love with the girl he was just supposed to tutor and help pass a stupid stats class.Â
When the door opens, Mark appears.Â
âWhere is she?â Jeno asks abruptly and Markâs eyebrows shoot up in surprise.Â
âUm, hi?âÂ
âYeah. Hi. Where is she?â He repeats, not in the mood for small talk.Â
âIâm under strict instructions to not let you in.â Mark admits in a low tone. He looks scared.Â
Jeno walks close to the boy, putting on a fake smile and Markâs eyes go wide as he takes a step back in fear.Â
âDo you want to spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair?â Jeno speaks slowly in a sweet tone, hand raising to squeeze Markâs shoulder in warning.Â
âNo sir.âÂ
âGood. Tell me where she is.âÂ
âBut I-âÂ
âMark.â Tone devoid of any emotion now. Cold as ice. Mark gulps loudly. âI will genuinely beat the living shit out of you.âÂ
âSheâs in the shower.â Mark steps aside obediently, giving Jeno space to enter the apartment. âYou can wait in her room.âÂ
Jeno smiles and gently pats Mark on the cheek. âGood boy.âÂ
As he walks down the hall towards your room, Jeno hears Giselle scolding poor Mark, who just whines quietly. Something along the lines of âyou try thenâ and a defeated sigh.Â
Jeno feels bad for speaking to Mark like that, but he had to do what he had to do. Heâll apologise later. All he really cares about now is you.Â
He takes a seat at the foot of your made bed and his mind drifts to that night he found you lying in his bed. All sad and alone. He remembers how upset you were about your ex and hates to think that heâs now just another guy whoâs hurt you. Because thatâs the last thing Jeno wants to do. All he wants is to be with you.Â
He knows heâs not easy to trust and he knows you have trust issues. Youâve never talked about it, but you donât have to; he can tell. And he doesnât care. Heâll do whatever it takes to gain your trust, but he needs you to want him to try. He needs you to listen to what he has to say.Â
âWas me leaving without a word not enough of a statement?â Your irritated voice interrupts his messy thoughts and Jeno shoots up to his feet.Â
Here you are, shutting your door closed and leaning against it. Your hair is wet from the shower youâve clearly just had and youâre dressed in a baggy t-shirt and cute pyjama bottoms with sushi rolls on them. Under normal circumstances his first thought would have been damn, sheâs cute but right now all he can see are your red glossy eyes. Youâve been crying. Because of him.Â
âWhy canât you ever just talk to me when somethingâs wrong?â His question comes out more accusatory than he intends and he already hates himself for not being able to keep calm.Â
âWhatâs the point?â You say weakly, chin quivering, lips pursing as you look at anywhere but him, blinking your tears away and Jeno canât stand seeing you like this. He just wants to hug you. Keep you safe in his chest.Â
âY/N.â He says sternly, walking closer to you and before you can escape, heâs got your face in his hands, thumb wiping away the single tear thatâs escaped. âBaby, look at me.âÂ
âJen, just-âÂ
âHey, no. Look at me.â He cups your cheeks, even as you attempt to turn away from him. You give in with a defeated sigh. âThose texts you saw. They mean nothing. I swear-âÂ
âI can fucking read.â You interrupt him, voice not so weak now. âShe thought you were meeting her.âÂ
âI agreed to that ages ago. I didnât even remember, I fucking swear! It was before we-â He sighs, closing his eyes momentarily to compose himself. âLook. I meant what I said last night. Yes, it was during sex but I really did fucking mean it.âÂ
You blink once.Â
âYouâre my girl.â He steps closer, the sweet smell of your shampoo taking over his senses for a second, but he focuses again. âYouâre the only one. I want you. Just you. Iâm so- I promise you- I havenât been with anyone else since that first time. I donât want anyone else. I only want you.âÂ
âWhy?â You whisper, eyes wide.Â
âBecause. Youâre you. And youâre perfect for me. And I can barely think when youâre around. And Iâm literally about to have a heart attack right now.â He grabs your hand and places it on his chest, and he knows you can feel his insane heartbeat when your breath hitches. âYouâre so fucking annoying. And Iâm crazy about you.âÂ
There. He said it.Â
You sniffle and before he can say anything else, your arms wrap around his waist, face burying in his heaving chest.Â
âYou have to believe me.â Heâs close to begging now, breathing unstable, but he holds you close anyway, arms circling around your shoulders, nose nuzzling in your wet hair.Â
âI believe you.â You whisper in his chest. âIâm sorry I didnât-âÂ
âDonât apologise.â He cuts you off. âIâm the one who fucked up. I shouldâve-âÂ
âItâs fine.â You butt in, and he smiles at how youâre both just communicating in unfinished sentences without failing to understand one another.Â
âSo, what now?â He tries tentatively, unsure of how to approach anything at this point. He just wants things between you to be okay.Â
âIâm tired.â You mumble weakly, and he feels guilt wash over him. You probably didnât get much sleep last night, while he cluelessly dozed off so quickly.Â
âWanna take a nap?â He suggests as his fingers thread through your hair, trying to help you relax.Â
âWill you stay?â You look up at him with soft eyes, still wet from crying and there goes his aching heart again.Â
âOf course, baby.â His palms tenderly cradle your face again and he melts when you stand on your tippy toes. He quickly gives into you, head dipping down slightly to give you the kiss youâre silently asking for.Â
Itâs soft and sweet. You taste like you and toothpaste, and he has to pull away before the innocent kiss escalates into something else. âCome on, letâs get you in bed.âÂ
Once youâre both under your cosy blanket, he lets you rest your head on his chest, arm around your shoulders, one hand stroking your hair, the other tangled with yours, holding them close to his chest, over his now steady heartbeat. Your breathing gradually slows down and heâs sure youâre asleep, he takes his phone out of his pocket, quickly unlocking it and opening his chat with Yuna. He sends the text without even thinking it over and sighs as he sets his phone down on your bedside table.Â
He smiles as he inhales your familiar scent, his eyes closing in contentment as he keeps repeating the words he just typed out, in his head. Particularly the second sentence.Â
Canât see you anymore. I have a girlfriend.Â
And yeah, he's yet to ask you properly, but at the end of the day, youâre his girl. And it canât get any deeper than that.Â
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nsfw: smut, so very smutty, mild mentions of violence, explicit language
content/warnings: jisung x fem!reader, fight-club / beat it up concept inspired which meansâŚwhatever idk lol, established relationship, angst, mild injuries & blood, horny wound touching, sooo much fingers in mouth + spit/saliva/drool stuff, like it's his sincere fetish, reader hand kink probs, oral (m rec.), face-fucking, cumâŚplay? jisung being kinda subby but mostly a just a nasty pathetic freak in love <3
note: yes this is the fic version of the random horny run-on sentence i posted the other day lol
w.c. 2.0k
youâre not sure how your boyfriend wound up with the friends he has; not the ones in garage bands, or the ones with the side-hustle parting out salvage cars, and especially not the ones into beating the crap out of each other in their spare time. none of it matches up with the jisung you know.
he says he knows his limits, theyâre not doing anything wrong, just having a good time, and you want to believe him. youâre trying to. but thereâs certain nights when you canât help but think itâd be stupid of you not to worry.
itâs a good thing jisung has his own key to your house, because youâve already been in bed for hours by the time you hear him open the front door. months ago you might have jumped up to ask him where heâs been before he can even get his shoes off, but by now, you know whatâs going on. this is an all too typical scenario.
he comes to the bedroom, but not to greet you with a kiss. he doesnât even turn on the lights. thereâs just the sound of him rummaging through your drawers for his own t-shirt or sweats or anything youâve stolen from him to sleep in, and his low, hushed voice saying, âhey, sorry, give me a second.â
you donât reply, and he leaves the room as fast as he entered it. he showers, gets his clean clothes on, and his dirty ones in the wash so you never know exactly how dirty they are, or what theyâre dirty with. the fact that heâs so methodical about this just makes it worse, waiting, listening to his footsteps plod through the dark house.
thereâs always some extra tenderness to him when jisungâs finally, finally in bed with you, exactly where heâd have been a long time ago if you had things your way. he lays face down, right on top of both you and the blankets. tentatively, his hands find your waist to hold as he rests his damp, shampoo-smelling head on its side, using you like a pillow. he wishes you wouldnât flick the lamp on to inspect him, but you have to, you always do, even knowing you wonât like what you see.
tonight, thereâs a split in his lip and a raw, red welt on his browbone. it looks bad now, will probably look worse by morning, makes your heart sink like a rock in your chest, but it isnât the most tragic shape heâs ever come home in.
âgod, jisung,â you sigh, your fingertips uselessly skittering around the irritated skin, âthis is fromâŚâ
from a fight. you donât finish your sentence, but heâs nodding, barely, one cheek rubbing against your stomach where it lays.
âyeah,â he whispers, pauses, swallows. âtook a few to the face.â
the concept of fighting the way he does (not the regulated, sporting kind, but the lawless, un-disclosed, petty-cash betting kind) as a pastime is totally lost on you. is there anything worth gaining from it? and why would anyone want to hurt jisung, of all people? whoâs putting jisung up to a fight â your jisung, too sensitive and too pretty for his own good â like heâs some junkyard dog?Â
âi just donât get it,â you tell him. itâs the defeated, summarized version of what you always tell him.
âitâs okay.â he, too, replies in his standard way. âi know.â
thatâs an unsatisfying answer, jisungâs aware, but he canât explain this to you...
thereâs plenty liberating about fighting, the hurt and the blood, inviting it in, goading it on. thatâs all good in the heat of the moment, but it doesnât last. he hardly even considers it real. for him, the real part is afterwards, how heavenly your touch feels compared to everything else when he comes back to you. the gentle petting over his cheek, the light drag of your nails on his scalp. even when you graze a wound, the sting isnât quite a sting, just more warmth that collects in his chest.
you touch him like heâs been wronged, even though he hasnât. he hopes it never truly sinks in for you, the reality that heâs such a willing participant, he fights back, makes people bleed for a hundred bucks if heâs lucky, but mostly so he can feel as good as he does right now.
...well, maybe he could explain all that to you, but he wonât. too embarrassing, kind of contemptible. instead, he keeps quiet, and counts his blessings.
with just a sleepy amount of effort, youâre rubbing the sore points in his neck and his shoulders, and heâs making all the mumbles and sighs you only otherwise hear when heâs inside you.
reaching a hand up to hold yours, he lets out a quiet âthank you, babyâ along with his exhale, and he means it more than youâll ever understand.
with jisung laying like this â halfway on top of you, your blanketed legs outlining either side of him â itâs difficult to ignore even his slightest movements, like the the little twitch in his fingers which are still formed around yours, his abs tensing, and his hips leveling to the mattress, mindlessly searching for pressure, friction. itâs even more noticeable, when you bring his hand up to your face and kiss his swollen knuckles, skim your lips up the length of his thumb, hold the tip of his index finger between your teeth, softly as ever. thereâs no resistance when he pushes in further to nudge against your tongue, prompting you to suck, and accept his middle finger too. he tucks his face against the wet patch his hair made on your shirt to muffle a shaky, weak hum of pleasure.
from there, everything begins to feel hot and hazily smeared together.Â
the space is humid with his dampness from being freshly showered, your mixed breaths, dewy foreheads, saliva film on his hands. his pretty hands. fuckable hands. theyâre clumsily helping you out of your clothes, bracing your jaw, and curling to feel the inside of your cheek. he crookedly shifts higher on the bed and fits to your side, needing to be eye to eye with you, transfixed, thoughtlessly tonguing at the bloody split in his lip. one moment youâre licking the pattern of his fingerprint, and the next heâs hooking that finger down, pulling you in by your bottom row of teeth for a kiss. itâs metallic tasting, and excruciatingly delicate.
jisungâs in pain when your lips or hands feather over his wounded face, and at the same time, you feel him stiffened and slowly rousing against your body till his cock peaks past the waistband of his boxers, his tip deeply pink and leaking.
itâs too tempting; you reach to paw at his bulge, adoring the way his expression screws up, and how he presses into you. you want him to feel good, but heâs so undemanding, and tonight, heâs shamefaced too, so you know he wonât ask for anything more. maybe he just likes when you do the asking for him.
âji,â you mumble, feeling the shape of his shaft push against your palm, âcan i have it now?â
âyou wantââ flustered, he stutters, and his finger finds its way back to your tongue. he leaves two light taps on its surface. âwant it right here?â
âyeah.â
both of you dazed with need, jisung frees just the one leg necessary to get to his knees on the mattress and straddle over you, while you move to sit taller, till his tip aligns with your face, till you can catch a bead of precum on your tongue and make him swear under his breath.
your lips are left parted and waiting, because you know how he likes to start: running his thumb over your gums, letting his fingers play in your mouth, taking his time admiring the glisten that collects on his joints, and your perfect little strings of drool. prodding on your tongue, he slides down to the knuckle, and your eyes water, shutting tightly. you fight the instinct to grab his forearm and yank it out, while heâs just sad he canât reach any further. nevermind how long his fingers already are. so long.Â
âyou like it, right? thatâs why youâre so nice for me,â he coos at you with a hint of remorse, tracing the ridges of your teeth slow enough you think he could be counting them. âso sweet. you never even bite me.â
never. you shake your head, silently agreeing. it makes him smile.Â
âa little more, okay?â he whispers, âplease.â and gives you two fingers to choke back this time, just until he gathers up enough spit to jerk himself with, making his cock nice and hard and pre-wetted for you. itâs easier to take more that way, and he figures itâs the least he can do to be considerate.Â
jisung knows heâs big. it shows in height, hands, feet, and obviously his dick is no exception, so yeah, he feels a little bad about how deep in your mouth he wants to be, but godâ he loves watching you try to fit it all in.Â
feverishly, his hands smooth up his bruise-dotted torso, dragging his t-shirt along so itâs not dangling in your face, and he holds it between his lips when he needs his hands free to steady himself, grabbing the headboard. itâs a minute or two before he gains the sense to strip it off altogether.
as much as you can, you really try to take in as many inches of him as possible, at least, until your lungs burn and you gulp for air around his girth.
âgo easy, baby, fuck, i can feel you,â his voice is broken, and heâs holding your stretched cheeks, appreciating how strained and full of him you are. âcanât believe how much you love me sometimes.â
sometimes, you canât believe it either. you forgive him for losing a bit of control when chasing a climax. itâs subconscious, how he leans into the heat of your mouth, not realising heâs doing it till youâre trapped against the headboard with no more space to pull away, and he hears you sucking a desperate breath through your nose, feels the top of your throat constrict around him. it makes him groan and tremble like he needs more, deeper, harder, like itâd fix every ache on his body if he could just keep your head pinned back and fuck a heartless load into your faceâŚ
but he doesnât. he imagines it, but heâd never. actually, he feels heartbroken at the idea while he looks down at you, already pushed to your limits. then again, heâs thinking about it so much, he kinda gets off to it as well.
âshit, iâmâ i canâtââ heâs saying something between a plead and an apology, but not really either, âjust a little more, i promise, iâm almostââ
of course he asks permission first. probably would anyway, just because he likes how you look nodding at him with his tip nudging at the roof of your mouth, but now it really feels like he has to, knowing what kind of fantasy he allowed to play in his head, bring him to the edge, and how heâs so looking forward to wiping the tears from under your eyes, seeing you breathless, and the shine on your rosy lips, dripping at the corners.
âi need to come, i needâ in your mouthâ can i? tell me, look at meâ please?âÂ
youâre nodding, yes yes yes, just the way he hoped for, taking his hand and squeezing it, preparing yourself for his hips to buck into your face.
jisungâs thumbs are already at your wet lashes when you feel the first warm burst of him finishing in your mouth. the spurts that follow make you flinch, but itâs worth it to hear all the pretty whines and thank-youâs that spill from his mouth.
âoh, baby, donât, donât swallow that, you donât have to do that for me, hang onââ
the headboard wiggles behind you when he lets go of it, lowering himself a little and quickly placing a big, shaky hand at the back of your head, tipping it forward for you.Â
âhere,â his other hand is held out, readily cupped just a few inches from your face. âspit.â
an: yeah so whatever he does with that handful next. um. up to ur imagination :)
lmk what happened to you after reading this <3 ok. love u. bye.
SYNOPSIS: "can't close my eyes when i'm with you â insatiable,
the way i'm loving you."
after promising you eternity by his side, jaehyun suddenly disappears â leaving you behind, lost and alone. you wander around, spending centuries looking for him, fuelled by the love you carry for him, or maybe is it just for... revenge?
PAIRING: vampire!jaehyun x vampire!reader
GENRE: smut, angst, lovers to enemies!au, historical! & modern!au
WORD COUNT: 21.3k
FEATURING: nct 127, new jeans's minji
CONTAINS: afab reader, a bit of gore, mentions of tragedies and deaths, minor character deaths. orphan reader, mentions of wealth. pandemics and diseases, historical content combined with modern content, many flashback scenes. schumann's fantasie op 17 (which i highly recommend listening to), unprotected penetrative sex, nipple play, biting, bulge kink, feet, blood (trust the process!), dry humping, riding, creampie. some historical accuracies (dates), physical altercation. inspired by insatiable by darren hayes.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: i love this fic so much my heart literally hurts! also, listen â i know romantic things didn't go this way in the 1800's, but for the sake of the plot we'll have to overlook a bit of the inaccuracies <3 thank you to everyone who waited patiently for this fic to drop, i love all of you and i hope you enjoy reading it! <3
ÂŠď¸ KONGJJEN 2024 - 2025. all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or repost any of my works.
Youâll never forget the day you woke up in bed, your heart clenching in your chest without an apparent reason. Youâll never forget the way you walked your way out of your chambers with uncertain steps, curious yet fearful of finding out something you werenât sure you wanted to find out.
Youâll never forget the way your stomach dropped the moment you checked Jaehyunâs chambers looking for him, and not finding him there. Because you felt like something was wrong, but you never thought Jaehyun would disappear like the earth split and swallowed him whole, leaving no trace of his existence up to that point.Â
You wanted to tell Jaehyun about the feeling you woke up with, looking for his loving reassurance that it was all in your head, or just one of your usual hunches you usually got even before you were given a reason to have one in the first place. It was like a premonition, a gut feeling so strong that you wondered what was going to happen during said day, â that you still had no idea about but you knew something was going to pop up.
And Jaehyun was nowhere to be found. With the curtains open, the gloomy light from outside bathed the room in greyness, no ray of sunshine in sight on the white sky, so concomitant with the turmoil inside your head, stomach, inside of every fibre of your being.
You looked around his chambers, trying to see if it was all in your head. But seeing how his stateroom trunk wasnât in the far corner of the room, seeing how his shirts and leather shoes were missing, some of his books were nowhere to be found â you knew that it was not in your head.
Your feet were quick to take you downstairs before you could even register what you were doing. You were still in your night gown as you entered the kitchen, where you found your female maids preparing breakfast, and they all shuddered as your hurried entrance took them by surprise.
âNorma,â you called your senior maid, the most loyal woman in your service, âDid you see Master Jaehyun?â Your tone was fearful, worried, and it trembled with emotion.
You saw Norma straightening her posture, putting her wooden spoon down, âI havenât, Mistress,â
You looked around the kitchen, not knowing what needed to be done next, or who you needed to talk to.
âBut I can talk to Jeger, to see if he knows anything,â she offered, drying her hands on a cloth found around on the counters.Â
âPlease do,â you instructed, leaving the kitchen to go back to your chambers upstairs.
How and when during the night did Jaehyun manage to get out of a house full of people? The servants in their respective chambers, the handymanâs own room downstairs by the foot of the stairs, the old wooden floors and stairs creaking even when the wind blew a bit more forcefully, so you wondered just how did he manage to walk around unnoticed. But most importantly, why did he leave?
You knew who Jaehyun was â most importantly, what he was, â and it took you months of convincing him to turn you into one as well. You remember how adamant he was at the time, so much that every time you insisted on it, it lead to a fight. âYouâre too young,â and âYou still need time to live,â were his excuses. Excuses that had you moaning at him and that ended with you picking up a fight with him every single time, of course.
âTell me one good reason why not?â You barked at him, moving your hands around yourself, making your gownâs pliers shift with your gestures.
Jaehyun looked at you, and you could see you were exasperating him. With his jaw set, he took his sweet time to calm himself before he opened his mouth to give you an answer.Â
Thatâs how you knew he was trying to maintain his composure with you. He always took too long before answering every single time you asked him something that made him uncomfortable or that was pushing his buttons.Â
âYou need to live, Y/n,â he explained, combing a hand through his hair. âTo live more, that is,â he corrected himself, avoiding your gaze.
You scoffed, âWhat makes you think I wonât be living if you transform me?â You asked him, your voice not above a whisper.Â
âPlease, Y/n,â he pleaded, closing his eyes. âI love you, I really do,â he started, like this should have been enough of an answer for you to drop it, âAnd youâll live if I transform you, but you wonât be alive,â he tried to make you come to reason, âI need you to stop asking for this. If I ever feel like itâs a good idea, you will know it,â and with that, he exited the dining room, stairs creaking under his heavy steps.
Jaehyun was not one for confrontation. He liked peace, he liked silence. Maybe it was because of his overly sharp senses, but he knew everything going on, he heard whispers and rustling, he smelled a person from metres away, he smelled disease before people registered something was wrong.Â
He was lonely, he found his own peace by being in a luxurious manor house, with a few people around to help him with all the chores and matters around the property.Â
Norma, the most amazing and loyal woman you have ever met. She was loyal to Jaehyun at first, and consequently to you as well, once you moved in. She took care of the house, of every other woman in your service, disciplining and training them to accommodate with the requirements of her precious Master Jaehyun.Â
Jaehyun was a good person, he never denigrated anyone in his service, but he liked things a certain way, and Norma was the only person around the house to really understand Jaehyun without him having to tell her anything. A slouched back meant that Master Jaehyunâs muscles hurt, furrowed brows meant he needed time alone in his library, talkative Master Jaehyun meant he was at peace with a decision he had taken.Â
She was what Jaehyun already started to consider as family, he could lift a finger for her to notice and she would understand in a heartbeat what his message for her was, bring me my shoes, or get me a cup of tea, tell Jeger to get the horses ready. She loved Jaehyun as if he were her own child, she dedicated her life to be in his service, and she never imagined herself in any other household, for the only family she was going to service was Master Jaehyunâs, for as long as he was going to allow her.
Then there was Jeger, his handyman and the only other male around Jaehyunâs estate, he took care of all the handy work around the house and garden, on top of managing the horse stables outside. He was a calm man, he wouldnât speak unless asked something, but in his silent state he knew everything going on around, he heard the gossip first, he knew what had happened around town way before word got to the very well trained ears of the ladies.Â
He reminded you of Jaehyun, with his peaceful and unbothered personality and you still remember how you closed the door to Jaehyunâs library after yourself, your back touching the cold wooden door as you looked at him setting his fountain pen down, looking at you with curious eyes in the dim lighting around the room. He smiled at you, like he knew you would ask him a silly question, one dimple on display as he nodded your way, and you relaxed a bit knowing he was paying attention to you.Â
âIs JegerâŚâ you started, and Jaehyunâs gaze didnât give anything away, prompting you to go on, expression still as relaxed as before. You gulped, looking around the room, suddenly too aware of your surroundings, âLike you?â You whispered, and you remember thinking at that time, that Jaehyun had only been able to hear your question thanks to his sharp hearing.Â
He snorted, shaking his head, and you knew he had the âsilly girlâ remark on the tip of his tongue. He usually called you this whenever your very rested mind came up with theories and all sorts of questions â which you pestered him with. He admired how driven you were, how interested you were about everything he was, everything surrounding him and his real self.Â
âNo,â his answer was simple, curt, cut to the chase. His smile was warm, despite the shiver sent down your spine as you watched him leaning back, more comfortably in his chair.Â
He pushed his chair back and away from his desk, manspreading as he extended an arm towards you â and you knew he was inviting you into his embrace.Â
Your steps were calculated, careful, and you moved gracefully around his sitting figure, folding the pliers of your dress so you could take a comfortable seat on his lap.Â
âWhy would you think that?â His tone was low, but still gentle, because thatâs how Jaehyun was â a gentle soul with a darkness no one could ever find out about. Your gaze met his, his dark irises sparkling even in the dim lighting of the room, as he looked at you.Â
âHe fits the criteria,â you whispered back, sliding your arms around his neck to embrace his figure better.
âThe criteria?â He laughed, nose scrunching up as he shook with a silent laughter, and you felt silly once again.Â
âI donât know, itâs just-â you started, looking around the dimly lit room, âDoesnât really matter,â you changed your mind, not wanting to let him inside your mind â at least not right now.Â
Jaehyun could do a lot of things. He could smell someone very far away from him, he could tell health from disease, he could hear the steps of people walking outside the gates of his mansion â and their heartbeats, â he could hear the foxes laughing in the neighbouring mansionâs bushes. But he couldnât read minds, or hear thoughts, and you were always grateful for this.Â
Because you knew that it would have driven him insane if he got a preview of your thoughts and the million questions lingering inside your mind every time you looked at him. And you also knew that it was for the best, because knowing that someone could be inside your head, uninvited? It made you shudder in horror.Â
Jaehyunâs cold touch lingered on your face, playing with a strand of your long hair.Â
âAre you cold?â He inquired, voice barely above a whisper, and he looked at your luscious locks between his fingers. âGo tell Jeger to take care of the fire in your chambers, you need to stay warm,â he instructed, and you did exactly as he said.
Jaehyun could never feel the cold, he let you know when you were freezing â teeth chattering and goosebumps all over your body, and he was absolutely fine. This was one of the downsides of being like this, he had to be very aware of everyone around himself, paying attention to their body language to see if they were cold or not â because otherwise he wasnât able to really tell, and it could give him away, or at least it was going to raise some question marks.Â
And another thing you noticed before he turned you was that the room got cooler the moment he stepped in. Fires burning in almost all chambers, yet his presence was still making everyone shiver slightly, but only for a bit, their bodies accommodating to the feeling immediately, unsuspecting that their Master Jaehyun was some sort of dark creature many thought to be fictitious â or extinct.
Jaehyun could be sleeping close to a fire yet his flesh remained pale and freezing. His freezing touch woke you up every single time he caressed you when he spent the night in your chambers, but you learnt to live with it, especially after dropping the whole trying to convince him to turn you into a vampire as well.Â
Jaehyun didnât need much sleep. Even when your exhausted self hit the comfortable bed, he would simply lay next to you, quiet as ever as he spent the entire nights watching over your sleeping figure. He usually slept on alternate days, making everyone around the house think that he was ill, with Norma taking extra care of him â and him nibbling on her food like usual. But you knew. You knew his nibbling wasnât because he got sated easily, he craved something else, something to really calm his appetite down.
He watched you while you ate, and his heart felt content. He missed the way food felt inside his body, inside his stomach, â how the winters brought him an appetite for meat, yet fruits always tickled his tastebuds during summers. He craved it, he was yearning to be able to feel the joys of being alive at least once again, and looking at you doing all the things he couldnât do anymore, it brought him joy. He was living through you.Â
And during that terrible morning, you were left suffocating as you stood at the foot of your canopy bed, your mind kept wandering to the past to try and find an answer to your unanswered questions â looking for anything, a hint that might have led up to this moment, up to Jaehyun leaving you behind like he tore your chest open and took your own being along with him.Â
Your night gown floated around your figure as you took rapid steps down the stairs once again, this time going to the only other chamber Jaehyun had ever claimed to be his sacred space, his library. Jaehyun might have relished into silence and unspoken words and agreements between the two of you, but you knew he had left something behind for you to find.
With Norma nowhere to be seen, somewhere outside with Jeger, you entered the library, and the first surface you checked out was his desk. Books scattered around, his favourite feather pens placed neatly next to each other on the side of the desk, exactly how he liked keeping them. No item was really misplaced, nothing that could be giving away a reason for his leaving.Â
Yet your eyes skipped to the small drawer under the desk, that was now ajar, and you pulled on it to have full access to its contents.Â
And like something was making your freezing body suddenly heat up, although impossible, your eyes landed on a piece of rag paper, on which Jaehyunâs pretty and neat handwriting was scribbled down. Your hands trembled as you reached for the letter, and your breath hitched in your throat as you read the first line.
âMy dearest Y/n.Â
The fountain pen feels heavy in my hand, and the ink staining my skin burns through every fibre of my flesh as I write you this â only a minuscule part of all the unspoken words I have never told you, a minuscule part of what I would be dying to let you know, if that was physically possible. Although I cannot feel it, I am certain my heart feels heavy right now, and I would love to be able to feel this one more time, including the consuming love I carry for you. You, through whom I have lived for so long up until this point.â Your eyes were brimming with tears, yet you paid them no attention, and your patience started running thin â with every fibre of your being itching to latch onto every single word of his.Â
âMy love for you cannot be sated, for you have always been my sole priority and desire, and being with you has always felt like the life that was once stolen away from me has returned back to me. Whenever you breathed, my lungs did too, whenever you slept next to me, my mind rested as well. The candy sweetness scent of you â it bathes my skin, Iâm stained in you â for every time you showed me love, I felt alive once more, for sure. I am leaving you behind today, but not our love, for I am certain that we will find each other some day, again. With the hope of seeing your pulchritudinous eyes once more some day, I am leaving everything that is mine to you, as I am sure no amount of time apart can make us forget who we are and what we represent to each other. I shall wander for centuries looking for you, if it meant I would be once again feeling your ardent love, and we shall meet again if we are meant to be with each other until the end of times, the way I promised to you. I can barely close my eyes when I am with you â insatiable, the way I am loving you. And I shall not rest until we meet again.Â
Not sure how I will manage to be away from you for what already feels like might last an eternity, but please look for me, until we find each other again.
Forever and only yours, Master Jaehyun.â
Your lip quivered as you read his note once more, hoping to find something different, a different ending, different sentences laced with love and devotion but this time for it not to be a farewell.
You looked at his name, the detail and soft precision with which he signed his name down, and you grabbed the page, bringing it to your chest. You were short of breath, and you felt the room spinning, the words you just read finally sinking in.
A screeching shout escaped past your lips, and you fell to your knees, bending forward as you kept the page to your chest, forehead touching the wooden floor.
In the midst of all your crying and screaming, ears ringing, in the midst of all the suffering, in the midst of all your sorrow â you still heard hurried and heavy steps approaching the room you were in.Â
âMistress!â You heard Normaâs voice, you acknowledged it, yet you didnât move an inch. You heard the rustling of Normaâs skirts as she grabbed them with urgency, right before you heard a thud, someone plunging next to your aching body, and you knew Norma fell to her knees by your side.Â
Worried out of her mind, she grabbed you by the shoulders, lifting you up a bit, âOh, dear heavens!â She exclaimed with horror, seeing your tears. She was making her way around the house looking for you, not knowing how to break the news to you â one of the carriages was missing and Jeger couldnât find two horses. But judging by the room she found you in, and your state of despair, she knew you were aware of what was going on. Master Jaehyun had left.
She overlooked the red tears flowing down your pale cheeks â landing on your white night gown, staining it, â she overlooked your freezing body as she grabbed you and brought you to her chest.
 âItâs okay, my child!â She consoled you, kissing your temple as you kept shaking in her arms, cries of despair still leaving you like a poor hurt animal.
 And thatâs exactly what you were, a creature that lost its maker, someone who you loved more than you thought was possible. You felt dead, despite who you really turned out to be thanks to Jaehyun, this was the first time you really felt death seeping through you.Â
Your head fell heavy on Normaâs chest, accepting her touch and love, because she had just become the only person you could rely on.
You first met Jaehyun at a soiree in your hometown, a town far away from his own.
He was dressed nicely, like a real gentleman. Dark hair on the longer side, combed through and styled with grace, he carried himself like he was the most impeccable person on earth and the most important person in that room. And he actually was.Â
Ladies whispered as he walked his way around, grinning and hiding their crass expressions behind expensive hand fans, â but you noticed their eyes, the vulgar way they looked at him, and then your gaze landed on him, noticing how unbothered he was, like they werenât even there.
In all honestly, you wish you never went to that soiree. The youngest daughter of a nobleman was playing the piano in the corner, trying to show off her skills, only to have her fingers stumbling over themselves, messing the melody. You were mortified looking at her crimson cheeks while she tried to keep her calm, knowing that many pairs of eyes were on her like vultures on an agonising body right before becoming a corpse.Â
The sole heiress to the fortune your late parents left behind, you went to the soiree hoping to make new friends, perhaps meet the piano teacher many people talked about around town. Word travelled fast, and apparently there was a new piano teacher in town, of extremely advanced competences â fingers floated gracefully on top of the keyboards, seemingly barely touching them, sharp precision mesmerising anyone who heard the melody, and you wondered if there was truth to it â your interest was definitely piqued.
The day you lost your parents felt like a part of you died as well. You were their only child, they showered you with love, and while your mother raised you to be a great woman, your dad introduced you to the beauty of arts.Â
He paid the best teachers, and if the ones he found around town werenât good enough in his eyes, he sent your householdâs servants to the neighbouring towns as well, promising carriage rides and good pay to whomever satisfied his needs for a competent teacher for his daughter. Only the best teachers crossed the threshold of your house, and taught you literature, the art of painting, and music. Your talent for playing piano was described as being innate, your piano teachers quickly realised what they had on their hands, the pieces escalating quickly to the hardest ones.Â
You were your fatherâs pride and joy, and you were quite famous around town â known for your abilities in music. Piano meant the world to you, music carried you, inspired you, motivated you into hoping you would be tied to it in the future, that you would become someone whose whole being revolved around music and piano.
And when the world was ready to bow at your feet, as you had embarked on a new, staggering journey with an even more competent piano teacher, tragedy struck, ruining all your plans and your life all together.Â
By losing your parents, the great loves of your life at that time, you also lost your passion for music â you lost your identity, your love for the subject. Grief consumed you, and it made you give up on your talent. Burying two parents as a young woman made something shift inside of you, the cold shower of the reality of being an orphan washing over you like freezing water. You were supposed to make a name for yourself, albeit you knew it was going to be hard â but not impossible to do so; you were supposed to live life alongside your parents long enough to have your father decide whom you should have married. And it was all taken away from you.Â
A wrongly pressed piano key made you shudder with horror, but it was enough to take you out of your own thoughts. You found it very easy to lose yourself into the memories of the past, happier times â the ones in which your life was peaceful and orderly.
You looked around yourself, looking for the silhouette that had the whole ballroom exchanging glances, but he was nowhere to be found. Another wrongly pressed key made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and you knew you had to gracefully save the poor lady playing the piano.
Your steps were careful, your hand fan closed as you got closer to her silhouette in the corner of the ballroom, and you touched her back, making her jolt in her seat at the unexpected contact, interrupting her playing.
âMiss Y/L/N!â She exclaimed excited, standing to her feet. âDid you want to play?â She asked you, tone full of airy innocence as she pointed at the piano next to her.
Did you want to play? No, you actually wanted to save her from a future disastrous performance as she got deeper into the piece laid in front of her eyes.
A few people you knew well from around town started amassing around the two of you, their ears perking up at the mention of you playing the piano, but you kept your focus on the young woman in front of you.
You shook your head, smiling at her, âI actually wanted to compliment you for choosing this piece! Itâs a hard one!â You complimented her, because you knew how hard the piece she chose could be for someone at her level, skills not fully developed yet. You really knew you were saving her from embarrassment, because the piece was going to become progressively more demanding, and she was already tired â yet you still hoped you didnât come across as phoney for doing so.
âThank you, Miss Y/L/N,â she blushed, smile slowly creeping on her face, âI aspire to be like you one day!â She whispered, averting her gaze, not knowing if the words that impulsively got past her lips were going to touch a nerve.Â
You smiled at her, somehow fluttered at her words. âThank you, Lady Mirabella,â you grabbed her hands, giving them a quick squeeze as you took her shyness in.
âMiss Y/L/N!â Lady Mirabellaâs father was the one calling your name, taking a few steps amidst the crowd surrounding you and his daughter, and he shook your hand in greeting. âPlease play something for us! It would be an honour to have you playing Mirabellaâs new piano, and it shall be auspicious to her learning!â
You looked around yourself, and then you looked at the piano. You nodded slightly, not being able to refuse the nobleman â a good friend of your fatherâs â and just the thought of him made you think of the piece you used to love the most.
It had been two years since your father perished, and two years since you didnât even bother throwing a look at the piano sitting in the parlour of your mansion. You learned this piece for your father, because you knew it was a hard challenge for you to take onto, and you wanted to make him proud. You were glad that he got the chance to hear you play it a few times, at least.
You took a seat at the piano, careful with your beautiful rosy dress that complimented the pallor of your skin and the blushing of your cheeks.Â
Dead silence surrounded you, with everyone holding their breaths as they observed you â the townâs piano prodigy, making a comeback after years of not playing. Some were new in town, curious as ever to hear you play and see for themselves if the rumours were true, others knew what to expect safe for the piece you were going to play.
Closing your eyes and taking a big breath in, the gracious movements of your fingers lulled the melody around the room, reaching everyoneâs ears and hearts.Â
Even as one of the hardest pieces to have been discovered in the last decade, you knew it by heart. No music sheet needed, your muscle memory was strong, and the melody transported you a few years back, imagining what life used to be like when you were at your peak with your talent â when your father sat in his armchair next to your piano in the parlour, listening to you.
The hairs on the back of your neck raised, and a freezing breeze ran through you, covering your skin in goosebumps, yet it was so brief that you blamed the emotional turmoil inside of you, caused by this melody.
You opened your eyes, gaze fixed on your working fingers, trying to remain inside your own bubble and focus on the moment. The tens of pairs of eyes that were fixing you didnât matter, yet you felt someoneâs gaze piercing your whole being.Â
You raised your gaze briefly, eyes pointed directly where you knew the keen pair of eyes following you with ardent curiosity were situated, and then you saw him. Jaehyun was looking at you, eyebrows slightly furrowed as he heard the melody that graced his hearing, intrigued by your technique.Â
But you didnât pay attention to him any longer, your attention returning to the task at hand, and it didnât take you much longer to know it was time to end the show. You appreciated having taken on the offer to play for a bit, but you couldnât keep everyone busy for about half an hour to play the entire piece, and when you felt like it was a good moment to cut it off, you did.
You thanked everyone who complimented you, exchanging courtesies with everyone who approached you briefly, but you decided it was time to actually leave, sending word for your carriage to pick you up.
Wearing your matching paletot on your shoulders, you exited the hall, fingers still wrapped around your hand fan as you waited for your carriage to appear. And then you felt it again, the breeze seeping through your body for a brief moment before going away completely.
A silhouette appeared next to you, and a quick glance with the intention of greeting the gentleman next to you, and you realised he was the stranger from before, the sensational main attraction of the soiree, the very man who stared at your soul while you played.
âAre you perchance a pianist?â He asked, tone low but gentle, laced with curiosity and anticipation.
You gave him a sheepish smile, and you were sure blush was creeping up your features as you looked at the side of his face. His profile was mesmerising. Sharp jaw contouring his face, full lips tempted to let countless other questions past â and he turned his head, locking eyes with you, the pearly irises piercing into your curious ones.
âAm not,â you answered to him, turning your head to look in front of you at the empty and dark street.
âYou must be,â he retorted with seriousness, yet the underlying softness in his voice made you look back at him, âThat is the hardest piece of piano, not even the greatest pianists can play it fully just yet. But you seemed like you knew it perfectly,â
âI learned it a few years ago,â you explained, not sure why you were even doing so, âI have not played it in a long time,â your voice was soft, barely above a whisper, and you hated how you opened up to a complete stranger after not caring about socialising for the past few years, relishing into your loneliness.
âYou are very modest for being one of the greatest pianists I have ever had the pleasure of listening to, Miss Y/L/N,â a soft smile stretched across his features, and dimples formed in the plush of his cheeks.Â
You threw him a look, suddenly realising just how many times the word âpianistâ had been thrown around in the span of a few minutes, and you remembered about the new pianist in town, and wondering who that might have been. You were sure you were laying your eyes on him in flash and bones, right that moment.
âAre you a pianist, perchance?â You were positively sure he was, but you asked out of courtesy nonetheless.Â
âI am, indeed,â he smiled your way, looking down at your curious self, holding his hands behind his back, âI will be Miss Mirabellaâs teacher for the summer, thus I will be seeing you around,â he explained, and you found tonightâs act to be a horrifying orchestration against Mirabella. You were almost positive her father made her showcase her abilities in front of everyone just so the new piano teacher could assess her promising talent, not thinking about the difficulty of the piece or how disastrous it was going to end when his daughter was inevitably going to get tired and mess everything.Â
âIt was a pleasure meeting you,â his words snatched you out of your own thoughts once again, as he heard a carriage approaching, and he knew it was yours.Â
He moved around your figure, reaching your right side as the carriage stopped in front of you, and he made a gesture to the footman, moving his hand to indicate he wasnât needed. Jaehyun extended a hand towards the carriageâs door, opening it while extending his free hand to you, offering his assistance to get you safely inside the vehicle.
You looked down at his hand, and your warm hand touched his, but his touch almost made you retract your hand. It felt like touching ice, the contrast between your body temperatures astonishing and terrifying at the same time.
He smiled at you one last time before you departed, and you managed to thank him just in time, fearing he wasnât going to hear you â but little did you know at that time, Jaehyun heard you loud and clear, your voice rang inside his ears for a few more moments as he watched the carriage going farther away from where he was standing.Â
That was the night you first met Jaehyun, and he made a great first impression on you.
Making your way around town, followed by your maidservants, you spotted Jaehyun a few more times before he started making conversation with you. Things started off slowly with questions about your passion for piano, and then he wanted to know a bit more about other pieces you knew.Â
Jaehyun managed to crawl under your skin, making you feel at ease even through all your solitude. As summer progressed, you convinced him to play the piano for you. You had given up on the practice long ago, and even if during that night at the soiree it was proven to you that you still had your talent and had kept all your abilities still, you didnât feel comfortable playing again. Yet you would have loved to have someone playing for you, and Jaehyun took onto the opportunity, agreeing to your proposal as soon as the words left your mouth.
Little by little, you felt more and more comfortable around Jaehyun. Little by little, you opened up to him, talking to him about your past, about your love for the arts, for the piano, letting him know how much playing had always meant to you.Â
Jaehyun played the piano in your houseâs parlour while you observed him, sitting in your fatherâs armchair. His movements were gentle, comforting, and looking at him brought you peace. Jaehyun played your favourite pieces for you to relish in, and he gave in so easily when you asked him about his own favourite pieces, that you knew he was dying to be asked about. His eyes sparkled while he explained what they meant to him, his dimples were on display every time a fond memory popped up in the middle of your conversations, and your heart took a leap every single time the calmness of his voice graced your hearing.
No amount of meet ups with him could prepare you for the freezing air you felt around yourself every single time he walked into your house, or a room. No amount of scorching summer days briefly interrupted by a fleeting cold shock through your body could explain the phenomenon to you. You remembered how you felt it that night at the soiree, as well as the moment when he came outside to keep you company while waiting for your carriage, and then every single time you met him, coincidentally or planned.Â
Yet you never raised a brow, you never questioned him about it. You couldnât explain the phenomenon, and at some point you thought that it could mean you were falling in love. Maybe it was an effect of falling in love with Jaehyun? But then other circumstances werenât matching up with this theory.Â
Jaehyun became a constant in your life, and you in his. Jaehyun felt more alive when he was with you than he had ever felt actually being alive one hundred years ago. With the body of a twenty-two year old man, and the soul nearing a centenary, all Jaehyun wanted was for you to accept him and be by his side for eternity.
Did he want to tell you what he was? Yes. Did he want to eventually turn you as well? Not really, at least not at first.Â
You were one of the strongest people he had ever met during his very long time roaming the earth, and he knew a few things about knowing people and relocating every twenty or thirty years as not to raise suspicions. He couldnât take the joy of living away from you, for he knew that he would have wanted to have lived with you for as long as life itself allowed the two you to, but under normal circumstances. Instead, you were alive, literally the sun hanging in the sky, and he was a freezing pale creature that feasted on other humans, â something inside of him told him it was wrong to take the joy of living away from you.
Yet Jaehyun wanted to be selfish for once, and he decided he would eventually turn you if that was what you wanted. If he couldnât have normality with you, he was going to have eternity by your side â one way or another.
And as the summer passed, the fleeting looks and lingering affectionate touches led to Jaehyun not being able to let go of you. By the time his time as Miss Mirabellaâs teacher was up at the end of the summer, he took you away with him, back to his town.
Surprisingly to him, you didnât need too much time to get talked into doing it, because he knew that for a young woman like you were, with the great wealth your parents left you, moving in with a man that wasnât your husband wasnât normal or socially accepted. But Jaehyun didnât mind actually marrying you, for he was sure you were the only one for him, but you didnât even let him finish telling you his plans for the future.Â
So you took your belongings, your wealth, you locked your house, and by the time the middle of autumn reached, you had already moved in with Jaehyun in his manor house.
The cold touches, the breeze you felt when he walked in a room, they all started to add up in your head. You noticed how he knew you were walking up to him from the highest floor of the house, down to his library on the ground floor, he knew if you faked sleeping, you swear he knew what the maidservants talked about in the other room.Â
But it didnât actually click in your head until winter came, when you had to leave for a few days to go back to your familyâs mansion, and you took Jeger, Norma, and the three other maidservants with you, leaving Jaehyun alone.
Coming back was horrific. Carrying venison and other foods your friends from back home gifted you, you and everyone else were exhausted from the long journey. With the weather outside being one typical to January, with strong and freezing winds, occasional blizzards and heavy cold rain, your body was begging for the warmth of your house.Â
Except the house was dark, the fire in every room was dead, and the air around was freezing, almost worse than it was outside. You expected to find Jaehyun frozen to death somewhere in the house, yet your quick steps took you upstairs to his chambers, only to find him sleeping peacefully in his bed, bare torso touching the silky sheets like the whole ordeal was all inside your head.Â
âI heard you coming home,â he smiled, moving his head to look at you. You didnât know he was awake, but you also didnât know how he managed to sleep in a house that made the point of your nose and your fingertips freeze.
âWhere you⌠sleeping?â You gulped, closing your cloak up to your chin and squeezing your gloved hands together.Â
He hummed, showing you a lazy smile. It was time you two had the so long awaited conversation, it was time he let you know.Â
Jaehyun heard your voice as soon as the carriage came down the street, up to the gates. He knew you were coming home and you were going to find a freezing house, yet he didnât bother getting up. It was too late to do anything, anyway. When you left, you said you were going to be away for a few days, up to a week, so he didnât know when you were going to be home, and in his defense, Jaehyun really had the fires popping in every room of the house, as always. But Jaehyun had also spent the last three days sleeping, not differentiating days from nights, so the fires had died long before, without Jaehyun bothering keeping them alive. He didnât feel the cold, anyway.Â
âHow,â you gulped once again, this time taking your gloves off, âHow did you manage to do so?âÂ
Jaehyun extended his hand, calling for you to get closer to him, and with no self preservation instinct, you followed his instructions. Your head was filled with doubts, with worries, with theories that you thought about once in a while, but you shook them off every single time thinking you were being silly. But now the truth was laying bare in front of your eyes, and it looked tempting and like something between life and death.
âPromise me youâll listen to me,â he pleaded, holding your hand as you sat down on his bed.Â
You gulped, breath hitching in your throat, yet you nodded, prompting him to start talking.Â
Jaehyunâs voice was laced with emotion and sincerity. At that time, you didnât know if lying was one of his abilities, but the Jaehyun you grew to love would have never lied to you.Â
Every single moment of your life in the months up to that point, you had spent it with Jaehyun, like you couldnât breathe if you didnât have him around. Days passed faster with him by your side, nights were slower while he devoted every fibre of his being to you, and you only. You grew to know him very well, even if at that time you werenât in possession of any of the abilities he, for one, had.Â
The image of the two of you discussing right in that moment was funny, you were sure. Jaehyun was naked on his bed, and you were wrapped inside layers of fur and warming fabrics, cloak buttoned up to your chin and every single inch of your body covered. The contrast was visible, and terribly shocking â for if it were for Norma walking in right that time, you were sure she was going to black out.
The more Jaehyun talked, the more he searched your eyes, looking for a sign of just how horrified and full of terror you were. But he found none. As his story progressed, your eyes became warmer, and because Jaehyun couldnât read your mind, he didnât know if you were on the brink of passing out, or if you were truly accepting him for what he was.Â
He heard your heart beating erratically as he explained to you the circumstances that allowed him to still roam the earth. He heard your heartbeat calming down, steadying itself the more he progressed into his story, and he heard it nearly stop the moment he confessed his deepest feelings to you. Because you knew he was fond of you, you knew he loved you, but he never explicitly said it to you, words waltzing off his tongue with grace, but the look in his eyes glinted with fear. Fear of you running away from him.
His story was complicated, long, but never dull.Â
The night he confessed to you, he admitted being almost one hundred years old. Youngest, and only son of a family of ten members, he lost his entire family during the 1780 plague that annihilated his hometown village â and when him and his aunt were the only ones to survive the family that had perished, she made him leave in hopes he found refuge somewhere over the steep hills, inside an abbey.
âI was twenty years old at that time, and she made me promise I would fight tooth and nail in order to survive. I was the only son to be born in my family after generations of daughters, so they always made it clear who their favourite was,â he explained as he walked naked around his chamber, putting a log into the fireplace so you could start getting warm again.Â
âFather was the first to die, and then two of my sisters followed. Mother tried quarantining us away, but she fell sick soon after, and her sister had to take me and my other sisters in,â he went on, helping you get off his bed, making you sit down on the armchair by the fireplace. âThen my sisters fell ill and perished two by two, but they had already infected my auntâs family, and eventually it was just me and her left. She had this leather pouch she prepared for me, with two knives and a bit of bread and cheese to survive off of, and she made me promise I would find the abbey, and that I would lie to them about my origins,â
You nodded, understanding his auntâs concerns, âThey werenât going to take you in if they knew your village had been infected,â your brows furrowed while looking at the fire.
Jaehyun smiled at you. You were so smart, and he loved you. âIt took me a few days, and the hills were surprisingly steep,â his tone was dripping with amusement, nose scrunching while recalling his adventures from decades ago, âBut I made it to the abbey, and they took me in,â
âAnd how did youâŚâ you didnât finish your sentence, but Jaehyun understood what you meant, nonetheless.
He let out a huff of laughter, âYouâre so impatient, my love,â he caressed your cheek, eyes sparkling in the dim lighting of the room.Â
You puckered your lips out of embarrassment of being called out, but Jaehyun smiled fondly as an answer, and you relaxed into your seat. He was beautiful. The light coming from the fireplace made his features sharper, eyes darker, skin even paler, and you understood you overlooked the signs until that moment, because they were all in the open for you â and anyone else â to see, yet you chose to focus on the wrong suspicions, â like why were you always cold when he made his appearance into a room?
Jaehyun looked exactly like what he was, a vampire. Not that you had met any other up to that point, but the tales, the superstitious stories you had heard suddenly made a lot of sense.
Jaehyunâs cold touch on your warm cheek made you shudder, pulling you out of your thoughts.Â
âI lived inside the abbey for a few weeks, until the plague reached us there,â he explained, clearing his throat, and you knew it brought bad memories back. âOne of the monks inside turned me when he realised the others were dying one by one. I donât know how he managed to live there so long without anyone being suspicious, but when the plague wrecked havoc inside the abbey I was the only mortal still uninfected by the disease. Monk Noel did me a favour that time, and we burned the abbey down so they wouldnât know the number of survivors,â
âWhere is Monk Noel now?â You whispered, curiosity taking the best of you. You werenât going to ask about him, but your mouth spoke on its own.
âI donât know where he is right now, heâs a pretty old creature. If still alive, of course,â he mentioned, biting on his bottom lip. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he seemed like he was thinking about his past.Â
âYouâre the only person I have opened up to, youâre the only person who knows me to the fullest, right this moment,â he rasped, and if you didnât know who the man in front of you was, you would have been terrified of the look in his eyes. âDo you think you can accept me for what I am?â He inquired, because it was really eating at him.
Jaehyun opened up to you in hopes it would take a bit of the burden off his shoulders. He wanted to come clean to you ever since he met you, but you were a mortal and you deserved to be allowed to live your life, with no undead creatures interfering.
âAre you going to turn me into one, as well?â You asked him, and the question took him by surprise. But he didnât let any turmoil of emotions betray him with the way he was looking at you.Â
âDo you want me to?â He rasped back to you, tone low but lacking any menacing undertones to it.Â
You nodded immediately, because you didnât need another five years to know you would spend an eternity by Jaehyunâs side. âYes,â your tone was curt, getting right to the point.
But Jaehyun didnât like you answer at that time. How could you have been so sure you were really willing to give up your life, your title as a mortal, and a beating, blood-pumping heart? How could you give yourself up so easily?
And after that night, the subject was inapproachable. Jaehyun skived every time he heard your words, sometimes he only needed a good look at you approaching him in his library to know what you were going to talk to him about.Â
Jaehyun wanted to transform you, wanted to be with you and teach you everything there was to know, and he wanted to help you fit into a new world, but it had to happen on his terms. He wanted you to taste foods for a bit longer, he wanted you to sleep the nights and dance during the days, for a bit longer. He wanted you to feel the cold and the warmth for a bit longer.Â
He was selfish. He was going to let you enjoy mundane life until he decided you were ready to be transformed, not letting you advance too much into your life so your health couldnât decline because of you nearing your thirties â which at that time meant you were already past the half of your lifespan â and he was going to have you to himself until the end of times.
He wasnât giving into your pressuring, which drove you insane, yet at some point â you were not sure when â you dropped the incessant asking. Not because you didnât want him to transform you, but because you realised there was no point in trying to convince him to do something he wasnât sure he wanted to do.Â
You were dying to be let into his world, but you had no power over him and his decisions, so you went on with your normal and boring life.
Days were filled with you and Jaehyun reading to each other. He played the piano for you, squinting his eyes at you every time you made an observation about his technique, but then laughing it off. He kissed your hands every time you sewed his shirts, he kissed your ankles every time you allowed him to become one with you during restless nights.
He spent painfully long times with his head in the crook of your neck, cheek pressed to your collarbone as his nose was glued to the skin of your neck, smelling the sweet scent of your flesh and listening to the way your heart pumped blood.Â
With you knowing who â or what â he was made it easier for him to be around you, easier to roam the earth. Knowing about him made it easier for you to help him, to get on his side, to help and protect him. You made sure no accidents involving put out fires were going to happen again, not as long as you were there to take care of it. You made sure you found good excuses every time Jaehyun needed his daytime sleep, or maybe the occasional three days in a row locked in his chambers while resting. You found excuses for Norma not to worry about her precious Master Jaehyun, making her focus more on you and your needs â albeit you had never asked her before, but you needed to keep her busy and unsuspecting.Â
Little by little, your passion for music came back to you. You spent time looking over music sheets like you were reading some great pieces of literature, but it took you some time to get back to playing.Â
And when you did, the piece you chose was the one dearest and closest to your heart. Your fingers waltzed on the keys as you played your favourite Schumann piece, the one you played the night you met Jaehyun.Â
And there it was, the shiver down your spine and the goosebumps across your skin, not even two minutes into the piece. You smiled, eyes still closed as you enjoyed the melody, the memories of the past that were brought back to you.
Jaehyun couldnât believe his eyes, couldnât believe his ears â you were finally playing something, and it was the hardest piano piece you could have chosen. The one who held a special place in your heart.
He sat on the armchair facing the piano, the one he set up for you so you could stay with him every time he played, so that you could watch the way his fingers moved.
Your gaze finally met his, and he could hear your heartbeat picking up, âYouâre playing again,â he muttered, but his whole being was so proud of you. He loved you.
âI miss my father a little bit more, today,â you whispered back, eyes back on the keys, not because you didnât know where to touch, but because you were mesmerised by the way your muscles still remembered the motion.
Jaehyun felt anxiety pooling in the pit of his stomach. He knew your story, he knew the reason you had stopped playing. And the reason you gave him for playing once again made every fibre in his body hurt for you.Â
You were so beautiful, wearing your silky, ivory dress, rosy cheeks on display, lips pouting with concentration that were literally begging to be kissed by him. But he stayed silent, he observed you, he admired you from his seat, and then he spoke up, breaking the silence between the two of you.
âI want to learn this for you,â he wanted to learn the piece so he could lull you every time you felt down, nostalgic, melancholy taking over you at the thought of your loved ones that you found missing some days more than others, âLet me do this for you,â
Jaehyun spent a good part of his time on earth trying to learn piano. His rules for surviving his condition were simple â stay in a place for twenty years, then move away somewhere else, rebranding his life and career. Up to that point, Jaehyun had spent three separate lives rebranded as a piano teacher, in different states. He spent half his lifetime on this earth trying to learn as many languages as possible, trying to read as many books as he could. But his love for music was always consistent.
 He never transformed anyone else up to that point, no one knew who he was. But no one else managed to have him bewitched, so foolishly in love, either. So Jaehyunâs chest tingled while still watching you, knowing that it was time.Â
And that night, spending time nuzzling your pulse line turned into lingering touches, cold fingertips making their way up your body â reaching your chest and, small and controlled pecks turned into hungry and possessive kisses.
Jaehyunâs cold body never bothered you, especially when it was touching your burning one. Your body felt on fire every time he moved his hips in between yours, your heartbeat picked up its rhythm every time you heard him grunting with pleasure, motions slow and calculated, deliberate. His cold touch felt like a blessing, there to remind you the lengths of the pleasure you felt, yet grounding you every time you felt like it was becoming too much to bear.Â
Jaehyun never felt the coldness or the warmth of a room, but he felt how your body was on fire under his. Sliding in and out of you was easy, and he took one of your legs, angling it up and supporting it with his shoulder. His cold hand reached down in between your bodies, tracing its way to your lower stomach, applying gentle pressure, and your whine filled his ears like that was the sweetest melody he had ever heard.Â
Looking down to where your bodies met, the way you were taking him so well and obedient â it had Jaehyun lost in his own thoughts. Calculated motions of hips became more forceful, more intense, and the hand pressing on your lower stomach gained possessiveness.Â
Jaehyun felt you squeezing around him, felt your warm inner pulse on himself like it was pumping blood into his own body. He felt the spots his length reached inside of you, the palm of his hand felt like it was burning while his shaft moved inside of you. And the feeling of it had Jaehyun nearly losing his mind. Your skin was coated with a thin layer of sweat, and the scent of you exploded around his sharp senses, driving him insane as he was getting lost into you.Â
He could hear, he could feel, he could smell the blood pumping through you, the pulse on your inner ankle right next to his head made his ears start ringing. Long strokes found it harder to move as your walls prepared Jaehyun to climax, but he knew he wasnât ready to get there just yet.
Not with your ankle so enticing, so warm to the touch, smell so sweet that it flooded his nose. He wrapped his hand around your calf, moving your leg around so he could bring your foot to him â teeth grazing the skin of your sole, his plump lips caressed the softness up to your pulse line, and he playfully bit into it. It was going to be the last time Jaehyun had you like this â warm, pulsing, alive â and he couldnât pass on the occasion of worshipping your body the right way.
He bent down to reach your lips, leg still on his shoulder, his hips finding a new angle inside of you that had you melting, pressure building up like fire into your lower stomach, â which Jaehyun made sure to keep his hand on.Â
You moaned into the kiss, and the way Jaehyun could feel you around himself made him snap with something animalistic, a primal need to see your sparkling eyes like a predator did to its prey. He broke the kiss, bringing the hand that was resting on your abdomen up to your lips, fingers tracing your lips that got swollen from his kisses, from his teeth pulling on them.
Jaehyun looked into your eyes, your breath was getting heavier, more desperate, small whines were leaving your lips as he was helping you reach your release â and he felt his skin tingling just thinking of the way you were going to feel around him, of the way you were about to wrap yourself around him so perfectly.Â
Your eyes were droopy, but Jaehyun could see his reflection into them when you looked up at him. They were warm, loving, so accepting of him, and Jaehyun let go of your leg, guiding it around his waist, the motion having both of you moaning as he kept moving in and out of you. His lips made their way up your neck, and the moment you felt his teeth â sharper â pressing on your skin, you moaned his name.
âYou still want this, my love?â He asked, not slowing down when he felt the both of you so close.Â
You didnât answer, moaning his name instead, the anticipation of something you had wanted for a long time making your walls squeeze around of him.Â
âI need an answer, love. Now,â his rasped, tone low and menacing, panting as he tried to maintain his composure a bit longer. He needed to hear you say it.
âYes, Jaehyun,â your loins suddenly felt like burning as you felt yourself melting around his shaft, âPlease,â you managed to mewl, and Jaehyun didnât need any more words to come out of you.
With your blood pulsating in his mouth, and your cunt pulsing around his shaft, Jaehyun came exactly like he wanted. Inside of your warmth, feeling every last bit of life dripping out of you.Â
Adapting to the new life wasnât easy, but Jaehyun was there for you, guiding you through it all. You were astonished when you realised temperatures didnât matter anymore, finally understanding how Jaehyun managed to sleep and live absolutely unbothered by the climate or by the temperature in a room.
But the most shocking thing was waking up to a head full of voices, and the smell of Jaehyunâs skin flooding your senses like that was the only thing you were supposed to sense.
âJaehyun,â you jumped off the bed, both hands on each side of your head, covering your ears. âI can hear them, all of them,â you whispered, but you knew you were panicking. You couldnât even hear the thoughts inside your head because you heard Norma scolding someone around the house, loud and clear. âMake it stop!â You pleaded, bending over Jaehyunâs bed.Â
Jaehyun pitied you, because maybe he should have prepared you before effectively turning you. There was nothing he could do to help you or take all the new things away from you, but he could guide you to learn how to live with it.
âI canât,â he let you know, looking to you from his spot on the bed.
âWhat?â You screeched, squinting your eyes. You thought you heard him through the many voices in your head, but you hoped you heard him wrong.
âMake it stop. I canât make it stop, my love,â he explained calmly, unmoving.
Your bottom lip quivered, eyes quickly brimming with tears, and thatâs when you saw Jaehyun jump off the bed, reaching you in a millisecond, grabbing your wrists to bring your attention on him.
âNo, no my love! You canât cry!" He seemed like he was panicking, and you looked up at him, eyes meeting his, âYou will cry blood,â he explained, squeezing your wrists.
Your breath hitched in your throat and you gulped, yet you blinked the tears away, scared of the piece of information he had just dropped on you.Â
âWhat?â Your voice was barely above a whisper, and with the way your ears were ringing and head was full of other voices from servants around the house, you werenât sure you even spoke up in the first place.
âIf you cry, theyâll be stained tears. Never cry, at least not in front of others!â He definitely should have told you all the downsides of being a vampire before he turned you into one, out of impulse.Â
Why didnât he tell you all this when you were begging him to transform you?
But you never regretted anything, you never regretted agreeing to become a vampire. Never.Â
Eventually, as the weeks passed, you learned to tune other voices down, and peace and quiet was back into your head and ears, only focusing on other peopleâs voices when you chose to.Â
Jaehyun taught you how to hunt, how to survive among mortals. How to fake your appetite for normal food, because albeit the fact that you could still eat food and feel its taste â although a little insipid and faded on your tastebuds, â there was nothing as delicious and nutritious as human blood. Animal blood was thicker, with undertones you werenât particularly fond of, which left a weird aftertaste in your mouth â and it felt more like a snack, not like a proper meal.
Human blood, on the other hand, was sweet and tasty. You were surprised by the newly acquired sense of smell that allowed you to sense disease, to differentiate someone who was healthy from someone who was at the beginning of growing an infection inside of them, by a discreet sniff only.Â
Nights were the hardest, because neither you nor Jaehyun could really sleep, and you had to tiptoe around not to raise suspicions among your servitude. But at least you had one another, getting lost into each other because you were the only one who could understand Jaehyunâs condition, and vice versa.Â
You loved Jaehyun, and not once did you regret your new life by his side. Not even when you woke up like your body wasnât yours anymore, â skin a bit paler, eyes and hair a bit darker, pulse nearly gone, with your heart only pumping blood one time per minute, â and certainly not when you realised how many things had changed in your life. You only needed blood, a safe space in which you could disguise your existence as being a normal one, and Jaehyun.
Yet Jaehyun still chose to leave you behind, despite the love he claimed he carried for you, he took off, abandoning you and making you live without him like you were exiled away from his love.Â
The letter he left behind for you to find didnât explain why he left, but you suspected his need to rebrand and change from monotony, but that wasnât a plausible explanation to you â for he had told you countless times that you were going to be spending eternity by each otherâs side, and you were going to rebrand every single time he did, or vice versa.Â
You then suspected he got tired of you. He mentioned he was living through you when you were still a mortal, and then he turned you, only to then leave you behind when he made sure you could survive with your new condition and the burden of knowing you would have to go on with living for many centuries, lacking his presence.
One year after Jaehyunâs departure, you had to bury Jeger â who died of old age, already having reached fifty years of age. The servitude left one by one, others died from colds and others from lung disease, but Norma stayed with you.
You knew Norma was a mortal. At the beginning, when Jaehyun explained to you that you would eventually grow to understand from a sniff or cocked ear who was a living being, you were adamant, looking at him like he was messing with you. You could hear Normaâs heartbeat, you could hear the murmur of her heart as it was pumping blood throughout her body, you could hear the dulcet pulsing of her arteries â but never, not even once, were you tempted to take her life just to sate your appetite.
Norma was the closest to a mother figure you could get after your own mother perished. You found a great friend in her, nothing was taboo between the two of you, â which, during those times, it really showed how close you two were, â and it was only normal to be this way, as she was the only person left that you could trust entirely. Bonded together by the love both of you carried for Master Jaehyun, â yet of course, each of different nature, â Norma never spoke about him in front of you, not wanting to upset you or disrupt your peace.Â
Jaehyun was like a son to her, his kindness towards her, the gentleness he carried around himself, Norma loved taking care of him, cooking for him, she was devoted to him. And after he left, she remained devoted to his household, and consequently to you, because the day Jaehyun brought you home, you were so shy to become the new mistress of the house, often going up to Jaehyun to ask for things instead of going straight to the servitude. It was easier to ask the man you loved and with whom you were comfortable, because you didnât want to bother anyone, and you knew Jaehyun did never bat an eyelash.
Being around the house with Norma felt like routine, you sewed together, you helped her out with whatever you could, because taking someone new as servitude was very risky, not knowing to what extents they could be trusted â and if they could be, in the first place.
âMistress,â Norma tried one evening, approaching you in Jaehyunâs library, âMay I speak to you about one of my concerns?â She asked, and you put the book down right that moment.Â
You were worried, because Norma had never expressed any concern for as long as you had known her. You nodded, prompting her to go on.
âI have a niece, a brother of mine has left this world, leaving her behind,â she started, and you had a faint idea of where this conversation was headed to, âWould it be possible to take her in, to help around the house? I shall do my best to instruct her accordingly,âÂ
You could hear Normaâs heartbeat going crazy inside her chest. She wasnât frightened, you would say she was more embarrassed than scared, facing you with such proposition. But you didnât find her proposition to be a problem, knowing that help was indeed very much needed around the house, and with her being Normaâs niece, this girl was probably worth trusting.
Minji was nice, very shy at first, but the more you had her around yourself, the more comfortable you grew with each other. She helped Norma around, and with her being her niece, Norma guided her around like she was a sergeant and your house was training camp.Â
âI need you to be aware of everything that needs to be learned about Mistress and her household! One day I will be gone, and hopefully you will be allowed to remain,â You heard Norma whispering from downstairs, her tone condescending.Â
âWhat if she doesnât want me around when youâre gone?â Her niece asked, and the thought of her being so untrusting saddened you.Â
âMistress has a heart of gold, never forget that!â her tone seemed offended by Minjiâs concerns, âMaster Jaehyun loved her a lot, and that itself was the only sign anyone needed in order to see what an amazing woman she is,â Norma scolded her, her angry whisper scaring you â so you couldnât imagine Minjiâs reaction. Normaâs whispers were somehow too loud for you to hear anything else besides them.
âYou will be taking care of her, and I know she will too,â Norma concluded, and you heard steps approaching your chambers, knowing their discussion was over.
And you tried showing Minji how grateful you were for her being around. Thanks to your behaviour, and you being more open to her whenever she was around, it helped the two of your getting closer.Â
But good things were never here to stay, at least not around your household, and tragedy struck again.Â
Norma fell ill one day, out of a sudden. No epidemics had been announced, you werenât aware of any viruses going around, and Norma only ever left the house once a week with Minji, the two of them in charge of getting food for a whole week.Â
So when Minji came up to your chambers crying, panicking, you knew things were bad. Norma was barely breathing, sweaty, in pain. You heard her heart struggling to keep up with everything going on inside of her, the infection spread in her body. She was delirious, seeing and talking to every single person she had ever loved, seeing them around the room, Jaehyun included.Â
You panicked, thinking that he was back without you sensing him, but the corner of the room towards which Norma was looking at while barely able to speak â claiming she was speaking to her Master Jaehyun, â made you realise how bad it was. At that time, even a cold could take one personâs life, so Normaâs condition was serious, and it was rapidly taking her away from you.Â
âWhat should we do?â Minji sobbed, hands trembling, and every fibre of her being was panicking. Her heartbeat was going crazy, her pressure going through the roof after realising the situation at hand.Â
âMinji, listen to me,â your voice was stern, but you needed her to be calm for whenever Norma was going to huff her last breath. âYou need to stay away from her, donât cross the threshold of the door, I donât want you to catch anything,â You instructed, pointing towards the door, but your eyes were on Norma, who seemed to have come back to her senses while on her deathbed, hallucinations gone and she was once again looking at you with her usual loving gaze.Â
âWhat if you catch something, Mistress? Please, let us go find the physician,â Minji rambled, eyes sparkling as she panicked while looking at Normaâs figure laying helplessly on her bed.
âMinji!â Your tone made her jolt, raising her glossy eyes to look at you, âI wonât catch anything from her,â your voice was suddenly heavy with emotion. Not once did you think of transforming Norma, not once did you think of opening up to her. You thought that if Jaehyun didnât do it in the first place, why should you? What if Jaehyun had his reasons, and you were going to make a mistake?Â
Looking at her struggling and aching body made you realise it was too late, anyway. She was too sick to be transformed, and even if you bit into her flesh, her body couldnât recover to have enough force to survive.
âMistressâŚâ Normaâs whisper surprised you, not thinking she was mentally there, with you and Minji. Her eyes were glossy, lost, sporting the same look they had when she was having hallucinations. âDo not cry,â she instructed, trying her best to sound authoritarian, but her soft spoken tone made your eyes brim with tears. One look at Minji let you know just how devastated the poor child was.Â
Norma raised one hand, painfully slow, and made a gesture for you to get closer to her. Minji kept her distance, but her puffy eyes were on her aunt, looking over her tormented figure.Â
âMistress, I know,â she started, and you felt her heart slowing down a bit, âI know what Master Jaehyun was,â she whispered to you, and your breath hitched listening to her, âIf you ever see him again, give him my love,â she cried, lip quivering, but her gaze became lost once again, and aimed at the ceiling, and that was where it remained.
âNorma?â You sobbed, eyes once again full of tears. But Norma was laying still, barely breathing, eyes now close, lost in all the agony she felt in that moment, âNorma!â You screamed, shaking her, because it wasnât supposed to end like this, not when she admitted that she was aware of everything going on inside the house, with all the tears you had spilled in her presence when you had been left behind.Â
Norma wasnât dead, she was unresponsive instead. Her body was warm, but her skin was covered in sweat, the stench of death slowly bubbling inside of her.Â
Climbing on her bed, you took her figure into your arms, exactly like she did countless of times when she picked you up from the ground, every time you suffered after Jaehyunâs departure. Not caring about the circumstances anymore, your tears started flowing, staining their trail down your cheeks, down your neck as you sobbed and lulled Normaâs body in your arms. Her heartbeat was slow, heart struggling to pull through whatever was going on inside of her body, struggling to give her a chance of survival.Â
A few hours later, Norma died in your arms, and you can still recall the time when her heart stopped beating in her chest. The 1881 cholera pandemic took the last person connecting you to your past, away from you, leaving you alone in this cruel, cold world, in which everything was unfair and everything moved too slowly for your liking.Â
Having to explain your bloody tears to Minji came easy, as you were already exhausted by the events in your life â and it seemed like Minji wasnât surprised of what you confessed to her, having already picked up a few signs, and you imagine yourself a few years prior, finding excuses for all the signs that were laying up in the open for you to see, yet you were blinded by the love you carried for Jaehyun.Â
With the cholera pandemic taking away many lives on the daily, Minji trusted you enough to let you save her, from that one and from future pandemics and disasters alike.Â
With Minjiâs turning into a vampire, with all the training she had to go through â just like it happened to you, â and with the virus spreading fast, you took your life into your own hands, and Minjiâs too, as she was too scared to be in this world all by her new self.Â
And with your leaving Jaehyunâs mansion behind â with every possession of his as well as yours still inside, â you also left that part of your life behind, and all the memories the two of you had shared, locked in there.
Navigating your new life with Minji was fun, but difficult. Not because she was difficult to have around, on the contrary.Â
Minji looked up to you. You were her creator, and she was your only creation, for you had never had the desire to turn another mortal into what the two of you were. She looked at you like you held the truth to all mysteries of this world, and you did â to a certain extent. And not Minjiâs presence, behaviour or decisions were the difficult part, but the events you had to go through in order to survive.
Using Jaehyunâs rebranding method, you effectively managed to keep both your and Minjiâs identities hidden, infiltrating yourselves in communities, villages, rebranding every twenty years and changing your lives completely.
You moved across countries, states, towns, you lived your life to the fullest, meeting people and making friends â that you had to leave behind always, every time traces that could lead to you and your secret life needed to get lost.Â
You went from wearing crinolines and corsets, to wearing miniskirts, pearls and heels. You went from long hair, to rocking a very short bob, to having long hair once again, just like the trends dictated. You went through pandemics of all sorts, natural disasters, you survived wars and famine â albeit there never was famine in your case, only for the poor mortals.
You went from wearing fur, to waring jeans and sneakers, from writing letters to phones. You went from creaking wooden floors, to tiles and soundproof systems around your houses and windows.Â
You even went to university when it became popular, and you loved every single bit of it. It felt exciting, remembering the tough times during which you were born, and you still made it out to live through the modern times in which women made a name for themselves, and they slowly gained more freedom and the power of identifying themselves, attending schools and making a living by themselves. You went from being called âmistressâ, to âmissâ.
But you never married, you never dated, because your heart kept itself tormented and yearning after one man. One man that exiled you, discarded of you, and that was the hardest part of it all. Like you had never mattered to him. You roamed the earth for more than a century trying to find him, although not deliberately. Every place you moved to, you couldnât help but wonder if he was around there as well. Decades spent in the same places yet you never heard from him, or sensed him in the air.Â
The love you carried for Jaehyun back in the day, was still alive, the flame of love barely there, but still burning in your heart nonetheless. And how could you ever think of loving someone else, when Jaehyun was the only man you yearned for? And with all this, with all your love and yearning for him, you couldnât shake the sadness and the betrayal you felt every time you were reminded of him, rage flooding you and every fibre of your being like a hasty virus.Â
Maybe not finding him was for the best, because you werenât sure how you would have reacted if you found him a few feet away from you. Were you going to kill him? What other options did you have, to make him hurt just as he did you?
Everything you became, your existence, you owed him every single minute spent on this earth, but you couldnât help but wonder what life could have been like if he was by your side, had he never left you.
And then, it was February 1994.
Coming home from your job at the art gallery downtown, you took your heels off, swollen feet thanking you for finally freeing them. Newspaper folded under your arm as you carried unnecessary groceries back home, you threw everything you were carrying in your arms, on the kitchen table of your small apartment.Â
Out of all the decades you had lived in throughout all your life, the 90âs were your favourite thus far. The phones, the fashion, the busses and subway, the cabs, the music and the films. You could go to the movies every single night, if it werenât for your job that you liked keeping, despite your and Jaehyunâs huge fortunes you still carried, hidden. You werenât in need of a job, yet you loved having one â it was more like a hobby, especially if it involved the arts.
So you picked up your newspaper, your body tingling with excitement as you couldnât wait to see what films were going to be out that week. Yet your eyes stopped on the headline for a few seconds, written in huge, bold letters. âLOVED BOYBAND, KILLED IN CAR CRASH LAST NIGHT, read more on page 36â, it read, but you didnât really care.
You only wanted the local cinemaâs schedule, but then curiosity really started eating at you. What boyband? What if it was one of your favourite artists?Â
So you turned to page thirty six, eyes scanning the page for all the information about the car crash. Nothing suspicious, it seemed like the manager, also the designated driver that night, fell asleep and everyone in the car perished because of his mistake.
 Your eyes fell on the bottom of the page, where all the members had their individual portrait pictures sitting nicely, as a posthumous homage to their fame and glory.Â
And there he was. Jaehyun, pictured in all his glory. Sparkling eyes staring right back at you.
With the newspaper placed on the table just under your nose, your tea had run cold while you lost track of time thinking about his picture. Sure, it was still on page thirty six, plastered there like you were finally meant to find him.Â
But it had to be just a macabre coincidence, right? Seeing his face after decades, centuries, made your stomach drop and your heart felt heavy with the mix of emotions battling through you. You werenât sure of what you were going to do â given you found him â thinking you were going to take your revenge on him, but the moment your eyes laid on his picture, and all the beautiful features you once loved, the emotions within you became unbearable. And so did the thoughts.
Had he always been out there giving hints of his existence for you to find, or was this just a consequence of a miscalculated rebranding plan, in which he never took into account the possibility of being outed to the public and, most importantly, to his lover that had been searching for him for centuries after being promised eternity by his side?Â
It had to be a sick little game of destiny or maybe real death, because you know Jaehyun never made mistakes.Â
âMistress!â The familiar voice called you, heels clanking on the marbled floors of the Parisian-style cafĂŠ.
Minji. She still liked using the nickname she was so accustomed to, from all those years back, and she never tried to hide her excitement when using the title now turned nickname.Â
âYouâre very pale,â Minjiâs eyebrows furrowed while looking at you, âAs if thatâs possible,â she joked, eyes sparkling and she bit her lip trying not to laugh out loud at the obvious joke between the two of you. But your lack of sense of humour made her smile drop, and her eyebrows furrowed once more.
âWhatâs wrong?â She whispered, leaning in from her spot across the table.Â
You looked at her for a fleeting moment, and you sighed before raising your elbows and snatching the newspaper from underneath them.
You pushed the folded object towards Minji, who was confused but still intrigued, yet she kept her hands under the table waiting for you to instruct her.
âGo to page thirty six,â you brought one hand to your mouth, biting on the nail of your thumb. You see her making slow, calculated movements, like the ones you always do with absolutely no rush in order not to make any unwanted mistakes in this world that evolves at full speed, not wanting to give away the fact that your soul and being are more than one century old â which you learned from Jaehyun, so it was only normal to pass everything you knew down to the only person you transformed.
 âTell me what you see,â you instructed, looking at her features, and the way she was so carefully reading the headline and then how she inspected the page.
âSeven men?â She asked, not knowing if that was what you wanted to hear, âThey were kinda handsome, though,â she joked, a tilted and barely contained smirk creeping in the corner of her mouth.
âMhm,â you hummed, straightening your posture, anxiety making its way through your chest, âNow read the names. Carefully,â
She took a moment to look at you, sensing hesitation, fear, but also impatience?
She cleared her throat, looking at the names below the pictures. âJohnny Suh, drummer,â she made a pause before continuing the makeshift eulogy, âLee Haechan, bass and voice. Mark Lee, guitarist. Nakamoto Yuta, guitarist. Kim Doyoung, synth and voice. Lee Taeyong, manager. And-â she suddenly stopped, head snapping back to look for your gaze, âAnd Jeong Jaehyun, vocalist?â She asked incredulously.Â
Your gaze bore into hers, and she was like a deer in headlights waiting for you to answer. It was either the most fucked up coincidence, or Master Jaehyun just outed himself.Â
âIs this⌠Master Jaehyun?â The whisper made your ears start ringing, and you averted your gaze. Minji never saw a picture of Jaehyun, because you remembered having one in his library, but it disappeared the moment he himself also did. âWhy is he so handsome?â She seemed starstruck, but she snapped herself out of it as soon as she remembered the whole situation, âAnd why is he in a newspaper? Did he want you to find him?â
âI donât know,â you sighed, closing your eyes trying to elucidate this mystery in the next thirty seconds. âI also donât know if I want to really find him, you know?âÂ
âWhat?â She slapped your arms playfully. âThis canât be a coincidence, Y/n. Itâs either this or heâs just really stupid for believing he wouldnât make it on the news if he got famous and died,â she stopped her rambling, her mind pausing on one thought, and she bit her lip before opening her mouth once again to talk to you, âDid he really die?â
You shook your head, but there was a lump in your throat nonetheless, âDonât think so, this could be his rebranding with a good excuse to disappear and start a new life,â you voice was full of uncertainties, it trembled with unspoken fear as Minjiâs words sank in, âBut what if he really died?â
âWhat does your hunch say?â Minji pushed, knowing you were going to start crying blood tears at the thought that from that moment on, you were going to roam the earth with no purpose.
âThis is the first time I donât have a hunch,â you gulped, scratching your temples, âItâs logical to rebrand, but heâs not this stupid. He knew he would be on the news and that everyone could see his face,â
âMaybe he was just careless,â Minji didnât want to use the term stupid on someone as handsome and important as Master Jaehyun.
âMinji,â you warned, your patience wearing thin, âEverything I taught you, I learned from him. There is absolutely no way he did this on purpose,â you poked the newspaper on the table, repeatedly with your index finger. âI think heâs gone. For good this time,â you nodded, your eyes flooding with tears, and you brought a tissue to your eyes to cover the bloody stains about to start rolling down your cheeks.Â
The heart barely beating in your chest felt like it was breaking, like the last grams of Jaehyun that you had been carrying inside of you since he left, were gone â and that half the heart he had left behind to beat for him, waiting to be reunited with its other half heâd successfully taken away, had finally been snatched away in that moment, the memory of him fading like his presence.
Thirty more years pass by, and you rebrand again. New city, new house, new profession.Â
Youâre now a piano teacher, even if itâs hard to live all the memories of the past as soon as you touch a key when you teach the kids. Memories of all the moments you spent with Jaehyun, the image of your moving fingers on top of the keys fading with an hallucination of seeing his. Your fingers always move with fast precision, and you envision his fingers playing instead of yours, too many times to keep track of.
Up until today, you never made peace with the thought of not being able to see him ever again. In the past, you were fuelled by the anticipation of meeting him again, making him pay for leaving you behind, hurting him, loving him. But now, the thought that you wonât be able to be in the same room as him ever again, made you suffer like a poor dying animal.Â
In your head, it was just not possible to come to terms with the fact that youâre alone. You still only have Minji, who now lives one hour away from you and has a loving human boyfriend, but you miss him.Â
Thirty years went by with you devastated and trying to come to reason, thirty years went by with Minji having to keep you in check more times than youâd like to admit.Â
At some point you thought you should just keep looking for him, but you stopped about twenty years ago, realising it was driving you insane. You knew Jaehyun too well, and you knew that headline in the newspaper wasnât him escaping his old life. Too many people were involved in that car crash for him to do this as part of his plan, and you knew he wasnât cruel enough to take away lives of innocent people.
So instead, youâve been spending time trying to numb all the heartbreak, all the flooding memories you finally managed to suppress â safe for the piano lessons, during which they all came back to you like cold waves to the burning shore.Â
Mourning the mortal times you lived is something you picked up on the way, because while you have to find new things to think about that are not directly linked to Jaehyun and his condition, it seems like all your existence is tied to his.
Youâre only now regretting the decision, the vehement convincing you tried to do so many times on Jaehyun. Because if it werenât for your decision and how much you loved him, you werenât going to live much longer. Life expectancy was so short compared to the modern times, the current lifespan of a person being more than double of what it used to be in the nineteenth century, when you were born.
And maybe this is his punishment for you. You wanted this so much, against his advice and against your better judgement, that he gave in just to make you happy, yet at the same time damning you to roam the earth living like him, but without him. Like you wanted this so vehemently, and he gave it to you, but he punished you for wanting to become this way.
Because had he not transformed you, you were bound to remain a mortal, die soon of a disease like everyone else around you did, and you would have been spared the heartache of living your life without him by your side, damned to survive all humanity for centuries to come.
No amount of interactions, no amount of loving what you do, â still gifted and a piano prodigy, â can take away the lingering pain that follows you like a shadow.Â
Maybe you should have looked for him with more ardour when you had the chance, when you knew he was still around. Maybe you should have spent more time trying to trace him down, and even if you resented him, even if you wanted to hurt him, have him killed, to torture him, you should have acted on time. Because now itâs too late, your racing thoughts are in vain, the recurring pain is just a reminder of how wrong your life went.
You made your research, looking into the last known trace of Jaehyunâs existence on this earth. He was in a successful band, they made great music, and it was a shock to you seeing his decision of using his real name instead of a new one, unlike all the things he instructed you not to do.Â
And then the mini van he was in crashed and burned, and only burned bodies were found among the charred remains left behind after the fire was extinguished. And you know Minji wanted to ask you if you really think theyâre dead, but you also know that she kept her mouth shut not to upset you â upset you even more, that is.Â
You know they are. Jaehyun, the man you loved, would never hurt others on purpose. He managed to survive in a fast evolving world as a creature characteristic to the undead category, so you just know â even if you lost your hunch about this matter long ago. Itâs like the moment you realised he died, when your stomach and heart dropped, your hunch also did.
So for the first time ever, you live your life following a routine, you wake up, go tutor kids, skip your lunches because frankly you donât need them anyway, then you call Minji on you way home, and you go hunting late at night when people are into the deepest of slumbers.
Thereâs so much beauty in this world, so much literature and music you canât help but mourn how Jaehyun chose to run away from you, when you could have lived through all the changing times and decades, with him holding your hand through it all.
And you suppose your love for music needs to be fed as well, with you visiting record stores frequently, concerts, pubs, while also becoming slave to technology, like a dog on a leash for music apps. If anybody told you when you were a little girl, that times would come to change this much, you would have laughed and called them a lunatic. Times in which you bathed at candlelight were changed for times in which people panicked during a blackout. Winterâs cold that everybody used to keep food cold while preparing canned foods and jars during summers, thinking of the heavy winters that were ahead, were exchanged for fridges and freezers. Sometimes itâs hard for you to wrap your head around all the changes and evolution of the human race.
So like usual, you stop by the record store on your way home after your last tutoring session, this time stopping by an antique store to check some vinyls out, because they have always been your favourite, even if you traded them for cds or playlists on music apps to have everything more simplified for you.
The place is huge, and it smells like old paper, the type of store you know has sold the greatest and most authentic pieces known to man judging by the smell of the store alone. The air is cool, air conditioning blowing at full speed â and you can recognise the smell of it. While you canât feel heat or cold physically on your body, you can sense the smell. And outside is a torrid, rotting smell of a heatwave that has you nauseous after passing mortals on the street.
âHi, welcome!â A friendly voice rings like an echo around the empty store, covering Michael Jacksonâs singing voice heard throughout the ceiling speakers. Itâs high in pitch, but you can sense the kindness dripping off it, âIâm sorry, but we donât allow beverages in here,â he gives you a remorseful little smile, âWe donât want unfortunate events involving our vinyls,â he goes on with the explaining, as if heâs apologising for the storeâs policy.
âItâs okay, really,â you tell him, looking at the tall glass of iced americano in your hand, shaking it a bit, the ice cubes making noise as they hit each other. You only ever drink coffee because its strong taste overpowers the disgusting smell of humans sweating outside, skin overheated in the heatwave, âI totally understand! I wouldnât want my stuff to get destroyed either,â you reassure him, walking towards the cashier desk where heâs standing, âCan I leave this here?â You shake it in front of his figure, before setting it on the desk.
âIâll keep it safe,â he nods, and one first, very attentive look at him, and his gaze seems to be holding yours with prying attention.Â
His face is adorned in moles, pouty lips chapped as he runs his tongue on them out of reflex at your attentive eyes on his figure, feeling like a deer in highlight in front of you, and he seems familiar.Â
A face like his doesnât go unnoticed, so you wonder the premises of a possible encounter you might have had in the past, a fleeting moment passing him by on the street â anything, really. Because you know youâve never been inside this record store before.Â
You give him a small smile, already eyeing other corners of this store, not because he makes you feel uncomfortable, but because you donât want to make him feel this way as you try to understand the reason heâs so familiar.Â
Your fingers are fast as you navigate all the amazing music they have. This is indeed the greatest store youâve entered, and you wonder who curated the inventory.Â
âIsnât it torrid outside?â The young man asks you, the only customer at this time in the afternoon, so you nod and hum, acknowledging him and his question, but your mind still blown by the fact that theyâre selling a rare Queen vinyl for twenty bucks.Â
âI suppose,â you sigh, too lost into your own thoughts, and you freeze on the spot, your mind registering the words you just let out.Â
âYou suppose?â He laughs, showing you a perfect row of white teeth. âYou just came in a few minutes ago,â he pouts, pointing at the entrance door like youâre an idiot.
Maybe you are an idiot, because why did your mouth open without your consent? This man doesnât need to know that you donât feel temperatures.
âI meant that,â you pause, turning to look at him as heâs slouching over the cashier desk, âI moved here a few months ago and this is my first summer here, so I wouldnât know how to compare it to last yearâs,â you try to dodge the bullet, and he seems like he buys your bullshit excuse after mulling your words over.
You try focusing once again on the piles of vinyls sitting in front of your figure, but you feel his intent gaze on your figure, lingering on your pale skin to the point you feel paranoia seeping through your pale skin.Â
You try to remember why he seems so familiar. A traffic light in town? A studentâs relative? Perhaps you threw him a fleeting look while walking down towards your table in a restaurant? Youâve been in this small town for about six months already, but you canât seem to be able to allocate a place or occasion to his face.
You sharpen your hearing, trying to focus on him, and then it seems like your sharp senses fail you, even abandon you. You donât hear a heartbeat, you don't hear insides churning after the lunch heâs had today, you donât hear blood pumping through his arteries.Â
And then it hits you like a truck at full speed. The newspaper thirty years ago â his black and white picture was plastered there, just a bit above Jaehyunâs, and you can still remember the same sparkly eyes he had in that photo â with which heâs looking at you right now.Â
You approach the cashier where you left your drink, and you wrap a fearful hand around the tall glass. His gaze bores into yours, and then he smiles at you like a child would, like one of the kids you tutor would try to persuade you to dismiss him earlier.Â
âYouâve been eyeing me,â he accuses with a playful tone, âHave we met before?â
Thereâs an urge inside of you that makes your insides burn, like youâre ready to jump this man in front of you, and you wonder if heâs playing with you right now.
If you recognised him, youâre sure he understood what you are as well, hence the question about the heatwave taking over the small town yet youâre dry as a bone, no droplets of sweat clinging to your skin. But if you recognised him from that damned newspaper you still keep in the attic of the small house you bought, youâre sure he doesnât know who you are. You can link him to Jaehyun, but he canât do the same to you.
âI donât think we have, no,â you whisper after a painfully long time, eyeing him like youâre ready to put a wooden stick through his chest if he blinks one more time. âActually,â you squint your eyes a bit, tilting your head, âYou seem oddly familiar,â you retort, taking a few steps back, but you donât wait for his answer â yet your eyes never leave his.
You throw your coffee in the first bin you find on your way back to your car, and you pick up your phone.Â
If his band member, who was supposedly dead, is still alive and running a record store in the small town youâre now living in, that means Jaehyun is still out somewhere, and just the thought of him having fooled you makes you choke with betrayal.
You donât return to the record store, thinking itâd be too dangerous to face that man again. Haechan, you checked his name as soon as you arrived home. He has the same sparkling eyes, the same hair colour, yet now itâs longer than what he sported in the 90âs.Â
You spend the entire summer looking around yourself like a anxious paranoid freak. You know itâs all in your head, because you would actually feel it if anyone followed you â by using your hearing or trying to smell whoâs in your proximity, â but you canât help but spare looks left and right as you come home everyday, as you go to work, as you welcome your students at the entrance of your studio.Â
But thereâs no sign of Jaehyun, Haechan, or any of the band members you made sure to memorise all the facial features of by looking at their pictures. Thank god for the internet, because you could find all the archives of their activities as a band.Â
âMaybe you should visit the record store again,â Minji suggested on the phone one day, making you scoff.
âNo, thank you,â you let a humourless laugh escape you, eyes squinting as you inspected a box of crackers at the supermarket. âActually, Minji,â you start, throwing the box in your cart and proceeding to grab a pack of sweet bread, âIâm thinking of rebranding,â you mumble into the phone, aware of the fact that it will mess the timeline you established for both Minji and yourself.
âWhat?â She screeches into the phone, and your sharp hearing is too sensitive to the sound of her voice, âSo soon? But Master Jaehyun is still alive, and possibly heâs somewhere around you,â
âThatâs precisely the reason, Minji,â you explain, pushing your cart around, reaching the meat section, and suddenly youâre thirsty looking at the blood-dripping liver packages sitting in the display fridges, âHe said weâll find each other if weâre meant to be, and I feel like Iâve been looking for him yet heâs the one running away from me,âÂ
And truth be told, besides being paranoid out of your mind, you spent time mulling some things over. Some things like the fact that Jaehyun hasnât made one single effort to find you, or how he went to extreme lengths like faking his own death that he knew would make the headlines, given his status at that time. And then thereâs the fact that that man, Haechan, knows youâre around, yet no one has ever reached out to you. So you came to the conclusion that Jaehyun doesnât want to find you, because he could have done so until now, so many times.Â
Itâs disappointing, realising that you spent eternity looking for him only to be met with an empty promise. And honestly youâve reached a point where you really donât want to meet him again. Youâre fearful, youâre embarrassed after making a fool of yourself, but you know you did so because you loved him. And youâre sure youâll go on loving him for a long time, but youâre the one who has to get away right now, the mere thought of having to face a man who made you suffer for absolutely no reason until now is making your insides churn with anger.Â
Centuries spent in misery only to realise you were playing his game all along. Plying a game of cat and mouse, if you will, â and youâre tired.
âCome live here,â Minji suggests, âEveryone knows I have a sister, so it will be easy for you to rebrand here,â she tells you, her sweet voice bringing you comfort. Because sheâs all you have, and maybe you should have turned Norma into a vampire as well. You wouldnât have been so lonely and miserable if you did.
âIâll think about it,â you smiled into the phone, but this time you feel like youâll have to go even farther away.Â
Youâre snatched out of your thoughts the moment someoneâs cart bumps into yours.Â
âAh! Miss Queen News of the World Fortieth Anniversary edition! What a coincidence,â the same mellow voice greets your hearing, yet this time heâs not alone. You recognise the other man to be the drummer of the band, Johnny Suh.
Extremely tall, very well built, Johnny seems to be someone that came out of a picture. Muscles defined like someone draw him with the finest pencil, clothes sitting impeccably, hugging his perfect body just the right way.Â
But youâre not impressed, youâre actually upset he bumped into you.
âHavenât seen you in a while! Someone bought your vinyl a while back,â Haechanâs voice interrupts your glaring towards Johnnyâs direction, âThrowing a bbq party?â He laughs, pointing at your cart half full of red meat.
For some reason, youâre beyond pissed by his cockiness.
âIs there a reason for your bumping into me here?â You ask, elbows resting on your cart as you look at the two of them uninterested.
This is just another way to confirm your suspicions. Jaehyun knows youâre here, and youâre sure he didnât spend centuries looking for you. Running away from you, on the other handâŚÂ
âListen,â you start, pushing the cart away and walking towards the two, âYou two act like internet archives arenât a thing, like wikipedia isnât a click away,â you sigh coming closer to the two, âOne century from now and maybe, just maybe people will overlook the fact that you two look exactly like two rockstars who died in 1994,â you bark at them tiredly, not in the mood to beat around the bush when you know exactly what they are, and youâre sure they know what you are as well, âI thought your maker was smarter than this,â
But you donât wait for their reply, leaving Haechanâs annoyingly radiant face behind, smugness now wiped away by your words.Â
And you donât bother finishing your shopping, or driving home, or calling Minji to tell her of the unpleasant encounter you just had. You drive away, and with sleep not being a problem to you, you know exactly where youâre off to.
It takes you ten more hours to reach your destination, and you park your car in one of the designated parking spots.Â
You look at the mansion that had been your home for so many years, and even if you wanted to go to your childhood home instead, youâre keeping that option viable for your next rebranding, that youâve decided will come sooner than previously anticipated.Â
Jaehyunâs mansion was unkept for a long time after you left town with Minji, and a few decades later, when you made sure no one remembered your faces, you made Minji buy it, not having the heart to lose it â and everything inside, â to complete strangers. After a few more decades, you made the purchase, for it to then be left unkept by the city hall, and then you bought it again at the beginning of your rebranding, a few years ago.
And now you feel like itâs finally over, like thereâs no reason to keep it and go out of your way to buy it every few decades to make sure no one sees how suspiciously you act. Maybe youâll fake your own death as well, and it all ends tonight with this mansion burning down to the ground alongside all the boxes inside.
Your pace is fast, feet moving rapidly inside and past the gates, and a gentle breeze blows, carrying a melody to your ears.
You stop in your tracks, looking at the old mansion and the unkept garden around it, the entrance where Jeger parked the carriage to wait for you, the fountain and its rim â the one you used to sit on while Jaehyun read to you during sunny summer afternoons.
And then you sharpen your hearing, thinking you hallucinated and heard the sound earlier, yet another breeze blows and the melody reaches your ears â this time louder and clearer.
Judging by the piece being played on a piano, the meaning behind it, and the importance it has to you, you know whoâs the one playing. And your feet move on their own, your brain freezing while you take quick steps over to the entrance, and all around the ground floor of the mansion, all the way towards the parlour where you knew the piano was, and you stop in your tracks for the second time in the span of ten minutes, a lump forming in your throat.
Youâre greeted by Jaehyun, looking exactly the same as he did the last time you saw him, hair black and on the longer side, like heâs been here the whole time, like he didnât make an appearance in a newspaper thirty years ago, sporting short, platinum hair. And heâs playing that Schumann piece.
âI told you Iâll learn this for you,â he smiles, eyes still focusing on his moving fingers.
âWhat are you doing here?â You ask, and it sounds like youâre being strangled.Â
âWell, if the mountain will not come to MuhammadâŚâ he trails off, like heâs mocking you in some sort of way.
âThen Muhammad will come to the mountain,â you complete the saying, still in disbelief of the personal attack he just launched on you. âIs this all you have to say?â You accuse, eyes squinting at his stupidly handsome face, âAfter all youâve put me through, you choose these to be among the first words you tell me?â You bark at him, your voice dripping with hurt.
He halts his movements, the melody coming to an abrupt halt, and his beautiful sparkly eyes look into your raging ones.
âYou let me roam the earth, alone and scared, just to show up in a place you knew Iâd take refuge in?â You accuse him once again, and you feel like youâre losing your mind. Did this man ever love you like he claimed he did?
âI heard you were going to rebrand,â he explained, bringing his arms behind his figure, âYou gave up,â
âI gave up?â You shout at him, tone full of anger and disbelief, âIâve been looking for you since the day you left, and you still managed to run away farther, and farther each time!â
âBut you didnât find me,â he whispers, and you feel like you donât recognise him. Centuries might have passed, but you never thought Jaehyunâs way of thinking would ever change.
âAnd you did?â You lurch towards his figure standing next to the piano, and you push at his chest, âDid you ever look for me, Jaehyun? You promised me eternity and then you left, asking me to look for you! And I did!â You push at his chest with every accusatory sentence that you let out, â Yet you never looked for me!âÂ
You start crying, not caring about the bloody tears, âAnd the moment you feel me giving up on you, you come exactly where you know youâll find me? Like you never did before!â You punch his chest, and he allows you to do it, still keeping his arms behind his figure.Â
âYou left me behind and I lost everyone and everything all by myself, when you promised youâd stay with me forever,â you sob, but your tone is full of venom as you spit accusations in his face.
He grabs your wrists, having enough of all your punches to his chest, âI love you! Never, not even for one second, believe I donât love you, or that I didnât in the past! I looked for you with no success, I moved countries and continents and you were nowhere to be found! So never, ever, accuse me again of running away from you!â He rasps, accentuating every single sentence. His eyes are dark, menacing, angry at your accusations, and while it should make you back down, it only fuels you more.
âAnd whose fault is that, Jaehyun?â You retort through your teeth, wrists still wrapped in his firm grip, âYou ran away from me that day, leaving a letter behind like that was supposed to hold all the answers to my questions! I had to bury Norma, Jeger, everyone else, all by myself! And the only thing you kept telling me in that letter was how much you loved me and that if weâre meant to be together, weâll find each other again! You said you loved me but you left me behind like a kicked puppy,â
âAnd Iâll regret that forever!â He spits, now angry. âIâve been yearning to be reunited with you even as soon as I left, but I had to do it! The priest started getting suspicious of me and I wanted to protect you! Taking you with me and leaving the mansion behind meant we were on the run from all accusations that priest was going to bring upon us, and I thought it was going to be easier for you to call my supposed death and erasing traces of my existence in this town, instead of you running away with me, and us possibly becoming a subject for history books!âÂ
âWhat?â You ask incredulously, the information too much for you right now.
âI never ran away from you except that one time, and I came back here looking for you every single time I rebranded in the vicinity of this zone, hoping you left clues behind, clues of where you could be! I spent centuries in agonising pain trying to finally find you,â his voice breaks, it thickens with emotion as he tries to gulp away the tears.
âI canât believe you thought I was running away from you,â he seems in disbelief, and a look into his eyes and you can tell heâs hurt.
âThen how do you explain the obnoxious presence of your band members around the town I rebranded to?â Your tone still dripped with anger, adamant to believe him.
âHaechan recognised you because of this,â he pulls a locket out of his pocket, âI always kept you with me, all these years,â he opens it with long and slender fingers, showing you a now blurry picture of yourself from 1875, âHe told me about you, and how it seemed like you recognised him as well, that one time at the record store. And I knew I could find you there, yet somehow it was like the earth swallowed you whole, like every time I was getting near, you disappeared into thin air,â
He gulps, trying to control his trembling voice, âHaechan heard you might rebrand, and I thought our house could be a place you would want to visit in the next few days, so I came here just to wait for you. And I started playing the piano the moment I sensed you parking outside the gates, hoping youâll hear me,â
His hands are suddenly on both sides of your face, squishing your cheeks as he looks into your eyes for a sign that you believe him, or that you donât, or maybe for a sign that you still love him. A sign of anything. Give him the smallest of signs and heâll grip to it like a drowning man looking for someone to pull him up again.Â
âMy love,â he starts, and your stomach flutters at the words that leave his mouth, having missed them, âI love you, and eternity by your side is all Iâve ever longed for,âÂ
You grab his wrists, pushing yourself up to reach his lips, and the moment his lips touch yours itâs like you can feel temperatures once again. Theyâre burning as they move on top of yours like flaming hot honey, tasting just as sweet.
He moans into the kiss, his slender fingers now making their way up in your hair, one hand reaching the back of your neck to bring you closer to the armchair by the piano, the one you used to sit in every time he played for you. And he didnât have to take you after him, because you would have chased his lips nonetheless.
Dragging you on top of him, he never breaks the kiss. Your hands make their way up in his hair, pulling at the dark strands to elicit something out of him, and he pleases your unspoken request with a rumbling groan coming from his chest, like heâs finally relaxing knowing he found the only thing that allows him to go on with living.Â
âYou donât know how long Iâve waited to have you like this again, how long Iâve waited to taste your sweetness again,â he mumbles against your lips, feeling your hands travelling down his abdomen to his belt.Â
His hands are all over your body, gripping at your thighs, pulling at your dress, squeezing the flesh of your arms and hips, travelling up on your abdomen to your breasts.Â
Heâs insatiable for you, too desperate to make up for the lost time, too desperate to feel your lips on him, too desperate to be one with you once again.Â
His big hands wrap around your breast as your fingers travel south of his happy trail, impatience making both of you messy, teeth clashing and tongues swirling in an eager battle of dominance, â and he pulls back a bit, giving you the reins and surrendering to you. He lets you set the pace, and even if he still feels the need to devour your lips and kiss you the way heâs craved for, for such long time, he lets you guide him so it feels good for you.Â
His senses are flooded by your smell, the sweetness heâs daydreamed of so many times until now, and it doesnât have to be a memory of the past. Youâre right here, your bare chest touching his, and with your clothed cunt causing friction on his already hard bulge.
You bite his lip as a warning to keep it down, because youâve never heard him so vocal and desperate for your touch. You guess this is what a century of yearning does to a man.
Feeling Jaehyun so eager for you gives you so much power, so much control, heâs at your mercy but his eyes are looking at you like heâs on the edge of snapping, like heâs putting all self control into supporting your weight on top of his clothed cock, trying not to pay too much mind to it or otherwise the friction alone might make him release on the spot.
You moan his name when the friction feels too delicious, making your clit burn with anticipation, âTell me what you want,â you look down at him, half naked under you, with his eyes glinting the moment he hears the way his name rolls off your tongue so easily, so eager, âJust say it,â
âYou,â he huffs trying not to focus on the way you keep moving on top of him, relentless, âJust you,â he breathes on your neck, hands keeping you in place on top of him, âRide me, my love,â he pleads, and it doesnât take you too much time to do as he says.
His fingers travel between your bodies, moving your panties to the side, to impatient to let you get off him to slide them down your legs, and as you sense his movements and understand his actions and what he means, you fingers move to his boxers, pulling the elastic band away from his abs, his cock slapping against his abdomen as soon as you free it from the uncomfortable tightness of the fabric.Â
You squeeze it in the palm of your hand, grip travelling to its tip, and Jaehyun sucks air through his teeth, âDonât play,â he lets out a whimper when you give it one final squeeze, before your free hand pushes him away from your neck.
He rests on his back, as much as the armchair allows him to, and you keep him into place with your hand, the other one busy lining him at your entrance.
The moment you sink down on him, you both release a sigh. With your eyes closed, you fail to see the way Jaehyun is looking up at you, eyebrows furrowed and eyes glossy, â the way youâre squeezing and pulsating around him makes his breath halt into his throat, jaw setting while looking down between your bodies at the way youâre taking him in so easily, moving your hips in a sinful motion.Â
The sting of the stretching fuels the burning you feel in your lower abdomen, like youâre ready to snap anytime already. It prompts you to plant the soles of your feet flat on each side of Jaehyunâs hips, and the motion has him hitting a new angle inside of you, one that has you seeing stars and your cunt squeezes him hungrily as you move up and down his cock.
The obscene squelch of your cunt taking all of him with ease is arousing, and your hands travel on his chest for support, touching his nipples and getting a whimper out of Jaehyun, one that youâve never heard. Heâs sensitive, both south of his loins and on his chest, and he has to fight and set his jaw not to release into you.
âIâm close,â he warns, and the sounds you make are enough to make his dick twitch inside of you, âWonât be able to last any longer, my love,âÂ
âI donât want you to,â you let out a breathy moan, your hand travelling between your folds to rub circles on your clit, giving yourself a helping hand, âJust let go,â
And the moment your release hits you, cunt squeezing around him like a vice â thanks to your motions on your fingers, â Jaehyun groans, spilling strings of his own release inside of you, melting in the way you keep pulsing around him, milking him for all heâs worth.
Keeping him inside of you, you fall on top of him, knees on each of his sides, and your face touches his shoulder, resting against it.Â
âYou learned Schumannâs piece for me?â You ask, your question distorted by the way heâs still keeping you against his skin, cheek squished against his shoulder, and all Jaehyun wants is to kiss your pouting lips.
âThatâs all you remember from the past half an hour?â He squints his eyes down at you, but his tone is playful.
You grab his chin, pushing yourself up to reach his lips, âYour technique is rusty, but you have some more centuries to learn it!â You giggle, hand falling back in the crook of his neck, and you let out a content sigh.
Youâre exactly where you were always meant to be, both you and Jaehyun, sticking to each other, ready to navigate eternity hand in hand.
Genre: road trip au, angst, drama, romance, slow burn, smut, suspense, strangers to lovers, hate to love
Word Count: 33k
Summary: You canât remember how you ended up in his car - driving through states and crossing countries, with no end in sight. He says heâll protect you and bring you to safety, deep in the woods, far away from home. The only thing you have left now is him, your protector⌠Or your abductor?
Warnings: This isn't your typical story in that genre, but it's still inevitable to avoid mentions of abduction, drug abuse, car accidents and their physical, and mental consequences. Both characters are morally gray and will stay morally gray.
A/N: Hi guys! This is the longest one shot I've ever published?! But it was so fun to write, and I hope you will enjoy reading it as well! Please leave feedback either here or in my inbox if you want, I'd be so happy and grateful to hear your opinionsđ
September, New York City, USA
Look at you.
You walk along the illuminated side street all alone after a long night of partying. You have taken off your high heels and carry them in your hands as your feet hurt from wearing them for too long. Your hair falls messily over your shoulders, your short glitter dress is twisted from all the dancing. The expression you're wearing reflects the remnants of this long Saturday night: you're smiling, cheeks heated, and shoulders bopping up and down.Â
You donât know whatâs about to come.
Look at you.
You walk without a single care in the world. So alone, so negligent, eyes everywhere but on the streets and your environment. You are the epitome of what many young girls might imagine themselves to be later in their lives: an heiress to one of the nation's top investment companies whose life revolves around shopping, partying and dating. A young, lively woman so many people love and so many people envy at the same time.
Yet, you donât know whatâs about to come.
Look at you.
You walk directly into my direction. I have positioned myself in front of your building's entrance in a blind spot to avoid drawing the night watch's attention to me. Luckily, he's still inside the lobby, having failed to notice my presence. You live in one of the exclusive upper floors since you moved out of your family home, sponsored by your rich father of course. Not once in your life did you ever have to worry about not having enough money.
"Hey, do you perhaps have a lighter?"
Look at you.
There you finally are, standing right in front of me. You look at me and, in the break of the second, you have scanned me from head to toe. My dark clothing, the black hoodie deeply pulled into my forehead to hide my distinctive face as best as possible. I donât belong here, you see it clearly.Â
Your expression, riddled with scorn, speaks volumes. How dares someone like me - a seeming poor guy loitering - speak to you, a rich, famous heiress? It humors me how tonight, you have kissed three guys in the semi-darkness of the club that you haven't even known for five minutes, yet judge me so harshly.
"Sorry, I don't have a lighter."
âToo bad.â
Every few weeks, you grace the headlines of different tabloids, and more often the headlines of online gossip websites: the nightly escapades of the famous heiress, her fast-changing dating rumors, the scandal about her dropping out of an Ivy League university⌠and that's only the tip of the iceberg.Â
I think you're a very haughty, spoiled and capricious girl. You have never known it better.
I will teach you better.
"Excuse me, I need to go inside."
I think I'm doing good so far. You haven't panicked yet, and asking for a lighter was the best excuse I could come up with. Itâs not in my interest to cause you to panic after all.
"It's fine."
Maybe it's in the moment you urge me to make space for you to pass that you realize I don't even have a cigarette, and the lighter in question might have been an idiotic attempt just to get you to talk to me. Because when you look back at me after I haven't let you pass, your initial indifference has given way for⌠fear. It might dawn on you only now that we are all alone out here.
At this time, nobody is present in front of the building except for us two. In a city that never sleeps, it's quite a convenient timing that I happened to catch you in this short time span of absolute surrender, isn't it? Even though itâs my first time, itâs a perfect plan that Iâm carrying out.
"Excuse meâŚ"
"I don't think you can go inside, sorry."
I stand in front of the entrance, blocking it for you. And even though I'm the only other person present and don't occupy both doors, you don't make an attempt to dodge me and go for the other entry point. Probably because you know you don't stand a chance against me. I see your eyes widen in shock as slowly, realization sinks in.
"PleaseâŚ"
I reach into my pocket where I feel the wet tissue that I have prepared beforehand. We could have done all this without talking, quick and wordless. But I assumed it was too inhumane, not fitting for a lady. Now that you threaten to scream though, I quickly come to regret this decision.
"NoâŚ!"
You let out a shriek, confirming my earlier regrets. I should have done it in a quick and silent way. I let out a long sigh when you turn around, drop your high heels and flee into the direction you have come from. Your behavior really gets on my nerves. Thankfully, I have a lot of patience.
I catch up to you just a brief moment later, because I am much taller and you cannot run fast, only barefooted after all. I have you in a tight grip in front of me, you can barely move anymore.
"Hel-!"
You fall limply together in my arms after I've pressed the chloroform filled tissue against your mouth. How peaceful you look without the initial scorn and the eventual fear etched all over your face.Â
Look at you.Â
Sleep well now.
I heave you into the passenger seat of my SUV that is parked nearby and secure the seatbelt around your body. You wear the most unideal attire for what we are about to do, but that is something we need to deal with when you wake up. I almost feel bad for treating a young woman like this. I almost feel sorry.Â
But I know I'm not capable of such, because I haven't felt anything even remotely similar to being sorry in a very, very long time.
We leave behind never-sleeping-New York City in the middle of the night. When the sun creeps over the horizon, announcing daybreak, we are already in Connecticut.Â
And look at you.Â
You're still sleeping.
____
September, Vermont, USA
Your head hurt. That was not unusual for you after a night out. But somehow, your back hurt as well and your throat felt so dry. You were cold and your legs and arms laid bare, though you usually had it very warm under your thick blanket at home. But you were not in your bed - you picked up on this fact quite quickly.
It took everything from you to open your eyes, the pain and the cold making it uncomfortable enough for you not to prolong your sleep-like state. You were in a seating position and instantly realized that you were sitting in a car that had been parked, the driver's seat next to you empty.
Had you called for your driver and fallen asleep in the car? But this was not your personal driver's car. The car was new and so big, but the interior didn't seem familiar to you at all. Had a friend or someone else driven you instead?Â
When you looked out of the passenger window though, you instantly realized that you were nowhere near Manhattan, probably not even remotely close to New York City anymore - because everything you saw was trees. You were surrounded by them, and they were so dense and dark that you had difficulties looking through the stems that seemed to encircle you like jail bars.Â
You tried to make out what time it was, but you couldn't find your purse in your immediate surroundings where you reckoned you had put your phone. Judging by the lightning coming from outside though, it must be way past midday already.Â
Had you slept for so long in a car? Even in your own bed, you usually woke up before 11 am despite getting home at dawn. And why did your head hurt this unusually much?
You reached for the handle and wanted to open the car door, but rattling on it didnât do much. Had the driver - whoever they might be - locked you in? You gulped, an unsettling feeling that you had been trying to ignore now spreading to every fiber of your body. It locked you inside a vest that seemed too tight for your body. You had trouble breathing and suddenly, you started to panic. Had you been drugged at the club and kidnapped on your way home?
"Hey!" you yelled and rattled on the door again. When there was absolutely nothing to do about it, you lifted up your hands and hammered your fists against the window. "Hey, let me out! Help!"
You twisted and turned your head, but nobody seemed to hear your cries for help. You were far away from civilization, locked up in a car all alone. If this wasn't alarming enough, then you didn't know what was.Â
You weren't here because you wanted to be, but because someone else had wanted you to be. Someone who might not be your acquaintance and someone who might not have good intentions. You tried not letting your panic fog your rational thinking. You were prepared for this. As an heiress, you had completed several self defense classes.Â
Your fingers trembled when you unlocked your seatbelt, but you were successful on the first try. You moved in the car that you more identified as an SUV and looked around in order to find something heavy and perhaps pointy to break the window. Your high heels would have been a good item right now, but they were gone.Â
The dashboard as well as the two seats in the front were almost entirely empty except for a small package of gum and some tissues in the glove box. But when you turned to the back of the car, you found a pile of clothes neatly draped on top of the direct seat behind you. You frowned, but curiosity got the better of you, because it looked like they were prepared specifically for you to find, yet they weren't clothes you would ever consider wearing.
When you had inconveniently made your way to the backseat, you took the clothing pieces into your hand. They were your size exactly: a tight fitted t-shirt, a thick cardigan and a pair of leggings, all in dark colors. On the floor, you even found a pair of new trainers, also exactly your shoe size. Truth to be told, though not exactly your style, you didn't want anything else more right now than exchanging your short party dress for these comfortable, warm clothes. You were freezing after all.
But this was not right. Having these fitting clothes prepared for you and being ripped off your phone was most definitely not a sign that you had spontaneously decided to go on a road trip with a friend and not remember a single thing.Â
What had happened just ten hours ago? You had had fun in the club, dancing with different guys⌠even kissing them, perhaps? Then you had gone home⌠and you had made it almost to the building. But there was something that had happened before, right before you had enteredâŚ
You heard him before you even saw him.Â
Your head snapped up and you watched him emerge from the forest through the back window. He was tall, his short hair dark, and he was wearing black cargo pants as well as a black hoodie and a jacket of the same color.Â
Despite not seeing his entire face clearly, you immediately knew he was a stranger.Â
Panic and adrenaline now rushed through your veins and you ducked your head, only then realizing how stupid this move was as you were in a car and he would see you anyway when he unlocked the door, at the latest. There was no heavy and spiky object inside here to crash the windows either.Â
You were trapped. Your heart was thumbing so loudly and heavily that you nearly felt it in your throat. The taste of bile collected on your tongue, and you wondered if you had felt anything remotely close to this fear and panic ever before in your life. Your life that had seemed so perfect that you had never expected something like this could ever happen.Â
What had you ever done to deserve this? The answer wasâŚÂ Probably too many things.
You closed your eyes shut when you heard the footsteps approaching. Heavy footsteps that crushed the leaves under them while he was walking through the forest's grounds. Then, the car unlocked. Was this⌠the end of it all, because you had pushed it too far?Â
You were hunched in the corner of the backseat when the driver's door opened, horror etched into your face. For a moment, you could have sworn you had stopped breathing when he leaned into the car. What would he do now? How would he react to finding out that you had woken up?
"Put on the clothes and come outside."
He was younger than you had expected, maybe only a few years older than you, though his voice was deep. He barely threw a look at you, but instead placed something on the driver's seat. You barely recalled what he had said before when he continued,
"Here's a wash bag with a toothbrush and everything else you might need as well as a bottle of water to use. I'll wait for you to change first, then you can go wash up with the stuff."
He closed the door again, but didn't move away from the car. Instead, he turned his back to you and waited, leaning against the driver's door. He stilled for a long time, and so did you.Â
What was happening? You couldn't wrap your head around the entire situation. Who was he and what had happened last night? What intentions would he bear that made him urge you to change and wash up? You choked back a gasp when you remembered your painful body, but only felt relief when the ache was restricted to your head and back.
You didn't want to sit it out for longer, so you quickly changed into the new clothes, always one eye directed at the figure outside. But he didn't move once all while you got dressed in the backseat of the car. You then leaned forward and reached for the wash bag. You found a toothbrush, toothpaste, cleansing foam and face cream inside. An abductor who had bad intentions wouldn't provide you with all this, would he? It was only a small consolation.Â
When you opened the door, you thought about running away. The new shoes were very comfortable, but regarding your current physical state and his stature, you were very certain that you wouldn't come very far. Even if you were in the state of running miles, you didn't know where you were, what was behind these woods. You couldn't decide which option was the worst.Â
If you wanted to escape, you had to think it out thoroughly and not act impulsively. Self-defense classes had taught you this too.
You stepped out of the car and the man directly shifted around to you. You stood at the opposite of each other, the car between you, providing you some kind of barrier that acted as protection. His expression was unreadable, and if you were under other circumstances, he might even be someone you would have found mysteriously attractive with the way his short dark hair stood in contrast to his pale skin, and the way his gaze was so penetrating, yet disassociating.Â
As though he didn't want to be here as well.
"Do you want to brush your teeth and wash up?"
It was exactly what you wanted, because you felt so gross. It would be the first thing you would have done at home, but you were far away from your home, with a stranger nonetheless. How could you think about washing up now?
"Who are you?" you asked directly. âTell me!â
He kept a straight face. "My name is Jaehyun. Your father sent me."
"My father?" A cool breeze grazed your cheeks. Way too cool for hot and sticky New York City around this time. "Sent you for what? What are we doing here? Where is this place even?"
"We're in Vermont." He shrugged and looked around. "Quite close at the border to Canada already."
Your mouth nearly fell agape. "Vermont?! What are we doing in Vermont?!"
You couldn't be in Vermont. You were supposed to be in New York City, in your luxurious apartment, getting ready for another day out with friends, shopping, having dinner at fancy restaurants and partying at night⌠What were you doing in Vermont?
Jaehyun let out a deep sigh. As though he had the right to be annoyed when you were the one confused and frightened. "We're on our way to Alaska upon your father's request."
You gasped for air. "Why would my father send a stranger with me to Alaska?!"
He looked aside as though he was still struggling to find the right words. As though he hadn't had enough hours on the way here to prepare an explanation that wouldn't let you freak out. Because you were so close to doing so already.Â
"I'm going to scream! I'm going to run away if you don't explain right now! Who are you and what is your matter with my father?!"
"I'm not here to hurt you. The opposite even." He lifted up a hand in a gesture while the other disappeared inside the pocket of his pants. When his hand emerged again, he was holding something out to you. A letter. "Your father told me to give you this. Can I⌠come over to give it to you?"
You stood there, nearly petrified when he slowly rounded the car and handed the seeming letter over to you from a distance. When you took it into your hand, he retreated back to the other side.
You opened the letter right on the spot and started reading.
____
It had started raining a long while ago. At one point, the rain had seamlessly merged with your blurry vision, caused by endless tears. You were sitting in the passenger's seat, legs pulled close to your chest after you had taken off your shoes. Your forehead rested on your knees, weak from all the crying. But you couldnât stop.Â
Jaehyun was gone. But for what exactly, you couldn't remember. Most likely, he only wanted to leave you alone to grieve, because now, he could be sure that you wouldn't attempt an escape. If you could call it like that even.Â
Your father⌠Your usually angry and strict, but also very loving and devoted father, was on the run. He had to suddenly escape and hide from a hit man after a vengeful friend's failed investment upon his recommendation. You didn't quite understand this situation yet. It was hard for you to grasp the entire meaning and the consequences behind the sudden happenings of the past twelve hours.
Apparently, your father had started planning this out very thoroughly as soon as he sensed the downfall. But he hadn't let you, your sister or any other acquaintance in on his plans so as to not make you worried while he was preparing for the entire familyâs escape from the country.
"Your father is currently somewhere in Asia and your sister has been taken to South America. I will take you to Alaska," Jaehyun had said. "It was better to separate all of you."
"For⌠for how long?" you had asked.
"For as long it takes for your father to settle the situation," he had answered.
The rain was pattering mercilessly against the front window and you failed to make out your family members' faces in the drops trailing down the glass. You wished you had your phone right now, but according to Jaehyun, it was too dangerous to even leave it turned on in case your father's enemies would track you - and then your entire family - down. It was not like you wanted to go online. You just wanted to look at pictures of your father and sister as you feared you might forget how they looked.
Only slowly, it dawned on you what this situation would mean for the next few weeks at best:
You would drive all the way to Alaska with a stranger, sleeping in the car, eating canned food, using the outdoors as a bathroom⌠no, this couldn't be real. You knew this was probably so selfish and shallow, but a part of you also mourned after all the pretty things and the luxury in your life that had been ripped from you. And then, you even grew a little resentful of your father for being the catalyst of all these events and your life as it was now.
It was all too much for you to process at once, so you didn't know what to feel and how to handle all these emotions, let alone this entire new life environment. You generally avoided nature, you were a city girl through and through. How were you supposed to lay low here until it was safe to return?
You suddenly flinched, having been deep in your thoughts, when the driver's door opened and Jaehyun settled himself behind the steering wheel. He was completely drained and took off his wet jacket that he then put on the backseat.
"In an hour, we can continue driving when it gets dark," he declared monotonously. "We only drive at night and rest during the day. We will use the longer and more remote route through east Canada. That way, we can assure that no one follows us. We will reach Montreal in a few hours and then continue our way to Ontario."
You couldn't care less what he was talking about and what he was doing. You just wanted to cry, scream, shake something⌠but all that came out were more tears. But he didn't react.Â
At least that was something you could be grateful for. He left you alone with your feelings.
____
September, Quebec, Canada
You had passed Montreal a mere hour ago. Though you had barely seen anything of the city - only the faint lights from the rural road you had taken. For the rest of the drive, as you stared out of the window, you saw nothing but the eerie darkness of wide fields, and, even eerier still, long stretches of woods that seemed to swallow the road ahead as a whole. And it went deeper, deeper and deeper.
Jaehyun was driving, gaze unwavering from the street. And you were sitting next to him, silent at all times. Yet, you had many questions left. Why had your father chosen him? Where did he know him from? What would you do when you arrived in Alaska? But you couldnât bring yourself to talk.
You passed in and out of sleep, and when the car finally came to a halt, it was bright outside again. Your eyes were heavy and there was a sour taste on your tongue. Your hair probably stood in every direction and you hadn't washed up in so long. But you didn't care now, which was odd, because you usually did.
"We're in a wildlife reserve here," Jaehyun eventually said when he parked the car in a small clearing, encircled by trees. "I've checked the location, there is no house close by, this is a good hiding spot. There is even a small stream down there where we can take a bath according to the map."
You wouldn't call stepping into a creek âtaking a bathâ in comparison to the hot tub at your home, so you'd rather decline.
"You must be hungry," Jaehyun then stated as you refused to get out of the car. "I'll make you something. Here." He put the small wash bag that you hadn't used yesterday on your lap. "You can wash up in the meantime if you want."
But you didn't. You didn't want to do anything. You were too tired, exhausted and depressed. What was there to life when you had lost everything worth living for anyway? There was no delicious food anymore, no warm, or even running water, no toilet. No bed! How could you live like this? You wondered whether your father and sister were better off and how he could do this to you.
Of course your sister wouldn't get the same treatment. Not your little, fragile, perfect sister who was far more fitting for the position of the heiress other than you, and who your father always protected at all costs. He would never let her go through the same torture as you.
The passenger side door opened and Jaehyun stretched out something to you inside. "Here." It was a small metal bowl with plain porridge inside. "It's breakfast. Eat it."
But you didn't react, so Jaehyun placed the bowl on your lap after having taken away the wash bag and placed it on the dashboard, assuming you wanted to eat first before washing up. He closed the door again and took his breakfast - the same as yours - right next to the car outside, inspecting the surroundings.Â
You watched him carefully. He was tall and well built as far as you could tell through his layers of clothes, and he apparently knew much about life on the road and survival without modern equipment. But you still couldn't grasp the connection between him and your father.
When Jaehyun opened the door again, he wordlessly took the full bowl from you and returned to the trunk from where he apparently got all the things. Just by the size of the SUV alone, you assumed there must be much capacity. But you also admitted that this was not the ideal getaway car. It was certainly⌠striking. Even for the streets of big cities.
Jaehyun came back only a little while later. He had apparently washed up at the stream as his short hair was still wet. Luckily the sun was shining today, though it wasn't very warm anymore as you had driven quite far into the northern hemisphere already.
"You can go to the stream if you want," he urged you as he sat down behind the steering wheel, but you ignored him again. And again, he tried, "You can also go sleep in the backseat. There, you have the entire space to yourself and can stretch. I can bring you some blankets."
But you just sat there and stared out of the window. Almost unnoticeably, Jaehyun let out a sigh and started reclining his own seat. "I don't lock the doors, so you can go whenever you want. Just make sure you return before it gets dark. And don't wander too far off, because you can get lost easily in the woods."
That was when you turned to the side and looked at him. His expression was bland, as though he merely stated facts, without any emotions. Wasn't he afraid about you running away?
As though he had just read your thoughts, Jaehyun said, "I know running away probably crosses your mind every now and then. But before you do so, just think about whether it is what your father wants. I am here to protect you, not to confine and to torture you. Of course you're free to roam around, do what you want as long as you don't endanger your own life. I promised your father to take care of you and that you will be reunited once this is all over. You've read the letter, you know this is legit."
A chuckle escaped from deep inside you. For the first time since you were on the road, you directed your words at him, "I should think about what my father wants? He never once thought about what I want! He always called me reckless, selfish and materialistic! And now look in which situation he brought me because of his mistakes!"
Jaehyun furrowed. "Is this what you worry about?"
You were taken aback. "What else should I worry about?"
"How your sister and father are doing, for example."
"Tsk." You crossed your arms in front of your chest and sunk deeper into your seat. You didn't want to admit that he was right. You missed them and were worried for them, of course. But right now, anger and resentment dominated your feelings. "They're fine. They always are."
You wondered whether you wanted to reassure Jaehyun or yourself.Â
You were the troublesome child, the outcast. The one who seldom visited the family home anymore and rarely ever contacted them first. There had been a time when you had been so close. You wished this all wouldnât stand between you anymore as it seemed so futile in comparison to what was happening right now.Â
If you had known what would happen, would you have told them about your real feelings? Â
"I see." Jaehyun shrugged. "Do you want a blanket now?"
"I'm good. I'll go to the stream for..."
He nodded knowingly and you cringed at the fact of discussing your bathroom needs with a stranger again. It never got easier. But you had been holding it back for too long now, and even though you hadn't drank or eaten in a day, it was about time you relieved yourself again. The last time you went was before you had made your way to Montreal.
You followed the path Jaehyun had shown you and found yourself a mere minute later next to a creek. The water seemed clear and inviting, and you didn't want anything more than to brush your teeth and take a shower right now. But what for? You had no intention to stay.
Screw your father. Screw your sister. Screw Jaehyun.
You started running.
____
The sun was setting when you eventually stopped moving altogether. Your feet hurt, you were cold in your light clothes now without a jacket, and your face and hands showed signs of scratches from when you had to push your body through tight bushes. Your tongue was dry and wanted to do everything for water now. Why was it that, in all these hours, you didn't find a paved street let alone a single other person?
You allowed yourself to crouch down and rest on a stub of a tree to catch your breath and reevaluate your situation. You had regretted running away within the first hour, but admittedly hadn't been able to find your way back. The trees had started to grow too dense, barely letting through any light, so the ground grew colder and colder. You slung your arms around yourself and rubbed them up and down to warm yourself up.
Then you started crying again. You would do anything just to lay in your bed in your safe, warm home, wishing this was all just a nightmare from which you would wake up soon. It wasn't typical for your father to have something like this happen to him. He was well-organized, observative and careful. You must know, because it was expected of you to work for and with him in the future. There was no way this was your life now.Â
But the letter was legit, and so was your current situation. You wanted your trendy clothes back, your designer bags, your comfortable bed, your hot shower, everything you had since then taken for granted.
"You ready to go back now?"
"Ah!" you let out a scream when Jaehyun suddenly emerged from the trees behind you. It had been hours! Had he been following your every step ever since? "How- What?! How did you find me?!"
"I followed your footsteps on the ground, simple as that."
âItâs been hours!â
âYet, you have barely brought distance between us.â
Who was this guy?! "How? Where are we now?"
"Not far from the car, as a matter of fact. You've been moving around in circles. But it's no surprise. People who don't know the woods well tend to get lost so easily as everything looks the same to them." Jaehyun crouched down to the same level as you and put his hand on the ground. "See, your footprints. Several, on top of that. All pointing in different directions."
You didn't see anything on the ground except for a bit of mud, moose, fallen leaves and grass. AgainâŚÂ
"Who are you even? You cannot be a random acquaintance of my father!"
"Iâm one of your father's bodyguards." Jaehyun cleaned his hands by clapping them together and then arose again. "You might not know me, because I'm relatively new and don't resemble the bigger, bulkier guys your father usually surrounds himself with. But there is a reason he chose me. Iâm an ex-Marine."
For how long had your father planned this? For how long had he planned to shatter your life and take everything from you, sending you off with a stranger to live in a car?
"We won't live in the car," he suddenly answered your thoughts, and you figured you might have said the last part out loud. "There is a cabin, deep in the woods of southern Alaska. That is our destination. We will lay low there until you can go back."
He said "you", not "us", you remarked in silence and asked out loud, "And how long is it going to take?"
Jaehyun shrugged. "From a few days to a few months, everything is possible. Your father sent me on a mission and I will carry it out, even if it may cost my life as long as you can live."
You had been too self-centered to grasp the seriousness of the situation before, but while roaming around in the woods all day, there was nothing else you had been able to think about. You wiped the tears from your dirtied cheeks with the back of your freezing hand.Â
If this was going to end in the worst possible outcome because of your own mistake, not only would you be dead, but your father and sister, and possibly everyone close to you as well.
Was there really no other way to survive these horrors except from cooperating with this Marine stranger? If your father trusted him, then shouldn't you too?
"ListenâŚ" Jaehyunâs gaze darkened as he looked at you. "I am not here to hurt you. I am here to protect you, but you need to cooperate as well. We will have to take high precautions and roaming around in the wild isn't helping much. I let it slip this one time, because I know you needed it. But I won't let it happen again, because every person you meet, every security camera that catches sight of you or even the car, could reach your fatherâs enemies sooner or later. The people after him are very powerful, this is not something to be taken lightly. This is serious, your whole familyâs lives depend on every one of your actions. Was I clear enough?"
You didn't answer and didn't direct a single word at him anymore when you followed him back to the car. He took it as an agreement without you needing to verbally define it as such.
____
October, Ontario, Canada
"You haven't eaten anything since we're on the road," Jaehyun stated with much reproach in his voice when he opened the passenger seat for you. "Are you going to starve yourself?"
"I'm not hungry. Iâve said it several times already."
Every now and then, you were sipping on a bit of water, and only when Jaehyun offered it to you. But you didnât lie about not being hungry. You didnât have an appetite, because you weren't feeling like yourself anymore.Â
You were dusty, sticky and most likely also very smelly from head to toe as you hadn't touched the wash bag even once. Jaehyun grew more frustrated with each passing day, but you couldn't care less as you were not adapting well to these peculiar living circumstances anyway. You just wished to survive this with as little participation as possible until you reached your destination.
"Come out," Jaehyun then summoned.
Admittedly, you really wanted to go for a walk since today was a bit warmer than the last days, but you had no motivation. The past two days had gone by following the same routine. You slept at night when Jaehyun was driving, and when he slept during the day, you were lying in the backseat, napping or staring into nothingness. You rarely spoke to each other, and you still hadnât come to trust and rely on him even a little bit.
Despite the good weather, you had only intended to stay in the car just like the past days, but Jaehyun had parked right next to a river. It was bigger than the one from two days ago. In the summer, you could easily go swimming in it. Perhaps, walking around outside sounded quite inviting.Â
"Fine,â you sighed and swung your legs out of the car. âJust for a little bit."
"No running away today, okay?" You wondered whether Jaehyun had just made a sarcastic joke.Â
"We'll see." And you wondered whether you had just made one as well.
You walked over to the stream and came to a halt next to the riverbank. The water was a bit deep, probably reaching to your hips, but the current was quiet and slow. You could have sworn you saw a few fishes too when you bent over the surface.Â
"You can go inside,â Jaehyun suggested. âItâs not too cold.â
âItâs okay. Iâll just sit down here.â
âNot today.â He suddenly appeared by your side. "Here, let me help you."
The next thing you felt was pure coldness embracing you from all sides. Instinctively, you held your breath and closed your eyes. The ground beneath your feet vanished before you even realized you were falling forward, straight into the water that was attacking your clothed body like a million needles. It was cold. So, so cold.
"Are you insane?!" You screamed when you pushed back up to the surface, standing on shaking feet. Your hair, face, clothes⌠everything was wet. "It's freezing! Who pushes someone into a river?!"
But Jaehyun just quietly turned around and walked back to the car from where you saw him taking out several items. He came back and placed them all on the riverbank. You spotted the wash bag, soap, a wash cloth, a towel and⌠fresh clothes.Â
He had had fresh clothes for you all along and still let you walk around in these dirty garments for days?
You slowly made your way to the riverbank, your feet slipping on the muddy ground several times, but Jaehyun lifted his hand and urged you to stop right there. "No fresh clothes until you wash up."
You couldn't believe your ears. "Excuse me?"
"I'm very sorry to say this to a lady butâŚ" He stopped, visibly struggling, but eventually he confessed, "You smell."
"I-, what?!"
"You smell!" Jaehyun then said a bit louder, matter-of-factly almost. It wasn't like you hadn't heard it acoustically. You just couldn't believe someone would say such an offending thing right into your face. "You havenât eaten, washed and changed clothes for days. I've been on the road in groups of several men for weeks and you come really close to smelling like them wh-"
"Stop!" you yelled again, your face heating up. You then both paused, just staring at each other. This was so humiliating. "Pass me the soap and turn around," you quietly pressed through gritted teeth and looked away.
Jaehyun probably didn't know how to express himself better. If he had only been surrounded by men before and had come fresh out of his service judging by his age, then he probably didn't know much about treating women. But that shouldn't be an excuse!
He was quietly sitting with his back turned to you, working on what seemed like making a fire. Every now and then, when you slowly took off your clothes with your back turned to him as well, you peeked over your shoulder. But Jaehyun never once made a move to even peek back.
When you felt slightly safer, you put your wet clothes and shoes on the riverside and scrubbed your entire body down, starting from your head by washing your hair and ending with your feet. You would have done anything to follow through with this procedure in a hot shower, because the cold water let your teeth clash against each other so hard, you could barely hear the current anymore.
Jaehyun was still sitting quietly with his back turned to you when you had dried yourself off with the towel, quickly brushing your teeth and creaming your face as well. You were frozen to the bones, but at least you were more presentable now. More or less. But this was the best you could do.
You had changed into a pair of joggers and a hoodie with warmer layers underneath - all exactly your size. The towel was now draped over your head to dry your hair when you approached Jaehyun at the bonfire, feeling a little bit more like yourself again. But only a little bit. You seated yourself a bit further away from him and held your hands over the flames. He had obviously made the fire only with branches as you didn't see a lighter anywhere.Â
"I'll warm up some soup for breakfast now,â Jaehyun informed you. âI haven't slept much yesterday, so I'm quite exhausted. I would really appreciate it if you would not run away today and eat something."
"Why can't we go to a hotel or something?" you asked dryly as you watched him pour the canned soup into a small pot over the camping cooker that he had set up right next to the bonfire. âJust for one night.â
The fact that he was not preparing the food over the fire suggested that he had only set it up for you to get warm again. You swallowed a lump in your throat.
"There are cameras everywhere, we cannot risk it." Jaehyun stirred with a spoon in the pot, and suddenly, you felt so hungry. You couldn't explain where it came from. "It's all for the same reason as to why I had to take your phone away and you cannot contact anyone in your family."
"Maybe you're lying after all," you said nearly sulkily. "Maybe the letter is fake and you just kidnapped me to blackmail my father."
Honestly, both stories sounded equally bizarre, they could both be true.
Jaehyun then grabbed something else from nearby that he had apparently intentionally prepared as though he had seen this scenario coming.Â
It was a very famous tabloid. You took it with trembling hands, but you didn't even need to open it as your father's face was all over the headline. It was dated to three days ago, the day after you had needed to leave urgently.
"I knew you would ask at some point,â Jaehyun explained calmly. âI bought this the next morning when you were still⌠passed out."
The headline read:
Top investor on the run - Where isâŚ
Famous heiress and sister missing.
The full story. Everything we know so far.
FBI is investigating.
Your hunger was entirely gone.
____
You had spent the entire day sitting by the small bonfire, reevaluating your life once again while waiting for your wet clothes to dry. Jaehyun was sleeping in the car, and per his request you hadn't left the immediate area. Your hunger hadnât returned, and at this point, you wondered whether starving yourself would be more merciful than continuing living like this.
"Your hair is dry already. Good. It took way too long." Why did he always silently emerge out of nowhere? Jaehyun settled himself next to you and stretched his limbs. "I'll make food now and we won't leave until you eat."
"Then you can wait for a very long time."
"Fine, then we will wait." He gave in way too fast. There was a catch. "Not only for you to eat, though. But also for the bears to join us. Making a fire was already dangerous enough, but otherwise you would have caught a cold, and getting sick would be even more bothersome."
âAnimals donât get attracted to fire.â
"Bears do, because by now they have learned that when a fire is near, so will be humans and food, and they follow the smell. And I donât necessarily want to fight one again."
You raised a brow. âYou fought bears before? Youâre lying.â
"Thatâs what you learn as a Marine."
Jaehyun had taken off his jacket due to the warmth of the fire, only wearing a tight fitted shirt now. You dared to take a closer look at his build. He was more buff and even more muscular than what you had assumed through the layers of fabric. Fine, you bought it.
âIf you say so.â
You watched Jaehyun pour oats and water in the clean pot that he then put on the camping cooker. Oatmeal used to be your favorite breakfast when you were little, but you usually preferred it with milk. That was not possible right now, though.Â
After a few minutes of stirring, the light meal was done and Jaehyun put a bit of it in a metal bowl before sprinkling some spice over the food. Wordlessly, he then held the bowl out to you and wordlessly, you took it. On top of the oatmeal, he had put a bit of sugar and cinnamon.
It was just like your mom had always prepared it for you when she was still alive. Only your family had known. Had they told him?
Suddenly, you didn't feel resentment towards your father and sister anymore. You missed them dearly and even felt guilty for having reacted the way you had earlier. You started eating your porridge in silence with a heavy feeling sitting on the top of your chest that you failed to suppress. When the first tears started to fall, you continued eating. And Jaehyun was eating as well, all in silence.Â
You didn't want to die. You didn't want to risk never seeing your father and sister again. The only way to be reunited with them was to stay alive, follow instructions with the help of your father's chosen bodyguard, and hope for the best. So you emptied the entire bowl.
When you both finished, you helped Jaehyun collect the food waste, bowls and pots, and brought the used items over to the car. Jaehyun opened the trunk that was so much bigger than those of regular cars, and you widened your eyes when you saw what he had all cramped into there.
There was a large box that took up almost half of the trunk's space. It was filled with water bottles, canned food like ravioli, and different packages with dry or pre-cooked food like oats and rice. It was enough to last you two for a week more, most likely.Â
On the other side of the trunk, there was a transparent box filled up to the brim with different clothes, shoes and blankets. For you and him both, you assumed. On a smaller box next to it, you read "hygiene" on the lid. When you lifted it up to take a look inside, you found towels, soap, a brush and other necessities for a quick wash up. Even pads and tampons. Jaehyun had thought about everything.Â
There was also a small box which was declared as "medicine & emergency" and another one with "tools". You also spotted four canisters with gas, and it only now became clear to you that you had never once stopped at a gas station.
"How long will we still be on the road until we reach the cabin?" you asked. âThatâs a lot of stuff.â
"Approximately one week."
Just as you had guessed. "Do you have a phone?"
Jaehyun looked at you as though you had just asked the dumbest question. "Of course I don't have a phone. If they track me down, they will get to you as well."
"Then how do you know where we'll be driving to exactly? How can my father contact you when everything is over?"
Jaehyun let out a long sigh as though annoyed. You didnât think your questions were this stupid.Â
"You know, physical maps exist. And it's not the first time I'm driving this route. Your father knows where to find us."
âI mean⌠something like prepaid phones exist too, you know.â
âI know.â
But he didnât explain why they werenât using such phones instead. To you, it all sounded too vague. But Jaehyun had proven more than once that he had been indeed sent by your father.Â
There was nothing left to do for you other than to trust their plan, regardless of how little it made sense to you.
____
October, Manitoba, Canada
Another two days passed with the same routine while you drew closer to the next Canadian state.Â
Coming from bustling New York City, you grew bored of the dull nighttime drives through the remote areas quite fast and just slept as much as possible throughout the hours on the road. When you found a secluded site in the woods to camp, you first ate oatmeal or canned food together before Jaehyun retreated himself to sleep in the car while you just wandered around the area or sat close by the car, deep in thoughts and dreams.
Yesterday, you tried to polish your appearance as best as you could. It had taken you an hour to brush out all the knots in your hair and trim your brows with tweezers that you had grabbed from an emergency kit. You had even found vaseline to tend to your chapped lips, but nothing helped your unhealthy face color, the big bags under your eyes and your overall motley appearance.Â
Before, you had never left the house without a full face of makeup and an outfit suitable for the occasion in case you met people you knew or got photographed. Now, there was not much you could do to appear put together. You knew that, even when you happened to cross paths with other strangers in this wilderness, they couldnât care less about your appearance. It was for you. Everything in your life had fallen apart already. If something like mascara could make you feel a little better, then you would take it. But there was none as such.
You had just woken up from a rather comfortable nap with the passenger seat reclined as far as possible when the car suddenly came to a halt at a rest stop. When the roads weren't as curvy and bumpy, you could even sleep stretched out on the backseat. Jaehyun didnât care all too much about it.
This rest stop seemed to be the only sign of civilization within miles, nestled deep in the woods where this asphalted road ran through. There was only one small fuel pump and an even smaller house in which you saw an old man seated at the counter. Through the window, you were able to spot a single aisle with low shelves.Â
There must be food and drinks! As much as you appreciated Jaehyun providing for you, you had grown quite tired of the same, plain food every day. Instantly, you unbuckled your seatbelt, but Jaehyun's head snapped back at you as though you had just committed a crime.
"Are you crazy?!" he called out and grabbed your arm to drag you back. "You cannot come with me! I will only pump some gas into the canisters and we will disappear again!"
"Why not?" you asked with much frustration. "There is no one here except for that old man!"
"There might be security cameras! What if another car suddenly stops here? What if the old man inside or someone else passing by recognizes you?"
You rolled your eyes. "We're in the deep wilderness! Be so for real now!"
"Did you forget who you are?! Don't you think people in rural Canada might also recognize your face?"
Jaehyun had let go of your arm and was now trying to fix your seatbelt again, but you slapped his hand away and then pointed at your face. "This face you mean? Look at me! Do I look anything like the person on newspapers or gossip blogs? Be so for real now."
âCan you stop talking in internet slang for a moment?â He stared at you blankly. "Well⌠if you look closely, maybe."
Ouch. He really didn't know how to treat women delicately. But you decided not to hold it against him, because this could be your ticket to enter the shop with his permission.
"You can check for security cameras if you like. You can even go in there before me and check on the man himself. Just pleaseâŚ" You didn't want to beg, but you didn't know what else to do at this point. Jaehyun could keep you locked inside the car if he wanted, so you had to sweet talk to him until you got on his good side. "I just want a cold coke⌠and sweets maybe? You cannot tell me you wouldn't like these too after water and oatmeal for days."
A few moments passed, but eventually Jaehyun let out a long, defeated sigh. You had the feeling you caused him to sigh very often. "I'll go first and then come back to get you. Stay here until I return, fine?"
"Fine." You wanted to let a giggle slip, but swallowed it.
Jaehyun didn't lock the doors when he got out of the car. You watched him rounding the vehicle, then the entire outside area, lifting his head every now and then. When Jaehyun went inside the gas station, he talked to the old man for a little while, then walked up and down the aisle, stopped shortly in front of a shelf, looked into every ceiling corner as well, and eventually returned to you.
"Wear this," Jaehyun told you when he opened the passenger door and placed a jacket on your lap. It was his own, not the one you usually wore outside. It would hide more of your body due to its size. "Make sure to wear the hood as well. Just to be safe."
Jaehyun's jacket reached down to your hips, the hood also falling deep into your forehead, concealing most of your face. You triumphed and followed Jaehyun to the shop.
"Don't act suspiciously. Here are five dollars, so buy whatever you want. Be quick and don't say a word. Avoid saying as little as hello and goodbye even. Buy and leave. I stay outside and fill the canisters."
"But isn't it suspicious if I avoid speaking to the cashier?" you asked. "If I behave like a timid, scared girl, he will suspect I'm a timid, scared girl and question the situation."
"HmâŚ" Jaehyun was very educated in survival stuff, but he knew little about human interactions while your life was based on human interactions. "ProbablyâŚ"
You held out a hand to get him to stop talking. "Just watch. That's my forte."
"Hey-!"
But you were already inside the shop. "Good evening, mister."
The old man barely looked up and only murmured, "Evening."
You ignored Jaehyun who was watching you through the large panoramic window with a wary expression and strolled through the short aisle. Immediately, saliva collected on your tongue when you saw all these colorful bags with delicious snacks.
You grabbed a small pack of chips and sour worms. The five Canadian dollar note cheapskate Jaehyun had given you wasnât enough to get a can of coke on top, but since food would last you longer anyway, you were satisfied with your small haul.Â
That was until on your way to the cashier, your gaze fell on a small section with newspapers and tabloids. Your heart nearly stopped. ButâŚ
There were no headlines about your family on the covers anymore. You wondered whether there had been no progress in your scandal for your story to be pushed back, blending in with less important reports. You knew better than anyone, since you had been gracing the tabloid covers every few months and appearing inside the magazines almost every few weeks.Â
Since you were in Canada now, it was natural for them to have more important news and people to write about. But there must be at least something small⌠You werenât that insignificant even here.
You placed the snacks aside and, with shaking fingers, grabbed a popular magazine that usually liked writing gossip about you in the US version. New issues had been supposed to come out either yesterday or today if you had run the dates correctly.Â
You skimmed through the pages, but couldn't find any reports on your case. You were unsure whether this was good or bad. Then, you searched through the next magazine, only to find anything but news on your family as well. Your last hope was a Canadian newspaper dated today. Since they changed daily, you were most likely to find something inside there. But again, there was nothing. Not even in the smallest section. Not even a mention.Â
Disappointed, you placed the newspaper back on the shelf. You supposed that this was a good sign your father and sister had not been found yet. Still, there was a lingering premonition you couldn't shake off. What if this was⌠not real after all?
"Are you done yet?" Jaehyun had suddenly appeared next to you, causing you to flinch. He looked at you, then at the magazines, and connected the dots. Grim, he grabbed your selected bag of chips and sour worms. "Get whatever else you want, I'll pay for this."
You quickly grabbed two cans of coke from the nearby fridge and handed the cashier the additional five dollar bill after a gesture from Jaehyun. You tried looking at the old man intensely, trying out different expressions and even pulling your hood back a bit in case he would recognize your face. But he didn't even look at you once.
When the cashier was focused on packing your snacks into a plastic bag, your eyes wandered over the counter. There was a small section with pester power items. One of the items was, to your very dismay, tinted chapstick with strawberry flavor. It would make your lips look a bit prettier than the vaseline you had been provided with, and even the mere thought of it gave you a surge of happiness and confidence.Â
Your hand automatically reached out for the chapstick, but you halted mid-motion, coming to your senses. You wished to have collected this instead of the coke, but Jaehyun would have surely not let this one slide when you had pestered him about the drink so much, so you retracted your hand.Â
"Why is there no article about my family and our disappearance?" you asked Jaehyun bluntly on the way back to the car. "The news cannot die down after just a few days!"
"Itâs the Canadian wilderness here, you said it yourself. Perhaps, those were old issues."
"No, those were new ones. I know every single issue with their main headlines, and I looked closely at the dates. If we're missing, then our faces should be everywhere, shouldn't they? Even in Canada, if we must be so careful here as well. But there was not even a single mention of us. Do you think itâs different in the US after the major headline from a few days ago that youâve shown me?"
"I wouldnât know." Jaehyun opened the passenger door for you and you sank into the seat with the two cokes you had been holding. He placed the snacks on your lap and closed the door before he got into the driverâs seat himself from the other side of the car. He then continued, "Perhaps, people really donât care much about you here. Itâs an entirely different country after all."
You didnât even try to get your hopes up. âSo⌠if thatâs the case, what would actually hold us back from using hotels here?â
"No way." Jaehyun then started the car. "Everything it takes is only for one person to recognize you. We cannot risk it."
You buckled up your seatbelt and then threw a coke in Jaehyun's lap. "Here."
"You didn't need to."
You shrugged and opened your can, Jaehyun following your act suit. "I thought you might get tired and needed a bit of caffeine and sugar to keep you awake. Don't think too much into it."
Reluctantly, he said, âThank you.â
____
October, Saskatchewan, Canada
You only had three outfits to wear that Jaehyun had packed, which included two pairs of trainers and two jackets of different thickness and fabric. The clothes catered more to warmth and practicability rather than a flashing appearance. As a person who used to be out in public so often, you usually never repeated outfits within a short time span. So you tried holding on to this small part of your former life in the form of pimping up your current fits. If you could call it like that even.Â
You tied a shirt in front of your stomach, letting a little bit of skin slip when you felt like it, or inserted a small part of the fabric into the front of your pants. You wore your hair tucked into the collar of your hoodie, tried other styles with bobby pins and ties, or wore your jacket around your hips when it was a bit warmer. Jaehyun usually threw a confused look at you, but never lost a word about it.
It wasnât until you rode into the South of Saskatchewan that it started pouring heavily all day long, making it impossible for you to leave the car with dry clothes. For your safety, Jaehyun had even parked the vehicle close to the main street, though only two other cars passed by that day. The province was part of the Great Plains, so the landscape was dominated by prairie grassland.
You were locked inside the vehicle with Jaehyun while both of you were eating leftover oatmeal from the night before. Only your portion had the sugar and cinnamon topping.
"Don't you like sweets?" you asked Jaehyun after you had finished your meals. You were currently brushing your hair. Every day, it seemed, brushing out the knots took more and more time. "I reckon you only touched the chips and not the sour worms as well."
"I'm not⌠used to it, so I don't specifically like or hate sweets, there is just no preference. In the military, we rarely had something sweet when it was all about surviving. We barely ever had anything." He cleared his throat and suddenly deadpanned, "We also didn't care much about our appearance."
You narrowed your eyes and lowered the brush, halting your motions. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"We take so long to depart, because you always fiddle with something on your appearance. Mostly on your hair that also takes so long to dry, because what? You cannot leave it to dry in a towel for it to fall differently? We're on the run, not on the runway."
Your mouth nearly fell agape. "Excuse me?! I am a lady, makeup and fashion is my life! It makes me feel good, it pushes my confidence! If I seek for something to make me feel a little more girly and a little bit better after everything has been ripped away from me, then I don't think you have a say in this!" You leaned back in your seat and folded your arms across your chest, sulking. "Of course such words would only come from a man. This has nothing to do with you, I don't want to look good for you or anyone else. That was in the past. Right now, itâs just for me. You donât know how it is to suddenly live like this."
"I didn't mean it as such an insult," Jaehyun meekly attempted to talk himself out of it. "I picked the most basic clothes, because it wouldn't matter so much anyway in our situation. I just think⌠you put on some mask. You look fine the way you are now with whatever you're wearing. What do you think is wrong with your appearance that it bothers you so much even now?"
Many things. Your nose, your chin, your jawline, your brows, your lips⌠Or whatever people wrote in certain snark forums on the internet. No matter how much make up you wore to conceal whatever they criticized, they would always find something else. And you would find them gossiping about it.
You lowered your head and put the hairbrush aside. Then, you took the blanket and crawled to the backseat while Jaehyun watched in silence, probably waiting for you to say something in return. But you didn't. You laid down on your back, covered yourself with the blanket and just stared out of the window, wondering whether Jaehyun had actually given you an underlying compliment in his awkward, inexperienced manner. The landscape wasn't visible through the glass as the rain came down on the car in nearly seamless streams.Â
"You must really have a twisted picture of me," you eventually said.
"I don't know anything about you," Jaehyun answered from the driverâs seat.
You knew he was lying. "You've been working for my father."
"Just recently started."
"You read about me on the internet for sure."
You had thought you would miss the internet, but were suddenly taken aback by the fact that you had not felt the urge to ask for your cell phone anymore. You had been so occupied with adjusting to your new situation that you had not instinctively thought about going online or checking messages when it used to be the first thing you did in the morning.Â
On the other hand, it also meant avoiding seeing bad comments that you had once been so obsessed with. You still wanted to know what people said about you, but you physically couldnât. It felt like some kind of withdrawal.Â
âI barely go on the internet."
"Even barely online, you couldnât have missed my latest scandal."
Only one month ago, your face had grazed all headlines, with the same big, bold title: "Heiress caught up in cheating scandal with engaged prince".Â
Jaehyun couldnât have missed that. Nobody had. You had gone through the lowest time in your young life. Yet, you still wore the same title to your fatherâs company. For what?
You had always read every article about you with sweaty hands. You had never missed a single news, another blog article, the top tweets⌠You had been so obsessed with what people were saying about you - good and bad - usually scrolling through different apps for hours on end.Â
But you had never stopped, because nothing had ever been too scandalous enough for your father to release you. Not even the affair with the engaged prince. You had pushed and pushed and pushed. Until what was left of you was only this shallow shell.Â
After a long while, Jaehyun stated, "I don't judge people based on their actions."
"Why would that be?"
You wondered if he grew tired of your questions, but somehow, in this huge car that suddenly felt so small, talking with him gave you some kind of comfort you had never expected to find here, right in the middle of the Canadian grassland. Somewhere between the nightly escape from New York City and the long car rides through Canadaâs endless no man's land, you had grown accustomed to his presence.
You heard Jaehyun shifting in his seat before he answered, "Sometimes in life, we all do things out of our norm, things we donât want to do. To live, to survive."
"You think the fact that I got caught up in a cheating scandal with an engaged prince wasn't because I wanted to be?"
"No naturally good person wants to do bad things if they have a choice."
"Perhaps, I'm just a bad person." You chuckled ironically over this half-truth, but he didn't join. "What about you, Jaehyun? Are you a bad person too? Or are you naturally good? The fact that you are a Marine would tell me you're the latter."
âI used to be one,â he corrected you. "And we are told to fight for what is right."
"That's not an answer to my question."
And he never gave you one.Â
You were dozing off right after Jaehyun's breathing had grown regular. It was seldom for you to sleep during the day, but stretched out like this with a warm blanket over you, almost felt like a bed. Almost.
____
October, Alberta, Canada
Maple trees followed pines, followed oak, followed birch, followed fields⌠and the cycle repeated.
In the night, everything looked the same to you. It had rained for two days straight in which you weren't able to leave the car. You had thought you'd grow insane from being stuck in such a tight space, looking at the same blurry trees and skies through foggy car windows. Jaehyun slept most of the daytime, and so did you, because there was not much else to do.
This early morning, you had grown a bit excited when you spotted the first white mountain peaks far in the horizon. The rain had finally given in to a blue sky and warm rays of sunshine. Somehow, after the storm from the days before, everything had changed. It was like a veil had been lifted off your vision.
Jaehyun had parked the car close to a river, deep inside the woods again. At one point, you had feared you'd barely make it through the muddy, narrow path. But Jaehyun had led the car so skillfully that all your doubts had gone to vain in an instant. Whatever he had learned in the Marines, you had to admit to yourself that you had never once needed to fear being put into danger.
Jaehyun usually jumped into the water for a quick wash right after he woke up in the late afternoon. But today, he broke out of his routine and pulled his shirt over his head the moment he stepped out of the car. After you had needed to abstain from washing more than your face for the past few days due to the weather, Jaehyun probably felt a huge urge to bathe as soon as possible once the sun came out.Â
You decided to wait until he was fully submerged and then started washing your clothes, turning away from Jaehyun to give him the privacy he needed. You would take a bath yourself once he went back to the car to sleep.
The days grew colder little by little, and eventually, it would probably rain even more as well. You hoped you would reach your destination before you'd spend hours freezing. Though, truth to be told, you didn't miss the suffocating late summer heat in the city at all.Â
On most days, you woke up to a clear sky and crisp air. The seasons started to change here in West Canada already, and so did the landscape. You noticed the once so bland green trees had turned more colorful, the nature overall more vibrant. Indian Summer was not very present in this part of the country, but you still felt and saw a touch of it. It was beautiful.
"Try slapping them against the big rock over there."
"What?!"
You got startled when Jaehyun appeared right in front of you. Topless and water dripping from the short ends of his hair down to his bare chest. You were crouching on the riverbank, rubbing your clothes against each other with soap in one hand. But now, you were halting all your motions.
You had seen men topless. Many, many men as a matter of fact. It was not a secret to anyone that you rather enjoyed your single life for all you cared. Yet, you picked your guys very carefully based on their looks, status and reputation, less on their character if you were to be seen and photographed with them. The more powerful the men, the more inevitable the destruction caused to your name.Â
Jaehyun would be none of your picks. And under other circumstances, you wouldn't have looked at him twice. But now, you were staring at him.
"Give me your shirt," he demanded. "I'll show you."
Mutely, you handed the shirt in your hands over to Jaehyun and watched him move towards the rock he was referring to. He started slapping the garment against the stone several times and then rubbed the fabric against the surface, alternating between these two moves. Apparently, that was how people had done it in the past when washing machines and washboards hadnât existed yet - and how they had done it in the military when they were out in the wild, according to Jaehyun.Â
Big cars, high end clothes, fancy bags, stylish hairdos⌠it all didn't matter here. You saw it clearly now.Â
What mattered was Jaehyun knowing how to make a fire without a lighter, how to drive a big car through muddy paths without getting stuck, how to wash clothes in a river with his bare hands, and many more things you had probably missed out on.
These were all things essential to survival. Your father had made a wise choice.
In real life, the way Jaehyunâs muscles tensed and eased while handling the laundry wouldn't have mattered. But here, it did matter. The way the sun shone on his dark hair where water was still dripping from its ends, mattered. In real life, you wouldn't have looked at him twice. But here, he was all you could look at.Â
Everything was different here.Â
The guys you had been with wouldn't know a single thing about surviving in the wilderness, they would be useless here. But Jaehyun wasn't.
Perhaps, you had been on the road alone with him for too long and you couldnât quite recall anymore when you had last been with a man to feel so⌠tingly. So you quickly shook your head in hopes you could shake off your thoughts about Jaehyun as well.Â
"You got it?" Jaehyun eventually asked and you nodded absent-mindedly.
But then you noticed something. Jaehyun was still wearing his pants, but along the seam on his right side, you could see them coming through. They were still somewhat red, probably starting from his leg and running up his thigh until they reached his waist, judging by the size of what you saw.Â
Burn scars. You had immediately recognized them.
Jaehyun suddenly caught your gaze and threw the shirt right back at you before he wordlessly turned around, submerged in the water and swam away. He must be freezing, but he was more willing to deal with the cold than deal with your questions.Â
Though you hadn't meant to ask any question, because you knew that people usually didn't like talking about scars this big and visible. Because you had the same ones, right on your back. They were more ancient, but they were still there.
Jaehyun came out of the water a few meters away from you, not sparing you another glance before he started washing up. There was much more to what you had learned from this morning alone apart from what your thoughts could grasp at that moment.Â
But one thing was for sureâŚ
When you got into the car shortly before the sun went down to continue your way, you did so with freshly brushed, natural hair that flowed over your shoulders, free from bobby pins and ties. You wore a simple shirt, the hoodie over it, and then the jacket on top. You had not chosen to style the clothes in a certain way anymore at all.Â
If Jaehyun noticed, he didn't let it slip. Though you could swear, you saw him cracking a crooked smile from the corner of your eyes.
In the middle of the night, you stopped at a gas station in the deep wilderness again, but you stayed inside the car. There was nothing you were craving for right now anyway. Perhaps, you also feared what you might find on the shelves this time. Youâd rather not know anymore.Â
The only thing you wondered about was whether your friends were worried and what they had texted you. But if you were to name someone specific⌠you painfully realized that not a single name would come into your mind you could be entirely sure of was missing you. Had anyone even noticed your absence?
You watched Jaehyun filling the canisters with gas and then going inside the shop to pay. A few minutes later, he returned. And carried something in his hands. A drink or a snack for you maybe?
"Here, for you." But what fell into your lap when Jaehyun opened the door was not a snack or a drink.Â
It was much, much smaller and tasted of strawberry. It was the chapstick you had seen at the other rest stop!
"What-"
"You looked at it a little too long for me not to notice."
It was the only thing he had brought back to the car. He hadn't gotten anything for himself. "Jaehyun, I-"
You gulped, visibly touched by this gesture. It meant that Jaehyun had seen and heard your struggles, and he was now trying to give you a little bit of your old life, of yourself, back despite having complained about it earlier.Â
You had been given so many gifts throughout your life, each more expensive than the last. But rarely had anything meant as much to you as this gas station strawberry chapstick.
"Thank you, Jaehyun," you said quietly.
And this time, his smile was visible. Just very lightly.
____
October, British Columbia, Canada
You had successfully talked Jaehyun into making a stop in the mountains the next morning. The rain had slowed you down a bit, so you would reach your destination in only two more days. A few hours more or less wouldnât matter that much anymore.
You stopped close to the most beautiful lake you had probably ever laid eyes on. You had traveled to different states before, but no place you had ever visited came close to what you were able to witness in the Canadian nature.
"Jaehyun, you have to look at this!"
The emerald water was crystal clear, mirroring the mountains that closed in around the lake. The range began just behind the wooden cabins lined up along one side of the shore - that much you could see from your high vantage point. On the distant peaks, you could even spot patches of snow at their very tops. The trees surrounding the lake and mountains were a mix of vibrant greens, oranges and reds. In another area, a little farther away, people were camping and fishing. They looked so very little in this vast wilderness.Â
You heard Jaehyun approaching you and asked, "Where we're going, is the landscape just as beautiful as here?"
"It will be even more beautiful."
"It's hard to believe you when this is already the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed."
"More beautiful than the Grand Canyon? Yosemite and Yellowstone? Hawaii?"
"These are all places that I've visited in the past." You crossed your arms in front of your chest and pursed your lips. "So you indeed did your research about me."
"It's hard to go online and miss your face on the news. Though it's even harder to keep up with who you're pictured with."
You felt a sting of embarrassment piercing through your heart. It hurt. Why did you care about how he viewed you?
"When was the last time you were with a woman, Jaehyun?" you wanted to know. It was straight-forward and blunt, but it was about time you'd cross this line already.
Jaehyun was visibly taken aback, brows drawn together and lips parted in shock. "What is this question?!"
"A normal one." You grinned. Somehow, you very much liked his flustered reaction. "But I might rightfully assume I'm way more experienced than you."
Jaehyun turned his head away from you, but it didn't pass by you that the tips of his ears turned red. "Well, that's what you assume."
"Am I not right?" you teased. "I could swear a lot of women would do anything to be lifted up by those buff arms of yours."
"What are you blabbering about?!" When Jaehyun drew his head back at you, his entire face showed a tint of red. "Stop it now!"
You snickered - the first genuine laugh you let out after more than a week. Somehow, it lifted a huge burden off your chest. Somewhere along the way, you had feared you might have lost the ability to feel something close to happiness, or even lightheartedness, entirely.
"Can I walk around here a bit while you sleep?" you eventually changed the topic.
"Wait until we're somewhere safer and descended from here. We're quite close to the main road, it's very risky."
"Oh Jaehyun!" you complained and snorted in annoyance. "We didn't see a single car while we were driving up here! The road is so narrow and hidden, no tourist would get the idea to use it. And it's not so often that I get to see a view this beautiful! What might stand against the idea to linger here a little while longer? Just an hour? Then you can take a nap and we will continue somewhere safer."
You saw Jaehyunâs inner conflict flashing right before his eyes, and finally, he let out a defeated, long sigh. "Fine, But remember, always stay-"
"- close to the car and avoid people at all costs! If something feels off, I immediately return to you. Always, you tell me the same, I get it."
"In an hour!" he reminded you. "If you don't return by then, I'll come to get you!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say!" You waved aside and already disappeared behind trees.
____
You had spent your free time quietly sitting on a formation of rocks, overlooking the lake. No deep thoughts - just you, the woods, the mountains, and so much freedom before you that it left you nearly speechless, too overwhelmed with a beauty of this caliber.
Beneath you, the rock you were sitting on spread out and merged almost seamlessly into a cliff that ended in the valley where the lake was located. You had settled on the edge, because this was where you could catch the best views. A fear of heights was something you hadnât developed after growing up living in high rise buildings in New York City.
Whether an hour had truly passed, you couldnât tell since you had no way of telling the time. But when you heard someone calling your name from afar, it didnât feel like it had been that long!
"Yeah, yeah, I hear you, Jaehyun!" you yelled back. "I'm coming."
You heaved yourself up with the intention to jump back on your feet when you heard it. No, city people like you usually weren't scared of heights. But they were scared of animals they had never encountered before. Like aâŚ
"Snake!" you screamed and were back on your feet fast.
The snake was right in front of you. Its back was patterned with shades of brown, broken up by lighter patches. The lower part of its boneless body was coiled into a circle, with only the tip raised in the air - rattling. The animal, staring straight at you with its triangular head and flicking tongue, was a rattle snake. You thought they only inhabited the lands in the far south of the continent, not here in northern Canada!
"Jaehyun!" you screamed. And then again, louder this time, as the snake moved towards you, "JAEHYUN!"
You took a step back, feeling the edge of the rock formation beneath your sole, where the cliff waited below, threatening to drag you into the depths of the woods surrounding the lake if you made a single wrong move. If you tried to run past the snake, you knew it would attack, no matter how fast you were, injecting its poison straight into your bloodstream. You doubted Jaehyun carried a specific antidote around in his medical kit, and the next hospital must be hours away!
Your situation forced you to choose between two options that both led to an ending you didnât want to imagine for yourself. Was this your punishment for all your wrongdoings? Had you survived for so long only to have it end here in the Canadian woods?
"Stay there!"
You looked up and saw Jaehyun only a few meters away whose voice had pulled you out of your trance-like state.Â
Between you and him was the snake, and right behind you, the cliff. No, your father had calculated all of this. He had sent someone to protect you. Jaehyun would protect you and make sure you survived out here.
You didnât know how he would do that though, and for a moment, you doubted whether Jaehyun knew either. The snake didnât seem to pay any attention to him, and Jaehyun was searching his surroundings for something. Then, he picked up a large stick. Perhaps he knew exactly what to do. Of course - he used to be a Marine. They were trained for every danger imaginable.
"I'll try to lure it away from you and then you'll come running to me, okay?"
You shook your head, the only body part that was not petrified with shock. "I can't!"
"Yes, you can!" Jaehyun encouraged you. "Look, it's moving in my direction!"
It wasnât, really. Jaehyun was trying to get the snake to coil around the stick, but it consistently refused. Whenever you even dared to breathe, the snakeâs head shot back at you, hissing predatorily as if it had singled you out and would strike by any means necessary.
With one hand, Jaehyun fiddled with the wood stick, the other reached out to you. "Come! You can do it! Come here!"
You finally gathered the courage to reach for Jaehyunâs hand, and even though there was still a wide gap between you, the mere thought of jumping into his arms eased your fears a little. You tensed your legs, preparing to lunge forward and jump. But the snake was faster.
It struck the moment you lifted your right foot, and out of reflex, you jumped back - only to find no ground beneath you to catch your weight. There was no barrier, no support. Your chest hit the hard rock as you fell forward, knocking the air from your lungs. Before you could catch your breath again, you slipped backward.
Everything happened so fast, you didn't even have time to scream for help. Half of your body was still on top of the rock, your hands desperately clawing for anything to hold onto. But the surface was smooth and dirty, and your fingernails ached and split from trying to dig them into the hard stone. The lower part of your body, the much heavier one, was slowly pulling you down with your legs already dangling in the air above the cliff.
Centimeter for centimeter, you quickly slipped backward over the edge on your chest before you could bring yourself to scream, "Jaehyun!"
You should have listened to him. Jaehyun knew better, he always had. But your haughty, spoiled nature had never accepted a ânoâ. And now you were paying the price as your entire body slid over the edge, your hands the only parts still clinging to solid ground for one last second. You now only wished it wouldn't hurt when you fell into the deep valley.
"I got you!"Â
A strong hand wrapped around your wrist before your fingers could follow your body into a free fall, and above you, Jaehyun's head appeared. He held you with one arm while bracing the other against the ground, lying flat.Â
"Don't look down! Hold onto me!"
You swung your free hand up and grabbed Jaehyunâs forearm, securing better stability. With great effort, he pulled you up - slowly, but steadily. Your feet searched for hollows in the rock to shift some weight back onto yourself, but Jaehyun was strong enough to lift you all the way with one arm alone. When most of your body had passed the stony edge, you propped your free elbow against the ground and heaved yourself over the last part until you felt secure soil under your body again.Â
Then, you were sitting there in absolute silence. Face to face, breathless, and still in shock over what had just happened. When the emotions finally crashed down on you and the painful realization hit that you would have nearly died if it hadnât been for Jaehyun, you started crying and collapsed into his arms, causing him to fall backward onto the ground. But you didnât care, and neither did he. You sobbed into his chest, but said nothing, and neither did he.Â
After a while, you felt the same hands that had rescued you wrap around your back in comfort. It was the best feeling you had experienced in a very, very long time.
You didn't know for how long you had laid there as a thought suddenly crossed your mind. "The snake!" you called out nearly breathlessly from all the crying and sat back up, Jaehyun's arms slipping from your back. "Where is it? Is it gone?"
"HeyâŚ"
"Hm?" You looked back at Jaehyun who was still lying on the ground.
"I think it's gone. We were lucky this time."
You frowned as you watched him. He didn't move, but only looked at you with glassy eyes and half parted lips. You wondered if the paleness in Jaehyunâs face was mirroring the aftermath of the events or caused by something entirely else. You had never seen Jaehyun like this.
"We should go," you suggested unsurely, because you didnât know what else to say. "Get up."
But Jaehyun didn't. Instead, his pupils turned towards the sky, beads of sweat now forming on his temples. "Taeyong⌠Come home with me."
"JaehyunâŚ" You gulped. "Who's Taeyong?"
But he didn't listen to you. You were unsure if he had even heard you as he continued speaking, "Doyoung, you too. Come home with me. I don't⌠wanna be alone."
You had no idea what was going on with Jaehyun, but you were certain that this was not normal and it made you nearly freak out again. Was Jaehyun having hallucinations? Did he need to take medicine he had missed out on?
"Jaehyun!" You crawled closer to him, settling again by his side and shaking his arm. "Jaehyun, what's wrong?"
"I don't⌠want to be the only one left," he only murmured, still not facing you. "I don't deserve it."
"JaehyunâŚ" you pleaded, jolting more intensely on his arm now. "Jaehyun, you're scaring me! What's wrong?"
Suddenly, his eyes locked with yours. "It hurtsâŚ"
"You're hurt? Where?"
"LegâŚ"
You instantly shifted your attention to Jaehyun's legs, but you found no signs of external wounds as you inspected his pants. Under other circumstances, it would set your mind at ease. But this was Jaehyun and he didnât joke around. It turned even clearer that he was suffering from something by the way his breathing suddenly became jagged and his right leg started twitching.
You heard the blood rush in your ears as you pulled up Jaehyunâs pant leg. You gasped for air as Jaehyunâs shin revealed two red dots slowly oozing blood. No⌠this couldnât be.
You wanted to cry out from sheer despair. What was worse than losing your own life was losing Jaehyun. You were nothing without him, you couldn't survive without him. You needed him.
You took a deep breath and lifted Jaehyunâs leg, placing the sole on the ground so it formed a triangle for better access. You then wrapped your hands around the bitten area and brought your mouth to his injury. You had no idea what you were doing as you had only seen this in movies, but you figured it was better to try something to save his life than do nothing at all.
You squeezed your eyes shut as your lips met Jaehyunâs injured flesh and sucked on the wound, trying to draw out as much poison as possible. You nearly cried again when nothing came out, but you didnât give up. Relief washed over you when you finally tasted the metallic tang of blood on your tongue. Spitting it onto the ground beside you, you repeated the process several times until your cheeks ached and nothing more would come out.
But Jaehyun didn't look much better than before. If anything, you swore he looked even worse. Had you even done the right thing? You were not so sure anymore and cursed yourself out for the fact that you might have probably worsened his condition.
Your location was not too far from the car. You just didn't know where the next hospital was and whether Jaehyun would last for so long.
But you couldnât lose him.
____
October, Yukon, Canada
You arrived at the hospital two hours later. Under normal circumstances, it would have taken you one hour if only you had still remembered how to drive such a big, manual car. On top of that, it had taken you three interactions with locals to find the nearest hospital as the map Jaehyun had been using only had roads on it.Â
"Have you tried sucking the venom out of him?" the doctor asked while the nurse freed Jaehyun from his garments. He was lying on a bed in the emergency room, having passed out by now.
"Y-yeah," you quietly admitted.
"Never do that!" he chided forgivingly, but assertively. "It doesn't benefit the injured in any way. If anything, it can cause the venom to spread even faster."
You covered your mouth with two hands and swallowed down a cry. "But will he be okay, doctor?"
"He's a tall man who can take a lot. He'll be fine. But now, please take a step back so that we can treat him. You can return to the waiting area. Someone will come to you later."
He would be okay⌠the doctor said he would be okay. There was barely a time in your life where you had gone through so many emotions within such a short time span.
Now, you wanted to cry again, because you were so happy that Jaehyun was going to live. You wondered when your attitude towards him had changed so drastically though. Most likely, when you spent so much time with one person only, it was inevitable after all.Â
But⌠did you like him as a person or were you dependent on him? Did both feelings go hand in hand or should you look at them individually? You couldn't find an answer to this thought yet.
It was a small hospital, so there were only three other people present. After a quick wash up in the visitors' restrooms to get rid of all the dust and dirt as best as possible, you returned to the waiting area. You took a seat with your cold hands slipped into the pockets of your jacket when you suddenly felt it. The strawberry chapstick.Â
You hadn't used it once, because it was your most valuable treasure and you didn't want to waste it. Yet, you were carrying it around with you wherever you went. It was odd how coming from a wealthy family, your most meaningful belonging had suddenly turned into strawberry chapstick from the gas station.
But it was because Jaehyun had given it to you, a silver lining when you had gone through dark times. Without Jaehyun, even that would be gone. Tears slipped from the rims of your eyes again.
"Dear, here." You hadn't noticed how an elderly lady had moved herself next to you, holding out a tissue for you to take. You took it gratefully with a nod. "I heard what happened to him. Don't worry, your boyfriend will be fine."
"What if not? It's all because of me.." You wiped your tears, but they returned in an instant. Since you couldn't reveal your identity, you just went with whatever she assumed you were. "I⌠I don't know what I will do without him."
The lady nodded. "I understand. But don't cry too much. You wouldn't want him to be all worried about you when he walks out of the treatment room, right?"
Even though her advice was so simple and a bit silly since she was unaware of your entire history together, you just nodded quietly. Just imagining Jaehyun's confused face when he spotted you crying for him outside here was enough for you to feign a smile for the woman.
You continued talking until you stopped crying altogether and she left the hospital. You were too nervous to nap, and only very few people came in and out throughout the day. Your gaze eventually stopped on the side table that you had been trying to ignore for too long already.Â
Should you dare take a look into the magazines and newspapers scattered there? Perhaps, you would find some articles about your family inside them now. But what difference would it make? Yet, your curiosity won in this weak moment and you walked over to the reception to take a newspaper into your hands.
It was brand new, only having been released today, but you didnât find an article about your family inside it. Unfortunately, the tabloids hadnât changed issues yet, so they were the same as the ones you had inspected at the gas station.Â
You didn't know how to feel about this. The less they reported about the incident, the better it would be for your family's safety. Perhaps, your dad had instructed for a media blackout after the initial news.Â
But what if this wasn't the case and your family was just less relevant than you had ever assumed⌠Would that be it? Just a single article in a nationwide newspaper, then falling into irrelevancy, because there were things more worth being reported if you didn't top the daily scandal list? Did hard work and success not matter to the world?Â
Was this the life you had been living up until now and wanted to return to?
____
"Miss?" ⌠"Miss."
You jolted upright, realizing you had apparently fallen asleep earlier. In front of you stood a nurse, and judging by the lighting in the hall, it was well past late afternoon. How long had you slept?
The nurse smiled at you. "We gave your boyfriend an antidote and he is stable now."
"Thank god!" you called out with much relief. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"
She nodded. "We need you to fill out this form about him since we have to keep him here until tomorrow for observation. If you want, you can go to him now."
"Yes, I want to!"
You took the clipboard and paper into your hands and followed the nurse into the treatment area, heading for the bed in the far corner of the large room. The nurse pulled back the curtain, revealing Jaehyun sleeping on the bed. He looked so peaceful after everything that had happened. You had never seen him like that.
"You can sit here, miss." The nurse rolled a small chair in your direction and gave you a pen. "He will wake up soon."
You looked at the form pinned to the clipboard. You couldn't answer any of these questions except for the one about his first name. You didn't know Jaehyun's surname, his address, his health insurance, his blood type⌠You didn't even know if he had any diseases or what he was allergic to.Â
You knew absolutely nothing about Jaehyun. It was devastating for two people forced to be this close.
"Here, take this cream too." The nurse approached you once again and handed you a white tube. "His scars seem to hurt very much lately since they're relatively recent, right? We've treated them too, but this will help him ease the pain at home. Please tell him to get them checked regularly to avoid further inflammation."
Jaehyun had been in pain this whole time? You hadnât noticed. Or he had been hiding it very well. But you should have known since you had fought the same battle when you were much younger. Yet, you hadnât seen it - or hadnât wanted to.Â
This was another deep, hidden part of Jaehyun that you were completely clueless about. You didnât want to continue your acquaintanceship like this. After all, you were now sitting here next to his hospital bed, waiting for him to regain his consciousness when you could also just leave him here, steal his car, and drive all the way home by yourself. But you had chosen differently.
He had rescued you, because he needed to. You had rescued him, because you needed him. But Jaehyun had given you the chapstick, because he wanted to. And now you were sitting here, because you wanted to.
You stretched out your hand and placed it on Jaehyunâs. But before you had time to think about why you were even doing that, his fingers wrapped around your wrist and pulled you down toward him. Jaehyun looked at you with widened eyes.Â
"You're awake!â you exclaimed. âI will call the nur-"
"No!" Jaehyun had apparently picked up on his surroundings quite quickly as you watched his expression change from confusion to near terror. "We have to go!"
"What?" Jaehyun tried to prop himself up, but you pushed him back on the bed. "Are you nuts?! You nearly died a few hours ago, the venom could still do something to your body! You have to stay under observation here!"
"It's too dangerous!" he hissed. "Did you talk to anyone? Did you give out your name? My name? Any other information?"
"Of course not!" you defended yourself. "Do you really think I'd be this reckless?" You kept the fact hidden that even if you needed to give out life saving information, you weren't able to provide them with any.
"Good. Then let's go. Hurry."
Jaehyun braced himself up with great effort, letting out a low groan, but you didnât say a word - even though there was so much you wanted to say. You were aware of the dangers of being in public, but you were willing to take the risk as long as Jaehyun was completely healthy. He, however, didnât share your opinion. You slipped the scar cream into your pocket and left the form on the chair as Jaehyun climbed down from the bed.
He was a bit weak on his feet, but he refused the support you offered. Step by step, Jaehyun was walking slowly, growing steadier the further he went. You were quite certain that what you were doing wasn't exactly legal, leaving the hospital without any information to charge you for the treatments when everyone had been so nice to you here.Â
Back in the car, Jaehyun insisted on driving, even though you offered to do so yourself.
"Will it be okay with the CCTV here?" you asked worriedly. "I'm sorry, I didn't pay attention to this when driving here."
"I just left one thousand Canadian Dollars on the bed. In cash. They'll let this one slip."
You didn't even ask where he had hid such a large amount of cash all this time. It sure as hell was from your father and intended to be spent on such emergencies.Â
Jaehyun didn't start the car immediately despite having pushed you to leave so urgently. He sat there in the driver's seat, silent and thinking for a long time. And you let him.
"Thank you," he finally said, his eyes fixated on the steering wheel. "Without you, I'd be dead."
You shook your head. "No. Without you, I'd be dead."
There was a faint smile on his lips. "Let's just say we're even now. So, are you ready for the last part of our journey?"
"We'll be there soon?"
"Assuming we're in Watson Lake now, then by tomorrow, weâll be at our destination, yes."
You had been convinced that you wouldn't miss the time on the road. But now that you thought about the end of it, it was not only happy feelings seeping into you. You didnât know whether the new life in the woods would be better than the one on the road after all.
When Jaehyun drove into the sunset though, the road stretching endlessly in your periphery and vanishing between a mountain range, living in nature didn't sound as disheartening anymore. If this would continue being your daily view, it was manageable.
Perhaps, you would come to endure this new chapter. Just for a little while.
____
October, Alaska, USA
You had never seen a land this breathtakingly beautiful before. Your gaze was practically glued to the window as you watched the mountain range roll past, vibrant forests spreading at their feet, rising gradually until they gave way to gray rocks, which converged and ended on snow-covered peaks merging with the blue sky.Â
You had never felt so small in the face of such majestic nature. The city couldn't compare to this.Â
Jaehyun had driven through the entire night, but at a much slower pace than usual due to his condition. You had passed the border back into the US by sunrise, and because you expected to reach your destination soon, Jaehyun insisted on pushing through the final stretch of the drive.Â
It had gotten incredibly cold, the temperature dropping constantly the further you approached your destination. Even now, you were freezing, wearing the thickest layers Jaehyun had packed. You hoped there would be some kind of heat source in the cabin, because otherwise you wouldnât know how to survive the Alaskan winter.Â
You read "Skagway" on a street sign, but Jaehyun didn't follow the main road. Instead, he turned onto a smaller one that ran parallel to a river, then swerved onto an unpaved road that disappeared into a dark forest. From there, you drove a few hours more through the deepest woods.
Somewhere along the way, you totally lost orientation. Everything looked the same to you. You didn't dare ask whether Jaehyun himself knew where you exactly were, but you silently agreed to trust him. He had never been wrong so far.
"We're here."
The road had suddenly ended.Â
You wondered whether it had been forged and only used by Jaehyun himself, very certain nobody would follow an unpaved, narrow road into the deep, dark woods for hours. You unclasped the seat belt and got out of the car after Jaehyun.Â
Outside, his wooden cabin stood right in a small clearing that barely deserved its name, because the trees were so tall and dense that hardly any sunshine made it through. They surrounded the cabin like a cage, as if it had been dropped there first and the forest had grown around it. The thick woods offered visual security from any curious intruder. It was a place very well chosen if you wanted to hide from the world.
"How did you find this place, Jaehyun?"
"You can find a lot of great places when you read maps right."
You approached the wooden cabin. It was just as small as a general studio in New York City in the lower price class, judging by the exterior. You spotted a window right under the pointed roof. It seemingly consisted of two floors, so it was indeed bigger inside than you had first assumed.
"I warn you though," Jaehyun said when he opened the door and entered first. "There is no electricity and running water here yet. I plan to install a generator later on though."
"I don't mind," you shrugged it off. Electricity and running water⌠you hadn't thought about these things at all when you had always assumed they were so essential for you. "It's fine for me as long as Iâll be warm in the winter.â
âDonât worry, there is a fireplace.â
âWhat a relief to hear!â
Only minimal light from outside found its way into the cabin, making it hard for you to take in your surroundings first. But as you stepped fully inside and your eyes slowly adjusted to the dimness, you realized you were standing in a living room with a couch facing the mentioned fireplace. A small kitchen nook was nestled at the back of the room, partly hidden by small stairs that disappeared on the second floor. By the wall downstairs, between the kitchen and fireplace, you spotted a table with two chairs and a dresser close by.Â
Of course it was simple and nothing in comparison to what you had at home, but it was very cozy as everything was made of wood, and it would be warm. You would have a comfortable place to sleep. It was enough. You walked over to the dresser to inspect what was inside, eyeing Jaehyun for permission.Â
"The first two drawers are all for you to use, I've already stored a few clothes for you inside. Take a look." Jaehyun nodded. "The last one's mine."
You opened the drawer and found a few shirts, sweaters, trousers, leggins, socks and even underwear inside - all in your exact size. In the second drawer, Jaehyun had placed towels, a thick puffer jacket, a beanie, a scarf, gloves, and sanitary products. It was very attentive, you had to give him that.Â
But how long had they been planning this for him to have had so much time to prepare? It must have been at least two weeks prior to the news, likely even more. Had your father lived in fear for at least just as long?
"I guess upstairs is the bedroom?" You pointed at the stairs.
Jaehyun nodded. "It's all yours, I won't step a foot inside. I'll sleep on the couch."
You climbed the narrow stairs and found yourself in another cozy space beneath the roof, just large enough to fit a queen size bed. The ceiling was so low that you couldnât stand upright across the room and had to duck as you moved. A tiny window set into the slope of the roof offered a view of the sky when one lay on the bed. The space was clearly meant for just one person.
When you returned downstairs, Jaehyun was already unloading the car. You helped him with the rest of the things, storing your clothes in the first drawer inside the dresser and your toiletries in the second one. Since it was generally quite dark inside the cabin, you lit up a few oil lamps while Jaehyun was kneeling by the fireplace, arranging the logs before striking a match.Â
"Where is the bathroom?" The moment you asked this question almost distractedly, you already regretted it. So you quickly added, "If there is one I could describe as such."
Jaehyun had just managed to start the fire when he got back on his feet and told you, "Follow me."Â
Indeed, right behind the cabin, there was an outhouse. "There is no drainage, soâŚ"
You hadnât expected more anyway. You would manage after the past week. "I get it."
"Come, Iâll show you where we will get water from."Â
It was only a few meters before you heard the rushing of a stream that was hidden behind dense trees. It was wide enough to cross in a few steps, but also deep enough to bathe in, Jaehyun told you.Â
"In the winter, we can heat the water on the stove which runs on gas. I'll show you how to use it later."
Despite having no electricity yet, you didn't feel as remote or cut off as you had expected. In fact, you might have even considered this a holiday destination if you had to choose a place where you could do some social media detox.Â
Social media⌠Here, it meant nothing. Posting something irrelevant wouldn't have brought Jaehyun back if he had succumbed to the venom. Scrolling through unfunny videos for hours wouldn't have brought him back. Reading every scandalous article about you wouldn't have brought him back either. What was it good for, anyway?
"All the food is stored in these cabinets," Jaehyun instructed and opened their doors for you to look at. "And down here on the left side too. On the right side, I have the pots and dishes stored."Â
There was one pair of each. Plates, bowls, cups, cutlery. You furrowed your brows.Â
"Who built this cabin, Jaehyun?"
He tilted his head in confusion. "Me, itâs mine after all. Why?"
You were even more confused than him. "You mean⌠you brought all the stuff here and built this cabin entirely yourself?"
"Yes." He shrugged. "Of course I didn't do all the work here. I prepared everything elsewhere and just set it up here, part by part."
Why did he talk like it was the easiest task in the world, building a house all by himself? "How long did this take you?"
"Approximately a year."
"What did you do before?"
"I told you, I was a Marine."
"For how long have you known you'd need to provide me with shelter? When did my father hire you?"
"What are you up to with these questions?" Jaehyun shook his head and took out a can with instant ravioli from the shelf that had been there before your arrival. "If you want to know anything about your father's business, I cannot tell you. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know myself."
"But surely, you must benefit from this deal, right? Is my father greatly rewarding you with a large sum?"
Jaehyun fell silent and instead filled the ravioli in a small pot that he then placed on the stove. He had already begun stirring when he admitted, "Of course I donât do this for free, but I donât need much money as I don't intend on leaving this place, ever."
You already had a feeling that it was going to be like this. "Will my father come here when everything is settled?"
"Nobody knows about this place."
Your chest suddenly felt heavy. "But you said my father knows where to find us.â
Since Jaehyun had turned his back at you, stirring in the pot, you felt unsettled as he didnât answer directly.
Eventually, he said, "I meant we have agreed on a location to meet up when the time is right."
âAnd how would you know the date when you donât have a phone to contact each other?â
Jaehyun shifted his head back to you. His eyes were sincere, but why did the heavy feeling refuse to go away? âPlease be at ease, we have it all figured out. Trust us.â
There was no reason not to. Right? Yet, the heavy feeling stayed in the back of your chest.Â
____
You couldn't remember falling asleep. Probably because you had slept in a rather uncomfortable car seat for too long, the moment your back touched a soft mattress, your entire body immediately shut down. The warmth from the fireplace had traveled all the way upstairs, so you were very comfortable during the first half of the night, despite Jaehyun having extinguished the fire before you went to bed.
But the cold night air had crept in through every crack and crevice in the wood. Condensation had formed on the lower part of the window, the glass fogged when you looked up. Yet, you could still make out the gray morning sky filtering through the dense canopy of trees. It was a nice view to wake up to.
You made your way downstairs, but Jaehyun wasn't in the living space anymore. You put on your jacket and opened the front door. Outside, Jaehyun had prepared a pair of padded shoes for you that fit you perfectly and into which you now slipped with a small bottle of water, a towel and toiletries in both hands. You made your way down to the stream.
Jaehyun was already there - topless, only dressed in trousers, and body halfway immersed in the water. Your front teeth sank into your bottom lip. You couldn't explain why you suddenly didn't feel so frozen to the bone anymore.
"Aren't you cold?" you called out to him. "It's freezing out here!"
"It's good for your health," Jaehyun answered and shook his head so that the water flew in every direction. "You should try it too!"
You declined. Instead, you crouched on the riverbank and began brushing your teeth. After rinsing with the bottled water, you washed your face and dried it with the towel. Jaehyun approached you once you were finished, and you didnât know where to look, trying to keep him from noticing that your gaze now lingered on his muscular chest and arms far too long.
"How did you sleep?" Jaehyun wanted to know. "Was everything okay?"
"I slept well. How about you?"
You had directly noticed that the couch was way too short for Jaehyun. Of course, because he had planned on sleeping on the bed on the upper floor all along. But it was currently inhabited by no one other than you.Â
"I also slept well."
Liar. From afar already, you had seen him twisting and turning his head, massaging his shoulders, and using the water to soothe his tense muscles. Having him sleep on the couch for the entirety of your stay couldn't be the solution. It was actually you who was supposed to sleep there, but you felt like he kind of owed it to you. At least a few nights in a real bed after everything you had been through.
You reached your hand into the pocket of your jacket and pulled out the tube with the cream that had been given to you by the nurse. "This is for you. The nurse saw your scars. You were in pain this entire time. Why didn't you tell me?"
Jaehyun took the tube and eyed it suspiciously, but he didn't reject it as you had falsely presumed. You swore you saw his features softening in relief even. "It's none of your concern."
But you pressed the topic anyway. "Did it happen on duty? Is that the reason why youâre not in the Marine Corps anymore?" A nearly unnoticeable nod for which you rewarded him with a confession of your own. "Mine happened when I was little. Clearly, you've seen them too."
Jaehyun turned his head away, and admittedly quietly, "Yes. But you don't have to tell me your story as I won't tell you mine."
"That's fine, I will anyway. Just in case one day, you decide you want to talk." You smiled meekly, waiting for him to hold you back, but he didn't. "I was in a car accident with my mom when I was around twelve years old. That day, I was throwing a tantrum, because I didn't want to go to school, but my mom had already dropped my younger sister off. It was usually our live-in nanny's job, but she was sick that day and my mom had to take over her duties as no one else was available on such a short notice. She didn't know how to handle my tantrums, so she just gave in and drove to a mall with me instead. She bought me so much stuff, it was the best day of my life. Until now, even." You paused to take a deep breather. "We watched a movie in the cinema and she got me every plushy I wanted. And ice cream. Really, a lot of ice cream. We went back to the car to pick up my sister from elementary school in the afternoon, but we never made it there. She collided with a truck. Our car was flipped and they had trouble getting us out. They took me first before our vehicle caught fire. My mom didn't stand a chance."
You watched Jaehyun's Adam's apple move. He was still avoiding eye contact, but he had listened. That was enough for you.Â
"The oatmeal you made every morning, with the cinnamon and sugar⌠She also made it for me on the weekends. And on that fateful day." You threw your towel at him so that he could properly dry his hair. "I'll go back now. Don't forget to use the cream."
Back inside the cabin, you took a package of oats from the kitchen cabinet and began heating it on the stove with water. The oatmeal was almost done when Jaehyun returned as well.
"You can already sit down, breakfast is ready now."
But instead, Jaehyun moved over to the kitchen area and stood close by you when you removed the pot from the stove. You expected him to offer help with setting up the table as otherwise you couldn't come up with a believable reason as to why he would be right in your space.
"You do it for me,â he suddenly demanded.
"What?"
Jaehyun held out the tube to you and repeated, "You do it for me."
You usually didn't struggle with reservations when it came down to touching people, especially men. You loved touching men, as a matter of fact. You regarded them as very attractive humans, and Jaehyun certainly was no exception. But you were reserved with touching Jaehyun, because you feared you might cross a line that had probably been crossed quite a while ago already. Slowly, without you consciously acknowledging every step of it.
You took the tube in your hand and Jaehyun turned around, lifting his shirt. Your fingers brushed against the scars that peeked out from his trousers. He pulled the fabric of his pants down slightly, just enough for you to reach a larger area of scars. Good. You wouldnât have gone any further anyway.
Carefully, you squeezed some cream on your fingers. When you touched Jaehyun's scars, he shivered a little due to the sensitivity, but didn't back away. He stood still, waiting for you to cover the entire area that was visible. While he was not shaking, you did instead, a flush of heat suddenly striking you. You didnât know where it had suddenly come from, and now lingered even.Â
"I got them in the same way as you when I tried to crawl out of a burning vehicle," Jaehyun explained to your surprise. "I wasn't fast enough and my leg got caught up in the flames." It was apparent that there was more to the story he wasn't ready to talk about just yet. You would leave it to him to decide how far to go. "I'm sorry for what happened to you."
Because there was more to your story as well. "Me too."
You watch the cream getting absorbed into his skin while closing the tube. Jaehyun then pulled his shirt over his wounds. "Let's eat. I'll then make a fire again since you must be cold."
He was wrong about that. Somehow, you still felt very warm. Especially when Jaehyun took out the cinnamon and sugar and put it on your oatmeal as a topping again. It made you so happy, yet so sad at the same time. The feeling nearly choked you.
____
You awoke later that day to dull blows coming from outside in an irregular rhythm. Apparently, you had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch in front of the fireplace, which was now warming the entire cabin. You propped yourself up on the cushion and struggled with orientation at first.
When you peeked out of the window, you spotted Jaehyun chopping wood only in a t-shirt. Reality struck you at that moment. This was not a hotel, not a holiday residency, and certainly not your city home where you always had staff taking care of such mundane tasks. This was a hideout. There was no electricity here yet, no running water. You shouldn't just lie around, sleeping and doing nothing.
You put on your jacket, slipped into the boots and opened the front door. "Is there something I can help you with?" you asked Jaehyun.
He paused, wiped his glistening forehead with the back of his hand, and looked straight at you. "Maybe, you can carry some water from the stream up here. Boil it and then pour it into the canister in the kitchen, so weâll always have fresh water to use for the day."
You nodded. "Where do I find a bucket?"
"Behind the cabin where the other tools are."
"Alright."
Behind the house, in a cabinet attached to the outer wall, you found tools as Jaehyun had described. Above the cabinet, he had stacked logs for the fireplace. Inside it, there were different sized buckets, an entire toolbox, a broom, a spare gas cylinder for the kitchen and other useful instruments. You reached for the bucket, but then halted.
Stunned, your eyes fell on something you hadn't expected you would need here. It was a pair of handcuffs. But not the silly toy ones. No, the real ones used by the police. You would know, because you'd been arrested more than once already.Â
You wanted to give Jaehyun the benefit of doubt. He would be outside here all alone. Of course he needed something to defend himself with, that was why he was also storing a rifle and a gun inside the house as you had discovered before.Â
But the handcuffs⌠it was not the same. They were outside as though he had purposely hidden them from you. And this was not all. Next to it, you found duct tape and a rope.
If you wouldn't know it better, you could swear these were the tools one would use to keep a prisoner. You tried to reason this discovery with the fact that Jaehyun needed to fend off intruders if someone ever stumbled close to his hideout. It was the only explanation you could come up with that didn't include you. Because you were here and you were free. Werenât you?
But you couldn't shake off the feeling that everything could be entirely different as well. That if these accidents hadn't happened a few days back in Canada, you wouldn't have simply accepted life here. And what would have happened then? What would happen if you ever tried to run away? Would he stop you? And if, how? With these tools?
"Did you find it?"
Jaehyun's head popped up from around the corner and you quickly closed the cabinet. "Y-yeah! I-I'll go now!"
"Good. Call me when you need help."
You nodded and made your way down to the stream once again. It took you three walks back and forth, putting the water into the largest bowl to boil it and then fill it into the canister each time. After that, you swept the fireplace, cleaned the entire cabin from the second floor to the last corner in the kitchen and went back to the stream again to wash some clothes.
There was much time to think about what you had discovered in the outside cabinet. But as you came back from the stream with a bucket full of freshly washed clothes, you found Jaehyun standing by the stove, preparing dinner.
"I found some mushrooms nearby, so today's dinner will be fresh."
He sounded so proud of himself, and the tense features you had been wearing the entire day softened. No he wouldn't hurt you. He had never intended to. Those tools were only safety measurements, never to be used against you.
You trusted him.
____
"Is this one edible?"
You held a brown mushroom out to Jaehyun who inspected it quite carefully.Â
He had approached you earlier that day, suggesting that you go collect mushrooms with him as it was the middle of the high season. The mere thought of only eating canned food for months on end had been convincing enough for you to put on your jacket and boots, and follow Jaehyun deeper into the surrounding woods.
You had spent a few days in the cabin already, but to your surprise, you hadn't grown bored yet. Somehow, there was always something to do, especially now that the coldest season was upon you.Â
Jaehyun was chopping and storing as much wood as he could find, and you usually helped with collecting the logs the first half of the day. He had already warned you that winter was going to be especially hard for many, many weeks - months even. There was a chance you wouldnât be able to leave the house if you got snowed in.Â
You hadnât dared to ask how you would be reunited with your father then. You had already, though reluctantly, accepted that you would spend the entire winter here in the Alaskan woods.
"Yes, it's edible," Jaehyun declared and let you put the mushroom in the basket.
"How about these?" You wandered to a bush that harbored dark berries. "These are blueberries, am I right?"
"Yes," Jaehyun confirmed. "But what will you do with them? They won't last long inside."
"We could make some jam and put them in our breakfast. We cannot make bread as we don't have an oven, but putting it into oatmeal is just as good."
"Sounds delicious." Though his expression didn't give it away, Jaehyun sounded content and earnest.
You wondered if you would ever encounter the day where you found Jaehyun smiling brightly out of sheer happiness.Â
There had been a few moments when you thought he was close to it, but something always held him back. As though, at the last possible moment, he reminded himself that he wasn't allowed to feel the slightest touch of genuine happiness.Â
You knew that feeling all too well. It had taken you many years to accept the fact that you being happy wouldn't have changed your mother's fate. In fact, nothing you did after her death would have changed her fate. So you started doing whatever you wanted.
"Stop."
Jaehyun suddenly held you back, the rifle in his hand clicking. He had intended on bringing it along in case something happened or you accidentally ran into someone⌠or something. You were in the wilderness after all, he had warned you. There were bears, wolves and moose running around.
"Is there a bear?!" you whispered hurriedly, petrified with fear.
"No." Jaehyun brought the rifle close to him, steadying it. "But a deer."
"You want to shoot a deer?!" You faced him, shocked. "Why would you shoot an innocent deer?!"
"Don't you want fresh meat for dinner?"
"That's no reason to shoot a deer! The majority of the meat would only go to waste since we don't have the storage to keep it frozen. Its death would be⌠for vain. "
"The other animals would eat the rest."
You shook your head, expression stern. "Is that how you handled it in the Marine Corps?"
"Yes. How else would we survive in the wilderness with only a backpack and no roof over the dead?"
"Well, not with me here now." You made Jaehyun lower his rifle. "It shouldn't die only for us to feed on it for one or two days."
"And what should we eat then? Our provisions will last us throughout the entire winter, but only if we use them sparsely. It will be good to stock up on food since we'll run out of mushrooms as well once the season has ended."
"There areâŚ" You gulped as you weren't too much of a fan of this idea, but you needed to live through the harshest season, he was right about that. "Rabbits and squirrels. They are also active during winter, and they populate a lot and fast. Wouldn't they be enough?"
Jaehyun seemed to thoroughly think about your suggestion, and he came to the conclusion that it wasnât an idea to push aside in an instant. "That should do it. But I am by no means a good shooter when it comes to small⌠targets. Perhaps, there is a chance of fifty-fifty. When I miss a target though, I will scare away all the remaining animals as well, and we might end up with nothing at all."
You drew your brows together, thinking of a solution. "Then what about traps? Like⌠small animal traps for the outside."
Jaehyun looked at you, perhaps in an impressed way? You couldn't exactly tell. "And you know how to build one?"
You grimaced. "I thought you would know⌠okay fine. I'll come up with something that will work." And quieter, you added, "Hopefully. Come on."
Back in the cabin, you directly went to work on the said trap. It took you all afternoon, weighing the options and replaying every possible scenario in your head. You had never done something like this before and you didn't possess more than the usual crafting skills of a person not trained in that field. But you had a very vivid fantasy.
It was already getting dark when you presented your first prototype to Jaehyun. Behind the outhouse, a little deeper in the woods, you had built a construction from three sticks that formed a triangle when you looked at them from above. Two of them were fixed in the ground on opposite sides. Between these two sticks, you had attached a bucket, partially supported by the pressure from each side. The third stick extended into the bucket, about a third of its length from the front. All three sticks were additionally tied together with a string. On the ground, right under the bucket, you had scattered some blueberries.
"Since the sticks are tied together, a rabbit getting lured under the basket by the blueberries means it will tug on the strings, causing all the sticks to collapse. The rabbit will get trapped inside the bucket that came down due to the pressure taken from it. Quite genius, isn't it? I've tried out a few methods, and this was simplest, but the most effective."
No praise. But you hadnât gotten your hopes up in the first place. "Will it work though?"
"It will, just so you wait!"
But you found nothing in the trap the next day. And neither on the day after that.Â
Jaehyun didn't say a word, but you felt his reproachful gaze on your back whenever you passed the area as though he silently signalized you, "Told you so!"
On the third day, thoughâŚ
"WellâŚ" You stood in front of the trap with your arms crossed in front of your chest, beaming proudly. "It worked after all. Thank you for the sacrifice, little rabbit."
Jaehyun stayed quiet even then. But you saw it right there, on his face.Â
A tug of a smile.
____
November, Alaska, USA
Autumn passed in the blink of an eye, and it grew even colder.
The next month, you were greeted by trees gradually shedding their colorful leaves and frost every morning that sometimes the sun couldnât even melt. But Jaehyun refused to leave the fireplace on overnight due to the risks. He also forbade you from switching sleeping places, so you still spent the nights in the bed while Jaehyun settled on the couch. All the complaining couldnât make him change his mind, so you stopped asking eventually.Â
Every day followed the same routine, sometimes mixed up.Â
In the morning, you and Jaehyun met at the stream to wash up together. On other times, when it was too cold, you took the water from the canister in the kitchen and boiled it to wash yourself with instead. It was little compared to taking a shower or a whole bath, but still better than submerging in the freezing stream like Jaehyun. Breakfast followed when he returned to the cabin.Â
After that, Jaehyun usually chopped wood while you went into the forest to collect everything you had learned was edible, as long as nature still provided it. A small lunch was eaten when you both met back in the cabin to take a short break. You then stayed inside to clean before you returned to the stream to do the laundry. In the meantime, Jaehyun handled all the work outside of the cabin to make it weatherproof.Â
Jaehyun had additionally taught you how to fish and prepare the meat. Since you usually went hunting in the afternoon for dinner, you got to eat fresh meat almost every other day thanks to your traps that you constantly perfected and now worked on other small animals too - and Jaehyun never had to use his rifle.
The first snow fell halfway throughout the month.Â
Luckily you had stocked up on everything you would need to survive for several days in case you were snowed in. You had exchanged your fall jacket for the thick puffer jacket already, never leaving the house without the hat and gloves anymore. You couldn't imagine how harsh winters were up here, especially in a wooden cabin.Â
But you would get to know sooner than you had imagined.
____
The first day you were snowed in was one week after the first snowfall.
You woke up and couldn't see through the small roof window above you. The view was blocked by a thick layer of snow you had first mistaken for an animal having settled right there. By the noises coming from downstairs, you figured Jaehyun was still inside the house when he would usually be by the stream already.
"We're almost snowed in," he revealed to you.
You opened the door to confirm Jaehyunâs statement, but were met with a wall of snow that reached your hips. It looked solid, yet you didnât want to risk it sliding into the cabin, so you quickly shut the door again.
"I still went to the trap last night and found a rabbit inside, so we will have meat for today at least," Jaehyun continued. "We will boil the snow to use as drinking water. Later, I will dig a way through the snow so that we will reach the outhouse, and maybe the other traps too. Otherwise, we can just hope that it will stop snowing soon. Luckily, itâs not that high."
"Is it possible it will be like this⌠for weeks?"
"Yes, it's possible if it continues snowing like this."
You had prepared everything for this kind of situation throughout the past weeks, stocking up on logs and other necessities. Yet, being right in the middle of it was quite intimidating. In New York city, you had never experienced such heavy snowfall to be locked inside for weeks.Â
You went on about your day as usual, but by midday, you had run out of chores and things to do. For the first time, you wished you had your phone with you. Not to look yourself up or to text anyone, but to do something entertaining. There was nothing cozier than to cuddle up in front of a fireplace and watch a movie during a heavy snowfall. Cuddle up, though? You startled yourself.Â
"Jaehyun, what's wrong with your scars?"
You were watching him change his clothes as he had gotten all wet from digging a path into the snow outside. His scars were burning red again and he scratched the back of his head, avoiding your piercing, questioning gaze.
"Perhaps, I got a little negligent about using the cream," he confessed.
You jumped up from the couch and hindered Jaehyun from putting on his shirt. He looked at you with much confusion. "Take off your pants and lie down."
"Pardon?"
"You heard me clear enough." You pointed with your index finger at the couch. "It's crucial for you to treat the wound in the early stages, so that you won't carry the pain and scars for too long. Trust me, I know."
"Maybe, I deserve it."
"You donât deserve it. Whatever you did, whatever I did⌠we have to stop thinking this way. The scars are our punishment, so that we will be reminded of what we've been through for the rest of our lives. It's enough. Youâre not a bad person, I know this now.â
"You think so?" Jaehyun asked, bitterness and guilt carrying his tone as it broke out of him, the entire truth. "I left my comrades and friends inside the vehicle to die while we were on our way back from a mission. I was the only one who was still physically able to get out of the overturned car after it had swung off the street and slipped down a slope. I was the driver, and everyone else was either unconscious or trapped. I wanted to get help, but when I had almost made it out, the flames erupted. I was outside, and they were still inside, despite me being the one who had caused the accident in the first place. How am I supposed to be punished enough for this?"
So that was how it was. "We got into that accident, because I was distracting my mom by whining about⌠about something I quickly forgot after that, because it was so trivial. My mom died, because I was just being a kid who didn't know it better. It wasn't on purpose. You also never wanted your friends to die. They knew that."
Pain flashed across Jaehyun's face, the most visible emotion you had ever seen him display. How much pain was he carrying of which he thought he deserved it? Did it come close to yours or was it much more, because the wounds were still so fresh?
You pointed at the couch again. Despite his initial reluctance, Jaehyun complied, stripped himself of his pants and lay down on the cushion in only his boxers. You grabbed the cream tube from the top of the drawer and knelled next to Jaehyun on the floor. He was placed on his stomach, his burnt side easier for you to reach like this. He had his arms folded in front of him and was resting his head on them, face turned away from you.
Jaehyun began speaking the moment you touched his thigh, "I was distracted too. Taeyong and Doyoung were arguing about something, and instead of paying attention to the street, I thought I knew it better and meddled. It was so trivial, I've now forgotten what the conflict was in the first place. That was a little more than a year ago. How did you get over it?"
You smiled mildly as you coated Jaehyun's red scars with cream. "Years of avoiding therapy, and eventually years of therapy. What helped me was changing my entire mindset. My mom loved me. She gave me the gift of life as she urged the firemen to save me first. She wouldn't want me to waste this gift just for a single minute."
"I wouldn't know what my friends thought or said," Jaehyun admitted quietly. "I only thought about escaping and getting help. I⌠didnât look back before it was too late."
"Then think like this," you suggested. "There was a reason you were friends in the first place. You share the same mindset, the same values. You loved each other. If you had been in their situation, how would you feel? Would you encourage your only friend, who was able to escape, to leave the car and get help?"
Without hesitation, Jaehyun instantly exclaimed, "Of course!"
"And if that only friend intends to stay in the car for you, despite knowing the danger of this situation, despite knowing it's for vain, how would you feel?"
"Angry." Jaehyun gulped, his neck muscles tensing. "Angry at him for wasting his life when he has the chance to survive, even as the only person."
"Yes. You will never know what your friends thought exactly at the moment of the accident. Perhaps, everything was different for them. Perhaps, they had an entirely different perception of what had caused the accident. Our own feelings of guilt are possibly distorted, because we're the only survivors. We will never know for sure. But what we know is that if the situation was reversed and we were able to save them, then we would have done so, too. Because we love them. And that person should live life the best they can."
It was silent for a very long time and you focused on treating Jaehyun's entire area before he continued, "But everyone else blamed me for the accident. I was discharged with only a small amount of compensation with which I built this cabin here. Far away from where it happened."
"You want to run away," you concluded.
"I want to stay secluded. Somewhere where I cannot hurt anyone anymore."
"Then why take me with you?" you wanted to know, having finished tending to Jaehyun's wounds now. You closed the tube and pushed the topic, "Why didn't you come here alone? Why agree to all this in the first place? What did my father promise you if you didn't need money?"
A rustling, then a long sigh before Jaehyun lifted his head and turned it around to face you. "He offered me money, of course. Despite me not needing it, I must make sure my family back in my home country is taken care of as I cannot follow my initial profession anymore. Itâs enough for them to live comfortably, thatâs why Iâm doing it."
You closed the tube, spreading the remaining cream between your fingers. "Do you regret having agreed on this deal with my father?"
It was a genuine smile that slowly grew on Jaehyun's lips. It was the first time you were able to witness it, and your heart nearly teared in happiness at the sight of him turning so sincere.
"You're not the worst company in the world."
____
December, Alaska, USA
Since that day, something inside Jaehyun had shifted.Â
Naturally, it was impossible to achieve what had taken you years of therapy in such a short amount of time, but you were positive that if Jaehyun took every day for what it was, then he could discard his pain layer by layer and wouldnât let it determine the greater part of his life anymore.
You noticed it in the way his footsteps carried less weight, his shoulders were a little less slumped and his eyes were a bit brighter. You liked it. Baby steps.
The snow stayed.Â
On some days, the snow level was so high that Jaehyun had to dig a tunnel. On other days, you couldnât go outside at all and somehow had to make do inside the cabin. By then, Jaehyun had long since given in and started a fire before going to sleep despite his earlier belief that it might be dangerous at night. Eventually, he had come to the conclusion that freezing to death was the only other option left you needed to avoid at all cost.
One day, you ran out of logs.Â
The cabin grew so cold that you put on every piece of clothing you had, and it still wasnât enough.
"Jaehyun," you called out into the night when you were lying in bed, watching the night sky through the window above you. A white cloud formed in front of your mouth when you called out once again, "Jaehyun!"
"What?" he finally answered from downstairs.
"Are you not cold?"
"No."
Liar. The spare blanket was much thinner than the one you were using that was initially supposed to be his. There was no possibility for him to withstand the cold that had entirely taken over the inside of the cabin now as well. He was freezing, and so were you.
"Come upstairs. There is enough space in the bed."
Silence. Hesitation? Then a rustle. "No."
He would never admit to being cold, so you had to. "But I am cold."
Stillness. Your heart nearly stopped as you lay on your back, the blanket pulled up to your chin, not daring to move. You breathed shallowly, waiting for some kind of reaction from Jaehyun.
It came in the form of another, softer rustle, followed by footsteps on the wooden floor, the boards creaking under his weight. The stairs groaned as Jaehyun climbed them, his figure casting a long shadow over you when he reached the bed.
Wordlessly, you rolled onto the right side of the mattress, just beneath the roof window. Jaehyun brought his pillow and blanket, tossing them onto the bed before slowly climbing in himself. Neither of you spoke as he lay still beside you, a certain distance between you.Â
It wasnât going to work this way, you needed to break this awkwardness if you wanted to fall asleep comfortably.Â
"My family doesn't say it out loud, but they hold me at fault for my mom's death.â You didnât know what else to speak of. Perhaps, it would help him understand you a bit better, too. âI don't blame them, I would probably feel the same."
"That's not trueâŚ"Â
You watched clouds passing by, partially covering the starry sky. "It is. They told me in a fit of rage, my father and my sister both separately, on different occasions. It took me so long to overcome the feeling of guilt myself. And when I have finally succeeded in doing so, they tell me they have never reached this point in the first place."
Jaehyun shifted, the mattress giving in under you, his voice now directly by your ear. "It must have been hard on you."
"I'm the heiress, but my father constantly threatened to disown me and pass the position on to my younger sister, who is far more fitting for this position anyway. His words." You paused. "I wished for nothing more. I really wanted him to disown me. To free me from all this pressure, to just⌠let me go. Why canât he do that?"
You knew the answer before Jaehyun spoke it out. "Because he loves you and believes in you. There will always be situations where we say and do things we don't mean and regret immediately. Even though we donât directly speak it out. You said we would always want the best lives for the people we love. That also applies to the rest of your family, you know."
A tear escaped from the corner of your eyes. "All these things⌠All these scandals about me⌠I've done all this just so that he could finally free me from all the responsibility. I've always assumed no one would want to have such a person as an heiress to their company. I dropped out of university and made sure to be on the headlines as often as possible. But he never let me go. As it dragged on, I started to enjoy torturing my family's reputation way too much. If he wouldn't pass the position to my sister, then I could do whatever I wanted, I thought. So I did."
Dropping out of university, going out with different guys, all the partying and the press, the arrests, and the recent scandal with the engaged prince⌠You had enjoyed it very much - to some extent. But all this time you were aware that this couldn't be how your life was defined.Â
Somewhere along the way, you had grown so tired. It was about time you would stop. It was ironic, but your father's downfall had come at the right time.
"Couldn't you just step down on your own?" Jaehyun asked.
"It was my mom's wish for me to become the heiress. I would have never stepped down voluntarily as I thought I owed it to her. I never had the courage to do so in fear of disappointing my mom, even in death. In my head, it was only reasonable if my father stripped me of the title. Like that, I was able to justify it in front of my mom. I know it doesn't make sense, but for me-"
"Never say it doesn't make sense," Jaehyun stopped you. "You don't need to justify your feelings and actions. If they make sense to you, then they're valid."
You nodded, deeply grateful for his words. "I've already prepared a secret bank account, you know. I was ready to start a new life somewhere else if one day I had grown brave enough. Just like you. I just didn't know how to do it as I've never known another way to live. I was such a coward. I just wanted to be prepared in case one day I just woke up and⌠went away."
"And now? Do you now know how?"
Jaehyun had to leave his comrades behind to escape the flames, and he loathed himself for it. You had to leave your mother behind to flee from the fire, and your family loathed you for it. Now, both of you were searching for a life far away from your pasts. At one point or another, you were the same.
"Yes. Now, I know."
You wondered what would happen when your father finally got his situation settled. Could you ever return to your old life? And more importantly, did you want to? If not, what kind of life did you want to continue living from here on?
"Good," Jaehyun responded.
He placed his blanket over your thicker one and moved close to you so that he was spooning you from behind after you had naturally shifted positions. He placed his arm under your neck so you could use it as an additional support to your pillow. You were relieved that he put his other arm around your stomach, otherwise he would have noticed how fast your heart was beating. You felt his breath against the back of your neck, and you could have sworn his breathing was just as irregular and filled with uncertainty as yours.
This was all so that you wouldn't freeze to death, you kept telling yourself over and over, even long after Jaehyun's breathing had found a rhythm and his grip around your stomach loosened a bit.Â
You couldn't fall asleep for hours that night. And when you woke up the next morning, having stretched yourself out all over Jaehyun's warming chest, a part of you wished that you wouldn't sleep alone anymore - be it on cold or warm nights.
____
That very day, on your self-proclaimed Christmas Eve, you had come to a decision.
From your drawer, you pulled out a piece of clothing you hadn't touched for more than two months. But you couldn't imagine a better day to wear this glittery party dress here again except for today. You didn't know what to do with your hair to make it special, nor with your face as you lacked makeup. You were aware that this all didn't matter now, but since today would mark a milestone, you wanted to somehow look different than on the occasional days.
You hadn't dared to use the chapstick Jaehyun had given to you yet, because you were scared you would waste such a special gift. But if there was a perfect day to coat your lips with something he had chosen for you, then it would be today.Â
A little while later, you were sitting on the bed, dressed in your party dress. You had brushed your hair so often that it now fell silkily over your shoulders, lips tinked pink with strawberry flavor. It was by far not your most glamorous look, but to Jaehyun it wouldn't matter anyway.
You made your way downstairs and prepared the dinner, into which you had put especially much effort today. For the main course, you served rabbit with rice as it was now cold enough to keep fresh meat outside, with fish soup as a side dish. For dessert, you had cooked up some rice with water and sugar, and would serve it with blueberry marmalade that you had preserved a little while ago.
When Jaehyun returned to the cabin from preparing the logs for the night, he stilled by the door, totally forgetting to shut it as ice cold wind blew inside.
"Close the door!" you urged him, and he only reluctantly did so, his eyes not wavering from your appearance.
"What's going on?"
"Did you forget what day today is?" you gave him a leg up. "It's Christmas, and we will celebrate!"
He blinked slowly in confusion. "Christmas might still be three or four days away, perhaps it even passed already. Neither of us have a calendar."
"I don't care," you shrugged and brushed it off. "Now sit down, I've prepared a special meal."
"WellâŚ" Jaehyun smirked and willingly did so, taking a seat by the table after having taken off his boots and jacket. "I won't complain then. Thank you for the meal. I'm afraid I'm not dressed for the occasion though."
"It doesn't matter to me."
You poured soup into small bowls and took each into one of your hands. You brought them over to the table where you had already prepared the cutlery.
"I thought you'd never wear this dress again," Jaehyun remarked, then smiled. "You look beautiful in it."
Your cheeks heated up. "Why shouldn't I? I'm only wearing it for you."
He turned his head away, but you still caught the emotion of guilt briefly flashing across his face. "Because you wore it the day I took you away. It must be tainted with horrible memories of that night. I don't want you to associate the traumatic memories of that dress with me."
Jaehyun had worded it so weirdly. "You didn't take me away. My father instructed you to do it, and you only did it to help your family."
"But you wouldn't have come with me voluntarily."
"Of course not, you were a stranger!" The moment it dawned on you that he could misunderstand your very vocal denial, you continued, "But if we had met in another way⌠If you had approached me under other circumstances, with other intentions, thenâŚ"
"Then, what?" Jaehyun looked at you, partially challenging, partially inviting. His gaze then fell and rested on the lower part of your face, making him notice what you were wearing on your lips tonight. "You wouldn't have spared me a single glance. I know what kind of man you prefer."
"Prefer perhaps, but certainly not like!" You perceived Jaehyun's Adam's apple bopping, his eyes turning back to observe your whole expression while his own features remained unreadable. "It's all different now, because I am different."
Jaehyun drew a long breath in, the initial brightness in his face suddenly dropping as though it had only been a facade to conceal deeper emotions. "Now, are you� Are you here because you want to be or because you had no other option?"
"Why are you asking such things?" His words hurt, you had no idea why his mood suddenly carried a vicious edge to it.
He seemed to notice it too and quickly shook his head. In seeming agony and frustration over himself, Jaehyun reached to touch his forehead. "My feelings are all over the place. Can I trust your words when your perception is alternated by isolation and confinement?"
"I feel as though my perception has never been clearer."
"If you had to choose between going back and staying here, how would you decide?" A pause followed, but you were about to answer when Jaehyun suddenly responded to his own question with a clear, "See."
You wanted to scream at him for not even giving you a chance to express your feelings properly. At one point, you had assumed you understood each other, that he would recognize the new person you had become - the one who had been hidden beneath all these superficial features, not the person he had first seen in this dress.
You reluctantly sat down, but didn't touch the food either. Instead, you admitted, "Tonight, I wanted to tell you that if I had to choose between going back and staying here, I would⌠stay here. At least for a little while more. Until I figure out what to do with my life since I definitely don't want to go back."
Your voice was hopeful, but you didn't meet the reaction you had expected of Jaehyun. Your words hadn't given him a single bit of relief. Instead, they had angered him more.Â
"You cannot use me as a safeguard until you someday maybe find out what you truly want just to avoid your family."
You knitted your brows together, thrown off guard by his continuous offending reaction. "I thought you might like the idea of us spending more time together, but I was wrong."
"That's not what I mean." Jaehyun shook his head, his mien stood stern, but apologetic. "Don't you think it will hurt me too? Getting used to all this despite knowing it will eventually come to an end and you will still not choose me? Don't torture me for longer than necessary, I'm also only human."
You were mortified. He had every right to be upset, because you had hurt his feelings. Perhaps, you hadn't changed all that much from your former self yet.Â
You had only thought about what you wanted, not about how it would affect Jaehyun - as you always did. That was so typical for you. Yet, you couldn't bring yourself to say what he wanted to hear from you. You were all dressed up, ready for him, yet you couldn't give yourself over to him entirely. It wasn't fair.
"I-I'm sorry. You're r-right." Your head dropped and you suddenly didn't feel so hungry anymore. "I didn't think about that, because I've never thought you-"
You stilled at the touch of his warm palm against your cheek, and as you lifted your eyes, you met his gentle, but not yet entirely forgiving smile.Â
"Don't be sorry. Now you know about how I feel. When you return to your old life and then still want to come back here, to be with me, not temporarily, but forever, you know where to find me. I'll never leave this place. I will always wait for you."
The following words were hard for you to bring over your lips, but you knew you had to ask them out loud. "What if I go?"
"Then I'll let you go. I won't keep you here against your will and you shouldn't feel obliged to stay just because we spent so much time with each other or because I saved your life. You don't owe me anything, neither does your father. We've all kept the ends of our deals, and if you wish to go, I will let you when it's safe enough."
"What if I stay?" You barely dared to look into his eyes, because you were scared to find them filled with hope, longing⌠love. It would make an unaffected decision even harder for you.
"You know the answer to that."
Jaehyun had said he didn't want to be your safeguard, yet he turned himself into exactly that, offering you a forever home if only you were willing enough. But you weren't yet, and he was absolutely okay with giving you more time if you ever reached that point.
But your appetite didn't return and Jaehyun slept on the couch again.
____
A few days later when the snow only reached your shin, you went on a walk around the area. You had mostly stayed inside for too many weeks in a row, and you feared that if you didn't go into nature again right now, you might forget how it felt like to be entirely by yourself.
The stream was frozen from both sides, leaving only a small cleavage in the middle from where water occasionally spilled out. You wandered up and down the riverbank, watching birds and a family of deer from a distance.Â
There was not much to do during winter outside in the woods, you only enjoyed the serenity of the frozen nature which was not only soothing, but also impressive. You could stay out here for hours.
What would you be doing in the city right now?Â
Potentially, nothing different from what you were doing in summer, spring and autumn. It was always the same. Same buildings, same streets, same type of people. Nature was ever changing as well, but you had never grasped the entirety and intensity of its beauty. In New York City, you used to blend out every overwhelming stimulation from outwards, whereas here, your senses felt heightened and they nearly couldn't take in all the impressions you wanted to experience and remember all at once.
Back at home, you had been so infamous and known, you had done everything to draw attention to yourself. And for what? To be forgotten the moment you disappeared off the face of the earth?Â
Had anyone ever wondered where you had gone to, made moves to even look for you? What would you find when you got your phone back, how many missed messages, how many missed calls? Or had your supposed friends you only met for shopping and partying shrug your entire existence off once they didn't have someone to fund their lives anymore?Â
You didn't know a convincing answer to that. And that itself was confirmation enough for you. Because Jaehyun would, no doubt at all.Â
He would tear the whole world apart just to make sure you were safe, no matter where you were and no matter whether he had to risk his own life as well. And not because your father had paid him to. You were certain about that, more than anything. What could you ask more of someone you loved?
You watched the family of deer, a mother with four fawns, slowly approaching the stream, observing you cautiously. The mother stopped, gauging the danger coming from you, but as you stood totally still, she judged the situation favorably and went with her children closer to the stream, searching for food and water.Â
You nearly teared up at the thought of being favored by wild animals. How could something so pure, so simple, cause you so much happiness unlike anything before that?
You pivoted around and ran all the way back to the cabin. How could you have been so blind? How could you have hesitated for so long when everything you had wanted, aware or not, had been right here before you? You didn't want to leave. Not anymore.
"Jaehyun!" you called out, spurting through the snow, protecting your face from the branches that threatened to slap right into your face as you met them with speed. "Jaehyun!!"
You wanted to live where Jaehyun was, right here in the woods.Â
You had first thought they were dark, deep and dangerous. But the forest was nothing like that. The woods were full of beautiful life and gave you a beautiful life as well. You could very much live here. You wanted to. This was enough as long as Jaehyun was here too.
"Jaehyun!" You stopped right in front of the house, but didn't spot him. "Where are you?"
"Up here!" You heaved your head and found him sitting on the roof, looking down at you with questioning eyes. "What's up?"
"What are you doing up there?"
"The chimney is clogged, so I'm cleaning it," he explained.
"Okay, can you come down?" you breathed, small white clouds forming in front of your mouth. "I need to talk to you."
He visibly debated whether to drop his work and follow your plea, but he eventually decided against it. "Can you wait a bit until I'm done here? It's not taking too long anymore."
"No!" You feared that, if you waited for a little bit longer, all the bravery would leave your body, and you didnât know when it would return. "I need to talk to you right now!"
"Okay, then." Jaehyun sat back on the roof. "Tell me what you want to tell me."
You were perplexed. "Here?"
"Yes."
"Now?"
"Yes." A smirk. "Tell me."
You couldn't shake the feeling that he long knew what you wanted to tell him and was only taunting you now. For having kept him on the edge for so long, for making him wait all this time. Fair enough.Â
You buried your hands deep into the pockets of your thick jacket and drew small circles into the snow with your feet. When you had made up your mind about your words, you looked up to Jaehyun, who was now leaning back as though he had settled comfortably to spend more time on the roof until you finished.
You eventually began, "You were right. Back in New York City, in my old life, we wouldn't even have looked at each other. But I was barely even able to look at myself. My life was full of fame, wealth, and people. Yet, I still felt so lonely and empty inside. You may think the day you took me from that life was the day you broke me. You were wrong. The truth is that I was already broken, and when I went with you, your companionship and everything we've experienced pieced me back together. I became a whole new person I never knew existed in the first place."
Jaehyun shifted, bending forward to look at you more closely. His hair, that had significantly grown through the past weeks, now fell into his forehead. His mien was unreadable. "Are you aware of what you are saying? What any of this means?"
You nodded eagerly. "I know. I'm sure. Money, fame, materialistic stuff⌠What does it matter when I have all this?" You paused, feeling the heavy thumbing of your heart in your throat. "What does any of that matter when I have you?"
"Me?" Jaehyun huffed. "I cannot replace any of that for you."
"But that's the point!" you advocated. "You're not a replacement, you were never meant to be! I didn't need all of that insignificant stuff in the first place. I need you! I want you!⌠All of this! So⌠can you come down now, please?"
A smile as bright as the winter sun shining right into his face appeared on Jaehyun's lips.Â
You thought you had seen so many beautiful things in your life already, yet the man here right in front of you, accepting your love with much happiness, was the most beautiful thing you had ever witnessed. The things that were significant, the ones that really mattered, couldn't be brought with money.
Jaehyun stretched out a hand to you as though he could reach you from up there. "Come up here."
"What?"
"Come up here."
You let out a long sigh. Now, he was only teasing you. You walked over to the wooden ladder and climbed up the steps until Jaehyun's arm was in sight. You grabbed his hand and let him lift you over the last section until you securely settled on the roof, right in front of him. Your legs were still shaky, and you wondered whether the roof could even hold both of you as the surface was so slippery from the ice and snow.
"I didn't hear you," Jaehyun said coolly, in pretense. "Can you repeat everything that you said?"
You rolled your eyes and laughed. Moving forward, you settled between Jaehyun's spread legs and cupped his cold cheeks that were tinted in a light pink.
"I said love you."
You only got a glimpse of how his eyes widening in delight at your direct confession, but whatever he wanted to say in return, he didn't come to verbally say it anymore, because you pushed him back into the snow with your lips on his.
The temperature was cold, but your bodies turned warm as you straddled Jaehyun and kissed him for the first time right there on the top of your small cabin, and you couldn't imagine a greater bliss in life.Â
Jaehyun wrapped one arm around your waist and pulled you closer down to him, deepening the kiss by placing one of his hands on the curvature of your head and parting your lips. You felt your heart flutter and located a ticklish feeling in the pit of your stomach.
You had kissed many men in your life, on many occasions, but none of them had ever made you feel the way Jaehyun did right now.Â
If this wasn't love, then what was?
____
"I've never done this before."
Jaehyun leaned back on the bed, with the oil lamp on the floor providing the only light in the small room.
You had discarded him off his shirt and pants in a very long session that had taken place shortly before, leaving him breathless and disheveled, and yourself in awe over his perfect physique. The dim stream of light crawled into every crevice of his prominent abs, his arm muscles flexing with every motion.Â
You had seen many men in this position before, but none of them had ever come close to the view Jaehyun was giving you. You had been very cautious with his scars that were still healing, but which were no longer worn as a mark of guilt. No, Jaehyun now wore them as proof of a long battle he was about to win.Â
But you hadnât shown him your own, in all their full size, yet. It wasn't like you hated your own scars. On the contrary, even. Sometimes, you inspected them in the mirror and imagined your mother telling you how beautiful they were. It was justâŚÂ
"I've never shown them to anyone before," you revealed to Jaehyun. As you met his questioning expression, you continued, "I've always found ways to hide them when⌠you know. I didn't want to explain to everyone where they come from and earn their pity."
He understood. "Come here."
You slowly walked over to the bed, your eyes fixed on each other when you knelt on top of the mattress. You were still fully dressed in a shirt and pants, and you nearly didn't recognize yourself as you willingly let Jaehyun pull the top over your head.Â
He knew the fire got caught in your jacket back then while crawling out of the car, and despite the firemen acting quickly, you hadn't been able to escape unscathed, the marks adorning your back like battle scars -Â the proof of your existence, your momâs gift.
"Turn around," Jaehyun whispered. "Let me see."
You twisted in your position, rotating on your knees so that you eventually faced the end of the bed, Jaehyun sitting behind you. You recoiled at the touch of his hand on your back, but stood still so as to not irritate him. No one had ever touched your scars again with bare hands except for the physicians back then. When you slept with someone, you usually did so in total darkness or with enough clothes on to cover up the scars.Â
You were baring yourself entirely in front of Jaehyun, in more sense than just one. This was the highest declaration of love you could offer to him. And he knew.Â
Jaehyun's fingertips gently brushed over your scarred back, starting from the top and running all the way down. First, two fingers at once, then three. No pressure, just a slight incessant touch that sent pleasant shivers down your spine.Â
When he reached your waist, where the scars ended but were also the most prominent, he used both of his palms to place on the very spots, running them along your back to the outer sides. His hands then rested on your hips, and you heard him rustling in the sheets when a moment later, you felt the touch of his lips at the very base of your spine.
You let out a gasp. Jaehyun wasn't trying to feel and memorize every raising, every crevice of your scars. He had his own, he knew what they felt and looked like. What he did was acknowledging them for what they were, the pain they had caused you, and letting you know that he accepted them as a part of you, too.
"They're beautiful, I love them," Jaehyun then declared when he arose again. "Because they are a part of you, and I love you too. The whole of you."
You looked down on yourself and watched Jaehyun's hands sliding across your body until he rested them on your stomach, pulling you back right into his hug. The curve of your body fitted perfectly into his as you had already noticed from the cold night you had spent together.
Jaehyun's lips were first on your shoulders, warm and mellow. You rolled your head to the side to give him better access to your neck that he then trailed the kisses up to. He sucked gently on the sensitive skin, making you swallow hard to keep yourself in control.
Whenever you had slept with a man, it used to be a quick act. You had barely known them as it had only been for fun, never caring all that much. But Jaehyun, you knew him. You had gotten to know every part of him that you usually avoided in men. You had been living together with Jaehyun in the smallest space, at one point sharing only a car for days. And he still wanted you, and you him.
"Do you know for how long I've been wanting to do this?" he breathed against your neck, letting his tongue run over your jawline. You shuddered and closed your eyes halfway. "It was pure torture sharing the same house and even bed with you, holding myself back when Iâve always wanted all of you, all at once."
Earlier, Jaehyun had explained to you that he had never made a move, because he didn't want your feelings to get influenced by the confinement he had put you in. You found it weird that he always used that word⌠confinement.Â
For you, it was not any kind of confinement. He had let you live without interference, had let you be with your thoughts and feelings until they had become clear to you all by yourself.
It was the purest form of dedication you had been able to offer to him, because by waiting for so long, you had purposefully decided on him, despite everything you two had been through together, despite knowing his entire history and character. You had decided on him out of your own free will. After all this time, everything had eventually fallen into place.
Jaehyun fiddled with the button of your pants and opened them in one swift motion. He hooked his fingers into the waistband and dragged them down until they hung around your thighs. His upper body was pressed close to your back when he slipped his hand into the front of your panties, making you shudder the moment he cupped the wetness between your legs.Â
You arched your hips against the curve of his body, giving his other hand better access to your breasts, which he then massaged with his palm.
"This," Jaehyun muttered against the dampness of your neck, remnants of his passionate kisses, "I've been wanting to do this for so long."
You moaned quietly as his fingers spread you open, stroking between your folds. Your legs trembled, aroused by stimulation in two places at once. You let him undress you fully, and you didnât mind it for a single second.Â
With Jaehyun, everything felt more palpable, more intense. It was as though you had been kept in darkness and had only stepped into daylight the moment you met him. He might say he had taken you away, but you would say he had brought you into the light.
Jaehyun didn't let you cum in the same way you hadn't let him cum before, having teased him over and over again until he had begged you to stop and release him from this torture. Though admittedly, it had been so much fun - Just as much fun as right now, when you straddled him on his thighs, having him pressed back into the mattress as you carefully moved forward to his groin.
Jaehyunâs manhood was fully erect again, and you already knew exactly how it felt in every angle of your hands. You watched him close his eyes in delight when you rose to your knees and reached for his length once more.Â
Determinedly, you guided his tip to the area where wetness was spilling out of you, and you bit into your bottom lip at the release and completeness when you sank down on him until you connected in the most intimate way two people could.
Jaehyun let out a groan, and you waited a moment before you began moving. You lifted your hips with the strength of your thighs, sliding his length halfway out of you, then lowered yourself back onto him again. As you repeated this action leisurely to adjust to his proportions, Jaehyun reached out his hands and fondled your breasts, eyeing you carefully to catch up on your reaction. You smiled at him, threw your head back and increased your pace, the sounds he made music to your ears, feeding you with courage.
With your body leaning forward and your palms braced against Jaehyunâs strong stomach muscles, you engaged your thighs and moved even faster than before, his length sliding in and out of you with every lift and drop of your body.
The moans you both let out came in unison, blending with the wet, slippery sounds of your bodies moving against each other.
"Wait!" Jaehyun then signed you to stop.Â
"Hm?" You looked at him in confusion, stilling. "Did I do som-"
"No, no!" He placed his hands on either side of your face, drew you close to him and gave you a long kiss. "I want to see all of you when⌠Turn around."
"Around?" You looked to the side. You had always avoided this position for obvious reasons. "I've never done this before either."
"Then let me be the first one. Let me see all of you for the first time."
His words fueled something inside you that you had long deemed dead: The confidence of showing your scars off, of them being accepted as a part of you and completing your beauty rather than diminishing it. Not that you had ever thought of yourself that way. But despite all the confidence, you were only human, too. Of course you had feared the judgment of other people, which was why you had kept them hidden from everyone.
You carefully slipped out of Jaehyun and turned around to put him back inside you the moment you settled on his groin. You straightened your posture and felt Jaehyunâs hands on your hips, following your up-and-down movements with an unwavering grip.
"So⌠beautiful," he breathed and touched your back, right where your scars were. "You're so damn beautiful."
You eventually figured it would be hard for you to feel as much pleasure as before in that position, so shortly later, you were lying beneath Jaehyun with your stomach pressed into the mattress and your head turned to the side. Your fingers were entangled in the sheets, gripping the fabric tightly as Jaehyun moved in and out of you, his groin pushing against your bum with every thrust.
He hovered above you, his forearms propped on the bed on either side of your head, and you felt his irregular breaths against your skin. You angled your hips, not only to give him better access, but also to stimulate the spot that brought you the most pleasure when Jaehyun stroked it from inside.
You closed your eyes and whimpered, "Please don't stop⌠Don't stop."
Hot, breathless kisses on your cheek were the answer while Jaehyun increased his pace. You got sent over the edge almost immediately after, muffling your screams with your face buried in the pillow. Your legs shook, then your entire body. For a moment, you thought your soul had left your body.
"Shit," Jaehyun muttered right next to your ear as you slowly started to come down from your heights. "Sorry."
There was no need for him to say sorry when he had just made you cum like no one else before him, even while still inside you. Jaehyun withdrew himself, but stayed in that position. He hid his face in the hollow between your shoulder and neck, and it followed a low moan with him carefully biting into the flesh where his lips met your body. You then felt him spilling his release, hot and wet, right on the base of your back.
You didn't know how long you laid there, with your bodies entwined, watching the dim light flickering on the wooden roof above you, still naked and still out of breath.Â
When you did it again for the second, third, then fourth time with some light naps in between, you were able to watch the sunrise slowly turning the dark sky light blue by the hour morning arrived.
It was going to be one long, dark winter. But you figured with Jaehyun's company, it was going to be endurable. Enjoyable, even.
____
March, Alaska, USA
The winter months had been long and dark, and the woods had turned even more threatening the moment the sun vanished from the sky. Most hours of the day, you had spent in near darkness, but you had found routines and activities that kept you both sane and warm, turning the long, dragging winter days into a period you came to quite favor.
But nothing could compare to the Alaskan Spring. The new season came slowly, almost unnoticeably, with every passing day from the middle of March on. One day, you stepped outside and realized. It was still cold, but you were able to change into your lighter jacket without freezing too much as your body had adjusted to the temperatures here in the North already.
The trees had turned light green, some showing off full leaves and others buds already. You listened to the chirping of birds, found traces of wild animals on the ground that had awoken from their hibernation, and even spotted a few wildflowers breaking through the cold surface. A few rabbits crossed your path on the way to the stream that was not fully frozen anymore.Â
You filled the bucket in your hands with water and while waiting, turned your head to the sky and let the sun warm up the tip of your nose.Â
When all of this was over, when you could safely talk to your father, you would explain everything to him and ask him to handle all of your formalities only so that you could stay here and continue living with Jaehyun. Your sister would become the heiress, he would surely not mind.Â
As for your mother⌠she would have wanted you to be happy. And if this was what made you happy, she would have supported it fully, you were certain about that. It was all settled.
When you returned to the cabin with the bucket full of water, you found Jaehyun already standing next to the car, making some adjustments. But luckily, even after much snowfall, it looked and worked perfectly fine.Â
Today, he was planning a trip to the closest town of which its name you had long forgotten, and stock up on food and supplies that you had all used up during the long winter months.
"Iâm sorry you have to stay here,â Jaehyun apologized again when you approached him. âI'm positive no one will recognize you, but we cannot risk it, even though we are so remote and there are only around a thousand residents living in the town."
You shook your head. "There is still so much to do here. I will spend the day cleaning, repairing and cooking. Don't worry, I'll be fine. But you offered to bring me burgers for dinner, so you should keep your word on that at least."
Jaehyun lowered his head and kissed you long and hungrily. It wasnât that you hadnât done far more than just kiss that morning already. You simply hadnât been apart for more than a few minutes in months, and you couldnât imagine Jaehyun being even physically away from you. Your heart and body already longed for the moment he came back.
"Last one," he repeated between kisses, and you giggled.
You wrapped your arms around his neck and looked into his eyes that were now partially covered by his grown out hair. You were supposed to cut it for him in the upcoming days.Â
"I'll be perfectly fine here."
"I'll hurry," Jaehyun promised before returning to the car. "I'll order a generator as well, so we'll soon have electricity. You can look forward to it."
You tilted your head, lips curling up into a smile. "I do. But more so, I look forward to you coming back as soon as possible. With burgers."
____
While Jaehyun was gone, you searched the cabin high and low for a missing shirt that needed to be washed with the rest of your dirty clothes. You owned at most a handful of garments, which made you wonder how that shirt had gone missing in the first place.
The possibility that it had accidentally ended up in Jaehyunâs belongings suddenly crossed your mind, and you walked over to the dresser, pulling open the last drawer. You had never looked into it before out of respect for Jaehyunâs privacy, but he surely wouldnât mind since you had a good reason.Â
You searched through Jaehyunâs clothes, of which he didn't own more than you, when your fingers suddenly brushed over something hard that felt out of place in there.
You pushed Jaehyun's clothes aside after curiosity had gotten the better of you and felt your breathing stop when you found a smartphone hidden in the very corner of the drawer. It wasn't yours, so you assumed it belonged to none other than Jaehyun. But this couldn't be⌠he had told you he didn't own a phone at all.
Though, how else could he get in contact with your father? You had even suggested he should use a prepaid phone instead, but he had owned one all along. It all didn't make sense.Â
It hadn't made sense from the very beginning now that you thoroughly thought about it. Back then though, you had been so overwhelmed by everything suddenly changing in your life that you hadn't paid much attention to his story not seamlessly interconnecting, as a matter of fact.
Your fingers were trembling when you reached for the phone. You wanted to give him the benefit of doubt - again. Perhaps, he only kept it for emergencies. Perhaps, it was old and not working. Perhaps, he needed to stay in contact with his family. Perhaps⌠perhapsâŚ.Â
But it was a very new model, not older than a year, and as you turned it on, it worked immediately. As though it was always charged or got recharged every time it ran low on batteries, ready to be used when needed.
You felt nausea seeping into your stomach as you swiped over the display and it unlocked instantly. Of course⌠he didn't need a password, because he had never needed to fear someone else using the device. You cursed under your breath, having turned entirely pale.Â
When you went to the call history, there was only one number he had spoken to that wasnât saved in his contacts as he had no contacts listed at all. Mostly, it was outgoing calls from Jaehyun. The last one got registered at the end of December.
What did it all mean? Why was Jaehyun hiding his phone from you and who had he spoken to? Perhaps his family? You prayed it was his family who he regularly kept in touch with, you would accept this as the only possible excuse for going behind your back and lying to you. But you needed proof and Jaehyun wouldn't be back until a few hours later. You couldn't wait for so long.
There was no network when you looked at the display, but somehow, Jaehyun must have been able to use the phone whenever he wanted to for the entire time he was here. You didn't need to think for long where this place could be.Â
Shortly later, you had already moved the ladder against the back wall of the cabin and climbed up to the roof with the phone safely stored in the pocket of your jacket.
You didnât even need to take the device out to get it working - the phone started chiming the moment you set foot on the roof. You remembered finding Jaehyun on top of the cabin often before December, always assuming it was part of his usual work. But this explained a lot, since he had stopped going up there after the end of last year.
The display came to life with each sound, one notification after another popping up. Almost all of them were calls that turned into messages toward the end - every single one from the same number. When you opened the call history, you saw that they had started back in December and continued up to this month.
The last call, followed by the same repeating messages, was from only a few days ago if you had counted the days right. The messages read,
Call me back.
Where are you?
Tell me where you are!
Answer me immediately!
What did all of this mean?Â
Was it indeed Jaehyun's family trying to reach him? But why was it only one number he hadn't saved then, and why hadn't he turned his phone on ever since?Â
The way Jaehyun had wanted to weigh his family in safety before coming here, you had assumed he wouldn't just abandon speaking to them out of nowhere. It just didn't make any sense at all. The way the texts were constructed also wasn't the sentiment you would come up with when you talked to someone you missed dearly. There was only one way to find out.
The thumbing of your heart was nearly as loud as the blood rushing through your ears that you both seemed to feel more intensely at this moment.Â
You knew your perfect little world out here in the woods teetered to crumble, and there would be no coming back from it, no matter who would be on the other side of the line. But you couldn't live on and pretended this grave discovery had only been a dream either.
You were sitting in a crouch, holding the phone to your ear with both hands, because you were scared your anxiety had petrified you to the point of letting it drop. You had made sure to hide the number prior to calling, worried about triggering a chain reaction when you only needed little information to test the waters.Â
Your breathing was loud and out of rhythm when you heard the phone trying to connect to the other number. The tension was suffocating, so you stood up the moment the dial tone stopped.
"Hello? Who's there?"
The male voice on the other side let your breath catch.
"Jaehyun, is that you?!"'
You moved as you called out, breathlessly, "Dad?"
But the phone fell out of your hands when you suddenly lost balance and slipped. You were so, so stupid for having put your emotions over safety.Â
You slid down the slope of the roof on your back, catching a glimpse of the pale blue spring sky for a split second. You thought about how beautiful it was, and how sad it was that you would never get to see it again.
Just before you fell to the ground and hit your head so hard, you immediately lost consciousness.
____
March, Skagway, Alaska, USA
"We have to transfer her to the hospital in Juneau. There is nothing more we can do for her here."
"But she will live, right? Tell me she will live! I demand you to assure me that she will live!!"
"Sir, please calm down. Weâll arrange an immediate transport on an emergency flight, as sheâs stable enough now. Everyone is doing their best to save her life."
"This doesn't answer my question!"
"Sir, please step back or I will have you arrested."
"If you wonât save her life, I will have all of you arrested for negligence!â
____
March, Juneau, Alaska, USA
"Did no one come with her?"
"No. Apparently, she's been brought to Skagway hospital by a man no one has ever seen before. But he refused to follow and disappeared the moment she was transferred. He has given us a number, though. He said it was her family. The nurse is already in contact."
"How bad is it?"
"She fell from a roof, head first. Luckily enough, it wasn't too high. It's not something I believe our neurosurgeons cannot fix."
"Very well."
âŚ
"Doctor! I've gotten in contact with her father! He said she went missing almost three months ago. He's on his way here."
"My god, I think I recognize her face from the news!"
____
Read the second part and final conclusion to "DARK WOODS" in its short sequel "CITY LIGHTS"!
now listening to -> i got my drivers license last week just like we always talked about.
synopsis -> a whirlwind romance with jung jaehyun.
warnings -> minor car crash, cheating, a break-up, might leave behind emotional damage, jaehyun is a coward, +18, crude language, mention of: frat parties, alcohol, make outs, smut! not descriptive but contains: dry humping, jaehyun cumming in his pants, implied oral (f), implied sex.
an -> i cannot believe the day has come where i finally finished this. itâs so embarrassing to say but this took me five years (2021-2025) and itâs not even the proudest thing iâve written. every time i opened the google doc for this it was like my brain would forget every word in the dictionary. writers block hitting every god damn time. the reason? this entire series started with a member that is no longer part of nct and the issue around him, at the time, hurt me a lot and took me a while to move on from. but hey! time heals. this is here. itâs done! and i love writing for nct again! have fun reading! with love, c.
ÍĄÍÍâ
âhey uhh, itâs me, umm by me i mean its y/n by the way, i-well,â you let out a nervous chuckle, âi know this is weird, like really weird. especially since weâre yâknowâŚbroken up and all but uhm i just wanted to tell you that i uhâŚâ your voice wavers, you cough once, clear your throat, then barrel forward, rushing through the words as if thatâll make it hurt less, â...finally got my driverâs license,â you finished clumsily.
silence fills the space for a beat too long.
âthis is stupid. what the hell am i doing,â you think to yourself, realization slowly creeping in.
â-thatâs pretty much it, i just,â you sigh, âwanted to tell you...you probably donât care but yeah um i hope youâre doing wellââ
beep.
the voicemail machine rings in your ear, letting you know that youâve exceeded the amount of time given. you stare at your phone like it personally betrayed you. then it hits you. full force. your eyes widen, jaw dropping.
âno, no, NO, no fucking way you just called your exâŚyou absolute dumbass,â the inner voice in your head ridicules.
âUGHH!â you swore in the comfort of your car, head slamming against the steering wheel as you punched the air around you. if anyone were to see this scene unfold, they would think you were absolutely, batshit crazy.
god, you wished you were. it would be easier to explain.
but no, this was just a side effect of the broken-hearted.
after a while of just wallowing in your pity, you finally accept the fact that you were pathetic. throwing your phone into your bag, you chose the radio over the aux cord, not wanting to see the little devil machine that caused you your entire pride.
âhi, this is olivia rodrigo and you are now listening to my debut single, drivers license.â
âolivia who?â you start driving, wondering who the new artist was that was playing in the station you randomly tuned into.
the song starts and you barely register the lyrics until they start pulling on you. you can't help but feel that she had access to your inner thoughts and wrote this song using your heart and soul and diary.
you sit there, frozen behind the wheel, eyes on the road but barely seeing it. your grip on the steering wheel tightens. each lyric landing like a punch to the gut. images flashing behind your eyes of the one and only â jung jaehyun.
the man of the hour.
your first thought in the morning and the one that haunts you at night. you tried to forget. you tried to let go. but how could you, when he gave you so much to hold on to?
the first meeting.
âouch!â you yelped, instinctively clutching the top of your head where a basketball had just collidedâŚhard.
you turn around, ready to blow up on the person that obviously sucked at basketball.
in what world was the net your head???
but then your eyes locked with his and just like that, every insult evaporated from your mouth â the schoolâs number one golden boy. star player. campus crush. walking daydream.
and currently jogging towards you, âsorry,â he smiles sheepishly, ears burning red as he retrieves the basketball that landed a few inches away from you.
you blinked once, twice, âuhh, its um⌠its okay,â you managed to stammer, scrambling to pick up the pieces of your pride that had scattered alongside the ball.
you never really cared for social norms or popularity or any of that status quo bullshit. social ladders were just invisible ropes to nowhere in your mind. but you still knew that jaehyun was way up there, all shining spotlight and untouchable perfection, while you⌠werenât even on the pyramid.
and yet, here he was. looking at you.
âwhy is he still looking at me?â
before you could think further, jaehyun stepped a little closer, his brows pulling together in concern. and then, as if time itself slowed down, he reached out and cupped the side of your head, your brain short-circuiting.
âno way. no way jung jaehyun is touching my face right now. this isnât real. iâm dreaming. iâve fallen unconscious from the ball and i am hallucinating.â
you felt the weight of a dozen eyes on you, murmurs, a couple of gasps. even his teammates had paused to see what their mvp was doing hovering over some nobody with the gentleness of a disney prince.
your panic response kicked in â you slapped his hand away, wanting to get rid of the attention that was suddenly on you though this action did the exact opposite, everyone now curious as to who you are.
âwh-what are you doing?â you demanded, voice way too high-pitched to be threatening. every curious eye zooming in on you like vultures to a fresh kill. everyone thinking the same thing: who were you to slap the golden boyâs hand?
jaehyun blinked at your reaction, then rubbed the back of his neck, completely unbothered by your swat, âi was just checking to see if you were hurt,â he said casually, like it was the most normal thing in the world to cradle strangersâ heads in public.
âoh uh it's fine!, it doesnât hurt at all!! no bumps here,â you chirped, hands going straight to your head, an awkward chuckle escaping your lips as he eyes you suspiciously, not quite convinced with your statement.
âsee!â you continue, pointing at the top of your head as you bow, earning a laugh from the boy in front of you. you canât help but look back at him, his deep laughter ringing in your ears. you notice the way his dimples came out to play.
âokay, if you say so,â jaehyun said, eyes twinkling with amusement. âbut a little tipâŚâ
âhuh?â you were still trying to recover from the dimple attack.
âyou probably shouldnât stand right behind a basketball hoop. especially when people are playing,â he teased, his grin widening like he knew exactly what he was doing to your poor nervous system.
your face burned, âright,â you muttered, wishing the earth would open and swallow you whole.
then he winked. actually winked. before he turned around, casually spinning the ball in his hand as he jogged back to his teammates while you watched him go, still frozen in place, still trying to compute what the hell just happened.
the first car ride.
the rain poured mercilessly, cold needles stabbing through your clothes as you power-walked down the sidewalk, your backpack clumsily perched atop your head in a hopeless attempt to shield yourself.
just your luck. the one day you forgot your umbrella was the day mother nature decided to go full on melodrama.
through the wall of rain, a car pulled up beside you, the hum of the engine barely audible over the storm. then a voice called out, âhey! do you need a ride!?â
you try to peek at the person inside, droplets of rain making your eyes flicker yet you see him in all his glory. you stared for a second too long, internally questioning every life decision that led to this exact moment.
ânow why in the world is he offering me a rideâ
you hesitated. the rain was unrelenting, soaking through your hoodie and numbing your fingers, but getting into a car with someone you barely knew, even if he was the schoolâs walking dream, was a gamble.
sure, he might be the most popular guy in school but the only thing you knew about him was his name and his basketball jersey number, which was 14 by the way.
âyouâre not going to kidnap me and then murder me to sell my organs on the black market, right!?â you ask, questioning his motives.
âhuh??â the boy yells back.
âi said!!...â you state your previous statement for the second time, battling with the sound of the loud rain hitting the pavement.
jaehyun blinked. and thenâŚhe laughed. a real, full laugh that melted a little of your anxiety.
âwell, thatâs for you to decide!â he shot back, boyish and harmless, dimples threatening to make you forget all your common sense.
it seems as if the rain won't stop any time soon. so you weigh out your options. possibly die in a handsome stranger's car or walk home and also possibly die in the cold rain? which one sounds like a more peaceful way to go?
fuck it.
you yanked open the door and slid into the passenger seat, shivering as the heater hit your skin like a hug from the sun. the door shut, sealing you in with warmth and the faint smell of clean laundry and something citrusy. you knew right then that you made the correct choice.
jaehyun quickly grabs his backpack from the backseat, taking out a grey hoodie. âhere, you should change before you get sick,â he offers.
you raised an eyebrow, trying to play it cool, âyou know if you wanted to see me naked, you couldâve just asked,â you teased, your playful nature coming out to mask the awkwardness that is you sitting on the passenger's seat of the schoolâs pride.
he let out a mock grunt, rolling his eyes with a smile as he turned to look out the rain-covered window, âshut up.â
âdonât peek, okay!â you chuckled, noticing the way his ears had turned to a slight shade of pink.
briskly changing into the hoodie that was way too big for you, you turn to the boy at the driverâs seat whoâs still keeping himself busy, probably betting which raindrop racing to roll down his car window would win.
âiâm done,â you finally said after admiring him. he turns to you, giving you a soft smile, âthe hoodie suits you.â
âthanks for letting me borrow it,â you grinned, matching his reflection.
âiâm jaehyun by the way,â he introduced himself, reaching out his hand.
âi know,â you say casually, realizing how weird it sounded as soon as the words left your lips, âi-i mean! everyone knows the basketball teams mvp!,â you reason as jaehyun nods, completely understanding what you meant.
âuh, im y/n,â you finally say, completing the handshake.
ânice to meet you, y/n,â jaehyun says as he looks at you quizzically.
âwhat? do i have something on my face??â you gasp, feeling your face for any unwanted substance, your action reminding jaehyun of the person he accidentally threw a basketball at a couple weeks ago.
he smiles after putting two in two together, realizing that you were that same person.
it was a fond memory for him, usually people would worship the ground he walked on but youâŚyou slapped him away. a different reaction from the ones he was used to. ever since that day he hoped to run into you again.
âwhy are you smiling like that? oh god, is this the part where you admit to killing me??â you gushed, earning a laugh from him.
âare you sure that ball didnât damage the inside of your brain?â he joked as you sat there registering his words.
âwait..you remember that?â you ask, genuinely confused as to why he would even remember you with all the people that surround him day by day.
âitâs not everyday i hit someone with my ball,â he smirks and you wish the ground would just swallow you whole because that memory is definitely in your top 10 most embarrassing moments and he remembers it.
âto answer your question, no... the ball did not hurt me, i just watch a lot of true crime,â you admit. jaehyun chuckles and you canât help but join, feeling more at ease with being in his presence.
âand you think iâm really a killer?,â he quips a brow, an amused expression on his features.
âyeah, your looks are killerâ
âwith a face like this?â he joked, striking a ridiculous pose, chin tilted up dramatically.
âexactlyâ
you let out a giggle, âfirst of all, donât ever make that face again, second, itâs always the ones you donât expect,â you say, talking like a detective. he burst into laughter again, his eyes crinkling, and you realized then and thereâŚyou really liked the sound of his laugh. it was easy. real. addicting.
âso y/n⌠where do i drop you off?â jaehyun shoots you a smile.
âwhy? so you can know where i live and kill me in the comfort of my own home?â you continue joking around with him.
âyouâre unbelievable.â he chuckles as you start directing the way to your apartment.
and as he drove through the rain, one hand on the wheel and the other occasionally tapping the rhythm of the music playing faintly in the background, you looked out the window, only to catch your reflection in the glass, wearing his hoodie, laughing in his car.
you didnât know it then, but this was the moment everything quietly began.
the proposal.
âremind me again why youâre in college and still donât have your driverâs license?â the boy asks you.
you looked up from your coffee, eyes narrowing at jaehyun as he sat across from you, chin propped up on one hand, a teasing smile tugging at his lips. the two of you are seated in the campusâ cafe which has quickly become your usual meet up spot. it was halfway between the music room and the laboratories â a perfect place for a medical major and a music major to meet up.
âi donât need it,â you shrugged, casually stirring your drink with the little wooden stick they gave you, âeverythingâs within walking distance anyway. and if itâs not, the bus exists.â
he leaned back in his chair, eyebrows lifting in a slow, dramatic arc, âyou do realize that youâd save so much more time and money if you had a car, right?â
you sighed, already seeing where this was going. this wasnât the first time jaehyun had tried to convince you to get behind the wheel, âyeah, but I donât need it right now,â you shrug.
he shook his head with an exasperated little grin, then set his drink down with a thud and pointed at you, âokay, okay, just imagine this.â
here it comes.
âyou finally graduate, top of your class, of course, and youâve landed the job of your dreams. everyoneâs calling you doctor y/n. life is good,â he leaned forward, voice dropping to a mock-serious whisper, âand yetâŚyou still donât have your own car? thatâs kind of lame.â
you let out a dramatic gasp, grabbing your paper straw wrapper and tossing it at him, âfirst of all, rude. second of all, i will obviously have my license by then!â
âexactly!â he claps, âsoooo, wouldnât it be better if you start practicing now,â he says smirking, knowing that he won this debate.
you crossed your arms, pretending to scowl, âokay, so what do you want me to do about it?â
jaehyun leaned back, acting as though he were pondering the mysteries of the universe before saying, with complete nonchalance, âlet me teach you.â
your brow rose immediately, suspicious, âand what do you want in return?â
he sipped his coffee, his expression unreadable, then he smiled, ânothing, i just want more time with you,â
âwith me??â you ask in disbelief.
the boy shrugs his shoulders, âyeah, i like hanging out with you.â
your heart thudded, your breath caught in your throat before you quickly masked it with a sip of your drink.
after a few seconds of silence, which jaehyun could argue felt like forever, you finally agreed, âso, whatâs the first lesson?â
he lit up, clearly proud of himself, âhmm, how about you just let me drop you off everyday?â
well, now that just did not make sense to you.
you tilted your head, trying to make sense of the logic or lack thereof, âhow does that help me learn? thatâs literally just you driving me around.â
âvisual learning first before i let you behind the wheel,â he responds, âmy car is still my baby you know,â he says like itâs the most obvious thing in the world and you laugh at the words that slipped by his lips.
and maybe it was stupid. maybe letting jaehyun drive you everywhere was unnecessary. but the way he looked at you, like this tiny, mundane thing mattered just because you mattered, was more than enough for you to agree.
the first lesson.
âbrake y/n, step on the brake. brake! brake!! brake!!!,â jaehyun chants like it was a mantra, sending you into panic mode as your brain suddenly couldnât differentiate which pedal is which.
you shut your eyes instinctively, ready to come into collision with the brick wall that just kept coming closer and closer until the car came to a sudden stop.
for a moment, all you could hear was the hum of the engine and the wild pounding of your heart. your body leaned forward slightly, but something kept your head from slamming into the steering wheel. blinking rapidly, you looked up and saw jaehyunâs arm. his hand had shot out across your seat, pressed firmly against your forehead. his jaw was tight, his breath shallow, but his grip on you had been steady, sure.
âyou okay?â he asked after a beat, his voice low and strained.
you took a second to gather yourself before nodding slowly. âyeah, yeah, i think iâm alive.â
jaehyun exhaled and finally pulled his arm back.
âhowâd you stop the car, are you like superman or something?â you finally say, breaking the tension in the air.
jaehyun laughs, finally pulling his hand back as he gets cozy in his seat once again, âthereâs something called a handbrake, y/n,â he grinned, pointing at the gadget sitting in between the two of you as you let out a silent, âoh.â
the moment dissolved into quiet as you slumped against the seat, defeated, âi told you that driving would be a bad idea!â
jaehyun rolled his eyes but his brows pulled together slightly, and you knew he wasnât just brushing it off, ây/n⌠you need to learn how to drive. itâs a basic life skill.â
for the past month, jaehyun has been teaching you how to drive and this past month the only thing you truly learned was that jaehyun was an old soul. apart from basketball, he loved collecting vintage things, loved photography, music, wine, cooking, troy bolton, and you couldnât help but want to learn more.
âughhh yeah, yeah i know, you say that all the time,â you replied, glancing at him, âplease donât be mad.â
his expression softened instantly as he turned toward you, âiâm not mad,â he said, ruffling your hair with his usual affection, âjust mildly terrified.â
you giggled as he reached for his seatbelt and unbuckled with a sigh. that was your cue. you could finally breathe again as you both clambered out and swapped seats.
the familiar thump of the driverâs side door shutting felt like a reset button, and suddenly the energy between you felt light again, comfortable. you let yourself get cozy in the passenger seat, your favorite seat, as you throw jaehyun your best mischievous grin.
he didnât look at you. just calmly reached for the gear, put the car in reverse, and smoothly began backing up. one hand rested on the back of your seat, his body turning effortlessly as he scanned the rearview, jawline sharp in profile, lashes thick against the sunlit windshield, his long fingers flexed against the headrest near your shoulder.
you stared unabashedly, âthat was so hot. do it again,â you joke, trying to lighten the mood.
jaehyun paused, casting you a sideways glare, âshut up, iâm drivingâ he muttered, but the corners of his lips betrayed him, the start of a smile curling upward.
you turned toward the window, hiding the smile blooming on your face. outside, the world passed in soft blurs of sunlight and trees, but inside the car, everything felt still, like something fragile and new had quietly taken root between you.
the first time.
âwhy donât you ever deny it?â
your voice is soft, almost lost beneath the hum of the night and the low music playing from jaehyunâs car speakers. the two of you sit in the back of his car, the trunk popped open to reveal the night sky. a shared blanket pools around your waists, open snack bags scattered between your legs, the half-empty bottles of beer glinting faintly under the stars.
âdeny what?â jaehyun asks, turning towards you, a bag of chips in hand.
you glance away, suddenly shy, âthe other day⌠when johnny told you to bring your girlfriend to the party, and he meant me, you didnât correct him.â
the scene has been bothering you for quite some time now. sure, you and jaehyun have been spending a lot of time together and you could understand how from an outside perspective, people could think you were dating.
but you werenât, you were simply just friends.
jaehyun takes a swig of his alcoholic beverage, hesitating to respond, âd-do you not want to be?â
you blink, âwait, what?â
jaehyun chuckles, relieved that he could blame the alcohol for the blush that was forming on his face. he rests his head against the carâs frame, âyou know, for someone who can memorize entire anatomy textbooks, you can be really clueless sometimes.â
you scowl at him, ready to shoot back something sarcastic, until he looks at you.
âi like you, y/n.â
the words land heavy and warm in the middle of your chest.
ây-you like me?â you echo, unsure whether to believe it or hold it at armâs length.
âyeah,â he smiles, but thereâs something vulnerable in it, âi like you.â
thereâs a beat of silence, like the universe is holding its breath.
ââŚsince when?â you ask, voice barely above a whisper.
âsince the day i first met you,â he confesses, turning away and looking up at the stars.
you turn to him, noticing the grin that was displayed on his face and the blush painting his ears and you couldnât help yourself, it was like your body had a mind of its own and you were no longer in control.
you feel your hands instinctively rise to his face, gently guiding his head to face you. jaehyun watches your every move, almost mesmerized, eyes flickering down to your lips.
your fingers ghost across his cheek, then brush against his lips and that was all the permission he needed.
he leans in slowly, hand cupping your cheek with such care it makes your chest ache. his lips meet yours, soft, cautious, like heâs been waiting forever. you respond instantly, melting into him, letting the kiss deepen, pulling you both under.
the more you kissed him, the more addictive he got.
he tastes like beer and vanilla chapstick. one kiss turns to two. two turns to something needier, hands exploring, hearts thudding. you wanted more. your hands found themselves slightly pulling at the boy's hair as jaehyun changed the position, throwing you over him so that you could straddle him, knees tucked beside his thighs.
forgetting that you guys were still in the comfort of his car, your head makes contact with the roof, breaking off the kiss, âow,â you whined, hand going straight to your head, making you and jaehyun burst into laughter, breathless and giddy.
âi really gotta stop accidentally injuring you,â he grins, rubbing the spot on your head with sympathy, before bringing his lips up to soothe the pain with kisses.
âi think your carâs trying to keep us in check,â you smile, soft giggles slipping from your lips.
âor itâs warning me before I lose control,â he says, his lips trailing kisses down your jaw.
you meet his gaze, your voice dropping, âwhat if i want you to lose control?â
you were challenging him and heâs definitely up for it. jaehyun swallows hard, eyes darkening with something deeper than mischief. he doesnât say a word, just closes the trunk with one smooth motion and takes your hand, guiding you into the backseat with quiet urgency.
this time you straddle him with ease, his lips immediately on yours as his hand wanders all throughout your body. he licks your bottom lip and you give in, parting your lips open to meet his tongue, feeling him smile through the kiss.
âyouâre dangerous,â he murmurs, âyou really have no idea what you do to me.â
you breathe against his neck, one hand splaying across his chest to feel the rapid beat of his heart, âi think i do.â
rough hands guide your body down until youâre fully sat upon his hard cock, emphasizing the way he needs you. you rock into him once and he cant help but release a groan of pleasure, âmy cock is throbbing for you, baby,â the pet name sends your mind into a haze, rocking into him again and again until youâve set a pace that mixed your moans with his.
âbaby, im gonna cum in my pants,â he grunts, turning you on even more.
âyou like me that much, huh?,â you tease, not losing your rhythm, and all he could do was grunt in reply as he lost control, releasing evidence on his sweatpants.
you giggle at the effect you had on him, snapping him out of his daze, âwhatâs so funny, pretty girl?â
âi haven't even touched you yet,â you tease.
âcan you blame me?, i've been thinking about this ever since you got undressed in my car,â he confesses and your eyes almost bulge out of the sockets.
âyeah? what else did you think about?,â you taunt him.
âiâll show you,â he says before gently placing you down his car seat, as he helps you out of your jeans.
the space is small. the car is cramped. but nothing was going to stop him from fitting his large frame in between your legs.
he places a kiss above your panties. your hips immediately react to his actions. he smirks, âyou like me this much, huh?â he teases you with your own words.
âjaehyun, please do something,â you whine.
jaehyun pushes your panties to the side, finally giving you what you both wanted.
the first i love you.
âcome on, just trust me,â jaehyun whispers in your ear, the warmth of his breath grazing your skin and sending butterflies fluttering wildly in your stomach. his voice is low, teasing, calm in a way that only makes you more curious. and more flustered.
âjae, how long are we going to have to drive for?â you whine again, blindfolded with a handkerchief that still smells like his cologne.
âweâre almost there,â he replies, chuckling at your lack of patience.
âugh finee,â you sigh, slouching in your chair until the car comes to a stop.
âare we heâ?,â before you can finish, his lips press against yours in a kiss that completely pushed out all of your thoughts. you freeze in place, lips softening as you instinctively lean into it, feeling the smile tugging at his mouth before he pulls away.
âthatâs how much you wanted me to shut up huh?â you smirk.
ânah,â jaehyun chuckles, shifting gears with a casual ease. you can hear the grin in his voice.
âthen what was that for?â you ask, your eyebrows furrowing and jaehyun canât help but chuckle at your expression.
âi just wanted to kiss my girlfriend at a red light, is that a crime?â he teases.
you canât help the grin that stretches across your face, ânope,â you murmur, âfeel free to do it again, whenever.â
this past week of being jaehyunâs official girlfriend has been a dream. youâre not sure how long honeymoon avenue lasts but you did know that you wanted to keep driving down this road as long as jaehyunâs the one sitting in the driver's seat.
the car slows to a stop, and you perk up, âare we heâ?â
your question gets cut off by another kiss, this one slower, more lingering, like he just wanted one more moment of you before the surprise.
âyou really like interrupting me today,â you whisper, dazed.
âonly when I canât help myself.â
moments later, heâs helping you out of the car, one hand around your back, the other gently clasping yours. you feel the crunch of gravel beneath your feet, the subtle shift in wind telling you that youâre somewhere open, peaceful.
and then he letâs go
âjaehyun?â you ask, the loss of contact making you nervous.
âim here,â he whispers right by your ear, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine.
âare you ready?â he asks. you nod before he carefully unties the handkerchief, finally allowing you to take in the beautiful view right in front of you.
âoh my god,â you awe in admiration, âdid you set this all up yourself?â
in front of you lays a yellow checkered picnic blanket, filled with a bunch of your favorite snacks, a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and his guitar seated perfectly on the side. the sky is blue, the birds are chirping, and jaehyun is standing right next to you. you could've sworn you were transported into a fairytale book.
jaehyun rubs the back of his neck, cheeks already pink, âyeah, i know how busy you are and i just wanted you to take a moment to unwind,â he admits, as you turn around facing him, noticing his ears turning that shade of red that you grew to love.
love.
itâs a strong word. but thereâs no doubt in your mind that itâs the reason for the butterflies in your stomach. your heart swells so fast it feels like it might burst. you reach for his hand and twine your fingers through his, âyouâre unreal, you know that?â
you lean in, brushing your lips against his in a soft, grateful kiss. he responds just as gently, thumb grazing your cheek like heâs memorizing how you feel in his arms.
the world around you seems to fade. no ticking clocks, no deadlines, no chaos. just you, him, and the way time stands still when your lips meet.
when you finally break apart, he smiles at you like heâs the luckiest boy alive, âcome on, sit. iâve got one more surprise.â
âoh god. what could top this?,â you smile.
he settles onto the blanket, pulls his guitar into his lap, and glances at you nervously, âi uh⌠wrote you a song.â
your eyes widen, âyou what?â
âi wrote you a song,â he says more confidently this time, grabbing his guitar. you can literally feel your heart thumping out of your chest like they do in those cartoon shows and you wonder if he can hear how loudly itâs beating.
and then he sings.
the words are sweet. honest. every line is a little window into his heart, filled with shy glances, secret hopes, and the quiet moments he never had the courage to tell you about until now.
as soon as he plucked the last chord, there were only three words that could slip past your lips.
âi love you.â
it slips out before you can second-guess it. and for a split second, your heart stops. maybe itâs too soon. maybe youâve ruined something.
but then jaehyunâs entire face lights up, eyes crinkling, dimple forming, grin stretching from ear to ear.
âi love you too,â he says, like heâs been holding it in for far too long.
you donât even let him finish before youâre leaning in, pulling him into a kiss that says everything your words canât.
seven months in heaven.
heaven. thatâs what it felt like to be consumed by jung jaehyun. the kind of love that didnât creep in slowly but crashed over you like a wave, sudden, wild and all-consuming.
month one. you were like two peas in a pod, stuck together at the hip. everywhere you went, he was there. almost like gravity had shifted and you couldnât help but orbit each other. the whole campus watched the two of you. some in envy, some in awe. but none of it mattered because in your world, it was just you and him.
you clung to him like a koala, constantly reaching for him â his hand, his hoodie, his attention. and he absolutely adored every second of it. adored you.
he picked you up after every class, waiting at the door like he belonged there. he drove you home with one hand on the wheel, the other in yours. played your favorite songs, and teased you when you tried to sing along off-key.
most nights, he stayed over. his skin wrapped around yours like a second layer of warmth. and when he didnât, youâd fall asleep in one of his shirts, phone resting on your chest after hours of late-night calls. his voice the last thing you heard before drifting off.
month two. you stopped saying me and started saying we.
there was a toothbrush for him, right next to yours, in your apartment. and a matching one in his dorm. you had a growing collection of his hoodies in your closet. he pretended not to notice but his smile gave him away every time you wore one.
you know all of his schedules and he memorized yours without trying. youâve cancelled plans just to stay in, legs tangled on the couch, sharing dreams like secrets under warm blankets and future plans whispered between kisses.
it started to feel like a forever kind of thing.
month three. you were still coasting down honeymoon avenue, but now it came with the deeper things.
late night vulnerability, childhood stories, the fears he never told anyone else, the ones you didnât even know you could speak aloud.
you shared each otherâs pressure. shared each otherâs troubles. you were there when things got too much, becoming his personal safe haven and you, his.
when the world was too loud, too cruel, too overwhelming â you had each other. that was all you both needed.
month four. i love you wasnât just something you said. it lived in your actions. it was jaehyun massaging your hands after a long day. you memorizing his coffee order down to the way he liked the foam. the way he always buckled your seatbelt for you.
his car playlists was filled with songs you love. there are pieces of you in the compartment box, a lipgloss, a scrunchie, a tiny pouch filled with your basic essentials.
your fridge was filled with his favorite snacks, his favorite beer. love letters on sticky notes he would leave behind tuck in between the magnets.
and on quiet nights, you fell asleep on his lap as he traced your face with his fingertips like he was trying to memorize you forever. he looked at you like you were a poem he never wanted to stop reading.
and one night he whispered in your ear, âitâs you and me forever, baby.â
and you believed him.
month five. things got a little quieter. not in a bad way. justâŚsettled.
less adrenaline and more comfort. routine settled in but you liked it. you liked knowing heâd be there. you liked how he could tell when you were anxious just by your breathing.
heâd squeeze your thigh gently under the table during group dinners just to comfort you.
youâd look at him and feel like you were home. he was home.
month six. fights began, but they were soft.
little misunderstandings. jealousy here and there. moments where your insecurities brushed up against his.
but every argument ended the same way. his forehead against yours, apologies and i love youâs slipping out between sighs. heâd kiss your temple like he was sealing a wound and youâd forgive him. of course you would.
and besides, his red flags werenât red. they were beige. soft, muted, easy to overlook in the warmth of everything else.
month seven. you got busy. he got anxious. texts were left on read a little longer. calls ended faster.
but when you were together, it still felt like heaven. his touch still sets you alight. your laugh still made him smile like it was the first time heâd heard it.
heâd still looked at you like you were everything.
and that was enough. wasnât it?
the first real crack.
âbabe, i think weâre lost,â you say, your voice gentle but laced with nervous laughter, trying to keep the mood light.
your eyes flick toward jaehyun, whoâs gripping the steering wheel tighter than before, taking yet another left at a stop sign that looks hauntingly familiar.
the sun was already beginning to set, washing the sky with orange and purple hues, but instead of basking in its beauty, the two of you were trapped in an unfamiliar neighborhood, google maps stubbornly rerouting with every turn.
you peek at him from the passenger seat, watching the way his jaw tightens.
âwould it kill you to give the right directions for once?â he mutters, not even looking at you.
the sentence lands heavier than it should. it isnât just about directions. you know that. and maybe he does too.
your smile fades as you blink at him. âsorryâŚi thought i was.â
he exhales through his nose, knuckles tightening on the steering wheel. âyou always think youâre right, even when youâre not.â
and there it is. not a yell. not a fight. but something colder. detached. dismissive.
itâs the way he says always like itâs not just this moment but a flaw in your character. something heâs been cataloging along the way.
itâs silent. the kind of silence that doesnât feel peaceful. the kind that buzzes in your ears and makes your chest feel too tight. you look out the window, trying to calm your breathing, trying not to let the sting behind your eyes turn into tears.
youâve had fights, sure. arguments over little things, forgotten plans, mixed signals, late replies. but heâs never spoken to you like that before. never made you feel small.
youâve seen jaehyun tired. youâve seen him frustrated. but not like this. not with this edge. and for the first time since the two of you got together, you realize that love doesnât shield you from moments like these. that even someone who sings you songs and holds you gently through the night can sound distant and cold.
eventually, he pulls over and cuts the engine. the car humming in the silence.
âbaby,â he calls out, softer now, quieter. you donât answer. just stare out the window.
he leans back against the headrest, rubbing his hands over his face, âi didnât mean that,â he murmurs, voice heavy with regret.
still, you donât respond. because maybe he didnât mean it but he still said it and part of you wonders what else heâs thought and never voiced.
he sighs, âiâm sorry...i just, iâve had a long week, and i wanted today to go perfectly and now weâre lost and running late andâŚâ he trails off, frustration melting into guilt.
âyou snapped at me,â you say finally, still not looking at him, âand i didnât deserve that.â
âno, you didnât,â he agrees. âi was out of line.â
you finally turn to face him and he looks⌠regretful. like he wants to rewind time. like heâs already punishing himself.
âi love you,â he adds, almost like a plea.
you nod slowly, your voice quiet. âi love you too, but donât talk to me like that again.â
âi wonât,â he promises.
and you believe him. you always do.
but something unspoken lingers in the car after that. a sliver of tension that stays with you. because no matter how many i love youâs follow, you donât forget the first time someone makes you feel like youâre too much.
jaehyun reaches across the console and gently takes your hand. you let him. and the car keeps driving, this time in silence, but with your fingers laced together like a quiet truce.
itâs the first real crack.
but sometimes, the cracks let everything else in.
the blonde.
frat parties were never your scene. sticky floors, booming bass, red solo cups, and bodies pressed too close together, it all felt too loud, too overwhelming. you havenât been in one in a while but since your boyfriend was one of the fratâs favorite golden boys and the fact he practically begged you to come to the one tonight, here you were, weaving your way through the crowd in one of his oversized hoodies, searching for the only reason you even showed up.
you spot him before he sees you, standing dead center in the living room, drink in hand, laughing at something the girl in front of him said. giving her the dimpled smile you thought was only reserved for you.
sheâs tall. blonde. pretty, in that effortless, dangerous way. the kind of girl you never learned how to be.
and her hand is on his arm. too familiar. too comfortable. she laughs again, tilting her head back, fingers tracing his bicep like it belongs to her. like sheâs done it before. like she knows he wonât stop her.
he doesnât flinch. doesnât pull away. just smiles, lazy and amused as she leans in closer, lips brushing his ear as she whispers something that makes him laugh again.
your stomach churns.
itâs irrational, maybe. but also, maybe itâs not. maybe itâs the way her hand lingers too long. or the way he leans in like he doesn't even notice. or maybe itâs the way it makes you feel invisible in a room where you were supposed to be his favorite person.
then he sees you. his eyes meet yours through the crowd. locking for just a second. and something in his expression falters, like he didnât expect to see you. like he forgot youâd be here.
and suddenly, youâre the one who looks away. like youâre the intruder. like youâre the one who was doing something wrong.
moments later, his arms snake around your waist from behind, âhey baby,â jaehyun murmurs in your ear, voice low and thick with alcohol, âyou came.â
his breath is warm against your skin as he presses wet, messy kisses along your jaw and down your neck. he smells like whiskey and whatever cheap cologne she was probably wearing. his grip tightens like heâs afraid youâll slip away but your body stays stiff in his hold.
you twist slightly to face him, placing a hand on his chest, a quiet boundary.
âwho was that?â you ask, trying to sound casual, light, but the slight edge in your voice betrays you.
âhmm?â he hums, lips still trailing your skin.
âthe girl. the one you were talking to.â
he pulls back just enough to meet your eyes. his gaze is hazy, but amused, he knows you too well. âhave i ever told you how cute you are when youâre jealous?,â he teases, sucking that soft spot right below your ear.
you push him back. gentle but firm. your expression is blank. he notices.
âsheâs just an old friend,â he adds casually, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear like that makes it all better, âdonât worry about it.â
and maybe that should be enough.
but something about the way he says it, the way he smiles, too easy, too quick to disregard your feelings. it all leaves a strange, sour taste in your mouth.
still, you donât push it. not here. not in front of the crowd. not when heâs swaying slightly on his feet and leaning all his weight into you like youâre his safe place. like he doesnât even realize how tightly your jaw is clenched.
later, in his room, itâs just the two of you with the door closed and the world outside muffled. heâs quieter now. less drunk. but his hands are still greedy. still tracing the places heâs always claimed a map he knows by heart. his hands finding their way beneath your shirt, along your thighs, between your legs.
you donât stop him. because itâs easier to fall into him than to fight the pit in your stomach. easier to let yourself believe his mouth on your neck means i choose you. easier to kiss him back, let your clothes fall, let your bodies tangle in the dark. let yourself believe this means heâs still yours. all yours.
the sex is slow, tender, familiar. all mouths and murmurs and fingers threading through hair. he whispers your name like a prayer, like itâs the only thing anchoring him to the moment. he moves inside you like youâre the only thing tethering him to this moment. like if he touches you hard enough, long enough, all the cracks will seal shut again. and for a while, you forget. you forget the party. the blonde. the ache in your chest.
you just feel him.
âi love you,â he breathes. you say it back.
but when itâs over, when youâre curled against his chest, his fingers lazily tracing circles on your back, your eyes stay open in the dark.
his body is warm. his arms are wrapped around you. but something still feels different. something feels off.
like the airâs a little heavier. the silence is a little louder. your mind is miles away. still watching her laugh. still wondering why he didnât move away.
you donât ask. you donât cry. you donât accuse. you just lie there in the silence. and he doesnât notice. or maybe he does but he doesnât ask.
and thatâs the part that stings the most. because love is still there. but the trust?
that might be the thing slipping quietly through the cracks.
the surprise.
it had been a brutal couple of weeks. your schedule had been merciless consisting of clinicals, overflowing textbooks, late-night study groups and back-to-back lectures. you barely had time to breathe. let alone see your boyfriend.
but you missed him. god, you missed him.
so today, on your first free day in weeks, you chose him. you skipped the library. you shut your laptop. you pushed aside your exhaustion and made time.
you spent the day learning how to make his favorite dish, the one he said tasted like home, the one he said he missed. you got the ingredients, followed the recipe, burnt it once, then tried again. the kitchen was a mess but your heart was full. you wanted it to be perfect.
you were nervous but excited. the kind of excitement that makes your fingers tingle and your heart race a little faster.
you hadnât told him you were coming, you wanted to surprise him, make up for the time youâd been gone.
as you approached his dorm, your nerves bubbled up again. you balanced the container in your hands, smoothing your hair and checking your phone. no texts. even better. he had no idea that you were coming.
you knock once. no answer. you try the knob. itâs locked. you pulled out a duplicate of his key, the one he had made for you. hear the door click open.
and you step inside with a soft smile already forming, âjae?â
but his name dies in your throat. the smile doesnât last. because there, tangled in his sheets, is jaehyun. half naked. sleepy-eyed. and sheâs with him. the blonde.
your whole body stills, breath vanishing, fingers going numb, the container slipping from your hands and hitting the floor with a hearbreaking thud. you think you hear the lid crack open, food spilling out but you canât look away from the bed.
from her. her mascara smudged, hair a mess, lips swollen.
jaehyunâs eyes follow hers, dazed, then panicked the second he sees you, ây/n.â
just your name. not baby.
âiâthisâ,â he stumbles over his words, sheet pooling at his waist as he sits up, guilt written across his face.
you donât want to hear it. not the excuses. not the explanations. all you can see is the truth laid bare in front of you. her in his shirt, him in her arms, your world unraveling at your feet along with the meal you made just for him.
âthis was supposed to be a surprise,â you whisper, your voice trembling, quiet and broken, like if you spoke any louder, youâd shatter completely.
âitâs not what it looks like!,â he pleads, getting up, grabbing his jeans like it would fix anything.
but it is what it looks like. itâs exactly what it looks like.
and it breaks you.
you blink once, twice, the tears blur the room but you donât let them fall. not yet. âi really⌠really tried to make this work,â you say, your voice cracking, âi gave you everything i could and youââ you choke back the tears burning at the back of your throat, âyou gave it to her.â
jaehyun looks like heâs about to break, but you donât let him speak. you canât. because you knew that if you stay any longer, if you let him reach you, touch you, beg youâŚyouâd forgive him. youâd fold. youâd believe in him again. and he doesnât deserve that.
so you turn. and you leave. you donât look back. not even when he calls your name. not even when he runs after you, barefoot in the hall.
you donât stop.
life without him.
the first week, you didnât talk much. your voice felt foreign in your own throat. your phone buzzed more than usual. sometimes you wished his name would pop up but it never did. the only ones who cared enough were your friends. the ones who kept asking if you were okay. the ones who were quick to offer wine nights, sleepovers, distractions.
you appreciated it. but the truth was you werenât okay. far from it. and the distractions never worked. but the silence always returned. every night. and maybe the absence was worse than the betrayal.
because every hallway you walked through had a memory of him. your brain betrayed you by replaying flashes of his smile. his hoodies still filled up half of your closet. his toothbrush was still next to yours. but he was no longer there.
the second week, you cried more. everything reminded you of him. the cars driving by, the campus cafe you both used to meet at where you once spent entire afternoons doing nothing but sharing fries and laughter, the songs that played.
worse than missing him was knowing that you werenât allowed to anymore. not after what he did.
because the boy you missed, the one who kissed you at red lights, the one who wrote you a song. that boy chose someone else. with the same hands that used to only reach for you.
you try to explain it to your friends over dinner one night, but they donât get it. they mean well. but they didnât know him the way you did.
they didnât see the version of jaehyun who whispered dreams into your ear at 3 a.m. who played you lullabies on his guitar when you couldnât sleep. who kissed your knuckles before every exam and told you he believed in you. who made playlists just for long drives. who taught you how to parallel park without ever raising his voice.
so when they say things like âyouâre better offâ or âhe didnât deserve you anyway,â it doesnât help.
it only makes you feel worse. because even if he doesnât deserve you, you still want him. you still ache for him in every quiet moment.
and no one could unteach your heart what it already knew.
the third week, you almost called him. just once. your finger hovers over his name in your phone. but you donât press it. because what would you even say? why wasnât i enough? was she better? do you miss me? do you still love me?
no. you couldnât do that to yourself no matter how badly you wanted answers.
you tried to return the pieces of him that haunts your space. walked all the way to his dorm, box in hand. but when you got to the door, the weight of it hit you so hard you turned right around and left. instead, you shoved everything under your bed. hoodie, pictures, all of the gifts he gave you throughout your relationship.
and you donât call. you cry into your pillow instead.
the fourth week, you finally go to class again, with lipstick on. itâs not much. it doesnât mean youâre over him. but it means you can at least walk into a room and not completely fall apart.
you even manage to laugh once, something your friends donât miss. they send each other secret smiles when youâre not looking. they know itâs a good sign.
and even though youâre still grieving, still aching, still remembering him every time you hear a guitar strum, you start to find little moments of peace. not joy, not yet. but peace. tiny and fragile. but enough.
life without you.
he wanted to call, god, he wanted to.
every day since you left, his fingers hovered over your name. your contact was still saved with a heart beside it. still in his emergency. still starred.
the day you walked in on him â standing frozen with the lunchbox in your hands and tears burning in your eyes turned into a haunting memory.
you didnât scream. you didnât yell. you just looked at him like heâd shattered something sacred. and he ran after you, barefoot, panicked, half-dress and breathless.
but he stopped. and maybe thatâs the part that haunts him the most.
he never called. not because he wasnât sorry. not because he didnât care. but because he didnât know how to face the wreckage he caused. because deep down, he knew you deserved more than what he gave you. more than the version of himself that let you down in the worst way.
and the worst part? he had fallen for the blonde.
not in the way he fell for you, not the meteoric, world-tilting, i wrote you a song, kind of way.
but in a way that required no gravity. no weight. no soul.
he didnât have to fight for the blonde. she showed up at every party, laughed at his jokes without really knowing what they meant. she kissed him like it was expected, not treasured. and she had timeâŚtime he hadnât gotten from the girl he used to sit under the stars with.
he remembered that ache too well. the way you would cancel plans because of labs, fall asleep with textbooks in your lap instead of his arms, show up late with guilt in your eyes and coffee in your hands, apologizing with forehead kisses and tired smiles.
he missed you even then. missed the weight of your head on his chest. missed the silence you could sit in together without it ever feeling awkward. missed the way you loved him in your own quiet, exhausted ways.
but at some point, he got tired of missing you. of waiting. of feeling like second place to your ambition, your plans, your future he couldnât see himself in.
so when the blonde leaned in close at that party, when her laugh filled the space that had been empty for too long, he didnât pull away. he let it happen. over and over. until âdonât worry about itâ turned into something else. something messier.
but nothing about it ever felt like you.
because every time she said his name, it never sounded right. every time she touched him, it didnât burn like you. and no matter how many nights he spent tangled up in her limbs, he couldnât get the memory of you out of his head.
he didnât call. because he didnât know what heâd say. because saying âiâm sorryâ wouldnât be enough. and saying âi still love youâ would only hurt more.
he still played his guitar, but the songs didnât sound the same. they didnât come easy like they did when you were sitting cross-legged on his bed, humming along. he still laughed, but it didnât reach his eyes. he scrolled through your socials more than heâd ever admit. he saw the smiles you posted with new cafes, new books, new friends. he wondered if you still thought of him. wondered if you hated him. worried that you didnât.
sometimes at night, he found himself dreaming about you. vivid, disorienting dreams where you were still together, lying on the hood of his car with your fingers laced and the stars overhead. heâd wake up with tears in his eyes, and the blonde would ask whatâs wrong?
he never had the heart to tell her.
he never had the heart to call you.
so instead, he stayed quiet. learned to live with the silence. with the guilt. with the ghost of a love that used to fill every corner of his world.
even as it killed him a little more each day.
three months after.
you passed each other on campus once. your hair was cut short, his has grown a little longer. both of you slowed. both of you looked. neither of you stopped.
he looked tired. not in a bad way. just older, like life weighed on him a bit. his hoodie was wrinkled. he had a stubble now. and he looked at you like you were the last page of a book he still wasnât ready to put down.
there was a twitch in his fingers, a muscle memory of reaching for you. you saw it. you felt it. and you hated how much it made your chest ache. how your heart stuttered like it remembered a song it used to know by heart.
tha air between you was thick. electric. so many words. none of them spoken. he opened his mouth slightly as if to say your name but no sound came out. and you? you thought of every version of him youâd ever loved. including the one that cheated on you.
a part of you wanted to stop. to ask how heâd been. to ask if he ever missed you at 3a.m. when the world got too quiet. but you didn't. you kept walking. because what do you say to someone who once held your soul, and now only holds silence?
someone who couldnât even love you enough to give explanations and apologies?
no words. no closure. just the aching knowledge that once, this person had been your entire world and now they were just a stranger with your memories.
back to present day. one year later.
youâd been driving for nearly an hour now, one of those late-night drives meant to quiet your thoughts, to press shuffle on a playlist full of nothing and everything. the road was nearly empty, the sky hazy with stars, and your fingers tapped anxiously against the wheel.
you didnât even see the stop sign until it was too late. your foot slammed the brakes. the world lurched. metal kissed metal.
âholy shit!,â you yell. the jolt snapped you back to reality as your heart pounded in your chest, adrenaline flushing through your veins.
of course you would crash your car the same week you got your license.
you stumbled out of the car, eyes wide, scanning for damage, panic rising in your throat. thatâs when you heard it.
ây/n?!â
and your whole body froze. you didnât have to look to know who it was.
that voice â the one you still heard in your dreams. the one that still echoed in the back of your head on days when you let yourself remember. the one you hadnât heard in over a year but could recognize in a heartbeat. the one you made peace with.
slowly, you looked up, and there he was â jaehyun. standing on the other side of the road. frozen. like heâd seen a ghost. his jaw slack, eyes just as wide as yours.
for a second, neither of you said anything. you couldnât.
heâs the last person you ever wanted to see in a moment like this. or maybe the first.
you swallowed hard, heat rising behind your eyes.
âgreat. the universe fucking loves me.â
âhey, are you okay?â he asked, voice unsure, softer than you remembered.
his car looked fine, a little scratched on the side where your car clipped it, but nothing major. thatâs when you noticed it.
âis that⌠a new car?â
âuh, yeah,â he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.
his eyes didnât meet yours and that stung more than it shouldâve. that awkwardnessâŚthat silence. you once knew everything he was feeling with a glance. now, you could barely read him.
âi⌠iâm really sorry,â you say quickly, trying to regain your footing, âi wasnât paying attention. iâll cover whatever damageâŚwe can exchange infoââ
he steps closer, inspecting the scrape between your two cars, âhmm, itâs fine. no one was hurt, and the damage isnât bad. i can just get it fixed.â
your breath catches, âare you sure?â
âyeah.â short. clipped. just like the way he left you.
you nod, crossing your arms, trying to pull yourself back together, but the silence that followed was heavy. too full of things youâd never got to say.
ââŚyou got your license,â he says quietly.
you look up, blinking in surprise, âuh⌠yeah, i-i did.â
and he smiled. that same dimpled smile. the one you used to love. the one you havenât seen in months, but still feel somewhere beneath your skin. it felt like being hit by a memory and a wave of grief at the same time.
thereâs a beat.
then he turns, ready to leave. but something inside you cracks open, that quiet ache that never fully healed. so you call out, voice just barely above a whisper.
âheyâŚjaehyun?â
he stopped, turned back, eyes searching, âyeah?â
you swallowed, heart thudding your chest. you looked at him, really looked at him, and you saw it. the sadness in his face, the exhaustion behind his eyes.
âi justâŚâ your voice came out softer than you intended, âi just wanted to say thank you. for teaching me.â
he stared at you for a moment and something shifted in his face. his smile this time was different. not the one you fell for. this one was heavier. more tired. more honest.
he nods once, âyouâre welcome.â
and in that moment, you knew. he regretted it. the blonde, the silence, the year without you. all of it.
but you both said nothing more because what was left to say?
you didnât need his apologies anymore. you didnât need anything from him at all.
so you mirror his nod. and without another word, the two of you head back to your cars.
two cars. two people. driving in opposite directions.
but the ache in your chest tells you youâre both still carrying pieces of each other that no one else ever really got to touch.
and maybe thatâs the saddest part.
the crash from his eyes.
he hadnât even planned to go out that night. the party invite sat unopened in his messages. the game on the radio blurred into background noise. he just needed to drive with the windows down, mind quiet, something to drown out the guilt that still clawed at him when he was alone.
he told himself he was fine. told his friends heâd moved on. smiled when the blonde kissed his cheek in public, even though it felt like swallowing sand.
but even though he got a new number, he never deleted yours. never stopped writing songs he never finished. never got around to throwing out the old hoodie you left in his dorm until it no longer smelled like you.
he didnât expect the crash. didnât see it coming until it jolted his body forward, his hands tightening instinctively on the wheel. the impact wasnât bad. just enough to shock him.
he cursed under his breath, unbuckled, and got out, already preparing to reassure whoever hit him. but then he heard it.
âholy shit!â
that voice. your voice. his blood ran cold. he turned. and time stopped.
you were standing there, heart pounding, wide-eyed, with your car door open and your hands shaking. you looked older but still so god damn beautiful it hurt to breathe.
ây/n?!â
your name escaped before he could stop it. and when you turned to face him, something inside him cracked open.
he hadnât seen you in a year. three hundred and sixty-five days of pretending he didnât miss you.
of pretending it didnât kill him every time someone brought you up. now here you were. like a ghost he hadnât been ready to face and he was the idiot who still dreamed about you.
âhey, are you okay?â he asked, because what else could he say?
you nodded, clearly shaken, eyes flickering over the cars, the scratch, the damage, anything but him.
âis that⌠a new car?â you asked.
he ran a hand through his hair, forcing a breath,âyeah.â
he didnât tell you that it was his way of trying to erase you. couldnât tell you that it made it worse because now the passenger seat felt empty in the wrong ways.
you apologized, of course you did, still so considerate. still so gentle. even when he was the one who wrecked everything first.
âiâll cover the damageâŚwe can exchange infoâŚâ
god. you were nervous. rambling. and he hated that you were talking to him like a stranger.
âitâs fine,â he said quietly. because no scratch on a bumper could compare to the wreckage of you leaving his life.
âare you sure?â you sounded uncertain. like you didnât trust him anymore.
you were right not to.
âyeah,â he said again. bare. hollow. final.
he shouldâve told you then. told you that he still thought about you every time he passed the cafe on campus. that the blonde was long gone, that she never really stayed, because she could feel what he didnât say. that the only reason he hadnât called was because he didnât know how to say i never stopped loving you without falling apart.
but instead, he said something stupid.
âyou got your license.â
and when you smiled, shy and small, it undid him. that smile. that softness. the same one that made him feel like maybe love didnât have to hurt.
you didnât say much. didnât ask how he was. didnât offer closure. not like, he deserved it. but then, just as he turned to leave, you stopped him.
âheyâŚjaehyun?â
his name on your lips again. he turned, heart thudding, eyes burning.
âi just wanted to say thank you. for teaching me.â
and he almost lost it right there. because that was you, even now. still choosing gratitude over bitterness. still offering peace, when all heâd left you with was silence.
âyouâre welcome,â he whispered.
but what he really wanted to say was:
iâm sorry. i never meant to hurt you. you were the best thing that ever happened to me, and i didnât realize it until it was too late. i think Iâll always love you.
instead, he watched you return to your car. and he did the same.
he drove off into the night with a hollow in his chest that hadnât shrunk in a year and he knows that missing space will always be in your hands.
THE END.
ÍĄÍÍâ
an: finishing this feels likes a breath of relief not gonna lie. thank you for reading! let me know who you would like to see in this series! iâm thinking maybe johnny with enough for you next? but idk! leave your thoughts with me if youâd like <3
when icarus falls - act one, half time interval, act two
jung yoonoh (jaehyun) x reader - college athlete!au , crush!au
themes: angst, fluff
warnings: idk how to write timelines.
note: i accidentally deleted the first published version of this when I edited the text, but hereâs the slightly different edited version i guess
summary: some tragic story of you sharing one class with your long time college crush jaehyun who never notices you until he accidentally reads your work and he gets curiousâ oh, and he uses lame excuses to get to talk to you.
wordcount: 13,342
>
If you were being very honest, Jung Jaehyun was all that. No exaggerations or extra praise; it was something that everybody knew.
Jaehyun was the poster-child for what every student athlete in college should be like: he had a full paid basketball scholarship that was offered to him in high school, myths say he was scouted as early as middle school but declined the offers more than twice (which meant that he was just that good.) To no surprise at all he was chosen as team captain during his sophomore year, and ever since, there was no basketball game ever lost. Now, it was fairly easy to assume that sports-heads like him flunked out of all their units and failed classes, but he didnât. He took up an (extremely difficult) economics major and always kept his GPA high enough to be consistent on the Deanâs List. On occasion, the Dance club on campus would ask him to join some of their routinesâ and rarely, all the musical clubs would successfully get him to sing for formals. And the cherry on top of all that? He looked like he was personally sculpted by each of the gods, and donât get fooled by that statement because he did get modeled by the art club once before.
So how was it that you took the same advanced Literature class? You didnât know either, but you did share some of the same classes over the years. Itâs just that you didnât understand why he even took this class in particular; taking it up implied that your course probably really needed it, and by the looks of it he did not need this one at all.
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apologies that this story took so long. it was a long one to write and after writing the later half of it it 2x only for it to get deleted i didn't know if this was ever going to get finished. anyway, hope you like it nonetheless. enjoy ^^
Word Count: approx. 29k
Pairing(s): tutor johnny (mr. suh) x fem reader feat. professor jaehyun (mr. jeong)
Warning(s): explicit language, mdni (minors do not interact), smut, father johnny, johnny as a dad, infidelity, cheating, tutor x student, dubcon, slow burn, au, fingering, oral (male and female receiving), s*uiriting
Preview (no spoilers here lol): Managing to shove them higher you put on a bright smile. âWell, then these are for you Mr. Suh! I also bought you some chocolates. My mom and dad like these. I always get it for them for their anni ââ you stop yourself. âSp-Special occasions. Or when I want something from them.â You turn your almost blunder into a joke. âI also have some flowers and chocolates for Lily. Mr. Jeong told me what her favorites are.â
Again youâre wrapped into a tight embrace. Mr. Suhâs body hunching over until his face is buried in your neck. âThank you,â he pulls you close to him. âThank you.â
Disclaimer: because of the length of the story i am not able to format it the way i normally do. so again, my apologies. i'll keep this in mind going forward :)
It wasnât as if you didnât try. You did everything humanly possible to turn your grades around. Studying to all hours of the night. Going to the tutors on campus for help â all of which ran for the hills when they saw you coming. Even asking your bestie, Doyoung, for help. Knowing full well what a pickle you were in he volunteered as well. However, when he saw how truly helpless you were he forfeited and told you to change career paths.
Currently in your second year at Neo University, you were acing every class except one. One single class in which you were warned about. No one passed with flying colors, even Doyoung struggled. Doyoung, the Valedictorian when the two of you were in High School â excelling in his classes with flying colors in Elemntary and Middle school, but when it came to this class â barely passing with a D+. This class was a different beast all together. Some girls in your dormitory actually cried when their final grades came in. Only sending shivers down your spine for the following semester where you too would find yourself in tears time and time again.Â
Sadly, all of your feeble attempts only resounded in a giant letter in blood red ink, F. Again! This has been your fifth F of the semester. Thankfully completing all of the homework assignments, even the extra problems was keeping your head above water. But still, an F was not what you wanted to see. Not only that, your teacher decided to emphasize the triumph with a thick red circle. And to top it off, scribbled underneath, âstay after class,â written in beautiful cursive handwriting. This was it. The talk. You were dreading this moment. Every year, every teacher from primary school to secondary has given you the talk.Â
âWhat is wrong?â âWhat arenât you understanding?â âIf you were struggling this much you should have asked for help!â âHave you tried a private tutor?â Groaning you let your head fall flat onto your desk. Mr. Jeong wasnât going to be any different. He was going to say the same things youâve heard all your life.Â
At this point you were sure that Math was just a big douche who loved to shit on you time and time again. Your personal kryptonite in the world. All of the functions, equations, a million fucking ways to do one single problem because some sick twisted asshole came around and said âhey, Iâve discovered a new method,â only adding to everyoneâs frustrations! Yeah, Math hated you and you hated it. Case closed.
When the bell rang and everyone scattered out of the classroom all to eager to leave, you stayed back, as instructed. Raising his arm and slicking back his dark brown hair â a habit Mr. Jeong had that made all the girls swoon, yourself included, he made his approach. Eyes dead set on you. Lips in a hard line, he pulled out the chair in front and turned it to face your desk before sitting down.Â
âIâm guessing you know why Iâve asked you to stay back,â he starts a long tired sigh leaving him.
âI swear Iâm trying!â You rush to get everything out before he even has a chance to ask you the same questions every other teacher has asked you. âI went down to the tutoring classroom. They all have decided Iâm a lost cause. I even asked my friend who took your class last semester! He only looked at me like Iâm stupid. Iâm not stupid by the way,â you hiss surprising Mr. Jeong. A tiny smile creeping at the corners of his mouth. âIâve struggled with Math my whole life. No matter how hard I try to study I just canât seem to grasp any of the concepts. At this point Iâm pretty sure itâs my arch nemesis!â
âWhy didnât you seek my help from the very beginning?â He asks calmly.
âI donât want to look like an idiot right off the bat! I hate being peoplesâ âlittle project.ââ You roll your eyes at the label youâve been placed with since childhood.
Turning his head away Mr. Jeong covers his growing smile with the back of his hand disguising it as a cough. âWell, I for one donât think youâre stupid.âÂ
âReally?!âÂ
If this were some kind of anime you know youâd be looking at him with shaky watery eyes, grateful that someone finally sees you â not as an idiot but as someone who has the capability to accomplish their hearts desires! But since is reality you settle for a stunned expression, your mouth hanging open.
âI just think you need some guidance. May I see your test?â Nodding you grab the paper from your folder sliding it to him. âRight here, you used the right equation, but made the tiniest error here,â he points with a blue pen circling the area of your mistake. Thank heavens it wasnât a red pen. By the end of college youâll never want to see the color red again.
Looking up at Mr. Jeong stunned you shake your head in disbelief. âS-So I just goofed?â
âWell, yes and no. Do you go over your work and double, triple check your answers?â
âI never know if Iâm right or wrong and I get freaked out and second guess myself. So I just think it is what it is and hand in my paper. I promise Iâll triple, no! Quadruple check my work next time!â
âChecking your work is only half the problem. You still arenât understanding all the equations.â He points to a few problems on the second page. âThe equations are all wrong. You mixed the second page equation setup with the third page. So, ultimately, all of the answers are wrong.â
Groaning you slam your head on your desk. Mr. Jeong moving his hands away just in time before you made another blunder and crushed his fingers. âMaybe I am stupid. Iâm sorry, Mr. Jeong.âÂ
âYouâre not stupid. Please donât call yourself that and please donât slam your head down that hard. Youâll hurt yourself. Now, sadly, I myself am booked up solid with tutoring some of my other students. But, I do have a friend who I know can help you.â
âReally?!â You practically spring up from your seat.
âY-Yes,â he moves away from you eyeing you suspiciously. âHis name is Johnny Suh. He teaches Mathematics at a high school not far from here. If you donât mind I can give him a call and see if heâs available to help you.â
âYes! Please, Mr. Jeong! My mom is going to kill me if my grades donât start taking a turn for the better.â
And with that you stand outside of Mr. Suhâs house, or mansion. Your head tilts to the side wondering how in the hell a high school teacher is able to live in a home that can be used in itself as a small school for children. Checking down at the address Mr. Jeong gave you, you check to make sure you were in the right spot. 7716 Zennie Drive.Â
Shrugging you ring the doorbell and place a gentle knock on the door. After your talk with Mr. Jeong, the following day when you had his class he pulled you to the side as you walked in. Stating he talked to Mr. Suh, and he was more than willing to be your tutor.Â
Apparently the two went way back to their early high school days as best friends. You were told youâd be taken care of but the only time Mr. Suhâs schedule was free was Wednesday, Friday and Saturday from 4PM to 7PM. Thankfully, you scheduled all your classes in the morning hours â your last class ending at 12PM, giving you ample time to eat and rest up before heading over to whom you hope is your saving grace.Â
But the door has remained closed. No movement. No sounds coming from inside. Checking your phone you made sure that today was in fact, Wednesday. Yep. And it was 4:14PM. Having trouble locating the home at first put you behind schedule. Yet, youâre still standing outside the massive door and no one appears to be home.Â
âMr. Suh!â You knock on the door.Â
Stepping back you wait. Shuffling back and forth you try to focus on any signs of life coming from behind the door when a blood curdling scream comes from the other side of the house.
Jumping at the sound your hand goes to your heart. âWhat the ââ Looking around hoping you werenât the only one who heard the scream you find yourself alone. GreatâŚ
Reaching into your pocket you grab your keys which hold not only a whistle, but a fresh new canister of pepper spray. Gripping the spray tightly in your hand you slowly make your way around the side of the house.Â
âM-Mr. SuhâŚâ you whisper. No answer. Sticking yourself to the wall of the home you make your way around the first corner only to see something you didnât expect.
âNo!â Another high-pitched scream pierces your ears.
âIâm going to get you!â An older gentleman chases after a small girl in a tutu around a massive backyard.
âNo! The evil troll king!â The little girl wails.Â
âGet back here with my gold!â
Blinking a few times you hope your mind is making up the scene in front of you. This is Mr. Suh?! The man in front of you appears to be around the same age as Mr. Jeong, but he is much moreâŚhe lets out such a light hearted laugh that you step back from him, handsome!!!
âLord help meâŚâ you whisper to yourself.
Mr. Jeong was already the hottest teacher on campus. Granted, not exactly your type. He held some kind of mystery behind his eyes that unsettled you the numerous times you made eye contact with him. Perhaps it was a look of pity he had knowing you were bombing his class, but there was something darker and mysterious. Something that made your stomach twist and turn.Â
Many girls would gawk and stare when heâd walk across campus after his classes ended before his break. Admittedly so have you. Every time he walked it seemed as if there was a red carpet or some type of runway he was strutting down. The man was a living breathing luxury brand model! Definitely up there with the Versace or Prada models.Â
Mr. Suh, gulping the saliva that was threatening to pour from your parted lips â he was a different type of handsome, and absolutely your type. Short jet black hair sticks to his forehead the longer he plays with the little girl. A loose fitted white button down shirt, with three buttons undone revealing a glimpse of his chest. A broad ches, and just the thought of what he looks like shirtless has your heart beating faster. You were entering dangerous waters with your gawking but you continued. Loose fitted trousers that didnât give way to the shape of his legs but with the overall size of Mr. Suh, he absolutely has muscular legs. He just screamed toned.
âU-Uh,â you try to find your voice holding up your hand. âE-Excuse me,â you manage to squeak out.
Freezing, the little girl and who you assume is Mr. Suh turn in your direction.Â
âDaddy!â The little girl cries out before running behind him. Her tiny hands clenching onto his pants â eyes peeking around him to look at you, before hiding once more.
Daddy? You stare wide-eyed. Heâs a father, already?!
âIâm sorry,â you start to back away. âI donât mean to intrude. I heard a scream and ââ
âItâs fine,â a chuckle comes from the man. âYouâre the student Jaehyun sent over, right?â
âJaehyun?â Your head tilts. âM-Mr. Jeong?âÂ
Nodding, Mr. Suh walks forward, his daughter still clinging to him for dear life. âSorry, yes. Mr. Jeong,â Johnny towers over you. âIâm Johnny Suh, itâs a pleasure to meet you.â He reaches out his hand.
Saying your name quickly, you enclose your hand around his only to gasp at the size difference. âN-Nice to meet you tooâŚâ you say in awe.
âI hope you werenât waiting long. I lost track of time. This is my daughter, Lily.â He gestures to the girl glaring at you from behind him.
Bending down to her level you try to give her your sweetest smile. âHi, Lily. Itâs nice to meet you.â
âNo!â She shouts at you and runs away from you and into the house.
âU-UhhhâŚâ a sliver of sweat rolls down the side of your face.Â
âLily!â Mr. Suh shouts. âIâm sorry, for her behavior. I think sheâs a little shy.â He brushes his hair out of his face. âPlease, come inside. So, Jaehyun told me youâre having trouble in his class,â he starts off the conversation.
âY-Yes,â you quickly follow behind him. âNo matter how hard I try I canât seem to understand a single thing heâs teaching. Iâve tried asking for help on campus but no one seems to want to deal with me. Itâs sad to say that you too may fall prey to my idiocy and drop me as well.â
Chuckling Mr. Suh slides open the glass door leading straight into the kitchen. âIâm sure we can figure out what the problem is.â
âI hope so. My momâs going to kill me if my grades donât improve soon.â
Taking off your shoes at the door youâre led to a small table in front of a window. âPlease, have a seat and Iâll be right back. Would you like anything to drink while you wait?â
âA glass of water would be lovely.â
Heading over to his cupboard he grabs down a glass, goes to the fridge and pours you some water. Thinking he would do what your father always does when you ask for a glass of water and get it from the tap â this was definitely an act of kindness.Â
âIâm just going to go check on Lily, then Iâll be right back.â
âI can leave and come back some other time if this is an inconvenience for you. I donât want to take your time away from your daughter.â
âNonsense. Sheâs just a little crabby today,â he rests a reassuring hand on your shoulder. âWhy donât you get your book out and start on your assignment and Iâll be right back.â
âYes, sir,â you nod and scramble to take out your book and binder.
When Mr. Suh was out of earshot you exhale a long deep breath that you didnât know you were holding in. This is terrible. Absolutely terrible! Taking out your phone you shoot a quick message to your best friend Jennifer.
Iâm in deep shit!Â
My tutor is soooo hot!
Like fucking hot!Â
And heâs sooo tall!
What do I do Jen?!!!!
Hiding your phone under your leg you wait for her reply. Having seen the time, she should be getting out of soccer practice soon and heading for the lockers. Twiddling your pencil in your hand you try to focus on the problem staring back at you.
This was going to be grueling. How is it that for the last year and a half you havenât stepped foot in front of a man you thought was handsome â but when you need help because youâre a dumbass, the Universe places a walking Greek God before you?Â
Then again, you scoff. âHeâs married, you idiot.â You whisper. âAnd heâs a dad! Focus!!â
Finding a smidge of peace from your rampant thoughts you get to work. The homework seemed easy when Mr. Jeong was explaining it. All you had to do was follow the equation that you just learned. Simple enough.
Or so you thought... An eon went by and you were still staring at the first problem. Pencil snagged between your teeth, bite marks up and down the piece of wood. A personal habit you picked up specifically from Mr. Jeongâs class.
âYou use this, to solve this.â You start talking to yourself quietly. âThen why is it so damn hard to solve this problem?!âÂ
âStuck already?â A voice whispers next to your ear.
Jumping back, your phone crashing to the floor and you stare wide-eyed at Mr. Suh. With a small cat-like grin he takes a seat next to you, picking up your phone in the process.
âDidnât mean to startle you. You were just hyper focused and I couldnât resist.â
âUh, y-yeah,â you reach for your phone only for it to slip out of your hands. âShit,â you curse.
âAbout the language,â Mr. Suh clears his throat.
âOh no!â You pop your head up from under the table. âYes. No. Iâm sorry. I know you have a child. Iâm just nervous I guess. Please forgive me. It wonât happen again.â
Nodding he leans back in his chair. âWhy are you nervous? Is Jaehyun stressing you out with all the work?â
âNo!â You shout. âI mean,â you try to speak calmly. âIâm just nervous that youâll find out Iâm unteachable.â
âNo one is unteachable. Iâm sure Jaehyun will tell you the same thing. Heâs given me a heads up on what youâre having trouble with, but if you donât mind me asking, may I see your tests?â
Horror befalls you. He canât be serious. He doesnât actually want to see that travesty. Surely Mr. Jeong told him how much of a dumbass you were. He has to know that you are in desperate need of help.
âMy-My tests?âÂ
âYes. I want to see exactly where youâre struggling. This tutoring is going to be in regards to your Final. For the next two and a half months Iâm going to try my best to bring your grade up so you can pass and put this class and Jaehyun behind you. In order to do that, I need to see everything that youâre struggling with.â
âFineâŚâ Opening your binder you fish out all of your tests and quizzes. Every proof of your failure. âIâll understand if you want to quit while youâre ahead.â You squint your eyes tightly as you slide the papers over to him.
âOh stop it canât be ââ he pauses mid-sentence his mouth falling open. âOh, wowâŚâ he mumbles.
âYep. Told you. Iâm stupid. Still want to take on this walking nightmare?â
âI mean he told me you were really struggling but I didnât think this badly.â He glances up at you for a second to see the pout on your lips and in your eyes. âIâm not going to run away. Iâm just shocked he waited until you were this deep in the hole to do something.âÂ
âMaybe he thought I would magically get better.â
âHe said his schedule is booked solid with tutoring other students?âÂ
âYep.â
âHeâs so blind,â Mr. Suh shakes his head. âOkay, how about today I help you with your homework for Monday, and by tomorrow Iâll have a study plan and a guide all made up for you!âÂ
âEh?! You still want to help me? Are you sure? I wonât be upset if you say no. Even my best friend abandoned me.â
Laughing he waves a dismissive hand. âBelieve it or not, Jaehyun wasnât the Math genius he is today. Even when he was back in college he struggled a little. We all need help every now and then.â
âThank you, Mr. Suh! I wonât let you down!â
Just like he promised, he helped you with your homework. Shockingly only looking at you incredulously a few times when he needed to dumb everything down for you to the point his daughter would be able to understand. Feeling a little better after your first tutoring session, you head back to your dorm with your head held high. Maybe this was going to be your second wind. A power up to keep you in the game.
You were sure of one thing. You would not let Mr. Suh down.Â
When you got to your dorm room your best friend, Jennifer was waiting impatiently outside the door. Her fingers being gnawed by her teeth. âWhere the hell have you been? I was worried about you. I tried calling and texting back.â
âEh?â You grab your phone. âMy phone was on the whole ââ you press the home button but it doesnât turn on. âThis canât be. I charged it before I left. I had a full battery.â
Pressing the small button on the side you find your phone had been turned off completely. A cold shiver rakes over you. Did Mr. Suh turn off your phone when he picked it up? Your Lock Screen appearing, a text from your friend the only thing displayed.
A hot tutor?!
How hot is he?
A scale of 0-10?
Take a picture I want to see!
Gulping you show her your phone. âI-I think Mr. Suh turned off my phone. Jen! What do I do? What if he saw your message?! How can I show my face around him again? He probably thinks Iâm disgusting! Heâs a married man with a child! What do I do?!â You stomp around like a child as you open your door.
âDonât freak out. Maybe he just turned it off. He could have a no phone policy.â
âYou think?â
Nodding she ushers you to your bed where she plops down beside you. âSo, tell me everything! Seriously! How hot is he?â
Giving his daughter one last kiss, Johnny wishes her a goodnight and sweet dreams. Today was a day like no other. Little did he know when he decided to take on this job of being a tutor would he find out that his student needed a savior imstead. Sighing he reaches into his pocket for his phone.Â
Jaehyun had a lot of explaining to do. Why he didnât tell him you were so far behind in your studies? When he said one of his students needs help and heâs booked solid he assumed it was just a normal case of an over achieving student. Seeing your grades brought on a whole other problem. You would need to get at least a B+ on your final to even have a passing grade. Why would he let you get so far behind, and how does Jaehyun expect you to get your grades up in such a short period of time?
It just didnât make sense. Jaehyun has always been active in the Math Lab, as well as private tutoring jobs on the weekends. During his breaks he helps any student who canât meet up with him after his usual working hours. Something had to be up. There is no way he would let you slip through the cracks like this.
Holding the phone to his ear, Johnny steps away from his daughters room.
âHey!â Jaehyun says on the other end. âHow did it go?â
âAre you fucking kidding me?â Johnny hisses quietly. âWhy did you let her get to this point? When I saw her grades I thought I was seeing things! Seriously, JaehyunâŚwhat the hell is going on?â
âI didnât intend for this to happen.â Jaehyun snaps defensively. âIâve been booked solid since the semester started. She was doing poor in the beginning but so were a lot of other students. This course is one of the hardest courses to teach and learn. I figured if she was really having trouble she would ask me for help or go to the Math Lab.â
âSheâs in deep trouble, you know that, right?â
âOf course I know that. Which is why I sent her to you. Plus,â Jaehyun pauses alarming Johnny. âI wouldnât have been a good tutor for her anyway.â
âWhy not? Youâre her teacher! You know all the answers! How would you not be a good tutor?â Johnny heads for his study.
Mumbling into the phone Jaehyun confesses. âA conflict of interest.â
Stopping dead in his tracks Johnny stares out into the empty hallway. Jaehyun had to be kidding. He couldnât have possibly â âFor fuckâs sake, manâŚâ
âI know. I didnât intend for this to happen. I donât even know when it happened. But it did. Thatâs why I sent her to you. You are the only person who can help her. I talked to those in the Math Lab and they can barely help the students who understand the basic concepts of what Iâm teaching. She was never going to get help from them. I would help her but I canât.âÂ
âNo shit!â Johnny rubs his forehead feeling a migraine slowly creeping up. âIâll handle things here. She seems to need a lot of one-on-one guidance. What youâre teaching her isnât hard but at the same time it is. Exactly what major is she in?â
âWell, this class is for those who are education majors. Primarily those who want to teach either Elementary or Middle School. Sorry for all this. I really wish I could help.â
âYeah, I know. I may need to push some things around,â Johnny opens the door to his study. Off to the side a liquor cabinet rests with his favorite brands of wine, brandy and vodka. Putting his phone on speaker he pours himself a glass of vodka. The tension already leaving his body. âIf Iâm to help her get a B, sheâll need help everyday.â He chugs down the hard liquor wincing as it burns the back of his throat.
âWhat about Lily?â
Laughing, Johnny plops down into his chair. Your face when Lily ran away from you resurfacing. âLily got scared of her and ran away. She asked me who she was and then asked if she would be around a lot more,â he smiles gently. âShe had such a sour face it was hilarious.â
Swirling the small amount of liquid left in his glass Johnny exhales. âAs good as can be expected. She still doesnât understand whatâs going on. Hell, neither do I.â
âHave you heard from ââ
Johnny quickly stops him. âNo! And I donât want to talk about her,â he glares at the snug silver ring wrapped around his finger. A daily reminder of the love of his lifeâs betrayal. âIâm done with her.â He touches the ring, fiddling with it. âIâve given up. Itâs been two years. I need to focus on Lily.â He slides the ring up his finger but pushes it back down.Â
âI really am sorry man. I thought she was the one.â
âMe tooâŚâ
Looking at the problems you do exactly what Mr. Suh told you to do. Breathe. Take your time. Go through each step slowly. There is no need to rush when it comes to homework. Itâs all about understanding the basic fundamentals and building confidence. Solve the problem and get an answer. Check so that you donât miss anything and especially check to see if you made a mistake and got the answer wrong. Everything seemed to be going great. For once your confidence seemed like it was soaring. Then againâŚ
âOnly three right?!â You slam your pencil down onto your small desk in your room. This was useless. For the past two hours you worked hard to try to figure out the problems. Doing exactly as instructed only to end up with three out of seven answers right!
The worst part is that you donât understand where you got the problems wrong. Which part did you have a hiccup and why you didnât see it and how you can avoid it for next time. You did everything right. Triple checked to see if you missed a step or did something wrong and yet, the same thing happens. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
Closing your book for the night you trudge to your bed plopping down. Tomorrow youâll ask Mr. Suh where you made a mistake and hopefully he can help you.
Mr. Suh, you try to hold back the smile creeping on your face. After having talked with Jennifer you were for sure going to love and dread spending time with him. Love, getting help and finally seeing your grades turn around for the better â at least thatâs what youâre hoping, but also for the eye candy factor. His whole presence just made you feel weak in the knees. The dreadful part, actually having to learn all this bullshit your University was calling Math and the fact that Mr. Suh is a married man.Â
âHis wife,â you whisper. âWhy wasnât she home too?â
Shrugging, you tear your thoughts away from her unknown whereabouts. Whoever she is sheâs most likely beautiful. To find a man as handsome as Mr. Suh, and have a cute daughter like Lily, sheâs bound to be a gorgeous woman. Someone who works to help others just like Mr. Suh being a teacher and willing to help you. A power couple and their precious angel.
Rolling over onto your back aggressively, you kick your legs like a child. If only you could find your one true love too. To have what Mr. Suh has. Actually, first, you need to get through Mr. Jeongâs class, then find yourself a job, and then you can worry about finding a man. Just as your eyes start to close your phone dings startling you. An unknown number and a message sits on your Lock Screen, making you spring up.
Next time the cellphone gets turned off when the lesson begins.
No distractions while youâre under my tutelage.
You can swing by tomorrow around 1PM.
Weâll have more time to work.
Sleep well. Youâll need it.
J.Suh
And boy was he serious when he said you would need sleep. Actually, for the past three weeks heâs been working you like a dog. Having put together and entire binder of what to expect on the Final. What you didnât understand from all of your quizzes, tests, and the Midterm. A Bible of information completely personalized to suit your needs. Every day you went over to Mr. Suhâs house to get help. When you showed up on Saturday after your first study session, he stated he thinks you should come by every day. Monday through Friday your lessons were from 3PM- 7PM. On Saturdayâs, secretly the worst day out of the week, you spent six grueling hours being tutored. Sunday your only saving grace.
Honestly, how a man who teaches all day can have the energy to help your dumbass self is beyond you. But, there was a silver lining. At the end of each day, Mr. Suh would create a tiny three question pop quiz talking about the main concepts he helped you with. And after the first week â a complete travesty, you actually started to grow in confidence. The problems were making sense and with this last pop quiz, you got all the answers right!Â
His method of madness was actually working. He taught you something! After that small victory you were positive you could end up learning what Mr. Jeong was teaching and you would find a way to turn your grades around. On the topic of grades, that is one thing Mr. Suh never talked to you about. On three separate occasions you asked him what grade you needed to get on your final in order to pass. He would brush the question off by saying,
âThe final is a long ways from now. Letâs focus on your upcoming test.âÂ
However, today is the day youâre getting back your first test since you started getting tutored by Mr. Suh. When you were taking it, you heart started to beat quickly. The numbers and questions becoming blurred and spiraling out of control but thinking about everything youâve learned you took a deep breath and focused. The whole class was empty by the time you finished. Mr. Jeong waiting patiently as you took up until the bell to complete it.Â
Now, youâll see whether or not your efforts were in vain â that is as soon as Mr. Jeong shuts up and hands you back your damn test!Â
âOkay, you can start packing up,â Mr. Jeong places the whiteboard marker down onto his desk. âIâll be handing back your tests from last week. Please if you have any questions or concerns, feel free to ask me.â
Your leg starts to shake. Your pencil rammed into your mouth. This is it. He makes his way across the first row. One by one you see your classmates expressions. Some surprised, some angry, someâŚwell, you know that look all to well. Defeated. As you stare at each of your classmates your nerves start to take over you. Your whole body tingling with anticipation. Mr. Suh would be in the middle of teaching his second class by now and told you to send him a message about how you did around lunchtime.Â
Mr. Jeong stops in front of you. His eyes unreadable. Lips in a hard line. He grabs the corner of your paper flipping it over onto the back before moving onto the next student. Saying a quick prayer you turn the paper over.Â
Your whole body becomes numb. A cold sweat spreading over your skin like wildfire. This canât be happening. Flipping through the pages of your test you go over everything with a fine tooth comb. But it was happening. In very bold and almost threatening letters, âstay after,â was bleeding through the first page onto the second.Â
The bell rings and everyone leaves except for you. Again. Not even bothering to pack up your belongings until after Mr. Jeong had a word with you, you wait until the last student leaves his classroom. He wishes them well and closes the door. Gulping you sit up straight.Â
âI think we should talk about your test,â Mr. Jeong starts.
âY-Yes, sirâŚâ
He saunters up to you, once again seeming like the ground is his runway â pulls out the chair in front of you and sits down. Combing his fingers through his hair he shows you something you never expected to see. A huge smile with his dimples on display.Â
âCongrats!â He leans back into the chair. âYou did a wonderful job!â
âWonderful?!â You scoff. âI got a C- practically a D! How is that wonderful?!â You point to the paper. âAfter all this work I thought I would for sure get an A this time.â
Laughing, Mr. Jeong turns his face to hide his rather beautiful smile. Something else you would have never expected to see from him.Â
âTrust me. You did a wonderful job. You canât expect in such a short time to see massive results. You should feel proud of yourself.â He rests his hands on your desk. âSeriously, this is making me feel that you wonât have to take this course again next semester.â
âThat would be a gift from God himself,â you mumble only to realize what you said. âAh! S-Sorry Mr. Jeong, itâs just ââ
âI understand. When I had to learn how to teach this course I wanted to run away myself. Itâs not easy and I know itâs hard to learn. Iâm just glad youâre doing better.â
âWell, itâs thanks to you and Mr. Suh. I owe everything to the two of you.â
âSpeaking of Mr. Suh, how is everything?â
âGreat!â You beam at him. âMr. Suh went through all of my old tests and quizzes and pointed out where I made mistakes. How to solve the problems and how to find my errors,â you bring out the binder he created for you. âHeâs gone above and beyond anything Iâve ever experienced and Iâm so grateful for that.âÂ
Mr. Jeong takes a look at the binder his eyes widening. You were right. This was going above and beyond the call of duty. Scanning over the little quizzes heâs even given you, Mr. Jeongâs happy demeanor starts to fade. He was happy you were doing better, but at the same time he knows full well he would have never thought of doing this for you or any of his students.Â
âImpressive,â he clears his throat. âIâll have to treat Johnny to a beer or two for his help.â He hands you back the binder. âSo, everything is okay? Heâs treating you nicely?â
âOh, yes! Heâs very nice! Iâm truly grateful for all the help heâs given me.â
Nodding, Mr. Jeong leans forward. âIâm happy for you. I do want to apologize for not trying to do something to help you sooner.â
âNo. Itâs totally fine. It was my fault. I should have asked for help, or asked questions in class â something so that my grades didnât fall to this point. Oh! Mr. Jeong, Iâve been wondering, exactly what grade do I need to get on my final in order to pass your class? Mr. Suh keeps avoiding the question which is making me a little nervous.â
âOh, uh,â Mr. Jeong turns from you his eyes trembling. âI think if Mr. Suh wants you to focus on your studies thatâs what you need to worry about. The final is still some time away.â
Pouting you glare at him. âItâs going to be impossible for me to pass this class isnât it?â
âNo, itâs just going to take a lot of work,â he rubs the back of his neck. âIf you want, we can get a better look at your grades and what you need to do in order to pass this class.â
âYes, please!â
âWell, Iâm free for this break period. Unless you have a class.â
âNope. My next class doesnât start until 11.âÂ
âGreat, follow me then.â
Quickly you pack up your belongings into your backpack and follow Jaehyun through the hallway where people were coming and going to their classes. As you make your way through the halls you notice that people are staring your way with strange gazes. They werenât shocked, or angry, more like perplexed with a dash of spite. It doesnât take a genius to figure out why.Â
Jeong Jaehyun, Mr. Jeong, the campus hottie. The Professor every girl and woman wishes to have but only those in the Education department ever get. Joy and rapture. Walking beside him you glance up to see his side profile. He is very handsome. Eyes laser focused on the path heâs walking. Shoulders straight, broad, with a natural sway that shows nothing but confidence. Even his strides excude confidence. Upon further inspection he dresses nicely as well.Â
On most occasions he wears a button down white shirt, black slacks, with black shoes and a gold watch. Very simple yet on him, luxurious. The only person you think that can compete with such a simple style is Mr. Suh. Laughing to yourself you see how they became friends. They have a similar aura about them but Mr. Suh is a lot easier to be around. Then again, itâs probably because heâs not your Professor and youâre not terrified of failing his class.
âExactly how long are you going to stare at me?â Mr. Jeong asks you a playful tone in his voice.Â
âE-Eh?! Oh, Iâm so sorry. I didnât mean to stare.âÂ
Keeping your eyes down at your feet you walk a few steps behind him ashamed of your ogling. It wasnât like you to stare at someone so shamelessly. Then to be caught red handed, the embarrassment sweeping over you is all consuming.Â
âI donât mind the staring,â Mr. Jeong continues. âI get stared at all the time.â
âIâm sorry, sir. I really didnât mean to stare.â
âPlease, class is over. You can call me Jaehyun.â
Stopping dead in your tracks you stare at your Professor. There is no way in hell you can call him, Jaehyun. You are his student and he the teacher. It would be improper.Â
âI donât think I can,â you chuckle nervously.
âWhen youâre with Johnny, what do you call him?â
âMr. Suh.â
âAll the time?â
Nodding you smile. âHe is my tutor after all. Heâs there to help me. Not to be my friend. Plus, heâs already taking a good chunk of his time to help me instead of spending it with his wife and daughter.â
âHis wife?â Mr. Jeong walks up to you. âWhat do you mean his wife?â He grabs you by your shoulders.
âU-Uh, well I havenât seen her at all, but he has a wedding band.â
Sighing in relief Mr. Jeong releases your shoulders. âOh, okay. Sorry about that.â He scratches the back of his neck. âHas Johnny talked to you about his wife?â
âNo, she never comes up in conversation. Actually, nothing personal has come up at all. Itâs strictly school work and studying.â
Nodding Mr. Jeong starts walking again, heading down the stairs. The light atmosphere surrounding the two of you long gone the moment you mentioned Mr. Suhâs wife. Was she a sensitive topic? For the last three weeks youâve wondered why each night you never saw her. By the time your tutoring sessions ended it was 7PM, she would have at least come home by then.Â
A thought strikes across your mind. What if sheâs sick? What if she canât get out of bed and thatâs the reason youâve never seen her. Slowly your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach. Mr. Suhâs wife lying in bed ill. Not able to play with her precious daughter, or spend time with her husband in their beautiful home â at least what youâve seen of it. Smiling brightly you plan out something just for her. A gift that will hopefully brighten her day.Â
Holding open the door to the side of the building, Mr. Jeong allows you to walk outside first. âMr. Jeong,â you keep up with his pace. âWhat type of woman is Mr. Suhâs wife?â
âShe, uh,â he starts fumbling over his words. A strange sight for the suave Professor everyone adores. âWh-Why do you want to know?â
âI want to get her something. I can only assume that since Iâve never seen her she must be sick, right? I canât imagine what Mr. Suh must be going through. Juggling work, his daughter, his wife, and now me. He truly is a saint.â
âNo. Youâve got it all wrong,â he grabs your wrist stopping you. âJohnny, his wife, sheâs not sick.â
Your heart that was wading in the dark depths of your stomach instantly bounces back to its proper place. âWell thatâs wonderful news! I still want to thank her for sharing her husband. I know all this tutoring must be an inconvenience for her. I was thinking of getting her chocolates and flowers. Does that sound like a good idea?â
Shaking his head Mr. Jeong runs a stressful hand through his hair. âNo. It doesnât. She wonât get them.â
âWhy wonât she?â
âShe left. Sheâs gone. Donât ever bring her up in front of Johnny or Lily.â
Gasping you cover your mouth with your hands. âSh-She died?!â
Sighing, Mr. Jeong grabs your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours he leads you straight to the student center. The stares that you receive inside the Mathematics building has now tripled. Mr. Jeongâs eyes glaring ahead making everyone part way as if he were Moses and they the Red Sea. Looking down at your hands intertwined with his, your heart skips a beat. This was inappropriate, especially on campus. If someone saw you and asked you what the hell was with the hand holding how would you explain it?
Trying to tug your hand away from his he holds onto you tighter. Glancing back at you for a second, brows furrowed and his lips in the tightest line they all but disappeared. He was in no mood for you to try to escape. Letting go of the possibility of walking next to him you get tugged along like an insolent child.Â
Straight into the Student Center youâre taken into the elevator where he keeps a firm hold of your hand. Only when the elevator reaches the third floor does he let go â his peers and other campus staff becoming visible. Greeting everyone whom he sees cheerfully he takes you back to his office. Opening the door he tells you to have a seat at the available chair in front of his desk. Quickly sitting you hold your backpack against your chest terrified of what heâs going to say to you. He takes a seat exhaling deeply, eyes and face looking exhausted.Â
âYou donât have to look so scared.â He slides into his desk facing you.
âYou looked like you were going to yell at me any second while you dragged me across campus.â
âIâm sorry about that. I just needed to get you to a quiet secluded place before I continued our conversation.â
âWhy did it need to be quiet and secluded?â
âThe whole campus doesnât need to know about my best friendâs problems. Plus, you know people around here. Whether they have the whole story or not what they hear they talk about. Now, what Iâm going to tell you needs to stay between the two of us. I will know if you tell anyone because no one and I repeat no one knows Johnny, and no one knows what is going on in his life. So if I hear his name or his daughterâs name and what is going on I will fail you!â
âIsnât that blackmail?â You tilt your head. âAlso, Iâm pretty sure you canât fail me without a legitimate reason.â Mr. Jeong stares at you blankly. He really wasnât in the mood for lighthearted jokes. âIâm sorry. I understand.â
âJohnny and Lily were left behind by his wife and her mother. One night while he was in his study she packed a bag and left without telling him where she would was going and for how long. It was right after Lilyâs third birthday. Sheâs now five. They havenât heard a word from her for over two years. Heâs sensitive when it comes to her.Â
âIf you think heâs married it means he still has his wedding band on. For the last year heâs told me heâs done with her. Heâs done waiting and that he doesnât want to see or hear from her ever again, but if you saw that he still has his ring on â that means heâs still holding onto the hope that sheâll come back. Lily doesnât remember her mom that much, but she does ask about her. If she asks you donât tell her anything. Johnnyâs told her that she is sick and in a special hospital.â
âWhy doesnât he tell her the truth?â
âSheâs five. She wouldnât understand.â
âStill, when she gets older and the âmom is sick and in the hospitalâ story stops working what will he do then? Tell his daughter that her father is a liar. So not only did her mother ditch her but now her father is a liar.â
He shakes his head sighing. âYouâre young, you donât understand.â
âMr. Jeong, I may be young, but Iâm not stupid. My father has kept me a secret from his entire family. Apparently their super religious who at the time that he ran away were two seconds from joining a cult. He told me right away when I was old enough to understand why I couldnât see his family. Iâve only grown up with my momâs side.Â
âFor years they had to repeat the story until it sunk in, but they were honest. If I had questions they let me ask them no matter how many times they had to answer the same questions. Lily is young now, but she is five years old. What will Mr. Suh do when she realizes that her father canât keep telling her that mommy is in the hospital and him not taking her to see her once. Sheâs going to realize that.â
âIâm sorry to hear about your family,â Mr. Jeong looks at you bewildered. âI understand your point, but sheâs his daughter.â
Mr. Jeong was right. Neither he or you or anyone else had the right to tell Mr. Suh how to raise his own child. He knows whatâs best for her. If he thinks sheâs still too young to understand it is in her best interest to keep things a secret. Plus, his wife may one day come back into her life. It probably is better for her to be left in the dark for now.
âDo you believe sheâll ever come back?â
âI hope she doesnât. Heâs my best friend. I watched a man who was living out his dream life with the woman he loves come crashing down to earth without a parachute. All because of her selfishness. So, no. I donât want her back. Sheâll only hurt him and leave him again when things get tough.â
âBeing a wife and mother was too much for her?â
âNo one knows. She never talked to anyone at all about what she was going through. Not even Johnny.âÂ
âDo you think Lily would like some flowers and chocolates then?â A smile comes to your face. âI have been borrowing her dad for the past three weeks. I feel terrible for taking up so much of his time.â
Leaning back in his chair, Mr. Jeong smiles sweetly. Dimples on full view, eyes sparkling with something you canât quite pinpoint. âI think she would love that.â
âOkay. Iâll be sure to head out and get some goodies for her before I go over to his house today. Now, about my gradesâŚâ
When lunch came around you sent a photo of your grade with a text saying that Mr. Jeong was very proud of you. Putting your phone up to charge you head off to take a small nap before you go out and look for some flowers and chocolates for Lily, and even something for Mr. Suh to show your appreciation.
Now knowing why you havenât seen his wife you canât help but wonder why she left in the first place. Their home is beautiful, Lily from the small glances youâve seen of her before she scurries away â apparently still cautious of you, is a lovely child and sheâs cute as a button! Mr. Suh is, well, delectable, so why did she leave?
Trying not to dwell too much on Mrs. Suhâs absence, you head off to dreamland hoping to get some rest before another grueling day of studying. But, instead of getting a decent rest, your brain apparently concocted a very intense and wet dream. Starring none other than Mr. Suh.
It started out like a normal tutoring session. You were trying your best to solve a problem, but kept messing up. Mr. Suh in his usual lounge wear, a loose fitted shirt â exposing just enough of his chest to have you drooling, leans over to you giving you a chance to be wrapped in the heavenly aroma of his cologne. As he helps you to solve the problem you can feel his breath tickling your neck. His lips feel so close that you swear he presses them against your skin, but he never laid a hand on you.Â
Once he was finished explaining he waited patiently until you finished. Eyes watching you carefully, roaming up and down your face when you meet his gaze. His irises seemed darker, pupils dilated, and mouth ajar as he bit his pen gently between his beautiful white teeth.Â
Feeling shy you get back to your work when a hand on your thigh makes you look up, only to meet Mr. Suhâs lips. A whimper escapes you. His large strong hands cupping your face keeping you close to him. Lips smacking against each otherâs, you melted into the kiss and his touch. One hand traveling down your body until it reaches your waist. Gripping you tightly he pulls you over to him. Half your body dangling over his lap.Â
âSit on my lap.â He tells you between kisses. âI want to feel you on top of me.â
As you clammer to your feet going to straddle him your alarm blared loudly before you had a chance to finish the dream. Sitting up in your bed, body sticky with sweat, you opt to take a quick shower and change into more comfortable clothes. A nice cold shower should get your mind out of the gutter.Â
Once fully dried and and no longer thinking of fucking your tutor, you change into a pair of distressed blue denim jeans and a loose gray hoodie before grabbing your phone, keys, purse, and backpack to head out and get Lily and Mr. Suh something special. On your way out your door you hear a ding from your phone.Â
Great job!Â
Iâm so proud of you and I hope youâre proud of yourself too!
Iâm thinking something special should be done to commemorate this momentous occasion.Â
Weâll need to think of something together.
See you later.
J. Suh
You canât help the bright smile spreading across your face as you merrily skip down the hallway to the staircase. Feeling like you just won the lottery you truly feel proud of yourself. Both Mr. Suh and Mr. Jeong, praising you for your efforts. There was no doubt in your mind. You have to find something nice to thank Mr. Suh for everything that heâs done.
Thanks to Mr. Jeong you knew which kind of chocolates to get Lily and what kind of flowers were her favorite. The Best Uncle of the Year, his words exactly, coming in handy with loads of information. It didnât take long to shop around for Lily, but what the Best Friend of the Year, another term he boldly stated, didnât do was help you with Mr. Suh. Stating clearly, âheâll be appreciative of anything you get him.âÂ
So, you decided to get him some flowers too, a small assortment, and some chocolates of his very own. Fancier chocolates that your parents love to nibble on every now and then. Men like chocolate too, you assert in your mind.Â
Driving over to Mr. Suhâs you canât help but feel antsy. Feeling nervous about interacting with Lily makes your stomach churn painfully. Sheâs made sure to keep her distance from you. Eyeing you skeptically whenever she does grace you with her presence. Time and time again, Mr. Suh tries to get her to say hi to you properly but to no avail.
This doesnât help solidify your dream job of being an Elementary teacher. Especially when an Elementary school aged child wants nothing to do with you.Â
Pulling up to Mr. Suhâs house you see his car in the driveway. Your heart starts beating faster as you gather everything â putting your purse safely in the trunk since you wonât be needing it inside his house. Trying your best to hold the two small bouquets, you duck walk up to the front door. Before you can even ring the bell, Mr. Suh opens it with a bright smile on his face.
âWelcomââ he stops staring at you. âWhat in the worldâŚâ
âUh, I uh,â you fiddangle the bouquets holding the one out for him. âI wanted to say thank you for helping me. Without your help I would never have gotten that C and I would probably be swimming in a sea of failure rethinking my life choices and career right now. So, I uh, just got these to say thank you. Ummm.. th-thank you!âÂ
Blinking, he bounces from your face then to the flowers. Not making any attempt at reaching for them. Just like on the first day, a single strand of sweat trickles down the side of your face. This was a terrible idea. A card would have sufficed. A thank you for tolerating my dumbass for the past three weeks card and maybe a gift card to a restaurant. But no, you didnât think of that.Â
Lowering the bouquet you turn in the direction of the trash can that was sitting out by the curb for tomorrow. âTh-This was stupid, huh?â Your face starts burning up. âI-Iâll just dispose of these.âÂ
Turning around you head down the two steps to the pathway leading down to the driveway. Halfway down the path you're whipped around and wrapped in a tight hug. The flowers becoming squished in the process. Looking up at the person engulfing you in a constrictor hug you find Mr. Suh. Becoming stiff as a statue you glance around wondering if this is your mind playing tricks on you or if it is indeed real. After that dream you had this surely couldnât be real.Â
âDonât throw them out,â he whispers, holding you even tighter.Â
âO-Okay,â you murmur, body starting to relax. âS-So you like them?â
Chuckling he pulls away from you enough to look down into your eyes. âI love them. It was very thoughtful of you.â
Managing to shove them higher you put on a bright smile. âWell, then these are for you Mr. Suh! I also bought you some chocolates. My mom and dad like these. I always get it for them for their anni ââ you stop yourself. âSp-Special occasions. Or when I want something from them.â You turn your almost blunder into a joke. âI also have some flowers and chocolates for Lily. Mr. Jeong told me what her favorites are.â
Again youâre wrapped into a tight embrace. Mr. Suhâs body hunching over until his face is buried in your neck. âThank you,â he pulls you close to him. âThank you.â
Proud of yourself for the second time today you wrap your arms around your tutor. How long has it been since someone other than family or Mr. Jeong showed him kindness? How long has it been since they thought to do something for him and his daughter? Hearing a sniff your ears perk up.Â
âMr. Suh?â
Stepping away from you he quickly wipes his eyes. âAhh, thatâs embarrassing,â he chuckles. âDonât worry about me. Itâs just been a while.â
âDaddy?â A small voice comes from the door. âDaddy!â
âWhat is it sweetheart?â He quickly leaves your side rushing over to Lily.Â
Taking in a huge breath holding it in as you make your approach to the Princess of the mansion. You get down on your haunches and show her the bouquet of flowers.
âHi Lily, we havenât really met each other yet.â She goes behind Mr. Suh looking around his legs at you. Introducing yourself, you reach out the flowers towards her. âA little birdie told me that your favorite flowers are Tiger Lilies. Is this true?â
The moment she looks down at the flowers her little eyes light up. Slowly letting go of Mr. Suhâs legs, she comes in front of you. Looking up at her dad he laughs happily.
âTheyâre for you, sweetheart,â he pats her head.
Reaching out she takes the bouquet smelling each flower her tiny nose can reach. âI love these,â she wraps her arms around the flowers.
âI also heard you like Snickers,â you pull out some candy for her.Â
Again her eyes light up. âI love them too!!â She squeals while taking the chocolate. âDaddy look!â
âI see. Now what do we say when we receive a gift?â
âThank you!â
âYouâre welcome.â
âGo on inside and weâll put these flowers in some water,â he shoos Lily inside.Â
âOkay!â
Running off she leaves the two of you alone. Standing back up, you canât help but smile lovingly at the little girl. She really is cute.Â
âThank you for this,â Mr. Suh calls you to attention. âI havenât seen her this happy in a while. It really means a lot to me.â
âWell, I just figured I should surprise her and give her something because I am borrowing her dad. I know youâd rather spend your time with your daughter and relaxing after work, but because of me you canât do that for a while.âÂ
âItâs not all bad,â he walks into his home and you follow. âHaving you around these last three weeks has been fun.â
âLiar.âÂ
Mr. Suh lets out a hardy laugh while you both head into the kitchen. Sitting your bag down at the table like usual you watch him and his daughter put the flowers you gave them in some water. Then, Mr. Suh giving Lily some of her candy you brought her. But what shocked you is when she came running up to you with her arms open wide.
âI love my presents! Thank you!â She hugs you. Stunned you barely have time to hug her back before she lets you go running off to play.Â
âWowâŚâ you look back at Mr. Suh. âI thought she hated me.â
âNo way! Sheâs been curious about you. She asks me questions most nights before she goes to sleep.â
âShe does?â Shocked, you stare in the direction she left in.
âYes,â Mr. Suh sits down with a cup of coffee and he ever so politely brings you one as well. âSheâs very cautious. We donât have many visitors. Most of the family is a good distance away from us.â He takes a sip, his body relaxing. âThe only time we see them is during the holidayâs. Shame really. She has cousins around her age but she barely gets to spend time with them.â
âHave you ever thought of moving?â
What the hell are you saying?! You curse yourself.Â
âI have but this is the only home she knows. Plus,â he fiddles with his wedding band. âIâm still holding out for something.â
Staring down at his ringed finger fire burns inside of you. How can a woman be so selfish to leave the man she loved hanging by a thread? If she wanted to leave, okay. But you just donât up and leave and never come back and donât officially break things off! That is cowardly and selfish!Â
âAnytime Lily wants to hang out, Iâm available,â you try to bring the subject back to something lighter. âI think as long as I give her candy Iâll be on her good side, right?âÂ
âBribery, already?â He looks stunned. âYouâre not even a teacher yet and youâre resorting to such tactics.â
Stunned, you stare at him with wide eyes. âA-A teacher? How did you know?â
âJaehyun. The course heâs teaching is for Education majors, is it not?â
âRight,â you scratch the back of your neck. âForgot about that. Oh! Mr. Jeong said he may owe you one or two beers for helping me. Make sure he keeps that promise!â
Pulling out your holy binder of math, you get things ready for today's lesson.
âActually,â Mr. Suh places his hand on top of yours. âWhy donât we skip todayâs lesson? We should celebrate your accomplishment.â
âAccomplishment? I got a C-, that means âC better luck next time.ââ
Laughing, Mr. Suh shakes his head. âWell I see it as âC, she can be taught.â So, listen to your tutor. Weâre taking a break today.â
âA break...â You nod sitting back in the chair. âO-Oh! A break! Iâm sorry! You probably have something planned for Lily!â Quickly you start packing your backpack. âIâm sorry, I should have read between the lines. Iâll hurry up so you two can spend the evening together.â
âStop!â Mr. Suhâs voice booms in your ears, startling you. âLike I said earlier, we need to celebrate your accomplishment.â Standing up, he starts to walk away. âCome, follow me.âÂ
Gulping, your palms turning sweaty you ring them on your jeans before standing up. Mr. Suh leads you back into the living room and this time you have a chance to really look around. Everything was immaculate. White carpet with white furniture. A black stoned fireplace. A large flat screen tv sitting above it. A few plants in the corners of the room and a couple on the coffee table and end tables. Something you would see out of a magazine. Not really a homey touch. Something that seems to fit his style more so than a style that suits a home with a little girl.Â
Leaving the living room youâre taken down a corridor to a room where he opens the door with a key. Placing the key back into his pocket your heart starts to beat faster. What in the world could he be hiding? A room that needs to be locked! Thinking back on the movie Fifty Shades of Grey you slowly start to back away. Afraid that Mr. Suh has some weird fetish that heâs about to unleash on you â however, youâre taken aback when the room turns out to be a normal study.Â
Slumping forward your heart slows down. Thank goodnessâŚ
âItâll just be a small glass,â he holds the door open for you. âI thought we could celebrate with some wine. Youâre old enough to drink, right?â
Glaring you turn to his direction. âIâve been able to drink for a while now, Mr. Suh. Do I really look that young?â
Chuckling he goes into a cabinet taking out two wine glasses. âYou do actually. You still have that âthe world is my oysterâ glow about you. Go on, pick one.â
âI donât know wines. I know beer but not wine.â
Snorting he shakes his head. âCollege days,â he grabs a bottle of red wine pouring you a smaller glass than himself. âYouâll learn when youâre older.â
âYouâre not that much older, Mr. Suh. And yet you speak like youâre well into your forties.â
Sitting down on the couch in his study he lets out a huge tired sigh. âSome days it feels like Iâm pushing fifty.â
Joining him at the opposite end making sure you donât intrude on his space you take a small sip. The taste making you cringe slightly but it was smoothe going down. The last wine you had was like drinking tanbark â woody with a dryness of a desert. This held a tinge of sweetness.
âWhatâs it like to be a dad?âÂ
âPardon?â He looks at you surprised.Â
âSorry for the sudden question,â you giggle realizing it was really an out of the blue question. âI just mean, Lily is awfully cute. I donât have any friends who are already parents. I know personally I want three kids one day. A boy, a girl, and then to adopt or foster a child. Thatâs been my goal since I was a kid. Perhaps I should have asked, whatâs it like to be a parent?â
âHard.â He stirs the liquid in his glass. âPeople who donât have children see the good and bad moments. When the child is well behaved or is so cute you canât help but fall in love. You want a child right then and there. Vow to the world and everyone around you that you want a houseful of them.Â
âThen, there are times when no matter what, you canât get your kid to stop crying. Or, they misbehave and you donât know what to do and how to correct the behavior. They scream and throw things and have tantrums in public and itâs embarrassing. People blame the parents right away saying they need to do better. Thatâs the hard part. People assume youâre not doing a good job but youâre doing the best you can. What works with one child doesnât work with the other. You canât use blueprints for a museum to build a shed.Â
âSo you need to rethink your game plan and just when you think you have everything figured out, BOOM!â He shouts startling you. âYour kid changes the game. But I wouldnât want to think of a world where Lily isnât in it. Sheâs the best thing that has ever happened to me. Sheâll always be the best thing thatâs happened to me. Sheâs taught me how to love someone unconditionally. To know that if she is in trouble I will willingly throw my life away to protect her. The moment I held her in my arms for the first time was the moment I knew I would and will die for her.â
âWowâŚthat wasâŚbeautiful.âÂ
Mr. Suh turns to you to see you looking at him in awe. Snickering he takes a sip of his wine, a light flush coming to his cheeks. âYouâll know how it feels when you become a mother.â
âI hope I will. And what about being a teacher?â
Smirking, he slides down on the couch. âThe first year is hard. The second year is still hard but you sort of know what to expect. By your third year youâll be a pro. Itâs a job that not everyone can do but those who do it know how amazing it truly is. Oh, a piece of advice â keep your lesson plans for five years at a time. Thatâs what one of my professors told me. After five years redo them. That way itâs one less thing you have to worry about. Creating lesson plans is a pain, so anyway you can relieve that will always be beneficial for you.â Nodding you keep this tidbit of advice locked in your memory. âPray tell, why did you choose the teaching profession?â
Shrugging you take a sip of your wine. âIâve always loved school. I like being in school and learning. I would help out any chance I could get. I was even able to leave and help out the other school staff since I got done with my work quickly. When I was in High School a couple teachers said Iâd make the perfect teacher so I listened to them and here I am. Failing miserablyâŚâ
âYouâre not failing miserably. Youâre just failing right now.â
You roll your eyes. âGeezâŚthanks, Mr. Suh.â
Laughing he places his glass on the end table closest to him before shifting closer to you. âFrom now on you can call me Johnny.â
âYou too? Man you and Mr. Jeong really are cut from the same cloth.â
âWhat about Jaehyun?â
âHe wanted me to call him by his first name too. I mean yeah Iâve spoken to him a few times because of this whole tutoring thing but not enough to feel comfortable calling him by his first name. Plus, it would cross the lines of the student teacher dynamic.â
âMaybe he wants you to feel comfortable around him.â Mr. Suh peers down at you.Â
Snorting, you take another small sip of your wine. âIf he wants me to feel comfortable he needs to stop making everywhere he goes look like heâs on a runway.â
Cracking up Mr. Suh places a hand on your knee to hold himself up. The small gesture making your body numb with hope that he wonât remove his hand too soon. Visions of your dream springing to life in your mind. How he wanted you to sit on his lap. How you were seconds from kissing him. Gulping you see him wiping his eyes.Â
âSo he still hasnât broken that habit?â
âHabit?â
âBack when we were in college, Jaehyun was the âit boy,â on campus. All the girls wanted him. It was crazy. He never paid them any mind but he was aware of the magnetism he held. He started running a hand through his hair and would hear girls screaming their heads off. Heâd bite his lip, smirk, and show his dimples â all to give them just a taste of attention, but he would never go further than that.â
Leaning closer to Mr. Suh you ask him a question you never thought youâd ask. âIs Mr. JeongâŚyou knowâŚinto guys?â
Staring flabbergasted, Mr. Suh pushes your forehead back with his index finger. âI would never bring up men around Jaehyun again. No. Believe me. He has no interest in men.â Mr. Suh looks you up and down for a second before chugging the rest of his wine. âTrust me.â
âSorry if I was offensive. Itâs just the way you were talking made it seem like he was teasing people because he knew they would never have his heart.â
âThatâs exactly what he did. But not because heâs gay. Jaehyun,â he sighs. âHeâs a strange man. One second he seems head over heels for someone, the next, heâs flirting with someone else. I think the prospect of settling down with someone scares him. So he gives them an inch and hopes they donât take a mile. But they always do and he leaves them.â
âSo, Mr. Jeong is scared to be in a relationship?â
âIn a manner of speaking.â
âWow, I feel bad for him.â
Chuckling, Mr. Suh sits back intrigued. âSince weâre talking openly for once. What about you, my dear student? Any boys youâre interested in? Or should I ask about girls too?â He winks.
âGuys. Thatâs it for me.â Your face starts to warm. âThere is one personâŚâ you fiddle with your fingers. âTheyâre super smart, handsome, kind, and I donât knowâŚI just love being around them. I still have a lot to learn but Iâm hoping one day Iâll be given the chance to get to know them better.â
âAnyone I know?â He nudges you, winking.
âE-Eh?!âÂ
Fear quickens your heartbeat. You tried to be as vague as humanly possible. There is no way that he can tell youâre talking about him. Handsome, smart, kind â qualities that can describe half of the world! No way in hell could he narrow it down to himself.Â
âCome now, you can tell me. Itâs Jaehyun, isnât it?â
âWh-What?!â You squeak.
âEveryone falls for him. Itâs a natural thing. No need to be shy about it.â
âMr. Suh, really I ââ
âJohnny.â He corrects.
âJ-JohnâŚMr. Suh!â
âCome on, itâs not that hard. JohnâŚnyâŚâ he says his name slowly.
âIâm not an imbecile!â You put down your glass. âAnd I donât have feelings for Mr. Jeong! The person I was talking about was you ââ freezing you try to come up with a different response. âYouâŚyouâll never know! A womanâs heart is a land of mystery. Itâs a secret!â
Mr. Suh stares at you. Eyes scanning over your features. Hoping that your trembling body wonât catch his attention. How could you have been so stupid? You are an imbecile! You almost let it slip that you have feelings for your tutor! Hell you donât even know what kind of feelings you have for him. Lust? Hell yeah. Infatuation? Definitely! Pity? Only for Lily. Like? S-Sure...Â
Turning away from his gaze you wipe your hands on your jeans. âIâm sorry for shouting. Youâve been kind to me this entire time. I owe everything to you. I just gotâŚdefensiveâŚâ
âNo. I should apologize. I didnât intend to press you to that point. But I have to ask,â he moves closer to you, his hand gently resting under your chin. Turning your head to face him he stares deep into your eyes. âIs this secret personâŚme?â
Sitting in the passenger seat you stare out the window. Mr. Suh sent you a message on Friday that stated Lily was sick and he needed to take care of her so tutoring was off, but to come on Saturday, today, which youâre not particularly excited for. The unbeknownst blessing of not having lessons yesterday was that your car was in the shop and there was no one to take you to your lesson.Â
Granted, the garage still hasn't looked at your car yet, promising to have it done by tomorrow around lunch â Doyoung has offered to drive you to Mr. Suhâs since Jen has practice. Sighing, you rest your head against the window.
âWhatâs up with you? Thought this tutor of yours was helping you.â
âHe is. I actually got a passing grade last time.âÂ
âThen whatâs the problem?â
âHave you ever met someone that youâve instantly liked? You may not know them but there is this undying attraction to them?â
âHeâs hot isn't he?â Doyoung snickers.Â
âYes. Like just my type. Heâs tall, muscular but not overly buff, he has the cutest lips. Like they remind me of a cat and heâs gentle and sweet. You should see him with his daughter and ââ
âHold up!â Doyoung slows down at the red light before glancing your way. âHeâs a dad?â
âYeah. His daughter's name is Lily and sheâs so cute!â
âNo.â
âNo?â
âWhatever youâre thinking, stop.â
âWhat if Iâm not thinking about anything?â
âIâve known you our whole lives. You donât just randomly bring up the topic of liking someone without reason. If he has a child he isnât someone you need to worry about.â
âWhy not?â
âHe needs to focus on raising his kid, not getting his dick wet.â He says bluntly.Â
Turning to him, shocked by his choice of words Doyoung just shrugs as he proceeds forward. âDid you have to say that?!â
âYouâre blushing arenât you? How many dreams have you had about fucking him?â
âNone!â You shriek but then start mumbling. âI always wake up before the good stuff.â
âWhy would you put yourself through this? Heâs a father. Heâs your tutor. Once the semester is done and over with you wonât see him again. Heâs older and youâre still in college. Why?â
âBecauseâŚbecauseâŚâ you sigh, turning back to the window. âI donât know.â
âDoes he know?â
Groaning, you bang your head against the window, âyeah...â
âHow did he find out?â
Staring out into the traffic you drift back to that evening in Mr. Suhâs studyâŚ
âTurning your head to face him he stares deep into your eyes. âIs this secret personâŚme?â
âWh-What?! Mr. SuhâŚâ you turn from him, your face growing warmer. âWh-What makes you ask that kind of question? Youâre my tutorâŚâ
âBecause on the first day you clearly told someone you thought I was hot.â He says matter of factly.Â
âEh?! S-S-So you did look at my phone!â
âI had to look at it to turn it off. And yes, the message in very large print clearly stated that your friend wanted a picture.â
âSh-She was just joking! I swear! Sheâs very blunt.â
âSo the message you sent was in regards to me being hot?â He quirks a brow.Â
âNo! I meanâŚyesâŚI meanâŚâ
Moving away from you Mr. Suh runs a hand through his hair. âItâs best for you not to like me.â
Feeling a sharp pain hit your heart you look at him as if someone told you your dog passed away. Bewildered. Heartbroken. âWh-Why?â You attempt to ask firmly but the quivering in your jaw prevents you.Â
Chuckling he crosses his long legs. Arms settling across his chest. âIâm married.â He holds up his ring finger. âNo point in crushing on a married man. Plus, I have a child. I donât have the time or energy to deal with a small infatuation.â
A small infatuation?! Glaring at him he looks completely disinterested in your unwilling confession. What you feel is not a small infatuation! Itâs not puppy love or displaced affection! And for him to sit here nonchalantly like your presence annoys himâŚyou could justâŚjustâŚ
Pushing yourself to your feet you march in front of him. Heâs married? Ha! If only he knew that you knew his wife left not only him but his daughter. Over her, heâs still holding onto some kind of hope! Why would he do that?! She left him! Sheâs gone, most likely never to come back! Holding on to hope will only hurt him in the end and Lily! And his daughterâŚso what?! All of this is a means of deflecting!
âItâs not a small infatuation. Iâm not a teenager. I know what and how I am feeling. Yes, I sent a text message to my friend saying that you were hot. If you havenât noticed at all, youâre incredibly hot! The hottest man Iâve ever seen! Not once did I feel any amount of attraction to anyone Iâve been in school with, that is until you came along! Do you think I wanted to have a crush on my tutor? Do you know how hard it is to focus sometimes?
âAlso, I clearly noted the wedding ring on your finger. But Iâm also aware that ââ you pause. âIâmâŚâ Calm downâŚbreathe⌠Taking a huge inhale you let the air fill your lungs. Simmering down the anger that was building up inside you. âIâm also aware that just because youâre married doesnât mean you canât have feelings for someone else. Sadly weâre not a species that has only one love for the rest of our life. I believe only a couple of species on the planet are like that.â
âSo what do you suggest?â Mr. Suh reaches up grabbing your wrists. âYou want me to cheat on my wife?â He yanks you down. Your body falling on top of his. âIs that what you want me to do?â He grabs your legs and easily moves you so youâre straddling his lap.Â
âWh-What are you doing?â You try to move away from him but he holds you firmly in his arms.Â
Pressing his lips against your ear â unfortunately sending shivers down your spine and a spark of fire to your core he firmly states, âanswer the question.â
âN-NoâŚâ
âNo, you donât want to answer the question or no, you donât want me to cheat?â
âBoth!â
Arms falling to the couch he allows you to crawl off of him. Moving as far away from him as possible you wait until your heart calms down. The moment you waited for. The moment youâve fantasized about did not pan out how you truly wanted it to. You were mere seconds from telling him you knew about his wife. The only way you could have known is from Mr. Jeong, and by no means weâre you going to get him in trouble.
âI think I should go.â You get up heading for the door. âForget I even mentioned anything.â
âWait!â Stopping as your feet barely cross over the threshold you glance over your shoulder. âIâm sorry.â Mr. Suh apologizes with his head low to his chest. âI-I didnât meanâŚâ
âWh-What?â You turn completely to look at him. Hands interlaced together tightly. Knuckles turning white as snow. His hair hanging over his eyes making him look more apologetic. More ashamed⌠âM-Mr. Suh?â You call gently.Â
His hands unclasp, one reaching up to wipe his eyes. Without thinking you spring over to him. Startling him as you push his shoulders back until theyâre resting on the back of the couch â eyes red and tear stained. Straddling his lap you plant a gentle kiss on his lips. His body freezes beneath you but you pay it no mind. This is what youâve wanted. To feel what it would be like to kiss him. To feel his body pressed against yours.Â
Leaving soft comforting kiss after kiss, his hands find purchase on your waist. Slowly he starts to kiss you back. His lips moving along with yours tentatively. Unsure and if this is right. But when a groan coming from the back of his throat pierces your ears you kiss him deeper. Opening your mouth for his tongue to enter.Â
It doesnât take long for the kiss to grow steamy. Your body burning up from the inside out. Stomach churning to the sounds coming from your tutor. Low growls that tell you heâs holding back with all his might. Wanting to feel all of him you take matters into your own hands. As his tongue slips into your mouth you quickly wrap your lips around it, sucking on the wet slippery muscle. Giving him a taste of what it would be like on another part of his body. His hands grip your waist tightly. Eyes closed shut. Brows furrowed while you work your magic. His face, his expressions, the noises heâs making driving you forward to do more. Much much more.
With one final loud suck of his tongue you pull back. Chest heaving heavily you attack his neck. Biting, nipping, kissing and sucking on the taught flesh. Grazing your tongue across his Adamâs apple has him pushing you onto your back. Now hovering over you he stares down at you with wild eyes. Pupils dilated and filled with lust.Â
âKiss me, pleaseâŚâ you beg for him with your arms wide open.Â
Gulping loudly Mr. Suh lowers himself to you. His chest sliding up yours making you squirm beneath him. His lips skate over yours, a whisper of a kiss to the corner of your mouth. Whimper after whimper comes from you. Never before have you been this desperate to feel someoneâs lips on yours. To feel their body on top of you â pressing you into a couch until you canât escape.Â
âYouâre so beauti ââ
âDaddy!!â Lily calls out for him. âDaddy!!â
In a matter of seconds Mr. Suh is off of you. Back pressed against the arm of the couch from the opposite end. Hair mused. Chest rising and falling rapidly and a rather noticeableâŚyou look away from his lap.Â
âY-You need to leave!â He scrambles to his feet.
âDaddy!â Lily cries out.Â
âComing!â He says frantically.
âMr. Suh, IâŚâ
âJust leave!â He shouts before leaving his study in a hurry. âLily! Sweetheart, whatâs wrong?!â
âHe saw a text I sent to Jen about him being hot. Didnât take much to know I was into him,â you tell Doyoung leaving out the sorted details.Â
âWhat are you going to do?â
âI would run away and avoid him but I kind of need his help in order to pass.â Turning to your friend with a somber face you try your best to smile but a single tear slides down your cheek. âSo Iâm going to pass and put him behind me after this semester.â
Reaching over, Doyoung places his hand in yours. âIâm sorry, kid.âÂ
âMe too.â You wipe your eye.Â
Within five minutes you were in front of Mr. Suhâs house. Doyoung whistling the moment he sees the place. Asking if you wanted him to walk you to the door for extra support you declined the offer. Telling him to be here at 6PM or at least to have his cell on hand if you should need to call him for an earlier pick up, he reassures you that heâll be close by.Â
As you make your way up to the house Doyoung calls your name. Turning to look back youâre engulfed in his arms. âI know this is going to be hard but please stay strong, okay?â He asks you.
Nodding and giving into the sweetest, softest hug known to mankind you melt into him. âI will.â
âIf you need ANYTHING, call me or text me. Iâll be over here ASAP. Got it?â
âMmmâŚâ you nod.Â
âSee you soon.â
âSee you soon, and thank you!â You shout, waving your hand.Â
Waving back, Doyoung gets into his car and drives off down the road. Turning back to the house you find Mr. Suh at the door. Eyes dark and unreadable. Walking up to him his aura is different. Then again, the hot makeout session the other day could be the reason.Â
âYouâre late.â He says as you pass by him.
âI needed a ride. Sorry.â You head straight for the kitchen. âOh. Before I forget.â You pull out a small bag with some chicken noodle soup in it and orange juice. âFor Lily.â
âSheâs fine.â He brushes past you without taking the bag.Â
âI see.â Leaving the bag on the counter near the kitchen sink you take your seat. âIâve already done the homework.â You take out your binder.Â
âHand it to me.â
Doing as instructed you wait for Mr. Suh to check your work. His hand scribbles down where youâve made mistakes. Of course there were mistakes. You havenât been able to get the kiss you had with him out of your mind. Even in your sleep you feel his lips and hands on you. Taking out your textbook you open up to the chapter Mr. Jeong went over yesterday to distract yourself.
âWhat is this mess?â Mr. Suh breaks you out of your thoughts. âThis!â He shoves your homework up to your face where all you see are red markings. âThis is unacceptable!â
âSorry.â You look down.Â
âWhat happened? You should have been able to get past this with flying colors?â Shrugging you avoid looking at him. âAnswer me!â
âI donât know what happened!â
âDid you double check your work? Did you read the questions carefully?!â
âI thought I did.â
âWell thinking wasnât on your side now was it?!â He snarls.
âLook!â You shout. âIâm sorry! I didnât mean to get them all wrong! Iâm sorry Iâm too stupid to understand this! Why do I need to learn this anyway?! I want to teach Kindergarten! I want to have fun and watch them learn their alphabet and numbers. Why do I need to learn all this other stuff?!â Tears start pouring down your face.Â
âBecause you donât know what grade you will be assigned to! Thatâs why! So enough with the tears and pay attention!â
âWhy are you being so mean?â You sniff.Â
He goes quiet, his body rigged. Ever since you walked up to him heâs been a real asshole for no reason at all. Yes, you got questions wrong â knowing itâs only because the kiss that you canât get out of your mind being the main culprit behind the insurmountable amount of red ink on your homework. But this, this behavior because you got answers wrong is not that the Johnny⌠Mr. Suh, that you know.Â
Turning his head from you he lets out a huge exhale. âBecause being nice to you ended up with usâŚâ he stops himself before proceeding with the real reason heâs in a shitty mood.
âSo that constitutes you being mean to me instead?!â Taking out your phone which you had on mute you start to type out an S.O.S to Doyoung.
âNo phones!â He grabs your phone. âI told you this already. Are you having a hard time following simple rules?!â
âI was telling my friend to pick me up! Give me my phone!â
âWhat?! I cleared my schedule to help you and youâre going to leave? Youâre here to learn so thatâs what youâre going to do. Now sit down and listen to me young lady!â
âNo! Youâre not my father and youâre not my teacher!â You challenge by packing up your belongings.
âI said sit down!â He stands up his body looming over you threateningly.Â
âNo!â You tremble in rage. âGive me my phoneâŚback!!â
âSo you can contact that boyfriend of yours?â
Your arms fly from your sides exasperated. âBoyfriend?!âÂ
âYes. The boy glaring daggers at me!â
âGlare? What glare?! Are you talking about Doyoung?! Heâs my best friend. Iâve known him my whole life! W-WaitâŚare youâŚjealous?!â
Quickly Mr. Suhâs demeanor changes from hostile tutor to blubbering idiot. âJ-Jealous?! Wh-What?! Thatâs absurd!â
âIf youâre not jealous youâll give me back my phone,â you hold out your hand.
âIâm not jealous and youâre not getting your phone back. Youâre here to learn!â
âGive me my phone!â
âNo! Now sit down.â Ignoring his order you zip up your now full again backpack and hurl it over your shoulders. âWh-What are you doing?!â
âLeaving.â
âYou canât leave!â
âIâm my own person. Iâm free to go wherever I please.â
âIf you leave I wonât tutor you anymore!â He threatens.
âFine with me.â You continue to pack your things.
âY-Youâll fail!â
âGuess I will.â
âYou canât be serious.â You ignore him as you head out of the kitchen. âY-Yah!!â He chases after you. âAre you stupid?!â
âAlready told you I was the first day we met.â
âStop this!â He grabs your wrist. Halting in front of him you donât bother turning around. âFine. Take it.â He growls, placing your phone in your hand. âThere. Now will you stay?â
âNo.â You click send and head to the front door.
âWhat?! I gave you back your phone!â
âSo?â You smirk. âYou think that means that Iâll stay here? Iâm not going to deal with someone who has an attitude problem. It doesnât help me at all.â
âI donât have an attitude problem.â
âUh, yeah, you do.â
âI donât!â
âFrom the moment I walked inside youâve been cross with me. Why? Is it because we kissed the other day? Is it because Lily is sick and youâre tired? Or is it because you saw me hugging someone else?â Mr. Suh looks away from you the moment you mention the hug. Shocked, you cross your arms over your chest. âNo way,â you chuckle. âDonât tell me that Mr. Suh has a wittle crush,â you say in a baby voice. âWouldnât that be something? Especially after all that bullshit about it being bad for me to like you.â
âStop.â His fists clench at his sides, his body trembling as he glares at you.
âWhat? Is it because Iâm right? Did you fall for me when I kissed you?â You press.
âI said stop!â
âCome now, do share with the class how youâre feeling,â you spread your arms open as if youâre talking to more than just Mr. Suh. Seething with rage, you peer up at him through your lashes. âCome now, Johnny.âÂ
A sharp pain strikes down your spine as your back makes contact with the wall closest to the door â a tiny alcove just barely big enough for you to nestle into you, no escape in sight. You gasp for air as strong hands grip both your waist and your neck, making sure that you donât get away. Lips crash down onto yours with such force youâre sure the metallic taste in your mouth is your own blood. Teeth crash into teeth, the grip on your waist tightens â eyes getting blurry with tears as your air supply starts to run low.Â
Pulling back for a seconds, Mr. Suh takes in a breath allowing you to breathe as well, only for his lips to crash down onto yours again. This kiss was anything but gentle. Itâs rough and raw like heâs trying to devour your soul one kiss at a time. Stomach swirling like a tornado when he growls against your lips, a beast waiting to devour itâs prey â your knees almost give out from the hottest guttural groan youâve ever heard a man make in your life, your thighs clenching together. Â
âYouâre such a brat,â he grips your waist tighter leaving out a shaky breath.Â
Mr. Suhâs grip on your neck loosens as his body presses against yours, the feeling of his arousal already present. Gasping, your arms wrap around his neck drawing him closer to you. His tongue skates across your lips, begging for entrance. Parting your lips, his tongue swirls around yours fighting for dominance, which you gladly complied â mind already turning to mush at the slightest touch and kiss he presses against you.
Pulling back he leaves you with a single peck on your lips as both of your chests rapidly heave â your breath mixing with his, unknown feelings blending in with each otherâs.
âI-I think you need to be taught some manners.â He says breathlessly.Â
âI-Iâm sorryâŚâ you plead while your mind races for what might come if he does in fact punish you.
He snickers, his eyes cloudy and hooded, a lusftul sinister look plastered on his face. âLiar.â He squeezes your neck tighter, his eyes starting to close.
âPl-PleaseâŚc-canâtâŚbreatheâŚâ
Laughing he grips your neck even harder â still not tight enough to do any real damage, but your breath still feels staggered each breath you take in. âGood!â He hisses and trails his lips over your cheek before he kisses the corner of your mouth. âYou dare to argue with me in my own home then proceed to tease me!â His grip on your waist tightens while he pulls you into him, your bodies flush against each otherâs. âYou insolent brat!âÂ
Kissing you again the little air you were able to breathe is taken from you. Your body growing limp in his hold. Your mind lost to the lust thatâs blazing through you like a rocket. Itâs embers striking every nerve in your body â the slightest touch of his lips to yours makes you whimper, the grip of his hand on your waist growing tighter till it feels as if heâll leave impressions has you shivering. Your lips move along with his desperately, waiting to be consumed by him to have your whole existence wrecked by a single glance from him. Whatever he wants to do to you, youâll gladly comply. A slave to his touch you become engulfed by him.Â
Like a switch going off, Mr. Suh rips you from the wall by your neck and youâre free from him. âI will never be jealous,â he rolls his neck, eyes growing dark with hunger each step he takes towards you. âThat little twerp can have you only when Iâm done with you.â
The powerful wolf and the meek rabbit you back away from, your hands raised in both defense and to placate him. âI-I donât want himâŚâ
Smirking, he continues to stalk towards you your body getting closer and closer to the couch. âWhy is that?â
Your heels smack against the bottom of the couch. Trapped again you canât go anywhere else without him catching you easily. Your body trembles, your skin covered in goosebumps. âI want you!â You say desperately reaching out to him. âOnly you.â
Pushing you down onto the couch, Johnny wastes no time at all. Towering over you, his eyes so dark and full of feral lust mirroring your own, his gaze washes over you inch by inch. Stopping at your breasts, you involuntarily take a deep breath in â causing your chest to rise and Johnnyâs bottom lip to be sucked between his teeth. His eyes travel lower to your stomach and then pauses for what seems like an eternity â your pelvis, his gaze lingers as sinful thoughts reel through your mind.Â
What it would be like to have his tongue skate over your wet folds. What it would be like to have his fingers ramming inside of you, and the second most sinful thought of all â his dick pummeling into you without a second thought to your wellbeing.Â
Possessed by desire, your legs start to spread apart, a subconscious invitation for him to come closer. To merge his body with your own. On cue, he moves forward just as your legs spread far enough for him to fit between them. One of his hands props his body up while the other touches your cheek gingerly. Your eyes start to close as you give into the soft caress. When his thumb passes over your lips you give it a small kiss.Â
âWhy did you have to do this to me?âÂ
âWhy did you have to do this to me, Mr. Suh?â You throw the question back at him. It wasnât just him that is under a spell, but yourself as well.Â
Ever since you first saw him you wanted to know him, to be a part of his life. Cupidâs arrow didnât just get you â it flew straight into your mind and scrambled your brain. The moment you saw him playing outside with his daughter, the smile on his face; the carefree aura that surrounded him sent you soaring. Entranced the moment your eyes fell on him youâve wondered how havenât jumped him yet.
Leaning into his touch you turn your head kissing the palm of his hand, a faint sent of lotion and soap fill your head; with a splash of your perfume. Your lips travel to his wrist and down his arm, your eyes staring him down wanting nothing more than to feel his lips over your body.
âFuck,â he whispers.Â
âPlease donât punish me, Mr. SuhâŚâ You lick and nip at his wrist.
âShitâŚâ he rasps. âYouâre so beautiful,â he rubs his thumb against your cheek before grabbing your chin. âBut youâre a brat, and brats need to be dealt with.âÂ
Gulping from anticipation you feign innocence. âI-I didnât mean it! Please!â Your mouth says forgive me but your eyes say come and get it.Â
Smirking, Johnnyâs hand travels from your chin down to your neck and across your dĂŠcolletage slowly â making sure every touch has you inching closer and closer to him. âAre you sure about that?â
âYes~â you purr reaching up to him, pulling him down to you.
Johnnyâs eyes grow darker. His grip around your neck loosening. âWhat do you think youâre doing?â He lowers himself onto you more until his chest is pressed against yours. âI donât believe I gave you permission to do that.â Sighing he shakes his head. âWhat am I going to do with you?â
âAnything!â You choke out.Â
His lips meet yours in a gentle yet chilling kiss, âbe careful what you wish for.â He says in a dark husky voice.Â
âYou can do whatever you want to meâŚâ you state firmly. âAnything.â
Stopping the smile that played on his lips, his hand travels down from your dĂŠcolletage to just above the neckline of your low cut shirt. âAre you sure about that?â
Nodding eagerly, you stare up at him. With a swift movement Johnny has you switching positions with him; instead of standing between his legs â he pulls you on top of his lap, your legs straddling him. His hands rest just above your ass â your body sinking until you feel the bulge that is seconds from bursting through his loose fitted jeans. Wanting nothing than to grind your hips against him you withhold the urge.Â
After so many nights of fantasizing about him youâre finally at the moment where your dreams can become reality. Thereâs no way youâre going to screw it up and push him past his comfort zone. Especially, with a burning question in the back of your mind. With the roll of his hips your body gives into the lust youâve kept locked away. Throwing away your inhibitions you grab his cheeks into your hand and smash your lips down onto his.Â
Your hips grinding into each otherâs, both of you gasp for air between kisses â his grip on you tightening, holding you down against him getting out his frustration just as much as youâre chasing to release the frustration within you. Biting his bottom lip youâre desperate to taste him again. To feel his tongue swirling around yours in a forbidden dance of passion.Â
Parting his lips your tongue slides into his mouth only to capture his tongue between your lips. Shifting your body higher up on his, you suck on his tongue as if it were his dick. Mr. Suh groaning, his arms going from the top of your behind to around your waist. Releasing his tongue you go back to kissing him, missing the feeling of his lips on yours.Â
His mouth moves from yours and down to your chin. Angling your head back you give him access to your neck. Nipping, sucking and biting, Mr. Suh marks you, claiming ownership of your body. Moving down to the base of your neck, you melt in his hold a shiver washing over you. Smiling against your neck his lips spread and suck on a sensitive spot. Soft whimpers escape your lips â wanting to both flee from him as well as grab onto his hair to keep yourself in place to savor the delightful feeling.
Moving back from your neck Mr. Suh glances at the art piece heâs created on your body. His hold on you loosens allowing you to find purchase again on his lap both of you hissing when your clothed core brushes against his bulge.Â
Wincing as your hips roll over his again, keeping his hands at your waist to steady your ministrations he confesses. âJ-Just so you know, I-Iâve never done this before.âÂ
âNever done what before?â You ask slowing down before you work yourself up even more.Â
His eyes quiver from fear, apprehension, you canât tell. Touching his cheek you smile and give him a gentle nod of encouragement.Â
âI donât normally want to fuck my students. In fact, Iâve never wanted to do that before until âââ
âUntil?â You give a faint smile.
Rolling his hips you whimper bringing your hand up to your lips shocked by the sound that passed your lips. âWhat do you think?â He asks.
âI never thought of you as someone who sleeps with his students. Especially, not with Lily around ââ gasping you look behind you to the staircase. âI-Is she here? Shit, I didnât think about it until nowâŚâ scrambling to get off of his lap Mr. Suh keeps you in place.
âI wouldnât have started anything with you if Lily were in the house. Sheâs with Jaehyun right now. His neighborâs kids are her classmates. She visits him every now and then to spend more time with them. Itâs okay weâre alone,â he chuckles.
âThank heavens,â you sink into his hold. âWait a second! I thought she was sick. Is she well enough to be around others?â You perk up again.
Avoiding your gaze Johnny clears his throat. âUh, about thatâŚI, uh, lied. Well, I mean she wasnât feeling well. She ate too much chocolate and had a stomach ache, but sheâs fine now.â
Freezing on top of him your eyes widen. âIâm so sorry. I shouldnât have bought so much.â
Wrapping a gentle hand around your neck he pulls you down to him. âShe ate my chocolate apparently. Snuck down at night,â he smiles against your lips. âThe little sneak.â
Smiling along with him you enjoy the warm cozy feeling of his slipping from your neck down to your back, where his his thumb rubs against you with a soothing touch. âSheâs adorable. Youâve done a great job raising her.â
âThank you,â Johnny kisses you gently. âIâm surprised you havenât asked me about her mother,â he pulls away from you hands resting on your hips once again.Â
ShitâŚ
âOh, I, now that you mention it, I havenât met her.â You laugh nervously.
Not believing your realization one bit he squints at you. âExactly what has Jaehyun told you?â
Ears perking up you turn away from him. âMr. Jeong? What do you mean?â
âNow I could be a poor judge of character, but you donât seem like the type of girl who would ruin a marriage just because she has the hots for the husband. So, Iâm guessing you either know or have an inkling as to why you havenât met Lilyâs mother. So, what is it?â
âUmmm, I mean, IâŚâ
A dark aura swirls around Mr. Suh while a devilish grin dances across his face. âHmm, maybe a little coaxing will do the trick,â he moves one of his hands from your hips to between your legs â lifting away from him startled, he uses the opportunity to cup your throbbing core. âSo, what do you know?â He adds pressure while rubbing his hand over you, stirring the neediness to have him buried deep inside of you.
âM-Mr. S-Suh!!â
âCome on, tell me, what do you know?â He presses harder against your pulsating core, your body pushing down against his hand wanting more.Â
Shaking your head you try to prolong his taunting. âN-Nothing! W-We barely talk about you,â a half truth and half lie.Â
Slowing down Johnny goes to remove his hand but you grab his wrist. âOh, do you suddenly remember?âÂ
âDonât stop,â you whimper. âPlease!â You bring his hand back to your now soaking core not caring if your jeans are getting ruined and grind against his hand.
Gulping, Johnny watches you for a second mesmerized by your performance. How youâre so worked up and he hasnât even taken off your clothes. Snapping out of his thoughts he yanks his hand away. âTell me what you know and Iâll continue.âÂ
Crying out you go to grab his hand again but he puts it behind his back. âMR. SUH!!!!âÂ
âTell me what I need to know and if youâre good Iâll give you what you want and then some.âÂ
âWhy do you want to know so badly? Really, Mr. Jeong normally just asks if youâre nice to me and if Iâm actually learning anything. Apparently my grades arenât proof enough.â Your body goes slack against him.
Kissing the top of your head thatâs now resting on his chest, he slides his hands under the hem of your shirt and up your back. The warmth of his fingers making you shiver. âJust tell me, thatâs all you have to do.â He whispers.
Groaning you shake your head. âIf I die its your fault. He told me to keep this knowledge a secret you know.â
âHe wonât hurt you. Now out with it. Iâd like to have some adult time before Lily gets home.â
Sitting up straight almost hitting Johnnyâs chin you clear your throat. âMr. Jeong told me not to mention your wife at all in front of you or Lily. He didnât give me a lot of details but just said that she left and mentioning her would make you upset. So thatâs why I never once asked about her.Â
âI actually wanted to give her a present of appreciation for allowing me to borrow you, this whole time. I assumed she would have preferred spending the end of the day with Lily and yourself, but Mr. Jeong said she wouldnât get it. I thought it meant she was sick or dead. He corrected me.â
âSo, you know everything?â His gaze falls from yours.
âIn a roundabout way, yes.â
âSo, I must ask, are you sure these feelings of yours, arenât out of pity? The poor tutor whose wife ditched him in the middle of the night.â
âStop that!â You shout startling him. âI donât know if youâve forgotten, but I already thought you were irresistible from the moment I saw you. That awkward text message to my friend is evidence enough.â He chuckles, shaking his head still avoiding your gaze. Grabbing his chin you turn and raise his head so heâs looking into your eyes.Â
âNothing has changed. I do not like you out of pity. I like you because youâre resilient. You raised Lily into a sweet girl, really, sheâs adorable. You juggled being a full-time dad with a full-time job. Youâre still able to keep a bachelor like Mr. Jeong around despite it all so youâre either super mega ultra best friends, or youâre loaded and heâs using you for your money.â He cracks a huge smile and you continue. âAnd,â your hand drops from his chin but a single finger slides down his neck, Johnny gulping in the process. âYou obviously take care of your physical health tooâŚâ your finger finds itâs way to the middle of his broad muscular chest.
âThatâs a lot coming from someone who doesn't know me at all.â He attempts to brush off your compliments, but the tinge of pink coming to his cheeks betrays him.Â
âAnd you donât know anything about me aside from the fact that youâre now my tutor and math is definitely not my best subject. Yet here we are,â you roll your pelvis against his. âTwo strangers trying to find something that they need.â
âWhat exactly do I need?â He grunts when a particular roll of your hips makes him buck upwards.
Smirking, you slither down to the floor, crawling between Johnnyâs legs. Locking eyes with him, you run your hands up his thighs and over the tent of his jeans.Â
âA release,â you giggle moving your face closer to where his dick is covered by his jeans.Â
Pressing harder against him you palm him over the taught fabric. âI-Is that so?!!â He says breathlessly trying to keep his cool.
âMhmm, oh and maybe a tight pussy to shove your big dick into.â You unzip his jeans. âPlus, itâs been far too long since Iâve gotten a proper release myself.â
Gulping, he watches you like a hawk, his chest rising and falling. âWh-When was the last time exactly?â
Pausing, you think back to your last boyfriend. A boy indeed since you both were only sixteen at the time. He was nice and cute, the typical boy next door that every mother wants for her daughter. Hell, he even went to church on Sundayâs. The problem with him⌠behind those baby blue eyes and sweet smile, he was a complete sadist!Â
Bending you over the bed frame while he plowed into you from behind, not warming you up, not caring about the fact it was your first time and you could feel blood trickling down your leg. It hurt a lot that first time. The couple times afterwards weâre just as bad. He called foreplay smacking your pussy with his dick, rather hard too. And a female orgasm, forget about it. He stated with his full chest âthe female orgasm doesnât exist. Iâve read numerous academic articles online.â In truth he read a bunch of misogynistic, Iâm-an alpha-male-who-canât-make-a-woman-cum articles that convinced him otherwise.Â
After the third terrible, painful sexual experience you had to grow a backbone and call it quits â resulting in a rumor that you loved eating ass, because that made sense. The only ass you would have eaten was his so it all backfired on him anyway. A snippet of karma for his pettiness.Â
The only other experience was with your neighbor's daughter. An out of the blue moment, you were both watching porn and just wanted to know how it would feel. That was your senior year and boy was it⌠fun. A tiny secret youâll keep till you find a man who is self-assured enough to handle it. Perhaps⌠Mr. Suh could beâŚ
âItâs been quite a while. And I really,â you move back to tug down his jeans, Mr. Suh helping you by raising his butt off the couch. âReally need to get rid of this pent up frustration youâve caused. And since itâs your fault,â you toss his jeans over your head. âI think itâs only fair that you help me out. Donât you think?âÂ
Leaning forward you press your lips on Johnnyâs incredible length. Already impressed you run your lips across his briefs licking a wet streak as you go.
âJesus Christ,â he groans throwing his head back. âGod that feels good already.â
Giggling you find the tip of his cock, his briefs showing a stain of precum on the outside. Smushing your thighs together you attempt to calm the beating of your pulsing bundle of nerves â wanting so badly to touch yourself, to come undone while sucking him off, but Mr. Suh needs this moment and you can wait.Â
Suckling on the cum thatâs leaked from him already you savor the taste of him. How many times youâve dreamt about what he would taste like and smell like. How big heâd be â your imagination not doing him justice at all, and how it would feel for him to go balls deep inside of you.Â
âI need your lips on meâŚâ he groans, with one hand gripping the arm of the couch for dear life and the other tangled up in his hair.Â
Kitten licking the impression of his cock you grab the waistband of his briefs and yank them down as well, till he steps out of them with your help. Tossing them behind you like you did his jeans you darn near pass out. Nothing you could have ever imagined would compare to what is in front of you. With your mouth hanging open, Johnny sits up taking off his shirt and throwing it with his other clothes.Â
Sitting back he takes his more than you would have thought, length into his hand stroking it. Amazed at the scene in front of you, you stay put almost desperate to watch him jerk himself off before even motioning for you to come over and make him cum again. Now that would be punishment.
âDo you think you candle this?â He taunts you by wiggling his cock in front of you.Â
Not only was he long but the amount of girth he possessed made it hard for his cock to stand up on its own. Itâs just too damn heavy.Â
âI-Iâm more than willing to try!â You scramble between his legs desperate to taste him again.
Before you can take a hold of him, he yanks his cock back. âHow badly do you want to suck my dick?â
âIâm soaking wet just thinking about it, Mr. Suh.â
Turning his head away from you stunned by your honesty he composes himself once more. âCome closer,â he calls to you.
Nestling as close as you can between his legs, your arms rest on the tops of his thighs. Earnestly waiting for him to let you take control.Â
âOpen your mouth,â he instructs.
Opening wide, you follow his instructions. Mr. Suh, pumps his hand up and down his length a few more times until he places just the tip of his cock into your mouth.Â
âOuhm,â you make a non-coherent sound and try to hold onto his length, the weight of his cock already a lot by just the tip resting in your mouth.Â
Quickly, before you can take hold, Mr. Suh pulls his cock away chuckling. âI donât know if you can handle it.â
Clicking your tongue you get up onto your knees. âWatch me!âÂ
Staring down at the massive length of Johnnyâs cock, you gulp as lightly as you can muster. This is going to be a hell of a task. Of course, you expected him to be packing but this! Itâs as everyone says, God does have favorites and heâs bestowed Johnny onto you.Â
Thank you.
Looking up at Johnny you stare him down as you stick out your tongue. Getting closer and closer to the tip of his cock, his bottom lip gets snagged between his teeth. Anticipation causes his chest to rise and fall â ears, cheeks, and chest turning the lightest shade of pink. Nodding he urges you to move closer and when you finally make contact with the tip, his eyes roll to the back of his head.
âFuck~~~â he drawls out a growl.Â
It wasnât just his eyes that rolled into the back of his head, but yours too. As you kitten lick down the length of his cock, you canât help but moan onto his shaft. The taste and smell of him, intoxicating. You lick a stripe down to the base only to pull away and blow gently on the wetness you created.
âSh-ShitâŚâ Mr. Suh chuckles. âThatâs something new,â he strokes the top of your head.Â
âLearned it from an ex,â you admit.Â
âTell them I said thanks.â Smirking, you kiss up and down his length before finally taking him into your mouth. âOh, yes babyâŚâ
Hollowing out your cheeks you suck on the head of his cock. Like a woman possessed you dive deeper and deeper around him. The tip reaching the back of your throat gagging you.
âEasy, babyâŚâ Mr. Suh coos, stroking your hair. âTake your time.â
Sliding up his length your mouth hangs open, saliva stringing from his shaft to your lips. Eyes clouded with lust you merely nod before spitting on his dick and diving back down.Â
He is right. There is far too much of him to gobble down immediately. His girth stretching out the corners of your lips making it feel as though theyâll split and bleed. But, you just canât help yourself. Heâs far too enticing to resist.Â
Sitting up straighter, you take the lower base of Mr. Suhâs shaft and dive down until you reach your hand. A long groan comes from him. Taking a shot in the dark from your bestieâs rendezvousâ you try the one thing she said made her ex-boyfriend go crazy.Â
As Mr. Suh reaches the back of your throat you hold him there in your mouth, your mouth sucking the life out of him before slowly pulling back. Your tongue juts out and you lick the back of his length along the pronounced vein â Mr. Suhâs body trembling underneath your touch.
âFuck ~~~~ that felt good.â His hand strokes down your hair one last time before he grabs a handful. âBut I need more of that pretty mouth of yours.â
Lowering your head back down onto his cock, Mr. Suh uses your mouth to get himself off. His hips thrusting up, his dick slides in and out of your mouth quickly. Your eyes tearing up â the tip of his length no doubt creating an impression in the back of your throat â pushing you down further, your body moves forward and curls as you try not to gag. Doing everything youâve heard to stop yourself from retching, you keep your body still until he pulls out.
Choking on air, you wipe your mouth of the thick saliva that escaped past your lips. Looking up at Johnny starry and blurry eyed you watch him stroke himself earnestly waiting for you to wrap your lips around him again. Pushing his hand away, you do what that useless ex actually complimented you for â and give Mr. Suh the best blow job of his life.
Soaking his cock in your saliva, you lick all the way down his shaft, pumping your hand at the top before sucking one of his balls into your mouth. Mr. Suhâs hand finding purchase in your hair before he pulls you back, causing you to release his sack with a pop and barely giving you a chance to give the other a little lick before youâre staring at him again.
With a smirk plastered to your face you ask, âwhat? You donât like that?âÂ
âQuite the contrary, but Iâd rather cum with your mouth wrapped around my dick and not my balls.âÂ
Listening to his request you wrap your lips around the tip once more and suckle on it and his length like he was your favorite flavor of lollipop. Small kisses decorate the underside of his shaft before you kiss the head. Staring him down you slide your hand up and down his length.
Mr. Suhâs eyes start closing the closer you edge him to cum. His body trembling and his groans getting louder until you blow down the slickness youâve created and he shivers beneath you. Giggling you hollow your cheeks around him and drink him up when his hands hold your head down on him.
âFuck! Just a littleâŚâ he growls lifting his hip, his cock sliding in out of your mouth. âSHIT!!â He pushes your head down more until you choke on his dick, this time your hands grip the top of his thighs, your nails creating impressions in his skin. âIâm gonna~~~â he groans, his head dropping back to his shoulders.
Warm liquid fills your mouth. Small whimpers rumble in your throat as his cum coats your mouth. He doesnât move away, his pelvis frozen in the air while he spasms beneath you. Your mouth fills and some of his essence slips past your lips and drips down his length. With one final jerk of his body, Mr. Suh lowers himself down back to the couch, his cock sliding from your lips slowly.
His chest heaves quickly, eyes clouded just like you know yours are. With a quick swipe of your thumb over your lips, you tilt your head back, his cum slipping down your throat until its gone.Â
âShitâŚâ he lets out a long shaky breath. âThat was amazing,â he chuckles. âBut I do think I need to repay the favor.â
âOh, believe me Mr. Suh, it was my pleasure,â you say, licking all of the residue of his release from your fingers.Â
Wiggling a finger, he beckons you to him. âCome here, you little brat,â he calls to you.Â
Getting onto your feet you stand between Mr. Suhâs legs. He sits up, eyeing your body before him. âWell this wonât do,â he slides his hand under your shirt. âWe need to get rid of these.âÂ
Quickly, you strip from your shirt, the fabric flying off the top of your head and landing somewhere on the floor. Laughing, Mr. Suh, undoes the buttons of your jeans, sliding them down your body. Just like your shirt you discard the piece of clothing somewhere away from you on the floor. Standing in your bra and panties, Mr. Suh takes the opportunity to let his eyes roam over every curve and inch of you.Â
Thanking the Lord you decided to wear your matching black bra and panties today instead of your usual âwhatever you can findâ combo â he wraps his arms around the back of your legs and pulls you till you're straddling his lap once more, your soaked panties brushing against his hardened length.
Shocked that Mr. Suh could still be this hard after coming once, you wrap your arms around his neck. âYouâre quite insatiable, Mr. Suh.â You tease and grind on top of his length earning a low growl from deep in his throat.
âHow could I not be with a beautiful woman in my presence?â He asks and unsnaps your bra, the straps sliding down your arms before you sit up allowing him to pull the fabric off of you. Discarding it in the heap of clothing now collecting on the floor he takes in your bare breasts.Â
With hungry eyes and a lick of his lips he cups one of your breasts in his hand. An airy moan has you throwing your head back, your hands resting on his shoulder.Â
âSo sensitive,â he says playfully.Â
âTheyâve always been sensitiveâŚâ you confess.Â
âIs that so?âÂ
Leaning forward, he gives your unattended breast a kiss near your nipple. Another moan emitting from you. Taking both of your breasts in his hands, you arch your back, resting your hand instead of on his shoulder but the top of his thighs. Glancing up at you he captures one of your nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue around your sensitive bud. While he pinches and twists the other nipple.Â
Your hips start grinding on top of his lap, the feeling of his mouth on your breast a little too good to withstand. Growling his teeth graze over your perky bud making you jump a little. Chuckling he switches to the other side and repeats the same sensuous torture, your body craving for his mouth and hands on another part of you. Kissing along the top of your chest, his arms wrap around your waist pulling you back to him â his back resting on the back of the couch, while he devours your chest up to your neck one kiss, lick and nip at a time.Â
âYour choice,â he whispers against your neck. âMouth or fingers?â
âE-Eh?â
Staring up at you with those chocolate orbs of his, he reaches for the back of your neck and pulls you down gently till his lips rest on yours. âDo you want me to get you off with my mouth or my fingers?â He places a feather-like kiss on your lips.Â
Gulping, you whisper against each kiss he leaves, âf-fingersâŚplease!â
Knowing that there is no way in hell that you would last even a minute if his tongue grazed over your clit â at least with his fingers youâll be able to feel him inside of you â the probability of lasting longer much higher than if he used his mouth. The throbbing between your legs making you three times more sensitive than normal, a loud moan interrupts your throats as Mr. Suh rubs over your wet folds â having already moved your panties to the side, he prods your entrance before rubbing over your clit once more.Â
Mumbling against your neck, he pulls his hand back from you. âFuck baby, youâre already so wet.â Pulling his hand up he shows you your slick on his fingers. âDamnâŚâ he twiddles his fingers in amazement at how youâve soaked them. âSo wet for me,â he slides his fingers into his mouth.
âM-Mr. Suh!!!!â You squeak, grabbing his hand to stop him but his fingers disappear into his mouth.Â
Groaning, his eyes roll back as he sucks his fingers clean of your juices. âSo fucking goodâŚI knew youâd taste good,â he drops his hand back down to between your legs, his fingers sliding across your folds; spreading your slick over your clit. Probing your entrance with his middle finger, he rubs your bundle of nerves with his thumb.Â
âM-Mr. SuhâŚâ you whimper.Â
Sliding his finger inside of you, he bites down on your neck. âShit, baby,â he pumps his finger in and out of you. Squelching noises from your pussy sound out alongside your soft moans. âYouâre dripping wet...â
âIâve wanted you from the moment I saw you,â you place your hands on the side of his face, tilting his head up for you to kiss him. The taste of his mouth as well as your slick swirling around, arousing you more and more as the kiss prolongs. Your hips start swiveling before you drop down onto his finger â sinking him inside of you. âMmmâŚmoreâŚâ you raise your hips to slide back down on his fingers.
âYou sure?â He bites your bottom lip.
âPleas, Mr. SuhâŚâ you whine.
Chuckling, he waits until youâve raise your hips once more before sliding his finger out, a strand of your wetness pulling away. Rubbing over your clit gently with his fingers, he soothes you into a comfortable rhythm, your hips following his movements against his cock. When his fingers are nice and wet, he whispers âup,â and you separate from his length.Â
One-by-one, Mr. Suh slides in all of his fingers but his thumb into your entrance. Each time allowing you to adjust to his fingers and the spread of your inner walls. Itâs been far too long since youâve felt this good and without thinking, your pelvis starts to grind down onto his fingers.Â
âThatâs it baby,â he kisses your chin. âFuck yourself with my fingers.â
With this simple command you sink yourself deeper down onto Mr. Suhâs fingers. Your body arching back, his fingers pressed together creating the perfect arch to rub over that sensitive spot inside of you. Forgetting to be coy, you become a moaning whimpering whore on top of him. The only thing running through your mind is trying to find that sweet release youâve been dying to feel from the moment he kissed you.Â
The way he grabbed you and choked you. The sensuous venom in his voice as he called you a brat. How he couldnât help but rock his hips into yours while you sucked the life out of his tongue before you showed his cock â mere inches below you, the same treatment. Nothing else matters in the world right now than finding your release, but more importantly that Mr. Suh is the one helping you.
âSHIT!â You screech when a specific rock of your hip has you slowly coming undone on top of him.Â
âRight there, baby?â He sits up, moving his body back to get a better angle.
âYes! Yes!â You cry out.
Like a flash of light, Mr. Suh grips onto your hip while he quickly moves his fingers in and out of you â building up the pressure from deep inside of you. Your body starts to raise higher and higher as he continues to pound his fingers into you. Words are lost on your tongue while cries of pleasure and a bit of pain pour from you. The charging roar of your climax sending chills over your body, your sight becoming dark and blurry until you scream.
âFUCK!!!!âÂ
Liquid pours from you as Mr. Suh removes his hand, drenching his lap and the inside of your legs. He holds onto you tightly while your body jerks and spasms from the most intense orgasm youâve ever felt.Â
âKeep going, baby,â he growls his hand rubbing over your clit gearing up another wave of juices to pour from you. âThatâs it! Thatâs a good girl!â He chuckles, amazed at how riled up you got. âBut Iâm sorry, I need more from you.â Small spasms take over you as your placed with your back down on the couch and your legs wrapped around Mr. Suhâs hips.Â
More? How can you possibly give any more than what youâve already done? You know through the starry blackness covering your eyes, that youâve soaked Mr. Suhâs lap and his couch in the process and yet he wants more? You didnât even know you could squirt! And he wants to make you squirt more?!
Unwrapping your legs from his waist, he grabs a pillow from the couch placing it behind your head making sure youâre comfortable. Lifting up your legs he slides your drenched panties up and off of you, squeezing them to see how much of your squirt spills from them and onto the floor.Â
âYou have no idea how bad I want to fuck you right now,â he growls as the last drop of your essence hits the floor.Â
âThen do it~~â you whine, still breathless from your release.Â
âPatience, sweetie,â he chuckles, nestling between your legs. âIâm going to savor you for as long as I can.âÂ
Kissing the inside of your thighs, your body reacts instantaneously. Your legs clamping down around his face making him laugh as heâs squished between your thighs. Prying your legs open he gives your pussy mound a light kiss before his tongue finally lands on your bundle of nerves.Â
âSH-SHIT!!!!â Your legs go to clamp around his face but he quickly holds out his hands to block them. âI-I canâtâŚI canâtâŚâ you cry, your hands gripping the pillow behind you.
Popping his head up you can see your juices smeared across his lips and chin. âYes you can,â he licks his lips staring you dead straight in the eyes. An involuntary moan has you bitting your bottom lip to keep you from making any more sounds. âYou taste delicious,â he dives down for another lick. âBest pussy ever.â He mumbles against your folds.
Spreading your folds with his tongue, Mr. Suh clamps down around your clit, sucking it hard until youâre seeing stars once more. Raising your one leg up closer by your ears you give him more access. His hands move from your inner thighs to your hips while he devours you. Slurping sounds fill the room while he drinks you.Â
Mr. Suh works quickly as he gears you up for your next orgasm. Hips moving against his mouth you try to urge your body as well to reach that place of euphoria once more. Hands moving from the pillow behind you to your breasts you massage the taut flesh giving in to the feeling of Mr. Suhâs tongue swirling around your clit and down to your entrance.Â
Wanting nothing more than to spend the rest of the evening like this on the couch, your body starts to rile up again. The tiny hairs on your body standing on end, a fire building up from the top of your head making its way to your stomach with ever roll of your hips and every swipe of Mr. Suhâs tongue.
As your hips raise higher and higher so does Mr. Suhâs face. Holding you steady he prods your entrance with his tongue, sucking up all of the juices that have since poured from you.Â
âDonât stop!â You moan. âPlease donât stop!â Darkness starts to take over your sight. The pressure in your stomach exploding into a million butterflies.
Gulping down your juices that starts to pour out of you once again, Mr. Suh wraps his arms around your legs keeping them in place, your pelvis raised in the air.Â
âCome on, baby,â he says, face smushed into your pussy. âI need more from you.â Â
Shaking in his hold, he moves his tongue up and down from your clit to your entrance again and again until the darkness turns into tiny stars. Finding comfort at your sensitive nub, he swirls his tongue around and around when a loud cry emits from you.
âF-FUCKKKK!!!!!!âÂ
You twist and try to get away from him when your orgasm takes you out like a freight train. Body quaking more liquid pours from you entering his mouth and onto the couch. Feeling like a fish out of water he uses all his strength to keep you onto the couch and not on the floor â still drinking you up as if he were dying of thirst.Â
âI canât! I canât! I canât!â You repeat still feeling his tongue on you. âI canât!â Your hands flail to his hands tapping them to get him to stop.
Mr. Suh smiles and pulls back giving you small kisses on your clit, your mound and your inner thigh â nipping the inside of your left thigh before finally pulling away from you.Â
âI could stay here forever,â he laps up your juices from his lips and chin while you lower yourself back down to the couch. Peeking up at you he kisses your clit one last time, earning a moan from you. âYou really do have a delicious pussy,â he gives another kiss to your inner thigh. âAre you still with me?â
Shaking your head you lay there exposed in front of him too exhausted to move. âNoâŚâ
Laughing, Mr. Suh sits himself up and goes back to where he was sitting prior to making you a lifeless fuck doll. Giving your leg a little tap he calls to you. âBaby,â you barely have enough energy to look at him to see his sweet smile. Insatiable demon tutor! âCome to me.â
Sitting up lethargically, you find Johnny stroking his cock preparing himself for you. Bottom lip between your teeth, you stare at the man in front of you. How a woman would leave him is beyond your wildest imagination. Crawling towards him like a zombie, he wraps an arm around you as you get settled on his lap.
âHow do you still have energy?â You ask him, forehead resting on top of his.
Chuckling, he holds you close to him. âI didnât come three times in a row.â He gives you a little peck.
âAnd whose fault is that?â You retort.
âHmm, I think it was a rather handsome tutor who has been fighting the urge day in and day out from kissing a certain student of his. Heâs the culprit! Damn him!âÂ
âYouâre a weird guy arenât you?â You giggle nuzzling your nose against his. âBut are you sure about this?â You ask him. âOnce we start thereâs no going back.â You hover above his length.Â
Shocked by your sudden question, he eyes you carefully. âAre you having second thoughts?âÂ
âNo.â His arms wrap around you, making you feel safe and secure. âBut Iâm not the one whoâs married,â you lean back enough to lick his lips before placing a kiss upon them.
âIs it still a marriage when one person hasnât called, sent a text, shown up in the last two years?â He nips along your jawline.
âNo. I wouldnât call that a marriage at all.â Reaching between your legs you take hold of his length positioning him at your entrance.
âIâm okay if youâre okay,â he whispers in your ear.
Slowly lowering yourself onto Mr. Suhâs cock the two of you hiss when your walls surround his length. Gripping your waist tightly he grits his teeth at the snug fit.Â
âYouâre so tight,â he clamps down on the side of your neck. âFuck! So good!â
âN-NoâŚâ you gasp as you bottom out. âYouâre just really big!â
Smirking against your skin, Johnny looks up at you. âDonât move. Just sit here for a while,â he buries his face in the crook of your neck. âI havenât felt this good in two years,â he sighs contently.
âWaitâŚYou havenât been with another woman in two years?!â
âNo. I always thoughtâŚâ he goes quiet. âSilly, isnât it?â
âNot silly,â you stroke his hair gently. âItâs just messed up what she did to you. I mean I wouldnât leave someone as handsome as you. As sweet and kind as you. As patient as youâve been with me and this tutoring business.â You start to giggle which draws his attention. âAnd not to make it all about your dick, but like hell Iâd leave a man whoâs as big as you.â With a gentle thrust he buries himself deeper inside of you. âAhhh!!!â You moan. âN-Not cool, Mr. Suh,â you tease.Â
âNot gonna lie, itâs been kind of hot to hear you call me Mr. Suh this whole time. Especially now when Iâm buried inside of you,â he thrusts upward again.Â
âOh really?â Leaning down to his ear you whisper gently. âMr. Suh, I want you to make me cum again,â you bite his ear gently.Â
Holding onto your waist, Johnny keeps you steady as you start to use his dick to get yourself off. Grinding on top of him, your arms rest behind you, hands on his knees â back arching to feel him rub against you in such a tantalizing way, you start to go cross-eyed. He feels too good to stop or to slow down. His massive cock reaching parts of you no other person, man or woman, has ever reached before.Â
âShit!â You shout when you finally slow down.
Falling forward, one of your hands rests on the back of the couch, and Johnny uses the opportunity to grab your breasts massaging them while you bounce on his cock.
âAaahhhâŚâ you moan when he pinches your nipples, your hips jutting forward at the slight pain.Â
âCome on baby, make yourself cum,â he leans forward wrapping his mouth around your nipple.Â
âFuck~~~â you hiss.
Your hips move faster than ever, your climax getting closer and closer with each swivel of your pelvis.Â
âS-So closeâŚâ you cry out.Â
Biting down on your nipple, Johnny swirls your erect bud within his mouth. Each time the tiniest bit of pain turns into pleasure and shoots to your core. Your body starts growing warmer as you gear up for another orgasm, but you need more, you want more. Tapping his arm he pulls back from your breast with a pop.
Without a second thought you turn yourself around on his lap, back facing him, you slide down onto his cock reveling in the feeling of being filled to the brim. His hands at your hips, you lean back till your face is next to his. Holding the side of your face he kisses you gently while stuffing his cock into your pussy.Â
He pummels your pussy, your back arching, hips bouncing on top of him. Reaching around you, his other hand rubs over your clit making you pull away from him and cry out.
âAgain! Please!!!!âÂ
One hand holding onto your neck, the other rubbing over your pulsing bundle of nerves, Mr. Suh pushes his cock deep into your soaking core. Wet squelching noises fill the room along with your moans. Completely bare to the world you fall into a deep trance of lust.Â
As you're bouncing on top, Mr. Suh takes his hand and gives your swollen clit a little slap â a small action having you jut your hips forward, your body shivering with pleasure. The word again comes out of your mouth as if it were your mantra, he shoves you down onto his cock while he rubs over your pussy, but not before he gives it another little slap, this time, you let out a guttural scream of pleasure.Â
âAhhhhhâŚshit!!!!âÂ
With each thrust of his hips into you, you slide up his cock little by little only to drench his length, the couch, and floor with your juices. Legs shaking, he holds onto you with one hand, the other snaking between your legs â fingers entering inside of you, moving quickly until you release again onto the floor.Â
âFucking love this pussy,â Mr. Suh growls into your ear as he yanks you backdown onto his cock.Â
Neither of you waste time as you bounce on top of him again. Still sensitive from before your moans grow louder. Each thrust hitting every nerve of your body just right. Your heart pounds in your ears, as Mr. Suh once again rubs over your sensitive clit. In no time youâre screaming out that you're coming yet again and soon your body pulls away from him as you squirt onto his floor.Â
âIâm not done with you yet,â he pulls you back down onto the couch.
Lifeless from the epitome of pleasure, he places you onto all fours while he gets behind you. Sliding into you, he grabs your hips and rams into you.Â
Back arched, ass up in the air you cling onto the fabric of his couch â now soaked in your juices. Mr. Suhâs long thick cock drives into you, sparing you no mercy as your whimpers continue nonstop.
Wanting to feel him deeper inside of you, you start pushing yourself against him â ass flush against his hips.
âMoreâŚmoreâŚâ you cry out.
Possessed by your own lust for him, you start bouncing on his lap â pussy gulping him down inch by inch. Mr. Suhâs groans getting drowned out by your desperation.Â
âFuck! Fuck! Fuck!â You yell each time your hips meet his.Â
Hunched over you, he digs his nails into your flesh as he pushes into you harder balls slapping against you. It wasnât long until your eyes clench shut and your body starts to tremble. Moving faster Mr. Suh pushes you to lose your senses once more.Â
âI-I-Iâm coming!â You scream.Â
Shoving his cock into you a few more times Mr. Suh pulls out just as you explode, your squirt pouring down onto your legs. Cupping your core, he eases you back down from your high while simultaneously driving you over the edge.Â
âLay down for me, okay?â He asks, kissing your cheek.Â
Crawling onto the couch you flop down onto your back, arms and legs feeling like anchors on your body. Chuckling, he hovers over you, hiking one of your legs up to give him more room to move. Dazed you run your hands down his chest feeling the muscles of his body. Biting your lip, you try to keep yourself from coming undone just by the look and feel of him.Â
âYouâre so beautiful right now,â he smiles, bending down to give you a quick kiss on the lips while he teases your entrance.Â
âS-Sure I am,â a shiver comes over you, your hips already moving against the tip of his cock.Â
âTrust me, if only you could see how beautiful you look right now,â he rubs the tip of his cock over your swollen pulsing bud before sliding into you.Â
Eyes closed you relish in the feeling of Mr. Suh being inside of you. All those days and weeks wanting to know what it was like could never paint a good picture of what it truly was like to be filled by the man above you. The roll of his hips as he goes deeper inside of you. The soft yet powerful thrusts, his body getting dangerously close to yours â trapping you beneath him, somehow getting squished under this man doesnât sound like a bad idea.Â
How he grips your body tightly, nails sinking into your skin causing just the right amount of pain to push you closer to your breaking point. Opening your eyes, you gasp seeing the sight above you. Mr. Suhâs hair drenched in sweat, his body glistening in the light of his lamps. Eyes dark and yet so full of⌠admiration, you canât help but pull him down closer to you. Wanting nothing more than your bodies to be connected to each other.Â
âI donât want to squish you,â he chuckles in your ear.Â
âDo it, I donât care.â You wrap your legs just above his pelvis. âCrush me into this couch while you fuck me!âÂ
Grunting, Mr. Suh slams his hips into yours so hard you see nothing but black for a second. âShit!â You screech holding onto him for dear life.Â
Just like you asked, he doesnât hold back anymore. His body lowering onto you completely, his hips grinding into yours fast and hard youâre shocked you havenât been split in half already. Nails sliding down his back, he picks up his pace signaling heâs close. Hands going up to his hair, you grip the ends tightly begging for him to use you.Â
âFuck. That. Pussy!â You growl in his ears. âShit! I love your dick so much,â you bite down on his ear.Â
Like some kind of primal creature, Mr. Suh growls and moves his hips faster and deeper â crushing you into the couch, not caring at all whether or not heâs hurting you. The only thing heâs chasing is the high he's made you feel time and time again this afternoon.Â
His breathing becomes ragged as do his thrusts and just as he pulls out of you, that powerful wave of euphoria washes over you. Pumping himself in his hand, Mr. Suh throws his head back as he cums â white strands landing on top of your clit and mound.Â
âSh-Shit!â He growls, his hand moving up and down his length quickly not stopping until heâs painted your pussy in every last drop of his cum. âFuck~~â he exhales deeply, his body sinking back onto his knees.Â
With his length still in his hand he leans forward rubbing the tip of his cock over your clit. You yelp, almost pulling away when suddenly your body starts to become hot. Your breathing quickens and before you know it, you scream as another wave of satisfaction makes you crumble beneath him.Â
âF-F-Fuck!!!â He smirks, still rubbing over your swollen bundle of nerves. âO-Okay⌠okayâŚâ you hold out your hands, body jerking and shaking. âI really canât⌠no more, no moreâŚâ you cry out and giggle.
Pulling away from you, Mr. Suh takes a breather before tapping your legs that are sprawled out, a picture perfect view of your cum soaked core in front of him. Sitting up he opens his arms for you. Getting up to your hands and knees you crawl over to him only to melt in his arms and lap.Â
âThat wasâŚâ he starts a goofy smile on his face.Â
âDAMN YOU!â You hit his chest playfully. âNow I wonât be able to have sex with anyone else.âÂ
Laughing, Mr. Suh wraps you tightly in his arms kissing the top of your head. âGood,â he pulls back far enough to see your face. âBecause Iâm far from done with you. I still havenât punished you,â he squints.
âEHHH?!!!âÂ
A loud giggle and the slam of a door startles both you and Mr. Suh. Leaping up from the couch and his arms you scramble to get your clothes and throw him his. Both of you heading back to his study, you giggle as you both give each other sneaky touches that if it wasnât for Lily coming home it would sure start up another round.Â
Stepping into your pants and throwing on your bra and shirt, Mr. Suh has since put on his jeans and shirt and is trying to help you as best as he can. Grabbing your hand he pulls you out of his study, down the hall and heads straight for the kitchen. Taking out your binder you pretend that you have been working on your homework and studying when the door opens â just as Mr. Suh sits down next to you.Â
âDaddy! Daddy!âÂ
âIn the kitchen sweetheart,â he shouts, his chest heaving.Â
Lily comes running into the kitchen with a huge stuffed animal in her tiny arms. âDaddy, look!â She holds out a tiger cub. âIsnât she cute?!âÂ
âSheâs adorable! Did you give her a name?â
âKimmie!âÂ
âThatâs a wonderful name,â Mr. Suh strokes her hair. âIs Uncle Jaehyun with you?â
âIâm here,â he saunters into the kitchen, more leisurely looking than what youâre used to. His hair isnât slicked back neatly, but resting gently around his eyes. Though he still looks put together, a plain white t-shirt and denim jeans, on him â heâs just like a model from a clothing ad.Â
âUncle Jaehyun won it for me!â She jumps and down with the tiger in her arms.Â
âDid he?â Mr. Suh smirks. âHow long did it take you?â
âToo longâŚâ he groans. âBy the way whatâs up with the huge wet mess on the couch?âÂ
Going stiff beside Mr. Suh you try to act normal. You try not to act like youâre the cause of the massive puddle that is slowly soaking into his furniture. Let alone, the floor which Mr. Jeong most likely saw as well.Â
âWe had to come into the kitchen after spilling some white wine on the couch. It was my fault. I tripped,â Mr. Suh laughs, scratching the back of his neck.
âAnd you just left the puddle of wine on the floor?â Mr. Jeong crosses his arms, his eyes going from Mr. Suh, to you.Â
âI was just about to clean it up when you guys walked in,â he says with an eerie perkiness. âLily, sweetheart, why donât you go and put Kimmy upstairs with your other stuffed animals. Your uncle and I need to talk.â
âOkay daddy,â she hops over to Mr. Jeong and he instantly picks her up and gives her a huge hug and kiss on the cheek. âThank you for taking me to the arcade Uncle Jeong.â
âYouâre welcome,â he gives her one last kiss and she skips off to her bedroom.
The kitchen is quiet until Mr. Jeong hears footsteps above his head. Most likely Lily heading to her room. When the footsteps start to disappear, he stares accusingly at both Mr. Suh and yourself.
âWhat the hell is going on?âÂ
Getting up from the table, Mr. Suh heads towards a counter far off from where youâre seated and grabs a couple paper towels. Sinking in your seat you stay there before jumping up.Â
âI-I can do that Mr. Suh! Plus, Mr. Jeong wanted to talk to you.â
âSeriously, Mr. Jeong? Weâre not in class anymore, itâs Jaehyun.âÂ
âSorry, Mr. Jaehyun.â You rush over and grab the paper towels and head for the mess you made before anyone could say anything else.Â
Taking a peek at the mess Mr⌠Jaehyun mentioned, you cringe at the face he most likely made. Heâs a smart man, there's no way he didnât think up some kind of weird scenario in his head of what could have happened. And as much as Mr. Suh tried to cover it up, there is no way heâs going to believe that happened at all.Â
Getting on your hands and knees you start to wipe up the puddles of your squirt you made on the floor. It wasnât as much as you thought, most of it on the couch which youâll have to fork over some of your shopping money to pay for a deep cleaning or a new couch for Mr. Suh. Your head hangs low as all of the different items you wanted to buy slowly become a wish instead of a dream.Â
âWhatâs your problem? I told you nothing happened!â Mr.Suhâs voice travels into the living room. âAre you serious? Thatâs what youâre upset about?âÂ
Sitting up you lean back trying to see whatâs going on in there, but sadly there is no clear view into the kitchen from the living room.Â
âI told you that in confidence and you go behind my back?!â Jaehyun shouts. âWhat kind of friend does that?â
Mr. Suh went behind his back? You start scooting closer and closer to the kitchen, still within the vicinity of your mess, but much closer to hear whatâs really being said.Â
âHave you talked to her at all? Did you even ask her if she likes you? If youâre even her type?â
âThat isnât what weâre discussing here!â Jaehyun mumbles. âWeâre discussing the obvious mess out in the living room!âÂ
âWhat are you trying to imply?â
Your body has now pressed itself onto the wall, heart pounding as Jaehyunâs voice becomes but a mere whisper⌠âyou fucked her didnât you?â Waiting for Mr. Suhâs response, your arm that was wiping up your slick off the floor is now wiping a nonexistent mess in the air â your mind far too invested in the conversation both your⌠teachers are having in the other room.Â
âWhy would you think that?â Mr. Suh replies, his voice steady.
âTHERE IS A FUCKING MESS OUT IN THE LIVING ROOM! Do you think I buy that bullshit about spilling white wine?â
âWhy would you automatically go to sex? Why isnât it believable that we both sat down for a glass of wine and it spilled?â
âWhere are the glasses? Where is the bottle? Hmmm?â
Mr. Suh doesnât say a single word. Jaehyun was right, there is absolutely no way that Johnny can get out of this one. Not even you can think of an excuse that would be good enough to use.Â
âPlease just tell me you didnât fuck her⌠not after I confessed I had feelings for her. Please tell me you didnât do it, please.â
Your eyes widen at Mr. Jeongâs words. He has a crush on⌠you shake your head. That canât be, heâs your teacher! Thereâs no way in hell he could like you! Even if he did, there's no way that you can date him, itâs unethical! Not to mentionâŚyou take the risk and peek around the corner to see both Mr. Jeong and Mr. Suh sitting down at the kitchen table â Mr. Jeong waiting, pleading for Mr. Suh to answer him.Â
âIâm sorry, Jaehyun.â
Jumping up from his chair, Mr. Jeong knocks it over and it crashes to the floor making you jump. âAre you fucking kidding me, man? What is wrong with you? I would never do that to you! So why?â He slams his hands down on the table, âwhy?!â He shouts.
âShe doesnât belong to you, Jaehyun. She has choices that she can make on her own. It wasnât planned and I wasnât plotting against you. It just⌠happened,â he sighs. âI donât regret it, all I regret is that youâre upset with me.â
âIt just happened? Is that what youâre going for? Shit man! I told you once she wasnât my student anymore I was going to ask her out! What is your â
âI would have said no.â You storm into the kitchen.Â
Spinning towards you, Mr. Jeongâs shoulders fall from his ears. âYou were listening?â
âYou werenât exactly being quiet.â You take the wet paper towels and put them in the trash. âNo matter if you asked me the moment I passed your class or a year from now I would have said no. It would be unethical for you to date a student, a former one at that when theyâre still actively going to school where you work.â
âSheâs not wrong,â Mr. Suh chuckles.Â
âShut up!â Both Mr. Jeong and yourself say in unison.Â
âIt was never going to be you, Mr⌠Jaehyun. I hope you understand. If I led you on in any way I apologize, it was never my ââ
He holds up a hand. âYou didnât lead me on, ever. These feelings are mine alone.â
âWhere does that leave us?â Mr. Suh stands and walks over to you. âWould you be against us, if weâŚâ he looks down at you.Â
âIf we become a couple?â You finish his statement.Â
Running a hand through his hair Jaehyun shakes his head. âThere is one thing standing in your way, pal. Youâre still married. What if she comes back? Are you going to drop everything and go back to her?â
Shit⌠You glance up at Mr. Suh. There is no way he will choose you over his wife, not the woman heâs stayed abstinent forâŚuntil now and certainly not the mother of his child. Heâd always chooseâŚ
âI never plan to leave. I waited for two years. My life has been on hold for two years, Iâm not going to let anyone make it stop again. Iâll file for divorce immediately and ask her parents to give her the papers. I should have done this already.â He wraps an arm around your waist. âItâs about time I find someone who makes me happy.â
The room goes silent once more as you wait for Jaehyun to give his blessings or walk out. His eyes roam over yours, but when he turns away the tiniest bit of a smile comes to his lips and you know that everything is going to be fine.
âDamn bro, Iâm not her dad.â He chuckles.
âNo, youâre just the guy who wanted to fuck me too.â You smile brightly.Â
âHEY!â Jaehyun shouts. âI wanted to at least take you out on a few dates first,â he clarifies, a boyish grin across his face. âBut unlike this guy over here,â he gestures to Johnny. âI would have put out some towels first.â
âReally? Jokes already?â Mr. Suh rolls his eyes.
Shrugging he walks out of the kitchen and to the door, both you and Mr. Suh following behind. âYour girlfriend started it. Now just because youâre dating my best friend donât you dare think for a second I wonât fail your ass!â He warns opening up the door. âYouâve worked this hard donât throw it away from some ââ
âAnd heâs leaving,â Mr. Suh shoves Jaehyun through the frame of the door.Â
âSee you at school Mr. Jeong!â You wave goodbye.Â
Smirking, he gives you a small wave before leaving. âI expect high marks on your final. Donât disappoint me.âÂ
The next couple of weeks were rough. Every day you were grilled from the moment you arrived at Mr. Suhâs house to the moment you packed up to go home for your final exam. It didnât matter that Mr. Suh fucked you stupid or that you squirted all over his couch and his floor, the couch needing a deep cleaning â even then you still offered to pitch in to get him a new one, but he waved off the offer. The choking, biting, blowjob, everything didnât matter in his eyes. The only thing that mattered was you would pass Mr. Jeongâs course.Â
So you studied. You ignored every throb and clench of your clit and entrance when he would lean in close to you. You swallowed down the urge to climb onto his lap at the kitchen table and have him fuck you while you answered any and all math questions he threw your way. You ignored everything that your body wanted because you too wanted to pass Mr. Jeongâs class.Â
What you didnât expect are your legs shaking non stop while you wait for your final exam grade. The year prior you went into your classroom, took the final exam and left â finding out later what your grade was, but not in Mr. Jeongâs class. This time you needed to meet up at the computer lab because your exam was online, your grade being tallied immediately after you finished, or so you thought.Â
You didnât calculate that all of your other classmates were taking the same test, at the same time and were finishing up around the same time as you. A few people sat back and stared into space, others laid their head down until whenever they felt an appropriate amount of time passed. But you just stared at your computer screen until your eyes started to cross.Â
Peeking above your screen to where Mr. Jeong sat at the main desk in the room, reading a book, your eyes met his as he scanned the room. He didnât say anything but raised his brow. Lowering back into your seat you hear a ding startling not just you but other classmates as one by one your grades are shown.Â
Your heart sinks to your stomach. This couldnât be happening. Hands grip your shoulders from behind making you shout and quickly cover your mouth.Â
âIâd like to speak with you after class about your grade.â Mr. Jeong whispers.Â
âUh, yes, Mr. Jeong.â
Sighing, you shake your head when he walks away checking in on other students who were still taking their exams.Â
Twenty minutes pass and your math final exam is over and done with. The only other class you needed to complete was a Special Education course in which you just had to turn in your observations from shadowing a teacher for a week as well as write an essay. That class, youâd actually miss, but Mr. Jeongâs⌠it will be a blessing if you never step foot in this room with him again!Â
The last couple of people pack up their things and leave the room. Mr. Jeong erases the white board before turning your way, a smirk plastered on his face.Â
âWould you please come up front so we can talk?â
Gathering your backpack you walk up to the front of the classroom, a chair already near the main desk waiting for you, spectacular.Â
âSo, how bad is it?â You ask plopping down on the seat. âGive it to me straight, no sugar coating Mr. Jeong.âÂ
âJaehyun.â He corrects you.
âStill on campus, Mr. Jeong.â
Chuckling, he leans on the desk next to you. âYeah, but Iâm no longer going to be your teacher. So the formalities can drop when we see each other in private.â
âIt doesnât matter if youâre going to be my teacher or no ââ you cut yourself off realization coming to you. âWait⌠youâre not going to be my teacher anymore?â
Shaking his head, Mr. Jeong smiles. âNope.â
âDoes that meanâŚ?â
Nodding, he takes a slip of paper from the desk and writes down your new final grade. âYou have passed this class with a C-.âÂ
âA C-?â Your eyes go from amazed to grumpy. âI thought it would have at least been a C+ borderline BâŚâ you grumbled.
Taking one of his folders he hits you on the head with it. âDo you not know how shitty your grades were before Johnny started to help you? Iâm amazed you even had a passing grade. You did well and I seriously owe Johnny a huge favor.â He snickers. âOr maybe you can just do him a favor,â he wiggles his brows.Â
âMr. Jeong, I donât think itâs appropriate for you to talk about your students' love life at all.â
âDamn⌠nothing?â He asks. Shaking your head no, he eyes you up and down. âHow does that even happen? From the mess you made I would have assumed the two of you would fuck each otherâs brains out every time youâre together.â He clicks his tongue. âStill hate that I sent you to him.â
Laughing, you stand up. âLike I said, Mr. Jeong, you wouldnât have stood a chance.â You bend down to meet him eye to eye. âPlus, I would mess up your apartment.â
Leaning forward his face inches from your own, âleather couch and that faux wooden flooring. Perfect at preventing scuff marks and for spills of all kinds.âÂ
Reaching up you ruffle his hair, mess it all up and walk away. âSee you around, Jaehyun.â
âYou better work your ass off tonight and show him how thankful you are!âÂ
âSure thing!â You wave, but when you reach for the doorknob you pause. âJaehyun,â your voice goes soft.Â
âYeah?â He stands from the desk gathering his belongings.Â
âThanks for the help you gave me too. If it wasnât for you I wouldnât have gotten the help I needed. You didnât need to do that. I mean you guys already have our money. Whether we fail or not⌠thatâs up to us. But you didnât want me to fail and I didnât want to fail either. This passing grade goes to you as well. Please never stop helping your students.â
âMy place, ask Johnny for directions and you can show me how much I helped you,â he gives you an almost similar smirk that Mr. Suh gave you, must be something they both learned. He bumps your shoulder as you both stand in front of the door. âBut seriously, itâs no problem at all. It would look terrible on my record if too many students failed my class,â he places his hand over yours and makes you turn the doorknob.Â
âYou can repay me by not breaking his heart. I canât watch him fall apart again.â
âI would never hurt him, Jaehyun. Honest. Even if we do end up breaking up if he ever needed meâŚâ
Pushing you out the door with his hands he closes the door behind you two. âGood. Heâs a great guy and he loves hard. Itâs never a game with him. If you need to go slow and take your time, which I suggest,â you both walk down the hall to the elevator. âPlease just make sure that heâs never kept in the dark with your feelings. Itâs not my place to say any of this, but honestly, what his soon to be ex-wife did to him⌠it was pretty bad.â
âIâm still trying to wrap my head around a mother leaving her child for two years without contact.â
âThere are things that even Johnny and I donât understand.â
âJaehyun, do you think if she ever comes back Mr. Suh⌠Johnny will go to her without a second thought about me?â You ask, stepping into the elevator, thank heavens for it being empty aside from Jaehyun and yourself.
âI canât say for certain if he would or would not.â He pushes the button for the first floor. âThey were in love from the moment they saw each other. It was back when we were freshmen in college. Everyone on campus knew them as the âitâ couple. He was in a fraternity and she was in a sorority. He played sports and she loved anything to do with the arts.Â
âOn the outside they may seem different but when you saw them together,â the elevator doors open and you both step out heading for the main doors of the building. âIt was as if they were supposed to be together. Two souls that searched the heavens and earth to be together. Iâm not saying this to scare you off,â he opens one of the doors and allows you to step out into the crisp winter air.Â
âI know.â You whisper.
âAll you need to know is that something happened. Whatever that something was, I donât know and neither does Johnny. Heâs tried to reach out to her friends and family but all theyâve said is that they canât talk.â
âCould it have been something he did? Something he doesnât know?â
Shrugging, Jaehyun wraps his navy blue scarf around his neck, putting his hands into his coat pockets. âIt could be, but if he did do something he doesnât know what he did.âÂ
âIt still doesnât excuse the fact that if he did something to make her mad â she refused to speak or even acknowledge her own child for two years.â
âWhich is why Iâm happy you came along. I genuinely never heard or seen him as happy as he is with you for quite some time â more than two years in fact. Speaking of happiness, let's get away from this dreary subject. What are your plans for the rest of the day?â
âI was going to go over to Mr. Suhâs house and hang out before meeting some friends for a girlâs night. A small get together before the winter break.â
âAnd youâre going back home this winter?â
Stopping in your tracks you look up at Jaehyun realizing that you never once discussed winter plans with Mr. Suh or your family. In fact, you were so busy studying you never asked him if you guys were official. If he and Lily would like to come over during the break. Would it be too early for them to meet your family?!
âUhhhhâŚâ your eyes start to shake.Â
âCalm down,â Jaehyun pats your shoulder. âJohnny and Lily visit his parents during Christmas. So there, now you donât have to freak out.â
âJackassâŚâ you grumble before walking away from him.
âMy suggestion,â he says, jogging up to you. âSpend New Yearâs with him. Heâs always at home with Lily.â
âIâll bring everything up with him when I see him.â You reassure.Â
âSure you will,â he claps you on the back before moving away from you. âIâm parked this way. Make sure you celebrate! It was nice having you in class.â He waves while heading in the direction of his car.Â
âThanks for everything, Mr. Jeong!â You shout smirking as you go back to addressing him formally.Â
Giving you a gritted teeth smile he shouts, âyour welcome!â
It wasnât until your normally scheduled time that you head over to Mr. Suhâs. Primary and secondary schools didnât get to go on Winter break for two more weeks, while you were free to come and go as you pleased. However, living two hours away from the University wasnât ideal for meeting up to see Mr. Suh and even see Lily.Â
You needed to talk to him about what you were going to do going forward. Now that heâs no longer your tutor, you wonât need him (hopefully) while you finish out your years in school; so knowing where you two stand needs to be a topic for discussion.Â
Pulling onto Mr. Suhâs street, your hands start to grow clammy. You made sure to tell him as well as Jaehyun that you wanted to be the one to say what your final grade is. No secret text messages between the two of them. Face to face is what you wanted, whether you passed or failed.Â
Now a few houses from Mr. Suhâs you sit up in the driverâs seat to find his car is parked in the driveway. A huge smile coming to your face, but the smile soon fades. Not only was his car in the driveway, but an unknown car is parked next to him. Slowly, you park where you normally do at the end of the driveway and you put your car in park.Â
Taking out your phone you shoot him a quick message:Â
Iâm outside.Â
Thereâs another car in your driveway.Â
Is it safe to come inside?
You wait for a reply back, but nothing. He doesnât even look at it. Thinking itâs best to wait for a little longer, you scroll through some of the text messages and social media posts to pass the time until he hopefully answers back, but he never does.Â
The chill of the evening starts to creep around you, making you hug your body. It wouldnât be rude to at least ring the doorbell and make sure that itâs either safe to come inside despite him having a guest or that you need to go back to your dorm, right?Â
Shaking your head, you grab your purse, phone and keys. You canât just wait until the person inside leaves, or for Mr. Suh to pick up his phone to read the message â youâd become a human popsicle by then. Closing your car door you hesitantly make your way up the pathway to his front door. Your mind racing with a million thoughts of how this was both okay to do and rude.Â
But for all you know it could be a friend of his over for a quick visit before leaving, just like you. With this thought in mind you ring the doorbell and give the door a light knock. Stepping back you wait patiently for the door to open. It doesnât take long for Mr. Suh to come to the door but instead of greeting you, he scrambles out of the door, closing it behind him.
âYou canât be here right now,â he whispers. âYou need to go. Iâll call you tomorrow and you can come over.â
âIâm leaving tomorrow. I wanted to talk to you about that actually. Is someone inside?â
âYes, but really you need to ââ
âSweetheart, whatâs going on?â A femaleâs voice calls from the front door. âWhoâs out there?âÂ
âFor the love ofâŚâ he growls. âLook, you need to go. Weâll talk after you come back from your break. But please, let me explain everything!â He turns you around to your car.
âJohnny what is going on? Who is she?â The womanâs voice sounds closer than before. Looking back you see a rather beautiful woman standing behind him. Her arms crossed over her chest, hip jutted out and eyes bouncing from you to Johnny. âWho is she?â
Stepping around Mr. Suh you walk up to her with a huge smile on your face. âHi, Iâm Mr. Suhâs student. Heâs been tutoring me this semester. I just came by to tell him I passed.â Your smile falters as you turn to face him.
âY-You did?â He searches your eyes for anything that will let him know youâre not mad at him. âThatâs wonderful news.â
âJohnnyâs always been the smartest man Iâve known,â the woman walks over to him linking her arm with his. âItâs one of the reasons I married himâŚâÂ
genre: married couple au!, angst, smut, a little bit of fluff, long distance
warnings: mentions of divorce, unprotected v sex, dom Jaehyun, biting, punishment, fingering, praise, protected anal penetration, spit as lube, reverse cowgirl, slight overstimulation etc
words:Â 16k
"What?" your voice sounded more like a bark over the phone. But it was a good thing, that's exactly how you intended it to be.Â
"So you did get the envelope?" Jaehyun, though, on the other side of the line was chill, if you were to judge by the tone of his voice. "My lawyer left a sticker so you'd find the right place to sign it this time." Your fingers pinched your nose, thinking how you scribbled over printed letters last time you had the same envelope sent in.Â
"I don't have a single pen in my house." You sighed and dropped the envelope right next to a pen and a pencil that were always present at the top of the cabinet at the entrance of your apartment.Â
"I'll send over the courier with a pen, then." you opened your mouth, Jaehyun not letting you chime in. "I'll even make it two in case one's not working."
Your voice was steady, you looked once again at the papers that had your name at the top. "I said no. I won't sign these papers."
"Why?!" Jaehyun cried into the phone. "We've been living separately for a year. Why are you being stubborn? Weâre basically strangers at this point.â Your palm rubbed into your chest, trying to calm down the stinging in your heart at that wording.Â
Your fingers ran over the words written in larger font at the top - Divorce Agreement.
âI donât want to.â
âYou know I can get a divorce from you without your signature? Iâm just not going that route yet.â
âIf you think youâre threatening me and Iâm scared - Iâm not.â
âI know for a fact youâre not threatened. I was married to you for five years.â
âGood.â You sighed, ready to hang up the phone. You didnât want to continue hearing his voice.
âSo⌠will you sign those?âÂ
âI gave you my answer already.â
âPlease.â A tinge of desperation in his voice cut you deeper than he clearly intended to.Â
âNo, I said no.â That desperate need to cut all ties - it was making you nervous, you had words stuck up in your throat asking what was the urgency.Â
âI canât wait another two years for whatever youâre doing there to end. Are you coming back for any of the holidays?â His voice changed in slight annoyance and you snapped out of heartache.
âNone of your business.â
âI am your husband, until you sign the agreement, it is all of my business. In fact, it should only be my business, no one elseâs.â Whatever he meant with that, really. You werenât seeing other people, but he wonât know that.
âBye.â
You let out an exasperated sigh. Every conversation with the man left you tired. And drained. And it used to never be like this before. He used to be your love. Or he is your love?
âWas that your husband?â Kate, who clearly eavesdropped the whole conversation, peeked from behind the living room wall.
âIs the stress too evident on my face?â You turned on the bright smile and crossed the room to elegantly sit on the couch.Â
âI heard the words papers and sign and remembered your story.â She gave a little sad nod and patted your forearm in comfort. Sipping on her wine right after. âIâm so sad your expatriation has to end early, but I hope your sister appreciates your wish to help her with her babies.âÂ
âI know.â you whined to fit in with the mood of your only friend over here. âItâs been a year, though, and I havenât had a single break since coming, so maybe Iâm a little excited to go back home and take a week off.â You leaned back a little, imagining waking up later than usual, having fancy breakfasts and sharing them with the man that desperately wanted a divorce from you. Good thing Kate was loud and unstoppable with her blabbering, snapping you out of that horrible thought.Â
âI thought the pleasure of your life was bossing around dumb Americans like me, and having those horrendous cold coffees, instead of all meals.â Your heart hurt on behalf of Iced Americano.
âYou arenât stupid-.â You remembered to protest, though.
âI said dumb!â
âOkay, yâall arenât dumb, just maybe lack a bit of work ethic that make our Korean office thrive. And my coffees are not horrendous!â Your eyebrows furrowed in feign annoyance.Â
âWe tried to get the hype, the line to the bathroom afterwards was so long, we had to run to other floors, girl.â You chuckled into your palm, shocked at the information previously hidden from you.Â
âOh my god! And everyone I asked said the drink was fun! The hypocrisy!â Your palm hid your opened mouth.Â
âYeah, the lining up to the bathroom was definitely a fun experience.âÂ
âGood thing my flightâs tomorrow, I wonât have to face those people knowing they pooped their pants because of me.â Kate laughed loudly.Â
âGi-i-i-i-rl, but Iâm going to miss you. If you ever back in the States, just hit me up? Any time and any day.â She sing-songed, her eyes closing a bit, lifting her nose up.
âYes.â You gave her a straight nod. You werenât sure youâd ever get back here, you were determined to never move out of the only place you ever were supposed to live in.
âWonât you invite me too?â She giggled.
âQuit lying, you wonât ever leave Seattle.â
âWait, thatâs so true.â Her palm covered her mouth, a striking sign your friend was tipsy.Â
-
âGo, go, go! Thereâs your auntie!â You heard the voice of your older sister even before you could register her face in the crowd of the Incheon Airport. Two sets of arms sneaked over the luggage trolley and wrapped your legs.Â
âOh my god, Nara, Uri, hi! My babies.â Your arms wrapped over the kids that desperately fought to climb up your body, though in the year you were absent theyâve grown too much for you to be able to carry them so freely.
âHi. Welcome back home.â Your sister extended an arm, giving you a welcoming pat on the back.
âHyunjoo! Hi.â You exclaimed, excited, sighing tiredly afterwards. âThanks for making it all the way here to pick me up.â
âThese two couldnât hold back their excitement when I said you were coming back.â
âOh, really? Really? I brought so much fun stuff for my little angels!â You put on the baby voice, tickling your nephews.Â
âI want to see!â
âLetâs get in the car and see what auntie got for you at home, okay?â Your sister offered, and the four of you moved to the exit. âYouâve left with two suitcases, right?â
âYeah, had to bring gifts for you all.â You chuckled, running your eyes over the trolley with four of those. âNow I donât know where Iâm putting all of these in my apartment.â You chuckled to yourself.
âThe bigger question is if all of those will fit into my car.â Hyunjoo gave you a look.
âShit-.â You cursed, looking down at the kids. âI mean, damn. That Iâve not thought about.â
âWhereâs Jaehyun?â Shit, that you also have not thought about.Â
âHe has work stuff, couldnât make it.â You brushed Hyunjoo off with an eye roll.
âOn a Sunday?â She gave you an accusatory brow. âThe lovey-dovey guy that made you breakfasts every Saturday and never let you drive alone for longer than 30 minutes?â You had to busy yourself with the trolley and making a turn, so you wonât burn alive under her stare. âIs he still sour that you left despite his disagreement with that decision? Are you two not together⌠by any chance?â Wow, that escalated quickly.Â
âNo, no! Of course not. I told him not to come, since he was telling me all the time how busy he was with work. Iâm going to see him⌠at home.â Those words were also hardly believable, given the lovey-dovey image your sister had in her head. He shouldâve been here, pressing his mouth into your cheeks, to not go absolutely feral over his lips on yours in the middle of the airport, arms squeezing you in his hold.Â
You had to shake the thought away. In realms of your current situation, the only realistic reason for him to be at the airport would be to make you sign those papers and finally set him free.
Realisation of what home implied also downed at you at the exact same moment. You had a home that was also his, it also happened to be the only home you had. Same went for him. What a coincidence, right? For two people, that lived in the city together for 8 years.Â
Jaehyun was obviously still living in that same apartment, giving he expected you to be back in the country approximately in two years and three months. âDo you want to go see our parents first?â You tried to climb out of that corner unhurt.Â
âYeah, three hour drive one way at 4pm Sunday? No thank you.â Hyunjoo snorted, helping her kids get into their seats.
âRight, I didnât realise it was this late through the day.â
âAnd we all have work and day care tomorrow. When are you back in the office?â
âI took day offâs this whole week, hoping Iâll put all the stuff away, get back to my life here, and-.â Sort out this divorce agreement. âYeah.â
âI want to play with aunty!â Nara whined as her mom did her seatbelt, while you were putting your suitcases away in the trunk.Â
âIâll come over on Tuesday, okay? Pick you up from daycare and we can get bread on the way back home, and then unpack all the gifts I had purchased for you and your parents. Deal?â You asked the kids, but looked at your sister for approval, she gave you one with a nod and the burst of laughter from kids only sealed the deal.Â
âYou know, Jaehyunâs been weird, since you left. I think heâs still hurt.â You dreaded the fact silence led to this conversation. It was pure quietness, twins knocked out in the back seat, you were also half way through slumber after that endless flight. You had a feeling something was on Hyunjooâs mind, with the way she tapped her finger over the steering wheel, you just had to predict it was your husband in question.Â
âIâm sure heâs fine.â You waved her off, again.Â
âHeâs not seen us once. Mom invited him over for every holiday and every weekend get together. He would always say heâs sick, heâs busy, over at his parents house. Anything.â You were curious what face he made as he came up with those, especially if those werenât over messages. He probably had his whole face red, lip tugging between thumb and pointing fingers as he was carefully picking out words to not be taken wrongly.Â
âAnd you didnât stop the invitations?â They shouldâve known better than hitting the man that tried to hide with invitations.Â
âOf course not! Heâs family?â Hyunjoo looked at you scandalised.Â
âHe mightâve not been comfortable coming alone.â
âHe quite literally spent two weeks at our house, when you were in college and had to leave for that conference in Singapore. He stayed with all of us, like your substitute, just because he had nothing to do during summer break. And now heâs uncomfortable?â You drove down to the traffic light that turned red, giving your sister a perfect opportunity to turn her eyes to you. âTell me whatâs been going on?â
âNothing.â Like, you werenât even lying. Nothingâs been happening - heâs been bombarding you with those divorce agreements, youâve been disposing them into trash - the end. Other than that, itâs been full on radio silence. You didnât even know what he looked like by now, what if something changed in his appearance and he wonât feel like home anymore? What if anything changed in his heart, or more like what if his heart changed to an extent where it canât be reversed? What if your only outcome is in fact divorcing immediately? You shrivelled, pressing yourself more into the seat.Â
âIâm going to tell mom, and sheâll flip out and get the truth out of you both. Iâve been covering for you! Acting like I know heâs busy and stuff. And I have to know the truth, in case I need to continue.â That sounded like both valuable threat and reason. Still, you didnât want to risk your lives and announce that heâs been wanting a divorce to your sister, while sheâs driving through a highway.Â
âOkay. Okay, he might be a tiny bit upset.âÂ
âTiny? Itâs been a year, more of like a grudge at this point.âÂ
âItâs because weâve been apart, and now Iâm back home and weâll be good.â At least, thatâs the plan.
âAre you sure?â
âYes, I quit the expatriation thing early so I could go back to him.â You whispered the truth under your breath. Everyone got different versions of your reason to be back home, but the real one was your wish to return. You needed to go back to the man that held your heart and tried to throw it back at you. You needed to see with your own two eyes, if he really didnât love you anymore. âI made a mistake, I really missed my family, I missed Jaehyun."
âReally? I thought you said it was about the project cancellation.â
âNo. The project cancelled because I said Iâm leaving, whether theyâre letting me go back as the part of the company or not.â You sighed, the truth was not what you wanted people to think, but you were ready to throw this truth at your sister. She was trustworthy to die with that info.
âI expect you two to be all lovey-dovey next Saturday at our parents anniversary thing, or Iâm busting you to mom-.â You almost gasped and cursed, this was a good heads up about the event this weekend and you were glad your sister, probably knowingly, gave you that. You had time to come up with a cover up.
âIâm not sure about that. Jaehyunâs been telling me about seeing his parents-.â The eye roll from Hyunjoo made you stop. âNo, for real. Heâs actually planned this for weeks. I swear!â You would never be able to bring the man that tried to divorce you to your parents house in 5 days. What sort of torture would that be. For either of you. âIâll come see mom and dad during the week. Alone. Since he works. And on the weekend we were supposed to go to his parents, but since itâs our parents anniversary, heâs going there alone.â Wait, this sounded like a perfect cover up plan. You almost clapped your hands excited. This sounded like THE plan. Â
âAll I hear is excuses. If youâre lying to me right now - youâre dead.â She made sure the thumb slid right against her throat with a threat. You looked away, scared, only to realise youâve arrived at the destination.Â
âThanks for dropping me off!â You chirped, unbuckling.Â
âDo you need help with your belongings?â
âNo, Iâll do it myself. See you Tuesday, right?â
âRight.â Your sister gave you a nod, pressing the button for the trunk to open. As you pulled out all your suitcases onto the ground, you watched the door close back down, walking up to wave her away.Â
âTell your husband I said hi!â You waved, as she drove by you.Â
-
You punched in the code you last set, praying he hasnât changed it.Â
Jaehyunâs birth date, your birth date, the month youâve become official. 6 digits in and as you heard the approving melody, your heart sunk. Hopefully he still kept it because it meant things for him, not because he was used to typing in those specific six digits.Â
As you processed your next step, you came with a conclusion there was quite a chance you can be met with a very taken aback with your presence Jaehyun as soon as you opened the door. If the man is at home, he surely heard the little melody too and was walking up to the door right now, confused and probably totally alerted that someone punched in the correct code.Â
Either of you was about to get startled at this spontaneous reunion. And you werenât about to give him the opportunity to catch you unprepared. Opening the door wide, before you could notice anyone in there, it struck you - it looked and smelled just like you left it.Â
Your eyes trailed around the opened to your eyes space - it was all the same, almost like he didnât live here, though you sure he was - given the stack of papers on the cabinet, the sneakers that he seemed to purchase while you were away and the raincoat over a kitchen chair, drying up from yesterdayâs downpour.Â
And no Jaehyun in sight.Â
It was a good thing, you had a little time window to drop off your stuff, pack your bags, take your car keys and run away to your parents unnoticed. You had not prepared yourself to see him, you have not even imagined what you would say or how youâd say it. You had a feeling you could get chocked up at the mere sight of him. Before all this, Jaehyun was the love of your life, your husband.Â
Despite leaving him like he didnât matter, youâve missed him every day.Â
You loved him every awakened day of your life, paying a price of literal money for your dumbness to go back to him. You were still expecting the check for the exact payment, but you knew the fine you had to pay for wrapping everything up early was about to end up with big numbers. And you really didnât care for that, as long as you could make sure the man will let you back inside his heart.Â
You quickly pushed all your luggage inside, closing the door and kicking your shoes off. Your eyes trailed to the side of the cabinet where you kept your slippers on autopilot, only to be actually met with the pair standing right where they belonged to. Lined up with Jaehyunâs. Like youâve never left.
You put them on and trailed to your bedroom, you needed to take a shower first, unpacking right after.
Jaehyun didnât bother with putting your stuff away, you expected him to maybe throw it away in a rage tantrum. You were expecting anything. And you wouldâve honestly understood. You deserved it. Youâve found your shampoo in the bathroom, the clothes you left behind in your shared walk-in wardrobe. You picked up all needed belongings and quickly freshened up in hot water.Â
Dragging the first suitcase on the floor, you took all your clothes out to safe space for the gifts you had to take back your family in that same suitcase. You felt so emerged in the acton, sorting things out, leaving things you brought for Jaehyun on the side, taking things for the washer to one pile of clothes. Fresh ones you could take to your parents to the other one.
âWho the hell are you!â You jumped in place, turning around and letting the man see you properly, not just the corner of your back peaking out of the closet. You didnât even see or hear him come in, brain a mush with the jet lag. âY/n?â Jaehyun dropped the umbrella, that you guessed he grabbed for defence as he heard your movement, and stilled. âWhat are you doing here?â He gasped, losing his voice by the end of the sentence completely.Â
The emotions on his face is what really hurt you. Not a single one of his muscles moved in the direction of smile, or relief, or any other emotion that you could describe with any sort of positivity. He frowned, then gasped again, closing his eyes as if checking if he hallucinated you here. Then he set his mouth in such a downward way your eyes almost gave up on you.Â
âHi?â You offered a smile, like the situation wasnât this awkward unexpected reunion of two people despising each other and being half way divorced. You werenât despising him, but if he was despising you, you liked to make him feel it was the same way on your side.Â
âWhat are you doing here?â Your eyes immediately trailed down his arm - his ringer finger was still covered with a wedding band, your finger immediately tugging on the identical one over your finger.
âIâm just packing my stuff, Iâm going to leave quickly, Iâm sorry.â You dropped the smile or any other ridiculous imagination you had in your head. You felt like a thief under his gaze.
âNo-. How did you get here? And youâre leaving back to the US already? Have you always been here?â Jaehyun frowned even deeper.
âNo, they sent me back, turns out Iâm also very much needed here, so they had to put Koreaâs office priorities before Seattle.â You lied the only line youâve practiced.Â
âWhen did you come back? How did you get all this stuff back here on your own?â Jaehyunâs eyes traveled over your suitcases and bags.
âDoes it matter?â You snorted. The only thing he cared for is how you got those suitcases in?
âWell, yeah?â He raised a brow.
âHyunjoo picked me up at The airport and dropped me off here.â You shrugged, folding a shirt into a pile of dirty clothes.Â
âYou shouldâve t-.â He cut himself off. âAre you planning⌠to stay⌠here?â
âIn the country? Seems like a yes. In this apartment? No, Iâm packing.â He didnât have to shush you away, youâll gladly leave.Â
âWhere will you go?âÂ
âWhy exactly does this matter to you, once again?â You gave him what you hoped was a very disgusted look.Â
âWeâre married.â
âYet, right? Now that Iâm here youâre surely getting me to sign those stupid papers of yours.â You snorted.Â
âI-, ugh. I didnât know youâll be coming back so soon.âÂ
âThat was intended.â You shrugged
âWhere are you going? You donât have another home in Seoul.â Jaehyun pressed and walked in closer.
You folded away from him, not willing to get even a lick of his scent and his presence this close to you.Â
âIâm going to stay at my parents. Then work it out, doesnât matter. You can have this place to yourself.âÂ
âOkay-.â He stilled, eyes unfocused.Â
âOkay?â You looked up scandalised, your Jaehyun would never agree to something like that. You expected him to fight with you over this. Youâd gladly fight with him over the division of property, in hopes to get closer somewhere in between. In hopes heâd say I donât want to divide anything. I want you all to myself. And youâd allow yourself to fold into him and admit that youâve never wanted this in the first place. âI was expecting you to at least act like you didnât want that.â You just bit.Â
âNo, Iâm just confused to see you here.â
âWhy? Got someone already? Are they coming here? Thatâs why youâre all invested?â You let out the worst leave your mouth. You were scared, so worried, that Jaehyun let someone into his hurt heart to stop the aching you caused.Â
âWhat the hell, no. You were supposed to be in another country for two more years. Of course Iâm confused. I wasnât expecting to see you here, on the floor wearing my stuff like you never left.â You looked down at the shirt - it was clearly his, you havenât looked down on the print once since you picked it up. You shouldâve guessed your things werenât just laying around on top of the shelves here anymore. When youâve been absent. For months.Â
âWell, Iâm sorry. I didnât want to give you a heads up, so youâd run to the airport with your divorce agreement.â You shrugged.
âShut up.â Jaehyun let out. And it wasnât the mean shut your stupid mouth type of intonation. He grabbed onto his head, like it was about to explode, grunting a little.Â
âHuh?â
âYouâre the reason I even had to send it to you.â His eyes opened and directed at you.Â
âI know, Jaehyun, Iâm well aware of that.â
âWhat are you even doing here?â
âAs I said, they sent me home early, turns out three years was a stretch. I know this is sudden, and Iâm not trying to make you uncomfortable, or ruin this bachelor life of yours. Iâm repacking and going to my parents.â You shouldâve not stuck with your pride. You shouldâve fallen to his feet and asked for forgiveness. You hated this encounter. And you hated that you made it worse.Â
âBachelor life, what the hell-.â Jaehyun mumbled under his breath, grabbing onto his head once again.Â
âWe havenât had a single conversation in a year, I couldâve never imagined this to happen-, in this way-. This seems to be even worse than I imagined. I shouldâve went straight to my parents, just couldnât tell Hyunjoo about this⌠us, I mean not us-.â You panicked, moving your arms around and avoiding Jaehyunâs gaze.
âWhile youâre at your parentsâ, you might as well tell them weâre getting a divorce, because Iâm out of reasons to dodge their invitations.â Jaehyun interrupted your conscious mumbling with a little bite to his tone.Â
âDonât worry, since Iâm here they wonât even be bothered by your absence.â You werenât about to let that slip.Â
âOkay, good, because I just got a text from your mom, hoping to see me on Sunday. I guess youâll work that out yourself.â He gave you a subtle smirk.Â
âI will, donât you worry.â Jaehyun walked out the door of your previously shared bedroom, slamming it and you were sure he was cursing under his breath, because he always did that when he was stressed. At least he used to.Â
You knew heâd be clearly surprised if he saw you, you didnât expect him be angry and pent up and so unreachable, even though you were the one who left him. You made him consider filing for a divorce.Â
You still hoped for a little smile or something along the way of that.
-
âSo weâre just jumping straight to violence?â You trailed the route to the kitchen, not knowing if you should whisper or talk normally with him.
âAnd you broke up with me, and also expected me to have fanfares and cake prepared for your return? I want a divorce, I thought you had enough time to settle with that idea.â Jaehyun drank a glass of water in one go, filling up another one. âYou did this.âÂ
âI didnât break up with you-.â
âSeriously? You left.â The way his voice went an octave higher cut you.Â
âI told you, I-.â
âYouâre asking for my opinion, or just telling me something thatâs already settled?â Your body was straddling his thighs. Jaehyun scrolled through the phone after work, waiting for you to come back home so youâd have your dinner together. You ran into the apartment, bubbling with excitement. Jaehyun didnât even have the time to put his phone away, with the speed you got on top of him and kissed his mouth. The man under immediately adjusted to your mood, fingers pressing into your thighs with pressure. Until you told him the reason for your excitement, or more specifically the timings of it.Â
Because he was excited for the opportunity, before you let him know the contract was for three years. Thatâs when his fingers loosened the grip and his mouth turned downwards.
âNo, itâs not settled. Obviously, I really want to go, but I would miss you terribly.â You leaned to peck his mouth, not getting any reciprocation out of Jaehyun.
âSo youâre not going?â He lit up.Â
âI donât know. If my visa application-.â You drew circles on his chest. If your visa is approved, you will have to go, it seems.
âYou applied for a visa? Without telling me?â Jaehyun caught your fingers in his hold, voice more of a growl at the new piece of information.Â
âI didnât, my company literally have all the papers to do that for me. Theyâve been considering me and someone else. As soon as I heard about visas - I came to tell you.â You lied there, a little. Another person was considered before, you were the only one they applied a visa for. You also had to give them your passport, but that was also the part you hoped Jaehyun wonât focus on.Â
âSo it is settled.â He sighed and let go of your fingers.
âI thought youâd be excited for me?â You pouted leaning in to Jaehyun, whoâs been looking away from you this whole conversation. âBaby, we could literally be talking on the phone all the time, in case they want me to go. All the holidays weâll be together.â you kissed his cheek, expecting for him to soften.Â
âI was excited, before you told me itâs for three years? And itâs settled, and you have not even considered asking me to come with you.â
âI have, but I donât want you to lose everything here, this is only temporary. I love you so-so much.â You pressed your mouth into the corner of his.Â
âEverything wouldnât even matter if I lost you.â Jaehyun finally looked you dead in the eyes.
âBaby.â You murmured, touched, arms hugging his shoulders, face tucking into his neck. âYou wouldnât.â
-
âCan we have this conversation properly? I donât want you to go.â Jaehyun walked out the bedroom, suit perfectly wrapping his body. âIâve been thinking about it for the whole night, and I canât allow you going away. For three years. If itâs 6 months, okay. Iâd somehow go with that. Three years - absolutely not. Honey, please hear me out.â Jaehyunâs fingers pulled onto your waist to turn you around and face him. Â
âDo you want to come with me?â
âNo. Not like this, not when it seems to be not even a second thought in your head.â
âItâs not like that, I have thought of you going, and itâs always you struggling because you left the job you loved. And what would you do afterwards? When we have to return? You will be jobless again? Your parents also wonât forgive me for taking their only son away from them.â You ran your thumb over his lower lip.Â
âOkay, then both you and I - weâre staying here.â Jaehyun kissed the finger tip thatâs been teasing him.Â
âBaby, no, itâs not settled like that either.â
âWhy are you lying to me about this?â Jaehyun whispered, getting closer to your face. âIf youâre lying, doesnât it mean you donât want to go? You want to stay with me and canât? You can quit. Iâll cover all our expenses while youâre looking for a new job.â His eyes focused on you, trying to see through the shield youâve put on.Â
âNo, I want to go, but I also donât want to leave you.â You also moved your face in his direction, expecting a kiss.
âThen donât. If itâs not settled, then itâs okay to decline.â Jaehyun pecked your mouth.Â
âYouâre right.â You nodded, hearing a relieved sigh come out of Jaehyunâs mouth, kissing your cheek next. âItâs not too late.â
âI love you, have a good day.â Jaehyun gave your side a squeeze, leaving to put his shoes on.
âYou too.â
-
You had no better way to tell Jaehyun what happened at work than literally start packing. You got your visa approved, you were set to leave in two weeks. There was no way for you to jump in and tell them to pick someone else instead. Your boss patted your shoulder proudly and told you how he had always believed in you. And coming up somewhere in between with I canât do this felt just wrong.Â
You couldnât do this.
Despite the absolute itchiness of your entire body this whole day, you were trying to pick out clothes for packing. Agonising over the racks of your clothes for the past forty minutes.Â
âBab-. No. No-no-no, what are you doing?â Jaehyunâs fingers pulled the skirt out of your hold. âWhere are you going?â He dropped on his knees next to you and held onto your face.Â
âI came to tell them that I canât leave for three years, I thought about talking to cut down to six months like you told me you could endure. But I was told I got the paper work approved, tickets purchased and everyone are expecting me in Seattle in two weeks.â You lowered your face into his chest, allowing for Jaehyun to hug you if he had strength to do that.
âTwo weeks?â Jaehyun couldnât even say it without chocking.Â
âIâm sorry. Iâm so sorry, I shouldâve told you earlier, I didnât, because I couldnât decide what mattered more-.â You eased into his hold more.Â
âWhat mattered more? You couldnât decide whether I, or a stupid job mattered more?â Jaehyun shook you a little so youâd open your eyes.Â
âNo, no. Of course you matter more. Baby, you obviously all that matters to me.â Thatâs not even what you meant with mattered more.
âFuck.â Jaehyun chuckled lowly, clearly affected by the stupid slip of your tongue. âCanât believe my wifeâs a workaholic. Never used to be one.â He stood up, letting go of you and letting the skirt fall into the suitcase.Â
âI am not. Itâs just⌠Seattle? Have you ever been to Seattle?â You looked up at him.Â
âI clearly havenât.â Jaehyun looked away from you, taking the jacket off his shoulders.Â
âMe neither, so I didnât know how to say no to that.â Somehow, you had a strong believe that if itâs something you really wanted Jaehyun would give in and feel better about it because he loves you. You were clearly wrong.Â
âCanât believe these words are coming out of your mouth.â You held onto Jaehyunâs ankle so he wouldnât walk away. Pathetic. Â
âI know.â You stood up, taking Jaehyunâs face into your hands. âWe will have to learn how to be long distance.â
âI donât want to learn any of that.â He grumbled, like a hurt baby. Maybe, because he was one. And it was fair for him to be one, you knew that for sure.Â
âBaby, I know, I donât want to too. But life sometimes forces us to do things we donât want to. Like this here.â
âLike being my wife?â
âHoney, youâre blowing this out of proportion!â You exclaimed.Â
âReally? I just wouldnât want to be married to a woman that canât even voice out her priorities to me. That decided on her own sheâs moving to another country for three years, when she has a family to discuss these things with. If you donât care for me - good, I donât want to care for you either. Maybe youâve already planned to get a divorce?â Jaehyun pushed away your hold, looking away, running his fingers with force through his hair, pulling at the little hair on the nape.
This⌠weren't the words you expected out of him. âYouâre being dramatic.â You could only gasp out absolutely taken aback at that suggestion. âAnd jumping to ridiculous conclusions.â The words left his mouth so easily and so firmly. âSuggesting I want a divorce is blowing this out of proportion, no?â
âYouâre being insensitive. I love you and I am against you leaving, but it seems like it doesnât mean a thing to you. Youâre still going, like weâre strangers. You didnât want to talk with me about this. How do you want me to not jump to conclusions? You lay it all out for me. Next step is clearly a divorce.âÂ
âGood, letâs get a divorce then.â You let out with a bite.Â
âGood.â Jaehyun nodded and walked into the bathroom.Â
-
âSeeing this-, honestly, just the idea of you seriously going away - itâs making me dizzy.â Jaehyun spoke to you, finally, as you struggled to close the zipper on your suitcase. Jaehyun given you a cold shoulder for the entirety of two weeks. No talking, beyond questions his life depended on, no physical contact despite sleeping in one bed. He would only tell you in the mornings, how he wished youâd pick him over a job, and he would always run out of the door before you could tell him you would never pick anything over him. Heâs number one in your heart despite the decision.Â
And you couldâve been talking, kissing, and touching, and having sex, for that matter, with your number one for the whole two weeks. To fulfil at least the tiniest bit of your longing, but now you were less than a day away from your flight and itching horribly for his mouth all over your body. Â
âHoney, it-.â
âI meant it, if youâre seriously flying away - weâre getting a divorce.â He looked you dead in the eye. That was a stare of someone who decided to make their words come true.Â
âI am flying away, Jaehyun.â You sighed.Â
âSo you want a divorce?â
âNo. I want to live through this opportunity and get your support.â
âI donât want to do that. Three years is a whole fucking lot.â He bursted, expectedly. You just wished he wouldâve done that much earlier, you needed to have that fight two weeks ago, not now. If you fought about it earlier - you wouldâve already settled with the idea and spent your last hours together in each otherâs presence, closer than you could ever get.
âI know, okay, I know. Thatâs a lot and itâs unfair, but it happened so quickly for me too. I had no information whether or not itâs happening for some time, and as I told you, the next day they say my visaâs approved and Iâm expected in Seattle in two weeks.â You closed the distance between you, walking to the couch Jaehyun sat on. âI wish this went a different route.â
âWhy did you not tell me, when it was just in the talks? Thatâs something Iâm genuinely not understanding. We always talked about the tiniest things? You text me about everything! But not Seattle? Is this some sort of punishment? Did I do something wrong?â You watched him gradually curl each finger into a fist, obvious display of silent rage.Â
âI didnât want you to worry, if nothing was gonna happen. You didnât do a thing, I never punished you. I just knew itâll be bad, if they want me to go. I wanted to keep it low because I love you! I didnât know theyâll end up processing everything this quickly.â You wanted to go, but also didnât. Talking about it with Jaehyun wouldâve made that possibility real, and you were hoping itâll just pass by you, while also praying for them to pick you. You also knew if you told that to him earlier - he wouldâve supported you all the way through. He totally wouldâve been 180 to him now, because he was always supportive of you. He was clearly raging because he was kept in the dark. He was almost doing exactly what you wanted him to do. Making it so much easier for you to leave.Â
Itâs unexplainable, really. Both your wish to go and not to.You were expecting worse, while hoping for them to pick you. Itâs like you were split in two. One wanted Jaehyun to be the centre of your life, the other wanted to try things out of his reach also.Â
âAnd now your flight is tomorrow and you think just leaving this as it is is going to do any good to this whole relationship?â You kneeled in front of him, taking in his pained expression.Â
âYou were the one who didnât want to talk.âÂ
âYes, because hearing that youâre not sure what matters more - me or the job was not on my bingo list for this year.â
âWhat do you want me to do?â You tried to be calm, talk to him like he was a baby.
âYou know exactly what I want you to do - no doubt.â
âI literally canât say no right now, we have to go through this.â
âYou literally can. Say your husband is not allowing for you to leave the country. Iâm okay to be the tyrant in the eyes of your co-workers if that means youâre staying.â Jaehyun moved his knee from under your hold.Â
âBaby.â You reached for his fingertips, Jaehyun jerked back at the mere touch of you. âI donât want to fight. I want you to make love to me for the whole night, so itâll be enough at least for the littlest bit Iâm away from you. Canât you do just that? Can we not fight? I want to be talking to you, seeing you through my phone and waiting for the day we see each other again.â You patted his lower stomach, not knowing where to put your hands. Jaehyun forced you away from him.Â
âYouâre clearly not hearing me, I see.â Jaehyun slammed his laptop, walking out the living room.
-
You stood at the entrance of your apartment, shifting weight from one foot to the other, not sure if youâll ever forgive yourself for walking out in full silence.Â
âWonât you kiss me goodbye? I feel like weâll both regret it a lot. You havenât touched me in two weeks and I canât believe Iâm leaving like this.â You called out to Jaehyunâs back. Despite the silent treatment, he spent the whole morning within your eyesight. The whole time you were packing and running around, Jaehyun kept himself somewhere close. It almost felt like he was walking you out and you were comforted by that.
âI wonât.â He grumbled.Â
âI will miss you a lot. Despite what youâre thinking, I love you.â You trailed behind him, squeezing his wrist in your hold.Â
âYeah, youâve clearly showed that.â Your husband tried to shake your hold off of him.Â
âInstead of being a little bitch about it, you couldâve been looking up tickets to see me in June.â You whispered into his back.
âI donât have the money for that, Iâm not the one with a job in the States.â
âYouâre still being a little bitch about it and are also lying.â He did have the money, his salary was still above yours even with this US increase you were given.Â
âYouâll miss your flight, and we canât allow that to happen. Go.â Jaehyun spared you a glance and walked off to the couch, busying himself with the iPad he didnât even usually use.Â
You had to swallow the lump in your throat, be the bigger person, because you were the one at fault. You tip-toed around your luggage, getting closer to the couch he occupied, crashing his shoulders under your weight, as you leaned in and pressed your head against his. âI love you.â Your mouth pressed into his set jaw. âI donât want a divorce, I want to come back home to you. I will miss waking up every day and seeing your pretty eyes and feeling your fingers on my thigh. Come on, baby. Let me kiss you, if youâre divorcing me, am I not allowed to have my last kiss?â Jaehyun touched your arm that choked his neck, and you hoped he did that so heâd be able to turn around. You let him go and watched him turn around to you.
âWeâre not having our last kiss, no. Please, go.â He forced you to stand up.Â
âJaehyun, you canât be serious right now. Weâve been together for 10 years-.â
âAnd those 10 years seem to be nothing to you, right? Since you were able to decide on leaving me with no second thoughts?â
Your mouth opened and closed, like you were a fish. Just air, no words to defend yourself or your actions. Jaehyun walked up to the door, rolled both your suitcases out and looked at you, clearly expecting for you to roll out the apartment in the same way.Â
âSafe skies.â He rumbled, as you walked up to the elevator, not having a chance to turn around and look at him one last time as Jaehyun closed the door.
You hated how the taxi driver asked if you were okay, because you clearly werenât - hot tears streaming down your face through the whole ride. You hated the side eyeing of every person at the airport, and then on the plane, judging your red face and puffy eyes.
You cried through the whole 13 hour flight, to the point you could barely see, both from soreness and puffiness of your eyes. They even pulled you for the random check at the airport, probably barely seeing the correlation between the photo and reality. You had to make up a joke about an allergic reaction.Â
You got in the taxi and barely held back from bursting there too, taking another 3 hours to settle in your booked apartment and finally be left alone. You had two whole days up your sleeve to just soak in your loneliness and cry.Â
Three months later you received the envelope for the first time. You tore those pages apart, calling Jaehyun despite it being late night back at home and cursing him. With every word you knew. You hated every bit of him for actually making those words come true.Â
Since then, you would get the papers regularly and would regularly dispose them into trash. Your reaction also became more stoic - simple noâs over the message or on the phone. You were almost convinced he sent them just so youâd talk, and youâd agree getting the papers daily, if that meant youâd hear his voice and his steady breaths through the phone.Â
-
âI thought Iâll never see you again.â Jaehyun broke down the dead silence that set in your apartment. You had no good reason to not leave immediately, but somehow you found yourself on the floor, going through make up like you needed to pick each item separately, stretching out time you could spend here.
It did you good, it seemed, Jaehyun finally build up courage to talk to you, or maybe just found words he could tell you.
âWhy? It was set for just three years, and I wouldâve eventually came back on vacation.â You havenât used a single day, too scared to come back home and face him. But eventually, maybe, you couldâve done that.Â
âI thought youâll sign the agreement and I wonât every see you again. Purposefully avoid you.â Jaehyun sat down on the bed, not far from you, you could move a little to the side and rest the back of your head against his knee, and you felt like it meant something. These words also supposedly meant something, why else would he come to you, when youâve settled already that youâre leaving.Â
âWhy?â You asked, careful. It was hard to keep your emotions at bay when they were already in your throat.Â
âI couldnât look at you, I knew Iâd be so overwhelmed, and Iâm proven right. Iâm overwhelmed.â You turned your head, looking at Jaehyun to make a conclusion on his emotions. He stared into the floor before him, eyes blinking slowly, like his brain is picking out the words carefully to not tell you too much. You wished he didnât hold back.Â
âIâm so sorry, that Iâve suddenly been making your life a mess. We were never like this⌠right?â Jaehyun nodded slightly, zoned-out, it seemed.Â
âYou were right, I really regretted not kissing you goodbye, not taking you to the airport myself. Really regretted not calling you and asking if you were okay, somewhere far away from home, all alone and hurt by me. I regret so much not replying to your message letting me know you arrived safely. I fucking hate myself for never wishing you a good night. And now itâs too late, irreparable. Iâve blamed you, but actually made the worst moves to ruin our marriage.â Every sentence felt like a shot straight to your chest. Every pause and single breaths after each word felt like the rope around your neck was getting tighter. It was never too late to work on your mistakes, as long as he wanted it too. âI just hope, moving forward, we can be acquaintances.â You choked.Â
âRight, acquaintances.â You could only muster out of your mouth. âI really have to get on the road.â You stood up, wiping the tear off your cheek, before Jaehyun could notice. You shouldâve left before youâd head him call you an acquaintance. You were nauseous and probably werenât save to drive. âI couldnât see my car key where I left it. Do you know where it is?â You changed the topic, turning around to look at Jaehyun with no trails of emotional trauma.Â
âUgh, yeah. Itâs in my pocket. Iâve been driving your car lately, Iâm sorry, I shouldâve asked.â Jaehyun got up, looking around for his jacket, you assumed.Â
âWhy?â You asked, confused. He had his own car, the car he loved dearly, in fact. Always refused to go in yours, and heâs been driving it all of a sudden. What a weird confession to make. âDid something happen to your car?â It was the only logical interpretation of his words.Â
âNo, yours just eating less gas-.â
âReally?â You looked at him confused, maybe he was right, you wouldnât know.Â
âYeah, here are the keys.â He reached out his open palm with the car key. You really refused to touch the skin of his hand. You reached out and then jerked your hand back, looking Jaehyun in the eyes to watch his reaction. He moved his other arm, grabbing onto your hand and pressing the key into your palm, covering it with the other.Â
This really went out of the no touching route, you hated how you immediately needed his hands all over your body. Thatâs exactly what you tried to avoid. Longing.Â
âIâm sorry if I left anything in the car-.â
âStop, itâs not like your things would bother me.â You huffed, only now realising heâs still holding your palm between his fingers. âI anyway always preferred your stuff over mine, hope itâs something I could use.â You smiled, trying to make him feel better, yourself feel better. And it seemed to work, with the way Jaehyun looked you in the eyes and lit up for the slightest moment, before it felt like reality dawned on him, and he let go of you and dropped the smile.Â
You grabbed your stuff and walked out the apartment.Â
-
âHey, Jaehyun?â Hyunjoo spoke into the phone in a hushed whisper, trying to keep the call out of everyoneâs hearing ability.Â
âOh?â She could clearly hear his astonishment in that sound. âHyunjoo, hi. I thought I had your phone number saved.â Jaehyun scratched his brow. Caught absolutely off guard to hear your family member on the other side of the line. Did something happen to you?
âThatâs our auntâs, mineâs occupied by Nara and Uri.â Hyunjoo was well aware that information didnât matter to Jaehyun, but still. She felt like sharing.Â
âDid something happen? Is my wife okay?â Even he himself hated the way he referred to you, unable to imagine how Hyunjoo mustâve cringed at him.Â
âNo, sheâs okay.â
âI see.â He sighed, weirded out by the call. That silence only gestured further more for Hyunjoo that something was off. Her hunch was strong, and the vibe coming from Jaehyun - she could tell, it didnât give off the usual openness and sweetness. She were even more concerned, than before she called.Â
âI donât know if my sister is lying that you two are all good, because something tells me you two arenât on good terms-.â Hyunjoo trailed off, in hopes of Jaehyun catching the bait and telling the truth.Â
âI donât know what to tell you. I think itâs better you discuss these things with your sister.â Jaehyun sighed into the phone, giving away more than he intended.Â
âAll I know is, if she didnât lie - you should definitely come, itâs our parents wedding anniversary. Our mom will eat your wife alive, you know how she hates when someoneâs missing. Minhyuk is already a fallen victim for not coming in often enough, and itâs not long until she focuses on your absence.âÂ
âIâm really sorry, I wonât make it today. Itâs a four hour drive from my parents-.â
âAre you really at your parents?â Hyunjoo furrowed her brows, trying to hear over the loud talking of your family.Â
âWhy?â
âThereâs a train, you could hop on to that.â
âThe train station is far from your house.â Jaehyun sighed, switching his arms that held the phone.
âI could pick you up.â Jaehyun stilled, not giving Hyunjoo an answer. âDo you love her or not?â
âWhy?â Jaehyun sighed once again, and Hyunjoo could really hear the indecisiveness in that sound.Â
âWhen I asked you if you loved my sister last time I saw you, your ears turned all red and you said that youâre so in love, you feel your head get dizzy from time to time. It was less than I year ago. We joked around how you two are never coming out of that honeymoon phase. You didnât throw at me that sad little why. Something really happened between you two.â
Jaehyun raised his voice, Hyunjoo finally could hear him properly. âYour sister left for a year, of course something happened between us.â
âShe made a mistake, also quit the job to run back to you and I hope youâll appreciate that action and find it in you to forgive her for her stupid ways.â
âShe did what?â By the way Jaehyun gasped Hyunjoo could tell he was far from knowing the truth.Â
âWhat did she tell you about her comeback?â
âThat Seoul office needs were put before Seattle, so she was transferred back.â
âUnfortunately, despite a job, a marriage and other adult things in her life, sheâs still a stubborn child, that canât admit to things.â Hyunjoo rolled her eyes, looking for you in the crowded living room to scold you as soon as sheâs off the phone.Â
âIâll text you the time my train will be at the station. Okay?â
âYes, Iâll be waiting. Guess see you tonight?â
âYeah.â
-
âSweetheart, even Minhyuk made it over here after his shift! Whereâs our precious Jaehyunie? Hey, Minhyuk, where did your wife disappear?â Your mom moved her attention back at you. âWhere did Hyunjoo go?â
âI have no clue? She grabbed my car keys and said sheâll be back in an hour.â You shrugged.
âWhereâs mommy, dada?â Nara asked her dad, pressing her little head into his chest.Â
âWill come back soon, picking things up.â His mouth pressed into her ear, striking you a look you didnât know how to interpret for the meanwhile.Â
It all suddenly fell into place, when Jaehyun walked into the living room, Hyunjoo trailing right behind.Â
Every member of your family, your momâs closest friends, jumped off their seats to pinch his cheeks, or slap it in a caring manner, comment on how good heâs looking, or how sweet he is for coming despite the distance from Seoul or his parentsâ.Â
It was hard for you to process his presence, especially when you didnât even talk about it with him. You found your sisterâs eyes on you with a smirk, not even hiding the fact it was her doing. You wondered how much she was able to work out on her own. About your marriage and the state it was in.Â
You felt your mouth open in shock, as you watched the encounter between Jaehyun and your dad, only to realise that heâs progressively getting closer to you. Finally closing the gap and wrapping an arm over your waist, mouth latching onto your temple. The touch wasnât giving off any feelings, it was clearly an act for the public.Â
âHi, baby.â He mumbled into your skin, moving away. âMy mom told me to greet everyone on her behalf and sheâs sorry for stealing me from this gathering.â He smiled sweetly at everyone, mouth pressing once again into your skin. âWhat is it? Why are you so flabbergasted?â He chuckled, fingers flexing over your waist like the last time he touched you, or kissed you in any way wasnât almost a year ago.Â
âYou said you canât make it, Iâm just confused.â You finally pulled yourself together, letting a small chuckle out. You finally looked at him up close, plastering a smile onto your face, palm moving onto his chest as your lips landed in the corner of Jaehyunâs mouth. You wouldâve kissed his mouth, but were scared heâd tap out of that excessive acting. âHi.â You whispered, not sure if anyone was locking in on the acting in front of them.Â
âJaehyunie, you really made us worry, when my daughter was away and you wouldnât come see us-.â Your mom pulled everyoneâs attention back on you two. Â
âI just couldnât imagine coming here, knowing I wonât see my wife for three years. Iâm sorry, I shouldâve been more cautious of how youâll feel.â He bowed, making your grandmothers coo at each other.
âNo, no. Itâs all good. It is such a blessing that project got cancelled and they let you come back. A family should always be together, now you can try for babies-.âÂ
âMom.â You chocked.Â
âYes, we obviously need Uri and Nara to become the wiser older siblings, just like their mom is.â Hyunjoo teased.
âWe havenât thought of that yet, you need to slow down. I just got back-.â
âYou two are almost thirty-.â Jaehyun cut off, politely.Â
âWe thought of a baby before everything happened, once my beautiful wife is ready, Iâm sure itâll happen.â You felt a little shiver of anxiety run down your spine.Â
-
You watched Jaehyunâs back for a little, comprehending whether or not heâd hate you progressing with the act. He straightened his back a little, and it was hard to hold back any longer. You wrapped your arms over his waist, tucking your face between his shoulder blades.
He stilled at first, wrapping his fingers over your arm a moment later.
âThanks for coming here, I donât know why or how Hyunjoo did it, but you saved me.â Your mouth left a kiss on his back, before snuggling your face into the material once again.Â
He tapped the back of your palm multiple times, before you worked out it was his call for you to let him go. You did so, taking a step back also, so he could turn around.Â
Jaehyun looked down on you, face not giving much to interpretation, but his arms wrapped around your shoulders and tucked you into his chest. Your arms found their place on his waist. This here, it felt like you were home for the first time since you came back. Despite spending this whole week back here, only now did it feel like you returned where you belonged. You tightened your hold around him, Jaehyun letting his back hit the counter and welcome you between his legs, arms holding you firmer in his hold. It was hard for you to see the truth behind the action. Did he do that to put an impression on your family that you were good? Did he do that because thatâs all he wanted to do since you came back? Your fingers caressed his back in little pats, eyes closing and muting all the background noise, focusing on the beating of his heart only.Â
Jaehyun raised his head from the top of yours, only to bombard a multitude of kisses on top of your head. You felt like you were about to burn alive.Â
âAigoo, how did you two live separately for a year, when youâve seen each other in the morning and already canât let go of each other.â Your mom let you know the act was seen. Jaehyun pulled back.
âIn the morning?â Jaehyun smiled politely at your mom, shifting his gaze at you. You smiled innocently, resting your head on his shoulder, until your mom would move her attention elsewhere. âWhatâs this about?â Jaehyun whispered into your ear.
âAct like we spent the week at home, will you?â You smiled, mouth almost not moving as you spoke.Â
âAnd may I know where you spent it?â Jaehyunâs arm wrapped tighter over your waist. The familiar press of his body against yours felt borderline ecstatic.Â
âFour SeasonsâŚ?â You cowardly admitted staying at a hotel for the whole week, instead of facing reality.Â
âYou stayed at a hotel?! Instead of coming back home?â Jaehyunâs arm pushed you even more into his frame, hissing, making it wildly uncomfortable to press into his crotch during a build up for a confrontation. âWhy do you hate me? I didnât leave you.â Instead of a blow up, his shoulders slouched in lack of understanding your motives.Â
You wished you could answer that yourself.Â
âI guessed you wonât be comfortable being around me, but you came here. What did my sister tell you?â You hissed back at him.Â
âThat your mom was halfway done with nagging at Minhyuk, and you were next in line for my absence. Said you wonât come out alive out of it, so I had to hop on the train. If youâre dead, whoâs signing my divorce agreement?â He chuckled, your palm landed on his chest, asking for a little bit of space between you two. The joke didnât land where he wanted it to. At least you were hoping, that heâs playful and not about to pop the pen and paper from behind him.
-
âWe havenât slept in a bed together since April last year.â You stated, eyes glued to your double bed.Â
âIâm aware.â Jaehyun simply shrugged. He mightâve not cared.Â
âDo you⌠not want to?â You still made sure to ask.Â
âI donât care, Iâm dead tired Iâll be knocked out on the floor, if it matters to you.â
"We should sleep tops to tails." you suggested, scared you'd eventually roll over into him and tuck yourself under his arm, like you knew you always did.Â
"Sure." Jaehyun gave you the curtest nod and sat down on the bed with his back facing you.Â
You grabbed the pillow and tossed it into supposed feet area, covering yourself with a duvet, thank God your mom had a spare one and you didnât have to share it with him. "Turn off the light when you won't need it anymore. Thank you." you whispered and closed your eyes.Â
Jaehyun was well aware of the fact you couldn't fall asleep with the light on, it was obvious the man also knew how much you hated to have your full body covered, because you were immediately hot all over even in the winter. But you had to intention of letting him see any of you from behind the material.Â
You focused on the noises that were coming from him - he shuffled on the bed a little, clearly not lying down yet. Then he stilled, making you wonder if he was just staring at his phone, with the full illumination in the room. You were getting a little worked up at the idea of him purposely disturbing your wish to sleep. You wanted to turn around and see him and maybe have a little fight, because it seemed like the only valuable reason to talk to him.Â
You were feeling too warm under the duvet, all because of those thoughts, you needed him to turn off the lights, so you'd pull it off yourself. When he'd roll to the other side and won't see your bare legs in the darkness. As you made up your mind to fight, you heard him get to his feet and finally turn the lights off. You held in a sigh.Â
You listened carefully to his feet walking back to the bed and felt him sitting down. Heard and felt the mattress bend as he lowered his body fully and then shuffled with his own duvet. You felt the mattress bend under him as he probably turned away from you, and finally felt free to move the duvet off your body.Â
Taking a long breath and actually trying to fall asleep this time.Â
You tried not to picture much how you'd meet at the court's entrance to civilly agree on your divorce. You tried to shush those thoughts away and fall asleep quickly.Â
You heard a little shuffle behind your back, Jaehyun probably moving his arms around to find a comfortable position.Â
Until you felt his mouth on your outer ankle bone you were convinced Jaehyun was trying hard to fall asleep. Now you weren't so sure, as he moved his mouth a mere centimetre up. Your legs moved under his touch on reflex, trying to avoid the tickle of his mouth.Â
Jaehyun's fingers wrapped over your sole, holding your leg in place, as his mouth trailed up your ankle to your calf. "Tell me if you want me to stop." He skipped a few centimetres up your body and pressed his mouth into the middle of your thigh.Â
"It's okay." you whispered into the pillow, laying on your stomach. Jaehyun's mouth kissed your other thigh and moved away. You heard him shuffle behind you, probably sitting up, felt his fingers wrap around your ankles and pulling your body more to the centre of the bed. You tried to close your legs and felt his body between them.Â
You were already so damn wet, not knowing what he wanted or intended to do, but you were just hoping Jaehyun won't take long to find out how he made you feel.Â
His fingers ran up your legs while giving pressure to your skin, pressing his mouth right under your ass, the shorts giving him the perfect opportunity to feel up all the bare skin. You felt his tongue swipe up, while his hand squeezed the other side under its fingers. You perked your ass up, only to be pressed down with force.Â
Jaehyun's luscious mouth moved up your butt cheek and left wet kisses, when you felt a striking pain of his teeth, digging into the soft skin. As you gave out a whine and shuffled under him, Jaehyun's free palm pressed into your lower back to keep you in place, pressing his teeth into you even harder.
Your hand blindly found his head, trying to make him let go. It's not like he didn't know it hurt, he purposely hurt you.Â
"Baby, it really hurts." You finally whined, feeling his mouth let go of you and fall into your reached out hand, peppering kisses into your palm.Â
Your butt cheek was on fire.Â
"I know. That's your punishment for leaving me alone. For a whole fucking year. And staying at that fuck ass hotel for the whole week. Bet it doesn't even sting half badly to what my heart felt."Â
"I'm so sorry." you tried to turn around and see him, but Jaehyun's arms pressed into your knees. This was clearly another part of his punishment. "My ass is on fire, i need ice."Â
"I can give the symmetrical one to the other side, it'll for sure stop burning over here."Â
"No, please, this already hurts a lot. Is there blood?" you whined.Â
"I wouldn't bite that hard, you're silly. Just a little red mark. It's not that harsh." His fingers slapped the butt cheek and you let out an 'ouch'. It for sure felt like there was blood to you. "I missed you." he whispered in a hushed manner, pressing his mouth against you. âI had to fuck my hand for a year because my wife left me alone. Are you sorry for that also?â
âI am.â
âGood.â Jaehyun pressed flat out palm into your core, your body leaning into his hand to feel the pressure that made your eyes roll backwards. âTell me if you donât want to have sex with me.â
âI want to, my only concern would be my entire family sleeping in the same building.â You moved your body against his palm, giving yourself a bit of stimulation.Â
âThen you have to be extra cautious with your noises.â Jaehyun moved his fingers to the side, teasing the material of your underwear.Â
âYou can silence me with your kisses. Please, let me turn around, I want to kiss you.â You whined, feeling his digits tease your slickness. Jaehyunâs thumb disappeared in your folds, giving you pressure you missed so much. One more swipe of his fingers and all you need is his hips thrusting into you full force. Fucking you stupid, until you canât stand up the next morning.Â
âNo, I donât want you to.â His pointing fingers rolled over your clit in circles.
âI missed you so fucking much, baby.â
âI can tell. Youâre so wet, so warm, so ready to take me inside of you.â Jaehyunâs fingers rolled down your slit, pressing into your entrance. âBut I kind of thought of something else?â His digits penetrated you, curling inside as your ass once again lift up from the mattress, adding on the friction and pressure.Â
âBaby, anything is good for me. Can you move your hand faster?â Jaehyun pressed his other hand into your clit, drawing small circle while pumping his other hand in and out of you.Â
âYou canât be cuming this early, no. Iâm going to move slowly. You need to relax. Completely.â He let his hand from your clit press into your lower back to lay you back down. âShh, you need to relax, I need you to be absolutely unwind.â Jaehyun caressed your thigh with that same hand, letting left-over slickness stain your skin.
âWhy?â You mumbled into the pillow, arms grabbing onto the material, as Jaehyun pulled back. As the question left your lips, you felt his same digit give pressure to your anus. âWhy?â You asked again, meaning why do you want to do anal when my whole family could hear us. Not why the hell do you want that now.Â
âAre you against it?âÂ
âNo, we maybe shouldâve taken it home.â You whined as he caressed his fingers against you.
âWe canât, not when you tell me youâve slept in a hotel for a week, when I thought you were here. I couldâve been fucking you for a week, in every way I could think of. I couldâve even calmed down by now and started making love to you instead.â Jaehyunâs mouth trailed kisses down your back through your shirt.
âDo you knowâŚhow to do it properly?â He clearly did, you just liked asking stupid questions.Â
âI had plenty of time to work that out.â
âDonât tell me it was through other people.â You swallowed a moan, feeling him slip into your wetness.Â
âYou must be fucking insane. I wouldâve kept my faithfulness to you even if you signed the papers and I walked into you five years later on accident. Youâre the love of my fucking life, baby.â Jaehyun slipped two of his fingers inside of you, giving pressure to your ass with the third one.Â
âJaehyun-ah.â You cried into the pillow not able to go with the same slowness of his movement, continue with that mere pressure into your ass, you needed more of him and more firmly, like you knew he was able to give.
âYes, sweetheart?â He whispered sweetly.Â
There was no sweetness in your response. When you were horny, you were far from being sweet. âI want you to fuck my ass. And I want you to do it roughly.âÂ
âI hear you.â Jaehyun whispered, pressing his mouth into your shoulder blade. âLet me take your clothes off, stick your ass up.â He let go of you completely, moving back down and watching you get on your knees. You stuck your butt out for him, his fingers immediately hooking onto your shorts and pulling them down your legs, throwing them off the bed with your underwear. You felt his mouth latch onto your heat, swiping the tongue up and down your slick folds, causing you to fold into his touch and chase his mouth with your core blindly. Your head buried deep into the pillow to not let the whimpers coming out of you be heard anywhere beyond your bed.
Jaehyun ran his tongue up and down, extending the trail up to your ass, repeating that same action multiple times. His fingers once again found your entrance, penetrating you full force with no warning. He didnât really need to, you were so slick, he could get himself inside of you with no issue right the same moment. âWe donât have lube, so weâll have to stick to your pussyâs slickness and my saliva. If itâs not doing itâs thing and it hurts, just tell me, okay?âÂ
âIt wonât hurt.â
âIt can, baby. Promise you wonât endure pain to make me happy.â
âI wonât.â
âGood girl.â He moved his fingers from inside of you, pressing into your butt cheeks to spread you wider. You felt stars in your eyes as Jaehyunâs tongue slipped inside of you, it was firm, so wet and warm. You chased him once again, as he tried to move away from you, sticking his tongue into your vagina while his finger pressed into your other hole, taking your mind completely off that foreign but fascinating feeling.
Your arm reached out to your husband between your legs squeezing his thigh barely reaching with your fingers. If he was still your husband, heâd know you werenât just wanting to hold on to him. And he was, indeed, still your husband, because you could hear the shuffling, and the struggle of him trying to take his sleeping pants off with just one hand. He finally did so, moving his hips forward, until the tip of his cock fell into your open palm and you wrapped around it, pumping his tip. Jaehyun let out the loudest sigh, like he was lifting weights at the gym, trying to hold himself together. You pumped him, until he became too heavy in your hand, pressing him into your slickness just so you could feel his warm leaking head press into your longing pussy. His cock felt so painfully hard and he obviously needed to slip himself inside of you.Â
You swiped his tip against your slit, making both you moan with the way the swipe felt so full to the both of you, until pressing him into your ass. Letting him know you wanted him get inside of you, just a finger wasnât enough anymore. You needed the full experience he wanted you to have.
âWait, baby, I need to find the condom.â Jaehyun pulled back, slipping his length out of your hold.Â
âIâm still taking birth control?â
âItâs not about that. Didnât I tell you, had plenty of time to work out how to do it properly. I canât do both your ass and pussy, because bacteria can cause infections in your vagina, we canât be doing that, can we?â You nodded, feeling Jaehyun climb back onto the bed. âI can put it on you, like when we just started dating. You liked it so much.â You havenât put a condom on him in maybe eight years, you wanted to remember the feeling.Â
âItâs okay.â You heard the foil break under his teeth, âDonât want you to move out of this position.â
âPlease?â You whined, reaching a hand out between your legs once again. Only now did you realise you obediently sat in the same position, when you couldâve turned around and force his mouth onto yours.Â
Jaehyun slipped his tip into your fingers, the rubber material hiding the tip from your direct touch as he slightly put it on already. You wrapped your finger over him and in one swift motion rolled it all the way up, giving his balls a squeeze before moving your hand back to the base. You guided his hips closer to you, smudging the condom with your slickness, as you worked him against you. He did say youâll need a ton of lube for that.Â
Jaehyun moved away, your arm going back to the pillow to give you steadiness. You stuck your butt out more, hoping itâll make easier for the both of you. You felt a drip of his saliva fall onto your skin, felt him smothering your entrance with his cock and felt the pressure, slipping himself into you.
âIs itâŚnot working?â You asked, confused. You felt pressure, but couldnât even comprehend the depth of that motion.Â
âItâs working, just donât strain yourself, itâll hurt me. Is it okay?â
âIt is.â
âDo you want me to touch your pussy?â
âI want to feel this properly.â You whispered, sure of the fact he slipped past the tip - it felt like more pressure than before applied. âFuck.â You gasped.
âWant me to move away?â
âNo, I might need your fingers.â
âWhere?â
âClit.â Jaehyun urgently pressed his digits into your core, massaging your completely soaking mucous. It gave you that little bit of relaxation you needed to let go and allow Jaehyun to move further, he did just that, slipping himself in.
âCan I move?â Jaehyun sighed.
âAre you deep?â You felt like he was all in, he probably wasnât.Â
âMmh, like halfway?â
âYeah, do that.â You whimpered as he moved away, pressing himself once again. âDo more spit.â You felt his warm saliva once again drip down your skin.Â
âFuck, this feels insanely tight. Like the next thrust Iâm not going to be able to move back.â He gasped with each thrust and you couldnât understand if it somehow was what he expected.Â
âDo you hate it?â
âNo, I just have a feeling this wonât last long.â You could feel Jaehyun get deeper inside of you with every thrust of his. âFuck, baby, youâre taking this so well.â He whined into your spine. âFuck, fuck.â He cursed under his breath, hips finally pressing against your ass. Your fingers reached out to his balls, giving them a little stimulation while Jaehyun recollected himself. âCan I do it properly?â
âYou can try.â Jaehyun angled your ass, moving out of you, only to slap his hips full force into you. It didnât feel like pain. Pressure - yes, a lot of pressure that youâve never felt before, stretching that made your core throb. You felt so full of your husband, ready to take thrusts of any power and force. You whined under his hold, every thrust of his hips making your breath hitch, pressure under every finger of his on your waist making your back arch back in want. You physically needed him to fill you up, you couldnât care at this point in what way, as long as he was holding you in his arms.Â
His little grunts were getting progressively more expressive, making him mess up the tempo every once in a while. Jaehyun pulled out, and you could tell he moved away from you with the way his palms left your skin.Â
You tried to switch positions, get up from your now sore arms and turn to see his face. Jaehyun caught your arms with his, looping it around and pushing you towards him. So youâd get on your ass, while being half-way hostage in his hold and have no way to move your arms around. Mid-action Jaehyun put in extra care to make sure his tip lined up with you, sliding himself right into your slickness as you landed on his thighs. Filled to the brim with him. Just him, the condom disposed before the action.Â
You moaned.Â
The sound was so raw and sudden, you were convinced every other person that wasnât asleep in the house heard it.
âStop clenching around me.â Jaehyun grunted into your ear, mouth pressing into your jaw. âWe wonât last five minutes, sweetheart.â
âLet me move.â You whimpered, trying to raise your hips up but struggling while your arms are locked in his hold.
âOkay baby, ride me.â Jaehyun let you go, lowering his back on the mattress, palms resting against the sheets. Your fingers gripped onto his thighs, wrapping around them firmly, using them as a prop for stability, raising your hips up in the slowest motion you could muster and sinking down with that same smooth, fluid motion.Â
Up and down.Â
Another one hollowing yourself and filling up, all in that slow, almost teasing pace that helped you keep your composure. You felt your insides grip onto him in an attempt to hold back, you werenât able to do anything about it. It was either this, or spasming around him in literal five minutes.Â
And you couldnât let that happen.Â
You havenât felt him like that in a year. Youâd like him to fill you up for the entirety of the night.
And you knew heâd do that if you just voiced out the need.Â
Jaehyunâs fingers rested on your hips, his silent gesture for you to raise up the speed.Â
You really couldnât. Not with the way those thrusts made his tip press exactly into your g-spot, making your stomach grow heavier by the second with pleasure.Â
âBaby, are you good?â Jaehyun patted your side. You were uncharacteristically quiet during the process, just your thighs meeting his, fingers gripping onto his knee. Now, that you bent a little further. Mouth letting out heavy sighs as you were building up your high.Â
âGood.â You whispered.
âI can help you.â Jaehyun met you half way, forcing a grunt out both you and him.Â
âIâm doing good.â You cried in protest.
âYou are, baby. You are doing so good and itâs getting painfully hard to hold back from cuming. Watching you sink down on me is definitely my favourite show to watch, but my visionâs getting blurry.â Jaehyunâs fingers forced you down onto him roughly as he buckled his hips into yours once again. âCan I help us both? Get on your knees. Please, baby.â You almost sighed, it was probably the first time you havenât seen his face during sex, not once felt his tongue in your mouth. And he was the man that usually said he couldnât think of fucking any other way than missionary because he loves to see your face expressions.Â
Maybe heâs changed his opinion, or what has changed is his feelings.Â
You did as he asked bending forward, tangling your legs with his thighs and getting Jaehyun lift his hips right into you. Quick-paced thrusts that made your bedâs wood creak under pressure.Â
Jaehyun moved his hips up, his fingers pushing your core closer to him. The pace he moved with made you absolutely dizzy, you had no thoughts properly forming in your head except for maybe how he was using all of his core strength to chase both his and yours highs.Â
Your hips met his thrust half way up, helping him to pop that bubble of pressure in your stomach, until you felt yourself pool. Silent gasps and cries escaping through your mouth. Then, like a chain reaction Jaehyunâs thrust lost rhythm as your pussy gripped onto him mercilessly. You sank down feeling him spill, making slow thrusts to ride out his high.
Jaehyun stilled, letting his limbs fall off your lower back and onto the bed. Heavy breathing filling up the room.Â
You needed to lie down too, attempting to roll over to the side. Jaehyun didnât let you, his arms wrapping over your waist, forcing you to fall down onto his chest. Keeping himself inside of you. âCan I have your body weight on me for a little while?â Jaehyun mumbled against your skin, mouth pressing into your shoulder.Â
âYou can.â Your voice barely came out of your throat. âItâs the first time weâve gotten intimate in over a year. And the first time we didnât even take our clothes off properly.â Only now did you notice and feel, that you both had your shirts still on. You wouldnât be too surprised if the sleeping trousers he wore werenât properly off his body either. âFirst time I havenât seen your face nor kissed your mouth. And weâve been together for a decade. Is that supposed to mean something?â You questioned in a whisper. Jaehyun didnât budge, itâs like he didnât care about the emotional turmoil you were going through. âJaehyun?â you called out his name, squeezing his forearm for a reaction.Â
âIâm so tired.â He let out a loud sigh into your ear, mouth pressing into your jaw. âSorry, sweetheart, did you say something? I got knocked out under you.â He yawned, you had no emotional capacity to comprehend wether he play pretended or not. You wanted to not feel his arms press into your stomach.Â
You pulled onto them and freed yourself, sitting up and eventually moving away. Jaehyun let out an âouchâ at your motion.
You just felt hollow, just like your heart did last few months, throwing the shorts on and hiding yourself in the bathroom.Â
Rebound sex seemed to be a bitch.
-
You dreaded to open your eyes, but you knew you had to. Your mom had a very strict policy of no sleeping past 9 am, and you werenât sure Jaehyun got up to shower after what you did and put his underwear on. Or if he put the condom away or it was laying somewhere next to the bed.
Your mom catching up on obvious signs of you having sex last night seemed worse than facing your husband, and you opened your eyes quickly, looking over the room. Your eyes fell onto the chair, surprised to find Jaehyun sitting in it. Feet up on the cushion, eyes trained on the phone while he obviously scrolled.
Good thing he was dressed.Â
Though he was wearing his jeans and that made you let him know you were awake.
âAre you leaving?â Your voice sounded like you had nightmares of your husband having sex with you and handing you the divorce agreement right as you were cuming. Or did you really dream that? You needed to check your bedside table for pen and paper.
âHmâŚno?â Jaehyun looked up from his phone confused. âGood morning to you too, though.â
âWhy are you in your jeans at 8 am?â You frowned.
âCanât I take a walk?âÂ
âIâm sorry for asking.â You folded immediately. You could still feel his fingers on your thighs, you were in no place of mind to fight.Â
âDo you⌠feel okay?â He tip-toed over the topic.Â
âI havenât moved a limb, donât know.â Jaehyun dropped his phone on the floor, making you anxious with the speed he crossed the room to get on your side of the bed. âDid you throw the condom away?âÂ
âI did, your momâs been up since like 5:30 am. I heard her move around the house.â He gave you the weakest smile.Â
âI see.â You sighed, wildly awkward of Jaehyun standing above you like you were on your deathbed.Â
âCan you sit up?â He questioned, clearly concerned over your physical state.Â
âJae-.â You had to stop a chuckle. âWe had sex, itâs not like Iâm going to die after that. We had sex before. A lot of times.â You would like to not think of those times to not get yourself worked up.Â
âNot like that though.â He gave you a brow. You wondered if he meant the physical way he did it, or your emotional state or something else.
âIs that the only thing that bothers you?â Not like, the fact we have not kissed during the process?
âThatâs first priority.â
âOkay, Iâm going to sit up.â You let him know, pulling yourself together to get up. Despite the tiresome state of your system. Jaehyun watched your face intently, looking for any sign of discomfort that could come.Â
Okay, he mightâve been right. You didnât feel perfectly fine, you felt sore, a little pain also followed in your thighs. Nothing you couldnât endure anyway. Jaehyun read through discomfort that showed on your face for a split second.
âSee.â He sighed knowingly, walking off the bed and returning with a bag in his hand. âI got you something.â He admitted quickly, reaching his fingers into the bag. âThis is an electrolyte water. Also vitamin c.â He got two bottles out of the bag, expecting you to take them, so you did. âI didnât know if itâs better with heat or cooling - I got a heat pack and this cooling spray just in case-.â
âAt the convenience store?â You asked confused, youâve never heard of cooling sprays at convenience stores, but then again - you never looked for them.
âYes.â He let all of the things fall onto your lap. âAnd this mini croissants salt bread. Thought you might like it. Itâs the new product, got on market while you were away.â The baby-blue pack fell onto your lap last. You looked at everything, overwhelmed with the fact Jaehyun cared for you as much as he did before. Despite the signs earlier.Â
Or maybe he just wanted to be nice, patch up your bruises and get you to sign those papers while youâre touched by him?
âThank you.â You could only muster, raising your eyes to see his face plastered with cute smile, that made both his dimples pop. He gave you a nod and turned around probably to get rid of the bag.
âJaehyunâŚâ
âYes?â At the call of his name he was looking you in the eyes in a second.Â
âI still donât want that divorce to happen⌠I didnât come back because the project got cancelled. It got cancelled, because I said Iâm going back home. I asked for their understanding a long time ago. First, they told me I needed to assimilate, that I was just home sick and thus asked to be dismissed. I agreed, stayed another month, but it wasnât going away. That sorrow and emptiness werenât going anywhere. I told them Iâm going back, but they pleaded me to stay just another month to find a substitute. Then a month stretched into two and three. I only was able to make it back to you now. I was sick this whole time, when you first actually send me the papers, I cried the whole week. I wanted to go back immediately, and I werenât allowed to. I really fucked us up, you were right when you said I acted like the 10 years of us didnât matter to me⌠because I donât know what the fuck I was doing. I left and realised that the life I thought I was able to live, actually was unbearable without you. How funny is that? Expected myself to kill this whole thing, return back home to you and slide into our bed like nothing happened, when I clearly hurt you, and myself. I love you so much. Iâm so sorry, whatâs done cannot be undone, so I guess I am signing those papers. I canât hold you back forever, just ask your lawyer to send one more copy to our apartment.â You sobbed defeated.Â
âWhat?â Jaehyun sounded astonished, you raised your face to see him. Probably jumping in happiness.Â
âI said Iâll sign those papers.â You repeated to his face.Â
âYou still want to get divorced? I thought we just had reconciliation sex and will move on?â He took multiple steps back to you.Â
âHuh? I thought this was a goodbye?â
âAnd why would I go to a convenience store at 7 am then?â Jaehyun furrowed his brows even deeper.Â
âTo get me on your good side⌠so Iâd sign the agreement?â You told him what you took this as.Â
âAre you⌠crazy? How did I even marry a crazy lady like you.â He chuckled in clear disbelief.Â
âYou didnât kiss me once last night, didnât even look me in the eyes once. What was I supposed to take this as?â It was your turn to frown.Â
âMe fucking you from the back like I said I was gonna to.â He exclaimed louder than intended, having you shush him with your hands immediately.Â
âI donât understand, Iâm sorry.âÂ
âYouâre back for forever? This is not a holiday brake, right?â Jaehyun crossed the room.Â
âNo, Iâm back for good.â
âI wanted a divorce not because I didnât love you. I wanted a divorce because I didnât want to hold you back here. If you were gonna settle in the US for three years, I didnât want to be the anchor that pulled you back here. If youâre here, we should reconcile and not do the stupid thing. I love you.â He said in one quick breath.Â
âYou do?â
âOf course, sweetheart. I always will.â Jaehyun kneeled in front of your half-sitting body.
âI love you too.â You admitted quickly.Â
âGood, I guess now that weâre settled I can have my real kiss.â He pulled on your palms, bending your back towards him. Before his mouth could touch yours, you pulled back.
âBut why? Why you didnât kiss me last night? Canât believe in what you said.â
âI told you when you were leaving. We are not having our last kiss. I werenât sure, last night, that it wonât be the last time I kissed you, so I refrained. Now that I am sure, I donât have a good reason to not do that.â
âYour brain is⌠insane?â You chuckled, but instead of letting him pull you down, forced him up and on top of you, sealing your mouths in the slowest twirl of your tongues.Â
âMom! Theyâre making you more grandkids!â Your sister forced the door wide open, not giving either of you a moment to react, or to let go of each other.Â
âClose the door!â you growled, hiding Jaehyunâs face in the crook of your neck.
âI heard enough moans last night, canât be listening to that while Iâm having breakfast! Come on you two! Mom said breakfastâs ready. Iâm giving you 45 seconds to pull your shit together or mom locks you two up to conceive that baby now!â
âEw.â You made the loudest sound of disgust, Hyunjoo threw a towel she had in her hands towards you and closed the door. Jaehyun raised his head up looking at you with the wildest grin, face gone red as a tomato.Â
âShe heard everything.â Jaehyun let out a low chuckle out. âIâm not going there.â He rolled over onto his back.
âYou are! Iâm not facing my family after what she just said on my own!â
hope you enjoyed, any feedback is highly appreciated <3