take me to paradise @anashins - Tumblr Blog

City Lights

Title: City Lights

Part 1: Dark Woods

Pairing: kidnapper!Jaehyun x heiress!reader

Genre: road trip au, angst, drama, romance, slow burn, smut, suspense, strangers to lovers, hate to love

Word Count: 10k

Summary: Months have passed since Jaehyun took you away. You've returned home, but nothing is the same as before. You struggle to adapt to your old life and long to return to the woods, to a man who kept you against your will. At least, that’s what everyone says.

Warnings: Morally gray characters, mentions of stockholm syndrome, abduction.

A/N: Hi guys! This is the second part and the conclusion to "Dark Woods". Hope you enjoy 💓

July, New York City, USA

It had been three months since you woke up from an artificial coma, and not a single day had passed without you wishing they would put you right back in.

You doubted anyone else would have reacted any differently after everything you’d been through these past weeks.

After the accident, the surgeons had managed to save your life without causing any long-lasting damages to your head except for a scar. Two months ago, you were finally discharged and allowed to return home - but not to your own apartment. No, you went back to your father's place where your sister had temporarily moved in as well. He had said it was only precautions to observe your healing process and protect you from the public interest in your case. Additionally, having the entire family together would help you find your way back into your old life much easier.

But you knew better. He was afraid paparazzi would snap a picture of you or that you could accidentally say something wrong to them and add fuel to the fire, so you and your sister were confined indoors for a long time.

Every day, reporters gathered in front of the building, trying to catch a glimpse of the famous heiress who had gone missing and one day magically returned without further explanation. Your family was all over the media for weeks, and your father wasn't able to put a stop to the constant coverage of this scandal since the news had gotten out before he could bribe the newspapers and tv channels. It didn’t take the media very long to connect the dots and figure out that no one had seen you since the end of last September as a matter of fact, adding more questions to a case hobby online investigators made it their mission to solve.

By July, the public interest had significantly dropped, only about a handful of paparazzi now present in front of your father’s apartment building. You were finally allowed to leave.

"Are you happy to go back to your apartment today?" your sister asked that morning. "You will love the new interior. It's different from before, but I thought you might like it more this way."

She meant well, but she couldn’t hide the fact in her voice that she was happy to finally go home as well. She was so fed up by all of this - just like you. It was thanks to your sister that you could leave though, because if she hadn’t convinced your father, you would stay here many more weeks. You just had to promise to be on alert with reporters and only leave the house with a bodyguard. It was fine for you since you didn’t plan on leaving anyway.

You forced yourself to smile in response to your sister’s attempts to talk to you. It was an act you needed to carry out so often lately, because otherwise your father would call a doctor to check on your injured head again.

Though, they never found anything. You were perfectly healthy and clearheaded. Your father just couldn't seem to understand. He didn't want to understand.

"Thank you,” you said to your sister. “I really appreciate it."

You didn't want to push her away or resent her anymore. You couldn't. She was just as much a victim of your father as you were, and she had made up for every pent-up vile word she had ever said to you the moment she didn't leave your hospital bed for days on end, holding your hand all through your critical state.

Your sister had been back home since the middle of December and for just as long, they had been searching for you.

The official story went like this: Your family had gone on a very long vacation from the end of September until before Christmas. The fact that your father had caused a life-threatening situation that involved his daughters as well was being kept tightly under wraps. Of course, in the end, it had all been settled with money. Apparently, it had cost him a few residences in countries you had never visited in the past anyway.

He had been so sure that you would return after he had settled everything. That had been the plan. The difference was that your sister's companion had acted according to plan and brought her back after a little over two months - and yours hadn't.

When your father had started realizing that Jaehyun had purposefully cut off contact and wouldn’t let you go, he had started his own rescue mission with private detectives and his friends in the police. They had gotten as far as Alaska by tracking down where Jaehyun's phone got last connected to the network. But Alaska was so remote and wide, their attempts were all in vain. When your father eventually had no options left but to inform the FBI shortly later, he wasn’t able to tell the entire truth without making himself look suspicious. The investigators were searching everywhere but the area your father had suspected you to be.

In the end, your father’s reputation was still more important to him than finding you. You had caused many scandals throughout the years, and he had been immune to every single one of them. But the one that could completely destroy his business had been caused by himself alone. It was as absurd as it was real.

"I needed someone from the Marines since they could protect you and knew how to get around safely," he had said. "I wouldn't have done it if I didn't know you weren’t in safe hands. I have let his background get thoroughly run through. He had this cabin in the woods where you could have resided for a while. It was perfect for you to learn how to live without all the luxury. Think of it like a retreat."

How gracious he was, sponsoring you a surprise retreat! He could have chosen someone who owned a house with running water and electricity right by the beach. Or someone he actually knew, a retired bodyguard, like in your sister's case.

Instead, he had chosen a complete stranger with a cabin in the deepest Alaskan woods, because he… what? Wanted to teach you a lesson on the top of bringing you to safety for a danger he had brought over the family entirely by himself?

"No!" your father had defended himself. "The location was just… a convenient offer from Jaehyun which I deemed fitting for you."

Convenient? He had chosen Jaehyun out of convenience? Because he had just put a fitting offer for you at the right time, and your father hadn’t questioned it further?

"I needed to have the newspaper faked, otherwise you wouldn't have believed the entire situation since no word about it could go outside," he had said. "One can easily impersonate my handwriting, so I needed something more convincing in case you ever came to doubt the situation. Only that was made up. Everything else, what you said he told you, was real. I sent Jaehyun the most important information about you one month before for preparation, and I was in regular contact with him until he turned unresponsive when we returned. I always made sure you were safe and taken care of as long as I could."

That was the reason as to why you hadn’t found more news on your family's seeming scandal, even in Canada, and why Jaehyun had been so persistent you stayed away from people. Just so that you wouldn't get suspicious of the entire situation. It had all only come out after they returned.

"You haven't been very successful in keeping me safe and protected, have you?" you had asked bitterly.

"We had a deal. You were supposed to stay with him until I gave him a sign that the situation has been cleared. But the connection broke after I told him you could come back home now, and I never found out where the cabin was exactly located except for that it was in that part of Alaska. I initially didn’t think it would be so hard to find."

"You never validated where he would hide with me?" you had asked with anger crawling beneath your skin. "You just sent him money and called it a day? Everything would go well, because you're so mighty and wealthy, and everyone bows to you?"

He had faltered. "Well, no-"

"What if it had been someone else?" you had pressed the topic. "What if it had been someone with malicious intent who had truly kidnapped me and done worse things to me? How would you have justified that?"

"I told you, I had his background thoroughly run through after he had applied to that position."

“And you think only genuine people apply to that job offer or what?”

He had still been oblivious as to where he went wrong. He hadn’t wanted to acknowledge his own fault. “It was concealed as a one time bodyguard mission.”

You had snorted ironically. “Then what about the accident he caused? You knew about that?”

“The accident?” You had seen your father falter for the first time.

"Of course you don’t know, because you don’t care! No parents who truly love their children would have ever done something like this! You could have spoken openly with us, be transparent. Instead, you sent me away with a stranger, because you were scared any mishap could have ruined your business and wanted to teach me a lesson!" you had yelled. "In the end, you couldn't find me, because he didn't cooperate anymore and was not afraid of you!"

"I promised you, he will pay dearly for it! I did all this, because you're my daughter and I love you!"

"You are at fault!" you had then screamed. "You are at fault for sending me away with a stranger who had taken advantage of your poor judgment! It was all because of your negligence! If I hadn’t had this accident, what further steps would you have taken to find me? Threaten his family? Actually, I’m surprised you haven't done that yet."

“I went to see his family,” he had admitted. “Natually, if anyone would have known, then it was them. I flew all the way to their country to talk to them personally. But they knew nothing. They hadn’t talked to him in more than a year. He had sent them all the money though and considering their living circumstances, they truly needed it. I couldn’t make them responsible for something they clearly don’t have control over, so I left again.”

“Still, you weren’t doing enough! Nobody knew the entire truth, because you couldn’t even disclose the authorities to your plan! I’m your daughter you had sent away with a stranger, and this was everything that you did! What would mom think?!”

"You don't get to talk to me like this when you were the one willing to stay with him in the end!" he had yelled back. "Didn't you say he had never threatened you? That you hadn't been held captive? You could have always come back if only you wanted to!"

"I would have come home if only I had known it was safe!"

"Tell me this again, but look into my face while you do so this time. Tell me you didn't allude yourself into thinking you were in love with such a criminal!"

"I-" You couldn't. "He's not a criminal!"

A liar maybe, but you had never seen Jaehyun as a vile criminal.

Your father returning shortly before Christmas was the time you had wanted to make up your mind about staying with Jaehyun. When your father had really contacted him for that purpose on the exact day he had told you, then it was a few days before you had made up your mind, most likely on the day on or around your self-declared Christmas Eve. Which meant Jaehyun had made that decision for you before you had made it yourself.

Your father had discarded you to a stranger the moment he thought you could contribute to his downfall, and Jaehyun had omitted the fact that your father was looking for you to keep you with him. You had been manipulated into making the decisions you had made, by your father and Jaehyun both.

You didn't know how to ever cope with betrayal to such an extent from the people you had loved the most.

If you had known your father's true situation prior to escaping, would you have gone with Jaehyun voluntarily? And if you had known that your father had called, would you have come back and left Jaehyun?

You had been looking for answers, but couldn't come up with any.

You had watched the vein on your father's temple pulse in upset. "Then how about you stop pretending and tell us where to find him!"

"I told you, I wouldn't know the way anymore!"

"You're protecting him, that's what you're doing! Do you know what your therapist calls such a behavior?"

You didn't want to hear it again.

"Hey." A soft voice pulled you out of your flashbacks. "The car's ready," your sister announced. "Let's go, shall we?"

You nodded and arose from the couch on which you had spent the most time since your return. Your bed in your old room from your childhood was the only other location. You didn’t have many belongings to carry in the first place and only picked up a bag which a maid had prepared and had placed in the lobby.

"Will you tell me someday?" your sister asked in the car as you emerged from the underground parking lot. "What truly happened out there in the woods? What you don’t tell the therapist and father?"

You didn’t think she’d understand. Nobody would. But to assuage her, you answered, "Maybe someday."

When you had been admitted to the hospital, they had run all kinds of tests on you. You’d been perfectly healthy, but of course, they had noted traces of semen on your body. Your father had gone on a rampage while you were still in a coma.

When you had woken up, it was too late to clarify the nature of your relationship, so you never did. Everyone close to you knew there was more to the story. Why else would you not press charges, but even defend him if you were not stuck in some kind of twisted love story with your abductor in your injured head?

Again, the official story was that nobody knew who your abductor was and where you had been brought to since you had been in a coma. The real story was that you remembered everything and refused to reveal his location and hand him over to the FBI. Everyone was mad at you for that, including your father and therapist.

"Ta-daaa!"

Your sister had done a great job of making your apartment unrecognizable. Before, your tapestry and furniture had followed a dark theme as you wanted your interior to be a bit edgier than the typical setups recommended by designers. But your sister had followed this exact general thinking: Everything was beige, white, and bright now. There was no personality left in your apartment at all anymore.

"Do you like it?" She looked at you expectantly.

"Yes, thank you so much!"

It wasn't a lie. Strangely, you didn't feel like you needed to lie to her at all anymore.

Returning to your former apartment setup would have thrown you right back into a life that no longer existed for you. It had vanished the day Jaehyun tore you away from it. This… this was as basic as possible. No identity, not trace of life. Just like you.

"I'm glad!" your sister called out in relief. "So… let's unpack your stuff, shall we? Everything you need and own is still here. I just exchanged your toothbrush and stuff like that."

You had never felt the urge to rely on your little sister, but right now, you felt like you really needed her for the first time in your life. You didn't know what you would do without her, how to handle all this logistical stuff that seemed so trivial, yet was so important. She had thought about everything in your absence while your thoughts only revolved around Jaehyun.

"Can you stay here?" you asked carefully. "At least only for tonight? I don't want to be alone here yet."

Surprise spread across her face, and you wondered when you had last shared a bed or even a room with your sister. But now, she seemed to be the only person whose presence was bearable for you. A delicate smile then made her features appear younger than she already was, and you were suddenly thrown back to a time where you happily shared rooms and beds, long before your mother had died.

"Yes! Of course I will stay with you tonight and for as many more as you need me to."

You tried to think of a time when you had been more grateful to have a sister, but nothing came to mind. Even though she probably wanted to go back to her own home, she didn’t let it show. But you were convinced she meant every word she had said.

You ordered Chinese food for dinner and watched a movie together that you had usually watched on an early Saturday morning when you were still children. Later, you laid in bed together, staring at the ceiling where the city lights reflected on the ceiling.

You couldn’t stand leaving the windows open anymore. The noise of the bustling metropolis felt suffocating. After growing used to the silence and calm of the wild, every sound and light now irritated you. You missed the soft rustling of the trees, the melodic chirping of the birds, the fickle spitting of the fireplace, and Jaehyun's deep voice whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

You decided, as you and your sister laid there, that it was time to finally tell her.

"I could always come back, but I didn't. I've fallen in love with him, you know."

Your sister didn't say anything for a long time. Until she turned to the side and you did the same, the both of you now facing each other.

"Do you still love him?" she asked.

You had no answer to this.

"You know what the therapists said," she started unsurely. "That if something like this happens, if a feeling of missing him or even affection towards him had or would ever occur…"

"… it was all because I wanted to survive, and it’s not real," you ended her sentence. "They have a term for this."

You stared at each other for a very long time again, until she asked, "And? You think it's that… term?"

You wanted to hug her for the sole question alone. No one had ever asked you that before. Nobody had asked you about your real feelings, your real thoughts. They all always wanted to plant something into your mind about what they thought you should be feeling. But your sister was really interested in what you were truly feeling independently from everyone else.

You didn’t have an answer to her question yet, though.

"Tell me about him," she encouraged you. "Tell me how he was. Tell me everything you remember about him."

And so you did.

You told her about the night Jaehyun had taken you away and the sheer terror that came with it, about the cross country road trip that had nearly cost you both your lives, but changed everything - not only between you two, but about your entire perception on how you had been living life up until then, too. You told her about your routine in the woods and how you had not only learned to adapt to a simple lifestyle without electricity and running water, but how you had started loving this life - and Jaehyun - too.

When you finished, your sister wanted to know, "What do you feel when you think about these memories?"

You drew a rapid breath. "Longing. I long to go back. To that life, to him. And I know it's wrong, but-"

She interrupted you. "Who said it's wrong?"

"The therapist and father. They said what he did was kidnapping, even though in the end, I have willingly stayed. I should look at the facts clearly. They say he made me dependent on him, and I alluded myself into thinking he protected me and that I needed him to survive. They say now I'm only protecting him by refusing to disclose his exact location, because I feel guilty and sorry for him."

She didn’t ask whether you were really lying about that certain point. Instead, she asked, "Would you have come back if you knew Jaehyun lied and we were searching for you?"

You let out a long sigh. "I've been asking this myself several times a day. Father is certain I wouldn't have come back. According to him, Jaehyun had manipulated me beyond the point of repair. He thinks I'm still… confused in the head."

"And out of all people, you want to listen to him? Especially after what father has done to us?"

There was an edge of indignation in your sister’s voice, and you wondered whether it had always been there, and you had simply failed to notice. Her companion had been a retired bodyguard who had taken her to Mexiko where his family lived. He was an old friend of your father's. In some sense, she had been luckier than you.

She continued, "That was the reason I pushed for us to move out. I cannot… bear being in the presence of him right now after what happened to you. I cannot bear seeing you suffer in his presence."

Your mien froze in realization. It hadn't been about her only, but about the two of you. Although the past months had been way more comfortable for her, she was angry together with you, for you. It wasn't about you against your sister and your father any longer, but your sister and you against your father. How could you have been so blind?

You smiled meekly. "Your experience has been different from mine. I knew he always preferred you. That's why I never understood why he never made you his successor."

"It became clear to me lately," she confessed bitterly. "It was all to draw the attention away from him, from what he was doing wrong. The more scandals you created, the more convenient it was for him to conceal his own mishaps, because people were less focused on him. They were all focused on you instead. You had always been a scapegoat. I have only failed to realize it earlier."

How had you never thought of it before? It wasn’t because he thought you were so fitting for that role or so capable of the skills that he kept you in this position despite your reputation.

It had always been for him. Everything he’d ever done was only for his own benefit.

How had you been so blind all this time? That was also why he had always threatened you, yet never made your sister the official heiress.

In the end, you would never have taken over the role of CEO, because he had never truly wanted you to. He would have either ruined the company himself or eventually passed the title on to your sister, leaving her to clean up the mess he’d been creating behind the scenes - if he hadn’t managed to fix it by then himself. And even then, he would have held on to this position until one of you had you rip it from his cold, dead hands.

“He is just as broken as we are since mom’s death,” you said. “What he’s been doing… Let’s try to forgive him and move past this. It doesn’t have to be right now, but we can take baby steps. It is what mom would have wanted.”

As much as you had tried to hate your father, you just couldn’t. His wounds were probably as deep as yours, and what you had been doing to him all throughout the years wasn’t exactly nice either. The only thing left to do was to leave this all behind you and start again, as a family.

"What I said about mom back then…" your sister continued, and you weren't sure whether you were ready for this conversation yet, even though it was long overdue. "It was wrong. I spent the last years trying to come to terms with what I've done to you with my hurtful words… but couldn't bring myself to apologize. I thought you hated me ever since then and I let you, because I felt so guilty. I tried so hard not to feel envious when I saw how much father doted on you. I thought, after what you've been through, you deserved at least that."

Life was so ironic, and your sister was too good of a person. You had been too selfish to have ever given her credit for that. "I thought he doted on you very much all this time, because he always scolded me and praised you, justifiably. I wanted him to make you the heiress, that's why I did all these things to constantly be on the news. I don't want to be the heiress, I never wanted to be. Mom just… talked a lot about it and even in death, I felt responsible to give her at least this. That was also why I have never brought up the courage to step down voluntarily. I thought I would hurt mom's feelings. I'd rather have father strip me of the responsibility once deemed unfit, by him and the public both."

"I'm so sorry," your sister whispered, and the shock in her voice was nearly palpable.

"I never hated you for what you held against me after the accident," you clarified. "You were only a child, full of grief. There was a time I wished it would have been me."

"Please don't say that," she pleaded. "I'd rather have you than no one."

"I wish father would think like that too, because otherwise I don’t know how we will get over this. Sometimes, I see it in his eyes that he wishes mom was still here, with or without me. When he realized how the past months had broken me, I assume he quickly knew where he had gone wrong."

Simultaneously, you moved closer to each other, and you let yourself be held and comforted by your sister for the first time since you were children. You smiled, heart warm with sisterly love.

“I’ll talk to father, and perhaps we can start family therapy sessions soon. It’s long overdue, don’t you think?” She brushed with her hand over your hair. “It’s all going to be okay. You’ll get your old life back.”

The only thing you omitted from her was the fact that you were unsure whether that was even possible in the first place.

____

September, New York City, USA

"Happy birthday!"

The candle flames flickered before your eyes as the waitress came over with a three-layered cake, and your friends started singing to you.

New friends you had made at the university you had enrolled in for the fall semester. Thanks to your father’s connections, it was a given that you had been accepted long after the regular deadline.

Last month, your sister had been officially named the heiress to your father’s company - under the condition that he would clean up all the corrupt stuff that could affect her. Of course he had complied when it was coming from her. There had been only a few mentions of this change in the newspapers and online, but nothing more.

As for you… you had bid farewell to your old lifestyle and, with it, disappeared from the media spotlight. Your days no longer revolved around shopping, meeting friends, and partying. You had shifted your focus entirely on your studies and rebuilding a new life, independently from your father's name.

While your bond with your sister had grown and became much better than ever before, you still struggled with the relationship with your father. Where you would consider your sister your best friend now, you would describe your father as a rather distant relative.

He was trying hard to make amends with you after the therapy sessions had opened his eyes about what his actions had put you through. You were open to forgiving him as you had suggested fixing everything in the first place. But it was harder than you had expected. He knew though, and he was patient.

Your life was perfect again.

Or so it seemed.

People you barely knew and who barely knew you had gathered around a large table in this huge, fancy restaurant. As they sang and celebrated, your eyes searched only for the familiar face of your sister, sitting right among them. Relief washed over you, calming you slightly when you finally spotted her encouraging smile.

She had been the one organizing the party - upon your request. According to your therapist, making new friends and falling back into familiar routines, but also inventing new ones, would help you build a stable life amidst all the wreckage and pain.

You should be happy on this special day, surrounded by so many people and your sister, sponsored by your father of course. But all you felt was an emptiness that hollowed you out from the inside, regardless of how much you wanted to fill it with joy.

Pain came and went, but this emptiness sat still, feeding on your emotions like a parasite and growing with each passing day. There was no cure to it, no medicine to make it stop.

You wondered how much time you had left until it would swallow what was left of you since that fateful day in the woods.

"Thank you,” you exclaimed once the singing had stopped and your guests looked at you expectantly. “I'm glad you all have come, I appreciate being able to celebrate this special day with you."

You also wondered when you had come so used to lying straight into people's faces.

As soon as everyone had personally congratulated you, most of whose names you had long forgotten already, you excused yourself to go freshen up in the restroom. But instead, you fled into the lobby of the building, fearing that if you stayed longer among these people, you would lose your mind.

You sat down on a couch, watching people entering and leaving, and wishing to be alone at the same time. You closed your eyes and took rhythmic, deep breaths. Your therapist advised you on doing so whenever your environment felt too overwhelming. She had assured you it would take time, but eventually, you would get adjusted to this life again.

But it felt like time had stopped and you weren't making any progress.

You slowly fluttered your eyes open, and your heart nearly stopped at a sight all too familiar to you.

A tall, young man with broad shoulders and muscular arms, clad in dark clothes. His hair was short again and he was hiding his face beneath the shadow of a black hood. Yet, you could still catch a glimpse of his eyes - and recognized them immediately. After all, you had longed to look into them for such a long time.

You blinked.

And then, he was gone.

"No!"

You jumped out of your seat and hurried to the pillars across the lobby where you had initially spotted him. But after circling them several times, you couldn't find a single trace of Jaehyun anymore. You ran to the exit door, pushing past people who got in your way.

Had you only hallucinated? Had it been wishful thinking?

He couldn't be here. He would never come here!

Yet, every day, you had asked yourself whether he was thinking about you as much as you were still thinking about him.

They said your mind was fooling you. That it continuously tricked you into thinking you had needed him to survive in the woods, being dependent on him for food and water, and you weren't capable of severing the emotional tie between you just yet, because you felt guilty.

But what did they know anyway?

You had never needed him to survive.

What you had needed from him was his belief in you - his support and his… love. And he had needed the same from you, with the same intensity, in the same way. You had always been equals.

"Jaehyun!" you yelled when you reached the outside. "Jaehyun!"

A few heads turned in your direction, curious about who was shouting a foreign name, but you didn’t mind them. You spun around, looking left and right in search of the familiar figure. You accidentally ran into people and pushed past them while yelling Jaehyun’s name over and over again. You might have looked insane to bystanders, but you didn’t care.

You were so sure you had seen him, and you were adamant on finding him. You had been accused of many things since your return, but you definitely weren't going crazy!

A strong grip on your arm made you shift around with a sudden wave of hope that nearly swept you away.

"Jae-!"

"What are you doing outside here?" your sister asked with much shock mirrored in her eyes. "Everyone's been worried, because you have been away for so long!"

"Jaehyun!" you announced, nearly out of breath from all the excitement. "I saw him! He was here!"

"What?" Your sister shook her head as though she couldn't believe what you had just said. "Who was here?"

"Jaehyun! I saw him inside! In the lobby! And I'm sure he went outside, I need to find him!"

You wanted to free yourself from your sister's grip, but she was holding you steadily. "He's not here," she said calmly. "It was in your head. He's not here."

"But I've really seen him!" you retorted. "He's been here!"

"If he was inside… don't you think he would have stopped when he saw you?" your sister asked, eyeing you a bit worriedly. "Don't you think he would have approached you instead of hiding and then running away? If he really wanted to see you… if he really was here… don't you think-"

"No!" you objected. "No," you then repeated - a bit quieter - before you started crying.

Your sister pulled you into a hug, right there on the busy streets of New York City. She was right. Jaehyun would never come back here. Not even for you.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," you sobbed in her arms. "Whatever I do, I cannot be happy."

"Perhaps, because you've been lying to yourself," she whispered into your ear for you to hear clearly. "You still love him."

And right there, among the city lights, you stopped lying to yourself any longer.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

____

October, New York City, USA

In one of your old boxes, you found the strawberry chapstick Jaehyun had given you.

You hadn’t brought yourself to throw it away despite your therapist recommending so. You had been afraid that if you did, you’d lose something so precious that no amount of money could ever replace - yet you couldn’t bear to see it every day, so you had kept it out of sight.

Now, you were glad it was still here. It was your silver lining.

It took you a week to empty out your entire apartment. You either gave away or donated almost everything inside, and transferred all your money to a secret account only you could access, keeping just a decent amount in cash. You wouldn’t need more.

Then, it was time to bid your family farewell.

"We've talked about this," your therapist had said, "You know what this is. It's not real."

"As a matter of fact, I've never felt more real than when I was there."

"Do you really want to do this to your family?" she had asked. "After what they've been through to get you back?"

"My sister understands."

"I'm referring to your father."

"He sent me away in the first place, so these are the consequences of his own actions."

Your father didn't understand, unsurprisingly.

He had threatened to cut off your monthly allowance, take away your apartment and all your benefits, and even have your bank accounts and credit cards frozen. But you had only shrugged off his threats - as if any of it mattered to you anymore. In the end, he hadn’t done any of it, as expected. He was still feeling guilty about what had happened and knew your mother wouldn’t have condoned any of that.

Your father was afraid of losing the last part of you he still had. The only way for him to keep you tied to him was to let you go - so eventually, he did.

The day before your sister drove you to the airport, your father had visited to say goodbye. It was short and reserved, and you were aware there had been many more emotions boiling under his skin - but you gave him credit for hiding them. It was a step forward after all. You had promised to visit on Christmas, and he had promised to prepare your room for you when you did so.

It was a promise you had made to your sister as well. Every Christmas, you would return to spend the holidays with them. You were sure Jaehyun would let you. And perhaps, one day, he would accompany you to these visits, and they would hopefully welcome him with open arms. But it was a long way until there.

You boarded the plane to Juneau a day later.

There wasn't much that you carried with you. Only a bag pack and another bag with clothes for different seasons, nothing more.

“Don’t you ever dare to turn off your phone!” she told you at the airport. “If you don’t text me at least once a day, I’ll go there and hunt him down myself!”

“Don’t worry,” you reassured her. “I took two powerbanks with me.”

"Good. How will you go from there?" your sister then asked. "Do you know exactly where it is?"

“I know I need to get to Skagway first. From there, I will buy a cheap car and look for that specific road. I think I remember the area... It shouldn’t be that hard. When I arrive, I will send you the location. Just in case.”

She lifted up her hand. “As promised, it’s only for safety. I would never disclose it to anyone.”

You smiled. “I know. Thank you.”

You hugged your sister for a very, very long time. It felt good to have at least one person you could fully trust and completely rely on in the real world. An anchor, in case something went wrong. In case, one day, you woke up and didn’t want all of this anymore, realizing it had been the entire wrong decision.

But right now, everything felt right.

____

You arrived in Juneau a little over ten hours later after a short layover in Seattle.

You rested for a night before going out the next day to buy a cheap car that you could use for the rest of the journey. Since the ferry to Skagway no longer sailed daily at this time of year, you had to wait a few days in Juneau before you could board the next officially scheduled one.

Seven hours later, in the middle of the night, you arrived in Skagway. You wanted to continue your journey the moment you disembarked from the ferry, but you came to your senses when you realized you wouldn’t get very far in the dark. So you booked a room in the only hotel still open during the off-season and waited until morning.

The next morning, you packed your bags into the car and set off early. Before leaving town, you stopped at a supermarket to buy water, blankets, and other supplies you had run out of last winter, as well as things you thought might come in handy like extra bedding for cold nights. You also bought a mini fridge for the summer, just in case.

Your car was fully packed to the brim when you finally took off for your initial destination. You drove around the same area for two hours, trying to find the road Jaehyun had turned onto. It was so narrow and hidden that you had driven past it several times despite knowing that it must have been exactly there.

When it came down to hiding in plain sight, Jaehyun was a professional.

Only when you turned your car onto that small, unpaved road leading right into the deep woods, did it finally start to dawn on you what you were exactly doing. And then, you suddenly got scared. You had only thought about yourself and what your family might think. But what about Jaehyun?

What if Jaehyun didn’t want you there anymore?

Your chest felt so tight that you wondered if you needed to stop and take a break to properly breathe again. But then again, the longer you prolonged facing him, the worse your anxiety would get. Even if you could stay with him, even if you eventually decided to return to your family yourself… You needed answers to all the questions nobody else had answers to.

You needed to know. Right now.

Time felt distorted, as if you’d been traveling for an entire day, when you spotted the cabin from afar.

According to the digital clock in the car, three hours had passed in reality. A lump built up in your throat and then sank into your stomach when Jaehyun’s car came into your vision, parked at the usual spot. You slowed your own vehicle down, approaching the house at walking pace. Your eyes didn’t waver from the door, expecting a person to come out at any moment due to the noises you made while driving.

But nobody did.

Was Jaehyun gone?

It was peak mushroom season, so perhaps he had gone deeper into the woods to collect a basket full. Perhaps, he was behind the house chopping wood or stacking logs. Perhaps, he was by the stream to do the laundry. Perhaps-

You gasped when the door eventually did open and a tall figure appeared in the entrance door.

Your hands were shaking when you let go of the steering wheel and opened the door by your side. You thought your legs would give in when you slid down from your seat and your feet touched the bare forest ground. Was it only you or had the temperature dropped? Why were you suddenly so cold?

You already opened your mouth when you remained there, standing close by your vehicle.

But Jaehyun spoke first.

“How long do you intend to stay?” he asked, slowly coming out of the door into your periphery, so you could see him better.

You, too, took a few steps forward, but the distance between you remained. No matter how much you wanted to fling yourself into his arms, something was still holding you back. There was no anger in his eyes, no pain. Just pure curiosity and surprise. He had probably already closed this chapter of yours, but you had opened it again.

“Depends on your answers,” you told him, and wondered why you suddenly sounded so out of breath.

He nodded. “You looked so happy on your birthday. I truly haven’t assumed you’d ever come back here.”

“So, you’ve really been there.”

The corner of Jaehyun’s lips tugged up, just slightly, and he lifted his chin. “Since you disappeared from all the news, I personally needed to make sure you were okay and living a happy life. I needed to make sure you moved on. It seemed like you did.”

“I never did.”

“Not even after you found out the truth?” he questioned you. “The fact that lied to you about not having contact with your father? About your family searching for you?”

“Tell me what happened,” you urged him. “Tell me why you did what you did. Why you didn’t tell me. I want to hear it from you.”

Jaehyun took a long pause in which you could hear the rustling of the fallen leaves and the chirping of the free birds. No noisy cars, no noisy people, no noisy lights.

“Because I was scared” he eventually responded, too quiet, ashamed. “On Christmas Eve, I intended to inform you that it was all over. That you were free to go home. But when you told me about your feelings, I thought… why not let her come to terms with them first. Then you confessed your love to me a few days later, and I thought… why not let our relationship stabilize first. Then, winter came and I thought I couldn’t bring you back at this time of the year, because the weather was so unpredictable and it was dangerous. So… why not wait for spring. I ignored your father’s attempts to reach me, because it was the easiest way to avoid confronting reality. Always, I came up with excuses, because I was so afraid of losing you once you knew there was a possibility of going back. I was afraid you’d leave me the moment you got the chance to.”

You drew your brows together in a frown. “I told you I made up my mind, didn’t I? Did you think I lied? Did you not trust me?”

“Of course I did!” And Jaehyun quickly corrected himself, “I do.”

“Apparently not. You said you’d let me go and wouldn’t keep me here against my will,” you countered, “but in the end, you did exactly that.”

“No, it was not like that! I never made that decision for you. I just wanted you to make one yourself, without being influenced by your father.”

“But you influenced me, can’t you see?” His eyes widened as though he had really not known you felt that way. “You made me believe my family didn’t look for me, that they didn’t want to contact me all while knowing the exact opposite was going on.”

Jaehyun dropped his head in defeat. “I’m so sorry. I was just so scared you’d change your mind… I didn’t want to lose you too after losing everyone. If you had known, how would you have decided? Against me, right?”

You saw where he was coming from, really. He was far away from his estranged family, had lost his friends in an accident and was now all alone. He didn’t know how to handle his needs, his wants… his love anymore. All he knew was that if he wanted something - or someone - he needed to hold onto it and protect it for as long as he could.

But that didn’t give him a right to act the way he had acted towards you, and you had to tell him clearly outright.

“I really wanted to talk to my father about my decision to stay here, and I wanted to tell him myself. Whether I would have been influenced by his actions back then if only I had known they were already searching for me, I cannot say. Perhaps I would have, perhaps not. But even then, I already made up my mind and I, still, stay by it. Despite having been back to my old life. Despite everything, I’m back here. Doesn’t this say it all?” Jaehyun pricked up his ears as you continued, ”My father has not always made the best decisions, certainly not in the past few months. But he did make a few right ones among the many wrong ones. One of them was making my sister the heiress. And the other one was choosing you for me.”

Jaehyun deadpanned, “I don’t think he shares your opinion.”

“No, he certainly doesn’t,” you confirmed. “He explained to me that he had ordered you not to say a single word about the fact that you were in constant contact over a phone. So, I get that part up until Christmas Eve. But the rest… Jaehyun, I-... To a point, I comprehend. I feel where your fears were coming from. But have I ever given you a reason to doubt my feelings? I stayed when it was so cold, I could barely sleep at night. I stayed when we only had oats to eat for days. I stayed when I found suspicious tools, thinking you would have kidnapped me. I stayed when you rejected my feelings. Despite not getting a sign from my father, I could have always escaped if only I wanted it enough.”

“I never had bad inventions, please believe me. I didn’t want to cause anyone, especially not you, pain. I was too selfish. It just felt too good to be true,” he admitted. “Like a dream. And when that accident happened, I knew I couldn’t continue dreaming any longer. I thought it was better if you remembered me as the person they portray me to be in the news. Like that, you wouldn’t have suffered - only me, like I deserve. But now you’re here… Why are you here? Did you come to get your answers and will now leave again?”

You inhaled sharply, suddenly nervous again. “Like I said back then, I have decided to stay here. It took me a while, but I came back with the intention to stay. With or without your influencer, this is my decision.”

You watched Jaehyun’s Adam’s Apple bop up and down. “You know what they say this is… When you return to someone wh-”

“Do you think so too?” you interrupted him. “Do you think I’ve returned, because I feel dependent on you? I’ve returned out of guilt? That I’ve alluded myself into thinking I love you, but in reality, it’s some co-dependency I’ve developed throughout the time I was here? Tell me the truth. Tell me you think so and I will immediately get into the car and never set foot here again.”

“You know the truth as much as I do,” he said slowly. “I just wonder why you still want to be with me. After all, I’m a bad person.”

“If you are, then so I am, because I left my old life and my family behind to live with you here from now on.”

Jaehyun seemed honestly very much confused. “I just don’t know why.”

“Because you’ve seen me at my worst and turned me into someone worth loving despite all my faults. You showed me to accept and love myself when nobody else did. You showed me the beauty of myself and of this world when I was too blind to see all that. And you loved me all throughout that. How could I not love you too?”

Jaehyun took a step in your direction. “Because I lied to you. Because I want you all to myself only. And because all I was able to give you was a strawberry chapstick from the gas station when other people can give you the world and so much more.”

Your hand reached into the pocket of your jacket where you felt the small item he had referred to. It meant the entire world to you. You didn’t need more than that.

“I’ve been given the entire world,” you said. “And it has never been enough. It has never made me happy. Here, with you… this is what makes me feel happy and fulfilled. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

“Do you… forgive me?” Jaehyun took another step towards you. Then another one. “Do you… trust me?”

You could have answered both questions with yes, but you didn’t want to give him this full reassurance just yet. After all, he had hurt you deeply. But you were here, and you were willing to try. If everything went down, you were always free to go. There would always be this back door this time.

You never knew what the future held. Perhaps, in a few months, in a few years, you’d have enough and wanted to leave. Perhaps, Jaehyun wanted it too. But until then, you would put your entire will and heart into settling here.

“I brought you a phone,” you changed the topic instead. “You will use it to call your family. I talked to them. They are worried dead about you.”

Jaehyun sounded honestly shocked. “I broke contact in fear they would blame me for the accident just like everyone else. I didn’t think-” He faltered.

Jaehyun had to learn how to stop making decisions for other people out of fear of being rejected or left. Love stemmed from a lot of emotions, and several ones of them were trust, belief and loyalty. His past had broken him to the point of rejecting the people who loved him or caging them instead. And neither was healthy.

“If someone loves you, you have to keep faith in them, Jaehyun,” you explained. “Your family will forgive you, because they love you. They long have. You don’t have to interfere in any way.”

“And you?” He took another step forward, shortening your distance and asking again, “After all, you still love me too, you came back. Then, will you forgive me too? Someday? Please just give me that. I cannot stay around you, knowing you will secretly blame me for the rest of your life.”

He was right. You wanted to tell him, but couldn’t bring yourself to do so right now. Everything was so new, you had to start over from here. It was not the right timing when you had just arrived and your tumultuous feelings hadn’t quite settled yet.

He deserved to know, of course. But the wound was still fresh. You could feel it healing already though. Perhaps, faster than you had assumed.

“Yes,” you then answered. Perhaps in a few months, in a few weeks, perhaps tomorrow already. “I will.”

Jaehyun closed the distance between you and pulled you into a warm hug. You had thought you were home in New York City, but home had been here the entire time.

Home was the sound of rustling trees in the distance and chirping birds in the sky. Home was the rushing of the stream and the flicker of the fireplace. Home was waking up to crisp air and going to bed watching the stars. Home was the sound of Jaehyun chopping wood and the scent of pines attached to him at all times.

You felt Jaehyun’s warm lips right on the parting of your hair and you feared your heart was going to burst with happiness.

“That’s enough for me,” he whispered and you could feel his embrace tightening around you, his warm breath on your head. “I can wait. As long as you stay by my side.”

The world might see you as bad people, but neither of you were. Not here.

There was Jaehyun, and there was you - two people who had never quite fit into a world that demanded more than you could give. You had needed to survive, Jaehyun had needed to survive. You no longer owed anything to the world or its people.

Now, you would build your own little world. And you would live.

Right here, in the Alaskan woods.

____

Look at you.

You sleep so safely and soundly next to me, as if you haven’t come apart beneath me just hours ago. The moonlight illuminates your soft features, and I lift up my hand to trace the outline of your face - but I hesitate.

What if this is a dream and you vanish the moment I touch you?

After everything I’ve done, you cannot be here.

For many months, I have dreamed you would come back despite knowing that you had no reason to. I’ve always been a selfish person, and I secluded myself from the rest of the world so I wouldn’t hurt or disappoint anyone dear to me ever again.

Yet, I’ve done this to you. I lied to you, because I was afraid of losing you. Because I didn’t believe in your love enough. After all, how could anyone love someone like me?

But…

Look at you.

You came back to me.

When I first built this cabin, I couldn't imagine anyone else stepping a foot inside. Just the thought of you being here with me made my skin crawl, but I couldn’t reject the money your father had offered me. It was just a few weeks, I could endure it, I had thought.

I expected to deal with a spoiled, bratty princess who didn’t care about anyone and anything. Honestly, it would have made things way easier for me. But you cared, you always have.

You brought me a coke when I hadn't asked for it, just because you thought I might like it. You stopped me from culling a deer, because you felt like it would die for vain. You thanked every small animal for its sacrifice when you found it in your trap, because you felt bad for it. You learned to adapt to a lifestyle unfamiliar to you and didn’t complain about the need to abstain from luxury. You showed me the scars you had hidden from everyone and all the invisible pain you were still carrying around.

You were nothing like the media portrayed you. And that was when my downfall began. When I realized not everyone in this world is so full of hatred. That there was still beauty in it if only I looked closely enough. My only mistake was that I didn’t know what to do once I discovered it.

The day of your accident, I painfully realized that you weren’t safe with me, out here in the woods. You were so inexperienced, so fragile, I would need to fear losing you every day due to circumstances I have no influence on like back then when you nearly fell off the cliff. You have been through so much already, I shouldn’t add on to your scars. So I brought you back to where your family was, where you were safe.

Yet, I couldn’t let you go.

I drove into town every other day to check the magazines and newspapers. I even went to the library and used their computers to look around the internet for a sign of you. But despite the initial news about your so-called abduction, you never appeared in the media again - and neither did I. You didn’t reveal my location, my identity. Were you protecting me this entire time?

I needed to know what you were doing, if you were safe, if you were… happy. Even without me. Perhaps, like this, it would have been easier for me to move on as well. So I had to make sure about that myself and drove all the way back to New York City.

I hate the reckless people, the bustling streets, and the bright city lights. But you seemed so happy on your birthday, so I put all my hatred aside. If you loved it here, then I would support it. If you have decided to stay here, then I would let you.

But look at you.

You are now lying next to me.

And as I finally trace the soft skin on your face, I let out a quiet sigh of relief. You are still here, and you are real. This is all real.

I flinch when I suddenly feel something soft on my cheek. Your warm hand. I didn’t know you were awake.

“Can’t sleep?” you ask, and I smile.

“I’m afraid that if I wake up, you will be gone.”

You wrap your arms around me and pull me down to you. With a sleepy voice, you whisper, “I won’t go anywhere. In the morning, I will still be here. And the next morning, and the next morning… Believe me.”

“I believe you.”

I know I don’t deserve an ounce of your forgiveness.

But I will fight for it every day.

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