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Dark Woods

Title: Dark Woods

Pairing: kidnapper!Jaehyun x heiress!reader

Genre: road trip au, angst, drama, romance, slow burn, smut, suspense, strangers to lovers, hate to love

Word Count: 33k

Summary: You can’t remember how you ended up in his car - driving through states and crossing countries, with no end in sight. He says he’ll protect you and bring you to safety, deep in the woods, far away from home. The only thing you have left now is him, your protector… Or your abductor?

Warnings: This isn't your typical story in that genre, but it's still inevitable to avoid mentions of abduction, drug abuse, car accidents and their physical, and mental consequences. Both characters are morally gray and will stay morally gray.

A/N: Hi guys! This is the longest one shot I've ever published?! But it was so fun to write, and I hope you will enjoy reading it as well! Please leave feedback either here or in my inbox if you want, I'd be so happy and grateful to hear your opinions💓

September, New York City, USA

Look at you.

You walk along the illuminated side street all alone after a long night of partying. You have taken off your high heels and carry them in your hands as your feet hurt from wearing them for too long. Your hair falls messily over your shoulders, your short glitter dress is twisted from all the dancing. The expression you're wearing reflects the remnants of this long Saturday night: you're smiling, cheeks heated, and shoulders bopping up and down.

You don’t know what’s about to come.

Look at you.

You walk without a single care in the world. So alone, so negligent, eyes everywhere but on the streets and your environment. You are the epitome of what many young girls might imagine themselves to be later in their lives: an heiress to one of the nation's top investment companies whose life revolves around shopping, partying and dating. A young, lively woman so many people love and so many people envy at the same time.

Yet, you don’t know what’s about to come.

Look at you.

You walk directly into my direction. I have positioned myself in front of your building's entrance in a blind spot to avoid drawing the night watch's attention to me. Luckily, he's still inside the lobby, having failed to notice my presence. You live in one of the exclusive upper floors since you moved out of your family home, sponsored by your rich father of course. Not once in your life did you ever have to worry about not having enough money.

"Hey, do you perhaps have a lighter?"

Look at you.

There you finally are, standing right in front of me. You look at me and, in the break of the second, you have scanned me from head to toe. My dark clothing, the black hoodie deeply pulled into my forehead to hide my distinctive face as best as possible. I don’t belong here, you see it clearly.

Your expression, riddled with scorn, speaks volumes. How dares someone like me - a seeming poor guy loitering - speak to you, a rich, famous heiress? It humors me how tonight, you have kissed three guys in the semi-darkness of the club that you haven't even known for five minutes, yet judge me so harshly.

"Sorry, I don't have a lighter."

“Too bad.”

Every few weeks, you grace the headlines of different tabloids, and more often the headlines of online gossip websites: the nightly escapades of the famous heiress, her fast-changing dating rumors, the scandal about her dropping out of an Ivy League university… and that's only the tip of the iceberg.

I think you're a very haughty, spoiled and capricious girl. You have never known it better.

I will teach you better.

"Excuse me, I need to go inside."

I think I'm doing good so far. You haven't panicked yet, and asking for a lighter was the best excuse I could come up with. It’s not in my interest to cause you to panic after all.

"It's fine."

Maybe it's in the moment you urge me to make space for you to pass that you realize I don't even have a cigarette, and the lighter in question might have been an idiotic attempt just to get you to talk to me. Because when you look back at me after I haven't let you pass, your initial indifference has given way for… fear. It might dawn on you only now that we are all alone out here.

At this time, nobody is present in front of the building except for us two. In a city that never sleeps, it's quite a convenient timing that I happened to catch you in this short time span of absolute surrender, isn't it? Even though it’s my first time, it’s a perfect plan that I’m carrying out.

"Excuse me…"

"I don't think you can go inside, sorry."

I stand in front of the entrance, blocking it for you. And even though I'm the only other person present and don't occupy both doors, you don't make an attempt to dodge me and go for the other entry point. Probably because you know you don't stand a chance against me. I see your eyes widen in shock as slowly, realization sinks in.

"Please…"

I reach into my pocket where I feel the wet tissue that I have prepared beforehand. We could have done all this without talking, quick and wordless. But I assumed it was too inhumane, not fitting for a lady. Now that you threaten to scream though, I quickly come to regret this decision.

"No…!"

You let out a shriek, confirming my earlier regrets. I should have done it in a quick and silent way. I let out a long sigh when you turn around, drop your high heels and flee into the direction you have come from. Your behavior really gets on my nerves. Thankfully, I have a lot of patience.

I catch up to you just a brief moment later, because I am much taller and you cannot run fast, only barefooted after all. I have you in a tight grip in front of me, you can barely move anymore.

"Hel-!"

You fall limply together in my arms after I've pressed the chloroform filled tissue against your mouth. How peaceful you look without the initial scorn and the eventual fear etched all over your face.

Look at you.

Sleep well now.

I heave you into the passenger seat of my SUV that is parked nearby and secure the seatbelt around your body. You wear the most unideal attire for what we are about to do, but that is something we need to deal with when you wake up. I almost feel bad for treating a young woman like this. I almost feel sorry.

But I know I'm not capable of such, because I haven't felt anything even remotely similar to being sorry in a very, very long time.

We leave behind never-sleeping-New York City in the middle of the night. When the sun creeps over the horizon, announcing daybreak, we are already in Connecticut.

And look at you.

You're still sleeping.

____

September, Vermont, USA

Your head hurt. That was not unusual for you after a night out. But somehow, your back hurt as well and your throat felt so dry. You were cold and your legs and arms laid bare, though you usually had it very warm under your thick blanket at home. But you were not in your bed - you picked up on this fact quite quickly.

It took everything from you to open your eyes, the pain and the cold making it uncomfortable enough for you not to prolong your sleep-like state. You were in a seating position and instantly realized that you were sitting in a car that had been parked, the driver's seat next to you empty.

Had you called for your driver and fallen asleep in the car? But this was not your personal driver's car. The car was new and so big, but the interior didn't seem familiar to you at all. Had a friend or someone else driven you instead?

When you looked out of the passenger window though, you instantly realized that you were nowhere near Manhattan, probably not even remotely close to New York City anymore - because everything you saw was trees. You were surrounded by them, and they were so dense and dark that you had difficulties looking through the stems that seemed to encircle you like jail bars.

You tried to make out what time it was, but you couldn't find your purse in your immediate surroundings where you reckoned you had put your phone. Judging by the lightning coming from outside though, it must be way past midday already.

Had you slept for so long in a car? Even in your own bed, you usually woke up before 11 am despite getting home at dawn. And why did your head hurt this unusually much?

You reached for the handle and wanted to open the car door, but rattling on it didn’t do much. Had the driver - whoever they might be - locked you in? You gulped, an unsettling feeling that you had been trying to ignore now spreading to every fiber of your body. It locked you inside a vest that seemed too tight for your body. You had trouble breathing and suddenly, you started to panic. Had you been drugged at the club and kidnapped on your way home?

"Hey!" you yelled and rattled on the door again. When there was absolutely nothing to do about it, you lifted up your hands and hammered your fists against the window. "Hey, let me out! Help!"

You twisted and turned your head, but nobody seemed to hear your cries for help. You were far away from civilization, locked up in a car all alone. If this wasn't alarming enough, then you didn't know what was.

You weren't here because you wanted to be, but because someone else had wanted you to be. Someone who might not be your acquaintance and someone who might not have good intentions. You tried not letting your panic fog your rational thinking. You were prepared for this. As an heiress, you had completed several self defense classes.

Your fingers trembled when you unlocked your seatbelt, but you were successful on the first try. You moved in the car that you more identified as an SUV and looked around in order to find something heavy and perhaps pointy to break the window. Your high heels would have been a good item right now, but they were gone.

The dashboard as well as the two seats in the front were almost entirely empty except for a small package of gum and some tissues in the glove box. But when you turned to the back of the car, you found a pile of clothes neatly draped on top of the direct seat behind you. You frowned, but curiosity got the better of you, because it looked like they were prepared specifically for you to find, yet they weren't clothes you would ever consider wearing.

When you had inconveniently made your way to the backseat, you took the clothing pieces into your hand. They were your size exactly: a tight fitted t-shirt, a thick cardigan and a pair of leggings, all in dark colors. On the floor, you even found a pair of new trainers, also exactly your shoe size. Truth to be told, though not exactly your style, you didn't want anything else more right now than exchanging your short party dress for these comfortable, warm clothes. You were freezing after all.

But this was not right. Having these fitting clothes prepared for you and being ripped off your phone was most definitely not a sign that you had spontaneously decided to go on a road trip with a friend and not remember a single thing.

What had happened just ten hours ago? You had had fun in the club, dancing with different guys… even kissing them, perhaps? Then you had gone home… and you had made it almost to the building. But there was something that had happened before, right before you had entered…

You heard him before you even saw him.

Your head snapped up and you watched him emerge from the forest through the back window. He was tall, his short hair dark, and he was wearing black cargo pants as well as a black hoodie and a jacket of the same color.

Despite not seeing his entire face clearly, you immediately knew he was a stranger.

Panic and adrenaline now rushed through your veins and you ducked your head, only then realizing how stupid this move was as you were in a car and he would see you anyway when he unlocked the door, at the latest. There was no heavy and spiky object inside here to crash the windows either.

You were trapped. Your heart was thumbing so loudly and heavily that you nearly felt it in your throat. The taste of bile collected on your tongue, and you wondered if you had felt anything remotely close to this fear and panic ever before in your life. Your life that had seemed so perfect that you had never expected something like this could ever happen.

What had you ever done to deserve this? The answer was… Probably too many things.

You closed your eyes shut when you heard the footsteps approaching. Heavy footsteps that crushed the leaves under them while he was walking through the forest's grounds. Then, the car unlocked. Was this… the end of it all, because you had pushed it too far?

You were hunched in the corner of the backseat when the driver's door opened, horror etched into your face. For a moment, you could have sworn you had stopped breathing when he leaned into the car. What would he do now? How would he react to finding out that you had woken up?

"Put on the clothes and come outside."

He was younger than you had expected, maybe only a few years older than you, though his voice was deep. He barely threw a look at you, but instead placed something on the driver's seat. You barely recalled what he had said before when he continued,

"Here's a wash bag with a toothbrush and everything else you might need as well as a bottle of water to use. I'll wait for you to change first, then you can go wash up with the stuff."

He closed the door again, but didn't move away from the car. Instead, he turned his back to you and waited, leaning against the driver's door. He stilled for a long time, and so did you.

What was happening? You couldn't wrap your head around the entire situation. Who was he and what had happened last night? What intentions would he bear that made him urge you to change and wash up? You choked back a gasp when you remembered your painful body, but only felt relief when the ache was restricted to your head and back.

You didn't want to sit it out for longer, so you quickly changed into the new clothes, always one eye directed at the figure outside. But he didn't move once all while you got dressed in the backseat of the car. You then leaned forward and reached for the wash bag. You found a toothbrush, toothpaste, cleansing foam and face cream inside. An abductor who had bad intentions wouldn't provide you with all this, would he? It was only a small consolation.

When you opened the door, you thought about running away. The new shoes were very comfortable, but regarding your current physical state and his stature, you were very certain that you wouldn't come very far. Even if you were in the state of running miles, you didn't know where you were, what was behind these woods. You couldn't decide which option was the worst.

If you wanted to escape, you had to think it out thoroughly and not act impulsively. Self-defense classes had taught you this too.

You stepped out of the car and the man directly shifted around to you. You stood at the opposite of each other, the car between you, providing you some kind of barrier that acted as protection. His expression was unreadable, and if you were under other circumstances, he might even be someone you would have found mysteriously attractive with the way his short dark hair stood in contrast to his pale skin, and the way his gaze was so penetrating, yet disassociating.

As though he didn't want to be here as well.

"Do you want to brush your teeth and wash up?"

It was exactly what you wanted, because you felt so gross. It would be the first thing you would have done at home, but you were far away from your home, with a stranger nonetheless. How could you think about washing up now?

"Who are you?" you asked directly. “Tell me!”

He kept a straight face. "My name is Jaehyun. Your father sent me."

"My father?" A cool breeze grazed your cheeks. Way too cool for hot and sticky New York City around this time. "Sent you for what? What are we doing here? Where is this place even?"

"We're in Vermont." He shrugged and looked around. "Quite close at the border to Canada already."

Your mouth nearly fell agape. "Vermont?! What are we doing in Vermont?!"

You couldn't be in Vermont. You were supposed to be in New York City, in your luxurious apartment, getting ready for another day out with friends, shopping, having dinner at fancy restaurants and partying at night… What were you doing in Vermont?

Jaehyun let out a deep sigh. As though he had the right to be annoyed when you were the one confused and frightened. "We're on our way to Alaska upon your father's request."

You gasped for air. "Why would my father send a stranger with me to Alaska?!"

He looked aside as though he was still struggling to find the right words. As though he hadn't had enough hours on the way here to prepare an explanation that wouldn't let you freak out. Because you were so close to doing so already.

"I'm going to scream! I'm going to run away if you don't explain right now! Who are you and what is your matter with my father?!"

"I'm not here to hurt you. The opposite even." He lifted up a hand in a gesture while the other disappeared inside the pocket of his pants. When his hand emerged again, he was holding something out to you. A letter. "Your father told me to give you this. Can I… come over to give it to you?"

You stood there, nearly petrified when he slowly rounded the car and handed the seeming letter over to you from a distance. When you took it into your hand, he retreated back to the other side.

You opened the letter right on the spot and started reading.

____

It had started raining a long while ago. At one point, the rain had seamlessly merged with your blurry vision, caused by endless tears. You were sitting in the passenger's seat, legs pulled close to your chest after you had taken off your shoes. Your forehead rested on your knees, weak from all the crying. But you couldn’t stop.

Jaehyun was gone. But for what exactly, you couldn't remember. Most likely, he only wanted to leave you alone to grieve, because now, he could be sure that you wouldn't attempt an escape. If you could call it like that even.

Your father… Your usually angry and strict, but also very loving and devoted father, was on the run. He had to suddenly escape and hide from a hit man after a vengeful friend's failed investment upon his recommendation. You didn't quite understand this situation yet. It was hard for you to grasp the entire meaning and the consequences behind the sudden happenings of the past twelve hours.

Apparently, your father had started planning this out very thoroughly as soon as he sensed the downfall. But he hadn't let you, your sister or any other acquaintance in on his plans so as to not make you worried while he was preparing for the entire family’s escape from the country.

"Your father is currently somewhere in Asia and your sister has been taken to South America. I will take you to Alaska," Jaehyun had said. "It was better to separate all of you."

"For… for how long?" you had asked.

"For as long it takes for your father to settle the situation," he had answered.

The rain was pattering mercilessly against the front window and you failed to make out your family members' faces in the drops trailing down the glass. You wished you had your phone right now, but according to Jaehyun, it was too dangerous to even leave it turned on in case your father's enemies would track you - and then your entire family - down. It was not like you wanted to go online. You just wanted to look at pictures of your father and sister as you feared you might forget how they looked.

Only slowly, it dawned on you what this situation would mean for the next few weeks at best:

You would drive all the way to Alaska with a stranger, sleeping in the car, eating canned food, using the outdoors as a bathroom… no, this couldn't be real. You knew this was probably so selfish and shallow, but a part of you also mourned after all the pretty things and the luxury in your life that had been ripped from you. And then, you even grew a little resentful of your father for being the catalyst of all these events and your life as it was now.

It was all too much for you to process at once, so you didn't know what to feel and how to handle all these emotions, let alone this entire new life environment. You generally avoided nature, you were a city girl through and through. How were you supposed to lay low here until it was safe to return?

You suddenly flinched, having been deep in your thoughts, when the driver's door opened and Jaehyun settled himself behind the steering wheel. He was completely drained and took off his wet jacket that he then put on the backseat.

"In an hour, we can continue driving when it gets dark," he declared monotonously. "We only drive at night and rest during the day. We will use the longer and more remote route through east Canada. That way, we can assure that no one follows us. We will reach Montreal in a few hours and then continue our way to Ontario."

You couldn't care less what he was talking about and what he was doing. You just wanted to cry, scream, shake something… but all that came out were more tears. But he didn't react.

At least that was something you could be grateful for. He left you alone with your feelings.

____

September, Quebec, Canada

You had passed Montreal a mere hour ago. Though you had barely seen anything of the city - only the faint lights from the rural road you had taken. For the rest of the drive, as you stared out of the window, you saw nothing but the eerie darkness of wide fields, and, even eerier still, long stretches of woods that seemed to swallow the road ahead as a whole. And it went deeper, deeper and deeper.

Jaehyun was driving, gaze unwavering from the street. And you were sitting next to him, silent at all times. Yet, you had many questions left. Why had your father chosen him? Where did he know him from? What would you do when you arrived in Alaska? But you couldn’t bring yourself to talk.

You passed in and out of sleep, and when the car finally came to a halt, it was bright outside again. Your eyes were heavy and there was a sour taste on your tongue. Your hair probably stood in every direction and you hadn't washed up in so long. But you didn't care now, which was odd, because you usually did.

"We're in a wildlife reserve here," Jaehyun eventually said when he parked the car in a small clearing, encircled by trees. "I've checked the location, there is no house close by, this is a good hiding spot. There is even a small stream down there where we can take a bath according to the map."

You wouldn't call stepping into a creek “taking a bath” in comparison to the hot tub at your home, so you'd rather decline.

"You must be hungry," Jaehyun then stated as you refused to get out of the car. "I'll make you something. Here." He put the small wash bag that you hadn't used yesterday on your lap. "You can wash up in the meantime if you want."

But you didn't. You didn't want to do anything. You were too tired, exhausted and depressed. What was there to life when you had lost everything worth living for anyway? There was no delicious food anymore, no warm, or even running water, no toilet. No bed! How could you live like this? You wondered whether your father and sister were better off and how he could do this to you.

Of course your sister wouldn't get the same treatment. Not your little, fragile, perfect sister who was far more fitting for the position of the heiress other than you, and who your father always protected at all costs. He would never let her go through the same torture as you.

The passenger side door opened and Jaehyun stretched out something to you inside. "Here." It was a small metal bowl with plain porridge inside. "It's breakfast. Eat it."

But you didn't react, so Jaehyun placed the bowl on your lap after having taken away the wash bag and placed it on the dashboard, assuming you wanted to eat first before washing up. He closed the door again and took his breakfast - the same as yours - right next to the car outside, inspecting the surroundings.

You watched him carefully. He was tall and well built as far as you could tell through his layers of clothes, and he apparently knew much about life on the road and survival without modern equipment. But you still couldn't grasp the connection between him and your father.

When Jaehyun opened the door again, he wordlessly took the full bowl from you and returned to the trunk from where he apparently got all the things. Just by the size of the SUV alone, you assumed there must be much capacity. But you also admitted that this was not the ideal getaway car. It was certainly… striking. Even for the streets of big cities.

Jaehyun came back only a little while later. He had apparently washed up at the stream as his short hair was still wet. Luckily the sun was shining today, though it wasn't very warm anymore as you had driven quite far into the northern hemisphere already.

"You can go to the stream if you want," he urged you as he sat down behind the steering wheel, but you ignored him again. And again, he tried, "You can also go sleep in the backseat. There, you have the entire space to yourself and can stretch. I can bring you some blankets."

But you just sat there and stared out of the window. Almost unnoticeably, Jaehyun let out a sigh and started reclining his own seat. "I don't lock the doors, so you can go whenever you want. Just make sure you return before it gets dark. And don't wander too far off, because you can get lost easily in the woods."

That was when you turned to the side and looked at him. His expression was bland, as though he merely stated facts, without any emotions. Wasn't he afraid about you running away?

As though he had just read your thoughts, Jaehyun said, "I know running away probably crosses your mind every now and then. But before you do so, just think about whether it is what your father wants. I am here to protect you, not to confine and to torture you. Of course you're free to roam around, do what you want as long as you don't endanger your own life. I promised your father to take care of you and that you will be reunited once this is all over. You've read the letter, you know this is legit."

A chuckle escaped from deep inside you. For the first time since you were on the road, you directed your words at him, "I should think about what my father wants? He never once thought about what I want! He always called me reckless, selfish and materialistic! And now look in which situation he brought me because of his mistakes!"

Jaehyun furrowed. "Is this what you worry about?"

You were taken aback. "What else should I worry about?"

"How your sister and father are doing, for example."

"Tsk." You crossed your arms in front of your chest and sunk deeper into your seat. You didn't want to admit that he was right. You missed them and were worried for them, of course. But right now, anger and resentment dominated your feelings. "They're fine. They always are."

You wondered whether you wanted to reassure Jaehyun or yourself.

You were the troublesome child, the outcast. The one who seldom visited the family home anymore and rarely ever contacted them first. There had been a time when you had been so close. You wished this all wouldn’t stand between you anymore as it seemed so futile in comparison to what was happening right now.

If you had known what would happen, would you have told them about your real feelings?

"I see." Jaehyun shrugged. "Do you want a blanket now?"

"I'm good. I'll go to the stream for..."

He nodded knowingly and you cringed at the fact of discussing your bathroom needs with a stranger again. It never got easier. But you had been holding it back for too long now, and even though you hadn't drank or eaten in a day, it was about time you relieved yourself again. The last time you went was before you had made your way to Montreal.

You followed the path Jaehyun had shown you and found yourself a mere minute later next to a creek. The water seemed clear and inviting, and you didn't want anything more than to brush your teeth and take a shower right now. But what for? You had no intention to stay.

Screw your father. Screw your sister. Screw Jaehyun.

You started running.

____

The sun was setting when you eventually stopped moving altogether. Your feet hurt, you were cold in your light clothes now without a jacket, and your face and hands showed signs of scratches from when you had to push your body through tight bushes. Your tongue was dry and wanted to do everything for water now. Why was it that, in all these hours, you didn't find a paved street let alone a single other person?

You allowed yourself to crouch down and rest on a stub of a tree to catch your breath and reevaluate your situation. You had regretted running away within the first hour, but admittedly hadn't been able to find your way back. The trees had started to grow too dense, barely letting through any light, so the ground grew colder and colder. You slung your arms around yourself and rubbed them up and down to warm yourself up.

Then you started crying again. You would do anything just to lay in your bed in your safe, warm home, wishing this was all just a nightmare from which you would wake up soon. It wasn't typical for your father to have something like this happen to him. He was well-organized, observative and careful. You must know, because it was expected of you to work for and with him in the future. There was no way this was your life now.

But the letter was legit, and so was your current situation. You wanted your trendy clothes back, your designer bags, your comfortable bed, your hot shower, everything you had since then taken for granted.

"You ready to go back now?"

"Ah!" you let out a scream when Jaehyun suddenly emerged from the trees behind you. It had been hours! Had he been following your every step ever since? "How- What?! How did you find me?!"

"I followed your footsteps on the ground, simple as that."

“It’s been hours!”

“Yet, you have barely brought distance between us.”

Who was this guy?! "How? Where are we now?"

"Not far from the car, as a matter of fact. You've been moving around in circles. But it's no surprise. People who don't know the woods well tend to get lost so easily as everything looks the same to them." Jaehyun crouched down to the same level as you and put his hand on the ground. "See, your footprints. Several, on top of that. All pointing in different directions."

You didn't see anything on the ground except for a bit of mud, moose, fallen leaves and grass. Again…

"Who are you even? You cannot be a random acquaintance of my father!"

"I’m one of your father's bodyguards." Jaehyun cleaned his hands by clapping them together and then arose again. "You might not know me, because I'm relatively new and don't resemble the bigger, bulkier guys your father usually surrounds himself with. But there is a reason he chose me. I’m an ex-Marine."

For how long had your father planned this? For how long had he planned to shatter your life and take everything from you, sending you off with a stranger to live in a car?

"We won't live in the car," he suddenly answered your thoughts, and you figured you might have said the last part out loud. "There is a cabin, deep in the woods of southern Alaska. That is our destination. We will lay low there until you can go back."

He said "you", not "us", you remarked in silence and asked out loud, "And how long is it going to take?"

Jaehyun shrugged. "From a few days to a few months, everything is possible. Your father sent me on a mission and I will carry it out, even if it may cost my life as long as you can live."

You had been too self-centered to grasp the seriousness of the situation before, but while roaming around in the woods all day, there was nothing else you had been able to think about. You wiped the tears from your dirtied cheeks with the back of your freezing hand.

If this was going to end in the worst possible outcome because of your own mistake, not only would you be dead, but your father and sister, and possibly everyone close to you as well.

Was there really no other way to survive these horrors except from cooperating with this Marine stranger? If your father trusted him, then shouldn't you too?

"Listen…" Jaehyun’s gaze darkened as he looked at you. "I am not here to hurt you. I am here to protect you, but you need to cooperate as well. We will have to take high precautions and roaming around in the wild isn't helping much. I let it slip this one time, because I know you needed it. But I won't let it happen again, because every person you meet, every security camera that catches sight of you or even the car, could reach your father’s enemies sooner or later. The people after him are very powerful, this is not something to be taken lightly. This is serious, your whole family’s lives depend on every one of your actions. Was I clear enough?"

You didn't answer and didn't direct a single word at him anymore when you followed him back to the car. He took it as an agreement without you needing to verbally define it as such.

____

October, Ontario, Canada

"You haven't eaten anything since we're on the road," Jaehyun stated with much reproach in his voice when he opened the passenger seat for you. "Are you going to starve yourself?"

"I'm not hungry. I’ve said it several times already."

Every now and then, you were sipping on a bit of water, and only when Jaehyun offered it to you. But you didn’t lie about not being hungry. You didn’t have an appetite, because you weren't feeling like yourself anymore.

You were dusty, sticky and most likely also very smelly from head to toe as you hadn't touched the wash bag even once. Jaehyun grew more frustrated with each passing day, but you couldn't care less as you were not adapting well to these peculiar living circumstances anyway. You just wished to survive this with as little participation as possible until you reached your destination.

"Come out," Jaehyun then summoned.

Admittedly, you really wanted to go for a walk since today was a bit warmer than the last days, but you had no motivation. The past two days had gone by following the same routine. You slept at night when Jaehyun was driving, and when he slept during the day, you were lying in the backseat, napping or staring into nothingness. You rarely spoke to each other, and you still hadn’t come to trust and rely on him even a little bit.

Despite the good weather, you had only intended to stay in the car just like the past days, but Jaehyun had parked right next to a river. It was bigger than the one from two days ago. In the summer, you could easily go swimming in it. Perhaps, walking around outside sounded quite inviting.

"Fine,” you sighed and swung your legs out of the car. “Just for a little bit."

"No running away today, okay?" You wondered whether Jaehyun had just made a sarcastic joke.

"We'll see." And you wondered whether you had just made one as well.

You walked over to the stream and came to a halt next to the riverbank. The water was a bit deep, probably reaching to your hips, but the current was quiet and slow. You could have sworn you saw a few fishes too when you bent over the surface.

"You can go inside,” Jaehyun suggested. “It’s not too cold.”

“It’s okay. I’ll just sit down here.”

“Not today.” He suddenly appeared by your side. "Here, let me help you."

The next thing you felt was pure coldness embracing you from all sides. Instinctively, you held your breath and closed your eyes. The ground beneath your feet vanished before you even realized you were falling forward, straight into the water that was attacking your clothed body like a million needles. It was cold. So, so cold.

"Are you insane?!" You screamed when you pushed back up to the surface, standing on shaking feet. Your hair, face, clothes… everything was wet. "It's freezing! Who pushes someone into a river?!"

But Jaehyun just quietly turned around and walked back to the car from where you saw him taking out several items. He came back and placed them all on the riverbank. You spotted the wash bag, soap, a wash cloth, a towel and… fresh clothes.

He had had fresh clothes for you all along and still let you walk around in these dirty garments for days?

You slowly made your way to the riverbank, your feet slipping on the muddy ground several times, but Jaehyun lifted his hand and urged you to stop right there. "No fresh clothes until you wash up."

You couldn't believe your ears. "Excuse me?"

"I'm very sorry to say this to a lady but…" He stopped, visibly struggling, but eventually he confessed, "You smell."

"I-, what?!"

"You smell!" Jaehyun then said a bit louder, matter-of-factly almost. It wasn't like you hadn't heard it acoustically. You just couldn't believe someone would say such an offending thing right into your face. "You haven’t eaten, washed and changed clothes for days. I've been on the road in groups of several men for weeks and you come really close to smelling like them wh-"

"Stop!" you yelled again, your face heating up. You then both paused, just staring at each other. This was so humiliating. "Pass me the soap and turn around," you quietly pressed through gritted teeth and looked away.

Jaehyun probably didn't know how to express himself better. If he had only been surrounded by men before and had come fresh out of his service judging by his age, then he probably didn't know much about treating women. But that shouldn't be an excuse!

He was quietly sitting with his back turned to you, working on what seemed like making a fire. Every now and then, when you slowly took off your clothes with your back turned to him as well, you peeked over your shoulder. But Jaehyun never once made a move to even peek back.

When you felt slightly safer, you put your wet clothes and shoes on the riverside and scrubbed your entire body down, starting from your head by washing your hair and ending with your feet. You would have done anything to follow through with this procedure in a hot shower, because the cold water let your teeth clash against each other so hard, you could barely hear the current anymore.

Jaehyun was still sitting quietly with his back turned to you when you had dried yourself off with the towel, quickly brushing your teeth and creaming your face as well. You were frozen to the bones, but at least you were more presentable now. More or less. But this was the best you could do.

You had changed into a pair of joggers and a hoodie with warmer layers underneath - all exactly your size. The towel was now draped over your head to dry your hair when you approached Jaehyun at the bonfire, feeling a little bit more like yourself again. But only a little bit. You seated yourself a bit further away from him and held your hands over the flames. He had obviously made the fire only with branches as you didn't see a lighter anywhere.

"I'll warm up some soup for breakfast now,” Jaehyun informed you. “I haven't slept much yesterday, so I'm quite exhausted. I would really appreciate it if you would not run away today and eat something."

"Why can't we go to a hotel or something?" you asked dryly as you watched him pour the canned soup into a small pot over the camping cooker that he had set up right next to the bonfire. “Just for one night.”

The fact that he was not preparing the food over the fire suggested that he had only set it up for you to get warm again. You swallowed a lump in your throat.

"There are cameras everywhere, we cannot risk it." Jaehyun stirred with a spoon in the pot, and suddenly, you felt so hungry. You couldn't explain where it came from. "It's all for the same reason as to why I had to take your phone away and you cannot contact anyone in your family."

"Maybe you're lying after all," you said nearly sulkily. "Maybe the letter is fake and you just kidnapped me to blackmail my father."

Honestly, both stories sounded equally bizarre, they could both be true.

Jaehyun then grabbed something else from nearby that he had apparently intentionally prepared as though he had seen this scenario coming.

It was a very famous tabloid. You took it with trembling hands, but you didn't even need to open it as your father's face was all over the headline. It was dated to three days ago, the day after you had needed to leave urgently.

"I knew you would ask at some point,” Jaehyun explained calmly. “I bought this the next morning when you were still… passed out."

The headline read:

Top investor on the run - Where is…

Famous heiress and sister missing.

The full story. Everything we know so far.

FBI is investigating.

Your hunger was entirely gone.

____

You had spent the entire day sitting by the small bonfire, reevaluating your life once again while waiting for your wet clothes to dry. Jaehyun was sleeping in the car, and per his request you hadn't left the immediate area. Your hunger hadn’t returned, and at this point, you wondered whether starving yourself would be more merciful than continuing living like this.

"Your hair is dry already. Good. It took way too long." Why did he always silently emerge out of nowhere? Jaehyun settled himself next to you and stretched his limbs. "I'll make food now and we won't leave until you eat."

"Then you can wait for a very long time."

"Fine, then we will wait." He gave in way too fast. There was a catch. "Not only for you to eat, though. But also for the bears to join us. Making a fire was already dangerous enough, but otherwise you would have caught a cold, and getting sick would be even more bothersome."

“Animals don’t get attracted to fire.”

"Bears do, because by now they have learned that when a fire is near, so will be humans and food, and they follow the smell. And I don’t necessarily want to fight one again."

You raised a brow. “You fought bears before? You’re lying.”

"That’s what you learn as a Marine."

Jaehyun had taken off his jacket due to the warmth of the fire, only wearing a tight fitted shirt now. You dared to take a closer look at his build. He was more buff and even more muscular than what you had assumed through the layers of fabric. Fine, you bought it.

“If you say so.”

You watched Jaehyun pour oats and water in the clean pot that he then put on the camping cooker. Oatmeal used to be your favorite breakfast when you were little, but you usually preferred it with milk. That was not possible right now, though.

After a few minutes of stirring, the light meal was done and Jaehyun put a bit of it in a metal bowl before sprinkling some spice over the food. Wordlessly, he then held the bowl out to you and wordlessly, you took it. On top of the oatmeal, he had put a bit of sugar and cinnamon.

It was just like your mom had always prepared it for you when she was still alive. Only your family had known. Had they told him?

Suddenly, you didn't feel resentment towards your father and sister anymore. You missed them dearly and even felt guilty for having reacted the way you had earlier. You started eating your porridge in silence with a heavy feeling sitting on the top of your chest that you failed to suppress. When the first tears started to fall, you continued eating. And Jaehyun was eating as well, all in silence.

You didn't want to die. You didn't want to risk never seeing your father and sister again. The only way to be reunited with them was to stay alive, follow instructions with the help of your father's chosen bodyguard, and hope for the best. So you emptied the entire bowl.

When you both finished, you helped Jaehyun collect the food waste, bowls and pots, and brought the used items over to the car. Jaehyun opened the trunk that was so much bigger than those of regular cars, and you widened your eyes when you saw what he had all cramped into there.

There was a large box that took up almost half of the trunk's space. It was filled with water bottles, canned food like ravioli, and different packages with dry or pre-cooked food like oats and rice. It was enough to last you two for a week more, most likely.

On the other side of the trunk, there was a transparent box filled up to the brim with different clothes, shoes and blankets. For you and him both, you assumed. On a smaller box next to it, you read "hygiene" on the lid. When you lifted it up to take a look inside, you found towels, soap, a brush and other necessities for a quick wash up. Even pads and tampons. Jaehyun had thought about everything.

There was also a small box which was declared as "medicine & emergency" and another one with "tools". You also spotted four canisters with gas, and it only now became clear to you that you had never once stopped at a gas station.

"How long will we still be on the road until we reach the cabin?" you asked. “That’s a lot of stuff.”

"Approximately one week."

Just as you had guessed. "Do you have a phone?"

Jaehyun looked at you as though you had just asked the dumbest question. "Of course I don't have a phone. If they track me down, they will get to you as well."

"Then how do you know where we'll be driving to exactly? How can my father contact you when everything is over?"

Jaehyun let out a long sigh as though annoyed. You didn’t think your questions were this stupid.

"You know, physical maps exist. And it's not the first time I'm driving this route. Your father knows where to find us."

“I mean… something like prepaid phones exist too, you know.”

“I know.”

But he didn’t explain why they weren’t using such phones instead. To you, it all sounded too vague. But Jaehyun had proven more than once that he had been indeed sent by your father.

There was nothing left to do for you other than to trust their plan, regardless of how little it made sense to you.

____

October, Manitoba, Canada

Another two days passed with the same routine while you drew closer to the next Canadian state.

Coming from bustling New York City, you grew bored of the dull nighttime drives through the remote areas quite fast and just slept as much as possible throughout the hours on the road. When you found a secluded site in the woods to camp, you first ate oatmeal or canned food together before Jaehyun retreated himself to sleep in the car while you just wandered around the area or sat close by the car, deep in thoughts and dreams.

Yesterday, you tried to polish your appearance as best as you could. It had taken you an hour to brush out all the knots in your hair and trim your brows with tweezers that you had grabbed from an emergency kit. You had even found vaseline to tend to your chapped lips, but nothing helped your unhealthy face color, the big bags under your eyes and your overall motley appearance.

Before, you had never left the house without a full face of makeup and an outfit suitable for the occasion in case you met people you knew or got photographed. Now, there was not much you could do to appear put together. You knew that, even when you happened to cross paths with other strangers in this wilderness, they couldn’t care less about your appearance. It was for you. Everything in your life had fallen apart already. If something like mascara could make you feel a little better, then you would take it. But there was none as such.

You had just woken up from a rather comfortable nap with the passenger seat reclined as far as possible when the car suddenly came to a halt at a rest stop. When the roads weren't as curvy and bumpy, you could even sleep stretched out on the backseat. Jaehyun didn’t care all too much about it.

This rest stop seemed to be the only sign of civilization within miles, nestled deep in the woods where this asphalted road ran through. There was only one small fuel pump and an even smaller house in which you saw an old man seated at the counter. Through the window, you were able to spot a single aisle with low shelves.

There must be food and drinks! As much as you appreciated Jaehyun providing for you, you had grown quite tired of the same, plain food every day. Instantly, you unbuckled your seatbelt, but Jaehyun's head snapped back at you as though you had just committed a crime.

"Are you crazy?!" he called out and grabbed your arm to drag you back. "You cannot come with me! I will only pump some gas into the canisters and we will disappear again!"

"Why not?" you asked with much frustration. "There is no one here except for that old man!"

"There might be security cameras! What if another car suddenly stops here? What if the old man inside or someone else passing by recognizes you?"

You rolled your eyes. "We're in the deep wilderness! Be so for real now!"

"Did you forget who you are?! Don't you think people in rural Canada might also recognize your face?"

Jaehyun had let go of your arm and was now trying to fix your seatbelt again, but you slapped his hand away and then pointed at your face. "This face you mean? Look at me! Do I look anything like the person on newspapers or gossip blogs? Be so for real now."

“Can you stop talking in internet slang for a moment?” He stared at you blankly. "Well… if you look closely, maybe."

Ouch. He really didn't know how to treat women delicately. But you decided not to hold it against him, because this could be your ticket to enter the shop with his permission.

"You can check for security cameras if you like. You can even go in there before me and check on the man himself. Just please…" You didn't want to beg, but you didn't know what else to do at this point. Jaehyun could keep you locked inside the car if he wanted, so you had to sweet talk to him until you got on his good side. "I just want a cold coke… and sweets maybe? You cannot tell me you wouldn't like these too after water and oatmeal for days."

A few moments passed, but eventually Jaehyun let out a long, defeated sigh. You had the feeling you caused him to sigh very often. "I'll go first and then come back to get you. Stay here until I return, fine?"

"Fine." You wanted to let a giggle slip, but swallowed it.

Jaehyun didn't lock the doors when he got out of the car. You watched him rounding the vehicle, then the entire outside area, lifting his head every now and then. When Jaehyun went inside the gas station, he talked to the old man for a little while, then walked up and down the aisle, stopped shortly in front of a shelf, looked into every ceiling corner as well, and eventually returned to you.

"Wear this," Jaehyun told you when he opened the passenger door and placed a jacket on your lap. It was his own, not the one you usually wore outside. It would hide more of your body due to its size. "Make sure to wear the hood as well. Just to be safe."

Jaehyun's jacket reached down to your hips, the hood also falling deep into your forehead, concealing most of your face. You triumphed and followed Jaehyun to the shop.

"Don't act suspiciously. Here are five dollars, so buy whatever you want. Be quick and don't say a word. Avoid saying as little as hello and goodbye even. Buy and leave. I stay outside and fill the canisters."

"But isn't it suspicious if I avoid speaking to the cashier?" you asked. "If I behave like a timid, scared girl, he will suspect I'm a timid, scared girl and question the situation."

"Hm…" Jaehyun was very educated in survival stuff, but he knew little about human interactions while your life was based on human interactions. "Probably…"

You held out a hand to get him to stop talking. "Just watch. That's my forte."

"Hey-!"

But you were already inside the shop. "Good evening, mister."

The old man barely looked up and only murmured, "Evening."

You ignored Jaehyun who was watching you through the large panoramic window with a wary expression and strolled through the short aisle. Immediately, saliva collected on your tongue when you saw all these colorful bags with delicious snacks.

You grabbed a small pack of chips and sour worms. The five Canadian dollar note cheapskate Jaehyun had given you wasn’t enough to get a can of coke on top, but since food would last you longer anyway, you were satisfied with your small haul.

That was until on your way to the cashier, your gaze fell on a small section with newspapers and tabloids. Your heart nearly stopped. But…

There were no headlines about your family on the covers anymore. You wondered whether there had been no progress in your scandal for your story to be pushed back, blending in with less important reports. You knew better than anyone, since you had been gracing the tabloid covers every few months and appearing inside the magazines almost every few weeks.

Since you were in Canada now, it was natural for them to have more important news and people to write about. But there must be at least something small… You weren’t that insignificant even here.

You placed the snacks aside and, with shaking fingers, grabbed a popular magazine that usually liked writing gossip about you in the US version. New issues had been supposed to come out either yesterday or today if you had run the dates correctly.

You skimmed through the pages, but couldn't find any reports on your case. You were unsure whether this was good or bad. Then, you searched through the next magazine, only to find anything but news on your family as well. Your last hope was a Canadian newspaper dated today. Since they changed daily, you were most likely to find something inside there. But again, there was nothing. Not even in the smallest section. Not even a mention.

Disappointed, you placed the newspaper back on the shelf. You supposed that this was a good sign your father and sister had not been found yet. Still, there was a lingering premonition you couldn't shake off. What if this was… not real after all?

"Are you done yet?" Jaehyun had suddenly appeared next to you, causing you to flinch. He looked at you, then at the magazines, and connected the dots. Grim, he grabbed your selected bag of chips and sour worms. "Get whatever else you want, I'll pay for this."

You quickly grabbed two cans of coke from the nearby fridge and handed the cashier the additional five dollar bill after a gesture from Jaehyun. You tried looking at the old man intensely, trying out different expressions and even pulling your hood back a bit in case he would recognize your face. But he didn't even look at you once.

When the cashier was focused on packing your snacks into a plastic bag, your eyes wandered over the counter. There was a small section with pester power items. One of the items was, to your very dismay, tinted chapstick with strawberry flavor. It would make your lips look a bit prettier than the vaseline you had been provided with, and even the mere thought of it gave you a surge of happiness and confidence.

Your hand automatically reached out for the chapstick, but you halted mid-motion, coming to your senses. You wished to have collected this instead of the coke, but Jaehyun would have surely not let this one slide when you had pestered him about the drink so much, so you retracted your hand.

"Why is there no article about my family and our disappearance?" you asked Jaehyun bluntly on the way back to the car. "The news cannot die down after just a few days!"

"It’s the Canadian wilderness here, you said it yourself. Perhaps, those were old issues."

"No, those were new ones. I know every single issue with their main headlines, and I looked closely at the dates. If we're missing, then our faces should be everywhere, shouldn't they? Even in Canada, if we must be so careful here as well. But there was not even a single mention of us. Do you think it’s different in the US after the major headline from a few days ago that you’ve shown me?"

"I wouldn’t know." Jaehyun opened the passenger door for you and you sank into the seat with the two cokes you had been holding. He placed the snacks on your lap and closed the door before he got into the driver’s seat himself from the other side of the car. He then continued, "Perhaps, people really don’t care much about you here. It’s an entirely different country after all."

You didn’t even try to get your hopes up. “So… if that’s the case, what would actually hold us back from using hotels here?”

"No way." Jaehyun then started the car. "Everything it takes is only for one person to recognize you. We cannot risk it."

You buckled up your seatbelt and then threw a coke in Jaehyun's lap. "Here."

"You didn't need to."

You shrugged and opened your can, Jaehyun following your act suit. "I thought you might get tired and needed a bit of caffeine and sugar to keep you awake. Don't think too much into it."

Reluctantly, he said, “Thank you.”

____

October, Saskatchewan, Canada

You only had three outfits to wear that Jaehyun had packed, which included two pairs of trainers and two jackets of different thickness and fabric. The clothes catered more to warmth and practicability rather than a flashing appearance. As a person who used to be out in public so often, you usually never repeated outfits within a short time span. So you tried holding on to this small part of your former life in the form of pimping up your current fits. If you could call it like that even.

You tied a shirt in front of your stomach, letting a little bit of skin slip when you felt like it, or inserted a small part of the fabric into the front of your pants. You wore your hair tucked into the collar of your hoodie, tried other styles with bobby pins and ties, or wore your jacket around your hips when it was a bit warmer. Jaehyun usually threw a confused look at you, but never lost a word about it.

It wasn’t until you rode into the South of Saskatchewan that it started pouring heavily all day long, making it impossible for you to leave the car with dry clothes. For your safety, Jaehyun had even parked the vehicle close to the main street, though only two other cars passed by that day. The province was part of the Great Plains, so the landscape was dominated by prairie grassland.

You were locked inside the vehicle with Jaehyun while both of you were eating leftover oatmeal from the night before. Only your portion had the sugar and cinnamon topping.

"Don't you like sweets?" you asked Jaehyun after you had finished your meals. You were currently brushing your hair. Every day, it seemed, brushing out the knots took more and more time. "I reckon you only touched the chips and not the sour worms as well."

"I'm not… used to it, so I don't specifically like or hate sweets, there is just no preference. In the military, we rarely had something sweet when it was all about surviving. We barely ever had anything." He cleared his throat and suddenly deadpanned, "We also didn't care much about our appearance."

You narrowed your eyes and lowered the brush, halting your motions. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"We take so long to depart, because you always fiddle with something on your appearance. Mostly on your hair that also takes so long to dry, because what? You cannot leave it to dry in a towel for it to fall differently? We're on the run, not on the runway."

Your mouth nearly fell agape. "Excuse me?! I am a lady, makeup and fashion is my life! It makes me feel good, it pushes my confidence! If I seek for something to make me feel a little more girly and a little bit better after everything has been ripped away from me, then I don't think you have a say in this!" You leaned back in your seat and folded your arms across your chest, sulking. "Of course such words would only come from a man. This has nothing to do with you, I don't want to look good for you or anyone else. That was in the past. Right now, it’s just for me. You don’t know how it is to suddenly live like this."

"I didn't mean it as such an insult," Jaehyun meekly attempted to talk himself out of it. "I picked the most basic clothes, because it wouldn't matter so much anyway in our situation. I just think… you put on some mask. You look fine the way you are now with whatever you're wearing. What do you think is wrong with your appearance that it bothers you so much even now?"

Many things. Your nose, your chin, your jawline, your brows, your lips… Or whatever people wrote in certain snark forums on the internet. No matter how much make up you wore to conceal whatever they criticized, they would always find something else. And you would find them gossiping about it.

You lowered your head and put the hairbrush aside. Then, you took the blanket and crawled to the backseat while Jaehyun watched in silence, probably waiting for you to say something in return. But you didn't. You laid down on your back, covered yourself with the blanket and just stared out of the window, wondering whether Jaehyun had actually given you an underlying compliment in his awkward, inexperienced manner. The landscape wasn't visible through the glass as the rain came down on the car in nearly seamless streams.

"You must really have a twisted picture of me," you eventually said.

"I don't know anything about you," Jaehyun answered from the driver’s seat.

You knew he was lying. "You've been working for my father."

"Just recently started."

"You read about me on the internet for sure."

You had thought you would miss the internet, but were suddenly taken aback by the fact that you had not felt the urge to ask for your cell phone anymore. You had been so occupied with adjusting to your new situation that you had not instinctively thought about going online or checking messages when it used to be the first thing you did in the morning.

On the other hand, it also meant avoiding seeing bad comments that you had once been so obsessed with. You still wanted to know what people said about you, but you physically couldn’t. It felt like some kind of withdrawal.

“I barely go on the internet."

"Even barely online, you couldn’t have missed my latest scandal."

Only one month ago, your face had grazed all headlines, with the same big, bold title: "Heiress caught up in cheating scandal with engaged prince".

Jaehyun couldn’t have missed that. Nobody had. You had gone through the lowest time in your young life. Yet, you still wore the same title to your father’s company. For what?

You had always read every article about you with sweaty hands. You had never missed a single news, another blog article, the top tweets… You had been so obsessed with what people were saying about you - good and bad - usually scrolling through different apps for hours on end.

But you had never stopped, because nothing had ever been too scandalous enough for your father to release you. Not even the affair with the engaged prince. You had pushed and pushed and pushed. Until what was left of you was only this shallow shell.

After a long while, Jaehyun stated, "I don't judge people based on their actions."

"Why would that be?"

You wondered if he grew tired of your questions, but somehow, in this huge car that suddenly felt so small, talking with him gave you some kind of comfort you had never expected to find here, right in the middle of the Canadian grassland. Somewhere between the nightly escape from New York City and the long car rides through Canada’s endless no man's land, you had grown accustomed to his presence.

You heard Jaehyun shifting in his seat before he answered, "Sometimes in life, we all do things out of our norm, things we don’t want to do. To live, to survive."

"You think the fact that I got caught up in a cheating scandal with an engaged prince wasn't because I wanted to be?"

"No naturally good person wants to do bad things if they have a choice."

"Perhaps, I'm just a bad person." You chuckled ironically over this half-truth, but he didn't join. "What about you, Jaehyun? Are you a bad person too? Or are you naturally good? The fact that you are a Marine would tell me you're the latter."

“I used to be one,” he corrected you. "And we are told to fight for what is right."

"That's not an answer to my question."

And he never gave you one.

You were dozing off right after Jaehyun's breathing had grown regular. It was seldom for you to sleep during the day, but stretched out like this with a warm blanket over you, almost felt like a bed. Almost.

____

October, Alberta, Canada

Maple trees followed pines, followed oak, followed birch, followed fields… and the cycle repeated.

In the night, everything looked the same to you. It had rained for two days straight in which you weren't able to leave the car. You had thought you'd grow insane from being stuck in such a tight space, looking at the same blurry trees and skies through foggy car windows. Jaehyun slept most of the daytime, and so did you, because there was not much else to do.

This early morning, you had grown a bit excited when you spotted the first white mountain peaks far in the horizon. The rain had finally given in to a blue sky and warm rays of sunshine. Somehow, after the storm from the days before, everything had changed. It was like a veil had been lifted off your vision.

Jaehyun had parked the car close to a river, deep inside the woods again. At one point, you had feared you'd barely make it through the muddy, narrow path. But Jaehyun had led the car so skillfully that all your doubts had gone to vain in an instant. Whatever he had learned in the Marines, you had to admit to yourself that you had never once needed to fear being put into danger.

Jaehyun usually jumped into the water for a quick wash right after he woke up in the late afternoon. But today, he broke out of his routine and pulled his shirt over his head the moment he stepped out of the car. After you had needed to abstain from washing more than your face for the past few days due to the weather, Jaehyun probably felt a huge urge to bathe as soon as possible once the sun came out.

You decided to wait until he was fully submerged and then started washing your clothes, turning away from Jaehyun to give him the privacy he needed. You would take a bath yourself once he went back to the car to sleep.

The days grew colder little by little, and eventually, it would probably rain even more as well. You hoped you would reach your destination before you'd spend hours freezing. Though, truth to be told, you didn't miss the suffocating late summer heat in the city at all.

On most days, you woke up to a clear sky and crisp air. The seasons started to change here in West Canada already, and so did the landscape. You noticed the once so bland green trees had turned more colorful, the nature overall more vibrant. Indian Summer was not very present in this part of the country, but you still felt and saw a touch of it. It was beautiful.

"Try slapping them against the big rock over there."

"What?!"

You got startled when Jaehyun appeared right in front of you. Topless and water dripping from the short ends of his hair down to his bare chest. You were crouching on the riverbank, rubbing your clothes against each other with soap in one hand. But now, you were halting all your motions.

You had seen men topless. Many, many men as a matter of fact. It was not a secret to anyone that you rather enjoyed your single life for all you cared. Yet, you picked your guys very carefully based on their looks, status and reputation, less on their character if you were to be seen and photographed with them. The more powerful the men, the more inevitable the destruction caused to your name.

Jaehyun would be none of your picks. And under other circumstances, you wouldn't have looked at him twice. But now, you were staring at him.

"Give me your shirt," he demanded. "I'll show you."

Mutely, you handed the shirt in your hands over to Jaehyun and watched him move towards the rock he was referring to. He started slapping the garment against the stone several times and then rubbed the fabric against the surface, alternating between these two moves. Apparently, that was how people had done it in the past when washing machines and washboards hadn’t existed yet - and how they had done it in the military when they were out in the wild, according to Jaehyun.

Big cars, high end clothes, fancy bags, stylish hairdos… it all didn't matter here. You saw it clearly now.

What mattered was Jaehyun knowing how to make a fire without a lighter, how to drive a big car through muddy paths without getting stuck, how to wash clothes in a river with his bare hands, and many more things you had probably missed out on.

These were all things essential to survival. Your father had made a wise choice.

In real life, the way Jaehyun’s muscles tensed and eased while handling the laundry wouldn't have mattered. But here, it did matter. The way the sun shone on his dark hair where water was still dripping from its ends, mattered. In real life, you wouldn't have looked at him twice. But here, he was all you could look at.

Everything was different here.

The guys you had been with wouldn't know a single thing about surviving in the wilderness, they would be useless here. But Jaehyun wasn't.

Perhaps, you had been on the road alone with him for too long and you couldn’t quite recall anymore when you had last been with a man to feel so… tingly. So you quickly shook your head in hopes you could shake off your thoughts about Jaehyun as well.

"You got it?" Jaehyun eventually asked and you nodded absent-mindedly.

But then you noticed something. Jaehyun was still wearing his pants, but along the seam on his right side, you could see them coming through. They were still somewhat red, probably starting from his leg and running up his thigh until they reached his waist, judging by the size of what you saw.

Burn scars. You had immediately recognized them.

Jaehyun suddenly caught your gaze and threw the shirt right back at you before he wordlessly turned around, submerged in the water and swam away. He must be freezing, but he was more willing to deal with the cold than deal with your questions.

Though you hadn't meant to ask any question, because you knew that people usually didn't like talking about scars this big and visible. Because you had the same ones, right on your back. They were more ancient, but they were still there.

Jaehyun came out of the water a few meters away from you, not sparing you another glance before he started washing up. There was much more to what you had learned from this morning alone apart from what your thoughts could grasp at that moment.

But one thing was for sure…

When you got into the car shortly before the sun went down to continue your way, you did so with freshly brushed, natural hair that flowed over your shoulders, free from bobby pins and ties. You wore a simple shirt, the hoodie over it, and then the jacket on top. You had not chosen to style the clothes in a certain way anymore at all.

If Jaehyun noticed, he didn't let it slip. Though you could swear, you saw him cracking a crooked smile from the corner of your eyes.

In the middle of the night, you stopped at a gas station in the deep wilderness again, but you stayed inside the car. There was nothing you were craving for right now anyway. Perhaps, you also feared what you might find on the shelves this time. You’d rather not know anymore.

The only thing you wondered about was whether your friends were worried and what they had texted you. But if you were to name someone specific… you painfully realized that not a single name would come into your mind you could be entirely sure of was missing you. Had anyone even noticed your absence?

You watched Jaehyun filling the canisters with gas and then going inside the shop to pay. A few minutes later, he returned. And carried something in his hands. A drink or a snack for you maybe?

"Here, for you." But what fell into your lap when Jaehyun opened the door was not a snack or a drink.

It was much, much smaller and tasted of strawberry. It was the chapstick you had seen at the other rest stop!

"What-"

"You looked at it a little too long for me not to notice."

It was the only thing he had brought back to the car. He hadn't gotten anything for himself. "Jaehyun, I-"

You gulped, visibly touched by this gesture. It meant that Jaehyun had seen and heard your struggles, and he was now trying to give you a little bit of your old life, of yourself, back despite having complained about it earlier.

You had been given so many gifts throughout your life, each more expensive than the last. But rarely had anything meant as much to you as this gas station strawberry chapstick.

"Thank you, Jaehyun," you said quietly.

And this time, his smile was visible. Just very lightly.

____

October, British Columbia, Canada

You had successfully talked Jaehyun into making a stop in the mountains the next morning. The rain had slowed you down a bit, so you would reach your destination in only two more days. A few hours more or less wouldn’t matter that much anymore.

You stopped close to the most beautiful lake you had probably ever laid eyes on. You had traveled to different states before, but no place you had ever visited came close to what you were able to witness in the Canadian nature.

"Jaehyun, you have to look at this!"

The emerald water was crystal clear, mirroring the mountains that closed in around the lake. The range began just behind the wooden cabins lined up along one side of the shore - that much you could see from your high vantage point. On the distant peaks, you could even spot patches of snow at their very tops. The trees surrounding the lake and mountains were a mix of vibrant greens, oranges and reds. In another area, a little farther away, people were camping and fishing. They looked so very little in this vast wilderness.

You heard Jaehyun approaching you and asked, "Where we're going, is the landscape just as beautiful as here?"

"It will be even more beautiful."

"It's hard to believe you when this is already the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed."

"More beautiful than the Grand Canyon? Yosemite and Yellowstone? Hawaii?"

"These are all places that I've visited in the past." You crossed your arms in front of your chest and pursed your lips. "So you indeed did your research about me."

"It's hard to go online and miss your face on the news. Though it's even harder to keep up with who you're pictured with."

You felt a sting of embarrassment piercing through your heart. It hurt. Why did you care about how he viewed you?

"When was the last time you were with a woman, Jaehyun?" you wanted to know. It was straight-forward and blunt, but it was about time you'd cross this line already.

Jaehyun was visibly taken aback, brows drawn together and lips parted in shock. "What is this question?!"

"A normal one." You grinned. Somehow, you very much liked his flustered reaction. "But I might rightfully assume I'm way more experienced than you."

Jaehyun turned his head away from you, but it didn't pass by you that the tips of his ears turned red. "Well, that's what you assume."

"Am I not right?" you teased. "I could swear a lot of women would do anything to be lifted up by those buff arms of yours."

"What are you blabbering about?!" When Jaehyun drew his head back at you, his entire face showed a tint of red. "Stop it now!"

You snickered - the first genuine laugh you let out after more than a week. Somehow, it lifted a huge burden off your chest. Somewhere along the way, you had feared you might have lost the ability to feel something close to happiness, or even lightheartedness, entirely.

"Can I walk around here a bit while you sleep?" you eventually changed the topic.

"Wait until we're somewhere safer and descended from here. We're quite close to the main road, it's very risky."

"Oh Jaehyun!" you complained and snorted in annoyance. "We didn't see a single car while we were driving up here! The road is so narrow and hidden, no tourist would get the idea to use it. And it's not so often that I get to see a view this beautiful! What might stand against the idea to linger here a little while longer? Just an hour? Then you can take a nap and we will continue somewhere safer."

You saw Jaehyun’s inner conflict flashing right before his eyes, and finally, he let out a defeated, long sigh. "Fine, But remember, always stay-"

"- close to the car and avoid people at all costs! If something feels off, I immediately return to you. Always, you tell me the same, I get it."

"In an hour!" he reminded you. "If you don't return by then, I'll come to get you!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say!" You waved aside and already disappeared behind trees.

____

You had spent your free time quietly sitting on a formation of rocks, overlooking the lake. No deep thoughts - just you, the woods, the mountains, and so much freedom before you that it left you nearly speechless, too overwhelmed with a beauty of this caliber.

Beneath you, the rock you were sitting on spread out and merged almost seamlessly into a cliff that ended in the valley where the lake was located. You had settled on the edge, because this was where you could catch the best views. A fear of heights was something you hadn’t developed after growing up living in high rise buildings in New York City.

Whether an hour had truly passed, you couldn’t tell since you had no way of telling the time. But when you heard someone calling your name from afar, it didn’t feel like it had been that long!

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you, Jaehyun!" you yelled back. "I'm coming."

You heaved yourself up with the intention to jump back on your feet when you heard it. No, city people like you usually weren't scared of heights. But they were scared of animals they had never encountered before. Like a…

"Snake!" you screamed and were back on your feet fast.

The snake was right in front of you. Its back was patterned with shades of brown, broken up by lighter patches. The lower part of its boneless body was coiled into a circle, with only the tip raised in the air - rattling. The animal, staring straight at you with its triangular head and flicking tongue, was a rattle snake. You thought they only inhabited the lands in the far south of the continent, not here in northern Canada!

"Jaehyun!" you screamed. And then again, louder this time, as the snake moved towards you, "JAEHYUN!"

You took a step back, feeling the edge of the rock formation beneath your sole, where the cliff waited below, threatening to drag you into the depths of the woods surrounding the lake if you made a single wrong move. If you tried to run past the snake, you knew it would attack, no matter how fast you were, injecting its poison straight into your bloodstream. You doubted Jaehyun carried a specific antidote around in his medical kit, and the next hospital must be hours away!

Your situation forced you to choose between two options that both led to an ending you didn’t want to imagine for yourself. Was this your punishment for all your wrongdoings? Had you survived for so long only to have it end here in the Canadian woods?

"Stay there!"

You looked up and saw Jaehyun only a few meters away whose voice had pulled you out of your trance-like state.

Between you and him was the snake, and right behind you, the cliff. No, your father had calculated all of this. He had sent someone to protect you. Jaehyun would protect you and make sure you survived out here.

You didn’t know how he would do that though, and for a moment, you doubted whether Jaehyun knew either. The snake didn’t seem to pay any attention to him, and Jaehyun was searching his surroundings for something. Then, he picked up a large stick. Perhaps he knew exactly what to do. Of course - he used to be a Marine. They were trained for every danger imaginable.

"I'll try to lure it away from you and then you'll come running to me, okay?"

You shook your head, the only body part that was not petrified with shock. "I can't!"

"Yes, you can!" Jaehyun encouraged you. "Look, it's moving in my direction!"

It wasn’t, really. Jaehyun was trying to get the snake to coil around the stick, but it consistently refused. Whenever you even dared to breathe, the snake’s head shot back at you, hissing predatorily as if it had singled you out and would strike by any means necessary.

With one hand, Jaehyun fiddled with the wood stick, the other reached out to you. "Come! You can do it! Come here!"

You finally gathered the courage to reach for Jaehyun’s hand, and even though there was still a wide gap between you, the mere thought of jumping into his arms eased your fears a little. You tensed your legs, preparing to lunge forward and jump. But the snake was faster.

It struck the moment you lifted your right foot, and out of reflex, you jumped back - only to find no ground beneath you to catch your weight. There was no barrier, no support. Your chest hit the hard rock as you fell forward, knocking the air from your lungs. Before you could catch your breath again, you slipped backward.

Everything happened so fast, you didn't even have time to scream for help. Half of your body was still on top of the rock, your hands desperately clawing for anything to hold onto. But the surface was smooth and dirty, and your fingernails ached and split from trying to dig them into the hard stone. The lower part of your body, the much heavier one, was slowly pulling you down with your legs already dangling in the air above the cliff.

Centimeter for centimeter, you quickly slipped backward over the edge on your chest before you could bring yourself to scream, "Jaehyun!"

You should have listened to him. Jaehyun knew better, he always had. But your haughty, spoiled nature had never accepted a “no”. And now you were paying the price as your entire body slid over the edge, your hands the only parts still clinging to solid ground for one last second. You now only wished it wouldn't hurt when you fell into the deep valley.

"I got you!"

A strong hand wrapped around your wrist before your fingers could follow your body into a free fall, and above you, Jaehyun's head appeared. He held you with one arm while bracing the other against the ground, lying flat.

"Don't look down! Hold onto me!"

You swung your free hand up and grabbed Jaehyun’s forearm, securing better stability. With great effort, he pulled you up - slowly, but steadily. Your feet searched for hollows in the rock to shift some weight back onto yourself, but Jaehyun was strong enough to lift you all the way with one arm alone. When most of your body had passed the stony edge, you propped your free elbow against the ground and heaved yourself over the last part until you felt secure soil under your body again.

Then, you were sitting there in absolute silence. Face to face, breathless, and still in shock over what had just happened. When the emotions finally crashed down on you and the painful realization hit that you would have nearly died if it hadn’t been for Jaehyun, you started crying and collapsed into his arms, causing him to fall backward onto the ground. But you didn’t care, and neither did he. You sobbed into his chest, but said nothing, and neither did he.

After a while, you felt the same hands that had rescued you wrap around your back in comfort. It was the best feeling you had experienced in a very, very long time.

You didn't know for how long you had laid there as a thought suddenly crossed your mind. "The snake!" you called out nearly breathlessly from all the crying and sat back up, Jaehyun's arms slipping from your back. "Where is it? Is it gone?"

"Hey…"

"Hm?" You looked back at Jaehyun who was still lying on the ground.

"I think it's gone. We were lucky this time."

You frowned as you watched him. He didn't move, but only looked at you with glassy eyes and half parted lips. You wondered if the paleness in Jaehyun’s face was mirroring the aftermath of the events or caused by something entirely else. You had never seen Jaehyun like this.

"We should go," you suggested unsurely, because you didn’t know what else to say. "Get up."

But Jaehyun didn't. Instead, his pupils turned towards the sky, beads of sweat now forming on his temples. "Taeyong… Come home with me."

"Jaehyun…" You gulped. "Who's Taeyong?"

But he didn't listen to you. You were unsure if he had even heard you as he continued speaking, "Doyoung, you too. Come home with me. I don't… wanna be alone."

You had no idea what was going on with Jaehyun, but you were certain that this was not normal and it made you nearly freak out again. Was Jaehyun having hallucinations? Did he need to take medicine he had missed out on?

"Jaehyun!" You crawled closer to him, settling again by his side and shaking his arm. "Jaehyun, what's wrong?"

"I don't… want to be the only one left," he only murmured, still not facing you. "I don't deserve it."

"Jaehyun…" you pleaded, jolting more intensely on his arm now. "Jaehyun, you're scaring me! What's wrong?"

Suddenly, his eyes locked with yours. "It hurts…"

"You're hurt? Where?"

"Leg…"

You instantly shifted your attention to Jaehyun's legs, but you found no signs of external wounds as you inspected his pants. Under other circumstances, it would set your mind at ease. But this was Jaehyun and he didn’t joke around. It turned even clearer that he was suffering from something by the way his breathing suddenly became jagged and his right leg started twitching.

You heard the blood rush in your ears as you pulled up Jaehyun’s pant leg. You gasped for air as Jaehyun’s shin revealed two red dots slowly oozing blood. No… this couldn’t be.

You wanted to cry out from sheer despair. What was worse than losing your own life was losing Jaehyun. You were nothing without him, you couldn't survive without him. You needed him.

You took a deep breath and lifted Jaehyun’s leg, placing the sole on the ground so it formed a triangle for better access. You then wrapped your hands around the bitten area and brought your mouth to his injury. You had no idea what you were doing as you had only seen this in movies, but you figured it was better to try something to save his life than do nothing at all.

You squeezed your eyes shut as your lips met Jaehyun’s injured flesh and sucked on the wound, trying to draw out as much poison as possible. You nearly cried again when nothing came out, but you didn’t give up. Relief washed over you when you finally tasted the metallic tang of blood on your tongue. Spitting it onto the ground beside you, you repeated the process several times until your cheeks ached and nothing more would come out.

But Jaehyun didn't look much better than before. If anything, you swore he looked even worse. Had you even done the right thing? You were not so sure anymore and cursed yourself out for the fact that you might have probably worsened his condition.

Your location was not too far from the car. You just didn't know where the next hospital was and whether Jaehyun would last for so long.

But you couldn’t lose him.

____

October, Yukon, Canada

You arrived at the hospital two hours later. Under normal circumstances, it would have taken you one hour if only you had still remembered how to drive such a big, manual car. On top of that, it had taken you three interactions with locals to find the nearest hospital as the map Jaehyun had been using only had roads on it.

"Have you tried sucking the venom out of him?" the doctor asked while the nurse freed Jaehyun from his garments. He was lying on a bed in the emergency room, having passed out by now.

"Y-yeah," you quietly admitted.

"Never do that!" he chided forgivingly, but assertively. "It doesn't benefit the injured in any way. If anything, it can cause the venom to spread even faster."

You covered your mouth with two hands and swallowed down a cry. "But will he be okay, doctor?"

"He's a tall man who can take a lot. He'll be fine. But now, please take a step back so that we can treat him. You can return to the waiting area. Someone will come to you later."

He would be okay… the doctor said he would be okay. There was barely a time in your life where you had gone through so many emotions within such a short time span.

Now, you wanted to cry again, because you were so happy that Jaehyun was going to live. You wondered when your attitude towards him had changed so drastically though. Most likely, when you spent so much time with one person only, it was inevitable after all.

But… did you like him as a person or were you dependent on him? Did both feelings go hand in hand or should you look at them individually? You couldn't find an answer to this thought yet.

It was a small hospital, so there were only three other people present. After a quick wash up in the visitors' restrooms to get rid of all the dust and dirt as best as possible, you returned to the waiting area. You took a seat with your cold hands slipped into the pockets of your jacket when you suddenly felt it. The strawberry chapstick.

You hadn't used it once, because it was your most valuable treasure and you didn't want to waste it. Yet, you were carrying it around with you wherever you went. It was odd how coming from a wealthy family, your most meaningful belonging had suddenly turned into strawberry chapstick from the gas station.

But it was because Jaehyun had given it to you, a silver lining when you had gone through dark times. Without Jaehyun, even that would be gone. Tears slipped from the rims of your eyes again.

"Dear, here." You hadn't noticed how an elderly lady had moved herself next to you, holding out a tissue for you to take. You took it gratefully with a nod. "I heard what happened to him. Don't worry, your boyfriend will be fine."

"What if not? It's all because of me.." You wiped your tears, but they returned in an instant. Since you couldn't reveal your identity, you just went with whatever she assumed you were. "I… I don't know what I will do without him."

The lady nodded. "I understand. But don't cry too much. You wouldn't want him to be all worried about you when he walks out of the treatment room, right?"

Even though her advice was so simple and a bit silly since she was unaware of your entire history together, you just nodded quietly. Just imagining Jaehyun's confused face when he spotted you crying for him outside here was enough for you to feign a smile for the woman.

You continued talking until you stopped crying altogether and she left the hospital. You were too nervous to nap, and only very few people came in and out throughout the day. Your gaze eventually stopped on the side table that you had been trying to ignore for too long already.

Should you dare take a look into the magazines and newspapers scattered there? Perhaps, you would find some articles about your family inside them now. But what difference would it make? Yet, your curiosity won in this weak moment and you walked over to the reception to take a newspaper into your hands.

It was brand new, only having been released today, but you didn’t find an article about your family inside it. Unfortunately, the tabloids hadn’t changed issues yet, so they were the same as the ones you had inspected at the gas station.

You didn't know how to feel about this. The less they reported about the incident, the better it would be for your family's safety. Perhaps, your dad had instructed for a media blackout after the initial news.

But what if this wasn't the case and your family was just less relevant than you had ever assumed… Would that be it? Just a single article in a nationwide newspaper, then falling into irrelevancy, because there were things more worth being reported if you didn't top the daily scandal list? Did hard work and success not matter to the world?

Was this the life you had been living up until now and wanted to return to?

____

"Miss?" … "Miss."

You jolted upright, realizing you had apparently fallen asleep earlier. In front of you stood a nurse, and judging by the lighting in the hall, it was well past late afternoon. How long had you slept?

The nurse smiled at you. "We gave your boyfriend an antidote and he is stable now."

"Thank god!" you called out with much relief. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

She nodded. "We need you to fill out this form about him since we have to keep him here until tomorrow for observation. If you want, you can go to him now."

"Yes, I want to!"

You took the clipboard and paper into your hands and followed the nurse into the treatment area, heading for the bed in the far corner of the large room. The nurse pulled back the curtain, revealing Jaehyun sleeping on the bed. He looked so peaceful after everything that had happened. You had never seen him like that.

"You can sit here, miss." The nurse rolled a small chair in your direction and gave you a pen. "He will wake up soon."

You looked at the form pinned to the clipboard. You couldn't answer any of these questions except for the one about his first name. You didn't know Jaehyun's surname, his address, his health insurance, his blood type… You didn't even know if he had any diseases or what he was allergic to.

You knew absolutely nothing about Jaehyun. It was devastating for two people forced to be this close.

"Here, take this cream too." The nurse approached you once again and handed you a white tube. "His scars seem to hurt very much lately since they're relatively recent, right? We've treated them too, but this will help him ease the pain at home. Please tell him to get them checked regularly to avoid further inflammation."

Jaehyun had been in pain this whole time? You hadn’t noticed. Or he had been hiding it very well. But you should have known since you had fought the same battle when you were much younger. Yet, you hadn’t seen it - or hadn’t wanted to.

This was another deep, hidden part of Jaehyun that you were completely clueless about. You didn’t want to continue your acquaintanceship like this. After all, you were now sitting here next to his hospital bed, waiting for him to regain his consciousness when you could also just leave him here, steal his car, and drive all the way home by yourself. But you had chosen differently.

He had rescued you, because he needed to. You had rescued him, because you needed him. But Jaehyun had given you the chapstick, because he wanted to. And now you were sitting here, because you wanted to.

You stretched out your hand and placed it on Jaehyun’s. But before you had time to think about why you were even doing that, his fingers wrapped around your wrist and pulled you down toward him. Jaehyun looked at you with widened eyes.

"You're awake!” you exclaimed. “I will call the nur-"

"No!" Jaehyun had apparently picked up on his surroundings quite quickly as you watched his expression change from confusion to near terror. "We have to go!"

"What?" Jaehyun tried to prop himself up, but you pushed him back on the bed. "Are you nuts?! You nearly died a few hours ago, the venom could still do something to your body! You have to stay under observation here!"

"It's too dangerous!" he hissed. "Did you talk to anyone? Did you give out your name? My name? Any other information?"

"Of course not!" you defended yourself. "Do you really think I'd be this reckless?" You kept the fact hidden that even if you needed to give out life saving information, you weren't able to provide them with any.

"Good. Then let's go. Hurry."

Jaehyun braced himself up with great effort, letting out a low groan, but you didn’t say a word - even though there was so much you wanted to say. You were aware of the dangers of being in public, but you were willing to take the risk as long as Jaehyun was completely healthy. He, however, didn’t share your opinion. You slipped the scar cream into your pocket and left the form on the chair as Jaehyun climbed down from the bed.

He was a bit weak on his feet, but he refused the support you offered. Step by step, Jaehyun was walking slowly, growing steadier the further he went. You were quite certain that what you were doing wasn't exactly legal, leaving the hospital without any information to charge you for the treatments when everyone had been so nice to you here.

Back in the car, Jaehyun insisted on driving, even though you offered to do so yourself.

"Will it be okay with the CCTV here?" you asked worriedly. "I'm sorry, I didn't pay attention to this when driving here."

"I just left one thousand Canadian Dollars on the bed. In cash. They'll let this one slip."

You didn't even ask where he had hid such a large amount of cash all this time. It sure as hell was from your father and intended to be spent on such emergencies.

Jaehyun didn't start the car immediately despite having pushed you to leave so urgently. He sat there in the driver's seat, silent and thinking for a long time. And you let him.

"Thank you," he finally said, his eyes fixated on the steering wheel. "Without you, I'd be dead."

You shook your head. "No. Without you, I'd be dead."

There was a faint smile on his lips. "Let's just say we're even now. So, are you ready for the last part of our journey?"

"We'll be there soon?"

"Assuming we're in Watson Lake now, then by tomorrow, we’ll be at our destination, yes."

You had been convinced that you wouldn't miss the time on the road. But now that you thought about the end of it, it was not only happy feelings seeping into you. You didn’t know whether the new life in the woods would be better than the one on the road after all.

When Jaehyun drove into the sunset though, the road stretching endlessly in your periphery and vanishing between a mountain range, living in nature didn't sound as disheartening anymore. If this would continue being your daily view, it was manageable.

Perhaps, you would come to endure this new chapter. Just for a little while.

____

October, Alaska, USA

You had never seen a land this breathtakingly beautiful before. Your gaze was practically glued to the window as you watched the mountain range roll past, vibrant forests spreading at their feet, rising gradually until they gave way to gray rocks, which converged and ended on snow-covered peaks merging with the blue sky.

You had never felt so small in the face of such majestic nature. The city couldn't compare to this.

Jaehyun had driven through the entire night, but at a much slower pace than usual due to his condition. You had passed the border back into the US by sunrise, and because you expected to reach your destination soon, Jaehyun insisted on pushing through the final stretch of the drive.

It had gotten incredibly cold, the temperature dropping constantly the further you approached your destination. Even now, you were freezing, wearing the thickest layers Jaehyun had packed. You hoped there would be some kind of heat source in the cabin, because otherwise you wouldn’t know how to survive the Alaskan winter.

You read "Skagway" on a street sign, but Jaehyun didn't follow the main road. Instead, he turned onto a smaller one that ran parallel to a river, then swerved onto an unpaved road that disappeared into a dark forest. From there, you drove a few hours more through the deepest woods.

Somewhere along the way, you totally lost orientation. Everything looked the same to you. You didn't dare ask whether Jaehyun himself knew where you exactly were, but you silently agreed to trust him. He had never been wrong so far.

"We're here."

The road had suddenly ended.

You wondered whether it had been forged and only used by Jaehyun himself, very certain nobody would follow an unpaved, narrow road into the deep, dark woods for hours. You unclasped the seat belt and got out of the car after Jaehyun.

Outside, his wooden cabin stood right in a small clearing that barely deserved its name, because the trees were so tall and dense that hardly any sunshine made it through. They surrounded the cabin like a cage, as if it had been dropped there first and the forest had grown around it. The thick woods offered visual security from any curious intruder. It was a place very well chosen if you wanted to hide from the world.

"How did you find this place, Jaehyun?"

"You can find a lot of great places when you read maps right."

You approached the wooden cabin. It was just as small as a general studio in New York City in the lower price class, judging by the exterior. You spotted a window right under the pointed roof. It seemingly consisted of two floors, so it was indeed bigger inside than you had first assumed.

"I warn you though," Jaehyun said when he opened the door and entered first. "There is no electricity and running water here yet. I plan to install a generator later on though."

"I don't mind," you shrugged it off. Electricity and running water… you hadn't thought about these things at all when you had always assumed they were so essential for you. "It's fine for me as long as I’ll be warm in the winter.”

“Don’t worry, there is a fireplace.”

“What a relief to hear!”

Only minimal light from outside found its way into the cabin, making it hard for you to take in your surroundings first. But as you stepped fully inside and your eyes slowly adjusted to the dimness, you realized you were standing in a living room with a couch facing the mentioned fireplace. A small kitchen nook was nestled at the back of the room, partly hidden by small stairs that disappeared on the second floor. By the wall downstairs, between the kitchen and fireplace, you spotted a table with two chairs and a dresser close by.

Of course it was simple and nothing in comparison to what you had at home, but it was very cozy as everything was made of wood, and it would be warm. You would have a comfortable place to sleep. It was enough. You walked over to the dresser to inspect what was inside, eyeing Jaehyun for permission.

"The first two drawers are all for you to use, I've already stored a few clothes for you inside. Take a look." Jaehyun nodded. "The last one's mine."

You opened the drawer and found a few shirts, sweaters, trousers, leggins, socks and even underwear inside - all in your exact size. In the second drawer, Jaehyun had placed towels, a thick puffer jacket, a beanie, a scarf, gloves, and sanitary products. It was very attentive, you had to give him that.

But how long had they been planning this for him to have had so much time to prepare? It must have been at least two weeks prior to the news, likely even more. Had your father lived in fear for at least just as long?

"I guess upstairs is the bedroom?" You pointed at the stairs.

Jaehyun nodded. "It's all yours, I won't step a foot inside. I'll sleep on the couch."

You climbed the narrow stairs and found yourself in another cozy space beneath the roof, just large enough to fit a queen size bed. The ceiling was so low that you couldn’t stand upright across the room and had to duck as you moved. A tiny window set into the slope of the roof offered a view of the sky when one lay on the bed. The space was clearly meant for just one person.

When you returned downstairs, Jaehyun was already unloading the car. You helped him with the rest of the things, storing your clothes in the first drawer inside the dresser and your toiletries in the second one. Since it was generally quite dark inside the cabin, you lit up a few oil lamps while Jaehyun was kneeling by the fireplace, arranging the logs before striking a match.

"Where is the bathroom?" The moment you asked this question almost distractedly, you already regretted it. So you quickly added, "If there is one I could describe as such."

Jaehyun had just managed to start the fire when he got back on his feet and told you, "Follow me."

Indeed, right behind the cabin, there was an outhouse. "There is no drainage, so…"

You hadn’t expected more anyway. You would manage after the past week. "I get it."

"Come, I’ll show you where we will get water from."

It was only a few meters before you heard the rushing of a stream that was hidden behind dense trees. It was wide enough to cross in a few steps, but also deep enough to bathe in, Jaehyun told you.

"In the winter, we can heat the water on the stove which runs on gas. I'll show you how to use it later."

Despite having no electricity yet, you didn't feel as remote or cut off as you had expected. In fact, you might have even considered this a holiday destination if you had to choose a place where you could do some social media detox.

Social media… Here, it meant nothing. Posting something irrelevant wouldn't have brought Jaehyun back if he had succumbed to the venom. Scrolling through unfunny videos for hours wouldn't have brought him back. Reading every scandalous article about you wouldn't have brought him back either. What was it good for, anyway?

"All the food is stored in these cabinets," Jaehyun instructed and opened their doors for you to look at. "And down here on the left side too. On the right side, I have the pots and dishes stored."

There was one pair of each. Plates, bowls, cups, cutlery. You furrowed your brows.

"Who built this cabin, Jaehyun?"

He tilted his head in confusion. "Me, it’s mine after all. Why?"

You were even more confused than him. "You mean… you brought all the stuff here and built this cabin entirely yourself?"

"Yes." He shrugged. "Of course I didn't do all the work here. I prepared everything elsewhere and just set it up here, part by part."

Why did he talk like it was the easiest task in the world, building a house all by himself? "How long did this take you?"

"Approximately a year."

"What did you do before?"

"I told you, I was a Marine."

"For how long have you known you'd need to provide me with shelter? When did my father hire you?"

"What are you up to with these questions?" Jaehyun shook his head and took out a can with instant ravioli from the shelf that had been there before your arrival. "If you want to know anything about your father's business, I cannot tell you. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know myself."

"But surely, you must benefit from this deal, right? Is my father greatly rewarding you with a large sum?"

Jaehyun fell silent and instead filled the ravioli in a small pot that he then placed on the stove. He had already begun stirring when he admitted, "Of course I don’t do this for free, but I don’t need much money as I don't intend on leaving this place, ever."

You already had a feeling that it was going to be like this. "Will my father come here when everything is settled?"

"Nobody knows about this place."

Your chest suddenly felt heavy. "But you said my father knows where to find us.”

Since Jaehyun had turned his back at you, stirring in the pot, you felt unsettled as he didn’t answer directly.

Eventually, he said, "I meant we have agreed on a location to meet up when the time is right."

“And how would you know the date when you don’t have a phone to contact each other?”

Jaehyun shifted his head back to you. His eyes were sincere, but why did the heavy feeling refuse to go away? “Please be at ease, we have it all figured out. Trust us.”

There was no reason not to. Right? Yet, the heavy feeling stayed in the back of your chest.

____

You couldn't remember falling asleep. Probably because you had slept in a rather uncomfortable car seat for too long, the moment your back touched a soft mattress, your entire body immediately shut down. The warmth from the fireplace had traveled all the way upstairs, so you were very comfortable during the first half of the night, despite Jaehyun having extinguished the fire before you went to bed.

But the cold night air had crept in through every crack and crevice in the wood. Condensation had formed on the lower part of the window, the glass fogged when you looked up. Yet, you could still make out the gray morning sky filtering through the dense canopy of trees. It was a nice view to wake up to.

You made your way downstairs, but Jaehyun wasn't in the living space anymore. You put on your jacket and opened the front door. Outside, Jaehyun had prepared a pair of padded shoes for you that fit you perfectly and into which you now slipped with a small bottle of water, a towel and toiletries in both hands. You made your way down to the stream.

Jaehyun was already there - topless, only dressed in trousers, and body halfway immersed in the water. Your front teeth sank into your bottom lip. You couldn't explain why you suddenly didn't feel so frozen to the bone anymore.

"Aren't you cold?" you called out to him. "It's freezing out here!"

"It's good for your health," Jaehyun answered and shook his head so that the water flew in every direction. "You should try it too!"

You declined. Instead, you crouched on the riverbank and began brushing your teeth. After rinsing with the bottled water, you washed your face and dried it with the towel. Jaehyun approached you once you were finished, and you didn’t know where to look, trying to keep him from noticing that your gaze now lingered on his muscular chest and arms far too long.

"How did you sleep?" Jaehyun wanted to know. "Was everything okay?"

"I slept well. How about you?"

You had directly noticed that the couch was way too short for Jaehyun. Of course, because he had planned on sleeping on the bed on the upper floor all along. But it was currently inhabited by no one other than you.

"I also slept well."

Liar. From afar already, you had seen him twisting and turning his head, massaging his shoulders, and using the water to soothe his tense muscles. Having him sleep on the couch for the entirety of your stay couldn't be the solution. It was actually you who was supposed to sleep there, but you felt like he kind of owed it to you. At least a few nights in a real bed after everything you had been through.

You reached your hand into the pocket of your jacket and pulled out the tube with the cream that had been given to you by the nurse. "This is for you. The nurse saw your scars. You were in pain this entire time. Why didn't you tell me?"

Jaehyun took the tube and eyed it suspiciously, but he didn't reject it as you had falsely presumed. You swore you saw his features softening in relief even. "It's none of your concern."

But you pressed the topic anyway. "Did it happen on duty? Is that the reason why you’re not in the Marine Corps anymore?" A nearly unnoticeable nod for which you rewarded him with a confession of your own. "Mine happened when I was little. Clearly, you've seen them too."

Jaehyun turned his head away, and admittedly quietly, "Yes. But you don't have to tell me your story as I won't tell you mine."

"That's fine, I will anyway. Just in case one day, you decide you want to talk." You smiled meekly, waiting for him to hold you back, but he didn't. "I was in a car accident with my mom when I was around twelve years old. That day, I was throwing a tantrum, because I didn't want to go to school, but my mom had already dropped my younger sister off. It was usually our live-in nanny's job, but she was sick that day and my mom had to take over her duties as no one else was available on such a short notice. She didn't know how to handle my tantrums, so she just gave in and drove to a mall with me instead. She bought me so much stuff, it was the best day of my life. Until now, even." You paused to take a deep breather. "We watched a movie in the cinema and she got me every plushy I wanted. And ice cream. Really, a lot of ice cream. We went back to the car to pick up my sister from elementary school in the afternoon, but we never made it there. She collided with a truck. Our car was flipped and they had trouble getting us out. They took me first before our vehicle caught fire. My mom didn't stand a chance."

You watched Jaehyun's Adam's apple move. He was still avoiding eye contact, but he had listened. That was enough for you.

"The oatmeal you made every morning, with the cinnamon and sugar… She also made it for me on the weekends. And on that fateful day." You threw your towel at him so that he could properly dry his hair. "I'll go back now. Don't forget to use the cream."

Back inside the cabin, you took a package of oats from the kitchen cabinet and began heating it on the stove with water. The oatmeal was almost done when Jaehyun returned as well.

"You can already sit down, breakfast is ready now."

But instead, Jaehyun moved over to the kitchen area and stood close by you when you removed the pot from the stove. You expected him to offer help with setting up the table as otherwise you couldn't come up with a believable reason as to why he would be right in your space.

"You do it for me,” he suddenly demanded.

"What?"

Jaehyun held out the tube to you and repeated, "You do it for me."

You usually didn't struggle with reservations when it came down to touching people, especially men. You loved touching men, as a matter of fact. You regarded them as very attractive humans, and Jaehyun certainly was no exception. But you were reserved with touching Jaehyun, because you feared you might cross a line that had probably been crossed quite a while ago already. Slowly, without you consciously acknowledging every step of it.

You took the tube in your hand and Jaehyun turned around, lifting his shirt. Your fingers brushed against the scars that peeked out from his trousers. He pulled the fabric of his pants down slightly, just enough for you to reach a larger area of scars. Good. You wouldn’t have gone any further anyway.

Carefully, you squeezed some cream on your fingers. When you touched Jaehyun's scars, he shivered a little due to the sensitivity, but didn't back away. He stood still, waiting for you to cover the entire area that was visible. While he was not shaking, you did instead, a flush of heat suddenly striking you. You didn’t know where it had suddenly come from, and now lingered even.

"I got them in the same way as you when I tried to crawl out of a burning vehicle," Jaehyun explained to your surprise. "I wasn't fast enough and my leg got caught up in the flames." It was apparent that there was more to the story he wasn't ready to talk about just yet. You would leave it to him to decide how far to go. "I'm sorry for what happened to you."

Because there was more to your story as well. "Me too."

You watch the cream getting absorbed into his skin while closing the tube. Jaehyun then pulled his shirt over his wounds. "Let's eat. I'll then make a fire again since you must be cold."

He was wrong about that. Somehow, you still felt very warm. Especially when Jaehyun took out the cinnamon and sugar and put it on your oatmeal as a topping again. It made you so happy, yet so sad at the same time. The feeling nearly choked you.

____

You awoke later that day to dull blows coming from outside in an irregular rhythm. Apparently, you had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch in front of the fireplace, which was now warming the entire cabin. You propped yourself up on the cushion and struggled with orientation at first.

When you peeked out of the window, you spotted Jaehyun chopping wood only in a t-shirt. Reality struck you at that moment. This was not a hotel, not a holiday residency, and certainly not your city home where you always had staff taking care of such mundane tasks. This was a hideout. There was no electricity here yet, no running water. You shouldn't just lie around, sleeping and doing nothing.

You put on your jacket, slipped into the boots and opened the front door. "Is there something I can help you with?" you asked Jaehyun.

He paused, wiped his glistening forehead with the back of his hand, and looked straight at you. "Maybe, you can carry some water from the stream up here. Boil it and then pour it into the canister in the kitchen, so we’ll always have fresh water to use for the day."

You nodded. "Where do I find a bucket?"

"Behind the cabin where the other tools are."

"Alright."

Behind the house, in a cabinet attached to the outer wall, you found tools as Jaehyun had described. Above the cabinet, he had stacked logs for the fireplace. Inside it, there were different sized buckets, an entire toolbox, a broom, a spare gas cylinder for the kitchen and other useful instruments. You reached for the bucket, but then halted.

Stunned, your eyes fell on something you hadn't expected you would need here. It was a pair of handcuffs. But not the silly toy ones. No, the real ones used by the police. You would know, because you'd been arrested more than once already.

You wanted to give Jaehyun the benefit of doubt. He would be outside here all alone. Of course he needed something to defend himself with, that was why he was also storing a rifle and a gun inside the house as you had discovered before.

But the handcuffs… it was not the same. They were outside as though he had purposely hidden them from you. And this was not all. Next to it, you found duct tape and a rope.

If you wouldn't know it better, you could swear these were the tools one would use to keep a prisoner. You tried to reason this discovery with the fact that Jaehyun needed to fend off intruders if someone ever stumbled close to his hideout. It was the only explanation you could come up with that didn't include you. Because you were here and you were free. Weren’t you?

But you couldn't shake off the feeling that everything could be entirely different as well. That if these accidents hadn't happened a few days back in Canada, you wouldn't have simply accepted life here. And what would have happened then? What would happen if you ever tried to run away? Would he stop you? And if, how? With these tools?

"Did you find it?"

Jaehyun's head popped up from around the corner and you quickly closed the cabinet. "Y-yeah! I-I'll go now!"

"Good. Call me when you need help."

You nodded and made your way down to the stream once again. It took you three walks back and forth, putting the water into the largest bowl to boil it and then fill it into the canister each time. After that, you swept the fireplace, cleaned the entire cabin from the second floor to the last corner in the kitchen and went back to the stream again to wash some clothes.

There was much time to think about what you had discovered in the outside cabinet. But as you came back from the stream with a bucket full of freshly washed clothes, you found Jaehyun standing by the stove, preparing dinner.

"I found some mushrooms nearby, so today's dinner will be fresh."

He sounded so proud of himself, and the tense features you had been wearing the entire day softened. No he wouldn't hurt you. He had never intended to. Those tools were only safety measurements, never to be used against you.

You trusted him.

____

"Is this one edible?"

You held a brown mushroom out to Jaehyun who inspected it quite carefully.

He had approached you earlier that day, suggesting that you go collect mushrooms with him as it was the middle of the high season. The mere thought of only eating canned food for months on end had been convincing enough for you to put on your jacket and boots, and follow Jaehyun deeper into the surrounding woods.

You had spent a few days in the cabin already, but to your surprise, you hadn't grown bored yet. Somehow, there was always something to do, especially now that the coldest season was upon you.

Jaehyun was chopping and storing as much wood as he could find, and you usually helped with collecting the logs the first half of the day. He had already warned you that winter was going to be especially hard for many, many weeks - months even. There was a chance you wouldn’t be able to leave the house if you got snowed in.

You hadn’t dared to ask how you would be reunited with your father then. You had already, though reluctantly, accepted that you would spend the entire winter here in the Alaskan woods.

"Yes, it's edible," Jaehyun declared and let you put the mushroom in the basket.

"How about these?" You wandered to a bush that harbored dark berries. "These are blueberries, am I right?"

"Yes," Jaehyun confirmed. "But what will you do with them? They won't last long inside."

"We could make some jam and put them in our breakfast. We cannot make bread as we don't have an oven, but putting it into oatmeal is just as good."

"Sounds delicious." Though his expression didn't give it away, Jaehyun sounded content and earnest.

You wondered if you would ever encounter the day where you found Jaehyun smiling brightly out of sheer happiness.

There had been a few moments when you thought he was close to it, but something always held him back. As though, at the last possible moment, he reminded himself that he wasn't allowed to feel the slightest touch of genuine happiness.

You knew that feeling all too well. It had taken you many years to accept the fact that you being happy wouldn't have changed your mother's fate. In fact, nothing you did after her death would have changed her fate. So you started doing whatever you wanted.

"Stop."

Jaehyun suddenly held you back, the rifle in his hand clicking. He had intended on bringing it along in case something happened or you accidentally ran into someone… or something. You were in the wilderness after all, he had warned you. There were bears, wolves and moose running around.

"Is there a bear?!" you whispered hurriedly, petrified with fear.

"No." Jaehyun brought the rifle close to him, steadying it. "But a deer."

"You want to shoot a deer?!" You faced him, shocked. "Why would you shoot an innocent deer?!"

"Don't you want fresh meat for dinner?"

"That's no reason to shoot a deer! The majority of the meat would only go to waste since we don't have the storage to keep it frozen. Its death would be… for vain. "

"The other animals would eat the rest."

You shook your head, expression stern. "Is that how you handled it in the Marine Corps?"

"Yes. How else would we survive in the wilderness with only a backpack and no roof over the dead?"

"Well, not with me here now." You made Jaehyun lower his rifle. "It shouldn't die only for us to feed on it for one or two days."

"And what should we eat then? Our provisions will last us throughout the entire winter, but only if we use them sparsely. It will be good to stock up on food since we'll run out of mushrooms as well once the season has ended."

"There are…" You gulped as you weren't too much of a fan of this idea, but you needed to live through the harshest season, he was right about that. "Rabbits and squirrels. They are also active during winter, and they populate a lot and fast. Wouldn't they be enough?"

Jaehyun seemed to thoroughly think about your suggestion, and he came to the conclusion that it wasn’t an idea to push aside in an instant. "That should do it. But I am by no means a good shooter when it comes to small… targets. Perhaps, there is a chance of fifty-fifty. When I miss a target though, I will scare away all the remaining animals as well, and we might end up with nothing at all."

You drew your brows together, thinking of a solution. "Then what about traps? Like… small animal traps for the outside."

Jaehyun looked at you, perhaps in an impressed way? You couldn't exactly tell. "And you know how to build one?"

You grimaced. "I thought you would know… okay fine. I'll come up with something that will work." And quieter, you added, "Hopefully. Come on."

Back in the cabin, you directly went to work on the said trap. It took you all afternoon, weighing the options and replaying every possible scenario in your head. You had never done something like this before and you didn't possess more than the usual crafting skills of a person not trained in that field. But you had a very vivid fantasy.

It was already getting dark when you presented your first prototype to Jaehyun. Behind the outhouse, a little deeper in the woods, you had built a construction from three sticks that formed a triangle when you looked at them from above. Two of them were fixed in the ground on opposite sides. Between these two sticks, you had attached a bucket, partially supported by the pressure from each side. The third stick extended into the bucket, about a third of its length from the front. All three sticks were additionally tied together with a string. On the ground, right under the bucket, you had scattered some blueberries.

"Since the sticks are tied together, a rabbit getting lured under the basket by the blueberries means it will tug on the strings, causing all the sticks to collapse. The rabbit will get trapped inside the bucket that came down due to the pressure taken from it. Quite genius, isn't it? I've tried out a few methods, and this was simplest, but the most effective."

No praise. But you hadn’t gotten your hopes up in the first place. "Will it work though?"

"It will, just so you wait!"

But you found nothing in the trap the next day. And neither on the day after that.

Jaehyun didn't say a word, but you felt his reproachful gaze on your back whenever you passed the area as though he silently signalized you, "Told you so!"

On the third day, though…

"Well…" You stood in front of the trap with your arms crossed in front of your chest, beaming proudly. "It worked after all. Thank you for the sacrifice, little rabbit."

Jaehyun stayed quiet even then. But you saw it right there, on his face.

A tug of a smile.

____

November, Alaska, USA

Autumn passed in the blink of an eye, and it grew even colder.

The next month, you were greeted by trees gradually shedding their colorful leaves and frost every morning that sometimes the sun couldn’t even melt. But Jaehyun refused to leave the fireplace on overnight due to the risks. He also forbade you from switching sleeping places, so you still spent the nights in the bed while Jaehyun settled on the couch. All the complaining couldn’t make him change his mind, so you stopped asking eventually.

Every day followed the same routine, sometimes mixed up.

In the morning, you and Jaehyun met at the stream to wash up together. On other times, when it was too cold, you took the water from the canister in the kitchen and boiled it to wash yourself with instead. It was little compared to taking a shower or a whole bath, but still better than submerging in the freezing stream like Jaehyun. Breakfast followed when he returned to the cabin.

After that, Jaehyun usually chopped wood while you went into the forest to collect everything you had learned was edible, as long as nature still provided it. A small lunch was eaten when you both met back in the cabin to take a short break. You then stayed inside to clean before you returned to the stream to do the laundry. In the meantime, Jaehyun handled all the work outside of the cabin to make it weatherproof.

Jaehyun had additionally taught you how to fish and prepare the meat. Since you usually went hunting in the afternoon for dinner, you got to eat fresh meat almost every other day thanks to your traps that you constantly perfected and now worked on other small animals too - and Jaehyun never had to use his rifle.

The first snow fell halfway throughout the month.

Luckily you had stocked up on everything you would need to survive for several days in case you were snowed in. You had exchanged your fall jacket for the thick puffer jacket already, never leaving the house without the hat and gloves anymore. You couldn't imagine how harsh winters were up here, especially in a wooden cabin.

But you would get to know sooner than you had imagined.

____

The first day you were snowed in was one week after the first snowfall.

You woke up and couldn't see through the small roof window above you. The view was blocked by a thick layer of snow you had first mistaken for an animal having settled right there. By the noises coming from downstairs, you figured Jaehyun was still inside the house when he would usually be by the stream already.

"We're almost snowed in," he revealed to you.

You opened the door to confirm Jaehyun’s statement, but were met with a wall of snow that reached your hips. It looked solid, yet you didn’t want to risk it sliding into the cabin, so you quickly shut the door again.

"I still went to the trap last night and found a rabbit inside, so we will have meat for today at least," Jaehyun continued. "We will boil the snow to use as drinking water. Later, I will dig a way through the snow so that we will reach the outhouse, and maybe the other traps too. Otherwise, we can just hope that it will stop snowing soon. Luckily, it’s not that high."

"Is it possible it will be like this… for weeks?"

"Yes, it's possible if it continues snowing like this."

You had prepared everything for this kind of situation throughout the past weeks, stocking up on logs and other necessities. Yet, being right in the middle of it was quite intimidating. In New York city, you had never experienced such heavy snowfall to be locked inside for weeks.

You went on about your day as usual, but by midday, you had run out of chores and things to do. For the first time, you wished you had your phone with you. Not to look yourself up or to text anyone, but to do something entertaining. There was nothing cozier than to cuddle up in front of a fireplace and watch a movie during a heavy snowfall. Cuddle up, though? You startled yourself.

"Jaehyun, what's wrong with your scars?"

You were watching him change his clothes as he had gotten all wet from digging a path into the snow outside. His scars were burning red again and he scratched the back of his head, avoiding your piercing, questioning gaze.

"Perhaps, I got a little negligent about using the cream," he confessed.

You jumped up from the couch and hindered Jaehyun from putting on his shirt. He looked at you with much confusion. "Take off your pants and lie down."

"Pardon?"

"You heard me clear enough." You pointed with your index finger at the couch. "It's crucial for you to treat the wound in the early stages, so that you won't carry the pain and scars for too long. Trust me, I know."

"Maybe, I deserve it."

"You don’t deserve it. Whatever you did, whatever I did… we have to stop thinking this way. The scars are our punishment, so that we will be reminded of what we've been through for the rest of our lives. It's enough. You’re not a bad person, I know this now.”

"You think so?" Jaehyun asked, bitterness and guilt carrying his tone as it broke out of him, the entire truth. "I left my comrades and friends inside the vehicle to die while we were on our way back from a mission. I was the only one who was still physically able to get out of the overturned car after it had swung off the street and slipped down a slope. I was the driver, and everyone else was either unconscious or trapped. I wanted to get help, but when I had almost made it out, the flames erupted. I was outside, and they were still inside, despite me being the one who had caused the accident in the first place. How am I supposed to be punished enough for this?"

So that was how it was. "We got into that accident, because I was distracting my mom by whining about… about something I quickly forgot after that, because it was so trivial. My mom died, because I was just being a kid who didn't know it better. It wasn't on purpose. You also never wanted your friends to die. They knew that."

Pain flashed across Jaehyun's face, the most visible emotion you had ever seen him display. How much pain was he carrying of which he thought he deserved it? Did it come close to yours or was it much more, because the wounds were still so fresh?

You pointed at the couch again. Despite his initial reluctance, Jaehyun complied, stripped himself of his pants and lay down on the cushion in only his boxers. You grabbed the cream tube from the top of the drawer and knelled next to Jaehyun on the floor. He was placed on his stomach, his burnt side easier for you to reach like this. He had his arms folded in front of him and was resting his head on them, face turned away from you.

Jaehyun began speaking the moment you touched his thigh, "I was distracted too. Taeyong and Doyoung were arguing about something, and instead of paying attention to the street, I thought I knew it better and meddled. It was so trivial, I've now forgotten what the conflict was in the first place. That was a little more than a year ago. How did you get over it?"

You smiled mildly as you coated Jaehyun's red scars with cream. "Years of avoiding therapy, and eventually years of therapy. What helped me was changing my entire mindset. My mom loved me. She gave me the gift of life as she urged the firemen to save me first. She wouldn't want me to waste this gift just for a single minute."

"I wouldn't know what my friends thought or said," Jaehyun admitted quietly. "I only thought about escaping and getting help. I… didn’t look back before it was too late."

"Then think like this," you suggested. "There was a reason you were friends in the first place. You share the same mindset, the same values. You loved each other. If you had been in their situation, how would you feel? Would you encourage your only friend, who was able to escape, to leave the car and get help?"

Without hesitation, Jaehyun instantly exclaimed, "Of course!"

"And if that only friend intends to stay in the car for you, despite knowing the danger of this situation, despite knowing it's for vain, how would you feel?"

"Angry." Jaehyun gulped, his neck muscles tensing. "Angry at him for wasting his life when he has the chance to survive, even as the only person."

"Yes. You will never know what your friends thought exactly at the moment of the accident. Perhaps, everything was different for them. Perhaps, they had an entirely different perception of what had caused the accident. Our own feelings of guilt are possibly distorted, because we're the only survivors. We will never know for sure. But what we know is that if the situation was reversed and we were able to save them, then we would have done so, too. Because we love them. And that person should live life the best they can."

It was silent for a very long time and you focused on treating Jaehyun's entire area before he continued, "But everyone else blamed me for the accident. I was discharged with only a small amount of compensation with which I built this cabin here. Far away from where it happened."

"You want to run away," you concluded.

"I want to stay secluded. Somewhere where I cannot hurt anyone anymore."

"Then why take me with you?" you wanted to know, having finished tending to Jaehyun's wounds now. You closed the tube and pushed the topic, "Why didn't you come here alone? Why agree to all this in the first place? What did my father promise you if you didn't need money?"

A rustling, then a long sigh before Jaehyun lifted his head and turned it around to face you. "He offered me money, of course. Despite me not needing it, I must make sure my family back in my home country is taken care of as I cannot follow my initial profession anymore. It’s enough for them to live comfortably, that’s why I’m doing it."

You closed the tube, spreading the remaining cream between your fingers. "Do you regret having agreed on this deal with my father?"

It was a genuine smile that slowly grew on Jaehyun's lips. It was the first time you were able to witness it, and your heart nearly teared in happiness at the sight of him turning so sincere.

"You're not the worst company in the world."

____

December, Alaska, USA

Since that day, something inside Jaehyun had shifted.

Naturally, it was impossible to achieve what had taken you years of therapy in such a short amount of time, but you were positive that if Jaehyun took every day for what it was, then he could discard his pain layer by layer and wouldn’t let it determine the greater part of his life anymore.

You noticed it in the way his footsteps carried less weight, his shoulders were a little less slumped and his eyes were a bit brighter. You liked it. Baby steps.

The snow stayed.

On some days, the snow level was so high that Jaehyun had to dig a tunnel. On other days, you couldn’t go outside at all and somehow had to make do inside the cabin. By then, Jaehyun had long since given in and started a fire before going to sleep despite his earlier belief that it might be dangerous at night. Eventually, he had come to the conclusion that freezing to death was the only other option left you needed to avoid at all cost.

One day, you ran out of logs.

The cabin grew so cold that you put on every piece of clothing you had, and it still wasn’t enough.

"Jaehyun," you called out into the night when you were lying in bed, watching the night sky through the window above you. A white cloud formed in front of your mouth when you called out once again, "Jaehyun!"

"What?" he finally answered from downstairs.

"Are you not cold?"

"No."

Liar. The spare blanket was much thinner than the one you were using that was initially supposed to be his. There was no possibility for him to withstand the cold that had entirely taken over the inside of the cabin now as well. He was freezing, and so were you.

"Come upstairs. There is enough space in the bed."

Silence. Hesitation? Then a rustle. "No."

He would never admit to being cold, so you had to. "But I am cold."

Stillness. Your heart nearly stopped as you lay on your back, the blanket pulled up to your chin, not daring to move. You breathed shallowly, waiting for some kind of reaction from Jaehyun.

It came in the form of another, softer rustle, followed by footsteps on the wooden floor, the boards creaking under his weight. The stairs groaned as Jaehyun climbed them, his figure casting a long shadow over you when he reached the bed.

Wordlessly, you rolled onto the right side of the mattress, just beneath the roof window. Jaehyun brought his pillow and blanket, tossing them onto the bed before slowly climbing in himself. Neither of you spoke as he lay still beside you, a certain distance between you.

It wasn’t going to work this way, you needed to break this awkwardness if you wanted to fall asleep comfortably.

"My family doesn't say it out loud, but they hold me at fault for my mom's death.” You didn’t know what else to speak of. Perhaps, it would help him understand you a bit better, too. “I don't blame them, I would probably feel the same."

"That's not true…"

You watched clouds passing by, partially covering the starry sky. "It is. They told me in a fit of rage, my father and my sister both separately, on different occasions. It took me so long to overcome the feeling of guilt myself. And when I have finally succeeded in doing so, they tell me they have never reached this point in the first place."

Jaehyun shifted, the mattress giving in under you, his voice now directly by your ear. "It must have been hard on you."

"I'm the heiress, but my father constantly threatened to disown me and pass the position on to my younger sister, who is far more fitting for this position anyway. His words." You paused. "I wished for nothing more. I really wanted him to disown me. To free me from all this pressure, to just… let me go. Why can’t he do that?"

You knew the answer before Jaehyun spoke it out. "Because he loves you and believes in you. There will always be situations where we say and do things we don't mean and regret immediately. Even though we don’t directly speak it out. You said we would always want the best lives for the people we love. That also applies to the rest of your family, you know."

A tear escaped from the corner of your eyes. "All these things… All these scandals about me… I've done all this just so that he could finally free me from all the responsibility. I've always assumed no one would want to have such a person as an heiress to their company. I dropped out of university and made sure to be on the headlines as often as possible. But he never let me go. As it dragged on, I started to enjoy torturing my family's reputation way too much. If he wouldn't pass the position to my sister, then I could do whatever I wanted, I thought. So I did."

Dropping out of university, going out with different guys, all the partying and the press, the arrests, and the recent scandal with the engaged prince… You had enjoyed it very much - to some extent. But all this time you were aware that this couldn't be how your life was defined.

Somewhere along the way, you had grown so tired. It was about time you would stop. It was ironic, but your father's downfall had come at the right time.

"Couldn't you just step down on your own?" Jaehyun asked.

"It was my mom's wish for me to become the heiress. I would have never stepped down voluntarily as I thought I owed it to her. I never had the courage to do so in fear of disappointing my mom, even in death. In my head, it was only reasonable if my father stripped me of the title. Like that, I was able to justify it in front of my mom. I know it doesn't make sense, but for me-"

"Never say it doesn't make sense," Jaehyun stopped you. "You don't need to justify your feelings and actions. If they make sense to you, then they're valid."

You nodded, deeply grateful for his words. "I've already prepared a secret bank account, you know. I was ready to start a new life somewhere else if one day I had grown brave enough. Just like you. I just didn't know how to do it as I've never known another way to live. I was such a coward. I just wanted to be prepared in case one day I just woke up and… went away."

"And now? Do you now know how?"

Jaehyun had to leave his comrades behind to escape the flames, and he loathed himself for it. You had to leave your mother behind to flee from the fire, and your family loathed you for it. Now, both of you were searching for a life far away from your pasts. At one point or another, you were the same.

"Yes. Now, I know."

You wondered what would happen when your father finally got his situation settled. Could you ever return to your old life? And more importantly, did you want to? If not, what kind of life did you want to continue living from here on?

"Good," Jaehyun responded.

He placed his blanket over your thicker one and moved close to you so that he was spooning you from behind after you had naturally shifted positions. He placed his arm under your neck so you could use it as an additional support to your pillow. You were relieved that he put his other arm around your stomach, otherwise he would have noticed how fast your heart was beating. You felt his breath against the back of your neck, and you could have sworn his breathing was just as irregular and filled with uncertainty as yours.

This was all so that you wouldn't freeze to death, you kept telling yourself over and over, even long after Jaehyun's breathing had found a rhythm and his grip around your stomach loosened a bit.

You couldn't fall asleep for hours that night. And when you woke up the next morning, having stretched yourself out all over Jaehyun's warming chest, a part of you wished that you wouldn't sleep alone anymore - be it on cold or warm nights.

____

That very day, on your self-proclaimed Christmas Eve, you had come to a decision.

From your drawer, you pulled out a piece of clothing you hadn't touched for more than two months. But you couldn't imagine a better day to wear this glittery party dress here again except for today. You didn't know what to do with your hair to make it special, nor with your face as you lacked makeup. You were aware that this all didn't matter now, but since today would mark a milestone, you wanted to somehow look different than on the occasional days.

You hadn't dared to use the chapstick Jaehyun had given to you yet, because you were scared you would waste such a special gift. But if there was a perfect day to coat your lips with something he had chosen for you, then it would be today.

A little while later, you were sitting on the bed, dressed in your party dress. You had brushed your hair so often that it now fell silkily over your shoulders, lips tinked pink with strawberry flavor. It was by far not your most glamorous look, but to Jaehyun it wouldn't matter anyway.

You made your way downstairs and prepared the dinner, into which you had put especially much effort today. For the main course, you served rabbit with rice as it was now cold enough to keep fresh meat outside, with fish soup as a side dish. For dessert, you had cooked up some rice with water and sugar, and would serve it with blueberry marmalade that you had preserved a little while ago.

When Jaehyun returned to the cabin from preparing the logs for the night, he stilled by the door, totally forgetting to shut it as ice cold wind blew inside.

"Close the door!" you urged him, and he only reluctantly did so, his eyes not wavering from your appearance.

"What's going on?"

"Did you forget what day today is?" you gave him a leg up. "It's Christmas, and we will celebrate!"

He blinked slowly in confusion. "Christmas might still be three or four days away, perhaps it even passed already. Neither of us have a calendar."

"I don't care," you shrugged and brushed it off. "Now sit down, I've prepared a special meal."

"Well…" Jaehyun smirked and willingly did so, taking a seat by the table after having taken off his boots and jacket. "I won't complain then. Thank you for the meal. I'm afraid I'm not dressed for the occasion though."

"It doesn't matter to me."

You poured soup into small bowls and took each into one of your hands. You brought them over to the table where you had already prepared the cutlery.

"I thought you'd never wear this dress again," Jaehyun remarked, then smiled. "You look beautiful in it."

Your cheeks heated up. "Why shouldn't I? I'm only wearing it for you."

He turned his head away, but you still caught the emotion of guilt briefly flashing across his face. "Because you wore it the day I took you away. It must be tainted with horrible memories of that night. I don't want you to associate the traumatic memories of that dress with me."

Jaehyun had worded it so weirdly. "You didn't take me away. My father instructed you to do it, and you only did it to help your family."

"But you wouldn't have come with me voluntarily."

"Of course not, you were a stranger!" The moment it dawned on you that he could misunderstand your very vocal denial, you continued, "But if we had met in another way… If you had approached me under other circumstances, with other intentions, then…"

"Then, what?" Jaehyun looked at you, partially challenging, partially inviting. His gaze then fell and rested on the lower part of your face, making him notice what you were wearing on your lips tonight. "You wouldn't have spared me a single glance. I know what kind of man you prefer."

"Prefer perhaps, but certainly not like!" You perceived Jaehyun's Adam's apple bopping, his eyes turning back to observe your whole expression while his own features remained unreadable. "It's all different now, because I am different."

Jaehyun drew a long breath in, the initial brightness in his face suddenly dropping as though it had only been a facade to conceal deeper emotions. "Now, are you…? Are you here because you want to be or because you had no other option?"

"Why are you asking such things?" His words hurt, you had no idea why his mood suddenly carried a vicious edge to it.

He seemed to notice it too and quickly shook his head. In seeming agony and frustration over himself, Jaehyun reached to touch his forehead. "My feelings are all over the place. Can I trust your words when your perception is alternated by isolation and confinement?"

"I feel as though my perception has never been clearer."

"If you had to choose between going back and staying here, how would you decide?" A pause followed, but you were about to answer when Jaehyun suddenly responded to his own question with a clear, "See."

You wanted to scream at him for not even giving you a chance to express your feelings properly. At one point, you had assumed you understood each other, that he would recognize the new person you had become - the one who had been hidden beneath all these superficial features, not the person he had first seen in this dress.

You reluctantly sat down, but didn't touch the food either. Instead, you admitted, "Tonight, I wanted to tell you that if I had to choose between going back and staying here, I would… stay here. At least for a little while more. Until I figure out what to do with my life since I definitely don't want to go back."

Your voice was hopeful, but you didn't meet the reaction you had expected of Jaehyun. Your words hadn't given him a single bit of relief. Instead, they had angered him more.

"You cannot use me as a safeguard until you someday maybe find out what you truly want just to avoid your family."

You knitted your brows together, thrown off guard by his continuous offending reaction. "I thought you might like the idea of us spending more time together, but I was wrong."

"That's not what I mean." Jaehyun shook his head, his mien stood stern, but apologetic. "Don't you think it will hurt me too? Getting used to all this despite knowing it will eventually come to an end and you will still not choose me? Don't torture me for longer than necessary, I'm also only human."

You were mortified. He had every right to be upset, because you had hurt his feelings. Perhaps, you hadn't changed all that much from your former self yet.

You had only thought about what you wanted, not about how it would affect Jaehyun - as you always did. That was so typical for you. Yet, you couldn't bring yourself to say what he wanted to hear from you. You were all dressed up, ready for him, yet you couldn't give yourself over to him entirely. It wasn't fair.

"I-I'm sorry. You're r-right." Your head dropped and you suddenly didn't feel so hungry anymore. "I didn't think about that, because I've never thought you-"

You stilled at the touch of his warm palm against your cheek, and as you lifted your eyes, you met his gentle, but not yet entirely forgiving smile.

"Don't be sorry. Now you know about how I feel. When you return to your old life and then still want to come back here, to be with me, not temporarily, but forever, you know where to find me. I'll never leave this place. I will always wait for you."

The following words were hard for you to bring over your lips, but you knew you had to ask them out loud. "What if I go?"

"Then I'll let you go. I won't keep you here against your will and you shouldn't feel obliged to stay just because we spent so much time with each other or because I saved your life. You don't owe me anything, neither does your father. We've all kept the ends of our deals, and if you wish to go, I will let you when it's safe enough."

"What if I stay?" You barely dared to look into his eyes, because you were scared to find them filled with hope, longing… love. It would make an unaffected decision even harder for you.

"You know the answer to that."

Jaehyun had said he didn't want to be your safeguard, yet he turned himself into exactly that, offering you a forever home if only you were willing enough. But you weren't yet, and he was absolutely okay with giving you more time if you ever reached that point.

"Now, let's enjoy our Christmas dinner, shall we?" Jaehyun proposed. "It looks delicious."

But your appetite didn't return and Jaehyun slept on the couch again.

____

A few days later when the snow only reached your shin, you went on a walk around the area. You had mostly stayed inside for too many weeks in a row, and you feared that if you didn't go into nature again right now, you might forget how it felt like to be entirely by yourself.

The stream was frozen from both sides, leaving only a small cleavage in the middle from where water occasionally spilled out. You wandered up and down the riverbank, watching birds and a family of deer from a distance.

There was not much to do during winter outside in the woods, you only enjoyed the serenity of the frozen nature which was not only soothing, but also impressive. You could stay out here for hours.

What would you be doing in the city right now?

Potentially, nothing different from what you were doing in summer, spring and autumn. It was always the same. Same buildings, same streets, same type of people. Nature was ever changing as well, but you had never grasped the entirety and intensity of its beauty. In New York City, you used to blend out every overwhelming stimulation from outwards, whereas here, your senses felt heightened and they nearly couldn't take in all the impressions you wanted to experience and remember all at once.

Back at home, you had been so infamous and known, you had done everything to draw attention to yourself. And for what? To be forgotten the moment you disappeared off the face of the earth?

Had anyone ever wondered where you had gone to, made moves to even look for you? What would you find when you got your phone back, how many missed messages, how many missed calls? Or had your supposed friends you only met for shopping and partying shrug your entire existence off once they didn't have someone to fund their lives anymore?

You didn't know a convincing answer to that. And that itself was confirmation enough for you. Because Jaehyun would, no doubt at all.

He would tear the whole world apart just to make sure you were safe, no matter where you were and no matter whether he had to risk his own life as well. And not because your father had paid him to. You were certain about that, more than anything. What could you ask more of someone you loved?

You watched the family of deer, a mother with four fawns, slowly approaching the stream, observing you cautiously. The mother stopped, gauging the danger coming from you, but as you stood totally still, she judged the situation favorably and went with her children closer to the stream, searching for food and water.

You nearly teared up at the thought of being favored by wild animals. How could something so pure, so simple, cause you so much happiness unlike anything before that?

You pivoted around and ran all the way back to the cabin. How could you have been so blind? How could you have hesitated for so long when everything you had wanted, aware or not, had been right here before you? You didn't want to leave. Not anymore.

"Jaehyun!" you called out, spurting through the snow, protecting your face from the branches that threatened to slap right into your face as you met them with speed. "Jaehyun!!"

You wanted to live where Jaehyun was, right here in the woods.

You had first thought they were dark, deep and dangerous. But the forest was nothing like that. The woods were full of beautiful life and gave you a beautiful life as well. You could very much live here. You wanted to. This was enough as long as Jaehyun was here too.

"Jaehyun!" You stopped right in front of the house, but didn't spot him. "Where are you?"

"Up here!" You heaved your head and found him sitting on the roof, looking down at you with questioning eyes. "What's up?"

"What are you doing up there?"

"The chimney is clogged, so I'm cleaning it," he explained.

"Okay, can you come down?" you breathed, small white clouds forming in front of your mouth. "I need to talk to you."

He visibly debated whether to drop his work and follow your plea, but he eventually decided against it. "Can you wait a bit until I'm done here? It's not taking too long anymore."

"No!" You feared that, if you waited for a little bit longer, all the bravery would leave your body, and you didn’t know when it would return. "I need to talk to you right now!"

"Okay, then." Jaehyun sat back on the roof. "Tell me what you want to tell me."

You were perplexed. "Here?"

"Yes."

"Now?"

"Yes." A smirk. "Tell me."

You couldn't shake the feeling that he long knew what you wanted to tell him and was only taunting you now. For having kept him on the edge for so long, for making him wait all this time. Fair enough.

You buried your hands deep into the pockets of your thick jacket and drew small circles into the snow with your feet. When you had made up your mind about your words, you looked up to Jaehyun, who was now leaning back as though he had settled comfortably to spend more time on the roof until you finished.

You eventually began, "You were right. Back in New York City, in my old life, we wouldn't even have looked at each other. But I was barely even able to look at myself. My life was full of fame, wealth, and people. Yet, I still felt so lonely and empty inside. You may think the day you took me from that life was the day you broke me. You were wrong. The truth is that I was already broken, and when I went with you, your companionship and everything we've experienced pieced me back together. I became a whole new person I never knew existed in the first place."

Jaehyun shifted, bending forward to look at you more closely. His hair, that had significantly grown through the past weeks, now fell into his forehead. His mien was unreadable. "Are you aware of what you are saying? What any of this means?"

You nodded eagerly. "I know. I'm sure. Money, fame, materialistic stuff… What does it matter when I have all this?" You paused, feeling the heavy thumbing of your heart in your throat. "What does any of that matter when I have you?"

"Me?" Jaehyun huffed. "I cannot replace any of that for you."

"But that's the point!" you advocated. "You're not a replacement, you were never meant to be! I didn't need all of that insignificant stuff in the first place. I need you! I want you!… All of this! So… can you come down now, please?"

A smile as bright as the winter sun shining right into his face appeared on Jaehyun's lips.

You thought you had seen so many beautiful things in your life already, yet the man here right in front of you, accepting your love with much happiness, was the most beautiful thing you had ever witnessed. The things that were significant, the ones that really mattered, couldn't be brought with money.

Jaehyun stretched out a hand to you as though he could reach you from up there. "Come up here."

"What?"

"Come up here."

You let out a long sigh. Now, he was only teasing you. You walked over to the wooden ladder and climbed up the steps until Jaehyun's arm was in sight. You grabbed his hand and let him lift you over the last section until you securely settled on the roof, right in front of him. Your legs were still shaky, and you wondered whether the roof could even hold both of you as the surface was so slippery from the ice and snow.

"I didn't hear you," Jaehyun said coolly, in pretense. "Can you repeat everything that you said?"

You rolled your eyes and laughed. Moving forward, you settled between Jaehyun's spread legs and cupped his cold cheeks that were tinted in a light pink.

"I said love you."

You only got a glimpse of how his eyes widening in delight at your direct confession, but whatever he wanted to say in return, he didn't come to verbally say it anymore, because you pushed him back into the snow with your lips on his.

The temperature was cold, but your bodies turned warm as you straddled Jaehyun and kissed him for the first time right there on the top of your small cabin, and you couldn't imagine a greater bliss in life.

Jaehyun wrapped one arm around your waist and pulled you closer down to him, deepening the kiss by placing one of his hands on the curvature of your head and parting your lips. You felt your heart flutter and located a ticklish feeling in the pit of your stomach.

You had kissed many men in your life, on many occasions, but none of them had ever made you feel the way Jaehyun did right now.

If this wasn't love, then what was?

____

"I've never done this before."

Jaehyun leaned back on the bed, with the oil lamp on the floor providing the only light in the small room.

You had discarded him off his shirt and pants in a very long session that had taken place shortly before, leaving him breathless and disheveled, and yourself in awe over his perfect physique. The dim stream of light crawled into every crevice of his prominent abs, his arm muscles flexing with every motion.

You had seen many men in this position before, but none of them had ever come close to the view Jaehyun was giving you. You had been very cautious with his scars that were still healing, but which were no longer worn as a mark of guilt. No, Jaehyun now wore them as proof of a long battle he was about to win.

But you hadn’t shown him your own, in all their full size, yet. It wasn't like you hated your own scars. On the contrary, even. Sometimes, you inspected them in the mirror and imagined your mother telling you how beautiful they were. It was just…

"I've never shown them to anyone before," you revealed to Jaehyun. As you met his questioning expression, you continued, "I've always found ways to hide them when… you know. I didn't want to explain to everyone where they come from and earn their pity."

He understood. "Come here."

You slowly walked over to the bed, your eyes fixed on each other when you knelt on top of the mattress. You were still fully dressed in a shirt and pants, and you nearly didn't recognize yourself as you willingly let Jaehyun pull the top over your head.

He knew the fire got caught in your jacket back then while crawling out of the car, and despite the firemen acting quickly, you hadn't been able to escape unscathed, the marks adorning your back like battle scars - the proof of your existence, your mom’s gift.

"Turn around," Jaehyun whispered. "Let me see."

You twisted in your position, rotating on your knees so that you eventually faced the end of the bed, Jaehyun sitting behind you. You recoiled at the touch of his hand on your back, but stood still so as to not irritate him. No one had ever touched your scars again with bare hands except for the physicians back then. When you slept with someone, you usually did so in total darkness or with enough clothes on to cover up the scars.

You were baring yourself entirely in front of Jaehyun, in more sense than just one. This was the highest declaration of love you could offer to him. And he knew.

Jaehyun's fingertips gently brushed over your scarred back, starting from the top and running all the way down. First, two fingers at once, then three. No pressure, just a slight incessant touch that sent pleasant shivers down your spine.

When he reached your waist, where the scars ended but were also the most prominent, he used both of his palms to place on the very spots, running them along your back to the outer sides. His hands then rested on your hips, and you heard him rustling in the sheets when a moment later, you felt the touch of his lips at the very base of your spine.

You let out a gasp. Jaehyun wasn't trying to feel and memorize every raising, every crevice of your scars. He had his own, he knew what they felt and looked like. What he did was acknowledging them for what they were, the pain they had caused you, and letting you know that he accepted them as a part of you, too.

"They're beautiful, I love them," Jaehyun then declared when he arose again. "Because they are a part of you, and I love you too. The whole of you."

You looked down on yourself and watched Jaehyun's hands sliding across your body until he rested them on your stomach, pulling you back right into his hug. The curve of your body fitted perfectly into his as you had already noticed from the cold night you had spent together.

Jaehyun's lips were first on your shoulders, warm and mellow. You rolled your head to the side to give him better access to your neck that he then trailed the kisses up to. He sucked gently on the sensitive skin, making you swallow hard to keep yourself in control.

Whenever you had slept with a man, it used to be a quick act. You had barely known them as it had only been for fun, never caring all that much. But Jaehyun, you knew him. You had gotten to know every part of him that you usually avoided in men. You had been living together with Jaehyun in the smallest space, at one point sharing only a car for days. And he still wanted you, and you him.

"Do you know for how long I've been wanting to do this?" he breathed against your neck, letting his tongue run over your jawline. You shuddered and closed your eyes halfway. "It was pure torture sharing the same house and even bed with you, holding myself back when I’ve always wanted all of you, all at once."

Earlier, Jaehyun had explained to you that he had never made a move, because he didn't want your feelings to get influenced by the confinement he had put you in. You found it weird that he always used that word… confinement.

For you, it was not any kind of confinement. He had let you live without interference, had let you be with your thoughts and feelings until they had become clear to you all by yourself.

It was the purest form of dedication you had been able to offer to him, because by waiting for so long, you had purposefully decided on him, despite everything you two had been through together, despite knowing his entire history and character. You had decided on him out of your own free will. After all this time, everything had eventually fallen into place.

Jaehyun fiddled with the button of your pants and opened them in one swift motion. He hooked his fingers into the waistband and dragged them down until they hung around your thighs. His upper body was pressed close to your back when he slipped his hand into the front of your panties, making you shudder the moment he cupped the wetness between your legs.

You arched your hips against the curve of his body, giving his other hand better access to your breasts, which he then massaged with his palm.

"This," Jaehyun muttered against the dampness of your neck, remnants of his passionate kisses, "I've been wanting to do this for so long."

You moaned quietly as his fingers spread you open, stroking between your folds. Your legs trembled, aroused by stimulation in two places at once. You let him undress you fully, and you didn’t mind it for a single second.

With Jaehyun, everything felt more palpable, more intense. It was as though you had been kept in darkness and had only stepped into daylight the moment you met him. He might say he had taken you away, but you would say he had brought you into the light.

Jaehyun didn't let you cum in the same way you hadn't let him cum before, having teased him over and over again until he had begged you to stop and release him from this torture. Though admittedly, it had been so much fun - Just as much fun as right now, when you straddled him on his thighs, having him pressed back into the mattress as you carefully moved forward to his groin.

Jaehyun’s manhood was fully erect again, and you already knew exactly how it felt in every angle of your hands. You watched him close his eyes in delight when you rose to your knees and reached for his length once more.

Determinedly, you guided his tip to the area where wetness was spilling out of you, and you bit into your bottom lip at the release and completeness when you sank down on him until you connected in the most intimate way two people could.

Jaehyun let out a groan, and you waited a moment before you began moving. You lifted your hips with the strength of your thighs, sliding his length halfway out of you, then lowered yourself back onto him again. As you repeated this action leisurely to adjust to his proportions, Jaehyun reached out his hands and fondled your breasts, eyeing you carefully to catch up on your reaction. You smiled at him, threw your head back and increased your pace, the sounds he made music to your ears, feeding you with courage.

With your body leaning forward and your palms braced against Jaehyun’s strong stomach muscles, you engaged your thighs and moved even faster than before, his length sliding in and out of you with every lift and drop of your body.

The moans you both let out came in unison, blending with the wet, slippery sounds of your bodies moving against each other.

"Wait!" Jaehyun then signed you to stop.

"Hm?" You looked at him in confusion, stilling. "Did I do som-"

"No, no!" He placed his hands on either side of your face, drew you close to him and gave you a long kiss. "I want to see all of you when… Turn around."

"Around?" You looked to the side. You had always avoided this position for obvious reasons. "I've never done this before either."

"Then let me be the first one. Let me see all of you for the first time."

His words fueled something inside you that you had long deemed dead: The confidence of showing your scars off, of them being accepted as a part of you and completing your beauty rather than diminishing it. Not that you had ever thought of yourself that way. But despite all the confidence, you were only human, too. Of course you had feared the judgment of other people, which was why you had kept them hidden from everyone.

You carefully slipped out of Jaehyun and turned around to put him back inside you the moment you settled on his groin. You straightened your posture and felt Jaehyun’s hands on your hips, following your up-and-down movements with an unwavering grip.

"So… beautiful," he breathed and touched your back, right where your scars were. "You're so damn beautiful."

You eventually figured it would be hard for you to feel as much pleasure as before in that position, so shortly later, you were lying beneath Jaehyun with your stomach pressed into the mattress and your head turned to the side. Your fingers were entangled in the sheets, gripping the fabric tightly as Jaehyun moved in and out of you, his groin pushing against your bum with every thrust.

He hovered above you, his forearms propped on the bed on either side of your head, and you felt his irregular breaths against your skin. You angled your hips, not only to give him better access, but also to stimulate the spot that brought you the most pleasure when Jaehyun stroked it from inside.

You closed your eyes and whimpered, "Please don't stop… Don't stop."

Hot, breathless kisses on your cheek were the answer while Jaehyun increased his pace. You got sent over the edge almost immediately after, muffling your screams with your face buried in the pillow. Your legs shook, then your entire body. For a moment, you thought your soul had left your body.

"Shit," Jaehyun muttered right next to your ear as you slowly started to come down from your heights. "Sorry."

There was no need for him to say sorry when he had just made you cum like no one else before him, even while still inside you. Jaehyun withdrew himself, but stayed in that position. He hid his face in the hollow between your shoulder and neck, and it followed a low moan with him carefully biting into the flesh where his lips met your body. You then felt him spilling his release, hot and wet, right on the base of your back.

You didn't know how long you laid there, with your bodies entwined, watching the dim light flickering on the wooden roof above you, still naked and still out of breath.

When you did it again for the second, third, then fourth time with some light naps in between, you were able to watch the sunrise slowly turning the dark sky light blue by the hour morning arrived.

It was going to be one long, dark winter. But you figured with Jaehyun's company, it was going to be endurable. Enjoyable, even.

____

March, Alaska, USA

The winter months had been long and dark, and the woods had turned even more threatening the moment the sun vanished from the sky. Most hours of the day, you had spent in near darkness, but you had found routines and activities that kept you both sane and warm, turning the long, dragging winter days into a period you came to quite favor.

But nothing could compare to the Alaskan Spring. The new season came slowly, almost unnoticeably, with every passing day from the middle of March on. One day, you stepped outside and realized. It was still cold, but you were able to change into your lighter jacket without freezing too much as your body had adjusted to the temperatures here in the North already.

The trees had turned light green, some showing off full leaves and others buds already. You listened to the chirping of birds, found traces of wild animals on the ground that had awoken from their hibernation, and even spotted a few wildflowers breaking through the cold surface. A few rabbits crossed your path on the way to the stream that was not fully frozen anymore.

You filled the bucket in your hands with water and while waiting, turned your head to the sky and let the sun warm up the tip of your nose.

When all of this was over, when you could safely talk to your father, you would explain everything to him and ask him to handle all of your formalities only so that you could stay here and continue living with Jaehyun. Your sister would become the heiress, he would surely not mind.

As for your mother… she would have wanted you to be happy. And if this was what made you happy, she would have supported it fully, you were certain about that. It was all settled.

When you returned to the cabin with the bucket full of water, you found Jaehyun already standing next to the car, making some adjustments. But luckily, even after much snowfall, it looked and worked perfectly fine.

Today, he was planning a trip to the closest town of which its name you had long forgotten, and stock up on food and supplies that you had all used up during the long winter months.

"I’m sorry you have to stay here,” Jaehyun apologized again when you approached him. “I'm positive no one will recognize you, but we cannot risk it, even though we are so remote and there are only around a thousand residents living in the town."

You shook your head. "There is still so much to do here. I will spend the day cleaning, repairing and cooking. Don't worry, I'll be fine. But you offered to bring me burgers for dinner, so you should keep your word on that at least."

Jaehyun lowered his head and kissed you long and hungrily. It wasn’t that you hadn’t done far more than just kiss that morning already. You simply hadn’t been apart for more than a few minutes in months, and you couldn’t imagine Jaehyun being even physically away from you. Your heart and body already longed for the moment he came back.

"Last one," he repeated between kisses, and you giggled.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and looked into his eyes that were now partially covered by his grown out hair. You were supposed to cut it for him in the upcoming days.

"I'll be perfectly fine here."

"I'll hurry," Jaehyun promised before returning to the car. "I'll order a generator as well, so we'll soon have electricity. You can look forward to it."

You tilted your head, lips curling up into a smile. "I do. But more so, I look forward to you coming back as soon as possible. With burgers."

____

While Jaehyun was gone, you searched the cabin high and low for a missing shirt that needed to be washed with the rest of your dirty clothes. You owned at most a handful of garments, which made you wonder how that shirt had gone missing in the first place.

The possibility that it had accidentally ended up in Jaehyun’s belongings suddenly crossed your mind, and you walked over to the dresser, pulling open the last drawer. You had never looked into it before out of respect for Jaehyun’s privacy, but he surely wouldn’t mind since you had a good reason.

You searched through Jaehyun’s clothes, of which he didn't own more than you, when your fingers suddenly brushed over something hard that felt out of place in there.

You pushed Jaehyun's clothes aside after curiosity had gotten the better of you and felt your breathing stop when you found a smartphone hidden in the very corner of the drawer. It wasn't yours, so you assumed it belonged to none other than Jaehyun. But this couldn't be… he had told you he didn't own a phone at all.

Though, how else could he get in contact with your father? You had even suggested he should use a prepaid phone instead, but he had owned one all along. It all didn't make sense.

It hadn't made sense from the very beginning now that you thoroughly thought about it. Back then though, you had been so overwhelmed by everything suddenly changing in your life that you hadn't paid much attention to his story not seamlessly interconnecting, as a matter of fact.

Your fingers were trembling when you reached for the phone. You wanted to give him the benefit of doubt - again. Perhaps, he only kept it for emergencies. Perhaps, it was old and not working. Perhaps, he needed to stay in contact with his family. Perhaps… perhaps….

But it was a very new model, not older than a year, and as you turned it on, it worked immediately. As though it was always charged or got recharged every time it ran low on batteries, ready to be used when needed.

You felt nausea seeping into your stomach as you swiped over the display and it unlocked instantly. Of course… he didn't need a password, because he had never needed to fear someone else using the device. You cursed under your breath, having turned entirely pale.

When you went to the call history, there was only one number he had spoken to that wasn’t saved in his contacts as he had no contacts listed at all. Mostly, it was outgoing calls from Jaehyun. The last one got registered at the end of December.

What did it all mean? Why was Jaehyun hiding his phone from you and who had he spoken to? Perhaps his family? You prayed it was his family who he regularly kept in touch with, you would accept this as the only possible excuse for going behind your back and lying to you. But you needed proof and Jaehyun wouldn't be back until a few hours later. You couldn't wait for so long.

There was no network when you looked at the display, but somehow, Jaehyun must have been able to use the phone whenever he wanted to for the entire time he was here. You didn't need to think for long where this place could be.

Shortly later, you had already moved the ladder against the back wall of the cabin and climbed up to the roof with the phone safely stored in the pocket of your jacket.

You didn’t even need to take the device out to get it working - the phone started chiming the moment you set foot on the roof. You remembered finding Jaehyun on top of the cabin often before December, always assuming it was part of his usual work. But this explained a lot, since he had stopped going up there after the end of last year.

The display came to life with each sound, one notification after another popping up. Almost all of them were calls that turned into messages toward the end - every single one from the same number. When you opened the call history, you saw that they had started back in December and continued up to this month.

The last call, followed by the same repeating messages, was from only a few days ago if you had counted the days right. The messages read,

Call me back.

Where are you?

Tell me where you are!

Answer me immediately!

What did all of this mean?

Was it indeed Jaehyun's family trying to reach him? But why was it only one number he hadn't saved then, and why hadn't he turned his phone on ever since?

The way Jaehyun had wanted to weigh his family in safety before coming here, you had assumed he wouldn't just abandon speaking to them out of nowhere. It just didn't make any sense at all. The way the texts were constructed also wasn't the sentiment you would come up with when you talked to someone you missed dearly. There was only one way to find out.

The thumbing of your heart was nearly as loud as the blood rushing through your ears that you both seemed to feel more intensely at this moment.

You knew your perfect little world out here in the woods teetered to crumble, and there would be no coming back from it, no matter who would be on the other side of the line. But you couldn't live on and pretended this grave discovery had only been a dream either.

You were sitting in a crouch, holding the phone to your ear with both hands, because you were scared your anxiety had petrified you to the point of letting it drop. You had made sure to hide the number prior to calling, worried about triggering a chain reaction when you only needed little information to test the waters.

Your breathing was loud and out of rhythm when you heard the phone trying to connect to the other number. The tension was suffocating, so you stood up the moment the dial tone stopped.

"Hello? Who's there?"

The male voice on the other side let your breath catch.

"Jaehyun, is that you?!"'

You moved as you called out, breathlessly, "Dad?"

But the phone fell out of your hands when you suddenly lost balance and slipped. You were so, so stupid for having put your emotions over safety.

You slid down the slope of the roof on your back, catching a glimpse of the pale blue spring sky for a split second. You thought about how beautiful it was, and how sad it was that you would never get to see it again.

Just before you fell to the ground and hit your head so hard, you immediately lost consciousness.

____

March, Skagway, Alaska, USA

"We have to transfer her to the hospital in Juneau. There is nothing more we can do for her here."

"But she will live, right? Tell me she will live! I demand you to assure me that she will live!!"

"Sir, please calm down. We’ll arrange an immediate transport on an emergency flight, as she’s stable enough now. Everyone is doing their best to save her life."

"This doesn't answer my question!"

"Sir, please step back or I will have you arrested."

"If you won’t save her life, I will have all of you arrested for negligence!”

____

March, Juneau, Alaska, USA

"Did no one come with her?"

"No. Apparently, she's been brought to Skagway hospital by a man no one has ever seen before. But he refused to follow and disappeared the moment she was transferred. He has given us a number, though. He said it was her family. The nurse is already in contact."

"How bad is it?"

"She fell from a roof, head first. Luckily enough, it wasn't too high. It's not something I believe our neurosurgeons cannot fix."

"Very well."

…

"Doctor! I've gotten in contact with her father! He said she went missing almost three months ago. He's on his way here."

"My god, I think I recognize her face from the news!"

____

Read the second part and final conclusion to "DARK WOODS" in its short sequel "CITY LIGHTS" - to be published on 07/11/2025.

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