☾ Queen Of Disaster ☾

Amazon.com: G. Gray: books, biography, latest update

https://a.co/d/0cJiIjGj

https://a.co/d/0d8sor4O

In another universe I’m easier to love

And caring about me isn’t the hardest thing anyone’s had to do

the weight of my name doesn’t burden the ones who bear it

And kindness doesn’t burn the lips of the people foolish enough to spill it

In another universe my hands don’t crush the ones that intertwine them

And backs don’t break when I hold the ones I love

Sympathies don’t shatter with a single touch

And ears don’t fall deaf when I speak

In another universe

I am less destructive

And maybe

That’s finally enough.

From the book, Foundations.

I fear I am more creature than man

Trapped in an inescapable world of anger that was just as much my making as theirs

I can do my part and yet theirs remains

Untouchable by the hands that were tied during its creation

Now what good is a halfway healed heart when the biggest cracks are the ones that were meant to hold it all in place

With all the pieces in tact

There’s nothing left to bind them together

The frame and foundation crumbled from the start

You can’t rebuild what was never whole

Maybe this is as good as it gets.

From the book, Foundations.

Even in death

Her beauty is tragic

The ground beneath her has welcomed her home

Tree roots entwined with her ribs

And vines adorning her collarbones

Flowers now grow in the shadow of her last breath

No one knew she was gone

Or that she had been hurting

Lost and never found

Mother Nature cradled her last moments

And sealed her fate with a kiss

No one had ever held her so gently

And for the first time

Drinking in the saccharine sight of death

She finally felt alive.

From the book, Foundations.

Drunk on frozen moonlight

I spill my sins and purge my soul

Unraveling the walls within

I fear I’ve lost control

Confessions drip from icy lips

Fractured starlight shines within

On my knees, blood starts to freeze

As lies tarnish my skin

As feelings bleed and demons need

I fear I may not be alone

A darkened past that's built to last

I feel it deep within my bones

From the book, Foundations.

I’ll mend your broken heartbeat

And melt your icy veins

I’ll reach into your very soul

And take away the pain

Your hair is strewn with starlight

Your eyes shine like the moon

I’ll swim with you in galaxies

And we’ll soak up sun till noon

You once said that darkness ruled you

And that the nightmares kept you cold

But when I saw the fire leave your soul

I knew you hurt more than you'd told

As the darkness pooled around us

I watched the light die in your eyes

You held your breath and took a step

And drowned without goodbyes

From the book, Foundations.

When darkness comes to visit

And empty plans to stay

The stars seem cold and dismal

And the moonlight fades away

The weight to bear is steady

Like anchors thrown out to sea

The water collapses inevitably

And the pressure will set me free

Bones cracked, crumpled, and calling

Heart beaten and ground into dust

Eyes glossy, glazed over, and mournful

Left sinking and thrown out to rust

From the book, Foundations.

My hands have grown tired

And my fingers ache to the bone

Arms shaking and shivering from the endless weight I carry

Displacing my own

Yet the horrors never cease

The weight only multiplies

And now I'm lost in a sea of memories that are not my own

The pain is no longer separate

And I no longer know what it means to heal

Wounds become infected

But with my soft touch now hardened

I rip two stitches for every one I sew

I see through the eyes of every life I've touched

And I no longer recognize my own

Apathy drowns the spark once ignited

That thawed the hearts of those who sought my comfort

Frozen by the isolation they held before me

But my presence has grown stale

And the silence now sour

The healing hand now does all the damage she's undone

No tears are shed from the eyes that lost their purpose

And I don’t care anymore.

From the book, Foundations.

I did not deserve all of the mean things I said to me

But that hasn’t stopped me yet

Those dull green eyes hold 24 years of vitriol

passed down from lips to heart

And in them a reflection of all I never was

In my hands rest the promises I said I’d keep

Shriveled and dried up like the love that passed me by

Hard to swallow

I choke down the tears

that mourn the girl I should have been

Kindness coats the knife that kissed my skin

Scrawling my story with each stroke

The portrait left behind paints a picture that doesn’t exist

Can you feel it?

You’re becoming what you’ve always hated

Caustic words cradle what’s left of the girl they’ve burned

I spent my life hunting monsters

And setting fire to their homes

Who knew I would be reborn from their ashes.

From the book, Foundations.

Shards of glass litter the ground beneath my bloodied feet

And I’m stuck standing on all the pain you never see

The pieces are shattered like my hopes of ever healing

Still reflecting the essence of everything I’ve tried to hide

Making decisions that please my demons

My softer side has gone to hide

The shell that I left has been filled with fantasy

and phantom remnants of who I thought I could be

Sabotaging myself for the smiles

I set the rest on fire just to choke on the smoke

My lungs burn and I love the taste

Drowning out the screams of every part of me that had to die

Please save me from myself.

From the book, Foundations.

Why go back to the past?

No one lives there anymore

Still

We plant flowers on the graves of the children we once were

In remembrance and shame of what we did to them

We saw how they suffered

And knew not how to save them

So we put them out of their misery

and used their bones to climb free

 out of the world we burned down

We made the mistake of looking back

And saw all the corpses of who we used to be that lie rotting with the hopes of who we could have been

Skeletons of loved ones passed line the halls

of the future they never met

And rubble paves the way back to the home we died in.

From the book, Foundations.

Sleepless nights full of dreams

My unconscious becomes the very threat I sought to escape

Filling every crevice of my mind

There's no spot left untouched

by the antithesis of my essence

Rest is no longer sacred

And time spent outside loses all meaning

 when the borders erase

Exhaustion follows me with every turn I take

And she seeks to love me as her own

But her love is corrosive

Erasing all the parts of me she's touched

She longs to feel lonely together

The void seeks company full of life

To drain face to face and unbecome together

With nowhere left to turn

I pray I find peace in non-existence

If this is all that's left

Let death be kinder than man.

From the book, Foundations.

Am I supposed to be grateful to have survived this?

Death would have been kinder than the sickening stories that seep from wounds so deep seated the strands of my DNA soak up and share the letters that compose them

The words that tore me apart now form the foundation from which I am built

I am made in the image of all that destroyed me

And in the process reflect all I never was

Nothing hurts more than the torture I grew to love

While a tender touch may unravel me at the seams

My shape has swirled and shifted

with every movement I’ve made

I fear the girl who shares my reflection.

From the book, Foundations.

She insisted that her poison was my remedy

but when my throat began to burn

And my lungs caught fire

She scolded me

for coughing up blood on the floor

So I learned to swallow it

And I grew to love the taste

Desperate now for the flavor

I prick myself on every thorn

And hope that one of them feels like home.

From the book, Foundations.

When I was a little girl

I learned that the flavor of love is laced with violence

Affection is acidic

It was supposed to hurt

And it never came without a few strings

To be cared about is costly

And I was never worth the price

With money better spent

On anything to keep me silent

My screams hurt your ears

But I was a child

And I was starving

I'm not a little girl anymore

And yet my stomach still aches at the thought of you

I stand at the grave of the life I never knew

And mourn the girl I should have been

Maybe then you wouldn’t have been so cruel.

From the book, Foundations.

I grew up with a mother

Whose mouth was full of razor blades

And a father

Whose love corroded with a single touch

Together

We lived in a haunted house

With walls built from the skeletons

that flooded our closets

That rested upon a foundation

With cracks that deepened with every step

I learned to walk lightly

Shedding the weight of the expectations I carried

The ones I was told were “too much”

I’m older now

And my hands remain empty

The scars that litter my body serve as a reminder

There is nothing more humiliating to me

Than my own desires.

From the book, Foundations.