I Dont Know What I’m Doing~~

Happy birthday dear Daniel🎉

fly high, sweet prince 🪽

(the pyjamas, not phil. he’s fine)

after the hard launch episode featuring d&p talking about jealousy/jealous dan and as I was replying to this anon, i found myself wondering why 'jealous dan' as a topic of excited discussion/occasional fanfic trope has become a Thing with the phandom. I decided to write down this er little analysis? exploration? regurgitated brain noise disguised as a bullet point tumblr post? retrospective ramble :) i hope you enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: this is just my observations/thoughts re:jealous dan - there's always room for more nuance and complexity and of course not every single phannie loves jealous!dan but regardless of all that - I still love hearing how people interpret d&p/their feelings/the phandom so you’re welcome to share your thoughts too!

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It’s because of how outwardly expressive Dan can be - i.e. it’s fun to see him react especially about something Phil related / +’resting jealousy face’ lol).

This also explains why Phil isn’t as frequently discussed/explored (although there are a some fics out there!) as The Jealous One in the relationship as he was/can be a lot more... internal... with his expressions/reactions to things :] Which in itself is another cute way D&P compliment/harmonise with each other so well…. as I spoke breifly about here

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it’s because a lot of moments featured in ‘dan being jealous’ video compilations are from when they would more frequently tweet, do more casual Q&As, liveshows/younows, upload a lot and present the radio/other events etc – thus there was just a lot more content to shift through and subsequently a lot more examples of Dan being jealous (seriously just scroll here and you can see how old a lot of those videos/playlists are lol).

These moments were also when most people had their eyes on D&P as internet personalities so jealous!dan pretty much cemented its presence in #phlore #phistory for the rest of time haha. It’s just seen as one of his many character/personality traits because of how often/frequently we saw that side of him and how discussions of that attribute have past on through different eras of the phandom :’) ......he also self-described himself as a very jealous person lol [x].

I think it’s important to remember around this same time Dan was still dealing with a lot of insecurities, ones that directly impacted his confidence in himself and by extension, his relationship with Phil (i.e. staying in the closet/keeping relationship private/internalised homophobia) so honestly it’s not a surprise he had so many revealing moments of jealousy when another person would interact with Phil or Phil would talkabout an interaction with someone. It’s so easy to fall into this mindset of seeing everyone as your enemy / a threat to your safe space / safe person, especially when you don’t like yourself or a core part of your identity. Even if he may have been joking around at times or even subconsciously exaggerating stuff as a response to being on camera, I can imagine dealing with everything I’ve already listed paired with the guilt that came with not being fully out does explain why he defines ‘jealousy’ the way he does now – ‘the fear of losing Phil’.

This why hearing Dan now say he’s ‘radically at peace’ in regard to himself and his relationship with Phil is so important and impactful. He’s he’s grown and overcome so much… He's now so sure of himself and who he is and what him and Phil mean to each other like brooooooo I could cry about this. To see him get to a point in time where he can feel and say that kinda thing out loud is so incredibly heartwarming !!! :’)

Kinda related - I find that any newer compilations of supposedly 'jealous’ dan or fake idgaf dan have a very different vibe to a lot of the older clips.... His reaction in recent to moments where Phil mentions times with other men isn't necessarily from a place of jealousy routed in 'oh no Phil’s gonna leave me because of xyz' (as they said in the recent pod ep) it's more just like a 'what's your goal here mister....' (e.g dan quadruple checking phil didn't wear pink booty shorts for the builders) and 'this fucking guy ♡ *eye roll*' (e.g any time phil is spotted liking a tiktok with Butts.) To put it simply, because they’re so sure of their relationship, any sign of ‘jealousy’ is now like another form of them playfighting ...which so so cute!!!!!! :')

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It’s because jealous!dan actually highlights the loyalty and devotion D&P seem to have in their relationship. When phannies discuss/write/draw Dan being jealous of people’s interactions with Phil (regardless of the intent being flirty or not), it essentially functions as an indirect affirmation of D&P’s relationship’s stability – because these discussions/fanfics/fanart art typically frame Phil as someone who would ultimately choose Dan over anyone else, while also putting a focus on how deep Dan’s love for Phil actually is! Like with so many things in the phandom it’s taking a nugget of a real aspect of their relationship they share with us and creatively cathartically playing with what-if-isms around it:’)

It’s also really sweet to see how openly they talk about finding other men attractive, or about situations with other people that might typically spark jealousy within other couples, because that kind of openness highlights their strong level of trust and communication in their relationship :3 While it can be something to toy/tease each other about, it’s also just a chance to be honest with one another!! 😊  Plus, you can actually feel a lot closer to your partner when you’re on the same page of ‘daaamn that person was so hot’ with this underlying mutual understanding of ‘but I still choose you over them’ …and I can just easily imagine D&P revelling in moments like that hehe

With jealousy can come possessiveness – and while this feeling can easily become toxic in reality, as a fantasy/fiction I think there is a certain allure to imagining someone being that devoted to their partner and making sure nothing disrupts the equilibrium they have as a loving couple. By overcoming like a ‘threat’ – in phanfic cases maybe a flirty waiter… tour crew mate …Random Man... or the infamous JIMMY0010 #phimmy– it brings them closer together/makes them more passionate about one another/their relationship.

I also feel people just overall adore seeing Phil flirt with Dan by teasing and ragebaiting him so the idea of Phil purposely giving that attention (that’s usually reserved for Dan) to other guys in order to make Dan jealous/get a reaction out of him is just fun to fantasise/write/read about too hehe

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firstly, the fact that he's now at a point where he can experience that thought and go no, that's not a bad thing actually.

but also - the acknowledgement that being out and hard launching doesn't immediately get rid of those instincts when they're so ingrained. candidly mentioning that, similar to how he's mentioned still being depressed sometimes... it's really important to talk about those kinds of things. because so may people assume you're depressed, you get therapy, you're better. you're struggling in the closet, you come out, everything's fine. but human brains don't work like that. your situation can get so much better, and you can get therapy and you can learn coping mechanisms, but that doesn't immediately fix everything. there's still going to be bad days and bad thoughts, and the important part is that you have the support system and the coping techniques to deal with those.

dan