strap-on dick energy

nobody even knows how normal i am on account of my being obviously crazy

I should be smoking weed with sluts not whatever the fuck this is

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

i've got the kind of eyebags that make people in movies say 'you look like hell, detective. go home.'

I hope you find a small hand drawn map of your own internal organs tucked under your pillow tonight I marked all my favorite spots with little red hearts

c’mon everybody!!! *runs off excitedly and no one follows me*

when i say im good at something i mean i suck slightly less at it than the other things i suck at 

the novelty of having pets really does never wear off i’ve had my cat for ten years and i still look at him strolling around like can you believe this. a cat. is everyone seeing this. he’s alive he has bones and all. unbelievable

going with the flow in a face down in a river kinda way