I do get a kick out of imagining that post-Popular, once Glinda has stolen Elphaba’s glasses, Elphaba’s just stumbling through the entire rest of the story half-blind. Like how many trees has she accidentally flown into? How many times has she followed the cries of a baby Monkey and tried to rescue it from being captured only to find that the baby Monkey was actually a baby human she just straight-up snatched out of its mother’s arms and ran away with? How many times has she misspelled a word during her sky-writing escapades and accidentally written something egregiously bigoted? How many times has she just wandered through a town bumping into shit and flailing around to catch herself and everyone’s like ohhhh she’s so scary and violent and dangerous always casting evil spells under her breath you never know what she’s gonna do next, and she’s just tryin to find where she parked her broom stubbing her toe muttering through gritted teeth I. Can’t. Fuckin. See. Shit.
And it’s actually really terrible because if you think about One Short Day all the tumblr gays were like awwww it’s so cute how she and Glinda have their arms looped the whole time, look at them in constant physical contact they’re so in love - um, no, actually, Elphaba can’t see two feet in front of her, she is clinging to Glinda for dear life so she doesn’t fall flat on her face in front of the Wizard.
Defying Gravity? Absolutely no idea there’s twenty armed guards tryin to kill her. She thinks maybe two or three. She grossly underestimated how much peril she was actually in.
Visiting Nessa? Completely missed all the signage indicating that Nessa sold out the Munchkins as second-class citizens in order to keep control over Boq. Didn’t know that was happening.
Tin WoodsBoq post-transformation? Looks about the same as when she first met him at Shiz, right? Yeah, he’s…yeah, he pretty much looked like that. Four limbs and a face? Close enough.
Wonderful? Really did assume she was landing on the Wizard’s balcony, thought it was a bit odd he was wearing a wedding dress.
ALAYM? Kinda thinks Fiyero’s making an insensitive crack about her eyesight when he talks about seeing through different eyes and - oops, castrated him in No Good Deed, couldn’t read the warning label.
For Good? Thought she was talking to Chistery the whole time.
Like as if this woman’s life isn’t difficult enough already, she’s trying to fight fascism while squinting.
And as always, this is all Glinda’s fault.
Funniest shit I’ve ever read
