Confused

I still look for you in everyone, but I’ll never find you.

Tell me how to react, when during the christmas dinner your drunken dad says, he didn’t visit the doctor for so long, because when he will visit, they‘re able to say that it‘s too late to do something for him.

Just wanna have cute christmas market dates, cooking dates, let‘s dance in the snow dates, netflix dates or watch the stars date, where we just have fun and good conversations. No weird feelings, just enjoying each other and appreciating the time. Is that too much to ask for?

I think of you everyday. And i miss you. Weird. But somehow i miss you so much..

I can‘t take it anymore. I‘m so sorry..

You know what‘s weird? You didn‘t answer the last few days and i was hurtin‘. Yesterday I told a friend about you, that i do not get it. I don‘t understand your behavior. I told her about our last messages. And she was like „wait - you didn‘t delete it?“ She was absolutely right. There was no good reason to keep them, because i should let you go. And then I dreamt about you last night. We met up with many other guys we spend time with 5 years ago. And I saw you coming in the room and i was so happy to see you. I smiled at you and my heart was beating way too fast. I wanted to come to you, wanted to say hello and hug you. But you saw me, while i was smiling like a freak. And you shaked your head with a sad face and walked by. You ignored me. You didn‘t wanted to see me or talk to me. This situation I saw two times in this dream. Then I woke up, totally sad with a fucking headache, thinking about delete your number.. then I looked on my phone and saw, that you have answered me. Trying to explain everything, because you dreamt of me.

Currently fcking miss to text with you. Miss the vibe we had..

Now you‘re sitting here, he didn‘t answer anymore and you are hurting.

Everything was completely fine. So why am I not able to handle this whole situation?!

Absolutely overwhelmed with my feelings rn.

You make compliments like you never did something else. You're so kind, communicative, and I like it so so much to text you! I read your messages with a god damn bright smile on my face. I stay up late just for you. I feel like I'm 14 again with butterflies in my stomach. And I guess I really like you, although we text each other since a week?! That's nothing of time. I absolutely get carried away. And instead I enjoy it, enjoy the feeling you give me right now, my head's just: "Stop! That's too fast! You will get hurt! Or he will get hurt.. Maybe he plays a game with you. What if you're not good enough? What if he switches his opinion about you? What if he thinks you're boring in a few days? Stop! Be slowlier and don't open up too fast! Bitch stop it!"