ihopethisfindsyou

So mother, let me whisper a sweet lie into your ears today.

That, this life is beautiful.

That , this heart is beating for a reason .

Because some things are too heavy for our tongues to lift ,

A square in a circle to spit.

That some words are too frozen to lick ,

Too tired and sick .

- 𝓜𝓸𝓵𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓶𝓲𝓻𝓻𝓸𝓻

Like, if i call you in the middle of the night to tell you how beautiful the moon looks tonight , you can see it too . And we can guess all the random figures and letters that looks real to us, just for a mere second eventhough we both know it's a lie .

But if i call you and tell you to take a look how bad the wound on my arms are , how tired my eyes are or how teared up my heart is , you wouldn't be able to , even if you wanted to . But the sky above us is somehow looks different but remains the same , as well as the moon and stars and the sun too .

So tell me how your sky looks today, even if we run out of words to say . And I'll tell you mine . So we can watch it together eventhough it is same and not the same at the same time . Defying all the time and space between us.

- 𝓜𝓸𝓵𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓶𝓲𝓻𝓻𝓸𝓻

- 𝓜𝓸𝓵𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓶𝓲𝓻𝓻𝓸𝓻

Everyday I wake up with a heavy heart ,

Ashes in the hot air of something that was burnt alive while I was asleep,

A guilt that slowly eats me alive for a crime I never did,

It pulls my stomach back and forth ,

It screams like it never wanted to wake up ,

It weeps like a child for disturbing it's sleep,

It creeps inside every part of my body, desperately trying to get out through my mouth ,

It scratches words that wanted to shout on the walls of my heart,

It drinks every bit of warmth to the very last drop and lick it off the stains from me ,

But at the end of the day, when the night falls ,

I sing songs to help it grieve ,

A lullaby to help it sleep .

But every other day, I wake up with blood in my hands .

- 𝓜𝓸𝓵𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓶𝓲𝓻𝓻𝓸𝓻

Distance from presence to the absence ?

Right in the betweens?

We'll keep us safe there and we could live there.

Forever.

- 𝓜𝓸𝓵𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓶𝓲𝓻𝓻𝓸𝓻

Okay what??? Whaaaaaaaaatttt?????? I'm weak on my knees . I'm weak on my fuckin knees!! The amount of gasps I took while listening to this song is just countless .

How do I claw myself to reach where I'm hidden ?

I'm out of lights to look for .

I'm out of sights to look for .

I wonder if I'm hiding somewhere behind a door, inside a closet maybe, placing my own palms against my mouth , biting my tongue , terrified, weak and frozen .

Because that is what I always used to do when I can't hold it together.

Because that is the only way I knew when I hear the sirens from my chest .

- 𝓜𝓸𝓵𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓶𝓲𝓻𝓻𝓸𝓻