So this is a epilogue to a story I wrote years ago and I just found it, read it, remembered, cried for a bit and have decided to post as a Remus drabble with a splash of blackinnon and hints of Remus/Dorcas. WARNING; I cried, you are welcome to. Ughhhhh so much angst........
Glass crunched under his feet as Remus stepped over the broken threshold of the Potter’s home in Godric’s Hollow. Gazing around at the relatively normal looking hallway; the door open looking into the living room that was untouched as far as Remus could make out. It was the upper floor that had seen the most damage – the wall had basically been blown off and the door broken in by force. Remus closed his eyes and tried to imagine that it had never happened. Right about now, James would have heard him in the hallway and come running down the stairs, a wide grin on his face. Lily would emerge from the kitchen, holding Harry in her arms and he’d bend down and peck her cheek before ruffling Harry’s hair. James would then engulf him in a strong hug, pleased that he’d popped over to see them.
The chilly breeze from outside ruffled Remus’s hair and chased away that fantasy to be replaced with the cruel reality. He had lowered Lily and James into the ground not two hours previously. He hadn’t had enough courage to come back to the house since their deaths but after he’d left the funeral, he’d wondered along the street rather than apparating straight home. Something had been drawing him in and before he’d even consciously realised it, he was standing in the doorway.
The funeral had been a busy affair, with many witches and wizards coming to pay their respects to Lily and James Potter. Everyone had been there; the remaining members of the Order, many of their old professors and colleges and many people that Remus recognised from school. Everyone except the people that mattered the most. Not a day went past when he didn’t think of Dorcas – he missed her still, and Marlene…one after another he’d put all of the people he cared most about into the ground and watched as the remaining ones changed before his eyes. Sirius had become withdrawn and bitter since Marlene’s death, four months ago – by the time it was revealed that Sirius had betrayed them all, it came as little surprise. Remus was just thankful that Marlene hadn’t been around to see it. Alice and Frank were gone as well, not in body but in mind. He’d gone to see them the day before and they hadn’t recognised him. That had hurt just as much as this. And Peter… Remus still couldn’t get his head around that. Somehow, he’d managed to lose everyone he’d ever loved in the past six months and it hurt so much he could barely breathe.
Making his way up the stairs, Remus shivered as he rounded the corner and came into the nursery. It was obvious that this was the place where it had all ended; the whole wall had been blown out – presumably from when the curse had backfired – and the ground was covered in books and papers and rubble. Crouching, Remus picked up a bunch of paper that had been lying next to the cot. He sifted through them, not thinking he’d find much but desperately searching for some reminder of Lily and James’s lives. By the time he’d gotten to the bottom of the pile, he’d already turned towards another part of the room in his search but something caught his eye. The last bit of paper in his hand was an opened envelope with Lily’s name written across it in the curvy handwriting that Remus instantly recognised as Marlene’s. He dropped all the other pieces to the ground and flipped the envelope open, pulling out a sheet of parchment. Taking a deep breath, he opened it and scanned the words.
It’s been a while and I’m sorry for not coming to see you but things have been so hectic. I wish I could come round. I need my best friend so much right now and now that Dorcas isn’t here anymore, I only have you left. This situation I’ve found myself in is both wonderful and terrifying at the same time – I know you of all people would understand. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have a James to help and as much as I love Sirius, he’s becoming so distant with me and I can’t tell him just yet; I don’t know he would be able to handle the idea of a baby and I can’t lose him, not when everyone is in such danger.
I’ll try and make it to yours as soon as I can but I need to go and visit my family first and tell them. I don’t know how they’ll react to news that I’m pregnant but I guess I’ll just have to take my chances. Thank you for keeping this a secret – I know I should tell Sirius but I can never seem to find the right moment and we all know that James could never keep it from him. I promise I’ll tell him when I get back…I promise….’
The letter went on about more things but Remus couldn’t read the words. Shock and sadness where prominent in the forefront of his mind as he processed the information. He knew that Marlene had gone to visit her family the night she died but he had no idea that it had been to tell them that she was carrying Sirius’s child. This new knowledge rendered Remus completely immobile for a moment. His thoughts then strayed to Sirius, locked up in a cell in Azkaban. He had been trying not to think of his friend over the past couple of days but he thought of him now. He wondered if Sirius knew – judging by the letter he didn’t, but Lily might have said something to him after she’d died. For a moment, he wondered whether he should go and tell his old friend but the thought was squashed almost instantly. Sirius didn’t deserve a visit from him, Remus would be happy to let him rot in Azkaban and never see him again. Tears of remorse were sliding down his face before he’d realised that they were there and he slid down the wall, clutching Marlene’s letter in his hand. The war was won, but it had come as too high a price for Remus.
They’d all gone beyond his reach and he was left here. Remus sat in the ruined house of his best friends and knew that he’d never felt so alone.
It had begun with the nine of them; there had been James and Sirius, Remus and Peter. There had been Mary and Alice, Lily, Marlene and Dorcas. They had all been so young, feeling like they could take on the world. Now there was only one, and Remus Lupin sat slumped against the wall and cried for everyone he had lost.
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