Modern Day Men

“If I could give advice to boys growing up in 2015, I would say, ‘always ask as many questions as you can’.

I feel that when I was transitioning from my adolescence into manhood I was constantly asking how to do things, how do I organize my life? Always asking! 

Some people – for example – who have been treated like princes for whom everything get done for them – meals, laundry, everything – they don’t know how to do basic things for themselves, even though they’ve gone through the motions of pursuing their passion and their careers, getting into a prestigious school, graduating, moving out on their own. They never asked questions, and even though we’re the same age, we’re in the same place in life (living in Toronto, trying to make a living as performers) they’re way behind. 

You should never hesitate or be scared to ask, learn and move forward. Don’t let your pride hinder your self-development.”

“When did I feel like I’d stop being a boy, and become a man? It was probably in 2009, when I moved from Belleville to Germany. My parents flew with me, showed me the city. My uncle was 20 minutes away in another small town. But when my parents went back home, that was it. I had to cook on my own, I had to be independent, I had to get myself to rehearsal on time, I had to keep myself healthy. That’s when it really kicked in that I had to do this on my own, I had to be fully independent. That’s when my sense of my manhood started.

I know what I have to do personally for myself in order to further my career, pursue my goals, which are completely different from what my dad would have done, or felt like he had to do.

I don’t feel any pressure to hit any milestones or do anything to prove my manhood in the same way that I think previous generations had to.

I mean, sometimes I think about the future, settling down. I would like to have a family, but there so many things I want to do and things I want to accomplish first. My priorities are different from theirs.”

"These days there's really no responsibility to give back to your manhood. When my dad was a kid 'manhood' meant you've got to be strong, you've got to be tough, you've got to be responsible. It was just the same but even more extreme for my grandpa; like you owed something back for becoming a man. Even my uncle, who’s 36, grew up in different time - he was terrorized in a very physical way. Taught intimidation. I never got that kind of treatment.

I do everything in my power to get rid of this sort of responsibility. That’s a point of modern manhood I would say.

I do take *some* responsibility for myself, and that’s why I see myself as a man. I wouldn’t put myself in a position where I would have to ask for help, and I pride myself on learning from other people’s mistakes. But today there's more importance on what you do as an individual. I’m definitely a more caring, sensitive individual as a result of all of these things."

“I want my wife to be able to bench as much as me, even if selfishly in the back of my mind, I like being the man to this woman.

I have often said I am a feminist. I’m sure the word is a lot older than I’m aware of, and it came from a time when women needed empowerment. The word itself is a little bit archaic in this day and age, but are we going to get rid of it? No. Everything about the concept is fantastic, its awesome, and I totally get behind it.

I’m all about people’s differences. I’m the first guy to crack a joke about this; because we are different, and I want to celebrate those differences so long as they’re not rude or demeaning. Men and women are different, and I think that’s what’s awesome about us.”

“My mom was the one who laid the foundation that developed my morals and ethics. The installation of order and process was crucial, and she helped me to understand its importance in my everyday life.

I want to empower women to help them achieve their goals, by being supportive and understanding.”

“Whether or not a man is ‘modern’ seems to be defined by how much they adhere to what's trendy, whether it's fashion, group thoughts, or even the activities that people take part in. Nowadays, I think being modern is a concept that revolves around being yourself. Whether it's going to art events or taking up knitting to doing Crossfit or being a Netflix aficionado, it's more accepted to be true to yourself now than it has in the past.

In short, a modern day man is one that does what makes him happy and what allows him to pursue the things that he enjoys.

I started seeing myself as a man when I was 17 when I started planning the next steps in my life. Seems like a minor step to most, but this provided the guidance and understanding I required to mature mentally and emotionally.

This was the defining moment that contributed to my understanding of life, and it facilitated the creation of discipline that has been used throughout my career.”

“Growing up I related to characters from Japanese culture, such as video game and anime characters, who were soft-spoken, virtuous, and modest - traits which are seen as feminine in Western culture. Now, as an adult, my influence from Japanese culture continues from following Japanese street style blogs. My interest in eccentric European menswear designers such as Walter van Beirendonck and Bernhard Willhelm has also pushed my ideas of masculinity to new extremes.

On the other hand, most of my cultural influences have been female artists, entertainers, and politicians. Many of them are outspoken, strong-willed, and they push a lot of boundaries. When I was growing up so many of my influences were female musicians, from Spice Girls in the 90s, to Emily Haines and Karen O in the mid-2000s, to Björk and Sia Furler in recent years.

In my personal life, my mum is the most influential woman; she is extremely supportive, understanding, and accepting of my eccentricities. I also had some great female teachers in school who influenced me, encouraging my self-expression and doing their best to help me survive the educational system.

I relate strongly to feminism because I understand oppression, and the fear that comes with being oppressed from the perspective of being a gay man. I recognize the ways in which misogyny affects my life as well as the lives of people of any gender identity. I believe that intersectional feminism is one of the most important movements of our time, but it’s also arguably the most misunderstood.”

"What does it mean to be a modern man? Being true to yourself, regardless of society's expectations. Fortunately, in western culture people's differences are becoming more accepted than they ever have been, but we still have a long way to go before those differences are considered equal to the norm.

My biggest piece of advice to anyone growing up today would be that the definition of 'man' is not terribly important. Strict definitions of what a man should be cause too much insecurity. I believe that most men don't actually fit into the expectations society has for them, but they will jump through hoops just to pretend that they do. I think it's more important to be a good person, which I define as having empathy for those who suffer and the courage to fight against oppression."

"I know it's a cliche answer but the most influential woman in my life was my mother. She was given 6 months to live and hung on for 5 more years. She remained active and out in the world for as long as she could."

"I told my mother everything and she always supported me, wanting the best for me. She died the day before my 19th birthday. I think about her all the time. I want to impress her everyday with my choices and how I live my life."

"50 years ago, there were a lot of stereotypical expectations of what being a man meant. Today, we live in an age of information with access to anything. We can be anything these days, and we are. Modern men have more freedom to be themselves, free of stereotypes, while balancing contemporary expectations to multitask - or rather, be everything."

"The moment I knew I wasn't a boy anymore was when I started financially supporting myself. It gave me a sense of pride. Making my own choices and living my own life made me feel like a man."

"What does feminism mean to me? It means my girlfriend is usually right, and I'm grateful for that."

“Being a modern man means embracing the possibility that there really isn't anything more to being a man than deciding that you are a man.”

“I always want to say ‘obviously I'm a feminist' and then I realize that it's not an ‘obvious' thing to some people. And then I get a little bit sad about the world that I live in.”

“I want to personally thank everyone that ever mistook me for a girl when I was growing up (or occasionally today just when I shave). You embarrassed me, you made me feel emasculated, and I have grown so much because of you. Being accused of looking like a girl is not a bad thing, but I once perceived it as one. Never again will I make that mistake.”

“To be honest, I think I relate most to teenage girls. They're into looking cute and talking about boys, which are two of my favourite things. Maybe one day I'll look in the mirror and be like "Whoa! A man! Where the hell did you come from?!" but I feel like that'll be more of a scary day than an exciting one.”

“My feminism relates to my everyday life, my activism, my interpersonal relationships, my scholarship, and the world around me. It recognizes that women come from all different backgrounds, taking into account race, class, ability, colonization, and trans*. It is a primary lens through which I look at the world.”

“I could not begin to try describe all the expansive and enriching impacts women’s actions have had on my life, nor could they be reduced to single moments. From trans women of colour in the media smashing the trans-misogynist patriarchy, to my female friends who consistently talk to me about sexism (mine and other’s), to the brilliant professors who gave me the language of feminism in my undergrad, to my grandmother teaching me about the meaning of women’s labour - the list goes on forever. I am indebted to so many fabulous women, who have, and continue help me grow as a man.”

“My manhood defies a lot of the assumptions and standards put forward by norms of masculinity. Parts of that are because I’m gender-queer and trans, and others are because of my desire to notice and challenge the privilege afforded to me as a white settler, able-bodied guy. For me, prioritizing the questioning of taken-for-granted systems that privilege white, able-bodied, cis-gendered, middle class, fat-phobic, and straight hegemony is a big part of being a man. Also, gender-fluidity and queerness, shaking up assumptions surrounding masculinity. Unsettling the assumption that this thing we call “man” is easily recognizable or articulated. I guess, with sass, I would consider myself to be more of a post-modern man.”

“I think the process of 'becoming' a man is indefinite, a process that I would not want to end. My gendered self-image is always in flux. I can think of many stereotypical ideas of what it means to 'become' a man: holding your first baby, having sex, getting in a fight, a significant trip with your father, a monumental decision made, marriage. So many of the realizations of manhood are tied to dominance, having power, strength, achieving status, having a normative family. There’s a lot of pressure on guys to reach for these ends. I would rather reach to constantly redefine manhood - wearing a pink tutu, being vulnerable, listening to women.”

“The advice I would give to boys growing up in 2015 is: don’t be afraid to have feelings, listen to women, believe them and take what they say seriously (especially women of colour, disabled women, working class women, indigenous women and trans women), and work really hard to define your masculinity for yourself. This is revolutionary work.”

“I am a firm believer of equality. There are many women in my life that I truly admire and consider as intellectual/social equals. I believe there is a mutual desire to support each other in any way that we can so that everyone is empowered to lead the lives that we choose regardless of gender.”

“I feel that a modern day man is someone who appreciates society's traditional expectations of a man and its historical significance, but he also realizes that things aren't static, so he embraces a progressive view of how masculinity can be defined even if it conflicts with traditional perspectives. He isn't threatened by an evolving, contemporary perspective on what it means to be a man. A modern day man is informed, self-aware, confident, flexible, and can define for himself what his role is in relation to those around him.”

“My best friend, and wife, Tara, has allowed me to open my eyes and look deeper into relationships. She has guided me to engage in conversation and seek a woman's thinking and reasoning, instead of just listening. She has taught me listening and talking are two different things.”