Don't tell me to calm down
I started writing this a little while ago but it got stuck in my drafts folder. Still relevant though, unfortunately.Β
Ah the internet! A constant stream of shit and support, especially on instagram (I'm not very active on twitter).Β
So I get some trolls every now and then, who will comment things like "You should lose 10-15 pounds, I think I'd like you better). This was my answer.Β
Ah @fernandow30... That's all I've got for you π There's always some guy who thinks I give a crap whether or not he likes me. I really don'tπ€·ββοΈπ But seriously, if anyone ever tells you that you need to change for them to like you more, flick the bird and leave! They are so not worth your timeππ©
A post shared by Nienke (@nienkevdpeet) on Apr 1, 2017 at 5:31am PDT
Then comes the follow up. A lot of people (mainly women) saying "you tell em" and "slay". Which I really appreciate. It's beautiful so see people supporting each other.
Then a discussion will ensue (mainly between men) that I do care, otherwise I wouldn't post it on my instagram.Β To which I say, "I don't care about his opinion of me, I do care that he thinks it's ok to speak to women (or people for that matter) like that".
And that's why I speak out. And put it on my insta. Because there is a strange internet culture where people will say things to each other that they wouldn't say to their face. Β
Why? On the receiving end of that nasty message is a human being. So treat them with respect. One guy left a creepy "I wan't to make passionate, hot, sweaty love to you". I called him out and he said the reason why he posted it was because I had posted a picture of myself in lingerie. He said he would never say that to a woman face-to-face because he had respect for her and because the women in "real life" would not dress like that.Β
So it's all my fault for posting a picture of lingerie. Because he can't control himself and respect a woman regardless of what she wears.... Where have we heard that argument before?Β
So I told him that it was a sad situation where he was blaming women for his creepy comments because he couldn't control himself.Β
His response: "You know what young lady, I usually do not compromise what I believe in. I have no problem with you, or with what u wear.... especially if it makes you feel good, and boost you self-esteem , and confidence. So with that said, I apologize for making a remark that offended you, and hope you accept my deepest apology. Cause at the end of the day I am a man first, and can admit when I am wrong, especially when someone feelings are hurt as I have hurt you. I will never cross that line again. Hope all is forgiven between us, and that I can remain giving you compliments with your consent. Take care"
Now overall I'd say, hurray! It's nice that someone actually listens and realises that maybe he did cross the line. But why I why does he have to start with "young lady". It is the most condescending thing ever! The inclusion of the "young lady" makes it hard to take this as a genuine apology.Β
That and the fact that he still to this day leaves sexual comments on my pictures. I do on occasion block people but not very often. Mainly because I would rather engage in a conversation to see if someone's perspective might be changed.Β
Β Troll seeking attention
Some people tell me that I should just ignore all the trolls and misogynistic men. Because that's all they want, attention.Β
I think that's the case for some of them, but not all. Some genuinely seem to think that their way of addressing women is acceptable. It is not.Β
Someone left a comment on one of my pictures saying "I hope she gets raped." I went into his profile and this is a high school kid. If even. He looks like he's 14 years old. When a kid behaves like that, what kind of man will he grow into?Β
If someone would do that in the street I would speak out. So why wouldn't I do it online?
But still, you get responses like "calm down sweetheart. Not worth it. You are gorgeous and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise".Β
This guy means well. However, don't tell me to calm down and refer to me as "sweetheart". Condescending again.Β First of all, I'm not about to jump off a building. I am speaking out against trolls and bullies. I applaud anyone who does that. Why do we just need to take it? Second of all, he's telling me to "not let anyone tell me otherwise". Which is exactly what I'm doing. Though he doesn't seem to get that.Β
I applaud anyone who speaks up, whether or not it's online or in the "real" world. Our society is what we make of it.
That is why I will continue to call out bad behaviour.Β













