meh

You know im still primarily of the opinion it needs to be democracy even in its flawed form that removes it. But man am i still disappointed.

Honestly if i made like 1 billion dollars a year, rather than dumping everything in assets just so the government couldn't touch it. I'd just invest it into my own company to do weird stuff for my hyperfixations, why would i care about profitability I'm just trying to ethically burn the money so it makes a net positive difference and id be already making enough that the profitability bevame a problem. Or you know just give people big fat bonuses. Or like actual charity, instead of this fake charity bs. I mean they're tax deductible anyway and not like i need that money. I mean give me like 2 million dollars and I'm set basically for life, everything else is basically extra until inflation screws me over. Like i get not wanting to fund an ineffective govt and the whole taxation is theft mentality. Particularly if you're a high earner that gets most of your income through your own labor rather than profiting off the labor of others. There really should be a distinction in the tax system. Idk what this ramble is about. Just wish i win the lottery or something.

Is spiderman just poor batman with super powers?

Too angry and stressed to be useful sometimes. Idk how I'm supposed to help or if i even should help at this point. Looking for an escape. maybe i should just give and leave everything behind. Unfortunately, a lot of the options to run away are all kinda shxt as well just a different kind of shxt. So guess im stuck.

I never tell people directly i probably have hyperthymesia and/or eidetic memory. Because I don't want to create the expectation that i can remember everything. Because i still do regularly forget stuff randomly. Yes my memory capacity is big and attention to detail really precise to the point of being creepy and unsettling but I can't fxcking control what it decides to retain or leak off into the abyss or hyperfixate on. And i feel like it would come across as very uncaring and potentially devastating if the guy with the really good memory forgot about the specific thing you care about despite being able to effortlessly remember a lot of minute details about everything else. You weren't worth the iota of effort needed to remember something on his part. And yeah i feel that would hurt to me so i just try not to create the expectation in the first place.

Random bout of nostalgia. Now sad. How sad my life feels despite being arguably much better off. I miss high school man. Can't believe it's been more than a decade already nearly a decade and a half.

Hate that realization that you feel like looking for something that's hard to find but you also shouldn't look for. It's like going at breakneck speed and then stopping. Was looking for healthy compact, fast food options, but then realized i should probably just fast instead. Hate cutting.

only now did I realize gaud's name now has poltergeist instead of patronuses.

I'm the type of person dense and insecure enough to be unable to comprehend a point blank confession at a water park while she's wearing a swim suit back in high school. Like the thought someone could actually like me was incomprehensible. Oh how different my life could be without this probably undiagnosed autism. I don't think I'm that bad nowadays. But not like opportunities like that ever come when you're an adult. Every now and then though i feel like i pick up on some subtle hints but brush it off as me being overly self conscious and full of myself, yes contradictory im aware, fxck you brain. So anyway looks like I'm probably going to be alone for the rest of my life. Too used to it now. Can't stop thinking about it though. But at the same time is it right to reciprocate just out of desperation, it's not like I'm actually that interested, but also I haven't been truly interested in anyone in over a decade. I don't even remember how that feels like anymore. Been depressed for so long. At this point, I'm more just desperate and that doesn't seem like a good foundation for a relationship. But at the same time, maybe i have to start somewhere, missed my shot i guess last friday though, didn't realize that no plans Saturday probably meant give me plans Saturday. But then again maybe reading too deep into it.

Been awake or really just conscious for 2 hours waiting for the will to get up and out of bed. Gonna be late to work again. It's been like this for who knows how long at this point.

having your options open doesn't really do you any good unless eventually, you choose one of your options

You know what would suck if you had the ability to go back in time. But it's like always a copy of you who does and your present self just remains in your shxtty timeline regardless. While the other yous get to do all the cool shxt that comes from being able to redo a part of your life with hindsight while you spiral deeper and deeper.

Unpopular take but New England and the West Coast states need to secede from the union even if we somehow turn the tide of the red wave that took America ten years ago. Because this authoritarian crxp will happen again and the system is just absolutely broken at this point. Ousting trump won't change the supreme court, it won't take away the electoral college, it won't illegalize gerrymandering. The citizens united case still allows the rich to do legal bribery through campaign donations. and the heritage foundations will still do what they always do. The west coast, new york, and texas will still be subsidizing the rest of the country's bad habits. SBLOCs and taking on debt to do stock buybacks will still be legal. The US global reputation still can no longer be trusted. We will continue to tax work instead of wealth. And the dems will always only have the low bar of being just not the Republicans rather than actually having to compete with policies and reform with teeth meaning centrists will rule the party. and the national debt is never going to get repaid. Congress will be gridlocked and state's rights and capacity for reform will be limited. It sucks, but we need to divide the country in a way where people will actually both suffer and benefit from the policies that they actually believe in. The red states can drive out the immigrants, kill women suffrage and reinstitute slavery if they wish and the blue states can pull all their cringe diversity bullshxt and tax the hell out of the billionaires that still choose to continue living in their cities and illegalize cars and do all the environmental policy bullshxt they want. Let's see which places actually thrive because this technically middle ground bullshxt sure ain't working. Heck carve out everything west of the cascades and let eastern washington and eastern oregon stay with the rest of America if their people wish. Someone came up with the red card blue card idea, secession is effectively how you achieve it. Maybe the American Pacific will go up in flames but at least it will be in their terms rather than being dragged down by the BS the rest of America is pulling.

need to be less scared of being wrong on the internet. inevitably someone will try to correct me even if i was initially correct. so there's always technically a chance to learn something, even if that something is just how far gone social discourse has gotten in youtube comment sections. post your political bad takes. live free. who knows maybe someone will learn things from the stuff you post even if that something is just how chronically online you are.

I hate that i very occasionally pine for possibly being worse at life just so i have an excuse to stop it. But i have to tell myself to really perish the thought, because I'm deathly afraid that cosmic irony might try to hit my number. Guess i value life after all or at least the relative comfort i have. Why am i like this? What happened? My guess is it was the insane amount of asian family pressure reluctantly put on me as a young child, while having just enough potential to meet but not exceed it and in these days unfortunately good enough isn't good enough. And now I'm a slave to the effort I've already put in and the limited success i wrought, i have no choice but to keep going, even if i hate it. Feel like i should be more grateful, but I'm miserable and feel stuck with a life someone else probably wanted, but have to pretend everything's fine, because compared to everyone else's, my problems feel so unnecessary. No Dad I don't want to take a mortgage on a second fxcking house and be stuck with even more debt than i can comfortably handle. The first mortgage is already a fxcking shackle and i don't even live in that house and hate dealing with strangers. Also I don't want to feed into the family feud between you and my sister because of her boyfriend. I hate him too, but that's beside the point, it's her life, her preferences. I don't like being the kid the family points to as the role model, im fxcking lonely and miserable, i don't want to inflict this on someone else. Being overly dramatic again on tumblr. Least im actually anonymous here so i can vent and rant. Feel free to unfollow if this shows up on your dash.

The LA situation looking just a little thematically too close to Andor S2. I don't think Gilroy meant to write that show as a strategy guide. And can't believe that the anti-LA sentiment has been part of imperial propaganda all along and that I've fell for it at some point in time. Dang. What other blindspots have they exploited.