Pepsicus Maximus

shirt that says my childhood drags behind me like a dead body

benefits of using 10 different kinds of adblocking software and exclusively pirating media: you start to receive marketing from the creepypasta universe

Oh we're all feeling this one aren't we?

and that much ado? it's about nothing

online pal said "[medications] to go" and I'm giggling at the idea of going to the pharmacy and having medications "for here." I sit down at a plastic chair and table with a plate full of antipsychotics and take them one by one while chatting with a college classmate I'm trying to fuck

evil therapist: to ground yourself, look around, name 5 things you can kill, and 4 things you can at least maim

explained to an 8 year old that once a fruit is ripe you only have so much time until it rots so you have to eat it soon and she said so i'll never be able to keep it perfect like this forever? no and there are about a million pieces of art for you unrelatedly

My fake son learned the alphabet today. I’m so proud of him, in theory.

"this thing is rare and only affects 1% of the population" dude that's 80 million people can you shut up

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

As much as I think it would be fun to have emotive anthropomorphic ears, I also recognize I can barely control my facial expressions. Like hell can I keep from Angry Ears-ing during meetings