Bellies I Like

Just me, my food and housewives

Look at this fucking pig, the only person on this beach who’s actually implementing the ‘all-inclusive’ part of the package by trying to consume the entire resort's inventory by weight. You’re not on a vacation, you’re on a conquest. You’re treating the buffet like a competitive sport, and based on the way your swimming trunks are screaming for mercy, you’re winning. Those trunks aren't even clothing anymore, they’re just a fabric tourniquet trying to hold back a landslide of lard. And please, stop trying to ‘discreetly’ cover yourself with those snug swimming trunks. You aren’t hiding anything, you’re just giving us a preview of the landslide. Every time you breathe, your love handles droop so low they’re practically greeting the sand. You’ve got so much jiggle going on that if you tripped, you’d probably bounce all the way back to the airport without needing a shuttle. Look at those flabby mantits. They aren't just squishy, they have their own zip code. They’re swaying in the breeze like two pale, doughy pendulums marking the time until your next sugar crash. Your chest is basically a soft-serve machine made of disappointment and saturated fats. You’re sitting there slamming milkshakes, cocktails, and beer like you’re trying to hydrate a drought-stricken continent, but let's be real, the only thing ‘all-inclusive’ about this trip is the way your pudgy paunch includes everyone within a five-foot radius in its orbit. You aren't a tourist, you're a biological hazard. By the time you check out, the hotel is going to have to charge you a 'structural integrity fee' for the reinforced chairs you've spent the week flattening. Even your fancy shirt isn't able to hide that bulging paunch of yours, fatso. Maybe you have to search for your dignity again somewhere between your squishy fat rolls.

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What to keep and what to throw away

Latino king who gained major weight over his parole + Relationship weight.

Part 4

Oh look, it's Leonardo Sampaaio, or should I say, 'Leonardo Sampancake'? Remember when you used to flex those abs like they were a personality trait? Now the only thing you're flexing is the elastic waistband on your undies, desperately begging for mercy. That gut of yours isn't just a beer belly, it's a full-blown industrial accident, a gravitational anomaly that’s probably bending light around it. I’d say you let yourself go, but clearly, you sprinted there, arms wide open, diving face-first into every cream-filled pastry within a 10-mile radius. Your before-and-after pics aren’t a glow-up, they’re a blow-up, like someone inflated you with a bike pump and forgot to stop. And those skintight undies? Buddy, they’re not clinging to you out of loyalty, they’re struggling for survival, stretched so thin they could double as a trampoline for your next binge. You went from “Hey, check out my six-pack” to “Hey, check out this keg I’ve been cultivating”. Congrats on the world’s saddest metamorphosis. At this point, the only thing you’re chiseling is the entire cake before lunch.

the fit for today ☺️

Did they let you on the team just to test if the pool water level rises when you cannonball in? I’ve seen less blubber on a beached whale, and at least they have the dignity to flop around elegantly. You’re out here looking like a melted action figure, with those 'muscles' hiding under enough padding to cushion a car crash. And let’s talk about those fat rolls. Did you lose a bet and have to smuggle a stack of pancakes under your jersey? The only thing you’re blocking in the pool is the drain. Your teammates don’t pass you the ball, they just aim for the widest target. The locker room smells like regret and expired protein shakes, but somehow you still manage to be the most offensive thing in here. If cellulite was an Olympic sport, you’d be drowning in gold medals, but since it’s water polo, you’re just drowning in your own gravitational pull. Here’s a tip: Maybe lay off the post-game burritos unless you plan to roll yourself to the next match like a beach ball at a kid’s party, chubbs.

I could be a swim suit model

Part 1 of 2

Just cooling off how I can out here 😘

Its funny how I have not noticed how much bigger I look