smash cut to training weeks with this guy named ilya rozanov that shane will admit, has a really fun attitude about things, but also just doesn't have the same tact as shane. (like hello? he answered the scenario "what would you do if you found one of your campers out of bunk at night outside?" with "they are doing something fun, yes? they will need flashlight, so i will bring flashlight." crazy.) shane really doesn't think it's going to work. it doesn't matter that ilya's kind of funny. or that they smoke the rest of the groups during team-building exercises in a way that makes shane feel like he's just done a fat line of coke. or that ilya is the first person at camp that can lift shane with ease. it's not gonna work. he asks his lead if they can maybe switch him out with one of the returning counselors. this of course doesn't happen. "you're a vet shane - just show him the ropes" etc etc kill him. it's not happening.

and then camp starts. and the kids come. and he's scoping out their abilities from the edge of the sharks and minnows field and ilya comes traipsing up, all out of breath and smiling, and he stands next to shane and goes "they are terrible hollander. many more running games before friday though and we have a chance at winning." and shane's ears are fuckingggg perking up bitch. like hello? he actually gives a shit about winning? because hayden cared, but not like...to the degree that shane cared. no one ever cares to the degree that shane cares. and in fact hayden had this annoying habit of trying to wrangle shane's competitive ass with a "it's just a game, dude." that made him see red sometimes but ilya? he's gunning for it? oh fuck yeah.

and so begins Centaur Bunk's skyrocket to success. it's like...shockingly easy to get these kids to give a fuck about winning when shane's not single-parenting it. almost instantly, they become the team to beat. shane keeps everyone on task and goal-oriented - makes sure everyone's earning their daily pins that they get to clip onto their backpacks - keeps everyone hydrated and safe and winning. meanwhile ilya's keeping everything fun and accessible. shane's not really sure how he does it, but he gets the kid who comes down with a mysterious and totally not made up leg injury to run the last stretch of rubber chicken races ("listen close - i know where the popsicles are kept. run with us and i will get and let you have first pick, yes?") of course it's a Centaurs win. everyone cheers. shane feels probably more stoked than he should for a summer camp rubber chicken race.

and maybe that's because he's slowly realizing that ilya doesn't actually piss him off as much as he thought he did. he actually kind of-...well. it doesn't matter because it's just a month-long thing and then everyone disperses for a year and ilya's probably not even coming back right? so it's whatever. and anyway when you're in charge of a gaggle of kids you're kind of forced into this weird coparenting dynamic and that's probably all it is, right?

"You could just say it," Shane suggests with a wry smile. He prefers to be told things bluntly and clearly, even when the topic is uncomfortable.

"Right. Things haven't been great between us lately, have they?"

Shane straightens, stomach clenching. He wants to pull his hand back, but Brian is still holding onto it tightly. "I guess so," he agrees reluctantly.

Brian's not about to break up with him, is he?

It would be ideal timing, Shane recognizes distantly. The season is over, he'd have all summer to get over it before he's back on the ice. Or maybe next week would have been better, after the MHL awards in Vegas.

"I think part of the problem is we have so little time together," Brian says, pulling Shane's mind back. "We get frustrated in our time apart, and we take it out on each other."

That's not true, Shane wants to say. Brian's always the one to snap, the one to escalate a disagreement into a fight. But even as he's thinking it, Shane knows he's not being fair. They have different styles of communication, and Shane's bottling up of his emotions is no better than Brian's explosive anger.

"We've also been together for so long," Brian continues. "And I'm afraid we might have fallen into bad patterns."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

The words burst out of him without permission. Shane feels stupid and childish as soon as he's said them.

"Oh, babe," Brian says, squeezing his hand tighter. "Of course not. I love you and I want to be with you."

Relief floods Shane. He manages to give Brian a wobbly smile, which Brian returns, raising Shane's hand to his lips and kissing it.

"I was just thinking... how would you feel about opening up the relationship?"

Shane blinks. For a long moment, he doesn't understand what Brian is saying. It's such a foreign concept to him, a thing he knows other couples do but he never would have thought he'd need to consider.

"What?"

"I think it would be really good for us," Brian says. "Your schedule is so crazy and we can't always line up our free nights. I think this could really take the pressure off for when do find time to be together."

This must be a nightmare. "You want to fuck other people?"

"I want us both to be able to enjoy new experiences. It wouldn't mean we love each other any less. It would just be sex, no strings attached."

"I don't -" Shane's voice catches in his throat. He feels vaguely nauseous. "Are you tired of me?"

Brian pulls back his hand. "Of course not. Jesus, Shane, don't be so close-minded. I know you're surrounded by hockey people all the time and it's a really conservative culture, but open relationships aren't anything unusual. Most of my gay friends are in ones."

"They are?"

"Yeah. And if anything, it brings them closer together."

Shane can't believe he's considering this, but. He's still not over the shock of thinking Brian was about to break up with him. That the person he's been with his entire adult life, the person who's loved and supported him since before he was drafted, could be gone from his life just like that.

If Shane says no, will Brian just break up with him anyway?

"We can try it out," Shane says cautiously. "But I'm not sure - I don't know if I could sleep with someone else."

Briefly, inexplicably, Rozanov flashes through his mind. Shane's heart jumps and he chases the thought away.

Brian gets up, rounding the table to pull Shane in for a kiss. "You're so sweet, but don't say yes just for my benefit. This could be good for both of us. You should at least try."

"...Okay."

Shane can't say he's comfortable with the idea. It feels too much like cheating. But then, he wasn't exactly comfortable with sleeping with Brian at first, either, and that turned out to be one of the best decisions of his life.

Brian smiles at him fondly, stroking Shane's cheek with his thumb. "If it helps, you can think of it like practicing for a game."

The implication sits sour in Shane's gut but he ignores it. Brian's just trying to put it in terms Shane will relate to.

Brian stays the night. Once he's gone, having given Shane a lingering kiss goodbye, Shane pulls up his phone.

He scrolls down to Rozanov's contact. It still feels wrong, but Brian hasn't just given his blessing. He's explicitly encouraged Shane to seek someone else out for no-strings attached sex and if there's one person Shane knows is reliable for it, it's Rozanov.

Besides, it's not like Shane's swimming in other options.

Shane keeps this firmly in mind as he types out his message, ignoring the way his stomach twists in anticipation. He's not excited about this, he reminds himself. This is just an experiment, something he's doing because it will please Brian.

Could we meet up at the awards in private?

His phone buzzes a couple of minutes later with Rozanov's reply.

if you promise not to be a sore loser when i win mvp 😈

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