hollanov final destination au where shane gets a premonition that ilya's team plane is going to crash so he begs and pleads and convinces ilya to not get on the plane even though ilya doesn't believe anything is going to happen but he's never seen shane this hysterical before so he pretends to be sick and stays behind, but then the plane actually does crash and there are no survivors (rip) so of course ilya feels deeply guilty and grief-stricken except he doesn't have time to process because no one can cheat death, death always finds a way to fuck with you, so after a series of near-misses that ilya barely escapes from (insert creative and absurd scenarios here) (ilya stay away from roller coasters elevators bridges highways logging trucks mri machines tanning beds etc) he has no choice but to accept that there are forces beyond his control out to get his (perfect) ass killed...
...and then because shane also intervened with death's plan, death is also out to get him too (rip shane's ass) (insert more creative and absurd scenarios here) so shane locks him and ilya in the cottage and he scrapes every corner of the interwebs trying to see if anyone had similar experiences and if it's possible to escape fate and he channels his inner charlie day and makes a murderous-looking non-murder board of research full of printed out articles and pictures connected with red yarn and all that (ilya knows it's kind of messed up to be so turned on by seeing how frantic and crazy shane is being but well the looming cloud of death above their heads just means they shouldn't waste any time by not fucking each other, right?) and it turns out there are stories of people escaping death's grasp... by way of transference... so they kill ilya's dad and brother (yes ilya's dad is still alive in this au for the plot) (insert somehow plausible and morally dubious but wildly satisfying murder plot here) and they live happily ever after the end
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what i fucking love about this scene is that we know it's not really ryan, naim knows it’s not really ryan. there's no part about this that is naim being lulled, being seduced, being tricked, being gotcha!'d. it's not him but it wears his face; it talks like him, it caresses like him, it comes close and smiles and laughs like he would. naim is leaning in despite the danger, moth to flame, knowing full well what's in front of him and craving it anyway.
this is queerness as fantasy—what we could be if not for circumstance. it's queer desire in a world determined to treat us as aliens. more than any other moment in the film, this scene exemplifies leviticus thematically in one brutal, efficient stroke. they want us separate and alone and scared, but we don't have to be. loving hurts, and we love anyway.
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need someone who cares about hockey more than i do to write a fic where shane is forced to retire before he feels ready and svetlana has gotten frustrated with her MHL job because team management never listens to her (due to the misogyny) so she quits and talks shane into starting a hockey analysis podcast together and it's called something like "hockey with hot people" or "puckbunnies" or "soft hands" (shane does not like this but svetlana understands the importance of branding) and it's 98% Serious Hockey Talk BUT they do have a dedicated segment called "why does ilya rozanov owe me money" wherein guests tell their worst ilya stories and after hearing them out shane and svetlana decide how much money ilya owes the guest. ilya is never invited onto the podcast.
the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.
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shane + autism + delayed grief + guilt
tw: death and grief. i'm not saying this is the universal autistic experience, i'm just projecting and coping with my own. read with caution <3
There's something wrong with Shane.
It takes a while to realize it. One too many fatal diagnoses. Years of people texting him asking him how he's doing after there's been a death in the family - the question always leaving him luke warm, grasping for the kind of response they're looking for. Because if he were to answer honestly, he would tell them "fine". Because he's fine. Because there's something wrong with him. Because everyone around him is falling to pieces and Shane is completely fine. Thinking about tomorrow even. It takes a while to realize it's because something inside of him is broken.
It takes Ilya exactly one day.
They're married now. Ilya is around all the time. Which means he's around for this, every fucking second of it, weighing Shane's reaction as he finds out in real time how fucked up the man he married is.
Shane can feel him looking at him. All the time. Every second. Trying to avoid stepping on eggshells that aren't even there. Because Shane is fine. So if Ilya could just stop fucking looking at him.
"What." It comes out snappy because everything has since they left the hospital two days ago. Everything is pissing Shane off. All the eggshells. All the looking. If Ilya could just fuck off for a second and people could stop texting him, fishing for tears, making him lie. If everyone could just get back to the way things are supposed to be-
"Nothing, malysh… Just seeing if you are alright-"
"I'm fine." Because he is. Because he has been. "Why wouldn't I be alright?"
And it's not fair that Ilya had to marry such an asshole when he himself looks so sad. When his eyes are puffy and red. When he has to clear his throat, emotion thickly clinging as he says it, with such a great amount of care that Shane doesn't even deserve. "Shane... Your father is gone."
And really, all Shane wants is to be alone. So that he can finish making dinner. So he can plan for practice tomorrow that no one wants him to go to. So he can stop having everyone try to get him to react to things because, "Yeah Ilya, I was there too, you know. I know he died. I saw him die." He flips over the fish in the pan. Sends an incoming call to voicemail, once he makes sure it isn't his mom.
It isn't. Because they just got off the phone. And she was crying and that makes sense because she's normal and Shane felt the tears pooling just short of his own waterline while he listened to her sob but then they were gone. With a blink. And his mom hung up. And it was time to make dinner.
And now he flips the fish in the pan, so used to the absence of it all. Ilya looks at him from the doorway like his dad looked at him when he was twelve, fresh off being told his best friend got hit by a car and wasn't going to make it. Shane had thought on it. Asked his questions. Nodded and thought on it some more and then went back to his book, leaving his dad in the doorway.
Ilya looks at him like that now. He's realizing what a psychopath Shane is. His throat is clicking with his heavy swallow - tears enough for both of them.
"It'll be okay." Shane says from the stove. "He wouldn't want us to be sad." Because that's what people like to hear. People like to be reassured when they're grieving. People like to think about happy things. Happy things about the dead person especially.
Even now, a small smile lifts to Ilya's mouth, but it's fragile. Wavering.
There's something deeply, deeply wrong with Shane. But he does know at least that he isn't lying about that part. His dad told him, actually. Before they had to make the decision. He wants to be celebrated. He wants people to laugh when they think about him.
Shane isn't laughing. Not yet. He will probably, when he stops being so pissed off. When everyone stops looking at him and asking him how he's doing and asking him what he needs. When things can get back to normal. Dinner. Practice. Falling asleep without Ilya pretending like he isn't crying while he holds him. Going to the rink early and finally trying that restaurant with his parents that his dad’s been asking to-
…
...Shane blinks.
Lifts his gaze, brows furrowing with the sudden pressure that squeezes around his heart.
Unsettled.
Off-even.
When he blinks again, it's to watch Ilya's hands as they come around him from behind, lifting the pan off the stove. Careful movements. Something acrid in the air.
"Okay...?" he hears from behind him, not moving until Shane takes the pan back from him, checking the damage on the underside with his spatula.
“Why don’t you use ai” idk man beyond the obvious environmental and “this machine causes psychosis and encourages people to kill themselves” thing I think asking the equivalent of a solid D student who is also a pathological liar if they can answer my question/do the work for me seems pretty fucking stupid
Fuck this noise about ‘Team Mom’ Shane. That man is an airport dad. His hobbies include reading biographies and investing in real estate. His car is reliable in the snow. He built his own cottage and is really excited to tell you about the well. He grills. His idea of fun is staring at a fire. He will lecture you about smoking. He hired a stylist because he doesn’t care about clothes. He must know the itinerary ahead of time. He folds his clothes before sex. The white socks stay ON so his bare feet don’t touch the hotel floor.
Look me in my eyes and tell me he wasn’t waiting for Ilya in that airport parking lot at least 3 hours before his expected arrival time. Airport Dad Shane is my truth.
random silly fluffy hollanov texting fic where shane and ilya are boyfriends and not famous, just a regular couple living in an average apartment with normal jobs and also they’re annoying idiots (affectionate) in love <3
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i would devour a shane and ilya before sunrise chance meeting au and a before sunset sweet reunion years later au, but a hollanov before midnight marriage problems constantly arguing on the brink of divorce au might viscerally destroy and physically eviscerate me to irreparable pieces
like in the spy au of course ilya is the sexpot who is really good at seducing his targets and shane is the silent and lethal killer who like murders SO many people with like clinical precision. but shane's way too awkward to do any of the social aspects of spy stuff like you know. subterfuge. seduction. disguise.
and for ilya up until this point shane just seemed like this scary but also boring monotone asshole who has no emotions or weaknesses - like this total like prim and proper killer ice queen. except suddenly sex and seduction stuff comes up and suddenly shane's like blushing and stammering his big brown eyes are all like shiny and clueless and he confesses that like he's maybe had sex with like. two people. and both times it wasn't particularly great. it was like okay. so like he doesn't know why or how doing something that's only just okay gets them government secrets.
and now ilya's all smirking and bravado because now they are on his turf right. and he's like oh. well i can show you. and he like telling shane everything he does to seduce a target while he's getting really close to shane and touching him and stuff.
and let me stress again that ilya has seen shane pop a rando for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time or complete garrote someone's throat with like chicken wire and now this ice cold killer is just like backed against the wall and is all open and vulnerable pliant for him.
but of course right when things are going to get too heated ilya backs off. before you know. they cross a line.
except shane then is like. well. i think you should uh. help me practice. so i can get better at it. for the mission of course.
and ilya's like oh. okay. of course. and they have sex. again. and again. and again "for practice." except of course ilya never lets shane test his "training" out on the field. and the second shane tries to ilya just swoops in and just makes up an excuse like "it's just easier if i do it" or like "you're not ready" etc. etc. and ilya just keeps sleeping with targets just so he wouldn't have to watch shane do it, and it's complciated because ilya doesn't know why the idea of seeing shane sleep with other people makes up him so upset. meanwhile shane is watching ilya sleep with just like person after person and is also getting unreasonably upset, and doesn't know why.
and anyway they keep having sex for "practice" until one day they actually almost die because of some really fucked up mission and they are actually skidding down the road barely escaped by the skin of their teeth and the car ride is COMPLETELY silent the entire ride back until ilya kills the engine. and he turns to shane. and without saying a word they both like leap at each other and are actually tearing each other's clothes off and they have this like crazy "i can't believe we almost died" sex right in the car. and that's the first time they sleep together not under the pretense of "practice."
anyway also somewhere along the way they fall in love and also topple the american government.
