My Life Explained by Disney.

When the doctor asks how many drinks I have per week.

When I see commercials for 13 nights of Halloween on ABC Family.

Waiting for my Fall shows to start again.

When someone says happy first day of Fall.

Trying to work hungover.

Looking at the work you have to get done after a long weekend.

Trying to sneak out of the office early for a long weekend.

Finding out Tom Brady isn’t going to be suspended.

When I ask my friend to get a pizza with me but she says she’s on a diet.

When I’m drunk and need food at 3am.

Motivating my hungover self to go to brunch on Sunday.

When I want to go out but can’t afford it and my friend says they’ll pay.

When my friend tells me they ordered just a pizza but no appetizers.

OkCupid dating . . .

When my boss asks me if I got that assignment done and I definitely haven’t.

Me, anytime I smoke weed.

Trying to figure out what the drunk guy is saying to my friend and I while hitting on us.