Full Disclosure

P.S. I feel like I should clarify that I don't sit around all day eating greasy food (burgers) and that I can actually fit through a door frame at the time of writing this. It's just that when I do eat greasy food (burgers) I take photos of it. And then I eat it. All.

I made apple pie for the first time! I mean, Mary Berry would have fainted if she saw how I did it and Paul Hollywood would've had an aneurysm or two but the point is that in the end, after a lot of improvisation I made apple pie. And it was awesome. And yes, I did feel as though I was on Bake Off the whole time. I even did the music in my head. And I was Star Baker. Take that, Richard. Where are your dimples now? Hmm?

... I'm sorry for yelling. I'm meant to be doing uni work and I'm a bit ill and the burger has crisps in it and it's just all a bit emotional over here right now. Anyway, you should definitely go to Manchester and have ten of these, tumblr-robots.

What's that, you're looking for a healthy, delicious and fun-looking breakfast? What a weird coincidence, you should probably try these egg-cups then. The reason they look like something off of Pinterest is because that's where I got the recipe and idea from. It took us longer to comment on how cute they looked and take photos of them than it did to make them which is always a good sign. All you do is chop up some vegetables and divide them in a muffin pan and then crack an egg on top of each one! And well, you should probably cook them after you do that. And then you should eat them. All.

This particular Sunday roast is from Stanmer House, which is an amazing mansion over the hill from Sussex University that has fantastic food and a lovely atmosphere and I just highly recommend it all-round.

This is a Lebanese dessert called "Basma" and it'll make you very, very fat and very, very happy. A family friend made it for us today so it's fresh and crispy and perfect and I haven't had a single bite because um my life sucks aka I'm trying to be healthy... *breaks down into tears*

This probably looks gross to you. It's okay, you can say it. But it's only because you've never experienced the beauty that is FIVE GUYS BURGERS AND FRIES. Now, I'm not a huge fan of fast-food and I struggle to gush about it since it's not even real food but like man. This place. They fry everything in peanut oil and the chips are HEAVENLY. You basically just pay for either a burger, cheeseburger, or bacon cheeseburger etc (or all 3...) but all the rest of the toppings are free. And they have many. And I bet those are fried in peanut oil too. And just in case you haven't exceeded your nut-quota for the year (is that a thing?), you can get peanuts on the side because fuck you. 

WHEN PEOPLE YELL AT ME. HOW DID YOU GUESS?

I was gonna say that I made this but that'd be a lie 'cause I didn't. Some chef did. I did eat it though, so there's that... *whispers* I bet I could make it though, if I really wanted.

Gourmet Burger Kitchen is probably one of my favourite restaurants ever. I know what you're thinking, wow she is so cool she ate all those burgers by herself in one sitting I want to be her how does she do it. But alas, unfortunately I didn't. The photos are from multiple visits (probably every visit, since I can't ever resist being 'that girl' who takes photos of her food because like come on LOOK AT THEM) and I also took some photos of everyone else's burgers (who were with me I mean, not random people on other tables). One of the BEST burgers I've ever had (and trust me I've had a lot, you don't gain weight being a pussy and not eating enough burgers) is their "Camemburger". Camembert, hash brown, truffle mayo and the always deliciously juicy beef patty. I think I teared up the first time I tried it. And if you're going to point out I have a problem you can go away. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Going to the Magnum store in Amsterdam was one of the smarter decisions I've made. Basically you stand in line for ages and then a tall dutch man asks you what kind of chocolate you want the ice cream dipped in. Then he puts like 3 toppings of your choice on before you can wrench it out of his hands and run out to stuff your face with it. Ah, good times.

So you're probably wondering why this isn't in your belly right now. It's because you haven't made it yet, silly. Also you don't even know what's in it! But since you asked I'll tell you. This arabic dish is made up of a layer of rice, a layer of deep-fried aubergine and tomatoes, a layer of beef strips and then a layer of minced meat and finally topped with lots and lots of nuts fried in lots and lots of artery-clogging ghee. What's that? You're not going to make it because your digestive system can't deal? That's probably for the best.

Okay time for a not-so-unhealthy one. I've only recently discovered that I like avocados (I have been traitorously deceived by my tastebuds until now) so now I'm putting them in everything! That's healthy right? after all they are super healthy and contain the good kind of fats and nutrients that you want in your body. Anyway the recipe for this was so easy, all I did was blend some avocados with fresh basil leaves and some garlic and boom you have a pasta sauce which you can add whatever you want to (if you know what's good for you, you would add corn, tomatoes, feta and pine nuts... just saying). It's colourful too which is always fun if you're five or easily amused.

The other day I saw an article talking about "the fattest thing you've ever done". For example, this one guy pretended to go to the gym but went to McD's instead and stayed there for ages before pouring water onto himself (to make it look like he'd been sweating - not in a last-ditch effort to baptise himself and cleanse himself of his fat sins or anything) and going back home to his wife. That was the fattest thing he's ever done. And here's (one of) mine. Me and my friends decided to have a girly night in where we each brought a pizza and then raided the contents of our fridges for toppings to go on it. I put everything on mine. I don't know why I did it. It didn't even taste good. It doesn't even look good. But I feel like if I confess to this I can finally move on from this burden that is weighing me down. Literally. In the form of fat. Anyway this disgusting (but also magnificent) creation has the following on it: peppers, onions, garlic, corn, turkey ham, chicken hotdog, onion rings, a chicken nugget (!!! WHY? Why did I do that?), and then more cheese on top of course just in case there was the slightest chance I wasn't going to regret it. Needless to say, I did. But for some reason there is a small, dreamy smile on my face as I write this and fondly recall the way I could barely stomach it. Not sure what that's about.

Oh god this cake. It was the most tempting thing ever. We found it in a cute little cake and tea shop in the North Laine in Brighton and it was basically calling to me. But I was trying to behave and had to look it square in the icing and say NO. It was awful, everything else seemed to be in monochrome for the rest of the day but I've recovered now.

Oh my goodness WHY does Amsterdam have so much amazing food? I think I came back at least 3kg heaiver which I guess was a nice souvenir? Anyway my absolute favourite thing and obsession there was definitely Joppie Sauce (the thing completely smothering the chips). That stuff is the elixir of life. And obesity. Yum.